Two In The Think Tank - 486 - "WHALE MOUTH RESURRECTION"

Episode Date: July 27, 2025

Sketch Spreadsheet by Will Runt: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1e2HYV7-VcnAV08wyHA7OFbqh_UCnVDUheiNFiqxPX_Y/edit?usp=sharingThink Tank Institute: https://lookerstudio.google.com/s/kH2int_ZkuICheck out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I'm trying to, I'm trying to separate. It's like, it's like a magnetic monopole. You know, I want to find just a one, the one without the only. Can we do that? Like twins. There you go. Oh, but then they're not the one. Two and only. That's the two and only. You know what? Yesterday I was, I walked past a one love shirt that was in Rasta colors. And, and it was a Bob Marley obviously themed shirt and I had a peace sign on it with a hand doing a peace sign and then it made me think of

the concept of to love, right? Because it's like the fingers got two coming up. But then maybe putting like a tennis racket inside the, the, the hand of the person doing the peace sign as well. It's still roster colors. Do you think, do you think that's, do you think that is anything? But hang on, are they still, how are they doing the peace sign if they're holding it to tennis? I guess you can still sort of be gripping a tennis racket with those two spare feet and the thumb because the thumb comes in too. So that's enough to, to grip.

You know, Alanis Morissette, she said, I've got one hand in my pocket and the other one given a peace sign, but on that peace sign, two of the only, only two of those fingers are really spoken for. We don't know what the other three fingers are doing. Loose fingers. Why isn't she telling us what all her fingers are doing? She's being very broad by just saying my... Alanis, you are being evasive.

You are... No wonder she disappeared. I think about her all the time. Yeah. I think about Alanis. I think about how she disappeared. I think about her all the time. Yeah. Think about Alanis. I think about how she disappeared. She that album. Yeah. It's it's it's fucking wall to wall, man. It's wall to wall. Yeah. And hand in my pocket. Yeah. Hand in my pocket. ironic. ironic. must be nice or whatever. Yeah.

I don't know. Uh, I want to know. That's not what I meant. Aye. Aye. I recommend. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Something like that. She, Alana, Alana Samaraset could have written a song called must be nice. Yeah. I'm just saying. Oh, that's true. Yeah. She could have also written one. I'm just saying. Oh, that's true, yeah, yeah. She could have also written one called I'm Just Say It.

What about God Only Knows? She could have written that. She could have written that. I don't think she did, but boy, I mean. She could come back and write a new one. I think people should be rebooting songs. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.

Take the title, take, I don't know, any other element. Doesn't have to be much. And yeah, I'd say... Yeah, I'd say we could stand to have another... Someone could have another crack at Let It Be, and it's not a cover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey Jude, I would love a new Hey Jude. One that's a little bit more contact. And you Hey Jude for those who don't have that much time for like the 15 minutes of nah,

nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, like that kind of thing. You know, I don't know. But what if they do another one and that's the only bit that they take? I don't think that they- Keep just the no no no no. I'm not sure that they can take any of the content. I think they have to reboot the song and it's a new song called Hey Jude. That's just the title really. Just the title and just the intent to make one of the most iconic songs of all time.

That's the album that's called- Imagine if you did that. Imagine if you came in, you made another song called Hey Jude, and it sort of, it took the title. It, it, and it's about the same thing. Everyone agreed that this was a, well, okay. Yeah. Great.

This guy did a better job of comforting John Lennon's son, the wife of his parents divorce. Hey Jude. Hey. Hey Jude. Hey, hey Jude. Oh wow. Is this Bob Dylan doing it? He should do it. He should have a run at it.

Give him a crack. Give me John Lennon. I mean, give Bob Dylan the keys to the Hey Jude. It's essentially what Tim, what Tim Heidecker did when he released that 14 minute song about the Titanic after he heard that Bob Dylan was writing one. And so he wrote one first as Bob Dylan and released it first. Yeah. Yeah.

It's, it's, it's a bit like that, but, but different enough that we can still claim this is our own idea. Rebooting songs. That's right. I'm thinking on the, maybe I've told you this, but on the 500th episode that we're doing in October, I want to have a keyboard instead of a notebook. I want to be, I want to write the ideas down on a, on a very like soft touch keyboard. Not, not, they should make one that's so soft. It's like gel. It's like, like a, it's like,

it's just slime. Yeah. I have to, I have to wipe my hands. I have a towel just for wiping my hands after every time I touch something. But this keyboard's so quiet. It's like a... I mean- Like a mouse's laugh? I mean, if we... Like a mouse's laugh. You know what? Like a...

You tell me your thing. No, no, I mean, I do like the idea of it being like they're just being like a little pool of liquid over the keyboard so that your feet do sound like, you know, like again, like a mouse dancing in a puddle or fingers. It's kind of like KY jelly. I think you would use on it because it's a lube for sound mute muting. Yeah. Yeah.

And probably that would allow you to go faster. Oh, yeah Imagine just the loop the loop lubricational. I mean else there'd still be a little Yeah, that was really good I actually genuinely believed that Andy I was a hundred percent in that Yeah, I don't normally step you're becoming the sound guy. I. I guess I'm gonna become the smart one who's reliably funny then. Oh, fuck, okay. Let me try and say something smart. Okay. Well, the equator is actually bigger than you would think.

