Two In The Think Tank - 468 - "EROGENO-METER"

Episode Date: March 20, 2025

Pants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. And I am Andy. And I am Alastair, George William, Trombley, Bertil. Hello everybody. And welcome to everybody in the community. That's what I'm deciding to call. Oh, the commun-titty.

T-I-T-T-T-Y. Oh yeah, Y. Yep. And the Y is for you. And you know what? I don't think of us as an itty bitty titty committee. I think of us as an itty bitty titty community. And I think that's so much more nice and inclusive.

You know? Silly Billy. Willy nilly silly Billy Camilli. Yeah. Yes, indeed. Alistair, how do you feel about this? A democratic car, everybody gets a steering wheel and it turns the direction that the majority of

the passengers want to turn. Yeah I think that's really good and you get it at birth. You get your steering wheel at birth. Oh, everyone's entitled, one man, one steering wheel, and one woman. That means one man. Every man gets a steering wheel and a woman. No, no, no. No. You're willfully, not misrepresenting me,

you're willfully representing me. Mr. Representing me. Oh, is there a Mr. Representation? Anyway, how do you feel about that Alistair? Yeah I do like that. Tickle your wick. Oh yes. It's a it's a and what I like about is that you it's sort of a like a blind voting system when the car starts to turn left. You don't know which of your fellow passengers Was behind the decision to turn left. Mmm, you know, and I think it helps limit the amount of kids that you have Mm-hmm because if kids want to go for ice cream and you just say you want to go home

Then suddenly all the kids are turning towards the ice cream Sure, and then the car is too to go home and suddenly all the kids are turning towards the ice cream. Sure. And then the cars too. Yes, indeed. I mean cars themselves already limit the number of kids, but yeah I see what you're saying that once you get to like a sort of a working majority of kids, that can be, but you do also, you sort of, probably do need an odd number of family members or somebody with sort of tie-breaking power. Maybe you would sort of follow that kind of more Asian model

of moving in with the grandparents. That way you always sort of keep a majority and you hope that they back you up. Yes, indeed. A nice quorum. I don't know what that means. Imagine having both families. It's a good word.

You're like, oh, suddenly you've had four kids and so suddenly it's always a tie. Yeah. And so then you have to get the other side of the other family to move in as well. And if you say you wanna go to the shops, right? And your wife doesn't want to go to the shops, you've got to call up a friend and get them to come over and drive with you so that you can,

I want to go to the shop, I don't know why you can't just go by yourself. I know, but then suddenly you've got to, well, it's compulsory voting driving car. Sure, everyone has to be in the car at all times. We're very proud of our compulsory voting cars in Australia. Sure. And then sometimes you have to convince your kids by promising that you'll build a pool in their backyard. But does everybody need a license? This is the question. No, because the driver has a brake,

and that gives them the power of veto over all decisions. I think it's not a brake anymore. It's a veto button. Yeah, that's right. And it's not an automobile. It's a demo-mobile. Democratomobile. Democratomobile.

I'm just going to write democratomobile because I feel like... Yes, well it's not going to get any better than that. Better than that, is it, Alastair? I don't know. It's impossible to see into the future, Andy. Things can only get badder. Badder. Imagine if you could see half a second into the future.

That was your superpower. Okay, yep. And how would you use that to improve? How would I use that? How would you use that to improve? How would that change my... To get an advantage maybe in business? I'll tell you how I would use that.

I would have used that skill yesterday, right? I was in the elevator with the boss at our company, who's a very, very tall man, and the other co-founder of the company and one other person from the company. And I asked the boss if he had to bend down to get into the elevator, and he said, I have to bend down to get everywhere. And and he said I have to bend down to get everywhere and he said I'm a I'm a I said I'm he said I'm a it's a

I'm a square peg in a in a round hole or something like that I said well you're not that doesn't really apply because it's about size not shape right the and Right? And in my mind, I was like, the peg version of height would be width, right? Does that make sense? It's not that you're a square peg, it's that you're a peg that's too wide for the hole, right? But I said, it's because you're a fat peg. But I said, it's because you're a fat pig. And that, look, everybody took it very well considering, but also they have not let me forget the fact that I've called the CEO a fat peg and I've spent a lot of the last 24 hours sort of ruminating on it. Yeah, I've been using groveling.

Well sure, sure I ruminate as I grovel. I grovel, I ruminate. I can do both. Yeah that's um I mean and so then you're saying that you would go you would stop yourself from saying it or? Yeah I would because I think this sort of this I've realized this is a thing that does sort of happen to me where I'm caught up in the logic of a sentence. Of a bit. Without really, or of a bit, right?

