Two In The Think Tank - 465 - "BREAD STENT"

Episode Date: February 26, 2025

Pants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Me? Yes, me. Hello. This is Andy just jumping in before the podcast to promote my appearance on Matt Stewart's Who Knew It with Matt Stewart recently. Had an absolutely delightful time. Who hosts that? And I don't just want to, I just don't want to, don't want to just promote my appearance because this being an audio podcast, you'll think, well, how is that relevant? Sure, you look great, but I'm more concerned about your audio qualities. Andy, this is why I end up doing these.

I'm spiraling, Alistair.. Andy we're deep into almost a whole minute. It's me Alina Moon and Syringa Amanah and boy do we have a good time and um and yeah I reckon give it a listen. Alright. Hello and welcome to Toon the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair George William Trumbly Burchill and Andy do you think that there could be some kind of rideable frog but in the real world? You know like a way in which we can actually make it work alongside cars and and sort of scooters and things like that I just need to just need to clarify and scooters and things like that. I just need to clarify. Were you asking, do I think there could be some kind of rideable frog butt in the real world?

Is it a rideable frog butt in the real world? Andy, I? I'm asking, is it the butt of the frog that you wanna be able to ride? Andy, which one gives you more joy? Because if you wanna ride that frog butt, we could make it that frog butt. I mean, what would it be?

Are you talking about like as a mode of transport, riding the frog butt? Look, I'm asking you, Alastair. You know, you're holding all the cards at the moment. Or are you referring to some kind of like, you know, half cloacal kiss, half maybe you're wearing, I don't know why I'm picturing you wearing jeans and rubbing against the frog's butt.

I'm trying to keep it more PG Andy. Yes, it's a froggy frot. Alastair, look, I think we're up against it and not just in our denim jeans. We're up against it though because famously one of the slippery of the animals. Yeah. And they're breathing through that skin. They are absolutely. Every moment that you're spending up against that frog skin is a moment that the frog is

getting closer to suffocation. Hmm, it's true and many other things besides and they okay let's look and I hate to to start out on a negative but I think just as a thought exercise would be good to cover What are some of the reasons why riding a frog would not be a good idea? Number one those two already discussed the slipperiness and the breathing through the skinliness. Yeah, then they're obviously quite small Yes, I get a feeling that Skeletal structures are not high on their list of priorities.

Yeah. You know, they... Never happened. I don't think they put a lot of effort into their bones. I think that's because jumping for them is... Do you think frogs have bird bones? I think they dream of bird bones. Oh, yeah.

I think their bones are probably lightweight but also sort of flexible and I really feel like very breakable Do you think their bones are slippery too? I wouldn't be at all surprised. Yeah. Yes, they're just roaming sliding around in there Third thing a lot of frogs lot probably most I reckon 99% of them third thing a lot of frogs lot probably most I reckon 99% of them secrete toxins from their skin and would probably give you a an incredible contact high through your especially if you're wearing those sort of more than the cowboy from sex it could be I mean it would only be in addition to. In addition to.

I mean that is a form of contact high, right? And it's a form of travel to hallucinate, to sit upon a frog and feel it pressing up against your perineum and absorb. Just like that tiny frog ass up against your perineum and absorb. Just like that tiny frog ass up against your perineum.

Yeah, I suppose when you think about the actual size stuff, yeah, it doesn't seem like we're, any of this stuff does seem viable. I guess I was picturing a sort of like, you know, a sort of a modern day frog, you know, for the husky gentleman. Yes, built for the urban environments. A rugged, domesticated, rideable frog.

Yeah, and I'm picturing probably one of those Boston Dynamics dogs, but with it just jumps and you just sit upon it, look blase, and it both sort of leaps and lands without much g-force on the user. Yeah, so it's got to be absorbing a lot of those forces in its legs. It's got to be doing that, um, that bend. Recycling a lot of that energy. Yeah, recycling that energy, spring potential energy, etc. Yeah, well, I mean, if we're opening the world to a robotic approach, then I think it's very plausible. You'd very much like to dry hump one of those frog,

mechanical frog. Well, I would be sad to lose that sort of sense of connection that I was envisaging with the living breathing breathing although not so much now that I've smothered it with a saddle frog. Frog saddle. Hmm frog saddle. Alastair what do you think about a a frog version of a mermaid where they they sort of start off with a tail yeah a squiggly tail yeah and then they sort of start off with a tail, a squiggly tail, and then they sort of grow legs.

Oh, and then she gets legs, but they're the legs of a reptile, oh, an amphibian. But she still gets frogs legs. Yeah, so she, you know, like, that's something that maybe Ariel could have thought through. Legs that still go pretty good in the ocean. Legs that are still true to her personal, her truth. Yeah, she could have worn long pants when on land,

whilst walking in those legs. Probably has a different gait to it, the walking with those legs. Yeah, I mean hopping. She could hop. Yeah, I mean she probably could walk still, at least somewhat. You know? Because she still has the brain of a you know of a human I assume yeah right and so I think she would like know how to mimic different movements. When will I hop? When will I leap? It's crazy that she didn't have to spend. Yes, she might be able to do impersonations.