I mean, that's really intriguing. That's really intriguing. Like, I mean, I guess if the earth was a cylinder, right. Then that it would all, would it all be equator? You know, equator. So you said the equator? No, I just said, you said the A equator? No, I just said would it all be equator. Like, like, I'm not trying to be like a pun on A equator. I'm just saying if the earth was a cylinder, Oh, right, instead of a sphere.

I got so caught up on A equator. Yeah, it would all be... I'm still thinking about this A equator idea. Yeah, I mean, maybe it would be a sea equator, just because, you know, Eve is probably for Earth equator. So it's the Earth's equator. And then we would do a sea equator for the cylinder or whatever the planet was called. Cylinder Earth.

Yeah. Cylinder Earth. Yeah. Cylinder Earth. Tube. Do you think that there's a way that we could actually just stretch out earth and get a little bit more landmass? Ooh, I mean, this is the thing, is that the sphere is the most efficient use of surface area to volume ratio.

And that really sucks for us because we're getting the minimum amount of earth possible given the amount of rock and shit we've got. Like if we did anything else with it, we'd get more surface area, any other shape. So we've been ripped off. Oh, so we've actually been ripped off. Okay. Because I was thinking, you know, like, you know, you, you know, when you see like one of those skyscrapers and they've got a bit where they kind of like have a balcony part of the skyscraper a little bit or like a, an empty hole basically

in it. And then the, the top part of the skyscraper is just being held on like four pylons on top of the other lower part. Yeah, hovering. We could be doing that with like the ground and just widening earth a little bit by just lifting the ground. Or you could slice the earth in half and jack it up. I mean, I guess that would be a good start, I think. Yeah.

Whoa, that's a start. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Cause I mean, cause you would want like, I mean, I guess that does get you a little bit and then you would have like, a lot of the ocean would pour in to the, to the gaps. Well, yeah. If you're doing it right. If you're doing it right.

Yeah. And then that, you know, obviously that pour into the gap that that had made contact with the magma It would cool that inner surface in the gap there. Maybe we might get like a nice cool Layer and then we'd have all that surface area There you know, like you could be on the inner there, you know, like you could be on the inner plane of Earth. Those two, there'd be two levels, both of which would have pretty low gravity, I'm thinking. Which one? Where would that be? The low gravity? Well, we've sliced the Earth in half. We've separated the two halves. The water from the oceans is pouring into the gap, cooling the, the, the

surface layer of, of, of magma, of lava. Yeah. Yeah. Is there, okay. Making that solid, making that walk on a ball. We have these two beautiful, you know, flat planes, the diameter of the earth. Yeah. Well, that would be for each high.

Yeah. A little walk in pattern. I think it would be low grab a little walk in part. We could. And there'd be low gravity. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. A little walk-in path. I think it would be low grab, a little walk-in path. We could- And there'd be low gravity. You think so? In there. It wouldn't have to be high.

It wouldn't have to be very high. You'd just have to make it like, if it was just like four or five meters, right? That gap. That's all it is. Okay. That's how high the gap is. I think I've not understood what you're saying. All that surface. And- No, no, no, but- But wait think I've not understood what you're saying. All that surface...

No, no, no, but wait... I'm trying to describe back your idea. I know, but I think it's... I don't understand why it's low gravity. Because you're between the two sections of earth. Oh, yeah, okay. So because right directly underneath you, there's less matter. You're kind of just getting pulled apart.

You know, you're getting pulled. Yeah, you're also being pulled up by the, yeah, exactly right. Exactly right. You know, and as you walk towards that very center of the earth, it'd be all over the place. Oh, it was the center, yeah. You know, I wasn't even picturing all going all the way to the center. I was just picturing just lifting up some of the some of the upper ground a lot of it but I get it oh yeah oh oh yeah no I wasn't um I was thinking completely different just get a bit of air just get a bit of air like 50 meters down running in there we just get another level doesn't have as much Sun but we could get a bit in there with using mirrors. Mirrors. You know?

Yeah. And, and, you know, and I don't know, I just think, you know, just get just a couple of stories, you know, like basement one, maybe even just, it's just a place that we all park our cars. Oh, that'd be so good. Upper level, upper level, no cars allowed down below.. Down below, it's all just automobiles. We're making a world basement. We're giving the whole planet a little underground car park.

Yeah, and you know, if you're poor, you can live down there, which is where we all would all, and then the rich would have the sort of the surface. That's so good of you to say that. Yeah. Um, I, uh, I love it, Alastair. It's not quite a sketch. I think for me, it's a bit like picking a scab.

You know, if the earth's crust is the scab of the planet, which I think, I think it is. Yes. I think it's fair to say where what we're doing is we are picking that scab and then keeping the scab, but just putting a few pylons in and keeping the scab just above the earth. I wonder what my life would be like if I'd never picked any of my scabs,

if I just left them on. Oh, so you would... and if they had fallen off, you'd glued them back on. Yeah, I kept them, I'd not let them go. Yeah, then you would be, you would probably have a much larger surface area of scab on your body. Yeah, and I might look a bit like the thing from the Fantastic Four, which would be-

I don't think you'd look that good. It's a new lifestyle. I'm calling it scabby by choice. You know, it's... Well, this is a really interesting thing about the thing is scabby by choice. Most people who are scabby, they must't, they, they must not feel any sense of control over their life. They're like incels. Well they often call what led to the scab an accident, but mine was purposeful. Or at least an opportunity.

