Two In The Think Tank - 472 - "AFTERMOON"

Episode Date: April 16, 2025

Sketch Spreadsheet by Will Runt: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1e2HYV7-VcnAV08wyHA7OFbqh_UCnVDUheiNFiqxPX_Y/edit?usp=sharingThink Tank Institute: https://lookerstudio.google.com/s/kH2int_ZkuIPants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. Zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing Andy and this is I'm fucking up everything about this introduction Welcome to turn the think tank this show where we come up with five Andy and I'm Alastair George William from Librochannel. Oh my goodness That's okay Andy. Andy you tried something new right you experimented which could have led to growth Yes, but maybe the growth will lead to is that I'll do the intros from now on Growth in alistair's role on the podcast remember doing the intros remember how when you would promote something

It was like it would take too long at the beginning of an episode and so for about 200 episodes only I would do it Only you were allowed to do it alistair. I got somehow, I got sidelined. Oh gosh I just had a really scary thing happen to me. What? I was looking out the window and there's a single shirt on the clothes line in the dark and the wind started to turn the clothesline and the shirt started to move towards me. And you thought it was a man. I thought it was a man or possibly I was not ruling out the possibility that it was a ghost because only a fool truly rules out the possibility of the supernatural.

You don't want to open up your mind so much that your brain falls out, then you'd get dust all over it and sort of sand and grit and things like that. Oh, what a horrible feeling, what a horrible thought. Oh, imagine that you put it back in and it's just that you can now feel little bits of gravel underneath it.

Oh, gravel. The last little bits, the last little bit of place where I still had comfort. Yes. In the wet area around my brain. Now, how would this happen in reality? How would you get lint, bits of grit, some hair, some really long pieces of hair

sort of tangled around your brain. Oh no. I mean, the only way I can think of right now is there's brain surgery happening and the doctor loses his grip on it and it goes out the window. Oh no, the brain, oh, it's out the window. Yeah, open window. I guess the hospital, the parade! It's out the window. Yeah, open window.

I guess the hospital, the thing is, what you've done well here is that the hospital itself is quite a sterile environment. At least they try and keep it so. So there's unlikely to be grit and hair on the floor in the hospital, which is... They're probably wearing those little nets under their feet. So yeah, so then it lands maybe just in the grass

and there's an ant on it and there's a bunch of dirt and a few little rocks. This is not so bad so far. To be honest, to be honest, outside stuff doesn't really bother me as much as like- What about gravel? Just when I, just my own kitchen floor, you know? Is- Yeah, I remember- almost the most horrible environment I can imagine

I remember when one of the kids came out of the bathroom and I came out of the bath and sort of like crouched down or kind of like laid down under there and they're not laid down but kind of like sort of got on all fours on the Mat and then put the the blind put the towel over them so that they could look like a rock, you know, I'm a rock. That's a bit that we do. And we fall for it every time. And then he got up and then near his, you know, like his three, four-year-old pubic area There was an adult pub on there and I was like, ooh, that feels wrong.

You're not ready, that's not for you. Give that back. Yeah, that's mine. You can't wear that. I felt quite intimidated, that was the problem. I could see already his attempts to usurp me. Yes, I have pubic baldness and pubic pattern baldness. And it's a lot of the people in the gymnasium change rooms

are giving me a hard time. It's a shame that the male pattern is only used for hair loss. I think it would make a wonderful design for a t-shirt or maybe a drum beat. That's really good. Thanks Alastair. I mean also by the same token, it's a shame that the only pattern that they use for baldness is male. When there are so many other beautiful ones, Houndstooth. Houndstooth, oh yeah of course.

Wait, Paisley? Paisley, yep. Good. Polka-ley yep yeah good what's another Fibonacci sequence? Is that a pattern? That's a sequence not a pattern. It's not really a pattern is it sort of almost the opposite of a pattern like just it's not as it's not a pleasing pattern in any way I find. What? The Fibonacci sequence. I mean it's intellectually a little bit okay. I don't know, it feels like you're really trying way too hard to come up with a pattern or a sequence. Like, you add the last two numbers together, like that's one that a kid would make up.

It's dumb. It doesn't have any like, it doesn't feel like real maths, you know? Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry that's just my opinion no Andy I mean it really no wonder nature does it somebody somebody was absolutely desperate for a pattern hmm a sequence you're right goddamn I feel embarrassed now especially after I corrected you and I had the upper hand yeah yeah Now I hold all the pubes. Jeez, you're

powerful with all those pubes. Oh, I mean that is a, imagine that like that, a huge pubic area. Just like, just the pubes go around, almost like the sun surrounding the genital region in a beautiful orb. Oh, I mean imagine if you could get a sort of a pubic region that went all the way around to the buttock and full bush all the way around. Oh wow. Maybe in that male pattern where it kind of does the ring around the side. Yeah.

And then you're all your upper body and your head and everything down your back, that's completely bald. But the male pattern just goes around your saddle, sort of around your hips like that. You know, that's beautiful. But then with that sort of... But then it's actually bald right above the junk. Okay.

Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. What do you think about that? Yeah, I think that, I mean, I think that would probably have the effect of making the male front genital appear larger, which we know is prized in their community. Yeah, in the genital community too.

In the male genital community. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is perhaps the most sought after prize of all. I mean it's possible. I think you know dexterity and longevity. Longevity. I mean obviously you know having it having it die in childhood is a terrible thing for somebody especially who's still alive. Hmm. Hmm. Especially that...

Yeah. To have like a sort of a shriveled up dead one. Yeah. Yeah, no you're right. Or one of those ones that is still alive but looks like it's a shriveled up dead one. That people see it and say I'm so sorry. Yeah. Oh I didn't, I had no idea.

My condolences. My condolences. Condolences. Condolences. I now have, what is it? What is this? My, I mean, what's the, that is, is there a sketch where this is like the worst thing that you can hear when you reveal your genital to a potential beloved for the first time?

Yeah. Well, one of the worst things they could say is, oh, my condolences. Yeah. Oh, I had no idea. My condolences. That's right. Well, I guess it's two, it's two conditions. Because one is the possibility of just having a dick die on a living body. Right. And and then the knowledge of that causing people to think that that's what they're seeing.

And on people whose whose dick maybe through evolution was made to look like it did have that syndrome to maybe scare away predators or something like that. Or to not draw the attention of eagles swooping in the sky above nudist beaches. They know instinctively not to eat them because they've got, they probably have necrosis and sort of bad bacteria in them. Yeah, so you're from, what you are,

you're from an isolated part of Italy, right? Yeah, so. Where for thousands and thousands of years, the men lay on nudist beaches, and over time, their front genital evolved to look dead so as to not attract birds of prey. That's right. There's a word, there's a word ratites, ratites? No that that might be like crows. They would be attracted. That's the, I mean that's the, isn't that just the tragic irony? As soon as you turn off the eagles, the crows start circling.

Oh, the vultures, you know, as well. The vultures. The vultures would be very hungry for that, for that little, uh, little grub. Mm. Mm-hmm. That shriveled. You know, there's not, there's not a dick in the world that you can repel all birds with. I learned that the hard way. Don't ask me what that means. I will be taking no follow-up questions at this time.

I mean, just, I guess that even if it just looks like it's been packed at by birds, let's say just naturally, that would itself, you know, it's probably less appealing, but, but still birds would be like, but other birds seem to think it's a good idea. Therefore I will also go for it. They are suckers with peer pressure. But also my observation of the natural world, Alastastair Is that something having already been picked at by birds?

Yeah is certainly not a turnoff to other birds in fact I think birds see another bird picking at something they want a piece of that action like There's you know I mean I thought that's exactly what I was trying to also communicate I'm in complete agreeance with you Andy I'm shaking your hand Right now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no fingers. It was a crazy handshake, but that is a great idea. To go for a handshake and then interlock. Yeah, I mean it's one of those ones where I think that interlocking actually would make the handshake very painful because when you try and shake like that the knuckles will

be trying to be bent in strange directions yes but what a great new handshake one is mostly with the side of the fingers the part of the fingers you don't really touch things with and really it feels does feel like a deeper level of handshake yeah by by by intertwining in that way now it feels like almost every finger is being shaken by every other finger. Yeah, absolutely. And we're creating, each person is creating both crevice and proboscis, you know?

Is both the male and the female in there like that. It's the most unisex handshake there is. It is, yes. It's a sort of a business scissoring. Yes. Of the fingers. A scissor shake. It wouldn't be, it wouldn't be that wrong to lube up the sides of your fingers before you do it. Oh no. So you slot in easier. Let's bring back spitting on the hand before the shake, that's probably why. That's why they... Yeah, I was just gonna say, do you think there was a pandemic that stopped the spitting in the hand?

Um, whatever it was, I mean our history, our culture has been erased. Yeah, I think we, I think we should bring it back, especially uh, with my fellow uh, men on the men on the right of politics. Yes. We're going to be spitting all over each other. Yes. Outside and in. Because it's more masculine. It's more masculine. It's less sensitive to other people's feelings. Isn't it wild the extent to which,

like pretty much straight up snake oil salesmanship is still just such a, like, if anything it's bigger than it's ever been. Like, snake oil salesman is like the byword, somebody who would go town to town selling a bogus medicine Yeah, right Used to be the byword for just cons and now it's just like Like Instagram it it's everywhere. It's that's just that's what influences are

It's the oldest thing in the book of just like let's just trick some people into buying some worthless shit. And we just haven't got any smarter about it. I mean, some people have. Some people don't. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know.

