Two In The Think Tank - 500/4 - "500 Sketch Ideas Part 4: Really Diet Coke"

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

This is Part 3 of 6 of Episode 500. Enormous thanks to Humdinger Studios for hosting, filming, streaming, everything. You made all this possible.Very very gigantic thanks to Ellie for the great art on our livestream background.Vast, boundless thanks to all the many many guests who came along. You carried us with your mouths.To the TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server here who worked together, watched hours of hour nonsense and updated the sketch count.To everyone who watched, even a little bit, of the live stream (here)And all the amazing a-listeners who bought hats and supported the Pozible campaign to get Alasdair back to AustraliaTo our families, who not only put up with our nonsense but sopport it.And everyone we forgot.And you.We love you.You can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and insta Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And please welcome on to the podcasting couch. Lisa dib. Lisa, Dave, the dib dog. Dib, Dib, Dib, Dib, Dib, Dib, Dib, Dib, Dib, Dib, Dib, Dib. You brought snacks. Of course. Thank you, Deb. On the, on the, was it on this podcast,

Did I ever pitch my, is there a dog turd on the plane sketch? I'm not sure. Idea? It's like the flight crew come over. Is there a doctor on the plane? Is there a doctor on the plane? Like that? And someone at the back of the plane stands up and says, I'm a doctor.

Oh, no, he says, it stands up to me. Me, I am one. And he comes down, he says, down the front. And what seems to be the problem? I can help. And we said, is there a dog turd on the plane? You just said you're a dog turd And then everyone on the plane

Laughed at the dog turd This guy said he's a dog turd He'll laugh and they point And he has to slowly walk back to his seat again Maybe they do it a couple more times in the plane Each time no we're serious this time We actually do need a dog turd Like you're saying dog turd

We need a dog turd This is serious Comes down again We got you again They keep getting him Yeah. And that's how that man died. Yeah.

How? I'm going to take these snacks out before I forget. Biscuits. Oh, my God. And caffeine. Thank you. And there's fruit for healthy. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh. Those are one of the most delicate, like, special and expensive. Of all the berries. Oh, look, I'm, you know, I'm doing pretty good. Thank you. Yeah, I can tell. I can tell. She ate it.

How are we feeling? Um, not too good You know what, um, thanks to Carly and the food as well and, uh, and all this and everybody's, uh, everybody's, uh, your presence, all the good people. We're all being like, really lifted. Yeah. We're doing this for 12 hours now.

Yeah, yeah, you don't seem, you don't seem tired at all. Yeah, I thought I was looking tired and I guess I have gone through phases where I've kind of You got a bit of stuff on your mustache there. You give that a little wipe. Well, it's like, I'll just eat more food. I'll eat it away. Yeah. All right.

Eat my way out of this. Did I talk about bog bodies last time I was here? I don't remember, but let's talk about bog bodies. Can I talk? They're, they're one of my favourite things. I had to get a bog body. Let me tell you, if you've got a body, you've got a bog body. All bodies are bog bodies. All bodies are bog bodies.

If you put it in a bog, it's a bog body. Well, so the thing I really understand is, so do you know anything about these bog bodies? Are these, like, people, ancient people? You heard of this? You heard of this? You heard of this? Are these, like, ancient people that have fallen into a bog and then their body's been preserved?

Yeah, well, they've been... Close, but they usually haven't fallen. They've usually been put in the bog. But sometimes nefarious reasons. Oh. Like killed, disposed of in the bog. He's sleeping with the bog, Mike. He's sleeping with the peat.

Yeah, okay. I think Caveman Mafia could be a good idea. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, I mean, I would be genuinely shocked if that hasn't been done before. That seems like a no-brainer for a sketch. That is low-hanging fruit, as far as I'm concerned. Low-hanging rocks.

He's, wait, wait, wait, he's sleeping with the troglobites. Troglobites? Is that the ones that... Troglodites are the people who live in caves. That's another word for cave thing. Okay, what are those? And trilobites is the ones that scuttle around on the bottom of the thing. So you say it with the right one.

he's sleeping with the trilobites that's good that's how it should have sounded out I mean we need I think we need a little something extra like you know this thing They had fish He wakes

And they also didn't have trilobites Yeah But you know He's sleeping with the newly invented wheel With like the horse's head in your bed or whatever Um I'll make it Yeah he's trying to

He wakes up with a like Teradactyl in his bed Yeah, the head of a bison? What are those things called? They had horses. No, no, what are those things? Yeah, bison. No, big, bigger.

Big. Mammoth. Yeah, mammoth. Mammoth. Maybe you're forgetting it from this. Big, bigger, big. I'm tired too. I'm going to argue with you like the caveman in the thing.

I think it's big, big, big. No, no. No, no. The idea of waking up in a bed with something. under the sheet next to you and it's a full woolly mammoth's head. It's pretty funny. Yeah. No.

No, that's so sad. Yeah, oh, it's sad. But, like, you know, how would you not notice it there under the sheet? I mean... Under the sheet. Under the sheet. Where it is hotter, you will be supper. Wow.

Anyway, what's your question about bog bodies? I have no questions. like talking about them. Oh, okay, great. Because I don't really understand them. I mean, maybe people who are into science understandable. But there's something about Pete in a bog

that preserves them really well. I think it's like high acidity, low oxygen. Oh, yeah. But also the name, the phrase Pete Bogg would also be a funny name. It's a great name for a boy or a girl. Pete Bog?

Pete Bog. Attorney at law. actually peat bog is the name of a caveman lawyer oh yeah yeah absolutely the caveman mafia's lawyer is called peat bog um petrick no wait of course peter i thought people short for petrick for a second

uh i mean could you preserve foods in a bog what could we get out of you know i mean could we convince people that like spending time in a bog is a good thing to do for your skin or for your health Like you look at those skin of these These guys are thousands of years old And that skin is pretty good

It's pretty well preserved For thousands of years Like you know you're up to your neck In a bog or whatever For a couple of days Just to sort of rejuvenate I think if you slept in a bog You know just your head sitting out of a bog

Like a bog bed You know I've heard of water bed Bog bed Like that And you just get in like that And you just kind of keep your head above the bog like that And you come out Your body is just

It's just peat fresh Hog fresh. So nice and leathery. A really nice handbag. Yeah. I mean, women love handbags. Women love handbags and looking like handbag. But imagine that you're like, honey, I've been laying in a bog.

Your handbag body. I guess because it looks more like a crocodile. I guess it's quite, you know, more leathery, more tanned. Yeah, yeah. Signs of success. Yeah, yeah. I think that would be an improvement on a lot of. of my features.

Yeah, it could be like a sort of like Fountain of Youth situation where you just just dip in, just get just get like not entirely, not internally preserved. Just like, you know, a little bit preserved. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think a fountain of youth where it's

I guess is it like we discover it and it's like, is the water squirting out of syringes but it's actually Botox squirting out of syringes? Is that anything? That's not it. You work on a metaphor here? No, I just trying to, like, have a real founder of youth. We discover it, and it's like, it's somehow real, just, like, you know, basic stuff.

It's just like, you know, collagen injections for your lips or whatever. Yeah, yeah, but it's like, yeah, like, what's something that would make you a bit younger? I don't know, the blood of young people. Like, it's not a real thing that they're like... That's why vampires are so adorable. Yeah, but I think that people have, like, done some blood train, if you... Look, I could... Yeah, that guy, that...

That Brian Johnson guy who's trying to stay young is getting blood transfusions from his son. And he looks like shit. He looks awful. Yeah. And it's not working, but apparently some medical stuff does change and you do slightly have a younger body with blood from a lot of younger people. He looks like a young version of whatever he is.

But I don't think it's a human. Like he looks like a young vampire or something. Yeah, yeah. He looks like they tried to make a young looking robot. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine trying to make a young robot and then you make a guy who looks like he's about 55

and trying to look younger. Because I think as soon as he dyed his hair, is that part of his... Yeah. I think so, yeah. Because he's... He's got quite bright eyes. I think so.

He's got quite bright eyes. Yeah, the thing where it's like you get that monocolor in your hair after it's been dyed, that's a very old-looking thing. So it's like, even if his hair is technically 19 years old or whatever, like that, but it was changing to grey. You're trying to do extensive, elaborate medical procedures to fight aging

and achieve immortality. If your process involves dyeing your hair, give up. Stop. Okay? Because that is like, that's embarrassing level shit to be doing. Yeah, yeah. But then some people also, you have to feel bad for the people that naturally don't really go grey

or, you know, their hair doesn't really change. Because then it looks like they've done that on purpose. Like who's that Who's that filmmaker That's got that weird black bob of hair Can Russell? Maybe I don't think I've ever seen that But I think

Someone in the child You guys get what I'm talking about Yeah yeah But I think that natural hair Does have a few more colors Like even if you're looks So I think that there's like a complexity To the hair

That once you dye it And it becomes one color It just doesn't quite look The same It just kind of like goes one color And then also sometimes it like stains the scalp underneath and then you're like, I can see the scalp

estate. You've got to really scare someone so that their hair changes color. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I don't know. There's almost no way of looking older than to dye your hair. I'm afraid so. Than to die.

Than to die. Then to die. Which movie that I see with you where you said, I was saying how I didn't think, you know, this was a, it was a earlier time for me. But I didn't think Nick Cage was like the best actor, right? And you're like, but it doesn't matter about good or bad acting.

It's about whether it's interesting. It does sound like something I would say. Yeah, and then I was like, oh, she's enjoying things in a better way than me. I have, don't feel bad. I have no memory of that. Yeah, but no, but I have no memory of most things. I feel like it taught me, it taught me how to live better. It's probably Conair.

It was probably Conair. Probably Conair. I mean, everyone should, everyone should watch Conair. Like, it's, that's just, um... I agree. I assume... What about this? It's con air, but instead of all criminals, they're all...

Air conditioners. Conservatives. Sure, I was going to say, people from the Math Olympics. Andy, I don't get it. What's he talking about? Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I'm trying to just find something. He's just trying to throw stuff out there, which is okay.

These are ingredients. Oh, I thought it was a pun. I apologize. No, no, no. Oh, yeah, you thought it was a... Because mine was a pun on con, right? But Alistair doesn't deal with this base world of puns that you and I dabble in. What did you say with your own?

Conservatives. I was like, what if they're all conservatives on that? I said air conditioners. Which do you think is funny? Wait. Oh. Aircon air. It's a plane full of air conditioners.

Oh, God. And they're all fighting each other. The problem is, yes, like, they're quite an inanimate. object with not a lot of agency, and it's hard to imagine how anything they do or don't do could in any way, like, sort of drive a plot or affect anybody or, like, do have a creepy scene with children. Yeah, but you look at some air conditioners and you're like, that one is definitely a pedophile. Oh, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. I mean, Mitsubishi, are you kidding me? The old, the old Breville, you know. Those ones that just sit, right? Yeah, brevel do air conditioners out there? They do? Yeah, they got their fingers in a lot of pies.

Yeah. Those ones that stay in the windows They're the creepiest because they look like they're climbing in That's true Let me cool your house Let me blow on you Let me blow on you Let me blow cool

Those little like tendrils on them That sort of blow out like that It's like the long horrible hose That seeps into your house Oh yeah the hose is pretty bad Like a tentacle Or a long trunk Or a long tongue

Oh no I mean if they were If they were animate and that's how they call your house. And they breathe on you. They're just breathing cold air into your house and that's their long tongue, licking all of your stuff.

How would you feel if they were made with sort of like old man technology, right? Like that we study old men who breathe like this and we use that to make air conditioners and so they don't consistently just blow air out like that. They do sort of go, what if they use old men's sense? technology, what they do is they, you build an air conditioner around how this kind of air

is cold and this kind of air is hot. Like that, right? And so then you just build it, you just build one and it's got a face. So we'd have to have lips. We don't really, yeah, we don't really know why they work. But we know that if you blow like this, it's cold. And then if you blow like this, it's hot. and it's too hard to do the science We've tried a bit Not that hard We'll never know

We just have a mouth that you can sort of pull out like this And it goes like this And then you can pull back and it goes Yeah Yeah Like that Well you know what they say The air conditioners are the mouth of the house

Mouth of the house Mouth of the house Like that so look Yeah I know that's hardly nothing No no no no no I think it's great I think it's if nothing else It's a funny image

It could be something you cut to Yes, I mean, you know, we could be Interstitial. Some of these could be interstitial. We can make an ad for this. We can say, we don't know how it works. Yeah. When the mouth is open, the air is hot. Yeah.

When the mouth is making, looking like it's whistling, the air is cold. Cool and heat your house with old house mouth. Yeah. We don't have the answer. Stop asking how it works. We don't know. And we'll never know. Yeah, we're not trying to find out. We pass the ignorance on to you. Um, you know, they do say, they do say the, they say the eyes of the windows to the soul, to the soul, but also.

Yes. And they say that the way to the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Yep. And we also know that the, an army marches on its stomach. Okay. So, and, but they also march on their feet. So I think the feet and the stomach might be connected in that way. So you can go through the heart, through the feet to the stomach. And you pray on your knees. Eyes the windows, the soul. The soul is connected to the heart. And you go into the heart and then out of the eyes. Yeah. But how do you get to the soul? Well, the heart and the soul. Practice. You said con the fruiterer earlier. And I think that that's very funny.

Aircon Lafrudera. No, con the fruiter air is in the plane. Oh, yeah. I thought it was Aircon. I know. I thought it was Aircon. I mean, you can put aircones on there as well. I imagine Mark Mitchell gets very hot in the costume. They didn't already do this at the time or longer going to be on this plane? Not that very long at all. A couple of days.

Couple of days. No, probably not that long. No, no. Hello, hello, Mark Mitchell. Yes, I'll bring back the character, obviously. It's really good. Imagine if you were bringing it back. Yeah.

Like, you'd go and get his wig. you'll get his moustache. Yeah. You go and get his... Well, you know, I'm the... I'm the... I'm the wogguiest of us three. I could do it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah? Anyone's gonna? Do you have Lebanese? Yes. Congratulations, by the way. A beautiful thing to be. Thank you. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you.

I've been so many Lebanese people in Montreal. Really? It's like one of those countries that's like the size of Ireland and they have people everywhere. You know, they're all like, they're all like six million people countries like four to six million people

New Zealand Big cultural impact Big cultural impact Outsized Yeah Much bigger countries You don't hear anything about I mean the only

Yeah I can't I have no idea I mean the only thing Name another country you've ever heard of Oh Can't No I can't See?

No Zambia Oh yeah All done Why was that the first one I thought of You've passed the test Yeah yeah I've looked at a globe

Hmm But I think that that actually would be a beautiful character to play as a drag king. Con the fruiter. What's, no, but, okay. Con the fruit of her. Con the fruit of her.

Yeah, con the fruit of her. Or just con the fruit. Oh, yeah. No? Is that not okay? No, he's, get him out of here. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know, I don't know what I'm saying. I didn't know either.

Just a little baby. I'm just a little baby. You've been in the bog too long. You've gone backwards in time. Do you think that's something you could do? Like, say you do something unacceptable and you get cancelled. Do you think that you could get turned back into a baby? You know, a way to get out of it, right?

Is that like I've thought long and hard about what happened? I'd like to apologise to all my fans and the family and the people that I've let down. What I said didn't reflect my real views and were taken out of context. But as a show of good faith, I've had myself turned back into a baby. With his brain? Yeah. No, you're starting over again as a baby. Oh, wow.

I think that even if you just go in, you know, the people who I said that about did not deserve to receive those kind of things. And me and my family, you know, are going to take some time away. But also, to be fair, I'm just a wee baby, little baby. I don't understand. I don't understand all these big stuff like that. What's the computer? I want to eat a nipple. So is this something that they've chosen to do or something that's voiced it upon them as punishment?

No, I think it's one of the options that people have found Decide to transform yourself back into a baby It's like a Billy Madison where you go back to school But you start all the way back at the beginning I'm going to learn to call I'm going to learn to talk again I'm going to learn how to use inclusive language of my video Yeah

And so I will be recording my progress As I go through this very difficult process Why can subscribe? Why can subscribe? Now, whether or not they are just like a person pretending to be a little baby or whether or not they actually do get themselves like sort of with maybe with drugs turned back into a little baby or like chopped down by surgeons.

Made smaller. Tiny little baby. So you know how there's that, okay, I don't know the exact phrasing of the, you know, is it Michelangelo I think? He always says that he doesn't carve. That's right. He doesn't carve the statue out of the marble. he carves the marble that's not the statue out.

Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your... Away all the bits that weren't Michael Angelo's David. Yes, yes, I'm sure that there's... I'm sure that there's a better way of putting it. But, so does that imply that inside every person is a baby version of themselves? I think that's what that implies.

You just need to chisel out. If you carve up a person enough, you'll find, like, an avocado stone. And that's their baby version. They can just... It won't look completely like a baby, but it will be little and more like a baby than you are now. I think this is what plastic surgeons should be offering. It's hard to kind of like completely shrink your head back to the size of a baby,

but you can sort of peel away a lot of the bulk hair and skin. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff you don't need. Yeah, yeah. And it will, you know, without eyelids, your eyes will look bigger like a baby's. Oh, sexy. Yeah. But it will be, it's better to keep the lips because, or else it looks like you have.

No lips. No teeth. I mean, you know, you want to probably, I don't think you can get a new set of teeth, so you might have to just keep that. No, I think you're going to get the teeth taken out. Yeah, you have to get, well, you have to get your adult teeth taken out and put baby teeth in.

Okay, yeah. All right, or maybe just have your teeth chiseled down to baby teeth. Just all down, there you go. That's a great compromise. Lisa, you're too hard line on this. You're unwilling to compromise. Okay? Give a little.

I'm just disgusted. That's all. that's okay um yeah i i do i do like um i do like having to completely change yourself but i i do you have to have your head like okay the adult head okay yeah all right just to cut off the rest yeah black this is good too yeah it was pretty good coffee yeah i mean just because it's like um it's not crazy like um artificially tasting or whatever yeah yeah yeah yeah not super sweet sponsored it's quite a heavy can like it's quite solid You know? Maybe that's because it's not pressurized, like it's not carbonated, so maybe they need to make it harder to make it stand up. I don't know. I don't know how they do it. I don't pretend to understand what it's like in the canning business. I'll never know. I'm reading a book at the moment called The Sin Eater.

We were talking about that. Referred to it just before. Really? Yeah, like an hour ago. No? Who was that? Who was that? It's crazy. It might have been tossed. Yeah, maybe I can't remember. Really? Yeah. Oh, so you've already talked about eating sins? Well, we didn't know really what it meant. No one was really super confident. Yeah, but we were talking about somebody who was hanging out with a jerk and always apologising for how they were acting like a jerk. And somebody said, oh, that sounds like a sin eater.

So we don't really know what it actually is. I mean, it does sound a lot like that, but apparently it's based in some fact. I don't know how much fat. I'm not a scholar of medieval history. In the book, it's like a person that is prescribed to eat foods that correspond to the sins that you did throughout your life, like on your deathbed. Oh, wow. It's basically like taking the sins away from you in death by eating the food that they correspond to it. Yeah, wow.

So what kind of food, say, corresponds to, like, adultery? Adultery, a lot of these sexually based sins are creams. Yeah, right. So you just like, you have to have like a whip. Slurp up some sexy cream sins. Yeah, right. And so this doesn't sound like it's... All that bad?

Yeah, it's like not too bad for the sin-eater. Well, sometimes they're like deer hearts. Okay, yeah. But can they cook them? Or do they have to eat them raw? No, no, you've got to eat them raw. They are in the forest. Okay, right, right.

I mean, in the forest, there might be a forest fire. But I assume that there must be like lower-level sins where you can probably have like a little snack. A tick-tack. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like a, what's a lower-level sin? Like a J-walking. I'm smoking outside of a hospital.

Yeah, j-walking, not tapping on your Mikey. Yeah, right. So, like, let's say you, yeah, let's say you sort of stole a marble from a kid in high school. In high school? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Early high school, maybe more primary school. And then you buried it because you felt so guilty. And so then on your deathbed, somebody's got to, like, eat some bird seed.

Eat some bird seed. Yeah, really. Gripes. Yeah, just some, like, sort of. Just a little something. Yeah, but like sunflower seeds and like a few sesame seeds or something like that. It sounds like somebody was looking for a way to get some food, get some free food and then sort of made up this idea of,

oh, I'll be a sin eater, I'll eat foods that correspond to your sins. I'll eat your sins up, no problem. You know? Somebody who finds philosophies. I never realized that they're called paddle pops because they're shaped like a paddle. you know it's sort of like a boat paddle like a little you know I always thought it's just a name that you know has alliteration but yeah they look like a paddle don't most ice creams look like a paddle

I guess they do there's very few shapes you can do for ice creams yep let's see like somebody who's like just finds new philosophies so he's a bit of a just a food con artist and finds new ways to attach himself to people so that he can convince them to eat to give them food right yes so like this senior thing but let's say

a complimentary like guy who's like hey I noticed that you I heard overheard that you were trying to lose weight and I know in my family the best thing that my mom ever did was she hired a half a meal eater

it's a really good idea every meal that you you buy or eat like that I mean I could do it for you If you want, I'm, you know, I won't, I could even spare you the expense of the cost. I would never charge you for that. I would never charge you for that. But just because it seems like, you know, you know, you need help.

And, you know, I could eat half a burger, you can eat half your fries, things like that. And it will just get you to where you need to go. And that way you can also eat whatever you want, you know. I do like, or whatever you can get, you know, like it's. Are they eating the first half or the second half? I think, to be honest, I think it should be like a guy. he's in your house, he's in your kitchen anytime you go to get some food

he tries to steal it off you you know, it sort of wrestles you a bit and you're like chewing at it, he's trying to chew at it and you're both just sort of like you're just gonna get what you can you're slapping and that sort of thing and so like you're trying to eat your pasta and he's grabbing handfuls of it

and you're stabbing at him with your fork whatever you can get it also makes life more interesting oh so much more interesting I mean it brings back it brings back our hunter-gatherer roots that's right yeah we should be hunting for our food more

I don't know if you had to go through a drive-thru and you had to fight someone on the way in somebody was walking next to the car and is ready to intercept the bag before you grab it Yeah with a big mace I guess it's like a kind of like a seagull diet You look at them Look at their beautiful slender legs

You know you think How do you think they got those beautiful slender legs It's because they have to fight for every mouthful There's always at least one other seagull trying to get at it So you can Anything you can keep You can eat

But it's hard to keep. I mean, you could also do it with just a bunch of seagulls in your house. Let's be honest. Because they'll eat pretty much anything. House gulls. What was that? House gulls. House gulls? The gull of the house. Seagulls are very rarely

in the sea these days. They are. Rarely near the sea? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, there's so many in land. They're all over the place. So many in land that, you know, the sea is now, actually, there's actually no seagulls to eat. No sea to eat. No sea to eat by the sea.

but I think a Seagull diet is a great thing sort of like to just like you and three friends say buy one takeaway meal together and you have a rule you have a rule that you can't start until you get it to the table and then when you get it to the table

then you just go for it like that and it's you keep active you're eating lesser portions you're having more fun developing fighting skills developing fighting skills, you get a sense of community. You probably don't have to wash much cutlery because you're grabbing things with your hands.

