Two In The Think Tank - 490 - "BAKERS' DESPAIR"

Episode Date: August 24, 2025

Please do head to our Pozible to buy Live Show tickets, A Listener hats, and support the 500th ep. Thank you. It means the world. You all the way down, Breath Diet, B.U.N, Bakers' Despair, Shadow Scam, Sissy for Us, Cowboy Hat Growth, MILB, MILFH, HatfishingCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Beansk. Hello, Andy. Yes, I'm going to promote something, which is I am selling some hats and some tickets to our very first live show. Oh my God, really? Yes, Andy, on October 11th, 2025 at what is formerly known as Stupid Old Studios, now known as Humdinger Studios, at Midday, you and I are going to be doing a live show. And there's a link in the show notes for a Possible where you can buy tickets and or you can buy tickets and a hat. It's an A listener hat with a little two in the think tank on the back, which you can cover up if you hate two in the think tank. But do love being a listener or support A listeners. Maybe it's a hat, it's a hat promoting all the A listeners that have sent in three words and you want to support them, but you hate the. podcast. Anyway, so you can buy that on the Possible, and it helps fund my trip to Australia,

which I have paid more than my family who have gone there, my three family members. Somehow, I've bought a ticket that cost more than the tickets that they got for all three of them. Anyway, I don't know why I'm telling you this. Andy, you may now say something, because I am now digging a hole. So we just start the podcast I think we should start the podcast All right I am

I am Andy I am Andy What are you And I am Alistair That's what I am That's what I am That's what I am That's what I am

That's what I'm made of. If you cut me, it's Alistair all the way through. It's all the way through, mate. You won't find individual ingredients. It's just spongy Alistair. Oh, it's a great thing to, you go to the doctor because you're feeling sick, right? And they look at your body under a microscope, and they find that unlike all other people, right? You're just made up of heaps of tiny little people.

Each one of your cells is just like a tiny version of you, just cleaning. on to the other ones around it, right? Working together, like holding your body together with their arms. And then, I guess maybe the disease is that some of the cells, which are tiny use, have started procrastinating or somehow they got mobile phones. And then they're just spending all their time on their phone now and not actually doing anything. And it's causing your body, your organ failure, all these little bits of you to shut down.

And it's, I guess it's a lesson there about how maybe we shouldn't be made of tiny little versions of ourselves, you know? Oh, that's a really good, that's a really good moral, Andy. I tried to mention this the other, by the way, I really liked it. I just, I really liked what you were saying. And I started picturing at some point, they start looking in there, looking at all your little, your little Alisters. and then they go oh no you're starting to get some you're starting to get some

andies in there oh no and then they're like oh that's what's wrong that's why your knee hurts you've got some andies in there oh they're all having to go to the toilet really often

and then no no no Alastair I've got to step in here okay that's not my problem my problem is not having to go to the toilet really often my problem is having to go to the toilet a lot infrequently, okay?

Infl- A lot infrequently, as in like... Yes. It's a volume issue. Sometimes I have to go to the toilet a lot. It's not... Okay. I thought you meant...

I thought you meant I only go once a week but it's about 13 kilos worth. I have had times where it felt like that. Yeah. Times where you're like, this is just ridiculous. And I've also had times where I've been trying to lose weight for one reason or another, usually only one reason. And that is that I saw myself in a situation and I felt I had to do something about it.

Yeah. And then sometimes you weigh yourself, you know, when you're doing these things, these foolish. yeah yeah it's and then sometimes you're like you know what i've got a really big shit coming i'm gonna save up and weigh myself after that and feel really good about my progress yeah yeah and then it i mean it does it does feel very significant yeah i mean even just weighing yourself in the morning like you could just like weigh yourself at night and then weigh yourself in the morning and already you're like i'm making some pretty good progress Hmm, that's just, that's just science.

That's how, that is clever. But that is, that's how the pros do it. Both, I mean, you're breathing a lot of your weight out and, and if you see me breathed. You got that bit of the way I breathe. If you do it, rock. You see, what I do is I inhale a little bit, but then I exhale a lot. Oh, yes. It's a, it's a, it's a numbers game, baby.

That's just, that's just basic. Because white loss, white loss is just, amount in versus amount out and so if you just take little breaths in and then big breath out like that and then little breath in and then big breath out

try it try it try and get a little bit more out with each breath and whenever I see people who are struggling to die I say you don't have an eating problem. You've got a breathing problem. You just don't have a self-control to breathe out more.

You got to, you're jumping easily, don't want it enough. You want your lungs to be on the verge of collapse at every breath. Mm-hmm. That inward, it's got to be, it's basically you want implosion on every outward breath. And then... Closion on every outward breath, absolutely. And then on the way in, just enough to, just ease the pain, just enough breath to ease the, ease that lungle pain.

