Two In The Think Tank - 481 - "NO WHEY"

Episode Date: June 21, 2025

Sketch Spreadsheet by Will Runt: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1e2HYV7-VcnAV08wyHA7OFbqh_UCnVDUheiNFiqxPX_Y/edit?usp=sharingThink Tank Institute: https://lookerstudio.google.com/s/kH2int_ZkuIPants Illustrated: https://www.instagram.com/pants.illustrated?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm Alexis Steele, the host of See All My Story, the podcast where we bring on a guest every week to tell one true story and one stolen story. And me and my co-host have to guess which is which. We've had actors from The Boys, Degrassi, Sullivan's Crossing, even a winner of Survivor on, you name it, Canadian TV. They've been on our show and they're all liars. It was wanted for going into a convenience store and robbing at gunpoint. And I was like, shut up. That has to be the guy. Do you not like ghost stories? I love ghost stories. Who's car impact in my face? No, Through the windshield. It broke the windshield?

So search Steal My Story, that's S-T-E-E-L-E on the Sonar Network or wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Back up, lasagna, hide it in the fridge, don't tell nobody where you hid it, get it out on Sundays, take a little lick, don't want to eat that lasagna too quick. Hello and welcome to 2 in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with 5 sketch ideas. I'm Andy.

And I'm Alistair George William Trombley, Birch. Ah, ah, ah, I'm Alistair, I'm Trombley Birch. I will decide what the sketch ideas go on to this pad and the circumstances in which they get written down by me. Just before we started, right, I for some reason opened up the website Domestika. You know that thing where you can get courses? No, I don't Alistair. Was this like while we were talking before? Just as you were counting down. Yeah. Yeah. And I was going, no, not yet, no, not yet. I've got to open up this website.

Anything, anything, what would I, what could I, is that true though? Like I just want to get real for you for a second. Yeah. Is that when you opened up that website? Yes, that is exactly the moment. As I counted three, two, one, before we hit record to start the episode,

you were opening a website And then I opened it and then it said Courses from $1.99 And it said there's only 6 minutes left and so then while we were doing the song I started browsing through courses

knowing this is my last chance to get a great deal on a course mostly spoken in Spanish that I knowing this is my last chance to get a great deal on a course mostly spoken in Spanish that I can read this up to. I will tell. That I own at least six courses already that I haven't consumed.

I'll stare. Piano basics, Andy. Expressive architectural sketching with colored markers, Andy. Oh, mobile video creation for TikTok and Instagram. Alastair, that's fucking insane. That's insane what you did. And you are a sick fuck. I'm not listening.

All right, I'm not listening. You're I'm going to minimize it. You're going to minimize it. I'm not even going to close it. Yeah, I bet you've got an open down in the corner there. It's just scrolling. It's too small for you to read any of the words, but you're scrolling like crazy.

I could still see the pictures pictures I could still make a quick brash purchase brash purchase is brash is that the word brash no I think rash purchase I mean brash I mean I guess it would be brash to be making a purchase while you're recording another podcast I mean it is funny. I mean, it is funny to me that, I mean, what is the smallest interval in which you could, you could sort of get distracted, right? Like it would, you know, could, could it be during like, say somebody starts using a word and you're like, this is a long word. Yeah.

This feels like a, what are we up to? Like syllable three now? I'm just gonna open a website. I've pretty closely. Let me know when this word is over because. I feel like I've seen that distraction appear in my beloved's eyes whenever I start talking about something technical that she doesn't care about. Yeah.

I feel like she, I can see her go, oh no, I'm not going to be able to follow this. And so, yeah, but I mean, look, what is, there must be a sketch in getting distracted very quickly. I mean, like even just that thing where you go, hey can I ask you a question? And they go, what? And you go, wait no, hang on, hang on. And then you go, what, what? What are you talking about? What are you gonna ask me? Why'd you talking about? What are you gonna ask me? Why'd you say what? I mean, I guess that's not distracting. I guess that's just sort of forgetting that you asked somebody if you could ask them a question. Yeah, but it is a kind of a distraction where you're like not even listening to yourself as you start asking the question, like priming it.

I do feel like that has happened to me Yeah, well, I mean I guess I guess the following line after they go what what they go you said Could I ask you a question? And I said well and Then you asked me a question That doesn't make sense You just just let you get in there first first yeah you're the one with the question man I don't think that's the case anyway yeah no I don't know I mean what could it be could it be that you're I mean what if

you're what if you're on on death row you're on I mean, what if you're on death row, you're on the electric chair and they're counting down to execute you or you're being hung or something like that. I mean, would that be good to be like, say you're up on the, sorry, Alice, you were gonna say something, but you're up on the gallows up on that platform

and they're about to pull the lever to drop you down. Would it be good to be scrolling in that moment? Is that how you'd like to go? Oh, I mean, I guess that wouldn't be too bad. I think it would definitely numb it. You know what would be really great is that once they pull the little door out from under you and you fall and you're still scrolling while you're.

Oh yeah, exactly right. That would be brash I think. Or would that be rash, Andy? I think that would be brash. And I think... But your face would be red like a rash. Yeah, yeah. Either this man has a terrible rash

or we were successful in executing him by strangulation. I don't know why, but I feel like conservatives would actually try to put in, I don't know why this is my this is my opinion about this very specific thing that has never come up, but I feel like a whole side of politics would find it insulting to the process of capital punishment, of killing people, then the people aren't paying full attention. And they would try to put a rule to ban it. You're not allowed to have your phone while you're getting hung or the electric chair. Yeah, no, I completely agree because I do think that like what scrolling so often is, is like, it's that sort of stream of novelty.