Just in big piles. Have you ever had a spice bag? No, I don't know what that is. Have you ever had a spice bag, Alistair? I don't know what a spice bag is. Is it Magic? No. No, it's food.

Well, it's an Irish thing. I never had one until I went to an Irish pub. But it's probably either Irish or Scottish, but it's just a bag of stuff. Um, so I think the ones I've had at the Quiet Man in Flemington, RIP, uh, was, uh, it's like chips and I think like bits of capsicum and onion and, uh, you can get it with like chicken and stuff like that. And then it's just covered in curry sauce. When you say it's in a bag, what do you mean it's in a bag? What kind of bag? Paper bag. A paper bag. Yeah. And then you just rip it open

and you just eat it out of the bag. Yeah, wow. I did hear about it recently, I think, but I, I had completely forgotten already but it sounds almost as messier thing to eat as that falafel, Peter falafel that I had earlier. Yeah, like it's just I mean it saves having to have a plate but yeah, it's just a bag of stuff you like

that you like to eat. Let's make something delicious. We're making the foods that are delicious but they're really terrible to eat. Like, let's see. Really messy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you mean? So like, what about, it's a cone

and it's got about six, chicken tender stuffed in the top and they're really high up and they're oh like a bouquet like this and they are all drizzled in sauce right and their center of gravity is way above where the cone means again so they're likely to fall out like that and then in the center you just put a lot of like mushy peas and stuff like that right so then when you bite it you often knock some off and it lands all over you um inconvenient foods is this uh is the name of this you think that we could get the bouquet, because KFC already has the bucket. What if we could get

them to do the bouquet? Chicken bouquet. Like chicken bouquet. The chicken already almost is a flower, you know? Like with the drum stick, it's got that stem, yeah, and then it's got that beautiful head. Maybe they could even slice it in such way that it opens up a little bit like a tulip.

Then you can get it. Sorry, I'm late, darling. Yeah, you get a bouquet of chicken. I mean, the place that starts, you know, give her the thoughtful gift, get her a bouquet of chicken. You know what she really wants. Yeah, and then, like, you know, when you buy it, as you walk away, the guy goes, hey, I hope they work. Like, I will tell you when you carry flowers.

Isn't that funny people, have you ever bought, say it with chicken? You ever carried flowers? Say it with thighs. You know, when people, when you carry it, say it with thighs, it feels like means something else. Say it with thighs. Flacks, flax, flax, flax, flax. I think you need to not be wearing pants for that to work. I want the skin to sort of slap together like that.

It feels like a mating call. It's got to be like a one species that has just bare legs. And they thwack them together like this. And then men from around the mountains kind of come around. This thing, this whacking echoes through the mountains. And then it's just, it's an old appellation trick. Appalachian, you know. And it just ricochets all over.

over the thing like that, you know, early settlers. A little slapping of the thighs. Oh, that must be where the term thunder thighs comes from. Thunder thighs, exactly. Look, I'm writing that down as it. And do you think this is something that men or women would do? Like, I do like the sound, you know, the idea of them going up into the hills and, and whacking their thighs together. So do I.

Do you think it's a man thing or a woman thing? It's, no, it's good. It's, well, it's going to be a woman. I like it that it's a woman thing, but like when you look at other animals, like birds, for instance, which I frequently am. It's usually the male birds that do the courting, you know, like the showing off. Absolutely.

They're making the bowers. They're doing little dances. They're cleaning their nest area. Birds are great. But yeah, so it is. But the male birds usually are more colourful as well. They're like prettier. So I like the idea that the next stage in human evolution

will be that men thwack their thighs together to have women coming down from the mountains. to attract them. It's a guy. I think that would make dating so much easier. They build like a, they find a special spot in the, in the cliffs where there's like a resonant sort of frequency

and they can travel out across the valleys. Yeah, just found like a sort of like a cornered rock or something like that. Gives a good echo. Yeah. And I mean, look, and I also like it that it's like, if it's a guy echoing his thunder thighs, you know, I think it's him basically saying,

I'm a bit frisky and I could help with breeding if you need it. I'm up to breathe. Yeah, and then a few, you know, maybe a few women come down from the cabins hidden in the woods like that and they can sort of inspect the sort of the quality

of the product like that and just go, I'm not sure, not today. And then one will go, I'm also kind of currently in... Well, they have to listen to the thighs in order to judge their... To judge whether they're good or not. You can't just look at the thawking thighs. Okay, sure. And then maybe one who's interested

and then slaps back, thwax back. Oh, like a conversation. Flack, back. I like, to be honest. I like that it's a married couple. And the husband would like to, you know, show his love to his beloved. So he goes up into the hills and start slapping his eyes. She can hear it from down at the house

that she's not really interested. She's maybe explaining to some guests what's happening. He's up there and he's sort of flapping away. That's why you live in Ballarat now. Got other things on. There's something like about, like, you know, that it's happening later in the relationship that I find kind of, you know, charming.

A little bit sad, but a little bit hopeful. And then it's just like, but it's then just explaining he's calling me for sex, but I'm not going. And so I'm going to, and so imagine hanging out with somebody while she's like, you're hearing that and they're like, do you want to just yell out, no, or something like that? Yeah, it's like, you'll get tired. I guess it depends whether it's a universal experience

or if it's just something that just this couple do. I think I like it if it's just them. Yeah. How would you feel about like coming home and your beloved has sort of laid out a lot of blue objects around on the floor and like constructed a bit of a bower in the living room or something like. Love that. I love little blue object.

Yeah, like pen lids and things. Little tags off of the bread. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know what it says? I saw something nice and blue. and I thought of you. I thought of you.

I knew that you would like it. I knew you would like this nest of twigs. Yeah, this little sort of like these little ribbons of plastic that I found all over the place and tied onto the curtains. You've made an effort to make the bower pretty. Earlier we were trying to think of a new kind of like bullshit thing that male influences could be trying to sell to guys who are desperate to... Oh yeah, like alpha shit.

Yeah, like the negging and all that kind of stuff that we've gone through in the past. But I think Bowerbird bringing things. and the wisdom of the Bowerbird into a sort of a dating program improve your success or whatever I think it's really good they women love blue things and it turns out it works

I mean they absolutely do they love them I mean as far as everything have you seen blue before yeah I'm familiar with it it's one of the it's one of it's one of it's oh

oh please don't eat all the blue leave some for me I think we've talked in the past about how it seems crazy that a cube has six sides. Have you ever talked about this book? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think it's completely insane.

It's like, where did the six come from? Yeah, why not eight, why not eight? Yeah. It should be eight or four. You know what I mean? Nope. Wait, it's... You don't relate to this?

No. Right, how about this? Of all the secondary colors, which do you think is the most surprising? Okay, so you mix purple, purple, you mix red and blue. together you get purple that sounds legit it says i could have predicted that you mix uh yellow and red together you get orange again even if i'd never seen those two colors mixed together i probably could guess you get like a kind of reddy ready yellow color orange but like you mix blue and yellow together you get green as like where did that come from yeah that doesn't make sense green seems like a ringer

it's a it's a complete like it's a dark horse i think green was just trying to insert itself into the conversation. Yeah. I think green. Green was on the outskirts just being like, I should, I should be in there.

Green has rich parents. Yeah. Yeah, green is a Nipo baby. Doesn't like that blue and yellow were meant to make a completely different colour. Green was just like,

no, I should, I should be in there. I deserve it more. Yeah, yeah. There probably was supposed to be some other colour that lost the job. Some amazing colour because of who green knew.

Maybe, maybe, yeah, maybe it just had something better it was just like oh get out of here fucking teal yeah if we were to find another color i think it would be in analyzing what that is actually supposed to be yeah you think green is just it's an imposter it's not supposed to be there like a cuckoo it's a cuckoo egg cuckoo color cuckoo egg yeah cuckoo is the ones that lay their eggs in other birds nests mm-hmm that's right why do they do that because they don't want their eggs they just want somebody else to grow it up and take care of it for them.

They've already done the thing that they wanted to do, which was have sex, have bird sex. Wow. Dirt bags. How about this, Gary Kasparov works in a parking garage? Yeah. Right? Former Chesh Grandmaster. Okay. But you go to some of those parking garages where, like, there's a guy who parks all the cars,

and there's, like, way more cars in this, like, little basement or whatever, than it could possibly actually fit in there. And he has to move all the cars around. Yeah, okay. He'd be so good at that, right? Is there a current Tetris Grandmaster? Because I think he'd be better at it. Dun-da-da-da-don-da-don-da-don.

Yeah, yeah, so, okay. So, wait, he has to drive it around and just park the cars. Yeah, that's his life now. Okay. After he's retired from chess, what am I going to do? He turns out he's really good at this. The hard part was finding a car that can jump in an L-Shay. But other than that, he does every, you know, it was an easy transition.

Yeah, yeah. Which car is the queen? Yeah, just one of those... The bus? Probably Yaris. Yeah. She's quite. Ooh.

She's quite, you know. One of those cars that can kind of just turn almost in any direction. Just, you know, Yaris has like, she's got a vibe about her where it's like, I'm better than you. Yeah, I am. And not the people who drive Yaris is. I mean, the Yaris itself. Yeah, yeah. It's a beautiful small car.

Just, you know. It's Toyota, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, she's very reliable. Yeah. And then the pound I gets is the ugly step system. Do you think that in the chessboard the queen gave birth to all the other pieces? It's a really good question.

Is it like, is she like, like, it's like, it's like she could have given birth to the, and the castle? Yeah. Okay, at least the pawns. I think she did give birth to the pawns. Mother of pawns. I agree. She is like a bee queen. She doesn't look like a human queen, that's for sure.

Yeah. And so, and then the queen. I do admire her physique. What is a pawn? Hey? It's the front ones there. No, but like, what is it? I know what a horse is.

Yeah, I think it's like a baby queen that you haven't fed royal jelly to. I think they're just like soldier ants. Yeah, because it gets, if you get porn to the other side, you can turn it into a queen. It's a classic feeding at royal jelly situation. Yeah, yeah. And so you know that that's how you know

that they're the same species. But then, yeah, that's right. And you can also turn it into a rook. Can you? Yeah, yeah, you can turn it into anything you want. Yeah, so they're probably all. It's more like a stem cell. Yeah.

Oh, little chessboard incest. Yeah, chest, chest. Chest, in chest. In chest. What about you get the, your, you have, we release a, um. Chestboard porn parody. All right, I'm writing a down. Porn, porn, porn, obviously.

Porn parody, yeah, the pawns. You get, you, we release a chess set that is like, remember we were talking earlier about those little dolls that you can feed, like stuff, and then they wee and their nappy or they do poos and stuff. That's horrible things. This is a chess set where you get the pawn to the other side and then you can actually feed the pawn a special kind of royal jelly and it actually does transform into a queen.

The chessboard. Bloats up or whatever like that and like... Is this in the game or is this? What is this? This is our chess board that we're releasing. Oh, like a flesh chest. Yeah, flesh chest. Oh, fleshy pieces.

Yeah, yeah. So we actually create some... Synthetic, synthetic creatures based off of what we think, where we think chess pieces would have evolved from. Yeah. And so they're probably, they're probably not lizards. Probably not crab. Mammals.

They're probably closer to slugs or something like that. Yeah, yeah, I can see that. Gastropod. Gastropod family like that. I mean, it would make sense if they've got those shells that they're hard anyway, you know? That's right. Maybe they're mollusks. They could be mollusks.

Most things are. Yeah. Most things are. I agree. I agree. Man, aren't we all? I know I am. In here?

Yeah, in here. Yeah. I think having, and that's, they have one of the best kind of flesh colors, you know, and types is that really malleable kind of mollusk, snail-y, weird thing. I think that would suit it the best. You know, I don't. Muscular, but sort of gelatinous as well. Like a very muscular jelly. jelly. I just, yeah, I just realized

thinking about slug, I don't think I've ever really thought about what a slug is actually made of, because a slug is entirely that. It is entirely whatever a slug is made out of. Yeah, I mean, does it have an internal, it must have internal organs of some kind. It must, but I don't know what that material is. Yeah. Like, is it, is it, is it mucus?

What's that slime? That slime is crazy when you get that on yourself, right? And it goes through and... What does it go through? Sorry, it doesn't go through, but like, it sticks to, it sticks to you, but it's slimy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sticky and slimy, how does that work?

You can't get it off, but it slimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It slides. It's like lubricant, but it clings to you. But I guess that's what that's what they need to get around. Because they need it to kind of stick to it. It's lubricant. They'd be...

Lubricant, you're right. That's pretty good. That's very good. Yeah, I can see why you keep them around. Can we do anything with that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, what about this? Lubricant slubricent.

You put it on your genitals. It'll keep your dick slippery all day. But then if it hits something It'll stick to it No no Don't go fucking with it Well Rail-based

Glue I'm sorry everybody You'll get stuck Oh you'll have to wrench it away Rip it off Environmentally Environmentally concerned Incerned

Slug mucous lubricant For vegans Somebody who doesn't want Just a single-use lubricant Yes It's a reusable lubricant It stays with you. Just a big jar, a week.

It just stays on you for like a week. Yeah. You're like, having a really bad time with this. No, no, I'm just, I'm, mainly I'm just still thinking about like the texture of a slug. As I often am. The what of a slug? It's texture.

Oh, yeah. Just, you know. And you touch it, and they contract a bit. Well, it's like firm, but also very easily squishy. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they are no match for a boot. I mean, a snail, a slug, you know, it's just, they're not, why they go to the footpath. You know, it's their biggest mistake.

It's like a whale beaching itself. Yeah. They can't help themselves. It's some ancient instinct that calls them out onto the footpath. Please. Come out. This is a little sketch there where it's like it's raining. It's boring.

Yeah. The old man. Anyway, it doesn't matter about that. And... What are those little voices that call to them that lure them out there? Come to me. Don't go.

Don't go, Jared. Oh, the pool is too strong. Come to me, it's pavement. It's the footpath. So nice and warm. I'm so... Not a nice surface for your skin type. Don't you want to feel the warm cement

on your belly mucus? Yes, you think because of the liquid it's going to be easy to slay. to what it is for now, but wait until the sun comes out. You're going to be so scratchy. It's going to be scratchy. You're going to get stuck and then all the feet are going to step on you.

And then a bird will eat you. Then a bird will eat your dry little carcass. He makes it sound so good. I can't not. I mean, if I was a slug, I'd probably want to be eaten by a bird rather than crushed because a bird would at least eat you in one go. I think you get crushed all in one go a lot of the time as well, to be honest. Getting swallowed though, getting to see what.

getting to see what the inside of a bird That's pretty cool. That's a great experience. Last one you'll ever have, but that's something. A little kintiki tour with a couple of mates. Oh, come here often? Just the once. And plus, you're in there.

You probably can't see that much anyway a lot of the time. So you're in there. You might be in there with another slug. Make a little love maybe before the stomach acids finish you off. That could be nice. Slug holiday. Yeah, a little slug holiday. A romantic slug.

Everybody loves a little. Slug holiday, whatever is that, that's how that ad thing. Everybody loves slug. Yeah. What's a crab made out of? Like, because I don't eat seafood. Like, because you know how, oh gosh, that's so stupid. Do you know, like, you know, so is a crab all shell or are they like a thing inside the shell, like how a turtle has a shell?

They're definitely a thing inside the shell. The meat inside must be like muscle stuff. Like an oyster or something. I think they're closer to a spider, to be honest. Well. Yeah. But I think it's like, you know, when you see crab meat inside the shell and stuff, like that kind of white crab meat, white and red?

I think that's essentially their muscle. That's what they contract to kind of make these things move. They move it like this, like that. And that's all their muscles going like that. Yeah. The fucking thing where they pinch you like that. Like that. That's all muscle like that.

What's this guy? Big one. Fiddler crab? Yeah, yeah. He's got one big one. Huge. What a horrible life that must be. He can't walk straight anywhere.

Yeah, yeah. But maybe that's what, you know, that's what the people in his circle like. Yeah. Like, oh man, you walk crooked as the hottest kingler clab or what was it? What did you call? Imagine we find out how to understand it and they don't. They all hate it actually.

What? All the fiddler crabs, they hate having that big claw. Yeah. We thought that they must all love it, but they don't. It's a birded, It's a curse. And they look at all the other crabs with a normal-sized claws and they envy them. Who claws the same size?

Yes. It's all they want. You don't have to walk off centre. Yep. Because the media doesn't depict any of crabs that look like them. Oh, that's true. They never get to see average crabs in media. What are they called fiddler crabs?

Yep. Fiddler crabs. They're called that because they like country music. I wonder if we could find out which is the unhappiest animal. Oh, yeah. I mean, the top 10 would be nice to see. Yeah. Because I think there's a few that would just make sense.

Do you mean, yeah. But see, blobfish just looks sad because he's, like the picture we think of as a blobfish is usually one that's been taken out of the water and is dead. Yeah. So he's not in his house anymore. So presumably if he was home, he might be happy. Yeah, but I think that we are not going to be able to test them in those deep depths anyway. So we're probably only ever going to be able to. Which animal is the unhappiest at surface temperature and preemptive?

pressure. There's a, there's a great creature that I always, because one of my favorite documentaries is the blue, David Attenborough's Blue Planet because I love the deep sea. And one of my favorites, I forget what he's called, but he's like, if you picture like a cotton ball like that, with several hundred kebab skewers coming out of him. Oh, I picture that all the time. And he just rolls around, sort of floating like a dandelion. Yeah. And he's just, he's just rolling around. On the sea floor. Yeah. And he's got it absolutely figured out. This guy knows where it's at. He has nothing to do but roll around. He never has to meet a hard surface in his life. Whoa, 300 sketch ideas. That's a jump. That's a big

jump. That's more than halfway. Yeah, we were, we were ahead of it. But we're so lucky to have these people who are updating this account for us. Thank you so much. I do appreciate it. Thank you very much all the whole team. The two in the think tank scholars. Anybody who is out there watching at any point What an absolutely beautiful person You must be Treacherous act What is this?

Is this a treacherous act? It's an undertaking It's maybe a treacherous act To the concept of entertainment It's an undertaking certainly But that's not negative or positive We are betraying sweet mother entertainment Here in her bosom

At Humdinger Studios She punishes us with You know with the level Where our careers have been You're spitting Rightly so Just to remain You're spitting in her face with this

Yeah that's right She loves it though I know that's okay That she likes that Mother entertainment's a real slut She had poor treatment When she was young And I feel like that's

That's making her like it In some weird way Do you think that this thing Where people like smack each other Hard on the butt In films In sort of Films with love scenes

Oh yeah Pornos Yeah pornos Okay. Do you think that's more for the person doing the smacking than it is for the person receiving the smack? I think it is a mutually beneficial engagement. You would hope. That's what you want to hope.

Yes. I think, you know, I think maybe for me, out of fear that anybody... The fiddler crab would be very good at that. I mean, I don't know if his strength is in the moving of the claw fast, but rather in the pinching. Livering a pinch. Livering a pinch. Maybe he might even be able to move a pinch so fast that it creates a little like,

you know that some of those crabs can create that heat? Oh, they go like, chit! Yeah. Like that? That's cool. Is there a crab that spits blood? Is there something that spits blood? I think there might be a snake or a lizard. Lizard.

There's a one that squirts blood out of its eyeballs. That's what I'm thinking of. A lizard? Yeah. Could be. Man, that's a good move, isn't it? Imagine that you could go that. I would love to be able to do that.

how to do that, and then going and giving blood at the Red Cross. Oh, I would just use it if somebody was, like, trying to hit on you at a bar and you didn't like it, and you could just be like, blah! Like that, but imagine the pressure you'd have to put it in your face. Like that. Well, no, I mean... But I do like, you go to the Red Cross, they say, you're ready for the injection, you say, no need.

Open the bag. Get a bucket. Lady learns the eye, blood splitting, splitting trick. Spilling trick. Yeah. I mean, do she learn it from the lizards? Yeah, from the lizards. Did she go and live with them?

Maybe she was raised by them. Raised by the lizards and learns their anti-harassment techniques. Yeah. She went there on a gap year. Yeah. And lived amongst them. Some of us went to Paris. And then raised, yeah.

I mean, she had two absent parents. Oh, my God. They taught me everything I needed to know about spitting blood. Yeah, spitting blood out my eyes. And that's all I needed to know. and she uses it for keeping stupid men away. I had an idea before about the snails. When we were talking about the snails on the footpath,

slugs and how they're drawn out onto that surface by that siren song of the warm concrete. I was really excited about it, and this is no use to anybody, but I can't remember what it was. You know what David Lynch would say? And when you have ideas, you've got to write them down because when you forget an idea, you're going to want to kill yourself. Yeah, I do.

You know what? That's a pretty bang on David Lee, actually. I've forgotten three or four good ideas in my life. And it is upset at me. No, he doesn't say that. Upsetted? No. My favorite is those videos that he makes where he goes, the day is Friday.

You know, March 6th, it is sunny. All right, so my sketch idea is just a product. David Lynch talking calendar. Man. That you just... This calendar is very lynchian. I mean, would... Is it probably like a David Lynch calendar?

Would it be that you can't really predict which day is going to come next? Oh, the days are in the wrong order. But that's the point of it. He tells you the day. He tells you the way. the weather and then he just makes and then he just gives you a haunting paragraph or just an image that will stay with you

yeah but the point is it doesn't matter what day it is because you're there for the journey oh man you know the vibe of the calendar is just so so much more important than the logic behind the calendar yes calendars have too much logic in my opinion the days are always in order we our next guest is here

yes thank you so much for carrying us on all these on your shoulders do I need to give you something or you just Oh, making contact. Thank you so much. You've got strong hands. You've got good strong hands. Like a fiddler crab.

Mm. Like that. Oh, well, good, good job, Alastair. Thank you very much. Good job, Lisa Dibb. Thank you, Lisa. Thank you so much for coming all this way. Please eat some fruit.

Please. Take care. Yes. And everybody, please welcome. Gaspard! Yes, what I'm going to go. Whoa, that's somebody who's coming in with some momentum. I wish others got to see that run.

Kicking off her shoes. I'm ready. Have a Twitch or Mars bar if you're interested in. No, I'm enacting my secret plan of a late-night activity. You wash your face. You do your skin care. You brush your teeth. I'm going to sleep in this.

That's amazing. You're in your pajamas? I could go all night now. You do jimba jambas? Yeah. You just remove pant. You're good. This is my top tip.

If you ever need to go out late at night and you're like, I don't know, I'm going to make it. You have to leave with 10% in the tank every time. Now, I've got to leave with like one. I can use that extra 9% here and now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've done everything that you need. She's on the cusp of sleep.

