Two In The Think Tank - 471 - "THE GODS MUST BE HORNY"

Episode Date: April 10, 2025

Sketch Spreadsheet by Will Runt: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1e2HYV7-VcnAV08wyHA7OFbqh_UCnVDUheiNFiqxPX_Y/edit?usp=sharingThink Tank Institute: https://lookerstudio.google.com/s/kH2int_ZkuIPants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A-Cast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. It's the best time of the year to be a sports fan, and over at The Nation Network, we have you covered no matter the sport. Whether you're a hockey lover, a basketball head, or a baseball fanatic, our catalog of podcasts provide fans daily insights, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop bo boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom

boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom anybody want to think? And I certainly don't want to tell the Academy, the Academy of the Oscars, or maybe the Grammys if they have an Academy, or I don't know who makes those decisions. Who's in charge of making Academies? Yes, I don't know the Academy Academy. You, oh that's a great idea by the way imagine Professor X's Academy from the X-Men films but all the students are potential Professor X's they're all his people they're people he's spotted who he thinks have what it takes to one day run an Academy and he is training them up to be some of the

best Academy runnerso runners. Oh, you know what I was thinking? It was a similar thing, but it was people who hell have the potential to become to be full-on fuckheads. Yes, you know what? That's potentially, I don't, I'm not afraid to say that's a way better fucking idea and it actually has comedy potential unlike mine which just sounds shit. I invented a teachers college I always started hating it so early. I couldn't even finish the sentence before hating it so much. Barely. But especially like a guy in a wheelchair, a bald guy in a wheelchair, he would be one of the most sensitive people to finding out who's a fuckhead because people, they'd be making little comments, they'd be mistreating him.

Yes, because of his terrible disability, being bald. That's right. And then he finds, but he knows how to use them and weaponize them and he can unleash them on places. You know, like, I suppose if you were wanting to bring down, help bring down institutions, you would send a guy, you would call a guy who has an army of fuckheads that he can unleash upon a place. Oh yes. Or he just gets them to go along and just hang around. Yeah.

They don't necessarily do anything, they just fucking ruin it so nobody wants to be involved or do the thing anymore. I know, but imagine if you're working with him. And that's how the young liberals got started. Got started. He just got them to join. I mean, I think it's actually not that far from the truth that there's, there's a

lot of people who are in conservative parties who the main game of what they were doing was just upsetting liberals. You know? Absolutely. I mean, that is- I just wanted to, yeah, just to make people feel bad for thinking that they're better than us. Mm. And then, and then it's like, if we gain power, you know, I don't even care.

You know, he's, they're doing what they love. That's the, that's the beautiful thing. Mm. The crazy thing is that a lot of us liberals, we don't think we're better than you. We hate ourselves. Now this will be confusing for our international listeners because I've said young liberals which is a reference to the Liberal Party of Australia and the young liberals and they're our conservative party and the young liberals are there even more Conservative and obnoxious youth wing.

Whereas then when I say, refer to myself as a Liberal, I'm talking about myself as a, that there's small l Liberal, a virtue signaling cuck. Yes, that's right. Unless that Liberal word is at the beginning of a sentence then you're a big letter a big capital letter but that's just a quirk of the English language and grammar that's not a real capital there should be a different type of capital letter by the way I have just I've just noticed here because I thought I was crazy when I moved to Australia and then everybody was like,

why do you put the dollar sign after the number? Right? And I was like, I just thought that's how it always was, that's how I'd always seen it. And then just the other day I saw a dollar sign, right where it belongs, after the number. Right? Over there in jolly old Montreal. Yeah. Marrilly old Montreal. Yeah, and I really don't Montreal And I and of course and I was like, of course when do we ever put the unit of what something is?

before it mmm I was made to feel like a probably Probably because they got sick of people Looking at a bill and saying whoa whoa is this the price or my phone number and they're like look I tell you what it was what it'll be and we'll put the fucking dollar sign at the front so that you don't get all the way through the numbers before you you know what it is so anyway I don't want to

tell the Academy what to think, but I do think that when the Grammys does roll around, today's intro music of Two in the Think Tank is the best one we've ever done. And I think it needs acknowledgement, recognition, improvise, they have a lot of categories at these that's true improvise improvise podcast intro yeah that would be good if they started brackets international foreign language because it was it is world music is world music it's the most world like Europe but we're performing this from two different sides of the world this literally is while we're doing it the world is a sandwich between our music mm-hmm a sandwich between our music and that sandwich between our music when When the phraseys come around again, you know, we could have a whole

episode that's just about award shows. Just different awards giving out awards. The phraseys? The phraseys is for the best sentences? Yeah. Oh, is that a real one or did you just make that up? I just made that up. Oh man. What do you think would be like an all-time or like best, you know, like, because obviously there'd be a lot of categories, you know. Best exclamation.

