Two In The Think Tank - 492 - "FRUGAL DOUGAL"

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

Please do head to our Pozible to buy Live Show tickets, A Listener hats, and support the 500th ep. Thank you. It means the world.PodCastSimulator, Choose Your Own Disaster, Invention of Dancing, Men are from Earth, The Next Hot Ones, 29th Century Pizza, Vindictive Trillionaire, Trillionaire Hunter, Frugal Dugal, Delicious RatsCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, Andy. Hi, Al. We are doing a live show October 11th in the city of Melbourne, Australia, at Stupid Old Studios now known as the other one. And so it's at 12 p.m. You can buy tickets on the possible link in the show notes. Hello. and welcome to the think tank the show where we come up with five sketch ideas.

I'm Andy. And I'm Alice and George William Trump. Labor Charles. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Boy, oh boy, you missed out on a ripper of a messenger chat that Alan I had a mere 10 hours ago. I mean, that should have been the podcast. that should have been the podcast

I can't remember Alastair but I remember thinking God I wish we were recording right now because there's absolutely no way my brain will be functioning like this I was oh oh man I think that the only

the only things better than being there being there for so my God excellent set a video being there for the for the conversation is to hear talking about how good it was. Now, what about this?

Could this be a new future form of media, right? Because at the moment, we are recording conversations, releasing them as an audio form. Will there be a future where we just record our back and forth on the messenger chat? We release that, and people can just watch the riffs flow, watch the little bubbles pop up one after another and feel like they're in the chat.

See the little dots popping up there know that one of us is working on something we think is going to be funny. Then see the dots disappear as we realize we haven't got it quite right. The dots reappear as we continue to work on it to get the wording right and then eventually it pops up and it's fine. I think that sounds, that sounds, I mean, you know, it would be really great for them to make them feel like they're in it, that it's driven forward by them pretending to type.

So a fake keyboard comes up, and they just tap it with their thumbs. Yeah. Like that. And then, and then at some point the message starts, you go, oh, I must have pressed the send, yeah. Yes, it's, it's immersive. It's a point of view. Or.

but or because you know if you want to just experience it a different way you can move your mouth and it will sound like you are saying the thing one side of the conversation that's this is quite good I mean I would like something you know now that we can like put our names into books right get a book version of Sherlock Holmes printed where my name replaces that of Sherlock Holmes or something like that or where we're simply able to have the victim yeah i i did something nice for your birthday i had a version right of sherlock homes printed where they've they've put your name into the book oh i get to be sherlock oh no oh would you want to be sherlock i've made you the man who is poisoned to death uh on page one then who had a terrible life

Everybody hated him. He's the... I've actually torn apart by dogs. Oh. Oh, that's a shame. Alistair, no. I was going to say, what it is, right? Is it's a thing where you can listen to a podcast,

but there's this machine that's attached to your jaw, right? You just relax your jaw muscles. Yeah. And it's sort of... Already that would be... It's so nice to just relax my jaw muscles. Oh, fuck it. For a second.

And then this machine sort of just flaps your mouth up and down, right? Obviously, you just try and keep your tongue out of the way. But it flaps it up and down like, you know, like the mouth of a character on a poorly animated sitcom. Right. But in time with what one of the people in the podcast is saying, and then you feel like you're in there. It's simulated. That's good. And so is it like a, is it an exterior thing or if they got like some sort of like, I don't know,

piezoelectric gum in your mouth that is attached to the top and bottom of your jaw? And it contracts and expands like that. And so it makes your mouth like that, makes your mouth open up and clothe like that. Or do you think it's like a mechanical hand that kind of just holds onto your chin and then pulls it open? Yeah, I mean, for me, obviously I love the word piezoelectric. I'm loathe to skip over that. But I do think for the purpose of the sketch, it's funnier if it's quite an invasive, large mechanical device. Maybe that has to be drilled into the bones of your jaw in order for it to be properly secured.

through quite raw looking holes in the skin and very raw a lot of redness it has a lot of redness and maybe

dried blood some kind of maybe it injects sort of a a paralysing toxin into your jaw muscles so that you can truly

relax that jaw so that it really can flap up and down your teeth smashing together yeah every time you closed your mouth little you can feel little chips of teeth on your tongue

yes breaking free and it is true freedom that those shards of teeth experience a freedom such as they have never known and and we can have that and the creators of this kind of

content as the creators of the game, we've realized that we have to just talk about a little bit about in our conversations while we're, let's say, coming up with sketch ideas, we have to talk about, oh, can you feel that shard of tooth that's just flown into your mouth? Yeah. So that it seems natural that they're feeling that and that feels, it makes the thing, it doesn't take you out of it? Well, we work together with the manufacturers of the technology to work around the constraints. The machine, they have made it clear to us that they lack the skill or the desire to refine the machine in any way.

