Two In The Think Tank - 500/5 - "500 Sketch Ideas Part 5: Retires with Wolves"

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

This is Part 5 of 6 of Episode 500. Enormous thanks to Humdinger Studios for hosting, filming, streaming, everything. You made all this possible.Very very gigantic thanks to Ellie for the great art on our livestream background.Vast, boundless thanks to all the many many guests who came along. You carried us with your mouths.To the TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server here who worked together, watched hours of hour nonsense and updated the sketch count.To everyone who watched, even a little bit, of the live stream (here)And all the amazing a-listeners who bought hats and supported the Pozible campaign to get Alasdair back to AustraliaTo our families, who not only put up with our nonsense but sopport it.And everyone we forgot.And you.We love you.You can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and insta Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We appreciate it so much. We welcome our next guest, Melissa McClenzie! Hello, how are you? I haven't seen you for so long. Oh, thank you so much. Oh, yeah, thank you. Oh, my God. I am so glad you guys are not at 500 yet.

Oh, well, yeah, you're lucky. You're so lucky. Me too. I saw the number 361. Yeah, we're doing good, and we're doing all right. Yeah. Guess what? Mama Mel's here to help.

Thank you so much, Mama Mel. How are you? Did you have a show tonight? I had a show, and then I literally just ran here from the Melbourne Fringe closing party. Oh, my God. I may have had a drink or two. That's a great thing. You guys seem very drunk, but in a different way.

Yeah, yeah, we're just kind of, our brain is tired. Yeah, our collective brain. I know you said our, our brain. Yeah, our one brain that we have left between us. It's empty of thought. I mean. With weight uppers to get you to the toilet fast. You can drink alcohol to disinhibit yourself.

so that you can do things that are perhaps ill-advised. I do find that if you just do things that are a bad idea anyway, you know, it sort of like gives you a little bit of that same kind of effect. Wow. That's right. So what happens if I do both? Yeah, well, what an exciting cocktail. And I had some exciting cocktails.

Yeah. Yeah, what a cocktail of things they mix together. Yes. So let's see, let's see. You know, it's a guy who goes out in the town. and he, I guess, cheats on his wife. Oh. And then she's like, why did you do that? And he's like, oh, I was drunk. She goes, you don't drink.

He goes, well, I'm looking to get into it. Yeah. And I just thought, I'll test out what I would normally do if I was doing it. And, you know, so far this is working for me. And I'm thinking about taking it up. It's trying to ease my way in. You never see. like the taste of booze. You never see a movie where like it's a rom-com but the people are having

affairs, right? Does that ever happen? You mean like, and they're not the bad guys? No, and they're not the bad guys. This is a great idea. A rom-com where the good guys are having affairs. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think of that? Like, would that, would that work? I mean, like, and I think it has to be like, you know, that ultimately it's better for everybody, right? That's the only way they can't be the bad guys. Like, and, and, you know, what you'd be like is like, oh, well, let's make it that their relationships are really bad. Their wife, his wife, her husband, they're both really bad and they're not the right

people for them. But it's like, no, they're actually getting along, this is, I'm making it hard, I'm making it hard, they're getting along fine, then they, they meet someone they're even more in love with, and then they, uh, they fall in love. And it's, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're definitely cheating on their partners. Yeah. What about this? Wait, wait, wait.

Is there any way for this to work? Wait, wait, wait, wait. How about this? They're both in happy marriages, and they both randomly meet somebody else who, in the moment, they feel is better than their partner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

And they decide to try to trade up straight away. Yep. They sleep with them. They cheat on their partners. And then obviously, neither of those people want to stay with them permanently. They ruin both of their wedding. Oh.

Like that. And then, but then at some point, when they're solo, each other and they both are afraid to admit to each other what they've done and then at some point I guess they do and they're like oh thank God me too I'm a fucking awful person

and that brings them closer together that brings them closer together that's their meat cute I wonder if that is sort of like part of like what keeps affairs going is like the feeling that we're both doing this like that's the only person you can be honest with right

well but the other person might not be in a relationship in the affair No, but in this movie they are. Also, I don't mean to complicate things. Yeah. My polyamory exists. Yeah, I know. Man, you complicated this so much.

I complicated this just like I complicated my marriage with polyamory. Oh, no. It really is complicated. But, I mean, I know, I think polyamory ruins a lot of rom-com theories. I think it probably... It's like mobile phones ruin a lot of horror movies. Yeah. It explodes the binary that you need to exist.

And the thought that there's only one person in order for... Yeah, exactly. I mean, like, almost all sort of movie tropes are based around sort of false binaries, I imagine, or like, you're just like these really hypothetical universes where only certain rules apply, and they only work within this realm, within this... Yeah, I think if you went to, like, some of those old soap operas, right, where people are just sleeping with each other's partners, and it's huge affair, and then you introduce the idea and then somebody just goes actually I've recently gotten into

polyamory and they're like oh we are too and we go oh there's actually no drama here whatsoever we're all really happy about what's happening we should also sleep together like that and they go I would like that like that and then it becomes a really beautiful story about people constantly getting along and it's a utopia it's a utopia and it's a really happy thing and as I feel like and probably in all Polly relationships, nothing ever goes wrong. Yeah, yeah, there's no drama in Polly relationships, that's for sure. A utopian, what's it called?

What are those soap opera? Soap opera. Where everyone is Polly. Yeah. Everyone communicates clearly. Utopra. Sootopra. Suitopia.

