Two In The Think Tank - 464 - "TESTICULAR PENINSULA"

Episode Date: February 19, 2025

Pants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, hello Andy. Yes, Alistair. Oh, um, anyway, Alistair has appeared on a very recent episode of Who Knew It with Matt Stewart. And please listen to it. Ready to start the song, Andy? Let's go. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep Good day to Hughes. Mmm. Do you think people have stopped saying, what are you looking at? Do you think people have stopped saying that? Yeah, because everybody's looking at their phone. Do you think like, deros and psychos in the street have stopped saying, oh my god.

That's, I mean, that must be so... What are you looking at? My phone. They already know what they're looking at. I Wonder if anybody could do any statistics on sort of like aggressive street Interactions, I mean honestly honestly I have been told Stop looking at your phone probably more in the last 10 years Then I have been taught asked. What are you looking at?

Which you know, what does that say about us? I think it's a Yeah, yeah that you know that that that the same people who are in a state of needing help Hmm. I mean they're still there But they've they've even lost their catchphrase. Now look Alistair, this is already there's a rift being driven between us and already there's a clear you know wrong side and right side of history on this episode because I clearly described these people as deros and psychos and you described them as

people who need help and it's I mean you fucking throw it me under the bus there oh and the I know but I and the I see Darrow's and psychosis people who need help yeah yeah like yeah I mean I think I don't necessarily think that we're talking about different people. No I agree I agree that's that's what I'm saying. Yeah. I'm saying that we are talking probably talking about the same people and you are by your mere act of classification you've well Andy would it help? It is I that is the derro and the psycho. Andy would it help if I told you that I think that you also need help

You a person, you know, I think that all the people even us who who think that we're you know, relatively stable I mean some days I think that I'm I'm a I'm the ideal person. All right Right. Wow. I realized being the Right? Wow! Just another day of being the perfect human being. Yeah and then other times I realized I am just a pile of flaws. I am, there is nothing but flaws but yet the miracle is that they somehow function. Hmm well maybe that's just another flaw you know. When a person reaches a certain level of floridness you you know, the fact that they don't just spontaneously die is itself reprehensible, you know, when you

are such a low-down dog, Alastair. Yeah, such as myself. Yes, it turns it...is it okay that I call you that? Andy, yes, of course. You can call me a low down dog. Yeah, well once you... I mean, it especially doesn't hurt me coming from you. No, thank you. Yeah, but you know, a dog of a certain lowness. Who I consider beneath me in your opinion don't matter. No, I'm so sorry.

But then if the dog were to die, you know, it becomes a dead dog, which is, you know, at least it's not an active drain on society. And indeed it's worthy of our sorrow and our pity, regardless of what that dog may have done or thought in its life. And a dog's thoughts. A dog's thoughts.

Yeah. What about this? Fogged up dog diary Okay It's one of those dogs that can you know, they can press those buttons You ever seen that they got pads with like images on them and the dog can communicate by communicating Short words like that but is that real is that real well I don't know I don't know if it's real my I

suspect that that occasionally they do something good and that's the bit that they edit together mmm you know but maybe maybe it is real, right? But maybe it is real. I heard that, I heard that that was there in what you'd said, and I thought, do I draw attention to this? Then I said to myself, I have nothing, I don't know what I would do with it if I. And Andy, I didn't let that stop me.

And so it's a dog who's writing. It's it's for it's it's just a it's a book for people who love those videos. Right. And it's it's it's pieced together as if it's that. And then it's like it's the dog Dory. This is and and and then it's stuff that the dog wrote when the person wasn't filming. Yeah. And when the wrote when the person wasn't filming Yeah When the person when their owner was away and it's the kind of thoughts the dog has And it's they're all really fucked up. It's really

psychotic shit, right and it's And it's these That maybe it's the couples who have this, right? Yeah. For their dog. And what happens is that, you know, the company uses some sort of AI and then they use book binders

and they sort of print these, like as tomes, it's like physical volumes that get sent to you and you open them up and you sort of lovingly leaf through this diary of your dog's thoughts and they're all the most crook shit you can imagine and the couples are trying to complain to the guy who runs the, runs this dog diary company. Like, it's maybe like a dog daycare, like where you can leave your dog while you're going on holiday and they've got one of these pads where, and they can leave your dog in there and your dog can write stuff while you're going holiday and they've got one of these pads where and they they can leave your dog in there and your dog can write stuff while you're

away and then and then you come back and all this crook shit where it seems like the dogs trying to daub on the on the on the daycare and I thought it was just the dog is a psycho oh yeah maybe the dogs just gotta the dogs just got a the dogs just really horrible Yeah, maybe yours is better. Just go take a dog diary place. Yeah I and then cuz if the dog was like, you know like and and and and then it's like owner owner owner And owner and owner like that owner food owner is food owner food for doggy you know and they're like oh he oh he seemed like he was hungry oh yeah this is what he says when he's hungry and then you can see because that actually gets him food. Mm-hmm. This is what he says when he's horny.

