Simple Swedish Podcast - 47 - "SKY WELL"

Episode Date: October 9, 2015

If you love comedy then you'll flippin adore the surprisingly funny process of coming up with comedy. Listen as Andy and Al try and come up with five sketch ideas. Maybe seven if we don't think that the first five were very good. Follow us on twitter! Al - @alasdairtb Andy - @stupidoldandy Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let me know what you need come up with five sketch ideas. Alistair, are you good? I am the good. And I am ready to go. You are the form of the good. I am the good. And I am in all forms of the good. I am positive. I am not quite great. Yes. And I am a product that can be

both sold or bought. And bought. As well as and. We sold it it but we didn't have any buyers we just put it out there I guess that would work in one of those circumstances you know like when you're I know those circumstances you know those circumstances like it gets sold into a holding area right and so it's no longer your responsibility it's just in a so it's no longer your responsibility. It's just in a pool.

It's in a pool. And then the buyer can come along. Yeah. Like the Australian wheat board. Is that what the wheat board does? Yeah, I think so. Did I just come across a technique used in commerce, often involving grains, all on my own.

You just invented the Australian wheat board, completely independently. You're like that guy who developed some mathematical theorem, even though he was living on a mountain in Tibet. While it had been around for about 50 years, everyone was still really impressed

because they were like, you came up with this all by yourself. You're like that, but with the Australian weak board. Because he was like one person and they were everybody else in the world. Exactly. And he was on a mountain and there's less oxygen at higher levels.

That's true. So it's more impressive. Maybe his neurons were working at higher efficiency. Hmm. Do you think there's any mathematicians that go to high altitude training? Look, it could work. I wonder.

Certainly reduced blood flow to your brain damages brain function. So maybe increased blood flow to your brain damages brain function. So maybe increased blood flow to the brain will improve it or cause a stroke. I've had gross blood flow to the brain. So wait, does going to higher altitudes reduce your blood flow? No, no. I think it increases.

So what happens? You go to higher altitudes, right? There's less oxygen, so your body creates more hemoglobin and more red blood cells. Yeah. Right? So to be able to collect more oxygen, distribute it to your body, right? So it compensates. And then you go back down to regular level, C level, if you will.

And C level. After being on M level. Yeah. Mountain. And then you... Oh, now you distract me. No, but now you've got all this extra blood, so now you're getting additional oxygen above and beyond what you would have otherwise got

at C level. So does that mean that a mathematician or someone who uses their mind could achieve the same results. And would it be better, or would, as I said, they just have a stroke? Do you think it would be fun, for the sake of a sketch, to think that maybe you could do all sorts of training in mountains? Oh, a range of training.

Like, you could just be one mathematician. Or you could be a receptionist. And your company is sending you to a high-altitude phone receptioning camp. In Kenya. In Kenya? You know, because also the

long-distance runners are also from there. So if we were to push that kind of analogy further, she's also eating this kind of weird cornmeal pasty thing. She's been living with a tribe. She's doing it barefoot. She has to do... She's doing it barefoot, absolutely.

And she has to do all these things where she... Sort of coming of age ceremonies where she has to be put through an extreme amount of pain. You need to like crawl through these spiky bushes and then there's a part where she... Stands on a log for 48 hours on one leg. And then they also have to cut her at some point. They put mud on her and then they cut her. And then they open her bowel. No, no, also have to cut her at some point. They put mud on her, and then they cut her. And then they open her bowel. No, no, no, they cut her for a bit.

And then if she flinches, you'll be able to tell from the dry mud flaking off. And if she does flinch, she will get murdered. But if she doesn't, then she will be accepted as one of them. It'd be a really great receptionist. I think this is a really good idea. I am a little uncomfortable with the fact that you made the receptionist a woman.

Really? Yeah. Okay, well, what if... Yes? What if she just replaced a man? Oh, good. That's good, because she was better at her job. Yeah, yeah. I like it.

All right. All right, sister. Great. No, that's excellent. It makes me think of The Gods Must Be Crazy. You know, remember The Gods Must Be Crazy? And The Gods Must Be Crazy 2? Which, at the time, I was like, this is a great movie.