I grazed my knee yesterday that I had that booked in. I had written that down in my look here's my diary right here look Grey's knee and I did it look it's right here you can see the evidence right here see what I am is a member of the scabby by choice Oh, it's a really... Look at my back. Feel how hard it is. It feels like the scales of a dragon, doesn't it? But it's not scales. Those are scabs.

You're probably... Probably when you look at me and my scabs, the first thing you think of is the noble dragon, one of the most magnificent the mythical beasts when you gaze upon my scabs I Mean it probably is is like a harder armor You know like like like a scab is probably harder to penetrate than the skin, you know. I want to agree with you, but something's not letting me.

Like, you can't pick through your skin in the same way that you can pick through a skin. No, but that's around the edges. That's when you're trying to get underneath the scab. The scab has no edges because it goes all the way around. If you can get your full back scabbed, then you're essentially... Ah, the FBS. It's like you're wearing a Bible on all parts of your back to stop bullets or at least slow them down. Yes. Imagine that, the full body Bible. Somebody should do that. A Bible

for like a full Bible armor piercing. Yeah. Like a, what are those called? A bulletproof vest. Bulletproof, a Bible full vest. God damn it. I can't say it, but it's a bulletproof Bible vest. You get it. You get what I mean. I'm just saying the thing you said. Man, I'm fucking bulletproof blessed mate. That's me. I've got a big Bible.

Oh, I. Yeah. No, I think it'd be good. It'd have to be molded to your, to your body shape. And it would if you, if it got wet, you're kind of, yeah. Yeah, that'd be good. Well, maybe it's like, um, buying, you know, Japanese denim jeans or whatever it is. You know, you buy a big Bible, you get in the bath with it.

You let it soften and form over your, your body. Yeah. Okay. And then you get out, right? And you sort of let it dry in that shape. Let it dry. This is the process. Let it dry.

I like to picture you can, it's a really big Bible and you got to make a hole in part of the, like you open it up and you put a hole in the pages on either side and then you put your arms through the thing and you got the spine right at the front like that. Oh, the spine's at the front. Yeah, I mean I guess you could put it on like a... The spine is at the front for once. No, but that is a good idea. That's where it should be. But maybe you need to wear two so that you can.

Yeah. Well, there is the problem then Alistair of like, you know, traditionally when you get shot it's that like the bullet almost goes all the way through the Bible and gets stopped by the last page. If you open up the Bible and you've only got like half a Bible's width. Will you buy a double Bible? Double Bible, that's good. Both takes a lot of books. Or you could buy two Bibles, put a hole in the spine, put a zipper on the end of each cover, and then put your arms through the middle, like that through

the open book, like that, and then on each arm, and then zip the two Bibles together in the front and in the back. The zip is probably the weak spot and it's probably lines up right with your heart. Oh no, because the zip is made from- Tawny Bibles. Tawny Bibles, I was going to say, the dead, what's that that the shroud, the shroud of cheer. Oh, yes. So, um, and it's holy water, by the way, in the bath, when you soak yourself, soak yourself, fit around your body.

That's really good. I was thinking of a version. I can use this. Maybe they could make one, a tank out of it. Maybe make it, you know, start using it for tanks. Oh yes. Bibles, that is. Religious tanks.

Um, sure, sure. Baptize the tanks. When you first make them, you've got to baptize them. Oh, you've got to drive them through the river. My, my mom was mentioning something about churches that are no longer in use, that they get, they have to get deconsecrated, what's the word? Consecrated. Yeah.

Yeah. And isn't that weird? It's like, oh, well, we're putting it out of commission. We better take the magic out of it. Yeah. We don't want God to come here and then no one's here on Sunday. That'll anger him. We've got to redirect God's mail. Yeah. Deconsecrated. Yeah. I mean, it's so that like,

you can't then, you buy the church, you turn it into a house of sin or, um, or a waffle joffel parlor and waffle parlor. And, and then those, those, all the, you know, you might have an issue where they're all those waffles are sort of transubstantiating becoming the body. Oh yeah, that would be bad. The syrup is the blood of Christ. Oh no. Yeah, because it's got all this magic floating around in there trying to attach itself onto things.

God's, Jesus is trying to, to, he's trying to turn basically any wheat good. If you leave him in there, unable to manifest, he gets really sort of desperate and he'll turn basically any, any baked tree into his body. It's just desperate Jesus who's always trying to get back. He's just trying to get back and we just, I don't know, there's, we've, we've somehow messed it up and we're blocking him from coming back. This is a great idea. Someone should do this, right? So we know that when you put the thing

into your mouth, it becomes the body of Jesus, right? Okay. Why has Jesus never come back? It's because there's no mouth big enough for a whole Jesus to form. So what we need to do is we need to breed a bigger mouth or maybe use the mouth of a blue whale, a mighty blue whale. But- Build a full Jesus out of biscuits. Yeah, but then also need to- We need that whale to have a soul probably, so we've got to get some man DNA in there.