Yeah yeah but she didn't have to spend like you know like somebody who's like if you just got a new body part They're probably you would probably have to do like rehab and things like that in order to Oh Physical therapy to learn how to use those legs, but she just got him straight away Yeah, or so that all the scenes. Yeah where she was on a treadmill in Ursula's Occupational therapy clinic. Yeah. Unless Ursula gave her some of that like matrix sort of, you know, I can do kung fu kind of

download info. I can use legs. It's very, yeah. Because you could picture Ariel maybe like just trying to move her legs like you would a tail at first. You know, so sort of two together. Sort of a lot of like, kind of in, you know, like thrusting a little bit.

I gotta tell you, I hate the two legs together jump. Yeah. Right. Like, you know, whenever you're in some sort of fitness environment, and they're getting you to do that jump, I say, I'm always thinking, why? Why are we fucking bothering with this inferior jump? Yeah.

It's a jump that you would only ever use if you were on a tiny platform, you know, and you didn't have the opportunity for any kind of run-up. I think even then, even then, I'm going with a one-legged leap. I'm getting that other leg out in front of me. I'm making the most of my jumping and my stretching capacity. But you're having the amount of leaping power. It feels like the dial-up of... No, I don't think you are. I don't think... I really don't think you are I'm not sure why it is yeah, but I think you're always gonna go further if You do the one-legged jump. It's the one-legged one You're sort of you're putting you know, you're using that other leg as a kind of forward

Motion thing as well because you're sort of kicking it forward Swinging it forward you're getting that momentum And then you're probably shifting your center of gravity. I think's it's a smarter it's a smart modern jump it's the iPhone of jumps but if you could do that double-legged jump whilst running right if you could do it whilst running even if like I think that you could probably revolutionize long jump. I do love the idea of seeing people getting around doing that two-legged jump and seeing it as a form of racing. You know, if we're doing the walk at the Olympics, why not the two-legged jump and seeing it as a form of racing, you know, if we're doing the walk

at the Olympics, why not the two-legged jump? Why not the, you know, doing a sort of a marathon version of that? I think it would be really quite a sight to behold. Yeah. It just puts all the rhythms out, doesn't it? Puts all the rhythms of your body out. We're not supposed to, like the body isn't supposed to go both sides at the same time on anything, you know? You're not supposed to punch with both hands at the same time. You're not supposed to sort of, I guess you blink with both eyes at the same time. The two-handed punch. I like that too. Whether it's you're thrusting both hands forwards at the same time to punch simultaneously. Yeah.

Or, and which, now that we describe it, I mean I don't know why they don't do that all the time in boxing. Why would you not want to do it two handed punch? Yeah. Why punch with one hand? What do you do? Or another kind of punch, and this obviously wouldn't work with boxing gloves, but it's where you grab the wrist of your other hand, right? And use the secondary hand as a source of additional punching power. Well then, I mean, with that theory in mind, why not do the one legged jump but use your other leg to jump off your leg? You know?

So you do a one legged jump but while you're in the air, you jump off your other leg. You bring your other leg forward. You bring your leg onto your jumping leg. You bring your non-jumping leg onto your jumping leg. And then you turn that non-jumping leg into a jumping leg off of the... it jumps off the jumping leg. Alistair, have we just invented human flight? I mean, if this works, if this works, this is going to be huge. I think we should pitch this in a dragon's den, in a badger's den style.

So what is your product? Well, you know of one legged jumping, yes? Yes, well this is kind of that. I love this pitch already. You had me at you know? So like, you know, when you jump, right? You're off the ground and that's done then, right?

You know, you think, oh, my jumping is done for the moment. It's all downhill from here. Unless there's a little bit of upward travel still left within the arc of your leap. Well, what if there was more jumping to be done and you hadn't we we haven't you know Made the most of all our jumping potential and then somebody tries to interrupt and they go well How many units have you of this have you sold already? He goes? Shut up shut up I Mean this feels almost like you know, I think once upon a time they thought doing an ollie on a Skateboard was going to be impossible. Yeah, they probably to be honest. They probably didn't even call it an ollie

They probably didn't even bother Giving it a name at the time. That's right Why why ollie is impossible why bother naming something that you'll never be able to achieve it'll only make you sad It's like it's already dead naming something that you'll never be able to achieve. It'll only make you sad. Exactly. You know? It's like it's already dead. Yep. And we did it.

We did it as human beings. You and I, Andy, we did the Ollie. We did the Ollie. But this is sort of just the logical extension of that. And it's a completely new way to think about flight. Just as we've come up with a completely new way of punching and boxing, that nobody's... I'm not saying it will definitely work,

but I guarantee nobody has tried. And that's where true innovation... This is jumping off your own leg that you're saying right at the front here both of them both the two handed boxing punch and of course yeah yeah and I mean but then because it definitely does make you think well if you could if you could jump off your own own a jumping leg well the the new leg that you have just jumped with off of your previous jumping leg, that is now a jumping leg and it makes you think well, maybe I'd be able to jump off of that one.