But that feels like one that I could definitely stand re-watching through a racist lens. Yeah, I wonder. Bless you. Thank you. It's with the Coke bottle that falls out of the plane and hits somebody in the head. But I really like that little kid with the bark. Who puts the bark on his head to scare the wild dog. I think it's a hyena.

Could even be a hyena. I think it might have been a hyena. Yeah, to make himself look bigger, then the hyena leaves him alone. Yeah. No, that was great. I remember that bit as well. I think I remember a series of moments from that film. Yeah.

Fondly. When you say you want to look at it through a racist lens... Yes. Do you want to go, God, I hate those people? No, sorry, I guess not racist, but a racially aware lens. Like, it just feels like such a bloody minefield that I don't know if you could make a movie like that today because of political correctness gone mad

and also political correctness just gone to a reasonable level. Yes, and gone sane. Yeah, actually. Yeah, it's just a risky year. I mean, if political correctness went mad in the 80s, what are the chances that it would be... Cured? Would have recovered from its mental illness?

There's very few cures for mental illness. It's just more like you find a way of learning to live with it. Well, maybe you could put it through some kind of electroshock therapy, but ironically, political correctness is one of the things stopping us from re-embracing electroshock therapy. So I think it would be reluctant to go through with it. Really? Is political correctness stopping us from re-embracing electroshock therapy. So I think it would be reluctant to go through with it. Really? Is political correctness stopping us from... Or are you talking about shock therapy?

Electroshock therapy, I'm pretty sure, went out of fashion for a long time because of images of how horrible it is. And it was misused for a long time and did awful things to people. But it actually also has a valid application these days and they're finding it works, which is the most ridiculous thing. There's no way that

should work. That's my attitude to trying to fix a TV or something. It's like hitting it. They used it on my grandpa. Did it work? Yeah, I think so. It definitely jumped him out of his depression, apparently, for a bit. Yeah, which is so strange that just electrocuting the brain, it seems like the most archaic.

Oh, well, you know. Like anything. It's just one step above caveman. It's caveman with electricity. Yeah. Like, what would you do if you were a caveman and you were given electricity? What would you do? You'd probably electrocute your testicles.

Tear the wires apart. Yeah. Place them on my temple and then flick the switch. First thing. First thing. Bam. Second thing, I would invent the toaster. Third thing? In thing. Bam. Second thing, I would invent the toaster. Third thing, invent the toast.

Yeah, invent the toast. Of course, well, then you have to invent an oven to make bread. And then you have to invent the cooling tray for the bread. Yes, the toast rack. Oh, no, sorry. The cooling tray for the bread. Yeah, for the bread. And then the toast rack. Oh, no, sorry. The cooling tray for the bread. Yeah, for the bread. And then the toast rack.

And then the knife to slice the bread. And then... What was yours? The toast rack. Do you put your toast on a rack? People do or did. I think they've certainly fallen out of favor. But there was a time when a toast rack,

that little thing you sit your toast vertically in to let it cool down, was quite popular, which seems so strange to me. So it's like, here's a rack so that you can put your hot toast on there so that by the time you get to it, the butter won't melt on it.

Yeah, and you won't enjoy it as much. Wow, that's a good idea. I have been enjoying toast too much. But that being said, my dad likes cold toast. He props his toast up, like one piece of toast leaning against another piece of toast, like a house of cards. Yeah. Very shitty house of cards.

Sure. It's like a shanty of toast. Yeah. And he just waits for it to cool down. More like one of those survival huts that you make. Sure. It's like a shanty of toast. Yeah. And he just waits for it to cool down. More like one of those survival huts that you... Yeah. It's a bivouac. Yeah.

When you're lost in the woods. Very like, all right, well, I'm going to die. This will do. All I got are these two enormous pieces of toast. I hope they block rain. Toast doesn't get soggy, does it? Yeah, strange man. Strange man. I barely relate to him at all, to be honest. He's a good man. If I wasn't related to him, I wouldn't relate to him even slightly. I barely related to him. Cold toast. Yeah.

I think, look, I think since someone's told me about that sort of pyramid or the what was the word? Bismawack? Bivowack? Bivowack? It's a good word. It's like hemoglobin. Great words. But since somebody told me, I've definitely tried it. Sometimes if you don't want the toast

to sweat, you know? Like if you're having the toast by itself, unbuttered, with a bowl of beans, then you don't need it hot. That's true. Because the beans are doing the heat work. Yeah, and I guess if you're dipping it in soup, similar situation.