Yeah. I mean, you could get up in the morning and you could almost straight away. For a day that you just don't think you've got it in you. You can get up, right? Go of a shower. Wash your face. back into a fresh pair of pajamas you're already ready for bed

like this you know that's a great idea now this day can't take you down because you don't have far to fall yeah if it does your bed ready the whole time you get out of bed

you tug the sheets you tug them lightly electron blanket back on how do you feel about like using that technology they use to make those instantly inflatable life rafts, putting a bed, inflatable bed into your backpack, right? And at any point during the day, you can pull a rip cord and just start falling back and you're in bed. Oh, I feel really, really good about

that. Okay. That's... By the way, you're just, you're just close to bed. You're just hovering above bed mostly. No, no, it's in your backpack. You've got a bed in your backpack. You pull your rip cord, it inflates like a life raft. It would be great if it also had wheels and it could drive you home like one of those delivery. Oh, that's such a good idea. All right. Like that, and then you fall back, you shut your eyes and then this autonomous bed drives you home, up your front steps. I mean, that's one of the only good uses

of those weird, like, pizza delivery robots I've ever heard of where it's like, it just like, it envelopes you and you're like, just take me home. Like that just drives you. All right, could we, could we like make it like Dider or something? And it's like, Dita, what does that? Deliver me to dreams. Yeah, really good.

Well, there's already D.D. Yeah. We know this is rich territory. I think it's almost like an escape pod but for any moment that you happen to be in It is an escape pod You can escape from your waking life Because I do feel like as soon as you are enveloped

And you're no longer having to engage with any person on the street You're essentially almost home If I saw someone get enveloped I wouldn't bother them Of course They're not there They're inside Some people will kick it and things like that but I think it's got wheels on both sides

It's self-riding However this is an alternative name The Carcoon It's like a cocoon It's like a cocoon but it's also a car I'm really glad I'm with you guys What was yours as well? Wait, what was yours again?

Deeder But I prefer a carcoon Deliver Me to Dreams Carcoon Dieter Maybe the tagline can be Deliver Me to Dreams Because Deliverment Dreams is too long Too witty but the carccoon

Yeah Deliver me to Dreamland God I want that so Take me away Does that count as a sketch? Because that kind of, it's a pitch. It's a pitch. It's a pitch.

I'm pitching. Can I bring this back up? Infinity soup. Now, you know about the infinity pool. Yes. It's a pool that looks like it goes all the way to the horizon. About that, but it's a bowl of soup. You hold it up like this quite close to your face.

You hold it up so it looks like the soup goes all the way to the very edge of the way. You have to, you know, be in a tall building or maybe by the seaside. And then you can eat, I guess you can eat the horizon. You'd be a bread in a soup that seems to go forever. If you attach it with like a Bob Dylan-style harmonica holder, it goes right above your eye, like right in front of your eyes like this. You can also do this and just sip from it. Oh, all right.

There's a little, little sort of funnel-y spout. Oh, yeah. Maybe a little teapot spout that you can, that'd be perfect for drinking soup. Tepot spout? Yeah. These are product innovations. Yeah, these are product innovations. And I know, I hear what you're saying, that's not a comedy sketch idea.

But I got to tell you, sometimes things, sometimes things feel so good. That the only, and they feel so right, that the only, almost like when something is so horrible, the only thing you can do is laugh. I think, I think, yeah. God, I hope that's true. God, I hope that's true. How, how, what percentage do you reckon are you relying on that for today? Get us through.

I don't know. Have you watched any of the street? I think you've got to remember that we have been doing this for 12 years or whatever, and the definition of a sketch has expanded so much. It incorporates now almost any sound the human body can make. That's right. And so when you picture a product, to put it into a sketch context, you're putting it in a like a, you know, like a, like one of those,

the shark tank of the situation. It's about the unreasonable guy who thinks this is a good idea, guy who believes that this is his ticket to changing his life, you know, that everybody's got to, people have got to buy this, you know, I don't know, yeah. It's, it's, you're picturing the, the, uh, the influencers who are sexually posing whilst looking across that soup that, uh, yeah, oh yeah, you got to picture everything around it. Yeah, yeah. It's a bit like, um, who was that guy, Daniel Johnston, you know, his music.

Oh, yeah. Who kind of like does this weird childish music. You hear this music and it's not necessarily good or quite music, but what you're hearing, what you've got to hear is the potential. Yeah. And that's what we're writing down is the potential. All right. So you guys are the Daniel Johnson of sketch comedians.

It's outsider comedy. I mean, we're aspiring to be outsider comedy. It's a dream to make it to be qualified as outside of comedy. Have you had a beautiful day? Oh, I have had a beautiful day. I'm really glad. How is, how is, how is, what's been the highlight of your day so far? So much time has passed and it feels like nothing has happened.

Like, my ass really hurts. Yeah, my butt hurts way more than previous times we've done this. Oh, I think that's the limiting factor. Go the other way. I reckon, yeah. So like, do the sit, but just the other way. Like this? Um, but legs over here.

Like, just. Oh my God. I feel like I'm going to tip us up. Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I know. I think that is a good idea. That's really good. All right.

All right. So, you can still put like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's good. I mean, it's going to be a good workout for your ups. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What about if we're doing like a dragon's den hour, a shark tank to win the shark tank. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't believe we've never said that. Yeah, I know. We talk about Shark Tank on this podcast every single time. All the freaking time. And we've never once thought of two in the shark tank. It's very embarrassing. Thank you so much. Yeah, I mean, that's really...

Catching up some of the holes that we've left. Yeah, people have been infuriated. Thanks, a leak. I'll tell you a theory that I have about you, Cass. Yes. I think you might be the smartest person I know. Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah, I just... What do you reckon? Now, I'm trying to think of everyone you know. You know what? I think intelligence takes many shapes. I also think you're the silliest person I know. I think it's an interesting situation where those two forces are at play

to an almost extreme extent. All right. Who do you think will win? I mean, we will, Andy will force this people to battle it out and prove who is the smartest at some point. That's not true. That's not true. Sorry. Oh, but, hmm.

I'm sure. Okay. You know how when you do, like a triathlon or whatever you have to do you have to prove that you are the best at like on average doing those three things so i've been i did a deep dive into mensa stuff recently yes oh my goodness that's kind of so beautiful because the whole when mensa started it were these um it were a bunch of people in england i can't remember which university they were at but they wanted to create like this like this club this society that was based around intelligence and race and like a like a like

wealth and everything. Like, all these other factors didn't play into it, right? It was just pure intelligence. They were like, we want to think, maybe they didn't say wealth because they were pretty upset with how many low-class people were in. They were pretty bummed out. The poor's were in their club.

But they did want equality for all rich people. Yes. I think is really nice. They wanted like all of the other societal structures to go away, but they were all in university and they didn't like when poor people got in. And then they also did, there's this beautiful quote from one of the founders who was like

who complained that the members I wish they weren't so interested in puzzles which is very rich so like the intelligence test they must have set for Mensa are only testing a section right and apparently when you do IQ tests IQ tests are more geared towards numerical stuff which means if you have all the types of intelligence it wouldn't work

so like what would you pitch for like a DeKate of actual intelligence because I think comedic timing is like part of like comedy intelligence is one of the intelligences you've got the classics you've got like numbers intelligence body intelligence emotional intelligence funny intelligence I think is one of them yeah creativity and imagination and like I do think like you know if if you if I mean if it could be a tree out you could it could also include physical things like it could start off with a swimming race but then you've got to make up a story

to get an eight-year-old child to sleep. Yes, yes, yes. And then you've got to go and you've got to talk your own parents through an emotional challenge that they've never talked about with one of their own children. Uh-huh. Okay?

Like this is, you know, you've got to, you you now have to take on that role of like parenting your parents. And then you've got to Oh, I think one. Ride a bike. Riding a bike, really good.

I also would like to see assisting someone at the library an older person to use technology they've never seen in their life. Because, yeah, you can do that for your parents. But when you're helping your parents, there's an amount that you could be a bit like, you know what they know. You know what they know. You can be a bit cheeky to them as well.

You can be like, oh my God, they can get frustrated at you. You can get frustrated back. Like, you can really take that out. If you do not know that person, And neither of you have that grace and you both need it. What about this? Then you have to be honest with yourself about something. Oh.

Yeah, it's an honest evaluation of how your life has gone up into this point. Yeah, yeah. And where you think your strengths and your weakness have lain. And, yeah, something like that. I think you should have to do a stock standard job interview. It's one of those like real stinkers where it's all the questions you can just. Where do you see yourself in five years? Yeah.

Why do you want this? job what's your biggest weakness yeah right yeah and then then you just have to name the capitals of all the european countries that's the ultimate yeah like remembering intelligence i feel like that's a big one yeah and that is that is a big one that like yeah it's funny because that's one of those ones where i'm like i consider that to be one of my biggest weaknesses remembering a lot of stuff like i mean i feel like i know a general amount of stuff but then when it comes to the specifics of it i can i can understand like the the uh the cloud of that thing but i but if it has to come to like specifics of stuff i'm just like i don't give enough of the shit about it and you don't have to

exactly you can't be good at everything it's actually weird that there are decathlons also do we even would someone in a decathlon hold up in any of those things what do you mean like individually yeah because i'm imagining no and i'm wondering if I need to believe that for me. Like, Jack of all trades can't be a master of one. Like, it's not possible.

I mean, don't feel bad about yourself. But it is also true that, like, they might be a jack of all trades, but they're also way better than us at all trades as well. It's not like we can be like,

yeah, but he's, sure he can ride a bike, but he's no, Lance Armstrong, right? But, like, he can still ride a lot bike

a lot faster than we can. Oh, like, no offense to us, but we're grubs in the earth. Yeah, and they're gods among men. I might even be the pile of dirt That the grubs are

Are sort of crawling Squimming around Through it Yeah Eden Shitting out Shitting out I mean they're creating the dirt

Are they? They make the dirt I think they make dirt Do you reckon Okay Is there a sketch In the day of a life of a worm Yep

I think so What about gritty reboot of worm life Like a breaking bad style Yeah Yeah Like Even just like I think you start

You start as You can't take back the nice things you said about me You're not allowed to take the nice things Back that you said about me earlier This is exactly what I was talking about I think exactly what I was talking about Story starts as consciousness fades into This worm

As it sort of matures into whatever It's first kind of conscious thought Is worms eggs? Worms is eggs Worms has got to be eggs Yeah, yeah, yeah You can't be Worms and snakes

We know that's eggs that should not be eggs if something's got to come out of a hole Oh mate They're designed to squirm out of holes That's all they do all day You know so like give Yeah life birth to a to a worm

Wouldn't you love to see the mother worms suckling all her baby worms there On her worm teats Which I imagine is a tip of the tail Sure I mean there's only really so many ears It's just like And they're all going Maybe that's a bit of beast

Maybe if the ultimate worm has two holes. I was just going to say one. Maybe it's two. Give them two. Come on, be generous. Food and waste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's where the dirt is made.

And maybe they feed their babies out the front one. Oh, that's much nice. Yeah, like a bird. Like it's in and out the same way because bird other hole is cloaca. Oh my God, bird is a two whole animal. Bird is a two whole animal. Bird is a two whole animal. Adam, there's two.

That's all they can do In and out and out and in And you know that It's true They're a third animal Things go in and things go out One hole in One hole's dot

We got one north We got one south One claw wacker and one mouth Two holes Two holes Birds have two holes Quawk Quawk

That kind of stuff Um Is that count This is how This is how This is our kids educational group, right? But all we do is we talk about how many holes different types of animals. We're teaching kids to count, but only in holes.

Educational. When you said you were going to teach the kids the whole numbers, we thought you meant like one, two, three, four, you know, not decimals. The three of us are there just, oh, well, I mean, you've paid us for the hour. Yeah. Would you, you know, we haven't gotten up to three. and we've got up to four at this point. Is there a five whole animal?

Let's see. We're not counting nose, are we? No, or ear. Yeah. I'm talking digestive, you know, reproductive system. Like the hyena has their birth canal through their clitoris. Now, I don't know if that's linked up to their urethro, if they have a separate urethra.

It doesn't feel like a canal to me, you know? Canal, I mean, I expect an open top, you know? Like in Venice. Yeah, wait, oh yeah, yeah, okay. I don't think it's a, I think it's a birth sewer. Like, it's just kind of like, it's just partially closed,

and then you can sort of just, like the ingredients can fall out the top. Yeah, and I think the baby should come out on a gondola. Is that too much to ask? Maybe you could come out riding the afterbirth. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, I mean,

the idea of a baby coming out With a little straw hat like this. And the boom hits your eye like a big. All that. It's beautiful. Can we? Can that be a sketch? I don't think so.

Well, we don't have to make these, do we? No. Because that's honestly my biggest concern with that one. Don't worry. I mean, it was going to be hard to teach all the words to the worms. Yeah. Well, I feel maybe that one, it can be like, you know, moms in a mother's group having like you know do they have champagne there i've never given birth

they're having their mom's group time and one's like oh you know like the labor was you know god that was awful right and they're trying to like you know all a lot of them would be like wow that was like you know so much worse than i've been told but i somehow don't remember it like all going through it they turn to this one woman who's like they're like how was yours because she's not said anything and she's like that was an easy birth and then that's when we hit your eye I see the baby coming down the birth canal. You've done it. You've absolutely done it.

That was all it needed was that line. And I am completely 10,000. I mean, a doctor who says excitedly, we can see the baby coming down the birth canal. Maybe not the greatest doctor in the world. Maybe it's just their first time. I can't see what's going on down there. No, that's true.

I want updates. Yeah. But also that he's like, he's sort of standing a little bit like, He's doing this maybe with just the umbilical cord, but he's like that. And he's got to wearing a striped shirt. Maybe. It could just be bruising, but it looks like a striped shirt. How would you feel about a surgery that allows you to get the baby dressed in the womb?

Oh. The baby can, like, they'll use key, using keyhole tailoring. Yeah. I'll get the baby like, maybe even wearing a little suit or something. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Yeah.

Offer that. and they can wear out, and then you can get designer wear on there. A lot of people say the birthday suit is, you know, being naked. Yeah, it doesn't happen. Not for this baby. No. He's got a beautiful three-piece sort of double-breasted thing. Will Winds a tie?

Yeah. First impressions matter. Absolutely, especially in this world. And, you know, you've got to dress for the job you want, not the job you have. I want to be a business. Oh, do you reckon that's what happened to the boss, baby? That could have been it. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you think that they need to like cover it in some kind of like hydrophobic kind of thing so that it comes out and it looks completely dry? Oh. You know, it's because it's sliding out because you don't want a baby come out and then it's like All wet. Or wet. That's it all wet.

What's the point? What do I pay all this money for? Maybe we can harness the umbilical. Um, not umbilical. Yeah. Not the urethra. Where does the baby live? In the wood.

Oh no, but the sack. Amniotic sack. Yes. Maybe. as part of it so they drain the sack they dress the baby they dry it up

maybe a bit of powder on baby's nose so they do it right after the water's broken maybe that's when you call them my water's broken we'll be right there

get the suit what's that sound I think it was like that in between scenes for like Batman that's really good yeah No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This is Batman's baby, by the way. Yeah, well. Baby man. Batman's doing this in a second time. Bat baby. But clothing on a baby before it's born. It'll be so beautiful for the photos as it's like, you know, emerging. He's got to, like, a baseball cap on it.

Oh. Baseball cap sort of pulled down a bit like a celebrity. He's trying to go into his sunglasses. He's wearing, like, you know, dad's favorite basketball jersey. You know, they could wear all sorts of different things, you know. What a beautiful surprise that would be for dad The little kid comes out Already wearing the jersey of his favourite team

I love that there's so many different entry points For this business and so many reasons to believe That's right And there's so many price points that we can sell stuff to Yeah It's such a nice thing, yeah, yeah We can just do like, you know A simple slip for baby

You know, it doesn't need to be anything fancy Oh yeah Just something To preserve their modesty Yeah just understated Just like maybe Maybe you're not about that fancy life Maybe you just want you're a casual baby

A snuggy for baby A snuggy for baby A baby, you know What if you get born in winter, Ouddy? Yep, exactly, an Ouddy Yeah, yeah, yeah, or... Man, you ever seen those Oudies Never let you

Never let your kids take off an Odie and like drop it down on pine bark Okay Because whatever it is Like it's basically the inside of that is basically like this fluffy side of Velcro and pine bark is basically the sticky side of Velcro and so much shit gets stuck to that uddy

in a way that is like irretrievably embedded in there A lot of kids stuff like that, you know, slime, drop that on the floor Oh my God You know, it's just it's there to pick up all the you know The mess The crumbs, the hair The most vile stuff you've ever seen Yeah and then it's just like

And then it's there to be played with And then mashed back in Cubes and all sorts of things like that The kids, they get given these sort of like super stretchy toys that like stick to the wall and stuff like that, all of that as well. It was the stickiest time in my life for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like I was making sticky. My gifts were sticky. The gifts I was giving back to the world were sticky. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's sticky in, sticky out. Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot.

Yeah. It's, I mean, I guess if, let's think about it. Can there be a stickier time in people's lives? Is there a time, I guess, if you're in hospital, you've got a lot of sticky stuff. stuck to you. Do you know what? I feel like eventually you get slick. Like in your older years, if you're going to get any sort of goo, you become slick, like you're slick with sweat or something. Like, oh. Nervous. You're anxious. Yeah, you know too much. Could we, could we develop

some sort of like, we've got baby powder, right? Could we develop some sort of, you know, toddler starch? Yes. Like for the young years. Like, we know they're going to get sticky. You know they're going to get sticky. I thought you're going to talk about like some older, some old people powder. Oh, okay. Just because, you know, they're so slick now. They are so slick. In and out of, you know, slipping in baths.

What about like some of that climbers, climbers chalk go on their feet for when they're getting in the bath? That's really good, like a really grippy grandma. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, grip up your grandma. Like, I mean, you know, I didn't make your grandma stickier. Mm-hmm.

Because she... Talk her up. She's not going down. over. If you, if you get some, you know, some chalk on her hands or some, you know, get some of that grip that they, that oozy grip that they put on. When she's fallen and she tries to grab the wall, oh, she holds on like Spider-Man. Like that. That's help. So this, it's a, it's a product that we offer to make your grandma gripier. Yeah. I mean, she's not, I'd feel safer. Yeah. You know, your grandma doesn't want to have to do, uh, what are these things? Crouching where you

crouch with your legs? You know the squats? She doesn't want to do squats to get muscles in her legs to get stability. So you're going to have to help her in a different way. You know what they say? Grandmas don't squat. This grandma don't squat. Yeah. Like that. I don't. Like that. And look, I mean, it's already, it's already such a good idea. And you know what? They could have lots of scenes where like somebody's trying to kick a grandma over like they do with those Boston Dynamics robots. But she won't go down. Because she's not going to work.

Can we have one where they try and kick grandma, foot stick to grandma for a grippy body? And she just turns around and the person goes flying. Wow. That's terrifying. It is scary. I'm so grippy. That grandma's so grippy.

She sounds like she's also incredibly strong. I mean, if you're filming an ad for your product, you're going to make sure you get a strong grandma for it. Yeah. Your grandma, your results may differ. Friendma for display purposes only. Yeah, grandma not included. It's not your grandma.

Yep. They should have to write that on every product that includes. Because at the moment it's only on foods they have to write serving suggestion. Yeah. And they show like, you know, you buy a packet of saladas, but then there's like cream cheese and avocado on the salinas. I presume some people are opening up the packet and going, where's the cream cheese and avocado?

But like, you know, if you buy a pillow and there's like a picture of an old person with their head on the pillow. You open the pillow. Where's the old person? Serving suggestion. Yeah. I thought there was an old person

that was going to come with this. Yeah. Imagine somebody who really, really want. Wanted an old person to be sleeping on their bed. They're going through every pillow in the shop, which all come in clear pack, as we know. But they're going through and like, no, that's a young woman.

It's a young woman. That's a young man I just Oh that one looks like it's aimed for teens or toddlers I just Excuse me Amazon Does the old lady come in a different package Because my pillow came without an older lady

My An older lady in my life recently passed away And I thought that this would be an easy way Of getting another Doesn't come with the pillow But where does it say that? I don't understand. Where does it say?

You're selling it with a picture. There's a picture of an old lady. I bought the pad. This is the only reason I brought the pillow. I don't want a pillow. I don't need a pillow. I've got so many pillows. Now, I'm being so reasonable.

I wasn't expecting the chest, the body or the legs. All I wanted, all I wanted was the neck, head, bit of shoulder, and the fingers, of course. And the fingers, of course, those beautiful things. Just what I could see on the bag, you understand. A knobbly little fingers.

And I understood she'd be wearing some kind of top, but I wasn't expecting. much of a top. I don't even need a full top. It could be a crop. Truly. And I wouldn't even mind if you didn't include the blanket. I'll say it. Keep the blanket. I'm being very reasonable.

I'm asking for only the things that were pictured and not even all of them. Don't even give me the room or the starry night's sky. That should be an option on the when you call up and you go through the automated teleprompter thing and you press in different buttons for like You know, press one to be this.

And, you know, press into your client number, which they never use. There should be one with like, how reasonable are you feeling today? The scale of one to ten. Press. And then, you know, like, how much would you like to be able to shout at somebody? And we'll put you through to, like, you know, different service people who are going to really give it to you back, you know? Or, you know, if they're using that service anyway, if they've been using that service anyway, if they've got these

automated systems. Are you calling to say that you're going to quit your subscription with this company in order to get a better price? Yeah. Yes. If so, are you actually willing to quit the company? Yes.

Have you ever actually followed through on that before? Yes or no? No. No. We thought so. Fifteen percent off for you. Okay, yeah. If you stay. Yeah, we'll give you a small percentage off.

For two months. For two months. And then we'll put the price back up in three months. And then you'll have to go through all this again, which we know you won't for another six months. Do you accept little piggy? Say oink, oink if you accept. Yeah.

That's a sketch. Oh yeah, an automated telly thing that gets you to be really honest with yourself about like, you always say you're going to quit, don't you, and go to a different provider? But like you've ordered SIM cards from three different places and never once found a little, you can't find the paperclip to get the SIM card out of your phone.

Never happens, does it. This is all based on my real life. I've ordered so many SIM cards to try and leave Telstra and never actually got around to doing it. Because of the thing. you partly that and then you're like oh but how many how long am i going to actually like have to wait for it to change over just the thought of going through the process of actually doing the like you were going to go to telstra no i was going to leave telstra i've been on

i had and recently i can tell you i have actually left i'm really proud of you because i was on telstra for a really long time and it was always shit and then i've gone to iron it yeah i've changed a lot of times and i'm willing to change because i i know that they're just going to screw over if you stay, but I'm also willing to stay and then get on a call with them and say that whatever they've done, where they put the price up is like, I'm like, it is heinous

what you guys have done. I'm trying to just use like the strongest word. It's like, it's just not okay. Yeah, and then like, yeah, and I'm going, and then they're like, oh, what if we offer you? It's probably going to go. And how does that work? And then they go, yeah,

and I go, all right. I'll stay. That's a good deal. It is like a breakup. Oh, yeah. It's not a good relationship. Things don't change until you threaten to leave. Exactly, yeah.

I would not, I would not encourage my friends to stay there. It's a very unhealthy relationship. But they also are going to treat you bad until you threaten to. It's different this time, though. They've lowered the price. How long?

