Two In The Think Tank - 500/2 - "500 Sketch Ideas Part 2: $50 To Shut Up"

Episode Date: November 14, 2025

This is Part 2 of 6 of Epsiode 500. Enormous thanks to Humdinger Studios for hosting, filming, streaming, everything. You made all this possible.Very very gigantic thanks to Ellie for the great art on our livestream background.Vast, boundless thanks to all the many many guests who came along. You carried us with your mouths.To the TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server here who worked together, watched hours of hour nonsense and updated the sketch count.To everyone who watched, even a little bit, of the live stream (here)And all the amazing a-listeners who bought hats and supported the Pozible campaign to get Alasdair back to AustraliaTo our families, who not only put up with our nonsense but sopport it.And everyone we forgot.And you.We love you.You can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and insta Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Please welcome Matt's yours. Yes. Who, Matt, Matt, are you feeling, Come sit down. Are you feeling like you've just not slept very well and then you traveled on a plane for a very long time, bring that closer to you yes yeah yeah i can i can i can i can sense that from you you're not a morning no i've had two morning two six am alarms in a row and i'm fucked we're allowed to swear on this

yeah yeah you can swear on this thing okay yeah you love it yeah a morning guy in the morning what if you what if your life became you only had to you could only have mornings oh i mean i love mornings yeah well you love them i love them i just not As an idea. As an idea, it's fantastic. Birds are singing. Yes, big fan of mornings. Jew on the grass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sun's really low in the sky. The shadows. They're long. Oh, yeah, and before the city really gets going. How early is your favorite time of morning that you don't want to experience? Well, we're talking about savings. Sure.

Because I just came from Brisbane. They don't believe in that there. I know, and they're crazy. Everybody's up super early there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I didn't, I was only wearing songs up there, which I tend to do most of the time down here.

Do. Down here, people, they'll point it out as like, what are you doing? But up there, they go, I love that you're doing that. Did they actually say that, or do they not comment at all? No, no, they commented a lot. They said, I love you're settling into the life up here. And down here, we're kind of a little bit disgusted by it.

Yeah, yeah. And so there's nowhere you can go. This is, I mean, while you enjoyed getting the compliments, there's nowhere you can go where you're free of comments about your feet. Yeah, I guess maybe Sydney would be that because it's sort of halfway between. It's between the two where people don't look at your feet. Yeah, I guess. They're ambivalent.

Yeah. They're like, you know, do you. We're not happy. We're not sad. Yeah. We don't think about you at all. Is there a sketch idea in any of this? I don't know.

I mean, I'm interesting, like, for you, is it, is it, Is there any part of you wearing thongs, which is a little bit of peacocking? Or is it completely you just expressing yourself and being yourself? Or is there a part of where you're like, you know what? Part of my aesthetic is being a guy who wears thongs. And it makes me a more well-rounded, complex, interesting character. I'm not accusing you of being performative in any way. I'm asking, are you?

A performative thong wearer. What if what? I mean, I think it's the same. It's the same with, well, I've got a beard. It's just, it's easier. And it feels like having a beard is some sort of performance, I guess. But it's just, I don't have to shut. All the chins are stage.

I've always said it. I don't have to shut. We are all but hairs dancing upon the great, hmm. Oh, sorry. No, I had nothing. What was that, Shakespeare? Yeah, I was trying. That was fantastic.

Were you writing new Shakespeare? Yeah, I thought I'd write some new Shakespeare. Oh, that's cool. There's a new one. That would be great. There's a new Shakespeare. Yeah. They're rebooting Shakespeare, and Andy's writing them.

It's weird, because I get confused in my head between, not the concepts of the things, but the words Shakespeare and Sherlock Holmes. Some reason. Oh, man, they're old. They're English. They've got a nest in them. Yeah. And an age.

And I saw that new Shakespeare, they did it right away. New Sherlock Holmes being written still. Yeah Right So then why can't We'd be writing new shakes Yeah Why not

I mean And why can't we write Shakespeare homes Which is the bard Solving Crime It's a really good idea All right I love it

Yeah And I guess he's banging a lot of people Yeah I mean is he Is he investigating Like You could do like a thing Where like

It's Macbeth Macbeth is murdered Is it Duncan He's murdered Duncan? Is there a guy called Duncan Yeah he's the king I think he's the king that Macbeth murders

but then it's Shakespeare who goes to investigate wouldn't that be beautiful because like in Sherlock Holmes the conceit is that Watson is writing the books right

they're from his journals or whatever but he's going along with Shakespeare to investigate with Sherlock Holmes to investigate it's harder than it looks harder than it looks but what if we in our retro history

or whatever Shakespeare was the investigator who'd gone along to investigate the murder of Duncan and then maybe even in the hamlet the things that inspired his story exactly based on the real crimes all his stuff was ripped from the headlines yeah yeah but maybe it was like law and order SVU yeah but maybe we find out that he's actually the he's actually a murderer he's actually like yeah yeah actually so we find out like oh he seems like he's the thing but then we find out he's a little bit of dexter going on in there yeah and then he writes

then he writes the then he writes the stories to kind of solidify the narrative. And it also, he's able, because he's committed the crime, who better to solve it? You know, he's like, oh, look at these clues. Oh, I found a clue. I found a dagger. In my hand. In my hand. I mean. It was before fingerprinting. There's no way of knowing that my fingers have touched this dagger. I know, but also it's like, you know, being able to write good narratives for like motivations for why people are killing these people as well. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, look, I've written up what I think it will be.

He saw some witches in the forest who told him that he should do it. And then a ghost was pursuing him. And, yeah. There was a spot. Yeah, there was a spot. Would not get out. I mean, and what a great opportunity for a bit of product placement there. You know, she then goes Ajax.

Yes. You know, imagine we could go back in time and we could convince Shakespeare to write Ajax spray and wipe into that famous out-dam spot scene. I mean, this is a new front. in advertising, right? The first thing we do. We pay the estate of Mr. Shakespeare $600 million. Okay.

And then they go and they change the official manuscripts. Oh, I thought we were traveling back in time, but if you want to do it... Oh, yeah, I mean, we can go back in time. We could use that. No, no, look, look, go back in time is better. Thank you. Is that okay?

Now, Andy, you were rewriting Shakespeare before. Can you rewrite the Ajax, Brian White? jingle Oh To be about Macbeth That one That whole Wipe works fast

Oh yes Before that it's like The mum and dad It comes over or something Yeah The mother-in-law I think And there's a bit

Where she looks like A bulldog In that ad Remember she has the face of a bulldog Do we have this conversation Recently? Because it's so fresh in my mind I loved that ad

Yeah I don't remember the words Unfortunately It's very catchy Yeah I did start writing down Something before I think the idea that, because, you know, Matt was mentioning,

it keeps the beard because it's easier, doesn't wear shoes because it's easier. That is honestly why. It's his shit full where he stands. It's just all the socks and boots. Oh, my God. I'm inside most of the time. So when people are like, oh, it's winter in your own thongs in Melbourne,

it's like, yeah, but I'm not out there. You think of them as an outside shoe, right? But you wear them inside. And actually it makes so much more sense that they be inside. Yeah. They're just like wearing, It's like slippers. Like slippers, I can see that's making a real statement.

As long as they're a normal summertime shoe, no one's pointing it out. Hang on. Please, welcome to the show, Serran. Thank you, Serren. Thank you for bringing this. We owe you a tremendous amount. About $4.95. Thank you very much.

But what is the easiest lifestyle you possible? could have where you, I mean, this is a guy. He's the easy lifestyle guy. So is he wearing a moo-moo? Oh. You know, he's got hair. Like what, like what, because each thing eliminates something that you need to do, right? Yes.

You're, I guess you're pooping where you stand like a horse. Is that what you said before? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't cook your food, I suppose. You just eat everything raw. Maybe you chew through the bag. Of what? even aren't whatever the food is

is in. Food's in comes in bags, right? Yeah, like a bag of oats. Yeah, a bag of rice. Like a horse. Yeah. Are we inventing horses? A horse is just lazy guys. They've got long hair. They don't even stand up on two legs. This is huge.

They don't even buy them. Their shoes are nailed on. Horses are just lazy guys. why the long face they don't even trim their face they don't even there you go thank you what a joy to have you thank you pleasure to be

did you just fly back as well from Queensland thank you very much did you did you enjoy the time the yeah yeah it's lovely how'd you guys show go needs work yeah yeah yeah it was fun yeah it was pretty fun

it was like new material stuff Yeah, any of that new material Not going to work for you guys But would work in a sketch setting I mean, there was I think maybe Because we were setting up And this group

Who were on a mad Monday Like rugby, local rugby players Who were all like six foot five Big buff guys But they're all dressed in like A few of them was like adult babies You know with nappies on Nons

We've already had a bit of adult baby content today, but we're very well-looking to go to the well. I think it was so funny to me because it was clearly their first venue, so they're all sheepish. Oh, they hadn't had to drunk much, but they were already as the adult baby. They look still like the maniacs that you're used to seeing on a mad Monday later in the day, but they're all sort of... You're like, sorry, and they walk into our venue space. And we're like, well, terrified.

This is got to be a rough. But they got directed out. And they went to sit down at a table just at the back, which would have been even worse. But luckily they found another room. But it was amazing. They managed to soberly break a glass. Yeah, within minutes.

Just setting up. Maybe they're just trying to get into the spirit of things. Trying to break the ice. Or glass. Yeah, yeah. And so then they're like, oh, just cut me a bit just so that we can get in the mood. We're just not quite in the mood yet.

What is it, Bill? He's like the shy psycho, which is like, you know, a guy who's like a bit crazy and he's yelling on the street, but he doesn't want to really bother anybody and doesn't want people looking at him. He's like, ah, oh, I am, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to cut you. I'm going to cut you. I guess, oh. Can't make eye contact. Yeah.

Oh, sorry. Sorry. I am. I am going to cut you. I am going to cut you. He grabs a bin and, like, he's like, going to throw it, but he kind of goes, oh. and then he doesn't throw it but he takes everything individually out of the bin

bit by bit and puts it on the ground and then he's like he puts it back in look I'm writing it down it's not the best but shy psycho all the other sketches we wrote down were the best and so that's why I felt a little bit

sorry about this one but the the guys on that first like what is the solution for this problem like do they need to get really drunk and then get dressed into the baby costumes do they need to have the baby

costumes sort of underneath or do they need to have a baby costume that sort of wear some clothes over the top that sort of dissolve over the course of the night The more alcohol sweats through you Exactly right Yeah

Oh yeah that's a kind of cool idea Sort of it's activated by testosterone And It goes up with your confidence as well Yeah on your blood alcohol level Well, that's the insecurity of dressing like a man baby Even more reliant on the Dutch courage Yes, that's right

It's all part of the whole beer jacket Yeah Goes on, but the beer jacket is invisible And it also Takes away your normal jacket Yes Somehow It's a jacket made out of beers

Yes Or for beer that you drink And as you drink it you become more naked And then it exposes your beautiful baby outfit underneath. It was, that one, seriously huge guys. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's just an amber jacket.

It's such an investment and I really admire them doing it. I did so. You're really brave. I never like. On you guys for dressing up as babies. That's what really struck me because I'm like, later on in the night you're like, these drunk idiots having fun.

They're a bit annoying, but it's fine. I can tell I'm having fun. But seeing at this point of the process is like... I'm really admire that you're getting out of your comfort zone here. And I'm sort of realizing why you have to drink so much. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, having such bold ideas as well. And like that thing is like it is almost an infomercial kind of sketch,

which is like, don't you hate when you're going out with your bold fellas? You know, and you're out to have a really stupid bucks night. Right? But at the beginning of the night, you haven't drunk any booze and you're having trouble. You're embarrassed. You're embarrassed. You know, well, whatever. The beer suit.

What about a research and development organization that comes up with new stupid things for football guys to do on their big weekend off, right? So, like, who comes up with the idea of dressing as a baby, right? Somebody came up with that. Well, that's the Mad Monday recent. Research Institute. We are constantly coming up with new, embarrassing things that blokes can do on the piss. You know, they're the ones who came up with pissing into your own mouth. They invented that. That was us. You know, pissing into your own mouth? That was us. That was huge for us. Yeah, balancing a dog on your dick. That was us. Balancing a dog on

your dick. That was us. And we also, we also, pushing it forward. We also suggested filming it I'm putting it on lawn. Yeah. That was our new technologies division who engaged with us to really bring that one. And it is cool because you do see that because a lot of these guys are football players or sort of high, you know,

high level sports people, they can't afford to use sort of an institute, you know, and that comes up with sort of some of the more advanced ideas that... I guess it's maybe it's attached to the Australian Institute of Sport. Yeah. It's subdivision. It's the Australian Institute.

Australian Institute of stupid shit you do after a... After sport. After sport. Yep. So, Saren... Australian Institute of bringing disrepute to the sport. Oh, that's good. You got that down?

D-I-S-R-E-P. Where is it the... Australian Institute of bringing disrepute to the sport? Seren assumed they're on a box party. But I'm like, they can't... We were figuring this out on stage. I'm like, I... I don't think they can be a Bucks party

because it's normally one of them is dressed up like humiliating, humiliating in a Bucks party at Mad Monday. But then Soran said, but it can't be Mad Monday at Saturday. Yeah, one of us was... But the Mad Monday is bigger than... Yeah. Make really good points.

And Monday's bigger than just the Monday, man. Maybe they were all getting married to each other. This is going to be the weirdest thing you were going to ever see somebody eat. Look at this looks like dog food or something like that. What is that? It's a bit of... bean curd.

You've changed. They're like an astronaut sort of... Can you chuck me a little bean curd? They look... Sashay? Sort of marinated kind of... That one sort of came from...

That one didn't come from the packet. It came from between his legs. It's the worst like switcheroo you've ever seen. Yes, I could get you one right now. You want one pre-war? I'm keeping this I'm keeping this for the empty packets It's really odd

This one's from my crop When you're trying to get me to eat this weird new food He's got a banana out there and say It's really good Your crotch is like Mary Poppins's bag Put the oily bag in there I just needed some food as well because I was like

I'm already starting to get hungry oily bag Is that you know Mary Poppins bag that keeps Someone's got a crotch That's like that Oh it's really good Mary Poppins

Keeps pulling things out of her pants I mean we did have We've already had a guy delivering things Did you mean is that? Yeah was that today yeah I think so It's been a long time already Yeah

But it's a delivery service where The package is delivered in their pants and that's just from a women of hen's night and stuff like that yeah um look mary poppins uh okay mary poppins is seeing her gynecologist oh my goodness and he finds something in there and then he takes it out there's heaps more stuff and there's heaps of more stuff in there there's lots of stuff in there she's yeah yeah i mean no look i mean it sounds like it could be an entire condition. You have Mary Poppins' vagina. Oh, yes. Yes. I can see Tim Vine being the doctor. Oh. He does it. Yeah. And that's the punch on. You've got Mary Poppins vagina.

Is it because it's a hazard of flying with an umbrella. There's a lot of things in the atmosphere. Yeah, yeah. She's wearing a skirt. Yeah. But that there's a real issue like that. Yeah. She's not just using it as a storage area she wasn't just like there was a bad landing in a in a garage site oh yeah yeah she got caught in like a tornado or something like that and so she was like flying over a like tornado alley or whatever like that and the whole house it sort of like that um i heard yeah she was the eye of the storm hmm she was the eye of the storm the nose of the storm um what about um Um, you know, uh, what about, yeah, we, we started with a genie thing before, you know, three, three wishes. Three wishes. Um, I mean, it feels like you never, you never, you don't often see people saying that they want to do something with the genie.

Like, you know, wouldn't it be nice to like, hang out with a genie? Hang out with the genie. Go to a movie. First one, I'd love to go on a first date with you. Hmm. And second, second wish. I mean, I guess if it doesn't come for free, like to have a little kiss. Hmm. You know, third wish.

But I don't know. Like a million dollars. That doesn't feel fair because the genie has to grant the wishes, right? Like that doesn't feel consensual. Yeah. Well, that's what the first three wishes are base one, two and three. If you want to go home, home base. Genie, you know, you want to go all the way with the genie, the genie.

What that actually means and you don't realize is go back into the lamp. Yeah, back to your place. I mean, you've already rubbed the lamp. Yes. Right, so... Not a start at home base. But that's the thing about baseball. You do start at the home base.

That's true. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, that's huge. You're sort of going back home. Mm. You're going for home. Yeah.

I guess that's what home is. Going back home. Yeah. Yeah. That's why they call it the home base. Yeah. I always thought it was just because it's like in the shape of a house. Mm.

Isn't it? Did you really think that? Unless it's ridiculous Is it called going back home Because we all came from a vagina Does anyone call it that We're not talking about baseball still Oh

Oh no you're saying Is it called home base Because Because that's You're returning like a salmon Back to the vagina Because you were born from a vagina And so is that when you

Is that when you Is home base in the sort of in the dating thing Is that going into the vagina? Is that going home? I don't know, I think, quite possibly. And in that case, it makes sense of the whole thing and well done.

Yes. But I think you would have life cycle is over. Yeah. I think that only works of your fucking your mum. Okay, all right. Coffee's kicking in. Now things are getting good. Anyway, I hope my family wasn't watching.

Oh, sorry. Fine when you were pulling food from your food. Oh, look, life peaked when I was pulling food. from my crotch. The the thong that you're wearing, it really is, I mean, is that why it's called a thong when you wear like the Borat style

over the shoulders? Because it's exactly the same sort of... Mancini. The mancini, because, you know, you have the bit that goes in between your toes. Now that's obviously in the keeny sense, that's between your legs. Yes.

I mean, someone should make a thong keeney, right? where it's a big thong that you can wear and it goes up your back i guess like that's where the thong is like a foot song or the yeah like a flip-flop right but you can wear it as an entire outfit so you've got a big foam thong that goes up your back yeah okay and then the bits that go between your toes they go between your crotch there and then the straps that go down the side they go up over your shoulders and it's a thong that you can wear as a as an entire outfit and i guess Why would this be good? Maybe you can use it then to slide down sand dunes.

And sleep, you know, like, what are you bright festival wear? Yeah, I mean, maybe it's an entire. Yeah, I mean, you'll be cold on the front, but for camping. Sure. Summer time. Summer festivals, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's good. Thanks.

I mean, if you even write it down on the... Yeah, there's a sketch idea. It might be, Alistair. And for a winter festival, you know, you'd wear the full-body shoe. The full-body shoe. Yeah. A shoe for your body. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it does make sense. The back of your clothes, if you did just put some padding down there or whatever, you could sleep anywhere. Yeah. I'd be so great to just be able to sleep wherever you are. My ass is already sore. Mine too. I'm sitting down.

Is that weird? I don't think these couches are super duper comfortable for this sort of long-term. Yeah. If I borrow this, I apologize. I think that's pretty standard to, like, sitting in the same position for a long- have you been doing it? I think I've got a weaker ass than I used to have. Oh yeah, that'll happen.

Yeah? You think so? Yeah? Do you think, does your ass get sore since you've been getting older? How dare you suggest? It's not that you're getting older. Yeah, it's preposterous. Yeah, I think so.

But I mean, I've only just been sitting for about 10 minutes. I know, but you were also on a point. It means in general, in life. Do you find that the seat of your body is not like not up to what it used to be? able to do like you used to be able to sit for days yeah we we just I mean it was a shortish flight two hour flight uh from Brisbane and I was wriggling around and yeah it is but I mean it is a very cramped sort of seat on it you know and I'm trying to I was sleeping we think we both slept but in the sleeping of the oh the leaning forward yeah head down

do you think that if you were on a plane despair position yes that if you're on a plane like at and you just started yelling, I'm uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable in this chair at some point that would bring you up into first class. Oh. Or do they divert the plane? I mean, they might do that too. You know what they should do. They should put everyone else up into first class because they'd be uncomfortable as well and that would teach you a lesson. Yeah, I know, but they're not going to do that. They're not going to do that. What about what if it was? I'm uncomfortable. I'm not having a good time. This chair hurts. What if it was in a sense? What if it was in a sketch.

I know. That's what I'm trying. No, no. That's what I'm trying. It's the idea that they call your bluff and they bring everyone else into first class and leave you alone. And everybody's all crowded into the... Yeah, but they're having such a good time.

You're a hero then, really. Then you've got everybody in the plan all along. Maybe that was the plan all along. The flight crew, they think they've got one over you on you. And they're all laughing with the rest of the economy class up in first class and pointing at you and that sort of thing and then you get off the plane and then they look out the window and they see you shaking hands with one of the other economy class people who was in first class and they slip your 20 bucks or something and they realize they've been scam

they've fallen for the oldest trick in the book and then that and then that character turns to the camera and winks and that's the end of the sketch there you go it's the i mean this is just part of our winning at life series of like you know These are sort of little zero-day exploits of like, this will work but only once, okay? Once the air crew realized that the guy's shouting, I'm uncomfortable, is trying to get everyone up into first class.

You won't ever be able to do that again. They're not going to fall for it. They're not going to fall for that again. But it worked one time and we'll come up with heaps more. In fact, maybe we put them on little coupons. You send us 50 bucks. We'll send you an idea. Here's the thing. I think being a con artist, a lot of it is just learning some old cons.

It's like being a magician. You mostly just learn a lot of the old tricks that the old masters have done. And then a lot of people are just following those scripts and stuff like that. To be like a modern day contemporary con artist and coming up with new cons all the time like that. And just starting new stuff like that. And sometimes riffing, going in, not knowing, not knowing where you're going. Started getting into a cafe and going, oh, I did a whoopsie. like that and then you go let's see where this goes

let's see what I can get. What you're saying is too many people focus on the artistry of con but not the craft That's right They're not willing to push the art form forward Where's the con craft? Yeah yeah where's the con craft That's right you're right

It's like you know And so then you go in and you go Hey I don't even want a specific thing No I'm going in here Maybe I'll get money Maybe I'll just get a free muffin Right But I'm going to use the bargaining power

of whatever scene I create to extract something from this, right? I want to, you know, it's like the guy. It's like the guy who decided to trade a paper clip for then, like a pen, for then, you know, until he had a house, right? I only need to get a little thing for free and then get out of there, and then I can swap that for something bigger. I like that. Maybe it's even go in there and try to get a paper plate.