Tomato soup? Like a poor person? Is that a thing? Well, that's the only time I've eaten tomato soup. When you've been poor? When I've been very poor. You go, all right, well, cans of tomato soup are cheap. Things are looking grim, guys.

But why would you get tomato and not pumpkin? Because I had, I think I'd just seen somebody eating tomato soup, and I went, what about this? And then you put, like, you add milk to it. Had you seen a poor person doing it? On TV. Like, oh, this is the time. Yeah, it must have been a news report about the western suburbs of Sydney or something like that. We're doing a news report about the western suburbs of Sydney.

Somebody get out there and get me a lot of overlay of sad people eating tomato soup. The universal symbol of poverty. Yeah, or even worse, people that look happy eating tomato soup. The universal symbol of poverty. Yeah. Or even worse, people that look happy eating tomato soup. Because then it's even sadder because they're not even aware of their point. Oh my God. Of how bad the situation is. Yeah. It's even sadder because they're not sad.

God, the only way we could improve conditions for the poor is to go out there and make them aware of how tragic it is. Because if there's one thing worse than poverty, it's ignorance. It's self-delusion. I hate to see them living like this, unaware of how shit their lives are.

We're going to start a public awareness campaign where I drive around in a large gold car yelling out, you are poor. There's no denying this is a tough situation that you are in. Grim times indeed. Is there any way to make a sketch out of that where it's an idiot says something like that, and then we show the consequences through the medium of sketch?

Yes, but I think we should also hear from the poor people who are thankful, in a way, that they have been in line. We didn't know how bad things had got. It's almost like, you know, it would be great to have a segment that is... It would be great to have a segment that is... Would be great to have a segment. Yeah, to have, like, things guys in their 20s, guys who think they're smart in their 20s say. Because I feel like I still talk like a guy who's in his 20s who has read a few books. Yeah.

And then just goes like, evolutionarily speaking uh this is why this happens yeah no like there are certain opinions that really or opinions or facts that really just appeal to that 20 year old male mind right where it goes in it's like oh this is a good explanation that i now understand that also makes other people stupid at the molecular level yeah i think technically yeah uh um yeah i like like that thing about uh about um hunting yeah um and how a lot of money from hunting goes into actually actually you know a certain amount of hunting is good because the money can then go back into conservation, right?

So like in hunting lions, right? The gut instinct is that it's bad. There is some theories that it's good because it allows money to come back into communities, which allows them to protect the animals because they have an economic value, right? I think that is the kind of thing that, once you've heard that theory, it makes you feel really clever to be able to bring that out at parties

and be like, well, you would think that hunting is bad, but I know a fact that is a different one. That is very good, yes. Now, how could we frame this? Well, I think just the idea of the people, the government or somebody. Maybe there's a think tank. We like think tanks. We like think tanks. It's a 20-year-old male think tank.

Or, okay, to get away from think tanks let's go with um there's just a politician right and he's hired a 20 year old male consultant sure right to get us in touch with what the 20 year old male is thinking and so whenever there's a problem that comes in the 20 year old male gives his 20 year old male opinion about what's really important or how that should be interpreted. And then they implement his strategy. Maybe they only ever consult him for his opinion after he's had three beers at a house party. Yeah, and three beers and one puff of a spliff?

Yeah, so we've managed to get a hold of one of the best policy consultants in the business. It's a 20-year-old man who's had three beers, one puff of a spliff, and is at a house party. We've found the most knowledgeable person in the world. Yes, that's great. He's the oracle. Let us consult the or oracle and so they go to him or he comes in and he's a little bit tipsy and very opinionated i think he's maybe quite close to a barbecue.

And he's just been rejected by a girl. Yeah, and he says something mean about her. Great. I think he needs some kind of spiritual sounding music or intelligent sounding music. Sure, yeah. Or not. Maybe he's just listening to no effects. Yeah, no, look.

This is slightly... Oh, no, no, no. What he listens to is The Shins And other music that I like. He's just out. Do you like the Mountain Goats? I don't know the Mountain Goats, except for their beers. And their ability to climb mountains. Yes, and the goats.