But if we want to get, if we want to be part of the monetization platform, because we get extra money from allowing our podcast to be used with this immersive thing, we want to be part of it, part of our end of the agreement is working around those, those limitations. and they are severe those limitations. Absolutely. Yeah. At least once an episode, you have to say, I love that my teeth are getting shorter every day. Yeah. And we signed something that says we are not going to use any,

what would it be, plosives? Any of the sounds that they can't really replicate. They can't represent. So here's the letters that the words that you use can have. Yeah, you don't use any words that contain P's or T's. That is not going to, that's not going to work for us. We're not able to move the lips. The mechanism can only shift bone.

They may really. We cannot be bothered working on this anymore. This product is already finished. It's no longer supported. It's the launch. It's the launch week. Yeah. Yes.

Yes. That's right. And it hasn't been supported for several months. Several months prior to the launch. We, honestly, we're done with this. We were done before it was anywhere close to even started. Do you see that Elon's getting a trillion dollar pay package from, Tesla? Do you see

that? It seems like a lot over how many years. I don't know, I didn't read the article, but it seems like a lot and it also does seem like maybe he hasn't been making the best decisions in the interests of the company recently and it makes you wonder, maybe

he knows some people on the board of that company. I do wonder whether or not, whether or not if it might have been partially his idea. Oh, okay. Yeah.

What if we paid me a lot? That must be a difficult board meeting when you're like, you're going, hey, what do you guys think I should, do you guys think I should get a lot of money? Because I was thinking that. We may have said this on the podcast before, but it is interesting, isn't it? And I think it's instructive. Before? Before on the podcast that I think, um, that I think, um, We don't realize how hard it is, how stressful a job it is,

to be the person who decides how much everybody gets paid in a company. Like the person who decides how much everybody gets paid in a company, it's impossible for us to truly get our heads around how difficult that job is and understand, because they always end up being paid a lot of money, those people. Yeah, and I'm assuming from that evidence, so hard. Yeah, it must be. because it's really hard. Yeah.

I think you're actually right, because from what I can gather, from the sizes of their homes and stuff like that, that it must be a very challenging, reward-worthy position. Yes. That's the only conclusion I can possibly draw from the information I have.

That thing where it's like, you know when you are working a job, and it's like, Oh, boy, do I. And you're doing, like, you're doing long hours. And then you're tired. But there's a part of me that's still, like, I love that people think that this is considered working hard.

Yeah. Like, you know, like, you know what I mean? Like, you're like, oh, I'm working a lot. But then some people are like, oh, you're working so hard right now. You go, it's so funny that you think that. I'm working a lot, but in many ways the reason I'm working a lot is because I'm not working particularly hard. If I was working hard, I'll be working a lot less. Yeah, I just, I think I find, like, you know, if I'm at a computer and I'm doing a lot of things.

And even if I am, like, keeping a good pace, you know, and doing a lot of stuff, a lot of the time I'm just thinking of things, writing them down, or copying and pasting things. Ah, yes. And then at the end, someone's like, you've got to take a day off. You're working too hard. You go, I can't believe I've tricked them. I've tricked everyone. I mean, from the point of view of the body, the body must think that you're a lazy fuck, right? The body must be releasing some sort of hormone to say, you've got to do something.

Because all you've, as far as I can tell, all you do is sit around. Like, we would have evolved to have, like, if you, all you do, like, if you're in a tribe, right, or a troop of monkeys, and all you do is sit around and don't contribute anything, I presume that's a, your body realizes that you're a liability and must probably release some kind of chemical to be, like, at least try and look like you're doing something, like, get up and, like, move around or something, right? That's probably why. is invented. The body doesn't know it doesn't know how to do anything but it's trying.

It's like I know that doing stuff involves moving the arms and legs so I'm just going to make the body do that and I'm going to hope that it tricks enough people. That's funny. That's the body's version of work.

This is what work is. This is what you do. This is what you do. And this is back in hunter-gatherer time. and and this guy did not care for either hunting or gathering, right? And so he's like, but he's just staying back at the, back at the sort of the tribal den. Yes.

You know, he's just laying by the fire in that sort of giant hut. And then people are like, what have you been doing all day? We've been out both hunting and gathering. And then he goes, and he starts to move. move like this. I've been doing this. Look, there you go, oh, that does seem like a lot. To his credit, people liked

watching it. So, you know, and then, like, he became the first dancer. Yeah. And he bloody got away with it. He got like he. I'm working a lot. Look at this. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. And then you add a little bit, like,

oh, yeah, I'm also in contact with the spirits. That's what I'm doing. I'm in contact with the spirits of animals, sure. Or, you know, lost dead ones. The stars, maybe, or yeah, ancestors, sure. Yeah, I'm in contact with the stars.

