Two In The Think Tank - 487 - "PORTUGUESE KISS"

Episode Date: August 3, 2025

Sketches: AirPlugs, Podcast Maximalist, Post-Post-Human, Flatman, French Australian Prime Minister, The Feeling of Not Being On Your Phone, Piss Pill, Portuguese KissCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website: Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dun-dee-dah-tsk-ka-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tsk-ka-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-dah-tstun-dee-. Thanks so much for listening. Mm. Listen- Say this thing, listening. Listen-ling. Oh, here we go. You know, finally, often it takes us five or 10 minutes to get to this area. This section of the podcast, the anus of the podcast. Yes, the anus part of the podcast. Do you think that the- of the podcast. Yes. The anus part of the podcast. Do you think that the, yes. No, I mean, look, this is stupid, but if you've been listening, if you've been a fan of a band for a while, do you think at some point they're like, Hey, we've

never tried you listening to our music. Ain't only. We thought we should experiment. Ain't only we thought we should experiment. They want you to listen to with the new hole to keep it fresh. Yeah, I like it. I like it. They release an album that is to be heard that way. And, um, and, and that's what they want.

That's them. They want us to do something for them. And that's what they want. That's them. They want us to do something for them. And Neil Young has a thing where he has two, he has two giant vibrators and he goes out onto his lake and he puts them in his butt. I love that the lake was involved. Well, cause you know that story of he's got two barns.

He's got like two barns and he goes out onto the lake was involved. Well, cause you know that story of he's got two barns? He's got like two barns and he goes out onto the lake and he's like, more left barn. I mean, we don't all have access to that kind of technology, that lake, two barn lake technology, Neil. Yeah. Why are you mastering your music to be listened to from two barns on a lake? Nobody's listening to it in that way. Often like a musician will go and listen to their album in a car just to hear what it'll be like if it was playing on the radio.

Oh, already you tried to release that Pono music system. Everyone said this is in, this is impractical because it's triangular shaped and you can't put it in your pocket. And you really were like, you want something you can't put in your pocket? I'm going to double down. It looks like the Pono was the device that was made for enjoying the music game. I think enjoying is the wrong word. To endure, sorry, endure the music. Doesn't fit in your pocket, where are you gonna put it? I think what is interesting to me about this idea is that this is a

pub, a band's public announcement, you know, and sometimes bands do make public announcements where they're like, we're taking our music off this platform. Oh, we're releasing this for free online. Oh, you can get access to these master tracks and remix them or whatever. And I like that this is part of that sort of that universe that isn't very explored of like extra musical band announcements. You know, it's, I don't think we've explored that territory. You're right. Now, speaking of exploring territory, Alastair,

do you think that the plugs at the end of the podcast, do you think that is the anus of the podcast? More do you think? Interesting. That, that, that maybe the end music is the anus of the podcast and the plugs are the, the feces that have been pushed through that anus and have plopped, uh, into the toilet. And does your anus have a plug in it? Uh, right now, no.

No. No. Yeah, I mean, look, I mean, if it has plugs in it, the only part of the body that I know that gets plugs in it is the ears. And so it could be the ears of the podcast. Wow, that's fascinating. Fascinating way to approach this. It's also another place where you put messages for listeners.

Well, I would argue that plugs, I mean, even though you have, um, you have chosen to, uh, to, to, to focus on the word plug here. I would argue that the function of a plug in a podcast is fundamentally different to the function of a plug in a sync or other outlet. I don't think the plugs, maybe they are, maybe they are, maybe that, because everyone switches off for the plugs, maybe they are to stop your ears from, you know, from the sound, the sound from continuing to get to your ears. Maybe that you're right. Maybe they plug up the podcast

so that you're unable to get through it. I could never get through the plugs, Alastair. I apologize, you're completelyair. Exactly. I apologize. You're completely right. You're completely correct. It's essentially, it's where we beaver damn up the rest of the podcast with recommendations for other things that they could go do, but they don't want to go do other things. That's why they're at this podcast doing this.