The Mountain Goats, they're quite good but they've got a kind of a nasally whiny erudition, which you may enjoy A whiny rendition? Erudition If you're erudite, you're well spoken

Erudition is there So erudite is when you You asked me the question, so you answer it. Is erudite when you sort of try to let a whole bunch of, like, you know, wind into a house or something like that? You're trying to erudite it out. I don't know. Erudite.

It sounds like it could be a mineral. Absolutely. It also sounds like it could be vitamin. Yeah, erudite. Yeah, very thank you. A sect of Christianity? Yeah, the erudites. There you go.

Or a hand dryer. Type of wizard? Sure. Hey. Oh, the mighty erudites have approached! Have approached. Well, you know, that's what happens when you try to come up with a thought when you've already begun a sentence. How about this, Al?

Yeah? Somebody who's very well-spoken. Right. But when you listen to him, he just sounds like he's down a well. I like that. Yeah? There should be a word for that if that isn't it. I guess I didn't let you finish your sentence before.

No, that's all it is. Would it also work with somebody who's well-spoken who is speaking into a mic with a lot of reverb? Yes, but also... Or is that sort of pseudo-erudite? Yeah, I think he's giving the appearance of erudition, but he's not. He's not actually well-spoken.

Is there a way that we could just adapt the word erudite to make it mean what we want it, with the down a well part? Oh, I just think the word well-spoken is probably fine. With the down a well thing? Yeah. Oh, well-spoken. Oh, geez,ez yeah Did you not No no no

Make that connection No no no Well you were smiling at me Like you knew what I was talking about No I was more happy about the Absurdity of it Oh I don't like when things have links

So do I I've disappointed you This is why This is why I don't I don't agree with the general opinion of Of I think most comedy viewing public. They like a thing that kind of wraps up together. I like a thing that comes from nowhere and is genuinely funny.

Not funny because of some trick. Right. But does that mean that you just love non-secretaries? Not necessarily, because you could have said something else and I would have been like, you know, if you had gone like, somebody who's well-spoken and has a notebook. No, that's terrible. Exactly. It's really awful.

Someone who's well-spoken and owns a brickworks. I'm interested in that. Yeah. There's something in it. There's something in that. That's probably because it's somewhat related to the, you know, you think bricks and you think big cavernous area. You think maybe he could be standing in there making an echoey sound like if he was down a well. Down a well.

Yeah, well, a chimney is really just a sky well. It's a sky well. To get you access to air. Yeah. Okay, so this is a concept for like a steampunk kind of thing. Yeah. Right? Set in the Victorian era.

Right? This is great. Yep. You're going to love this. Okay. I can't wait. So it's very smoggy, right? Because of the Industrial Revolution, people live in this constant kind of fog.

Yeah. Or fug. Yeah. And coal. And smog. Burn a lot of coal. Yeah. Burn a lot of coal.

Right? So they have wells in the ground and they put a bucket on a thing, and they lower it down there to get water from out of the earth. But then they also have these what they call sky wells, which go up in the sky, and they have a bucket there, and they hoist that up on a rope, and it goes up above the smog to get fresh air, and they hoist the bucket back down again with a bucket full of fresh air,

and then they have to take that home and chuck it into the house. You think they just breathe it? It's almost like they're cupping it like you would cupcake a fart. Yeah. But of good air. It's like the reverse cupcake. Yeah. They grab good air from up there.

Yeah. It's actually a really polite thing to do. You do it on a date and the date really likes you for it. Dutch ovening your significant other. Yeah, but like a reverse Dutch. Yeah. A Dutch toast rack. Yeah, an inverse Dutch.

An inverse Dutch oven. I think there's something in there. I don't know if it's a... It's a full sketch. It's a full sketch, but it's a beautiful moment in a steampunk-themed film, I would say. I really would like to see it visually. I think there'd be something really cool

about seeing a super smoggy area and then like a gust of fresh air being released into it. What would that look like? Would it look like water being thrown out? As the sort of clear air came into the

foggy area. I think if we had some lasers, a smoke machine and a bucket of clean air, we could reproduce this. Make a YouTube video, make a billion hits. A billion. We'll put Gangnam Style over it. We'll release a series

of steampunk moments. Yeah. Wow. From the mind of the think tank. Yeah, you know, because, like, painters, that's all they do, right? They just, they just capture a moment from somewhere, right?