Exactly. Essentially, we've created the stairway to heaven and like most things it rests within yourself, you know the whole time. Not within yourself. If you're going, if you're stepping off the inside of your body. That's probably This would be a great Answer good great name for a hairdresser if your name was Steven yeah calling your hairdressers the hair way to Steven Steven Damn okay, why it had to be steven? Yeah, Steven. I mean it'd look pretty good still on paper.

On paper. Wait, let me write it down and just say hair way, oh wait, hair way to... Wait, are you writing it down on paper? Yeah. Because all I've ever claimed is that this would look good on paper. Yeah, well I'm writing it down on paper. Not even on a sign outside the front. All I've ever claimed is that this would look good on paper. Yeah I was about to get out my sign writing paintbrushes and Write that down but on this gigantic plank of wood that I have here

But then I thought oh, maybe first I'll do a sort of a preliminary sketch on paper Their way to Steven so then okay, so then paper. So then he's okay they've opened up the shop and then I picture this I just thought it would be a great play on play on words. Hey why to Stephen and I assume somebody in this town is called Stephen. You know, the hairdresser is and then and then it's like big opening day. And then they turn the thing from closed to open in the glass door. And then they look out the window. And and then sort of sad music starts and then we just sort of zoom out slowly as There's no customers and it's assumed that they will never get a customer

Maybe white text fades up on the screen what they never got a sit what text Oh, yeah fades up on the screen and it says they never got a single customer So yeah. Fades up on the screen and it says they never got a single customer. Ah, KY the Stevan. You know, that's good, Andy. Yeah. Is this about the frog? No, this is about an idea. This is more of an ad okay, right but you know I'm a product so you're an ad yeah, yeah forget It could be um, it's got to be something like Snickers or something something where you're like, oh wow people The way we promote this is by making it seem Extremely delicious. Sorry. I've just got to blow my nose. Okay

It's gonna be extremely delicious extremely delicious. Sorry, I've just got to blow my nose. Okay. It's going to be extremely delicious. Extremely delicious and desirable, right? We take it as read that everybody wants this and everybody would like to eat it. I can't believe that was you blowing your nose. How did you do that so fast? I had something prepared and Okay, and I I seized the moment. Okay, great Um, I don't know what your process is for blowing your nose, but for me, it's a pretty um, I go I go do I go deeper into the lung to get the breath and and I spend a lot more time wiping And So this is the idea. We take that old, do you know that sort of like, I don't know what you'd call it, is

it a creepypasta or is it just a sort of a science fiction trope of the idea of you have astronauts on a spaceship? There's three astronauts that have gone to space, right? They're in space. They're all sitting there in the spaceship and then they're orbiting the earth and then they hear a knock at the door. You're talking about that click hole thing. They've been saying though. How did click all right one of the spookiest most succinct spookiest? Horror stories or whatever like that, and then you see it and he talks about you know

There's a knock on the window, and then it's it's somebody it's somebody saying it's one of the crewmates Exactly right, so this is what I'm taking. I didn't realize I was ripping it off click all I apologize click all but I feel like what I have to add is gonna really take this from one of the most original and scary sci-fi ideas and really transform it into an ad for Snickers So they they they say oh Oh my god What it's it's Eric he's Oh my god. What?

It's Eric. He's outside and they look and Eric is there inside the ship with them. But Eric is also outside. And one of the other guys on the spaceship says, What do we do? We've only got three Snickers. This is terrible. This is a nightmare.

This is a nightmare. We only have three Snickers. And then you cut to them. They're enjoying the Snickers. They're all enjoying the Snickers inside the spaceship. One of the Eric that's inside the spaceship is eating his Snickers, the spaceship. One of the the Eric that's inside the spaceship is eating his Snickers I guess with like a horrible sort of alien proboscis. His face sort of melts and like absorbs it into his into his skin

or something like that and he's clearly an alien shapeshifter but they're all having a great time enjoying the Snickers. I think that's great. And then you sort of, you zoom out outside the spaceship, you see the guy out there, the Eric that's out there, he's really banging on the outside, he's like, he's banging, let me in, let me in, that's my Snickers! I do like that. That's my Snickers!

I do like that, there's also the possibility that this is you know this is a slight variation Indy where there's only two Snickers right oh and then they're like they eject both the Erics oh no and so then they feed the outside Eric to the inside Eric and while the other two get to enjoy the Snickers Yes Snickers Spaceship ad Do we let him in do we let him in we can't let him in? We can't let him in! Are you crazy? We've only got three Snickers!

Yeah, having only two would take away from that great moment we only have three Snickers. Hmm. Hmm. Um. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it would take away also from some of the broadcast ability of, you know, having the alien actually eating, I'm assuming tearing apart the man. He rips off the spacesuit of the outside Eric like it's a Snickers wrapper. That's quite a nice moment, I guess. Crunches it up and throws it on the ground, as the others do. Hard to throw things on the ground in space, because in space there is no ground.