Yeah. Best question. Oh, that's really good. Best non sequitur, best... Best woman in a sentence? Best woman... very good. Best supporting... Comma? Adjective?

Lifetime achievement sentence? Yeah. Like what do you think is the sentence that's achieved the most in its existence? Oh wow. Stop! Exclamation point? Stop exclamation point. Oh I mean that's a big one.

That is a big one. What about shut the fridge? You know, just one. Yeah. What about shut the fridge? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's achieved so much. Maybe some fridge shutting. Yeah.

All right. We may as well just call it. That's the best one. All right. I just didn't think there'd be so much silence after I said it. Oh, maybe. And then we it was because of all the images that it created in my mind. Oh, yes. You know, the seconds upon seconds of images that I had to flip through.

They were flashing before your eyes. You were assailed. It was like the end of 2001 a space Odyssey you were and you were imagining yourself as a baby a giant baby in space right I was frozen frozen stiff with imagery somebody should say that to Elon Musk Move over the end of 2001 a space odyssey there's a new giant baby in space. Let's say that when he launches it goes to someone. Was that in 2001?

Or was that in like that sequel one? You know like there's like 2010 the year we make contact. I know that there's like like a baby in the in the poster for that well that's probably what it is that's probably what it is but I don't know I I just don't think I've ever made it all the way through 2001 one of the greatest films of all time I have once yeah and I had a perfectly fine time with it And I did really enjoy looking at some of it being like how the fuck did they do that?

Because they you know that everything in there. They actually did it and it looks really good Yeah, that is nice Hmm. I did see that somebody was saying that Kubrick, I think he was maybe saying that he would withhold his label as genius because there's the human element of being a good person that he thinks he lacks. Wow. I don't think that's one of the criteria for genius. I'm sorry to say yeah

And I'm giving back. I'm really I'm giving you I think that somebody can be a genius and be like like a horrible murderer kind of bad person Yeah, okay, that's cool. I mean, you just think that if somebody was so geniacal, you know, what's the maniacal version of genius? Geniacal. Geniacal. If he was so geniacal, then why can't he figure out how to work with people? But then again, then again, I've been hearing as I do research about James Cameron, apparently he's, you know, the man who's got three of the top five highest grossest film grossing

films of all time. He is famous for mistreating people on set, at least in the past. Really? Famous for it. Famous for it. You know that movie, The Titanic? They actually drowned all those actors. That's right. He insisted upon it. But he said, it'll be only fair I'll also drown myself and then he but he did spend a fair bit of time in the water but he he did come yeah I guess always came back up again every man for himself oh you know what they say about James Cameron Alastair what do they say there's no depth to which he will not

sink oh that's very good Andy because it's true it's one of the truest statements ever made. Oh my god next year Phrases see you at the Phrases. See you at the Phrases. Oh Andy absolutely you are you are invited you are invited put on your most beautiful dress. A frock. It't it interesting, as soon as you go to an award ceremony, dresses become frocks. They're never frocks any other time of the year. But you get, but the, you know. Yeah, hang on, I've got, I'll wait, hang on. in the middle of something that's funny. I think mama just got home Yeah Huxley came down to tell me what black spider-man does yeah So anyway funny that he came down to tell me about somebody else saying that I'm

in the middle of something. I know! You know who that makes me think of? Dad. Dad, his podcast. Yeah. Spider-Man's in the middle of something. Andy, do you think that if we ever did open up the, this is based on a sketch idea that

we once came up with, the Marinara Trench, the dream would be to get James Cameron to eat there and finish off the deepest bowl of spaghetti that restaurant kind has ever seen? Absolutely. And apparently he's moving to New Zealand. James Cameron. Yeah, I think he's moving there now. I think he's wanting to work with, um, I mean he's wanting to just get out of America,

but he wants to work with wetter, and I think he's been for a long time trying to become a citizen. He loves things to be wetter. He loves things to be wetter. Oh, that's what he did to all the actors. Yep. The way of water. Never seen be wetter. That's what he did to all the actors. Yep. Never seen a wetter guy. Way of the water, way of the wetter.