Dog. Look, it's not the greatest thing, but I think there's something interesting here. Alistair, I imagine it great. I imagine it really great. Dog is so- And, you know, mate, in my mind, I guess I'm not imagining it so blunt, like just those short words. I'm imagining quite a flowery diary with this, you know, and maybe a lot of the content is AI generated. It's like I have been seeing, you know, once we came up with a concept on this show where we were like, imagine if you could sign up to a service that would write like write letters to your elderly grandparents in nursing homes for you so right and would read

their letters back and write more letters to them and like you just wouldn't have to do it and they would they don't know the difference and now I'm genuinely seeing ads for things that are like difference. And now I'm genuinely seeing ads for things that are like, get a fucking AI to write, your mum writes stories about her life and a fucking AI reads them and it's like, it's really dystopian. I know, it's like, oh and our AI will fix your mom's story and make it interesting and Well, it'll put it into a strike. Don't worry. We got a robot that can yeah that can sort of fix this sort of the droning Yeah, and it's like this the tone of it is like oh, this has changed my relationship with my mom you know, I'm really like It's so special that she's

able to tell me what about her amazing life. I mean, I would never have listened to it before. It was unbearable. It's changed because now she thinks I'm listening. Yeah and also now I get to read it in a book. But she's telling me stories and putting it in a book. Yeah. But like even now, if I do read it in a book, I don't have to be with her or near her. You know? Or actually, listen. Mmmmm.

Good stuff. I mean look, I think there's a sketch in that. In like, in this bullshit thing. Like about, like just promoting it as that, as letting it help your relationship or change your relationship. I think like, like, I think promoting it is changing your relationship, but it actually is just a way

of getting a little bit more distant from them. Yeah, yeah. Well, now you don't have a relationship. Let's be absolutely clear. Changing it to no relationship. They think that you do. Yeah, and that's the best thing, isn't it? That's like pulling out the tablecloth from under all the things on the table without knocking anything over. Now you've got a free tablecloth and those suckers at the table don't realize. I am selling. I am selling used tablecloths on the marketplace for 15 bucks a night. Not one for tablecloths, I pile a tablecloth, I'm making 15 bucks a night on tablecloths.

And all I've got to do is pretend that I do magic, go to different places, different restaurants, I pull the tablecloth out, go to a different places, different restaurants, I pull the tablecloth out, go to a different one, everybody applauds, I walk out, they go, Nobody's asking you to put the tablecloth back under. Nobody's asking you to put the tablecloth back under when you're done. Everyone knows that's not part of the magic. Yeah, I mean if you really want to you could attach you could attach a bit of like paper tablecloth under at the other side on table top yeah and then pull it and put that underneath so it looks like you're

like oh I'm just replacing it. That is a good idea. Yeah but I mean fuck it. Why complicate it. No Alast, I like it. Magician. Maybe that's why some places have got those paper tablecloths now. Either because the magicians have already been through, or because they're trying to, because they're getting fleeced by these magicians every night. Everyone's so amazed when they whip out the tablecloth. Even if they know that magicians have been going from place to place stealing tablecloths. It's still so cool when they do it, you can't stop them.

You're overwhelmed with applause as they stride out of the restaurant with the tablecloth under their arm or up their shirt. Their shirt which is suspiciously looks like it's been sewn together out of tablecloths. Oh, the gingham shirt. I haven't bought a shirt in 15 years. I go home, I sew the tablecloths together, all my clothes, the tablecloths. Is that why magicians wear robes? Because they're basically just a tablecloth.

Any fabric I can pull out from under something, I'll bring it home. They're like a bower bird, but for like, just for cloth material. Well, they're not good at sewing, and the robe is just the most basic, you know, it's pretty much a poncho, I think, a robe. Yeah, and a top hat, a magician's top hat is very much just like a laundry basket isn't it? Just a place where you can stuff more table cloths. I thought of everything. I lost it. I know somebody because like the guy who owns the comedy nest in Montreal is like a is a magician and he's,

I think he's quite renowned for having written a lot of magic books and stuff like that. And so one of the other comics was telling me that one day he asked him, years ago, he's like, I know it's weird to do this, but can you make my dollar disappear?, can you do a trick with my dollar or whatever? And he's like, I can do a trick if you got a $2 coin. And then he did like a trick where it's like, oh,

he makes it makes a $2 coin in a glass turn into a pile of $2 coins. And he's like, he was just walking around the world just loaded up with two dollar coins just in case this was gonna happen. Yeah, yeah. And I like that it's like no I can't do two dollars because I don't have my sleeves not full of I can't do I don't have my sleeves not full of, I can't do one dollar coins because my sleeves not full of one dollar coins at the moment. Just the idea, it's like, it's so funny that

I think the secret lives of magicians and how what they need to do to be ready at all times in case somebody wants to see a little trick. Yeah. I mean, that'd be beautiful to read see a little trick. Yeah. I mean, that'd be beautiful to read in a dog's eye. You'd have to change your whole way of walking, you know, when you've always got doves down your trousers. Absolutely, yeah.

It'd be such a, I mean, it would be interesting to see like a little cross-sectional diagram of a magician and where they've got all the stuff hidden. Yeah, yeah, see. And I'm not just talking their clothes. This is their full body, including inside their colon where I'm sure they've got some stuff. Absolutely.

