Two In The Think Tank - 477 - "THE RUBBLE STORE"

Episode Date: May 23, 2025

Sketch Spreadsheet by Will Runt: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1e2HYV7-VcnAV08wyHA7OFbqh_UCnVDUheiNFiqxPX_Y/edit?usp=sharingThink Tank Institute: https://lookerstudio.google.com/s/kH2int_ZkuIPants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a-glub-a Oh my gosh, is that the first time we've tried to do the same song Like you know, it's the first time we tried to collaborate on a song here We haven't been actively working against each other almost in completely different genres episode 477 I would say I mean, I think it was closer to us just doing the same line of same sound You know we were both somewhere between a percussion and a bass line Somewhere between a percussion a bass line and a tiny little goblin eating a bunch of grapes Yeah, yeah, yeah or eating the shells of a walnut. Yes, yes, that's probably, that's the thing about goblins, that's what they think that's good, that's grapes for

them. Walnut shells is grapes for them. For them it's grapes, yeah. They love it. I think that's, it would actually suit us better for our economy if there were other sort of humanoid species that Didn't like the stuff that we like and you know if they were like, ah, I love animal bones You know, I mean love yeah go. Yeah. No, I mean that's that's sort of that's sort of what I Think like what it must have been like back when we had a real strong caste system I mean, that's sort of what I think like what it must've been like back when we had a real strong caste system, you know? At least that was the story you could tell yourself.

You'd be like, oh no, the poor, they actually like boiling up the old bones and sort of getting what nutrition remains. They don't wanna eat the meat. They love to sort of suck at the marrow and see if there's anything left in there. That's their favorite food that they're allowed to have, that they get access to.

Yeah, you're right. And imagine if goblins did show up and they wanted to eat bones and whatever the other thing we said was. And then how hard that would hit the stock industry. Oh. The stock industry. Oh. The stock market.

The stocks, the stocks, the stocks in stock would absolutely go through the floor. Yeah. The floor. I mean, that's where the goblins live as well. That's where they are. They're on the floor. So I imagine that drinking a cup of stock would compliment eating a bone really well. Mmm. Oh, I imagine that drinking a cup of stock would complement eating a bone really well. Mmm. Oh, I imagine. Yes. Ever looked at a bone and thought, oh, I wish I could drink that stock.

Well, that's stock, mate. Stock is the thing for you. You're going to love this. Yeah, I guess. Drink a bone. I guess my dream of having, you know, of boiling wood until it goes soft like a noodle, it's sort of disproven a little bit by the idea of boiling bones and that they don't go soft like a noodle. I don't think so.

I don't think so. Not at all, I'll say. But then at the very least that we would get a beautiful wood stock. Mmm. How lovely. Not at all. But then at the very least that we would get a beautiful wood stock Mmm, how lovely I mean a nice cup of cup of wood stock Is interesting hmm, it's interesting to me like I would you accept that as a compromise, you know Not being able to eat wood, but you can drink it. I Wouldn't I wouldn't know but I wouldn't accept it, no, but I would understand that it is an option that some people would, that they would give up on their dream for.

You've heard of tea tree? This is tree tea? That's really good. Even though probably all tea comes from a tree in some way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up. That's part of the slogan. Shut up. I'm not interested. I also like that we're not, you know, I think what I think is great about that slogan is it's not in any way suggesting that, well like, that any of the things we're talking about are good. Right?

Like you've heard of tea tree. We're not saying we're not making a value judgment about whether or not you like it, just that you've heard of it. Well this is tea tree tea. And that's just a statement of fact. There's nothing debatable in there. This is the purest forms of advertising, in my opinion. It's just a sentence that might have some sort of pleasing,

sonic quality, but contains almost no information. I think that that's probably a better way of going about advertising, or maybe not better, but just different, where what you do is, you come up with a very pleasing ad And then you make a product to fit that ad Mmm. Yeah with an ad this good you shouldn't You should have a product that could that could be sold by it

And what a beautiful slogan that is for that idea Alastair It's a slogan for my ad. For a type of ad. I mean, I was just about to say that like, it's interesting that advertising works for like, style and fashion, right? That like advertising can actually influence what is considered stylish.

Like you can convince people to think that something is stylish when it isn't. And then I was like, but somehow advertising still works for food, even when you probably like some food does just not taste good. And you can convince people that it does. But but maybe that's not true. Maybe you can convince people that food tastes good when it doesn't. Like I kind of feel like that's what happens

with McDonald's. Yeah. Like as in that you think that the advertising is convincing people? Well maybe. Like if you went to McDonald's and you'd never seen an ad for McDonald's and weren't aware of it in any way, I think you'd have a worse experience eating it than somebody who has been indoctrinated by the

marketing. Look, it's possible, Andy. It's very possible. But, I mean, look, I think that the ease of accessibility is one of its most delicious qualities. Yeah, absolutely. Because when you're like, I just need something that I don't have to think about. I can have it fast. And it's gotta be always open. Yes. This is the trouble with moms and pops.