In fact, and that's, and they've already done it. They've proven what they came here to do Yeah, their work is done. We're giving them more assignments Exactly. Isn't it enough that they've listened to this? And I would say yes. Yeah as an experiment or as maybe a marathon or an endurance Sort of thing you could a marathon or an endurance sort of thing, you could do a pod, be a listener, you're an endurance listener. You listen to a podcast and then everything that is plugged in that podcast, you listen

to or consume everything in that. And then everything that those things can shoot at plug, you listen to everything in that. And I wonder how long it would take for you to consume all of human knowledge and output. Yeah, and whether or not you would, there was some product, like some podcast you would listen to that would be a dead end and allow you to just stop that trail, you know?

Where there's nothing promoted. Indeed, wouldn't that be great? I mean, I don't know if you also have to buy everything that's advertised in the ads. Well, I think so. If you're a podcast maximalist, you would, and you're a true pure fan. Yeah. Um, you're obviously buying everything.

Cause you know that that's the weird thing about advertising on a podcast. It's that you're like, oh oh you like the thing that I make? Well, here's a little punishment. You'll take this punishment. You'll have to live into some some kind of thing. Well, it's kind of, you know, it's a sort of a off the books cost of living, you know, like it ideally like you like living well, there's a cost, you know, and you like you like Consuming Podcasts

You're not gonna get away with that for free. You're gonna have to be Exposed to the brutal realities of Capitalistic whatever. What have you. Yeah, cause they'll say, oh, you were giving this away for free, I bet you liked that. You liked that we were giving this away for free.

And then suddenly we're like, well, guess what? That doesn't last long, baby. Andy, this is what I've been thinking about with the, okay, you know how I said that there's a topic that we're not allowed to speak of? Yeah. Okay, I wanna speak about that. Okay.

Do we have another code word for like we use instead of the... Do we call it something else? Oh, the podcast. We just talk about it. We can talk about it. Can we? Just talk about it. Okay.

No, but this is what I've been thinking about the AI thing, right? And I don't know if there's a sketch in this, but here's the thing, right? So right now they're giving it away for free, basically. Right, you can pay for a bit of extra. But companies are now integrating it, right, into their, you know, into the companies, trying to replace people with it. Yeah. Right?

And what's the problem with people, right? They cost money and then they unionize and then they cost even more, right? So you replace it with this robot that will cost almost nothing and you're like, great, what a great thing, right? But of course, this thing is not going to be free forever. It's free for a short period of time while they try to trick people into integrating them into their company.

Yeah. While they get it handed to the savings or whatever and while all the people are fired and the society collapses, we all eat each other and then there aren't many employees that you can hire back. Exactly. So you're trapped. You're going to have to. So now you've got a bunch of AI employees or you're replacing a lot of your things with AI and then suddenly the price goes up and you're like, oh yeah. And then suddenly it keeps going up

because most of your employees belong to a corporation that is way bigger and more powerful than you. Yeah. Right? And so they don't care about you, they will take you to breaking point, right? And then, and then suddenly you're like, oh, well, you know what? I don't need this.

I will go back to human employees. Like that. And then you're like, OK, I'll get rid of that. And then suddenly this corporation knows how to do what your company does. Yeah, right. And so then they're like, oh, it's OK. We'll just replace your company

through our Using our AI because we know how to use run your company through our AI and we'll just replace your company That does that feel like a like a sketch? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know like it's it's the classic tale, you know mad scientist Becomes enraged at their feeble human body. Right? Yep. Cuts off limb by limb, replacing it with robotics.

Okay? Yeah. So the only thing that remains is the head. But then the robotics don't see the point in having the head anymore. Um, and I guess they, um, they smash it off with a hammer or, or just run really fast under a low branch and the head goes flying off, lands in the grass. Um, and, uh, and looks at them sadly at their robotic body. As it puts on a robot head, as it, as it fades away into non-existence. Yes, exactly.

Um, and starts kicking the head around as a football, I suppose. We've seen this story play out. We've played. Have you actually seen that story, Andy? No, never. Yeah, but that's a good, that's a good story. Actually, you know what I have seen? I know what? I have seen that story play out. There was a children's program called Mr. Bump or something like that.

Did you ever watch this? It was like a stop motion animation with this sort of little monster who lived on the floor under a bed. Right? Wait, what was it called again? Mr. Bump, I think. Oh, I don't think I know Mr. Bump. Yeah, well it's not Mr. Bump, the Mr. Men books.