Like what you are you wanting to buy some stuff right now? I mean I was reading an article in the Guardian about this Shilajit stuff, which is Shijilit, Shilajit? Oh, I thought you were like... It's got legit in the name. It must be legit. Yeah. But, and they're basically debugging it. But even as I'm reading it I'm like, you know, but they're not completely debunking it

And if there's a little something there, but it's also funny that like there are so many other things for which there are Legitimate benefits that I don't do for my health. Yeah, and you know, I read this thing that's Being pretty much entirely debunked in an article and they're leaving a tiny window open by saying There's this the studies aren't very extensive and I'm going like not very extensive. But what does this stuff do? What does it do? Look not stuff I even want right? Well it is it's like a males thing it's some rock oil that like makes you more virile. A rock oil. Wow. Yeah. It's compressed organic matter

made in the formation of mountains. So it's like, sort of like a crude oil thing, tar. It's very thick and black. And like, it looks like something Satan would excrete. That's cool. It's like we're squeezing. It's like we're juicing mountains now. Yeah.

Yeah. There should be mountain milk. Hmm. That's a really good idea. Yeah. I think it could be a nice thing. It's just like, I guess you could just bleach this, this black tar. Bleach tar.

That would be a really good business idea right white tar is that what no to to get a mountain right not a huge mountain but like still pretty big still pretty clearly a mountain yeah and what you would need to do is you would need to slice it off at the bottom Okay, yeah, and just run a wire find a yeah exactly run a hot wire through it find a way of lifting it up Yeah, okay, just a little bit and then you and then lowering it back down again and use that to like crack walnuts or juice juice apples or something.

And then your business is like mountain juiced or mountain cracked. You got to try these walnuts. These are mountain cracked walnuts. They actually crack them with a whole mountain. Yeah, that's cool. I mean, you could probably get away with saying it even if you just use like a rock from a mountain. Yeah, but you want to be able to have people into the facility.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. And do it there, you know, in front of them and that sort of thing. That feels like part of the experience to me. Lifting a mountain. Yeah, lifting a mountain. Would you be satisfied with Hill? Hill cracked. Would you be satisfied with Hill? Um, Hill Cracked. No. No, because I think a hill is uh...

It doesn't seem good for you. Yeah. Yeah. No, it does nothing for me actually. I wouldn't even be impressed. Yeah, a mountain has mountain air. Hill doesn't have its own air. It's just using the ground air still. Ground level air. It's just using the ground air still. Ground level air.

Yeah. Mountain men. But it's mountain men. That's impressive. Hill people, you're like, ugh. Hill people, yeah. Get me a mountain man, thanks. Yeah, and there's hillbillies, but are there billies for other landscapes? Citybillies, but is there there's like are there billies for other landscapes? city billies hey City billies spitty. What's a spitty city? Oh city billies city urban urban billies Yeah, or sea billies street billies sea billies I mean that does it does feel like that there's you know between sailing folk and

Hillbillies there might be some sort of Shared something or other yeah, they're like toned Hattico tundra billies Ice billies ice billies. Yeah, I don't know Andy. I don't know about that. I mean our silly billies and hillbillies Are they related? They must have diverged somewhere. They're the only other type of billy as far as I'm aware. Hey yeah, I guess they probably did diverge at some point when one went up into the mountains and the others went off. They went into like a big clown car or a little clown car. How about this, it's a bus filled with clowns

and it's got the exact amount of clowns that you think would fit into a bus. Wow. And then do you watch him getting off, watch him all getting out of the bus and you sort of just nod with a sense that all is right with the world. It's sort of supposed to be reassuring

instead of confounding and calming instead of amusing and exciting. Yeah, I- I actually- I feel calm by knowing that everybody had enough, was comfortable inside the vehicle. And that occupancy limits are being respected. Yeah, that's right.

If they drove here, I don't want to think that somebody is going to get a ticket if a cop is seeing this performance. We share the roads and I want them to be safe. With a bunch of clowns. Yeah. A clown booze bus. Okay, what like?

Yeah. I don't know what that is. No, but a booze bus is a thing where people pull you over and you've got in. Yeah, yeah. And you, so, but what are they testing you for? Well, probably they get you to blow into a balloon. Yeah.

And then they turn it into a um turn it into a little sculpture of a dog. A little dashing sausage dog. I guess this would happen if if um if maybe like Copse was like being a cop was like in the arts and and Copse still had to have a day job. and cops still had to have a day job, you know, and so he would be dressed up as a clown because that's what he does during the day and then at night he breath tests people for to see if they're driving safely home. Yeah, being a cop is like in the arts. I mean, what are other ways that you could make being a cop be like in the arts? Like that there's you don't get paid, you have to ask for money after you only get paid

after you've solved the crime. Yeah, you've got to do quite a few years of being a sort of vigilante cop. Oh yeah, and hope. But yeah, before they'll... Because no one spots you. Yeah, and then, but then get sort of a portfolio of arrests. And then they'll look through it and see what you've done. They go, yeah, you look like you could do this.

And then you join the force. But then you gotta get a bunch of criminals. You gotta keep catching them. And the more criminals you have, the more money you've caught, the more money you make. Now we're making the criminals seem like they're the audience. The more criminals you've caught, the more money. I mean, it would be good if you could get the money from the criminals, you know?

