Two In The Think Tank - 461 - "THE ANKLE STRANKLE"

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

Pants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alastair George William Chablis-Biergell. Yes he is, yes he is. And boy oh boy. Boy oh boy, we're doing it. We are doing it! Yes indeed. What about a positive plane crash? Is this topical? No no no, I just mean like, wouldn't it be nice if they found a way to get some benefit out of plane crashes?

And I'm not talking about Japanese style kamikaze. I'm talking about real tangible benefits. Real good, real tangible benefits for the community. Like, like... Targeted, but not targeted like a kamikaze play. Not targeted. I'm talking. I just mean like, like, let's say, you know, like the way that you can have some things

biodegrade and they're full of nutrients for like the earth or something like that. But like that prefer community. So it's got like, it's got like a lot of like basketballs in it that people can play. You know what, this is a great idea. I mean, planes should always just have a bunch of basketballs in them, right? So that if they do crash, the basketballs all spill out and the know the the news can you know maybe even lead with the positive story yes a lot of people did die but they can start with like they were leading with the negative story then or were you saying

the positive thing was a lot of people did die no I say maybe that maybe a lot of people did die open with no this isn... No, this isn't how they... this isn't how they read the news. On the news they don't ever say, maybe a lot of people have died. Right? No, they imply that by saying the hunt continues for survivors. Ah, yes. But they're... because they're news readers and they're smart like that. Of course, yes, yes, yes. They don't use those kind of... nobody knows what's happening, they never say that. Ah, but they because they're news readers and they're smart like that Nobody knows what's happening

Imagine that there was a bunch of rifles on the guns So that anybody who shows up at the thing can pick up a gun and hunt any survivors They're hunting them oh what they're just So I didn't get your joke until just now Alistair now. I'm like a like a Like the aftershock of a terrible earthquake. Oh yes, like a baby in an applesauce pool. He just doesn't know what to do with himself and you gotta stop him from drowning. That's exactly right.

I mean, is hunt for survivors, is there a sketch idea in that Alistair? I guess so, yeah, the Hunt for Survivors. Hunting the most dangerous game of all. Survivors. I mean, I guess you could just really combine the TV show Survivor with another TV show called The Hunt for Survivors. It's a great idea. Now we just got to find that TV show or make that TV show. So you never really have to think up of a TV show

if you could if you've got a camera on your phone. Mm hmm. You know, if you've got a camera on your phone. If you're writing a quiz question. Do you ever think about, yep, there you go. And you're like, which of these is a real reality program? And then the weirdest one, you just film it at home and then you upload it to YouTube. And then nobody wins you a million dollars. Yes. Those fucking idiots.

I hope what you had to say was a bit better than that. No, well, it's not great. But do you ever realize that whenever we say pants, we're just saying the abbreviation of pantaloons? Like do you think that when you abbreviate a word, right, you are still invoking the original word or does the original word died? Because I think an abbreviation remains, it remains as like a pointer to the real world. It draws its power from the real original word, right? That's where all its meaning

is stored in the original word. But we can't be bothered saying the original word, so we'll just say some other thing that points to the same meaning contained in the brain. And that meaning, even when we don't realize it, when we're saying pants, we're pointing to pantaloons. So somewhere in hell, pantaloons is there in its cave and it wakes up every time you say it. In hell, did you say? Yeah, it's in hell.

And a gate opens to Earth. Yeah. It gets bigger and bigger every time you see someone with those pants. Like that. And then Trouser Loons is there, too. Trouser Loons. Yeah, I think that the Pantaloons, it sort of

basks in it, doesn't it? Like there maybe from Earth there would be this sort of beam of orange light that cuts through the clouds and into the dark heart of pantaloons and it just feasts on this power. And it only lasts for a moment, but it's, you know, but I, you know, in that moment. I wondered, do you think the person has to know of the connection or do you think that it's just an incantation that gives Pantaloons life?

I think it might, yeah, I think it might give Pantaloons a life. Yeah, it makes more sense if the person knows of the word, but I think they don't. And I think, I genuinely, some part of my brain that I don't look at too often believes that the word pantaloons somehow is still there, still giving meaning to the word pants. And I think if the word pantaloons went away, the word pants and I think if the word pantaloons went away the word pants would be rendered meaningless. It would be cut off from its source of meaning as we all were when we killed God and pants would wander the earth meaningless, empty.