Usopia. Oh, usopia. Yeah. How would it feel to have a bath in? and pure soap. Let's talk about that. Surely it is. It sounds like a terrible disgusting.

You've got those, you've got that, it's all body wash these days. Pure body wash. I would love to get into a bath of just like nothing but body wash. Well, that's better than a bar. That's what I want. I'm wanting to get my body washed. Why am I having to rub this all over my body when I could just get into it and then it would already be all over my body?

It's a great question. Think of the rinse. Yeah, yeah. The rinse will be tough. It will be a slow drain. but I think, look, this is not the best way of doing it, but I think you just turn on the shower and you just lay there with your eyes closed

and you let the shower continue filling up the bath until it pours over and then slowly dilutes as the water continues coming in and eventually, eventually most of the soap will be off from most of the most visible spots. Okay, there's a couple things to address here. So the overflow is bathroom only or whole house? Going into the house.

So now the soap is everywhere in the house. It seems my question. If you could keep it bathroom only, that bathroom is now just a bathtub. Mm. Like where does the bathroom? Yeah. It's not just a room with a bath in it. They should make the whole bathroom out of bath.

I've been saying this for years. Making a whole, yeah, yeah. Okay, we're really cooking now. Let me tell you what. I mean, there should also be an option to like shut the door on the shower, plug the thing there and let that thing fill up like a cube of water. I've always thought that, like a. Standing back.

Yeah. But here's the thing, it would be so easy to drown in that puppy. You know what I mean? I think that's what's stopping people. Yeah, yeah. Or just like, what if you open the door on accident? It doesn't make a mess.

That's the issue. Still, I mean, it's nice to imagine. It's nice to imagine. Yeah. You could be fully standing in your bathtub. In where? Vertical bath. I mean, you know what would be...

Oh, a full bath that goes all the way up to like that? And that you could fill up the water until, like, your chin? I guess you could go even high. Yeah, past. That's the concern. You could accidentally kill yourself so easily. Yeah, but I mean, hopefully you can swim a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've been in water that's that deep. Have you? Not to brag. There should be a chin-up bar at the top that you can pull yourself out with. Now he's really bragging. Yeah. You can do chin-ups. Well, when there's no gravity, I can do chin-ups.

Yeah, exactly. When it's fully water, you can just take a breath like that? And then is that, can you only get into the bath from that little space that's like left at the top? You can't get in or out at that point. I guess you get in through the door and then you close the door and what's the shower?

You get in there and then you let it fill up. You close the door of the shower bay. Yeah. Right? And that's sealed now. Oh, I didn't know that would feel. I've never seen a shower door

that would seal like that. Oh, well, you haven't seen this one. I think it just has to be tub all the way up to the top and you have to like. It's hypothetical, Alastair. Why can't you let it be my version? Can I have a raspberry? Oh.

Okay. Can't wait, bye. I mean, I do think of a world where you're like, it's a hypothetical scenarios. I mean, this seems like what Dungeons and Dragons is, basically, right? It's like, welcome to my hypothetical. Can I do this? No. Can I do this?

Maybe. Wait, new pitch. Boring Dungeons and Dragons. No magic, just house renovation. Wow. People would love that though. Vertical baths. Yeah.

Oh, okay, wait, wait, wait. Let's look for you. I'll take some. I mean, they're yours. I'm offering you your own. food. Thank you. I'm okay right now. To be clear, neither of you seem okay right now.

I just want you to know. We're doing great. Yeah. When I walked in, I looked at both of you and I was like, these men are not well. Yeah, we're okay. We're doing good. Okay. I'm proud of you. Thank you. What do we got? Okay. Somebody goes into

a donut shop. I'm with you. Okay. Yeah. So let's say we'll play on this cheese shop thing where there's no types of the food that they're looking for. Sure. But we can't do that exact same thing.

Do you know the cheese shop? No, I don't. Yeah, he goes in, can I have a stiltern? He goes, oh, we don't have any left. You know what they should do? When you buy donuts, they give them to you in a box, right,

like that, like crispy cream, they give them all to you a box. They should all be like on a tube. A rod. On a rod. Oh, they're not on a rod. I want to eat it like corn. The paper bag down.

Yeah. Oh, you eat it like corn. I want to eat like corn. Yeah. Have a rod of donut. Are these sketches or just the world we want to live in? I mean, look, sometimes that's what we create in comic sketches. Well, I mean, like, then we've got to say, like, how do we take this to a point of, like, absurdity?

Or, like, how can the person who's selling this be insane in some way or desperate? Or how can everything go wrong for them? I mean, is it that the donuts fall off the end of the tube? You've got to keep it upright. You've got to keep it at above a 45-degree angle, okay? Otherwise, I'm not responsible for what happens to the... the donuts. Donuts are falling off. So what? It's just a stick. There's no end on it?

No, it's like a cob. Yeah, it's like a cop. Yeah. But I think like if you're carrying these away, say you're taking them back to the office to share with your employees or something like that. You know, there might be like quite a long explanatory video that you've got to watch to explain. Like when is new technology like this? Oh, you're exactly. We're onboarding you. You won't unlock the end bits of the bar until you watch the whole thing. Yeah. Jesus Christ, it's taken so... I can do this, I know how to...

Yeah. And then you're like... And then maybe you start trying to just push a donut off, cut it off. Yeah. Yeah, nothing could... You could have a nibble. Yeah. I can't stop.

But then it's... Then an alarm goes off on the rod. The rod is alarmed. It's a... Woo! Do not take donuts off until the video has been completely watched. You know, there's like insurance reasons why they're like, oh no, people need to see the whole thing. Yeah.