I'm going to con my way to the top. All I need to do is, yeah, con five napkins out of this. Yeah. out of this cafe and then I'm already on the way now I've got those five napkins now I'm going to go and con somebody into giving me

a cigarette He's short conning his way to a long con Well Short cones are made of What are they if not? Yeah every long con starts with a A lot of cons Small cons all laid together

Yeah I don't know Sorry Matt will be saying Every long con begins with a A short con A short con starts Every day I come in and I take a penny

I take like, you know, 10 cents you know, from this change thing or whatever, the tips thing or whatever like that. And then over... Is that a con? It's a con. That's a con. He's a guy, he's got a wide definition of what a con.

Yeah, that's a con. That's actually technically a con. I go out into the alleyway and I eat some of these chips out of a bid. It's a con. It's a con. You're not supposed to do that. They don't want you to.

Yeah. At the time, I killed a rat, I cooked it, ate it. The art of the con. Yeah. Because like con, con, it's confidence trick is what I'm sure for, but it's not that clear. Con is the start of a lot of words. That's true. You know, convict or whatever, you know, anything illegal is a con.

On descending, Constantinople. There you go. Yeah, Con the fruiterer. Yeah, I could be, you could be a, you could be doing a long con the fruiterer. why did they call it you know and he's actually doing it one of the best long cons

anyone's ever seen and it's actually just a just a sculpture that goes three miles of con the fruit he's not he's not wide

but he's really long he's long and you can only enjoy it by plane or helicopter right and he goes for like three miles or something how would you I mean that would be a nightmare

if you want to get past you know it is a great wall of yeah it is a nightmare yeah you have to step over it. Wow.

Yeah. He hasn't made it to the step onable. It's not like one of those... Step over it, but I mean, he's high. How do you get over him? He's long. He's long. Yeah, but he's not so high.

Well, he's a man height. He's laying down. He's laying down. Oh, is he? Yeah. Sorry, I wasn't listening to that. This is your length. This is your width.

Well, I thought he was standing up, but then he made... I guess I was picturing thick. And I was thinking if it gets thick enough. A thick con. But once he's thick, I think once you're thick to a certain point, that becomes length. Yeah. It takes over the position of length.

Length is always... You're only thick up to a certain point and then thickness becomes length. Okay, he can be long in that way if you want. Thank you. It's just going to take a lot more material. And, you know, it's... And you can't step over it.

Yeah, but he could steal it. But what a great call would be if they think they're getting a really long con, but you give them one that's just really thick. After all that, sorry, mate. Yeah, I mean, they'd be able to tell... They'd be able to tell... within the first day of work or whatever.

That's why you don't reveal it. No, someone doesn't, you know, Andy. Andy type character is the one who's completed it. And he's like, there you go, I've done it. The long con. And he go, hang on. That's a sick con. So he, and I mean, maybe he's not a very tall man.

He walks into his first day of work. After all he's on, you're like, oh, it's quite a short con. That's right, yeah. When you get the perspective. That's right. He turns to the side. Yeah. Three miles long.

You think we're bringing him to life. Oh, he's living. He's a living statue. A living con. How would you take steps if your legs were like that? Anyway, it doesn't matter. Why did they call it fake meat and not con carne? Oh.

Does that make anybody... It's carne. You're like chili con carne? Yeah. Isn't that with... That means with meat, right? Yeah. So they should call fake meat con cancane.

Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Then it actually means with meat. Yeah. It wouldn't work in... All right, what about long con carne? Oh, sorry, this is... This is chili con carne.

This is fake... This is chilies made out of fake meat. Yeah. Why did you have... You got confused. I'm speaking English. A little bit of Spanish. But not as much Spanish as you think I am.

Yeah. Look, if you thought I was speaking more Spanish than I actually was, that's on you. That's on you, mate. Yeah. I'm not that multicultural. All right, I'll write that down. I used to make chili conkarni, and he'd make some for me without meat. He called chili conkani without the cany.

The chili, I don't know, I think, I always assumed the chili was like, but it's like that American style chili. It's sort of part of the meat. I think the chili almost. It's like a kind of sauce in America as a chili. Yeah. Because I always assumed it meant like hot, hot chili. Hot chili.

peppers. Yeah. It seems so close to a bowl of nays, doesn't it? Yeah. With beans in it. Mm. Mm. A bowl of nays. Yeah. Yeah. Come on I get a bowl of nays, thanks. What is nays? Like mayonnaise? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

And you just want a bowl of it. Yeah. In a spoon, just in a spoon. Two spoon. As a child, I would have eaten that. Yeah. I definitely did eat mayonnaise out of the jar with a spoon. Yeah. Because I was a little sick fuck. Yeah, I mean, look, I think if you enjoyed it, then you're not a sick fuck.

Did you, did you grow up with people who called spaghetti bowl and a spag bowl? We called it Spagbog. Oh, that is, that is even worse. Yeah, yeah, arguably. And even more incorrect. Yeah, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah, because it's not, yeah.

Bringing the G out. It's Bolog. Yeah. You're abbreviating with no regard for the structure of it. Gay abandon. Yes. Spag, bolog. Oh, yeah.

That's better. In Tasmania, sorry, we couldn't have gay abandoned. It was heterosexual abandoned. Yeah, okay. Up until 1997. Right, yes. Non-descript. And if that, who's that big Tazzy politician?

Erica Betts. It'll go back to that, I reckon. People here don't really like gay abandon. So we will be having hetero abandoned until for the notice. I won't give you any further notice That's got to be something Erica Betz getting rid of anything That sounds gay in any way

Like just the word gay The word gay is beyond My means I don't know They won't be front gates Anymore they will be front sexual Territz

Yeah Turrets Alright All right Erica Betz Before the podcast, we were briefly talking about the idea of no homo erectus. And I do think that, like, if homophobia continues to, you know, it feels like it's making a comeback. At least in the way people are expressing their thoughts online, that sort of thing.

Like, it's, you know, it's on the rise. and I think maybe eventually homophobic people will evolve into a completely separate species. Oh. You know, if you're... No-homo erectus. And they will become no-homo erectus. Right. So they'll devolve from sapiens as well.

Yeah, yeah. That's right. Oh, yeah. No homo sapiens. Yeah. I apologize. You know what? When you lose something, when you lose something, you know,

Like, if you lose your capability of becoming gay gene, other things go with it. And so maybe they do go back to erectus. And, you know, the brow gets a little bit bigger and things like that. Although, you know, there would have been a lot of homo erectuses that were also gay. Oh, true. You know, gay Neanderthals, there would have been by Neanderthals. It would have been Neanderthals that love strawberries. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. There would have been Neanderthals that enjoy sort of, sort of percussion. Yeah. You know, like, do you think at some point there would have been a Neanderthal around at some point? Those would have been the controversial things in the Neanderthal.

I mean, I don't know. I don't, I don't begin to understand. Yeah. Politics. The endothilian. Wait, I know you're annoyed that scientists have started calling fungus,

Fungis Fungi Fungi Fungi I've noticed They Probably over the last 10 years I've started saying

Neander tall As well When do you stand on that Yeah I mean It does bother me a little bit It does bother me Yeah I think I think that they

Scientists do use Their stranglehold As experts Change the pronunciation Yes You're right It's sort of a little bit Of authority creep

Right Well like once you are The voice of authority You're like Well if you're going to listen to me I'm going to Now I'm going to add this in It's not enough that I know how the fungus reproduces.

I also have a monopoly on how it is pronounced. Jenghis Khan. Is it a way to keep relevant when your sort of branch of science is no longer the one that's dominating the public conversation? Now that the fungus experts don't have that stranglehold on the entire scientific world than they used to have. They're trying to reclaim it from mushroom ladies. She might away a bit.

Yeah. I mean, maybe we could just create a new way of, you know, gaining knowledge that is without error. You know, something, you know, a new type of science. That's a really good idea. I think science is out of time. We've got to find a new way. Yeah, we've got to find a new way to do it where companies can't just pay for studies and then be able to go, oh, yeah, Coca-Cola is, so that it's medically actually quite cool.

Yeah. Like that. And so then we create a new one and we'll call it something else. Like something sounds cooler. Nollo. This is the new side. It's called nollo. Knowledge.

Yeah. It comes from the word knowledge, you know, nollo. Like that. And then we can fight back with this fungi thing. Yeah. And this is such a good idea. Yeah. Yeah.

And like the rebranding knowledge as well for the new generation. Having a campaign, maybe it's a government. campaign to try and make knowledge sound cool for young kids and we say have you got yolo for nolo yeah that's how we go to school ohlo yeah scolo yeah don't get nolombo yeah nolo no lo fomo yeah you are down with the kids yeah yeah i'm pretty up to date with um all this stuff yeah yeah no cap no cap for sure Cap. No cap, right?

I was talking about this with surrounding in the Uber. It means no lies. Yeah, right, no. But to what were we talking about? We said it's no cap. It's like a, oh, we were talking about it like on, ory caps? Venue deals, how they're, like, often festivals will be like,

whichever's higher. That's what you owe us. But, yeah, so there's no cap. No cap. How much you might owe. Oh, yeah, yeah. Intractual. Yeah.

That really sucks, by the way. Yeah. And no cap. I love, it's these artists' first festivals, isn't it? Yeah, if you go really well, by the way, if you even start to seem a little bit successful, we're taking a big cut of that. Yeah. I didn't know about this. I don't think I've even troubled those metrics.

They haven't been keeping me informed. They haven't thought it necessary. That one time that we had a comedy festival, that not many people from here signed up for, because it was in the middle of the pandemic and the last one had been cancelled and then the borders were closed so there were no international acts that was a great festival

and we had had a show and that was the moment we had been waiting for we were primed and ready nobody else can come and nobody else is putting on a show yeah and then and then we had a show that we had worked an extra year

more like an extra month and a half right before the festival and so then it was and then we had the biggest it went okay it went pretty okay yeah And then do you think that we got into the...

I think we got into that in that point, in that point. And that was when you two really started talking about close the borders. That's right. It was really with some caps. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. There's got to be a new alternative to not liking immigration. You know, is there a new way of, like, you know, blaming? Because surely, you're like, wait, wait, you're complaining that we're not enough,

high enough birth rate and that we need more people. I mean, that's the solution right there. You know what would help? More people. Yeah. And we can skip in that baby stage. They're not productive for society at all. Yeah, that's true.

You can skip right through that difficult early period. Skip the intro. Yeah. Everyone loves to skip an intro these days. It's right. I guess a baby does take somebody out of the workforce, which is what I guess these people want. They're like, oh, create new people and then take somebody out of the workforce

because their mother can't work then for a while. Yes, because the mother should stay at home with a child, Alistair. Well, she has to for a while. That's true. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you're trying to get me but you can't get me you can't get me I think births are actually there are a lot of work for the mother Andy so yeah oh you think a mother should be a work birthing work birth okay

oh beautiful work bird I mean we've all heard of the standing desk yeah what about the lying down on your back with your feet in the stirrups desk. Yeah. It's somewhat somehow bringing together the standing desk and the water berth, you know. Home birth.

Squatting desk. Squatting desk. That's the way to give a birth, I think. Well, apparently, you know, we would be out squatting in the fields, you know. Harvesting berries or whatever. Dropping babies onto the... Babies would just fall like ripe fruit

from a branch. Yeah. You know, it's my dad's nightmare right now It's like, because we have an apple tree in the backyard And every day he looks out the window And he just looks at how many apples have fallen on the ground You know, they're all like already bitten by bugs And he's like, I'm just going to have to go pick up all these apples

It is stressful Because our neighbor's plum tree comes over our fence We're not meant to deal with abundance I think because I can't even handle one tree Yeah, yeah Even though there's like, you know, you want abundance for inside your house You want to be able to open your cupboard and have lots of food and things like that. But when you're forced to get abundance on its own terms.

Now the apple's in charge. The apple tree is making you work for it. Exactly. We're slave to the orchard, the one tree orchard. And so we have been, my dad's like been saying, it's like, maybe there's a way that we can just cut the tree down? Not cut it down because we like the tree. Sterilize it.

Can we like cut its nuts? Wow. I don't think they have nuts. Yeah, I know. You're thinking of acorns. Yeah. But can we, is there a way you can get in there and just cut the tube? Oh, cut a lot of tubes.

Yeah. Yeah. Tree vasectomy. I think the problem is that trees are basically all tubes. Yes. Right? Then we'll cut every single bit. Every single tube.

Chop a damn. Well, it was just slice through every branch and just cut that one, you know, a tube. What about having it preserved in formaldehyde, you know, or taxidermide, you know, or taxidermite. Oh, a term. Taxidavit tree. Follow it out and then... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could use the internal wood for stuff.

Yes, great. Oh, yeah. And fill it with... You'd be building a nest for the queen. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then you could fill it with all those rotten apples. Yeah, oh, that's good.

Where to put them. That's good, all right. Do you think this is a sketch? A taxidermied tree? I think taxidermy tree. Write it down. Yeah. Very funny.

Dermy. I mean, also like a, you know, you could have a... At least the guy, the guy gets a taxidermy a... cunt to come over and be like, what about this? Do you reckon you could do this? Like that is, I want? Like, is there a squirrel in there or something? No, no, no.

No, the whole thing. Do it. I also think, though, that like a, you could have a scene in maybe in a movie where a unscrupulous logging company, it turns out they've been hollowing out the trees, you know, cutting all the inside out of the, our old growth forest. Yeah. And then just preserving the rest of it.

So it looks like they're still standing, but actually all of those eucalypt they're all hollow they've taken that out and they've used it to make wood chips for some reason yeah that's a that's a great evil backstory for like a kid's movie or something and then the koala discovers it and he bands them all together the emu and the coca barra yes and the frilled neck lizard yes and and and then go anna in the wombat and the The Zool on the Bandriga Is a Butger from Australia?

Yeah, it is. Isn't that fantastic? They live in the Outback. But maybe the frill neck lives in... Bro big flocks of them. He's actually a spy. Oh, he's taxidermid. Oh, he's taxidemid himself.

Okay, so he's just like... He's got a listening device in size. Yeah, he's a plant. Oh, and the frill would work as like an antenna. Like an antenna. Like an antenna, you know? Yeah, a satellite dish. Oh, wait.

So they've hollowed out all. All of the trees already? Then they band together. What do they do? They go get the wood back? Go get the wood back? Or they cry? Yeah.

It's just like a grieving cycle. Yeah, that's right. There's nothing they can do. Maybe they discover it is mid-process. I don't know how firm you are. Yeah, everything's done. Yeah, right. There can be some hope, I suppose.

Yeah, okay, so what are they called? People who cut down trees? Arborist? No, logger. Lumberjack. A troupe? This is going to be a funny sketch. This is going to be a funny sketch.

It's true So to be a sketch This would be like a fake Movie trailer Well I think You know It could be a classic movie Where like the unscrupulous

You know Millionaire in the town Is doing this And like you know The kids have got to get together Or something And they catch him And they find out what he's doing

He's hollowing out the trees It sounds hard It sounds complicated Yeah It doesn't seem like it would be very good Maybe he's working together With some termites or something You know

Maybe he's got like a drill that just goes underneath and it sucks it out. Yeah, but the evil geniuses in kids' shows are always. They're so far-fetched. They are incredible. Technology, evil technology is so far ahead of anything we could imagine. So much smarter than all of us. Yeah. The incentives are greater, I think.

You're right. And that's what drives innovation. Yes. And they seem to be more passionate about their work, you know, which I don't. Actually, a lot of the time, they don't seem motivated by money, right? The evil people in, like, kids cartoons and stuff. Like, they are motivated by, is it power? Like, I think a lot of the time, like, if it's, you know, your Ben 10s or whatever it is, I don't know,

maybe Ben 10's a bad example, but, like, maybe PJ Masks, that kind of show. The evil people are doing these incredibly elaborate, complex schemes with incredible robots and, you know, digging tunnels under the whole city or whatever with no thought of the profit motive. And it suggests that there is an alternative to capitalism. Yeah. Right? Like we're constantly told that we won't get innovation

if we don't have the profit motive. But I think the evil thirst for power motive is possibly greater and might give us hope of like some other way of... You're saying that this current society we have is because we went secular. I think... And you need to... Bring back religion to get proper evil.

True villains. True villains. Yeah. Instead of like the old Christian sort of dominating society, we want satanic. Is that what you're thinking? I don't know if it's not satanic evil as well. I think it's like, I think it is actually quite a secular evil off of a mad scientist type of evil. That it doesn't rely on, you know, these higher powers to get it.

They find their evil from within. And that's really beautiful. That is really beautiful. That is really beautiful. That seems sustainable and renewable. Which is something they hate. They hate that. But, you know, if we can turn it to our own ends.

I think that's really funny. I think an entirely evil economy where it's, you know, all the corporations. I mean, I don't know if this would solve any of the problems, but it would at least be something different, you know. And I think maybe that's where we're headed. We've given capitalism a go. before we try anything crazy like actually redistributing wealth

or like, you know, giving people just recompense for their labour, let's try pure evil-based economy. Yeah, because you've got to fix the problems we have at the moment, you need to let the subconscious kind of work at it. So we need to give us some new problems. Exactly. What we're suggesting is that pure evil

might be a slightly better system than capital. Yeah, I think that I think so. Yeah. I mean, in a way, I think that feels like what people in America might have been thinking when they voted. It was like, capitalism is not working for us. Let's try pure evil. Let's try pure evil. I don't want to vote for these socialists, but look, let's consider.

Yeah, yeah. Look, I think there's definitely something in there. And it's a good way to vote. And I think being a little bit upset about something that you feel like you're being forced to say I think that's a good basis for choosing a vote. Absolutely right. Yeah. Oh my goodness. You guys weren't going to believe this.

I mean, you guys probably won't. This is really exciting. Yeah, but our new guest is here, which means that we have to already. I know you guys were already not. You guys weren't here for that long. You came here, you gave us coffees. Yeah.

You know, you. Well, I've been here. for longer than Saran, why don't I step out and you can have a crossover period. That would be beautiful. That would really smooth things over. But Serran, I also don't want you to feel trapped here because of that's a gesture.

I mean, as long as you like, we'll probably head home together. But have you guys moved in together? Yeah, we're both moved back in. A lot has changed. And so it's just, yeah, just plum trees and out now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cool.

It's Matt's a tree. He's my name. Do you guys like drink beers in the shower? yeah yeah a couple of bachelors before before we head out in our like adult napis yeah we normally like that's a mistake that those rugby players made we don't do that we will pre-game we do we do we do we yeah yeah and we stick mad monday it's the mondays we're very traditional like that anyway i like so much have a minute thank you so much much thank you so much much, Matt's true.

Please welcome Jess Perkins. Jessica Perkins. And can't help but notice that Matt really, like, was desperate to get out. As soon as Jess arrived, it's like, these two can't be on a podcast together. No. Not a lot of people know that do go on is actually you're all record, all your bits are recorded separately, like one of those Pixar movies. Yeah, yeah. Never in the same room together.

Like the Beatles in the later stages. But much. like actors in Pixar movies when we are seen together at premieres and live events, we act as if we recorded the whole thing together. That's where the real acting comes in. That's why they, because a lot of people say, oh, why can't we just have voice actors doing these roles? You know, why does it all have to be celebrities these days?

It's because they're the ones who have the ability to pretend that they're friends make up lies about putting each other on set or whatever at a red carpet. But, firstly, you cast the junket. Like, who would we love to have sitting opposite each other as they're interviewed by someone from the project? May she rest in peace. Yes. But, oh, yes.

I thought you were talking about the someone on the project. May this put someone on the project rest in peace, someone on the project. No. Have you not heard about the project itself? Oh, is it? Have they reduced it down to a couple of days? They've reduced it down to a couple of days. Yeah.

Ease him into the news. Yeah, just a couple of days a week now and, you know. Yeah, no, they're still doing the project but on a farm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they're pretty good to a farm. Oh, that's really exciting. Yeah, and they got all this land to broadcast from. Oh, that's really cool.

They can go out and do news as differently as they want. Yes. So different. The news is delivered so differently out there. They love it. They love it. We're having a really good time. That's nice.

Being told. That the show wasn't cancelled. I mean, I do love the idea of, like, when a show gets cancelled, they do release all the cast and the crew out into a field. And they go to the paddock and they just roam around interviewing each other and, I guess, eating grass. I like the idea you touched on before of auditioning, but not for the actual role, but for the press junket.

Like doing chemistry reads and just asking. two actors inane questions while they go, mm-hmm, that's funny. Do you remember that day on set? Here's a funny story about that, actually, yeah. What, no. And we play like, how good you're improper? And they have to play the best friend game,

but they've never actually been in the same road. Yeah. They're like, your favorite meal, oh, I want to say spaghetti. Yes, it's spaghetti. Ah, we're best friends. That is not great. He's too excited. It's too hard.

It's spaghetti. I love spaghetti Yours is also spaghetti Yeah We'll give you a call Yeah thank you so much Thank you very much It's been a thing

You guys giving me I always think that if I say How much I appreciate getting the offer Yeah That they're like Give it to me Love getting the offer Imagine how many more thanks

We're going to get this guy When he actually gets the role He's probably going to be thanking us all day Every Alistair This is exactly my logic as well I've done two objects this week and I'm looking back on it now

and I'm like wow, I sounded so pathetically grateful in those little self-tapped slates that I have to do for the thing. I mean... Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, so nice to meet you.

I love the script. This is really great. I do think that like it would be great if they did cast it on that basis right? That like the casting agents are there and like, so who's going to be really grateful if they get this? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who will appreciate this? I don't get any gratitude at home. So I need to find that elsewhere. Yeah. And... Got to be in some actors. This dudes. This guy is...

He is very grateful. Yeah. Yeah. Super... He's great. Boy, we're going to get thanked a lot. If he gets rolled, geez. I'll say we just give it to him.

I don't think we're going to get thanked more than this guy. Those thanks are in the bank right now. Yeah. That's a thank bank. The old thank bank. I think about that later when I feed my kid's spaghetti and they don't even look up from their iPads. That they're eating spaghetti off of it.

Spaghetti! They're eating spaghetti off the iPad. We don't even use plates in my house. This is a genuinely fucking good invention. Yes. The eyeplate, right? It's a plate with an iPad built into it. And you've got to eat all your food.

You've got to eat the food. So you can plop bits of food down. around in different spots on this map. Okay? And the kids have to... There's a little guy running around. Because you've got to eat the food before he gets there so he can get through to the next little section of the map or whatever.

Trying to slow... It's like those dog food. Yeah. Slow eaters. No, it's trying to make them eat something. Okay. Yeah. You're just thinking that you're trying to slow them down?

Yeah, but you know, like... They eat too fast. Yeah, does that happen with dogs? Yeah. No, no, no. That's never an issue, I think, usually with children. Kids, you're like, please just eat your food. Just eat something.

