Two In The Think Tank - 476 - "A CORNFLAKE DID THIS"

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

Sketch Spreadsheet by Will Runt: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1e2HYV7-VcnAV08wyHA7OFbqh_UCnVDUheiNFiqxPX_Y/edit?usp=sharingThink Tank Institute: https://lookerstudio.google.com/s/kH2int_ZkuIPants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We all have that one friend whose opinion we trust on everything. For 63% of podcast listeners, that friend is their favorite podcast host. When Acast's podcasters endorse a brand, their audience listens and takes action. So if you want a recommendation that really sticks, put your brand in their hands. Book a HostRed sponsorship today by visiting go.acast.com. dot com slash ads. Dada hoo, dada hoo, dada hoo. Hoo, dada hoo, dada hoo, dada hoo. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas.

I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair George William Trombley-Burchill. Thank you ever so much for laying your ears upon our mouths. That's right. Laying them down to rest and let the dreams come out of our mouths and into that beautiful boneless organ that we call the ear that is full of bones.

Yeah. Somewhat boneless in some parts. Oh yeah, yeah I mean you know what I tell you what it is, is the ear, it gives the illusion of being very boneless, you know the outer ear completely boneless and it makes you dream of the possibility of a boneless organ. But then when you get inside you realize that nobody can live without bones. Everything needs bones. There's bones in every organ of the human body. That's what this teaches us.

I mean, except for maybe the nose. I mean, that's probably the one truly boneless organ. That in the eye. But it's got that lens, which is kind of like a bone. Yes, yes, the bone of the eye. The eye bone. But I mean, it would be nice to develop, you know, it feels like it's going from like a corded telephone

to a cordless telephone to be able to live finally without bones. I'm in this cage, a rib cage. I mean, I would be open to a surgery that like makes me more like a shark where all my bones are replaced with cartilage. And I just love the idea of being able to be sort of hit and then I just sort of go floppy but then I sort of spring back like

Let's think to get a little bit more rubber ballness of about about us. That's right I think yeah, you know a bit more flexibility even in the parts where you know Like you land and your bent your legs kind of just bow You know, they kind of just, you jump, you land, they bow and then they have a bit of spring action and you just bounce straight back up. I mean, I'm not seeing a downside because you know, what is one of the problems with aging? Well, that that cartilage between your knees joints

wears out, right? Well, not anymore because those- Because it's grinding up against bone. Exactly. That's all cartilage. Right? What if it was just grinding up against other cartilage? You know? You can't scratch cartilage with cartilage. You need a bone saw. Mmm. You know what I mean? Like I'm picturing, for some reason I'm picturing like a cat burglar. And he's getting to a window to break into this museum. But it's a museum of anatomy. And so the windows have been made out of cartilage.

And he's wearing a ring. And in order to cut his way in, on the tip of his ring, he doesn't have a diamond, he's got a little bit of bone His scratches a circle into the window and then uses a suction cup kind of thing, but it's actually an ear Press it up again. He's got that thing behind it puts pressure on it. It's such as up against the thing He goes like that pulls it out and then he just slides in I mean, it's a little it's a it's a it's isn't that a cool idea that you've hit upon there, Alistair? The idea of using the ear as a suction cup. You know, what about this?

It's a sort of a super villain who's been placed at the bottom of a glass well, right? He's been captured and he's been put down there at the bottom of this glass well. People think he can't escape but what he does is... He's a super villain? He's a super villain, yes. Okay, great. And then he slices off both his ears. They've given him a knife for some reason. I'm so, so confident were they that he would not be able to escape from the bottom of the glass well. They almost to mock him gave him this knife but what he does is he slices off both his ears and then he uses them as suction cups like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible to climb the glass walls. Now I see what you're thinking. You're thinking ears have a hole in the middle of them. Well, he solves that problem somehow.

Yes, he does it somehow. That was the genius of this guy. And I guess that he was in a glass well because he was able to sort of move rocks with his mind or something like that instead of rocks and water. Yeah, but not glass. He can only move rocks and water. Which kind of looks like the midpoint between rocks and water, doesn't it? Yes, he's a supervillain called Erosion who can... Oh yeah, he can move rocks and water really slowly. Yes, well, water quickly and rocks slowly. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

So he just moves the rocks with the water, breaks them down. Yeah, yeah, I think so. I mean I also Also love the idea of a super villain who's just a really good problem solver because that's what this guy sounds like He just that's right His superpower isn't actually that useful but it inspired him to get into super villainy. Yes You know, and then he used his wits to get to the climb to the top, you know you probably would meet a lot of sort of people with superpowers who actually would tell you that

You know 99% of being a superhero and or villain is mental. It's not really about the power at all Yeah, I mean, you know powers all you know it's nothing if you don't know what to do with it you know it's much like the male front genital you know it's not how big it is. It's how but do you know what to do with it? It's exactly the same but it's an interesting motion in the ocean but this is actually just water sloshing around water sloshing around yeah. sloshing around, yeah. You gotta know what to do with your brain, you see, and then he just shakes it around so the water sloshes. Alastair, it's interesting that...