He was like a little green dude. There was a song about something that goes bump in the night. And he lived under the bed and there were all these dolls and toys and stuff that he lived with and they got up to Scrapes and Ventures. And literally there was an episode where, and just remembering this now, one of the dolls started, lost an arm or something and then started replacing it, her body parts with other things and became this sort of big robot doll thing. And then eventually that robot doll ripped off its own head and replaced it with a, um, you know, the staple, staple remover things that of course, yeah.

The, the most, um, terrifying looking, but least useful of all the items of stationary. Of course. Oh yeah. But it's the one that you would most want to have by your side in a sort of stationary fight Yes, yes, if it was you versus A paper man a man held together with staples. Yeah Absolutely, I mean I think that would yeah, it's either that or just like, you know, throw a big photocopier

at him. Mm. Mm. Unless the man uses the photocopier to sort of duplicate himself. Yeah. Well, that's what would happen is it would land on him and then he would sort of be under the thing and then suddenly you think he's defeated and then you'd see this flash of light.

Mm. As he sucked into the auto feed input of the photocopier machine. I mean, what would a two-dimensional supervillain be like? You know, if they were just a planar, maybe they live in a different set of dimensions to us, right? They only live in two of our three dimensions and then they also live in another dimension So when they came into our division, they only came into two of them All right, like up and down or left it, you know, yeah, you know up and down left and right

They came into that one, but they didn't come into better back and forth to pitch I think they could only attack you from their sides in the like or if you're above them or whatever like like their eyes they'd have to have eyes a bit like a hammerhead shark one on each side of the head. Okay. It is if they're like humanoid and and then they could only like attack you in those angles because they could only move within that sort of those two planes The one plane essentially. Yeah

Yeah, I mean I think they might still have mass which would be interesting like So you're basically punched by this flat object And you don't know how big they are in that final dimension in their, um, in their universe. So they could be really fucking massive. They might not look all that big, even when you see them front on in this world, but, um, but then they punch you and there's a huge amount of momentum and weight behind it. There's a possibility that they would just roll up.

Yeah. You know what I mean? weight behind it. There's a possibility that they would just roll up. Yeah. You know what I mean? They appear into our 3D world and then they would roll up and they might need somebody in this world to origami them up so that they can like fold them a bit. Yeah. A bit of like a bit of structural integrity in this in this universe. Oh, this could be the origin of my origami army. Maybe. I mean, that is a really good, this could be the origin of my origami army.

When have you ever talked about an origami army? Never talked about it,istair but I think about it constantly just because I love the sound of the words in my mind origami army. Yeah origami army. And it's not gonna work it's not gonna work in the in sort of the western part of the western world. Ah, the true west. Yeah, the origami army. Um, you say it in your natural accent, your real accent. Yeah, origami army. That sounds fine to me.

The origami army. Okay, great. That sounds perfect. But if you changed it to origarmy army, that would work even better. Alastair, are you speaking French a lot of the time at the moment? In your daily, day to day when you're out at the supermarket, et cetera? Are you parlay francés? Yeah. Not as much as I'd like to. It's actually surprisingly easy to get by without it, but I am speaking a lot more than I was. Now, tell me if, is this, this might be very offensive for me to say what I'm about to say, but the French

speaking peoples of Canada, are they really speaking French? Or are they just sort of... And I know they are speaking the words in French. But are they really... Are they hearts in it? Or are they just... On some level, do they all know that they're just pretending? Like...

I did meet somebody in, in Australia who she thought, and she was a French teacher who, and for many, many years in, in Australia at a high school. Yes. And I think she thought of herself as being very good at French, right? And I did not see that. Right. But she said, she said that she came to Quebec with her year 11s and she was like, it was amazing.

It was like, my year 11s could speak better than I can speak French here. Like as if she couldn't see that it's like a dialect. She could just see it as they don't know what they're doing. All these people who are speaking fluently. It's amazing that they're all getting it wrong. I couldn't think of a more stupid position to take. It does seem like one that is designed to enrage you, Alastair. Who mean? designed to enrage you, Alastair, with both a sort of a gatekeeping approach to something

that have no right to gatekeep. I guess a personal attack on your heritage, which you don't care about that much, but it can't help. And also she's a teacher, so she's a voice of authority, which you hate naturally. You despise. Yeah. I mean, I don't mind somebody being a teacher. I think being wrong and confident is my, is one of my worst things. And so, is my worst combo. And so, but yeah, Andy, the French speaking people came here in the 1600s. And so the people here started speaking that French.