But without really thinking about what I'm actually saying and what the words, like, what I'm actually, you know, I think the empathy switches off briefly in favor of well, this is the this is the logical thing to say according to this bit Yes train of thought I Like it I personally I literally saw a peg and I'm not a peg a real yesterday where somebody was like when I first moved first moved to New York to work at some huge bank, one of my managers took me aside and was like, now you Australians, I have to talk to you before you work

because you often say, you're very direct and you often say the wrong thing to the wrong person. You're very direct and you often say the wrong thing to the wrong person. Now, I don't think that he meant you get so caught up in metaphors that you then associate height with width and then we'll call a boss a fat peg. Well, you're trying to mentally map the concept of being too tall onto the square pair ground hole analogy and you find yourself Unable to do anything else but Yes So that's what I would use it for what would you use your half a second of future vision?

I think and yeah, I think that this is the trouble though with your your your using it for that is that I think Andy I think that this is the trouble though with your your your using it for that is that I think it takes more than Half a second to say fat peg Right, and so you might have said you might have heard yourself say you're fat Oh, no, and I would only be able to stop myself Stop yourself or change with the last word. Oh yeah, you're right. That's not enough power, is it? That's not.

Fat, a pH fat. This is the perils of time travel, isn't it? Because you think you can change things, but actually all you can do is make things worse. This is very often the classic paradox that people find themselves trapped in. They think they're going to go back in time and have sex with their grandfather in order to... They get there. Yes.

And they can't convince him. Yes. And if anything, that's what pushed him closer to your grandma. And now you have to be born the worst possible out That's fun, hmm paradox sounds like a good name for a Washing up detergent. Oh, yeah oh yeah, that would be good too. You know, paradox.

I use paradox, the only washing detergent that actually goes back in time and stops the stains from being made. I do like that, I do like paradox. So then, but does it just send men back? Paradox? Yeah. No, it's a detergent men back? Paradox. Yeah. No, it's a detergent. You put it in. Yeah.

And it actually turns. It actually turns back time. Yeah, I know, but it takes the clothes back in time to before they were stained. Oh, OK. It's not like the soap goes back in time and then your your shirt just randomly gets foamy Right before stain falls on it somehow protect it I mean that's good too. Yeah the lather of time it lathers backwards through time

Because you're supposed to like put you know put put something on it it right away when you get that stain or whatever, you know. Drop oil on it and you go, quick go get some dish detergent. Yes. Is that actually the case? I mean, it makes sense to me. Yeah, I think so. I think you're supposed to try to get onto it as much as quick as possible. It's a shame. Yeah, yeah, that is a shame. You know what you made me think of though? Cause you know like you made me think of Paralox, which doesn't sound like paradox,

but lox isn't it the name of like smoke salmon and cream cheese on a sandwich with maybe with capers? Gosh, that, you know, that rings some kind of a bell. But I think maybe this is in Norway, in the Scandinavian countries, I think maybe lox might be their word for salmon. And so maybe this is sort of just borrowing from their way of preparing it.

Or maybe you've just been going to a lot of Norwegian sandwich shops, Alastair, and ordering that and thinking that it means a certain type of sandwich and really it just means... Well apparently it means liquid oxygen, lox, and also in North America it does mean smoked salmon, which comes from Yiddish, lox, lox. Okay, well who's to say who's right in this situation. Paralox. This is a salmon. Yes. That was, it was once we got some, it got smoked by some radioactive smoke. Oh okay yeah. And now? It was a living salmon though. And it was sort of like um. Underwater. Sort of like blade. Yeah yeah I think so. Okay well he bites people to get their blood. The salmon?

The salmon, yeah. Okay. He's a day swimmer. Yes. So I just picked you, you know, maybe one of those underwater nuclear tests. Yeah. And he gets smoked by some radioactive smoke and he's, and he's a salmon that can go back in time.

And he's known as the Parallox. Yeah, great. Um, is this really good, Andy? Yeah. I mean, what would, what would, what would a salmon that could go back in time do? And I imagine this, and he's got of, of his of his villain, his arch-nemesis is this mime who can put up invisible walls through not just in space but in time. Okay he's a mime who can put up invisible walls in time right but then the salmon has to leap over the invisible walls

or use one of those fish ladders that they install. Or cannons, fish cannons. Yeah, yeah. I mean, why are the fish the only ones who get the cannon? That's the dream, isn't it? It's like a water slide that goes up, you know that way we don't have to climb the stairs to the top of the water slide. We could be fired out of a fish cannon up to the top and then back down we go. In the top pool, we get launched

into the top pool and then we get to ride the slide down. But what about an upslide? Oh there's always an upslide. Do you think that there's a water slide that could be an Archimedes' screw? That's a really good idea. Yeah. And by the way, let's have a hip hop group called the Archimedes Crew. Where? Yeah. I mean, did we talk about this last time? Yeah, we wrapped things up.