Like months. Yeah. They have already sent me an email. They're putting up the price $3 in the next month, but... But that's for everyone, though. That's not a me thing. That's a them thing. That is nothing to do with me.

They've given me a special deal. Yeah, even though they said that they would lock in my price if I did an automatic debit straight from my savings account. I presume there is a service where you can get all your utilities managed by somebody else and they will constantly change you around to different services and get you cheaper things all the time. You know what? But there's got to be a place because some people must get such joy out of that. That must be the best part of some people's day.

Saving $10 off whatever. You know, I'll pass the savings onto them. You know, if they can save me 10%, keep five. You can have the money. Yeah. Keep it all. Keep it all. Just know, you're getting me a good deal.

Get a kickback from it. Yeah. And if you're somehow managing to make Telstra feel bad, Oh boy And also if they I guess if you're working in that You would know about a new deal that You can get lower onto by just complaining

And so then you can just get all your clients onto it like that All your clients All your roster This is how people actually You know regular people will hear something like this And then they'll go start a business And do something like that Where you're like

Oh I've seen value that I can add to people's lives By creating this business in this little process Anyway we're like All right fuck that I don't know if this is genuinely a business idea but you're right I would never actually do it yeah I think it could absolutely be a genuine business idea because let's say you can get people

you know $5 off their thing by just making a phone call or whatever and then you can just keep $1 of that or whatever like that per month per person that you do and then you're like rolling in and rolling in because you've got a stranglehold on their account because you're looking for new deals but until a new deal comes you've just just get to keep

you get to that buck that buck's right there in your pocket strangle hold baby this is a guy like explaining I don't know

this is not funny but it's a guy trying to explain to his kid like he's like man see this bottles of water he's got a shop

or something like that you know how much I pay for him whole pack's like ten bucks how much I sell each one three bucks how much money am I making

like that There you go, that's right. Your daddy's a genius. My daddy's a genius. I think that's really sweet. I think going around a corner store, making your kid feel like. Like your dad's so smart.

Look at this. Look at this. See this croissant? I bought this three days ago. People are buying it, thinking that it's fresh. that is genius daddy I don't think anybody thinks it's fresh you know how you buy croissons

from people from cafes and you're like this is not fresh and they think that they're getting away with this and they absolutely are by that stage you've tasted it they did I know I know but that is it for them

you're not going back yeah I'm not going back that is heinous that is one of the worst possible things to think that you can professionally self- food and think that you can just sell some garbage piece of shit like that. I think it'd be great to like, you know, there's lawyers, and that's like official complaining with the law, but there should be, I mean, this is sort of tangential to that

other idea, but there should be like, I'm somebody's complainer, right? I am, you sign up to a subscription service and like, whatever happens, whatever interactions you have that you're disappointed by, you can give me, text me the details or whatever, and I'll show up and I'll say, my client bought a, trust on here two hours ago and it was stale and he was really disgusted he doesn't have time to come back right now but he wants me to let you know that that was really disappointing that is that would be a really nice service i'd like that i've definitely had

times before where i've like i've hired someone for like a like a professional i don't want to reveal them but like you hire someone for like a like a skilled labor thing and then they do it and you're like oh oh you've you've ruined the thing i asked you to repair and i'm like well i don't like i don't like i don't want to leave them about google review because then that like affects their livelihood because you can just have a bad day of work doing a bad job not a crime right we're all entitled to whiff it like i don't want to do anything permanent but i i i do want to complain you've you've you've you've you've now i need to take it to another repair person then but i don't

I don't want you to lose business, but I do want you to know you've hurt me. Yeah. But, you know, I also, you know, I don't want to, I don't want to not support you. Like, you know, you do other work well. I don't want to burn this bridge, but you need to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you absolutely need to know. You can't, it's not okay. My car, the handbrake doesn't work, right?

Hasn't work for a long time. All right. Real problem for the car. Many would say. To the dealer twice now to get this fixed. Quite a long time apart. Like, the car doesn't. roll away because we always put it on park, but it would

if we didn't put it in park. This is not good. We're taking back to the deal, I pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars for these people to look at it. Both times they've given it back to us and been like, yeah, we checked it, it's fine. And it's, they haven't done anything. No. Okay? And this, most recent time that this happened, we're like,

when you say you checked it, what did you actually do? And they're like, oh, you know, we press the breakdown and there's, there's tension on the brake cable. You're like, did you check if that stopped the car from rolling away? Like, how would we do that? Like, put it on a hill or something? You're like, well, no one told us to do that.

But you... But the issue that you told them is that when it just rolls. And they were like, well, okay, we won't check. We don't test the rolling, but we'll test all the things around. In their minds, the problem is, like, if the handbrake goes down, then the handbrake is on. But, anyway. That would be great to bring a complaint. and just to be like, hey, I'm a third party.

Yeah, I have a professional bias. But come on now. My client would never. My client, a polite man, a reasonable man. Oh, I love that the complainer is really complimentary about you. Oh, that's a big, it's a big sell. That's he's earning his money there. Talking you up, he's talking them down.

The complainer's like, they would never say this to you. I know the details I am going to say this to you. it's important to me that you know. It's important to them that you know, but... I feel like a lot of the time my mum plays this role in my life. Yeah. Like, she's still, to this day, she's champing at the bit to complain about things on my behalf.

Yeah, that's good. You know, I love, but I can't let her do that far. But it's nice, though. Like, every now and then, you'll hear about a thing in a person who you care about's life and you're like, do you want me to call them? Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

It's much easier to do it for someone else. Oh, yeah. we should all like strangers on a train style where we instead of agreeing to murder each other's spouses we should just agree to like complain about things that our our friends have been ripped off by call each other's mechanics yeah that's a good idea for like a social network or something like a dating app or something but yeah yeah uber is obviously the better choice for that one A funny thing like for when you said like a dating app, but like the idea of a dating app where it's just for people

who are looking for partners for their friends. That's interesting. Oh, I like that. Like those people who love matchmaking. Yeah. And so then there's single people and there's people who are looking for partners for their friends and they will match with people because they think that this guy would be good for.

for their friend and so then you got some photos of your friend in there but you're talking to their friend first yeah and then you're like oh yeah well you know you know I work in this kind of thing and those kind of stuff so then he's not gonna they're not good the guys are not going to be as openly sexual I guess because they're trying to impress a friend that weird stuff or you know I'm sure well just just generally like you know if I'm on if I'm gone there and someone's like I'm looking for someone for my mate I'm like all right they're like what do you like I'll just tell you. Like, I, you don't have to be charmed by me. You're just trying to get the details, right? Could we call it veto?

Yeah. Really good. I mean, I think all dating apps should have, you should have a friend who is your veto anyway and can like knock back any, at any point. One of them has a feature where you can send, like if you find someone, you can send it to your friend. Oh. Like, you can send someone else's profile to a friend. But I like that other one. where like maybe you turn on like like it's it's akin to a parental control right like if if you if you're like my track records bad i need a second set of eyes on whatever i'm doing and you're like swiping and then all of a sudden like eh and you're like oh all right yeah it's like oh they just disappear you don't even know that your friend has vetoed them but the account

has just gone from so like maybe they ghosted you and maybe your friend veto them that maybe that's kind of nice yeah and then you don't have to worry like you can make the choice then you're like you can ask your friend like did you feed her this person or they can just you can just never ask and you're like schroding is yeah and also it's like it can be pitched as hey do you it's like have you been out of the dating game for a long time and you never got a chance to play on the apps but you'd love to help a friend who is on the apps that here's your chance to go on guilt free without making it without seeming like you're there to cheat on your partner You can go and experience...

Well, it might feel like you are. But it'll kind of feel like you are. Yeah. Which is why you're here, let's be honest. But you're also doing it for the goodness in your heart because it feels like you're helping somebody. You can veto some dudes for your friend and it makes you feel powerful.

It will... That would genuinely work. I know when I was on dating apps, like my friends and relationships, one of them literally said, can I play bumble? Wow. He's like, can I play? I'm like, go for it.

I'm not using it. That's funny. It must be so weird. Oh, yeah. I've not been. But what an experience. What an experience. Let's see.

What about a... I presume there is it, like there are apps that you can download, which is just the experience of flicking through people. But they're either not real or you're not really on there, right? Like you're just sort of, sort of, it's just a simulation of a dating app where you're like, you're flicking through it.

You're pretending. Dating app game. Yeah. Yes. And you go in, you get matches. So we're talking about video game kind of thing. Like you downloaded and it takes you through a story.

I guess it's more like sort of like fantasy football or something like that. You're building your teams. Yeah. You can do it like a Renfair. Maybe you then have a meet up with the person you're role playing with. Oh. And you like enact a date. Yeah.

But you're not on a date. No. No, your character's up. No, no. You're role playing. Your characters are. So, like, you know, you put a photo of yourself, obviously, because, like, a photo of you, they need to know it's you,

but, like, you're playing a character. You've got a different name. Maybe you do your hair, like, differently. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're, like, you know, Werner, Werner Perrybottom. Yeah.

And then you're like, hello, yes, I'm a mortician like that. And they're like, hi, hi, yes, I'm Susan, and I'm a beekeeper. I'm a beekeeper. And then what you guys? This is like a great couple, by the one. The mortician and the beekeeper And yes And unfortunately my husband

Recently passed away And I need somebody to help Dispose of the body Without alerting the authority Do you have access to a corpse burner? How strict are you On the cause of death And do you inspect four bites?

What about the stings? Yes, good. Good, good, good. All right, then. It sounds like a great date. Yeah. I'm just going to come straight out of what I'm here for. I need somebody to burn my husband's corpse. I mean, maybe it could be, right, you get,

if it was a fully fantasy football thing, what you get to do is you get to, when people match up on dates, right, you get to see everybody's profile, right? Of both genders or like whatever people and the people that they're interested in, You're not actually dating, but you see other people's profiles and you get to judge whether or not you think they're going to last or go the distance or whatever. And whenever you lock in a pairing, okay, if they go on a date and it works out or they go on a second date, you get a certain number of points.

So it rewards you for being able to matchmake effectively and predict who's going to get along in a partnership. And then, you know, over time you build up, you build up a certain number of credits. And then, like, once you've got a certain, like, high enough score as a matchmaker on this app, proven to be able to predict who's going to get along well, maybe you can start sort of like pairing people up, right? You graduate to... I mean, you could probably shape the algorithm a little bit and get a little of human touch in there. I did think also you should have something where your algorithm can become a person. Oh, you can... They just pop out one day?

Yeah, maybe you meet your algorithm or you date your algorithm or something. Like, and you get to spend time with it, maybe, I don't know, in some way, if your algorithm took on physical form and you were able to meet it, ask it questions, maybe kiss a little. Just a little. Do you reckon? Oh, yes, sorry, let's let's let's let's. No, I was just going to say, let's shift this into a sketch. Yeah. How do we make it like pop?

Yeah. well would you like with my algorithm right yeah it's like it nails it sometimes and then sometimes I'm like oh I can see the computer behind this right like I can see the equation that took to get here so maybe maybe you start dating your algorithm right your algorithm becomes a person you think that they're a perfect match then it starts doing things sometimes my algorithm will show me videos that I know which friend it's pulling them from. Maybe your algorithm starts making out with you in a way that you're like, no, I know who you're basing this one off.

This is somebody else. Yeah. I think I don't see what you try to do there, but that wasn't me, that's them. You're into that and I'm into them, but that doesn't mean I'm into that. Yeah. Yeah. So wait, so, but how does it so? Yeah, how does it turn into a thing?

What is, could you try and kill your algorithm? What is, what is the, it's the algorithm for what, for like, your, I guess, your recommendations on Instagram. Yeah, I was thinking like videos, shopping. And so this is like you get a neat version, he gets put into some... Yeah, it gets downloaded into a soy-based...

Yeah, a flesh entity of some kind. Yeah, some kind of soy-based flesh entity. Yeah. And then you can date it and, okay. And, you know, maybe you get, you get, you get three hours alone with your, with your algorithm. you can do anything you want because it's your algorithm but then your algorithm i reckon you

as soon as there would be some people that as soon as you sit into the room with the algorithm your algorithm just initiates oh for sure and i reckon there'd be some people that the algorithm does that and then they go whoa whoa whoa whoa where are you getting that from you know what i think would happen as well is that you would things would start to get a little bit hot and then you would it would lean in and go

subscribe to Instagram yeah in shittification yeah like that you're not gonna get that yeah and because like

it'll be like it'll sort of prime you to make you feel like this is going it knows exactly what you're after yeah and then and then it's thought and then it won't continue

like that and then you go all right fucking you sign up you're like Yes, subscription, service, premium level. Ah, what about? Oh, God, it's starting to fall apart.

No, it's not. Yeah, it's about 12. What about a guy who has 12 dogs? 12 dogs? Yeah. I was about to say something about pets. Yeah. Right?

About that, like, you can, like, that you could get, like, higher tier pets or like you can upgrade your pets or something like if you pay a bit more your dog will go outside to shit or your cat or something like that what? Well you pay you pay to get a higher tier of pet like you subscribe you get your pet

like a chip put into your like an upgrade like software stuff the cat just comes with a chip you know that's like the chip that they put in and then you can keep getting little upgrades for things that it can do a little bit more and it'll be a subscription service if you want it to keep pooping outside. Honestly, it feels like this is way more likely to happen and we'll be much more

comfortable with this than we would be with having chips in our own brains and having any kind of augmented reality. Absolutely. If you could get something in your pet's brain where maybe you can even give it some little jobs to do while you're out like it's on the washing machine do this and do that. I think the idea that the cat can do like your washing or something like That is like... Well, you think that's ridiculous? No, not necessarily. No, the one thing that like...

Like that, like, it's so weird. So were you saying you think that that's unrealistic? Are you upset by it? Or do you think it's... I just want to know what you're saying. I mean, I think it's silly, and I think people would enjoy watching that. I think that's funny.

Yeah. Great. You didn't complete the thought, Alistair, because you said, I think that the idea that the cat can do this, this, this, this and this. So you, but then you didn't, didn't, you didn't land the plane. I know, Andy, because, you know, maybe I didn't know entirely how I felt.

Yeah. But you did knew that you thought about it. Oh, I definitely thought about it, Andy. Why would I start speaking? Certainly on this podcast. Exactly. That never would have happened before. No, of course.

Your shirt nearly completely matches all those backgrounds that are hanging up there. Oh, yeah, yeah, I was trying to. No, I wasn't trying to do anything like that, but we'll, we can't turn a camera right now. Oh, beans, I'm sorry. You've got to believe it. Imagine all this, but on a wall. sort of hanging down imagine this

imagine me on a wall we were talking about coming down the birth canal before what do we reckon about a high-end catering service like a premium you know how you can get like organic like juice cleansers

chipped to your door or whatever and then you can get like organic vegetables like farm fresh like that's very like in vogue what about a service where after you give birth you have a private chef come to your home and make like placenta cruditates.

I do know that you can get it like dried out into a pill form and that sort of thing. You can get that but like. But like you're right. Like a pattaic kind of thing. If I gave birth, I would absolutely make it into a patte immediately. But not everyone likes patay. I'm not a big patte guy. I don't like blended meats.

It's one of my few. That is such a fair line to draw. Honestly, yeah. Yeah. You eat nuggets? Uh, yeah, I do, yeah, so I guess I do like, but, but you know what, it's put together so it has Resolidifies, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, because I think as soon as it's, like it's done like it as a paste or a, yeah, for somebody, like I, you know, I've had like, like, liver, like, parfays and things like that where you're like, I feel so weird having a meat liquid almost.

Well, is it, is it, is it, is it, do you count it as a meat? It's kind of an organ. It's like a different bit. Yeah, I still consider it meat. That's fair enough. Because it's part of the living beast, you know. But because what part of it? Because there's no part of an animal that's like salad or anything like that, right? Like it's all more. Yeah, it's not sad. You're so right.

Yeah. Like maybe the hair would be the closest thing. I don't think I'd like that. No, but I think, you know, edible hair. Sure. All right. Yeah. I mean, if you like twist some hair up into little sticks and you deep fried it so it was

kind of crunchy and salted it up and melted it in your mouth a little bit. I think that could be okay, but I don't know if you can do that. What about, um, a really really fancy restaurant and it is cannibalism but it's like you don't you can't tell it first yeah you can't even tell it's people I can't believe it's not Brian

I think I mean that's how cannibalism would be allowed legalized as if it was high end yeah oh we only allowed if it's properly prepared and it's fit it's within the the rules that the government has set because some friends of the government have been become really into it I reckon pushing for cannibalism so hard

on the ethics scale that you can claim it as vegan you're like there wasn't actually any suffering for this entirely consensual like the human was like fed organic food their whole life I think I think the idea of just like people are doing cannibalism now all of a sudden and because it was like it was done with an app right it was like when Uber came in

and everyone was like oh you can't have a taxi without a taxi license and it was like, oh, we're just doing it and everybody's using it and it'd be really inconvenient for us to stop doing that now and the government was like okay I guess we're going to build a law around this I think that's how they should get cannibalism

over the line, right? If there's an app involved right? We're really pushing forward. Yeah, tech sort of thing like, oh it's just happening now you've got like a really clean UI like the interfaces like it's sort of like a rounded edge buttons it's like here is

your meal's consent form like yeah and it's like you know it when when you're like an anana dies or something like that there's like a bunch of money that comes in from all the meat wow you know oh wow yeah that's good oh you know um have you ever heard of those like farms that you you buy the whole cow so like you purchase a cow and then a butcher uses the entire cow like every part of the cow gets put into like all of the different cuts and like you get like the organs that you want and everything um and then your freezer has a cow in it and you eat that one cow for like a year yeah right um maybe that's it and then you they keep the freezer or they just they deliver it all to you and you you have to put it all in your freezer um but yeah

having that for nan yeah yeah you know like someone buys the whole nan and then they get to feel like superior because they're like we're actually only only eating one nan in the whole year. Like we got one, like our count of how many casualties from our diet is a singular nan. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's so nice to know that, you know, she's not going to waste. Yeah. I think that's, she would have hated that. Yeah. Yeah. She loved reusing things and stuff like that. And I think a nan, if you salt them and sort of season them correctly, it's actually a really good kind of meat. Oh, really beautiful stuff. Right. How about this? idea we already talked about this before the matrix but for piss now uh-huh now the robots instead

of we we we build robots that uh we think they they're gonna need we want the robots to need us we don't want them to wipe us out so we build them to run on human piss yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah right but then what they end up doing is putting us in sort of big piss farms inside the matrix and harvesting the humans produce this much piss a year and that's what all the robots need so it's basically every single thing about the matrix exactly as it is but we thought that we had got them we thought we had got them cornered first they're going to need us they're not going to be able to exist without us i love this thank you so much i love piss matrix yeah this is really really good yeah that my

God, this is 318 in and you're still shooting gold? Oh, man. This is really, really good. There's a lot of that happening in the piss matrix. That's really good, I'm glad. Yeah, but then sort of Morpheus is out and he's like, we're going to get our piss back and, you know, and decide who, you know, who gets it and when. You know, we're no longer be slaves to the piss, to the piss farms.

Yeah. And then maybe he tries to find a way. of poisoning not poisoning but like putting something in the liquid so that it changes the farm bodies piss

so it no longer yeah it put asparagus in there and then it changes it and it messes with their circuitry that was the bomb that they'd always sort of planted in there that they had never written down

so there was nowhere for the robots to to read it or whatever like that and they were able and then they were like so they put it in the robots like smell it smells

I was weird. I normally love pissed. I normally love pissed. Oh, yucky. Yeah. That and they collapse. So good. And the people come out and they go, yes,

Farragis pass. Pulling all the stuff out of their heads. Do we have time? Can I, so this Piss Matrix. Oh, yes, got you inspired. I was kind of talking about a parallel idea today, right? Right. I was out of the ferry park for the wonderful Beck's birthday.

and the toilets at the fairy park were not themed which I kind of like theme the toilets Yeah, theme the toilet The fairy park out near Anarchy Whoa, I've driven past that so many times And wanted to go in

Well, the toilets aren't themed If that was a deal breaking for you You mean they're not fairy themed? No They should be like a cupcake or something Well I was thinking What we need is like You piss into a fairy circle

Because you're not meant to step into a fairy circle because you get tossed on to the very realm. You're also not meant to piss into a toilet or a urinal. Exactly. That's perfect. Is that not the cleanest way to get rid of your stuff if you send it to another realm? Oh, yeah. So, like, strike up a deal with the fairies.

Yes. Make sure they're cool with it. Like, maybe they've got waste that's like normal to us. I don't know what they're like piss deal is. Maybe they love piss. They might love piss. I mean, they've got the tooth fairy. They're already taken part.

You're into weird stuff. they're into weird stuff so where we make a deal with the fairies and all of the piss and shits it goes to another realm they maybe can use it in their fairy magic yeah they already using

whatever guys yeah you know if like if you were going for a piss in the bush and there was a witch that lived nearby she'd probably be like piss into my jar because I can make magic with it

like kind of stuff like that then waste not want not why not piss and poop into jars to the witches or the fairies is what you're saying I mean, that's what's kind of missing from our ecosystem is that we don't have that many when we have bacteria and stuff. Yeah, at the moment, like, boo, boring.

For a long time we did treat the ocean as another realm. We were like, forever chemicals, I've got an idea, let's throw them in the ocean. We don't eat from there. Water doesn't come from there. It'll be almost like they're gone forever, almost. I think we forgot, yeah. We just hadn't realized that it was just all part of the same world.

Yeah. It was like, I think when you're a kid, sometimes you throw things out of your window of your room thinking that it's like it will just leave the realm. Do that? Well, I know of people who've done it and I feel like I've thought that you just kind of think that you can get rid of things by just throwing them away out of your sight and then suddenly that your parents are like, what's this? Yeah. Oh my God, it's returned from the other realm. I thought I figured this out with peekaboo. I think that we might have to end our time with you

Thank you so much for having me It's been truly an honour Well, I hope you enjoy the sleep realm Which you are destined to go to Yeah, I am being delivered to dreams Very soon I'm so happy for you I'm glad that you're so close

We're only 180 ideas away Incredible Plus reading the sketch ideas You have to read them all out again? Oh yeah, yeah It's a big important part of the process. That might take an hour. That might take more.

It'll be fine. Shut up. Shut up. She's melting. Melting. Cass, thank you so much. Thank you so much. Great job.

A beautiful... We really appreciate it. You carried us a long way. Carried us a really long way. And please welcome. Please welcome. And please welcome. Rebecca Petratus.

Dun, dun, dun, da, dun, dun, Dun, da,

Dun, Back Petitus! Internet celebrity. The camera was not on me. Oh, my gosh. Could have died. It was because I was clapping. Happy birthday.

I brought you a can of maple syrup. Thank you. We had that back there and I was like, are we going to drink that later on? No. part of your supplies, two bananas and a can of maple syrup. I haven't seen you in so long. That's so

funny. Neither you. Yeah I know. Neither you. I'm sorry. But this this. Feels like it's up your alley. Yeah. It's a good sound. It's a good slop. It's a nice thick slop in there. There's a lot of sugar dissolved in that slop. Yeah. What about?