Like from, you know, from some idea, right? So some landscape or some, you know, let's say they're painting a medieval situation. Let's say. Yeah.

So then they go, they give you one moment like that. But you never have like three second or five second just portraits of fantasy world like if you make a fantasy world you're like all right we may as well make a whole television

yeah yeah no one's making fantasy vines yeah yeah there's nobody nobody probably are some people but not very well they're not they're not creating a whole world i haven't seen one recently yeah that's what i'm saying okay Okay, well, if you, if they are, if people are creating fantasy vines, please send it in. Tweet us at Alistair TB.

Or stupid old Andy. Or at stupid old Andy. Don't forget the at. Don't forget the at. Alright, well, look, I've written it down. You have? Yep, the chimney one. That's beautiful. Chimneys are sky wells. Great. Yep, grabbing air above. Renaissance painters, Alistair. Yep. I mean, that idea of just capturing a single moment like that, but over a huge period of time. Because of how long it takes to...

How long it takes to paint something. Yeah. It's a strange mindset, right? That like this is... What are you trying to do there? Are you trying to capture a... What? a mood? Yeah, I think so.

I think, look, maybe it's not capture a mood. I mean, look, I don't know whether there's a difference between the Grandmasters. Grandmaster Da Vinci, Grandmaster, you know. I know, yes. Donatello. Yes. Grandmaster. Flash? No yes Donatello yes Grandmaster Flash no no no of course

he's not a painter he's a DJ anyway they do you think they were just trying like everybody here like you know

like I know that they they had learned their craft to a point where people considered them masters. Yeah. Right? But they must have also just been like, man, I gotta paint so I can get famous.

Yeah. You know, make some money and I can feed my kids. Yeah. And I can, you know, lay some babes down. Lay some... Boybs.

Men, men, boybs. Boybs down. Boy babes. lay some dogs down whatever they're into at the time, it's the renaissance after all indeed anything is possible, I'm a renaissance man yeah, the renaissance men

people who discovered new ways to do things that had never been done before some of them would have been renaissance men of having sex with animals discovering new ways to do things that had never been done before. Some of them would have been Renaissance men of having sex with animals. Absolutely. Discovering new ways to have sex with new animals. New positions. If you were a bestialitude guy, then the age of exploration would have been pretty exciting.

Oh, absolutely. Travelling all over the world. You would have wanted to be on the voyage of the Beagle with Charles Darwin. Yeah. Travelling to the Galapagos. To the Galapagos. Seeing these giant tortoises. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, these... I've never had sex with something over 100 years old. Exactly. In humans, that's almost impossible. Unless you go to Japan and there'd be those slight variations between

sorry I'm pushing on the slight variations between the finches on all the different islands it would have been like just the nuances of the experience of having sex with all those different finches it would have been a feast for the senses indeed you would have learned a lot yeah

and also it probably would have been a regular for the senses. Indeed. You would have learned a lot. Yeah. And also, it probably would have been a regular feast, because you probably would be also eating those animals. Oh, yeah. A feast for the mouth. Imagine, like, the breadth of animals that Darwin ate. Like, do you think he would taste all the subspecies? I mean... Do you think Darwin ate a whole genus? He ate his way through an entire genus?

Yeah, do you think so? I'd like to meet a man who's eaten a whole genus. Well, I think the way mass extinction is going, it's going to become more achievable. Once upon a time, there would have just been too many species in every genus to be able to eat an entire genus. But with any luck, you know, in 50 years' time, you'll be able to get an entire genus just in a burger.

Just in a big breakfast. A genus burger, yeah. I mean, you can definitely... What's above genus? Okay, so... Because if I want to be able to... Order. Right?

An order? No, family. Family. Because if I want to be able to use hyperbole here, I have to be able to know what that is. It's kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species. Phylum is a great word. Yeah, phylum.

That's the one there to me is what pops as the funny one. Yeah. Now, if only we were performing to a biology conference. I didn't eat a whole genus. I ate a whole phylum. I'm so hungry,

I could eat a phylum. I could eat my way through a horse phylum. Yeah. Is a horse a genus? Like, is a horse a part of a genus of, like, of equine? Yeah, something like that. An equine genus of some sort?