Why, when we last talked about the Archimedes... When we last talked about the Archimedes screw, I think it's the second time it's come up on this podcast, did we talk about the fact that the water doesn't know it's going up? This is what I was thinking, the water thinks it's going down, right? This is the Thinks it's going down. It's like I'm water. I go down. I'm going when I go down I get down that's Yeah, and then it's you're absolutely Completely What's that word when you trick a thing you put tell it the wrong thing you are gaslighting that gaslighting. Oh

By the way the Archimedes crew. this is our rap get on down to get up get on down to get up that's our whole thing instead of get on up to get down west side and in east side this is upside they're really they're they're really sort of happy-go-lucky. Yeah. And we are, you know, original pranksters because we are tricking that water. It's trickle up.

It's trickle up. So wait, we were talking about that, an Archimedes screw water slide. And I think that's why it's called a screw is actually because you are screwing with the water. You are screwing with its head baby. It doesn't know. It thinks it's going down. Because what's kind of happening is I think because you know you know my my my theory is that this doesn't actually

work but that it even though it does work it doesn't logically work, but that it, even though it does work, it doesn't logically work. Yeah. Okay. But then, but then I think what's happening is that you're actually just, you're adding, as you go around, you're adding more like room at the bottom, right? Where, so yeah, you're adding more room at the bottom for the water to flow down, but you're also trapping more water in it. Yeah. At the same time. And therefore it's, the other water just gets pushed up. Yeah. I mean, I, I can't, I, I keep trying to understand the Arch of 80 screw. And I think, you know, people talk about like doing the work, you know, that life is just a process of just working on yourself,

just trying to be better every day. And I'm like that with understanding the Archimedes screw. Like I think that's my life's work to try and like, to become enlightened, to be open to things, to have to have. I finally understand it. Yeah okay. But here's here's the thing about the Archimedes school water slide ride the water slide up ride. Yeah. Is that at the beginning it's kind of fun because there's this the bottom of this screw heading towards and you're like oh it's gonna happen like that and then you're sort of just inside with some water for in the dark for a while now I wonder though would the Archimedes

screw work with an open top I don't think the top of the thing that pipe actually technically needs to be closed so I don't think the top of the thing, that pipe, actually technically needs to be closed. So I think we could have an open roof Archimedes screw. I think there needs to be a closed pipe in the body of the screw, around the body of the screw. I don't think there does. I think it only needs to be like a half pipe around the bottom of the screw. I don't think that does. I think it only needs to be like a half pipe around the bottom of the screw because the top section of the screw the water never gets up there. Yeah I still think that you have to be in the closed part in order to get up don't you think? I don't think so.

But you're, you know, Alastair, we just have different opinions about the actual reading screen. But then how is it a water slide? How is it a water slide if you're not in with the water? You are, you're in with the water. You are in with the water going up. Yeah. Yeah. Won't the water just slide off if it's open? I don't think this is a thing that we could discuss purely verbally.

This is becoming an Archimedes screw podcast. Well, I mean, I'm really happy for that to be what the podcast becomes from here on out. And I think, you know, that's that's gonna be a you gotta you gotta pivot, you gotta pivot, not just when you're making an Archimedes screw. That's true. You do got to pivot. And I think you and I both agree on that the pivoting is a big part of it. Well, but also when you're making a podcast, you got to be prepared to say, you know what?

469 episodes in this isn't working. Let's try something different. Let's make this about the Recently any Comedy bang bang has had about three or four episodes that where the first one just started where Scott Ackerman and Paul of Tompkins in character start having an argument through no, like it wasn't pre-planned, but they started having an argument about the film,

The Music Man and about what really happens in the music. And it becomes a very heated argument between Scott and his character. And a character? It's Paul in character, right? It's Paul in character, yeah. Often Paul's characters are really mean to Scott. But neither of them quite remember exactly what happened to the movie. But they defend it vigorously.