Then it feels like a closed ecosystem and we can stay out of it. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah, I mean- If you catch a criminal, you get all their money. Yeah, I think that's good. Yeah, all the money that was involved with the crimes. Yes, the proceeds of crime.

Because I mean, do you think that if like, when you get your house robbed, the cops would work harder to find your stuff if they knew that like they got it, they could get at least like some of it, like they're a DVD player working on commission. Because I mean, I mean, is it it's that why he's called the police commissioner? Because he works on commission. That's right. Yeah. Finally makes sense.

Do you think that Like I mean it doesn't seem like a good system, but at the moment if you get your house robbed You don't get your stuff back at all Because they don't find it Yeah, I mean it feels like you might have an incentive then to sort of lie about how good the stuff was that you had so that they feel more excited to lie about how good the stuff was that you had so that they feel more excited to catch it to get it back, then they'll be disappointed obviously. But then you've committed the crime of lying to the police about the value of your things

and they presumably then they get to keep all of it. Oh, then they get to keep all of your stuff. Any stuff that you lied about, you have to buy it for them. Yeah. Okay. Great. I mean, this is starting to seem like a way better life. You don't get people buying you whatever you want. No, no.

you whatever you want? No, no. I have such an anxious relationship with art and calling anything that I do art because I really personally don't think any of it is but I was considering that if I did a comedy festival show, a solo show, I might call it pure art and just try and lean in and just confront head-on my insecurity about making art. Yeah I think that's a great idea. Pure art, I think it would motivate you to work at least medium hard. And that's what I need. All the stakes in the world to lift my motivation. Because I think if you tried really hard and you were like, yeah, I've really tried to make art and then it doesn't work, you'd feel weird.

Yeah, and that is one of the reasons I don't wanna call anything I do art. But I think I should, I should. I think art really is trying to make art and accepting the possibility that people won't like it. Like I think... Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's... If anything, I just saw some people recently basically say that the price of any kind of

success in this, in these kinds of fields is embarrassment. Is that you just have to embarrass yourself. And I think that that's been a barrier that I've, you know, I've only been willing to cross unintentionally. Right. And now I'm like, oh, I guess I will have to do that if I want to progress at all. Embarrass yourself? Yeah. Just further, further Andy. I'm not saying everything I've done is without embarrassment, Andy.

Anytime I've put out a video, I've felt almost pure versions of it. I mean, can we get just some sort of surgery or maybe a drug that just removes just that bit of the brain? But then I'm sure there'd be other consequences for that. Of not feeling any embarrassment. Andy, Andy, everybody in power in the United States is living like they don't feel it. Yeah, that's true. And they have achieved the greatest thing United States is living like they don't feel it. Yeah.

And they have achieved the greatest thing that you can achieve, which is destroying democratic society. Destroying America. I mean, isn't that crazy that, you know these wars that so many people have wanted to do over the years yeah you know destroy America we've all dreamed of it but but that just that he is the one who gets to do it I know it's really galling is it? But he gets every he gets everything For you, and he gets to destroy America the dreams of so many people We're all everybody's jealous

Mmm, that's what it is. They're just jealous because he gets to destroy America and they wanted to that's why that's why all these other countries Hate him. Yeah. Woo! Yeah, it's like, it's just been, yeah. Anyway, that's a fun idea that I have jotted, Andy. Jotted. Consider it jotted.

Do you think that there could be, um, like- Life after death? Well, I was going to say functions for the, for the male nipple that without, without adapting them, we could find for them. Because they're there and we're going to carry them around for the rest of time. Is there not a way that they could be bringing in some cash? Functions for the male nipple. I mean, I may have already, for some reason I feel like I've already said this somewhere

and I don't know whether it was on this podcast, but they do feel like good reference points for CGI, like two dots that you can use to then comp in something else instead of covering a person with ping-pong balls. You can use the male nipples as reference points and maybe build a 3D augmented reality dragon. Like when we are, I'll tell you what nipples will be great for us when clothes don't exist, but we all have goggles or glasses on, right? That augment reality and you appear dressed through the eyes of people. We're going to get to a situation where it's almost the opposite of x-ray goggles that

allow you to see under people's clothes. You will be able to put clothes over everybody and the male and dare I say the womanly nipple, non-binary nipple will serve that function. But I will say, no, the dog nipple won't work for that because their nipples are underneath and the camera won't be able to see them. What if we put mirrors on the ground everywhere? Well, they will be able to see the dog nipples and write that down Alastair. Mirrored floors allow you to see dogs nipples at all times. Let us see dog nipples at all times. yep but I do like that Andy and cuz I mean I imagine that because of this fast fashion

stuff. Um the the the clothes they don't last as long right? Yes. And I assume that because of the limited resources of the earth uh the price of uh clothing will up, making it maybe unprofitable for them to continue their businesses. So that suggests that at some point, we will hit this point where the clothes are breaking apart, but no new clothes can be made, and therefore the clothes will no longer exist.