Two out of his three highest grossing films are some of the wettest films you could find. I need to get wetter! That's the only way forward that he can imagine. But then what's he gonna do with this fire one? Is he just gonna put water in the air? It's gonna be a very humid film. Has he got a fire one, has he? Yeah, you remember he's got six of these Avatar movies coming. What, is there a fire Avatar?

I think the next one is gonna be a fire Avatar. Oh, that's weird. I don't like it. I would hate to see that film. Yeah I haven't seen and Terminator one of his one of one of the other terminators one of his thing was that he was a robot That could turn into liquid though a wet robot Wait and then his other movie was the abyss where they go deep under underwater And they think they meet aliens or something like that and in it

they breathe oxygen that's liquid this is the question is James Cameron the wettest director this world has ever seen sloppy Cameron James and another film another another James Cameron film comes out where the theme appears to be moistness, wet. What if this but wet? What if but wet? What if a big boat but wet? Because that is what the Titanic story is. What if a boat was even wetter? What if a boat got wetter

than it should be? I mean it really was, was it was, was, let's see here. I mean there's, there's, there's, was he inspired to build a submarine when he saw the Titanic sink to the bottom of the ocean and thought that's a very good idea, but it would be great if it could come back up again. Is he just sort of doing like a reverse Titanic? A reverse wedding. Or a reusable Titanic? Not a single use. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a reusable Titanic. Absolutely. I know we talk about James Cameron a lot on this

podcast. He seems to come up often but that's his fault for being one of the main characters of life ironically because he's always behind the camera but has he ever been to the top of Mount Everest and if not, I mean is there anybody who's been to the bottom of the Mariana Trench who has also been to the top of Mount Everest and If he is not he's like a nation should fucking get up there Hmm but has James

Cameron I know it doesn't interest him because it's probably not very wet. It's not wet enough. I Know but then it what about this the top about this the top of the mountain but wet. Yeah that is a really good idea. Wet Everest. I am gonna climb wet Everest. In fact it's probably like it's probably well by definition I imagine it's the furthest from sea level yeah well it's not any well actually uh... there's that other one that in hawaii that's a mountain that because of the bulging of the earth yeah but sea level is included in the bulging of the earth so if i'm talking about sea level

oh yeah you're right you're right it is the furthest yeah Everest is the furthest from sea level the one in hawaii is the furthest from the center of the earth. Well no wonder James Cameron has not been up there. He doesn't give a shit. It's got nothing to do with, but that is the connection of Everest to the sea level, to the sea. That and, yeah, that and also in the Himalayas you often find whales. You do and you...

Or like evolutions of... evolution with skeletons. Yeah, and you know, those shells, you find those... what's that word? Ammonites? Ammonites? Sure. I think that... maybe? Or maybe they're a religious group. Sure, that's good enough for me. I've converted to being an Ammonite. You know what would be good? A fossil based religion.

Okay. I don't know what you would do with that. But how would you... Like, you know, you look at it and you go, Yeah, alright. Because what do you need from a religion? What is it that these people are getting out of it that you go yeah all right um because what do you need from a religion what is it what is it that people these people are getting out of it that you don't get out of a

regular life oh well i'll tell you what these the the the fossilites people do is that they um that this is the problem the christians made the mistake of making up their religion when there was so much science yet to be discovered, right? And then every single thing that got discovered after that they had to be like, oh that's a trick that God put there to make you not think he was real. Right? But now that all the science has been discovered, all of it, all every single bit, right. I'm not going to make the same. I'm going to learn from their mistakes. I waited until all the science was discovered and now I make up a God that fits all the observed scientific facts but is also still

a God. Who was it that that Gertels or whatever the guy who like figured out that mathematics like there's all these things that are unknowable. Ah Gertels or whatever the guy who like figured out that in mathematics like there's all these things that are unknowable? Ah, Gertels incompleteness theorem. Yes, well, that's where God exists. God is mostly in these bits of maths. Yeah, well you know I roll it in, I'm gonna be like, yeah dark matter, dark energy, that's God baby.

What happens tomorrow? That's God. All the bits that you can't predict. Sun What happens tomorrow? That's God. All the bits that you can't predict. The sun comes up, that's not God. Has any religion done this? That God is, God is, lives tomorrow, right? And he's running around tomorrow, arranging everything so that when we get there, it's all nice.