Is that the mom and pop are both awake at the same time. Yeah, and they famously, like mom and pops, they like to go to bed early, I think. They love to go to bed early. And like bakers, they often start super early and then end in the mid-afternoon. Well, the mid-afternoon's only when I'm starting to get hungry.

Oh, I'm just building up steam, baby. They should, I think an adorable mom and pop store that is open 24-7, and the mom and the pop, they are just, and it's still just the same mom and pop store that is open 24 seven and the mom and the pop they are just and it's still just the same mom and pop and they're always on they're always working you can go and get like a little homemade um uh vanilla slice at 2 a.m and she'll serve it to you in a little a little gingham apron and you're like, when does she sleep? Nobody knows those gingham aprons for he Right, I mean a 24-hour mom-and-pop shop. Mm-hmm mom and pop shop non-stop mom and pop non-stop

non-stop mom and pop Yeah, I think it does work. Well, accent for me, it doesn't quite work as well. But it's because, but you think that for your accent, it would be mom and pop? That's right. But that's a different type of shop. Non-stop mom and pop.

Non-stop mom and pap. Nonstop mom and pap. Yeah, but that's a nonstop. That's a place where only women who have given themselves over to the Lord. Yes, can get a burger at 2 a.m. Yeah, well, it's not over there open prayer a Prayer fast prayer sure a little drive-through

Little drive-through. I mean the the the drive-through confessional I mean the confession the confessional already has got that little window structure, you know of the has got that little window structure, you know, of the drive through. Just, they just need a couple more windows, you know? You know, and you know what would be interesting is cause you do have like, you know, you do have, you know, obviously like fast food places that have the little window, but you don't have,

you don't have any fast food restaurants or restaurants that take the big dish that they pass around as a payment system in any other place. The collection plate. Collection plate. Yeah. You know, where they don't look They just hold it out I mean it would be great for each restaurant to have its own Sort of deity that punishes you in the afterlife

You know and and that's when you could implement the dish, pass it around, you know? And then, and so they each have their own sort of thing that they do to you if you're good and if you're bad in the afterlife. Because just the fact that, you know, like that the church, they do that, but they're not trying to sell anything along the way. They're just trying to like,

like most of these tech companies, they give the sort of the sermon for free. And then afterwards, if you want things like to be seen positively in the eyes of the Lord, then you might want to give, you know, give a little money in the dish. Or do a little praying or something like that. Do a little pray. to give me or give a little money in the dish or do a little praying or something do a little pray why do the pray why pray the cow when you can milk the sermon straight from the priests lips that's for free why why pray to the to

the golden calf this is good Alistair this is getting very biblical. I'm so glad you took that break to tell me how good this is. I mean, how would it be? How do you think it would be if everybody's lips were longer, about, you know, about a foot longer, right? And dangly or six, you know, so say six inches, six inches of lips, of dangly lips. And if you wanted to get the words out, if you wanted to listen to what they had to say, you had to milk it out of them by sort of squeezing the lip tube and then milking little droplets of words into your ears. I think that would be good because at the moment, we don't pull on each other's lips at all.

You don't pull on each other's lips at all. There's almost no reason to do it. But, but, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, wait, wait, but, but what was I saying? Cause at the moment, if you can, people say things, you can hear things that you don't want to hear.

Hearing should be a more active act, not just talking. Hearing should, should be something that you choose to do by squeezing on the lips to get the words all the way down the tube. Yeah. You got to toss off each other's lips in order to get... And then people would be more, you know, they would think more before they spoke, knowing that they might not get milked for that long. Well, I would hope so. I would hope so.

And then I guess a podcast would be the equivalent of masturbation because you and I would be sitting here in front of our computers squeezing words out of our lips. Like out of our own lips. Out of our own lips, yes. It wouldn't be just like a mutual masturbation kind of thing. Well, I suppose it is in a way. We would probably just have to get like an internet based Device that allows us to milk each other's lips over over distance

Anyway words a lip milk, that's all we're saying Little dribble it's little dribble it milk. Oh, yeah Alice is this something? Oh, no. Sorry. No. No Andy. Askistair is this something? Oh no, sorry. No no Andy, ask me if it is something. I was about to change the subject but I mean that was good. I'm not saying we weren't in a good place. Yeah yeah I mean that's fine. Andy I'm not insulted that you wanted to move on from your idea. Have we talked about this in the podcast before? The idea that Steve Jobs, his surname is like the category for all the subsequent CEOs of Apple? I mean we've

only had one so far, Tim Cook, but it's like I think they should have that system where the first CEO, their surname, is the category for all the subsequent CEOs Steve, Jor, Cook, Smith, then the next CEO could be black. Yeah exactly right. The next guy could be word. Yes yeah you actually done really well with this. For me part of it was like I'm to say this and then there are going to be no other possible examples. What you want is like a, you know, you want like a, you know, like Charles Munger. Oh, there is a Charlie Munger, isn't there?