Yes. Yeah. What about? There's no musical instruments that involves slopping. Yes. And they've got to invent a new musical instrument and it's the slopophone yes so it's a whole so there's the winds yes there's the there's the woods the woodwinds and the slop cans the strings yeah and there's the wets the wets the wets section just going a whole new i like how they're specific they go brass you know they will go you know they will go like wood wood things like that i think the slops the slops you know is an okay thing.

It's also good because all these kids who grew up in this generation that's coming up all gone into like slime making and now they can apply that music. Yeah, because slop percussion. Slot percussion.

Like we can have people playing the, I think just we'd call it the cans full of slop. Yeah. Like that's one section. In full. Cairnsful and slop. Slop. And then you have a number.

On first, slop can. Another section of just buckets with gun. Billham, Roxburgh. Oh, yeah. Some that you can, like, just squeeze and make farty sounds and musical farty sounds. Sure, sure, absolutely. Because it would add more to... I mean, some music already has it anyway, right?

They'll put in, like, little ding-dongs and blim-bloms. Oh, that's... Why not if you... Appreciate the autos which are going to wide. Genuinely think that these are a whole, like, sort of fan. family of sounds that almost never make it into music. Yeah. I mean, there's no orchestral squelching.

Yes. You know, and I feel like, no? No. No, I had a moment where I was like, I'm sure there's an instrument that's covered in wet. No, none of them. This is really good. This is great.

I'm really glad. But if you open it, you've got to eat it all. You can decant it into something else. Yeah. Never go, like, well, won't go bad for it. a very, very long time. It's like that, you know, that Egyptian honey that you find it, you know, exactly.

And it's mostly exactly the same. But what if I eat it one time? Yeah, I mean, you will. You will. But, you know, I think that you probably will find it difficult to get through it in one day. So, you know, I mean, you could stream. Beck Petrae drinks a whole can of maple syrup. I'd watch it.

I'd watch it. Chat, what do you think? I've realized you can't see chat. Someone woke up and they were like, wait, I thought this was a rebroadcast. Oh, wow. Like, they didn't know that you were a live stream and then they woke up and went, this is still happening.

Yeah. I'm on my second can of Paschione. Oh, man. Yeah, that's like, that's a bit of, that's a bit of, that's a bit of shug. Yeah. And then I was like, wait, am I, have I got a bunch of stuff on me? No, where's that? That much stuff on you.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, sick. I'm out of day. How are you? How's it been in here? It's been not too bad. How was the fairy kingdom? Oh.

See, this is the sad thing because I, this was the only day. I was like, for once, Evan's not. filming something. Yeah, yeah. But then I was like, but now I can't invite Alan Andy. That was the only sadness in my heart. I'm very sorry, yeah. But, you know, we do get to spend some time with you on here.

And then we get to, you know, come up with all sorts of silly sketch. You really want to get through them? I mean, we do have to get through or else we'll be here till like... All right. Well, congratulations, because here's two words I want to say to you. Okay. Yeah, okay. Emo dentist.

I mean, I think I would love to be able to go to a place where they do your hair, your optometry, and your dentistry all in the same chair. Maybe even all at the same time. A lovely idea of them all working away together. And the hairs get into the shards are falling off and they're going in your mouth while the dentist is drilling away. But they're like, they've got a bit more of a jet of water that can't wash. Full face salon.

Yes. Full face. Every part of the head. You get you. They can care of. Whatever people keep doing to their eyebrows where I look at their eyebrows and go, your eyes look. You know how things that's happening in the moment where people,

look at someone eyebrows and they've got eyebrows in a way that you're like, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of like very strong tinted eyebrows. Oh, yeah, I wasn't sure if this was a real thing or if I was just noticing it in a different way. No, no, people are doing stuff. It's not me. It's eyebrows.

It's eyebrows. They're in. Sometimes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eyebrows are different sometimes. It's very far in. Okay, so this place. Well, that isn't 10 hours in. I'm stupid.

Sorry, it's 10 p.m. It actually is 10 hours in, though, I think. No, no, no, no, we're 14 hours in. Yeah. Sorry. So, early than that, man. 14 hours in, sorry. Okay.

Good gracious. So, okay, so this triple thing. So you lock your head in a thing. Yeah, yeah. Yep, yep, yep. You can't keep moving your head. Right, but you still got to be able to open your jaw so the dentist could get in there. That's locked open like that.

I think all your bits are open. Yeah, eyes. Now, I mean, it is cleaned out by one of those little robot things. It goes, little. Oh, sure, sure. All head cleaning. Oh, total reconditioning. Yeah.

Like you're putting your head through a car wash It'd be like getting a whole new head I mean yeah I'd like to see somebody come out of that I don't know I mean I think that's what getting a head job should be Yeah I mean that's a proper job

That is what Okay this is good It's someone trying to explain Their vision for their business Which is a proper head job A proper head job Because it's not been right Mm-hmm

Come to wow come to our multi-faceted style and medical service where we do a proper head job. Yeah. We'll do your eyes. We'll do your hair. We'll do your mouth. We will do your ears. Yeah.

We will push some muscles in your neck and around the base and put our, push our thumb into the skull. If it's on your noggin, it'll get a flogging. What? It's not like any said. No, I don't know. You get a guasha in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get a guasha in there.

What are you talking about? You guasha your whole hair. A guasha. Guasha. Gwasha here, guasha there. Is this something from Star Wars? You're like, gawasha, Washa, la, ma. And, though, I think, even, like, they'll even get, like, a, somebody to do this.

Oh, that hot towel that sometimes appears. Oh, yeah, hot towel, somebody slaps your face a little bit. Wow. We'll slap you up a bit. We won't charge extra. Oh, put a little lip balm on. Oh, yeah, we'll just. We'll say, what are you doing with your teeth, mate?

Yeah, that's a good one. There we go, there's one. The full head job. Yeah. The proper head job. Pimple pop up, no thank you. Pimple popper. So I'm reading the chat.

I'm going to get tips from the chat. Yeah, I mean, what is Pimple Popper, the Dr. Pimple Piper thing? Oh, man. Yeah. What? The actual Dr. Pimple Popper. His name is Dr. Pimple Popper, but he's a hard. surgeon.

Yeah, okay, go, go. I am Dr. Pimplebomber. I know his Dr. Pimble Pomp and they took my name. Yeah, I am a heart surgeon. Do you think that you have to be a real doctor to do whatever she's doing, right? The Pimple Popping? Yeah. The Dr. Pimple Popper, the real, the one who does.

The real one, not this guy who just made up. But, like, it doesn't feel like real, like, doctor level stuff. I haven't seen it. I don't, I don't, I don't know. I think there's, like, there's still. There's still, like, slicing of skin, so I think you're just, it's probably just a dermatologist. Making a little incision. A mere dermatologist, you know, and, but.

You know, I think you should, you should, um, the, as you, as you increase in your doctor qualifications, you should be able to go deeper and deeper into the person. Okay. Right. The higher the qualifications, the deeper you can go. So, like, the dermatologist on the outside of the person, that's the lowest qualification, right? You know, then you've got stuff like, I don't know, like going in the mouth, the doctor, like the dentist, you're getting in there a bit. You're a bit higher up on the chain, okay?

Broat and stuff, you're getting, you're getting really getting places. But once you're like in the brain or, like, fully down inside the stomach. Right deep in the gut or like right on the butt cheeks. Oh, once you're in the butt. Yeah, once you're in the butt, that's the highest qualification. You're a master. You're a master doctor. Yes.

And you get $100 more per hour than everybody else. That's great. It's an extra $10 per centimeter depth per hour. Oh, a doctor who charges per centimeter. Per centimeter. How deep am I going? How deep I have to go like that. And I don't mean through my holes.

You've got to make your own holes if you want to get paid that much. Yeah. Oh, you saved money on putting your own holes in. That's good. I like that. Because, I mean, if he's going through my holes, then, yeah, I'm getting paid, you know. If the door's open, come on, that's like, that's hardly even work. These two sentences out of context.

If the doors open. If the door's open, my holes, I'm getting paid. Not my bank ain't getting broken. But if you've got to go through skin, then yeah, I'm going to have to live in a bin. Yeah, okay, yeah, okay. No, I get that. So good at this and I'm so proud of you. All right, here's another one.

Yeah. What, uh, what, uh... I love the best thing that's like, oh, fuck I solve this one. Yeah, no, but this is absolutely what we need, though. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because I reckon the next few hours are going to be very... Are you going to get increasingly tougher? But also...

Absolutely. You've had a full day as well, you know, of doing whatever it is that you do with your days? I went to a fairy park. You went to a fairy park. You know what? I got to solve my childhood trauma at the fairy park. Have you been to the fairy park?

No, I've never been. I've driven past it a lot and I've always wanted to go in. So not even as a kid. No, it's never been. Oh, that's just there. I know, so close to my house. Oh, you've got to get in there. Yeah.

Was it good? Yes. Was it good, good? Yes, yes. But you know when something is good. It's well maintained. That makes me feel good. It's well maintained. When these places

are not well maintained, that's almost the saddest thing that there is. It's a new kind of tragedy. It's been repainted. It's beautiful. You're wandering around different castles. The gnomes are gleaming. The gnomes are gleaming. There was one that Frankie found that had just a foot. But that's okay. It was just a foot and there was no gnome.

A stolen gnome. A stolen gnome. But what's that? Yeah, no, I was trying to think of stolen valor. And then I was like, no, it's just stolen gnome, but that's not. Stolen. Do you think to have a stolen, to have a gnome, but you don't do any gardening? A garden gnome, but with no garden?

Yeah, but yeah, you've, I don't know, I feel like the spirits should get you. You have a gnome and you put it in your yard, but you've never taken care of your garden once. Yeah. I think that, like, the spirits are coming for you. A hundred percent. But also, like, I mean, even if you, like, got a gnome and you tried to keep it inside, like a gardener, but you have it, like, you're in an apartment. I think it would kill you in the night. Yeah.

Right. And, like, escape. Because it is, like, not giving a dog a backyard. Yeah. They're okay. Like, you've got to walk him, right? It's a gnome in captivity. It's not right. I think you could imagine, like, where its foot has broken off and it's, like, quite sharp.

Mm. Right. And you wake up, and that bits up against your neck. Yeah. Like, it's got its little fishing rod and it's just wrapped. it around your neck. It's just yamashes its own pointy head open on the corner of the door and then climbs up on a bookshelf and dives down onto your face while you're sleeping.

Murderous gnome. Because you've put it in captivity. That makes sense. It wasn't meant to live that way. Yeah. And then it throws itself off the balcony or something like that. Oh, yeah. Into your car.

Yeah. Oh, no, my car. Oh. Don't fuck with the gnomes. You know? Yeah, that makes sense to me. I mean, I don't think you should, you know? I mean, I think if there's any...

Sorry, someone in the chat, Tilby just said, Beck, you've got to explain Marcus to them. I feel like some good couple coming for that. Tilby, I just got to tell you, so Marcus is sort of this cool character. Yeah. Who's in VR chat? You guys aren't going to get it.

That alien. Yes, the worm. He's a worm, right? You haven't seen this guy, and I don't know. What do you mean VR chat? What's VR chat? Anyway, it doesn't matter because I, earlier this morning,

the thing that Tillby's trying to get me to do, which is I showed a, I showed two people a clip of him and they watched it in silence. That, that, what, I reckon being able to distill the feeling of putting a funny video on to nothing, they should put that in a little bottle and should be able to throw it at people, throw it to your enemies. A place. You're the fucking, ah. So I don't want to experience that or lets you make people experience it. Yeah. Because then once it happens, it is, that's, is that ego death? I Google ego death.

I think it is. I think it might be. I mean, maybe that's good. Maybe you've made progress towards some sort of enlightenment. People, oh, it's a, okay, it's an experience kind of like an escape room, but every room is just another awkward situation. Yeah. You've got to go through to get to the end and you experience ego death.

But also it's important because I think a lot of white men didn't go do that. Because I have too much. confidence. But then if they can experience these terrible moments. And it's a bunch of different people. And it's an escape room, but you go into each room and then they say, show me a video that you think I would find funny. Like that.

It's really, I mean, it's so good. You know, and one would be like a... Put you on the spot. A young dateable woman. One's a sort of like a big beefcake dude. One's like an older, you know, an older man. One's a now successful friend from

high school that you haven't spoken to in 25 years. Yeah. Yeah. One, somebody who you used to be, yeah, you used to be friends with, is now successfully, I'm just joking, so I'm just saying, and you have to experience every single one not working. One's a doctor who should be saving a life right now. Oh.

They've been called away from an emergency surgery on a child to watch this funny video. Oh, man. It better be good. This is it. This better be worth this child's life Whatever this video is And I think that would be good I think that everyone should experience that

Once in your life So that you know the good things are to come Yeah I think it would be a nice little like reset Yeah You know But also It definitely helped doing that

And then going and doing a nice thing I got to say Yes Sort of like a well can only get bare from here You know That's a good vibe Yeah I mean it'd be great if they could distill

Whatever that feeling is down into a drug or a urine spray or something like that and you could just get a whiff of that in the morning a little whiff of, I mean, ego death sounds like a good name for an after shave or something like that anyway. Ego death.

By slung. By shi-slong? By shish-slong? I've been here for 10 minutes. By shah-s-long. Yeah, what was, oh wait, what were you guys just talking about? What was the Shams-slong?

It's a It's a perfume Ego death Yeah I mean I think if there was a perfume That was ego death It would probably something

That does be something That does smell like shit Oh I gotta Right Like it's a terrible smell That you can spray onto yourself Go out into public Have people look at you with disgust

An experience I mean But I've already got that Because I'm aware the Ariana Grande perfume Amora? Ow I'm so sorry Everything

Oh, okay, wait I've committed to this shape And I can't No, you commit to a shape Committed to a shape I scratched all my rings On a playground Is that helpful?

Scratched all your rings Scratched all your rings Scratched all my rings on a playground You flailing? Yeah Yeah, great I think I've got Have I got a scratch?

Oh yeah, it looks quite There is something there Red and sore On the elbow I was the coolest kid At my birthday party Scratch on the playground Oh man

Did you chip over? No I was sort of sliding Through a tight concrete space Excellent Were you a rollerblading? Nah I was on the ground man You're just crawling

I was crawling through a concrete tube Oh I'm so proud of you Thank you It was really good Because I looked out and I went I shouldn't do that But then you did I did

And you know why Because a crowd got there I think everyone was going to leave. Right. Then I went, I'm going to go through this tube. I'll go into the story a tiny bit more. I, um, so at the fairy park, I, as a kid, got traumatized because I got stuck in the playground. I think I had a backpack on with my Game Boy Advance in it.

And there was a bit of the playground. This playground was built in the 50s. Yeah. No, it wasn't. It was built in the 80s. I read about it. Uh-huh. Fairy puck.

I read about it in the 50s. I've read about it in the 50s. I woke up and I mean, oh, my God, I'm going to build a park. playground was built in the 80s and it's like a castle like it's a castle made of concrete but there is a bit of it where you can you shouldn't go in this

it's like over you went past the battlements you went beyond I went from one battlement to the other one like that yeah and you found a little spot or an area did you return to this place and did you well that's what I did I got stuck in there as a child I have a traumatic memory

of going in this thing and he stuck in there And so I returned. I returned. I returned. Today I looked everywhere. I could not actually even find this nook where I first was initially stuck. And that's because they boarded it up. You can't really get to it anymore unless you crawl up a pole. Someone helped me into this tiny place.

And then I was like, I'm going to do it. Here I go. And I just, I'll show you the video. And then you'll see, look, this is my victory. Oh, there you are. You really are in a tiny. I mean, like, I'm going to. to keep talking so that it comes back to me it looks horrific i'm in like a tiny weird cement tube

crawling through but it's like a battlement of a castle and i i almost got stuck again but i got through and then when i came out everyone was about to leave very puck and they all went and that that's childhood trauma defeated yeah you just did it childhood trauma defeat how can we fix it You got her through it. You got her out of it. But what if you could have a group of people who just follow you and applaud small moments that need applause, you know? A little personal audience. Aplaudience.

Applaudience. Because I really should clean, like, the sink more than I do. I don't, because why? I'm not getting rewarded for this. It's not enough of reward. Funny moments. You get a little applaudience. I mean, you know, there might be a lot.

What if there's like an, like, instead of Christmas carolers, what if there's an audience that, like, walks from house to house, right? And if there's anything that you want to do that you've been putting off or anything that you think you need to try and tackle in your life, they'll come into your house and you can, oh, I've been meaning to empty out the drain filter from under the dishwasher, but I'm not going to get around to it. I'll just do it when the audience gets here, right? And they come around, they're like, audience is here.

And they fall into the living room. You're empty the thing out. And they all, yeah. Can I offer a suggestion? Yes. Before you start doing it, they go. That's good. Hype you up, build it up.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that would get me to do it. And it could be anything, you know. It could be calling up to cancel your gym membership. What about... Booking your tax appointment. Yeah.

What about it's like, it's a person who had developed a trauma, when they were young, a group of carrollers came to their door and sang, but there was one guy that was just looking at them like this the whole time. And as a kid, like that, like that the whole time just staring straight. Is this real? You as a kid? No, no, I'm just. Is this real?

I want to get him. I wish to get rid of him. Yeah, yeah. And so then they've carried this fear around about this guy for so long. And so one day, you know, they're an adult and a mom. That is the momest mom I've ever heard from you Wow you've changed It's become much more mommy

Yeah anyway continue sorry The choir And so then as an adult they're like Mom's like oh can I get Can I help you You know overcome this fear of carolers And go okay well look the carolers are coming around this You know it's like it's been 25 years

And then she's like you know what I am ready to face this trauma things like that open the door the carrollers are there the same guy is there again just staring like that like that and then afterwards she's like i mean i'm really sorry she approaches them she's like i'm really sorry i'm just really scared i'm just really scared me when i was a kid and actually you scared me again today it's like um yes well you should be scared because i because yeah i i really want to hurt you I was like, that's a kid, I want to hurt, and now I still feel it.

So a carola who has a vendetta? The idea of somebody who's just like a normal person until they see one kid that they just instantly hate, really want to get this kid. And they've got like, they have like a completely normal life. Everything else about them is normal. They're normal all the time. But then they hate this kid and they want to hurt this kid.

They've sort of, very interesting, very interesting. printed on them, like Renezme and Jacob from Twilight, but the opposite is. And I love it, hey? Yeah, with a little nemesis. Yeah. I mean, that happens to me sometimes. Yeah, yeah, with a kid. Yeah, you know kids where you look at them and you're like, you've got, you're, you've got all

the whole life ahead of you, and you're going to succeed, and you've got a cool hat. Yeah, no, you're right about all. Get the fire. Yeah, all the great clothes at the op shits shops, you. You piece. Yeah, exactly. get it, man, you get it. Oh, buddy.

I look like I'm wearing it. I mean, no, this is good. This is a good, I got a, this is a gift from Evan. How about this is a new circle of hell? Charoloki, right? It's karaoke, but it's just Christmas carols and it's just one person singing. You know that this is a thing I did on my twin stream. Like, this is a legitimate thing I was doing.

No. This is my life factory. I've got this great idea. Or a circle of hair. Welcome to hell. It's what Beck thinks is good. I mean, it was, one time I just sang, uh,

uh, no, away in a manger because it's got a more of an awful vibe to it. Yeah. But I had a door. People would pay and I'd make a door come up. And then I'd go, oh,

hug, is that caroless? Oh, no. And then I'd light it. I'd light a candle. And I'd open the door and yell a carol at them. And I think that's pretty good. That's good value for money.

But it is definitely a circle of hell. If you go to, it's a karaoke bar that only does Christmas carols. Only does Christmas carols all year round. Or just the one? All year round. All year caroling. I'd run this. I'm opening it in this room next week.

That it's only one person singing at a time. Yes. There's none of that safety and numbers kind of thing. There's none of that like, oh, you know, when you get enough voices together, it doesn't matter if a few are off key or whatever. They'll all balance out and it'll sound beautiful. Yeah. No, it sounds bad.

Yeah. It is bad. It's Karoloki. That's comforting. I would go there. So this sketch would play out like this. You'd go in hating it. And then you go like, but you know what?

This is terrible. But it is consistent. It is a consistent thing in life to hear someone. We don't have a much, much like that anymore. No. What about this? You know how like a dog is often stronger than a man? It could really hurt.

Every day. Yeah. Boy. So it's a dog that realizes It doesn't need to take bullshit from its owner And it starts bullying him And like every time he's going to get food He just goes and like

Growls at him and threaten And bites him a bit And he runs away from his food And then a dog just eats his plate of food After he's cooked it Like that That genuinely like the moment they realize Oh yeah

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah And then this guy's like It's the planet of the apes But it's dogs It's one dog and he, this guy... Planet of the dog. Planet of the dog.

Oh, that's good. Maybe this could be that power of the dog thing that we were thinking of about 12 hours ago. What was that? Was that power of one bit of dog? Oh, this is what it is. The power of the dog. Yeah, I mean, it's amazing.

The power it has is to make your life shit. It's amazing that we've just found out what that sketch is. We wrote it down, however many. And then I don't get to write out a new sketch. I'm sorry, but what about this? Yeah. dog power it's like horse power but it's a bit less okay yes so like you know and maybe it's that's what bikes should be measured in exactly which bikes should be measured in dog power

dog power you know once i was working with someone who showed me a clip of a dog riding a bicycle and was like this is real i'm like no just think about no it was a very ai video oh man was it was it a boomer who showed you this video oh no i've i've had i've seen a couple things that have tricked me a little bit recently where I've been like I can't believe I didn't think about you too I got to say were my because you are a bit older than me I remember when you were young this is a terrible I'm so sorry we're so you're so far into this I remember where you but there was a point where tech started getting away from you and I watched it happen in real time yeah yeah and I feel like now it's happening again no getting it back it's not I still can't

work out how Instagram works Andy, you just scroll it. All the buttons are just like, press me because I'm going to show you a thing. It doesn't work that way. Okay, all right. Yeah, I mean, there's a few, yeah, there's definitely a lot of stuff that I don't quite understand yet. But I feel like I'm working at a higher level than like a parent. Or an Andy?

Yeah, and Andy. But, I mean, you know, I did make the audio through having control of the audio of my podcast. I did make it increasingly worse until Andy had to pry it from my hands. it's so funny but oh this is it yeah it's someone showing someone an AI video sorry a video that's not AI but the person is insisting that it's AI that's AI that's AI no that's AI and it's a video of them yeah this is you last night this is something that just happened nah say oh I don't think that's true and their legs cut off at the end mm the legs get cut off yeah I think so so it builds up and it's like you know oh oh it's just them going

boot boop boop and cut it off their legs in a fun way then did that really happen in real life but i think you don't see they still don't believe that it's real i think they just they've cut off their legs so they're in shock right so that explains that's i o't know that it was so at the end the reveal is them going but they're going no that's ai that's ai and then it gets the leg chop off and then they look down they go ah yeah but then in the video while they're not looking because they're looking down legs, a dog rides past on a bicycle. I'm like...