No, no, you go. You go. I'll write down my thing. No, no, no, you hit it. Mine was just a bit more about this. Yes, go. Though, so I think, because I think really with the superhero thing, imagine how much of a pain it would be to have to, you know, it's like you've just sat down on the couch to watch a movie with your beloved or something. And then you're like, you hear some victim crying out

or whatever, or you get a call and you're like, I'm sorry, babe, or whatever, you know, you're like, oh, I was just about to tuck into my popcorn. And then you have to go out and it's in those parts where it would be really difficult to not want to quit. Well, it's a lot like parenting. It sounds exactly like parenting. Really you're like, you're sort of like a world parent. Um, that's right. Yeah. As a, as a superhero. Yeah. Oh you hear someone crying

I mean or alternatively like as a parent you are sort of like a Superhero relative to your tiny helpless babies, you know That's right and and oh, yeah, sorry you know who constantly are getting themselves into trouble and scrapes, and you are having to save their lives from this or that. And, you know, relative to whom, you are extremely strong and you might not be able to bend still bars or leap buildings with a single bound,

but you are able to sort of walk upright without falling over and, I guess, climb stairs, you know, things that seem impossible. stairs, you know, things that seem impossible. Yeah, to them, yeah. I mean, you are, I guess, a superhero to them. I, it occurred to me with the possibility of like a superhero who's, look, centrist is not the right word here,

but like, but you'll sort of see what I mean. So he also, you know, he obviously goes and beats up the bad guys and stuff like that. But what he also does is he comes and then he spanks the victim. Because he's like, stop getting yourself into trouble. You know, and so he thinks that this will be a disincentive. He tries to fix both sides.

He wants to stop the villains from attacking, but he also wants to stop victims from putting themselves in situations where they become victims. And so he yells at them, tells them to, you know, he does that stuff that bad people do like that, where they kind of go like, oh, change what you're wearing. Yeah, bad people. And spanks them. I don't think you guys normally do that, but... You know? He's the victim blamer. The victim blamer. Yeah. Oh, help, we're being attacked! Well, you shouldn't have been in this alley!

I mean, that is funnier if he just goes out there and... Oh, thank you, victim blamer! He swoops up the victim and then gives him a talking to and grounds them and bans them from participating in life because he thinks that it's creating too much work and issues for him. I was just about to have a Zupa Dupa.

Sometimes he lets the mugging run its course because he thinks that it's important that they learn that way. That know? That's true, yeah. He's an old school parent superhero who doesn't actually get involved in any of the crimes because he thinks that the victims won't learn. Yes. His superhero name is 80's Dad. He doesn't even react when he hears a scream. Andy, I think we's interesting that that that wit that's surviving on your wit and being able to like you know like like

MacGyver you know come up with a canny solution to a problem or sort of something like that you know being a plucky can-do attitude and using the resources around you to get your goals and defeat your enemies is really... you never see that as a bad guy trait, but there must be bad guys who are canny and are able to like, you know, pull a few things... okay, I mean, you know, this is the Unabomber. He was he was a real MacGyver, that Unabomber. You're making glue out of deer's antlers and sticking together little boxes and then mailing them to people with homemade explosives. But you don't ever see that depicted that, you know, that crafty, plucky underdog,

you know, scrabbling it together and winning the day. I don't ever see that depicted, that crafty, plucky underdog, scrabbling it together and winning the day. Yeah, yeah, they're often, if they do have no powers and they're very super intelligent, they usually somehow have access to money. But what about the super intelligent people who can't get that organized to make a fortune? And they're just making it up on the spot. He's like a last-minute Yeah, he doesn't have that like planning ability

Yeah But he's like I'm gonna do it now Hmm, right. I've just I've dead, you know, I'm I'm I've put my phone in the freezer Mmm, and and I'm gonna go and I'm gonna do a scheme right now He doesn't plan if he does a bank robbery or something like that, he doesn't plan it at all. He just goes in and he's a big improv guy. He figures it out on the day. He's, you know, not just surviving on his wits, he's also killing many other people on his wits, which I think, like, if you survive and other people die that's sort of like a suit

That's like your survival is relatively speaking Much more impressive relative to people who are actually dead You know and especially if there's lots of other people didn't survive in this very situation. Yeah. Yeah, it's clearly a difficult situation to survive The situation where you are killing everyone. With a box cutter, sticky tape to the end of a long stick. Oh look at him, he's using his wits. I mean, obviously it's hard to survive being close to a guy who's killing so many people, but who's closer to that guy than the guy himself? Yeah, yep, exactly. Yeah, no.

So often that guy ends up taking his own life. So, you know, obviously we know that that's a, that it isn't, there's no guarantee of safety being that guy. And it takes a real, you know, clever mind to get out of that one. He's this guy, not only is he is he is he clever with his hands and able to fix things and do things, he's also able to justify his behavior to himself. Which is in some ways he's actually a good guy. Yeah, that's in some ways... And why he thinks he's actually a good guy.

Yeah, that's in some ways the greatest skill of all. I mean, that's his only superpower. The rest is just gut instinct. I mean, this is Trump. This is Trump. Being able to justify your own behavior is to yourself, and having no shame about it and Then having gut instinct I genuinely think that is all Trump has yeah I mean, I can't imagine that he thinks that he's He's good, but because it's like you can't just like oh no he does he genuinely no he Absolutely does yeah, yeah He genuinely, no he absolutely does. Yeah.

Yeah. He thinks he's good. He definitely thinks he's good. He thinks he's a good person? He thinks he's the best person. I don't know. Because he is like a narcissist, he thinks that what is good for him is good. That's what that means. And so he thinks he is good for doing the thing

that is good for him. Yeah, I think that he's, like I could definitely believe that he thinks that he's the best person. Right. But I don't know whether he can believe that he's morally good. I, I. I just wonder. Yeah, I don't know.

