Two In The Think Tank - 479 - "SAUSAGES ARE COMING FOR PASTA"

Episode Date: June 5, 2025

Sketch Spreadsheet by Will Runt: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1e2HYV7-VcnAV08wyHA7OFbqh_UCnVDUheiNFiqxPX_Y/edit?usp=sharingThink Tank Institute: https://lookerstudio.google.com/s/kH2int_ZkuIPants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I couldn't claim credit for it. It was a podcast intro, a pre-podcast Andy and Al intro to each other idea Which should be its own podcast. I reckon The cunts can't no no just like having a little where you and me just catch up with each other very briefly before we realize We have no time Well, what we need is, you know how like um You know how the apple photo thing Am I right in thinking that the Apple camera takes is always filming, right?

But just captures a little window of like, like half a second either side. So it's like this moving window when you, when you press the, it doesn't keep all that data, but when you press the camera button, it sort of saves that little window and that's where you get your live photo which actually captures a little bit before you press the button and a little bit after you press the button. It must be. I don't know if it's always running or whether it's just running when you open up the camera

app. Yeah, sorry. That's what I mean. But I'm suggesting that podcast equipment should have a window of half an hour Where it is recording? Regardless of whether or not you've plugged it in Stuff is way better. Yeah way better way better I'm not a podcaster. I'm a pre-podcaster.

Okay? That's the only bit I release. I record a sacrificial podcast about trucks. Okay? It's called... Sacrificial Trucks? Truckfucks. Truckfucks.

The podcast is only two milliseconds long. Okay? And there are over 10,000 episodes. podcast is only two milliseconds long. Yeah. And there are over 10,000 episodes, but I only do that so that I can get the little bit of pre podcast buzz and that's a different podcast. That's a different podcast. That is called. But can it be a different podcast?

No, wait, that. Well, can it be a different podcast? I mean, you could trick you trick the brain, you know. I guess if you didn't know you were recording it. Exactly. You know, so that's one that sort of your, your producer has to produce by himself, by just keeping your conversation going. For him, it is a podcast, but for you, it's a pre-podcast. by just keeping your conversation going. For him it is a podcast, but for you it's a pre-podcast. Do you think that the human body is sort of the producer of the brain?

Or is it the runner? It's more the runner. Running around, it does a lot of that. Yeah. The main body of the comparison rests on the word and the concept running. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's definitely the runner. It's definitely the runner in terms of running the brain around.

Yes. Good. But then, isn't it funny? Isn't it ironic? The brain runs the body. Yes. Who's the real runner? That's true. I guess they're each a runner for each definition of the word. Yep. That's what it is. What about the whole runner? The rug that goes down a hallway. And then the runner that lets things run out of the body. Andy, I came up with one of the most beautifully strained puns today. Oh, Alistair. Okay, I've got to try to remember. I've got to try to get it right.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll take off all my clothes and I'll lie down on a silk sheet to listen to this. Okay. I'm ready. Okay, wait. Okay. Andy, I find cauliflowers too beautiful. You can't leave me home alone with one. I'm telling you, you can't leave me home alone with a cauliflower.

I... warn you all, do not leave me home alone with a cauliflower, because I'm gonna give my cauli a cockin'. Pfft! Pfft! Pfft! My cauli a cockin'! My cauli a cockin'! I'm a Collier Corkin. My Collier Corkin.

And Corkin in this world. Corkin. A Corkin. A Corkin. A Corkin. Oh, a Corkin. I'm a Collier Corkin. My Collier Corkin.

Yeah. You're still saying Corkin. No, no, I'm saying Corkin. Corking weird. Corkin. saying cockin. No, no, I'm saying cockin. Cocking weird. Cockin. Cockin. You say cockin. Cockin.

Much be your accent. My collie a cockin. Do not leave me home alone. Did you get it Andy? I did and you know what? I got more than it. I got a new lease on life. But it's only a lease, you know? It's only a lease. And like any lease, I intend to thoroughly clean out my body before I die. That's sort of what you should do with all your donations. That's when you evacuate your bowels. Oh that's true. You do your end of lease cleansing. You remove all your

possessions. The only possession that we all really ever can truly say we possess. Whichever lump of shit is currently passing through our body. Everything else is just trappings. It's just an illusion. Do you really own it? Who's to say?

Can be lost in a fire. And all the other bugs move in. Can be stolen. Yep. That's true. Worms. You know how they have, you know how they have like know they have like what's

his name Copernicus's finger pointed at the sky and bones like his finger bones is it him is it Copernicus I actually don't know but let's say yes let's say Copernicus but what's the other guy the other guy who's like Copernicus? Kepler? Kepler? No. Kepler! I just like saying his name. I'm gonna write guys like... Tycho... it's Tycho Bray? Is it Tycho Bray? No, he's got two of the same names. Galileo? Galileo Galilei. Galileo Galilei might be him. It's one of those two, but... What do you think... which part of your body do you think they would keep for you in like your family museum and preserve forever that would perfectly represent you and what you've done here on this planet?

Are you trying to lead me into saying penis? Why would I say that, Andy? Because I have so many children. Yeah, but Andy, it's actually a very small part of what you do. Oh, okay. I actually don't consider you that much of a fucker. I can't think of five times when I high-fived you.