Equine Jesus? Jesus. Equine Jesus. He could trot on water. I think, just going back a moment, I think a guy who likes having sex with animals, who somehow talks his way onto the voyage of the Beagle, and...

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's really funny. Just how he's having the best time, and maybe he's like Darwin's brother. Or just a guy he went to school with. And I think Darwin's sort of growing suspicion about this guy. Yeah.

That's Darwin's boat. Yeah. I didn't know it was called the Beagle. Oh, well there you go. Gives me a greater respect for Beagles. Do you think Beagles were named before or after the boat? How much respect did you have for Beagles before? I didn't quite like...

I have a lot of respect for Beagles because of their extreme sense of smell. And the work they do protecting our borders. Yeah. I don't respect them that much for that. I think they are... You think they sold out a bit? Do you think they're the man?

They would have done it to the highest bidder. I think they have no integrity whatsoever. They're like a mercenary, aren't they? I think beagles are also a little bit... Well, in a way, they are like mercenaries because I think they're a little bit naughty. They don't always listen to you. If you have a beagle, they can be a little bit troublesome.

Oh, well, that's the problem. Actually, if you are a government or you're a leader and you hire mercenaries, that is a real risk. So I think that if the beagles are just willing to sell their powerful noses to the highest bidder, then there is that risk that maybe a drug lord could come along and just offer them a bit more. A little bit more. And then they'll roll over, so to speak. That's great. A few more biscuits? A few more biscuits and then...

Liver treats? And then they'll rise up. Yeah, absolutely. Well, that's, you know, dealing with a mercenary as well is like dealing with... It's sort of like dealing with a whole mafia in one man. One man mafia. One man mafia. He can turn on a dime and just, you know, you go,

all right, give me that money for killing the people. No problem. I will definitely kill them. You're dead. Boom, like that. Now I've got the money from you and I can do something else. Maybe you can get money from the person you were supposed to kill. You can go, look, I've been contracted to kill you.

I will not do it if you give me money. You can get double paid. Double payday. It's like weekend loading. It would be, I think being a mercenary or being a hired killer is probably a market that is, I'm going to say, ripe for disruption. Much like the taxi and the Airbnb kind of Uber, all that world, right? Because at the moment, there's not a lot of accountability for hit men. Sure, yeah.

Right? Like if you – at the moment, you can be the kind of hit man who gets hired for a job, kills the person who hires you, maybe kills or doesn't kill the person you were hired to kill and takes money from everyone, right? And it's very difficult for people who've had a bad hit man experience to leave feedback. Sure, yeah. Right? And there's no karma for people who've had a bad Hitman experience to leave feedback. Sure, yeah, absolutely. And there's no karma in that sense, right?

So I think if we create that, you know, that Yelp of Hitman. Well, there's now People. I think People is the one. It's kind of like, you know, Dane Rathbone was doing that thing with karma. Yeah. Well, I think there's actually one. There's now an app that is called People. Where you can just rate people. You thing with Karma. Yeah. Well, I think there's actually one. There's now an app that is called People. Where you can just rate people.

You can rate people. Yeah. I don't know if it connects to your Facebook or what, but don't connect to my Facebook. Leave good feedback. A plus, plus, plus. Like if I just delivered you your... Well, is it your... I guess, is it your choice to sign up for it?

Can you rate someone who hasn't signed up for people? I wonder. Because, I mean, that would be an easy out if you were that person and you didn't want to be judged. If you were a bad person, why would you sign up for people? Yeah. But then, I guess in that way, it's kind of good because you only get people signing up for it who are the kind of people who want to be accountable. Of course. And maybe if you're an employer,

you only want accountable kind of people. So there's pressure on you. There's a positive pressure to try and drive people to sign up and then also to take it seriously. Then it pays to be one of those people who goes, I don't know how to... Computers don't agree with me. I just, you know, I don't, you know.

Well, then I think you're probably less likely to get hired for a large range of jobs. What's your job? Computer programmer. No, you're right. What do you think of like an Uber for hit men? Yeah, no, I do like that. I do like that.

Would there be yeah i mean i guess obviously having to link it link your your profile your hitman profile to uh your social media to your facebook page is probably does a little bit of damage to your ability to disappear like mist in the morning sun. Sure, yeah. Or like a hot pie sitting on a windowsill of a crowded area. Yes. Or like fairy floss on a windy day. Yes. Or like confidence in the face of scrutiny. That's great.