I wouldn't be surprised if in their pants they had a terrarium. Yes. You know, and a red light keeping a sort of an iguana alive. And if you're going to keep a reptile like that comfortable it's going to be in one of the warmer areas of the body that's right that's all I'm saying somewhere between the testicles and the body because it's like the testicles are actually too cold for a for a lizard so you don't consider the testicles to be part of the body no but I mean between the testicles and the body you know the

way you know the testicles somewhere between Tasmania and Australia. I would say it's the testicular peninsula, which is part of the body, but has made itself a distinct separation for the purposes of temperature. You're right. It's a different, it's a separate, it's like one of those special economic zones

where like different rules apply. It is a dependency. It's not able to sustain itself. It relies on support from the mainland. Yeah. But it also, you know, doesn't follow the same rules, the same rules of pain don't apply. There is some self-governing. Temperature. We get to decide on how much pain happens here. Alastair, it's self-regulating. It's self-regulating. Is the term that would cover both the isolated colony and the temperature. The self-regulating dependency of the of the of the ball bag. Of the ball bag. And I like the testicular peninsular. That's good as well. Or is it more of an isthmus? An isthmus. Oh I like but I like Peninsula because it almost sounds like

penisula oh it's true it's hard to not like it isn't it yeah yeah sure but I mean it's really penis to penis penance it's all it's all making sense, finally I have clarity and some peace of mind. I think what's great about having your elderly relative write a book about their life is then using modern AI, you'll be able to turn that book into a film. And then someone can say, oh, have you been to see your grandma yet? And you can say, I'm waiting for the film to come out. No, have you seen your grandma?

No, I'm waiting for the film. No, that doesn't work. Have you read your grandma? No. Close enough. Have you seen your grandma? No, I'm waiting for the book to come out. Andy, until you had pointed out that it didn't make sense, or maybe that the parallel

wasn't parallel enough, it was let's say a little bit intersecting. I had accepted that as enough. And that's the difference between you and me, Alastair. I'm relentless in my pursuit of adequacy. You care about quality and comedy so much, eh, Edsy? Oh, Edsy. No. The standards upon which you...

I didn't say quality, I just said adequacy. I just... I just listened to your Pitch Bleak episode just the other day. Oh, really? When you appeared on Pitch Bleak. It was it was very good. You did really good. Oh thanks Al. Um.

Yeah yeah. You were good. The episode was good. What a fun podcast as well. You know? Were you um. Were you missing me? And afterwards they had a little.

You don't normally listen to things. You don't normally listen to things that I'm on. I rarely do. I know I rarely do but I was out in a snowstorm and I had to get, during blizzards, I had to get to and from gigs. And so I was like, well, you know what? I'm gonna comfort myself with a little Andy.

Oh, hell. And so then I took out a little photo of you and I listened to you and I pretended like you were talking and it was you talking but I was pretending that it was the photo of you that was talking. Okay, were you jiggling it around? Jiggling it around. Moving its mouth up and down? I was jiggling it around.

It was on my phone so I slide the photo up and down like that to make it look like you were bouncing while you were saying the words. That is, sorry that all I do is talk about AI and the power of AI now. Yeah, but. That is the, you know, now that we can animate any photograph. Yeah.

I mean, we've always been able to animate any photograph. You just cut out a little rectangle under the mouth and you slide it up and down, you know? It's true, yeah know, you make it look like the mouth is opening and shutting and We've always been able to you know, and and do you think that when they first invented that The sliding of the mouth up and down people were like well This is gonna be a new age that we're entering into is going to be a new age that we're entering into. We're not going to be able to tell what's real and what's not real anymore. This is a deep fake.

I guess that would have been a shallow fake at that time. We invented shallow fake technology. But people were even more naive, you see. People didn't know that you could fake things at the Tarim. And the fact that it was a two-dimensional photograph, they thought it was the real fucking person. Yeah, exactly. Vented, like, cutting it.

Did you see what Putin said the other day I'm a big dummy and I want to hug all of the the or the watermelons he seems unhinged yeah so still Putin so it's within the last 30 years yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean I guess, I guess, isn't it the guy from Monty Python that invented that animation style? Yeah, Terry Gilliam. I don't know if he did. Maybe it was. Yeah. But like, yeah, it's true.

Much like that first video of the train pulling into the station that made people scream and run out of the train pulling into the station that made people scream and run out of the theater. The first Terry Gilliam animation had people across the country saying, Oh my god, the Queen's head just popped open and her mouth flapped up and down and she said, that was something completely different. And they ran out of their houses. That's right. There was a lot of, that back in those days people were fitter

and they could run. And I guess movie tickets weren't as expensive. So running, you know, running out of the cinema, you wouldn't feel as much loss as you would these days when you're paying, you know, 20 bucks per person, plus, you know, another 35 bucks for just snacks You know what I've been enjoying I've been enjoying here is that there's like if you go to the cinema during the day It's like eight bucks All right. Whoa, and and I was I've been really enjoying it doing that occasionally

And then because there's like a cinema not too far away And then the whole chain of cinemas that do that has just recently collapsed. And I was like, my God, look at how good this is here. We can go here, there's almost nobody ever here. These gigantic cinemas, you know, nobody's ever here. Yeah. Eight bucks. It's exactly the same at Ballarat.