It does have a kind of, it does have this like disorienting effect where like you lose track of time, reality stops existing, right? Like your immediate surrounds stop existing and your immediate needs stop mattering, right? And that's what you're seeking. Like it is a kind of oblivion, right? But not the oblivion of being killed. It's the wrong kind of oblivion. You're escaping into a different oblivion.

And they would hate that. Oh, from oblivion to oblivion. Yes. Yeah, I think it was think you're oblivion hopping. They would probably have like one of the executioners on like on a Murdoch sort of you know like TV channel either Fox or Sky and they would say how disrespectful it feels to their to them and their work. Yeah yeah and how it's like taking a lot of the meaning out Yeah yeah and how it's like taking

a lot of the meaning out of it and how they've been there but a lot of their fellow executioners are really struggling now with their work. Emotionally. Because yeah. Yeah it's actually making them really sad. Yeah. They don't have the spring in their step that they used to. That is like they do love to co-opt like a kind of a mental health argument or like any kind of like progressive argument. They do like to co-opt it and sort of flip it around in a, in a Brazilian jiu-jitsu style move to use it against you.

And you know, it is the old world now it's that we need more guns to to shoot the bullets out of the air That is the reason that we're not That's a good wouldn't it like a gun that shoots really wide bullets that are like a shield Well sure I was gonna say a little a little body iron dome. Oh the personalized iron dome. The personalized iron dome. Mmm. And it just has guns all over it.

It's like a bulletproof vest of guns. That shoots bullets that come towards you out of the air. And of course you can overwhelm it. You know, you can overwhelm it if you shoot enough bullets at them. But I mean, I'm writing that down straight away. Oh, that's beautiful. A bulletproof vest made of bullets, you know? That's right. They self-target targeting and they aim at the

bullet in the air and they they shoot it down and they only malfunction once or twice a day and send off a lethal wave of bullets in every direction but that's not a problem if everybody else is wearing a bullet proof that's right that's right there's as long as's aren't all manufacturing at the same malfunctioning at the same time, you know, and you're essentially wearing a Dirty bomb that doesn't affect you Yes, files and guns It's a vest made of a thousand guns the face of a thousand guns. What a beautiful phrase. What a beautiful title for a

potent and Timely. God this this this book that you're writing. It's gonna be so timely Alastair. That's the one thing that I seek search for in literature. Seep for. I would not seep for anything else other than timeliness in literature. The other thing I was thinking about with when you're somebody's, when you're about to be either hung or electric chair is I would, this is what I would do. I think is I would pretend like I would sort of just be acting normal, you know, going through the motions. Oh, that's already so good. And already. I would do I think is I would pretend like I would sort of just be acting normal, you know going through So good and already I mean going through the motions acting normal going through the motions

The motion like I do this every day like I get murdered every day by the state Mate in a way we bloody do In one way. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but there is certainly one in which that is the case. Um, and, uh, and then when I'm all plugged in or they got the little thing around my neck or, you know, they put my little metal hat on or whatever. Um, then I would, and then I would pretend to sort of,

I would shake my head a little bit, pretend to come to, and then I would say, where am I? Where am I? I don't know what is happening. I don't know what is happening. I have just regained consciousness and become myself. I am back to myself. Oh, uh, what is happening? What is that? What is this little metal hat upon my head? What is this brown string? Yes, this is not my terrible life. Right? Like that. And then they might be forced to say it's like, because you know sometimes they talk about like temporarily, a temporary insanity or something like that, right? But what if it was temporary, but still, no, but it was

still pretty long. Oh, you know. What if your temporary insanity went on until right the day you're getting murdered by the state. What if it started the day you were born and only ended seconds before your execution? You go, oh, and then you could yell, I need it. I look like I'm being punished by a state. I have just awoken from a temporary insanity. I need a retrial, I assume, based on what I am seeing. I have no memories of anything that has happened, but I am making a, I am deducing. I am able to deduce from the context and

from the limited information. From things I've seen in films. I think it could just work. And you know what? It's worth a bloody try. Well, it's a bit like that thing where, you know, if a kid's having a tantrum and you're like, oh, look over there, a chocolate bunny, like that, or a chocolate mouse. They often snaps them out of it because it's such an absurd red herring. Do you think that that's okay?

Like I do that, I try to distract my child when they're really upset. And then sometimes I worry that that's, that I shouldn't be doing that, you know? That I should be allowing them to sit with their discomfort, you know, to just be present with them and just let them ruin everybody's day destroy any chance we have of happiness by screaming constantly.

You know, that that would be the right thing to do. And then I think, well, were the cavemen patient with their children? You know, like, I'm like, like, is this idea of being, of accepting, and I'm not, and look, and I do, and I'm very patient with my children, and I accept all their emotions, right? And I let them sit with them and be comfortable with them, and I teach them that it's okay to have feelings. But like, is that what we evolved to do? Did we evolve to be okay with our feelings?

Because I find it hard to believe that a caveman in a cave with a screaming child, you know, especially when they're like, they're either desperately hunting for food or they're desperately hiding from predators. I find it hard to believe that they were patient with their children's emotions. And if, like, and if in the history of humanity, we've never been patient with your children's emotions, and it's only something we're inventing right you know in the last 50 years. Are we sure it's the right thing to do? Are we sure that we can handle it as a species? I mean it's obviously the right thing to do right? But is it a good thing to do? Well I guess we're gonna find out

Andy we can't really be sure. I guess we're going to find out. I would say that, because I did hear somebody make this, make a sort of point like that, talking about like these, basically these untouched tribes that are still, you know, raise their kids basically in that same thing. But I guess also in the same way that we all come from some unbroken chain of people teaching things and it's learning from, it's due to seeing how people have been raised, that is motivated people to try to raise people differently. You know what, we're the ones, we're also a tribe that's untouched by them, whoever those people are living in the Amazon.