I think that sort of proper like cooked right wing mindset is really is that like, well, if you're not out for all you can get you're a sucker and there's nothing worse than being a sucker and a loser. And so, you know, taking money from suckers and beating losers is a good thing to do and however you do it is good. I think that's the... I think it's a pretty consistent mindset really. I think it's quite intellectually consistent. Yeah, I mean his aunt had said that he hasn't changed since he was four. Yeah, wow. You know?

Yeah. But like, there's um, I think that he actually is the first American president. Oh, that's a beautiful way to look at it. Like, I think that he actually Beautiful way to look at it. Like I think that he actually oozes every ideal that you know, like it seems like a lot, you know, a lot of Americans think that America is about, you know, it's like he does have that kind of American tourist

in Europe kind of feel like loud, sort of just somewhat hideous to be around that kind of, you know, yeah, obnoxious, why should we have to do things in this way? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I think he's the first American president. Yeah, he really is treating the entire world like it's a hotel that he's a guest in and he's complaining about the service. Yeah, and he's making changes to the hotel.

And they don't, they don't, they're like, we don't know what to do. And he's stealing the bathrobes. This guy is too big. We can't, we don't have the ability to stop him. It's like the biggest man in the world in a hotel changing how the hotel runs. Man. Yeah, is that your own thought? He's the first American president? Well, that's what I've been thinking that for the last week. I was like, he's the first American president. Maybe other people have said that before.

I love that he is, he's pure America all the way down. All the other presidents, there was a little bit of like a, you know, a European enlightenment ideal behind their eyes. They let a little bit of it creep in there. Yeah. He hasn't, he doesn't know about what the ancient Greeks said. He hasn't had an education about the past really. He just knows stuff about from when he was born. And he only knows things that he's himself noticed. Yes, that's right. He's never read a book.

I genuinely can't imagine. Can you imagine him reading a book? No, no. He's fed on a diet of mostly McDonald's suckled straight at the teat. Of America. Yeah, of America. The meat patty nipple. Suckling pure mayonnaise from the meat patty nipple of Big Mac, Big Mama Mac. I'd be really surprised if he ate Filet-O-Fish. Yeah, yeah, I'd be shocked. I would be shocked.

I'm not trying to give Filet-O- a fish some kind of moral high ground here. They should make a burger bun with a nipple on top because it's already quite boob shaped I would say, the bun. But if they made it with a little nipple on top with a hole in it and when you got your Big Mac, if you could suck on that nipple and suck up the mayo. Is there mayo in a Big Mac? There's mac sauce. There you go. If you could suck up the Mac sauce through the nipple before you bite into the burger I think that'd be... you know this could tip them over. They could really sell some of these bad boys. I mean you could get your drink inside the burger before you... You know, and it could be like in a meat

bladder and so then you suck it out. And then you have your burger afterwards, you know? I'm having a really terrible time imagining this meat bladder. I mean, I can imagine you making something out of like sausage You came up with a nipple on a burger. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, that's normal. Not your meat blatter thing. That's weird. I Can imagine it being made out of whatever they make the skin on a sausage out of? Yeah, but it'll it'll complement the burger when you eat it later. I think it will you know, yeah

It's either just like you know Yeah, but it'll compliment the burger when you eat it later. I think it will. You know, yeah. It's either just like, you know, it's either a part of, it's either the meat that is in the burger or it's like an extra meat, like a sort of like, it could be like a bacon, you know, a weaved bacon cloth of some sort. Mm. What?

The bacon weavers of Northern Minnesota. Yeah, I mean, if you just, The bacon weavers of northern Minnesota. Yeah, I mean, if you just, I imagine like everything, like all organic material, if you break it apart, bacon is just made of little fibers that you can eventually spin and turn it into a material. That's the thing is I don't understand, like that whole thing about creating textiles. We talked about this. You go out and you grab some grass or whatever like that and then you break it up and you create you get fibers and then you

can turn that into textiles and then into clothes. That feels like it's almost more complicated than making like silicon microchips. I completely agree. I think on a daily basis I think how the fuck do they make t-shirts? That is just so many threads. That's so many threads to make a t-shirt. You've got to get them all woven like that. What the fuck is going on? It doesn't make sense, like I've seen a loom and those are big thick threads. Yeah, yeah and I could picture that, sure. Yeah, okay, but like that looks long and boring but this is like on the micro level. And they're making heaps of t-shirts.