Is there? Oh yeah. Yeah. He's the CEO of that fucking massive company. Oh yeah. Berkshire Hathaway? Is that him? He must have died, right? He looked, he looked, he's looked so dead for so long. Oh man, those videos that pop up of him on, do you get videos of him saying pithy things on Instagram, dispensing business advice? And you're like, oh man, when they just let this guy die. Please let them not have to give us any more investment advice. I mean, imagine what his famous last investment advice. I do get the impression that like, as he was passing away with his board of directors gathered around him, he was still giving great little nuggets of like,

and then maybe a little diss towards Elon Musk as he goes out the door. I think he was second in charge to Warren Buffett. Oh really? Yeah. There you go. But then, but the idea that Warren Buffett's other CEOs would all be different types of buffets.

Well Munga, I mean all different places you could get food. Yeah. From a Munga. Great. You could come in. If he was the two eyes to Warren Buffett, that's funny. That's funny that they were just the two of the two of the oldest fucks you've ever seen just shuffling around managing. But yeah I know billions of dollars yeah and

doing little panels where they talk about business. don't know. Wait, let's see. Wait, it says here, yeah, Warren Buffett is still the CEO of Berkshire Hathaway since 1970, but he's 94 years old. Yeah, man. But his whole thing is that he's like, just buy things and then don't sell So he doesn't have that really do I think so. Yeah

He's like really proud that he had bought like, you know when he was like 12 he bought $145 worth of some kind of stock and then do you know what it's what it's worth now and it's like 40, you know 400,000 or something like that You know I think yeah but but I think he did right before like the crash oh wow he never sells but that yeah even I could say this is probably a bit cooked yeah Alastair yes have we and sorry to preface this with have we talked about this before, but we had that sketch set in the afterlife, right? Really early on we filmed a sketch where you die and you come to this white void and I'm just sitting there at a little table and you think you're in the afterlife and I'm like,

well, no, this isn't the afterlife. This is just a little booth that we've installed to tell people who have died, who did believe in the afterlife that there isn't one. Because a lot of people who thought there was an afterlife were dying, thinking they were going to an afterlife, feeling right about that, when in fact they were wrong, but there was just no opportunity for them to discover that and deal with those consequences so this have we talked about that sketch that we conceived of and then wrote no no no no no no no so we did that right yeah but I put that the concept of that was I don't think it

hurts to revisit it the concept of that was, you know, after death, making a little moment after death, right? Which is of course unrealistic. But what we could do is make a little moment before death. So what we could actually do is we could just shift death, what we call death, forwards, you know, two or three months, right, and then call everything after that until your body actually stops working, the afterlife, right. So if we could sort of work out when people are gonna die, move their death, what we call their death, forwards, say they're dead after that, have the funeral, all that sort of stuff. Firstly, they'd get to see their own funeral which would be great. But then what we could have is we could

have us almost a sort of like a second tier of superannuation, right? You do, or alternative to superannuation which is our 401k or retirement savings or pension fund or whatever, you put money into that throughout your life and then you sort of get a tiny little pittance, maybe a dribble of money after you retire that sort of sustains you until you die. But what if we just, we did that, but instead it's like, it's you only get in like the last three months,

two weeks or whatever of your life, right? So you've got heaps of money in a really short space of time and we use that to just pump that time after your like this new death date. We pump that full of just unimaginable bliss, just so intense. So it is like we've created, we've crammed in a little afterlife just before the siren,

we kick a little goal before they blow the whistle with, you know, and what are you, I mean you're just, you're just eating pure, I don't know, duck fat and getting sucked off non-stop for the last. Oh yeah, duck fat and sucked off non-stop. Oh yes. For the last. Oh duck fat and sucked off. Oh yes, grease in, grease out. Oh yes. Oh I just feel like I'm a grease tube. Look at it going through me. I'm just a grease tube. I'm being rinsed out. I'm having a grease rinse, which is how I imagine him. God, just pumps it through you. I mean, at some point, everything would just turn to grease, wouldn't it? If you were just greasing in and then whatever comes out, your saliva would get greasy,

everything would get greasy mmm Greasy, you know piss even comes from blood Yeah, yeah, yeah This is just a what is it it's sort of a It's an edit it's a it's a it's an edit of blood, you know, it's a cut down. It's like a little clip, it's a clip reel of blood for people who just like the.

If you just like the clear stuff, you don't like red blood cells. The piss edit, blood, the piss edit. Yeah, so then it would just be a little after life, even though you might be feeling pretty sick. But we're just giving you all the good stuff. We're gonna give you the best drugs so you won't feel any of that sickness.

Yeah, and I guess we make it look a little bit nicer than the hospital beds. That's right, yeah, so much nicer. Here's something that I've been thinking about, because sometimes I hear about somebody dying than the hospital beds and the... That's right. Yeah. So much nicer. Here's something that I've been thinking about. Because sometimes I hear about somebody dying, and they're like, oh, and we watched this TV series as they were about to go or whatever, you know?