Just keep you this side of death. I've got terrible lungle pain right now. You've got a fungal in your lungle. I was trying to put fungal in there, Alistair, but you, I mean, the efficiency with which you did that. You've got a fungal in your lungle. I'm afraid there's been a bungle. There's a fungal in your lungle. That's when they accidentally emptied a container of mold spores into your chest cavity

while conducting a routine lung service. Yeah, and I'm going to have to prescribe you a little breath in, big breath out, to get all those fungal spores out. The spores, yes. And so, you know, that way it'll, essentially, I want you to breathe out chunks of lung and because all those spores, they, they, they, they, uh, they attach themselves to the lung lining. And you want to, you essentially want to hawk out your lungle lining, including those spores. You got to, you got to hawk that sock, baby.

Yeah. Hock the sock. Yes, baby? It was really before the podcast started, well, in that little ad bit at the start, I found it really galling. I found it really galling for a number of reasons. Number one, I feel like the voice that you've given me in these little pretend conversations, it's got more ridiculous. It's got more ridiculous and more contemptible, right? Number two, I, as the, as you fell further and further into holes of, like, circular rambling, I, I, I thought, I could, I could be doing this.

I could be doing, I could, I could, I could, this is as efficient as Al, makes it sound. Rambling. Yeah. It's because I'd forgotten, I'd forgotten about the, the, the, the efficiency. And I was just trying to get straight to the point. And then, once I'd gotten to the point, I started talking about. how my family got a really good deal on tickets. Well, people do want to know that.

And then I was waiting for a good deal, and then the deals kept getting worse. I mean, imagine if there was like a really good deal right at the end. I think that there is. Tickets that are on sale for like next week are still cheaper than the ones that I could get for auto. But you think you just can't take that chance? I just can't take it.

You're a coward. That's your problem. That's my problem, Andy. I'm a huge coward. Everything should have pricing like that. Yeah. Like, if you wait right up to the last second, then you can get a really good deal. If you're willing to risk it all, there's going to be some reward. I could either not go or go for pretty cheap. Pretty cheap.

Do you think that if you caught, if you were like wearing a lot of, one of those squirrel suits, you could hold on to the outside of one of those NASA rockets. Maybe for balance, you could get two guys in squirrel suits, the ones on the other side, just to balance out the rocket. Oh, you don't want to throw off the rocket. You don't want to throw off the rocket, night. Oh, there's the pilots, and they're throwing me off. I can't do that with you guys there.

Yeah, I can't focus. Yeah. And then if you got high enough, let's say you did just leave from like Montreal, maybe, let's say there was a new rocket takeoff zone. The Canada Space Program. Yeah, from the Canadian Space Program, which did contribute significantly to the International Space Station. We did that robotic arm and a few other bits. True.

Yeah. Well, my robotic arm salutes you. That's great. I mean, Australia does have its own space program now of some sort. But anyway, and so let's say it did go up high enough, and you were in one of those squirrel flying squirrel suits. Do you think that you'd be able to glide all the way to Australia? Oh, I was wondering if that was going to be where this ended.

I mean, I think it would be hard to glide around the curvature of the Earth. No, maybe not. I don't see why. That's still just falling. That's still just the same, you know, curved bit of space time. Maybe that's fine. I'm going to say yes. I'm going to say yes. You know, that would be great because a lot of those squirrel suit guys, they love a thing where they get close to the ground and then the ground drops away. And then they're like, and then they're back, you know, in the clear for a bit. and then they're going to get close to the ground again for a little bit of fun like that, right? And that's probably what would happen

is they would go up and then they'd get close to that curvature like that, but then it will drop away as it curves away from them and then they'll be back and they'll probably increase their altitude once again. Do you see what I'm saying? I have a video in which a guy in a squirrel suit swoops down and then just like

smashes into this mountainside. And, oh, you don't actually see him, or he's a long way away, and you, and then you hear the sound of it. And it's just a, it's just a big slap. It's like a, it's just like a, it's just like a full body slapping sound. Oh, is this like, is the suggestion that this person did not make it? I think that's the suggestion, yeah. This is like, I mean, it might not even be real. It might not even be real.

It might be someone might have just faked this somehow. I can't imagine. I can't imagine that people in squirrel suits ever have accidents. It seems like such a safe activity that... That must be fake. This is just the anti-squarelesuit lobby who hate how good the squirrel suit is... I mean, honestly, if it turned out it was perfectly safe,

I think that would be an issue. Because it does look like the most amazing thing a person can do. And I think if it turned out squirrel suiting was safe, we would all be doing it. The economy would collapse. And probably the government does have to put out

there some anti, this is like how the government would actually have to put out. You know, there's no such thing as disease. You know, there's no, it's all an illusion. No, but the government would actually have to put out. So you would, the only way that the government can stop us from squirrel suing

all the time is they say, well, we'll have sex with you if you stay on flat ground for a bit. Yeah. And you've got to put out. That you guys are going to have to put out. I'm just wondering if my computer is, my computer is doing an echo.

Motherfucker. Maybe. But like, as in, we might have to start again? Or it's just that the same... I reckon I can sort it out one way or another. Yeah, yeah.