Imagine that. But then it comes and it goes around and it uses its, like a pair of pantaloons to like, to choke you. Right, because, because it's lost its meaning. Maybe. And it wants revenge. Maybe, or maybe like it tries to like, to slice your legs off with the pants. I don't know why. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Imagine it like squeezing, squeezing until the legs come off. I mean wouldn't that be a great horror film? It's a murderous pair of pants. Pantaloons. Right? Pantaloons, pantaloons, sure. Because I bet you they're a few your thing or a day you know but they chase you right and they they chase you running along until you you fall right on the ground and then imagine that you're exhausted there

you're writhing on the ground and the pants are sort of they open themselves up and they slide up your legs like a like the mouths of an anaconda or something swallowing you from the waist up and then once they're on they do I guess they constrict with that that same constricting power of a recently tumble-dried pair of size 34 jeans that you were sure you used to be able to fit into and and maybe they go on mmm you must have been because now they are choking the very life out of you and wouldn't that be great you don't see that kind of this would be a great one for a TV for you know for the visual investigative police procedural as well

because because they wouldn't be used to seeing people strangled from the waste. But I presume that you can strangle anybody almost anywhere. They strangled the shithead of them. That's probably the first thing that would come up. Does strangling have to be around the neck? Or could it be, like I think actually you could probably strangle somebody anywhere from the top of the thigh upwards that would count as a strangulation. I guess anywhere where you squeeze and like enough blood gets pushed into an area that it causes damage that would be

You could probably toothpaste somebody by starting to strangle them at their toes and then strangle their And then strangle the calf The ankle strangler that's a great. It's a great name for a killer He's the ankle strangler What is it just like he pops your pops your pops your foot off the bone and then he leaves. That's all he wants to do. This is the old grizzled guy with an eye patched and one leg, one wood leg. He's a pirate but he lives in the community.

He says, don't fight. All he wants to do is pop your foot off your ankle. Let him have it. Let him have it. And he'll scurry off on his way. He won't even do the other unless you offer it to them. Yeah, I mean this is a kind of horror, isn't it? You know, like a lot of the time horror films, they rely on death being the ultimate end of things. But I think you could have a horror film where it was just people getting their foot strangled off.

That thing where it's like the, you know, like it detaches from the other bones and then it just hangs loose like that, that's one of the most horrifying things of all time. Horrible. Yeah, and you're still alive to see it. Oh, I would rather be, this is what people would say, oh this is awful, I would rather be dead and if you say that then does your other ankle oh no there's a fuck it turns out there's a fight worse than a fight worse than death it's two fates worse than death yes please do my do my the ankle of my torso my neck please that's how you ask and

then if you say that yeah then he'll do you yeah Billy but then he doesn't Billy goats gruff him yeah but then you don't you don't actually he doesn't actually choke you he just detaches your head from your neck and so that it just hangs loose like that he pops your. He pops your block off. Pops your block off. He pops your bloody block off. Oh my god and then you think you think oh well finally here comes the end as you feel it detaching and then he just lays your head down very gently like a baby. Like you would a baby you think this guy probably works in a nursery and he does.

Plant nursery? No, one with babies. Oh okay. Because of how gently he lays down your head. Because of how gently. That's what he's that's what the person's that's how they catch him. That's what they say. Does that mean that you. That's how they catch him. He laid my head down. Look at how this head's been laid down. Look how gently this head's been laid here. To the nursery at the hospital. It's a professional job.

They don't sell planes there. Or they... This is a professional head liar. This is a professional job. You see that? Then he's looking back at all the photos, This is a professional head layer. This is a professional job. Did you see that? Then he's looking back at all the photos, going, seeing like how, how gently laid the feet also are after they've been

skillfully popped off their ankle. Yep. That would probably be satisfying though, wouldn't it, that little pop with that? When the ankle pops off? I mean, well you know that I am always you've talked about this before how I think how to relax I think about my head popping off like a cork so you're preaching to the choir here sometimes

when sometimes when you reveal something like that about yourself a lot of people get in touch to be like oh my god I do that too That's actually really normal. Nobody's got in touch with me people. I haven't heard a single thing Nobody's reached out to reassure me. Well have you had my Non-sexual fetish for having my head popped off like a cork Have you stopped checking Twitter? It could just be banking up replies to that on Twitter. I should log back in.

If you go back in, I wouldn't be surprised if there is between three and four hundred messages from listeners just saying that they agree with that and that that happens to them. When we finally, when Twitter does go back to being called Twitter eventually in the future, because all things will come to pass, do you think we will, newspapers will refer to it as Twitter, formerly known as X, formerly known as Twitter?

Well, that's the whole thing. Or Twitter, formerly known as Twitter, formerly, Twitter, formerly known, formerly known as Twitter. Well, that's the hope. Or Twitter, formerly known as Twitter. Formerly, Twitter, formerly known as formerly known as Twitter. I mean, all of these sound so good, Andy. They do, and they involve a lot of tedious repetition, which tickles my bucket. But writers, you know, these days,

they need to get their word count up. Oh, I mean, do you reckon that's why they're doing it? Why they're all insisting on the ex-formerly known as... I mean, they must. That's money in the bank for them. That's more... Absolutely. They're fat journalistic paychecks. They're just laughing at us. They're thick journalist pockets with, packed with journal dollars. They've invented them. That'd be good wouldn't it? A pocket that goes all the way around your pants. Oh. You know the first 360 degree pockets, more like a gutter I suppose. Yeah like a gutter

Like a balcony. What's one of those like all the way around balconies of a randa a wraparound deck Veranda wrap around pocket. That's right. You can slip your hand into it anywhere in which way I can upside down skirt Mmm, very much so. Oh, you don't have a pocket or why don't you lift your skirt up? It's all pocket. You hold it from the top. Oh yeah. There you go. It's actually all one pocket. That's yeah women complain that they don't have any pockets but they're wearing a dress. They are the pocket. They're in a pocket. The whole thing is pocket. You just put your legs in a pocket. What do you mean you don't have a pocket? But I guess the pants is two pockets.