Is that I can't think of anything apart from maybe spending a bit of time with my wife and kids, some quality, sort of nice time, that is worth doing when you're dying. Like, you know, I remember Bill Hicks, hearing Bill Hicks say that he reread Lord of the Rings before dying, you know? And you kind of go like, yeah, what is worth doing? Like, you know, and I feel like if I could answer this,

there would be some kind of, you know, like, okay, I've been thinking about, like, why, what is actually fun? Like, sometimes if I just go, I want to just have a little bit of fun. Now, something that I found is, and maybe I've said this recently, I'm not sure, but if somebody's in a room and they're sitting on the bed or something like that and you walk past it and they're sitting in there with a light on, you come on and you flick the light on and off a little bit that is genuinely fun you haven't said that before

but so far that's the only thing that's the only thing. That's the only thing. If I could, if I was dying and they could just wheel me around the hospital and I could go to different rooms and make eye contact with somebody who's sitting in there alone and I could just flick the light on and off and it just like, and it sort of annoys them a little bit, but... Can I ask a question? Is part of doing that making a sound like this? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààà for me, yeah. Good. I mean, I think it's all about how you like to enjoy things and I can tell that you like to enjoy it like that

and I think I would also enjoy that kind of like. Yeah, yeah. You're absolutely right, a lot of fun is about how you like to enjoy things. That's a great insight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Andy, look, I don't wanna lay down any hard and fast rules.

Good, high and fun. Maybe hard rules. I wouldn't mind putting down a hard rule, but I don't want to lay down any hard and fast rules. Maybe hard rules. I wouldn't mind putting down a hard rule, but I don't want them to be fast. Yeah, that's right. I want them to take a while to say. I want them to take a long time to be implemented. And I probably don't want you to feel the consequences of the rule, of breaking the rule for about two to three months,

so you think you're in the clear. Can I tell you, can I be honest with you about something else? Yeah, Andy, be honest. I really hoped you were gonna say recording the podcast with you, Andy, was the only thing you'd found that was fun. Oh, Andy, well actually that is something that I consider to be very fun.

Thank you, my friend. But I mean, it's hard, I mean, look, that would have been hard when I guess, no, but you're right, I hadn't even thought about that. If I'm dying, Andy, should we just do one more? Famous last words. Famous last words. Famous last, farmer's last sketch idea.

I'll do, yeah. I'll promise my family, I'll say, hey, you better talk to me before I do the pod because that's my favorite last words. There should be a deathbed, if there is an already deathbed podcast, where it's just one of our favorite hosts, and this would be a great one for one of those celebrities who is doing a podcast now, maybe get one of the one of the actors from Will and Grace, get one of them to do this and he goes around to people's deathbeds

and he talks to them as they're dying and this could be finally be where we get to sort of explore that idea of who's the cunt who's going around asking these people who are dying to talk about their regrets to just dwell on the worst things from their life. Whoever that is, good on you, you're doing God's work. It's a person who isn't dying's like thought of what the dying is going to be like. Mm hmm. They're thinking about your regrets. Yeah. The deathbed podcasts.

Yeah. I mean, I mean, it's like I'm writing it down, but. And, you know, I mean, wouldn't that be good? You know, maybe that is the deathbeds of of celebrities, you know, because a lot of it is, you know, a lot of podcasting, big podcast is like comedians interviewing other comedians. This is it. This is what we want. We want just that, like, as they're dying. A lot of comedians tend to be a bit private about the fact that they're dying. A lot of the time they won't announce it, but they don't have to announce it like it, but they can still record the podcast. Okay. Just tell the host of the deathbeds podcast

and host of the deathbed That's right. Um, are you talking about norm mcdonald and uh, what's his name? Sean lock sean lock Yeah, you the uk's the uk's norm mcdonald Yeah, I mean I guess they both occupied a pretty not quite a similar space, but they were both they were very good with hard punch lines. Both a bit a bit curmudgeonly. A bit curmudgeon a bit but also a bit cheery as well. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. They both probably had no time. I think from what I hear about both of them. They had no time for shit comedians Really? Yeah, I think I think like I've heard that Sean Locke was a bit like you better prove yourself on this thing

You know and be good Right that kind of thing. Oh, that's a shame. I know otherwise we would have got along great. Yeah, I Think you would have I think you would have got along. Thanks mate. But yes, Andy I do agree that doing this podcast would be one of the few things where I would be like, Andy, come on, I didn't forget you, I just, I was trying to think outside of this world. Obviously, and if you could do that while flicking on and off a light, yes, it could, there could be some audio interference from the sort of electromagnetic disturbances that that would cause, but nothing worse than

our standard audio for this show, you know, can't be. Was it, was it on this podcast that we came up with the thing with like, why, why, or did I come up with this by myself it's probably just your idea and then I'm like I came up with this by myself in my private time where with with Elon carrying around his four-year-old you know as a body shield hmm right and that I think it's so that he can... It's because the longer term plan is that he wants to get assassinated, probably outside of a UFC event. And then for the child to witness it and then become a right wing Batman.