I'm just a gifted amateur. I did think the other night about calling you and just going, hey Andy. I just got lucky Just to see how you know, how do you react whether or not you'd be happy for me? I'll be so happy for you. Yeah, so happy. Yeah, of course. I mean I Don't know. That's you know, hey all I want for my boys Well then Andy, expect a call. Sometime in the next three to six months.

Eight months? Oh, okay. But do you think that that's... Yes, the finger. Do you think that that is a thing that you could... It would be a good scientific experiment to pull, to try to call up every person you know and then judge their reaction after you've told them that you just got lucky. Positive, negative, concerned? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, that's, it's the, the, the, that's an intimate circle,

you know, that you're, that you're probing there. They, I think it's, could be a new, not you know, not the friend zone, but, and not the bone zone and not the end zone, but it's the friend you tell you did a bone zone. Yeah. Um, you're welcome. Yeah. For some reason I've just talked to, just had the thought of, of going to a cemetery with your parent and referring to taking, taking your mom down to the bone zone.

Now I, I was being cute at the time and I didn't know there were other connotations to those words I think the bone zone is a great name for a cemetery. I think somebody needs to disrupt the cemetery Business. Yeah, the the imagery and the vibe in general of cemeteries is very set in the past. It's very locked. Yeah. You know what? I reckon it's right for a disruption. You know, we could be the disruptors of death. You know what we would do?

Do sort of like dirt towers. So that you can bury people up. And I reckon you put people in like like you make them crouch in a box or you stick your body into a small way smaller box so you can fit more people in and vacuum seal it. Well that would preserve the freshness wouldn't it? That's right. Why why is everybody so intent on their family decomposing? Mm-hmm Why are they so intent on that?

They are obsessed with it and I'll tell you what it's just what it's always what's always been done is tradition and And we will keep you right there. That's the opportunity. Yeah, fresh dead. Oh wow. Yeah They'll they'll smell just as fresh as the day that they died Mmm Rest in peace rest in pristine condition. Yeah, it'll it'll look like a sort of a clear version of that of that Star Wars You know carbonate version of that Star Wars carbonite thing. I'm just going to blow my nose one second.

Anyway, it's called the Bone Zone. The imagery. You didn't get that anyway, quick enough. The coloring, everything about it is very bright, it's very modern, it's very modern, it's very now. We're gonna have a lot of death influences probably. Death? Death, death and death.

Yeah, very inclusive. And what are you, death? What are you, death? That'd be a great thing to say when the Grim Reaper shows up. This would be a really good... It would be really good when the Grim Reaper shows up and asks me if I'm ready to go with him to...

to beyond the Bone Zone. Yes. I imagine that's how he... That sounds like he's going to give you a really big orgasm. That's how he is. That sounds like he's going to give you a really big orgasm. He asked me if I'm ready to come with him across the abyssal plane. I'll say... He'll say, what?

I'll say... And he'll say, what? And I'll say, what are you, death? And it'll be one last little zinger to get out before I go. My collie are cockin'. We are killing it today. Yeah, you don't feel it? No, I am, I'm not serious, I mean, I am serious.

I think we are actually doing really well, and I think just a couple of puns along the way, just, you know what, that's the- Just one, just one, Andy. That's the pearl, well, I mean the what are you death thing? Oh, yeah, well, that's a pun. Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah, I guess that's why you brought it up Alastair my family has a new tradition. Yeah traditions You've only we've only done it once but I can already tell it's gonna be big

My sister, Kath, she has a small olive tree. She had her first harvest this year. And she got a kilo of olives. And everyone in the immediate family, we had to guess how many olives she had, the exact number of olives that she picked, right? And then she didn't reveal the results for two days and then she really dragged it out revealing what they are. It was very, it was very, it was actually very exciting. How did she drag it out? Well, she revealed it over the group chat.

Yeah. And she just, she just like did like one word at a time over the course of about half an hour saying, the correct. Yeah, it was a real good bit. That is a good bit. And yeah, and everyone, everyone was furious. But then guess what? You won.

I won. And I was so close. And I guessed a wildly different number to everybody else. Like heaps more? Heaps more. I think I just have, this is the thing about me. Is that I think a lot of people, volume is a really difficult thing to estimate. Yeah. Right? Volume always surprises you

because you know we're used to linear relationships, we're used to square relationships, you know surface area. But when it comes to volume and you kick into that cubic relationship, yeah, it's always so wild, so much bigger than you think it's going to be. It's basically exponential. You know what? It pretty much is. It pretty much is.

And everybody, you know, they haven't reckoned with this. They haven't got their heads around it. This is something that you reckoned with, Andy. They're taken by surprise by volume. I've reckoned with it, okay? I've made my peace with it. I've accepted. They're fighting it.

They're like volume. They're just not multiplying length by width. Exactly. And here you come in with depth. They're all just counting the numbers up against the jar, the ones that go down, and then the ones that go right. And they go, love you, Huxley. Sorry, sorry, Hux yelled out, I love you, that's nice.

Oh, that's really nice. I'm in a completely other dimension, you know? That's exactly what it is. Yeah. What would be a sketch about a guy who's really good at guessing? I'm in a completely other dimension, you know. That's exactly what it is. Yeah. And... What would be a sketch about a guy who's really good at guessing? He doesn't know anything.