Yeah. Eat a vegetable. thing that I worked really hard on. Try not to make me feel the worst I've ever felt about it. Love gamifying dinner for kids. I think if we need to tap into the adult market as well, we need to go into diet culture and disordered eating and you plop the food on the plate

and it tells you how many calories it is. So then you feel really bad about it. People will love this. People will love that. They'll hate it, but it will sell. We'll unfortunately do very well. But maybe when you put food on the plate and it analyzes what it is, it goes, oh, man,

you're going to look like such a legend when you eat this. Yeah. Like that, and you go, oh, man. Yeah. You're looking hot. And it's going to be so yummy and so good for you. Yeah. So yummy.

What is it? What are we eating on the plate? Spaghetti! I just wanted to yell spaghetti. Yeah, it's really fun. It would be great if it was sort of like very specific propaganda that your tongue believes, you know? Like if the tongue

Propaganda for your tongue If the tongue could be like propaganda for your tongue If the tongue could be convinced That it's going to really like Eating something healthy for it Right And you sort of lay that groundwork And then like by the time the tongue eats it

It's already invested in this idea So it convinces itself that it likes I mean I do like tongue propaganda Because like then that way You're just eating something really healthy And but it can also be like Oh you're so naughty for eating this Yeah

You shouldn't be doing this You go And it's a salad Yeah Yeah You're like, oh, I'm so bad. Oh, like that, but it's got, oh, it's got all sorts of... Yeah, I'm really treating myself with this disgusting little.

Does that? Oh, you're being a bad boy. What about also a new type of food where it's like something really delicious on the outside, but then the stuff on the inside is really healthy. But the only thing is that you won't be able to actually chew into it, right? So what you need to do, it's sort of like an enormous tablet that you put it in your mouth. It tastes delicious, but then you've got to go... And to swallow it down.

without actually risking breaking it open because it has disgusting, tasting stuff inside like a salad. What is it? A giant tablet. A giant tablet. A giant tablet with the food and then, you know, there's like, you know, a little... Salad is so good though, isn't it? Yeah.

A lot of salads are really good. A lot of salads are actually quite good. Yeah. Why does the pill have to be really big? Yeah. Couldn't it just be long? Because it could be thin, really long and be like, or you can push it down.

Yeah, like swallowing a sword. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, okay. Like a sword swallow, did you say? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or you could have a, it could be like a gun.

You shoot the food down. The tongue doesn't have a chance to taste it. You just got to swallow the barrel a little bit. I go, like that, and you go, oh, there you go, whole meal. You do want to bypass the tongue, really. Yeah. That's the main reason. Yeah, it's a real gatekeeper.

Yeah, it is. Yeah. And has way too much power, in my opinion. That's right. That's why you need a gun. First, first you threaten the tongue. Yeah. Like that, because, you know, if you shoot the food directly onto the tongue, it will hurt. So then the tongue gets out of the way. Yeah.

It lets you get to the esophagus or whatever it is. Sorry, I shouldn't be pointing. Like that, you go, meal done. Yeah. The tongue gets out of the way. Yeah. You just do one little, one warning shot to it. And then it goes, ah, oh, oh, oh.

I think it'll get a whole barrel. Then however much you want to eat, you empty a foot. full clip. Yeah. You're really gorging yourself. Yeah, you're like, oh, I shouldn't. So good. I mean, if that's the case, then the gun could taste really good.

Like, the gun could be made out of bread. Oh, like that's a salted gun. Yeah, it's an assault rifle, a salted rifle. A salted rifle. Yes. Then so that, and it rests on the tongue, and the tongue is thinking, this is delicious. Yeah. I'm so lucky.

to get to have this um whatever it is in on top of me yeah oh i'm so lucky to have this on top of me like that yeah maybe the gun speaks as well that says that you're so lucky to have me on top of you yeah but it speaks tongue language yeah it speaks to the tongue the mother tongue imagine if there was a mother tongue oh where all the tongues are born tongues come from and then the little tongue has to crawl up inside your mother and then go up and then go in wait wait what reach the it's like there's like a mother tongue somewhere in the sewer yeah yeah like the sewer all that's the worst place from come from and and then it goes up through the pipes and all its little babies are tiny little tongues i think they're on the outside and they

break off almost like polyps right yeah like i don't think it reproduces sexually i think it's asexual the little taste buds on the mother tongue get bigger and strong and they become their own tongues and then they break off as it crawls through the sewers because that's where it lives they get brushed off against the

and then they're free and then they go and try and find their homes this is a beautiful Pixar movie and so then they crawl up through the sewer and then they go up through the toilets come out and then they go into where the mother they go up your butt while you're on the toilet they could but I think they have to go

into the birthing canal so they have to go and they have to break through the survey or whatever like that and then they go in through there make a little hole just a tiny little hole so there's a bad oh the mother's pregnant is she yeah the mother's pregnant and so then then the tongues can smell a fetus right and they go up through the sewers right come out and then they go in the sewers through the sewers and then they come out and they go and they go and not always in the hospital

the mom's not you know like we could yeah wherever they are and it goes in there and then it goes and it finds the baby's mouth and it like lays down goes in there and it's sort of but they're very good at it like they know Which mothers speak which languages. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why they speak their mothers. That's right, yeah, yeah, that's how babies start to learn how to speak. Right.

Because of what's... The tongue... The tongue speaks the language. Sometimes people get knocked on the head and then they wake up and they can speak in different language. Yeah. The tongues have been replaced. Yeah, he had a different tongue. The tongue fell off.

Yeah, and that's why other animals can't speak. This is having a great... That's why other animals can't speak because they don't get these tongues. Yeah. Yeah, they can just... go like, I love you, like one of those like

like that cat. Oh, it was a husky. Yeah. Really? Yeah, they kind of how. Or is it

the cat said? No, no, no, no, no, that's it. Yep.

Oh, no, no. I'd love to get those two together. Oh, yeah. The anxious attachment style and the avoidant attachment style of the,

the cat that can only say no and the husky that can only say, I love you. Yeah, yeah. Watch them and maybe it's a whole, you know, I'd love to get there.

on the couch in some sort of reality. Maybe maths. Put them together in maths. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that would be cool. Yeah, yeah. See if it works out.

I guess we'll have to see what the psychologist. Well, now dogs aren't often date cats, but then dogs don't date. Yeah. So it doesn't mean that they don't like it. Doesn't mean it's not their thing. And this is news done differently. Yeah.

This is where I'm on the farm. I don't know why I'm about to shoot the news, but yeah so that's where tongues come from I think I got lost on the idea that because like you know the mother's body creates bones and a brain and all of the organs but it's not a tongue though

I can't make a tongue we can't expect too much of the month that's true I agree think about something like mitochondria you know we never had mitochondria when we were evolving then the mitochondria which was a bacteria was incorporated into the cell structure.

That's right. We have a symbiotic relationship with it. It's probably the same with tongues. And from the sewers. And from the sewers. Yeah, mitochondria was one of the best places you can find mitochondria sewer. Usually the sewers are like, you know, the birthplace of a set of all that is good, you know? Fatbergs.

Fatbergs. By the way, Cindy and Fatberg is a really good idea for... Oh, Cindy and Fatberg! Spaghetti! Sennian Fatberg! It could well be, you know, a villain. Yeah. In a Marvel movie, if this hasn't already been done.

Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're just made of, like, wet wipes and oil and stuff like that, and fat and butter and stuff. This would be a really good toilet. Yeah. Yeah. Things could be a really good thing for, like, our...

So greasy. This could be the Moriarty in our weird unit unit police TV series. Yeah. You know, that, like, he's pulling the strings of all the crime in the city, you're trying to find out who it is who's like ultimately in charge of this web of crime

and you trace it all back to actually this sentient Fatberg living in the sewers. Yeah, I mean, this would be a good... I know superhero movies are a little bit done, they're not quite done, but... I think we've got room for more. Yeah, we've got room for a sentient.

When they hear about this, when they hear it about this. Because how do you defeat a sentient fatberg? Exactly. I've just found out what a fatberg is. Yeah. And, well, they... It's like a 40-ton one

that they pulled out of the... was in Perth. They had to cancel a... Whose concert was it? It had to be cancelled. I think it was like... Who's the achy-breaky heart guy? Billy Ray Cyrus.

I think it was something like that. There was like, it was supposed to be a Billy Ray Cyrus concert. And they're like, we have to cancel this concert because if one more shit goes down this sewer system. And people...

And you know what people are like at a Billy Ray Cyrus. Oh, they are good. They're going to let it fly. Mm-hmm. Nothing's... going to move your bowels like a Billy Ray Cyrus. My goodness. I've always said that.

I've long said that. I've long said that. Ever since I first, when I first heard, Akey Break Your Heart, I said, I've got to go to the toilet. And I said, that's weird, isn't it? That is weird. But then every time I've heard Akey Break Your Heart since. That's how the Fatberg became sentient.

Could be. Yeah. Tearing a bit of Billy Ray Cyrus over the... I mean, that's the beautiful thing is that it's like, it is like the sirens call for the turds to go back to the fat bird which I assume has some turd in it All our ideas are going to be about things

going into or out of the sewers I hope you guys are okay with this at this point we are locked into a particular mode of working Yeah okay and it's you know That's it that's the only pipe that we know how to Explore Get ideas in and out As a child did you ever hear the story

I don't know if this was still doing the rounds when you kids were at school but we were told the story of someone who had been a kid who had like this is a childhood story this is what you tell on the playground a kid who was really into teenage mutant ninja turtles

and they'd cut off two of their fingers so that they could have three fingers like a teenage mutant ninja turtle and they'd gone to live in the sewers did you get told this story? I feel like I might have heard something. I think you had me, I thought I thought about a kid going into the sewers,

but I had maybe forgotten or not heard the detail of cutting off the fingers. So they could have the three fingers. Honestly, I mean, even if you, I get it, you want to go live with the teenage mutant turtles. Have two extra fingers. Yeah. Okay. Like, surely that's nothing but an advantage.

Yeah. I mean, you don't have the shell, you know. It's not like you're never going to be a teenage mutant turtle. No, because you're not a mutant turtle. Yes. And you could be yourself. Yes. You can just be a teenage person in the sewers.

Yeah. That's weird enough. best you can hope for. That's a thing. It's a nice gesture, though. It's like, I'm not better than you. That's true. Yeah. I'm meeting you where you're at. They can't grow two extra fingers. I'll lose a couple. He was disappointed when they didn't offer a shell in return. Yeah. Or to at least cut off their own shell.

Yeah. Yeah. I've made this sacrifice. That would be nice for them to like, can you rip off your, essentially your back? Yeah. And then some of your front and then have exposed organs. And then I'll expose my organs. Yeah. Do you think... Sort of a tip for... We'll just keep...

Yeah, yeah. And then until we are, I look exactly at like these sort of like shriveled down, skinless, kind of three-fingered, I guess whatever... Yeah, we're kind of becoming

like whatever the last time we had a common evolutionary ancestor. Trying to work our... Us and turtles. Yeah, us and turtles. Before we went off. I said mutant turtles. Sorry.

That's a couple of extra steps. We should make a TV. show that is just dramatizing, like in a black mirror style, fucked up little stories that kids tell in playgrounds. Like you go around, you listen to whatever it is that they're

talking about. This is all done above board. But, and then we turn those into, you know, that's the fuel for our... But there's some that would probably, that were around in our childhood that are probably... Still going. They've evolved a little, but they're

probably still going. Because I remember talking to, I can't I can't even remember specific stories now, but remember talking to older cousins, and it's like, we all had the same story. And that's only when you start to go, oh, maybe that wasn't true, that absurd story about a child cutting off their fingers and getting into the sewers.

Maybe it wasn't actually true. But when you're on the playground, you're like, this is, this is true. I thought about it so much as a kid, and I was terrified of it. I was like, I really like teenage mutant ninja turtles. I hope I don't, like, ever do that. It felt possible.

I felt like I might do that because I know that that's what happens to people who do like this show. Yeah. I think the idea of like being afraid of wanting something. Oh, I hope I never want to chop up people into little bits with a knife. So it's such a weird fear because you're like,

well, I just don't really want to do that. If I'm afraid to want to want that, it's probably because I don't want to do that. Yeah, probably won't ever do that. Then what if I want to? I'm intrigued by the stories. because people aren't passing them on is there an oral tradition

or is it just part of the development of the prefrontal cortex or something yeah that they emerge these are the stories that all kids kind of come up with independently yeah yeah oh yeah sewer boy yeah that's just part of you it's a normal thing to just want you know

it's like the same way we the other day my kid asked me who created this world like that and so it's like you know you kind of go oh there must be somebody responsible for things like that the same way that you think at some point, some boys that I can't see

must be living in the sewers. The seward, yeah. And, you know, and I wonder why they went there. What did you tell your child? Did you just go a nice, straight, clean, Christian God? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sentient, fat, you know? Sentient, fatberg. No, I just kind of went to classic, well, we're not really sure, but we're pretty sure it's not a person, but some people do believe. That's the thing. they think that some guy used magic

and made the world and all that kind of stuff like that. And then as a misdirect, you went, Spaghetti! Spaghetti! Like that. And then I go, but, you know, the way that we can find out these things

is through, you know, collecting knowledge, through Nola that I've been before. And use a new type of science. Oh, I'm into it. Yeah, yeah. Hey, this has been a pleasure.

Oh, my God, Serene. Thank you so much, my friend. This whole time I've been like, how is Serene going to get out of here? Yeah. There is no escape. I think you did it incredibly well. Serent.

Also, I can't really tell because you're wearing a hat, but it looks like you're wearing your hair a little bit longer and I think it's cool. It's nice. Oh, yeah, that is really cool. Nice spin too.

I mean, Serene, he feels to me like somebody who reinvents himself periodically. Oh, yeah. Not like a complete ground-up reinvention, but like at least like a new operating system or like a... Very much.

We could definitely use these at some point. A little update. Yeah. You know, like where you're like, oh, now it's Saren... Three point. Oh, like Sarenne, like who does... There's like some...

Yosemite. What's that thing there? Yosemite. Jousting? Yeah, a jousting. Well, yeah, I was thinking about the fancy one that's in the Olympics there. Fencing.

Fencing. Fencing. The fancy one of the Olympics. Yeah. We got there. Fancy sword fighting. Fancy sword fighting. You think they should have like just shooting each other with guns in the Olympics?

Yes. Like if they've got sword fighting and they've got target shooting, they should have shooting at each other. Yeah, I guess so. But you just wear... sort of a strong enough suit. Just wear a strong enough suit so that it's fine. It's got to hurt because there's got to be something that stops them from continuing.

Or you're just trying to get, do, do, do, like that, first to get three good shots on the other person. Ducking and weaving and shooting? I would watch the shit out of that. Yeah. Oh, if I knew, maybe they're shooting blanks or maybe like it, but it's still going to hurt or it's still going to look impactful. I would watch that. And they have to be like in a big, like, perspex kind of room or whatever like that. So, like, you can only watch from outside the thing.

Bullets can't go fast enough, you know, that they go through the perspex, you know, and then you just go like three, two, one. And it's just duel. It's dueling. Yeah. You know? Getting, shooting each other into the Olympics.

Had a lot of really good gun ideas since you came on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you think that is? Oh. Do I make you feel violent? No, you make me want to say things that make me look cool. Yeah, like Spaghetti! Spaghetti!

Spaghetti! You should have shouting at the Olympics as well, let's be honest. Yeah. You know? Where the dads would really shine. Oh, I mean, if it's so... Like yelling at your kids. Yeah.

Cut out there! Joy! Oh, the men and the women's events and things like that. Or men yelling at women, women yelling at men. Thank you. You know? And then both, they yell. And there's one event which is yelling at non-binary children.

just because it's too hard to kind of like have an event where it's, you know, women yelling at a woman, a female child, women yelling at a, or maybe there's just two kids. What if it's just a, what if it's just a, I think you probably wouldn't use a real kid in the Olympics. I think you'd probably use, like they do with clay pigeon shooting. You'd probably use like a, like a bore, a big bore, a foam pad or something like that, and you yell at that. And you can tell them there's a kid inside.

There doesn't have to be, though. But what about just for the emotional connection? Yes. You know with like medical training, they have very accurate like dummies now. Maybe we'll speak, mannequins. Maybe you use something like that that is, you know, that you can really channel your rage into.

Yeah. But without actually traumatising a real human child. I do feel an emotional connection with those mannequins as well. I really want to save their lives. Yeah. If that's what I'm learning to do. In this case, no. Are the ones that you kiss?

at the first in the first in the first i mean you're not supposed to kiss him yeah you're just straight i mean they say put you're called the kiss of life yeah right because i thought it was for me it was more of a kiss for life yeah you take it home and uh like that and you put your finger in their mouth like that you clear the airways i think that's going to be the funnest part of ever saying somebody we're still talking about the kiss of life which is just general kissing general general kissing no no clear it out clear the airways first i think that's the thing with the yeah with the first aid thing that's the funnest looking bit.

Cleaning out the airways. Getting your finger. Getting the vomit out. The risk of getting your finger in there when there's still a set of teeth. I can't believe that that ever works. Like, what could they be in there? You know, that's just lying around in their mouth.

I don't know, maybe they were, what if they were eating like a hot? I've tried to get stuff out of my kid's mouth. It's impossible. Yeah. Well, I did first aid training earlier this year. Yeah. And I mean, your kid, yeah,

you can probably put your hand in there. But if it's a stranger, They teach you to just use their hand Even if they're unconscious You don't know what This is getting even more Isn't that weird? This is not helpful

Grab their finger and You're not going to be able to do anything Because they don't have to do that There's like a chunk of hot dog in there And you're just like pushing it down Further into the esomagus That's a great idea What about this?

Everyone loves first aid What about second aid? We teach people to show up Where something is already under control And mill around awkwardly saying you're good Yeah, you're good, cool, cool Okay, well I actually do have to get to work

Yeah, but if you guys are okay Looks like it's under control They are still wearing high viz though Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Just like first aid people That's right, you gotta put your high viz on for them Maybe they even have a, they have an ambulance Yes

Have a siren, they follow just after the main ambulance They get there five minutes later and go, You guys good or? Yeah, yeah You're right? What about, it's the first aid And you're like, they said, oh, you've got to use their finger. And they go, oh, my God, this guy doesn't have fingers.

And then so then you get another, go, you can I use your finger? Yeah, got to use somebody else's finger. Then you knock him unconscious. Yeah, yeah, like that. And then you'll be able to do two people, but just do one first. Always put your mask on before you put the other person's masks. Always save the first patient before you save the patient that you knocked out in order to save the first patient. Yeah.

And also, you know his airway is clear. Yeah. That's the first rule of second aid. Yeah, you go, you go, open your mouth. Ah, you got anything in there. You go, no, knock him out. Don't have to clear his mouth. Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Unless you put something in his mouth. Yeah, like your finger. And then you use his finger to get your finger out. Well, maybe that's what's going on with the first guy who you notice didn't have any fingers. They're all in his mouth. Oh, my gosh. Oh, his mouth is full of fingers.

He was trying to eat all his fingers, and he's choked on one of them. Oh, this is, mate. Has he passed out with his head still up here? Maybe he cut his fingers off to try and become a teenage mutant ninja turtle. Well, we've all been there. Yeah. I mean... Wait, what was the other idea that we had along the way there?

Second aid. Second aid, that's what we were. A really good idea. It's a really good idea. I mean, what would the second aid siren sound like? Yeah. It's a little less urgent, but it's still like, I'm coming through, but like, I heard recently about somebody

who'd hit a goose with their car and the goose was really badly injured. Oh no. And they tried to put it out of its misery but apparently it's really hard to kill a goose because their necks are so flexible anyway. Oh, he's trying to break the neck? Yeah.

I'm not sure if breaking something's neck actually does kill it. Doesn't it just paralyze it? Depends, I guess. Well, it's progress, isn't it? It's all progress. Oh, it's good. Step in the right direction. I mean, at least it's more injured.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just not feeling the pain from the initial. I put it out of that misery. I might have put it into a different misery. But at least it's a change. It's like when you're hurt and somebody like pinches you or something and they go, see, but now you're not thinking about the other pain. It's like that. Oh, hello? I think you're just saying hello.

Yeah. It doesn't work for the goose. We need a completely new sound. What would scare a goose? Like a fox? What a foxes sound like. Nobody knows what a fox sounds like. Is that right?

Well, there's a whole song called What Does the Fox Say? Yeah. It's about not knowing the noise that foxes make. Yeah, right. Well, you know there's that sound that cars make, which I guess this adds to the palette of sounds you can do. You know when the car's already, it's an petrol engine kind of thing, when the car's already running

and then you try to turn the... Try and turn it on. It's really embarrassing. Yeah. How's that? Maybe you could use that when there's a goose or just something in traffic

where you're like, well, I know a honk is rude and another honk, a short honk is kind of nice. Yeah. What about when you just want to get their attention? It's a really good idea. Yeah, that is good actually.

Yeah, we do need more options in cars, I think, is you right? The honk is... A vehicle vocab. Yeah, we need more. Yeah. I guess there's probably, I mean, there's like running into a wall that does make a sound. It's like if you knock over a bin or something.

With a car? With a car? Yeah, you're right. You know the sound? Slamming doors. You could do that as you're driving down the highway. Yeah. So, you know, you do have access to a bit of an orchestra.

Yeah, but it's got to be heard by other cars if you're trying to communicate with other people on the road. You know the noise you make when, like, when someone is walking along and like maybe they're not really paying attention, Maybe this is a female thing as well, I'm not sure. Let's say somebody sort of is about to knock into me and I can see they're about to. And I'll make this. I'll go like, oh, it's like a passive-aggressive. It's like a passive-aggressive, like, oh, I'm not actually.

It's just sort of like a, I'm going to do your whoops for you. Correct. And then you'd better respond to that with a, oh, I'm so sorry. And I go, it's okay. And I walk away and you fucking, you know, I think a car needs a, when someone's about to do something a bit silly. It's not quite a beat, but it's like a, hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because we've done that.

We use sometimes the ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah, the lights. Like, you know, somebody comes and drives, like, into your lane. And you're like, oh, hello. And you're like, are you looking at your phone or some shit? Yeah, yeah. I don't want to. You better be looking at your phone, buddy, because if you're just doing this, I mean,

we all love to look at our phones. Of course, it's the best. It's the best. It's a thrill. It feels so good. That text I got, you. It is urgent. Could be.