God's like room service, but for tomorrow. So he's making the bed, he's making the food, he's stocking the supermarkets. I don't know. Maybe. He's weaving the nothingness of space into tomorrow. Oh my god. What an Alastair. The phrase is the it's back open baby the field is big. God is yeah God weaves weaves the fabric of tomorrow from the from the strands of yesterday oh oh the strands of today the strands of of today. The loom. On the loom of the now.

How about that? The loom of the now. Oh, the looming now. The looming. Is that why it's called looming? The tomorrow, the future is looming because the strands are yet to be woven by God. God the weaver. The weaver. The weaver. I am so close to to giving it all up and believing in God. I just don't even know how I could. No, well you just got to give up. Just give up. You know what my one is?

I'm really close to just letting myself believe in magic. Oh, that feels even bigger to me. Because there is a part of me that I've got enough of the things that I've really, really wanted. And I was like, I think I've done that. I think that was me wanting it that did it. Mm, sure. You know? Sure. And like, if I just go, I really, really want this.

And also just enough things have just appeared. Like, you know when you work freelance and work just appears when you absolutely need it? Mm, mm. That part is the thing that like, I'm like, you know what? I am absolutely the main character Yeah, and the the universe and I don't know why I'm being put in this position that I'm yeah if I'm the main character a very non main kind of guy who Most people don't give a shit about

But maybe that's one of those boring movies, you know Maybe it's mumblecore You know nothing really happens. So I should do plus brothers. Yeah, that's right You know every there's always somebody with depression and I you know, I'm not that guy but I know them. I know them Yeah, I can see I'll stare if it helps don't know if it helps I feel the exact same way baby Yeah, exact same way. I think that what we're just experiencing is white privilege, but we think it's magic I think it's also just

The nature of Let's see here. I mean consciousness, right? An individual's unique position in the world that they can only see from inside their own eyes. And also, maybe the prevalence of media and social media and seeing stories in that way. What about this? What about this?

It's a guy who can't catch a break, but then he also realizes that he can't fuck up his life. He just can't get out. He can't get out of just this kind of, you know, like basically the status quo for him. And I don't know if this is just a very, very soft core horror film. Interesting. Well, it's almost like a sort of a sitcom or Groundhog Day kind of logic you know the sitcom thing

of like everything's back to normal at the end of the episode and nothing ever changes and Groundhog Day you know that you just live the same day over and over again. I mean that would be interesting a guy who does who does always like a guy who becomes aware that he's in a sitcom because his life always bounces back to this neutral place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, he breaks up with his girlfriend, but they always get back together

within an episode's worth of time. I was gonna say he's in a sitcom, but we don't even want him to be in a coma. I mean, I do a guy who realizes, who realizes he's in a sitcom. What about this guy whose dick is in a coma? Oh my gosh. It wakes up after falling into a coma when he's 16. Oh my God.

And he's 40 years old. Oh, 40. Oh God, that's so old. And he realizes he has, yeah, but his dick, he's still got his, this dick still has the mind of a 16 year old. I feel like this is just describing what it's like to be a man.

It's not even... I mean I think that there's something interesting where it's like he's just aroused by all the things a 16 year old would be. Mmm. The rocking on a bus. Let's make it that the... actually let's go back even earlier, right? His dick slipped into a coma when he was 12, right? It wakes up when he's 45. He's never had an erection before. The issue, oh yeah, but the, I think the issue, oh yeah, I mean that would be interesting where he, for some reason he goes through late puberty in at 40 No, he I think what it physically and everything he's gone through it

It's just his dick right and it's still a it's still an adult dick. It's just has them. It's just It because it's been in a car. It's still full fully formed and physically Physically, it's beautiful Physically, I think the problem with a 12 year old is that we're talking about a 12 year old penis. So then it feels a little bit. Oh boy. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, no, I see what you're saying So just like it but it's but it's just the mind but this idea of the mind of a penis is just something we've made up Yeah That's right. The penises don't really have minds and they don't have a mental age I mean, it's all I wanted to be is that he's never had an erection.

Right. Sure. And so he's, he's getting them for the first time. It's a, it's a future society where you only get given your penis at 40. Ah, yes. You get given the keys to your penis, to your libido, libido, which by the way, beautiful name for a car. Oh, Ford libido. The, to your libido. Libido which by the way beautiful name for a car. Oh Ford libido. The Ford libido.