He doesn't know anything, but God, he's good at guessing. Yeah, I mean, that is pretty cool. Like, if you found out that this guy was really good at guessing... I mean, in a way, that this guy was really good at guessing, I mean, that's in a way that's kind of what AI is, right? These general intelligence things. Let's move away from AI. No, no. Yeah.

Okay. So you don't want to talk about it? No, but just, just cause I think- You think it's one of the most boring conversations? Yeah. And you talk about it every time? I think so. I agree. I agree it is. But, um, all right, I will move away from it. But is it okay if I still talk about computers? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, because what you can do, what you might do is you might be like, we can develop a quantum computer, right? Yeah. If we have another $10 billion, right? But I, and that will be able to give us incredibly accurate answers to any question we ask in ten years, ten years time.

Or we can hire this guy that I found, okay? He costs five dollars a day and he will guess anything we want. You can email him. And he'll do it right now. He'll do it right now. And I don't know why, but this guy is really good at guessing. It's like a superpower. It is like a superpower. And he gets within 5% accuracy level. Yeah, within 5%, he'll get you within 5% 90% of the time. Yeah, and that will be weird with like,

you know, with like, you know, things where it's like, what country is, you know. Oh, so it's not just numbers. I really like that. No, no, no, not just numbers. What country is sort of like Brian Adams from, right? Let's say it's Toronto or something like that. Wow, not even a country.

Yeah, okay, cool. Oh, did I say country? Yeah, okay. What city is Brian Adams from? Let's say it's Toronto, and then he'll say something like Orlando. It has a lot of the same letters. Oh, wow.

So the way in which it's close is not even geographically. Yeah, you don't know the way in which it's close it's not even geographically. Yeah you don't know the way in which it's 5% close. That's so funny. It's so difficult to define. But I like that he's only like he's only close 90% of the time as well. Yeah. Because that means that 90% of the time as well. Because that means that 10% of the time, he's gonna be wildly wrong. But statistically speaking, it still works out great for everybody.

Get these answers pretty much for free. It's like gambling. I guess it's turning everything into gambling, which we love. People love to gamble. That's the thing. Yeah. And you can ask them nine or 10 questions. Yeah. And it'll just increase efficiency. Think of the productivity gains. If you're willing to build in the possibility that he'll be wrong, you know, so like you'll be like, how much concrete do we need to build a bridge from

us from the mainland of Australia to Tasmania and he'll just really confidently tell you 8 million cubic meters. And you go okay and then you go and you buy that and then maybe it's just like maybe it's just fundamentally not enough, the bridge collapses. But everyone's like, you know what? But then you could say, how many cubic centimeters do you need to build things? So you get another question in, right?

Whoa. And then you get like 10 answers out of them. Oh, and then you get an average? You get an average. You just really, you just hacked this guy. Yeah. That's really, that's really good, Al. Yeah.

That's fucking cool. What about cubic feet? Exactly. And then you know how to take advantage of a weird savant superhero. Yeah. Wow. Oh, it's kind of taken the fun out of it a little bit. You were so clever in the way that you're so clever in the way that you worked around the constraints.

Let's just say every time. You're going to be able to get an arbitrarily good. No, but Andy, every time his number isn't always going to be close numerically. His answer is sometimes going to be close with the number of... which letters are in the thing. Yeah, that's true. Sometimes it'll be close in terms of the feel of the word. Oh, gosh.

Right? And then you've got to piece it together. Right? Yeah. Sometimes it'll be close alphabetically. And he'll say, Dandelion Blooms. And you go, fuck. And then you go, how many cubic feet? And he'll go, you know, like taking zirconium from the ground and putting it in your pocket. You go, oh.

You go, what, in what way is it close? You don't know in what way it's close. You know what, you just found a really good loophole to your loophole, Alastair. Yeah, and so then you gotta, you gotta, That's why you're the best. You gotta get a bunch of puzzle solvers and they've gotta figure out what the,

they can ask him other questions. In what way is this thing close to this thing? And then he'll give you some other esoteric answer. Let's just say he's the most, he's the least useful guy in the world. But he's still better than Investigall. He's a great guesser though. He does get close, five percent close, ninety percent of the time, but you just don't know in what way he's close. The answer is in there somewhere. Mmm, yeah. I mean it's almost like, we're getting it to the

point where it's almost like not guessing at all. you know I mean, I feel like the answers in somewhere always, you know, the answer is always somewhere and You know, is it easier to get it out of the world by analyzing the world and doing calculations? Or is it easier to get it out of this guy who guesses and then how to analyze all these guesses and work out What they all mean Hey Al do you want to introduce a new rule where we don't talk about AI on the podcast? I think just for a bit it would be fun to yeah talk about AI