They're making so many. And some of them are really like thick, you know, like a t-shirt that has a good weight to it. And so you know that it is like there's even more fibers in there. Yeah, but in a way it's even more amazing to me that they can make cheap crappy t-shirts because they seem like they have more tiny little threads in them and stuff. I think it would break all the time. It feels harder to make a cheap t-shirt than it is to make an expensive one. Cheap t-shirts should be more expensive. I agree and like and those

hand knitted like a hand knitted woolen jumper or something like that that looks so easy to make. Yeah that should be basically free. Yeah they should even brand new ones should be sold in secondhand stores and no one should want them. We should look down in secondhand stores and no one should want them What you should look down upon them like the way that people used to look down upon lobster is like just yes The bug the bugs of the clothing world exactly right like like cuz it's such what oh, what did you do? You saw a sheep with a jumper on it, right? You cut the jumper off the sheep and then you put the jumper on me. That's basically what you basically pushed your arms through the wall Yeah, and then you're like, oh look at this. I'm wearing a sweater. I made

Did you make this I it feels like you barely did anything right? But but to look at a bush, you know with a little seed on it or whatever and be like I'm gonna make that into a fucking t-shirt That's beyond me. Like cotton, I kind of get, because it's already in a little ball. I don't know how that happens. That's crazy. I don't know how nature can make a ball,

like, you know, just a cotton ball. But those ones where they like break up a fiber, like break up a blade of stuff and then they get out the fibers in there. How they keeping the fibers together? Now I will tell you this. I will tell you this. I did watch a video on Instagram of some guys,

maybe in Peru or something. I hope that's not rude of me to say. Getting the fibers out of flags. Just in case it's rude, say Venezuela. Venezuela, there you go. It could have been Venezuela, pretty sure it was Venezuela. Getting the fibers out of a flax plant, and like actually watching them do it,

I was like, whoa, and it sort of made sense to me. But that's just, now I understand how they do it with a flax plant, but I refuse to believe that anything similar could be possible with cotton or any of the other natural fibers apart from wool. But when you saw it, Andy, did you think that I would be able to do it? Or do you think now, like with me asking,

not whether, I didn't care about whether you were thinking about me during that moment. But like, if you look at it, if I had a field of flax, do you think that I could get the fibers out and then I could maybe make a shirt? Okay, let's just say, do you think I could get the fibers out? Yeah, I reckon, look, I mean, there's two questions there, isn't there?

There's one whether or not you could get your head around the technical aspects of doing it, and I reckon you're absolutely capable of doing that. But it looked like a little- Did they do it with their bare hands, or did they have a machine? They did it with their bare fucking hands, and with some various little sticks

with spikes on them and stuff, right? And there was a lot of yanking and pulling through things and then putting onto this twisting thing, and spiraling it all around and you know that kind of stuff and I don't I mean I just don't I can't picture you doing the labor component of it. Because I want you to know that I've been thinking a lot about cultivating a plant and then getting the fibers and learning how to make a textile. cultivating a plant and then getting the fibers and learning how to make a textile. This is my new thing that I think about.

It just feels like everybody's about to head back to just like, you know, subsistence growing. Like, you know, we all just need to learn how to farm at least a little bit just to, you know, just to keep people a bit more alive. You're right. And everybody's talking about doing the food end of the spectrum. You're right, and everybody's talking about doing the food end of the spectrum.

You're the only one who's out there. I'm talking about subsistence fashion. I'm making subsistence underpants, guys. They're gonna need those. Because you know what has a lot of waste is those corn plants. I reckon that corn plant must have some fibers. Holy shit.

And then there's all those fibers inside of the... Inside of the corn. Man, that one, that feels like it could make a really nice shirt. Yeah, well those ones are just lying around as well. I mean, this is... Is that almost too easy? Is that cheating?

No, but I think, you know, if you're on to... I mean, we're so... This is clever, because you're taking that waste product, people will probably pay you to take away those corn husks, Alastair. Oh yeah, they would. Imagine how much I could make just taking away corn husks.

Do I have to take the, oh yeah, I don't have to take the cob though, do I? You guys aren't gonna make me take the cob. It's all or nothing I'm afraid. Oh there's no fibers in there. I could bury them in the backyard. Or you're like one of those places where they have like a crematorium where they just don't ever get around to burning the bodies and the bodies are literally just fucking piling up around the backyard of this crib. You know what I would do? I would start out by just pushing the cobs into the ground. Right. And I just stamp them.

It's really upsetting. It's really upsetting to imagine you in this situation. Yeah. And I got too many cobs and I'm just pushing them into the ground like that. And then suddenly I realize I'm out of land and I just have so many cobs left. And so now I'm starting to dig holes. And then, you know, maybe I'd try to just dig a hole and then just push them into the walls. And then, and then pour some in.

All your solutions are about pushing the cobs into dirt. That's the only thing you can think of. You know, they look very pushable, you know, because like sure you've got like that, you've got that hole that you can fill up with cobs, but then there's all that extra space inside the inside the dirt. I wonder what they do with the corn cobs. It's a genuinely good question because there must be so much mass, you know, of that stuff and I hope they can do something cool with it. I hope they can extract something or, you know, there must be something. Yeah, I think we could, Andy, I think we could go a really long way by becoming like like Cob Barons

You know like if we if we first we get those fibers we start making shirts Yeah, well we figure this shit out people will think we're gods when we tell them we know how to make textiles That's there's that famous Australian Cob and Co Horse and cart company they're probably not using that name anymore. I don't, I don't reckon that's probably just lying around. We can, we can take that. We could do, and we don't, it doesn't have to be Cob and Co. We could just be Cob and Friend.

That's nice, isn't it? Yeah. That's really nice. We're friends, friends of the Cob. Is that what we're saying? Cob and Bro. Cob and Bro. Cob and Bro.

Alastair, this is exciting for humanity. I know that corn fiber t-shirts isn't really a sketch idea, but. I think, but I think probably the sketch idea is the too many cops. That these guys who have the, like, it feels like we could make a version of Silicon Valley where we're even dumber than those guys and have even worse ideas about business.