Think about that. God knows what their influence is going to do to our delicate culture. Well, this reel, which was basically telling us, Shane, this is what they do. They just let them, you know, they just let them cry or whatever and they just, you know, don't... Damn it! I was afraid of that. Yeah. And I go, I don't know. It's like, you're like, this is, you know, don't... Damn it! I was afraid of that! Yeah. And I go, I don't know. It's like, you're like, this is, you know, it's thousands of years of proven... And I go, I'm not sure it is. Like, I know it sounds like good in theory,

but I'm not sure that every generation has learned, necessarily, all that much from the previous generation. And, yeah, a lot of the time they've they've they've used the motivation of how they've been treated right you know how they've been treated poorly to react against it well I turned out fine oh yeah and so therefore I should be allowed to treat my kid poorly yeah I mean maybe the reason this tribe is bloody untouched is because their kids are so annoying crying all the time but he wants to him and no one invites them to any social events

Because they know their kids are a nightmare They don't invite them into any cities no cities are yes no civilization Civilizations untouched by civilization. You must be pretty bad if even civilization doesn't want to touch you. I dropped some cheese liquid onto my notebook. Ah yes. Ah yes. I was expecting you to say that. Tale as old as time. Tell me more about the cheese liquid Alistair. We're not talking about melted cheese, are we?

No, no, no, no. Well, you know, here we have cheese curds. It's a big thing. It's a big Quebec thing. Right. And this is a part of poutine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the cheese you use. But also, you can just buy a bag of cheese curds. And it is something that just, you can get it on the counter at the service station Wow Right, that's crazy. It's fundamental to you as fuel and

Cheap sunglasses, that's right. And and it's a room temperature cheese you buy it fresh Room at room temperature Doesn't sound right. No, it doesn't, but it's pretty good for quite a few days. No, it's like, it's like excellent when you first get it. Yeah. And then it's like maybe three days in, you start going like, all right, it's starting to, it's starting to get a little extra flavor.

And then it's not all like the purest and nicest Yeah, and so they usually then you kind of go alright. We'll put it in the fridge now When it now it's too light we'll put it in the fridge yeah, but but it's because the texture is so good Before that and then the texture gets fucked up when you put it in the fridge So the one that you're eating right now, this, um... Well, it was yesterday. This liquidy. And it was getting close to starting to turn.

And so I brought the... But the, you know, the chunks aren't as big at the bottom of the bag and you're kind of grabbing stuff. And then there's also a little bit of liquid. And then I spilled some on my notebook. So were you just eating it out of the bag? Yeah, just eat it right out of the bag. I sort of almost can't quite envisage what this is,

but are these sort of like little white lumps? They kind of maybe, I'm imagining they look a bit like popcorn, but obviously with a completely different texture. Yeah, it's somewhere between popcorn and like a chicken nugget. Yeah, wow. I'll, you know what, I'll take some photos and like a chicken nugget. Yeah, wow. You know what, I'll take some photos and I'll put them on the Discord.

And it's a kind of cheese, it's kind of like a larval stage of cheese. Yeah. I think it could be that maybe it's the cheese when it's, yeah, look, you know what, I don't know. But I guess curds and whey so the whey is what's left over you know when I've seen people make cheese on like you know at home by just taking like a two liters of milk and then adding a bit of vinegar and then warming it up to a certain temperature and then they just separate all the the curds and then they just have that leftover um I think it's whey is that that's

what's left yeah the liquidy stuff and so and then they kind of warm it up and then they shape it into a ball so that they can you know get it into the thing that could just be all it is maybe that's whey maybe what you dripped on your maybe could have been a bit of way that I got way on my notepad. That'd be a good name for a cheese shop. No way. No way. Yeah, no way. That's really good. Andy. No, let's let's let's get enough out of this cheese shop. Okay. So that we can make it a sketch idea.

Oh, a cheese shop sketch idea. Gosh, I mean, it make it a sketch idea. Oh a cheese shop sketch idea gosh I mean, it's certainly a novel concept. Yeah, what about? No way cheese shop Yeah Cheese shop and it's a guy goes in there. You've already written down the title such as your confidence There will be a there will be a sketch to be found. Let's go on. Well, okay.

You go, uh, I mean, unless you, I mean, unless it's just somebody who assumes that it's a cheese shop. They go no way. Or it's somebody who has thought of the name, right? This is, this is in many ways, inspired by life. Somebody who's thought of the name, no is this is in many ways for inspired by life somebody who's thought of the name no way for a cheese shop right so they've bought a facility a shopfront whatever they've had the signs made up okay and and and they know it's such a good name for a cheese shop they don't know anything about making cheese or selling cheese. In this situation, yes, the cheese shop doesn't actually have any cheese, but not in the same

way that the Faber's Cheese Shop sketch doesn't have any cheese by Monty Python. This is the one where they are going to get cheese. We are going to have some. They just have no idea how. So they're like, but they're like, the name is so good. And everyone who comes in agrees, right? They have customers coming in, flocking in because the name is so good and everyone who comes in agrees right they have customers coming in Flocking in because the name is so good and a lot of the customers they don't mind that there's no cheese

They're quite forgiving of it because the name is so good and a lot of them have quite helpful Suggestions about what the person could do to start making cheese You know they're just guessing they're just speculating about how to do it. They don't know either because they're customers. Really, they don't know the first thing about making cheese. I mean, I guess, but then once they do start making cheese, they probably would have some way. Yeah, yeah, that's true.

And then maybe And then... And then maybe a customer points that out and they're like, Oh yeah, well maybe I should change their name. Mmm... some way. Some way. And in a way, I am some way towards making cheese. So it still works. He also... but he has no way to make cheese. So it's really quite, quite meaningful.