My computer is doing an echo. Could it just be that the sound is coming out of your laptop speaker? It is, but even though I've turned off the speakers, it's still coming out of there. What about if you're, you know, the thing, but can you just turn off the sound coming from your Reaper or whatever you're using? How do I do that? How do I do that, Alistair? Is there a way? Well, I mean, there is on Windows, but I don't know.

I guess in the meantime, I could start talking to the listener. I could turn the volume down to minus infinity. Here I go. Minus 1,000. Yeah, I think that's done it. Alistair, that was really clever. Yeah, great. You diagnosed the problem from across the seas.

Yes, Andy. Our little world sandwich of a podcast that we have here. It's a good alternative. title for something. World Sandwich? Yeah, maybe for the news. Maybe for... Maybe for the new year.

Maybe for the New Year's World Sandwich Day. It's the year of the World Sandwich. Do you think that you can make a sandwich that represents all cultures? To bring... And it's so big that everybody can have a bite. Oh, isn't that nice? Like the International Space Station. The world a sandwich.

Oh, we all contribute. But the international earth sandwich. Is it a sandwich that goes all the way around the earth? Oh, I mean, could we... Could people, instead of hands around the world, they all hold sandwiches up against each other? Oh, yes. Not loaves. That would be more of a baker's thing.

Sandwich is sort of, you know, there's stuff in the bread. Now, I wonder, would it be possible if you were to build a sandwich that went all the way around the world? Would you need bread at all? Or would it all be ingredients? You see what I'm saying? That if you can get it to go all the way around the equator, say, and then meet up again at the other side, you can actually create a breadless sandwich. And obviously, we all know that bread is a source of a lot of sugars, carbohydrates.

And maybe this could be a solution to that problem. Mushy j one continuous only filling said i know but i'm just worried that so many of the people of the world would just be getting filling and probably a lot of those countries can't afford to have the more expensive filling ingredients traveling all the way across their country so you want to um you think they're pad it out basically with bread we need to yeah i look i don't need the sandwich to go all the way around the world personally. I just want a sandwich that represents all cultures and that everybody can have a bite of.

I like to think it's a sandwich that can travel across the world and everybody can see it. Maybe it's a sandwich that keeps having new stuff added to it on one end and then one end it gets eaten from, the other end it has fresh ingredients added to it. Oh, that's very good.

So that during its journey across the world it kind of stays fresh, but then also stays the same sandwich. But doesn't that also mean that the people in the country that it's in at that point will probably only be eating their own cuisine? Like if you're...

No, there'll be people, there'll be a delegation traveling with the sandwich. Yeah, okay. And they're all adding parts from their own country. And so they're having to bring refrigeration, refrigerated partisan ingredients from their own

country. Including some of their own bakers. But, okay, so these are sort of diplomatic bakers, the diplomatic baking corps from the

sandwich embassy that traveled... It'll be the U.B. The U.B. Now tell me about that. The United Bakers. I'd be really interested to know if any of the listeners

could tell what the fuck you were talking about when you said that. Yeah, I know. Because unfortunately, B and N, they're almost as different as it's possible for letters to be, I would have made. Or N. The U-Bund? Very, very different sounds.

Very different visually. Almost completely different philosophy of what a letter should be in my opinion. It's the B-U-N. Oh, fucking hell, Alistair. fuck me you absolute dog the baker's united nations you did it you did it or the baking united nations yeah and uh there is a benefit to me going on and on in this podcast it gives you time to think gives you time to reflect and it gives you time to work on

yourself and also on your acronyms yeah the b un is um as an accurate Transn Infamaniac. I've got to tell you, I'm feeling really, really very good right now. Oh, yeah, a rock hard. I got what I needed. That's all I'm going to say, okay? Do you ever think that the

bakery chain, Baker's Delight, implies the existence of a dark bakery chain called Baker's Despair? It does, actually, Andy. And what, so let's say, okay, so in Baker's Delight, you can get one of those, like,

you know, I guess the best one is that sort of, uh, the, the pizza bread thing that they do that has, it's like the Italian one that has the, uh, the sundried tomatoes and the, uh, fetter and stuff like that. The Mediterranean pizza. That's what it is. Mediterranean pizza. I, I used to go when I was at uni. I would go to the baker's delight near the uni and I would get one of those and I would get a

massive fucking custard scroll and I would get a bottle of coke 750 mil bottle of coke and I remember thinking 750 mil wait is that a is that a regular

Coke? That's a regular Coke bottle that's what we're selling to people that's what we're putting in our children's bodies 750 mil yeah that's like almost a yeah yeah that's like a wine bottle okay yeah yeah yeah um and

And that's what we're putting into our youth. And I had, I actually had the thought of like, I can't imagine that life could be better than this. Yeah. How, if I can get all of this for less than 10 bucks, which I could at the top, I was like, I could just do this every day. Yeah. There's no, there's no, there's no way there's any other food or anybody else's lifestyle that has better value than what I'm getting right now. and I think I'm still dealing with the tragedy of not being able to continue to do that, of no longer having the metabolism that allows me to live that lifestyle to this day.