And then they keep coming back to it in other episodes with this argument. It goes back and then I think it's something that had to end when they watched the movie together. Yeah. I mean, look. I mean, that's funny. I don't think that's what the Archimedes Screw podcast is gonna be. No, no, no. Because I think there's one thing to have two guys trying to remember the story of a movie

they both don't remember, right? But to have two guys trying to describe a physical visual phenomenon that they don't understand in a purely audio medium, I think that's only going to be like almost a pure form of pain for people to listen to. Look, Andy, this is just the AI overview, but the Archimedes screw is a device invented

by ancient Greek the Archimedes screw is a device invented by ancient Greek mathematician Archimedes that uses a rotating screw inside a cylindrical pipe to lift water from a lower to higher level, often used for irrigation or draining. Now I think the pipe has to be, it has to be a closed pipe. You were saying you wanted a half pipe. I am maintaining that it is possible to do it with a half pipe or maybe a three quarter pipe. But when you look at pictures of the water

in the Archimedes screw, right? Those cross sectional diagrams. You can see that the water's not all the way to the top. So I'm saying you don't need that top. But Andy, are you thinking about sloshing? I don't give a fuck about sloshing. Well, Andy, I think there's gonna be sloshing I don't think there is gonna be sloshing because the water is always flowing down Why would a guy who's in the pipe struggling?

He's in the bottom part where he's completely dunked in water As well where he's completely dunked in water. As he emerges into the open air for a second going, the thing that you're forgetting is that the guys are pretty heavily sedated. You've gotta be- Oh, it's a water slide where we sedate everybody. Yes, that's right. It's powerful, was it barbiturates?

Are they sedatives? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, and we put them in the water. I think Valium might be a barbiturate. There you go. And yeah, and then up they go. No, it's a benzo. Sorry. Not a barbiturate. Ah, benzo. What is a barbiturate? Let's see.

Can we get an AI overview? Example of a barbiturate. Oh, phenibarbital? This is the thing, you can feel like you are defying AI and avoiding using it, but it's going to be so pernicious that it will find its way into our lives in ways we just we don't even notice. And I have found myself reading those AI overviews that come up at the top of the search results. Knowing that they're not necessarily correct. Yeah, yeah. But it's just the information that's present. It's right there, it's right at the top bubbling up to the top of the

pile of words and you know a lot of the time it's useful enough. You're like, how do I find the fuse box on my Toyota Corolla? And it pops up at the top there. You're like, oh, all right, I might as well look. Yeah, there it is. And it builds your trust, and it erodes your critical thinking probably. probably welcome to Dungar home of the only Archimedes screw up waterslide no deaths in ten years oh that's great Dungar is that what we're called Dungar, is that what we're called? Dungar, I don't know, it was just a location. It was like a town. Okay, it's a good choice.

Yeah, it feels like a place where they would have that, you know? Yeah, yeah. There are no downsides. Imagine it's a whole up waterslide park. So you ride up the Archimedes Roof and you have to climb down a ladder. Yeah. That's really great.

And it's just a wet metal ladder. Wow. And you're there with wet metal ladder. Oh wow. And you're there with kids. Yep, yep. Oh god. Those slippery feet, those bare feet. Chins on metal bars.

Oh and then you hear people shouting, We got a dropper! And there's a kid coming down from the top of this really high ladder and the people on the lower rungs are Climbing down as fast as they can but they can see the kid covered and he's taken out Climber after climber one one long ladder all the way. Yeah, I've stories up Yeah, yeah, because because we go. oh, we should go on the big one. And it's just being inside, trapped inside with water, sloshing around.

There's definitely sloshing. The kid, the kid, the kid's falling and he's not falling fast because he hits so many people on the way down. But he is falling and he is coming for you. And spinning more and more. Oh, more. Wildly in the air. The kid, every person he bounces off gives him a bit more angular momentum. You should see the orbital velocity of this kid. His hair is whipping out like a cat of nine tails.

If he wasn't landing in water, he'd be completely dry when he landed. He's like a salad of nine tails. If he wasn't landing in water, he'd be completely dry when he landed. He's like a salad spinner coming down. Yes, spin dry. Spin dry. I think we should bring back the mangle. What's the mangle? Well, the mangle is what they used to use to dry clothes

before they had spin dry. And it's basically like two two rollers you would put your washing through and it would squeeze it real tight oh yeah that thing and I think the word mangled like your face got mangled or your hand got mangled comes from the very idea of being having your hand caught in these machines and fucked up and I love that like, you've got an invention where the way that that lives on after it stops being used is in the injuries that it caused to people who used it.

Yeah, I don't think it was like, it's from the idea. I think it's from actually seeing people's fingers and hand gets crushed through that thing. It's burned into the collective consciousness. So we don't need the machine anymore but the memories it's given us, those will live forever. Thank you. This is going to make an indelible mark on the language as indeed it made on Tim's index finger. You know, Andy, you know like how humans wiped out the Neanderthals? Yep.