Yes, good. And I'll find a way you leave it to me oh yes sir man. Let me you just give me five blue whales and three weeks. Half an hour. A week alone with them. Three weeks. Um and then and then yeah you build a full Jesus out of biscuits, sticking them together, right? Maybe you make some sort of circulatory system for it, pump the wine through. And I mean, this is the problem with these Christians, they're too passive.

They're just sitting around waiting for it to happen. Yeah. And also they're bringing his flesh back Wait, do they do they eat the bread and then wash it down with some wine? Because there's no point bringing his flesh back if if you're not giving it like blood yes blood to You can you know? Transfer the oxygen to it and keep that flesh alive. Yeah, God, God, Jesus needs his circulatory system. It occurred to me, Alastair, that probably, like one of the effects of the Bible, right, and the fact that the Bible says, you

know, Jesus is like, and I will return and I'll lead you to salvation or whatever. That that is, you know, I reckon that's in there to stop people getting too revolutionary, right? To stop people getting too antsy. Yeah. Tell me the sentence again. Trying to like, that the fact that the Bible says that Jesus is like, Oh, I'll come back and I'll lead you to freedom. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my kingdom will start when I come back. Yeah. Right. I think that that is in there to stop people like basically having a revolution and trying to enact too many of Jesus's policies and be too, like, and to create... Be too Jesusy. ...and like to follow. Yeah. Like, because everyone's like, oh, Jesus is coming back. He'll come back and that's when we'll start doing living... We'll do all the stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I genuinely see that...

We'll have, we'll feed the poor and stuff when Jesus gets back Whoa, we're gonna feed so many poor guys. Yes. We're gonna redistribute so much wealth when Jesus gets back He hasn't come back though yet. So well, I guess we're just hanging out I do see the whole Bible is just a bit of programming like it really is just like little clauses like, you know if this then that like actually computer programming but for for you know breeding the spreading of the thought around. But yeah let's see I don't know Jesus look oh yeah sorry this is the thing I wanted to say before sorry if this is a I know this is a change subject, but if you don't think it's a change of subject, then that's great.

So you mentioned the thing earlier and the thing in the Fantastic Four, he gets really sad because of how hideous he thinks of himself once he becomes a thing, right? But what about a version of the thing who becomes this crazy hideous stone monster but he was much more hideous beforehand and now he's very confident in himself oh isn't that beautiful yeah his human version it's still it's a step up yeah it's a huge step up for him and and now people see him and they look at him and they smile and he goes, oh, there's the thing like that. And he's like, oh, finally,

people really like looking at me. Oh, that's great. And I mean, then I don't know what he does though with that, because I guess he's still made of stone. But yeah, I also think probably the thing he'd have no body odor. Right? Which is, you know, not to be underestimated. Okay. Um, he, uh, if, you know, if before he'd been really smelly as well, you know, he could be, he could be sort of covered in, in swords. Swords?

Um, that really- Swords in the stone? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I mean, that would be amazing. A guy who's like the thing, but he's covered in swords in the stones. Right? And so they're all sticking out of him. And only like one person can pull out each sword. But it looks like people have been fighting him and failing, but actually he's there to make people kings all over the world. Is it possible that he's got this sort of inverse power and only when the last sword is removed from him, when he's unstabbed, unstabbed, then he will die. The only way to kill him is by reverse stab. He's from an anti-universe, right, where everybody is already stabbed. They're already really stabbed.

That's how they come into the world. That's very, kind of like a Superman with a red sun or whatever But he's comes from a planet where they everybody's comes pre stabbed The native stone stab When he should when they show up on on earth none of none of our techniques for killing people She's mostly stabbing are gonna work That's right. That would only make him healthier Yes dabbing are going to work. That would only make him healthier. Yes. Makes him stronger. Makes him stronger every time they plunge a blade into his stone, he gets more strength.

He's essentially, essentially he just, it's just a chemical reaction where the battery, I mean where the metal acts as a, like as a battery. An electrode. As an electrode. So he actually does just get electricity power for moving his body faster and harder. Yeah. And he's called the battery. And we still didn't work it out, even though he was called the battery. We kept stabbing him with copper and zinc swords. They didn't get it because they thought it was about him smashing things and causing battery.

He thought it was him battering everybody. And he let us believe that. He was really happy to let that misconception propagate. Maybe he was sent here as a baby and he didn't, he just knew that it was called, he was called the battery, but he assumed it was because he was a big bludgeoning dickhead, you know? Cause you know, he might.

Even as a baby. Even as a, well, I mean, why else, you know, why else would you feel like you got sent away and you look at yourself and you're so different from everybody else? I guess you probably wouldn't even be aware that you came from another planet. Would you adopt a baby that was full of swords? Covered in swords and made out of stone? Yeah. Yeah. You know what? I think I would. out of stone yeah yeah you know what I think I would I mean if if you'll have me kind of guy hmm what a beautiful thing it would it might become a status symbol

you know like oh you adopted somebody from this war zone well we adopted a stone baby full of swords. You know, who's the more humane? Yeah. I mean, I think that as little stone baby and a little stone toddler with covered in swords would still be incredibly cute. So cute. Yeah. And I, there'd probably be some sort of a bidding war, you know, between

different Hollywood celebrities competing to adopt this baby. Oh, I mean, that would be great. It would be a real status symbol. An adoption auction. Mmm, adoption. Adoption. I mean, I think that that's...