It could be anything. Yeah. You're getting a job offer. Yeah, and I need to respond in the next 32 seconds. Exactly. Or it'll go to someone else. We're going to get Grant Denia.

Damn it. Oh, no, Andy. Another job you were going for, went to Grant Denia. No, I was Jess in that scenario. Yeah, man. Have you ever heard of... Grant and I go up against a lot of stuff, yeah.

Go up against a lot of stuff. He was the first choice for Dugo on. Really? And the first choice for Jess writes a rom-com, actually. Oh, really? Yeah. Was it was a Grant rights of rom-romcom? No, it was Jess writes a rom-romcom.

Roncom. Yeah. And so I felt like I was a bit of a shoe in. Having written it. Great. I would love that. Only if you... You're on the spot here, really, by asking you on air.

Perfect way to do it, I think. I'm on here. Because I find that I go, oh, that person would not be interested in coming on the podcast. And then when the podcast started to come out, people would message me and be like, I love Romcom's. I was like, yes. I think it's fine to, you know, put yourself out there. I think so, too. I think so too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always feel like that. I won't start a podcast where we get guests. That's why we only get a guest every 100th episode. I think it's smart. Every 100 episodes almost. But every 100 episodes, you get 42 guests. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You could just have regular guests. That's right. Okay, now it's just us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is really good now. Okay, now we can get some really good sketch. You know what happens when we get together. Yeah, yeah. We discovered the other day.

We get the sillies. We get the sillies. We start going, ah, spaghetti. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, immediately. It was spaghetti. Yeah, yeah, and it was very fun. And I guess, let's go back to the dining area.

Maybe there's like sketch ideas in there. Yeah, okay, great. You know, and let's see. I mean, it's always seen as such a romantic thing to have two people eating from the same plate of spaghetti. Yeah. And then they suck up a noodle. Yep.

And then they're both sucking on the same noodle. Yeah, that's all. The trouble is that there is actually so many noodles inside your average packet of spaghetti that even when you are trying to do that, it's actually really hard to do. realistically, it's really difficult. The noodles are not that long a lot of the time. You probably can't even get a lot of range between where two people would be.

So I don't know. I'm just suggesting, is there a packet of spaghetti, a romantic pack? It's just one really long one. Exactly, a romantini or something like that. Or romangetti. It would have to be like such a long packet. Because also, I don't know if when you were growing up, this is, seen as a real culinary sin, but if you break the

spaghetti before putting in the pot. You know who gets really upset about that? Italians? Yeah, and rightly so, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, it's not over the top at all. No, they're right to get angry. But I think my mum did it because the first thing that my dad would do when he's

eating spaghetti is like chop it up into tiny little pieces and then just kind of like shovel it in. I'm like what's the point of this? So, but the packaging would have to be really sturdy to make sure the Romantini can stay. Do you think you could go like, does it? just bend like this? Oh, maybe.

And then it's, would it sort of unfurl to make one long? Yeah, I think once it's in the pot, it's just, you know, a one noodle, a one pasta thing. Oh, so good thing. You can have a lady in the tramp thing. Absolutely. But, you know what would be beautiful?

And this would be a really good new dating show as well. We have a super duper long one. We put two people on either end of the thing. They can't even see the person who's on the other end. There are different ends of a block all around corners and stuff. and they're slurping on the ground. Yeah, and they're slurping their way along, getting closer and closer. We know who, oh, but maybe if there's a bunch of different couples on the same show,

we don't know who's connected to which one, right? So as they get closer, we're like, oh, and we're learning stuff about them. They're sort of whispering things out of the corner of their mouth. I think Andy and Jess would be a great. Yeah, and I hope the end of his piece of pasta is in her mouth. And then, like, you're going along, and we could do so much great stuff with editing where we think they're just about to meet. but oh no, it's somebody else.

You know what, I think a round table, right, with a big plate. Oh, really good. There's six people sitting there. Yeah. And there's maybe like six noodles in there. Yeah, they're all tangled up. They start things.

As it gets, as it kind of starts to get tighter and they're getting closer and they're sucking it up, the other person that you've connected with, you have to pull the noodle up through this hole and there's a little lip glory hole there. Oh. And so you, like that, and you both meet at the lip glory hole.

Have a little smooth. Have a little smooch like that, and then you look through the hole and you look what they look like. I think it should be, instead, that you are all sitting around the table, right? There's like eight, nine, ten different people around the table. You can all see each other. All the pastor is on the, is sort of on the table there in front of you, all sort of tangled up and sitting on top of each other. Everybody's slurping away. Everybody can see, they don't know who's at the other end, but they're like making judgments and they're hoping.

it's going to be this person and that person, we cut to all those behind the scenes interviews and that sort of thing where they're like, oh, it looked like my pastor was going towards his mouth. Oh, yeah, we're going to go. I was hoping it was going towards him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they get tired from the slurping as well.

Yeah, yeah, they get slurping fatigue. And it's like, there's no sauce on it. It's just, it's dry. It's like, that's so bad. Your lips would be all raw, you get rope burn. People are partway through and they're putting lip balm on like this. Just trying to like. This is a new, we just invented a new disease.

pasta rope burn of the lip. Yeah, yeah. GPs are going, oh, yep. Oh, they're going to be cashing in, don't worry. Yeah. I like that. What about this? It's a dating app,

but it only matches you up, like math style, only matches you up with people you're going to hate so that you get good stories out of it. Oh. You know, like if you're not ready to settle down, but you just want something to talk about with your friends, we're going to match you up with the most fucked up weirdos and they like you know we're talking guys who won't take off their hat when they're

showering in bed yeah yeah yeah yeah we're talking guys who showering well people always like when they go on bad dates or something ridiculous happens they're like oh I guess it's for the plot I think that should be the name of this app is just people say that yeah it's for the plot yeah because I think you know some people say such funny stuff that's really good I love that I think it's a nice it's a positive spin on like something crazy happened and you write like if you're not ready for dating but you kind of you know but everybody else has got good stories and you don't have any I don't have any good stories I might be up for what if you're just really good at dating and you're you're so accepting of people

and you're like you go on a state and you're like yeah you're the one like that straight away you could do that on almost any date and you're like but I'm not getting any good stories man I'm so easy to date I'm the perfect partner but man I need to have some stories well come on to for the plot or the plot or something maybe don't mean A plot. You know. Because it's like the plot of land where you go and like harvest your, these fucking idiots. That's good.

And they grow underground, obviously. These freaks. Yeah. They're a root vegetable. I mean, maybe they're a bad root. Maybe. They're a bad root vegetable. Come on, Andy.

That's good stuff. I got to go pee now. Oh, look at this. Is your first one? Yeah. I want you to know. Really well. I'm concerned that it's quarter to two and you're only just peeing now.

Like, it's quarter to two. Oh, my God. Is it really? Yeah. We've been going for so long. I haven't really looked at the clock even once. Should I have not point that out to you? Almost not enough sketches.

We got a lot of fire under this bad boy. I checked in a little while ago on YouTube and I think you just hit 100 and it's slowed maybe. Okay, but that's all right. Okay. But maybe I'll go over here so I can write things down if we have any ideas. Sure. This is going to be so good. I just want to let you know that these skittles I brought in.

Oh, thank you. Well, you brought those skittles. Well, there's five multi-packs out there. Yes. Because when we did the podcast festival a couple of weeks ago, in my Coles grocery order, I added one multi-pack of skittles. And I thought that'll be a bit of fun in the green room. A little sugar hit for a little bit.

Five turned up. Turns out I had somehow accidentally ordered five instead of. of one, which I don't think I did. I think there was some sort of glitch. So I spent $22.50 on Skittles. I think that's really cool. And so I've just left them here as communal Skittles. Look, I've recently rediscovered Skittles as a thing,

and they're exactly the same as they always were. Yes. And they're fucking addictive, and it's dangerous. And, like, they're one of those things where, like, eating one, Skittl is pretty good. eating like a whole handful of skittles all at once is such an incredibly intense experience and I think it's also almost like a greater than the sum of its parts

it's almost like a completely different experience than having a single skittal shove them all in there and you're like I'm going all in just having to like maintain a conversation while eating this tiny pack has meant I'm having maximum two at a time and it is not as satisfying as just putting it in time

you want to just like load it up Oh, that's too many. Oh, I just put them in anyway. How would you feel about like buying some kind of some kind of like cookie dough style tube of almost pre-chewed skittles so that they're already at that like mush state?

Just that like just that first couple of bites where you've taken the hard shell off. It's still there a little bit. Yeah, there's a little bit of crunch. They'll already, it's started to chew for you. Yeah, I do like that actually. Yeah. I mean, it's,

This might not be soft enough. Thank you so much, Alastair. I'm sure people love hearing people speak with mouths full, but honestly, these boys are going to be going for such a long time. Let them eat. Let me eat. Let my people eat. What do you think about a guy who can't stand up?

He can stand. Like, okay. He can sit, he can stand, he can walk, he's fine. He's a triple threat. But, He cannot crouch He can walk, he can stand, he can sit He's an actor

This guy's the whole package Girl, lock him down He can't But he can't go between sitting and standing Without doing what you just did Falling over back onto the chair And is he an actor He's in a movie

He can stand, he can sit They can do all three at the same time Yeah But, like, you know, maybe he's in a really serious movie, okay? You've cast him in a shindless list or something like that, and he's nailing every scene. But all those bits where he has to stand up really look terrible. I have to really edit hard around him. I'm imagining him in church, in like a Catholic church service where you're up and down and up and a healing, sitting stand.

Every time. Every time he's more. Yeah. And he's in one of the front pews, so everyone can see him too. I think every time What kind of reasoning do we have Why he can't? Oh,

She's a neurological thing It's not that he's brain I think Yeah, I'm not a doctor I don't know well Yeah The man's really un- Put that down

He's not well Because he's not well Does that help Is that help He's not well Production has to walk around a week Has to work around I just

I don't know if this is helpful But I just want to say this Because I was looking I was watching this stream earlier And I thought to myself Andy And I think Al as well You have looked

Exactly the same The entire time I've known you Is definitely not true But I'll take it You look exactly the same What do you mean? What's changed? Maybe your hair changed

I put on a lot of weight No I don't think so you look almost the same You look the same Sure 10 plus years I reckon Yeah I mean

I sneak up on you You know I do it gradually I don't I try not to do it all at once Yeah subtle changes And you know

That's how I do it I replayed You know Just little bits here and there And you don't notice anything It's like boiling a frog Yeah okay Looking at me

It's like bawling a frog Sneaks up on you But thank you Yeah I mean it is it I mean it as praise Or like I'm saying it I'm saying it affectionately.

And that's, you know, for me not to have changed, it's a very strategic move. Yeah, right. You know, it takes a lot of work. Yeah, a lot of money. Around my eyes, I'm like, I can really feel it now. Like, it's around the eyes where I'm like, mm.

And I go, holy fuck. Holy fuck, I gotta start. Don't you think that, like, the dimples around here, there are a nice kind of, like, little bracket around your mouth? Yeah. Like, whatever you're saying is in brackets now. Yeah. You get to a certain point, and you've got these lines.

Like, it's like a... This is all parenthood. Yeah, this is just, oh, just a little side thought here. Yeah. It's another thing. Yeah. Although I, I kind of like that. If you're going to do this, you should also do this, right?

Yeah. New, new air punctuation. Yes. You do do that. That's a little. Yeah. I am here. Not really mentally.

Yeah, that's good. That is good. Yeah, that's the same thing, yeah. What else is there then? Do we need any others who have exclamation marks? I was going to say, I quite like that as I'm ageing. I get, like, when I smile, I get little lines here. I feel like they're exclamation marks.

I'm laughing. I'm like, ha, ha, ha. You know, I'm really enjoying that. If we were to, like, like, to add to the air quotes. I think, like, you know, do a little exclamation mark like that. Little, little straight bit, little. I'm so happy to be here. Yeah.

Question? Is that what the, is that what these people are? Oh, that's what they're doing. It's exclamation marks. That makes so. much sense, yeah. I thought I could write the story of the question mark, how the question mark got its dot, right? What about it's bend? I like that. Or it's bend, you know, there's a, I mean, there's a whole, there's a whole, there's a lot of backstory to explore. Let's look at it. I think it got

its dot because it was, it was, it was, it was decap, it had its head cut off. Okay. Either by the state for asking too many questions, you know, like maybe it was like a, it was, it was, it was, it was, the, the, the question mark was the first Maybe it's a drawing of Like it's based on a real guy The question mark Is based on a real guy Maybe called Mark

My name is Mark I could see you running for the door And I had to get there first But I think it was a draw Mark is also a man's name Yes Spaghetti Question Mark

The Origin Store M-A-R-C Yeah And I think And I reckon maybe he's bent that way because he was just so, is he navel-gazing? Oh, he's questioning himself. Questioning himself.

By questioning himself and saying that he might be flawed, people think, oh, well, maybe the authority figures might be... Phil is a bit of a stretch. You don't think so? No, I mean, very possible. I mean, maybe nobody had thought about the possibility of flawedness. I mean, they're all dots. Yeah.

What are they like? apostrophies Apostrophies This is the problem Is it with a lot of them Sure I can I can get that the Okay I get that the full stops

They would be like stop Probably guards Yes Esclamation points are people with enthusiasm Yeah Then what are you getting What are you doing for apostrophies You know you're like

This is imagine this year like They're like Okay punctuation We're The studios bought punctuation The rights to punctuation So we're thinking about making a movie.

Yeah. We need all these characters. We need like ampersand maybe. No, he's not punctuation. There's definitely going to be grandma Nazis in this movie. Oh, yeah. That could be the big bad. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. That sounds good. But then there are people. That's the problems. I don't know if in this world of punctuation, there are people. It's just like, maybe characters. Maybe you can have the alphabet. Right.

You know, maybe the parents or the uppercase, are the uppercase letters and the lowercase letters are the kids and sorry to hear my belly just say yeah it's going crazy and maybe the numbers are the villains

we hate those oh that's really good numbers versus letters I'm getting stuck on if the uppercase letters are so would uppercase A be the parent of lowercase A or does lowercase A

require two parents so like what letters make other letters make other letters. Let's get into that. Let's make the list. Yeah, yeah. So we do have, well, because yeah, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. I mean, like, because there are some characters that our two letters put together. Sure.

Yeah, what was that one? The diphthong. The diphthong. The diphton. Yes. Oh, yeah. A and E. When they have, like, a little fancy, little fancy. I had to go to bloody diphthong the other day because I got a, A&E.

I had to go A&E because I had a, like emergency. broke my ankle. Oh, did you? No. Have you heard anything recently? Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Could I be concerned?

No, I was just trying to think of a joke about calling. Having to go to A&A. I got it. Yeah, thanks very much. Sorry about him. Numbers are villains. He tries his best. He does his best.

You're only stuck with him the rest of the time. Yeah, I think the war between the letters and the numbers, that's just a small, that's just a background. Whoa, you're throwing that away as a background? It's the background to the question. Mark Origin story. I'm throwing it away as a background. What about this? Alphabeter. It's a better alphabet.

Okay. Yeah. Yes. And like there's obvious stuff that we've talked about endlessly on this podcast before. Like getting rid of letters that you don't need. We're not doing that anymore. No, no. We're just coming out new alphabet.

Completely new alphabet. Oh, I like that. Okay. Okay. So we'll start with Bersch. Bersch. Bersh. Okay.

Bursch. We use that like an A All our letters are You've got to refer back to the original alphabet To understand what any of them are Because people aren't going to want to learn a whole new alphabet Yeah, right You use it like an A

Does it make the sound, eh? Yep Okay, great Wow But it's called Bersh Bersh Yeah, yeah

It's going to be really hard to uphold this whole Better promise that we made For the naming of the alphabet Second one is Snuggle Snuggle Okay. Bursh is and B.

No, no, yep. Good. And then, do you want to keep going? Yep. Bersh, snuggle. Florin? Florin. That'll be M.

Oh, okay. We're not going on. I think you don't need both to need M and N. No, what would, I mean, in all seriousness, and maybe you are being serious, Alistair, what would a new and better alphabet, would it offer? How would it improve things? and more importantly, how can we monetize it? Okay?

Like, I think... Well, let's make it a subscription service. Okay. If you want to know the alphabet. And then we put access to God through only this thing. We say it's God's alphabet. Yeah, okay. You get access.

You can speak God's language. I was like, this is actually the language God's. And he said it in this language, which is the language that Moses heard in his ear. and we've decoded it based on how he repeated it. So it's kind of like if you want to understand God better, you learn this language. But now you can use this alphabet for other stuff, not just God's words, like you can use it to write erotic literature. Imagine reading erotic literature in the voice of God

or using it as a, you know, paint the sign for your car bodywork corporation, but now you can do it in the letters that God use. That God can read. And God will be able to read it. mind and he can hear your prayers, but he can't read any of your signs. Oh, is that true? He can't read your handwriting or anything like that because he doesn't know that alphabet. So where's God going to go get his card detailed now?

The sign he can read. Exactly. Anytime he takes human form as his son or cousin or something like that, I guess he can be all the family members. He says come on as his own grandpa. I wonder if he's ever come on as an older version of him. I reckon he could. Anyway, then he'll probably use your detailer if he's in town. Yes, I mean, what a thing to be able to put.

You know how that place in the city used to have Bill Clinton had three bowls or whatever at the noodle place? Imagine if you could say God got his car detailed here. Oh, man. That would be huge. Yeah, but do you think everyone... What an influencer he'd be. You know how you go to any country town and they have a sign in the bakery window that they had the best slice? Like, do you think, do you think just card details would just start putting that?

Everyone would just, claiming God had done. Maybe, maybe in time. Maybe people would think that they could then show up and say, hey, I'm the incarnation of God. Can I get my card detailed for free? Yeah, if I. Yeah. Yeah, if I promise to bless you.

And then the car detail is like, can you prove that your God? And the guy's like, that's pretty rude. Yeah. I don't. How dare you doubt. Yeah, I mean, proof denies faith. Without faith, I'm nothing. I do think that the Messiah coming back

and trying to use it to get free stuff is a very good idea. Yeah, like being an influencer type thing. I'll pass it on to my followers. Yeah, yeah, get a good, you know, I'll do a nice psalm about your restaurant if you let me have a free dessert. I think that's definitely something to think about

is that if God did come back and he took human form and he had that much power, It would be hard for it to not corrupt him and make him be a bit of a jerk. Wow. Yeah. And be, you know, the temptation to use that platform and, you know, his podcast, I guess. Yeah, I was just thinking that if God came to earth, what job would he fall into? And I think it would be podcaster.

Isn't it crazy that he would, yeah. The thing is that all the social media handles, like God and stuff, would already be taken. so the real god would have to have one that was like god 29 or something like that or like actually god 29 or the real god official yeah underscore 16 or something yeah so still even with all that yeah yeah yeah yeah he's like should i wait until i phone one that's like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i've written down the messiah coming back and using it to get free stuff What about God trying to get the right Instagram handles?

Do you think that we would allow that to be a separate? Yep, yep. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. We need. God 69. Oh, that'd be really good. Oh, be so good.

I just want to have a quick look to see if that's taken. Imagine. God underscore underscore 60. God 69. I mean, you bound to get it or 69. There's God 69 069. So yeah, that's, yeah. You didn't need to put those both in there.

Yeah, maybe, but, yeah, God 69 must have been taken at the time. So, yeah, that, yeah, somebody else has, unfortunately thought like us. I'm just going to see, because I just want to see, okay, not so good. Wait, oh, it's my beloved. Okay, right, what about something about, uh, knives? Can we do any sketch ideas with knives? Yep, sure. Yeah, baby, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Um, what about a knife that cuts through tough grease? Oh. Spray on knife. Is that what you're thinking? Like a spray on knife. You spray it and it cuts. Yeah, maybe. I don't mind that. Thank you. Yeah, I think that's fun. Well, like, it's a mist. They're all little blades.

So, like, if you spray it on your finger, it just shreds your finger. It's sort of like, you know, the hose that has settings, it's like mist or like a really sharp one. It sort of depends on what setting you have it on. If you had it on mist, it would probably just be like, ow. But if you had it on a... Little cuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's almost like paper cut time because they're so tiny.

But if you had it on the really full-on... Oh, yeah, you just cut right through your feet. Could you, like, would you use it for cutting up food? Like, if it was like little squirts at little particles of like dry ice or even just regular ice, right, and they're tiny little sharp little crystals, you could use that to like slice stuff but then it evaporates and then it's fine and it's safe to eat. Or is it on some more fundamental level where we have... you know, the essence of sharpness, and it's a concept,

more than it is a practical thought. Or is it like a lightsaber as a knife and fork? A lightsaber already is a knife. Yeah, but like you use the dining table. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a little mini. I mean, I guess picturing little, yeah, little mini lightsabers in the Star Wars world used for cutting up steak and things like that.

Yeah, they're still using cutlery. Dining saber. Star Wars world. Yeah, yeah, like a dessert. A dessert cyber. Yes, exactly. It feels silly. Carving saber.

It feels silly if they're just using regular cutlery when they have lightsaber technology. Cut through your meat with a little tiny mini one. Come on. I don't know if we ever really saw the cutlery that they use in... Yeah, just dark way to eat? I haven't watched enough of the new stuff, but I think that maybe you should also just be able to take your regular,

saber and just put it on a lower setting. Dinner and it's like just dinner. Put it on the dinner setting. And it's only like this big. Yeah, it's like that and you just go like that was your day. And you say don't least like it's like it's like it doesn't cut through plates because that would be the biggest issue. Totally yes.

Continuously cutting through plates. Yeah. You could have like kid ones. Yeah. Oh yeah. Like little kid knives. You can cut kids. Cool.

It cuts through kids. Yeah. Which they did do with the big ones I think in the third movie or the second movie. Oh, great. Yeah. They found all the young. ones and then I mean I didn't really

I didn't watch that because I don't think that's okay I discovered the word endling the other day I think in a quiz which it means the last of a species how sad is that it's so sad ending little endling the last one

it also infantilises that last I agree which I think it's the last great white shark and we're like oh you're ending oh it's so sad what would we do if there was the last great white shark you know do you think that we would try and give it

a dream existence of like putting it in a pool with a lot of swimmers and stuff and just like giving it a great send off or it can just go go hog wild on a on like a captive population of um you know of surfers yeah you know are people volunteering to be in that pool i guess they would be yeah i think like we'd probably feel guilty about what we've done to the population probably be like yeah all right I'll sign up

yeah you know maybe it's a it's a choice yeah it's a beautiful way to go yeah I mean I think dea we should let's see

I guess first we could put some a bunch of hot other sharks in there yeah you know and see if maybe

it'll breed with those ones interesting that might be a bit insulting that's fine I don't mind insulting

if it gets like do you think like if you were the last if you were the last how oh how insult But if you were the last monkey, I mean last person, how would you feel about being put in a swimming pool

with a lot of sexy monkeys? Would you feel condescended to? Well, it depends. We don't know if naturally the Great Whites ever do make babies with other sharks. But I suspect that, well, isn't that what species are that they don't really, doesn't really happen? If it's a different species and it can't work,

then it doesn't matter. Is that I mean every great white shark is purebred? Could be. Yeah, pedigree. Great white power. Like great white supremacy. Do you think that the idea of the last great white shark living in a pool and we all go feed ourselves to it to say sorry? We let it bite us.