Now why can't we and you know all the cultures on Earth currently, why can't we all come together and create, you know, to achieve great things like that anymore? Yeah, yeah, it's true. Like, we can defeat climate change. We wiped out the Neanderthals. Yeah. Of course we can. A big project like that. They were probably tougher than climate change. We will wipe out the Neanderthals. We will wipe out the Neanderthals. They were, I guess, strong and dumb. It wouldn't be that different to trying to defeat America these days.

Yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, maybe that's what we need to think about if we do want to defeat America, is thinking about what did we do with the Neanderthals? Well, we made love to them. We made love to them. And so I think we will each have to take an American lover and interbreed with them. And then one day scientists will be like, ah, yes, well, you do have 3% American DNA in you.

Mm, you're like, ah, what happened to those guys with their big forids? I think genuinely though, I think that this, what we're describing of breeding with Americans until they're not around anymore is sort of one of the big, what's it like, replacement theory, like one of their like, aren't right wing people saying that that's what's happening to their racial purity or something but it's not right the thing is though it's not racial is it no it's not everybody's doing it yeah it's just people who aren't Americans yeah which is really nice Americans I mean yeah I don't think they I don't think that they can come up with a

Conspiracy this good. Mm-hmm Their conspiracy brings in racism into it, of course it would but they're American You know, I'm not for long. We're gonna breathe that out of you as a country Using making sweet sweet love to them. I still don't know how that would work yet, but. Well, I love the idea that there is such a thing as American DNA. Yeah.

It's just DNA that's been altered by their sort of, by their sort of, their bread. Yeah. Yep. By whatever the fuck's going on with their food culture over there. Alastair, can I bring up the thing that I texted you about, which is that I think it's bullshit. The healthy eating pyramid can fuck off. It's not a pyramid, it's a triangle. And I'm sick of being lied to by this fucking triangle. Like if they'd called it the healthy eating triangle,

nobody would have listened. Nobody would have given a shit because nobody's gonna be told what to do by a triangle. But you call it a pyramid, suddenly you think it's got some kind of authority. It's like it's got 2,500 years of history. Yeah, yeah, well the Egyptians built those. I think maybe aliens may have told us what to eat. Mmm, you know, and you're like, okay, I'll listen, there's some

weight behind this. Yeah. But that's stolen valor. But Andy, the other possibility is that there are another four sides for us to look at. It's time to rotate the pyramid. Yeah. Oh, that'd be exciting. That had never occurred to me and I do. That there's all these other foods that we don't even know about yet.

Yeah, well, if it is like the periodic table of the elements and we can use the healthy eating pyramid to predict the existence of as yet undiscovered foods, like if there were patterns to it, that's very exciting. Yeah, I do like that. The standard model of... Other types of grains that we don't even know about, other types of meat and

Substitutes. Oh, I look forward to finding out what all these substitutes are Yeah, there must be there must be so many more grains Like this is the thing is we're sort of still pretty much because all these foods that we eat now that are all domesticated They weren't always domesticated, right? They used to be wild, they used to be full of poisons and shit, and you had to like build up a resistance to them or breed them or like change them in some way so that they became edible. And now that that's been done, we're just like, yeah, oats, wheat, you know, even quinoa. I'm like, yeah, okay. That felt exciting for a while, but that was still a domesticated plant.

We got to get back out there with open eyes and open heart and a tub of antacid and start eating and experimenting and domesticating some more wild grains. That there's like no ancient knowledge about as well. Exactly, yes. Cause I think Bruce Pasco was like on his farm somewhere. He was trying to like start a farm that was basically making ancient breads from like either kangaroo grass or something like that. You know, and that's, and that's a good,

sure that's a good thing. That's still at least bringing back something. But we're talking about- Yeah, but that's not what we're talking about, Bruce. No, I'm sorry, Bruce. I want to blank slate this. I want to, Andy, I hate to bring back old ideas, but I'd like the first wood bread. You know, I actually Googled the other day, I Googled boiling wood. Yeah. I actually, I was like like it's time we really started getting serious about this. Cut the shit here. Cut the shit. Like I surely surely and um unfortunately

like all I could find and I spent a bit of time on it was um was articles about boiling wood to like remove remove Actually remove water and make it more suitable for woodturning to make pins And I was really frustrated by that. Yeah, there's sort of filled you with you got it Well, you got a chip through this sort of This layer this thick layer of woodworking bullshit. All the carpenters out there. You know when you're Googling it, minus woodworking, minus anything the use of a tool. Yes.

What's it, chisel, minus chisel, minus. Yep. Removing all these. Pins. Yeah, I wonder whether, it's just occurred to me, maybe fermenting the wood might help because it will bring out like a bacteria that probably itself eats wood, right? And then once you eat the wood with that, then you'll have that bacteria. Yeah, now that's interesting. Well, I mean, this is a really good point because you look at like a lump of wood.