And then it starts to vibrate. And then you're being a real jerk about it. being really arrogant, you're complaining about everything, and then you get out and you straight away drop the donuts, and they make you watch the video again. See, this is why we have a video. Yeah, return the donuts back to the donut shop.

You'll have to pay for a new stick of donuts. I think maybe it's a whole new, like, sort of, it's a new experience, it's very exciting. People are queuing up, but it's like a, it's a sort of a robotic donut dispenser kind of thing. Yep, yep, yep, like at the airport. Robo donut.

Robo Donut. And then, yeah, they do lock you into this canister and, yeah, force you to watch this instructional video about donuts. And then there's a lot of stuff that's like extra advertising. Talk for the guy who came up with the donut stick as a way of carrying the thing. And he's talking about all of his achievements. And you're like, come on, can we just get through this fucking thing like that?

The stick talking, you know, like when you go see a movie. Like I went and saw a movie once called Mountain. Right? And I thought it was, the preview that we had seen said that it was like about a young Jewish woman goes on an adventure of discovery or whatever like that. And then it turned out to be about mountains, right? And then we were like, what? And so. Was there a young Jewish woman? No, it was just a documentary about the concept of mountains. Wow. Mountains have been around for millions of years. Man has looked at the mountains and thought those are big. You know, it was essentially this. And it was essentially this. And it was. He's just telling you non-stop stuff that you... I love it. People use mountains for climbing, but sometimes they used to not climb them very much, but now they do more so.

You can ski on them. There are, you know, it's not that safe to fly helicopters. I love it. I think we should make this documentary. None of the duration has been written in advance. You've got all this amazing footage of mountains, and then it's a guy just trying to fill two and a half hours

with just words about mountains. I would watch that. This guy, oh man. That's not a sketch. That's just our next project. Say everything that you can think of about mountain. Mountain documentary. I mean, that's a very fun thing for just a couple of friends.

Some house. Smoke a joint. You can docket talk and just, this man has gone down so many mountains. Is that your docu talk? Oh, yeah. You can't do a Werner Herzog? This, man.

I knew it. I knew he had a Werner Herzog in him. I don't know how I knew. You, man. I can't quite. Yeah, it's true. Do you got one? Sometimes, but I don't think I have him today.

He's not with us right now. You've never looked more like you might have a Werner Herzog in you. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, like I do look like I've been living in a jungle for... Man, I do love him, though, and I would listen to anything he has to say. It's beautiful. And I believe it all. You believe hookline and sinker.

Oh, mate. I mean, whatever bullshit he's spouting. Even the stuff when he's like, I'm not telling the truth. Yeah, I believe that. I believe that. I believe that he's not telling it truth. What about this? Lips for your eyes.

Oh, yeah. Here, they get rid of the eyelashes. Get rid of the lashes. You can get a little red lippy. Yeah, beautiful beast. You get it done in the lip style like that. I'm with you? Hey?

I'm with you? Yeah, yeah. And if no, if people aren't already doing this with their, with their makeup, doing eye lips. Yeah. I'm sorry, but like, what are they thinking? Yeah. I'm just, I, not to play devil's advocate, they might be thinking.

No, but thank you for not playing. Yeah, you're welcome. They might be thinking, I need to keep sand and grit out of my eyes. Yeah. So hear me out, hear me out, have a slight tweet. Do you get grit? Make the lips glossy. And then they'll catch dust and bugs and things.

You go, you don't need to lash it. if you've got that sticky stuff. Make it goo. Like if it works for mice, you know? Yeah, you catch some mice on your eyes. Yeah. Exactly. Do you write down, catch some mice with your eyes?

Yep, yep, yep, yeah, hang on, I'm getting there. Wait, oh, this is fun. I'm never, I'm never leaving. I'm here until the end of the street. Oh, good, and you're not allowed to. Oh, that's, I did tell people I'd be back in one hour at the parties, so we'll see. I can't believe you're going back to a party. I'm so sorry we feel like we've got to get.

this out of the way. No, I love it. I did have something. I had a thought while we were talking about eyes. Was it about picking off your eyelashes and turning your you're putting the makeup on to turn your eyes into mouths with beautiful luscious lips.

I mean, eye lips. Logically then should we... Make them sticky. Should we be turning our lips into eyes? I mean, it's... I mean, oh. The next logical conclusion. I mean, I think that that would be an interesting, that would be a great move for women to replace lippy with eyelashes over the thing because then it becomes moustachey.

Yeah, but it would need to be full around. Yeah, yeah, all the way around and it's done beautifully. Yeah, yeah. It's basically just a furry hole. Yeah. Like that. Because women don't have enough furry holes. That's the problem we're missing.

Exactly. Finally, a new furry hole for the women. Write that down. Right that down. Yeah, okay. Finally, a new furry hole from the women. The vagina doesn't have its monopoly, right? I hate a monopoly.

Move over a vagina. It results in bad outcomes. Get out of town, asshole. Am I allowed to curse on you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get out of town, asshole. Thank you. Asshole.

I'm talking about the hole. I love this for us. Yeah, eyelashes all around. Because if there's one problem we need to solve, it's women are not doing enough things cosmetically. It's not complicated enough for them. Make it crazier. I know, but think about all, like, all the new things that you could do with this

fiery mouth. Mabelene is cream in her pants right now, wherever she is. Mabel. Oh, is it Mabel lean? Yeah, she's at a jaunty angle. Yeah. Oh, the Mabel lean. Or she's skinny.