I like that he's just guessing, you know, and people are coming in to check how he's going. And he's like, I know cheese is yellow, so I've got a bunch of yellow things, right? Crayons and t-shirts. And he's like, he what try to work it out from first principles. I mean you could you could you could grate a yellow crayon Mmm, and it could almost look like parmesan Yeah, and you can probably take you'd probably taste it I mean that's you know a guy who and if it's the parmesan from Aldi It'd probably taste as much like parmesan as that cheese does a guy who?

He doesn't like to read. He's, he's, he's bought a place. He's called it no way. Cause it's a great name for a cheese shop. And now he's going to just start trying to figure out, I'll work it out. Yeah. How to make cheese from scratch. Hmm. Like that.

Hmm. And, and then he just takes things that are a bit white, thinks things that are a bit waxy. What if it made it to the news and the news was doing updates on how much progress he was making towards making cheese. you know a little update they're like today he boiled up some bananas and and strained it through his shirt through his trousers and the stuff that he made is kind of like a yellowish paste he's like oh that's good. No cheese gets kept in a fridge maybe that's an important part of the process. Some cheese, say, do you have any hard cheese? Hard cheese, eh? I could freeze these mushy by the way. I could freeze it. Yeah. Yes Alastairair well I don't know what we've come up with here but my goodness certainly a thing Alistair before the episode started we were talking about people who

keep dogs in dog shows and whether or not they do it just so that they get to say the word bitch as much as they do. Yeah, it's clear that they must, right? They must get some kind of a thrill out of that, you know? That freedom, that's dog show privilege that they must just revel in, I imagine. Yeah, I mean, it's like when a wine person, a person who's really into wine tries to tell you that they don't do it so that they can get drunk. Yes, yes. Exactly. It's like, no, I just really love wine. And you go, uh-huh. And so you dedicate all your time to thinking about it and reading about it and drinking it. Stockpiling it. Stockpiling it.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I guess it's rich people who've invented their own sort of way of being an alcoholic. No, I'm a connoisseur. Ah, yeah. If you, I mean, if you enjoy the, if you, if you find something else about the experience, like the flavour, and claim to enjoy that, then you're a connoisseur, you know. It's like, you know, you're an art critic if you go to the art gallery, not just to look at the boobies in the paintings but to talk about the delicate play of light in the background of the boobies you're like oh oh you must be a connoisseur oh yeah you really know the delicate light actually it'd be cool to be like a wine connoisseur but you only review like the drunkness that it gives you. I don't really know anything about the flavor and all that kind of stuff but I could tell you about the buzz. Yes,

oh mate, the buzz. Technically each one should give you a slightly different buzz. Yeah, I guess you're, you know, so you're a connoisseur of the buzz yeah yeah no I like that you're a sommelier. Because the flavour is just one part. Mmm yeah and actually the it's the the the current crop of connoisseurs the existing connoisseurs they're the Philistines because they only appreciate it for the flavour. They're like, you're reducing this wine, it's actually far more complex than you're making it out to be. You're not even considering the buzz you get on. It's crazy that they don't mention that anywhere in any of the literature. And any of it. They're like, let's not talk about the fact that this gets you intoxicated.

This gets you, that makes you feel real good for a little bit. It's crazy that that is never ever mentioned. The alcohol content, like any of those labels, any of those award shows, they give out medals, the thousands of medals, the thousands of wine award shows every year nobody once mentions. Yeah, it's like a secret shame. It's the thing where getting drunk is kind of still considered shameful. Oh, you've had too much. You can control yourself. I wonder if there's a dark wine circuit, you know, of with the

sacred metals that they give out. Oh, for the best, for the best, for the best wine high. For the most alcoholic wine. Also, I was thinking about this. You know, like sugar is pretty good, right? Yeah. Oh yeah. Do you think, do you think you could take it intravenously?

Oh, straight into my veins. Yeah. You know, like, you know, I've had a sugar rush, but I've never had it, you know, go directly into my heart. I've never injected it into one of those veins in my dick. Yeah, just inject it between my toes so nobody can see. So nobody knows. That's good. I mean, yeah, if it's not enough for you anymore,

if you want a pure high. Yeah, just put like grabbing a spoon and putting a bunch of jelly babies on there and just melting it up with a little lighter. Oh, fuck. The extent to which that would kill you instantly when you injected that into your bloodstream. Isn't that crazy? Like you could, you can have like people take, can take heroin or whatever but you couldn't just inject a single jelly baby into your blood I assume it is crazy it's crazy you can't do that it's just a single jelly baby it's and some people have the jelly baby stuff keep them alive do you I guess you have to do you dissolve the heroin in we shouldn't

talk about this we shouldn't give people ideas and clues because I'm there might be somebody out there trying to take heroin right now I'm not knowing how I'm listening to this podcast Then we tell them we act somehow accurately guess what you've got to do in order to take it What if what if we inaccurately guess and then they take a really wrong way? Well, guess there's a possibility. Anyway, what I wanted to say about the dog shows thing was that there should be other, they should name the female versions of other animals. You know, if you were, say, a turtle breeder and you really wanted to get turtle showing up, you wanted to sell lots more turtles, prize turtles, and be able to charge more money for them,

you should start calling female turtles cunts, right? And then all these people who are like, God, I'd just love to be able to say it, they'd really jump into turtle breeding. Then you'd say, oh, what a magnificent cunt. Look, look, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Yeah, it's all right.