And then if they could be digital, if they could be purely digital and downloadable. Then we can finally do Mark Zuckerberg's dream of people buying a $30 shirt in the metaverse. Yes, why wouldn't you spend as much money for something that doesn't exist? People will spend $30 for something that does exist. I can't see, I own one of the world's most valuable companies and I can't see any reason

why people wouldn't want to pay us just as much for a thing that doesn't exist. This thing that you don't have, that you can wear temporarily while you're getting sick from motion from wearing a VR headset. Yeah. Oh, fuck. In the worst graphically rendered environment imaginable. Yes, why not? So what was the one right before this? Oh yeah, it's just the VR, I know the digital, I mean it's not digital clothes. I mean, I think I wrote clothes with an S-E, clothes. Clothes.

But I think also I guess if nobody's wearing clothes and we do all have our male nipples out, do you think that we'll hang on just before we go on to that, do you think that at some point farmers will breed a woman with male nipples? And I mean that in a way that like, you know, like they do selective breeding on like a tree or something like that, not sort of like cattle. But I mean, we're not that far from being the cattle of the billionaires. I am not treating women as if they are cows. Women and men.

Women and men. Well, I'm treating them as if they are women and men and women and men Well, I'm treating them as if they are trees But this is it will make sense It will make sense to to get that evolutionary step or that sort of that genetically altered step in order for women to be able to get their nipples past the Instagram filters. Like, you know, sort of things like that. And so that's all I'm talking about. Yeah.

You know, it makes sense that from an evolutionary point of view, at some point, women may just naturally start developing male nipples. Male nipples, that's because Instagram is now part of our environment. Those filters are now evolutionary pressures. And we know that women whose nipples we are not able to see on Instagram, they are less likely to breed and to reproduce. They're less likely to thrive because we can't see their nipples on Instagram. Exactly.

If they had some beautiful male nipples that we could see, then maybe. I mean, I think I was worrying that the only way to get male nipples onto a woman would be to breed women with males and make some sort of crossbreed. Oh no, that sounds unsightly. It sounds like a horrible option. Yes. A chimera. A, a chimera, a veritable chimera. I was gonna say a bugbear, that's not the same thing is it?

Well it could be, a bugbear does sound like a chimera. Yeah. It's a half bug, half bear. Well it is, it is a mythical creature. In fact that's what they should call those tardigrades. Wait, a bug half bear. Well, it is it is a mythical those tardigrades Wait a bug bear. Yeah, really. Yeah I've never heard that before D&D. Let's have a look. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look, they're a They're a they're a brute Wait a melee weapon deals on a wait. Let let's see, it doesn't describe it. Oh, bugbears are hairy goblinoids born for battle and mayhem. They survive by raiding and hunting, but are fond of setting ambushes and fleeing when

outmatched. Yeah, but I... You're picturing one that's part bear, part bug. Well I wasn't interested in it being part of D&D unless D&D is like actually draws all its creatures from folklore because to me that just sounds like they heard the name bug bear and then made up a creature based on it which was what I was just about to attempt to do. But now I've done a little Google myself and I see that the AI overview, which I loathe myself for reading, does refer to a legendary creature or hobgoblin used to scare

children, similar to a bogeyman. That's right, Andy. So I didn't believe you, but I do believe the AI. Yeah, that's okay Andy. That's okay. I My name is not that far from AI. It's a L as we know as we all know at this stage in our lives It's hard to ignore it, isn't it? Staring us in the face. What is easy to ignore Andy? What is easy to ignore yeah Poor less less privilege What is easy to ignore? Yeah. Poor death. The less privileged. Oh. Yes, that's true. I mean, look, I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm saying we are somehow achieving it.

We are, we are and we do. And our hypocrisy is vibrant. What would happen? Thumbs and it thrums. Alistair, I'm gonna have to go, I apologize to leave you in the lurch like this, but I'm gonna have to go and use the bathroom. Okay.

I will be back momentarily. All right. I hope. Hello everybody, it is me, Alistair Trombley Virtual from the To and the Think Tank podcast. And I was just seeing if I could hear myself in Andy's thing. I don't think so. But yes, I was thinking about these underprivileged and then ignoring the thought. But what if your hypocrisy did know some bounds, its bounds? I mean, I think

that would be very good for hypocrisy to sort of be self-aware and probably would allow it to keep itself in check, perhaps. Unless its bounds were very far away, far beyond the bounds that are tolerable by others. But at least it would be known, but I don't think I'll write that down. You know what? I just, I am, every time that I am left alone, I always feel like I did in that first hundredth episode when Andy went to the bathroom. First hundredth episode of Toon the Think Tank. When I was left alone, not just left alone, I was left alone with Nick Mason. And I think in that moment I had realized

that I don't have any confidence in coming up with sketch ideas by myself, even though I'm currently doing it for a Montreal sketch fest that I'm trying to get ready for. But then that's when me and Nick Mason famously came up with the idea for a reverse helicopter, but it was just the words reverse helicopter that was the idea. And then I was trying to figure out what it was just the words reverse helicopter that was the idea and then I was trying to figure out what it was and I think maybe every time Nick Mason has been on a hundredth episode I have brought up the reverse helicopter which I think maybe we also found a good solution for what it would be in the 400th episode today I wrote a joke and it was like a very kind of Tim Viny kind of joke.