So would you say that now you have the Baker's despair? I have Baker's despair. I mean, Andy, it seems like Baker's Delight has become the very, thing, the very thing that you imagined only moments ago. Like a shadow. You know, it contains its own shadow. Like a shadow. It has its own shadow.

I mean, that would be cool if a shadow could have its own shadow. Shadows are great. Shadows are great. Isn't it crazy that you can just like make a, like a moving, silhouette of yourself. Like, that feels like very high level kind of, you know, rendering graphics animation or whatever would be required to do that. But no, everybody can do it. Trees can do it.

Trees can do it. Bees can do it. Let's do it. Cookie Monster when he's singing his song about the letter C. can do it. Let's do it. Let's make a shadow. That's really good.

You know what they say, though? The shadow must go on. That was right. Go on as far as the light and the angle, you know. implies that it should Now there's the shadow That's the bit on the ground

Right But then there's the shade Right Is that the shade is all the bits Between the object And the ground And then the shadow O or Shadal

Is the bit that's Actually on the surface Would you say that's You know what I have never Considered that That the shade and the shadow were two different things.

The shadow is essentially the imprint of the absence of light as projected onto the floor or as not projected. And the shade is the area which you can enjoy in between the thing, walking the light and the shadow. I am in the shade. Oh. I guess you're right. Was this something that you've discussed? somebody before or heard about? No, Alastair, that

that was a thought that I had in this moment. Oh, my gosh. Andy. How many people know this? I bet you there's less than a hundred people in the world that are aware of this. In the world. I mean,

we are giving away so much value in this podcast. I don't think we can release this episode. I don't think so, Andy. We've got to find a way profit from this before we can release it. Maybe put some sort of, some shorts. I was thinking

about putting some shorts on like a stock, but then I was thinking, maybe I'll just put some shorts on. Put some shorts on like a stock. You know, like I put some shorts on a stock, you know, shorting a stock. Okay. But then I thought, I'll just put some shorts

on, but I don't know if I'll make that much money. Maybe people don't say putting shorts on... I reckon they do. I reckon they do. Well, they talk about shorting it. Put a short on. I reckon they're chucking that phrase around. Also, there wouldn't be that much ambiguity for them in the trading community

because I don't feel like they wear shorts the pants. That's right. So they know what they're talking about from context. Yeah, for them, shorting Apple. is never sort of going to the Apple thing. Apple headquarters wearing a pair of shorts. A pair of, yeah, shorts. Cut off jeans.

I was trying to think, yeah, I was trying to think. Cut off jeans is what I was looking for, Andy, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Borties. What have you said, Baudies? Borties is another good one. Pettledges. Oh, is that, are they shorts? I think, yeah, I think maybe they're also known as Capri.

pants in oh capri pants what about culots would you have how would you have felt about coulots oh are culots shorter

um maybe not let me have a look I always thought of culots as being like a shortish skirt yeah there's definitely shin exposed yeah

yeah there's definitely shin exposed with culots you are correct Okay, what are we doing here? We're going to sorting stuff. Oh, yeah, that's right. We're trying to find a way to monetize knowing that the area between the shadow and the object blocking the light is the shade. Well, you know, I think now that we've separated the two conceptually, right?

Yeah. What that means is that we can sort of sell them separately. and we can also trick people. Yeah, we could. I think they're getting a shadow, but actually they're just going to be, they're just getting the shadow. They're not getting the shade.

We'll have to pay extra for the shade. Exactly right. Exactly right. This is how we, this is how we do it, you know. And it's all about the inshittification. So now we're inshitifying our sun protection. You know, once upon a time You pay for the shadow

You get the shade for free Not any more Not any more, you Suckers Andy's Shadows Andy's Shadows is the Company And you've been putting up

Big umbrellas around town That people can stand under On their lights like to pay a dollar A dollar stand in the shade Like that But then as time goes on more people sign up, they're like, yeah, I'll pay $1 a month for to get to stand under this parasol or whatever like that.

And then slowly but surely, the parasols get lesser and lesser in terms of thread count and less sun coverage, but they still produce the same amount of shadow. How do they do that? That sounds impossible. Well, the shadow is essentially just it's where he's measuring it by area. A square inch, yes. Yeah, rather than by intensity of the darkness. Got it. Got it.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that's how I'll do it. Thank you. And I do think a future in which shade is a precious commodity is both intriguing and also not that unlikely, not that impossible. I think we don't think of it as a resource, shade, but you go to a... sports oval, you know, you try and sit on the sidelines of a child's soccer match. I've been trying for years, Andy, but just please let me sit there.

But you don't have a child in this match. Please just let me sit on the edge of this football field. I'm not even facing the game. I just want to be here on the boundary line. Yes, look, I'm doing a jigsaw. I can't be up to anything else. Look how many pieces there are. My attention is being consumed. And so then he starts doing it and then they keep yelling at him any time he turns his head back. Stop looking.

We agreed that you could be there as long as you're not looking. Do your jigsaw. God, can you imagine anything more stressful and sisyphian than trying to do a jigsaw on grass? It's one of the most one of the most conceptually upsetting situations you could put yourself in. I'm getting stressed, just thinking about it.