We had a cinema here. The tickets were $10, but if you were a member you could bring another person for free. So it's like $5 fucking tickets and like genuinely it was exactly the same. This huge beautiful old cinema, never anybody there. Then they collapsed and everyone was like, aww! That's the lifeblood of this town. Yeah. That's cinema. And was it the only cinema in Ballarat? Yes, it is the only cinema in Ballarat.

And is it, is it gone now? No, it reopened and we went there the other day and there was no one there. They got bought out by someone else who has raised the prices, but that hasn't brought the people back unfortunately. Unfortunately charging more for this. Yeah. The exact same product. Yeah. Yeah and now it's all run you know the box office is also the candy bar and it's just one 13 year old child running the whole cinema. You know what I think I think that business model. I I think that the business model for cinemas has to be, you have to run a small cinema with just one screen. Right? Wow. I think this is what I think. Right? You got to have one small cinema with just one screen and it's got to be behind a bar. It's a bar already. Right? So you've got the bars in the front, the cinema's in the back, right? And then you play a mixture of old and new movies all throughout the day.

And then people meet there, they drink the booze, and then they go like, oh, let's go see freaking, you know, Passenger 55 or whatever it is, Passenger 54. Passenger 57? 54 passenger 57 which one is it? what movie is that? I didn't see all of them. one of them was which is the one with Wesley Sleip. yeah I don't know. 57? yeah passenger 57. oh shit passenger 57 you've already you've already sunk three pints right then you you got to go to the toilet halfway through you doesn't matter You've seen this movie a long time ago. You come out, you grab two more pints, go back in. I think that's how they do it. I think one of the things that really kills you is just knowing that the popcorn and stuff is so

expensive. And I think that you're like, well, why would I go there? And I know that that's how they're justifying, you know, not making enough money on the tickets. But you can't have it in your head that you're gonna go there and pay for something that's super cheap and pay, you know, 15 times the price of what it's worth. I mean, this is the same business model you're describing basically as stand-up comedy, Alastair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that it's in the back of a bar, people can be a bit drunk and they're just going to be, ah, why not? You know? And maybe that is the perfect business model, maybe that should be the business model for everything from now on. Oh, that's a bit of a pharmacy. It's a bar out the front, it's a pharmacy out the back. Bar out the front, mattress shop out the back bar at the front mattress shop out the back, you know Yeah, I mean the pharmacy slash bar where you can go and get like some pharmaceutical grade shots From the from the pharmacist the guy in the lab coat gives him to you and he takes off the plastic The plastic seal off the top like that

You know they already kind of have like you know like like they would do with like shooters and stuff like that if you were getting like a cowboy shot or something like that, you know. Back in those days when you get a bit of, you know, a bit of butterscotch snaps mixed with some like, with some Baileys or whatever. Yeah, I mean, I don't think you ever got that from a bar, did you? Not, no, but you could get it, they were like, they would sit on the, oh yeah, well you could get them mixed from a bar.

They would sometimes sit on the counters at a bottle shop, the pre-mixed ones like that. But now, the pharmacy. Yeah, oh, that's exciting. I mean, it's a drug, everyone's always saying, alcohol's a drug, you know, caffeine's a drug. Why can't I get it from the drug store? I mean, actually, in America, maybe you can. I don't know.

I think you can get vodka at the pharmacy in the States. Really? Wow. Can you get it with a prescription? They also sell like, here they at least sell like corn chips and like they'll have like you know chocolate biscuits and things like that in there as well. Like just like basic groceries and stuff, loaf of bread, you know. But then like you know the way that those pharmacists

behind their little fucking counter where they go off, like it really feels like I always, I know they're not, but part of my mind is always like, they making the drugs back there? The amount of time they take to fill out prescriptions, it really feels like they're still using the business model from back in the apothecary days, where they would have to go back there

and actually fucking grind the newts themselves. Yeah. Right? To order. There are some that seem like they're, I can't remember what are they called, they're called like a, I can't know, this is not the right word, but this is going to start us. It's something like a compression chemist. Compounding farmers. Right. Do they, do they do something like that?

Because I think. It's a good question What does that mean? Yeah, does that mean? Compounding pharmacy. I don't think so Because it feels like they formed in compounding pharmacies is the preparation of custom medications To unique needs of patients that cannot be met with Mac mass produced products products. This may be done, for example, to provide medication in a form easier for a patient to ingest liquid versus, I don't know what the other one is. Liquid versus, I had to click on a link.

Solid. It's going to be solid, isn't it? Liquid versus tablet. Yeah. Tablet. And so I think like, I know that Indiana would go there and sometimes get a thing in a cream. So maybe it's like, oh, you got to grind up this thing

and put it into some, into some like Cream. Cream, yeah, maybe like some petroleum jelly or something like that. The reason I bring that up is that, because that is like the pharmacy version of like making a cocktail. Yeah, that's true.