You're like, there's no way my body could digest that. But then you go to like, you see some rotten wood, rotten wood, right. That's been like sort of degraded by fungi and that kind of thing. You're starting to be like, hang on a second. That's crumbly.'s that's I mean that's got the consistency almost of like a biscuit. Yeah. We're getting somewhere. I realize the fungus has probably eaten a lot of the good stuff but maybe not. Maybe it's released some of the... Well that's good Andy and also you hear a lot of people talking about having a gut bacteria but isn't it time that we start getting some gut fungi? Yes, just a gut mushroom. Come on.

I've got, I've had a gut full of mushrooms. My gut is full of mushrooms. That's really promising. And I think, you know, this should be our Kennedy moment, right? Where it's like... Yeah, and the other thing, you know? We, before the decade is out, we will get a man to eat a two by four. And bring him back again for seconds. And the other thing, which is our next project. And bring him back again for seconds. And the other thing, which is our next project. And the other thing, which is another, you know, different lake that would.

The not eject truce from his episode when he brought that up about 10 years ago. Episode 9 or something like that. Back in the good old days. Gut fungi. You're writing down gut fungi. Well no, I'm just fermenting wood for its gut fungi. Yeah, well this could be a big breakthrough. This could be what we need. Because the fact is some animals do eat wood and they seem to do great. You look at a cicada that spends its whole larval stage as far as I'm aware

eating wood, right? And then it comes out and it sings its beautiful song with its iridescent eyes. Like come on baby, you look gorgeous. When you peel back the bark on some wood and you see all those tracks sometimes or those holes, that's all somebody having a delicious meal that we are missing out on. Ever since man first looked at the birds eating the grubs that are eating the wood that's right and and envy to their gift of eating the wood. We don't want to but we might have to start eating those grubs just to get whatever they're using to eat the wood. You know what it's one step closer. Yeah I think

I think at the end you know by the end of this podcast Andy I think we have to have eaten a burger made entirely out of wood. It's gonna be a wood bread made from a wood flour. Wood burgers. Welcome to wood burgers. Yeah and then it's gonna be a wood patty and a beautiful wood sauce on there, maybe in a wood cheese. Are you sick of going to Burger Chains to tell you you won't believe this isn't meat? Well, you will believe this isn't meat.

You will never for a second entertain the possibility that this could be meat. This is wood. This is absolutely wood. Maybe even a lettuce leaf that is made from a leaf from the plant of that tree. You know we love smoky flavored meat. And you know what that is, why we like that. Where does that smoke come from? It comes from wood. smoky flavored meat.

And you know what that is, why we like that. Where does that smoke come from? It comes from wood. It comes from the subconscious yearning that we all feel for that time in our ancient history when we were all grubs, I reckon, eating wood. Back before we made the mistake. That's how.

From our grub brain. Yeah. Yes, of that, that garden of Eden. One of the, one of the, one of our ancestors fucked wrong. And then it led to a mutation. And it was all because of that terrible, terrible lay of a, of a worm. because of that terrible, terrible lay of a worm that we moved away from our pure form of grubby wood eaters. Yeah, I mean, the family tree, as far as I'm concerned,

we made a mistake when we crawled, when that, when we started crawling out of the, that outer layer of wood on that tree, Alice down. It felt, it felt really promising. The word family tree popped into my head and I was like, this is gonna be good. I'm gonna really be able to weave this into the conversation and I quickly discovered that it was a false dawn. I couldn't do it. I couldn't bloody do it. I just gotta write this down, the mistake of the grub. That first worm that fucked another worm that that was starting to grow legs. Yes, the we should never have done that would grow up. All right, Andy, do you think we should go to three words? I think it's advisable, if not commendable today, I have to.

It's it's from it's from a relatively new It's from a relatively new supporter on Patreon. Where did I just... I lost the one, hang on. I think it's so wonderful that we are still attracting new Patreon supporters. I mean, a true miracle. a true Christmas and other day miracle. This is too much of a miracle just to you know miracles are not just for Christmas I've always said. Okay so these come from Abraham listener. Abraham listener. Abraham LinkedIn. That's my new that's my drag name. Now Andy. Yes.

What is that person's name if you just take away the other, take away all the letters after the first one in the first name? Bram listener. Okay. You took them away, but you kept them. I don't understand. I hereby declare that the following words are mine to the best of my knowledge and belief.