This is not... I was not involved in this. No? Because I mean... This is the idea. I mean, if the right wing are, you know, if the right wing are trying to like, you know, this is their time in the shine, this is their time and time to shine their time in the in the spotlight at the moment, but they don't have any real

heroes. Yeah. So they need to have one of their, their, you know, one of their billionaires be shot and have a kid be an influence who will be able to sort of be a vigilante who can go around at nighttime stopping the less fortunate from like being helped by sort of left-wing people. Yes, stopping groups of people from unionizing. Yeah, that's right. He's the union buster. And what he, I don't have a lot to add to this Alistair, but I will just say that instead of that little

bat grappling hook that Batman has, he has a boot, right? He has a boot that shoots out a really long lace that sticks out, wraps around something and he pulls himself up by his bootstraps. Oh yeah, boot man. Bootstrap man. Yeah, but he's also a boot, is he a bit of a boot licker?

No. He could be a bit of a jackboot. I was like- Being a fascist. Hey, stop giving a hand job to that non-white man. Like that. Like that. And then he's like, and then he calls that person the Jerker.

His greatest nemesis. But in this world, the Jerker is good. Is that right? Yeah, he's trying to give a person who's diverse a hand job. That seems like a good person. And not only is the Joker white, but also their face is painted extra white, like the Joker, which just to be extra clear about the color of their, of their privilege. Yes. It's a hand, uh, guy who dresses up or girl who dresses up as a clown to jerk off, uh, people,

people who've lost their jobs to, uh, you know, when, when DIY stuff got canceled by Trump. It's a handout. It's a hand up. People need a hand up, not a hand job. That's something that he says too. That's right. It's one of his people need hands. Yeah well they got hand fired and now they're giving them I don't know. Hand-fired is nice though. Isn't that beautiful? This will be one of the things of the future.

At the moment, we're probably already in the territory of people being fired by AI, right? That AI computers now fire you. Fired by AI. Fired by AI. Fired by AI. But people who are into lost trades and forgotten crafts and things being done by hand, like hand stitched, hand woven, that kind of stuff, in the future, it might be a status symbol for progressives, hippies, to only purchase things from like enormous multinational conglomerates where the rounds of redundancy involve people being hand fired by the CEO, not by a computer, you know, and they're like,

I just think it's more ethical and there's something that feels to me, I feel such a sense of connection when I know that the people doing the coding for this web service corporation That they were actually hand fired by the city. Oh, that's right. The words were hand milked from my lips directly Of the the employee. I mean, I think that's beautiful. It's not every utterance, Alastair, it's every utterance. That's right. How do you feel about that?

I feel good, Andy. Hand firing. I mean, I guess that's the beautiful thing about having this option of automating everything, is that, you know, having things handmade, having things like that, it's like suddenly everything was being made like that until mere seconds ago. And now you can, in your advertising, you can claim that you're not doing that. It's absolutely fucking wild how fast shit is changing, Alistair. Oh, absolutely.

It's fucking wild. I mean, it is, until you turn off the computer. Yeah. And then everything is exactly the same. Yeah, that's very true. It just hadn't occurred to me that that was an option. Yeah, I mean that's because the work... But you must be in touch with a lot of this stuff right now. I mean you're at the cutting edge, Andy. You're sort of standing by the fire there sort of hammering out ideas on an anvil made of you know large language models. Yeah, yeah I don't quite know what the, what the full ramifications of that sentence are, what it really means.

Don't you worry about it. In a way, yes, you're absolutely right. I completely agree. I don't have to understand what you're saying to agree with you, Alastair. You have enough trust. You've built up enough trust that I completely support it. But I just mean that you said in your job that they use some AI.

Yes, that is true. Although not really for large language model kind of stuff. It's more like visual digital storyboarding. Yeah, right. I just assumed that it was all using the same kind of thing. Yeah, I mean, but I don't think it's a large language model, right, if you've got, I mean, maybe, maybe it's in there. It is a similar kind of concept, though, isn't it?

That like, instead of what word comes after the next, it's what pixel goes next to it. They need the large language model to interpret what you're saying. Of course they do, of course they do, Alastair. Yes, you're right. But I mean, I guess that link between photo and words, that must have been itself quite an engineering challenge to...

I can't get my head around it. Yeah, I mean, like when they were uploading all this imagery, they must have at some point had to upload parallel words with each thing like you would only be able to upload photos that have descriptions of what things are I guess maybe I mean but I guess but once you have the ability to recognize what objects are in video, maybe you can sort of look at their relative motion and that sort of thing. Like once you can recognize the different parts of an image. I still don't know how you're doing that unless you have a connection between the word and the image. Oh yeah, absolutely. At some point you have to have done that.

But then you might sort of edit. Then once the computer has like built up the ability to look at the relative proportions of something and recognize it as a fucking digital cassette recorder then it is able to look for that in other bits of footage and then see how it moves. Oh but then you still need some meaning behind that footage. Yeah I don't know man. I don't fucking know. I don't know. Maybe they upload the scripts of the movies at the same time as they did it. Oh well, I mean, then it would be really helpful to have things like, you know, visual, you know, like the stuff that was transcribed for the visually impaired to tell you what's on screen, things like that. Maybe, maybe that's how they did it with closed captioning.