So it is like a little cocktail bar. I mean it would be cool if you could go there and he you know he's like you're like one shot of rum please and then he puts it into some mixes in with with some like skin cream and then you just rub the rum on your chest or something like that. Exactly. And just like and just like yeah. But he shakes it up in a big cocktail shaker. Yeah. Medical grade. Is it so thick? Oh. That's good.

Yeah? Is that a good... Okay. Now, here's an idea. Here's an idea you'll love, Alastair. You ready for this? Yeah. There's a hospital high on the edge of a cliff. Okay. Right?

Yeah. Then one day, doctor, a nurse nurse and a few patients fall out of the edge of the cliff. Maybe one of the walls crumbles and a bit of the ward falls away and they fall into the open air and they're plummeting to the bottom of this cliff. And then the nurse gets to say, she grabs the doctor by the chest, right, as they're falling, grabs him by his lapels, or maybe even his stethoscope.

And she says, is there a plane on this doctor? What do you think of that? Yeah, no, I like that. I'll write that down. Hang on, is there a plane on this doctor? I'm so sorry, Alastair. No, no, no, I like that. It sucks, it sucks so much.

No, Andy, I want you to know that it doesn't suck and don't blame my reaction, because I was thinking of an even stupider pun while you were telling me that one. And I was still able to listen enough to get your one, luckily. I was able to listen over the top of my own. But I still haven't quite nailed it yet,

but it's about frankincense. And that was- Wow, frankincense monster. Yeah, well, that's what it was. It's actually frankincense was actually the name of the guy who gave the- Of the wise man. Yeah. Of the one of the three kings. That's actually frankincense's, but then it's like, I've got material, this is what I couldn't do, frankincense is resin. Were you googling it or something? Were you asking?

Yeah, I was googling, trying to figure out what it was and then I was going to look at synonyms while you were talking. Wow, Alistair, the fact that you were able to listen and let's say deeply enjoy my idea while on this little research errand of your own. It's so impressive. You know how I love the podcast to be very dense with ideas and so I don't think that there's a moment to spare. You know we can't waste time listening to each other, Andy. Frankenstein's Mr.? Is there a Frankenstein's Mr.? The great thing about that one is that we have to start with something that is already a twist. Yeah.

Monster? Monster? Monster? Well, No. Monster? Well, monst. You know, I was trying to play on a French thing with mo and me, which is like my and my, but masculine and feminine, but... But of course, master is its own word. Mmm... still. That's the issue.

What do you think a jojoba is? Well, I do know that in one of the, when I was on Matt Stewart's podcast, Primates, we watched an episode, we watched an episode or we watched most valuable primate and in that somebody was talking about jujubes. I think maybe Matt brought it up and we were trying to work out what those were. Are they related to jojoba's? Jujubee? Jojoba is called goat nut, deer nut, pig nut, wild hazel, quinine, quinine, quinine nut, I don't know, coffee berry, and gray box bush. It's an evergreen, dioecious shrub. Okay. But you know, but that's all I know off the top of my head

And why do you why do you bring that up now well is that where Extracting you ever seen it. Haven't you ever seen it on like shampoo bottle or something like that? No, what is it? What is it? How's it spelled Jojo? Jojo ba J O J O B A No, I've never seen that ever before. I've never come across that in any form. Okay, well Andy, what is something that you have seen on a shampoo bottle then? Well, this is the thing. I don't see anything on shampoo bottles. Oh, you don't see anything on shampoo bottles. Oh you don't see shampoo bottles? Well with my glass because I generally can't see when I take off my glasses when I get in the shower I can't see and

So I've never read a shampoo bottle in my life Oh, and I saw somebody on LinkedIn posting a big rant about this And I was like, oh that's always been the rant I intended to post somewhere Maybe on LinkedIn? Now you're posting it here on LinkedIn of all places. Yeah well I think that's that was smart of that person and you know and I and I I want to commend that their their ability to finally get around to doing something you know what I mean? Yeah yeah and, and you know what, it's an indictment on me and I've only got myself to blame for not following through on my dreams to post that somewhere. I mean, LinkedIn, what a fucking weird place.

I mean, I don't understand it. A bunch of fucking people, you have no idea who they are all giving speaking with so much authority about stuff just giving unsolicited advice all day every day and somehow that builds businesses who are the people who are going on LinkedIn seeing some fucking AI generated rant about the 10 best things you can do ask when hiring and a new hire we call them hires now we don't even call them employees we just call them a new hire and and and go like oh yeah that person that person I guess I'm gonna do business with them because they posted 10 things. What does anybody get out of this fucking hellscape

alternative reality? I genuinely feel like so much wisdom has been boiled down to like into sort of reels and things like that, that I have started to dislike wisdom. I've started to dislike quality information, which I don't know. Insights? No, thank you. Insights, yeah.