The legs each pocket for each leg with a hole at the bottom. Oh no, my legs are gonna fall out. Oh, that's good. The hole at the bottom of my pocket, my feet have fallen out. This is the The bottom of my pocket, my feet have fallen out. This is the one of the most scatterbrained of all the two in the thick tanks. It's a guy trying to, you know how guys are like, nah there's no inequality. Nah, women wear a pocket. Look, it's all pockets.

Look, even pants are pockets. Look at this, oh, look I'm putting my legs in a pocket. Oh no there's a hole in the bottom, my foot is gonna fall out. Oh, actually that's good. Oh, it's good that some pockets have holes in the bottom. This is, we joke Alastair, but we could get on the grift circuit. You know, we could be right up there with Jordan Peterson. Saying, oh, you know, men and women, they're united in their battle against chaos. up there with Jordan Peterson saying oh I've lost to how to do his voice but now but now we can go we can go do this pocket bit so we're just building up a bank we're just building up a bank of

bits of like we just need a conversation we could have with him on his podcast. But you do just need a few things the greatest hits and you can then you can take them around all the different podcasts just saying the same shit. So, you know if we could be the the pocket of the big pocket guys in the pocket of big pocket. Oh, yeah That's very exciting I mean, I'm absolutely filled with with excitement but it's coming out in my bottom and but it's okay I'm okay with a pocket in the hole. Pantalonus. Yeah. Were you picturing the pantaloons as just a pair of pantaloons but were you

picturing it as a demon in pantaloons before? Yeah You know what? I actually, much like we could never know the true shape of God, I, or can we? I don't know if that's true, but I actually, it was quite amorphous in my mind. I don't know that I pictured a specific being or entity. Did you picture a pair of pants walking like they have an invisible man in them so they're filled but still moving around using the two legs? That's definitely how I pictured them when we were talking about the horror movie where the pants strangle you from the waist up. Yeah

Yeah But Yeah, I I didn't What about making making a regular pair of pants work? But for three legs You know, do you think that you could how would you wear it let's say you had three a third leg yeah and is it the same size and girth as the other legs same girth tripod three mmm maybe face yeah well I mean I my initial

assumption is that you would have one of the legs coming out of the fly of the pants. Oh, you see that's a really good way of thinking. Yeah. And it's almost, in many ways, it's like they... ...with your knee press backwards. Yeah, probably. I think that makes sense in this situation. I think it would be completely acceptable. Hmm.

And, you know, certainly, yeah, I think that third leg coming out the back, you lean back onto it, I think that's definitely, definitely the ideal situation. I think if it's coming out the front, it's gonna be jostling for position with other vital organs. Would you pick off the-

Interesting how I already consider this third leg to be a vital organ. Absolutely. One of the vital organs. That's how quickly we adapt and start to forget how we ever lived before we had a third leg. Well now your brain isn't it? Is it in the leg? It's in the thigh, yeah.

Oh. And would you pick off the zipper so that it didn't cut into your leg? Or would you leave it in? Remember your brain is in there. Well the zipper is no longer, if it's going to be of any use to me, when am I zipping that back up again? So you're just assuming you're always going to have three legs. You know what, once again, you know, I can barely remember what it was like when I didn't have three legs. I've

just completely accepted this as my reality. Like I think if I did wake up with a third leg, I certainly wouldn't be assuming it was going to go away again. Like, it was going to go away again. Like I think that would, I mean, one leg appearing as if from nowhere, that's very unlikely, right? But then, you know, that that leg goes away again, it feels like even, like exponentially even more unlikely. Like that there could be a force in the universe that changes the number of legs that people have by a factor of, by one, by one increment, right? By, there could be something out there.

Well, like, so it's, this thing has interacted with my body and increased the number of legs that I have by one, right? But it feels very unlikely to me, it's sort of like lightning striking twice, that it would then, that this random thing that has never happened before in the history ever, that it would interact with me, choose to interact with me, again, it's much more likely to take away one of somebody else's two legs or give an extra leg to somebody else of all the people in the world.

So I wouldn't go counting on it. And you know what this force is? It's the leg uncle. No, I was going to say it's the leg's boson. But yeah, the leg uncle. You picture it to be, there's this guy, this Japanese guy who modifies people's Porsches, I think. And he's known for like, he does it all by eye.

Wow. And he doesn't use a factory, and he's like, he comes to your place, you gotta pay for him to come and stay at your place. And then people come and gather around. Wait, is this a real guy? He's a real guy and he just smokes. He stays at your place. I think so, yeah.