You've got to add a little something in there, don't you? You've got to, you've got to value add, you've got to give it a little reason. It can't just be wiggling and jiggling for no reason. Yes, oh, this is... That's right. Yeah, you've got to give it meaning. And, I mean, this is essentially the sequel to

the invention of lying. The invention of therapy The invention of dancing You know Like this is in the invention of Universe Yes Good

They am I bet they have been Wacking their brains For the next installment I mean And you know what This will be perfect Every piece of IP

Will be an extended universe Absolutely Absolutely And you'll probably be able to use AI and type in any movie and it'll build, it'll generate an entire an entire extended universe

for you. It'll extrapolate a whole extended universe for you based on any piece of information. And then you can scroll through a whole infinite universe. But like, yeah, you'll scroll through like essentially a whole Netflix of just the

extended universe of that film and not be able to choose a single one. Yeah, yeah. Oh, they all look terrible. Oh, I was going to say they all look too good. Oh, they all look too good. No, I think... Because I'm pretty sure we've already come up with the invention of shitting

before this podcast. Yeah. That's what a good idea that was. You can't tell me you would scroll past that. No, you're right. I would at least open it and then just like click through a little bit and just see. there it is the first shit I want to see the first shit

I don't I don't love that artificial intelligence world we're heading into the generative AI the large language models etc but I got to say I am kind of intrigued

to see if AI did generate a movie called the invention of shitting based only on what it knows about the movie The Invention of Lying, I would be interested to, I probably would watch a bit of it just to see what it's like. Yeah, that's cool.

Skip, skip through it and. And you know what that, the invention of shitting, because what you'd want to see, that first shit, that would be the world, the humans, like, essentially like the human races, muconium. Is that what it's called, muconium? That first baby shit? Yeah. But this would be the species's first shit.

You know, that's like millions of years of evolution's worth of one shit. Yeah, gosh. All these others have died. Does that get passed down, does it? It actually is so potent. It does get passed down through your DNA. Through your DNA. You've heard of a mudblood.

Um, yeah This is where that comes from Oh wow That's upset Yeah I'm so sorry Is that a really bad word I thought it was used in Harry Potter Um

Yeah no it is No no no no I'm just thinking about shit in your blood I'm just thinking about having shit in your blood Straight That's making me That's making me feel yucky Sorry

But what if you turned it into a positive song Oh The shit in your blood Makes me want to take care of you The shit in your blood That I can see on the microscope This song's so positive Shit

Blood Make me want to spend time with you. The shit in your blood makes me realize we don't have very long. Live every day. That's my saying. Live every day. Live every day.

I like this shit in your partner's blood. This is going to be our self-help book. This is going to be the title of our relationship advice. Yes. and it's going to be really big. Men are from Earth and your wife's got shit in the blood. And see that, that's a title though, that does, that does grab your attention straight away. And you'll use that, you know, you'll use those stars that they love to put on, you know, those stars to get rid of the full swear word.

Mm, the asterisk. You know, you could just put it, you can put it on top of the eye. So just put a little asterisk on top of the eye. It'll say, shit, almost. Oh, yeah. Oh, that is, that's really clever, actually. Yeah. That's good, because you're not saying shit.

That's not an eye. That's not even a, that's not even a letter at all. It's not a letter. You know, you could even, You could even make it, instead of an asterisk, have a little poo emoji here. Oh. On top of, on the dot instead of the dot. That's really great.

But once again, it's not a swear word. It's not a swear word. They can't get you for that. You're home free. Men are from Earth. My wife has shit in her blood. Men are from Earth. not even mena from Mars

men are from Earth we could definitely we could definitely make some sort of point by writing a book called Men are from Earth, women are also from Earth Yeah that's true Like trying to say something That would

Oh Andy that would be so good So good Men are from Earth A? Here's one of the things. We would say, dare I say it so much in that book. Oh. Dare I say it?

Spoiler alert. We dare. We always dare. We dare. If you're looking for a daring book, dare to look no further. Truth or dare. Truth?

Yeah. Truth or dare. Well, this is the only two options. That should have been a game show, presumably, or like, you know, some kind of celebrity interview show or something. They should do celebrity truth or dare, right? Yeah, there must have been. There must have been at some point.

I think it's, um, hmm. Do you think you would have to choose dares that you've already pre-approved? with the with the celebrity people yeah before before the thing this is this is where it would be difficult because then you're like then they're like we'll all choose the day and then it'll be a bit easy on them well i was working on a tv chat show recently and literally the concept was come in and we'll just chat to you and that was hard to book people so i imagine did you work on that uh A while ago, yeah. Like last year? Yeah, yeah. Or did you work on the more recent season? No, not the most recent season.