The Daihatsu libido. No there's too many vowels but Suzuki libido works. What about I mean a Hyundai Felaccio would be pretty good. What about the... I mean a Hyundai Felaccio would be pretty good. ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. It's the best time of the year to be a sports fan, and over at The Nation Network, we have you covered no matter the sport. Whether you're a hockey lover, a basketball head or a baseball fanatic, our catalog of podcasts provide fans daily insights, analysis and a touch of light-hearted humor. As Canada's leading independent sports network, we give fans what they want to hear with some

of the most respected voices in the game. Don't miss a minute and stream our shows now wherever you get your podcast Acast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast calm Yes, ah the wait the Bugatti Risti. Yeah, Achea Yoni. What's a Yoni? What's that? It's like some, it might be like an Indian word for vagina, I think, or vulva. Oh. It's like a word that is used in sort of

hippie circles for the hippie circles hippie circles like a hula hoop I think so they love they love to spin a thing around they love a flaming stick yeah I've but it feels like they would probably want some tassels on that They love to spin a thing around. They love a flaming stick. Yeah, but it feels like they would probably want some tassels on that hula hoop. They couldn't be doing with just, or it'd be bamboo. They couldn't be doing with just a plastic, plain, unadorned plastic ring.

Just picture it, they're at a blues fest, and you know and like who like Michael Franti and Ben Harper are playing. Oh is Michael Franti backed by Spearhead? Yes he's being backed by Spearhead. Is he singing that song where our weapons were our instruments? Is that him? Oh I want to no. Oh, no, that's that might be um, maybe that's No that is that that's gotta be um, oh that's the cat empire, but that would work there there there they are there I Love the cat Empire haven't listened to for a long time love them Yeah, but that song our weapons Weapons Were Our Instruments,

can fuck off. Yeah. You're not supposed to put that in the lyrics. Don't put that in the lyrics. You don't say that. Yeah, I think it's anybody who really feels like they're having a huge impact using their music, except for Rage Against the Machine. I mean, that is absolutely the music music. They're not using their

Yeah, I do. Take the green bit off of the designer carrots. In the future, it will be illegal to do that to carrots because they will see it as an active subversion. It gives people ideas exactly. They actually say, that's the most important bit of the carrot. The rest of the carrot would... actually this probably is true. The rest of the carrot wouldn't be able to do anything without that bit of the carrot. You need that bit. You can't take that bit off.

Yeah. They'll be like, oh we're not allowed to circumcise big dicks anymore. Gives people too many ideas. Gives people too many ideas. Too many ideas. A little guillotine. Maybe to satisfy the public's lust for guillotining the wealthy. We will be allowed to guillotine them, but only their foreskin skins. Public guillotining the wealthy. We will be allowed to guillotine them, but only their foreskins. Public guillotining. Public guillotining of the, wait no, the public circumcising of the elite.

That's right. We take them out, we shoo them out of their homes and we bring them into the town square. Drag them into the square. Drag them into the square. To the cobbled square. Put them up on the platform, the gallows. We pull their binky winkies as What's-His-Name would say. And you know who I'm saying? No. I would refer to it as a... Oh yeah.

The guy who's just been arrested. What's his name? Oh my little twinkle dinkles! Oh my twinkie dinky! Yeah. Um yeah. Russell Brand. Yeah that's right. Oh you may have been avoiding saying his name on purpose.

No no no I wasn't. I just genuinely couldn't remember. Alright. Yeah. on purpose. No, no, no, I wasn't. I just genuinely couldn't remember. All right. But it is such a, they should be able to use it in court when you take a big swing to become a right-wing influencer, right? That should count as evidence against you in any case, sexual assault case, because it's such an obvious thing that people are doing where they're like, oh, there's going to be some accusations coming out against me. You know what? I'm going to Because it's such an obvious thing that people are doing where they're like, oh, there's going to be some accusations coming out against me. You know what? I'm going to become a more right-wing so that I could have a following that is

already primed to not believe news media and is dumb. It should be like, oh case closed I reckon. Yeah, no, you did it. That's a confession. Now that counts as a confession. But does it get you any leniency like a normal confession would? Oh, see that would be fun, wouldn't it?

Leniency. Alastair. Yeah. Have we written down any sketch ideas? We haven't paused for breath. I just wanted to see Because there have been sketch ideas that have been written down to the point where we could almost go to three words from a listener Is that something that you would want? Let's do it. Let's dip a toe

Well, if you're willing to dip a toe Andy, I'm willing to put the other four in Put in the or take and Andy can I just say I love the way that you want a James Cameron your toes get them all wet mmm oh I mean can you would it would be nice to be able to go down to the bottom of the Mariana Trench and then just have a little hole that you can poke your leg out of and just touch the bottom. Oh, just feel it. With your bare foot.