I mean, that's incredible. That's incredible. That's a story, that's everything. That there's a guy staying at your place. Your wife's like, who's this guy? And you're like, he's here to modify the Porsche and you don't know how long it's gonna take. Every Porsche is unique that he does, yeah.

You just gotta pay him like, you know, $50,000 or whatever and he'll spend two weeks at your house. He'll eat breakfast, but then when he he leaves you've got an extra leg. I love that he's a kind of like a Ronin type character. Oh yeah. Wonders the earth. That's right. Giving people a third leg. Yeah but he does it while you're asleep. He lifts you up on those what's those? the car jack thing Yeah on jacks or maybe put you up on a couple of saw horses

Could be that yeah I mean I like the one that he does it while you're asleep like they do the railway crossing works In the middle of the night so that people aren't disturbed. That's really good. Yeah, I so that people aren't disturbed. That's really good. Yeah. I like the thing that that third leg is at the back and it kind of, it both is coming out, it looks like it's coming out of the butt a little bit, but it's like, I think it's coming out a little bit above and then some of the thick sort of thigh meat does rest within the buttock. within the barak. I like that the people who this is happening to though, they haven't necessarily sought this guy out in my opinion.

He just shows up. They're sort of just resigned to the fact that this is happening. He's transforming their lives. There's got to be something in this that's a metaphor for how your lives do change when you're in a long term relationship or when you have kids or whatever it is that there are certain things that change that you're unable to do. It's a metaphor for jury duty. Nobody's doing that. Nobody's doing metaphors for things that really don't need that much explaining.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at first it feels like a burden because you've got to learn how to move this new extremity. You've got to turn your pants around, right? But eventually you got a new skill, you got a new propulsion, you got a new way to move through the world. Yeah, and that would fundamentally change your experience of existence. And I think that would be really interesting to see how your life changes afterwards. Do you think they'd let you run a regular Olympics?

I mean I think once you're running it, it's no longer a regular Olympics, that's the thing. It'll be special Olympics but only because you made it so fun. Yeah. Every Olympics is a Special Olympics when you're there. In my opinion, they're all pretty special. I assume they probably don't call them the Special Olympics anymore, do they? I don't know if they ever actually called them the Special Olympics. Maybe they did. Maybe they did. Oh no, I just wrote down the leg Olympics when I meant the leg uncle. Is, are metaphors a two-way relationship?

Like, you know, if you make a movie about the Second World War, but it's actually a metaphor for the process of filmmaking. Does that make the Second World War metaphor for... Does that make filmmaking a metaphor for the Second World War? For the Second World War? Yeah. I think so. Let's see, like Lord of the Rings, right? That's supposed to be the Second World War or is it the First World War?

Yeah, I think that was the First World War, yeah. So can we look at the First World War and see about orcs and elves? Get a deeper insight into the Lord of the Rings. You know what, I think there's something there. I bet there are people who, like, I think, if the Lord of the Rings is a metaphor for the First World War, then it's arguable that you can't truly appreciate the Lord of the Rings until you've you know a lot

about the First World War until you like the more you know about the First World War the deeper your appreciation of the Lord of the Rings will be. My one issue and in that way yeah. No hit me keep going you've you're finishing a thought. No no but I mean you know I'm almost I'm jealous of people who fought in World War One for the, for how rich their appreciation of the Lord of the Rings must be. The Orc are. The Elven people. Yeah. Orca. And what's the little guy there's name what was his actual name Gimli Peter Jackson no yeah Gollum you mean Gollum what do you mean I'm not Frodo oh yeah that's Gimli the the dwarven fellow have you have you actually read the books yes I have that's crazy quite some time ago now.

Quite some time ago. Were you just a young high school child? Yeah, back when I knew how to read. Back when I could just hoover up books. No more. Pardon my cough, everybody. I think people are enjoying it.

Yeah. I think it's making this a very special episode of Do It The Think Tank. I think that if you're in it Andy, that's always a special episode. Should I? It's always a special episode. Should I just take us to,

well yeah, who me? But that's a great idea for a great name for a podcast. It's called A Very Special Episode. A Very Special Episode with. They all are, they all are. And then have the guest. Oh wait, the two way metaphor. What about this, a three way mirror.

You can see through it from both directions. And the side. And, and the side. So if you're inside the walls, yeah, so if you're like if you're jammed between the two walls and then you are looking in this the little slit there you can see people on both sides or just yourself. This is yeah but didn't know this would be a great way like it'd be so good to do be able to do experiments about how do people behave when they are looking at people through a

two-way mirror. Well you invent the three-way mirror so that you can watch people, watch people through a two-way mirror and, you know, observe their behaviour. I think there would be a lot to be learned. I think this is an unexamined... For psychological experiments on people who are doing psychological experiments. Exactly. But is anybody getting fooled by the two-way mirror anymore?