She's thin. She's got a lean. Maybe she's born with it. She's got a bad leg. Maybe she's born with one leg shorter than the other. Maybe it's skinny. It's Mabel's lean. Yeah, maybe it's Mabel's lean.

That's great. Yeah, I'm writing it down, Andya. That's a sketch. I mean, maybe she's born with one leg shorter. That's good. But what would it be? What is Mabel's lean? Is it just like an way for women to stand?

Is it a new kind of like thing to do with your sort of legs that results in you leaning? Or is it like shoes where one shoe is higher than the other? And so you're forced to. lean. Well, I feel like shoes are part of the regimen, but it's for women so it's got to be multi-step and complicated. It's got to have a whole lean routine every morning. You've got to get some lean

cuisine. You've got to get lean in. You've got to change everything about your life. It was bean. I'm sorry. I don't know. I just said the sentence. Mabel's bean. And, you know, it needed to be said. So that we could move past it. You know, Andy, before you said, what was one of the more shocking or whatever

things or the biggest impact? Anything that's had on anybody's life. I feel like eating a lot of beans does such a dramatic change to your life. You do it once and then you kind of go off beans for a while just because of how dramatic a change of eating a bunch of beans suddenly. Yes.

Rather than instead of introducing beans slowly to your life, no? You've lost me here. Do you mean like one meal's worth of beans or you mean like you go through points in your life where you're just like, got to have beans? Yeah, I think it's just like, you know, let's say I don't eat. that many beans in my life.

Yeah. When you do. And then suddenly I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to eat a can of beans. Mm. And then it's like, gut-wise, it's just too many beans and your body's in a mess. Yeah. Or a few days and you can't control anything anymore.

You got to go to bean rehab. You got to stay, you got to stay at home. You can't really be around. It's a great disruption. There's a, there's a revolutionary sentiment within your intestines. Yeah. There is a, uh, a. things are moving now yeah yeah like there's a there's an upheaval there's taking to the streets

yeah yeah your internal organs are having their own no kings day you know but it's no beans day things that were fixtures of the intestines are now in motion and they're moving down and stuff's coming out and the plate of beans revolution i don't know i'm with you yeah i mean i used to go and have a really strong coffee and a big can of, not can of beans, a big plate of like beans with eggs at Ray's Cafe. I did that regularly, like a lot of breakfast, a lot of mornings. And that had a really, very quick, very dramatic impact on my life. Wow, that's such an elegant way to talk about poop.

Thank you. Yeah. I try to keep it classy. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you have no idea how many times we have talked very in depth about poop during this day today. Just today. I was going to say I listen to the pot occasionally, so

I'm familiar historically. Yeah, I mean, if you know history. Yeah, if you know your history, we talk about shit a lot on this thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I don't know. I just, I don't think I can write it down this bean thing. You can.

Yeah. I think it's like an internal protest. Volutionary, internal. It's a reaction to beans. of a sudden change in the quorum. I mean, what can we think of a way that we can put this in a, like, a context? Is it like a doctor trying to explain this to you? Is it you trying to explain it?

I'm changing. What happened? Why am I different today? I think it's a profession. It's a new profession. It's internal historian, you know? Okay, trying to explain these, yes, these eras that you can. The doctor goes... The big changes, the moments that... The doctor's like, oh, you have an upset tummy.

Well, good news. On staff today, we have a stomach historian. Gastrointestinal historian. There we go. Gastrointestinal historian. And you know what? He happens to specialize in the bean period. Yeah.

So let me get him in. Yeah. Well, you're different today and how it's shifted history. What about a toilet that can ask you questions? Okay. Yeah, yeah. So like... Great, yeah.

It, you know, after you, after whatever you, it goes like, whoa, what's that all about? You know, that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'll be able to do this with AI. Of course. You'll be able to have a conversation with your toilet. It'll have senses and that sort of thing in there. And it'll ask a lot of follow up.

And does the sound come from inside the bowl? I feel like it's the only logical thing, right? Yeah. If it's going to talk to you, the sound has to come from inside the bowl and you can mask a little bit of the sound by sealing up the whole bowl. with your body. Yeah, okay. It's good.

And I wanted to sound gurgly like it's wet. Don't worry. It'll make it that. I was worried. And so what kind of stuff is it asking you about? Like, hey man,

what's this all about? Not really like in-depth questions. What are you doing to me? Oh, buddy. You don't want it to ask in-depth questions. No, it's not very smart. I think, I don't think you want it to be too smart, okay?

I think it's just like always a bit indignant and a bit like shocked every single time. Oh, do you have to? Okay, while we're at it, I would like my shower drain to happily munch on my hair. You want like a shower drain of the teeth? Yeah. That would be good. I would be good because then you don't, my least favorite chore is cleaning the shower drain. What about one of those, what's that big sandworm thing in Star Wars?

Dune. Oh, not the one in June. And the one that they throw things into in Star Wars, it's just like, the Snarlax, the Sarlack Pit. Yeah, something like that. No idea. They should have one of those in the shower drain. They really should. And it just like, and I want it to be grateful.

I want it to be like, thank you. Oh, that's nice. Not for your cast-offs. I die in here. Yeah, what a great way to turn something that can be a little gross and a little, you know, wrongly, but like a bit shameful, you know, in some way like the stuff that accumulates in the plug hole, to turn it into such a source of positivity and light in your life. And isn't that just what we all...