By creating sort of near human beings, right? I think that you could get around human rights laws and not being able to sell phabies. And you could create a near human creatures that are basically close enough to human that you could have them as children. And you could auction them off to celebrities because they would, you'd give them cool attributes like a dragon's tail or you know teeth on their arms or something like that. I think we should have a system where when babies are born they all go into a big pool And, and then people bid to get the babies. Yeah. Okay. You know, like, uh, I don't, I think just cause you have a baby, that doesn't mean you get a baby.

All right. And so it's not like we should socialize. Like give a penny, take a penny. This is just take your baby. We take your baby, buy a baby. Yeah. buy a baby if you can afford it. It's sort of like socializing babies, but not, but with capitalism in there because you still have to pay for it. So I guess that's just straight up capitalism. And if you give in your baby, you know, like you don't necessarily, and you do have the money to buy a baby, you don't necessarily get your baby, you'll get whatever baby you can afford out of them. Or if you can, yeah, if you're willing to bid high enough for that specific baby, then

yeah, maybe you can get it. But if you're a bit down on your luck, maybe you can just get a baby that nobody else really wants. Yeah. Well, it, you know, it, um, it doesn't make sense that, uh, people who don't have a lot of money can get a really good baby. You know? Yeah.

Um, that doesn't, that doesn't seem to match up with the way we approach other things in our society. Um, sometimes you see really poor people with a really great baby and you just think, well, that's not the system's not working. Yeah. It's really obvious. Because that's not, that's not how we allocate assets. Well, if they were to look around in the world, they would see that that's not how the world works. You get good things and they'd agree. You could buy, are you sure you could buy a sort of a used baby that's sort of run down

and then you could fix it up and then that's a good way of, of poor people. They get a nice baby. But yeah. But they got to be willing to put in the elbow grease to really work, work that baby up into something. That sweat equity. You need to get that sweat equity. You heard that phrase? Doesn't make me feel good.

The sweat equity? Sweat equity. Yeah, I've heard it now and I genuinely am having a good time with it. Oh, okay, great. Yeah, so it's okay. Sweat, I mean, because you didn't combine them together in trying to say sweat quiddy. And I think, Dan, I would have felt, I would, because you didn't combine them together and trying to say sweat quiddy. And I think, I think then I would have felt, I would have felt, yeah. Yeah. No, I think my portmanteau days are over. Really? You've hung up,

you've hung up your big jacket and, yep, and, and, well you've hung up you've it's funny because a portmanteau is something that you hang your jacket on you've yeah I think you say you've hung up your thing that you hang up jackets on that's right I've hung up my hang up my hang up I've hung up more hang up. My hang ups. I've hung up more hang ups. Yeah, that's good. Andy, would you, do you think that you would want to go to three words from a listener? I must say it feels like the time has gone by like nothing at all.

But yes, absolutely. I'd love that. Yes. Excellent. Well, Andy, thank you for allowing me to push forward in this manner. And today's listener, Andy, is a Brayden Douglas. I think if I'm... Oh my lord.

Brayden Douglas. Brayden? Brayden? Yes. Brayden Douglas. Laz? Yeah. Oh, one of the Douglas brothers. Is that a reference to the Duplass Brothers. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah, is that good? Yeah. Yeah, it's really good. It's really good. Thank you so much, Andy. Wow. And Brayden has sent in three words from a listener. It says, hear new words when you get to them. So it doesn't say who the words are from, which listener. It says here new words when you get to them. So it doesn't say

who the words are from, which listener, but we can assume that it is a listener. Yeah. Would you like to guess the first word? But that's as far as we'll go. Yeah. Okay, first word. Yeah, the first word is phosphorescence. Phosphorescence? Hmm. Phosphorescence. Tell me if you think this is close. Evaluations. I kind of think it is a little close. Yeah, it's like it's closer than I thought it would be.

It's a lot, you know, similar number of syllables. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's something you could imagine. Not quite the same number. Phosphorus. Evaluation. Within an order of magnitude. Right?

It's within an order of magnitude. There were some counting systems in sort of olden days where people would have a number, like a word for one, two, three, and then beyond three, I think. So I think in that numbering system, that yours is all is the same, is beyond three. I don't know, wait, phosphorous. Oh no, it's not even in that number system. Sorry, Andy. By the way, I think we should bring back that numbering. Yeah, I think so too.

I'd love to be in the stage three advanced maths class of that. Would they call it stage three or would they call it stage many? Yeah, stage beyond two. My car has beyond two wheels. Hmm. That's a different type of binary, isn't it? Right? Um, where it's like, it's either there's one or there's more than one.

That's a different type of binary. Yeah. Yeah. But there can't be none. No, they can't be. Yeah. I mean, I think that's what the universe is. The more I've been thinking about it, Andy, right?