No, I did not work on that. But I worked on an old one. Yeah, and that was hard to book people. It was challenging. So I imagine the one where come in, tell us the most racist thing you've ever said, or eat this thing. like crab this full crab

I imagine that's going to be hard to make this but bite this crab to death you it's such a shit it's just a such a fuck come on

to tell us the most racist thing you've ever said or bite this crab to death that's no but that could be the next hot wings it could be everybody's looking for the next hot wings everybody's the next hot wings hot ones yeah the next hot ones um yeah because i mean i think they're already like expanding the hot ones extended universe a little bit yeah to like

i think there's more like celebrity ones where they're kind of competing with each other or something like that Is it still involve eating hot stuff? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the one consistent thing. I'm glad they're staying true to what made that show what it is. I mean, what would you imagine it would be if it wasn't that? Have you ever watched a whole one of those things?

No. Me neither? I don't like watching people eat food. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I know that about you. But it's quite, yeah, it's just, it's just. it doesn't need it it doesn't need it

it's upsetting anyway so how do you think so do you think that they should sort of just artificially like place heat into their mouths or just

how would you get the heat in there that's a really good question maybe it's hot water increasingly hot cups of water yeah yeah spice in there as well if you want

you want I think we have discussed the idea of chicken wings but they're increasingly hotter in temperature but they're all just sitting there and hey?

We're so creative yeah but if you ever done that thing where you burn you have something so hot that you almost instantly feel a little string of like gum

yes has peeled off oh yeah just like a and then you keep eating you just keep eating you just keep eating You go, oh, well, it's good to get fresh, to get fresh gum skin.

Yes, renewed. Or, you know, and again, we've talked about this, I'm sure, but when you eat something, put something in the mouth, too hot for my mouth and my tongue, I know, I'll swallow it. Let my throat deal with this. Oh, my God, yesterday I was doing that. I was like, I was just drinking this Dutch soup. I'm in Holland, by the way.

and working Dutch soup by the way one of my favorite Marx Brothers films Yeah It's probably what they were trying to rock It doesn't make sense Duck suit Those guys were a bunch of chokers

Yeah And I kept swallowing this soup And it was cool enough for my mouth But it was burning deep inside of my guts And I'd go Like that I mean I didn't quite get it

But I didn't slow down, Andy. That doesn't seem right. That doesn't seem possible. It's that slow release heat, I guess. Yeah. You know? Maybe the sensitive toothpaste I'm using is working really well, too well. And then my teeth, or maybe I've killed my teeth with heat and my tongue and all the inside of my mouth.

You know what would be really great? Would be able to eat chicken that's really hot. hot temperature was. Yeah. But still raw. You know? Like, it's... You know, I just had a...

I just, last night, ate, I think, awesome. A raw chicken? Which is a raw beef sausage. Oh. Here. Which is from Amsterdam. And it, and we got it on a, on one of those platter, you know, meat platters. And I tell you what, I was the only one.

I was like, well, I paid for this fucking thing. in euros and I'm and so I'm having to yeah so I have to eat up the whole thing speaking of bodies that don't know what's going on your intestines must be having

such a fucking terrifying experience oh yeah burn them with soup and then fill them with raw sausage I think it fixed it because I think all the meat

that was burnt off my intestines just got replaced with some raw meat that it could just put it just put in there you know just or your stomach was still so hot it was able to cook the sausage cook it internally internal fondue internal fondue internal fondue fondue sorry i said fondue which is not what i want to to say andy ah no one of the things we were talking about earlier alistair in this famed chat that i've got everyone so excited about was our historical pizza place, 20th century pizza parlor,

where we recreate all the great events of the 20th century as pizzas. And we got as far as the Gallipoli pizza, which already sounds like the name of a pizza, but it's a regular pizza, but all the Aussie ingredients don't even make it past the crust. So what do you put on in? an Aussie pizza. There's an egg on there, isn't there?

Yeah, Aussie pizza, yeah. So this is like, so there's just egg on the crust. There's it. You've been cheese in the crust. This is egg on the crust. Egg, desperately try to make it over the crust.

Just clinging to the very edge sort of burned onto the pan. A bit of beetroot. Maybe some some pineapple. Do you think we... Yeah, I mean, the Hawaiians were there, weren't they?

On the beaches of Galilee. Ah, yeah, I don't know if the Hawaiians were there. Yeah. Nobody talks about the Hawaiians. Any Polonians. Wait a second. Was Pearl Harbor? Is that in Hawaii?

Yeah. Well, there you go. You see. Yeah. Oh, they were there. Well, we could absolutely have a... Hell Harbor. A Pearl Harbor.

A Pearl Harbor. pizza, that's going to, that one's going to write itself that pizza. Absolutely, that's, I mean, it'll be pineapple, it'll be spam. I think, I think Koreans love to eat spam. Do they? Wow, and then I guess some Japanese ingredients be dropped from above us. Yeah. What would be good, I guess?