Do you think that that's a sketch idea? I mean, I know it's not funny per se, but it might be, there might be something interesting. It's the last one. Maybe your mom's like, you know, suggesting like, just let it buy you. Last one. Yeah, just bite you a little bit. Just be nice. Yeah.

Yeah. Let me cut your wrist and we'll just get a little bit of blood in the water just to give him a thrill. You'll like it. Yeah. Come on. Come on. Be nice to the shark. Being so selfish.

May I have one of those chocolates. Chocolatos. I am going to throw it at you though. Yeah, that'd be great. Which one do you want? Yeah, the Mars bar would be terrific. I never really liked the Twix. Yeah, I'm not a huge Twix fan.

Do you feel about, in general, biscuits and cheese? chocolate going together. Oh, what a great question. I think actually fairly positive. Really? Yeah. I'm quite negative about it. I like a Tim Tam. I like a caramel. I like a Tim Tam. Don't mind a mince slice. The only good one is the mint slice. Yeah, I like a mint slice. It's a perfect ratio and everything works together really well, but everything else, I'm like, this would be better if you just kept them separated. Yeah, I think the ratio matters very much. And I think it's too Biscuity and the Twix. Completely agree. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably a little bit of biscuit.

Oh, too much. Yeah, that's not a little bit, it's mostly biscuit. Mostly, look at all that caramel there. No, I want more caramel. And there's not much, there's not much chocolate on the outside. Yeah, yeah. I'll take it if I'm desperate, but I'm usually not desperate. I wonder if the golden ratio only applies to geometrical things,

or can you also use the golden ratio? You know about the golden ratio? Can you also use it for chocolate and biscuits? You know? Does it only work for designing the Parthenon, or could you also use it on Building a Better Tim Tam. I saw that Instagram really.

You saw, but you forgot it. No, no, it was inspired. Your statement. Exactly right. Yeah. All right. Partha gnoms. It's little snacks.

Parthenom-noms. Yep. All right. It's really satisfying. What are they made of? What are they made of? What are they made of? I think you could make

I think a biscuit right that was like a looked like a building chocolate roof whole lot of little wafer columns then another like biscuity chocolate base on it there and when you bite it into it all the chocolate columns crunched down like that

pancaking Pancaking effect you bite your way through it right it would be it would be the crunchiest thing ever yeah but does this go against your sort of chocolate and biscuit thing Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. But I'm willing to make sacrifices.

Not a lot of inconsistent. But we need to, like, does it need to be more linked to the ancient Greeks in some way? You know, like, you know, maybe they're like, yeah. What about full meals? No, wait, okay. Well, what about... Because it's just kind of a chocolate... Spaghetti!

Yeah, yeah, but it's just a chocolate biscuit that's shaped like the parthenon. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's not a sketch idea. I say Parthenan? Like, you know, it's not... No, no, no, but I want, you know, I want... We can do this, we can do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, like, what happened there? Who was there? With the Greeks, the ancient Greeks, a bunch of... Yeah, I think it was a temple. It may have been, you know, temple to Zeus or... Or Zeus and stuff like that, like that, yeah. Olympia, Olympia, Olympia. Olympia?

Is that the mountain? Yeah, I mean, was that in the mountain? Is that where they lived? They lived on Mount Olympus. They lived on Mount Olympus. I thought maybe Olympia is when you have more than one Olympus. Could be, yeah. And, yeah.

All right, chocolate biscuit shaped like the thing. I don't know. What about chocolate biscuits that are shaped like your own face? Or like being able to like, you know, could we, can we, I presume that we can actually get 3D printing involved in chocolate biscuits. Surely, yeah. And in chocolate in general. Like you could probably 3D print chocolate replicas of any.

anything that you want. Yeah. Right? And I think you should be able to basically 3D print any object you like out of chocolate and then feel what it's like to eat that thing if it was made out of chocolate. What would be really nice is they have 3D printed meat now, right? So you should be able to 3D print and then eat your favorite celebrity. Yes.

Yes. How would it take you to eat a whole? Bradley Cooper. It's actually just easy for us to buy a whole Tom Cruise. And then just freeze it. and then just throw them out every now and then and just kind of... The problem is...

Are you thinking it's meat? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not chocolate anymore. Okay. No. But I think that's a great idea. Do you think the problem would be

that people are only going to want to eat like Tom Cruise's face or something like first? And then you're going to have a whole lot of Tom Cruise's torso that nobody wants to eat. Because you only want to eat the recognisable bits. I think it's still be fun knowing it's Tom Cruise's or so and his...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I mean, what a great... People are going to want to... want to eat the cock. What a great. They're not starting with the face. I think they're starting with the cock. But also, do you ever eat teddy bear biscuits as a kid?

And sometimes you'd, I think it said a lot about a person how they ate a teddy bear biscuit, whether they went for limbs first to kind of torture the teddy or if they merciless and ate it out of its misery. Maybe it would say a lot about you as well if you were like, I'm going to eat the face of this celebrity that I love. But I feel like that's what you're paying for because otherwise it's just a body. I think I think that this genuinely

would be a really good business Absolutely And I think You know I think we buy the rights To these people as well No no I'm not buying the rights No we're buying the rights

We want to do a good You know We want to do a full body scan To get it accurate So I think we need them on board These are official Celebrity endorsed Celebra bodies

Celebrer burgers I'm already going on the business I'm already going on the business Because of the licensing fees For these people's bodies No, I think we, you know, we put the, we set the price and we do it all here and square. Yeah, this is, I think, yeah, yeah, publicly available images. Right.

Yeah, and then I just, yeah, I'm making, yeah, I'm making bootleg Tom Cruises. And I'm cooking them up and making, you know, just we're having meatloaf. We're making balagnets. Balognaz. Oh, you know what goes nice with balanais? Spaghetti! Yeah, she did it. Joe Spurkids, everybody.

Thank you very much for coming. Thank you so much. Full circle moment. I'm going to take a Mars bar. Please, please, please. I believe in you. Thank you so much for coming on. Of course.

And for helping and for... See you never. Bye. Yeah. Isn't there a dog here? Yeah. Oh man, that's a lot of hair. Oh, that's a big dog. But I think, you know,

it'd be great if you could cast a whole meal, you know, like not just the first course, but all the courses, different celebrities, you know, not just printed out of meat, but also printed out of chalk. You could have like an Ocean's 11 meal. Exactly.

Please welcome our next guest, Jack Drew. Ocean 7-Eleven. Welcome, Jack. Hello. How are you? Hello. Oh, hello. Yes, and also you.

I worry we've slowed down too much. Not to put pressure on us, Alashton. Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to pick up the pace. Yeah, let's come on with some fucking energy, boys. Yeah. Yeah. Go, come on, sketches. What about a big big that goes,

to space. Yeah, okay, how big way? Is it we riding a pig to space? I'm thinking, yeah. Is the fire blasting out of its anus? Yeah. Fires out of its anus. You've got like extra jet streams coming out of its nostrils.

I mean, that's the thing is that a lot of animals do fly, right? And so it would be perfect to ride up into space. Yeah. But maybe not a pig. But what if we're riding an animal into space theoretically? Yeah, the pork industry is pretty big. And so they would have money. and they would want to have their images be seen from space.

What could be more? I mean, imagine that. Imagine a pig that's been cooked by burning up on re-entry. Oh, yeah. Like the pigs, we tell everyone where the pig's going to crash land and everybody's going out there to be the first to be able to eat that, you know, that atmosphericly cooked pig.

What about this, right? It's like one of those cooking reality shows. And it's called like Barbecue Pitmasters or something. It's going around all the different teams and the meals that. made and it gets to one team and it's like you don't even have a pig did you even try? And there's like uh don't I tried and then you just hear this

you just from above like that huge crater they misjudged a little bit it kills everyone oh no yeah I mean that's great molten pork scattered through the atmosphere

but then you know somebody picks their you know one of the rescue crews picks their way across this blasted feel, the remains of all these people around picks up a bit of bacon. Yeah. It's delicious.

It's perfect. Yeah. And it was worth it. Yeah, yeah. That's how, you know, all the... It's a true silver lining. Yeah. He just pulls off a thing like a...

Is that what you've pictured in? Yeah, maybe picks it up. I was just like a little scrap of... Oh yeah, a little scrap, sure. You know, whatever. But, you know, they can pick up a whole leg if you want. Like an obelics and asterix. How good that bore?

looks. Always looked so good. It looked incredible the way you would eat that boar. I didn't know you could just have a like a drumstick of boar. Well, of course, Obelix would eat the whole carcass. You'd hold it up like that. I mean, that's crazy. Do you remember the one where they go to Egypt and it's like the same, whatever juicy animation style they're doing that makes it look so appetizing? It's like, oh yeah, like a double humped camel. Yeah. Whoa, he's eating a full camel?

Yeah, man. I've never eaten camel. I don't know if you could do that now like something about like making eating heaps of food seem really aspirational to kids it was like exciting and tips of food and drinking lots of beer as well yeah being real drunk

everybody's drunk a lot I remember being a kid and watching The Simpsons and thinking like when Homer would go to the pub with his friends and I'd be like man drinking beer all the time is what I want to do isn't it? That's cool behaviour that I respect.

Yeah. I mean, so what could we do? Like, what could be the equivalent of that for today? You know, like, what is it okay to promote to kids, like, in that world where it's like, this is, it is all right to put that out there. Yeah. I mean, there's awful stuff like exercise and, you know, recycling, that kind of thing. You could, but something that gives you real deep, like satisfaction and,

and pleasure, like drinking. Yeah. Oh, with no downside. I mean, I guess you could just draw certain things. Like, I guess you could sort of draw like a bunch of like a big plate of like crickets and worms and things like that. This is the propaganda from the people trying to get us to eat insect. Yeah, of course. Yeah, big worm like that.

And they just like, you know, they slurp it up and they're like, mm like that, like a big worm. And then like maybe they're slicing up witchy grubs and they're. you know, pan-frying them and, like, you know, the way that, like, anime can make food. Yeah, yeah. I have a bunch of mouthful of, like, tarantulas, you know, like, oh, yum, like that. Sprinkle and, um. Are there any restaurants trying to make food look like it looks like in anime? Like, trying to cook stuff that where it looks exactly the same.

I don't know what our technology is that allows us to do that, but you're like, we really, like, it's animal meals. Yeah, I mean, to, like, draw it so it looks at anime. Copyright that as quick as you can. Yeah. Quick. What about this, based on what you said when you came in, it's hiring a guy to come into your office and just shout,

bring up the energy, everybody! It turns out it works really great. This guy, he's walking from cubicle to cub, and he's like, come on, everybody, let's look lively all day. Sort of like a productivity fluffer. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And it's all just done by just yelling stuff.

Yeah. And at the end of the day, this guy's worn out. I mean, he goes home. You should see it, because it really takes it out of him. Yeah, but he's learned enough lines. Like, he only need about to know about 500 good inspirational lines that you can just, like, cycle through over, you know, you don't say it more than once a week, you know, each time like that.

And then that way you can keep it fresh, but it's all just kind of like a patter. It's a routine that he goes through. I mean, it has to be. I guess he can be riffing. He does a fair bit of just like, ah, that as well. And he runs after people and, pretending like to tickle them like he's about oh okay come on get some work done yeah that would be

that would find me up in the boardroom of a big huge financial company yeah running around trying to tickle me yeah i mean it is it is wrong you shouldn't tickle people at work yeah but is it wrong to like pretend that you're going to tickle people at work yeah make them work harder um maybe not i mean you know especially considering the harder they work the more likely they to get promoted that's right for them it's for them it helps that You know, you're only doing it. And then a lot of these, like, the number of people that I have threatened to tickle that are now in management positions. Yeah.

And all the notes said it was because of their hard motivation, their work. I mean, maybe this guy, you know, doing a job like this, you can work up to the point where all you do is yell at the CEO to make better business decisions or something like that. At some point where you just don't see him in the office anymore and he's just always in. and the CEO's just all the CEO's office yelling at him yeah maybe that's making like that's given the CEO kind of like a you know he's actually starting to crash internally because the amount of time the guy spending there makes him feel like he's not doing a good enough no you know he realizes that he's not even he doesn't even feel like he needs to motivate anybody because he realizes the whole direction of the business that's what about a CEO who realizes who starts to get really

sad because he realizes that all the people at his company are only there because they're getting paid and like he feels so sad about it and he's crying a lot. The people in the company feel so bad that they agree to work for free because he feels... Fear them up a little bit.

Yeah. Yeah. Like they're like you're right. Would you take a pay cut? Yeah. Like oh no we're not just here for the money. Or would you take a pay? Yeah. Would you come on the weekend? Are you seeing your friends on the weekend? Yeah.

So, but you don't come in here on the, does that mean I'm not your friend? Yeah. I just, I can, I can come on the weekend. Oh. It's like a couple, first thing in the morning. What is that? I love my boss.

A documentary on this crying boss where it's like, it's all the, the style of like one of those like a documentary on like a Bill Gates or a Elon Musk about them like like being these cutthroat how they get these results how are they building this company

but all the footage they're using is them just sort of softly weeping and I'm sorry him being super pathetic yeah I remember hearing there was some stories about like Harvey Weinstein kind of being like that to kind of convince women to have sex with them

does that work does it I think so yeah I guess you're both in a position of power, but then also using weird, like, psychological addictness. Yeah, yeah. I had an idea before. I don't know if we've, what we're just talking about is too close,

but, like, I don't think it is. It's like a, I forgot what we're doing. It's not too close. It's a fresh original idea. But it's like a profile on all the, like the world's top CEOs on how they got to the top. And, like, you're studying the common factors to see, like, what are the,

What leads to someone getting ahead in business But every single time it was that they thought this guy was going to tickle them If they didn't lock in and do it And so it's like the common thing along all the What's the same guy? Yeah, there's one man Everyone on the Forbes list Was so worried about this man

Maybe tickling them That they had to like lock in and take over the world Does he call them up do you reckon There's one man Who's behind the success of most of the you know, Forbes 500 list CEOs and he's threatened to tickle them if they don't do a better job.

Any industry, real estate, technology, finance, the stock market. He'll tickle anyone. Yeah, I mean, and then it would be great. Like you see that... Of his, those big fingers. Yeah, I was going to say, he has really long fingers. Yeah. That photo that they do where they get all the billionaires together and they take a photo of them

for the front cover of the magazine or whatever and you look really closely you can just see him in the shadows in the back there I never noticed that guy before but he was there the whole time and then they also have those like before photos like the photos of like Jeff Bezos and is working

in his garage in the 90s but the guy with the fingers is behind him there as well he's always there with his fingers yeah a lot of businesses started in garages and you know a lot of creeps start by breaking into a house through the garage door, which is one of the weakest entry.

Thank you. Great. I just thought together we could make that work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you did really well. Yeah, yeah. That's often where, that's where the scream, ghost-faced guy, that's where he started killing a lot of people,

I think, in the garage door, maybe. Isn't that lady get caught in the garage door? She's trying to get out through the... In-scenes scream. Yeah. I mean, isn't it weird as a killer? Let's say you're a killer. and you want to kill people with a big knife.

One of the first things you do is put on something that really restricts your vision. You ever worn a mask? No, but I think that's a really good point. You'd think you'd want to increase your vision, if anything. You'd want to be 360, yes. How do you get 360? You'd think if anything, you'd want to sort of drill holes in the side of your head here so that you can look to the side even better.

Pull your eyeballs out and just push them, tape them here. No, but that's something a prey would do. You do want the eyes on the front like a predator, don't you? Like, you're not attacking people from the side. Could we see 360 if we didn't have these damn skulls in the way? There's damn head in the way? I mean, could we see behind us? If light came in and hit the white bit from the back, hit it from the back.

Would light go in? Does light go into the white? Does light go into the white and then go into our brain? I don't think light goes in the white. If we had clear skull. Yeah, okay. Yeah. You don't think so?

They'd be pretty good. What about a, like a crystal skull, like the Indiana Jones and the vodka and all that? Yes, or a Dan Aykroyd's vodka. I mean, that would be, would you think that that would be one of the coolest accessories. A clear skull. A clear skull. Yeah. And you come in, it's like, you know, it's just this guy you compete with in the, a bit in the scene.

You've ever seen you're in. Yeah, could be stand up. But yeah, he's, he's just got a special. It's gone really well. And then he's gone out and got himself a full, clear skull. Yeah. You know? And then you're like jealous as heck.

Oh, man. Where I am with my, my trans skin and bones. Opaic. Opaic. Yeah. Like that. And you can see his brain pulsating. And you can see how much doing crowd work.

It just like fires up. Like that fires up. And he's almost better at crowdwork now than he ever has ever has been. and you go home and you cry to your wife a little bit. You're like, I think it's the clear skull that's helping him. He's got an unfair advantage. He's looking at his pulsating brain. They don't even care what he's saying.

It's too easy. They love to do MRIs on people at the top of their field when they're doing various different activities to see what's happening in their brain when they're like playing the cello or something like that. I'd love to do that and see what it's like when somebody's doing crowd work. Yeah. In an MRI, you know, in front of a crowd.

And we see the human brain just working at its absolute peak. It's the ultimate pursuit. What do you do for work? Oh, yeah. He asks two of the doctors if they're a couple. And all the stuff is just off the charts. Oh, whoa. You're all pathways.

No one could have possibly comprehended. Anybody here from out of town? Yeah. The machine starts smoking. The human brain is just lit up. like a Christmas tree. The brain is going off. It is popping off.

What about this, right? All these CEOs and brilliant entrepreneurs starting their thing out of a garage. What about this? Building a real, like as they get more and more successful, they just keep building bigger and bigger garages. So like it's the, you know, Amazon, right? It's still out of a garage.

but it's like this massive, you know, 20-acre garage. It looks exactly the same as the garage from back home. An homage. An homage to the garage. An homage, a garage homage. So he just keeps getting a bigger and bigger garage. Yeah, yeah. And he starts buying the neighbors.

And eventually it's, you know, he's mostly one of the last houses, at least on this part. 30% of the entire North American mainland is just one big garage. Yeah. That's cool. And then he can't actually go and open an up. another warehouse anywhere else because he's just I don't know why.

I think you could have like sub-garages like within this one big garage like if the Amazon headquarters was this colossal garage then within that like each cubicle sort of had its own like each one had its own like bikes sort of hanging up and a few boxes

of like winter clothes no one uses and just that general garage thing. You've got to have all that stuff around that inspires entrepreneurial success. Yeah. Entrepreneurial. Or then, okay, the alternative is to have just a tiny garage that you just put over your head. You know, like it's just this big about the size of a milk crate.

Yeah. And you just put it on your head and then you can just sort of... He's always in the garage. He allows them to start companies up more frequently. Maybe. I just, yeah, well, you know, a lot of companies have started in a garage. I'll just wear a garage over my head while I'm sleeping. Then when I'm sleeping, I could start companies. Sometimes I do. I wake up and I've started all the... I started six, Seven companies. Maybe he gets the garage implanted under the skin, replaces the skull thing.

The entire framework and shape of his head is now a garage. So his brain is just in there. It's got a beautiful gable skull like that there. Yeah, yeah. Someone pulls the garage door opening thing, you get to see behind his eyes. Oh, yeah, man, but he has a little garage door for his face. Yeah.

It opens up if he wants to talk. talk to you. But then or else he's just focusing and creating companies. No, you can't talk to him. He's coming up with new businesses. He's starting companies. He's putting investor funding into sort of big ideas. Oh, that'd be beautiful.

What about a means of like harvesting the dreams of like a CEO or something where it's all, you've got stuff scanning their brains while they dream and that's connected. to some AI thing that's connected to people like doing trademarking businesses and stuff like that and so you go to sleep and you wake up and you've created like five new real world businesses based on what your subconscious was putting together yeah but they are all sort of dream world business was where it's like a sausage chasing you what if there was a sausage that could chase you yeah this guy is so convinced in his his own belief he's in his own own genius that he doesn't think he's ever had a bad idea, even when he's sleeping.

Like one in 50 is this like genuine pure creativity out of the box idea that it's like revolutioning, but then like the other 49 are like, okay, yeah, what if an eel could sing the blues and it's also your dad and you got a, and this is the business. You have to teach an eel to sing the blues and make out your dad as well. People will say, well, how do you monetize that? but they're saying the same thing about Chachy-B-T. So it's not like whether you can monetize it seems to be any barrier at all to getting these things off the ground.

And automatically it's like some people go and they start up a bar and they get a big eel and they give it a guitar and they're like and it's in there and they basically somehow get vocalizations out of it and people go see it and it's like up on a screen says, I am your dad. And people are like, I will pay for this, I think. Yeah. And they just give it money. And they're like, okay.

It's like, because the biggest mistake that you can make is knowing, is assuming that you know how successful a company will be. Yes. You just got to have the ideas and get them started and then let the world decide whether or not this is what they want. Have all those like thought leader people being like, you know, 20 years ago. You couldn't have imagined that your phone was going to be something you needed every single way. So now, who are you to say that an eel singing the blues, who is also your dad,

won't be the most essential thing in the world in 20 years? You know, progress is not linear. and, you know, the only mistake is having a closed mind with these kinds of things. But I also love that, like, this guy's so successful, got so much money from his few businesses that are successful. He's able to open so many of these new businesses that make no sense to anybody. And people are going out just like trying to find like a corner store where they can buy some food and they can't. Because everything is just like an insane dream business of this lunatic. I just want a place where I can just get a sandwich or some bread.

or, you know, I just need, like, bread and milk or whatever like that. And he's like, no, no, no, no, okay, how about this? You're really tiny. What about? You're really tiny, okay? And then, like, you can feel this sort of gravelly feeling, but... And you're attached to your loved ones by your nipples like that. And then you have this experience together, and it's unique.