That's one of the hard things about it. Yeah. It's one of the soft things. Do you think that means that space is soft? Is space soft? I think space is very soft. I think space is the softest thing there is. Yes. Yeah, great. It's like even more than that, like, than the Kashmir. Have you ever touched Kashmir? Not the, uh, not the contested land in India. If the governments of Pakistan and India are listening, I've never touched

Kashmir, I would never want to touch Kashmir, I don't regard Kashmir as something as mine and I wouldn't assert ownership of Kashmir in that way. But if you're talking about the cardigan material, then yes, boy yes, what a remarkable experience that is. And I think that is, you know, they're able to capture the lived experience of weightlessness in space by going in those aeroplanes that sort of dive in a parabolic arc and you can achieve temporary weightlessness in space by going in those airplanes that sort of dive in a parabolic arc and you can achieve temporary weightlessness but if you want to have a similar experience, similar, cheaper, more achievable in your own home

just swaddle yourself in cashmere. I mean it would be incredible like a whole bed made out of cashmere with cashmere blankets, cashmere mattresses, cashmere pillows, like that. There's so much softness there that it would be like floating. But I worry that much like the people who return from space, they lose bone density. From just being in... You know, from being in weightlessness. Yeah. I think that if you spend all your time and you would never want to leave this Kashmir

course paradise worse than the worst possible drug you probably lose skin density I imagine your skin would start to almost sort of fade away because your body would say well I have no need for this skin anymore. The world around me is so, you'd become red. You'd probably just be exposed flesh. Then the air would be hard on you. Ow, ow, air, ow. And then air, cause you know, the exposed nerves

and everything like that, but then it would probably make the cashmere itself pretty rough. You know, I think cashmere on exposed nerves is still, you know, it's, it's no better than sort of just regular jeans material. Well, Alice said, but why would you take away from what, what we're trying to heighten in the sketch? Which is that cashmere is the softest thing you can imagine. And I mean, I think I'm talking about consequences. For our purposes. For our purposes

we would say cashmere still feels fine on exposed flesh. It's that's how soft it is. What do we gain from saying cashmere is so soft your skin would melt away. Oh but then it would hurt a lot. Yeah They don't put that in ads, I don't know if you've worked in ads for any But I don't think I'm not talking about ads anymore. I'm just talking about us as Sketch, you know how like most things are shit, right? They don't put that in the ad They don't go. Oh, yeah, this seems really good in the ad but actually when you get it you'll realize there's a lot of problems the listeners are well they're listening for a start and they're on my side they hear what I'm saying and they agree with me

I'm not sure what we're disagreeing about. Only the most important stuff, Alastair. Okay, loss of bone density from too much cashmere. I think you were doing the same thing. I was saying skin density. Skin density and bone density, because you were talking about, you know, it was like being in weightlessness. Okay, sure, mate. You know what would be great to be weightless? Yeah.

Fucking, fucking calling Telstra customer service, feeling of, well that's more weightfulness. Yes, I'll, But you would like. Oh, I'd absolutely... I'd love that. Maybe a white-less... I mean, how amazing would it be though, if you called businesses or like government services and it went brrrr brrrr brrrr and it went hello?

And you go, oh yeah, I just need to get this done. And they're like, okay, here you go. All right. Honestly, I think that would be, I think that would, I can't imagine how much joy one would experience from that. Yeah. And the fact that they don't try and do that for us, that they don't, oh, I'm feeling almost, I'm having almost a religious experience Alastair imagining this and genuinely it's something has changed instantly in my body chemistry and I feel amazed and I it's not you don't think it's the cashmere no it's it's the it's the thought that we could live in a world that feels like it is made for us. Like the fact that we have made this world and within the way that we have made it, we have made it cruel. We have

built a cruel world that does not respect people and respect their time. Hang on, I'm just getting a phone call. I'm really sorry. I'm just getting a phone call right now. Hang on. It's the government calling up. Yes, who is it? Oh hi Vincent Colerette. Are you okay? No, no, but I was in a podcast too. So was doing one with Andy and I thought it was maybe the government

So that's why I answered Well, not Australian, because it said Quebec so I was like maybe I was saying Quebec, so I was like maybe... Yeah, yeah, but look, is it okay if I call you back? Because I'm still on the mic. No. Thank you very much. You too, see you soon. Hello, excuse me.

Hello, I mean sorry. We'll just keep that in. Oh Alistair, that was really, I've never seen you like that. Yeah. And I liked it. I'm glad, yeah, yeah, well that's, you've just experienced my Quebec personality. That was very nice. Who was that? That was very nice. Who was that?

That was Vincent Collerette, who's a guy that I'm doing. We've recorded a few episodes of another podcast, this one that I'm doing in French called Les Têtes Brulées, basically the burnt heads, where you're going to be able to tell that this is a very me idea. Where we compare, we're trying to help people make better decisions and so by helping them decide what's the best thing and we compare, we two ideas go up against each other. I think the first episode might be, an episode that I, the second one might be Grandmothers versus Making Crepes

for Those That You Love. Wow. I mean, I love this idea, Alastair. I mean, I'm a little hurt. Yeah. And angry. Well, I mean, both of those, I think I want you to use that feeling, Andy. No, why is it called the Burned Heads?