If the universe is in some way infinite, then there's no way that it could have had a beginning. Because that's a limit. Um, yeah. Okay. Yep. that sounds profound enough to be true. This is me following my, I don't think nothing is possible. And so now I want to say, well, you know, when people are like, well, still something created the universe, something made something from nothing. Well, no, actually there was never, there was never nothing.

Nothing is the thing that is the, is the thing that was the part that we, is the part that we got hooked up, hooked on, we got stuck on. We thought, well, how can he make something from nothing? Well, turns out it's because there was never nothing. Yeah. And I guess if it's impossible for there to be nothing, then you stop asking the question, how did you make something from nothing? Because well, you can't not make something from nothing. Nothing can't exist in the first place. You have to have something.

So you skip the whole nothing phase in Thailand, go straight to the something. What a relief it was to get to finally skip the nothing phase and just get straight into the nitty gritty. Um, yeah, no, I reckon you're right now. I solved it. You've, I do. I love, I love like in the idea of like gigantic questions like this, somebody going, yeah, you know what? I think you're on.

And. I'm calling it. I'm calling it. Thank you, Andy. All right. So, okay. So we did evaluations. Did you try a second word?

No. So evaluations. Andy, we already did that one. Oh, okay. Second word, salient. Salient. Salient. Salient. Salient. Salient. Salient. Did you try a second word? Um, no, um, so evaluations... Andy, we already did that one.

Um, oh, okay, second word, salutations. Ooh, starts with the same letter, Andy. Ah. But it's not that... Do you want to guess what you think it is? What it actually is? Salubrious. Salubrious.

No, Andy, it's stretch. Evaluations. Stretch. Fucking hell. Not having a good time with this. Last word Andy. Evaluations. Stretch. Pajamas.

No Andy. The third word is grower. Evaluations. Stretch. No, Andy. The third word is grower. Evaluations stretch. No, I'm starting to think there's no feet. Well, there's no through. Brayden from the Douglas family says underneath, in this case, I've sent these in. But the listener, oh, wait, he does say who the listener is. The listener is the app.

WhatThreeWords, and I recommend you look up this address using their app. So I will take these three words and then put it into the what three words sort of coordinate system. Wow. Okay. So, the what three words, this is the thing where you can like any spot on any like square meter of earth or whatever is defined by a three word coordinate system, random three words. Wait, I'm trying to see, wait, there's three, wait, it's giving me three options. Wait, one that says evaluations stretch grower, okay. And then one says evaluate stretch grower. That's not going to be it. But then the third one looks like it says, oh, stretches.

Okay, so it is the first one. Okay, it seems to be in Minnesota. Wait, where is this? Okay, wait, switch to satellite. Okay, wait, where is this? Okay wait switch to satellite. Okay wait where is this? Okay. Uh, Big Dick Lake. Oh, that's pretty funny, Brandon. Yeah, that was good. It's actually really close to Little Dick Lake, which, wait, but Big Dick Lake doesn't

even look like it has any water. Like, no, dry, dry it up. It's all flesh. What Big Dick Lake. It's all dusty. Let me just have a quick look here. Hono look, Big Dick Lake, it does have water. Let me look on another map just to be sure.

Just, yeah. Let me look on another map just to be sure. Just... Um... I wonder if that's a man-made lake? Or if that's a naturally-carried... It's gotta be naturally-carried. If it's a big dick and a little dick. Satellite, you can see definitely Big Dick Lake. Yeah. And then by side-by-side though,

right next to Little Dick Lake. Yeah. Oh yeah, that's definitely a lake, Andy. I couldn't tell you if it's man-made. It must be hard right next to Little Dick Lake. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's definitely a lake Andy. I couldn't tell you if it's mainly- Well it must be hard for Little Dick Lake to be right next to Big Dick Lake and to be left under no illusion as to- Hard Big Dick Lake. Um, it'd be hard not to compare. It's all-

Of course, of course. Um, well'd be hard not to compare. Of course, of course. Um, well, that's that little dick lake is covered in it. It's in swords that are sticking out of it. And so while it's smaller, um, it is tougher and from a planet where you're born pre-stabbed. Um, um, evaluations stretch. What was the third stretch grower. Grower. It's a grower and a show up.

I guess a thing where like a company offers you a product, like a service, which is that you can become a grower and by maybe because maybe you know like maybe you're one of the you know are you one of the 22% of men who are neither a shower nor a grower you know maybe that's how they would start the ad. And then we can make you a grower. And I guess how they would do that is by maybe getting your dick to shrivel a little bit. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. I'm going to make your dick smaller. Hear me out. Hear me out.

Okay, but when, you know, I so I don't know exactly how we're doing this. But, but once but you know, that's what the R&D phase is for. But once once the blood Maybe they don't tell you that. Tell me. I mean, maybe they don't tell you that you are the, um, that that's how they're going to make you a grower. They just promise you this elusive, oh, so tempting prospect of growerhood, grow it.

Right. That people come flocking saying, I will take this pack, pack. I will sign this deal. Whatever you need, whatever you want, I'll do it to become the elusive fabled grower. Right. But in a almost a monkey's paw, evil genie style twist, the way in which they make you a grower is by making your dick even smaller to begin with. So making its flaccid state 30% smaller. Exactly.