And it could be the most, you know, the thing that brings you guys together. It could be the thing that separates you apart. And that's how you decide whether or not you want to be together forever. So like for this CEO dream guy It's like all the things start going bad in his personal life And suddenly every business is about like your teeth falling out And you're stuck in a big pit It's constantly new, nightmareish

It's like yeah, it's a weird business Where you sort of show up naked to work Yeah But everybody is now living in this guy's nightmare one Right? That is the reality that is being created Because he made one company that went super well So well. He just has an unlimited amount of money for a guy to spend.

You can just have this happening. And he's just... And the business that he had that went really well is just something like a cheese delivery service or something like that. A very normal thing. And he was like, people said it was a crazy idea back in those days that nobody would want to have cheese delivered directly to their door. But yeah, well, then maybe they will want a sausage chasing them. You know, that's a fun experience. That's...

You know, what happens when the sausage catches you? Maybe you can eat the sausage. Be hungry people. How do you... I mean, Jeff Bezos chose books as a thing to deliver because they were easy to package up and distribute, right? Basically because they are just like a solid rectangle. And Netflix was doing DVDs, I think, because they could put them in the mail and it was easy to send them out. But the same could be said of cheese.

You know, are either your craft slices as the singles or you get the, you know, you've got your rectangular. Have single slices of cheese meal. Exactly right. It's a subscription service where you get, I get two or three slices. of cheese arrive in the mail every single day. Yeah. Okay. Or it's like one of those like bicycle couriers can like find you on the go and like a like a relay

baton just like give you a single single slice as you're on the go. There you go. That would be something. What about like what you're saying is like the, because I didn't I didn't know that was like choosing to books because they're a simple easy delivery thing. I believe so. I didn't know that was part of it. What about a guy sees the success of a Jeff Bezos and.

and starts his own company, which is just rectangle delivery. Yes. He hasn't fought through the other element of it, which is that books have a utility that people might want to read what is the book. He just sees it as like, well, I can do better than Bezos. I can just deliver pure rectangles. Pure rectangles. And what is that to you, Jack?

When you envisage a pure rectangle, by the way, I love this idea. Yeah, yeah. What is the pure rectangle to you? I'm imagining a rectangular object of a probably, the lightest material you can affordably produce It's lighter than a book Yeah I like it made of that stuff

That they make those Eucharists out So it's kind of like a foam But it's also something that you can eat By the way I just did this to you Which means what's that thing? You get punched me on the leg I get to punch you on the leg But I think it's got to be below your waist

In order for it is below where my waist Would be if I was standing Yeah that's true It's always below somebody's waist somewhere mate Yeah Maybe not It's over the yard arm I guess I'm below the waist

of somebody on the other side of the world there we go I wonder if somebody's standing on the exact opposite end of the world is where I'm sitting right now they're doing their 500th podcast they're doing their 500th podcast or doing the opposite 0-0-05 to come up with 0-0-05

and then every episode they only do that on every 100th episode but every regular episode they have to come up with 500 it'd be great if you guys booked out a full studio for 24 hours to do, like, episode five of the podcast. Yeah, it would have been good. Full day, five sketches.

Five, but we just need five good ones. Yeah. So then we could be here for even longer. Did we... Did we... Did the other rectangle? Okay, so, you know, like, you know that the way that... Do you know what stuff I'm talking about?

That stuff that they give you body of Christ? Yeah, I've never had the body of Christ. Never had the pleasure. It's essentially just like an edible paper. Yeah. Right? And I feel like that rectangle. At first, he's just sending rectangles.

But then I reckon people are like, It's actually kind of like you can eat those. And so I don't know, maybe, look, maybe it's the worst business idea. It kind of ends up sounding like a quite, it ends up being a very good idea. I reckon, I reckon several of the other times we've had Jack on the show. We've come up with things about eating rectangles, like, some pure substance where you just, like, you eat it and then you shit it out or whatever it is. It's, you know, things going through the body in one form or another. You're hammering things down your throat hole.

That's what's at the core of my creative mind. Ultimately, this is... Yeah. Comedy has been this sort of distraction for me where what I really, at my heart, what I want to be doing is a business that distributes pure edible rectangles

that you can just have and eat and it's all you need. Yeah. I mean, which is not to say don't write it down because we're not in a position to not write things down right now. We've got a lot of ground to cover Alistair.

A lot of ground to cover. What a bloody ground to cover. cover. What about this 100 metre race, but everybody's running in opposite directions? That's really good. Yeah, yeah. All right. And then, yeah. I mean, you know, I guess is it half of the people are running from one end and half of the people are running from the other end? They're running at each other. At each other. But I mean, I guess they run past. I remember they're in separate lanes. Or maybe it's just, you know, they're running straight at each other. Yeah, yeah. And so then that has become a bit of a sport recently. I have seen this actually. Yeah, I think it's like,

kind of rugby league guys will just like run literally just charge at each other at top speed right yeah yeah and then just collide and then just collides and then just collide really i just try and knock the other guy down okay um but yeah i think if you had like the almost like a sort of coliseum style sort of circle um they're all running into the middle yeah or maybe you're you start at like gate number one and then there's an equivalent gate number one on the other side and but everyone's running through the center. Right. And in the center, there's all, like, obstacles and stuff like that.

It's just whoever can get to the other side. This is less of a sketch and more just a good idea that I would watch. Great idea. I think it's like one of those things where it's like, you then can't really understand why, like, as a viewer, you can't see who's really winning. I'm just picturing them running in all different directions, starting at different levels and things like that. So it's hard to really follow.

Okay. But everybody has their own, like, starting point and ending point. Everybody runs exactly 100 meters. They all run in different directions in different locations around the stadium. Simultaneously, I guess it has to be simultaneously. Or maybe they start at slightly different times as well. It's not fair for other people if some of the runners get more energy from hearing the crowd, cheer and stuff like that. So for the crowd to not really be able to understand what's happening, you know, everybody kind of gets to just look,

It's basically 100 metres sprinting, but unwatchable. Yeah. Well, I mean, it would be amazing. Like, everybody, you know, all their individual starting pistols go off or whatever, whatever times they do. Everybody's run. You think the race is over. But then somebody else, a couple of seconds or even a couple of minutes later, somebody else's starting pistol goes off. You realize this person hasn't even run yet.

Yeah. The race isn't over. Yeah. We don't know how long. We still got everything to play for. This could be tied onto this somehow or could be its own thing potentially. but like this is just giving me the idea of the like the the honor system Olympics where it's all Olympic events but no one's really like timing or measuring or quantifying any of it and it's just up to you the athlete to be like no I did the marathon yeah really yeah real quick yeah I mean I do like this yeah they have to just trust them yeah we actually don't have anybody checking we haven't filmed it we are just I don't know what is that sport it's like you got honestly like you just like you just got to be a good person and then people who are like yeah all won and i'm and i'm a good person

like that i mean that's the worst i love it what about the owner i mean is there is there is it an an olympics where the real competition is to to know thyself you know where you are asked to uh you do the competition you give them your honest opinion of how well you think you went and then whoever gets closest in their assessment of how well they think they went, whoever gives the best, most accurate guess about, you know, but it's not a guess, who reckons is most honest with themselves and with the world about how well they think they went, they get the gold medal. Yeah. And so it's like, well, you want the best at shot put, but you wore the best at telling the truth, which is more important than shot. Exactly. Who was the best at telling the truth?

Yeah. The gold medal for telling the truth. the truth yeah i mean the problem is then like there is i guess in no sporting element in that you could just walk really slowly really accurately keep track of your time yeah and and then just say it took me three days but then you know there's a there's a it takes a real courage to do that if you if you're walking for three days and you're somehow even more accurate on how long you've been it's true it's harder yeah i think that it's not just about What position did you come in? I think it's like, how well did you do?

How, like, you know, how much effort did you really put in? You know, and, you know, how far did you throw it? You know, like, there's a lot of guesstimation and honesty and, you know. And so, and if you lose, if you're the best at the actual sport, but then you're kind of like, but you're not good at estimating how well you did. Yeah. Then you lose. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Great. best estimate best of mates what about like a pocket snake I don't know like there's not enough animals that you can just keep in your pocket but I have seen a video of a lady who had

or a little girl who had like a frog in one pocket and a little snake in her with the other pocket was she real? Yeah yeah I think you're real girl I think because like I've seen snakes in Canada but they're just little they're just little like nothing snakes little carpet snakes

How do frogs go in a pocket? It doesn't feel like that would be a good ecosystem for them. They need to stay a bit wet. I'm not saying that was good for the creatures. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm just saying, I mean, look, maybe you could have a wet pocket so you can have an amphibion with you at all times. I mean, if we haven't already pitched a wet pocket.

Yeah. I feel like I have wet pockets more than the average person that should. Yeah, I'm bad with, like, timing out, doing the laundry and stuff. So a lot of time I'll just like, the pot, I feel like the pockets are the last bit to dry because they're all folded up on themselves. It's true. So if I had a reason for a wet pocket, like looking after my pocket frog as opposed to just being disorganized, that would be nice. Yeah, I have often sort of, you get close to the clothes being dry and they'll be like, they'll dry on, you know, they'll dry on you.

I'm hot. I'm hot. Yeah. Like that. And then you're just like, I'm damp. I'm wet. This sucks. I'm uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah. It feels like a little bit like burning sometimes. You know what I mean? Like it's like an irritation. Oh, yeah. Sure, sure, sure.

Weird little, like, skin, like, micro rubbing. You know what you mean. A little, like, burning, this sort of thing. I want somebody to be a wet pocket advocate and talking about why it's better to have a wet pocket. Everybody should have at least one wet pocket. I mean, it's better for storing cheese. Yes.

A slightly damp area. Like, you know, your, your pocket is a cheese cloth through which you can filter things and then keep the spoils in your pocket. Not everything is meant to be dry. I think we can all agree on that. Absolutely. Look, you're really good at this already.

Thank you. So you could have slices of apple or whatever that you keep in there. You know, it would be nice to keep those a little wet. Yeah? This is my first cup of water. I really. I mean, this is why I need to go to the bathroom so much because I've drunk all this water.

But I need it. Need some blueberries? Sure. Yeah, I like the wet pocket advocate a lot. Like, I think... How can we make this guy more insane? I feel like he needs to be crazier and he needs to have bigger ambitions.

Is he angry? I think he's running for Prime Minister, first of all. I see, there you go. I think that should be a big part of what he's saying. Is he part of one of the major parties? Is he like, is he the Labour Party? Right. Is it that like the Labor Party is still, they still campaigning, they still want to get,

they're still not quite ready to tackle any like actual genuinely progressive stuff that people are asking for? This is still higher on their list of priorities than, say, getting rid of negative gearing. Yeah, I think. They're not willing to spend the political capital on that, but they are going for the wet pocket. Yeah, wet pocket man. They have seen the people at the moment are looking for an outsider. somebody who's kind of a bit outside the system is thinking a little bit differently yeah they're not you know they're still funded by billionaires so they can't yeah

they can't do any kind of economically progressive stuff but most people do have a dry pocket and are open to maybe changing to at least a slightly damper pocket how do you feel about calling it a sloppy pocket oh yeah yeah um yeah yeah I'm really into that yeah great He has all these political... Evan sloppy pockets Franklin's and... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he has all these political ads

where it's all like... He pulls his hand out of his pocket and he's so wet. I think it starts off where it's like just sort of like cool, attractive young people hanging out and having a good time and it's like let me just get my wallet for a sec. My pockets bone dry. And then it's like, has this happened to you?

Trying to make... Having dry pockets, so disgusting. I was so abrasive on my hand. Yeah. Ah. Hmm. How am I going to keep fresh and tropical fruit in a good state in here? I love that this is a political ad as well.

It's not for a product. It's for an entire way of a life. And then he opens up his pocket and he spritses in there. Yeah. Oh, that's better. Now that's cozy. Hi, I'm the MP for... Yes. Garrett. Garrett, the member for Garrett.

And I'm looking to become your next prime minister. How do you feel about this? Being executed by hanging, but you're hung around the waist instead of around the neck. Interesting. You are you hanging? Like a low noose. Oh, so are you sort of horizontal? I think you're still

vertical but they put it around the middle Are you vertical with your head facing up or your head facing down? I mean it feels like you probably would flip and your head would end up down wouldn't it? I think you'd end up dangling a bit like Superman. Yeah Yeah. If they got the balance

the weight, you know, the balance of weight, right? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So then what happens? I guess it wouldn't kill you. It's probably not going to kill you. Yeah, I mean, Depending on how high you drop from Because if you drop from really high And it can tighten up

Maybe that's the punishment system Instead of like the period of time That you spend in jail You know, the worst your crime They hang you from higher and higher up your body Yeah Until they get to the neck All right

You have to stop at the neck Yeah Because if you keep going Then they just are hanging you around the skull And then you slip out You're off scot free You're off scot free And it's system doesn't work

We're going to have to change this system Bring back hanging, but don't bring back capital punishment. Yeah. Yeah, the hanging was fine. It was the killing that was the problem. Who has to change his mind. What about this as a way to like, we start a campaign. It's called bring back hanging, right?

But it's actually just about spending time with your friends. It's about, we're trying to tackle the loneliness epidemic. And our slogan is, bring back hanging. Yeah, that's great. Hanging with the boys, hanging with the girls. Yeah. Hanging out with boys and girls, hanging out with your mum and dad. Yes.

But it also would bring back like the social element of, you know, going to the public square to watch someone get hung. That's what I thought you were going with it. It was like we need that kind of, when they talk about like the third space outside of home and work, like is a public hanging. That's what we need to bring people together again. Is that why, is that where the phrase hanging comes from?

You know, that it used to be a social. thing. It used to be like, there's a hanging in the square tomorrow. I'll see you there. Yeah, yeah. Bring hanging back as well it's called. Yeah, yeah. But I think people who want to bring back capital punishment, but the way that they're doing it, because they know that they can't, people won't vote for a capital punishment, but the way that they do it is like, is almost like as a mental health thing where they're like, there's a lonely in this epidemic, people aren't getting together, people aren't spending time in public spaces. And the end of the ad is bring back hanging.

Yeah. And but is it that they're talking about hanging out with your friends and family, but at public hangings? Yes, that's right. Yeah. Socializing. You've got to do it. Yeah.

What about what are some ways you could sort of spice up a hanging for today's? Oh, yeah. Today's era. Put a whole lot of glitter in their mouth. Yep. All comes flying out. Yeah, yeah. The trap door.

I mean, I guess you could project sort of different faces onto them, you know, like sort of skins and stuff like that, like you would do in a FaceTime call. Biltes, et cetera. Yeah, and you could sort of, I guess, make them look like they're kind of dancing when they're hanging and things like that. I guess so you don't have to see sort of their eyes bulge.

What if one of the nooses was kind of like, had like a bungee cord thing to it, but you didn't know which one until they called the thing. Yeah, yeah. That's really nice. Gambling on executions is certainly where we're headed. I don't know if it's a sketch idea or not, but it's definitely the future. Yeah, yeah.

Gambling on executions is, like, what do you, I guess, how long it takes them to die or whatever it is? Or is it like, uh, which afterlife they go to? Hmm, yeah. wait I think when somebody gets hanged and you do a shot would be a sort of a thing

that you could do at the at the drinking at the hanging at the hanging yeah nice costumes maybe get everybody gets stressed up as the executioner I think it's fun

watching like UFC and stuff where they have like fight nicknames they have the executed the condemned man comes out but he's like you know Tony the Jaguar Lopez or something

yeah yeah okay I mean I guess I guess often a fighter will have a name that will be like Martin the executioner Santino or whatever but then maybe it could be the executioner or the Martin Lopez executioner

scored I think that before an executioner having those kinds of, like those, what do you call it where they're like razzing each other up before a UFC fight and they're like dissing each other at the way in or whatever it is, but it's the executioner and the would-be executione both like going at each other and the person is about to be executed saying, there's no way you're going to be able to step my neck with that thing. I'm going to snap your neck. The rope that you're holding on, it's going to whip around

your neck and I'm going to hang you. A big, for me. emotional marketing efforts where it's the person who is doing an execution versus the person who's being executed but promoted like who's going to win exactly like who's going to come out on top oh that's grim yeah a bit of bloody gallows humor right exactly doesn't hurt there's gallows humor yeah is there what about all the other types of execution yeah lethal injection humor, electric chair humor, firing squad humor. Yeah. I mean, I realize they're probably, you know, similar, but...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eaten by a whale humor, and that's not, they never did that. They never, the state never did that. But how many people do you think have been eaten by whales? I think a guy, I think it did happen to a guy relatively recently. I mean, I've seen a few people recently kind of get... kayakers and stuff. Yeah, go into the mouth of a whale, but then get spat out.

I think their throat holes, not really all that big. Yeah. Yeah, which is great. But, I mean, I think, yeah, there's, I don't think they're, like, they're big on sort of big meaty, meaty plastic things anyway as well, which is often what we're wearing when we're in the water. Yeah. And, I mean, we are the meat part, and then the plastic shit is also wearing. As far as ways to go, I think, chuck me in a whale.

I'm okay with that. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's interesting. it'll be interesting and you'll be like holy crap like that I can't believe I'm getting eaten by a whale speaking of Great White Sharks how would you feel about a restaurant where the concept is that the food is in like one of those shark cages

and you sort of circle around the outside charging and bashing against it I guess that's kind of the concept of a pinata yeah but then they kind of put the pinata put the stuff in the pinata inside of something that looks like it could be made of meat What about this?

You put it like in a sheep or a llama or something like that. Paniata's for adults. So inside the Paniata there's some nice meats. Maybe there's a whole sort of, you know, like what would you call it? Chiquitory board, but inside a pinata. So all the 40, 50 year olds can line up at their gourmet gathering and then bash this thing and then pick up the little bits of salami or whatever that have fallen all over the floor. I think it would be a really nice experience for like people who are like,

come to my bring down capitalism themed restaurant right? And then you have little buildings that look like the offices of say like a mining company

and things like that and you get to go in there and you smash down the system like that and inside there's like soft cheese shakuri yeah yeah

oh it's great so you kind of get to get that revolution feeling out of you you know there's like a cop or something like that that you fight and then you know it's like just like a dummy and then you pull its head off

yeah and inside it's like a beautiful bottle of bordeaux or something like that you know who's going to love this what the bourgeoisie oh the bourgeoisie are going to love it wait is that the rich people or the or the i think that's the middle class okay yeah you know the the the ones who don't actually contribute anything to the smash the system room yeah yeah that's good what was the smash we i think we came up with a with a smash room idea relatively recently Yeah Was it?

It was for It's a smash room But you put meat in there So that people tenderize it Before they go and have an actual meal And then you can have a really nice soft Yeah yeah Maybe you could put it inside the box

Like you know Make it look like it's a dummy that you're fighting And you're really good Like that You're working out You're hitting the riot police with a stick But their bulletproof vest Is actually full of pieces of meat

Yeah Being tenderized I mean, this is flawless, far as I'm concerned. I mean, I do want the meat to be kind of quite wet so that when it falls onto the ground, you know, like it is like, it's a pinata, but it's full of spaghetti bolognese, for example. And so the spaghetti bolognais falls out all over the ground

and then you, I guess, pick it up with a fork. What about a really nice long fork for eating food off the ground? For eating food in hell, like in that metaphor. you're always feeding you know what I'm talking about I think I do but I'm not sure there's a maybe it's sort of like a Zen parable or something like that

where there's it's like a person goes and they see they see hell and it's like in hell there's everyone's got there's all this bounty of food and it's all the delicious food you could want to eat

but you can't eat it because the fork you have is so long that you can't you can't possibly get the food and get it in your own mouth and then some people are starving and they all the food's there but they can't have it

and then he goes and looks what heaven's like and it's the same thing but they're using the long forks to feed each other I mean heaven still sounds pretty fucking weird yeah yeah if you had that experience without seeing hell first you're like guys what are we this this is heaven

yeah it's relative a weird system where why is the food on an island far away from us or whatever it was Like, yeah. Is it on an island far away from you? Is that why you can't? Like, why don't you just eat with your hands? Why do you need to use a fork?

You have to be able to reach it. Okay, so it is far away. I can't remember, yeah. Right. Yeah, I think you can't. You got to. I mean, they've thought of this. Of course, it's heaven and hell.

It's God and Satan. They've thought this through. It's not like you have to use the fork. Oh, people. Smart people, yeah. Yeah. Okay, I think we've got time for one more. One more.

Well, I think we should turn that into a round. restaurant by the way yeah yeah okay what about it's it's it's you get what a share plate right it's a restaurant where you get a share plate or you get a meal but you you and the other person have to compete to get the bits so you don't get all of it you just like you got to fight each other like supermarket sweep or it's that thing where you're inside the the the big turbine you're trying to grab the money that's flapping around in the breeze oh that turbine thing but with like as a restaurant where they just blast to the food at you in this cube and you gotta be like

grab it and grab as many meatballs as you can like thin slices of sort of like raw beef like that and you're like yeah yeah like oh sashimi it's like a really gourmet food but there's like a real sinister like carne guy like leaning next you like revving the engine of the thing

and the food's all around you got to catch it and put it in and shovel it into your mouth as much as you can try not to get as Trying to get to get too much on your clothes. It's an all you can grab restaurant. Yeah. Okay. Well,

Jack Drus. Oh, it's been an honor. Thank you so much. I hope the rest of the SESH goes well. I hope I was able to help. You were very much able to help.

Thank you so much. We appreciate you. Jack Truce, everybody. Please. Yeah, I'll get you more water. Oh, that'd be incredible. Thank you. Thank you.

And can we please welcome Dave Warnakee to Dave Warnackie Couchy Couchy Dave Warnackie Welcome wearing one of the I wasn't sure if your your

moustache I think that's just the way it grows But like it looked like you had like Almost like a little Hooped up at the end there Like a little Oh do you think I'm going to start Go for the bit of the Dali

Yeah I was I was detecting something How long does it have to get jerkin before you have to You can start waxed? Have you ever waxed? I've never waxed I've never waxed my mustache ever. Yeah. I mean, have you ever waxed your hair?

I guess you gel it. Yeah. You ever use wax? Oh, yeah, wax. Wax on moose. I just, anytime they go, do you want it, like, at the end of the haircut, they go, do you want this? And I go, no, it's always worse with that in. What I will say is that, like, I will sometimes say yes.