It's just kind of, I mean, it's just like an expression, I think, for people who are kind of just a bit fucked in the head, I think. Yeah, a bit cooked. And we called it that before we also had the proper concept figured out. No, it's a great concept. Yeah. It is very, it is very, very you. Yeah. And so it's just a way of being silly but then also just discuss, you know, why things are good and why things are not good. As you have you released any episodes? No, but they're we're very close. Alisa, why aren't we promoting this on our Tour in the Think Tank podcast?

Well, because it hasn't it hasn't been released and so I got nowhere to send anybody. Why aren't we building some hype? Why aren't we, you know? Well, Andy, maybe I planned this whole call with Vincent and so that I could speak French on the podcast. Vincent, 27. Yeah it's just Vincent, you know, Vincent. Yeah I do know. Yeah and... Cool.

Yeah. Oh this is exciting. Very exciting. So if any of you speak French speaking listeners, you'll be able to check it out soon and hear me almost speak good French. I'm very happy for you to have this other podcast. I think that's great. Thank you.

I don't even consider it as cheating because it's in a different language. That's exactly what I was going to say. And you can, I'm happy for you to have other podcast partners as long as it is always in Yeah, non-english. If you if you Started doing one in English. Um, and if you started doing it sort of in front of me, um I'd feel uh Feel really betrayed.

Well, Andy, feel no betrayal because this is the Frenchiest podcast it could be, although we do use some English words sometimes, and that's mostly my deal. Oh no! But that's okay, it's just little moments of jealousy. No, that's wonderful, Alistair. Yeah, no problem.

Truly wonderful. How many sketch ideas have we written down? Oh, let's see, Andy. One, two, three, four, five. Andy, I think we need one more before we go into this thing just because there's a part of me that feels like I wrote down something that was like the instant call center and that's not quite a sketch idea It was just a place that you call up and they answer what about this though?

The government think how do you feel about the idea of the government? Calling you proactively just to check if everything's okay. Oh, if you need anything Yeah, like I mentioned if said to link just called you and they were like, hey, it's Centrelink, just seeking how you're going. Yeah. Like, oh, okay, oh, thanks. Do you need anything? Can I get you anything? Yeah, what's a...

Oh, I guess I could use some money. Okay, how much do you want? Yeah. I could really use like 500 bucks. Do you, do you, yeah, do you have all the sort of the deductions and the, you know, like all the grants and stuff like that you're entitled to. Just checking because you got a lot of kids, you're working a lot, you know,

you're just making sure that, you know, that you could be struggling without some of this stuff. I genuinely think it's amazing. And I can't imagine how that would change you to feel so accepted and cared for in the world that we have, once again, built to be this way. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Another thing I've been thinking about all the time is this fucking sovereign wealth fund bullshit.

What is that again? The idea that, well, it's, I mean, it's just the idea that Norway is has this Trillions dollar fund of just they've just got cash They've just got savings and the way they've got it is that when they have been selling their oil or like giving people licenses 50% of it has to go to the government or whatever 50% of the profits and They just put it in they save it all and the fact that we as Australia Haven't done that, haven't ever done that, do not have that money, have been giving away our resources to companies and being like, no, you keep all the profits. And the very idea that anyone would ever suggest

and like if we try to suggest that, hey, could we have some of that? They go absolutely mental and go like, this will destroy jobs, destroy the economy. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. These companies will just leave. You're like, no, they won't because the resources are here. And they are so obscenely profitable. And they are just getting money for free. They're just taking money. And once, and this is the thing I keep coming back to once this stuff is gone

It is all gone. Yeah, they're just like and then there will be nothing. Yeah, but wait Anyone actually just tried to burn dirt Maybe just got to get it hot enough. Yeah. Dirt fuel. Yeah. Like, surely like, there's not, you can't tell me that if you get dirt hot enough, it's not gonna burn.

Hmm, you can't tell me that. Yeah, I mean, even rocks. I will not listen. Why, why would rocks not burn? Like, surely. Like, okay maybe they don't burn in air, but just like what about in seawater? Oh wow, wet rocks. There's gotta be more stuff than we've got here that we can just put it together. You know, just like all that like, oh yeah. I mean, I did see, I did see France just managed to run a,

a fusion reaction for 22 minutes. Man, all they gotta do. We are gonna 365 more days added to that. And then we got ourselves a full year round fuel source. If we pull this off, if we get fusion before we destroy everything about the planet and each other, if we pull this off, it's gonna be the greatest, you know? Andy, will you eat your hat?

We never had to learn any of our lessons. We never had to use less resources. We got away with it. We fucking got... Imagine if we could get away with it. Didn't have to face the consequences of our actions. Never had to learn a lesson. We are God... We would be able to laugh in the face of God and say, see... And the best thing of all, wouldn't have to go through the hassle of bringing all these oil companies to justice you know? Yes. It's gonna be so hard to find all the evidence and collect it and everything like that. And they'll have so many lawyers. Because they have so much money.