So, yeah, I don't know how that would manifest as a sketch. I like the idea of Hitman Uber. Yeah, sure. I'll just write down Hitman Uber. yeah sure I'll just write down hitman uber yeah okay and then I would like to see the moment at which somebody

certainly the hitman uber like when he kills someone maybe he offers them a mint or a bottle of water so can you rate this experience maybe before he kills them he gets them to rate it or he gives it to the person that he's going to kill for.

Yep. And then the person's like, I didn't really like what he did. And then he goes and kills them. Yeah. So you finished your thought. I think it was probably better. No, I just think it's funny, obviously, that he would do both ends. Of course.

We'd be asking the person he's going to kill. Also to rate the experience. So far. Yeah. Hello, I'm... What's a good mercenary name? I'm... Zero. Yeah, I was going to say Xerxes.

Yeah, oh, great. Anything with a little Z or an X in it. Yeah. Definitely the... The more evil of the letters. Wyatt? That's a really bad name for a person. Wyatt?

Yeah, it's not everything down that end of the alphabet. No. W. Yen? Yen? No. Yen's okay. Yeah, but I mean, that would be more like with a J, I think.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas yen, sort of like the Japanese, like the yen, doesn't quite make sense. Right. Yeah, it also makes you sound cheap because of the exchange rate. Yeah, sure, one yen. Yeah. Yeah. I think I want something like a euro. Actually, euro. Yeah. Or yuri. Y Yuri Yuri that's another U the back end of the alphabet definitely more evil sounding letters yes except for the W except for the W

which is it's the runt of the Wesley but Wesley Snipes yeah no Snipes is evil yeah I mean like Snipes. Yeah, no, Snipes is evil. Yeah. I mean, like Snipes is, you know, but you need a good snappy last name there to...

Well, Wesley Snipes is a man who was the daywalker, you know, who was half vampire, half human in Blade. He's really got a name that reflects that because it's hard to think of a more human name than Wesley. Yeah, no, that's true. And Snipes really brings in the evil. Snipes kind of has the onomatopoeia of a blade. Mm.

You know, or scissors. Onomatopoeia, onomatopoeia, onomat, onomat. Can you write down, oh, you wrote down Hitman Uber. Yeah, Hitman mat. Can you write down... Oh, you wrote down Hitman Uber. Yeah, Hitman Uber. Thank you, Alistair. I've already written Hitman Uber. Hitman Uber?

Yeah. Hey, we've done five sketches. We've done five sketches. We've done five sketches. We've done... It's true. Yeah, all right. Well, we better wrap up.

Do you want another one? Do you want another one? Or shall we wrap it up? Well, look, since we're already losing steam... another one or shall we wrap it up? Well, look, since we're already losing steam... Like a kettle on a windy

day. Yes. Or like a podcast on an early morning pre-work recording. Yes. Without breakfast. Do you have breakfast recording. Yes. Without breakfast. Do you have breakfast? I haven't had breakfast.

Yeah. Maybe we'll go get a snack after this. Let's go get a bagel or something. Let's go get a bagel or something. Yeah. Shit, yeah. All right. We better wrap this up.

Talk us through it. All right. We've got the high-altitude training receptionist. Great. Yeah. We've got the 20-year-old male consultant. We have found the most knowledgeable person in the world. It is a 20-year-old guy who's had three beers and a puff of a spliff at a party.

And he gives them their opinions. That's a really solid sketch. Solid. Sure, man. Yeah. Chimneys are sky wells grabbing air above the smog. Sort of like a reverse cupcake. Great.

I keep picturing Santa Claus getting stuck in a well but I feel like that's another I'm assuming it's Santa Claus. Great.

It's just an area it's just a well it's just a chimney connection. But you don't like connections you don't like links. You must hate chains. I like tenuous links. Guy who likes having sex with

animals talks his way onto the voyage of the beagle bones. I think that's really great. Yeah. And Hitman Uber. Great. Look, I think there's enough stuff there. What an app. We feel like we did something. What an app. What an app.

What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app.

What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app.

What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app.

What an app. What an app. What an app. What an app. Thanks for listening, guys. Thank you very much.