That would be nice. Just paddle. I mean, it would be cool if there was like such a thing as a touch window. You know, like a window that you could just touch through. Like a dental dam. Yeah, like a dental dam but for incredible amounts of pressure all the sensation you could still get all the sensation through these 12 inches of perspex yes sort of like yeah bone misting pressure I want to just touch a

little bit of it yes you, you are working together, working, James Cameron has teamed up with, what's a condom company? Ansel. Ansel, great. Ansel to make the first zero, oh, I don't even know how to express this. But yeah, we've already said it.

So, they know what I'm about to try and say. I know, I like the way that you got out of that back door. I'm officially taking myself out of contention for the phrases. No, I mean, that's just one entry of your many entries today. Thank you. Speaking of entries, somebody has entered three

words from a listener into this episode. It's a pretty new listener. Alright, so from beyond your best behavior. Everybody, yeah, we want us not sound like an idiot in front of some of our newer patrons. Yes, and let's certainly not drag this bit of the podcast out. If this is their first time having this, being here, getting their words on the podcast, I don't want them to think, what the fuck is going on

with this bit where they say they're about to do the words and then say the name and then don't do the words for maybe half an hour Okay So let's just talk about whether or not the the words that they submitted was from them as a listener or another listener It's like it's like it's like dating somebody new. Okay, you don't do that kind of stuff too early on foot forward Okay, you don't do that kind of stuff too early on. Put your best foot forward. Although, this person did join in the era where we did that. So we could, that could be the thing attracting people to the podcast.

Oh no. That's what they want. You know, there's probably a lot of people who start listening to the podcast. They download a random episode, you know, one of the newer ones, and then they click to about 50 minutes in and they go, let's hear what this podcast is about. And then they think, oh, it's probably just about people guessing whether or not, or trying

to figure out who the listener that submitted the words, whatever. Let's do it. Let's do a podcast that is just trying to guess words. You have a list of words, maybe a guess words. You have a list of words Oh, that's maybe a hundred words or you just think of words and I guess what I love that idea for a podcast I think I think we'll do a bonus episode. That is that it's just what word am I thinking of? It's just what word am I thinking? I mean that's good, but I like having a list of a hundred words. And I can't get any of them.

You get, and you get a hundred guesses. Wow. Wow. That's, that's a really good game. I mean, you know, trying to guess one word, that's crazy, but trying to guess a hundred words, you should get one of them, at least. Yeah. Okay. That's crazy, but trying to guess a hundred words you should get one of them at least yeah Okay

And no using chat GPT to generate the words you got to think of them all That's right. That's the way our grandfathers would have done it. They would have created a podcast like that Hundred words, that's a good podcast. It's a very catchy name. 100 Words. And then you could get celebrities on. Hey welcome to 100 Words. This word comes from Tom Hanks. Ben Mendelson. Oh wow. Mendelson. Mendelson. 100 Words the podcast. With Ben Mendhn. With Ben Mendelsohn as a host. He's on every episode. Oh, he's the sidekick. Yes.

He's not even the main guy. Mendo. We're not using him very well. You know how you could do it is that you could just record it and then occasion and then just get him to send in any things that he thinks to say later on when he listens in his own time. And then you can just edit them in. Yeah. You can edit yourself some responses to him. Great. You send it to him in case he wants to respond to those. It's so much easier this way, Andy. Okay, Andy, the listener today

is and look, this is my first time trying the name, but it's Diva Argue. Diva Argue? Yeah, it could be Deva Argue, but I like Diva Argue. I love Diva Argue. Yeah, like as in you did before this episode and you Carried this love around for many many years Diva argue. Yeah, no Diva has submitted three words from a listener and

Says thanks to you guys. Love the pod. Oh my god. Yeah, it's incredible. Three words, two dots. Two dots. Do you wanna guess what these three words are? Okay, and the first word is... Salad. Close. Mom.

Oh, mom. M-O-M or M-U-M? Mom. Uh, slap. Ooh, I mean that was really close to salad. You were... In terms of the letter contents and stuff like that, but no, it's bod. Mom bod, mom bod challenge?