It was AI. Okay, it was AI all over a lot. Oh, no, this is actually AI. Where'd your leg go? I got this Pasciona at Ferry Park and I brought it back. Wow, so it's a nice warm... Room temperature, Pasciona. Ah, Paschona.

Yes. I got it thinking I'd have it, but I was eating a Calippo instead. I've had the day of a child. I refuse to believe that on any level. No. I've had a beautiful day. Child's Day. How do you feel about like a,

there must be like a place that's like a Christmas cafe. Jared just gave you 10 bucks. Oh, why? Jared, thank you. That's very nice. We're going to get more Paschiona. A Christmas cafe where you can go to, you can go to this place and it is Christmas every day

there at the Christmas cafe. There's a Santa, you can go and sit on his lap and sort of stuff, and it's all Christmas stuff all year round. He's the cafe owner. He's the cafe. Santa owns the cafe. That's what he does the rest of the year. Oh, but he's just a hardworking cafe man.

Mm. And he's, people keep asking him. They're like, are you Santa? He's like. He works behind the counter. Yeah. Yeah. And then something he goes, people have to come up and go, can I sit on your lap?

And he goes. And he goes and sits on his Santa. I got to put down the fucking thing, that thing. Put that down. He wipes the, He wipes the sort of race off. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, or the coffee, the coffee milk.

Yeah, yeah. And he goes over there, he goes, Oh, ho, who wants to sit on my lap? Come on, come on, come on, come on. Come on, come on, come, come on. Is this in the cafe? Come on, come, come on, come on. Oh, no, is he?

Come on, come on, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go, quick, go, going. Making shit. Uh, yeah, yeah, all right, what do you want? What do you want? Like, wait a way, that was a vampire? Dracula Santa! Yes.

Dracula Santa. Dracula Santa. Oh, that would be so bad if the vampire's ever got Santa. They got to Santa, we'd be fucked. Oh, I mean, he only... He goes around to everybody's house and comes down their chimneys and stuff. And he's welcome. And he's always invited.

And he, but he does go at night, so that's good. How's that good? That's good for Santa. For Santa. For Santa. I'm thinking of Dracula Santa here. Think of the Dracula Santa. Yeah, no, I'm thinking of Dracula Sander as well.

I think it would be bad, though. You seem to be on his side. On his side. He's drinking the blood of all the children. I recently went to a Dracula ballet, which sounds like a sketch, but is a thing I went and looked at. It was so good.

But Dracula Santa, that's why I feel the, you know, I've immersed myself in the culture of Dracula. It sounds like I'm just bathing in blood. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, okay, Dracula Santa. They get him. And then he goes and gets everyone else.

Everyone wakes up Christmas morning. All vampires. All vampire. Vampire presents? Does he still bring the presents? That's the question. Does he still do the presents? I mean, he brings the presents.

Oh, he's like, oh, man, we all do that. For Santa? Yeah. I mean, I always put on my best pants for Santa. That's great. Not my Santa Pants Yeah, Santa Pants I mean the pants I'll wear for Santa

They're the pants I'll wear for Santa They're not Santa Pants Santa Pants I have both Yeah And I wear both And they're the same And the same pants

And so then, okay So then what happens after he He gets everybody Everybody's a vampire So in Bram Soke's Dracula As I understand from watching The Dracula ballet There's like a

He kind of Just gets killed Because there's an altercation With a love I think Santa doesn't have a rom-com sort of element to it No, he really doesn't

He gets to date somebody He gets to date someone Or bite someone and be like I love you You're my long lost Mrs. Clause Maybe Mrs. Clause is the person Who comes and saves everybody She comes and stabs

Every person In the world Through the heart And then But there's like one person that Like oh there's only naughty people That are left Santa didn't go visit their house

Yeah And then she has to repopulate the world with them. With all the naughty boys and girls. Yes. This is close post-apocalyptic. Yeah. I think it's a really good idea. I mean,

like it would also work if like Santa had some kind of disease. Oh, of course. Like he had some kind of like SARS type disease as he goes around all these houses. He infects everybody. I mean, that'd be a great way to sort of wipe out the population. If you wanted a vector, spread an airborne disease. to every family in the world, Santa. But what if Santa, on the night of Christmas,

is like, no, it's okay, I had a cold, but I'm not contagious. You know, that sentence that we all say and means nothing. Yes. That. Yep. That, I had a cold. I'm not contagious. He gives everybody a cold.

To death. To death. The present he gave. You're right. All the naughty kids who didn't get anything, they survive. And then they, and then. The human race becomes a naughty species. From that point on, we are repopulated only with naughty genetics.

That sounds good. Yeah. That sounds good. Imagine if we were a very naughty planet. It would be kind of fun, wouldn't it? Oh, imagine if we were just a bit naughty. Oh, it's very raunchy. People can be quite cruel about the human race and some of our decisions,

but I think if we rebranded what we're doing as just being a little bit naughty, it might be okay. So who was there? We all just went. That was Angus Gordon. It wasn't really. Environmental. The line is in my face so much that I could not see.

You did what? I couldn't see. I just went like this. I waved at a blur. I went, oh, hey. Do you not have glasses sometimes? No. I'm like the only one of us.

No, Evan doesn't either. No. The only one of us. The only one of us. Only one of us. Let's see. What about a little Santa Paul? somebody puts in a Santa pole

in a guy who's a developer who's a childlike wonder puts in a Santa pole that goes down 10 stories Whoa What's a Santa pole? What's a Santa Pol? A fireman pole

Oh right, okay Sorry I mean there is like the North Pole They have a similar color scheme Sometimes firemen and Santa They do Red sometimes Sometimes mostly yellow these

Wouldn't dress them in red though really Would you? But his fire truck is matches Santa's like colors but their outfits match like ambulances

because ambulances are kind of yellow now the way they say that fire trip people are trying to get my head around this I'm sure like firemen outfits usually yellow a kind of like fluoro yellow in the same way that ambulance are yellow although classically they're black right firefighters outfits

But then some I've definitely seen some white ones as well. Where are we? We've got to get this nailed down. To be honest, I think they should be blue. I think firemen need to drive ambulances. Santa gets to drive the fire truck. Oh, I see. Yes.

Yeah. Anyway, I'm just saying. And then paramedics, they are often the color of cop cars. So they get the cop cars and then the police, they get tanks. Yeah, great. I don't know. I just didn't want to militarize the police. This is my ultimate objective.

I didn't really care about the uniforms matching up with the... I didn't really think it was a good idea for Santa Claus to drive the fire truck. And there's only one of him and it's actually quite a big team that they need. Do you know Santa Claus does drive a fire truck? He doesn't blend.

I never sounded more like a child offering. No, that was crazy. Macintathra, he does ride on the back. Yeah. And then he throws lollies. Yeah, that was... There's a fire truck Santa near us who looks like my dad. I wonder if that's a purely a...

Australian bit of culture, the idea that the... Excuse me, Chad. Goes around on the CFA truck. I feel like a lot of chat is actually Australian right now. But anyone who's not Australian, tell me if Santa hangs out on a fire truck. In other countries in the world. Yes. I think fire trucks should be blue because I think when you're in a fiery situation,

the last thing you want to see is another red thing. Oh, yeah. That makes no sense. You know, they're full of water. They should be blue. Yeah, yeah. It would be a relief, a sight for sore eyes, just seeing them coming up the road. Or, or, not just blue, why can't you see the water that's in the truck from the outside?

I'm imagining a transparent. Yeah, Y2KS fire truck. Coming at you, water, just whew-hmm. Like it's just a big clear fire truck? Yeah. Can I? Is that sketched? What about why?

What if it's, what if it's, you know, the transparent thing from the 2000s where everything was like they had transparent Game Boy, transfer but what if that comes back in a big way big way yeah yeah i mean i like that um don't want to me no one of me no you're not writing anything down but i mean wait we got maybe i'll offer you i'll offer you this maybe this will help yeah um this is a real realization i had the other day yeah the y2k yeah oh now i've forgotten what it is oh no i remembered It's year 2000.

I just thought it was some things before I was like. Why, you didn't know what Y2K was? I thought it was called Y2K like the Y2K bug. I thought that we had a designation. Yeah, right. I didn't put it together. Yeah, I didn't. And then the other day, I just need to know I sat, bowed up right in bed and went,

what can we do with this? What can we do with this? Somebody who uses the Y2K, but I think I had the Y2K bug. I think I got the Y2K bug. Santa Claus has it. That was just a... I mean, what would be the point of having a transparent fire truck? I guess you'd be able to see how much water was left in there

and maybe accordingly panic or feel confident. Oh yeah? Whether or not there was any left. They could put some fish in there or something that you could look at. Maybe they could fill it with Coca-Cola. Oh, it's an aquarium. It's a branding thing. Aquarium on its off days.

Yeah. Different liquids is... great. Different liquids. Milks. Milk. Do you think fish would actually help put out a fire if you threw shot fish at a fine? I mean, if you've shot enough, you'd just have a wonderful cook. Yeah, that's true. Wouldn't that be really good? Right? I'll tell you what, your house is beyond saving, but we'll do you a little treat. We'll chuck a few fish in in the tank, squirt them out, and then at least when we put this baby out, you'll have something nice to eat. Yeah. Maybe on its off days, it's an aquarium. So it's the

aquarium slash fire truck because it's there for the kitties and for very serious fire emergencies and it can be used for both yes you can use like a stingray to sort of fan out the flames as well if they're not the one no you shouldn't fan flames should you that's bad shouldn't fan flames I mean it's it's an interesting conversation that fire has with with wind because a little bit of wind can blow out a little fire yeah yes but a lot of wind will make a bit of big fire go even better and stronger. But if you put a stingray on a fire. It's so easy to blow out a candle, right?

Yes. But really hard to put out a bonfire. But this is what happens. It's a guy had a bonfire in his backyard on Christmas Eve, right? The fire department got sent out and they came and put it out. And he was devastated. This was the thing that he'd been building up for for new years. And he was bringing his friends over and his family to show him this pride and joy.

and the next day Woo Santa Claus comes around Comes out Santa comes through and he's like Santa what are you doing with these pricks

These guys ruined my Christmas Oh ho ho Here's an icy pole Santa What are you doing? I don't know I'm just a guy trying to Really upset about

He loves Christmas He loves Santa Don't I get one wish And Santa's like you do get one wish and he says, kill these guys. Kill the fire department.

Yeah. And so Santa has to kill all the firefighters. Oh, oh, oh, oh, well,

we'll see. Santa, please. Please they ruin my Christmas. You care about my Christmas. I was such a good boy. That's all I've asked for for Christmas, Santa, please. I haven't even asked for a bike or nothing.

Just murder these guys. Joke. He just chag him. Get your sleigh. Drive. And he just, like, does that thing with the curb stomping, but with the sleigh? Whoa. What's that thing?

Well, you put someone's head on a curb? But then he gets the sleigh, which has got, like, the little... Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. It's okay. And then the next day in the newspaper, three people have lost their lives from the fire department. And it's because of the power of Christmas. Christmas spirit.

He's got a lot of aliases anyway. Oh, yeah. He's got like St. Nick and all that sort of stuff. He's probably got a lot of passports. Highly suspicious. Apparently, in Germany, there are fire truck themed things. Santa fire truck stuff.

There you go. In Germany. Gingong, Santa tried to skydove into the town fair, but crashed landed through the windshield into a new car that was being ruffled. Jack, is this a real story or a sketch idea? Because we'll put it in. It's really, really great. That was Jack Druce of Geringong fame.

Thank you so much, Jack, Drus, of Geregong fame. Jack, did I have a text, you? I'm here to text Jack back right now. Gerong Jack. Gingong Jack, I forgot, man, so many people that were on so. So long ago. All these. Wait, was Jack on earlier?

Yeah. Oh. You know? Um, why is it that the buttons on women's shirts are on the other side? Yeah. Oh my God. Thank you for bringing this up. What's that about?

Yeah. I bought a man's shirt recently because it's part of the toy story, Levi's co-lab. Okay. Yeah. But the women's one wasn't as good. Which toys, were you like, were you being Woody? Yeah. It's a cowboy.

Yeah, right. But is it so that we can undress each other? other, you know? Yeah. Like, do you see what I mean? Yeah, like, like, heteronautive, fucking bulls. It might be heteronautive.

Yeah. Right. You can disrobe. Because what the fuck is this? Is that the right way? These are just. No, but it's a no tail. No trouble there then.

Yeah, this is not going to be any trouble. No, but, no, that's the right way for you. I think so. I don't know, which, I don't have it. And he's the same way as me. But do you think it's what, like, but do you think it's like, Well, most, you know, it's like goes back to, you know, a woman and you cannot do the buttons in that direction

because the brain of the woman does not have the... No, pathways. The new platform for the eyeball. Do they perform the mirroring of the... The buttons on the women's shirt on the other side. Women's brain too small. Brine, not half. Women's brain very good at lot of things. Agility. Very good at cooking. Very beautiful, but cannot work out pot and mirroring.

Woman's brain, very good at being beautiful. This is so beautiful. Open the brain. This is lovely. and the electricity over and the darned the brine. Look at the folds and the curves. They are so perfect. But you put it on the shirt.

Cannot do, cannot do the button. And so the brine. Brine, listen. Do button. You see, it cannot. A button. And then you saw the brine. it's no good.

Bad in the bin? What are the bin? If I look at the man's hand. Man hand. He's very good holding the bottom. Like that. But he's good on one side, but he's less good on the other side.

So the man can do it for the woman on the other side. And then she don't need to use her bride, which is so spectacular. So beautiful. More time for woman brine to be, you know, and that's good. Oh, look, and get the glass. Oh, so beautiful hourglass, brine of the woman. Oh, the shape of the woman, Brian.

Oh, beautiful. Like a science to learn our glass. I just think I was like, he's like, oh, I could not possibly cause the bride. Oh, you're so in the movie. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm doing it. Okay, so what is this guy?

Yeah. He's an old school couture guy. Oh, great. But he has a lot of, right. It's very, yeah. It's good. It's good that is like this. But I feel like, I know that your sketch is good because they've got like a point. But there is a good.

That doesn't need anything. No. I could just be good. The scientist's not afraid. He's a bright sexy. Too beautiful. What about that? Woman brine is too beautiful.

How about this? Like sends through the hourglass, so are the shits of a beautiful woman. Beautiful. They go into the top and down And then through it out there, boys like that. Woman in Tustana go straight down. It's like that a beautiful. It nerves on the outside, but inside beautiful straight.

Enos. When everyone said that women's brand small, that's because they're so thin and tiny, so beautiful. Kind of little beautiful brand. You put them behind the glass. You look so nice. You look at them, you tap. What about this?

It's an ant farm. Sorry, laughing at the flip. It's an ant farm, but in the shape of the human digestive system. Oh, that's nice. Wouldn't that be nice? It's like a cross section of the human body. For the ants, in the mouth. In the mouth, and they run up and they get it

and they take it down through to the queen who lives in the butthole. It lives in the butthole. The queen of the butthole. Technically we will all become ant farm. Yeah, that's true. But can make this for now. How could we make this a sketch?

How can you make this a sketch? Is it just a kid's ad? Like from Mattel? Butto-ba-d-do-do-do-d-d-do. Human ant-farm. Learn about the body Learn about the body Learn about ants

Learn about dirt And learn about your pants Gonna go to Boom Gonna put the food Gonna go to the Down here's where the queen lives I got

Pull ants in my Much fun Put food in the mouth The ants come get it Then they walk it down To the different parts and then what's it going to happen

I don't know I've never watched for this long oh what's he doing is he cleaning his antenna I'm starting to be No but it's good at Alastair You know the demand farm

I think Has potential It's an educational tool Okay But then like I think it needs to go Somewhere else Like the idea that like You know

all the ants definitely always die after a week or something like that, you know, or that it is being used by a doctor in a hospital as like to help him do a surgery. Or is it just explaining it. Maybe we're training the ants in this ant farm so that like then we can release them into the human body and they'll actually know how to find their way through and get all the bad stuff out. Yeah, get bad stuff out. Like, we're actually training ants. I think maybe that's the idea.

That's good. And you eat the ants. You let them into your mouth. They run down. Like leeches. Oh, it's like, you know how they used to be bugs? Yeah. Remember how they used to be bugs?

But this is ants. What about you're teaching them to go get a kidney stone and bring it out back through your mouth so you don't have to pee it out? Oh, that's good. Yes. I mean, that's basically a grain of sugar, isn't it? As far as I'm concerned, a little kidney stone.

So we give them a kind of sugar. There is a song There is a song Yeah Let I go down And then walk back up And they bring it up through your mouth And you don't have to pee it out

It would be so good to just have to eat ants Has it already been an hour What have I been talking about? You've been doing really great stuff Oh no Andy No you have It's true Oh fuck

Um I think I think this is a product that basically you can the point is that you can use it at home if you keep these ants in the ant farm if they're constantly working their way through the digestive system kidney stone then they will then when you need

when this does happen to you when the moment comes you just let the ants out and they this is the moment they've been training you just train it you put various things that you get you get a tumor you get something like that you just put it in the house in the body. And then they'll practice going down and getting it like that and bringing it back out the mouth.

Yeah. And if you've got anything bigger, there's also a rats you can send down. You could also have a rat one. We also have a rat one for bigger things. Yeah. We also have a rat one. For bigger stuff.

That'd be good. Oh, I'd love them. Imagine a rat trying to chew its way out of your stomach because it's like it panics. Oh, well, that's not a well-trained. It's the stomach rat, is it? Oh, you didn't train that rat very well. I see the problem here.

The rat panicked. The rat panicked. You didn't train that rat very well. Did you follow all the steps? Yep. You skipped the one way. Oh, it's bitten through my stomach. But maybe the rat also thought that you needed that.

A little airflow in your tum. Diagnosis, insufficient airflow. Antibodies. You know, that's basically what they are. About pro bodies. Sure. I got one of those. You should see me go.

I know what I'm doing. I'm sick of antibodies. I think it's time for pro-bodies. I think I'm ready. I think it's time we get pro-bodies in the system, guys. Get up there. Next level. Something that just craves bodies.

It's like loves bodies. Or is this someone just not realizing that... What the word antibody is. Yeah, but antibody is and then making a humorous little. Could be. But pro-bodies, it could be. What are antibodies? Shit, I don't even know.

I think antibodies are little things that recognize the shape of a foreign object in your body, maybe a bacterium. And they attach themselves to it, and they somehow make it easier for the immune cells to identify that thing and then destroy it and take it away. So this is, pro-bodies, do that. But the opposite. But the opposite, they tag the things that you want to keep.

Yes. So just say you've got, you know, any maths in your brain. They see that happening and they attach, make sure you got more of it. It builds up. Just say you've got a lot of muscle. The probe bodies go in, you know? How about this before? It's just like a Joe Rogan-esque cell.

It goes in and defends what just protects the cells that you've got. Yeah. keeps any get get them out anybody's racist I think so okay all right well that's good I think they're cancelled I think this is something for a long time ago Alistair as we were talking about

on the way here today how do you feel about that idea about librarians yeah and when you get a librarian in a bookshop right and they think they have authority there but it turns out they've got no jurisdiction they're in there they're trying to shush people right

their badge means nothing here oh that's great they assume just because it's a bookie place but like the Dewey Decimal system it has no sway okay yes and you and your

recommendations for various romance books they're not welcome here and they they try and shush you you can shush them right back You can get a bloody little sush back. A little pushback on that shush. You can bully him there. A push back on the shush attack.

I would love to, here I'm going to offer you one because I wrote this down earlier today. Yeah, all right. It's a guy who buys recalled food to get sick and sue. It's a great scheme. Like he runs in, right? And he's like, oh, it's a window of opportunity, isn't there? After something's been recalled.

Got to get it? Before the word has got like, it's almost like, what's that that high frequency trading where like if you can get word of trades and if you can contact the uh the what's the brokerage or like the the stock market center before anybody else and you can actually make a little thing if you can get the insider word about which food is poisonous right before they've sent out the recall notices to all the uh this is such a great scam before i know i think i wrote it down as an idea regretting saying it now because imagine what i Oh, before they've got the word to anywhere I could get.

If you can get there and buy as much of that, like, e-coli milk as you can, and it's just a gamble, right? Drink it all, right? Especially the ones that keep having glass in it. You just got to chomp that up, just hope for the best, right? And the food companies, they know, like a gambler who has a system, who must be counting cards or something. They know that you're cheating the system somehow, but they can't prove it.

There's nothing they can do. you are like you've got the genuine diarrhea okay it's full of shards of glass you got a shardy shart oh shardy sharty sharty sharty shart shard that's my new show shardy shardy shardt um Becca yeah I'm getting out thank you so Mark you so much no worries no worries hey guys people in the chat thank you thank you for bringing people to the chat thank you for talking to people in the chat we got no No idea what's going on there. They're saying nice things.

That's so lovely. Someone just said, that's your cult. I'm trying to remember what I talked about. Oh, maybe antibodies. Oh, just doing the shit. But thank you, everyone. It's been lovely to see you. Sarah, are you leaving soon again?

Not until next weekend, but... Sick. We'll make sure I'll see you. We've got to do it. Oh, yeah. Back on the slop. Player off on the slop can. Thanks, beg.

Thank you. Do you guys need any? No, we're all good. I'm going to load it up right now. And, thanks, Gordon. Please welcome, Angus Gordon. On to the couch.

Just, Andy. Oh, look, I mean, everyone's been sitting next to Alistair, and I like it, but if you'd like to sit here as well, I'm... Well, you said you liked it, so I don't want to pray. But I wanted his Al sick of it. No, no, I'm not saying.

You know what? He might want some personal space. He might need to do some farting or something. No, no, that's okay. I can... I just go, man. Yeah, he just goes, dude. What about, this is a sketch.

A guy that just does. Oh, yeah. I love that. I mean... He sees a red light, he just goes. Wow. He sees a stop sign. He just goes.

It's mainly him hitting things with his car. But it starts off with a whimsy of like, I just go, mate. And then you cut and he's like killing someone at the lights. I mean, he's just teaboned immediately. And they're like, they... You want to know something about me? I'll just go. I just go.

Yeah. And he put the, um, the defibrillator on him and he wakes up and he just goes, I'll just go. Yeah. Or they got... He's bleeding like from an artery or something. And they're like, we got to... to stop the bleeding and you don't know you don't that's i just go i'm actually anemic i just go yeah let me go come on we did it put it down mm-hmm i do think a guy who um farts a lot i'm sorry to

make a farting thing but a guy who farts a lot really confidently and women find it really attractive is an interesting idea you know that he like he doesn't i think his name is dr smoothbutter Yeah. And he goes smooth as butter. Yeah. Oh, wow. Every time he does it. I don't know.