Yeah, but I still think that there's so much going on. You must be like having to upload endless amounts of tables just for the thing to be able to recognize what a table is. And yeah, I don't know. All that stuff so different. And then you kind of go and then you turn off the computer and then you go. Like, like yesterday I just had a I had an afternoon where we didn't have screens and I kind of like was just playing with the kids and mostly just hiding things in a room. Yes. And then and then when the kids would come in, I would give them clues as to where things are. You know, it's a classic, you know, and and then the next day the kid was like, And then when the kids would come in, I would give them clues as to where things are.

Oh, it's a classic. And then the next day, the kid was like, one of the kids telling Indiana, it's like, oh, it was one of the... Like, we played for so long, it felt like a whole weekend. It was one of the best afternoons ever. Oh, Al. And you go, oh my god, it's like, all this stuff, all this entertainment, shit like that. It's all convenience. I think everything about convenience has made life worse maybe probably as soon as I say it I think of all you know options where that's untrue but you kind of yeah yeah well I mean what is convenience

it's short-circuiting some sort of dopamine pathway probably right just like getting to the hit sooner. But it gets rid of the effort part. Yes. And the effort feels like it's gonna be hard, but then it also, doing something after effort is rewarding in itself. And so having completed some-

And it shifts, but it also shifts your window of like what is considered effort, right? So then Previously things you wouldn't have even thought about being effort become harder to do. Yeah So so we're shifting the window back We make life is it's a company that will make your life incredibly difficult Unimaginably they will and they will do that for you so that you don't have to do it. Oh, thank God.

Because before that I'd had to make my own life hard. You know, and then sort of be things. Yeah. Yeah. Things like they, you know, as soon as you pick up a, you know, a bag of tea to look at the thing, it'll still slap it out of your hand. You know, they'll get in the way so that you can't buy tea. And then the only option will be to go home and grow your own tea.

Yes, it's mostly tea related. It's very worked it out in the like, it's only it's only available for tea related things at this stage. At this stage at this side really we're rolling it out in early testing Fatigue fatigue it's only tea fatigue. I'm fatigued Fatigue like fatigued. Yeah, you're fatigued from all this fatiguing

Look, I'm just going to write down company that makes your life harder for you. But I don't, you know, but it's, but it's to shift the window Andy and think about how rewarding it will be. Oh, life is so rewarding. And on top of that, to make it even more rewarding, They'll give you a little reward at the end. Oh, that's so good. I love that. And all it costs is $1,000 a week. One of the ways in which it helps make your life more difficult is that you've got less disposable income.

Oh, that is really true. And I don't know how it's got even worse in the last three weeks, but it feels to me like the cost of living has tripled in the last three weeks. I don't know why. This was the month where we've earned the most money we have in ages.

And it was so fuck God. Yeah, right. Yeah, I mean, it is hard. It's not a good time to be sort of what I'm doing, which is in a middle place where you don't really have any income. And you're not

very prepared for the future. Not if, but when things go to shit. But also maybe you will be Alistair, maybe you'll be nimble, you know. I mean, I'll be nimble in that I don't have debt. That's the only part in which I'm nimble.

Yeah, you'll be able to duck and weave. Yeah, but then all that borrowed money would be useful, you know, at a time like that. Oh, have things, you know, I was thinking about that. I was like, oh, maybe you could buy a house in Canada and you go, what happens when when America invades Canada and then just starts bombing or like there's just drone swarms coming around? And then you're like, how does that negatively affect, how does that affect the price of

houses? Maybe that could be a real opportunity for me to get into the market. Yeah, it's like, oh, does having a lot of bombed out houses, does that make the value of houses go up because there's less stock available? But then there's also the risk that your house will get bombed. And also, but also then you could have a bombed out house, you could buy a bombed out house. Oh, that's true. That would be a good way to get into the market.

I could just go through the rubble. You know, all the pieces are there, so it's essentially a puzzle. People love those. But I think my experience of the housing market is that it doesn't matter what happens, it makes prices go up. So I think the answer is it will make it harder to get into the housing market. Whatever happens, it'll get worse. I guess the builders, you know, a lot of the builders will be getting probably killed in

the bombings. Yes. And so that does make it more difficult because to get a contractor when you really need it. Yeah, that does. That will make it harder. Okay. But still, you know, never waste a crisis. That's right.

Yeah. Alastair, have we got five sketch ideas written down? I've written down so many ideas today. It's basically a hundredth episode. Wow. It's crazy. They're not, Wow! It's crazy they're not I wouldn't say that they're all they're all top quality I would say that most of them are like ah we said this but we have three words from a listener Andy

yeah okay good now I don't know if you know this Andrew but we have listeners mmm and some of them can give $3 to us on Patreon. And then- We allow them to give us $3. We have opened up some channels so that $3 could be reached from them to us. And one of the thems is Patrick J Ryan. Patrick J Ryan.