Genuinely, I think I've had too many now. Like I don't think any of them have a place to, it's just a garage full of insights that I will never use. But I also think that probably at the end of the day, there's just not that many insights, right? Like if they are true insights, truly insightful things, how many truly insightful things do you think they're really, one really can say

about the human condition? Andy, there's genuinely a lot of these things are insightful. Right. And the thing is is that, but you can't, you just can't keep that much information at hand. Yeah. Like there's things where it's like... Maybe that's more of it, is that like the human brain was not made to deal with this many insights. Like you know growing up as monkeys in the past when we were back when we were all monkeys, you know, growing up as monkeys in the past, when we were all monkeys, you know, if you came across one insight in your life, that was pretty remarkable and that would

have a big impact, I'm sure, and that's where religions, how religions are made or whatever. But now we are producing so many insights that, like, we're unable to appreciate them. Well, there's, yeah, there's so many that are based around, you know, like one study or something like that as well. Where they're like, you know, like things like right now, right now one that's going around is like that, having saunas a few times a week decreases like your chances of mortality,

like of dying of all causes by like 40%. Right, and you go, okay, but I just can't, that may, you know, that may or may not be true. That may, you know, be may or may not be true, depending on whether or not it's like, it's just, I don't know how you studied this, whether you just studied it compared to people who don't go to gyms and people who do go to gyms or whatever like that, or whether it's entirely that, but you go, I just, I can't apply this to my life. I can't change my life around so that I'm three times in a sauna every week.

Yeah, I mean, it might reduce your chances of mortality by 40%, but how much does it increase your amount of time spent yearning for death? Like, when I'm in a sauna, the few times I've been in, I think I've probably spent all of it thinking, God, I wish I was dead instead of being here. But actually death is further away than ever. You could have achieved your dreams.

Yeah, where are the studies about spending 24 hours a day 365 days a year in a sauna what does that do? It decreases your mortality your chance of mortality for all causes except for being cooked alive in a sauna. Oh man, slow roasted. Imagine that coming out so tender. So tender and still quite... Would you refer to yourself, I guess, if you came out, if you were cooked in a sauna, as juicy afterwards, you think? Oh, you'd be so juicy. What a way to cook somebody. Because you've been steamed.

Yeah. All your vitamins would have remained intact in there. Mm, that's good, isn't it? It's probably one of the healthiest ways to cook yourself. Yeah. Anyway, Andy, we've got more than one, two, three, four, five, six. We've got seven, seven ideas here. So I think we have to just go straight to three words from a listener.

What do you think? Yeah, do it let's head over there all right well here I am stepping into the three words from a listener room and who do I see but oh don't close the door let me in oh sorry don't close the door I'm just ducking through there we're in the in sort of, I don't know if you know this, but the three words from a listener is actually in a smaller sub tank that has been, little passageway has been, uh, made from the big tank into the thing. Now we're no longer in the tank, but when we start coming up with the idea, we will go back into the tank.

Yeah. So here, oh, it's a bit colder in here. We ha- we should probably, uh, start probably start piping some of the heat into this part. Anyway. I like the cold. So, Andy, we're in here with Brayden Douglas. Ah, Brayden Douglas. Remember Brayden?

I remember Brayden. I think about Brayden all the time. Brayden can't speak to us, obviously, in this space, but we're able to determine his thoughts. He's sort of trapped. It's like he's not here physically, but part of his soul has been taken into the tank. Yes, and well, actually, he can speak to us

through this message. He says, I know I've given you years worth of five words See so he's even sending us more words per send than the average person He's not only sending more But he's each one has more words says but I remember I remembered a great word So I'll just add one more trio. One more trio of five words. And so, Andy, this brings us to the time

when you could guess which words those are that Brayden has sent in from a listener. The listener hasn't. Oh, he says, I've given you years worth. Okay. The first word is The first word is Agamemnon Yes, you'd be surprised that you're Close in a way to the second word, but the first word is salubrious. Oh Salubrious. Oh, salubrious. Okay, second word.

Okay, well you've given it away a fair bit, haven't you? Oh my gosh, what have I done? By telling me that the second word is quite a lot like Agamemnon. So the second word I'm gonna say is Sagittarius. Luckily, I didn't. Sorry, I took a bite of pineapple. I thought you had, I genuinely thought there was a chance I'd got it right because you

were like, the silence was so deep. Sorry. When I guess Sagittarius. No, no, no. It was just me monging out on some pawns on the apple of the pine tree. No, the second word is magnanimous. Wow, Silubrious, magnanimous. Third word, atrocious. Oh Andy, you couldn't be further away. The third word is cunt. Serious? Yeah, it is. Now remind me, salubrious. Is that sort of like basically just a comfortable welcoming environment?

It's sort of like, yeah, of a place it's pleasant, not run down, but it can also mean health, health-giving and healthy. Mmm, oh wow, salubrious. What a salubrious steamed broccoli. Salubrious. Like, like what a, you know, when we're talking about steam rooms, we could, it's like, oh, what a salubrious way to die. Yeah, yeah. And then do you know what magnanimous means? Humble and generous. Generous or forgiving especially towards a rival or less powerful person. But then somebody who's you know like a bit of a

prick maybe is kind of what we're looking at. Like, I mean, you know, it's like, I guess it's in a way, it's like if you pictured a Trump-like figure, but he was really about, like he was like, real kind of a prick about wanting to help the underprivileged. Like I'm going to tear up the constitution and I'm going to get people out of their,

um, out of their ruts, out of their, you know, their poverty holes, out of their, their deep, uh, you know, uh, mental states of sadness, despair, you know, mental states of sadness. Despair, yeah. Despair, you know. He has it like, you know, he's unapologetic about hugging everybody. Mmm. I mean, it's not fun. Yeah, big hugger. But I mean, how could you sound mean while you're trying to help people?