It's not about what's good, it's about what's historically accurate, Alistair. No, you're right, you're right, right. It has some raw fish dropped onto it from above. Oh, well, maybe some of that puffer fish. Oh, yeah. Oh, uh, fugu. Yeah, maybe some fugu dropped onto the pizza. Oh, yeah, so it hasn't been like pre-sliced, so it's kind of still puffed up.

Could be. Or it's just, it's just been inexpertly prepared, so it's potentially. deadly. Oh, that's good. Like Pearl Harbor was. Exactly right. That's good. I mean, that will make a lot of these pizzas potentially deadly

if we have to have the outcome of the pizza be the same as the... If we have to have the proportional death rate of the pizza, be also historically accurate, be mapped onto their respective

historical inspirations. Yeah. But, well... You know, I genuinely forgotten we discussed that last night. People need a gimmick. It's crazy. That was last night when it was just this morning. It's sort of crazy.

I feel really embarrassed because I forgot we were our our center of truth was, our frame of reference for truth. Yeah. The chronological center of the universe. Have we talked about this before? But the idea that I think that the universe probably is infinite. And it is just that like there are other life forms out there,

but they're just like, infinitely far away within the infinity so we will never meet them right and so like our sphere our own little sphere of infinity like we are it is infinitely unlikely that we exist but we do exist and the way that the maths works is that we're just infinitely far away from every other like infinitely unlikely life form and to me that just it feels kind of

obvious and extremely sad that they do exist but like it is impossible to ever contact them the only way that we can exist is by being infinitely far away from anyone else who would

we would ever communicate with yeah it's that is it is sad i also do like though that we're far away from like the supernovas and stuff that's good yeah because i think it would be great if things were closer together and you could just get to other worlds and stars and stuff like that but then you go well what about the supernova that's gonna fuck shit up yeah yeah i mean do you do you worry about those do you worry about supernovas? Look, I mean, occasionally when somebody says the two supermassive black holes have collided

and there's a reverberation that they can feel through the universe, I go, glad we weren't close to that. Gee whiz. Glad that our sort of our solar system is in a good neighborhood. Yeah, we are lucky there in that regard. Yeah. Yeah, I would say I am, like as scared of like supernova related um like extinction events as i am of like aeroplane crashes i'd say

even though i probably shouldn't have them like ranked the same they're into the same category of i do i do like occasionally think fuck i hope that doesn't happen to me I would hate to be what death by the blast wave of a supernova. Yeah, I think I think about space-based death a lot and

but like just how pointless it'll make everything feel. You know, like let's say you looked up and then you see some massive thing shockwave from something arrive or whatever or some big... You see it coming down.

A big trail of fire or whatever like that coming towards the earth and you're like well i guess it was all for nothing then four billion years of evolution yeah jesus i've just bloody put the clothes on the line oh well i didn't need to know my wife and i just released my book about how to picture that your wife has shitted a blood so that you could enjoy every moment and i did not enjoy a single moment and i did not enjoy a single moment of it. Well, I was busy writing that book. It's quite hard. It was very difficult. It was a very difficult analogy to get a lot of good things out of.

If I thought about it, I would have picked something else. If I'd been living by my own mantra. And I've been very sad and worried about my wife. Oh, she doesn't have shit in her blood, by the way. By the way. Honey? Is anyone listening to me? Here I am standing just alone under the stars. I mean, under this big line of fire that is heading towards me.

Honey, are you there? She's gone. Do I have a one? Did she die of bloodshed? Or is she off kissing somebody else? Oh. Then he cuts to her at the park. And she's sitting on a stoop.

There's a stoop at the park. Yep Maybe one for the drinking fountain And she's got a dog there And the dog is licking her on the mouth Oh, inside her mouth Yeah Oh

And then she's saying yes That's what I wanted to get away from the house So that I could do She's saying that While the dog's doing that Yeah, that's just so it's hard. Who's she talking to? An interview from the newspaper?

I'm just wondering what she's saying. Yes, and he's holding a mic there, and there's a guy holding a big camera. That's what we pull out, and it's revealed afterwards. Like that. And then he writes it down in a little notebook as well, because he says that, and he says, that's going to be the headlot of tomorrow's paper. Yeah, and then they reveal. They revealed that the

that the newspaper faked the impending supernova event, right? They used holograms and lasers to create this thing. Yeah. To see what people would do when they thought they only had moments left to live. Yeah.

And then they published that. and the front page of the newspaper. Yeah, this was how Elon spent his first trillion. His first trillion dollars. Yeah, his first trillion, he spent it on a fake fire in the sky and his media company to reveal something about it. He's like, you guys think, I'm shit. Well, look at this.