A jigsaw on grass? Yeah, I know. That does seem upsetting. But you know what I started thinking about? Somebody misinterpreting Sisyphus for him saying, I want you to be a sissy for us.

Oh. That's how they got him to do it. That's got the how they got him to sign up for pushing that rock up the hill. Of course, his name was Sisyphus, so, so, I don't know, what he thought he was for us would involve pushing a gigantic boulder. Do you think? That doesn't feel like that's a very sissy thing. No, he wanted to be, he wanted to be a sissy for us. Yeah.

But actually they got him to be a Sisyphus, which was himself. but pushing the rock up the hill. Do you see what I'm saying? He thought they were offering him a chance to be a sissy for them, which to him was something he was interested in. But actually, they were tricking him. Really, they were just getting him to be a Sisyphus, in fact, the first ever Sisyphus,

by cursing him to push a rock up hill. But they were from the future, and so they knew about, they already knew about Sisyphus, the idea, you know, because if they're asking for that, they've got to be aware of what a Sisyphus is. Yeah. And so they've come back in time and they're saying, I need you to be a Sisyphus, which is you

who hasn't done it yet. But, I mean, but the, you know, sometimes you're doing something that's going to be so iconic, right? You're like, you already know it's going to become a byword for that thing. you know like I reckon when they were making Sisyphus do

push that boulder up that hill they were thinking this is going to be such a good metaphor people are going to talk about this and this is this is going to become a byword for itself and for many other things besides

you know that they could they could tell straight away that was interesting These tongue travelers could tell They could tell They knew And they also knew

But they could also tell Yeah Maybe they're gods So I mean they're probably They're outside of time And so they You know They can experience stuff like that

Have you seen the The HBO version of that Alan Moore TV series The American gods No that's the other guy The one that has the big blue man. Ah, yes. Ah, yes. Watchmen. Who watches the watchman? No, I have not watched the watchman.

Yeah, because that blue guy can see through time. Because all versions of him basically exist. And so, I mean, and that's just, it's just an interesting thing for, to, it must be crazy to have to write for that. Yeah. To have to think like that. I guess they've just got to be like, like, Like, they've got to be somebody who doesn't just say everything that's on their mind and everything they know at all times. They got to be a, can't be a six-year-old then. Exactly.

But at some point, oh, I guess he would have been, but he wasn't blue at the time. Ah, yeah. But if he's outside of time, maybe he was, you know? Right, like kind of being that he's outside of time have a beginning? Well, this one did. I think he got caught in the near. Yeah. That's true.

Oh, this I definitely did. We saw it. It was in the book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like we talked about this, like, on the previous episode, right? That's something that's infinite can't have a beginning or something. Weren't you saying that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was trying to say this. Yeah. I assume that things that are infinite can't have a beginning. But maybe I'm wrong there. Maybe things are only demi-infident. I mean, you can just, I guess you can start looking at them at one place. you know and that's in a way a sort of a faux beginning but a beginner's beginning

a beginner's beginning what do you think? Alistair I reckon we should go to words for a listener do you? Yeah, all right I guess it's probably right I think this has been a really great

solid chunk of podcast I mean people We had some silly shit out there People are having such a good time with Sissy for us Oh they are still Chortling. Hey?

People were chortling. They were... In their shorlings. What's another website for comedy? Vulturing. Is it vulture to comedy? Hey? Vulture do comedy?

I feel like, yeah, that was one of the ones that you could often get comedy news on. But then they went behind a paywall and then I just stopped. But they had acquired a comedy website that I used to go to a lot. And then... What was that? I can't remember its name anymore, but But James McCann had written a review for that website and of some of the best podcasts in Australia.

This was a long time ago. And he had put us on there. It's crazy, man. Yeah, a long time ago. It was very nice. He's been on Rogan. And now he's been on Joe Rogan podcast. We've got, okay, three words from a listener, Andy,

and today's listener is Nick Saxby. Nick Saxby, oh, that's a great name, Nick Saxby. Absolutely. I would trust him with anything. Would you assume that if Nick Sixth, Saxby is from Australia, that he was probably from the Saxby clan that has created those soft drinks? I don't know that. You don't know...

I don't know the Saxby clan. Well, I'm just saying there is... There's Saxby drinks in Australia. Saxby's softens. No? I mean, they're a brand founded in Sydney in 1864 by George Saxby. Don't you know that? Saxby's.

I'm going to look out for them. But they might still be, you know, there might not be a Melbourne thing. I think that you can... get them in like Woolies. You know, you probably know that from the Saxby's ginger beer. Saxby's ginger beer.

It's essentially the other one. Let me look this up. Okay, the other one. It's the other one. It's the other one. You're thinking a Bundaburg. But that's a different family. It's not the Bundaburg family. I think that's the... What's the family? I think that's a river. Saxby?