Yeah. But look let's be honest The situation in which we do bring, like the only way and time and context in which we would bring those people to justice is a total societal collapse where their money and lawyers will be meaningless. And probably when we bring them to justice, we won't even realize who they are. They'll just be another faceless, nameless body

that we are cutting the flesh off in order to survive. Yeah, imagine that though. You're in a kind of post-apocalyptic situation, right? You're covered in dirt and grime and things like that. Oh, maybe you could burn that. And you and a few people have like come across an old like slightly under ransacked IGA right because like you just you managed to shoot the elderly person who was like trying to protect it or whatever like that distance or you managed bash them with rocks by working together like that yeah I was that nice I love that we're a plucky band of marauders. Yeah, and as you're kind of working together, we're able to kill. You're getting into the sachets of cup of soup in there and pouring it into your mouth. You know, you ask one of the people what they used to

do, you know, and this was, you know, it's like obviously 2027 by now or something like that. And so they were like, well, what did you used to do? And he's like, oh, I was actually a board member for Enron or for, you know, and then you're like, oh shit, we're all in a bad state now, but you've still got your rock in your hand and you get to choose, oh, do I keep having another team member to ransack, you know, mom and pop IGAs? Or do I, do I sort of, I guess, commit justice for the world, but a justice that no one will ever know was, know, was served. Yeah, it's a great little conundrum. I mean, I like to think that the former fossil fuel executive will start to just take all of the food from the IGA and you'll be like, why are you getting all the food? Can I have some of that food? And he'll say,

Oh, if that happens, I'll just leave. I'll just leave the IGA and then who will take the food off the shelves? You wouldn't survive a minute without me. And you're like, Oh yeah, I guess so. Oh yeah. When you put it it like that I do need you to take all the food exactly now Andy I don't know if you know this but we have listeners and some of those listeners have three words from a listener those listeners who support us on patreon they can support and they can support us on Patreon, they can and they can donate some money and then they can donate some of those three

words. We're asking a lot of for a lot of donations as you can see both monetary and wordatory. And... Tyke, tyke, tyke! Yes. And this time Andy we have a listener called Tim Baker who says this hi Al in brackets and Andy close brackets comma I comma Tim Baker in brackets Norbins that's norbans as you would know from the Discord. Really? Yeah. My goodness, Tim Baker, Norban's,

may I be the first to say, TYN, thank you, Norban's. Yes. And TYTB, thank you, Tim Baker. Yes, and TYTB, thank you, Trombly Virtual. And I, let me, I'm gonna go back over that bit. I, comma, Tim Baker in brackets, norbins, hereby provide you with three words from a listener, the listener being me in brackets, norbins.

Well, it's good that listeners are finally letting us know what listener they're donating words from. Then he lists the three words. It's interesting, it's interesting. The first time he specifies that his name is Tim Baker brackets Norbins. And then, but then when he says the words are from him, he only says Norbins, which I think is, it seems to me that that's almost a separate identity. It's not completely, it's almost completely clear, but it's not completely clear.

That's true. Because we've got this other being. There's this possibility that he's very English and he's saying the listener being me Norbins. You know and so it could be his Norbins. Oh me Norbins. Oh me Norbins. Yeah so anyway that's a possibility. Anyway so Tim Baker has sent in three words from a Norman's and would you like to guess what those words are? Is the first word Regency. Oh, sorry. I got in a little bit earlier. Regency is wrong. The first word is open. Open, okay.

The second word is? Correct. Oh, God. Open bracket? No, Andy. Andy! You made me wrong then. The second word is heart Andy. Open heart okay so look we've got open heart surgery which is really good open heart topiary open

heart surgery tree surgery no that's two words. Open heart, sturgeon. Open heart sturgeon. We're gonna say open heart sturgeon. The third word, Andy, is carbonara. Yeah. Ah, very good. I mean, there would be a nice thing that if you, if your heart was open and the out valve was disconnected, but blood was still going in through the in valve, right?

Oh God. Where it would be squirting up into your face and stuff like that, right? But if you put like a caramely dessert in there you could use it as a way of squirting some dessert into your mouth possibly. Yes, but what do you think carbonara is Alastair? Yeah, well that's not a dessert. No, it's not a caramely dessert. No, I know that, but we don't always just take exactly what the word said. I'm just telling you the first thing that came into my head. But Alistair, the

specificity of a caramely dessert and such a remarkably, you know, you've landed on a very definite place. I think you could see why I thought you must have interpreted. Well, okay, the first thing I really thought about was using your open chest, your open chest cavity as a bowl to eat like a pasta dish out of, you know? So like while, you know, let's say you're under, and if you wake up, you know, the the anesthetist has this deal Has this guarantee that if you wake up during open-heart surgery I guarantee I'll give you on my dollar a