Yeah, no, I think I think we I think let's do it. I think every Same but not fun. Yeah, cool. All right, that sounds good. Yeah. It's a new rule. Should I put it into the intro to the show, do you think? I think we might need to vote to get it into the

constitution of the podcast. Start a constitution for the podcast. Yeah, okay, great. The constitution is five sketch ideas. I a constitution for the podcast. I guess the constitution is five sketch ideas. I suppose that is our constitution. Do we have any? Well, this will be the first amendment to the constitution. Hey, this is the thing I've been meaning to talk about. With the United States, right? If Trump, and this is probably another thing we shouldn't be talking about, but if Trump

does become a dictator, I want reparations for all the times we had to hear about the founding fathers and how great they were. Oh my God, yes. And I think that Hamilton will have to refund all of the ticket sales that they made. He'll have to issue a retraction musical. The first ever musical to ever be officially retracted from the public record. You can't go on and on and on about how good these guys who founded your country are and about how they protected your country from, you know, like, uh, populist autocrats or whatever it is, you know, fascists. And then on the first guy who tries, he's

essentially succeeding. Everybody crumbles. I mean, yeah. And even just the constitution in general, like it, the number of times I've had, I've had to hear the word constitution, then, you know, hear people talk about the American Constitution also like every amendment to the Constitution Like the fact that I know about the amendments to the American Constitution is insane I shouldn't know about the amendments to the you should know it you should that's like you renovating your house I don't want to hear about your renovation. Well, that's right. I don't want to hear about, actually that's not true, I do want to hear about your renovation.

But a lot of people don't. Okay, but I don't. Yes. And now, like all of that is irrelevant. Like an amendment to a constitution that you can just fucking ignore, that's meaningless. Yeah, yeah, any of that stuff that we like,

oh, he just ignored it. But you know, that's the. Yeah, any of that stuff that we're like, oh, he just ignored it. But, you know, that's the big amendment, the unwritten amendment is, and also you don't have to do any of this if you don't want to. Oh, yeah, you said, oh, they got somebody, if you don't do this, somebody who's even more powerful will tell you not to do it. Oh, now the most powerful person has told you not to do it and you're still doing it. Oh well. Oh, you called our bluff. Oh yeah, I guess you do. You just keep doing it.

You got me. I mean, it is like when you issue an ultimatum to your kids, you're like, okay, if you do this, there will be no television again ever. Have you ever said that by the way? Have you ever said that? I feel like I have. I have said that. I have said that. I think I once said I was going to break this Nintendo switch over my knee. I haven't threatened to break it, but I have said I will put it in the bin. Yeah. I've definitely hit it a number of times. Yeah. While people cry at my knees.

And all the very things with which you would break the Nintendo Switch. The knees. That is the higher authority, isn't it? That's the head of state, ironically. It's not me. You're gonna have to speak to the knee. I wish I could do something, but it's the knee. This is what the knee waps. Yeah, but that's the problem with any ultimatum, that as soon as the kids call your bluff,

you're like, fuck. What, now am I, what, seriously, am I gonna like never let them watch TV again? That's gonna be a huge pain in the ass for me. Oh no. And also, the more you go on, the more you discover that none of these like intense, like big punishment things, it doesn't work.

It just makes things worse. And so you just have to like talk with your kids and discuss things and work them out. Yeah, and raise them right with empathy, which is what America has failed to do. They've tried to control the people, but they'll be like, well, we don't have to raise them with good values. Sorry, Americans who listen to this. Sorry to every person who listens to the podcast. I'm talking about you in a way like I know you. I don't know you at all and I apologize, but I'm going to say this anyway. I do. That's true. And

I love them. This doesn't apply to people who listen to this podcast. I'm not talking about you. But that, you know, instead of raising, having a good culture, we're just going to have a constitution that we always point to. And then you reach a point where you're like, God damn, we raised them wrong. We raised our people a bit crook. And now the rules that we put in place, we can't stop them anymore. It's like America has become a teenager and now finally they're going like, we don't actually have to follow any of our rules. I'm a grown up. I've moved out of home. Most of it can probably just be explained by poverty.

And that's probably the main explanation for most of the problems in the US. The big poverty and then because of that lack of education, because of that, you know, and then I mean the lack of education part is probably a second most important bit. But people are not angry if they're comfortable most of the time. People are not trying to hurt people. So, how about this? Somebody who has a very happy life. It's a Flanders type.

Oh, yes. But he's a murderer. And he's the counterpoint to... Like, I don't know how this is a sketch yet, but it's someone who just has no reason to be, everything is good in their life. They don't even enjoy doing the bad thing. Doing the murdering. They're saying, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, every time, while they're doing it.

Oh! I really don't want to do this. But you're just compelled? I'm not even really compelled. I'm just doing it. It's called the no reason murderer. That's my calling card. I have no motive. That's what ties them all together.

And that's what makes me so successful. Nobody can find me. Yeah, nobody can say, I wish someone would stop me. But because there's no reason for me to do this, successful. Nobody can find me. Yeah, nobody can say, I wish someone would stop me, but because there's no reason for me to do this, they can't get a profile going. I'm like a blank slate. Yeah. Oh, well, maybe is it because he's praying on? Nope, I'm not praying on anybody. Was it an opportunity? No, there wasn't an opportunity. I just did it. Is he planning these meticulously? Sometimes, but not always by any means. Yeah. Oh, it was maybe just because it was convenient and easy.

No, these were very difficult. Very difficult. At least some of these are a nightmare. Breaks into Fort Knox and kills one of the guards deep inside and then leaves without taking anything. Oh, that's a really good murder mystery. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah, great. The Fort of Hard Knox. I like this guy and I'm afraid it is a guy. I mean, ultimately, what have we done? We discovered that his motive is, oh, look, I'm afraid it is a guy. I mean, ultimately, what have we done? We discovered that his motive is, ah, look, I'm a man. That's just who we are. Yes, all men.