No, Bundaberg. I've never seen this before. my life, Ellis said. No? What are you talking about? Anyway, I'm just saying, you know,

there's limited amounts of Saxpies in Australia and probably most of them are absolutely modelled up. I've been meddling with carbon dioxide and liquid for over 150 years. Well, I hope I didn't disgrace

his legacy and his bloodline by not knowing If this is, Nick is, as we speculate, the heir to the Saxby ginger beer of fortune. Yeah. I hope that he wasn't offended by my not knowing about good work. So do I, Andy. We have done putting carbon dioxide into liquid. We need every listener we can get at this stage.

Oh, yes. Yeah. So Nick. We got hats to sell. Hey, we've got hats to move, Andy. We got units to move. Mm-hmm. Okay.

So, Nick Saxby says, I have three words from a listener, that listener being myself. Nick Saxby, thank you for clarifying that. I'm keen to do a stress test of the three-word system. And I have suggestions that challenge the definition of words. I'm really not happy with this. Okay, are you ready, Andy? Yeah, okay. I've given you more information than you should have.

So you want to guess what the first word is? Yeah, the first word is Grr Andy A The first word is Well to do With dashes in between No hyphens

Ah right Okay Second word is Heretofore Here to four Let me have a look Heretofore No it's mother-in-law

Okay Well-to-do Mother-in-law all in one no not all in one I want you to know how wise it was to not go for that one don't lock that in

um buy the buy buy the buy by the buy let me have a look Andy and the survey says get together get together

well do mother-in-law Get Together. Two things come to my mind. You remember the spray and wipe ads that used to be on TV? Yes, I do. Use Ajax. Spray and wipe. And, you know, where they've got to clean the house really quickly and there's a song because the mother-in-law is coming over.

And at one point in the ad, her face is replaced with that of a bulldog. I mean, it was really, I really... You know, we were an ad guy. Was that you? Bring that back. Bring that move. Now that I have just started being an ad-dart guy in the last six months, because I'm like Dr. Manhattan. I am eternal. I'm outside of time. So I also wrote the spray and wipe ad from the early 90s, I'm going to say mid-90s. Let's say mid-90s. I don't think I was conscious in the early 90s. I was only six years old. Didn't have a thought. Dr. Manhatted. Go on.

I don't know. Is that what you say when you get exposed to radiation, become a blue man outside of time? I got Dr. Manhattan. I got Dr. Manhattan. No, I was just picturing he's a, he's just a doctor wearing a hat. But that's, you know, it's not, I don't know, maybe. I don't know.

Yeah. I mean, people are always exposed. to bizarre forms of natural or artificial radiation that give them superpowers, they're never exposed to forms of radiation that give them a hat. And you would think that... Maybe. I mean, a growth that comes out of your head that is brown but perfectly shaped like a cowboy hat. Wow. You know, and you look really cool from afar and then up close people are talking to you and you just sort of slowly see their face drop as they think they're talking to a super cool cowboy.

And they realize that it's a growth. What if it's... Yeah, I imagine it still has some subtle little veins in it and stuff. So if you've been looking for a while, you could sort of see one behind the sheriff's badge that is kind of pulsing a little bit. I think it's kind of like mole texture. Mm.

You know? Oh, yeah. Sure. That's a great texture for a hat. Yeah. You know what? Oh, I mean, he says it's mole skin. But...

Yeah. Mole skin pants. My moleskin pants. Oh, his legs are just covered in... Oh, just covered in moles. One big mole all over his legs. I was left in the sun as a baby. Stops at the waist.

Just my bottom half. While my mother was changing my nappy. she left me in the sun, half exposed. She got a phone call. I also don't have a penis or testicles or a butthole or a crack between my butt chicks, and I have pockets on my ass. That is why, I'm just trying to explain why they would look like pants. Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry.

I thought you were describing a mole-skin notebook. And Hemingway used to rot on my mom. Water bits. No, I'm talking about the pants, all-skinned pants. That's a thing, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Radiation growth. Growth. Mother-in-law. Mother-in-law. Okay. Get together. Well-to-do, mother-in-law. Well-to-do, mother-in-law.

Well-to-do. I mean, it just sounds like a nice time. It's a bunch of well-to-do mother-in-laws meet. What is somebody's, what is your mother-in-law's mother-in-law relation to you? Yeah, grandmother-in-law squared? Yeah, so like square, my square mother-in-law. So your mother-in-law's mother-in-double.

mother in double law. Mother. I mean, she must be getting pretty close to the edge of law there. But it's her mother, so she's at least grandmother-in-law. Was that on this podcast that we talked about my wife's boyfriend? Sorry, my boyfriend-in-law. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was not on this episode, but it was on this podcast.