It just sounds, and it just starts because one of them, you know, obviously they're not doing well financially, but then one of them just hears from another friend that this company, like they're willing, they're like they pay people to take the corn cobs away and the husks and the whatever. And then they're like, well, fuck, we could do that. Yeah. And they just start out,

they're just keeping them in their house or whatever. And then the shipments of cobs keep coming. We all have that one friend whose opinion we trust on everything. For 63% of podcast listeners, that friend is their favorite podcast host. When Acast's podcasters endorse a brand, their audience listens and takes action. So if you want a recommendation that really sticks, put your brand in their hands. action. So if you want a recommendation that really sticks, put your brand in their hands. Book a HostRed sponsorship today by visiting go.acast.com slash ads.

Yeah they have to keep getting them so they can keep paying rent and then they got to figure out what they do with all this stuff. And it's to start with they're like how many corn cobs can there possibly be? Yeah. And that's a lot of cobs. The first one, the first shipment ruins them. They're like, all right, now we already have way too many cobs and we've made 500 bucks. Yeah, they're like, we'll undercut the existing Cobb disposal guys. That's right. Now Andy, we technically have written down sort of, you know, over five sketch ideas. So I could go to three words from a listener if you think that you are mentally prepared

to get to that point. I'm pretty ready. I just want to throw out a line that I thought of before, just before the podcast, which was, are you not edutained? Yeah, I like that a lot. Or are you not infotained? And I'm not quite sure what it is. Maybe it's like we are doing gladiatorial battles, but as an educational thing to teach

people about what it was really like, but they're real gladiatorial battles where people really get killed. I mean it could be like a sort of theater group that goes to like a high school. A thing about, you know, like about whatever, it could be sexual harassment or, you know, it could be about, you know, educating kids about how the body works or, you know, how, you know, social interactions of some sort of bullying or something like that yeah and the and the crowd the the they start turning on them and at some point they start yelling back and the principal gives them the thumbs down it's really good it's really good yeah are you not infotain? Yeah. I love that. I mean, what if it is about bullying, right? And the crowd starts to bully them. Yeah, but like, you know, the bullying interaction,

you know, in which there's somebody bullying somebody else, they're doing like a role play, right? And it gets really violent as well. Like, yeah, you know, and the crowd, the crowd is baying for blood, you know. But because I remember seeing one about bullying or and about inappropriate comments when I was in high school, and I'm sure I've told you about this before, but where it was done by a theater group and they were doing like really theater theater, theater, theatering it up right where they were like they were doing like some construction workers yelling things out to a woman but they were going like all clicking in unison going check check check it out check check check it out

nice legs wow like that that's the irony is there that you really want to bully those people don't you? Yeah, and so you could see how the crowd would eventually start calling you a bunch of theater nerds and attacking you. Wow. And then you start trying to use techniques that you're describing in the thing and showing it live that they don't work. And then you flip out, and then you get the thumbs down, and then, are you not infotained? Oh, it's good.

I mean, maybe there could also be one where like the bullying, they like release the bully. So there's somebody playing the role of the bullying victim, kicking dirt around the school yard. And then they release the bully from behind a big gate, I presume. The bully comes out, right? And then the bully starts bullying the little person, and then the little person, the victim,

gets out a sword and stabs them in the guts. This is how you deal with bullying. That could definitely work. I think I almost picture the, I see the opposite. I see the small person using an anti-bullying technique and that the bully comes around and then the crowd is upset with the bully for giving him something. That's really good. Yep. Because they came to see. Yeah. Yeah. Good.

Andy, should I go to three words from a listener? Yes. Yes. Okay, Andy, I don't know if you know this, but we have Patreon supporters, a bunch of angels. You know, people who belong in heaven, but for a brief moment, we get to enjoy their presence here on earth. Yes.

Who support us on Patreon. Made from flesh and blood and cartilage and bone. That's right. And like, weaving with the golden fibers of God himself. We even. Woven, we even woven. Heman globin. We even woven.

So, and those people who support us can then send in three words and then we use those words to inspire a sketch of the comedy form. And today's listener is Andy Mr. Stu Mack. The macaroni prince himself on Twitch. Former guest of the podcast. Former guest and current amigo. Yes, that's right. He's ascended. Former guest and current amigo.

Yes, that's right. He's ascended. Living all the way in jolly old England, I assume, still. Stumack. And he has sent in, Andy, three words from a listener. I don't think he said which listener, but we'll let it slide since, you know, since he's a friend of the show. Yeah.

Would you like to try to guess what the first word is, Andy? As somebody who's been on our side, you know, of being at the, as a guest, as somebody who's been on our side of the fence, it's doubly galling that he would get this wrong. Like you'd think he would know what it's like for us. He should know better, but I understand that entertainment, that world can be, you know, can be bamboozling and that maybe he wasn't in the right headspace when he wrote these

words then. Well, that's a very generous offer. I mean, sometimes I think that we have to just give people the benefit of the doubt. Okay. All right, well that was 30 minutes of just introing the three words from a listener, so. Would you like to try and guess what the first word is, Andy?