Ultimately, I mean, would it be, is it sort of almost like, this is a different idea, but is it almost sort of like one of those situations where you've got like some mysterious force, a hideous beast locked in a basement or trapped in the woods or something that requires a sacrifice, right? But the thing is it's just a really, it's a genuinely good guy. He's a genuinely good man, loves his family, looks after his community, all this stuff. He's genuinely good. I'm not talking about like this, he's hiding something dark deep within, right? He's genuinely good. He's a genuinely good person.

And everybody agrees it and it's objectively true. But his family or the community or like whoever, they know that the way that they, that he needs to kill or they get him, they bring him a sacrifice, or they enable him to commit a murder once every six months. It just happens. Or else he changes all the other for the rest of the time. Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's like a biological process. You know, like a woman getting a period. Yeah.

You know? We don't blame them for that. That's right. It's, you know, and you know, similarly, this involves a lot of bleeding, you know? Yeah. So, who's to say? I think on the car ride today, I was like,

you had an egg this morning morning and while on your period, it's a one egg, one in, one out kind of scenario. Ha ha ha ha. Lore of conservation of egg. That's right, always the same amount of egg. Mm. Um, look Andy, I like this guy. It's like he's a, so this, do you think this is the same

no reason murderer or this is the, this is just the one who has to, he gets really grumpy if he doesn't once every, once every six months. Yeah, I mean, you know, is this the old man? I mean, it could just be that he's been, oh no, no, I was about to say, I was about to give a reason.

But I guess, no, yours is not that he doesn't have a reason, right? This would be a good horror movie called, it'd be called Not All Men. Right? Yeah. And there was a movie, horror movie called Men. Really? Yeah. Oh, this is probably the idea. But like, basically, you know, it's sort of like a zombie movie. Yeah. But it's only men who become the zombies, the killing thing. I mean, it would be, I imagine, very horrible and probably extremely triggering and not.

But I think it would be genuinely scary. Yeah, I mean, a movie featuring a bunch of men. Hollywood's gonna love it. Andy's had a great idea of making a movie, he's gonna put a bunch of men in it. It's gonna be scary, oh that's scary, so I'm like. All horrible killers hunting and killing. Oh yeah. You know there's a lot of movies like you know Your Purges which I haven't seen I don't know what it's about and other ones like that that I also haven't seen I don't know what

they're about and I don't know what they're called but there's a lot of those movies where it's about like some big thing is happening and it's sort of almost universal and this is just part of that great tradition that I am I'm not aware of. Sometimes I worry I'm not informed enough to host a podcast and then I remember that that's never stopped anybody before. Somebody contacted me recently to tell me that the audio quality is not very good on this podcast. And so, you know, I felt bad, but they were like, I have a background in audio engineering and stuff like that.

If you tell me what you do, I can help you out. And I went, oh, cool. Thanks. So sorry. I thought I'd fixed a bunch of these issues before. Um, when other people had brought them up. But maybe it's really terrible still. I apologize. That is me. And I'm not very knowledgeable in this stuff. And then I sent that back. And then he just

never got back to me. Which is both a mixture of very nice because it's wanting to help. But also it's just that same urge that I have, which is both a mixture of very nice because it's wanting to help, but also it's just that same urge that I have which is like I should do a nice thing and then it's like I'll get around to it. I'm sorry that the audio quality isn't good. Yeah, people let me know if how in how many ways because I know that there was definitely some episodes way back, not in the George when George was doing the audio quality stuff years But you know somewhere between there and now where I think we were having some real low episodes like the volumes Stuff, but people let us know if it's really bad Yeah, yeah, cuz like that's not you know that isn't what this podcast is about. No, it should be It should it should be hard to listen to because of the intro song,

because of the rambling, because of the sort of the tangents and the bits where we don't listen to each other and the self obsession. The speaking over each other and the quick changing of ideas and never getting back to the parts that we were talking about. And it's unsatisfying in that way.

And the fact that sometimes it's really boring. Those are the things that we can't control, you know, but it feels like the audio quality is the rock on which we will build our church and we want to get that right for you so you don't miss any of this. Thank you. Yeah, Andy, let's do one more sketch idea and then we'll come up with five, go to three words from a listener. God, imagine when we do find higher dimensions of existence and then imagine how much worse

people are going to be at imagining what volume is like in those worlds. You know, like the four dimensional version of... You're prepared, you're already thinking about that. Well, no, I mean, I think I'll be then I'll just be like everybody else. But one of those four dimensional worms comes into town and finds you and says, Andy, we need you because you're so good at guessing volume. There's a four dimensional carnival stall where they've got four dimensional jelly beans in there. And you've got to guess how many jelly beans have been in that jar since the beginning

of time. By the way, all time happens at once. So it's not just, yeah, when you're guessing it, it's not just how many jelly beans are in there right now. This is basically what you said, but I'm saying it longer. It's not just how many jelly beans are in there right now, it's how many jelly beans have been there ever, you could ever be there You've got to get that you added more of the time dimension to the sketch idea

Thank you. I Brought another dimension to it another dimension another dimension. Okay, Andy gets asked To guess But that is that is what it is isn't it? That's what that carnival fair guessing of the version of guessing of the things would be jelly beans. How many jelly beans have ever been in the jar? Yeah I mean that would be cool and then you get to go to like a four dimensional carnival. You know? That would be pretty exciting. You get to ride the hypercube.