You're all shit. but it's only you and your wife really that he's got around to doing yeah yeah yeah that he only got around because he was like oh well I'm not going to pay for heaps of media I hate those people I mean you could you could make a movie like that where it's almost like the story of god and job you know how God just decides to destroy somebody's life for no reason but it's a billionaire or a trillionaire deciding to destroy a random person's life for no reason

and I think that would be interesting I think it would be a good analogy for the behaviour of God who by the way I was Googling earlier and they say that they think that Mary may have been between 12 and 14 when she got pregnant with God. Oh, that's good, isn't it? And I think God has some real nerve

pointing to that Apple thing and being like, that's the original Sid. I think you're knocking up 12-year-olds, mate. Yeah. Maybe it's not original enough. Maybe that's the thing. Oh, well, you think a lot of people we're doing that at the time and so

he's actually like oh well actually that's not original to me that's actually highly derivative eating an apple that's original at the time everybody had terrible diets they're eating just fishing chips and stuff yeah

awful it's like very carb heavy very brown foods you've got to get some purples in there some yellows green you want to have a rainbow on your plate you know oh yeah Um, okay, a guy realizes.

Okay. The fire in sky. Uh, what's the trick? Wath? By a local newspaper. Wath. I, having... It's sort of our version of trading places, right?

Because wasn't it in trading places where they're like, I could... Oh, they... Oh, actually, they do both, don't they in trading places? where they're like, I could make anybody successful and I could ruin anybody's life. Is that what happens in trading places? And we've basically come up with half of trading places, right? Because Dan Akrod, those rich guys decide to destroy Dan Akrod's life as well as elevating Eddie Murphy. So we've come up with half of that.

I thought trading, oh, was that what it is? Was he a African king? No, that's coming to America. Trade at places is he's a He's a sort of a small time con man Like, I think at the start of the movie He's pretending to have no legs To like get money out of people on the street

And yeah So anyway It's just actually on his knees Yeah, yeah It's good It is good We should try Is it good

Yeah, that will be a great way to make money Anyway, this is that But half of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. But maybe twice as good. I don't know. Like, I think the world is ready for this kind of nihilistic, um, upsetting comedy.

Now, is there a happy ending? Does he get his revenge in some way? That would be good. I mean... Googly not? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think the trillionaires always win. I mean, we haven't had one yet.

And my feeling is that the trillionaires are all. always going to win. Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be tough. It'll be tough to bring down that first trillionaire. Trillionaire hunter. Trillionaire hunters. That's cool.

I mean, you know, that's the thing is that before he gets that money, we should, we should buy that address. Trillionairehunters.com. Trillionaire hunters. Now, is it people who hunt trillionaires, or is it trillionaires who hunt? that's the thing is that if it's the trillionaires who hunt then they're going to want that real bad and they've got the money to pay up yeah that's true and if they don't pay it we'll sell it to somebody who hunts trillionaires exactly yeah and that's that'll be our first offer yeah our first offer is like

just give me a bill give me a full bill I think asking for a trillion would be too much yeah no we're not greedy um I think I think we should make a TV show and by that I'm in a sketch and it's called Bob Scrabblor Trillionaire Hunter Bob Scroblaw, that's his name

Okay, Bob's Grobloor Bob's Groblaw Yep And he Yeah, he hunts Trillionaires But he's like the crocodile hunter In that he doesn't actually

hunt them, kill them He just sort of climbs on top of them And subdues them and take some photos with them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he sets them free. Raps a little bit of rope around their head to keep their jaw closed. Mm.

Mm. You know? And I think that would look great on the human. It's come full circle. We have, because the start of the episode, we were loosening the jaw to, so it could flap up and down. That's right. And now we're tying the jaw shut.

We're the very bone... bone-controlling machine that we gawked in horror at only mid-proids earlier. We, the reason you tie shut the juror of the billionaire, obviously, is so that he can't call out

for his private security detail. That's right, yes. That's actually that the mouth is the most dangerous part of the trillionaire. Some, although some trillionaires are getting lessens so that they can

speak through their nose without moving their lips. Yeah, and I suppose if Elon ever gets his neurolink he'll be immune to our technology. It's all preemptive they've sort of wargamed this

and it's all preemptive anti-tillionaire hunter kind of maneuvers so many years in advance. Alistair, should we go to some words from a listener? I think we should. I should go to some words from my listener.

Andy, today's words come from Abraham listener. A listener. Abraham listener. Abraham listener. Abe. Abraham listener. Is that what you mean? I just called him Abe.

Oh, Abe. Yeah. Yeah. That was the beginning of, I thought you said A. Like he was Abraham. listener. No. No, I'm going to have to say that. All right. I lost the message. But here, now, we know that these ones come from a listener, so that's nice. And the three words, I've got them here, Andy. Would you like to try to guess

what the first one is? I would. And I will. And the first word is corner. Corner. Corner. Warner? Corner. Corner. Corner. Corner, okay. No, it's superb.