I don't know, have we had Patrick J Ryan before? I believe this may be a first words. This is Patrick J Ryan's first words. So I hope his mother is listening. Patrick, I love a middle initial. Oh, especially a J, same one as Homer. Yeah, yeah. That'd be good as well. I did hear what you said about this is his first three words. Yeah. But it would be good as well for listeners of Two in the Think Tank to use their final words before they die to

give us three words suggestion for the podcast. I would be nice suggestion for the podcast I think that would be really good I would even accept the three words that they submit right before they close their patreon they sort of like they cancel their Subscription as their final three words a little sign off. Yeah a little fuck you to the think tank Yeah, something like that but Yes, oh and also Patrick J Ryan is that J is that the J from J Edgar Hoover? I think it's

J did your parents name your middle name after? J Edgar Hoover's first name first after J. Edgar Hoover's first name. First. Anyway, something we can find out, hopefully at a later date. Now, Patrick J. Ryan does say, my three words from a listener are from me, a listener, and they are.

So, do you wanna try and guess what the first word is? It's one of three. Okay. Pearl. P-E-A-R-L, pearl. Ooh, I think you might have, wait, P-E-A-R, no, you didn't get it right. No, it was like a,

I thought maybe you'd got like the fourth letter right, but it was actually the fifth. It's hooligan. Hooligan. Yeah. Okay. Hooligan. Okay. Hooligan. I think hospital. Second word is hospital. No, no. Sorry, you were saying think as I said it. Yeah. Yeah. See, and I think you're going for a sort of like words that start with a joe kind of thing pattern and I think that's that's

too I think that's too weak Patrick J Ryan has even said if Andy can guess the connection between these words I will also give him 10 points at 10 bonus points or that might be TEN bonus points those would be my first bonus points that's exciting yeah but. Um, but it's, yeah, no, no, the second word, unfortunately, Andrew is smithereens. Hooligan? Smithereens? Oh, God. Hooligan?

Smithereens? Bubble gum. Smithereens. Bubblegum. No Andy, it's galore. So obviously they're all words that have had the word pussy in front of them. I left that pussy at Smithereens. No I don't know. Patrick J. Rhime doesn't say what the connection between all the words are. Wow that is tantalizing. But do you want to try and guess one so that he can tell you whether or not it's right? Hooligan? Hooligan? I mean, what was the last word?

Galore. Galore. Hooligan? Smithereens, galore. I've got absolutely no fucking idea. Smithereens is the name of a book of short writing by Sean McAuliffe, but none of those other words, I believe, appear in any of his work. The titles at least. Hooligan, I mean, Hooligan and Smithereens, they have a double letter in them. But Galore does it so, I'm really out on a limb. Smithereens has Smithers in it, like from The Simpsons.

None of the words have numbers in them. I'm gonna have to say I don't know. I don't know. But that's a fun new way for me to fail at this. Patrick J, so I thank you for that gift. Yeah, well that's good. But what about an idea? What does it inspire?

Let's see. Well, the first thing that makes me think of, obviously, is Smithereens Galore, a shop that is pre-looted or pre-destroyed in a riot. So down at Smithereens Galore, we've got rubble. We've got detritus. we've got shrapnel. And so when the hooligans and hooligans come down and they sort of, they walk around quite thoughtfully.

Oh, things to throw at cops. Yeah, exactly. When there is a riot, they don't have to smash up buildings to go and get the rocks and things to throw at cops. They can just pop straight in, pop straight into Smithereens galore. We've got half bricks. We've got empty bottles. We've got chair legs. We've got broken bottles. We've got nails that you can put at the end of sticks Yes, I have slashed

prices and slashed faces with these broken bottles with this sort of torn metal That's got to be one of the best ways to make metal sharp. Tearing it? Yeah, by tearing it. And then you just get that one little corner. Is that a thing? I guess I can think of tearing a Coke can and having a sharp little bit there. Yes. Tearing a Coke can. Yeah cocaine yeah like you know I think some some twisted metal from like a from like a car accident I think most of these things lead to a point somewhere in the twisting I don't know I I gotta say I

I'm struggling to imagine what you're talking about, Alastair. Andy, picture two bits of, like one bit of metal, either twisting or being sheared to the point that it breaks apart. Okay, yep. Now, so that means that you've got two raw edges that used to be together and are now no longer together. Do you picture those two edges to have been rounded off and dull or do you picture them as being a risk of cutting yourself?

I don't really know. I don't really think of them as being sharp in any way. Well, Andy, you are incorrect. You are just incorrect and your ability to imagine is weak. I am trying. And you're right, Alastair. It is a problem with me and it is something actually that I've been talking about with my wife. But okay, what about with the torn can? What about with the torn can where we know that it becomes sharp? Yeah, but for me, and I'm sorry Alastistair and I am on board with you I'm completely on board. No you're not you're not on board you're just saying you're on board. But I don't know if that sharp. As I'm dying you know I won't be able to do this podcast. I think that might be sharp only because it is thin metal anyway you know I'm not sure

if it's any sharper than it would have been. What kind of thick metal do you picture on a car? Thicker than a can. Thank you, good night. Thicker than a can. The Andy Matthews story. Look Alistair, I guess I just can't picture this torn metal. Yeah. Okay, firstly, I don't think of metal tearing being something that like happens during a riot, that kind of thing.