Perhaps you have heard this joke before, but allow me to read it out to you. And let me know if you have heard a version of this joke before. I know a guy who spent his life mastering the art of drawing bouquets of flowers onto testicles. Pretty nuts. There you have it. Now the sketch idea that I'm considering for a sketchfest at the moment is one where somebody, it begins where somebody is pushing a chip into their brain, a brain chip if you will, and somehow I think I have it that you can just push it through the skull. It's probably a thin thing and

then through the mouth of the person who just pushed it into their own skull, they go, you know, booting brain chip, like that, as if, so that's how the interface will just be through your own mouth and through your own ears, and that's how things will be said. And then I've got it that it's a brain chip that helps give you the confidence to kill billionaires. And I guess the fearlessness, but then when the guy goes to try to use it, what would you like to do today? And he goes, I'd like to kill a billionaire. His then thing says, oh, I I'm sorry that is only available on the premium model. And then I go further into the sketch idea but then you know go into all this stuff about trying to give up on you know trying to cancel one of these new things or trying

to join it temporarily and then trying to cancel it. I swear I heard Andy walking in the distance there. Yeah, I'm back baby. Hello Andy. I've been listening to you talk like a little creep. Well you know Andy, at first I had what I felt like was my struggle which is I think I might have being left alone to come up with ideas, trauma from the first 100th episode. And I feel a shock. Just the one time you probably went to the bathroom, it wasn't like the 400th episode where you went to the bathroom sort of 17 times or something like that.

Are you saying that because you feel like I did it noticeably a lot in the 400th episode? Or just because it was such a long episode? I think it was probably such a long episode, but also because you had commented on how few times I went to the bathroom. Ah, I see. Well yes, you had so much, you were probably talking so much coming out of your mouth hole that there wasn't much- A lot of liquid was escaping that way

Yeah, and you do spit a lot when you talk and maybe this is a life hack You know yes, so that you don't have to go to the toilet so much to do so many weewees Yes, if you just spit a bit more while you're talking you can actually get a lot of liquid out of your body that way Well, especially if you're doing it at night It's's a program. If you put in our brain wave headband, it will make you sleep talk. We found the frequency that causes people to sleep talk. Yes, okay. And we play it in sync with another frequency that convinced that that knows how to get your brain to

Spit while it talks Mmm, salivate. Yes. And so you will be talking all throughout the night and spitting and you will wake up bone dry Except for all the spit that you're laying in. I mean, I Had a wet dream last night, but it was mostly spittle. Uh, I was just in a heated argument. It was a wet dream, but I was just giving head in my dream. And so the wet came from the spittle. The spittle. Oh, it's a big slobbery job.

Slobbery gob job. Slobbery gob job. Slobbery gob job. I mean, imagine being a night spitter. Being in a relationship with somebody who's a night spitter. I mean, is it just walking and talking that we have in our sleep? Oh, but like, honestly, sleeping next to somebody who like sleepspits is so funny. She was a sleep-spitter, like especially she was a sleep-spitter. It's so funny to think about like well we we had a great

relationship me and this lady and and everything was perfect. We are all of our likes and dislikes lined up, but unfortunately she was a sleep spitter. And I found it difficult to get through, get a good night's sleep and it affected my mood. What from all the loogies I was wiping off of my face. I started to wear. Does a loogie have to have some snot in it as well? Yeah, that's the worst thing.

It makes me gag very much, the thought of those. They're not fun to imagine. No. To wait. But this product for, you know, you're talking about snake oil, this headband that has, you know, brain waves or whatever that go into your brain.

Yes, yes. It's the perfect snake oil to sell to old people who get up five, six times in a night. Yeah. Night toilet breaks. Okay, Andy, I'm gonna take us to three words from a listener. And this episode's listener, Andy, is Carrie Burke. Carrie or Carrie?

Carrie, Carrie, like Carrie. Carrie. Carrie, like I believe it's a fella's name, but I'm not, I assume. Cary, C-A-R-E-Y. Oh, I would pronounce that Cary. Cary. Cary.

I thought you were saying carry, like as in K-E-R-R-Y. Cary. This is an area in which the Australian accent struggles. You know, it's always been our Achilles heel. We're finding a sort of a little mud pit where the Australian accent spins it spins its wheels unable to get out and Carrie has has sent in three words from a listener and that listener is Crud from the discord. And now Andy, Carrie has sent in three of Crud's words. Would you like to try to guess what those words are? And before you say them Andy, just I want you to think. The first word is cloud scape. No Andy, no Andy, no no no no, no, no. The first word is, it is Langer.

Langer. L-A-N-G-U-O-U-R. L-A-N, he spelt it with an O-U-R, but when I put it into Google, it comes up U-O-R, possibly. Oh. I think that's possibly an American. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ring's true, ring's true. Okay, Langer, ranker, R-A-N-C-O-R is the second word.