Okay. Okay, second word, owl. Superb owl. No, Andy, not at all. Not even close. Quality. Superb quality. Now, is it going to be another word meaning, like, high end, or is it going to be a noun that brings home the sort of the effusive praise in the first two?

And it might be something that undercuts, so, like, superb quality. I don't know. superb quality piss piss is it piss the third word Andy is

vermin but I made did I make you feel for a second like you got it? Yes yeah and it shouldn't be possible

it should be possible to still do that to me. Yeah, it's good. But you know what? I wasn't like, you know, I would say I was like within an order of magnitude, correct? I was within like a factor of 10.

Well, I think it would be hard to find some vermin that doesn't have piss in it. Exactly right. Exactly right. Yeah. And so, you know, if you've got a good quality vermin, superb quality vermin, You've got superb quality vermin piss.

I mean, speaking of trillionaires, I would love it if the rich still had rats in their homes, but they were just really, really clean, well-groomed rats, you know, really manicured, like prize-winning rats. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think the main problem with rats is that they're not a good part of the ecosystem, because they're kind of like an end point. If they were feeding, if they were themselves, like, attracting something good for your house.

Or if you could eat the rats, right? Like, it would be quite a good system if the rats ate all the scraps off the floor and all the stuff that you didn't want and then you ate the rats. I mean, that's sort of what people did with chickens for a long time, I suppose. You know, you just feed the scraps to the chickens. Yeah. And then you eat the chickens. Yeah, so maybe they just need to. No, but, like, you see the rats, and then you find out that they're actually,

you see the rats at the billionaire's house or whatever, and, but there, it turns out that these are a special breed of very delicious rat. Yeah. And now they make sense, and they're just, they're living free range in your house. Yeah. Because the way that you live, you know, you drop a lot of crumbs, you're, you know, I mean, you could stop being careful. we all know that I'm sure you had heard the rumor and I never understood quite how this worked

but like somebody when you're in primary school someone's like you know Bill Gates makes so much money that if he drops a hundred dollars on the ground it's not worth his time to pick it up right yeah um Adam I'd love to see if the myth musters tackle that one old Jamie and Adam if they Get a Bill Gates. It doesn't have to be the Bill Gates, but, you know, an equivalent. Just a Bill Gates? Yeah, yeah, and just test whether that works. Yeah, or even just like a $20 bill and a little gate.

Yeah, I'd settle for that. If they could, that's going to prove the concept. But, I mean, if it's not worth his time to pick up a $100 bill, he's certainly not going to pick up any crumbs you know that's right he's not going to pick up his crusts from his veggie mite sandwich yeah is he oh absolutely not yeah and and then also by by having all these rats he's saving money on help as well and you know he's a frugal man like you don't get to be that rich oh frugal dougal he's a bloody frugal dougal he's a bloody frugal dougal Bruegel dogle.

I love frugal doogle, by the way. Like the man? Or just the sentence? Both. Yeah. I mean, at the moment, I think the man really is just a sentence at this point. But, I mean, what a great TV show. What a great...

Rugal-Dougal. Shows you some money-saving books. Yeah, frugal-dougal. Just get... Just... Picking up all that stuff. the ground, it'll just get rats in your house. I always say, well, that's awful.

It doesn't help me. Yeah, well, but if you get a very... Look at this, tape a big nail to the end of a pointed stick. You could see some of those rats through the head. I hate, but I hate... You're probably thinking, but I hate rats. Yes, but that hatred of rats means that you've got to now spend money to exterminate these rats or get rid of the rats.

So it's a lot more money monetarily efficient if you just start to love rats. If you just start loving, having rats in your house. Here's a money-saving tip. Love rats. Start to love rats. Freedle-Dougal. The average household speds up to $5,000 to $10,000 a year exterminating vermin at getting rid of rats. save money and work smart not hard by learning to love rats

delicious rats now obviously we can't afford delicious rats that the billionaire class have but you can pinch your nose while you're eating the rat that's a that's a that's a frugal doogle tip right there um frugal dogle the bare-assed investor frugal dogle you know the barefoot investor well this guy he's naked from the waist down

hey sorry well everyone loves the barefoot investor of course frugal doogle he's naked from the waist down Yeah, that's really cool That's how good this guy is Why would I Take the advice of a guy who can't afford shoes This guy can't afford pants

This guy has pants But they've got holes And I know this is different I'll just I think you're just say it I'm just picturing The hole is torn through both the undies You've worn through a hole

in your undies and the pants. Yeah, right. And so your genitalia is dangling out the front of the pants? The front genital dangles out the front and the back genitals out the pants. The back genitals the dangles. Oh, no. Oh, dear. Well, at some point Frugal

Dougal was like, well, actually, you might have heard that it's actually just cheaper to eat bad food, you know, like soup, you know, like, and so that's why we, that's what we do. We just eat really bad food. And then he gets very, very big, right? Oh, okay. Right? He gets very big. And then he's like, well, but if I, now, I heard about a guy who'd fasted for, you know,

like 64 weeks to lose a lot of fat, you know, in some European clinic. and, you know, his body just ate his fat. Now, that was the most frugal thing I could do. I didn't do it with a clinic, but... And so then he lost all this weight, and so now his back genital does dangle and all the loose skin. It really does dangle.