Yeah, the first word is lance. No, it's not lance it's not Lance the first word Andy is trifecta. Trifecta? Yeah. Wow that's an interesting first word trifecta. Yeah you think that's what we feel like that's more of a of like a second or third word. I feel like that's a third word yeah and not just because it has try in it it's a third word. Yeah, and not just because it has try in it. It's a third word But trifecta, okay second word perfecto Perfecto no Andy no You you thought you saw a pattern after that one you know, but

But no Andy, it's meringue meringue Meringue. Is that meringue? Meringue is spelled moraing? Yeah, Meringue. Like Meringue? Meringue, yep. Yeah, meringue. Meringue, trifecta, meringue, these are good words. Crevice. Oh, you know, I feel like in a way this is a crevice in your soul.

It's resentment. Oh, okay. Trifecta, morang, resentment. I mean, what rich words. Mm. Heavy, dripping with meaning and potential. I mean... One is fluffed up egg white. Mm. One is fluffed up annoyance.

Yes. And one is a fluffed up annoyance. Yes. And one is fluffed up one, and fluffed it up to three. Three correct choices? I don't know, three? I know. Is it trifecta? Yeah.

I know this is something that we talked about many, many podcasts ago. But I was reflecting recently on the idea of when they didn't know about all the numbers yet and when each new number that somebody discovered or counted to was treated as a scientific discovery, they found a number higher than 59. And it would be read out on the news. That's amazing. Honey, did you hear that?

No, I'm sorry. I was in the other room. They've gone higher than 59. What could it be? They haven't worked out the system yet on how the numbers go up. They just knew that they did. Each one is just a discovery.

And they think there's a pattern. Yeah. They go, oh, if you notice, actually, after the 40, after four, there's five. So after the 40s, gosh, what could come after 40s? Yeah, and maybe they discover 45 before they discover 35, and they're looking at the periodic table of the numbers, and they're like, you know what, there is a pattern here.

If there's a 45, maybe there's a 35. They hypothesize. I mean, it would make sense, but maybe when they discovered the numbers, they didn't know how to put them in in the right order yet, yeah So they're like so we've got like nine numbers we've got seven four

one three yeah eight two Do you see where this is going? I do, I like it, I like it so much. Anyway. I mean, I do like that when they discovered numbers. Yeah, I mean, like, because the other one, we had already come up with that, or was that?

Well, I'm not sure. I feel like we came up with something to do with that on the podcast, something about numbers being discovered or reading out numbers on the news when there was another big one. Bigger than 59. A new number, a new number has been discovered. I mean, I feel like that's something we talk about every third podcast, finding a new number

or a new letter. I mean, I do love that. I mean, I think that's a new number or a new letter. I mean, I do love that. I mean, I think that's a good theme to have, Andy. Yeah, as far as they go. Or a new color, I'm pretty sure we've done a new color. We've discovered a number between eight and nine. Yeah. This could have huge implications.

Implications. But could be useful in quantum theory, quantum computing. Everything is useful in quantum computing. I read something today where they were like, yeah, we use light to make a type of material that has both solid properties and liquid at the same time. Is that, is that like made out of light? Made out of light. I don't feel great about that. What, what somebody does need to go in there, right? Something, and maybe it's a bully. I'm sorry to say maybe it it's a bully, needs to go in there and fucking talk to these cunts who are doing these quantum computers and try and work out

what the fuck they're actually doing and like are they actually anything? Are quantum computers actually anything? Do they actually do anything? And why aren't we using them for anything? What is going on guys? You've had ages You've been talking about them for so long and you're constantly making breakthroughs and yet nothing is happening How can you have this many breakthroughs this many? milestones and There be no impact on the real world They they are if you went and saw them I would be pretty sure they'd all be lounging with all the fusion power people. Yeah. Nuclear

fusion and quantum computing people. All just sucking each other off or whatever it is that they're doing. In some resort. Yes. You know, and you know that's where the fucking money's going you sons of bitches. I, you know know I wouldn't be surprised if they're the same people. You know just putting on a different hat and shitting out a different white paper every couple of months. Should this paper be about fusion or quantum? Oh we haven't done a quantum one for a while. Do a quantum one. Okay. Is this breakthrough going to be revolutionary or is it going to be a

transformative? I reckon we'll do a transformative one. Is this a step change? Would you say this is a step change? No it doesn't feel like a step change. Or a big leap forward. Oh yeah, big leap forward, big leap forward. That's it. Yeah. Transformative, big leap forward. Yeah, big leap forward, big leap forward, that's it. Yeah. Transform it, big leap forward. Don't forget to say that we could have it within 10 to 15 years we could have a commercially functioning model. Use the word cubit. Use the word cubit a lot. Say something about supercooled hydrogen. Yeah, and in the Fusion one, say something. Use a word, a new word that sounds like Tomahawk. But just change it a bit.

Tomatronic? That'll do. It's not great. Do you know what I'm talking about with fusion? There's like a word that they're using at the moment. For a second, you type a... I'll see if I can find it. What could it be? Somatic? Tokamak.

Tokamak, wow. Yeah, Tokamak, it's like T-O-K-A-M-A-K. I reckon they spend- It's a device which uses a powerful magnetic field generated by external magnets to confine plasma in the shape of a actually symmetrical torus. That's all bullshit. That is all bullshit.

They spend all their time coming up with these words and none of the time actually building this stuff. Yeah, sucks. Andy we've got to go to Stu's words. Sorry sorry. Oh no I mean Andy you're sorry but we came up with two of this episode's best sketch ideas in that time. And that's what I apologize for. for trifecta meringue resentment I mean meringue is is it is it is it do you think that meringue is something you make with leftover egg whites after you've made like a sponge cake or is a sponge cake you something make with something you make with leftover yolks after you've made a meringue. I mean that's the real fucking question isn't it?