Ooh, it's a good guess, Andy, ranker, but the second word, unfortunately, is langur, the simian. Ah, I don't know if it's simian. Oh, it's L-A-N-G-U-R, langur. Okay, okay. And then, well then, I'm going to guess Okay, okay, and then well then I'm going to guess

Longer is the last word L-O-N-G-E-R longer. Oh Andy. No, you've made a terrible Terrible mistake the third word is Alanga the South African town That if all these words are said the same as said with your accent uh they should sound exactly the same so can you give us longer longer longer langa langa langa langa langa yeah langa langa langa langa langa langa langa langa Langer. Langer, Langer, Langer. Langer, Langer, Langer, Langer, Langer. And so we have the Langer, which is, you know, obviously means like a state of feeling often,

a state of feeling like often like a tiredness or a kind of laziness or, but kind of often pleasant though. Yeah. And we've got the Simeon and we've got the town in South Africa. Obviously it makes me think straight away of a racist monkey. It's a shame that racism, we still associate racism with South Africa. Right? That's right, yeah.

That feels unfair. Yeah. You tell me your reason why you think that's unfair. Well, because the apartheid is no longer in effect. That's true. That's true, and then, you know, and I guess they've solved all of the issues with racism there? No, no, that's not what I'm saying. That's not what I'm saying, Alastair.

But if the government is predominantly black, which I believe it is, if the population is predominantly black, if they are at least self-determining in some way and there is a quality of opportunity at least in in your way you're right the racism that we associate with South Africa is a specific I think yeah patrician colonial races I think you're right and I think you Yeah. Patrician colonial racism. I think you're right. And I think you know what? I'm gonna stop thinking. I mean look to be honest, I do mostly think about racism with South Africa when it comes to South Africans that were the whites Africans that were involved in apartheid. That's usually

Africans that were the whites Africans that were involved in apartheid that's usually where my thinking goes and not the land itself or whatever yes racist land maybe maybe we finally got to the bottom of it do you think that there's a form of landscape that treats people of different races differently? A racist hill. Yeah, like a racist hill. Or a valley that divides people. I mean it is one of the most divisive of all the landforms. That's true, yeah, they are very divisive.

Possibly a... I heard a valley's running for politics now. Oh wow. And it's gonna get in. Just when you thought it couldn't get any more divisive It's a fucking canyon a ravine He's taken a position on the Grand Canyon itself Is nothing in the rule book says that the Grand Canyon can't run for president. Well it was born in America. There you go. It was born of America. People do seem to enjoy its racist policies. I mean what? It's divisive policies. It's divisive um yeah. Rhetoric. It's divisive way of being. Yes.

It's divisive way of being. Yes. No, but I do like the idea of a racist hill. But like the only thing I can think of is a hill that has like a natural alcohol on it and that you know how there's a trait of a large percentage of people from Asia that if they... So that was me laughing at the burp rather than at my own idea. Sorry, I didn't know if the burp came across but obviously it did because I did it straight into the microphone. God damn it. I mean it's crazy as a technique that that didn't cover the sound of the burp in some way. Maybe

maybe this microphone will block the sound of this burp. Oh no, I hate myself. Guys the listeners need to know I'm in a state of some Castrointestinal distress. Yes, I put this into context. It's not something I would do normally. That's okay Well, I've just seen the word under this description of the state of or feeling often pleasant of tiredness or inertia There's a sentence as an example that says he remembered the languor and warm happiness of those golden aftermoons. Oh no, it just says after... Aftermoons? Oh no, it just says afternoon, but the R and the N are

joined together, but it, I guess it would be aftermoons. Okay, forget it, Andy. Aftermoons is a good one one because I've been trying to think of an after noon version of the morning and I feel like the after moon is a really good one for the morning. Yeah, after moons. Why didn't they call it morning, afternoon? Yeah, after moons. And not after moons. I think we're onto something here, Alastair. You've done great work. And that thing is just the title of this episode.

But anyway, I was just gonna say, people from Asia sometimes get a red flush from consuming alcohol. Maybe this is a hill where it's got a natural alcohol and everybody goes there to drink it. People of all cultures. To lick it. To lick the hill. Lick the hill. It's like a free alcohol hill. But it does treat some people, people of certain races, slightly different and therefore... But I'd argue...'d come and drink at racist hill this is not the hill itself that is racist and I would argue as well that I

don't even think that's necessarily constant racist I think it's the people from Asia that are racist towards the alcohol They're reacting to it differently. Yeah. I mean, you know, I guess. What I think of Lang, these three words, is it makes me think of yelling while lying down, which is not something you see a lot. Yeah. I mean, only usually when a kid is having a meltdown of some sort.

Oh, that's true. But it is, I think it is funny to be like laying down on the ground maybe to because your back's a bit sore and then yelling out to people. Like I think even just a scene between a sort of a man and his beloved, his beloved is working at the other end of the house on a computer and he's laying on the ground. And she's just talking normally and he can hear her. And he's yelling really loud. Yeah.