Do you think? Ah, it's just a big mirror. That's true. That's true. It must be getting a lot harder to do those kinds of experiments, unfortunately. Just in a normal room with one massive wall-sized mirror. Oh well, time to behave as if I'm not being observed. The guy who's fooled by two-way mirrors.

I mean maybe that's what the three-way mirror is. You try to find out who are these researchers who still think people are fooled by two-way mirrors. So you invent the three-way mirror so you can watch the people doing the experiment with the two-way mirror. Be like, what's the fuck, what the fuck is wrong with these people? They think people don't realize they're being watched through this two-way mirror. I want to see how they behave. What do their faces look like? Really what you need... How do they delude themselves?

Really what you need is a two-way wall. Indeed. Because you need a wall that you can see through so that people genuinely don't know they're being watched. And we put it in a hotel and I live in the walls. Oh no, I put the two way wall in backwards. The wrong way round! And you could see me crawling through the walls trying to perv on them.

Oh, this is so embarrassing. Oh, while people are having sex and they're just watching me going, Why can't I see anything? Why can't I see anything? I can imagine people would be having sex. But they love it. They are really getting off on it And so the sex is really good, which makes it doubly galling for you It's the motelier Because that's obviously got to be the

My father ran a motel sorry he was a motelier motelier the two-way wall alright I'm trying to I'm just trying to think of another one of those that you can do now because that's really fun. The Caravan Park E.A. Hmm. Aaron B. in B.E.A. There's nothing there. There's nothing there. Um, but then I'm like, well, what about Motel California? Is that anything? Not really, no.

Living it up. Even that I don't even believe last time I was at a motel there was a guy sitting outside of our room because you know outside of in between the rooms there would be a chair and when I came out he asked me if I could he could use my phone. That's good. Yes, I went, oh, yes, I won't steal it. And I went, okay, then yes. We have a contract. You seem like an honest fellow.

Oh, yes. And then afterwards, like a psycho, I redialed the number that he called so that I could see it. Really? Yeah, that is crazy. Who was it? I think it was maybe some, I can't remember, but it was something where it helped people

get help. Oh. Yeah. Okay. And then I realised, oh, I've done a good job. something where it helped people get help. Oh. Yeah. And then I realised, oh, I've done a good job. Well, I hope you got some help for your psychotic behaviour, Alastair. Well, I learned a real lesson to trust people, even though I already had,

by letting somebody use my phone. Alastair. Yes, Andy? Have you slowed down, Andy, Um, Alice Dia. Yes, Andy. Have you slowed down, Andy, and you're ready to go to the three words from a listener? Well, no, you mentioned it earlier, you mentioned it earlier, and a part of my brain wouldn't let me die at a dream that we even had five, even five complete sentences on this episode, let alone five sketch, five of our coveted sketch ideas so many sketch ideas some that you would even consider wow yeah oh yeah I forgot to even write

this down wait the sorry the pants pantaloon demon demon summoned by the saying pants. There you go, there's another one. Call me crazy but I reckon that suffixes should go at the start of the word because very often, I know suffixes, I know they almost by their very nature they go at the end of a word. But if I hear you start saying a word, psycho, right? Psycho, psycho. It's very, you know, ah,

I'd like to introduce you to my psycho, right? I want to know are you gonna say, like, whether you say path or therapist, right, I want to know are you going to say, like, whether you say path or therapist, right, or logist, those fundamentally change the word and you're really sort of saving, almost like a punchline, you're saving that crucial piece of information until the very end. But I argue that as the person holding that information, you have a responsibility to get that into the hands of me the listener as soon as possible so I know what you're talking about so I think it should be a path psycho or a Therapist psycho

You know that really but then it seems crazy that you would say the first sentence the first syllable You as path because wouldn't you then go path? Path so I can't. Well, I mean, I think you, you the one speaking, you know what the end of the word is going to be. So you could probably adapt. You're not as equally taken by surprise.

Okay. Do you think a psych is somebody they're called that because they they're like a lodger in your head? That's right. Living in their rent, not rent free, rent paying. You're paying them. They're a lodger. Yeah. Well they're paying their way through the work that they're doing and through the way that you're paying them to be there. Anyway, we have three words from a listener today. And I don't know if you know this,

but we have listeners and sometimes they can give us three dollars on Patreon and then they have the right, nay, the duty to send in three words from a listener, often themselves. Mm-hmm. Now, this- I think that's the right way to look at it, yeah, as a responsibility. In some ways, a terrible responsibility.

Even a burden. The show is often slowing down at the 35 to 45 minute mark. We clutch onto your words like drowning men. Then we just need a hot word injection into the pod to keep us going, give us one last idea, maybe two. And this listener Andy today who sent in the words from a listener is Sam Good. Sam Good. Possibly Samuel, possibly Samantha. Sam Good.

Samwise. Well yes, I was thinking to bring us back to the Lord of the Rings. Samwise Gamgee himself. Do you think the names of the people were also a metaphor for something? I hope so. Well, I think, you know, they are, they're components of the metaphor. Yes.