Some gratitude. Yeah, for women in particular. And then I don't have to clean the shower drain. That's important to remember. I think that at first it does, like the plumber just kind of convinces he's like, oh man, if you want to stop these clog, man, you've got to get one of these new shower drains, you know, that can munch right through that here that's coming through there. And you're like, yeah, I mean, that sounds like great.

This is my least favorite thing. And then as it's been installed and you kind of start hearing like little comments from it. Like it's just like, oh, like that as like a ball of hair goes down there and you're like, and it's just like, oh, Jesus Christ. And I guess it's like, I don't know, maybe it's like it's, oh, man, this is not a good angle to see you from. In our version, it was positive. Oh, right. I'm so sorry. It was supporting women.

Hold on, I think you should get the option to pick either. Yeah. Do you want a grumpy shower snake creature? Seems like Al does. I like the idea that maybe over time you develop quite a good relationship and maybe it turns into one of the more meaningful relationships in your life. That's beautiful. You know, you've got someone that you can talk to.

Just hanging out in the shower. Yeah. Looking for reasons to get wet and drop some hair, you know? What happens if you put your finger in the dream? We're all wondering it. I think there's a lot of teeth in there and I don't think you should do that. But if you trust it. I think that's a mistake.

Does it have a tongue? What if you really trust it? That's a beautiful place to get to with this creature that is like, it's the goal. We've got to find out. Exclusively a tube with teeth. I think at some point you have to ask it if it has a tongue. Yeah, yeah, you have to ask. There's no other way to find out.

Can you just peer in? Can I, what's it? Did you pack it down there? What's your pecking down there? What if I, how much of you is? What if I accidentally get a toe in it? You know? Is it going to have a full toe, just slip right into the drain?

Sometimes. you know it happens is that just me oh I mean no one else is shower dancing no I like I'm very concerned about slipping on slipping over yeah I've come close a couple of times really

yeah you go to and you go geez that could be bad okay this is again why we need to come back to our vertical bathtub oh yeah because then where are you going to slip you can barely even move but when you do slip and fall in that vertical bathroom you've got so much like little room

you're just like all your weight is squeezing you in between that in that small If you end up you shaped in that thing You're done Oh man just all that my knees Pressing into my guts And all those beans All those and I'm full of beans

And now I'm shit in the vertical bath You're gonna have a rough relationship With your shower worm Yeah with the shower mouth You get a oh yeah Wow Shower mouth Okay

I just see Shala mouth He was in June. He's the voice of the shower worm, it makes sense. Yeah, that's good. Does it have eyes? No. Oh, do the shower worms have voices in Dune?

No, in our shower and there aren't any shower worms. Yeah, there's actually no shower worms. There's actually no water at all in that environment. If you get the extended cut, though, maybe. Yeah. I mean, I guess, yeah. Put that rumor out there. I don't have put a couple of scenes where there's a bit of water.

Feels a bit dry. I don't know. Just put some water scenes in there. Slop it up a bit. I think it would be nice for some relief. He just puts it like he just films a puddle. And he's like, but then he's like, this is just for you.

This is not part of the movie. He's just like, oh, I think it's just hard on the ice to see so much dry. Wait, okay, maybe this is something. Movies in general should just have a little break. Yeah. Not an intermission. Just like show me a different little movie

just in the movie. Yeah. Just in the middle of it. Trailer's in the middle of the movie. The trailer in the middle. That's genius. Yeah, maybe he also films himself and he's got like, oh, I spilled water on my shirt. And he's like, so guys, I hope you're liking the movie.

And he's like, you know, I thought they've done a good job so far. But look at this. I was drinking glass. You know, sometimes you try to drink glass and it's like, it dribbled on your chin and stuff like that. And then at some point I went, you know what? Who cares? like that and it fell all down the front and look you can see

and it Mike makes my belly button you can see my belly button poke through and ever since we put this scene in the middle of June the audience reaction scores have gone way up yeah they just... The studio wanted all sorts of other cuts and changes made to the film but then Dennis was like I'll tell you what I'll do I'll put a scene with me spilling a big cup of water

all over myself in the middle just a little cut there if you let me keep the rest of the movie exactly as is They called it the spill cut, you know? At least the spill cut. He goes, oh, no, look, another cup is coming. Like this, oh, it's falling on this part. It's falling on this part.

Oh, now he's all down my back. Oh, that's actually very cold. Anyway, back to the movie. It's good. What other movies need a little break in? I liked how Alfred Hitchcock used to do, like, he would be in the trailers for his movies. He's sort of hyping it up as like a scary kind of thing.

He'd be walking around saying, imagine a film in which this happens and that happens. Well, that's what we've made. And you'll see it all on the screen. Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho or something. This is not a good example. I haven't seen very much of these actual things, but I'm saying I love them

because it's good to adopt a strong position when you're introducing a new idea like this. I feel like we should bring that back or we should have that for other things. You know, I mean, there are some people who really put their face next to their product, like you're James Dyson's, your Steve Jobs, right? They're synonymous with...

That guy at the airport with the Italian furniture. Yeah, although he's not real. What's the same? Voducci? What, he's not real person? He's not a real person. He's an actor. Yeah, yeah, no, he's an actor.