The third word challenge. Oh, sorry, no. Andy, no, the third word is bot. Mom bod, bot. Andy, you can see the theme is three letter words with O in the middle. Oh, this is great. great well you know what would be really good is to have a robot a mum robot that comments on your weight you know but just in the way that you know that your mum is sort of just just

watching you she doesn't always say something but just sometimes you know from the fact that sometimes she comments that you're looking slim Right, you know that she's thinking about the toll all the times when you look fat Yeah, just no and Worried and biting their tongue Mmm, think of think of all the the canker sores on your mom's tongue from her Every time that you've put on weight that's just another another unfair way that you treat her she's all cankered up and you know

sometimes you know if your mom has is no longer with us maybe this is just what you need to feel her presence. My mom is cankerous from the weight that I carry. Cankerous from biting her tongue from the weight that I carry. I'm sorry, I was just trying to get back into the phrases. I could tell. I could tell. But, you know, you know, it's like it's real phrasey bait. You know, it's like making a Holocaust movie for the Oscars. That's right. You are so desperate

I mean, what did the Oscars do before? War two. Yeah, how did they choose? What was the best film? It's really hard. It's really hard But yeah, cuz uh, well cuz what was like, you know I don't think that the one that that guy had made when he was young was had anything to do with the Holocaust What's that that one? You know the one that that guy had made when he was young Orson Welles. Yeah Citizen Kane, yeah Something like 45% of the audience knew what I was talking about.

You know, I don't know if Sid and Kane even won an Oscar. I mean probably did. But um... Yeah, I don't know either. You know, yeah, I mean that's what it was all. It was all young guys making films back then It's all young guys making films back then and then winning. Yeah, they just gave them to good ones. I mean, what would a bot that just comments on your weight look like? Would it just look like, cause you know what's crazy is that you could have,

imagine this, you get a, it looks just like a flesh light cause it's got a mouth at the end of it right oh okay and somebody buys it off of marketplace thinking it's a flesh light that it's a flesh light but it's actually a robot that just comments on your weight we thought that's all it needed was a mouth to comment on your weight. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's a it's an awkward territory. It's an awkward territory. Because the guy gets it home. I don't know why he's buying second hand fleshlights, but come on, it's a tough economy right now. Yeah. I mean, it's sort of it's it's kind of like maybe it's the fleshlight version of a

But for but for killing boners You know, I and I realized that the concept of a boner killer is a bit of a toxic idea But you know, sometimes you don't want you don't want to have sex with a Plastic tube right? Yeah, but you do have an erection you're like I need to get rid of this erection what if it was a different plastic tube that would just sort of whisper things toov's three laws of boner robotics do say that you should never kill a boner. Well it'll never harm the boner but it will kill the boner.

Okay, yes it put it, it humanely euthanizes the boner. You know and you think imagine how much that would revolutionize sort of monasteries where there's like all these guys who normally have to meditate you know to to kill their boners and to get their mind away from any temptation and things like that. The sins of the flesh. Yeah and then some, you know, some meditation sensei comes in with a with a boner murder bot and and suddenly they're like we actually don't need to meditate anymore. They're like yippee! This is actually, this is the um, this is, this isn't a flesh light, this is a transcend the temptations of the flesh light. That's right. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. Because I guess it wouldn't be that, even if you're like in a sort of a far away

mountain retreat sort of monastery where there's no temptation around, where there's no temptation around. Chances are some hiker, tourist hiker has just just carelessly discarded a fleshlight on the side of a path. Mmm. You know? And then one brings it home sort of like the God's Must Be Crazy style. Like that cooktop. This is a really good idea. A sexy version of Gods Must Be Crazy where an isolated monastery gets their hands on a fleshlight. Yeah. Oh my goodness, it gets dropped from a light aircraft over the Himalayas and falls in the middle of the rock garden. There, where the novice monks are raking the stones.

Yeah. Oh. I mean, I would be, yeah. I somehow want to, this is so crazy. I'm like, because it's like, I want to like white it up because I don't want it to be. So like- Oh, don't worry. They're all white people who've gone there

on some sort of cultural appropriative retreat. And it's called The Gods Must Be Horny. The God. I'm crossing out crazy and I'm writing the word horny. The gods must be stiffy. I know that's way worse, but I just want to say this. Yeah, that's good. Alastair, let's go through the sketch ideas

and get the hell out of here. Yep, okay. By the way, I don't take that to mean that I want to leave. No, Andy, I know you don't want to leave. I would be here forever. We don't live in that infinite vacuum that they so claim. That's right. I mean, it's infinite with space and time, but the time seems to be much more limited than the space.