Apparently there's a hypercube for, it's like, no, the hypercube has another name, but there's one for each number of dimensions. Wow. Wait, let's see. I saw this the other day. Also known as an N-cube. Wait, it's a geometric shape. Wait, where was the other one?

Uh... This would be a really good new fairground. Is an N-dimensional analog of a square. N equals two, and a cube, N equals three. The special case for N equals four is known as a tesseract. So that's the one we're talking about. But there's hypercubes, there's a square hypercube.

There's a four dimensional hypercube. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, I mean, it really, really like my brain, it's not even that it hurts my brain, it's just that my brain goes, no, not even gonna try, not even gonna try. It's pretty hard. But apparently you can see it by getting the shadow

of a cube onto a thing. I think you can sort of do that. Oh. Yeah. You can sort of see it. Okay. Eddie, what were you going to say? I was just going to say this would be a good new fairground ride. It's called a roller toaster. Yeah. And it's like a roller coaster, but you're not strapped in and it throws you up

and down in the air. Like you pop out of your seat. Yeah. Only on the straight sections, I imagine. Not when you're upside down or anything. And it's while you go over. Because then you plummet to your death. And if you don't pop up out of your seat, there's metal bars that would come and like knock you out. Chop your head off.

So it actually launches you. You've gotta go over them. And then you land back into the thing. The roller toaster. That'd be cool. Yeah. Andy, let's go to three words from a listener. Pop till you stop. Yeah. That's the slogan of it. Try to guess who the listener who sent in three words

from a listener for you. You definitely have heard this name. Hmm. Tempest Marauder? No. Okay. I'll make it really easy for you. You've heard this name and then laughed. Is their name an escalator cannot break it can only become stairs? No, but that's a great guess. It's Leon Horseman. Leon Horseman! My goodness. Yeah. Hello, Leon Horseman.

Well done, sir. Welcome. Leon Horseman discovered that his name Horseman was funny in English speaking countries. All this podcast. While listening to this podcast when we had Steph Bronteone, I think. Yeah. So many years ago. Well, it didn't deter the horseman from submitting more words. And that's what we love about our horseman. Leon Horseman says, good morrow, noon, night, Monsieur Tank. I have three words for you as promised. No, he hasn't mentioned who they are from, which listener.

Or whether they're from a listener. But he has said that they are for us, which is good. We know who they're for. Mm. Yeah. But he doesn't say if it's from a listener, and they didn't say what that listener is listening to. Mm.

Mm. Yeah, that's true. But and they didn't say if it's from a listener and they didn't say if that list what that listener is listening to Hmm Hmm. Yeah, that's true God damn it. Would you like to try to guess what the first word is and don't overthink it? Okay plank. Oh, I feel like you're close post. Oh Really close Wow, this is not overthinking it thing. Every time you've told me to think about it, I think that's been giving me a bum steer.

I've been telling you to think, but I think you've been overthink. OK, right. OK, think the right amount. So post. I'm thinking when I say think that I'm saying think more than what you're thinking. But I'm just saying think.

Malone. Second word is Malone. Oh, breakfast. Oh, breakfast. Oh, OK. Post breakfast burger. Oh, close. Blues. Oh, the post breakfast blues.

Yeah. That's true. And you know what's interesting about when you guess that name with the escalator can only break down? That's really insane that you said it. Because the last thing that Leon Horseman put at the end of his message was May all your escalators function properly. Mr. Horseman.

You're kidding. No. That's... What the fuck? He said that on May 31st. What the fuck? What is happening? Am I the guy who guesses things? You might be that guy. A great guesser. We don't know in what way he's gonna guess 5% close. Yeah. Yeah. I guessed really close to something in the message That's a really I'll say I can't handle this. Yeah, why I would Leon horseman Can you get back to us and tell us why you wrote that? Tell us what's happening tell us what's going on and was it because you know something

He is from Europe. I think there's more sort of magic from there. You know? That's true. The old cultures, they still retain some of their elder magic. The home of magic. You know?

We might be heading for a future where we don't, like where genuinely nobody understands technology and we do just go back to thinking of it as magic. And it will be, to us, it will be magic. Because I was thinking that like fundamental particles, things like neutrinos or whatever, right? We could just decide that that is magic, right? We could just be like, well, they're not neutrinos, we're calling them gremlins or like-

Or magic energy beams. Yeah, exactly. Or, you know, the gluons that hold the nucleus together will decide that actually those are tiny, tiny trolls with strong arms, you know, and they hold the, like, you know, we could just stop, we could just stop with the arms, you know, and they hold the, like, you know, we could just stop, we could just stop with the sides, stop trying to solve things and just be like, well that is, that's magic, and this is how, it turns out this is the rules and

this is how magic works, right? Magic can only operate over nanoscales and it's, this is how strong the magic is. But it sounds like you're still trying very hard to understand the magic. You're just calling it magic. But we're not gonna ask any more questions, right? We're like, that's the magic, that's it. We've drawn a line under it, the rest is magic. And I don't know, for some reason.