He's a real person. Oh, sure, he's a real person. That's not his Italian furniture? No, it's actually a Chinese company, I think. This is the worst day of my life. It was like an expat that lived there and he used to have a pipe

I think in his mouth which is why he looks like he's scowling Right And then what did they edit that out Or something did they? Yeah Well they edited it out

But I'm so sad Yeah he doesn't have anything He's never even sat on those chairs Stop it But he looks like he belongs on them Yeah absolutely That's the power of marketing Yeah

You've been right to It's like finding out Santa Claus isn't real But worse Yeah It's worse than finding out That sucks that sucks

I think you should only be allowed to market a product if you kind of look like that product you know what I mean that guy he looks like that furniture the government brings that in yeah and if you want to hire a model

or someone to spruce something they got to resemble it a little so you get a blender you got to get a blender shaped dude you got to get a dude with a blender shape you know what I mean new rule new rule comes in It would make our lives easier.

You could be like, what's that guy in? Oh, he kind of looks like a blender. He's from the blender ads. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, why did we have this rule? Is this a bit like the serving suggestion thing we were talking about earlier, where it's like it's misleading advertising to have a person in the ad

who doesn't look like the product that they're selling? That I think is just convenient if they do. Sure, but Alistair wants it to be a rule from the government. And they've got to have a reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think there was too much. You know, I think it's just become a rule. I mean, it could be from the government,

but I think, you know, it's like a beer purity law, right? They've seen a few, they've been, they've had a proposal from the design people, and they said, all design looks better. When, if you're adding non-living things with living things, if there's a harmony between how the person looks and what the product looks. And I think that that should be a non-negotiable in this country. You know what I think.

it should be, I think it's that the laws of design, the rules of design we turn them into actual laws. We enshrine them in our legal system so these things about like you've got to have this much kerning, these kinds of spacings between things. Put it all. We get a prime minister

in who used to be a graphic designer. They're very serious about this kind of stuff. And if you if you're making an ad for kettle, you've got to get a guy with a training. You know what graphic designers are like they love that shit okay i'm sorry i'm sorry to if this is a derail but i now need to know

what product we all yeah spook legally in this fictional town yeah right what could i what what would andy sell let's see um a pile of loose pasta yeah andy yeah and you could do a plate of carbonara maybe it's got to be wheat for me it's got to be wheat pasta yeah yeah something about this says whole wheat yeah yeah it's sort of A bag of angel hair. Yeah. But whole wheat angel hair. Everyone wants that.

Yeah. I, let's see. For me, oh, geez, what do I look like? Let me get a good look. Let's see. I mean, I feel like you could do more now. What can I say? I'm thinking an appliance?

I'm not about a stack of a stack of pikelets or crumpets maybe. What is a pikelet? You know, it's like a tiny little pancake. Oh, are you hungry? All of them are food for you. Well, yeah. I mean, I could do this box of biscuits. You could.

You are extremely that box of biscuits colored. Look at that. Here I am. I don't know if it's going to go to me. I could do these biscuits. They're exactly you colored. I think... I think a toaster.

Hey? You think I could do a toastie. Oh, you could absolutely do a toaster. Right? Right. I mean, we have to do something with your hair. A rotisserie chicken. Me? That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me.

I have always wanted to be spid-roasted. You did it. But can it be donuts? Call back. I mean, it can be, but good luck getting them off the stick. Oh, no. It's a long video. Okay.

That was a good one. That's a good sketch, by the way. Thank you. Thank you. Not that they aren't all good. I don't know, yeah, yeah. That one in particular. I mean, has there been a Pixar movie about mascots?

There's a TV show I think that's mascots Really? Yeah Like are they company mascots? Are they sports team mascots? I'm not sure I haven't watched it I think or it's either a movie or the other thing But I've seen a movie called mascots

And there's, I think there might be sports mascots Is it an animation thing or are they people I think they're people? People, yeah I do know the one that you're talking about Yeah, yeah Well this isn't that This is

You know You think about things like Ready Player 1 Where it's just a whole lot of like video game IP Or whatever like that This is mascots, it's a whole lot of company mascots all living together in some sort of corporate wonderland, right? They all sell things to each other. I guess they're all sort of like these avatars for various different parts of our lives.

You know, furniture guy and Kool-Aid Man. Kool-Aid Man, all that sort of. All these people are there and they're living together in a society. Yeah. And so like Kool-Aid Man is like kissing the Pillsbury Do-Bers. Boy. Yeah, sure. Leave some red.

And then Pilbby Doeboy is like kissing like... This sounds like a great pixel movie. Like that dog. Everyone's kissing. From the toilet paper ads. Yeah. And then that dog. Wait, what about human mascots?

Snap from snap crackling. Oh yeah. And then the dog's kissing Jared from Subway. What's the name? What's my Italian furniture guy's name? Oh, Italian furniture guy. What's his name? I don't know what his name is.

I think it's like Tucci. Yeah, Derucci. Derucci's in there doing some kissing. Oh, my, a bit of Derucci koochie. Derrucci's coochie. Derrucci, yeah. It's okay, wait, mascots. Yeah.

It sounds like a reality TV show. Sure. You know, for me it is, it does fit within your, your, your, your, uh, your pixel type world. And I do, I would be interested to see. these corporate mascots whose entire existence is based around selling. And I feel like I've come up with a few different corporate, socialist kind of ideas so far today. But it would be really nice to see them try and, you know, they're living in a very corporatized world. And then maybe there's like this sort of economic collapse or something like that. And the corporate world around them crumbles.

And they no longer have these roles as mascots trying to sell things anymore. And they have to go back and live some sort of more subsistence type existence and work around more like a after the collapse you know a village type world where you just take care of each other without this exchange of goods and you're not always having to be selling i think there's a real journey for them to go on there they may not be able to stop i don't feel like the coolade may be some who can't and they don't survive yeah and that's existential for him to sell yeah and that's existential for him and they have this debate about whether do we try and restart society We'd try and restart, you know, the capitalist system.