Like which came first? The meringue or the sponge cake? Is that why sponge cake is kind of orange? Is it because it's only using yolks? Look I'm reaching into my mind and trying to remember but I'm pretty sure my mum used to make, when she made a meringue, she would also make a sponge cake because there'd be all these yolks. I mean, meringue is not quite enough, is it?

I mean, it's impressive. It's cool the number of things that you can do with the different bits of an egg. Nobody's cooking with the shell though, and that's a shame. Hey, are we yolk? Maybe we could make a egg white out of it. Sorry, a t-shirt out of it. You could whip up an egg yolk until it becomes an egg white? No, sorry, I was trying to say t-shirt.

Maybe we could make a t-shirt out of egg shells. An egg white t-shirt. Out of the shells. I mean, technically, it's got DNA in there and those are strands. I'm trying to say shells. I know I said egg white. I was trying to say make it out of the egg shells. I know but there's DNA. There's DNA in cells. I would love a DNA fiber t-shirt. Mmm that's good. A DNA strand t-shirt.

Yeah if you could, because you know if you could untangle that helix straighten it out on a on a spinning wheel or something like that Have you ever seen that that you can do that with like like corn flakes or whatever like that? You just put corn flakes in a bag with water Like you know and then you let it soak up and then you break them up And then you put something in there could be like dish soap or something. I can't remember what it is Right, and then it opens up the cells and then you can get get out the strains of DNA whoa yeah that's really cool and I would love that you just like maybe you just use like algae or something like that you just break it all up and then you

just get DNA strand based weaved t-shirt mmm I mean that feels like it would be really soft right? I reckon those strands would be really really really thin. What a lightweight. It's got to be soft enough to be inside of a cell and not burst it open. And you know what it would be great for committing horrible crimes in because yes you'd be leaving DNA all over the crime scene, but it would be the DNA of a cornflake. Don't... That's right. I'm the, uh, the detective.

This is going to sound crazy, but I think a cornflake did this. Again? Oh. All the crowd. I mean, it's the only logical explanation. The only way this could have happened otherwise is if somebody had put a bunch of cornflakes into a bag with water, a little bit of dish soap, burst it open and then weaved some kind of shirt from the DNA strands and then killed somebody. But which one sounds crazier to you? Yeah. Um, I like that. Is

that our idea? Does that count? I think so. Corn this. Did this. It's a fucked up idea. I mean, I would love to do something with the shells of an egg. I mean, what can you do? You can crunch them up and you can put them around your basil plants and supposedly stop snails from eating them. Although I don't know if that's true.

From eating the egg shells? For eating's true. From eating the eggshells? Or eating the basil plants? From eating the basil plants. And I'm not sure where that comes from. I think somebody was like, probably made that up and they were like, it'll be like little bits of glass and they won't like to crawl across it. But I don't think that, you know.

I think it's like the snail version of putting glass at the top of your sort of brick fence or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Which is fucked. That's so fucked doing that. They had that at my old school. Like it's way more horrible than getting like ripped by barbed wire or something. Yeah.

Try to climb a fence and there's fucking broken glass embedded into the top of it. I agree that you don't want somebody climbing over your fence and into your yard No, of course not But I feel like cutting up their hand is gonna is gonna make them more driven Yeah, and what now you want to an intruder in your house and they're bleeding a lot from their hands and legs Yeah, oh, yeah, that's where they've come back after they've been and they're gonna hit you with a bunch of frying pans and stuff They at first they just wanted to rob you but now they want to hurt you. Yeah, with frying pans.

Yeah, I just heard that once that somebody said that they, somebody had broken into their house and then uh and then had put the frying pans outside the door and that was and then when somebody started when they found out that somebody was actually in the house and started chasing them, they ran out to the door, grabbed the frying pan and they hit the person in the face. That's really, yeah. I mean, again, that's a real twist because normally it's the homeowner

who hits the intruder with the frying pan. That's the the classic and I guess they'd seen that trope play out in many films and thought I'm going to flip the script here I'm gonna take charge. I'm not gonna be a victim of fry pan hitting That's right hide. I mean I would also hide, you know, cuz I think probably kitchen knife is where I would go first Do you think you'd ever throw the kitchen knife or do you think that's just giving them your best weapon? I think that's giving them the knife yeah. Yeah but if you get them real good but they'll probably just pull it out and then throw it at you. You don't want to give them the idea of throwing knives at each other. Yeah. Back and forth just throwing knives. Oh each

of you catching it throwing it back at the other one really hard they catch it eventually somebody's gonna miss the knife or catch it by the blade but this has been going on for 10 minutes and it's a it's it's freaky it's just it's just a fluke but every time they've caught it by the by the handle and you're both you're both tired, but also incredibly impressed with each other. You can't believe it. You can't believe it. But you're trapped in this cycle. In this cycle of,

and the best bloody rally of your life. Catching it, would you catch the blade sort of in between your two hands with like you're keeping your hands flat as it's spinning through the air? That's actually probably the cleverest way to do it. Yeah, assuming that it's just spinning along one axis and not rotating all over the place.

Yeah, but that's not an unfair assumption, I would say. Yeah. Well, you know, I always assume that the person stealing my house is an expert knife thrower. But there wasn't enough money in the knife throwing industry to keep him alive, which is why he turned his to a life of crime. A life of crime. I think we've got to wrap up this episode.