It's the, that's the word for a female turtle. So I can say it. That's the official word. I'm allowed, yes. You just got, you only need a couple of like show turtle. So, you know, you're only gonna create a couple of show turtle experts. Yeah, you're gonna create a couple of show turtle experts Yeah in order to get a trend. Oh, we should do this. What I mean, we would make so much money

We just get a couple of thousand turtles, right? currently worthless These turtles that are probably selling for a couple of bucks each right there turtles that are probably selling for a couple of bucks each right there they're as good as worthless yeah start calling and then I imagine a lot of misogynists would be really would be really getting so we'd be getting that miss all the turtles that and then give the male turtles and another fucked up name oh Oh yes. Let's see. What's another thing that you can't say anymore? Let's see. Honky? What if we call the males 9-11 was an inside job?

You know what? In the last 24 hours, I genuinely had a moment where I was like, I think I'm starting to believe that 9-11 was an inside job again. It was like, it was genuinely insane. And it's got to do with everything that's going on with the bombings in Israel and things like that. It genuinely like that. And I was like, what? Like I allowed myself just for a moment to be like, you know what? Like it's like, it was been like 20 years I've been off of this bullshit. And I went just for a second, I had a flash where I was like, why did building five collapse and nothing else around it was affected? Did it feel good getting back into that zone? It feels good. I bet it does. There's a part of me that's like, like, why wouldn't, why couldn't somebody get away with this, doing this?

Not like obviously one person, but just like all those little things where it was like, anyway, and I know Andy, look, I honestly am not believing that it was an inside job, but there's little parts of me that hear a couple of things like, yeah, why did one guy's passport, who was a hijacker, why was it found in the rubble when everybody in there burnt? Every, the building collapsed, the rubble was hot. Like, how did one guy's paper passport, a guy that there's no evidence that he was actually on that plane? I actually don't know if that's true. No, but that'd be a good extra fact if that was true. Slip it in there, Alistair. Why not? Look, right? All it's, it's, and Andy, literally all it's taken is for me to come across two reels. Where, where it's like, it's just reactivated the part of my mind where I was like, yeah, and somehow, and somehow people who organize this have managed to all be very

quiet about it and not mention it and be like, yeah, I was one of the guys who put the explosives in the building and things like that. Although the best thing to do would be to knock the building down while all those people are still in there. But like, yeah, I mean, too. You got to be quick. You get them to set up all the explosives and then knock it down. The idea that like, let's do a conspiracy. Let's do a conspiracy this bad and just hope that no word of it ever gets out ever. Let's do this really complicated, really big conspiracy. And trust that like, because bearing in mind for us personally for the country generally

That we're supposedly trying to serve this would be if this got out this would be the worst thing ever and The gains that we are hoping to get from this are pretty Difficult to confirm but let's roll the dice that it that will get exactly what we want out of this insanely risky operation. Um well you know what it you know what you know what it was because I said I linked it to the Israel thing and you know what you know what it was because I know that sounds bad also because that's like saying it somehow it makes it sound like I'm saying it was the Jewish people that were doing it right so oh I didn't get that from okay well I you know but

what it what it is is seeing what Israel has done in Gaza and seeing that there's people who have a logic and a rationale for doing such horrible things. And. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm Alexis Steele, the host of See All My Story, the podcast where we bring on a guest every week to tell one true story and one stolen story. And me and my co-host have to guess which is which. We've had actors from The Boys, Degrassi, Sullivan's Crossing, even a winner of Survivor

on you name it, Canadian TV. They've been on our show and they're all liars. It was wanted for going into a convenience store and robbing at gunpoint. And I was like, shut up. That has to be the guy. Do you not like ghost stories? I love ghost stories. It's goose, car, impact in my face.

No! Through the windshield. It broke the windshield? So search Steal My Story. That's S-T-E-E-L-E on the Sonar Network or wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. And justify it beyond any comprehension of my own

makes me then go, oh, then there is things and rationales and like, that are beyond my comprehension. And there's things that people will do that are so evil and awful for, you know, for what? For what gain? I don't understand, right? But it's for something that's inside them that is poisonous and that, you know, is self-serving and things like that. And that that's the kind of thing that made me go, that almost activates that part, that activates the idea that, you know, conspiracy, that conspiracies are possible, I think. Yeah. Because yeah, anyway, Andy, I'm not allowing myself to slip into that world, but I felt it for a second.

Yeah, but I mean, it's almost like you don't need a conspiracy, you know? That's the other thing. Is it like, I think the actions of the US and of other countries just show you that you don't really need a conspiracy, you don't really need a thing, you can just lie, you know, or you can just do it and get away with it, you know,

if you've got, you know, like Russia invading Ukraine, just do it, you know, you don't need... Just do it, mate. You don't need a reason, just go for it. Yeah, yeah, and you just don't need a reason, just go for it. Yeah. Yeah, and you just lie to your own people. But you don't need to do some big, risky thing. You want to invade Iraq, you just pretend there are weapons of mass destruction.

You don't have to do some. That's how you do a conspiracy. And then afterwards, you just go, oh afterwards you just go, Oh, well, Oh, well, we didn't know. We thought, as far as we could tell. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Well, we were on the best advice that we had, you know, shut up.

One, you just need one guy to give you the advice. One guy to say that he was based on the advice. It's a two-man job Yeah, exactly. That's that's how you do it. You're like, oh we've got good intelligence. Oh The intelligence was compromised. Okay. Yeah Too late now, I guess you did it. Yeah. We can't leave now because it's pretty bad in there now Anyway, we can't leave now because it's pretty bad in there now Yeah, I wonder if there's like a thing that you can do that is as big as a huge terrorist attack But doesn't hurt anybody at all, but it's just big and it does impact people's lives in a non-negative way But it's big I guess like I guess you know like one like big Eurovision

There there was Look this one that did it does it revisions a great one Andy Artistic terrorism Literally all you said was can you do is there a way that you could do something big that affects people's lives? But not in a negative way? I think Eurovision is a really good example of that. And I'm sure there are others, but I think I nailed the brief. No, you did Andy. Yeah. Like, yeah.