Oh, good. Okay, great. That was a good time. I was reflecting on that yesterday. But, you know, it would be interesting to find that, you know, to try and, like I tried to separate the shade from the shadow, to separate the concept of mother-in-lawhood from having to be a mother, because at the moment you can't be a mother-in-law unless you're also a mother, right? You have to have had a child who gets married in order to become a mother-in-law. But what if somebody didn't want to be a mother? They just wanted to be a mother-in-law. You know, they just wanted to have that feeling of like being slightly awkward and combative with the one half of a married couple, you know, and you can just, maybe you can adopt, be a mother-in-law who adopts somebody as a mother-in-law. Oh, yeah, yeah.

you you like as in you and you adopt a son-in-law yes yeah can i just just quickly just because this mine is slightly the opposite where you it's it's for people who have a mother-in-law that is they're very close to and they call them a milf because they're my mother-in-law friend Yeah, great. But not a mill-ilth. Not a mother-in-law, I'd like to. No, no, no, no, not a mother, not a, yeah, not a mill-ilth. No, no, just my, not a mother-in-law.

In-law, friend. I mean, they could be a milfilfilf. Milfilf, mother-in-law, friend. Friend, I'd like to. But, or mother-in-law, I'd like to friend. Yeah, but that's, that would be more befriend, though. So then you'd really, you'd, really, you melilb, malilt, bobb. Milb.

Andy, I can, I can, I can feel like your, calling somebody a Milt, calling somebody a MILB. Is, uh, Dick is starting to go soft again. I think your brother. I'd like to befriend is a real phenomenon, you know, like sometimes in your new relationship, sometimes you meet their parents and you're like, oh, like your mum, I would like to be friends with your mum. Yeah. And that's a lovely thing. And it's, it's deserving of an acronym, you know, it's as deserving. It's a shame that we only bestow. Why does God give his most catchy acrony acronyms?

Acronyms. To his most wrongful acts, you know? Why can't it be just a beautiful act? You could say she's a real miltb, or miltby. Well, you don't put the tea in the milf, do you? So you don't need to put the tea in there. You can leave the tea out. It would just be a milb. Okay, yeah.

Oh, yeah, because they don't put it in a milb. Yeah, okay. Yeah, because that TB there at the end was really making me think that it's Alistair Tibre. um yeah yeah i mean mother i'd like to be friend hmm is that anything maybe not but i but look i i i know you um wanted to not talk about my idea but i oh sorry go back to it yeah yeah i apologize no no it wasn't that i didn't want to talk about it is that i

wanted to go away you didn't you made it very clear you made it very clear i say by the while i don't want to talk about this Talk about this right now. You know, the mother-in-law as a cultural phenomenon, it has, I mean, a father-in-law has no cultural footprint.

Nobody ever talks about fathers-in-law. Nobody gives a fuck about them. They've made no impact. But mother-in-law has such a, it looms large in the popular consciousness. And I think as such, you know, there would be people out there who, sort of identify as mother-in-laws, you know, who see that archetype and would like to be that,

you know, they want to be extremely judgmental. They want to be no fun. They want to be a Harrodin. They want to probably be sort of ugly and wrinkled, I think, is a, you know, common criticism or stereotype. They want to, they want to show up and judge other people's houses and, um, and, uh, you know, that kind of thing. And it's a shame that there would be people who are childless. Um, and don't get, don't actually want children, but don't, exactly right. Yes. That coldness, that kind of coldness in a relationship. That kind of thing that you can only get from a relationship that you're, you have no control over who's, you know, you're trapped in that relationship with somebody

and they know that you can't get out of it unless you just stop loving their daughter, right? And so they can be as mean as they want, they can use their power to hurt you. And why should people who are not in a relationship and in love with somebody miss out on that kind of

somebody using their power to stand over you? That's what, and so that's what, what we offer here at Mother-in-Law for hire. Yeah, great. It's called Milf for her.

Milf H. Here, call 1-800 Milf H to be judged by one of our mother-in-laws. They are waiting on the phones and they're impatient. We don't believe that all mother-in-laws are difficult or, you know, hard to be

around, but all the ones that We rent out R. Great. We did it. Mother-in-laws for hire. Yeah. Milf. I've got to,

you know, and then you'd be like, we've got to get this house cleaned. I've got a mother-in-law coming around in 10 minutes. You know, not my mother-in-law, but are you-mother-in-law? Yeah, but it's a good way of, you know,

motivating you to get your work done and things like that, rather than paying somebody to come over and clean your house. You pay somebody to come over soon. And judge you for not having cleaned it. Yeah, for not having clean. So then you do clean. Yeah, I think it's probably much more affordable. And, yeah, I think that's a good system.

Andy, you've done it. And I am so sorry that I initially really didn't want to hear that idea. Yeah, you were really rude about it. But, you know, I think that it really helped get that that millfell acronym in there because you know really that's what I was trying to sell you're right that was a really crucial part of it so I apologize

that's why sometimes I have to have an idea that we can throw away so that we can you know screw off one of the parts and and sort of jerry rigget to your idea is that is that a word It's so beautifully put.

Yeah, Jerry rig. I really like it. And then in, and then in, when you're sailing, you also talk about jewelry rigging. J-U-R-Y. That's your own rig. Twelve men that you attach to a boat. Pape to the hats on a row. Ah, yes.