full Italian meal that you could eat out of your own chest cavity You know, I suspect that it's eating a lot of these creamy carb-based meals with bacon bits probably. I mean, this is probably what got you into this mess in the first place, right? This is why you have to have open heart surgery. It's because of this diet. I think for me it would be irresponsible of the doctor to... But you know what, maybe that's why the guarantee

is so appealing, right? To these people who have almost got an addiction to this stodgy, fatty, creamy foods. That's why they'll be so... Look, they don't wanna get the open heart surgery, but the doctor says, you know what? I'll do you a deal. If you wake up, if you wake up during the surgery, uh, you could eat pasta out

of your chest cavity and, and who wouldn't want to say yes. And we'll, we'll clean it all up afterwards. Like, you know, cause you could picture all the cream getting on all your organs Like that, but they go through with a little napkin and they mop that all up or they They use some very fresh bread, you know and they mop it all up like that They use a surgical surgical grade baguette. Yeah Chia butter a surgical surgical grade baguette yes that's a much better choice of an Italian bread yeah Italian bread yeah

it'd be quite it feels crusty to me though the ciabatta I know but I don't know if you want crust in there you're right it's not the crust that's being absorbent it is it is the the spongy on the outside, but it does feel nice to eat it with the crust just because you get that soft and that hard and that kind of stuff. Oh, oh no, I completely agree. I'm just worried about the scraping. Oh, absolutely. You might get scratch. Sure, yeah, but the scraping, think like, especially if you've had a bad diet, all that oil,

the years of butter that's that are still clogging up your arteries, some of that stuff as you're pushing that gets squeezed out and come out and coat the bread. I mean, gosh, imagine if you could eat that. Imagine, oh, like, you know, a chef that's like, tell you what, the best thing I've ever eaten It's getting a bar pass and they they push on the on the little Little blood vessels around your around your heart and they squeeze out all that buildup of you know Platelets or whatever it is. What is it? Maybe they're platelets I just I'm just gonna listen like it's yeah It's just cholesterol and they squeeze that out and then they let you spread it on toast like a pate and he's like that's the best thing I've ever

fucking eaten. Maybe look I wonder have have the doctors you know we've got another two-handed punch here have the doctors investigated using bread which we all know as you know that's common sense that bread is the perfect thing to mop up a bit of an oily residue at the end of a meal. Have they considered using some kind of surgical grade bread to absorb the cholesterol build up from the arteries? What a beautiful idea. To mop, mop and sop that up.

Well they do use the stent. They do use the little stent that they put in up through your the vein in your leg. Right? And I just think that if maybe it was a tiny surgical baguette that they could pass through your like that. And it just mops that all up, mops all that stuff up, you know? And then, and then just, you know, then you come out and you go off, I've never felt, I've never felt better, like that.

Oh wow. I don't know why you say it like that. So you got a little bit of an accent. They're like, they're worried they've left some residue in there. Well, no, I just thought it, you know, it's a little bit, you know thought it's a little bit, you know It's a little bit European, you know to have the all that all that oil and stuff mopped up by your thing

It just you come out they give you a pass Oh to do the accent, yeah He's like I don't believe that at all. I don't think that's justifiable in any way No, I adore it Alastair and I think this is a it's very exciting Breakthrough I find that idea. I know that they can do that heart surgery thing where there's apparently some fucking vein Yeah, goes from your leg up to your heart. I Find that so Crazy and hard to believe that you can do that that there is this kind of direct route in my mind

All the blood vessels in the body are just like zigzagging all over the place Yeah, and the fact that there's almost this Like a super highway freeway. Yeah, super highway yeah. To go from your leg straight to your heart, it's just wild to me, but I love it. I'm really excited. But it's nice, it's nice to know that you can get like heart surgery and they just go fuck around in your leg

where it doesn't really matter. You're like, ah, who gives a fuck about my leg? Chop it up eat some of the meat. I don't care like that, but just like but having to chop open those bones in the chest to like You know so that so that you're like your sternum opens up like a like like an old door from like a horror movie You know like like a horror movie, you know, like a, like a bone door. Yeah. It wasn't built to, you know, with the right of repair in mind.

Like it's like Apple when they're gluing the screen down on a fucking iPhone. They're like, nobody's ever going to get in here and try and fix this. We don't have to worry about that. That's what God was thinking when he designed the chest. But then the little leg vein thing, that to me feels like the security vulnerability in the Death Star. When they're able to, oh but there is this one little ventilation shaft we've found where if you fire a missile at this thing here, then it'll set off a chain reaction all the way down and destroy the core of the... And then, you know, God was never thinking, oh, they'll go in, they'll

get to the heart through the leg. Yeah, exactly. It's like a sewer pipe under Fort Knox or something. Yes. Yes. You could just crawl through here and grab all the gold bars if you want. Something like 4,000 tons of gold is supposedly in want. Something like four thousand tons of gold is supposedly in there. I don't know if you saw in the last few days but there's there's been people going like well apparently they don't they don't check it that often and Elon's like very interesting. Oh yes they should be doing

a they should be doing an audit every year. Yeah, I mean, I hope someone, when he does go in to do the audit, I hope somebody keeps at least one eye on him while he's doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As he's sliding into his place. Fucking hell, LSD, we are in an interesting place as a humanity. It's a very interesting time. I like to think that a lot of it, hopefully, is just for show and is not a lot of stuff isn't actually happening. I know things are happening, but I think that there's less happening than it's made to be. I just don't think that Trump is that motivated of a guy.