You know what? There was like, this is not a good example. Your example was already perfect, but there was a time in the Bega Valley when we're, where I went to high school where, um, I guess a couple had a breakup, right? And the guy went to all the towns in the Bega Valley and wrote on so many places, this like you know the name first name last name is a slut right wow all over like like walls and it was on gutters and it was on electric poles and it was like he would have spent like days just driving around at nighttime writing it down on various places and that now obviously that's one that does

affect one person quite negatively but the rest of us were having a pretty good time really yeah no I mean it was just it was intense and it but yeah but you know getting to it's it's you go wow something's really happened it's affected a lot of our lives because we're all seeing it and that's was really the goal. Yeah I mean what could you do I suppose you could write something on the moon you know? Yeah yeah wonder, can we send something onto the moon that, like, that can make a big enough mark that you could see it from? You know, essentially, you could just send a ball, you know, like a drone ball that just rolls around there. Rolls around on the moon, riding on the moon. That makes an indent, essentially like a beach drawing.

But you get it to just keep going and going until the lines are thick enough that we can see it from here. I think there's a future in which that's absolutely something that corporations or even individuals can pay for. I imagine it'll be done with nukes. We'll just fire a series of nukes at the moon and sort of print almost like a dot matrix printer. You'll be able to sort of do moon printing. One pixel is one nuke.

Yeah, exactly. Do whatever you want on the moon. And with the economies of scale and future technologies, it'll come down. Yeah, probably. of scale and you know future technologies it'll come down yeah probably oh yeah we've created a rocket that is actually 30 nukes so that that's that's reduced the cost yeah and the moon will be being nuked hundreds of times a day as different people sort of refresh whatever they want to it's just sketch yeah you know I remember in the early 2000s we thought that we were gonna different people sort of refresh whatever they want to. It's just sketch. Yeah.

You know, I remember in the early 2000s, we thought that we were going to build a, uh, sort of a moon base where people could leave and we would use it as a sort of a launching pad to, uh, to the stars, to other planets and things like that. But by 2026, uh, the moon had sort of become more of an itch-a-sketch. That, you know, private companies would send sort of a, you know, about a thousand weeks of nuclear warheads, just to get your logo on there, you know, every night. You know, the full moon obviously was the most expensive night of the month to get your brand name on there, but the whole world would see it.

Well, I mean, what would be great about this is that it would give companies that make nuclear weapons, it would help them to pivot to something that's non-lethal, at least for human, you know, Earth-based life forms. You know, at the moment, the only way that they can stimulate the sale of more nukes is by, I mean, are there private companies that make nukes? That's crazy, if that's the case. That's wild. I think it's probably only. I saw that. That's so inside. Yeah. I mean, do you think

that because these days it would be something like, you know, the Halliburton or something. Halliburton or isn't that the type of fish? Raytheon. Oh, I had a beautiful piece of Halliburton last night. Yeah. But, you know, if we can help them to do something that's, you know, a sort of a domestic application of the technology, they won't need to warmonger so much. They'll just be able to, you know, regular monger. What's the name of that thing? The something something complex? Military industrial complex.

Yes, the military, we can shift it into the military advertising complex. There you go. We can get Halliburton to do a collab with Hewlett Packard. It'll be the HBHP moon printer. And it's a it's you know it's a it's a dot it's a sort of a nuke dot print system. It's a new clear printing system. New clear printing system. I do love that Andy. Thank you so much. I mean they'll just put a space between the NU and then the clear. Yeah. Yeah. New. New. Because it's like new metal. New. New. Clear. Printing and four, four set of moons. and obviously at some point you'll be

able to do it on some of you know so you know it'd be great when we open up the moons of Jupiter and stuff like that. Oh, be so good. I mean people can't see them that is the that is the only problem. I think they can with the telescope and what you're gonna miss out on those eyeballs?, that's true. Those actively looking eyeballs. I mean, if you were trying to sell a new telescope, what better way? Like, you know your target market is looking at moons than to ride it on the moon. Like, in advertising, that's what you're, you know, you're always trying to get where your audience is looking. Mmm. Exactly. The audience for telescope sales is looking at the moons of Jupiter.

So ride it on there. Get up there. Exactly. Yeah, well, that's right. So those are the... Why did my screen just go blank? Oh my God. Oh, Alistair. What is happening? Please don't die on me, you motherfucker. Why is... Turn up the brightness. Wait. We might maybe pause the recording. Oh Alastair. What is happening? Please don't die on me you motherfucker. Why is it on there? Turn up the brightness.

Wait, we might maybe pause the recording. Oh, let's just keep recording Alastair. Keep recording, but like the screen has just gone dark. Yeah, yeah. No, it's still going, it's still going. Alastair, this is the best thing I've ever heard in my life. Oh my God. Okay, that was crazy.

That was crazy. It is recording. god. Okay. That was crazy. I Was crazy it is recording. Yeah. Yeah. Great. No my god a little blackout And I think we have five sketch ideas here that I oh, yeah That's true. Let me just I hope it didn't fuck. Let's go to an idea from a from a listener Yeah, all right. That sounds really good. All right, Andy Well today's I don't know if you know this, but we have listeners and yes, some of them can sometimes donate three dollars to our Patreon and then they can send in words from a listener and many of them do and they tell us which listener it is. Sometimes it's them. Yes. Now today's listener, Andy, is smelly-serious.

Now today's listener Andy is Smellisarius. Now Smellisarius. Or Smellisarius. Smellisarius, I've seen that name. Smellisarius occasionally on the Discord I believe. Yes, yes, yes Andy of course. And Smellisarius was telling me that once again Epiphany has visited and conveyed the words and then Lady Epiphany has descended with her long proboscis like tongue and inserted it up your nostril through that blood-brain barrier and directly into your verbal cortex.