Anyway, Professor X, but for fuckheads. Here we go. We got the Friesies Awards. I tell you what he's Professor Forex. It's the academies in Queensland and they're all on the cans. That's right. Professor Forex. You fucking cunts! That's good Andy, that's fucking good. You know what's weird is that a Forex Gold is actually quite a Really easy drinkable beer. It's mid-strength, right? It's mid-strength. Yeah, I think that's what makes it go down So easy, but it makes you want like I just got a sudden urge to go to Queensland and just drink non-stop Goldies all day long

Mmm, and not even get pissed. Yeah. All right Andy one day we should retire on a beach and do that once. That's a nice idea. Retire even for a day or a three day camping trip. Have a little pre-time and go home unhealthy. Isn't that what being away from your loved ones is about? It's about giving away any care for your physical and mental well-being. I've also found that that's what being around your loved ones is about as well. Yes. OK, then we've got James Cameron, what if, but wet. Ah, the James Cameron stories.

Tomorrow God. That's the God that just lives tomorrow. That's why we've never been able to see him. He just lives him tomorrow. He's too busy building the future. Man, that's such a simple fix. It's such a simple fix. It's such a simple fix. We can't even tell Christians about this because it actually fixes all of their arguments. He doesn't live in the present. He lives in the future. That's why you can't see him anywhere mmm and I would um man I would I would fall for this one oh I could I would sink into its lukewarm waters oh and we can't

even release this episode it's too powerful an idea we've got God who realizes he's it oh not God guy who realizes and it's he's in a sitcom because his life keeps resetting to a neutral point. We've got banning, cutting the tops. This is on social media, it's like, and maybe in society, they're banning cutting off the tops off of carrots and circumcising big dicks because it gives people the idea to behead the rich.

Then we've got 100 Words, the podcast with Ben Mendelsohn. Where you guess that's where you guess you get a hundred words one gift person and then the other person has to guess them try to guess them and I assume there's some conversation along the way. Alistair by the way this is this is fucking crazy right yeah But before I came, like literally as I was stepping up the steps to come to The Shed to record this episode of the podcast, I was thinking to myself, wonder if there's a sketch idea, and this is this is literally what I thought, I was like, about a competition to find the world's wettest mum, right? Not wet in like a sexual way she's just really like

Really sopping wet somehow, you know, it's all like weird that idea Which I'd never said out loud and I definitely didn't consciously shape into anything this sort of infused this episode somehow well, what also happened is that I listened to a a part of a comedy bang bang episode today and they've, over the last four years, they've created a new holiday, which is called Wet Day. And I listened to Wet Day, this year's wet day episode today and you got to listen to it because it's a good like Paul and Scott episode but in it they tell you all the lore that they've created over the last four years. Wow, catch you up on it.

And how you should celebrate wet day. It's um we both came in with such a wet mindset. It's absolutely, we were ready to wet. We were ready to wet ourselves. We could call it, this might be our wettest episode yet, Andy. Alright, did you write down the phrases by the way? Yeah, the phrases was the second one, the phrases awards. We've got Bot that comments on your weight It's just a mouth and there's a guy who buys one thinking that it's a fleshlight

And then it's a real good like cursed purchase monkey paw style episode And then there's the boner murder bot which is for people who are trying to control their sexual urges. They can carry this around and it can whisper into your ears and tell you, you know, like it can just it's an all around wearable tech that anytime you get an urge, it can shut it down by murdering your boner. Killing your boner through visual effects, through words, through anything. Any means necessary. Manipulate the very fabric of reality and your trousers.

Alistair, here we go. And the last one, gods. The gods must be horny. Which is the gods must be crazy with a flashlight it gets dropped on a monastery Boom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Double percussion. Thank you so much for listening to the episode. Of Two in the Think Tank with Andy and Matthews.

Two in the Think Tank with Andy and Matthews. Andy and, I call him an Andean, because I thought I was heading to Andea. Ah, yes. And Alastair, it's been a pleasure and a joy and a treat, and thank you to everybody who listens and supports the show. Thank you to everybody. We adore that.

We are so happy to have you all with us. There will be more Patreon episodes forthcoming, I would say, within the next week. Yes. We are windows for recording become smaller sometimes and they keep changing because of daylight savings, but we think we found a good time now, right after I pick up the kids and when Andy gets up at an ungodly hour. And we love you. Oh my god, you. Yeah.

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