They all weave into it. Yes. I always, I think the problem I always have with- They all contain a part of the whole. The part I always have trouble with with these metaphors where they're like, ah, yes, it's a metaphor for society. But then they make like one of the races orc and you're like, what do you mean? Like, are you referring, is there like a one to one parallel with like, with like peoples

out in the world that you're like these people are orc It's like and you make one of them man Mmm. Yeah, you're right. Okay, it's Anyway, I'm sure it's it's it's it's interesting If we knew more about the first world war we'd truly be able to understand. But also they made the elves side with man when I thought that they were working with Germany. Is that a weird thing to say? You can make of that what you will. Is that a weird thing to say? Make of that what you will.

Make of that what you will. Out of all the people in the world, the Japanese people are the most elven. The society itself mirrors Japanese society more. It feels more delicate and wise. And ornate in some ways. Ornate, yes. Interesting question. I'm choosing to remain undecided. Yes, well you have a job.

You have a job you could lose. I have the freedom here. Well, yes, certainly if I were to echo your hate speech, Alistair, my job would be on the line. That's why I'm wisely saying nothing, I believe. And merely giving you a platform from which to spew your vile rhetoric. Hey Andy. Hey Andy. Wink wink. I get it. Yeah, you're not supporting me in this. Wink wink. We should just do a video call where we do these things so that I don't have to wink over the mic. The audio wink. Okay, now Sam Good, Andy, is the listener. And Sam Good has sent in three words from a listener.

Hasn't mentioned who the listener is, I don't think. Let me go back and check the mail. What about here? Sam Good, do I do it here? Here's the three words for filling in, for filing in the system. This hasn't mentioned which listener they've sent it in for. It would help a tremendous amount if the listeners did let us know what listener they were sending the words of. You know, I mean, the fact that listeners haven't really taken on the

Responsibility of saying which listener the words are from well I mean that but at this point they've almost only got themselves to blame and they must realize that even if they think this is Stupid at this point because you hold all the power Alistair the only way they have no choice But to get on board if they want this to be over and done with as quickly as possible, it's best to just like humor you and say which listener the words are from. And I implore them to do so. Well, you know. We can't expect Alistair to change, he's incapable. There's a possibility they're ignoring it,

hoping it will go away. Well, I'm sorry, that's never worked in the past. Al has found a pocket, a pocket of the podcast that is all about him. Yes and Nietzsche was right we all have that will to power. We are just looking for a way, I don't actually know what he meant when he said that. I've been thinking about it a lot, still don't know what he means. Yeah, that's okay. But it felt like a smart thing to say. Yeah. I'm going to cough and then I'm going to tell you the words. All right. All right.

I have returned. I really moved the mic far away. Now, Sam Good has given us three words. Andy, do you want to guess what the first word is? Okay, the first word is plunge. Plunge? Andy? Yeah, plunge. No, but it might be somewhere that you would put the thing that you're going to plunge with before you plunge. The first word is high. Oh, okay.

High way. Highway? I'm sorry Andy. The second word is roller. High roller. Oh my goodness, okay. High roller, well there's the high roller room at Crown Casino. High roller womb?

I'm gonna say high roller womb. Let me have a look. Oh I'm sorry Andy. W-O-M-B. You were following a good pattern in that you thought that there was a pattern. Um, but the last word is derby. High roll a derby. Well, there is a pattern. That's right. You know, I said you followed the right pattern and thinking that there was a pattern.

Oh, okay. Well then, uh, well well but there was a pattern Alistair so uh that's right don't be so quick to condemn me Andy and it's what i'm saying all right so high roller derby now you now you know regular derby or regular well you know derby already that horses running around, in a circle, things like that, but then you picture them on wheels. Yes, the horses are on wheels. They're on wheels, but then you picture them as sort of slightly tougher women instead of horses. Yes. And the helmets. Are they still on all fours or

do I have to picture the women upright? And now you can picture the women all upright. Right, do they still have the wheels that were on their front hooves on their hands? Yes, but now you can, because you've now gotten to this stage, you can now picture them taking off the roller, the roller skates off of their front hooves. now you can picture those hooves

as hands. Okay great now they are on stilts that's a great idea nobody's doing roller skates on stilts. Oh that's true. Roller stilts. Oh roller stilts. Wait, should I google that straight away just to see? Yeah, go for it. I'm sure it's a thing. I'm sure somebody out there is doing roller stilting. Let me see. And good luck to them. Oh, there's one person I can see a photo of wearing roller stilts and a helmet. I think is clever. That's a really good idea. and a helmet, which I think is clever. That's a really good idea. Alastair, what's the electric scooter situation like over there in French Canada?

I think, I don't remember seeing them on the street as much. They've got the Bixie bikes here, which are kind of, they're quite popular, which are just like, you know, like those city bikes that we had, but I think they're mostly, they're partially electric here and you could just drop them off anywhere. I think that's a bigger thing here.