And then both the French in Quebec and the French in France evolved in slightly different directions after that. And so I think they're both considered French. That wasn't what I was saying. So my contention was more that like, it feels that as a, you know, I would say, Canada, would you say it's a majority English speaking country? And, yeah.

And it feels like, and you know, and they have laws and regulations, et cetera, to maintain the French speaking nature of their French speaking places and people. And it feels like almost like it's on a kind of life support. It's an artificially created situation where like if they didn't have those, and this isn't a judgment on the validity or whether or not they should or shouldn't be done, but if they didn't have those things in place, people

wouldn't speak French, right? I don't know if that's the case. I think that it's there to preserve and keep it being given the best possible chance. I guess it's like to thrive and not be suppressed. Because you know like any sort of minority or whatever it does just fall prey to I'm just hiring who I know. And then the people who are in the top positions just tend to know people who are like them. And then it gives less opportunity to the people in the sort of the more suppressed sort of thing to get their thing out.

I think. Alastair, you have beautifully exposed the insufficiency and the ignorance of my, not even my argument, just my question. And you're absolutely right. I'm like, why don't all minorities just cease to exist? But I mean, it's like, don't all minorities know? If you go to parts of Quebec, there's a lot of people who don't speak English. Right. At all. Yeah, that's cool. So if you go to Quebec City, a lot less people speak English.

Montreal is sort of, it's very easy to get by without French. But there's also parts of Montreal where, you know, I will encounter people all the time who, even in a shop or whatever, you're like, try speaking English and they're like, uh, you know, somebody who might have come here from France or somebody, you know, things like that, like where you encounter people that just, and also some people who refuse, they just, they're like, I'm not going to adapt. Yeah. And which is also okay. Yeah.

I mean, do you think, um, would it be fun to, to, and do you think this is possible? You have a, a, a person from Canada. Um, they have an Australian citizenship for some reason, right? So we don't have to sort that out. Maybe they're a bit like you, Alastair. If you'd come over to Australia, never learned English, right? And do you think that you could, I'd like a situation in which you become, you get elected into parliament. You have a translator or whatever for whatever you need. And then you somehow rise up,

you only speak French, and then you become Prime Minister of the country. We have this French speaking Prime Minister doesn't understand English, right? I thought that's very cool. It's almost like a populist who tells everybody exactly what they wanna hear, but he does it through Google Translate, through talking into the

phone and then the phone repeating it. And they're like, I don't know what it is, man. Normally I wouldn't have loved a French guy. I would have thought I needed a guy who spoke only English. But this guy's just saying the right thing. Maybe it's just because I never understood what the French people were saying. I didn't realize they were telling me exactly what I wanted to hear. Yeah. Well, you also, you'd also be like, I like that he doesn't talk like all the other politicians.

I'm sick of, I'm sick of their same old politician crap. You know, you can't understand a word they're saying. Where's this guy? And then you find out though that his translator is the one who's been, um, making, just making up everything he's saying. He's been representing him. The lady who translates Coco the gorilla's stuff. Yeah, exactly.

She adds a little bit of stuff to make it make a bit more sense. Yeah, but the truth is we know that French people can't really communicate. You know what actually it's like, there's this weird thing that I feel about particularly people from France is that I actually think that they're, they're too articulate. I, they're actually really good at expressing something like an experience in a way that's like, I was like, ah, I almost feel like we shouldn't even go that deep into the experience. This is an interesting, okay, they're too good at describing the experience.

You want them to just experience it, but you're saying that they're too good at, like that maybe they're analyzing it or they're intellectualizing it by their ability to express it in words. Yeah, I think, yeah, I mean, I guess me trying to say like, hey, don't, you know, don't analyze it so much. That's probably just me feeling inadequate because they're just so good at expressing what they're experiencing. And it makes me feel like I'm not even, I'm basically not experiencing things because I've seen the depths at which it seems they're capable of communicating what they're capable of experiencing.

Yeah. Ironically Alistair, that experience that was, that was just beautifully described what you did there. You really tapped into your subjective experience. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah, it was coming across. But there is something about that, like, that, are you even really in the moment? You know?

Can you be a little bit more like animal brain and just like. Fight or flight. Yeah. Well, it's like, you know, when, when, like when people take photos and you know, people are like, Oh, just experience it. Stop taking photos like that. Then, but then you're like, and then you actually get to like, look back at photos from an experience and like, I don't remember that.