And then, and the way, and then you try and sue them for breach of contract, you go to court, you go to the highest court in the land. But they, but in front of the eyes of the world, it's a televised court case because this is a big deal. This is the second biggest court case since the OJ Simpson court case. You are, this is the trial of the new century. You are humiliated publicly in front of the world's eyes and forced to back down. You lose the case. Oh yeah, that would be terrible. And the police... Especially because you're forced to get so many public erections as part of the trial.

And sort of like in the O.J. Simpson case, you know, at the end where they follow him, they follow him as he drives down the highway, but you have lost everything. And so you don't even have a car. And so you just leave the court case and are walking home. And this is a big string of police cars and media are all following you down the road. Zooming in on your... Zooming in on the bulge in your shorts. Yo, you've got a bulge. Well, not really, but that's, you know, that's what, oh, must be nice. I mean, I guess if you had, like, you know, like it's, it's very rare and maybe

I just don't see it because it's not in the people in the circles that I'm in where guys really accentuate bulge. But they don't wear sort of that much sort of shape fitting things on, you know, to get outline and things like that, you know what I mean? So that it's not something men often show proudly. They don't indulge the bulge. Oh, that's right. Divulge the bulge, indulge the bulge. Divulge, maybe it is divulge.

Yeah, you are in divulging it, but I mean, you know, indulge your bulge could be the slogan of our figure fitting, hugging shape. Yeah. Sort of like, we'll call it like a, like a, it'll be, it'll be like a Lulu Le Man. You know? Yes. man. You know? But you know, it's not full, it's just very shapewear, but not for exercising necessarily. It's just a bulge forward kind of company.

Yeah. It's very flattering to the bulge. Not flattening. No. Flattering. Figure where for the male, the male bulge, you know? And like, I think an ad for something like that would be, yeah, yeah, your dick is usually not in its most impressive state. Right? Yes. So what?

This thing is putting fluffers out of work. Right? And it's just making guys accept the multiple, the multitudes of shapes and sizes that they can, that their bulge can be even within one day? No, I don't think that's the, that's not the nature of shapewear. In my, in my, I think that the philosophy and the concept of shapewear is to force your shape into one that is acceptable to the public, that is, meets the conventional standards of beauty.

Like isn't that sort of what shapewear does to a... I guess to a certain extent it does, it does just put it into a tighter kind of shape or whatever like that, it makes it, smooths it out. It's like a superhero outfit a little bit. like that, it makes it smooths it out. Yeah. It's like a superhero outfit a little bit. Yeah.

But I mean, the real coup would be getting guys to accept that sometimes their dick looks smaller. Sometimes. Only sometimes. Sometimes. Smaller than, like, I think it's because guys are worried that people are going to see their dick when it's not at its peak. Mm-hmm.

Right? Sure. Whereas... Yeah. Whereas I think you know if I mean look this is this is more maybe this isn't for Lululemans but a thing you know this is a complete this is a battle this is a this is a you know this is a free the this is a, you know, this is a free the, free the gland campaign.

Demand, demand gland. We demand the gland. A more, we'll finally be making progress when you can see in full detail the outline of every dick that you pass in the street and be left, nothing will be left to the imagination. Every vein, every wrinkle will be visible through this figure hugging, not in any way flatter. I I mean it's the perfect way to prove just reality it's just raw fat I mean but what a perfect way to prove to people you're not a huge perv then by showing how how whilst you're looking at them your dick looks so shriveled up and, and poorly.

This will be, this will be the new, the new flex. The new flex will be to not flex your cock at all and to have it. Yeah. Yeah. And then, I mean, this, this was sort of the ancient Greek thing of like, um, that's why the statues have small genitalia or the Greek statues, because being able to, it was, it was a sign of self control, which has made you appear more intellectual and more, you know, more similar. Look at that.

He doesn't have a big thudding hog. He must be so smart. His mind must be so developed. Have you got, excuse me, sir, have you got a PhD? Well now that you're the smart one on the podcast, I expect you to... I will start showing off my tiny slug. Yeah, I think so. If you could maybe post a photo every episode. Yeah, we sort of stopped posting the pad, but now we can

just start posting the slug. I'm so sorry about even using that term. It's a... I've not heard that. I mean, I created it just now, but I was trying to find something. Well, then you did great. Let's wrap this up, Andy. All right. We started with... I think we got to a really good place. We got to a really good place. Really good place.

Rebooting songs, doing a new Hey Jude. This is the definitive. Yeah. Yeah. Where it means, like, how can we know that Hey Jude is the best version of Hey Jude could be if we've only heard one version? You know, I've heard... Maybe AI could make it better. I heard Hans Zimmer the other day say that God Only Knows was a perfect song, but he's never heard any other God Only Knows. That actually might be one of the shittest ones out there. Yeah. Alright, then we got...

It's the only one? What are the chances that the only one is the best one? Yeah, that seems unlikely. Yeah. Seems unlikely. Yeah. Well, probably the first one we do, the first reboot we do, we'll do a shitter song just so that we have a bit more chance to get this thing on the people's radars. We got World Basement. We got Scabby by Choice, the Scabby by Choice community.