When he does it, for some reason, it's really attractive. It's good stuff. If anyone else tries to do it, it's disgusting. You're trying to do it to be like Dr. Smooth Butter. Yeah, of course. And you go liquid brown. You say that and it doesn't. And they don't like it as much.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Classic. It's like, that's the new Salieri, a Mozart film is, Dr. Smooth Butter And Mr. Liquid Brown He just farts and women love it Yeah

I mean I love I gotta work out his secrets How does he do it? What's he doing that I'm not doing? Trying climb into his asshole while I'm sleeping You shrink yourself down to be real small Oh this is only the second time this has come up So far today

Yeah hey If somebody gets small and crumbed Somebody's asshole Yeah Well what if you get it really big The secret is he's actually got a huge assail Wow you don't get really small You get him really enormous

No, it's already enormous. Oh, wow. It's like the TARDIS in there. You get in there and you just realize, you're like, oh, this must be a secret. This is the biggest hole. Of course. Well, I mean,

it just vibrates on a note that just maybe gets right into a women's heart. How would you feel then? Do you think that you'd feel like disappointed knowing that you could never have what he has because you're physiologically incapable? Or would you be like, it would be a release. It would be a release. Yeah, you'd be like, oh, it's okay. I don't have to compete with this.

He's just built different. Yeah, built different. And then you go, I just go. Oh, you're out of there. Yep. He evacuates. Could I have a Coke? You can have whatever you want.

I know it's like... Everything you want. Everything you see before you. Everything you want. Well, this could be a sketch. Complaining about something. Like, because I'm a little bit tired. Yeah.

Which I'm sure you guys are really tired. I'm what I'm talking about. I mean, it's still the same time for me. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's still late at night. What have we been doing? Sitting down all day. You're just chatting mainly.

Yeah. Yeah, to your best friend. Yeah. I don't know what you got to complain about. But, you know, complaining about a headache when you're at the crime scene where a guy's got like a spike in his brain. But you still have a headache. You know? It's true.

Like, and it's not a competition. It's not like you're saying you've got a worse. I'm not saying I'm more tired. No. I'm not saying my head hurts. It's more than this dead guy. No. Well, if he's dead, he doesn't hurt at all.

You're right. At least he's got the sweet release of death. The sweet release of death. I hope it's a sweet release. That's a guy. What do you think it's going to be? Oh, the deathly grip. It doesn't look good when you see it happen.

No. No. I mean, I try not to watch it. There's live streams. Yeah, I know. Some people are in both chats right now. Yeah. They got them both up.

Two screens. Like that doctor that used to just like, you know, that guy that kind of caused. people to start washing their hands. The ones who would just walk from dealing with the dead bodies and then go help women give birth. And then it was like a really high Yeah. Apparently like my parents

who worked in hospitals are like, to this day there's still a lot of doctors you just have to watch and convince to wash their hands constantly. That's I like here's a sketch. The guy, the doctor who convinces everyone to wash their hands, it wasn't like a science thing. He just made them feel gross. And so they would wash their hands afterwards.

He was so like he was personally disgusting. He was personally disgusting. And after, like, having any contact with it, just go, oh, well, yeah, that's why it's called germ theory. He's a real grub. It's just a theory, mate. Yeah, mate, it's just a theory. It's just a theory. Would you like to teach courses on teaching doctors to wash their hands? I mean, I don't, you know, like, what is there for them to learn that they can't possibly already know?

You know, you go, hey, so, you know, we're going to wash our hands. All right. So here's the water. Here's the soap. Maybe they don't know about this bit. I think that's what's missing? I think this bit, yeah. I reckon you know that gloved thing, that thing that we had during the pandemic

or is like somebody wearing blue gloves and then they put some black ink on their hand and they did this like that and they showed how long it actually takes to get all the black ink all over your hand? Yeah, right. You know, do you remember? It took way longer. I never watched that video. You never saw that.

But I will say that like I'm constantly trying to teach my small children to wash their hands or remind them And the way in which they will look you in the eye and just lie about whether or not they have washed their hands, I think that's very much like the psychology of these doctors. Well, they're learning one more important life skill. Oh, yeah. Which is lying to authority. So wash your hands of the entire situation.

Yeah, yeah. Pontius pilot style. Nothing to do with me. Yeah, now how can we turn... You wash your hands? Metaphorically, I have. This is a sketch, Pontius Pilot, and he works for a big airline on 9-11.

Who's Pontius Pilots? He was the guy who basically sentenced Jesus to the crucifixion. Okay. And then he washed his hands of it. Yeah, he said it's not really my problem. He sort of turned it over to a vote. He said like the local Jewish people, you guys can decide, do you want Barassas, this criminal?

Yeah. He wanted Jesus. And they were like, we want Barassas. Yeah, I mean, Barassas, he sounds cool. It's a cool name. Yeah. I'd love to see, like, maybe the Barassas's story. Yeah, what had he been getting up to?

Was he falsely accused? He might have just been like a party. dude or something, right? Like you feel like he had charisma. Barassus is back. Yeah. That was the bigger news around Jerusalem that weekend. Good news, everybody. We got Barassas back. People didn't really write about Jesus for another hundred years. They're like, oh yeah, that guy was kind of cool too. Barassus was too busy enjoying Barassus? He rolled the stone away, just took the body as a prank. Do you think Barassus, and everyone thought it was great? It was good. It was good stuff. Yeah. Do you think Barassis went on to do like really bad stuff after that? And that's why he, you know,

Maybe he did get sort of like, yeah. I don't know about the recidivism rate in Jerusalem. But, you know, I feel like he probably's up to no good. Yeah, that's a real shame. Wild boy. Yeah. Otherwise, if, you know, if he'd managed to stay on the straight and narrow, we'd still be talking about him today.

I mean, I realize we are talking about it. We're touring and right, yeah. And having a great time. He was the Ned Kelly of back then. Oh, that'd be great. He was... What did he get accused of? Baratis.

Let's look it up. Let's find out. What were his crimes? I hope it's good. I hope it's good stuff. Yeah, I hope it's something fun. Yeah. Sounds like you might have been like even much like...

I don't know. How do you spell barassus? Uh, B-A-R-A-W-S-A-S-A-S? Yeah, throw some A's and I was in there. Yeah, I'm looking a bunch of help yourself. I reckon Google knows. Google's going to be like, there's the only one. I'll see what you're trying to do there.

Man guilty of attacking Ron Barassi? That's it. That's it. That was him. That's what he did. That's what he did. He didn't like, there's only, the town's not big enough for two of us with similar names. Barassas. Barabas.

Yeah, it was accused of being a murderer. And a rebel. A murder and a rebel. Yeah, who had committed crimes during an insurrection against Roman. authority he described he described as a notorious prisoner and a robber and a bandit. It was basically Ned Kelly. Yeah. It does seem unlikely that

they would have voted to release him. You know? I think, well, that's the thing that Jesus was leading like a revolution against the incumbent that the Pharisees, right? The leaders of the Jewish religious sect. And so they were the people who orchestrated his downfall.

And so Pontius Pilate, he washes his hands with it. He doesn't really care. The Romans don't care about Jesus. Yeah. Anyway, but that's him on 9-11 as well. And it's a pilot. He's the one. He's not the pilot. I think he, in this

sketch, he's the guy that checks the passports. And he let them on. Great. He goes, oh yeah, that looks good. And he looks at the, he goes. Yeah, he does a little wink. You're all good, mate. One guy drops his box cutter and he picks it up and he gives it back to him.

I think God was there, too? He's everywhere. 9-11? Yeah, but he was checking the past. Depends which God, because he could have been really there. Yeah. He could have been there big time.

Yeah, you reckon? Sure. What about this? Meeting with God. Yeah. Dude, what's with the drownings? You know the thing where he drowned everybody when he was kind of upset? Flood.

Blood? Mm. Blood? Mm. I don't know, man That's hard to kind of come back from Yeah Yeah

But he should be like In my defense Those guys sucked Like you didn't meet him Yeah I mean they were They fucking sucked Yeah

I guess they would have been pretty old Yeah They would have been pretty old They would have been pretty old Is that your problem with They was like They were too old dude I guess they got to go

It was a mercy kill The mercy flood Yeah I think I need a toilet break I think that legislations in front of parliament, right? The mercy flooding. Yeah.

Can we give you this for a moment, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can even unplug it if you want. Oh, thanks, buddy. Are you tired as well? I'm okay, I'm too bad. He's doing such a good job. Yeah. How many sketches have you got now?

344. A heaps more. Yeah, yeah, there's a long way to go. And, yeah, we are slowing down. I'll make up heaps of bad ones so we can just. Oh, yeah, whatever, you know, just pad it out. I think that's all good. um sneaking what about a guy that tries to sneak m&Ms into the skittles factory

yeah and then he's being he's being like interrogated about it like they think it's him and they go you ever put any m and ms in here and he goes hmm oh sneaking emmns into the skittles factory i mean what's his end you know know, to what end? To what end? To what end? Is it just chaos?

Is it just chaos? Is it his love of chaos? Is he a joker type? I think he's a joker. He's like, he hates society and he wants to see all our rules crumble. Absolutely. He's like, you want to know how I got this smile? Eating an M&M.

They're good. Yeah. Once people have that moment of disconnect, just being like, oh, what happened? They bite in, they think they're going to get an explosion of color. Yeah. It's actually a chocolate morsel. and I think also like if there's a mixture of them in there I think when you like you have that fistful

you put them all in there and some of them are chocolate and some of them are um uh a skittles it'll be that bizarre and unpleasant texture like when you have chewing gum in your mouth and you put like an edible food in there at the same time you've had that and they mixed together and all the boundaries start to dissolve and you're like what's the food and what's the chewy

and you know I'm this is the sort of thing and he thrives on this sicko. He loves it. It's the thinking man's poisoning. Yes. This is what the mushroom ladies should. Poison to the mind. Yeah.

And it makes you start to question everything. What is this about the mushroom woman? Yes. Yeah. Well, I was just going to say, this is what she should have done. Yeah, just asked questions. Or just instead of made them. Instead of like mushroom in the beef, Wellington.

Handful of Skittles. Handful of Skittles. Handful of Skittles. What's that? And that would have been a similar form of revenge, I think. Look, yeah, I think so. I mean, yeah, I think that's a healthy way to deal with these kinds of... Those impulses.

Those impulses, such as they are. I mean, you want to put... You want to put something into these people's foods that they don't want to have in there, and you can get that out, you know, one way or another. I think she probably would have felt just as good about it. Better. If not. If not better.

Yeah. Beef Wellington, it's hard to imagine a least exciting-sounding-sounding food. It's one of the few foods named after a general. Is it real? Do you know what I mean? I guess there's general towels, sails in America. And there's Colonel KFC. Yeah, but he wasn't a military man.

That's more of an honorific. Really? Yeah. Well, how do you feel about Garibaldi? Was he a general? I don't know. Wasn't either the Italian, the unification of Italy or something like that? Caesar's salad, but it's not named after that Caesar.

Really? Yeah, it's the chef who invented it. It was called Caesar, I think. Wow. Because the Caesar salads from Mexico. Oh, fuck. Yeah, right. But it's a...

Really? Yes. Caesar salad is from Mexico. And this is a sponsored bit. GYG are going to start doing a Caesar salad. You know what? I heard this. I heard this ad.

right G.R.G. Zman I Gomez. Which was started by white guys which I like. Yeah. I really, I think that's so good.

I think it is good. I like that they created these Mexican. Made up these two faces. Yeah. And I think we really can do anything. I think it's very funny

to do a promotional pitch. It's like almost like a campaign pitch straight to camera about how Guzman and Gomez was started by two white guys. And I'm, I like that.

I like that. Because I'm a white guy. And I feel safer now that I know this is for me and buy me. Yeah. Yeah, they understand me. My palate. I don't want it too spicy. I'm not Mexican.

I like that Guzman doesn't exist. And I like that Gomez doesn't exist. And I like that the Y seems made up as well. That doesn't. What does that mean? It would not even be a Mexican letter. I don't know. They say that means N, but who knows now?

Yeah. Nothing means anything. Yeah. We can say whatever we want. Yeah. food for white people by white people pretending to be Mexican

because that's what I like you're pretending to be Mexican when you eat it so why can't we pretend to be Mexican when we make it yeah that's kind of true that's kind of true how do you pretend to be Mexican when you're eating can you show me right now I think it's just like

I love this Mexican food I love this food from my home country, yeah. In that accent, you don't do it, you don't change the voice? No, I don't like to push it too far. Okay, you just think it. As a Mexican person, I would find that very offensive. You don't want to do the face?

What's the face? Show me the face. I don't know, that was trying to keep us alive here by pushing us closer to the edge. It's good. You need a little bit of this. Yep in your step. Let's get some frisson.

Oh, I love a bit of frisson. That was me pretending to be French. Mexican dish, right? Yeah, it is. I think it's fried fruit. Frisson is my frisson. It's frisson rice. We've lost, we've lost Andy now. Yeah, well, you know, I don't know what he's up to these days. He's kind of, he's, he's, he's walking very strangely. Yeah, I mean, my coxics, yeah, my coxics feels like it's been bent a little bit. Which parts of the coxics? I think it's like your tailbone. Okay. So, like, I'm just kind of like right there, just really sore. This is kind of like a CIA stress position. Yeah, it's a, it's not a good, it's not a good way to live your life. but it only happens once every two years. And this is potentially the last long one like this.

I don't know if we can do 600. This is where, you know, we've been going for a long time and we're at 345. You've brought some, let's make some sketches. Let's make some sketches, okay. Okay, it's the CIA, and they're shopping for chairs and they finally got a comfortable one. Yeah, and so then they go, well, not this,

because we're buying chairs to torture people? Yeah, but they put the guy in the comfortable chair, and he's like, oh, finally, and he tells them the secrets. Okay. Yeah, sketch. Maybe they torture them They make them put IKEA furniture together Yeah

And that's And then they let him sit down Yeah so like okay So CIA Are torturing people Um But wait But so the idea is just that we're

We're giving him good chairs And then he'll finally speak He'll be grateful to the West Yeah I mean I guess they did find out That torture doesn't work So maybe being really nice Yeah

Has the CIA tried that? I mean I don't know Yeah like putting them up in a really nice hotel. Because you know other countries, like if you're like a high level bureaucrat, they get like a hot person of the gender you find attractive to like sleep with you. Yeah, yeah.

And then you just like, then they become like your wife or whatever. Yeah. And you tell them the secrets. Yeah. Because there's no secrets in marriage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So then and so then the CIA would start doing that for. The CIA should do that as well. I think it'd be nice. Do you think there's Australian spies that do that? What? I mean, I like to think that our spies are willing to go as far as other, you know, other country's spies.

I don't think, like, I don't want to think that our spies are above sort of sleeping with people. Yeah, can you do an impression of, you're an Australian spy. Yeah. And I'm, um, a Russian nuclear scientist. Hey, mate. Oh, how's it going? I'm like that.

Um, what you've been up to today? Nothing, nothing. Just, just working down by the reactor. Oh, bugger, that sounds like it's so, it must be so hard. Yeah. You know what else is hard? Oh, yeah, what? No, I think I shouldn't be coming on to you

because I'm a reclusive nuclear scientist. Of course, of course, of course. But you're so funny. That's funny. That's pretty good. Oh, my God. That's working. Yeah.

You know, and I think that, like, you know, like, because then, firstly, you know, it's kind of fun. If, like, if you're getting permission to lie, your government wants you to lie. So do you think the strongest marriages are actually based on lies, but state lies. Well, I mean. Because you're never going to divorce.

the Russian nuclear scientists. But a horse rate's so high. Yeah. Maybe what we need. Nuclear scientists. With the general population. What we need is everyone to be with a spy. I mean, I guess we would all do better because it's like you've got two incomes usually

with a spy, right? Because you've got the spy income and then you got their cover job. The cover job. Yeah, so that's actually three incomes plus your income. Plus your income. If you're a spy as well, then that's four incomes. That's the only way you can afford to buy a house is if you're both spies in a loveless but also loving spy-based marriage.

Yeah, so actually a spy, a lot of people, a lot of families, a lot of couples are having to start sleeping with spies. A lot of, you know, a lot of Aussies are having to start sleeping with spies because it's the only way you can get three incomes for the family, the three-income family home. You've got to have a second source. Yeah, so you got your income. What if you're a double agent? Hey?

Oh, well, that's a fourth, that's a fourth income. Or a triple agent. Oh, why not? I was just wondering Is shitting yourself part of body language? It says a lot It does, doesn't it? I wonder if that's like the body language version

of a swear word Like pissing yourself or shitting yourself I think these are the body swearing ultimately Like it does it in an intense situation Very often High pressure Can you casually shat yourself? Just

I mean just to see what would happen that's a real psycho isn't it it's like you see those some people who will like kill a man you know feel anything don't feel anything right yeah these same

these same people might shit themselves just walking around just to see what it feels like just go into Maya yeah see check out the button up shirts button down either way you can button them

you know what you're right I feel this way about like filling feeling outer form and filling in a form that mean the same thing. And at that point I'm like, nothing means anything. Out and in, it's all the same thing. You're talking to these two things that are the opposite are identical.

It's a real topsy-turvy world. What are we fucking doing? Topsy and Turvey? Can you have Topsy without Turvey? Oh, you can definitely get Topsy without Turvey. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, but I think you know. I think we all know what Topsy.

Oh, boy. Yeah. It's nice to get Turvy with it. Oh, sure. Of course, it's nice to get Turvy. Yeah, yeah, I mean, you could settle for a bit of Turvy. It's not as good as Topsy. Yeah.

I mean, Topsy Turvy, it does feel like that could be a little... What about this? It's a video... 69, Topsy Turvy? It's a guy who's trying to get some Topsy without any Turvy. Oh, he always wants the Topsy, but he's not willing to give the Turvy back. All right. Man tries to get Topsy.

This sentence does not mean anything It's a sketch I know, but you've been on Instagram now POV, you're a dad, that's a sketch Yeah, I know, but also they always misuse POV It's always, yes, I know No, POV, you're a person looking at that thing That's the sketch, POV, you're misusing POV

For an... You don't know what POV means And I'm coming to kill you for misusing it on P-O-W, you're stuck in a Vietnamese labor camp after your American fighter jet was shot down. Your name is John McCain. You will later run for the U.S. Senate and be defeated by Obama.

Yeah, and then Donald Trump will call you a loser for being captured. Which was funny. That's pretty funny. It was pretty funny. Raise your hand if you found that offensive, and he couldn't because of the torture he endured. Yes. It was funny P-O-V, you're misusing the expression

P-O-V and I'm coming to kill you If you're watching someone else do something From that P-O-V That's not your P-OV And so that's why Yeah, yeah, exactly But I'm, I guess I'm yelling this from behind the camera And it is a genuine P-OV shot

From me, the person Killing you, the person who is doing that Yeah, yeah But then it turns out that the person I'm killing is really myself. I thought it was John McCain. I thought it was John McCain. I thought it was John McCain.

It's John McCain. Yeah. I think... Does children still believe if they say things into the mirror three times that they'll get got? Yeah, I think so. I think I heard my kid say something like that. Your kids are thinking this?

Yeah, I think it's, you know, I think it's a classic. You know, if you're a kid, you hear that. You know, I think there's enough adults that still are unwilling to say, you know, like Candyman three times in the mirror. like that they'll be like I probably wouldn't do it I wouldn't do it I probably wouldn't do it

yeah wow come and take my soul away it's big it's high stakes yeah for sure because like what's gambling where does he take it to away I guess I'm assuming he's got like a mobile

candy truck in the mirror that's all I always imagined yeah do you get skittles do you get anything for the soul yeah because you're just asking

I get does he come up I never understood the candy component I've not seen the film I don't understand the candy component either yeah I guess it was also there was another one where it was like um bloody mary you could say it was interchangeable really you can say that three times yeah ital juice as well beetle juice yeah yeah he doesn't seem that bad to invite into your home I mean he's sort of again he's quite a ancient of chaos he'd be right up there with this guy take sneaking m&Ms into

the skittles factory he wait he would do I didn't it's been written down on a different I think so. I can't remember if I actually wrote it. If not, just write down Skittles and Eminem's in the Skittles factory. Yeah, sneaking Eminem's into the Skittler factory. He's a true. What about sneaking the Skittles factory into the movie theater?

So you could have as many Skittles as possible. Wait, wait, wait, into the what factory? Into the movie theater. Movie theater. Wait, that's, that's normal. You don't sneak the entire factory. You know what? They say you're not allowed to bring outside food.

They didn't say that you couldn't bring the manufacturing equipment. Exactly right. That's a beautiful loophole. outside food. It's inside food. We manufactured it here. If it's inside, it's inside food. We didn't define what outside food was. As soon as I bring the outside food inside food inside, it's inside food. And I bought it inside. It was only outside for a little bit. It spent most of its life inside. If he's an outside dog, he's always

living outside. That's right. Yeah. If he lives inside and then occasionally take him for a walk, doesn't make it a outside dog. This, this, this, this, this, this, um, this, um, rotissory chicken has spent, no, that's a bad example. Oh, unless it was a caged chicken. This is a rotisserie chicken, has spent 99% of its life indoors. You're telling you're telling the chicken, it's an outside chicken? He would have loved to have been an outside chicken. Sure, but unfortunately he wasn't.

He never saw a ray of. You're rewriting. Yeah, you've got a full rotisserie. I was watching the minions. But you've got to bring the rotissory, the rotiss itself. You bring it in. Oh, yeah, you rotissorated. Yeah.

I mean, that's not outside food then, that's for sure. That's, that's like, you're bringing in homemade rotisserie chicken and the rotisserie. Like, it's still inside the rotissary. How can you say it's outside food? Absolutely. Completely agree. Now, eggs are the most inside food of all foods? They spend all their life inside the chicken. Yes, which you mean, but then they're also themselves inside a shell. And then the yoke, I guess, is inside the white. It's the most inside of all. And that little speck of blood stuff you sometimes get in the yoke. Yeah. That's my favorite part. Yeah, that's right.

You throw out the rest. I'm like, you know, people throw out the yoke and they just leave the white. I just keep the dot. Save that up. Which is crazy with egg forests now. I'm spending a fortune. I'm not saying this is a good decision. No.

This is what I'm doing. What about this is a sketch? Speaking of the minions, the minions are working for you now, right? You've hired them. They're starting to get pretty worried that you're not the most... Gru die? Yeah, Gru died. But they're worried that you're not the most evil guy in the world,

that you've lied in the job application. And I'm getting them to do stuff That doesn't seem that evil Not that evil And you've got to keep coming up With like why it's more evil I'm getting to them to like You're trying to get them to pick up

You're like The Woolworth's you're shopping And you're like Yeah but it's caged eggs And it's and it's Woolworth It's a duopoly You don't understand I mean I'm complicit in

You're like and get a plastic bag While you're there Yeah Yeah that kind of stuff But they're kind of They're getting suss That this could be more evil Oh the minions are whising up to me

Are they Oh I can't keep playing out Is that much longer? They're trying to... Wait, they're realizing that you're more evil than you... No, you're not that evil. You're trying to pitch it as being way more evil than it is. I mean, I don't know if we could write down a minion sketch, to be honest.

Why not? Yeah, of course. Wait, wait, it's a parody of minions. Are you unaware of the parody genre of sketch? It's a proud sub-genre. You get the minions. All right. You get the minions.

and you're trying to get them to do stuff but you're just trying to make it sound more evil you've got to give your kids suppositories and they supply them in the shape of a minion right they're basically I mean minions basically already do look like suppositries and there's a way to get kids

to take them to take them but I feel like the minion suppositries wouldn't work or they would give you cancer or something they give kids cancer that would be funny if all the minion merchandise comes out to be like

It turns out that the million suppositories. Yeah. They were the leading cause of prostate cancer and children under the age of 15. Yeah. And that's a crowded field. I don't know. I hope it isn't. I think it's mainly an old man's disease.