And you're like, it's that's as good as me having not experienced it. Or you don't take photos and then you just forget it completely and you don't have anything to look back on and it's just gone. And you're like, thanks people who told me not to take photos. Oh, is that what you're saying as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that essentially because you didn't take photos and then you forgot it But you looked at somebody else's photos who you were criticizing somebody else's photos Yeah, yes, and you're like, I don't remember when we did that

You were too busy. You don't remember you were telling you were telling me to stop taking photos and experience it I was so busy telling you stop taking photos and experience it. I also didn't experience it. But also, and I also blame that on you taking photos, but also, but thank you for taking a photo to remind me of that moment. Also not taking photos is, is criticizing people for taking photos is actually something I do to heighten the experience that I'm having. It makes it more intense for me. It's not enough for me anymore

to just be looking at the waterfall. I can't get the same thrill from looking at a waterfall without also being able to criticize some other people for not experiencing it enough. I bet this feels like a big... I genuinely think some people, that's actually some people's personality. Yeah. You know, those people who are like on a tram or whatever

and they're just looking around at people on their phones and then they're shaking their head and that's the end. You go, is that better? Is that a better way of experiencing the wall? There should be a drug that gives you that feeling. That feeling of you're the only one not looking at your phone. And imagine how good it would feel taking that whilst you're looking at your phone. Oh my gosh.

It's a good feeling. A lot of people, a lot of people would be doing this. Kids are actually, um, uh, speed balling the two, the two sources of endorphins. Finally, oh, what about this? A phone that is transparent, right? So you can hold it up in front of your face, look at it, but also look through it and see all the other people

on their non-transparent phones. So you get to look at your phone and also judge people. It'd be like looking at something in your mind because it's a little bit clear and you can still see the world. And then you could have a thought about that whilst you're looking at your phone, whilst you're looking at people who are looking at their non-clear phones. Yes. You really are experiencing a higher more enriched version of reality. You could finally look at three things at

once. The elusive three things looking experience. The two partially transparent and one fully real that I don't really want to look at. That's so exciting to me. Alicey. That would be cool because then you could also you know have like a like one of those drone cameras and you could you could be looking at it. Having an out of body experience as well. Yeah looking at yourself looking at your phone whilst you're looking through your phone looking at someone else looking at your phone whilst you're looking through your phone, looking at someone else looking at their phone whilst also remembering what it was like to not be looking at your phone.

Mmm. Ah. You're doing all three, Andy. Magnificent. Magnificent. What can we add in? Oh, and you're also taking a very satisfying piss. Oh, yes.

And, and, oh, is there a way to take a piss through a drone? Isn't it amazing that we still talk about there being five senses when you think about it for even a second there's so many more like like whatever that sense is of like I'm taking a piss right now and it feels good. Right. That's the sense. That's the sense. Yeah, that is a sense.

It's even, even really it's not quite as rich way to experience the universe as maybe sight or sound. I mean, there are moments where, where that feeling is the richest feeling you will feel. Hmm. Hmm. Oh yeah. You know?

Oh yeah. It know? Oh yeah. It's like we're looking at a sunset. Like if they did make a drug that, that was the feeling of like getting rid of a piss that you've been holding onto for a long time, it'd probably out, you know, outsell, uh, you know, heroin. I think, um, it's only a matter of time before we do get that access to that drug. In fact, we get access to every human experience. You know, like we're able to have every human experience in drug form.

We're finally a piss in pill four. form or only a piss in pill form. Why do I still have to piss? Can't I just get a pill? Just take a pill. And what would it do? Would it just, it would just essentially, are you just swallowing a sponge? Like it has a sponge in it. That, and then, but then there's also chemicals throughout the sponge, but

then it also absorbs your piss. Yeah. I mean, what would be great would be if the, yeah, if it could, if it was a pill that could somehow, and I know this isn't going to sound like it makes sense, but if it could somehow dissolve water. So you take a pill. What about this, Andy? It's like, it's like the eggs of some

piss-drinking worm. By the way, the eggs of some piss-drinking worms, beautiful way to describe the political class in a country of your choice. That's right. And what a beautiful title for this episode. But no one listens. And then they crawl, they crawl from your bladder, uh, you know, and then they find their way back to your colon or whatever, and then we can poop them out. That's their, that's their life cycle. Yeah. And then, but then you also, also but also amongst those there's also a chemical that makes you feel like they're taking a piss They release that they release that they excrete it from their bodies

It's in pill form It's so good, I'm shitting big small worms than I used to. But my doctor says that I don't need to have these ones removed because that's the whole point. Well, you know, it's like, um, you don't actually need to piss, right? A lot of it's like, it's like, um, the, with the, the, um, contraceptive, contraceptive pill, right? For a long time, people thought women just needed to have a period almost as like, you know, cause, uh, so they would still include that in the pill cycle, but apparently, you know, and I'm not a doctor, but you don't need to do that, right?