And that I understand they are to be used in the creation of one sketch idea if not multiple. Those are the words from a listener. A listener. Hey buddy. This is huge. We know they're from a listener. Yeah. And we know that the word listener

that they're talking about is a listener. Is that, yeah. And they have, can everybody please take note that this is, henceforth, this is the template, this is how you submit words. If you want to get credit for the words, that is the form in which it should be submitted. For the avoidance of ambiguity, which the rest of you have been leaving. This is how we get our, we solidify, we gel our listenership by making them all one family,

the listener family. Yes. The A listener family, they can all be, they can be Allens, they can be Andrews, they can be Arianis, but Andy they are all, it was like the Kardashians, but with A's and listeners. A listener, George William Trombley. Okay, Andy, do you wanna try to guess what the first letter, first word is? The first word is leprechaun.

No, Andy, it is not leprechaun. The first word is pecunia. Pecunia.unia right okay well I'm gonna go the second word is do you know what pecunia means what is it to do with pecuniary interest is it something to do with finance having like a financial interest in something I think it means money or property. There you go. Alright, so, and then so the second word I'm going to go is peculiar. Hmm, I do I guess peculiar again? Stick to my guns, back myself, you know? If I want to be one of those guys who really believes in himself, I'm going to go with

peculiar again. No, I'm sorry, it's OLED OLED as in organic light emitting diode Pecunia non OLED now. Yeah Is this what the fuck is going on here Alastair? Is this a reference to like some Latin phrase? Is this a pun on something? Pecunia non OLED I don't know the I don't know them. I don't know the... Oled.

It does have a Latin phrase and I could picture a sort of an emperor saying it. Yeah, I could picture it being written under the crest of a very expensive private school. Yeah, I mean you could picture a guy who goes back in time and manages to become, you know, Caesar. But then at his first speech, realizing that he doesn't speak any Latin. Yeah. But sort of making it up. And if he's Caesar, well, you know, I imagine you can sort of shift the language pretty quickly, you know, with your force of, well, force really.

Yeah. Do you think seizing the day comes from Caesar? I reckon he did seize a few days in his day, but I don't think the seize in seize the day is the same seize as the seize in Caesar. What about seize the day, but it's S the seize in caesar what about seize the day but it's s e i z e s e i that is the day that is seize the day s no s e i z e yeah that's what seize the day is no that's the saying seize the day i'm pretty sure it's, I'm pretty sure, isn't it C-E-A-S-E? No, that's cease. That's cease the day. That would be bring on the evening. That's, that's, it's night time. Cease the day. But it is, but what if it was S-E-I-Z-E? Cease, you know, you've got to,

cease the day. You've got to make carpe diem. You've got to, C's today, you've got to make, Carpe Diem. You've got to make the most. I thought your body gets really tense. Uh. Your body gets really tense and you kind of, and you sort of fall and you convulse. That's how you make the most of situations. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of the time you're having a good time.

That's what you're doing. Hmm. Your body's convulsing and you're really stiff. You know what? You're stiff. So I've had some of my best times of being, I've been stiff and I've's convulsing and you're really late. You know what? So I've had some of my best times of being I've been stiff and I've been convulsing some of the We should all be so lucky, you know as to have a grand mal See, you know, I've been thinking a bit about the baboons ass and I was thinking

So you know I've been thinking a bit about the baboons ass and I was thinking You know how it how it swells up in heat and I was like I actually do I think it would be nice if men weren't the only ones who had a part that swelled when they were aroused. Yeah You know so that so that both of us were carrying like a pile of books in front of a body part I think so you think but do you think it should be the ladies butts that swell? Cause that's hard to carry books in front of, you know, and maintain plausible deniability. You know what? Low packing.

Yeah, you could be low packing the book bag. But I think you could just, you know, you could walk with your, I think it would seem more normal. It's probably not that normal to carry books down by your crotch, but we've, it's been normalized because it's, it was done so much that we just thought it's just a thing that people do. Do you think that maybe this is what drove the invention of the book. You know, we assume that books were invented first for writing and conveying information.

And then subsequently, it was discovered by some, you know, some canny, plucky teens that they could be pressed into service for, you know, other uses. But who's to say, you know? Yeah, inventing the book for for covering unwanted erections. Concealing the... I don't want to make the erection feel unwanted.

I just it's just arriving at an inopportune time. This is a guy who's really worried about what his erection is. Don't want to offend the erection. Yeah. But yes, Andy, I think. But yes, I think I think there's two ideas there. There's obviously the a swelling organ for her. It really is interesting that the that the penis is is like a gauge. It really is like a, you know, like the the little needle on a

on a, you know, a tachometer or speedometer or something in your car that it does sort of. Twitching and flicking into the red area of the gauge yeah yeah he's gonna blow it's its own little you know um erosion erogenometer hmm erogenometer the look I'll have to write that down as probably the title. Orogenometer. Yeah. Mate, my orogenometer is off the charts.