Yeah, no, they've got those here as well now. Yeah, right. But yeah, the e-scooters are really really getting pretty big a lot of people using them and some pretty Starting to be adopted by what I would say as some pretty pretty fucked up looking dudes I really now really fang in it around the city I like that like on it's like on these military kind of outfit like of Like I've seen people that almost look like they're almost like they're like tactical e-scooters oh no I haven't seen this

I'm just seeing some like real real rough blokes just with absolutely zero respect for anybody else's life flying down the footpath on these fucking things. And it's a real... Oh, on the footpath? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, through piazzas, they'll fang it through a piazza. Yeah, what about town square?

Or a city square. All, yep, that, yep, and they'll get all around the train station on them as well. A footbridge. Yeah, it's a really interesting time to be alive. I really felt like I almost got killed by one. And the sound that this one had, the guy was flying through the Southern Cross train station. So he beeped his horn or whatever it was. But I't realize until like after he shot just past me that that's what the sound I'd been hearing was because they've got

this kind of sound that is like a kind of like a almost like a bird like a like a bird chirpy whistle sound sort of thing and I'm like well that's not one of the science I associate with like oncoming imminent death. You need to use one from the accepted suite of like commonly understood noises that mean look out, there's a psycho here. Well you know that sound. You can't just go. You know the sound that planes make that from cartoons that you normally associate with

a crashing plane that mm. Mm. Mm. Like that. But then you find out that planes just make that sound normally. Right? Right.

Like that. Yeah. You notice that that kind of like that sort of descending like mm. Yeah. Like that. Mm. Yeah. Maybe they should put that on the scooters because it always sounds like they're about to crash and it's like that's good your stress but how about this yeah a electric scooter on stilts. Oh! Now do you picture the wheels? The platform is high and the wheels are low? Or do you picture a person

standing on stilts? I think they're wearing stilts to ride the e-scooter and what's really exciting about that is that we found a way to make them even more insanely dangerous. Just a little bit more moment about that when you hit something, the power and speed at which you... That pivot. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, at least you have a bit more time to put your hands up.

Yeah, that's true. And maybe that high advantage point would allow you to see more people that you're about to hit and maybe even avoid them, although maybe that's not on your list of priorities. Also though, if you crash into something, you're more likely to go over the top of it. So if the scooter hits you as a person, then at least the person riding on it will sort of fly over your head and maybe hit someone else or a child but not you The you know, you'll just be hit by the scooter and the stilts So maybe that's good. Yeah, that could be good. Just metal instead of sort of flesh sort of soft flesh

Yeah What about though with the with the high roller derby? You're you're in a roller derby team. Your name is Suzanne and I'm Gail and we've also got Maurizia and Tilda in our team. But then four guys from Saudi Arabia arrive and they go, you guys up for a game? And they open up a suitcase and it's filled with gold bars and they were really struggling to carry it.

And they go, yeah, they'd hand each person a gold bar and they go, that's just for saying yes. And then they put on some diamond roller skates. And then they have a big game and they win some, they lose some, but they are always tipping with big gold bullion bars. Mm, to keep you on the hook. Yeah, because they're high rollers, you know? Mm, mm, no, I get it, yeah.

God, yeah, that's exciting. I mean, what I love about this is it's quite a progressive attitude of these Saudi Arabian men, a nation that has, as far as I'm aware, pretty like repressive attitudes to women and their self-expression. And I can't think of a sport that is more empowering of women and their individuality, even though they all sort of do move as a mass and try to tear down other women, but I still think that overall the philosophy is about a sort of individual uplift,

even though the overall effect is a sort of a mob of other women attacking their fellow women. Other women on roller skates. Yeah. But, but you know, I still think that probably a lot of the people in the upper echelons of of some of these nations might not think that all the rules apply to them. That's true. They're looking for unique experiences.

So often the case. Yeah. So often the case. Yeah. They're looking for unique experiences, you know so often the case. Yeah. So often the case. Yeah. They're looking for unique experiences, you know? In roller derby with a bunch of cool and tough women, which I think all women are, cool and tough. And all men.

I think all men are tough. I'm a bit progressive, but I'm also very deeply ingrained in my conservative beliefs. I think this is a great film. We've seen so many stories about, endless stories about tenacious young women who might be an Iranian footballer who goes against her country's expectations or her family's pressures to express herself and follow her sporting dreams. Well, this is finally where gender flipping it, you know, and we're being like, well, now it's the billionaire Saudi Arabian princes who want to express themselves in the traditionally female sport of roller derby. And all they've

got backing them is their billions of dollars of gold bullion. Their massively powerful patriarchy and their overwhelming political power built on a foundation of oil price manipulation. And you know, I think that's what we need to see. And you know what, I think now that we're... This could be a really powerful anti-woke movie as well, which I think, you know, that's on the rise now. That's the new thing to get onto. Yeah.