You could just never have your period and it's fine. It's the same with piss. That means initially that'd be like, Oh, you still got to piss at some point, but actually you won't ever have to piss again. That's cool. I mean, like they should have just looked at two guys. Guys never have a period and they're fine. Fine. We're great.

Yeah. That's probably better. A lot of the time. Yeah. Yep. Particularly at that time. Hmm. Um, is that good, Andy?

Is that good? You, you, I felt like, I felt like you were like, I don't even want to dip my toes. No, no, no, no, no. I just, my brain went to some other interesting places. Um, I mean, um, that the, yeah, thinking that the menstrual pad is really a big bandaid, isn't it? Like it's a, you know, should the bandaid people, should the elastoplast

corporation, should they just release a really big one that you can, you know, that you should actually release like maxi band aids for when you're really, you've got a really, a real flesh wound, a real, yeah. Like you got a cut with a real fly. Yeah. They should release a band aid. But also like, I think the pad kind of has a bit more, you know, less band, more aid, you know what I mean?

Oh, for sure. Because like the band aid is really such a tiny little square, a little rectangle, you know, and it's mostly sticker. Yes that's true. But anyway, Andy, I think that we've got at least five ideas. Do you think we should go to three words from a listener? Of all of them, yes I'd love that, Alastair. I'm proud of so many.

So today's listener, Andy, is Casey Pearson. Casey Pearson, Casey Pearson. And when I looked at these words, they're from a little while ago, they're from 2023, August 2023. Within living memory. Yeah. And when I read the words, they seemed familiar, but I don't... I looked on the website that Will Runt has set up with all the words and stuff like that, and I couldn't

find them on there, so I'm assuming they've not been used. So... I mean, really, that is the system, isn't it? Will Runt has built a system that we can use finally. That should fix my system. And once again, if you just don't do anything for long enough, someone else will take pity on you and fix it for you. That's what we've learned.

Exactly. Somebody will do a lot of work independently. Yeah, that shouldn't need to be done. Yeah Oh, wait, I know here look I can just do this one only. Oh wait Now I can see all the words that Casey Pearson has sent in and let me see. Oh Doesn't look like we've done them That yeah, I mean, this is very real front. Will front. Do you see the least recent thing we've put in where there's like, you can, you can, the three words use the what three words, uh, well, geography website, you can

map where the words are in the world. Yeah, a lot of your words land in Australia. Isn't that interesting? Did you see that? A lot of your words cover Australia, your guesses. Now Andy, while we're doing stats, I guess since I'm on the website, you've got a 13.33 success rate of guessing some of Casey Pearson's words. You've had two correct guesses out of 15 total guesses. Oh, this and bringing the stats into the podcast is really an exciting development. It feels like we're-

I mean, that's what a lot of people love about sports. When facing Casey Pearson, he has a 13.66 success rate. Yeah, great. Great. And it is a matchup. I never thought about it before as a matchup between- You are in competition with the listeners. Yeah. It's a battle. It's a head-to-head, one-to-one. I mean, there's been psychological tricks added to it. You know, there's been all sorts of stuff. Andy, this is a sport. People think that guessing is in a sport, but that's actually a big part of my, my new game show, guess. Guess theater.

All right. Here we go. Do you want to get the first word. Okay, alright. First word, brown. Oh, I thought you were going to get it. No, the first word is right. W-R-I-T-E.

I feel like I was close. Right? Well, okay, I'm going to say that the second word is right. R-I-G-H-T. No, Andy, the second word is right R I G H T. No, Andy, the second word is not R I G H T. The second word is play. Right play P L A Y. Right play. There's something in your tone of voice that makes me think. Well, there is something that has happened, Andy.