Magnanimous. You magnanimous cunt. Well, I suppose it's the attitude of somebody who really wants to have a fight, you know, who really wants to dislike somebody who's beaten them in a fight or a game or something like that. But the kindness and the generosity of the other party is preventing them from even in their rage from laying a finger upon them.

You magnanimous cunt. And they're continuing to swear and argue with this person all the way to that person's house where they're hosting a welcoming dinner. They're plying them with hors d'oeuvres and the hors d'oeuvres are irresistible, right? So of course they're eating them, but they're still yelling and I mean. What about this person?

I quite like this relationship. Imagining it makes me feel warm that that there's this relationship between a person who's very kind and magnanimous and a person who is Angry and Potentially violent, you know very very you know what this is Andy. It's good cunt bad cunt. Good cunt bad cunt. Yeah, okay, go on. And it's just a relationship, they're both, they're both, you know, in a way, real pricks. Like the good one, he's the kind of guy who,

his act of generosity is that he will come to your house in the middle of the night with a flaming torch to light your house on fire, right? Maybe a Molotov cocktail and he'll stand there and he'll let you see it and then he won't do it. Which cunt is outside, honey? Oh, it's okay, honey, it's just the magnanimous cunt is outside honey? Oh it's okay honey it's just the magnanimous cunt. Yeah it's the good one. Go back to sleep, go back to sleep everyone. Honey be a doll and check which cunt is outside. I mean, I feel like I have the kind of energy, you know, that I give off the energy that if I did show up outside your house with like a baseball bat, a flaming torch and a can of petrol, you could look out the window and see me there and say, it's all right, it's

just Andy and everyone would go back to sleep they just be I'd just be there at the front and Well, I guess you do look you do look like you're you're never out of place with it with a petrol can in your hand That's true. I'm always on my way to fuel up a That's something to stroke right on my way. Yeah fuel up a... That's something two stroke. Right on Moa. Yeah.

But yeah, you know, I like that, I like that, that you could be so non-threatening, right? That even as you're standing pointing a gun at somebody, that they are able to curl up and go to sleep. You know what this goes- You're broken into the house, you're at the foot of the bed with an array of torture implements and the couple who lives there, they both still get an amazing, they see you there and they're both able to go back to sleep. They're like, oh you rascal. They're like, oh you rascal. It's like a huntsman, you know?

It seems like it's really messed up to have this gigantic kind of furry sort of mean looking spider in your house, but actually you almost feel comforted. No, it's a sign that there's a healthy ecosystem in your house, which is what you want. Nature is in balance but you know what these guys could be they could be a crime comma fighting duo mmm okay great go on they fight each other they fight no I mean I mean they're still they are a crime they're still pricks and one of them is bad yeah and the and the other

one is still carrying like a petrol can and a torch around right mmm yeah you know and so they can get up to a whole lot of mischief and you know especially if the other if the bad one gets his hand on the torch in the petrol mmm so they are bad but one of them, one of them is generous and and he'll, he won't, he won't do the worst things he that he absolutely can. Yeah well this would be a good scene to play out if they had captured a police officer and they were keeping him in a small room right and they're trying to get something out of this police officer information out of him somehow, right?

Yeah, and they have this good cunt bad cunt dynamic that they go into this let's call it an interview room it's an unofficial interview room and they try and cry on interview cop to to tell them something I guess the location of a maybe a witness the're trying to go and yeah yeah no no no no Alastair you said it and now that's the idea. Where is it? One of them's nice one of them offers him a cigarette it's a it's a half smoked cigarette or he offers him a puff of his crack pipe or meth meth tube. Meth tube yes. Meth? Can I get you some meth? Yes. Meth?

He's like oh well it's my last one so I look and then he does that thing where he inhales and then he blows it into it, into the cop's mouth. Oh, that's nice. That way they can get more out of it. Look, Andy, it's a- Alastair. It's an idea. It's an idea.

I mean, I think it's interesting. I don't know if there is actually, and this, you know, this is me from a guy who doesn't seem to be able to manage to watch a lot of content but there's less like, you know, like the opposite of a buddy cop. I guess like, you know, but is like, you know, a buddy criminal. Buddy crim. But buddy crim. I guess like Breaking Bad, I guess is a bit of a buddy-crim kind of thing. Yeah, and those guys in Fargo have that kind of dynamic.

Steve, Bishimi and the other guy. But lifers, like real like, people who manage to maintain full life criminal lives and just continue but without really... They just know their way how to step around the things that will get them actually in trouble you know so they're just comfortable they're sort of known by the police but the police can't really get them on anything yeah it's sustainable you know they're like they know how to manage the crime environment the exactly without over fishing the ocean or whatever, over criming the neighborhood. Exactly Andy. They'll show up at your house but they

won't do the crime. Sometimes it's just a fear-based thing. You just keep the fear and you don't even try to collect money. You just, you know, people are just nicer to you in general life. Yeah. You know, because they know that you're, you're a real psycho. Yeah. Oh, that's just the psycho. Yeah. That's nice.