Yes, that's right. And... Later spores. That's right, later eggs in there, and they've hatched, and each egg had one word in it. And has crawled out of your fingertips onto the onto the internet. Yes, that's right. Here we go. And so would you like to guess the first word, Andy? Okay, the first word is spoole. Spoole? Spoole? Oh, I thought you said, I thought you said ghoul. But it's neither of those.

It is a former name of one of my shows, Andy, that I had done at the comedy festival. It is The. The. I wonder if that's what it's a reference to. It could be, Andy. It could be. Okay, second word, bottomless. The bottomless. Oh. Close Andy. It's actually the opposite. Oh. Keister. Oh. Which is a bottom. Keister. Um the keister.

The keyster? The keyster bunny the keyster bunny andy the final word is Bunny Alaskan, this is like you got this is like two pods in a row where you've got I know You've got it's pretty insane andy It's like you know how like you and me from listening to each other for so many years have been able to sort of share a mind? Yeah.

It seems like it's also happening to the audience now. It's spreading, it's spreading. You're now sharing a mind. Like a gas across the battlefield. Like a gas across the battlefield. It a gas across the battlefield. It's spreading through the trenches. It's soaking into everyone's lungs and... Soon, us and our whole listenership will have the same mind.

And essentially you'll guess all three words in every time. And then it'll be meaningless and there'll be no point. The Keister Bunny! I mean this is so good, isn't it? So good. I mean, I do feel that the unwritten lore of the Easter Bunny story is that the eggs, the chocolate eggs do come out of his butthole. Yes. And I mean, maybe we find- The unspoken truth. You know, maybe as they go into the Dead Sea Scrolls a little bit more, they find the sort of the gospel according to Hoppy Jim or something like that.

Yes. And we discover that, you know, that they do explicitly state that the chocolate eggs are the Easter bunny's poo. And then they are his hollow plops. But you know what would be great is that the scripture says that actually, you know, it's like, oh we have found the scriptures that have told us great news everyone and he goes everybody goes yay because it says that the Easter eggs do not come out of the rabbits bum we're so relieved yeah oh they good they state emphatically that it comes out of another creature that is entirely bum and it has little rabbit legs and little rabbit ears but apart from that it's all bum and that's where it gets from it does also have its bum, but the eggs don't come out of that bum. Yay!

It would make no sense. It was a mistranslation. It actually was the Easter bummy. It comes out... It's a creature that is all bum. We thought it was two N's. It was actually two M's. That's... The Easter bunny. And he drags himself from house to house. He doesn't hop. He drags his ass. He moves one butt cheek forward and another butt cheek forward. Heaving his mighty butt cheeks and grunting and groaning because it hurts him to shit them out. And it gurgles as well as the stuff inside of it that just, like there's forming chocolate

eggs in there. It's just a bunch of muck. That churning of the muck. That churning of the muck and gurning and just a lot, just a sort of a slimy ooze is in there and it's got time. It takes so long to get from one house to another. It's actually exactly one year is what it takes. Easter is just the celebration of the of the end of one year of traveling and completing one whole turn around the around the whole world dropping off. Doesn't quite make sense. My god doesn't quite make sense. Why? Well if it took him a year to get around the world, then the eggs would

show up gradually over the course of the year. Yes, but the kids only look once a year. Oh, that's true. We only let them search, but the eggs have been there the whole time. That's why we have the hunt. That's why we go hunt for them. They've been there all year. A crop has accumulated. See like, you know, because I guess in Australia people tend to go look for the eggs outside, right? Yeah. But in the other parts of the world, you don't always go outside. Maybe he dies every year as well, the oosterbummy. He dies from dysentery, from shitting himself. He gives birth to the new Mr. Bummy. Yeah, he feeds one of the eggs a royal jelly.

Except it's piss. It's royal piss. He self-fertilises one of the chocolate eggs. Yeah. But with piss. Say piss out there. Say it's with piss. He self-fertilises it with piss. Say piss out there. Say it's with piss. He fertilizes it with piss. Some piss. It's actually the chocolate egg that chooses which

drop of piss that goes into it and fertilizes itself with the piss. And that's the terrible thing is that one of the kids bites into one of the eggs and then there's a Mr. Bum, there's the Easter Bummy inside. Oh no and then there's a Mr. Bum, there's the Easter Bummy inside. Oh no. It's a horrible thing. And that is a horrible thing. And then the, and then that kid and its family try it's actually, it's actually he, he, he lays a whole bunch of fertilized eggs, fertilized with piss.

And thank you for saying that. Else. Yes. And then the family, he hides a bunch of eggs around that one house and the family then tries to kill all the Easter bommies, but it's the one that survives. That then goes on. There's always one that is stronger. It's one.