These are people who want scabs all over their body and they try to keep them there. Um, you could have scabs as a new kind of temporary tattoo. Oh yeah. Nobody's doing that. Nobody's using scabs as a sort of affection state. People were doing, were doing sort of like that with scarring and burns. Yeah. But I don't think scabs, the scab, the temporary tattoo scab. I wonder

if you could do it with like a lot of really, like a lot of micro holes that all will heal, but that bleed enough, you know, and that you could get really nice scabs. Yeah, I reckon. It's basically like that thing where they, you know, when they tattoo, they're tattooing and then they keep wiping stuff away You're basically doing that but without the wiping Yeah Just this time no ink and don't wipe. Yeah, and I want I want a I love mum Tattoo, please but no ink and hold the wiping

Um, I know I justuted what you said, but I did it in an Aussie accent. I did more Aussie. I got the full Bible vest. And that's the stop bullets. We got to bring Jesus back by finding a mouth big enough to, you know, put the bread and wine in there and reconstitute him. And I wonder if you need to let them like, you need to let them, you know, like an egg inside of like one of those containers, you know, you got to let them sort of stew in there a little bit. Maybe we're not holding Jesus in our mouth for long enough. I think the word is incubate. I will accept stew.

Yes. But yeah, but you want to, you actually got to let Jesus stay in your mouth for longer and then he kind of becomes a fetus. And then eventually, maybe that's what it is, those pieces of bread, you're supposed to just hold it in there, let him become a fetus, let him grow into a full-size baby and then you let him out. Wow. It's worth a try. It's worth a try.

It's worth a try. We got the thing, but covered in swords in the stone from a planet where you're born pre-stabbed. This is where it's getting really... Andy, I've genuinely been thinking I need to start my own... Well, I think we've discussed this on here, but we need to start our own superhero universe because that's what people want. And I think people are tired of the Marvels and the DCs.

And these kinds of characters are perfect. Every time you stab them, you make them stronger. He's called the battery. So you're saying just because people have superhero fatigue, that's when we should stop making superhero movies. I mean, when you're boxing, if your opponent's fatigued, is that when you stop punching? You're a fucking idiot.

So this is how, this is we come in with the best. This is how we win. We finish the job. We finish them off. People won't be able to, their brain won't be capable of consuming anything we come in with the best plan. This is how we win. We finish the job. We finish them off. People won't be able to, their brain won't be capable of consuming anything after we're done. This will be the last thought, last thing they see before their mind completely shuts

down. We'll be able to do baby auction. That'll happen in our superhero world as well. We've got Become a Grower Company, the company that service. They do it by making your dick usually a little bit smaller, standard, but then when it fills up with blood, it really goes to the same size it was before, but grows. And then we've got figure where for the bulge. But that's not okay. I've forgotten exactly what the idea was. But yeah. Andy? I don't know. There was one.

There was one. Yeah, there was. I mean like. Oh, the court case. There was a court case. There was a court case. No, that was the other one. That was the other one. That was the previous one. Uh, sure. Yeah. But it's okay, no, but there was, I mean, it was an idea about, oh, I mean, the shapewear that allows you to prove to people that you're not a perv by showing how... That's what it is. Yes. Um, yeah, by showing how pathetic... I can't be a perv. Look at my dick.

Look at my dick. I can't be a perv, look at my dick. Look at my dick. I can't be a perv. Everyone can see my penis. I'm proving that I'm not a perv by exposing my penis to everyone so that they can see it. I'm clearly not perverted. No, look, look! All of you look! I'm not a perv, I'm a shriveled dick cunt! I'm sorry, okay. I was trying to do the elephant man and I just... ba dee ba dee ba tee da ba dee ba tee ba dee ba dee ba tee ba tee ba dee ba tee ba tee ba tee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba dee ba have now been made. And so soon I'm going to find a way of selling them. We've done this the right way. We've approached everything in the correct order and I'm excited for what the future holds. Oh, I hope it's not me holding onto so many hats. Okay, and I was there. You got anything to promote?

No. You did Just for Laughs recently. I did just do a couple of shows at Just for Laughs. And there'll be some clips that we'll share. One day. One day we shall. We shall. And I want everybody to know there's a joke in there about a friend who has four kids, but it's not Andy and It's not about Andy and I've the bit is is too mean In there. It's not about it's not that mean it's why I've made I've actually made it a bit meaner Oh, really? And it's not about you. It was just inspired by the concept of having four kids.

Right, right. It's not about me. It's got nothing to do with you. You didn't call me. You did call me to apologize and ask if you could do it. But that was, that's got nothing to do with it being about me. It has nothing to do about you. I didn't want you to think it was about you.

It's because it's not. It's just you never even said the thing after three kids, they really just raised themselves. You never said that. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know, you're feeling it every day that that's not the case. That's absolutely not the case. Yes.

That would have been a lie. All right. Well, I don't have anything to promote either. So bloody hell. Well, um, go to Gustav and Henry.com, buy some books and still there, still, still available. Yeah, absolutely. Um, and you go to my website, I'm going to make a website and then you can buy things there too, one day. Whoa.

Maybe a hat. Ed, we love you. Bye. Bye bye.