Isn't it that you can have a psycho in the neighborhood? But it doesn't actually hurt people. But psycho. Yeah. But he's always, you know, he's on the edge and he never, he doesn't go over, but you know that it's not that far for him to travel to go over. And so you're just nice to him. It's like Dexter, but instead of, so he decides, instead of deciding that he's only going to

kill other bad guys, right? He decides that he's not going to kill other bad guys, right? He decides that he's not gonna kill anybody, he's just gonna terrify everybody, he's just gonna make them think he will kill them. And that's nice, isn't it? That's probably a lot of the thrill for him anyway. Yeah, instead of like, you know, so yeah, because I guess Dexter hides the fact that he does it. Right? But this guy flaunts the fact that he could do it, but never does. He doesn't, never does. You know? So he's just a reverse Dexter. He's a, he's a rexed. Andy, that was good. I always, I always love reversing a word and finding super success in its beautiful sound. It's one of your favorite things to do. One of your real skills.

Andy, what do you say we were to wrap up this episode and I start reading that? I think everyone would say that's a good idea. Thank you. Here we go. Thank you everyone. Oh, we've got the dog diary place where the dog, where the person send their dog and it can write a diary using those foot paw things and they find out their dog is a psycho. Everybody's a psycho this episode.

Yep, and let's start it out with a conversation about psychos, didn't it? Yeah. And then we've got the, it's a sort of this next sketch is a promoting, it's an AI, it's like an ad promoting AI for communicating with your parents in various ways and getting them to write their stories. And it changes your relationship, but it changes it

in such a way in which only one of you really thinks that you're actually communicating. I'll tell it to the book, dad. in such a way in which only one of you really thinks that you're actually communicating. I'll tell it to the book, Dad. We've got the magician making a side hustle selling tablecloths that they pulled off of tables. It's where the real money is. Yeah, and then we've got the self-regulating dependency of the ball bag, the testicular peninsula.

We've got when they invented cutting out the mouth and moving it up and down, they realized reality would never be the same and people would be tricked. There's the compound chemist bar or any new mattress place with a chemist, with a bar in the front. Oh, you know, it would be great. I mean, I guess regular mattress shops have this, new mattress place with a chemist, with a bar in the front. Oh, you know what would be great? I mean, I guess regular mattress shops have this, but it's like a chemist model mattress place

where you go in there and you say, oh, I need this mattress and they go out the back and they find one on a shelf and they're wearing a lab coat and they come in and they give it to you through a different window. And they're wearing a lab coat and they come in and they give it to you through a different window Yeah, great but over a counter the counter has still got a whole lot of stuff propped up on it and they Knock all the stuff over. Yeah

Because I guess it's like it's it's kind of fun because like in a chemist There's all these shelves where you can get stuff, right? And you could walk around but then you get to a wall and then you're not allowed to get go past there And then the chemist can go there, but then he's got his own little shop with little sets of shelves that are just for him Yeah, yes Then we've got the Is there a plane on this doctor? It's been a good episode. Good cut back. It's been a good episode of Two in the Think Tank. This was a good episode of Two in the Think Tank, Andy.

We got to say a few more things that we just really believe today. You know? I told you my new model for cinemas that would work. So yeah, and I got to reveal to you that people you consider as those who need help, I think of them as deros and psychos. Yeah, I feel great about that. But I want you to know I also consider them that too, Andy. Okay.

I think of them first as deros and psychos and second as people who need help. We have psychotherapists, why not a dero therapist? Oh yes I'm writing it down Andy. One last little, one last little. You're not a full psycho, you're just a dero. You're just kind of like, you're just kind of uneducated. Is derogatory short for derogatory? Is derogatory short for derogatory? Yeah. You could just say all the derogatory things about this person.

Or you could just say that they are a person to whom a lot of derogatory things apply. Dero, for short. The guy's a derogatory. Yeah. I like that, Andy. I think that's short for derogatory. It's not a nice word. I'm trying to say he's not a nice thing.

Okay, Alistair, here we go. Okay. Alistair here we go okay Thank you for listening to two in the think tank thank yum You know what you've you stuck with us. What was that thing that you just said did you say young? Yeah, I think so yeah I think maybe I was gonna say, you know, or something like that. Oh yeah, young. Young.

Maybe it's what you were wishing you still were. Yeah, it slipped out. It slipped out. Young. Young. I wish I was young. Don't forget to listen to Who Knew It with Matt Stewart, because I'm on there with

Raewyn Pickering and her sister. And I am going to be on there next week. And it was a very funny episode of you with Raewyn Pickering and Raewyn Pickering's sister. And that round, I think it was even the first round, was really amazing. Really amazing stuff. That was incredible because I built my strategy around those options And then and then I was completely Blown away by the reality of what I know that as a as a listener as well

It was it was it was it was quite the experience because it's it was really like uncharted territory and you you You know you it's there's no way to pass it you can't work out what could possibly have happened and then when the truth is revealed it's wilder than you could ever have imagined yeah so it was very enjoyable very what an episode yeah what an app! Finally breaking some ground in something. And we love you. Thank you. Bye. Thank you so much.