You know, the tide has turned, you know, there's a big... Finally, finally, after the left won for so long. Remember when the left left won for so long. Remember when the left was winning for so long and we got everything we wanted for so long? Didn't it feel great? Didn't it just feel like we were on top? We got absolutely everything. Well finally the pendulum has swung back and now finally it's the powerful that have the power for a change. Finally!

After the powerful have been powerless for so long. Finally the the elite weak left have been put back into their place. Yes. Forced to relinquish their iron grip on every aspect of our lives. Yeah. And by that I mean some of the words we use to insult the vulnerable. A little bit. Give me back my words to insult the vulnerable. All that was asked, all that was asked was to say he instead of she. Yeah well. But I, you know, I was about to say I get it but I don't quite get it but I get that it has happened but good autumn fair play to them you know yeah they did it against all the odds and Andy I'll take us through the sketch ideas. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

We've got the positive aircraft, a positive air crash, where, sorry, positive plane crash of an aircraft filled with basketballs for the community. Mm. This could be the thing that turns it around for Boeing who've suffered a lot of criticism, you know about their role in various plane crashes recently. That's right. They could start, you know, filling them with the planes with confetti or something just so It's not so bad. That's right. confetti makes everything at least a little bit better.

Mm-hmm. And then we have the hunt for survivors. Then we have the... Man, I have written things down in such a fucked way without even realizing. Instead of writing down the ankle strangler, I wrote down the ankle strangle. Which I guess is going to be the name of the episode. Yep. Then we've got pants and skirts are all pockets.

This is some of the great arguments that will get us onto Jordan Peterson's podcast. We got the pantaloon demons summoned by saying pants. We've got the leg uncle who comes and adds a third leg to you at night time. He lives with you for a bit. He smokes cigarettes in your house. Which part do you think would be- How great is it that, I'm sorry, I'm just completely changing the subject, but how great is it that like, if you have no skills, you've never done anything, you've never built anything, you've never helped anybody, you can get a really well-paying job by just becoming a right-wing commentator and

just saying right-wing shit. Like you don't have to do anything. Yeah. You don't have to know anything, you don't have to do anything, you don't have to be nice to work with, you don't have to, you don't even have to be attractive. No. You know? That's the real, yeah, you can be an ugly fucking dude and somehow if you're right-wing you get to bypass, I mean that's really the affirmative action we should be fighting. Why are these ugly guys getting to be on TV? Turns out, I mean they've just found the solution. They were like this whole time We shouldn't be Yeah, well, I mean like you like people shouldn't be promoted based on their race

They should be promoted based on how fucked the things they say are all Truthful as some people would say Yes, we have the two-way metaphor when We have the two-way metaphor. When theory, you know, that once you do a metaphor about one thing, then you're actually doing a metaphor about the other thing through the other thing. Well, that thing is now a metaphor for your thing. That's right. You do a metaphor about a thing, then that thing is now a metaphor for your thing.

That's right. We got the guy who is still fooled by the two-way mirror. Time to act as I would if nobody was watching me. Then we've got the motelier who installed the two-way wall wrong. Oh no, the wrong way around. We got the e-scooter on stilts. We got the e-scooter on stilts and we've got the Saudi roller derby dudes overcoming barriers. I'm really excited for that. So Yandhi, there was more sketch ideas than you thought that were decent in there weren't there? Yeah, no, it was actually pretty fun Al. You know when, when you put it like that, I had a good time.

When you put it like that in the form of a bunch of sketch ideas. Yeah, it starts to look pretty good. When you record it as a podcast, it's not so bad. It starts to look really good. Yes, Andy? Brava. Brava to you. And brava to you, Andy. That was Jimi Hendrix inspired on my side. Ah, cool. A Cool a foxy and on mine as well actually

Let's see just my hateful ideology your hateful My hate just my hateful ideology great and I would like to promote the listeners Please check out other listeners find each other and yeah Buy each other's stuff. I want a full listener economy. Me too. Yeah, no, you can jump on the Discord. You can see I did a Blue Sky tweet recently that got some people got on board. You did?

It was my first like like felt like oh you know this is getting a bit of you know got like four re re re blue skies so that's pretty good. I don't think I have seen it. That's alright there's no pressure but I'm not gonna tell the listeners because I want to drive traffic to the tweet itself. Was it this retweet of a gamey gamey game thing? No, that's not it, Alastair. What a horrible thing to say. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know what?

The other day, my mom said something that was the most comedian thing I've heard her say. She goes, is that thing in the back of the throat? I go, the uvula? She goes, yeah. That's like the clitoris of the throat. Yeah. Yeah, OK.

Now she's thinking. So I gotta get you on the pod. Gotta get you on the bloody pod. We should do an episode get our mums on Shut up. We won't even be there. It'll just be your mum and my mum That's a much better idea than seeing us end up arguing The mums are taking over the pod But they still have to come up with five sketch ideas. Yeah The mums are taking over the pod!

But they still have to come up with five sketch ideas. Of course, yeah. They probably do it way more efficiently than us. And we love you. Bye!