I think I can understand the stuff that where stuff is maybe just being made in a black box thing of some sort that we don't want a lot of talk about and and that the technology is just sort of coming out automatically and it's just basically a corporation that runs itself that is generating products and profit for itself and essentially then that then that's the only thing that can siphon billions away from billionaires. Is that it can give a billionaire a product

that even they would be willing to spend, you know, a hundred billion dollars on. Something that allows them to, you know, start again as a baby or start again as a 10 year old or something like that. And it's the one thing that they would spend all their money on and it keeps out putting just endless endless new products And they all work in ways that we don't understand and we don't have the resources or anything like that to study it And we just don't get access to the knowledge anymore. I

Mean this would be a good thing for China to do, right? You know, I feel like they are going to like accelerate. And they're going to become technologically to a point where we probably can't understand what they're doing. And I think they should just start telling us that it's magic. Is that just because they speak Chinese? That'll help. That will help. And we are too lazy to learn, right? But at a point they'll be able to be like, yeah, no, it's actually magic now. And we'll, and I guess a lot of our industries will have been hollowed out.

We won't have the technological expertise, the ability to understand what they're doing. And we will wither away into these sort of just receiver cultures where we just have to take their word for it that it is magic. We have no hope of comprehending what's happening behind the veil and this would be a good... What happens to us? We just, I guess, we mutter incantations or whatever when we go down to the big vending machine.

But like, are our lives worse or better? Feels like it's gonna be better. Yeah, I think it's gonna be better. Yeah, it's gonna be exciting, you know? You just get like, you just get handed a new rod. Mmm. Oh, a new rod. And then you spend a time figuring out what it does, you press all the buttons. Mmm. Mmm.

You know, because maybe it just doesn't know why it's doing it. China? Well, it could be China. It could just be this automated company that just produces new technology. Doesn't know why it's doing it. It just keeps doing it. So sometimes you just get handed a new rod, but it doesn't come with instructions or anything like that.

It's just like, here's the rod, you figure it out. And then you're just like, oh, this rod does- And then it is like like, oh, this rock does open porters. And then it is like an amulet. You have to understand the mysteries of it. It's arcane powers. What is it capable of? Like an amulet.

You know what? When my sinuses are blocked, I find it's very impossible. It's near impossible for me to be properly funny. I think maybe my humor comes from my clear, clear sinuses. It must come through the nose. Was it, what's his name, Aristotle, who talked about the humours being different fluids in your body. What is bile? And, yeah.

Don't think you mentioned mucus. I think mucus might've been in there somewhere. Yeah. But I think, you know, maybe there's a connection. What were those words again? Post breakfast blues. Post breakfast blues. I got them pools, breakfast blues. Post breakfast blues. I got them post breakfast blues. Yeah, I mean one of the things is that...

Blood, phlegm, yellow bile, black bile. I think it's phlegm, it's sort of phlegmy. It's not there, yeah. Okay, post breakfast blues. I mean it feels like it's got to be connected to the fact that like breakfast Can be very often the best meal of the day not the most important I don't think but like if you have a really good like a good good big breakfast

yeah, it feels like it has the potential to like crowd out and out compete all the other meals and You know to the point where you know what they should make a dinner cereal I mean breakfast should start trying to come for other meals of the day that's what at the moment there's this sort of almost unofficial understanding where the meals won't compete with each other you know that eggs will stay in the breakfast world yeah cereal stay in breakfast sandwiches will stay in the lunch world. Yeah. Cereals stay in breakfast. Sandwiches will stay in the lunch world. And, you know, but you think that eggs on toast stuff could really like

compete with sort of bangers and mash. Yeah, I reckon it could. Yeah, I think it and I and I think it it should. And I think the fact that they're not it's breakfast isn't trying to like enter the lunch space. I mean, it has a little bit with brunch. That's been the first big like move in this battle Yeah in this in this in this war of that move meals entirely eliminates lunch It does it's pretty it's a pretty big move

You can often have breakfast before you go to brunch and I would recommend it because I get way too hungry by 10 or 11. Oh if you wait that long. Yeah. Yeah. But then I don't know. But also like brunch is, brunch is pretty much only like a weekend thing as well. So like you know if the brunch sort of started moving into the weekdays that would be a real signal of intent and started annexing, you know, if breakfast, if via the medium of brunch tries to annex Monday, you know, so it'd be like Russia coming into Crimea. What about dessert toast? Dessert toast?

Yeah. Sure. I mean, I feel like Nutella toast could easily just be a dessert. Easily, easily. That's the thing. I've occasionally made pancakes for dessert for my family. Yeah. I mean, I, pancakes used to be our dinner. When I was a kid, sometimes. Yeah. And so I was always amazed to find out that it's breakfast.

Was that a time zone thing? It was my dad making them a lot of the time so it could have been a time zone thing. He was just he was just at breakfast at breakfast mode. Although he might have also been working night shift. I had no idea what was going on. I think this could be something Alastair. I think this is a sketch idea. Yeah. I think this could be something else there. The breakfast. I think this is a sketch idea. Yeah. I think, you know, meal wars, breakfast is making a move on, you know, it's already invaded lunch through brunch. Now it's, you know, some say it's overextending itself by trying to come for dinner at the

same time. It's opening up too many fronts. Yeah. But I mean like a cereal, the fact that there isn't like a cereal for dinner, because dinner, you know, you don't always have time to fucking prepare some kind of dinner. Maybe instead of milk you just have like, you have like just stock, a bottle of stock. Yeah, yeah exactly. And you keep it in the oven instead. You buy a big box of dinner rose

Yeah Big hearty box of salted dinner rose. Yeah instead of breakfast those I get that I get it You fuck I get it. It's a play on breakfast owes You fucking hell, Astaire. I get it. It's a play on breakfast O's. You low fucking dog. Can't believe you would do this to me.