Come see my back genital. It really does dangle. And I've got that side at the front of my house. And I charge five cents a look. And that's another way I'm making me. money. Yes. Oh dear. And sometimes the mud that people drapes through my house when I'm taking them into the looking room, right? Yeah, that feeds worms. There's sometimes worms on there, but the rats eat the worms and sometimes even the dirt. Because I haven't been dropping a lot

of crumbs because I've been fasting. Fasting for 64 weeks. anyway did you actually did somebody actually fast for 64 weeks I think I have heard something for like unbelievably long kind of periods I can't remember if it was 64 weeks but it was essentially like

this guy had fasted for over a year I think for my body wow yeah it's pretty crazy in them yeah it's almost doesn't make sense

I've fasted for like two days and I've been like something doesn't make sense Are you delirious? Yeah, well, it's just There's a part of you that's like Like the main thing I do I'm not doing

You know And so you're like, what else is there to do Apart from eat? Yeah Eating's great Um Alistair, I reckon we did it I reckon superb quality vermin,

a rich, more delicious, a more delicious rat for rich people. Yeah. That's nice. And frugal doogle, of course. Also, obviously, Frugal doogle, who's possibly my favorite

character or sentence we've ever come up with on the podcast. Well, 492 episodes in. Yep. We did it. We're just getting good. I mean, this has been, I would say, a strange episode of the podcast.

The energy has been weird. It's felt weird the whole time. And I think it might be something to do. I think the timing, the delay with Amsterdam is just a bit different to the delay with Canada. And it's made it, something has happened. Something's gone a bit skew if. Yeah, but I've had fun. I also woke up a bit hungover, so that could have, you know, played a part of it as well.

And, uh, because I have a day off today. I have a day off from work. Alastair, that's really exciting. I'm going to go see A.J. Yes. A.J. Has A.J. ever been on our podcast? We've been on A.J.'s podcast.

No, I don't think so. I apologize, AJ. Well, we got to sort that out. Got to bloody sort it out, mate. we'll have a great time. Thank you, Andy. Do you want to take the sketch ideas? Oh, yeah, I forgot about that bit.

I was about to leave. Okay, we've got content that makes you feel like you're saying this stuff by controlling your jaw and, or, you know, you tap on the screen. Anyway, then we've got the,

get your name in a book, You're the victim. The invention of dancing, the movie. I think that they'll get Tim Key to play the Ricky Jervais' role. Oh, cool.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he's in everything now, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah. We've got Men are from Earth. My wife has shit in her blood, the book. But it's not really shit.

It's actually just a line with a poo emoji over the top. We've got the next hot ones. And she doesn't, and also she doesn't really have shit in her blood. It's just a mental technique to help you make the most of every day. Exactly. It's a life-hap. It's a best possible relationship.

It's a mindset. Yeah, absolutely. It's a, oh, wait. Mantra? I was trying, no, I was trying to find something that rhymed with mind that also meant, like, effluent. Ah, I got it. So you could do like a grind-set, mind. set, but we're going on a through.

Minds set. Yeah. Affluence set, mindset. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll come back to that. It's a bride set.

It's a mind shit. It's a... It's a broad set mind. Yeah, you did it, Andy already. The next hot ones, tell us the most racist thing you've ever said, or... bite this crab to death and then they offer you increasingly

feisty crabs so we got 20th century pizza historically correct pizzas then we've got Guy realizes oh my God there's a fire in the sky and that

was all created by a billionaire or just a local newspaper or a local newspaper who wanted to reveal what people really like to do and his wife revealed that she loves getting licked in the mouth by her dog but the underlying message is that it's about a billion or a trillionaire who destroys a random person's life for no reason then we've got trillionaire hunter the guy we've got frugal doogle

and we got delicious rats for billionaires we did it Andy what an episode what an episode what an app I think we had fun and to me that's almost the most important thing yeah

we're going to do the song but in case you're leaving now listener don't forget that you can get tickets to our live show. You can buy hats, two in the think tank hats, and you can start clearing your schedule to watch

the 500th episode of Two in the Think Tank. I think what the sort of a day was a sample of what some of the energy might be like. Absolutely. I think that there will be definitely

an energy. Here we go. Zing, zang zong, zong, zinger zang zong, zong, zing a zinga, zinga zing, zong. Zang Zang, Zang, Zang, Zang, Zang, Zang, Zang, Zang, Zang. Thank you so much for listening to Two in the Think Tank. Think Tank.

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