They're just trying to hold on. They're squirrel suits. No, forget it. Well, they're judging the guilt of a man who's committed a crime on the boat. less, yes, yes, yes, yes, like a brother-in-law. Andy? All right, well, we've got, imagine a person who's made up of little ewes and, well, of them's, and diseases, or maybe they're procrastinating, or maybe they're studying to be other people, and those people

go to the toilet a lot. Okay, maybe. That's not, that part's not a good. Nice, clean idea. A little breath in, big breath out, way of losing weight. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's mass.

Yeah. Then we've got the International Earth Sandwich, which was organized by the BUN. It's a big sandwich that includes every part from every culture, and everybody in the world gets to have a bite. It's so good that we can have something to work together on for. yeah finally um we got uh the baker's despair the dark baker's delight and i like the idea of somebody being you know on a road and they look and they see a baker's delight and then they look across the street and they see a baker's despair you know and then they go into the baker's delight and maybe it's actually too expensive and they go to the baker's despair and there's i don't know

i don't know why but i picked your hope you know like bakers despair you know like Baker's despair only sells gluten-free products. Yeah, I mean, that's probably better. We've got guys who want to monetize knowing that shade is the area between shadow and the object. They're just desperate. This is that a figure out how to... They've just figured it out, and then they're like, before we let other people know, we've got to find a way to make money off of this.

We've hit on something. Maybe we should buy shade is the area. between the thing and shadow.com Oh, it's already taken. It's been parked free courtesy of goaddy.com. God damn it.

Now we've got to enter a negotiation. Try to buy this off the domain owner. And we've got the misunderstanding when people asked Sisyphus to be a sissy for us. That's what he thought and that's why he agreed. That's what they thought.

We've got the cowboy hat radiation growth-based growth. Yes, yes. Makes me laugh when I think of it, the imagery. Look at who's this cool guy? You know, it's actually fine to have a weird growth like that. You know, I don't mean to judge, but it is, you know, can be shocking. If you thought you were going to see a nice hat and you didn't, you'd be upset. too. Yeah. That's fair. That's right. And he has a really big belt buckle to sell it.

You know what that is? That's hat fishing. You know? He's a hatfisher. That's what they should call it when bald guys, uh, go on dating websites and try and and wear a nail. The fact that they're actually, but it should be called hat fishing. You're right. That is very good idea. I'm going to take a note of the concept of hat fishing. I'm going to buy that domain. Andy. Hatrishing.com. Andy, that is genuinely one that you could buy and that concept could spread around the world.

I'm sure it's already... I mean, I feel like... I feel like guys who are, you know, are balding, get enough of a hard time and they don't need a new concept to mock them. No, absolutely not. But when a good concept comes along, you don't want to... Also, I am amongst that number. I am

now I'm on a trajectory towards Hatdom and I am thinking about it more and more every day I was looking at Tim Poole you know that appalling right wing dude who has a website

has a podcast or whatever and I was looking at him and his little beanies that he wears to cover up the fact that he's going bald and I was thinking maybe I should do that I don't I just saw him in a thumbnail and I was like I know it's not I know he's not

right about anything but he's not wrong about everything right no yeah yeah i need one of those little beanies the place where he's funny is that he talks about women wanting high value men and he refers to himself as one of those it's a very funny thing to say and then he talks about how his dad at his age was like married with a few kids and blah blah and he's like you know I'm, actually, I'm much older than he was when he had me and things like that, but, uh, you know, and I haven't found a partner, but, uh, it's definitely not me. It's everybody else. I'm going to start a podcast about how it's not me. Yeah. And, uh, it's, uh, that's a, that shows an amazing lack of, uh, salt awareness. Is it? But then he's also like a Russian asset, I think.

think he was where it's like they found out that he was getting like a hundred thousand dollars a month to do to say real low Russia things on his podcast whoa yeah imagine that kind of money Andy

imagine God it makes me love Russia imagine if imagine if imagine if too of the think tank became a Russian asset and we started just

in every episode just slip it in a bit of pros just give us a thousand dollars and yeah and it comes out and it turns out we've been doing it

for a really low sum of money 75 bucks in it I mean imagine though imagine that's okay imagine 75 bucks in it

I mean we are we have been generously rewarded by our Patreon supporters and we appreciate everybody. All right

we better go through the song. Ding dang dang dang dong dinga dinga dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dinga dinga ding ding ding dang dang dang

thank you so much for listening to in the thing tank show we come for things so cool go that leak in the show notes. Show notes.

Yeah, come to our live show. I mean, you know, we've never done a live show. Who knows how long it will be until we do another one? Who knows what it will involve? I think Alistair will be doing some stand-up there. I might be doing a sketch with Alistair.

Yeah, we were... Andy might even do a little bit of stand-up. Uh-huh. Andy, you've done stand-up and you have some stand-up. That's true. I mean, if you want to see the rustiest fuck you've ever seen... You'll de-rust yourself.

That's true. He absolutely de-rusted himself. Maybe I will. But maybe I'll find a little conceit that I can hide behind. That's right, Andy. That's all you've got to do. So come to the live show. There'll be hats there.

But that's great. Anyway, thank you so much, everybody. We appreciate it greatly. and we love you. Bye. Bye.