Start breeding with each other. Try, yeah. Oh, imagine what their offspring would look like. Yeah. They'd call it a merger. You guys can stop talking in corporate talk. And they start trying to rebuild this corporate society, but then they have to make the decision,

is this really what we want? Or do we actually want to just try and live this more? Yeah. Simple life. Do we want to go back down that same route? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the ultimate, you know, test of their goal. growth.

I feel like it is. I think it's dropping. But that doesn't seem right. It seems stiff as well. Like you're having to work quite hard to pull that back up. Yeah. All right. Let's see.

Great. Mascot Island. I mean, that's already. You know, that's great. Scotia. Scoteland. That's where they go to. Yeah, Mascotland.

It makes it seem like that country's name was made for that. Made for this. or else what does Scott even mean I'm sure he's got a real bit long history that's really well defined what about the like what about you know that thing with Ireland what does ire mean in that case

is it like ire like the word ire surely it's like something about green and celt there they call it E-I-R-E don't they and that's all they call it right? Oh like the land of air yeah yeah however they pronounce that

when they're speaking in Gaelic meaning. Because I.R. is just anger, right? IRA, yes, it is. Yeah. How do they do it? E.I.R. E. I suspect that doesn't mean anger. Okay. But maybe it does. E.I.R. meaning. Oh, it's a common acronym that means effective interest rate.

Oh, that's what it is. The ancient Celts and their interest rate. Let's see There's a sketch Ancient Celtic Banker Yeah Ancient Celtic Real estate agent

Yeah I mean I do think A You know We love to put a sketch in like the caveman times We do love that We already done it today But like the first caveman

Who was trying to set up a bank Right And they're like I've had a great time Today hunting I've got all this meat. And this person is like, why don't you give it to me to look after? Yeah.

Right? Wait, wait. He's the guy who's starting the caveman bank. He wants to look after the meat. Give me all the meat. All your meat to look after all that meat. You don't want to look after all that meat. You give it to me.

I'll take care of it. And I'll eat some of the meat. Yeah, I'll eat a little bit of the meat. And you can pay me to look after the meat. Yeah. And then he goes, oh, is that good? And he goes, well, what if I just keep the meat, or if I give the meat to everybody?

And he's like, no, no, no. Yeah, you don't want to do that. Somebody might steal it. Devalue your meat. And eat it. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, that's what it's there for. It's fair to be eating.

Shut up. I'd be never getting your meat back. Well, you want to withdraw your meat? Yeah. Oh, you can't take it out here. You'll have to talk to somebody else. Um, all right, let's see. Alistair.

Yeah. You've got to write down Caveman Banker. Caveman. I'm sorry, man. Can you call it Caveman Meat Banker? Yeah. Caveman Meat Banker. Yeah.

Does this automatically update when you do one there? No, somebody follows this. Incredible. Yeah, there's a bunch of people who are using their time when they could be doing anything. That's so nice. Mm-hmm. Wow. Let's see.

What's an experience? that I've had. Oh, that would be so great if you'd had an experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, think hard. What about this? It's a service that gives you one new experience every single day. Sometimes they're big, sometimes they're small, and you never know what it's going to be. Sometimes they're bad.

Sometimes they're good. Sometimes they're bad, sometimes they're good, but you're guaranteed one completely new experience. And if you pay a little bit more, they won't just be new for you. They'll be new for anybody. These will be unique experiences that only you can talk about. giving you a fresh perspective and also maybe a fresh insight. Yeah, and then what? And then you pay for one and then are like, yeah, yeah, how many of them are going to be dance?

Yeah, yeah, there you go, nobody's ever experienced that very moment. A guy, you open your front door, there's a guy standing there holding a microwave, he opens the microwave inside. A rabbit in a gumboot closes the microwave and he walks away. You know, this is actually good. I am curious on the business model price-wise, but this is actually great because they have shown scientifically the way to make your life feel longer.

Exactly right, novelty. To have new experiences. It keeps relationships fresh and it keeps your brain neuroplastic. Maybe, you know, one day it just hits you in the face. You're paying $5 a day. And maybe he's doing the whole street. I would pay him $5 to hit me in the face

if it gives me neuroplasticity. Exactly. New experiences. It's a small price to pay. Yeah. And I think, you know, wouldn't it be amazing to know that you'd had an experience that nobody else has ever had or will ever have, right? You own the rights to that, that chunk of human experience. Can't put a price on that.

Yeah, $5 a day. $5 a day, though, is what the rest of doing, which is, you know, very, you know, and I mean, do you think it's motivating people less to, like, not go outside and things like that? And to, you know, like, you still go about your day? Still go about your day, right? And now you've got something you to talk about if you see people. Yeah. Maybe it'll cause you to get out more. I love that.

I think I might get out more. Great. That's good. What about you go to the bank? I mean, we've already had some really good bank sketches. I went to the bank, right, and nobody wanted to serve me, right? Do you tell you this? No.

I went there, and then I waited for like 40 minutes. It was like a lady in the line in front of me. She was like, I, I, I, I, you know. They used to work for this bank, and they're not supposed to do their own work there. They're supposed to serve us, like that. And then I finally got there. I was there because my card had just been randomly frozen, right? That's a fun new service.

That's a fun new service. Maybe that's one of your experiences. It could have been the experience. It was a really nice thing. Yeah, it was very first. And then I go and they're like, oh, what? Okay. Oh, well, I don't have the time for that.