I do like that. Is that enough of a sketch? And he's yelling really loud. Yeah. I do like that. Is that enough of a sketch? What's he yelling about? He can't find something? He's looking for things. He's looking for his shoes. And he's looking under all the couches and stuff. But he's not standing up as he moves from couch to couch. He's kind of wiggling on the ground.

No, I think he's just, his head is in place and he's just moving his eyes. And he's looking for the good scissors, yeah. Because the good scissors go in the living room for some reason. And she's like, well, there's three pairs of scissors just in the kitchen drawer. And he goes, I don't want one of those pairs of scissors. I want the good scissors.

I like, though, also for some reason, the idea that he is writhing around. OK, he's writhing. Because to him, he's like's like well I'm not gonna get up and then have to get back down again. Yeah. So he's squirming around on the ground to look under these things. I guess the scissors could be. And I'm not gonna crawl like a baby. Hmm. That because you know I'm not a baby so he's squirming like a worm which is in his mind a more a more masculine way to travel on the ground more Dominant. Yeah a squirm why it's sort of like it's sort of like standing up while lying down in my opinion

You've got you've got a lot more authority You're not back Yeah, yeah, but even All fours like an animal. But even if you aren't... I mean, what about this? Do you think that laying on your front and then bring, bunching your legs up

towards your belly, bringing your knees up towards your belly, and sort of moving, sort of squirming along like a caterpillar? One of those ones that bends in the middle. Do you think that, and sort of moving, sort of squirming along like a caterpillar. One of those ones that bends in the middle. Do you think that, which one's more manly out of those ones? That one or crawling?

I still think that's probably more manly. I think it's probably more manly. Yeah, but your butt's in the air. I just realised that lying down is really a lot like standing up. That you have your body all straight like that. Like you're standing up. I don't know if there's anything interesting there, and I'm starting to suspect there isn't, but.

But what about, yeah. You'd think they'd be more different, but they're really the same. Yeah, it is the same. And if you stand up against the wall, it often looks like you're laying down. Yeah, you're laying down yeah you're laying up you're laying up like a like a basketball player I could be

Alastair, have we written anything down? yes all right look I've written down Carrie I'm sure that these were the exact ideas you were hoping, lying and yelling. Um, and racist hill. Look, we're just gonna write down the idea of racist hill. Do it, Alastair. We don't, we don't have the exact example yet. That's, that's still up for sleep spitballing. I mean, it's, it's, it's a line that could go at the end of a comedy news report and coming up is this Australia's most racist hill? Yeah, that is correct. You know I would I would get a chuckle out of that just the concept. Well how about I put that as an ad in when when my you know I was telling you about the this the sketch with somebody puts a brain chip in their head. Yeah. And maybe it has ads. That's good. So then I can have that ad in there.

This is Australia's most racist hill or Canada's I have to use probably. Canada's 10 most racist hills number five will shock you. Yeah. And do you think that if you go there, if you go to Australia's most, or place that calls itself Australia's most racist hill, you go there and then it'll have a sign and it'll say Australia's most racist hill, but then in little letters above it, it'll say, the smaller letters will say, is this? like that sort of like the chemist warehouse in Australia which is like Australia's cheapest chemist. Is this Australia's cheapest chemist? Is this Australia's most racist hill? Well done yeah all welcome. You don't want to get sued by a more, people who run a more racist hill.

Provably. Yes, alright, go Alistair, take us through the sketch ideas. Okay Andy, we've got the male pattern clothes brand that make male pattern clothing. Good. We've got dead looking dick syndrome. My condolences. We've got the interlocked- He's got dead dick energy.

Yeah. We've got the interlocked finger handshake. We've got the artist style cops. We've got jealous that Trump gets to destroy America. We've got mirrored floors to let us see dog nipples at all times. We've got digital clothes as put on things from anyway, whatever, you know what that idea is. The male nipple woman for evolutionary ability to post on Instagram your nipples We've got the spittle and night talking the stop night toilet breaks

Product we've got she was a sleep spitter a reason for breaking up Lying I Think it's a funny, that's another headline. It's like, wait, who was the, oh wait, who's the guy in my Bobbie Lee, no, Bobbie, Bob. Billy Bob Thornton. Billy Bob Thornton, he says. Billy Bob Thornton says the real reason he broke up with With Angelina Jolie is that she's a night a sleep spitter We got lying and yelling and we've got racist hill all the perfect ideas of this episode My goodness, yeah, thank you so much for listening to two in the think tank. It's cool the way you do that man We love it so much

You know Andy I'm thinking about maybe inviting a guest for next week. Do it. How would you feel if it was still the same time as we kind of have been doing? Yeah, I'd love that. Okay. I'd adore that. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try and get him. Andy, thank you so much for doing this with me. I realize that you've got to go to work and you've probably got to go to the bathroom again. Yes, that is my work. You've got many more microphones to burp into. And thank you Alistair. Thank you all listeners. And we love you. Bye.