Is that the third word is right. R-I-G-H-T. The third word, Andy, is right. R-I-G-H-T. Are you sure we haven't done these words before? There is something that's like... According to the stats... Oh! No! Wait!

There is... Oh wait. No, we have done these. Oh, Javits! Take some of them! Oh my god. It makes it slightly less oppressive. Unfortunately.

Oh yeah, we did them. We did do these. I'm sorry. I guess I didn't know how to read the document properly. I'm so sorry, Will Run. I've just seen them now. And I wonder, had you guessed, no, and you hadn't guessed any of those, right? I don't think the first time. You would guess logger phone, sum, and glove. Okay. Yeah, it sounds like I was just guessing. Yeah, I'm really messing up the stats now too. But I mean, technically I think you got this in some way, but all right, look, this is a failure on me.

Even with the backup system, Andy. Yeah. It's actually made it worse. I think. Yeah. Anyway, well, I think we still have to do it. Right. Oh, with those words.

Okay. You don't think so? Or should I, should I just get some new words? Let's go. Um, yeah. Right. Play. How did I fuck this up?

Right. Okay. Right, right. Um, now we know that life is often, what's that thing about life being like a right handed form of life or DNA or something like that? Yeah. These are crazy. But this is to do with the way

that amino acids are constructed. They're supposed to be able to be built in sort of in two ways. They can be built one way right-handed or they can be built in a sort of a mirror image, left-handed, both are chemically viable and both in theory you could construct life out of, but you can't mix the two basically

because of the way DNA and the enzymes and everything works. If you passed a DNA mechanic, a left-handed amino acid, he'd say, I don't know what to do with this. You know? Yeah. I'll answer a rockhead would be there. And people want to try to, some people want to recreate, like try to actually prove this by creating left handed amino acids in life. But then they're like, but if it gets out, then it could potentially, we don't

know, but it could potentially destroy all life on earth or whatever. Uh, very possibly. Yep. I mean, I don't know why it would, but like, you know, something completely, I guess anything you introduce that's completely new has the potential to destroy all life on earth. Cause we just don't have any defenses to it or whatever. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Right. Um, okay. So how can we find of the, would we, would we elect an entirely left-handed amino acid prime minister? Do you think that that's what, no, but do you think that that's what would have happened when, is that why initially people were so- Suspicious of left-handed.

Suppressing left-handed people? Mm-hmm. Maybe once upon a time there was left-handed life on earth and we- Bullied. left-handed life on Earth and we went to such lengths to eradicate it all. And there's something in our genetic memory that's like anything that seems even a little bit lefty, you've got to get rid of it. You've got to get rid of it because it's a slippery slope. You know, you let them be left handed soon, they're doing everything

left. Andy, I know that this is a silly thing, but you know how like there's the French kiss and that's where you take lip kissing and then you add tongue and that kind of is a... I think that you could like progress kissing a little bit further by taking something deeper in the mouth and making those two thing touch And Like a you feel Spanish you maybe the Portuguese kiss. Yeah, like a Portuguese kiss, which is where the two uvulas touch What a beautiful expression of the right playwright three word

I'm writing down Portuguese kiss. Yeah, yeah, I mean like of all the parts of the human body where yet to fetishize and Yeah. Attempt to, you know, enhance, you know, with surgery to body shame people for the uvula is one that we haven't explored the potential of, mostly because it's usually hidden within the mouth. Very far back. But what about if our... Culture changes and closed mouth is no longer the default.

Open mouth is now default. Right? And then the uvula is in play, very much in play. And I imagine the plastic surgeons have been itching to get their fingers on that thing. You know? As, like any industry, you look for opportunities for growth. Okay? That's right. And also, studies have been showing that we've been eating softer and softer foods and our

jaws have been getting less and less strong. Maybe our bottom jaw will just hang open. Well at some point it feels like the whole jaw part, the whole teeth and thing is not necessary as much. And we can probably have flat faces like a pug or whatever, and we will be much more uvula forward. And they will be closer and maybe we can dangle them out and stick them out through our lips, which will be sort of deeply under our nose.

We'll develop, I guess. Our nose will become a bit more muzzle like. Yes. And if the uvula, even with a small amount of surgical enhancement, which I'm still not going to let go of this idea, a few implants, a bit of collagen, if it can be made a little bit longer, then finally those two uvulae are going to be able to wrap around each other to create the elusive Portuguese kiss. Oh, the Portuguese kiss. It has been of prophecy.