Yeah. There's one Mr. New Mr. Bummy and there's one traumatized family that find all the, the, the fetal bommies. And this is all in the Dead Sea Scrolls. We're reading this verbatim. And they say, and then one family is traumatized. And then all of the people there standing at the sort of, you know, very dry land of this sort of Middle Eastern country. As this guy stands on a rock and reads it every time they say, and a traumatized family,

they go, yay. And one Mr. Bummy escapes. Yay. And he lives to traumatize again. Yeah. And it accumulates, the trauma accumulates over the generations. Yes eventually once we reach infinity every family will be traumatized and pass on the trauma till they're to their young and yay! Yay! Alastair remember when we were working on that mainstream commercial TV show and you

and I tried to get a sketch about the piss vampire. We were writing sketches and setting them off every week and never hearing anything back. Some of them made it to air, but the piss vampire somehow didn't make it. I think at some point that was one time I bought your piss and I think somebody did at some point one of the head writers did write to us at that at that point maybe look how about this I'll I will go into our gmail and I will go into our Gmail and I will just check I will search the word piss vampire. Oh This vampire say if we could and just see wait Sophie. Oh wait. Okay. We got a message here

Okay I know didn't get a message back about piss vampire there, but it must have been you go It must have been in here wait. It's overseas there, but it must have been, it must have been in here. Wait, let's look overseas. First dates, first dates, first dates, first dates, first dates. Okay, wait, Cookie Monster, wait, bathroom, first dates. Oh, first dates, vampire. Okay, right. It goes voice over. Okay. So, it's a first date format. I guess that was a TV show. Oh yeah. On this week's first dates, and then it says, Ariane, I'm a big fan of the Twilight Saga. So meeting Drabbath has been really exciting. Drabbath, a vampire, talks to camera. Here's Drabbath. It's a bit

nerve-racking because I'm not your traditional vampire. Most vampires drink blood. Ariane, oh what do you drink, Drabbath? I'm from a different line of vampires. In my lineage, we drink piss. He takes a sip, looks up what looks like. It could be piss in a wine glass. He is disgusted. Ugh, what is this, white wine?? Ariane tries to salvage the conversation.

Still, it must be nice to be immortal. Again, I'm not that kind of vampire. If anything, I age faster. I think it could be all the piss. Ariane talks to Cameron. To be honest, at this point, it's not a deal breaker. At least he's not a DJ. We did it, Andy. And it was that the whole sketch. That's the whole sketch because we had to just do

very fast. They had to be so short. Yeah. Man, but we said so much in such a short space of time. And then no, there wasn't anybody who messaged us about piss vampire. I said anything. Wait, because I thought it was from Ben. So I'm just going to type in the word piss and Ben. Let me just see. No, nothing in there that says piss. OK, not from that bin.

A lot of a lot of emails from all the other bins I've been emailing. OK, look, I'll do one more thing where I will just search the word piss. Oh it's just a message that says cow piss that I've emailed. No that's just me emailing myself. Okay it's from 2014. Oh no wait but it says it starts with Andy. Wait wait it says to me but it's from me to me. But it says Andy, I feel like I've just found a bit that works, cigarette, no, no. Nevermind, look, I don't really need to read this out, but I think I must've tried to send it to you,

but I've sent it to myself. And send it to yourself. This is insane. The loop is closing. Alistair, take us through the sketch ideas. Okay, yep. All right, we've got allow your phone. Oh, that would be a great way for you to find out, by the way, that we're sort of Tyler Durden-ing and there is no Andy. Oh yeah. That you've just been talking to yourself this entire time. I've been emailingless the entire time. Yeah. All right. It says, allowing phones during getting hung or getting electrocuted.

And then, but then the, but then the right wing sort of come out about it being very disrespectful and trying to, you know, it just felt like it was nice. And executioners are going on Fox News and talking about how to make some feel sad. Yeah. Then we've got the personal iron dome, a bulletproof vest made entirely out of guns. Yes. The I have just awoken attempt to get out of being electric chaired.

We then there's no way the cheese shop, the guy who came up with a cheese shop name, and, but doesn't know anything about cheese or how to make cheese. And then we just watch them guess how to do it from first principles. Then we got the wine buzz connoisseur. Yes. We've got the intravenous jelly babies. We've got the dog show, the dog show of participants who just do it so that they can say bitch. We've got the nuke the moon, etch a sketch advertising industry.

For me, I think the dog show thing, I think the, you know, the turtles. Oh, yeah, of course, the turtle. This is an important part of that. Yeah. Oh, yeah, of course, turtle. Get that, that's fine. Called cunts. What did we have about the 9-11? No, what was the next thing you read? The Nuke the Moon Etch a Sketch Advertising.

Nuke the Moon, yeah, okay. Industry. And then we've got the Easter Bummy. I think it's a good episode, Andy. I think it was a beautiful episode. Beautiful little potpourri of concepts. Alastair, you've got some big shows coming up over there in Montreal, don't you? I do have one big show that I know about that's coming up

where on the 18th of July I'm gonna be doing a an off JFL show. And you're hosting? I'm hosting the show as part of off Just For Laughs which is very cool. Just say it's Just For Laughs you don't have to say the off bit. Yeah I'm just being honest but it yeah I mean it is it is a festival that's run by Just for Laughs during the Just for Laughs festival. You know what that sounds pretty Just for Laughs-y to me. Yeah and I got to meet the very big boss of Just for Laughs the other day. Whoa! The big boss, the final boss. Did you defeat him? I didn't defeat him but I did tell him I I know somebody that he knows because I I worked for him emptying the old Just For

Laughs building. And now you get to fill it again with joy. Fill it with joy baby. So I don't know if you want to come to the Theatre St. Catherine on the 18th and come see me do a show as part of Just for Laughs. You can do that and I will host and maybe interact with you in the crowd. I'm excited for everybody. Ask you if you're from out of town. Alright, here we go. Thank you so much for listening to Tune the Think Tank. The show where we come up with fine sketch ideas.

And we love you. Bye. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm Alexa Steele, the host of See All My Story, the podcast where we bring on a guest every week to tell one true story and one stolen story. And me and my co-host have to guess which is which. We've had actors from The Boys, Degrassi, Sullivan's Crossing, even a winner of Survivor on,

you name it, Canadian TV, they've been on our show and they're all liars. It was wanted for going into a convenience store and robbing at gunpoint. And I was like, shut up, that has to be the guy. Do you not like ghost stories? I love ghost stories. There's a goose car impact in my face. No! Through the guy.