They're like dried sausage circles. Oh yeah. It's just somebody's put a straw through a cooked sausage and then cut them up, cut them up like through the cross section and then you get all those O's. And then you can get those like really thin sausages that they put in the thing. That's a separate thing.

You can just get sausage spaghetti. Look at that, that's really good, isn't it? Little thin sausages that you could use instead of pasta. That's a really good idea, the world's thinnest sausage. You know, then you could do it spiral sausages, you could do shell shaped sausages, bow tie sausages. Now sausages are coming for pasta. Sausages are coming for pasta. Ever since breakfast came for dinner,

everybody's attacking everybody else. It's chaos. I mean, I think that that's a very funny idea. It's like a supermarket war in some way, where it's like just like, it all starts through some arms, some arms race where it just like, you know, sausages refuse to stay in their lane. Yeah. And then they start taking over. They start taking over the market. Their lane of the supermarket. Yeah. Oh yeah. I think we got it. I hope that was

okay Mr. Morsehead. We bloody got it. And yeah please do get in touch with us about that escalator thing, because that's really... Yeah. We got... Today's sketch idea is we got the Kun's cunt. That's the cunt that Kun's cunt is a cunt. And it might be a person that regular people love. You know who might be the Kun's cunt? Is uh... Who's that young woman who cares about the environment? Greta Thunberg. Yeah, I think that she is genuinely a very good and lovable person, but cunts hate her.

She's the cunt's cunt. What a great slogan for your life. Cunts hate her. Yeah. We got the bone zone. That's the new cemetery that's getting disrupted. We're going to keep our dead in a vacuum sealed bag in a dirt tower. This ain't your grandma's cemetery. Then we got the great guesser, he's 5% close, 90% of the time. We got retract how great the founding fathers are. We need reparations. Maybe reparations is not a good term to use in this. And we're talking about America, but something like that. At least an apology.

At least an apology. Then we got the no reason murderer. The no reason murderer. He breaks into Fort Knox and kills somebody. It doesn't take anything. He's got no reason to do it. He's a really genuinely happy, very kind man. Well balanced. Yeah. We got the guy who's also a very nice man who lives in a forest or who has to go into the forest once every six months just to kill somebody. We don't know why, but he just, he has to.

Or else. Then we got Andy gets asked to guess how many jelly beans there are in a four dimensional carnival game. That's just because he's so good at guessing. He's the great guesser, the superhero that we've all needed. We got new tech is magic because we don't understand how it's made. That does sound like I'm just recreating this thing, but it's a situation in which new tech

is constantly coming up and we don't know what it is. But we've lost the ability to learn. Yeah, I mean, that would be a fun ad to do, like a tech ad for the new cube, the new black cube. Andy, that's a really good idea. It's an ad. We don't know what it is. It's a tech ad and the company says that they don't know what it does.

Yeah. The company doesn't know what it does, the black cube. The machines just started up in the middle of the night and they produced this. Yeah, they produced six million units of this. That's a sketch, Andy. This often happens. It's like moments before we're trying to finish a podcast,

actual sketch idea will come out. It's a symptom of us doing this podcast that sometimes we will accidentally get a good sketch idea. We got the breakfast takes over at the meal wars. Breakfast starts to colonize the other meals. And then that also is similar to the sausage. The sausages are coming for pasta. It's the, yeah. And one way in which they're coming for other meals is the breakfast oats, the dinner cereal.

Yes. That you have with a, I'll imagine there's a cold gravy. A cold gravy. It looks like milk. But yeah, the lighter, a lighter shade of gravy. A lighter shade of gravy. I've got just the theme song for this. And at the end, there's just the words, give my Collie a cockin'. That's just written down there.

All right, Andy. We gotta go. Beep, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Thank you so much for listening to In the Think Tank. Yeah, we appreciate that a great deal.

You put up with so much, but I think you'll agree that there were some major bombshells and some huge developments. This is a real turning point for the pod. This is a real turning point. It's only taken 479 episodes, but we've discovered that Andy may actually be magic. And we don't talk about AI anymore. We might even stop talking about Trump, might never mention

him again. You know what I think we might actually become a completely alternate reality podcast. We won't talk about anything from the real world. That's right. And we're probably gonna cease speaking this language soon. So it's gonna be important to listen to the next few episodes and keep up as we start integrating into our new mode of speaking. Yeah. And if you miss an episode, it will be difficult

to listen to the sort of the following ones once we make the full transition. So anyway, strap in. It is a transitional period for all of us, and I'm excited to see what lies ahead in the new dimension. Thank you. And also, I've been in talks with a person in a factory

about making Two in the Think Tank hats. And I'm making them, they're gonna say A listener in the front and they're gonna say two-in-a-thing tank in the back, they're corduroy, they're gonna be blue with yellow stitching. And I'm getting 300 made and I'm gonna sell them to fund me coming to do the 500th episode that we're trying to plan to do in October.

I'm gonna buy at least 100 of these hats. Oh my god, I need that real bad. Okay. Thank you very much everybody. We're gonna go. And we love you. Bye.