Since 5.08pm on the 2nd of August 2025, it was prophesized. Prophesized. Portugal's reign of doing not much for the last few hundred years is over. They will finally invent a new case. Really is amazing how those, you know, there was a period there where like everyone was like, I'm going to have a kingdom. We could be a world dominating power. And then a lot of them were like, yeah, not for us.

Yeah, no. We're just gonna, we're just gonna sit back. I reckon just having guns was the main driving force or whatever. Just like having a little bit of extra weaponry superiority. We really went to people's heads and they went, well, if we don't do it, someone else will. So we better go do it before someone else does. It's almost like we'll be the only people that don't have a kingdom. Right?

Yeah. It's always like having a gun is a bad idea. Causes like doesn't actually increase, uh, peacefulness. You know? Yeah. Almost having any power is a problem. Mm-hmm. I agree. Yeah.

Andy, did I, um, Well, look, Alistair, if we, if the, if we've already done the words before, then any idea that comes off the back of this is valid, I think. And in fact, I think if it's a idea like the Portuguese kiss that has nothing to do with the words, all the better in this circumstance, you know, because, uh, those words are for me, they're tainted and maybe we already run them of their potential. I suspect whatever the idea was that we came up with last time was so good

that there's nothing left, you know. I need to apologize to all the listenership for that. I think Will Runt is the one you need to apologize to. Will Runt, I want to say I'm sorry I misused your weaponry, I mean your data to justify my evil deeds. Yes, thank you. Making a mistake and I do consider making a mistake to be evil. Evil. It is evil. It's the devil's work. The devil's... Ah, you're wrong. The devil's correct. Or Satan would say, you're correct. Um, Andy, I'm going to take us through the sketch ideas. Um, music that's meant to be enjoyed anally. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. The podcast maximalist who listens to everything that gets plugged and buys every product.

We've got inventor who replaces body with robot until it's just a head and then the robot removes the head as well. But you know, some variation of that or the AI version with the company. We got the 2D world man gets origami to have structural integrity. And then in brackets origami army. And then we've got the French populous Australian PM. Yes. Got the drunk that gives you the high of being the only person that's not on your phone. We've got a piss and pill form.

You know what's thinking about the piss and pill form? Not only sometimes the worms don't just make it to the colon and they just start coming out your other holes. They just try to find a way out. I see the problem. Your piss worms have become disoriented. This is it. And they're coming out of your ears and eyes. Oh, sorry.

Sorry. That's just my piss worms. Yeah. See, so I don't that's just my piss worms. Yeah. See, so I don't have to have a piss. I mean, the thing would be, how do you wash down the piss pill? When you're taking your piss worm pill? Do you, um, do you have to drink a big glass of water to wash it down? And then, does that?

Yeah, that's true. I mean, it's good. It probably would. It gives the piss worms something to get to work on. Exactly, because you don't want to just have a bunch of hungry pissworms and thought yeah If they can't find piss mate they go for other stuff like organs and things You gotta be making piss You gotta get your eight cups a day, you know before that was just a recommendation

Yeah, my doctor's now. This is this is. Yeah, you know, before that was just a recommendation. Yeah. My doctors, this is, this is, you got a bunch of carnivorous piss worms. They are angry. They're, they're, they're proper Latin and worm is, is, is like organ worms. They'll just, they'll just have piss when it's available. Yeah. You don't put that in your body. They drink piss when it's available. Yeah. You don't put that in your body. I drink the low hanging piss first.

Obviously. Yeah. And then we've got the Portuguese kiss, the uvula kiss. It's exciting. Well, that's it, Andy. We did it. We absolutely did it. There's no doubt about that.

Thank you everybody. We'll finish the episode and we can all go and look at our phones. Hello, I've had goodbye, thank you. Jesus Christ. Weep-boom, weep-boom, weep-boom, weep-boom, weep-boom, weep-boom, weep-boom. Hello, I've read goodbye. Thank you. Jesus Christ. Thank you everybody. It's so lovely having you listen to the episode. Just so people know to stop listening, Alistair, do you have anything to plug?

I don't currently have anything to plug. Soon, one day, I'll make sure that I do. But today is not that day. Okay. Well, um, I don't either. So all I have to say is, we love you. Love you. Bye. Bye.