All right, Ellis dear. Andy, by the way, it's been a real joy. It's been a pleasure. Let me take us through the sketch ideas. Now we've got the glass prison slash well super villain who gets out using ears that he cut off and uses a suction cups to climb out the well. We've got the superhero. Superheroing is not about the superpower. It's all about, it's a real mental game. Yes.

We've got the, we've got these, this superhero gang. I mean, I'm calling them centrist, but they're not centrist, but they, they're, they're, who also, who spank the victims, or there's like, or there's the 80s dad who he actually let thinks that the victims need to learn You know, and then there's the the victim blamer who he will catch the bad guy, but he will also then punish the spank the bank He will spank the victim and tell them to you know change their way of life and not go out at night and things like that Yeah, because it's their fault that he had to come and do this then we've got the the MacGyver of throwing wait oh my god what was what is that throwing some villainy together oh yeah oh yeah no of throwing some super villainy together because he just does it on the spot right yeah you know he does all improvised it's all improvised and he's in his real

superpower is that he's incredibly good at justifying it to himself why he's doing the right thing I mean I like that he's you know he's good under pressure he can't really get anything done until there's a deadline but he's you know he is canny enough and he can scramble and he can it always works out for him and you know what's really great is that like he's not he's good in all terms of the meanings of good under pressure so at some point that some some good guys try to bury him alive mmm and then but then all that earth on top of him oh like that actually makes some function better any kind of pressure time pressure

Any kind of time time or space? He if he had a base at the bottom of the of the Mariana Trench, that's where he could excel That's what he has to do at one point. He just ties a rock to his ankle. Yeah And then he goes down there. Don't give me a deadline. You wouldn't like me when I've got a deadline. That's really good. Then we've got the nipple on a burger. He's the last minute man.

Yep. Got the nipple on a burger with a meat bladder. So that, you know, I mean, you've got it. Okay. It can be two, obviously, one so that you can just drink the mayonnaise, but it can also be, it can have you have the option of having your full drink in there inside of a meat platter. And then you got to finish your drink first.

This would make sense of that crisis I had at McDonald's where I had ordered my stuff and they said, would you like to make that a meal? And I didn't know what they meant because I hadn't really dealt with the McDonald's system before. But it makes more sense. You order a drink, you order a burger, and then they say, would you like to make that a meal?

It would make more sense that what that means is they're gonna put the drink inside a meat platter and put it inside the burger. Then you have made that a meal. Yeah, that's right. If you were getting a burger then you have made that a meal. Yeah that's right if you're getting a burger you made it a whole meal yeah or they were selling just if they were selling ornamental burgers right and but they could add a chemical to it that actually makes it edible. Would you like to make that a meal?

Imagine that. Imagine if we could refine pure edibility into a chemical and then you can add it to anything. Any solid that you see, you can put a few drops of edibility onto it and then you can eat this is going to be big for eating wood. This is going to be huge for eating wood. You know that thing, what's that thing where you, oh yeah, emulsifiers.

That most ultra processed foods, after the things are cultivated, they're broken down into powders of protein and carbohydrate and stuff like that. And then they have to, when you see it says like emulsifier or whatever on the ingredient list, that's what they have to add to it to turn it back into food.

Right. Like into something edible. So it's essentially just an ultra processed food that they've put this, you know, like the, the, it's like a just add water burger, but you just add emulsifier and then suddenly it's edible again. I think of it's like a just add water burger, but you just add emulsifier and then suddenly it's edible again. I think of it as being a reverse poison

because at the moment there are chemicals that you can add to food that make it no longer safe to eat. So we just need to find whatever the opposite of that is, whatever the opposite of cyanide is, where you can add it to non-food make them safe to eat it must be possible Okay, but because of supersymmetry. I mean and cyanide is one of those words that's just asking to be said backwards You don't have a name of something like that To name you had to name something with it. All right

I don't know what it actually and and if and if and if you do write cyanide backwards It's it's gonna start with EDI, which is like very edible. We've cracked the case. Perfect. We've absolutely cracked it, Andy. We have making textiles seems impossible. So I know that's not quite a sketch idea, but I feel like there's something in there. We've got the corn fiber t-shirts business that leaves you with too many cobs and yeah and then we've got the are you not infotain'd theater group anti-bullying play. We've got they

discovered a number bigger than 59 radio broadcast and they've also or within that idea there's also that they had found numbers but they didn't know what order they went in. And then there's the resort where the quantum computing and fusion scientists are all lounging and then there's the detective that says a cornflake did this after he somebody had made a cornflake DNA fiber shirt and committed a crime. Yes. That was the conclusion of the detective. Now we're really getting somewhere. Alastair, what a treat this has been. Shall we? What a treat. What a treat, Andy. Let's go into the song and we'll wrap up. Thank you so much for listening to it in the think tank. You're cool. It's cool

that you did it. Yeah we appreciate it. You can review us on the iTunes or whatever it is. Oh yes, it'll really help people find the show. We're thinking of blowing up. Yeah, thank you so much for listening. We adore it. And we love you. Bye. Bye. Do you remember the brand that popped up while you were scrolling your social feed? No? But I bet you remember who sponsors your favorite podcast. That's because 74% of listeners recall the brands they hear when listening to podcasts. If you want your business to be top of mind, podcast advertising with Acast is the way to go.

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