Yeah. They do it. They do whatever they want. I always immediately leave and go like this with my hair. And after I do that, that's the best it'll ever look. Oh, really? It never looks, it looks terrible when they put the stuff in. And it looks, it looks terrible very soon afterwards.

Yeah. And any time I actually try and put product in myself in my own hair, it always looks shit. Sure. If I let them do it properly and then I scruffle it up, I'm like, good. You need a third party in the morning. I do. I need a little waxing you up. Yeah.

Trying to do it properly. Yeah. And then you go, mm-hmm. Like that, yeah, because it always feels better when you're fixed. their work, doesn't it? Yeah, you don't know me. You don't know what to do with my hair. Yeah, yeah.

I know, I hate it when they make you look cool. You're like, ah! I'm not supposed to look like. I promise you, I'm not trying, not trying to look like this. Not trying to look cool. I don't think I look good. Yeah. I would never.

Do you get the bit at the end, do you ever get the, they say, well, they don't even offer. They say, do you want some product? That's usually an offer. But then after it was the place I've been going, they do a little sprits of some sort of, like cologne or something at the end

on the back of your neck yeah marking their territory or something what are they doing back there what are they covering up yeah what have you done what have you done back there that can be covered up with a smell that's like something I would do in the bathroom

after a terrible incident has occurred only in the worst possible circumstances when I am at my worst that's what I am stinking up the thing with this horrible product. To see the panic in the bar, it was like, she's, oh, God. I smeared shit all over the back of his neck again. He didn't pay for that.

But I've already said, all done. I can't now wipe it off. He'll say that he'll ask questions. I know, I'll use the sprits. Just like I did every other time this has happened. Phew. I've noticed that you have, you're wearing the A-listist. her hat.

It's really good. Can I just say if anybody is interested in one of these hats we do still have some email us at 2 in the think tank at gmail.com

and we'll work out of way. Contact us in any way. I'm like the best post avoid because you gave this to me the other night when I saw you and before I put it on Andy

I warned now 80 to 90% of hats look terrible on me Yeah This looks great on you I'm pulling it off Yeah If I can do it

Then at home they can too And you can Absolutely can too This looks good on Dave Waterke If he looks okay Dave terrible hat

Waterkey Quizmaster himself Mr Fathead Sorry That's not what I think the problem is It's not fat enough Oh right

In a hat Once I was in I tried on a hat in L.A And I was prepared to buy this hat I put it on And before I could even look in the mirror The guy at the store goes no Pulled it off my head

Whoa You didn't even have a check chance Turn your head No No Get out of my shop I put it on and I completely disappeared under the hat. Oh, I see, that would be...

Scuttled around like a hedgehog under a garbage bin. That actually would be nice. What is the most ill-fitting, like, size of a suit that you've ever worn or anything? Like, have you ever... What's the smallest you've ever been compared to something that you're wearing? Oh, my wife wants to bought me some pajamas. Love that you can answer to that. I mean, you haven't answered to this question.

And she bought the smaller size. they're like sort of these very flowing cotton sort of things like a top and shorts I put it on and I looked like

I was a three-year-old trying on my very large grandfathers sort of looked ridiculous yeah wow and they were the smallest they had available

yeah and that was extra small that was right I did but if I look good and then imagine you at home could

yeah oh thank you so much yeah I guess one one time my parents did also try and they were like visiting Melbourne and they went and bought me some jackets.

They were like, hey, you're not, you don't have any warm jackets. Here's some jackets. Not having sort of tried them on. And of course, it's just that thing where you forget that people don't, not everything fits on everybody.

Like that. And I was like, I don't think that this will work. And they're like, just try it. And I put it on. And it's just like this gigantic jacket, but with like short sleeves, like sleeves,

but I'm just like, it's just this huge jacket. jacket like this and they're like, oh, it could work. They're never going to admit that they... No, look, even they, like, they admitted that they thought, well, maybe that wasn't the... Who was it designed for? Like, someone was long arms and a... And, no, I mean, it could have been... Short-arms long body? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's like a sort of like a barmed hot dog of some

sort of like or something like that, you know, like a... What do you feel about like a clothes shop called ill-fitting garments? and you go there and you just try on a series of just like really everything fits terribly, right? Yeah. And maybe you tell the person your sizes and they'll just bring out a sequence of things. There's no hope. It could be a place where there's even a little montage. I don't know how you do a montage in real life, maybe with some sort of time skip type technology.

They make you unconscious a little bit. Oh, that'd be so good. They give you a little gas. Oh, a little living montage. And then while you're unconscious, they like, change your... Dressing you're in ill-fitting clothes. And then you kind of come back and you're like, oh, I'm in a different outfit.

Yeah. And they go, there you go. And then they dress you up. Keep hitting you over the back of the head. It's called montages. Montages. It's a beautiful name for a tailor or a haberdashery. I don't know what that is.

And what is this ill-dashry is? No. No. What is a haberdasary? Do you make hats? Oh, that's a milliner. Oshkosh bagos? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of.

How do you feel about this? What is haberdashery? I don't know. How do you feel about this for an outfit for a... We should do this for the Met Gala. And it should be... If somebody hasn't already done this, this is a great Met Gala costume idea.

It's just a really big hat that comes down to about knee level. Okay? And you sort of scuttle around underneath it. Is there an eye holes at all? Are you just sort of feeling your way? I think that there would be... I think they'd do that thing with the mesh.

like they do in like a mascot costume or something you can see through so you know where you're going but you've just got like a really and I'm not sure like what kind of hat it is I think maybe like a really high fedora maybe you could do that what's his name Farrell Williams style

sort of whatever that hat is but like really big comes down to what is it that's coming down? The hat goes all the way down to your knees you sort of in under it like that like a little child under a garbage bin running around but it's your big hat There's no part where your face kind of...

No, your face... It's not a hat costume, right? It's not like you can see through like that. Yeah, yeah. It is just an enormous hat. I know, but that's why I was asking, like, is there a way in which the face is cut out and it's so that it's like an actual real hat?

But this is like, it wouldn't work as a... It's a full body hat, I guess. It's a full body, but that it doesn't work as a hat because you can't see, but it's just a hat. It's just a big hat, and you're incredibly sunsmile.

That's right. Yeah. I mean, maybe there's a little mirror down there so you can still sort of see where you're going or something like that. Skirts and stuff. Exactly, right? I think that giant hat is upskirting me.

And can I just ask, because the Met Gala always has a theme, what's the theme that the giant hat would fit? Sunsmart. Sounds brilliant. Can I go back to ill-fitting garments? I wrote, I believed in ill-fitting garments so much, but I wrote it down. But then, and then I wrote the real-life montage,

where you get knocked out as a separate idea. But I want to find out what, like, what are we trying to do with ill-fitted garments? You know, like, is this a place that is, you know, you free yourself from the tyranny of needing to look good and you can just be, like, a free person who just wears things that don't really fit and you don't have to look good and you, like...

I mean, is it that just the character of the person who works there is that they're just an insane person who keeps bringing you really bad, choices of clothes and they're always saying it looks really good like I guess you have a funny weirdo yeah a sort of a funny weirdo right yeah because I guess I guess like there is a lot of that stuff

that is in sort of high fashion that doesn't look very good and people they wouldn't wear you know like that and somebody who like that who's just come out of that and is now running just a shop in a small town you know that does like the school uniforms and things like that and it's like no no no no he looks very good It looks magnificent. You are gorgeous like this.

Yes? Okay, then what was, oh yeah. While we're talking about the big hats, I was thinking about, what about a high-end, very cultured, beautiful, beautifully crafted version of the cork hat. You know, anytime somebody's made the cork hat, It's always been...

It feels like a joke to them. It feels like a joke. That's our national costume. Exactly. I mean, I'd like to see them wearing that at the Olympics. Yeah. You know, when they unveil the new uniform. I would like to see a beautiful high-end cork hat.

Somebody finally needs to tackle it and give it its rightful place. Yeah, the respect that it deserves. You know what I mean? Like, and then it would immediately go into a gallery of some sort, a museum. The Chardonnay Crown. Yeah, the, the, the, uh, the, uh, The Plato's ideal of the cork hat. You know about Plato, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, he was very sunsmart and like to keep flies off his face. And so he, that's why he has an ideal version of it. So you're thinking like sort of like Diamonti's bejewed corks? Well, how do we make it? I think the hat, because I think a lot of the time it treats Australians like idiots. Like they're just putting a bit of string through a hat and then pushing it through a cork and tying a little knot at the end.

And, you know, even though that's how they originate. Yeah. I think that there's way more craftsmanship to it. And I think, yeah, I think, sure, Diamantis could work. Yeah. You know, maybe little bells. Who's an Australian fashion designer? Fira Wang, was she Australian?

Did he Vera Wang? I mean, she mostly did wedding dresses. Alexander McQueen, is he from the same? Oh, do you do pajamas? Oh, no, no, that's. Oh, that's Peter Alexander. That's Peter Alexander. We can get Peter Alexander on a pajama cork hat.

Oh, oh. I mean, just pyjama hats in general is a great idea. But a big, a wide brim hat. I mean, I guess that is what that little nightcap thing is. It's a pajama hat. But that's not keeping the flies away that little thing there. The Scrooge star one. Yeah, you'd have to whip all night.

But if you had like 10 of those all around, the flies aren't coming near yet. I mean, I think you had lots and lots of strings really close together, and it was sort of almost like a shimmering curtain. Oh, shimmering curtain. That could be quite, a bit like the plastic things that on a fish and chip shop door. That does keep the flies out

Yeah That works Yeah yeah Yeah and maybe like a little No I was gonna say a little thing That shocks the The flies You know

That kind of thing But that doesn't It's not just to keep the flies out We're also trying to keep Fashion in But actually having those A glowing fashion You're trying to keep in fashion

Trying to keep in fashion Yeah But actually those like glowing purple things That kind of come on And one of those shocking Fly things Would be a beautiful thing to kind of...

That would be beautiful. Yeah, it would be maybe pure beauty. How about lights under your armpits? Okay. So you can go, what's that over there? Yeah, yeah, you're just sort of glows from up in there. You can probably get some LEDs in there or whatever. I'm just thinking, I'm thinking of drawing from the world of automobiles

where you will put lights sort of under a car and, you know, that sort of thing. So I'm thinking, like, what would be the body equivalent, maybe a light under the chin? You know, anywhere there's a little crevice or a cranny. Oh, behind the ears? Yeah, under there. Yeah, you're just like... Oh, some like blue, like little blue lights. Like, I guess those same colors that a streamer would use for, you know, some blue, some purples, some kind of like, you know, maybe like the, what are the bisexual colors there?

That kind of like blue and red, and then you go stand in dark areas and maybe... And could it change with your mood? Oh, that would be nice. And you wouldn't have to say anything. If you're having a bad day, people go, oh, glowing red over there. Yeah, yeah, linking up to your mood ring. Yeah, yeah. That's a great, okay way.

what's the word there is a word for that when it's sort of linked up to something and like a mood ring it's and people should be allowed to wear it in school you know what

and then schools will want to ban it and then we'll be like not because it's all right you make it unbannable yeah you make it unbannable by saying it's linked to their mental health what if you're right into the constitution

that it can't be bad? Yeah, I think we should get... Referendum on the line. I just don't want them to ban it. So, like, if we could... Oh, yeah, come on. Don't ban it, please. We're also trying to make a business out of this.

It'd be great. I've just bought all these little lots. Wouldn't that be great to get up a referendum where people... It's in the Constitution. People have to buy stuff from your business. Yeah, that would be really good. And then...

I mean, the dream is to have your products and services mandated in the Constitution. Yeah, compulsory. Yeah. Compulsory buying. Compulsory, the first compulsory sandwich. It'd be great to even just get the government to have to buy it using your tax dollars so that you don't have, there's no chance that people are just buying.

Yes, great. Yeah, they purchase it. Government sandwich. We are the number one provider here at compulsory sandwich. We got compulsory voting in this country. Yeah, right. And you can't, and you have to get one every week. Every day.

Every week. Daily sandwich? Yeah, daily sandwich. It's your choice if it's breakfast, lunch or dinner. Or if you don't have it at all, but you just have to get it. You're free to choose. It's a free country. Yeah, it's free.

But not for a snack in between meals. We draw the line. Yeah, yeah. And, yeah, I don't mean compulsory sandwich. To be able to somehow, maybe you can somehow, like, get on to another, you slip in your question on to. Oh, piggyback on another. Yes, yes.

you know, on another issue that's happening. Yeah, something that people will definitely want to vote for. Yeah. And it should be like, oh, should, you know, should health be available, health, like, healthcare be available to all people and you have to buy a sandwich from my sandwich? Compulsory sandwich every day.

There would be some people would say, I love the idea of the sandwich. Yeah. Not so sure about equal health care. Yeah. Yeah, you wonder about what will actually be the hot button issue on that particular ballot paper. Yeah. It's very satirical.

It's very, very well done. It should be, okay. What about like just somebody who thinks that they're really good? and because I always find that to have like lots of confidence and things like that I do find that funny

yes you know there's an element of it where I guess I guess it's because of the I guess that's maybe the only way

that there's humor there is if you feel like you can see and I guess assume that everybody else can see that the person is not worthy of that confidence

what are they're confident no matter how badly they go at anything they keep failing yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. But even just, yeah, I feel mine even goes more subtle than that where it's like, you go, I think it's funny that just in general we feel confident about anything.

Because we're, because just earlier, you were just like, you were shitting and you were doing things like that. Which I guess shouldn't take away your confidence. I feel so, I feel so unconfident I took a shit earlier. Could you be confident about the shit? Yeah. I mean, could you do like a TV show where it is like, We just get on super confident people, and then we have them be sort of humiliated time and time and again, like in quite base ways. You know, their pants falling down and that sort of thing.

I mean, it is essentially just a good description of reality TV. You know, we get confident people on who want to be famous for just, you know, their looks and things like that. Totally, absolutely. But we're making it, we're sort of reducing it to its essential elements. And it is literally their pants falling down, right? Okay, so they go into makeup A little robot that controls the belt Yeah, exactly, yeah

That's good And you call it like taken down a peg or something Yeah And taken down to peg Taken down to peg Then once the pants fall down We We ask if they want to be pegged

And then we don't do it Because we're not that kind of show No But I think Also it happening again and again Right? Yeah Time after time

Every time it happens Like Oh they get to meet bigger and bigger celebrities and their pants fall down. We'll go on higher and higher stakes dates or something like that, but like at the start of every date, we humiliate these people. I mean, it's cruel. There's already a lot of conversation about whether or not,

you know, these reality TV shows have some sort of duty of care to the mental health of the people who are appearing on them. There have been, you know, all sorts of awful things that have happened after people have been mistreated by these shows. But I don't see that being a problem with this show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think if the show's called Taken Down a Peg

Come and be humiliated For the chance to be a date With the Prime Minister You know? Imagine that though Imagine a You know, the Bachelor They're already doing the Silver Bachelor

But imagine if you could do the Bachelor But the Bachelor is the Prime Minister Oh yeah Looking for love Yeah I mean wouldn't that be something That the whole nation could get behind? Absolutely, yeah

yeah and he would really like make it seem like he's doing a lot of work and not paying that much attention to the reality show so just in between meetings and things like that while he's walking yeah yeah he's trying to get some dates in yeah yeah okay uh yes yes uh that one that one that one okay he picks the three faves oh really good at night or whatever because he can't be seen to be wasting a lot of time on this sure he still deserves love even though he's the prime minister even though he's the prime minister he deserving of love. It doesn't have to be working 24-7? What would we call this? We'd call it Prime Minister,

government relation, Parliament, House, government, I can't think of a good pun. What about the Prime Minister Bachelor? Yeah, it's beautifully done. Could it be something on like a yes minister, but then it's a picture of like someone in their wedding out.

I do minister. Yes, Prime Minister. I will marry you. Oh, yes, I do Prime Minister. Beautiful. And it sounds like he's saying, I do Prime Minister, which is what he's also trying to show off so that he doesn't get accused of wasting time.

See, so it's got a double meaning. I do Prime Minister. I do be the prime... Lots of work that I should do as Prime Minister. I do that. Yeah, a lot of it. of the show is just long stretches of him doing work. Oh, wow.

Not interesting at all. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if there's anything that parliamentary question time needs, it's a B plot, in my opinion. Yeah, yeah. You know, like a nice romance or something like that to sort of try and... Well, there'll be games for The Bachelorettes or whatever like that. Oh, good.

Who will, you know, they'll be in there in the sort of the stands and the audience during question time. And they've got to like, oh, a challenge is like trying to... blow a kiss to the Prime Minister that he catches or blows back there's different points for each one. He doesn't know the point system so that... He's not involved in that. That might even be considered corrupt.

Yeah, it is, yeah. And so then... And so then, you know, but he's trying to also appear like he's really doing work, so they've really got to cut through. Yo! What about... What about... What about...

Government corruption and bribes and stuff? Yeah. But the bribes. that are being given are just little kisses and stuff like that. So, like, you meet up with an agent. From, like, the oil industry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

Okay, yeah, so, like. And behind closed doors. And they give you a brown paper bag right on a park bench. And you open it up and you look down. There's a little card there and it just says, look up. and you look up and they look into your eyes and then you kiss and they plant you want yeah yeah yeah you're like you go uh yeah so first he goes oh we're going to need we're going to need uh you know some relief from these uh tariffs that are coming up uh that's going to come from the guy

and you know i can't do that like that and then he hands him a little paper bag and so he says look out like that and he goes you look and you go consider it done like that um oh yeah I love a kiss-based corruption. You know what's great about that? No paper trail. Yeah, except for the paper bag. And the thing that says look up. Sure.

That could be anything. Yeah, that's right. It could just be, watch out, there's a coconut falling. You know how many people die from getting hit in the coconut? But you know what they could also? Turns out they're doing. You think he's just kissing this agent from Russia, right? But while their mouths are locked together,

he or she the agent is furiously tapping out codes with Morse code with their tongue on each other's tongues So you're like Oh you've got no way of knowing What's happening inside their mouths While they're doing that

That's true, yeah You think it's just an innocent honeypot situation Yeah But actually there's Just something more nefarious For a complex plot They have to make out of like 25 minutes straight Yeah

And I don't know how you depict this in the It's the show An in-mouth camera In-mouth camera Oh wow Do-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D Do you know that thing come up on Yeah

There's a PM mouth camp Well you have to do it to stop corruption Yeah you have to We put a camera inside the mouth At the Prime Minister Yeah Yeah Yeah

In all the politicians If you want to be in Parliament You've got to have a camera in your mouth I feel like that could be its own reality show We put a camera inside the Prime Minister To the side of the Prime Minister It's really good on I guess which bit of the Prime Minister

Is it? Where is it? And then it just shows you a bit of footage. There's a lot of teeth there. I'm hoping it's the mouth. I don't know. He could have had one of those internal twin situations. Is it inside the internal twin?

I'm really running out of ideas. Game show. Game show. Yes. This is a good idea. We're inside the prime minister. Oh, yeah. This is how the prime minister is raising funds for the government.

government to help. He's like, look, okay, we're low. We're not getting a lot of money from the oil industry because, you know, we didn't ask. I said I wouldn't raise taxes. I said I wouldn't, so I'm going to have to be involved in more reality for personal fundraising for the country. I'll do it, yeah.

I love that idea. I mean, how about this? You know, wouldn't you love it if the prime minister took on a second job? You know? You know, so like at night waiting tables or, you know. Working at the servo all night. Looking at the survey, exactly. And the money's going straight into the treasury.

Oh, to the government coffers. The coffers. Yeah. You approach the server window at night into the security window and they're hidden, and you're like, is that the Prime Minister? Yeah. I think the economy might not be doing well. Oh, just trying to help the economy.

Just trying to get it. Look, I'm not allowed to keep any of this money. This is going straight to defence. Oh, come on, Prime Minister. going to get one of them submarines I think we should you know how we get to design you know get to like submit designs for the flag

or like you know the national anthem or whatever I think they should do that with the designs for the new nuclear submarines oh that's great I think they should throw it open everyone can send in designs kids and that sort of thing and they pick one winner yeah then we can have a we can maybe we can vote on it

we can have a submarine that we're all proud of It'll end up looking like a turd. You're right? Yeah. It's like a big shit. Because it's democracy and we all vote. We all vote for the nugget. That's really good.

Everybody votes for the nugget. Yeah. Write it down. Yep. We all get to vote on the shape of the Ogy McBoat-Face fucking nuclear-powered submarine. But then like it's a, you know, it's a, it's legally binding. That's right. You have to make it legally binding.

They have to pick one of the entries. Do you know what? I think the shape of his shit. it probably isn't terrible in terms of the shape of a submarine. Yeah, and it's beautifully camouflaged, I think, for some of a, you know, it's not a, it's not a color that ever kind of... It's even down to the color. We're doing that. You don't think we can do the color?

I guess, I mean, it's a, what else is there? Yeah, if I can't, if me as a people, don't get a say in the color of our shit-shaped submarine, then what am I even living in this country for? I would be great if when it gets launched into the ocean It's done through a big toilet They could build Prime Minister This goes on to the ceremonial flush

It's launched And it goes Flushes away Just sinks down Or just kind of floats on the top It still has a motor and stuff in I think it's still Poked it down

It's not going It's too big down, sorry. Does it still have a nuclear reactor inside? Yeah, yeah. There's, you know, there are 250 soldiers on there. They're all taking it very seriously. They're all doing this. Do they have matching, like, sort of brown uniforms? Yeah. You get a camouflage of the sub. A little plop squad. Anyway. You're quite good at bending your fingers past, like, it's quite sort of upsetting in a way, It's not that I'm good at it.

It's just that they bend there freely because that's within their capability. It feels like you're splitting hairs here, Alison. Oh, you're very good at splitting hairs. I don't know. I'm not good at it. I'm just doing it. Would you do that?

Would you go to a hairdresser where they'll split all your hairs down the middle like that? You get twice as many hairs. Oh, my God. That'd be great. You know, I don't have as many as I used to. Yeah, no hair transplant, neither. But like, yeah, and then you're just kind of like, would you think it'd be...

Even wispier. It would be even more like a fog around your head. Oh, foghead. Mm. Foghead, long head. I don't understand. What is foghorn, leghorn? Like, I know who it is.

Mm. What, is that name a reference to something? Leghorn is a type of chicken. Oh. Yeah. And what about foghorn? Well, it's a sound made by a ship. Okay.

But, yeah, I mean, it doesn't sound like a. like there's a lot there, does it? No, no, no. I mean, look. To join those two things together. Yeah, yeah. It's a mini documentary on the origins of fog, foghorn leghorn. Oh, corn, leghorn.