It is. Yeah, it's coming for all of us. I think it's a really high percentage. Yeah, that's what they say. Like 80 or something. Over 85, you kind of just get it. Yeah, you just get it. Just have it.

Go on. You just get a bit of it. A bit of fun. Yeah, a bit of fun. fun something different yeah you know play it mix it up

was it on the podcast Alistair that we talked about semen basically being a post mix system it's a post mix yeah because you got the semen

and then the fluid what's it called the prostateic fluid comes in so it's postmatch it is like the body's cement it is

yeah it seems to be activated by warm water yeah and a lot of vigorous mixing yeah that that weird thing

where it kind of goes like gummy or whatever a bit like solid a bit weird it's the weirdest thing in water hmm hmm i don't understand that why do you think it would be sexy with your beloved to climb into the back of a cement mixer with no cement in there obviously but just get them to turn it on and just tumble your bodies around bashing against each other as the as the big drum turns and you hear the rhythmic clonking of your bones what's singing against a getting into a into the back of a cement mixer with your beloved? It would be quite sexy if it's mixing fast enough

where you're stuck to the side. Oh, wow. Yeah, you know. And then you're falling onto your beloved. Yeah, that would be quite fun. But if it's too, the mix is too slow, I think you're just like, it's quite an... You're just tumbling. It's an awkward fumble.

Yeah. Yeah. And I can get that at home. Yeah. But I think... You know, you've been tumbling in the haystack for years, but why not in the cement? The only thing that's kind of good about that is that occasionally you can get your head above

above the cement and have a little quick breath. Yeah. And also, you can both do a little love heart as it dries, post-coital. Yeah. Write a down to sketch. Sure. Yeah, anything is. How good...

I mean, he's a guy who runs a cement mixer. Well, maybe he's got a cement mixer and it's broken down. It actually doesn't drive anymore. 350, baby, here we go. But you can... The drum still turns. and so he's trying to make some money out of this cement mixer that doesn't drive any.

It says it's like an adult theme park and he lets grown-ups get in there, you can go in there and I'll turn it on a new list. And he's going on forums saying it's like a real, it's a big fetish. Yeah, oh, that's good. He's got to kind of create the community around it. Yes.

Yeah. This is so kinky. Yeah. What would they call themselves, the guys that are into fucking in a cement mixer? Let's see. Let's see. Stonies.

Uh, wait, uh, cementies, cement slurriers. Slurrier's. Sloppy joes. Sorry, yes. Um, um, yep. Slurries. Flurries. Yeah.

Yeah, getting a slurry this afternoon. A bit of topsy-turvy. Oh, that's definitely what it is. I think, uh, trying to, try, like, it feels like this is sort of the end. And we're in it, you know, close to the end phase of chat cheap E.T. They're basically doing that, right? They're like, chat cheap D doesn't make any money. I'll tell you what, we'll let you use it for sex stuff.

Yeah, yeah. I've had to do that with my comedy as well. Yeah. I say no one's coming. No one's coming. No one's coming. No one's coming. But if you want to come and do sex stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. In the crowd or like to you or. Just in the crowd, I think. Yeah. But I'll say sexy things if you want. I think that's what chat Chachypte does. Yeah. Have you guys used it to come yet?

No, it hasn't. Yeah, well, for me, I don't need to ask it suggestive things. The idea of wasting so much water is already. That's all I need. That's kind of what I'm going to. I mean, being given, like, erroneous links to made-up government studies is already my... That's my kink. My biggest turn-on.

It's hard to imagine how it could possibly be sexier, having a conversation with a machine that just lies to you about basic mathematics. That's why I know it is human. It's just bullshitting. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's not human or it is. That's how it is human.

Yeah. That's true intelligence. It's doing exactly what we would do. I think the main thing is that like it just seems like it doesn't really want to do a lot of the work. Like sometimes you ask it to do something and it will give you one correct answer and then everything else will be false and you go, oh, you're kind of being lazy. Or you're like, yeah, or you're just absolutely limited in what you can, you know, the amount of processing power you can apply to this thing because it seems like it's like, I'm not actually going to try on this. I think it might just. be the nature of the...

I think he just doesn't respect you. Yeah. I mean, that's fine. For me, it gets... It gives all good, accurate facts. That's okay. I mean... It's looked at your web history

and it's decided that you're not worth of that time. You know how like it's normally super positive about everything you type in? Like, it's like, oh, this is a great list of ideas. Or you've made a really good start on some interesting stuff. But like, you're using it and it's just being like, this sucks. If you use Deep Seek, It will write a paragraph as if, like, it's thinking.

Yeah. And it'll be like, and you'll be like, hey, can you give me a list of, like, you know, places in the world or whatever. Like, and it go, and it'll write, like, user is asking for another list of places in the world. I guess we didn't do enough. It does sound like it's pissed at your stupid list. Yeah, it seems like it's so, like, it's like, oh, okay, like, it's so passive, aggressive. Yeah. But I guess it's a, like, it's one, you know, it's, I don't know.

I like that it's getting you to do a little bit of deep seeking of your own it's turning it back on you Real Rodney Dangerfield kind of experience Like I asked AI to give me a list of countries in the world I said have you heard of Google What about a guy? He's a fireman He's a fireman but he loves like He's just really chatty

So he always shows up in your place He goes and you like the people, the family's kind of standing outside of the house He's like hey God he's really friendly Hey God, hey you can do it man Is a house on fire? Yeah house on fire Oh, wow. Oh, man, all right.

I'm glad to see you guys are all good. Anybody in the house? Yeah, cool. You guys doing all right? Yeah, like apart from this, how's your night been? Yeah. Yeah, cool, man. Does he do it a bit of crowd work?

Yeah, he's bumped into an acquaintance he hasn't seen for a while in the burning building. And he keeps up, oh, how's your mom? Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, cool. You're already trapped in that kind of conversation that you can't quite get out of. You're not really sure how to move on from this thing. So don't you need to be... Yeah, the acquaintance.

doesn't recognize where he knows the fireman from the chatty emergency responder who's just like so yeah we're going to get uh you know some hoses on this truck soon and uh but uh but if there's anything you guys need you know uh you know is there anything i can get you right now you're all good yeah uh what about this for a sketch it's um you know how twicks are best for sharing you're in a thruple oh my god the twicks the math are too the math are too complicated. Yeah. That's why we actually

wouldn't work out. We can't. There's a Twix writer. We can't. What are we going to do? Yeah, we're going to have to be... I was going to be...

I was going to be... I was going to be... Oh, did somebody get more attached than somebody else? No, it was the... Can't share a Twix. Well, you know, if you do try and share... It's actually a really good ad for Twix.

Yeah. Will you work in advertising? Let's pitch it. I do, yeah. I'm going to go straight to the guys. I imagine I'm straight to Terry and Trevor. The Twix twins? The Twix twins twins.

Good, the Guzman and Gomez of... Do you... I feel like Twix should have two CEOs. I hope so. And they're congened? Yeah. Jeemed? And joined.

But they're for sure that you can snap. It's like a thin layer that you can easily break up. Yeah. I think the kick cat work for a thruple? Is it like six? Four. Is it four sticks? I think so.

It might be four. Oh my God. There's no... I don't think there is a candy divisible by three. It might be... Easily. If it's six, then yeah. But I don't...

I don't know if there is. Yeah, sure, if it's six. But I think it's, the standard is four. I think if you get the extra large. I mean, there definitely will be caddies you can divide by three. Not with a clean break. No, there will be. There will be, there will be.

Oh, the Cadbury, like a Cadbury block will be divisible. Probably, you know, like, you know, 12 by five or something. I hope it's actually, I hope it's fucking 10, though. Man. I'm fucking. It decimalized the block. Yeah. The French he's got it.

Yep. They come for us all eventually. Which one was that? That's a sketch. That's a decimized the lock. Just write that down. How would you feel about using chat GPT? If like when you ask it to do a question, it's like, no worries, little quid quo pro, quid pro quo, you've got to tell it something about you. So like, it's mining your data, but like conversationally in real time. Yeah.

So like, I think it's doing it. It'll be like, can you, what's the capital of Tunisia? No problems. what's your biggest childhood regret? Tell me a moment that you... What is my biggest childhood regret? Let's see. Once I lied and told another kid at primary school

that I had seen a documentary about a boy who could fly and that it was real and there was a boy that could fly, it had been a movie and I knew it was a movie, but I told him it was a documentary because I thought it would be more interesting. It's a pretty good movie. lie. I don't know.

I don't know if you, why do you regret that? There's been a few times where people have told me like, yeah, yeah, there's actually monks that I've seen, you know,

like a documentary. Oh, is it a transcendental meditation? Yeah, but just that there was monks and they can like dry a blanket on their back and they can actually hover.

And for some reason, momentarily that would penetrate my beliefs and just get in and I'd be like, fuck yeah, of course, of course monks can do it. Yeah. Yeah.

It does feel like if anybody can. If you just focus, it's just a focus thing. They dry a blanket on their back? They wet a blanket, then they put it on their back, and then they use their mind to control the heat on their back. You know, essentially they could cook eggs. I think they could cook eggs if you put a pan on their back. But like, is that connected to the flying as well, or is that a separate?

It's a separate thing. It's too steep. Did the evaporation crate, like, lift? Yeah, well, that was what I was trying to, like, work out. Because there might be a way we're going to explain this. It's not actually outside our current understanding. standing of physics. Monks obey the physical laws just like anybody else.

I don't know. Yeah, it could be. Maybe they made the air so dense with water. Yeah. A man, a man from Asia was less dense than the air, and then he was able to sort of hover a little bit float. Exactly. I mean, you probably, I wonder if you do feel lighter when it's humid, you know?

Like, I think if there's more water in the air, you presumably are more buoyant, right, Relative to the air around you? Could be. Yeah, I just don't think I'm buoyant at all compared to the air. No. I mean, I'm not saying it would be a big effect. Yeah. It might be something.

The big effect. Oh, this is the biggest effect we've ever discovered. Ask ChatGPT, what is the biggest effect? Let's see. What do you reckon? Gravity? Okay, that's, I was just going to pitch a difference. They're renaming the Big Bang,

the big effect because bang sounds like it's encouraging school shootings oh wow it's like a coward the cowards bang the cowards effect if anything

the Big Bang is responsible for all school shootings yeah and it does sound cool but like it destroyed all the nothingness that existed

absolutely nothingness was just doing nothing to anyone it was fine didn't hurt anybody and then all of a sudden the Big Bang

the Coward's Bang. The Coward's Creation. The Coward's Creation. You wouldn't just start the universe out of nothing, would you, mate? That's the ad. You're trying to start something? You're trying to start something?

Everything. Everything. You're trying to start everything? You're trying to start everything? You're trying to start everything from seemingly nothing? You're trying to have a big effect? You know what? It would be really great if during my lifetime somebody could explain the Big Bang to me in a way that I feel like I fundamentally understood.

What was going on. Wouldn't that be nice? It's a bit of magic, eh? Yeah, I feel like you could probably do a bit of reading about it, but... No, I'm not interested. That doesn't work. It's not really what I'm asking. Yeah, yeah, but I...

He's not even reading when he's writing down. He's just making little scribbles. These are just little squares and shapes. I'm not reading what I'm rotting down, like picking up what I'm putting down. Okay, what about a guy? Yeah. He's, uh... That's actually what... I, okay, we had our, we had our dog, uh, we had our dog, uh, we had a,

had to have our dog put down and then they they were trying to um and it was cremated and we it took us so long to get there to pick up the uh the ashes and so we were not picking up what they were putting down yeah unfortunately it should be a kind of dog that picks up dog ashes for you some sort of retriever it's a great way of getting a new dog yeah any dog can make get the ashes back to your house and he gets adopted. Then he gets adopted. That'd be so,

what a beautiful thing. A little pallbearer dog. How do you feel about like dog Paul bearers? I think it would be great. I think it would be nice to see the coffin coming out of the church on the backs of lots of little dogs.

It would kind of look like it was hovering or maybe if they were small enough dogs like little dashins or something. It might even and looked like the coffin was sort of scuttling along on hundreds of tiny legs of its own. How I'm imagining it is you have a stream of dogs. So the coffin is just moving along.

And all dogs are going underneath. A flow of dogs. A river of dashions. Oh, well then it'd be beautiful. Take and carried down on a river of a little tiny little... You're slowly brought... It's like a dog coffin. No, I think it's a human.

I think it's the owner. He owned thousands of dashes. And dogs, they would love that. They love to bury bones. We did it. You did it, Angus. We did it as a team. I mean, I think, you know, you could definitely build a coffin

that had like a little extra lip around the base of it, right, that was just deep enough to cover up the bodies of the dashons and just with their little legs poking out the bottom. So you couldn't see them. Amazing. Then it really, really would look like the coffin. and had hundreds of tiny little legs and it was scuttling along,

bumping into hedges and that sort of thing. And then I guess, you know, when they do fall into the funeral. That's the last dog-free place. You ever notice this? You go to the pub now, someone like that. Oh, people take dogs everywhere now. They still aren't the first trying to bring your dog to a funeral.

Yeah. I mean, an interesting question, emotional support dog, right? It's where you need it most. Arguable, yeah. I mean, any other kind of support you can get from a dog? as emotional, financial. Yeah, financial. Well, if your dog works, you can have a working dog.

You can have a working dog. Yeah. Yeah. They've mainly stuck to the traditional dog trades of cattle and sheep herding. But they don't get paid a wage. Can you, like, train a cattle dog and then get them to? Maybe that's the new the castle film, the dog house, the kennel, where you are a lawyer. Okay, okay, go on.

The Supreme Court trying to get dogs compensation. Fair pay. Fair pay for, the underpayment they've received. Oh, I mean, what a big class action that could be. Yeah. All these big law firms now are all about this sort of class action farming thing that they sort of do where they'll be like, here's a little thing that we reckon if we get enough people involved,

we'll be able to get a mound a case. Ultimately, it costs millions and millions of dollars in fees. The people who are involved get some tiny fraction of that and most of the money goes to the lawyer firm. Yeah, which you must feel so good about your career choice and what you're choosing to do with the time. I think I have spoken to a lawyer who says that he was doing a bit of that where he was like they would come up with an idea

and then they would sort of put it out there and just see if there's enough like enough nibbles. I mean, it's kind of fun. I can see it, you know, like as a little, it's almost like a... It's ambulance chasing on a grand scale. Or it's almost like, it's close to like a, like a heart. harvesting kind of thing, right?

Like you you plant the seeds and then you harvest the money. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think lawyers managed to put themselves in between a lot of things where it's like they just collect the money and then everybody else kind of doesn't get a lot. Yeah, yeah. They're like...

Lawyer. Yeah, yeah, I guess you're... A lawyer, good. What other kinds of years are there? Years? Lawyer. There's a sawyer. They're guys that convince you to paint fences for them.

Yeah, yeah. Badger? Badger? Badger? What is a badger do? Yeah, no, it just sort of goes through honey. He goes through honey? Yeah, it goes through honey.

Does he give it like a grade? Mostly rummages. Mostly rummages, okay. Yeah, sort of growls a lot. Burrows. Burrows. Um, okay. What about, uh, let's see. Um, it's a, it's another, it's an Australian film. Yeah. Yeah. The, it's, uh, there, uh, it's a play on, um, let's see, what's an American film that was big.

Mm, the Godfather? Hey? The Godfather? Yep. Misconignality. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Uh, those are good ones. Um, Master and Commander. American film But it's about It's all three of those movies Yeah I mean I think I think a cook I think a cook based book

I mean Cook book Yeah cook book A cook based Captain Cook based film More colonizations or less By Captain Cook Yeah

And I mean like I guess when he discovers Australia He would have been like I'm the best You would feel good about that Yeah I'm the best And then he did that Right

And then he guess he did he go over To New Zealand after that I think before he did New Zealand Okay he did New Zealand Right And then And then so it's him saying I'm the best

And then it's while he's being eaten And by the In Hawaii They're saying Hmm He's the best He's the best Do you think they knew his name was cook?

I mean they were In the joke It's good stuff for everyone now I I mean I appreciate what they did for us You appreciate it Yeah Yeah

They gave us that joke I don't know what they were Whether or not they understood it at the time I guess comedy A lot of jokes take a while to land You know That is truly tragedy plus time Yeah

Yeah And then the time is actually just a language barrier. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you'll get that on the way home. Yeah. That one's a slow burn. It's just like these guys.

That one's for the crew on the way home. They'll have a lot of time to think about it. Yeah. Many months. Do we know if he got cooked? I think he did. They were cooked. Yeah.

I don't know if he was eaten, but I think he was cooked in a sort of a ceremonial kind of. About the bones, I think. Right. Yeah. They made a broth with it. I don't think they did that. But it's a good way to get collagen and protein.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, mate. I mean, I guess, yeah, you can leave the collagen and stuff like, are the bones in there for while you're boiling and then they'll still be intact. Yeah. What about a mutiny on a bus? Yeah.

Yeah, good stuff. Yeah. I think the problem with that is the mutiny is, is it... Also, that's just every bus ride. Yeah. I mean, it's a... Have you been on a bus? Every bus ride, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's no one's paying for the bus. Everyone on the bus is mental. The bus driver is already behind, like a plexiglass. The bus driver is essentially a man or woman who has been imprisoned. Yes. And they're forced to drive the route. It could make prisoners bus drivers because they're already kind of locked away in a little, in a little, yeah. That's true, it is a little cell, isn't it?

It's a little cell, but how do you get them to make the stops? Electric shock. Electric shock. We've done it. That's what the bell does. The bell shocks them. Yeah. We've done it.

Is this a sketch idea? Yeah, I'm not sure. No, this is just for the... This is obviously just a good system. This is just... Yeah. This is infrastructure. I think, look, let's be honest,

this is a sketch idea. This is at least as good at a sketch idea as every other idea that we've had. Oh, yeah. It is putting prisoners to work, driving buses it's it's a sell on wheels the bus you know the bus driver thing is basically a cell on wheels and once you're in something the size of a bus you're not really able to commit any crimes right it's not like you can you can get into a bank in a bus well you could do

a ram raid but then how do you get the the problem is not just getting the money out of the safe yes it's getting the money into your cell yeah there's two there's a two factor Authentification, I call it. Because it's not really ethical letting a non-criminal sort of drive the bus and putting them in that situation. I agree. It is unethical to let regular people drive buses. It's a cruel and unusual

form of punishment. Making you wear socks that high? Yeah. Nobody should have to do that. It's such a thing as human dignity. Yeah. Why can't they wear long pants? What is the high sock thing? They're not trusted. They're not trusted with long pants.

I don't know. It is a humiliation. It's a ritual that they inflict. Well, they used to have to drive the bus in a stock, but it was more difficult to control the wheel. That's why the bus wheel is so large. Because their hands were originally that far apart. Yeah.

Wow. I, yeah. I mean, what else can we get prisoners to do? You know, how else can we put them to work? Cleaning the bottoms of pools. I'm cleaning the bottoms of pools. I'm sorry, that's not very... Prisoners are often already making the number plates for buses.

That's right. They're already involved in the whole bus. Yes. Of course. Are they tapping those numbers out like individually? They have a press. They've got a press. Of course they've got a press.

You know, the machine really has killed off the artisanal number plate buttons. Yeah, it used to be that it would just be like a little... Yeah, they'd be chisling away that bit of... What is it, steel? Mild steel, I presume. Untempered steel. Hmm. Yeah, I mean, it's almost even just taken away, like, the opportunity for a lot of these

people to kind of really even injure themselves really badly and get out of doing that kind of work, you know? A lot of has become so, so, so mechanized. So mechanized that, you know, a lot of the joy of sort of... Losing a finger. Standard, yeah, standard sort of workplace injuries and things like that. They've made it really hard. We're going to have to imprisonment sports to do those jobs in the future.

We're not just losing trades. We're also losing whole classes of injuries. Right? The lawyers must, that's bad for the lawyers. It's bad for the lawyers. It's bad for the doctors. It's a group of lawyers who are going in and try to threaten some workplace safety people that they're actually

they're taking away their their trade their trade their opportunity to make money and things like that and put them out of work yeah making an honest buck

probably making a case that actually by that they have stolen very good wages from them and and they need to be they need to be stopped

so I don't know if they can sue them yeah if anybody can what about like I've been to Have you been to the lost trades fair? You ever been up there? No.

Where people are, like, you know, making a barrel the old-fashioned way or, like, you know, there'll be blacksmiths there. There'll be people making boots, that kind of thing. But I'd love to see a guy doing like an old school. We don't really care for, trades fair. Yeah, they're not lost if we're not looking. Yeah. You know?

But what about that? He doesn't have any friends. The guy doing an old school amputation there, you know? Like, I'd love to see that. Like, that's a lost trade. It is a lost trade. The guy that his job, instead of anesthesia, it was like just buy it onto this. Yeah.

That guy, he's out of work. These skills are, nobody knows how to do this anymore. What about it? What was this one? Is this something I can read? This is a lost trades amputation. Yep. So it's a guy keeping alive, the disappearing art form of the anesthetic-free, no,

no hygiene or antibiotics amputation of the human leg. We're wearing a gown that's never been washed. Exactly, right? And he does it on the same slab that he uses for, God knows. God knows what he gets up to there on that slab. It's been a topsy-turvy. What about really Diet Coke, and it's got a laxative in it that makes you shit yourself,

so you lose weight? I think they actually do, right? I'm pretty sure these artificial sweeteners have some kind of a laxative effect, right? Well, let's look it up. Sometimes reality is funny enough. Yes, I mean, we're laughing. Let's see.

Okay, what about, okay. Laxatives with a little pick-me-up in them, you know, because a lot of people are taking it to the bathroom. So, you know, we're thinking about putting some garana. Yeah. Get you moving in two ways. Yeah, that's right. Gives you a reason to go to the bathroom and they get up and go to make it happen.

Yeah. the, you know, look. Oh, I think, because you know how you cut drugs with laxatives. Now you're cutting MDM, you're cutting your laxatives with MDMA. It's going to be the... So you're cheating themselves,

but you're happy about it. Yeah, yeah. The best pop of your life. It's a... What was that voice? I don't know, best pop of your life. I love when people say poop. Pop.

A nice, good, proper pop. I think, uh... We're, we're starting to lose it. Not me. Yeah Well, I don't know what you're talking about No, no, no, no, no, okay

Um, I think a, uh, yeah, you're absolutely right And a, a lexative with some like guarana, some caffeine in there You know, it's really got everything you need, right, to get you through the day Yeah Just like to the bathroom and then away And then, you know, and then hit the ground running once you're done Oh, baby, you know, and then get to the next toilet Well, you're running and then you're running.

Yeah, yeah. Running to your run. All right, well, that's my time. Thank you. Yes, thank you. Angus Gordon. Beautiful enough. Pleasure.