And I can't picture torn metal being used as a weapon. They're heading to a riot. But yes, Alistair, yes, but the things that they're getting from the Hooligan Shop are the kinds of things that you would otherwise get in the process? of a riot, okay by destroying by breaking by looting by You know Smashing stuff up. Yeah, but I don't think I'm not picturing the stuff coming from

Looting these are guys are going to loot These are things that have come from buildings falling down, from cars being in accidents, from demolition, from corrugated iron fences being driven into. Andy, I'm gonna send you an image. This is the first thing that comes up when you write in torn metal into Google. And tell me that none of this metal looks sharp. Even these poor representations. Yeah.

Okay. There's not only the edges themselves that could be sharp. There's the points. Yep. Right? Which would come to a very thin thing. Which is all really sharpness is. Hmm. I'm looking at it. All of those things. You would happily just run your fingers You would be happy to let your children run their fingers along the edges of Again look yeah, maybe some of these bits of this stuff are a bit pointy

I don't picture them being super sharp also Jaggedy Yeah, but but then but then that's not something you would use as a weapon in a riot, okay? You're talking about a sheet of metal. If you're in a riot, you want something that is a shard, you want something that's longer than it is wide, or you want something heavy and solid that you can throw. Andy, these people, they're not selling weapons. They're selling things that you can fashion into weapons. Okay. Improvised. That's right. Andy, would you agree that some of those things are sharp?

Yes, I will agree with that. Andy, I'm sorry I pushed this so hard. Yeah, it's really driven a wedge bite between. You think so? A really sharp jagged metal wedge. Metal wedge from torn metal, would you say? The metal was torn, yes, Alastair. I just can't imagine how in any ways it could be blunt. Do you think rubble store is enough? I mean, sorry, not rubble. Absolutely rubble store.

I mean, that thing of the guy selling the stuff in an ad, that's good. Yeah, that is good. You know, we've just got to work out whether or not they sell bits of torn metal. That's all we got to get. It just depends whether or not we will accept reality or whether we will accept the version of reality in our minds that is incorrect. I haven't articulated myself as well as I would have hoped, but I like to think that the listeners at home are completely on my side. They see where I'm coming from.

Andy, only because they see your intelligence. You are a fucking joke to them. Only because they often see your intelligence shine through and my stupidity sort of blocks that intelligence doesn't mean that that intelligence is always manifesting itself properly. Alastair, we are both idiots. We are both stupid. They listen to this podcast as they would laugh at a freak show.

Andy, if I started an idiots group, do you think I would let you in? Do you honestly think I would let you into my idiot's group? No, I might because we're open only by mistake because we're pure idiocy Yep Before I put these walnuts that I just fished out of the crumbs of this bag, I will read the sketch ideas. All right.

We have goblins to eat all the stuff that we don't like. We have the ad first advertising method where you make a good ad, then you make a product to match it. We've got the 24-7 mom-and-pop non-stop food shop We're very good. She did go right there. Yeah, I hadn't even written it down like that. I edited it along on the way I'm just gonna write the word shop here. There we go we got the donation plate model of restaurants where they They all create a deity that punishes you in the future in

the afterlife where if you don't pay we've got the pull on lips to milk words into ears yes we've got the first CEO's last name sets the pattern for the next like Steve Jobs then Tim Cook which is a type of job we've got new death date for a few months beforehand so that you can have the afterlife while you're still alive. We've got a project where you list things that are actually fun, like turning lights on and off and doing this podcast. We've got the deathbed podcasts. We've got the Deathbed Podcasts. We've got the Right Wing Batman. We've got Hand Firing in the Age of AI, where you fire people with your, you know,

by yourself without the aid of, without being computer aided. We've got Company that Makes Your Life More Difficult for You. Yes. We've got Bombed out houses market opportunity. And of course we have the rubble store known as the Smithereens Galore, which is for hooligans. We fucking did it Alistair. What a bulging sack of sketch ideas of premium sketch ideas

1314 that's the kind of number of sketch ideas we're gonna need I Think we're gonna need to go better much faster than that. Yeah much much faster than you Will be fucked if we're doing it that's you're right. You're right. It will be absolutely... How long would it take to do 500? It doesn't bear thinking about. It would take 35. That would be 50 hours. That would be 35.7 hours. Yeah, no, that's not happening. We are not... I'm not...

I think we're actually going to have to like prime guests as like, hey, you can't let us just talk to you. Yeah, yeah, and you can't let us just talk to you. Yeah. Yeah. And you can't come on and fuck with us. Yeah. We know it's funny. It's, it is funny to come on and fuck with us and just waste time and, and make it worse. That is funny. That's objectively funny, but we can't allow it. We can't allow it. This is serious. This is important. This is serious. We are not going to be okay. If that's serious we are not gonna be okay if that's how you're not gonna be okay we are we're already not okay just thinking about it all right Andy let's go to this let's go to the show. You're cool. That's cool. Way cool.

Hope this is all okay everybody. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. Continuing to support us and making us feel less insane for doing this. Don't forget to check out The Weekly Planet and with Nick Mason and James. I agree. And don't forget to check out Who Knew It with Matt Stewart, the greatest game show ever created. Listen to WTF with Mark Maron.

Yeah. And Smart Less with your favorite TV celebrities talking to other TV celebrities There's no higher form of art. Yeah and we love you Bye