What the fuck they were thinking. It's probably one of the least name-like names in all of fiction. You know what? That's a really good point. Yeah. It's one of the least name-like names. You try and find the worst name? Worst name.

The worst name. It's been coined? Worst fictional names. name that's ever kind of least name like name hmm i mean why would having an unname like name be good i mean i guess that's why they call you know in in the CIA and stuff yeah they call agents by names that aren't even names you know they'll call them like bluebird yeah or stuff like that because you're not only are you're calling him a different name you know not calling him Troy Roberts okay you're like Like, we're calling him something that isn't even a name.

Yep. Refrigerator. Refrigerator, exactly. So, like, this is where... It's very clever. Bailant's office. Yes. Traspassing sign.

But then, I mean, I suppose they could... They should go further and they should do ones that... Names that aren't even words. It should just be sound. It should just be... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of those would be so hard to remember, like, when it's a detail. Like, like, ha, ha!

Like that? Like, it's... actually sure but then you know you can pass that off in the conversation i think like you know we're hiding it's a good name i think so i think it's a great name and i think trying to teach that to your kids yeah and you did well thank you do you finish what your sentence was uh oh no i fucked it up no but it wasn't very good anyway alistair i feel like were you going with hiding in plain sight is that basically hiding in plain sight that like you know you can drop a reference in a convo pardon me

Yeah, it's all very well to, like, have codes. Yeah. Okay. But what about the codes within the codes? What about hiding information in parts of speech that people don't even think is the speech component? I think that's where the real secrets are hidden. Okay, yeah, yeah.

I don't know how Morse codes exactly works, but can you communicate Morse code with pauses in speech? Probably. The length of your pauses. Yeah. People think. I think you're just searching for a word, but really you're communicating a second message. Or you have like, you know, you have like a really old guy who grunts and groans a lot as he stands up and sits down and that sort of thing.

And he coughs constantly and that sort of thing. And people think that the words he's saying are the information, but actually it was all his body noise. Oh, that's good. The clicking of his joints and that sort of thing. Yeah. And so then what situation are we using this in? We're sending, you know, important information to, we encode it all in his body. We teach him all these things and we send him somewhere like a pigeon.

But, and then he, you know, passes on the information as a series of things. If he's being observed closely, nobody will know what he's actually saying. It's, uh, I'm not good at, I'm not doing a good job of coming up with any names or, uh, have you considered foghorn leghorn yeah for things I'll call this the foghorn leghorn system

I think we need a full lunch yeah sure let's do it yeah because I think like we're I think we're starting to get tired but from not from just not having eaten properly do you have the capability of ordering something

no I don't but that's okay I can download something if you're happy to I mean, yeah, I mean, I'm also happy to I had a little what they call them breakfast Bakes at this bakery I lived here

It's basically like a square piece of pizza Yeah, okay It was blue cheese and And sweet potato It was fantastic Yeah, oh man, that's really good You know what they should do You know like blue cheese is such a success

They should make moldy other food Oh yeah It is eat edible Like, I mean, I don't understand. Like, moldy milk. You know, imagine blue milk. Blue milk. Think about that.

Think about that. Yeah. You know, like, why? Does milk just go bad before. Blue fish? Blue fish. I mean, I know there's a lot of, like, fermentation of stuff, right? But it doesn't go blue.

It doesn't go blue. How do you make it go blue? Yeah, I want that blue, but I think blue milk, I mean, it's not a sketch idea. But why is there no blue milk yet? I mean, look, maybe they got blue milk somewhere. They probably have it like that. in one of the countries like, like, you know, Greece or something like that,

they just put milk under the sink. You know what I mean? Like, they do that with cheese. Isn't that what cheese is? They're like, oh, yeah, just put it under the sink. Yeah, or hide it in a cave for a while. Yeah, hide it in a cave. They go up and go to Moses's cave.

That's probably why he went up to the cave because he was looking for blue cheese or something like that. Yeah, it's probably something in here. Have they tried all the foods in that same cave? And cheese is the only one that worked? Like, yeah, exactly. How many, how did you get to that? How many foods did you put in there line up?

Yeah, she's the only one. And you had perfection straight away. I mean, I guess they hang, they hang like sausage with, you know, how do they... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, you know. Was it like salt? Hanging in the garage. Yeah, hanging in the garage. But I guess back in the day, you put it in a cave.

Put it in the cave. Put it under the... Nature's garage. Nature's garage. Exactly. That's where bears can park the car. I just don't understand. Like, what about blue?

Can it get moldy? Alistair, what would you like? Some, some, some pizza? Yeah, let's get pizza. Yeah? I mean, I've had a lot of pizza recently Okay, we don't have to get pizza But no, no, no

It's always good though Yeah, it is always good Let's see if you've got one with a bit of blue cheese In my opinion I think it's great A breakfast bake Okay, let's see Like what's a

You know, what about Instead of thinking about always fermenting Other products like the food and stuff that you eat What about fermenting yourself? Oh, okay You know what I mean? Like why can't you just keep your hand And some liquid for like

For like a week? Let it go a little blue. Yeah, like just like put it with whatever it takes to make it go blue. Yeah. Would that work? Yeah, what happens? Why does it improve everything? Fermentation?

Yeah. The fermented self. You just, like, you just sit in a pool of liquid like this for like a week. Just let your body ferment like that. And just like, you just got to be in a way so that you can sort of be weightless like that and not like drown or whatever. Yeah. Is it also sort of you could double it up as like an immersion tank? experience. Yeah. And then, and like as a health, as a health guy, you could easily just be like,

well, fermented food's good. Ferment yourself. Like we haven't, we haven't tested it. Yeah. Who's going to sit in a tank all week? But we probably needed like someone like David Blaine or something. He loves a tank. We'll get David Blaine involved. Ferment yourself. It's probably healthy. Yeah. It'll just, it'll encourage the good bacteria to cover your body. You'll get a mother. Get like that oozy water around you. Why keep drinking it when you could just have it grow on your body? You could be the scobie. Yeah.

Like just wear a scoby shirt. You know, eventually you just covered in scobie. So then suddenly you're sort of decent. Yeah, except for like the scob. But then you shape the scobie. It's like a scobie bonzai. You get a scobie bonzai. You grow it up like that and make it into a beautiful tailor shirt.

or whatever like that. You know, I'm sure you can, like, it's like an ooze, so you can probably extend it and shorten it. Yeah, yeah, for different seasons. Different seasons. I'm getting you a falafel, Peter. Is that okay? Sure.

Great. That's good. Thank you, Andy. It's my pleasure. And I'm going to write it down. Like, what are we talking, scobie clothes? Yeah, fermented men with scobie clothes. Yeah.

You know? Just hearing what you're saying. Scobie clothes. I think, you know... It sounds like the most natural colour than you could get. I mean, it's probably what they did before they got threads.

Yeah. Which seems like the most complicated thing. Imagine that. Look at this, how complicated it would be to make textiles. Isn't that? How do they do it? How do they get it all organized?

They're not tangled. Yeah. And then the pattern right. And they get the pattern right? I don't know. I just think it seems better and more complicated than like making a computer.

Yeah. And look, we're covered in it. I'm covered. Our body look beautiful. But right now, it could be covered in Scobie. We could be covered in Scobie, which is good for you.

That's good. This is doing nothing for my health. It's just covering my, yeah. It's just like papering over a problem with this. And Escobie is alive, so it's essentially your buddy. Yeah.

You can probably talk to it. Yeah. And you wouldn't be weird if you talk to your clothes. Right now, you'd look down to your clothes. Scobie. Scobie. Like this?

Scobie. Yeah, I think so. And then it's actually, you're throwing... Well, that's like the Hay-Syrie equivalent. You say, Scobie, and then you start talking to you a little. And then you probably can't. I mean, have you heard about wetware? No, tell me about wetware.

Wetware? It's like where they're trying to develop. It's like the wet version of hardware. And they're trying to turn like, you know, living things into computers. And they think it'll be better than computers. I don't know. I don't know what could be better than computers.

but um and so it'll be wetware and then I mean Scobie this Scobie could probably become a computer oh yeah your clothes your shirt your underpants

you know they don't probably eat all the crap off of your ass I think some sort of biologically active underpants that are eating the crap off your ass

and drinking the piss drying up your ball sweat somehow yeah yeah so there's sentient underpants yeah yeah sentient living sort of slime molding I don't know if they're sentient but I think it's like

definitely a stable ecosystem but then sometimes it squeezes you in a way and you're like are you like are you hitting on me underpants you know guys always think that something is hitting on them sentient underwear that guys are absolutely convinced

as hitting on it yeah A guy falls in love with his Sandian underwear I don't think it has to be sentient for him to fall in love with it No, that's right. I think

I think it's funny to have a sketch about these tech guys who keep falling in love with their AIs and stuff their chat bots and that sort of thing I think it's funny the less like a real person it is like he invents something and it's like literally just like

a garbage bin with wheels that just says cleaning, cleaning or something like that and he falls in love with this thing and he's convinced that it's sentient and that it reciprocates his love. It's cleaning for me. Yeah.

It's all, look at this. It cares about me. It's a robot vacuum, basically, this thing. He's falling completely in love with that he's left his family. Yep. And you know what? It actually ends really

happily. All right. Yeah, they die holding hands. And his wife is actually happier without him. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, sorry, only for her. It's only happy for her. It's really awful for him. And for the kids. And the robot is also unhappy. Does he give the robot a hand? Does it have just like one hand?

Sure. Sticking up like that? Like it's going to ask a question? I think that's so he can And if you are going to ask a question, you shouldn't put your hand up like this. You should do like a try and do a question mark. You know? Like that's an exclamation mark.

Yeah. It should be like this. Yeah. And then you're pointing to your head where you want the question to come out of. Did it, pointing to the roof is like what's up there? Is the exclamation mark like you've got like a mic drop moment coming up? Yeah. You've got a statement coming.

Boom. Boom. But otherwise, it's question. Question? Question. Question. Question. Question.

Yeah, I mean Like land dog sled What do you think about that Oh, that already exists, doesn't it? Oh yeah I mean, I guess the snow is land Yeah, I guess Oh, like on like dry

Yeah, like it'd have to be cold Would it have wheels? Hey? Would it have wheels? A dog? No, the sled. What about this? It's a sled with a bunch of dogs

And you pull it around Oh Yeah? Okay Yeah, and so I don't know, I don't know what this is, but it's in town, it's happening, it's very urban. Are you saying mush, mush, because that's what they get to eat when they get home? Yeah, I think so, yeah. You're trying to encourage them?

Yeah, it's like, oh, it's coming, like that, and then they have to run for another, like, seven hours. Seven hours, and then you get some much. It's like, how when I'm cleaning the house, my wife shouts, pizza, pizza at me like that. Yeah, yeah. Exactly like that. Three more hours and you get a bit of pizza. And she's like, oh, no, that's just a figure of feet. get people to clean

Is there a sketching that? Is there a sketching this guy A guy pulls a tray full of dogs? Oh, okay I understand it's not really a sketch Is there something like You know how there's a strong man That always try and pull a plane or something?

Yeah, we did talk about that early as a day Oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not the first time Oh, and was there anything from that that maybe? I mean, what about it? He actually pulls it up into the sky Like he just jumps really high? He's like that through the air, pulling it along.

He's starting to pull it. Yeah, yeah. And he starts to get some lift. And then he starts to do this. Yeah. Like this. And then he goes, and he takes off. Yeah, and he drags it up.

Like that and he pulls it up. Strongest guy is, it's 7-4-7. And as he's just got regular arms and he flies up like that and he's off. You'd think that like with regular arms, you'd have to flap a lot faster to do that. But he's actually, no, he's just because. he's pushing down so hard because he's so strong yeah

I mean perfect it's the perfect sketch what about you know how when they first tested rockets they often would take an animal like a dog up into space

this you'd have to test it by putting dogs on the plane there you go is someone pulling dogs yes yes know if they could be passengers yeah that's right

when you come back the strong man lands the dogs land you check in everyone okay oh you don't want what I love? You know, at some point when he's in the sky, I reckon he flips back with the rope, and then he sits on top of the plane, and then he drives it like this. Wow. And then brings it in

for like a... Easy girl! Whoa! Oh! Like that as his landing to kind of like slow it down a bit. And then like, like that and all the dogs are like... Oh, oh, oh, oh. Seals. Yeah. I mean, I love a plane with rains. You know? Like even inside the cross. cockpit, you know. I think that would be really... Like that. I think that you'd have more control. Surely.

I mean... It's got that little steering wheel. You're telling me you can't attach just a couple of ropes to that and do exactly the same job but pretending that you're like guiding a horse through the air.

Yeah, yeah, gentle. Whoa! Whoa! Here you go. Here you go. Whoa, whoa. Or is it just a way of testing out different wheels And different things for the cockpit

Because I reckon they probably came to that That little wheel they've got pretty quickly But did they try the pirate wheel Yeah Yeah The history of Oh yeah What else did they try

I love how you can really spin it Yeah How funny you have to spin it to turn You gotta do a lot don't you Yeah Yeah Yeah Because it makes it think

Like You would think that it's like Really hard to turn because you've got to move this liquid. I need to get, like, you know, with the rudder or whatever it is, like that. But I guess it's just so loose that you can just do this and it just moves a little bit. I think that's what it is. It's highly geared, I imagine.

It's very geared. And then, because, like, especially if you're, like, turning into the wind or whatever, you've got the full pressure of all the air that's on the sails and the whole weight of the boat, like moving in a particular direction, you're going to need some pretty significant mechanical advantage. Oh, yeah. To turn that bad boy That's right And then it just

It's made it more fun Things are easier It's funner Yeah Yeah That's why That's why We should have

We should train dogs That can raise our kids Yes Because We already did talk about this today We already Talk about this today Yeah

With Sam Peterson We had a dog-based daycare Where the dogs Raising the kids I know But a good idea Is a good idea And worth bringing up

that's right yeah yeah i can't believe i already forgot that but i mean like a dog that's up to date with a lot of the latest parenting techniques um pedagogy it's just watching it's just watching reels all day and this is all shows his algorithm shows it and and and then and then you can just come in as a parent and go how's it going then you go and then you go all right yeah i'm making nachos have we already pitched the idea of a centaur Pete Oh Like Is that

I think it's a A man With the body of a horse And the horse has a hundred legs Okay Wow I'd never see A really long horse

Lots of legs We've had a long horse Before on the show But I don't know if we've ever had a centaur piece You have the long horse Has had two legs At the front Two legs all the way

The back Like a sausage Yes that's right Yeah Yeah This would be good In a like You know like a slightly

More fantastical Yeah Yes, take it to the next level. Because imagine this, you go, hey, Amazon, I'm looking to make a sketch show. They go, whoa, we're not looking. We go, it's a fantasy sketch show at $3 million per hour of like that. And they'll be like, oh, now my ears are pricked. Like that and go.

Well, and so will be the ears of the elves in the TV show. That's right. It's fantasy. That's right. They're also pricked. And they're because they've got earrings through them. Ah, yep. Yeah, and...

I thought... Yeah, you know what I want to see? Elf with curly hair. Hmm. I always have straight hair. Yeah, what's that about? Huh. I mean, I think, look, that's a centaur peed

written by a curly-haired elf. I mean, the imagination on this guy, on this author. He's thought of everything. He thought of an elf with curly hair. And his pubes are straight. Oh, wow. And long? Yes, very long.

And then they've kind of got more of a up top. It's curly, but it's a bit more like Hallie Barry. You know, I mean, her hair's too short maybe for this, for them to really see how, that it's curly. But I promise you, when it grows out, it is curly. Yeah, okay, great, great. And, yeah, all right. She's like, I almost said a curly girly.

Why would I say that? Well, because it rhymes. Yeah, but that's not enough, you know? You've got to, these days, people expect more. They want more. Now, we've already pitched, I'm sure, in the past a microwave gun. Microwave gun? Yeah, you can point it at your sandwich and just cook it on the plate like that.

That's a good idea. That is a good idea. A good idea is a good idea. And safe, I imagine. But like, it's just like, because you can't see it, but it would just make things really hot. You know, like that. Vibrate their things. Yeah.

And you could just, because like, then you could be, eating a plate of like nuggets just got out cold nuggets yeah and just do one nugget oh one at times like the 20th nugget doesn't get cold by the time you get to it like every single nugget you eat will be the hottest fucking yeah ever eaten in your life yeah yeah it's really good yeah you have to heat it up wait five minutes for to cool down eat it start the process again and yeah like that oh that'd be really good we have a little mouth on the table that sits there that you can put stuff in, and it cools

them down by breathing on them and bouncing them around with its tongue. And then you take it out of there with some chopsticks, pop it into your mouth. It hasn't chewed anything, so it's not chewed food. It's just cooled it down. Like that, and you can kiss that mouth. And you're allowed to give it a little kiss at the

end of the meal. Because AI should be able to get that mouth going pretty human-like. Oh, yeah. And you know it's already you already know it's going to be wet, so it'll be a nicer kiss and it'll have some crumbs in it which I like

it'll be like kissing a loved one who you're having sharing a meal with and do you love when you know that you get to feel those crumbs in there do you think there's anything in people have made this someone has made this little mouth that does this to cool down food and then something about like

the lengths that they'll go to or how the risk of people trying to do bodily functions with this this mouth like well kiss it and do other inappropriate things with this mouth that is only has been made for one purpose

right they make it really bitey oh yeah but like I just worry you see without without the biting thing I worry that for people who are in high school who because people have this mouth to cool down their nuggets like that

and they're just going to be bouncing, you know, people are going to be kissing it so much and practicing their kissing. This thing will, you know, will have bots and then you'll be able to kiss some of the, you know, models of the world's best kissers. Yeah. You know, because they will have, you know, been sort of trained on all this kissing data. Oh. The world kissing championships. I would thought that was the one kind of data that they didn't have. Well, maybe that's the one thing that AI won't be able to do is kiss. Well, because there's no sense. You'll have to kiss people to know if they're...

Honey, I was just kissing to check if it was a robot. Yeah, that's right, that's good. Oh, kissing. What do you want me to... Finding out if someone is a robot and a good excuse. A very good excuse.

Not an excuse, a reason. Lexa, if you're... There's a difference. Not all excuses are reasons and not all reasons are excuses. Yeah. Thank you very much. You're like the head of security somewhere

and you had everyday people come in, you know, you don't want your secrets stolen, you don't want robots coming in. They have to make out with every single person who comes to security. So you go through metal detector, tray through. That's going to be a very different job all of it, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, if they do that,

that's one way that you know that they can train their... Is this what you're just saying? This is because... Oh, will they be training by kissing? Yeah, imagine... And that's how they're getting your kissing data. Eventually, once they... Eventually, they'll work it out.

Yeah. They'll do it. do it at the airport. Learning by doing. Oh, you come through, oh, you've got to kiss this thing to make sure there's no like guns in your mouth or whatever. Like that.

And then you kiss there and you're like, oh, I guess I have to. And then they're like, ha ha, now we've got that data. Yeah. Like that. And then they'll make robots that can kiss well and you'll be able to, you won't be able to detect who they are. Well, I guess you probably what you would do is you would not, you'd save your best stuff.

You wouldn't, you wouldn't give away all your tricks. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, when you go to the airport, don't give it your best kiss. Don't give it everything, okay? You can afford to hold back 10%. Yeah, and then what they'll probably do, they'll probably put, like, really haunt people near the robot. So that you'll be trying to impress them.

You'll be trying to impress them. I saw you kissing that airport security robot before, and I really liked what I saw. Yeah, I really want to kiss you now. And then that's your, that's your, basically your, your primo outcome. and then you get to kiss the security guard at the airport, which you've always wanted to do. Oh, baby.

You know, they have control. Airport security recently, I went through one. And it was like, we have given up on the pretense, even the chance of this being anything like a pleasant human interaction. Just like, you know, those days are long gone. Forget that was ever on the table. we are going to be as rude as possible to you from the very get-go. Yeah, do you think they're now the angriest people you can come across?

It used to be like the receptionist that are doctors, but now do you think airport security are there? They're the people you don't want to. Well, yeah. I think they've taken over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then what do we need to do? Do we need to give them something?

They can take one thing out of every bag They can I mean they get to see I imagine some fun stuff in there Like I kind of would like the idea Of being able to x-ray everybody's bags Yeah I mean that would be fun

You think that that would make them happy I know you think to be the happiest I mean And they get to you've said if you have walked past it It's like fully 3D They move it around a bit Yeah Look through

Yeah all day And that's not fun for them I know well that's it I think we need to get angry with them because they have no right to be angry. They get to look at secrets all day long. Stuff that I don't show anybody else at the airport. No one else is a 3D scan of my body ever.

Yeah. Cheer up. You get to look at some weird x-ray version of my whole body like that. You get to pat me down? You get to touch my body. You get to tell me to take my belt off. I don't get to tell anybody to take the belt off. Yeah, if you try, that's weird.

Yeah, telling someone to take their belt off is usually, like a, you know, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, you've made a lot of progress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And maybe that's what it is. Maybe everyone's always taken their belts off, but never taken off their pants. We need to, you know, maybe they're, they're constantly teased. Oh, blue bald. Yeah, they've got blue ball.

Yeah, they might get your shoes off, they might get your belt off, but that's it. That's it. Maybe a jacket off, maybe. Sometimes they're always like, oh, do we have to take this into another room? You pat them down. Sorry, they pat you down, but you never pat them down. Oh, yeah. But you're the stripper rules.

yep no no other way around oh yeah yeah they're the stripper but they don't get to have fun which i don't know why i'm saying that the strippers would be having fun wouldn't it be lovely to be in a relationship with one of those airport security people and the you know that moment where they get you home to their bedroom and then they run their hands all over your body just down the sides like that up and down the inside of the legs like that tap tap tap tap tap oh oh you know your way around oh i think i found something yeah yeah yeah yeah he too wait okay wait that's going to be having the airport security a lover the pitter pitter the um that's going to be every heavy patting every petting

really well done i believe we still got 300 sketcher that is not good news no no that's great 200 I mean we've look we've made good progress in eight hours I guess that is good yeah

I guess that is good I mean we've got two out if we can come up with 50 then that we're still on on track right now to get it done in 22 hours in 20 hours

we've got to go faster yeah yeah oh yeah 20 hours yeah okay cool man Um, all right.

You know, penny for your thoughts. Yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. Fifty bucks to shut up. What about? Ten bucks, I'll get your whole body.