But it's all the people around him that probably have other things that they want. Yeah, I think there are some people there who are super duper motivated. How long does this guy have to live like, even just like- I've never seen a less healthy looking person in my life. Yeah, like how is this life,

the lifespan of this guy not very close to the end. I don't understand also This is also like he that he has this that he has this drive like to be fucking 78 Oh like in a way it gives me hope right if I can hold on to my passion for anything that long as long as he has held on to his passion for having attention and being a cunt. Like I would, I feel like I would have given up on, like people are giving up on even like getting up to take a shit at that age, you know? Yeah, and they're sitting in it for like 48 hours or whatever until somebody comes and does something for them.

And whereas he's like taking a shit on the whole country, he's happy to travel from town to town. Yeah, it genuinely is inspiring that he... and to change careers at that age, you know, that can't be easy. It's very risky, isn't it? You can change careers at that age. It's very risky, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, it definitely puts your mind to make you think that positive thinking is effective, or at least as effective as sort of having like a searing spite. In a way, he is a geriatric prodigy yeah I think yeah very very

prodigious in in his ability to both avoid like I mean just his ability to avoid trouble as well avoid consequences yeah this might might I've been thinking about it and I think that avoiding, I'm sure this isn't an original thought, but the Murdoch, this all comes back to Murdoch. It's Murdoch News Corporation, Fox News, and their determination to artificially create and sustain an alternative media reality for years,

for as long as it took for that to sort of take hold and become like just repeating the same lies, the same bullshit over and over and over again. Where Zuckerberg failed to create an alternate reality, a metaverse that other people could live in. Like Fox had just been achieving it for the last 25 years. That's completely it. It is an alternative reality.

And in that reality, there are no consequences for anything that he does. And so now he has control of all the levers of all the branches of government, complete control. And for his base, for the people who believe in him, he has control of all the levers of all the all the branches of government complete control and for his base for the people who believe in him the The media also is not any check on his power. In fact, it's completely the opposite like There you can see all like wow there almost is no coming back from this and it is it all comes back to fucking Murdoch. It's a straight. It's all it's all

It's all Australia's fault. It's all Australia's fault. It really is we did it good on us. Yeah good on us I mean, they're the same people stopping us, you know, like helping the the cut the oil companies from you know Ever having to share any other profits with the actual country of Australia Things like that. Anyway, Andy, should I take us through the sketch ideas? Yes, please. We've got the jumping off of the jumping leg in the air. And it's presentation at a lion's den kind of thing, the dragon's, whatever it is called, the lion's den kind of thing the dragons whatever it is called the dragons den

Yeah, I'm shark tank shark tank. Yeah, and and also I want the guy to not actually be able to demonstrate it as well But he's describing what it's gonna be Yeah, yeah, of course, then we have the hairdressers called hair way to Steven Then we have the hairdressers called Hairway to Steven. That does not achieve any success. We've got the Snickers spaceship horror ad. We've got the loss of bone density and skin thickness from too much cashmere. We've got the instant call center

or where the call center calls you from the government to check how you are. It's just an impossible utopia. We've got the ransacking of IGAs with former fossil fuel executive and the dilemma that that brings up. We've got the open heart pasta meal anesthetist guarantee. It's really upsetting, really horrible, a whole upsetting idea. I love a guarantee like that, you know, within the medical field.

You know, if you wake up during surgery to have a, which would be a real bad time, we promise you a really good time. Yeah, it's a real, it's like the, that's the, like the medical version of a lawyer's no win no fee. That's right. It's, I mean, Carbonara is the cashmere of the inside of your body. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Just one of the most comforting things that you could have. And then we've got of course the

bread stent to mop up the artery oil. It's such a long thin baguette. It's so long that you can reach the whole thing. It's small but it's the perfect, it's the exact size of a stent you know it's except you don't need to expand this one you probably need a stent at some point just to get the baguette out after it's absorbed so much so much oil but it's all gonna be all greased up you know yep and I guess that's the episode for today, Andy. Okay. Pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, p of your songs. Oh thank you and your songs today. Thank you. Thank you for listening to In the Think Tank. Thank you for supporting us on Patreon if you do or if you don't. Yeah thank you to both. And hang tight, look out for Alistair's new podcast and also check out Who Knew It with Matt Stewart.

The most recent two episodes are an Alistair and Andy two fist punch. That's right. And just remember that Matt's show, Who Knew It with Matt Stewart, is one of the greatest game shows of all time. Yeah, and a source of true joy. That's right.

And thank you to Matthew for having created that. And thank you to Matthew for having created that. And thank you to Andy for having appeared on this podcast with me. And we love you. Bye.