Yeah, mate. What about... do you think we should have another go at Pecunia non-oled? The oldest trick in the book. That is probably... do you reckon maybe covering your genitals with a book is the oldest trick in the book that is probably, do you reckon maybe covering your genitals with a book is the oldest trick in the book because that was what the first book was used for. It's bound to be. I mean obviously back in the day they did it with tablets. Yes, of course. You know and it made more sense I guess back in those days because they're a heavier thing so you'd have to hold it lower. Yeah, yeah.

You know, and it probably wouldn't be that crazy to hold it over your butt as well just to give your arms a rest, you know? You know, like sort of use a different part of the arm muscles. And in that way? That's if at the invention of the book We'd also invented a swelling organ for her for the land for the ladies But erection

But erection yeah, like but it does I wonder if it's it looks like it's more comfortable to sit on. It's more firm and like the bones doesn't hit the, sure. You know, the hard part anymore as much. Yeah, perky. Maybe it's very sensitive. I don't know. Perky. I don't know why that's a cheeky word, Andy.

Andy, I reckon, look, we had a swelling organ for her in the inventing of the covering, of books for the covering unwanted erections, do you think? Or do you think we need? It would be great if we did know how soon after the invention of the book, the first book was used to conceal an erection. Like how, what was the interval?

How long did it take for this thing, this incredible, precious thing that we'd invented that was the first time that really we achieved immortality, that man's words, that the thoughts of an individual, that the yearnings of our ancestors could be passed along unadulterated to future generations in defiance of entropy in defiance of God's plan that all things must pass and be transient and then we were like you know what we could also use it for oh yes let me just take this over here for a moment. Or let me just bring it onto my lap so I can have a closer look for a second

for the next five minutes. Yeah. Speaking of things that were meant to be transient, I think that should do the trick. Yeah. All right, Andy, I'll take us through the sketch ideas. I thank you very much, Abraham listener. We have the democratic driving and the

democrat-a-mobile. Car of the people. Yes. Oh I didn't write down, paradox, the the clothes soap that goes back in time. You didn't write that down? I didn't I didn't I didn't write down what it actually does. All right In time then we got then we've got the parallax, which is of course the fucking stupid salmon Salmon this gets smoked by radioactive smoke It got us to where we needed to get to which was back into the Archimedes screw world. Yes, well first we have the Archimedes crew, they wrap things up. They do upside wrap.

And then we have Archimedes screw up waterslide. I don't like that it's got screw up, but it the home of the of the arch the up water slide it's a full up water park and there's been there's a sign says no deaths in ten years no horrific deaths in ten years no no horrific deaths, yeah, that's good. Oh, that's good. We had a few that were mercy killings. It's the family looking at a, through a sort of a tourism guide, going, oh, it says here, no horrific deaths in 10 years. That's good.

We've got cultures coming together to beat America. That wasn't, that wasn't what the idea was supposed to be. I think initially it was climate change, but then I think we were trying to breed out American culture. Did you see that thing about how some French scientist was refused entry to the United States because they'd found him sending texts? They confiscated his phone at the airport and found texts of him criticizing Donald Trump? That's wild.

It's really crazy. That is real. That's next level. We have really. Yeah, indeed. It's pretty good. Pretty good. I mean, imagine, like, do you think that the whole time these people who work at the borders have just been waiting for powers to abuse? Yeah, I mean, I think they're probably some of them haven't been waiting I'd say but But yeah Then we've got a Fermenting wood for its gut fungi so that we can eat it. And then we have the mistake of evolving from the wood grub.

We have a swelling organ for her. We have inventing books for covering unwanted directions. We did it. And that's it. And with any luck, Alastair edited out the big section where I accidentally said a bunch of stuff I do not want on the permanent record. Yes, well, luckily my audio stopped stopped working so hopefully it has been removed.

Um, Andy, it's been a dream. And a joy. Let's move to the song. Be-nini-badi-boop-boop-be. Booty-nini-bap-bap-boop-boop-be. Be-nini-bap-bap-boop-boop-be. Booty-nini-bap-bap-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop Thank you so much for listening to In the Think Tank, you guys rock my socks. Yes, all you A listeners out there. The entire community.

Community, yes. Thank you so much. I have to go and watch a child while one child gets taken to school. It's been such a dream, Andy, getting to speak with you. Thank you, Alistair. I appreciate this time we have together. No problem. And I as well. Thank you so much. And we love you. We love you.

Bye.