Like that. And they went, oh, hey, Judy, can you take this? I go. She's like, I'm counting. Like that. And he goes, oh, okay. And then he's like, okay, I'll start. doing it, and he's like, oh, your car's frozen.

I go, yeah, I just need to get out a bit of money. My card is frozen, and I just need money for tomorrow. He's like, oh, you can't get it out until this is fixed. And then, and then he goes, he sees behind me. Somebody walks in, and he goes, oh, oh, I got to have a meeting with that guy. I go, okay. He goes, Judy, you're going to have to do it. And she's like, I'm counting, like that.

And then she's like, I don't have time. And like that, so he puts me in between the two. He goes, and then she's like, ah, I got it. they got up accounting. And then she kind of like, she's like, oh, give me that, what do you need? I just need to get a little bit of money out. She got, like, if you're cards for us,

and you can't get it out, like that. And so then she kind of checks, and she's like, oh, I need approval from the boss. And she goes, and she's like, oh, she's talking on the phone. Okay. And she's like, okay, well, we can't do it until she's like that. And then she goes, she says, I'll just finish this county. And then she sees that the boss lady start walking out with her suitcase behind her.

Oh, no. I need her. I need you for this thing. She goes, oh, what? He goes, what do you need you for? She goes, I just need you approve her. He's got a card. He needs to be unlocked.

She goes, I don't be fine. You just, you just call me if you need me. And she kind of just walks out like that. And she goes, oh, I'm going to have to. Like that. Anyway, and then just kept going until eventually she was like, I'll just give you some money. I can't unlock a thing. What?

I love. It seems like they got great systems. Yeah. Nobody wants to do it. You know. Assuring. Can I just give you some money? I'm not even out of your account. Oh, just take it.

Just go. I don't want to do anything. I mean, when I got into this job of working in a bank, the last thing I thought I would have to do is, like, deal with people who want to get their money out of the bank. Just take the money and leave. I'd rather you were stealing from me. At least then, you know. I don't have to type anything in.

I can write that done as a sketch. Yeah, yeah. That's the thing that happened to you? Yeah. I don't know if there's like, I think the sketch is where nobody wants to do anything. I mean, you can't do that. Yeah, what about, you want to follow the rules. They're like, oh, no, you can't do that.

What about you go to the bank and they, they, it's too complicated for them to get you your money through this elaborate system. The person's like, they just slide like a little knife across the table to you understand. Just, rob me. Just, I got to, I got to, like, there's so many fucking forms. And I got to leave in five minutes. You just grabbed the knife. Just rob me. Yeah, I don't know how to do it.

You just, turn off the camera. The cameras don't work anyway. A sketch. I'd rather die than go to a bank. Let me tell you what. Man. Get to the end of my life and it'll be like, we can save your life,

but you've got to fill out these forms. And I'll just be like, let me die. Yeah, I mean, forget it. I feel like instead of sending people to jail, we should make them do little errands for us. And I think as I'm saying this, I'm realizing I might be pitching slavery

and I think I want to walk it back. We've already forced prisoners to drive buses for us. That was just the person just before you. Then I was trying to get them to clean the bottom of pools. It wasn't really a funny idea. I've written this down, pens on chains. I was thinking about the pens on chains at the bank. Aren't you know how the pens are on chains?

Are they still on chains now? Sure. I mean, you've been to the bank most recently. But, like, they, if it's not, what if we always thought that that was so that, um, uh, people wouldn't steal the pens. Yeah. But what if it's really to protect us from the pens and to stop the pens from escaping? Ooh, like they're mean guard dog pens. Oh, they were like mean pens.

Yeah, but when you say it like that, it sounds like a bad idea. Yeah. Sorry, can I try that again? Ooh, they're mean guard dog bands. Yeah, thank you. Now I'm filled with PEP. I think these days you don't see them on chains, which makes me think...

What does that say? Maybe either the pens are less dangerous now. I think so. Or we don't value pens. Maybe they've been devalued. No, no, I'm with you. I think that the pens, it's not that they're less valuable. It's that they've been trained properly.

It's a guy. Broken their spirits, finally. What about a guy who's worried that we don't respect pens enough anymore? They used to be on chains. Yeah. That's true. Why were they on chains? Throwing them away.

Do you think it was because they were going to, attack us? Yeah. You know? Was it like a dog that you can't let him get to the be on the edge of the yard?

Mm. No. No. It's because we respected pens. Yeah. If you held a pen, you didn't want it to leave. Yeah.

You thought it was too good. Yeah, it was a good thing. You thought everyone's, everyone wants this pen. I've got this pen. Everybody wants. I mean, this is real bank mentality. We've got vaults full of millions

of dollars downstairs. And we're like, and we're going to put this pen on a chain. So you're not even going to get that, because I think what happens is probably a slippery slope. You go to a bank, you steal a few pens. You're like, it's easy to steal from banks. You know, I've stole 10 pens last week. Next week, I'm going to go for the big score.

I'm going to get down to the vault. Is it about training or is it bragging rights? Is it like, yeah, I've stolen from a bank? There's pens, but I've done it. Bank robbery. Can you still get done for bank robbery? You could. Could you still tell people in prison that that was.

what you've done. That's the thing I think it's bragging rights. I think that is still technically bank robber. You don't have to steal money to be a bank robber. Why are you in here? When I was a little kid, you know, you just have those little deposit slips. You remember this? A little piece of paper with like squares all over it and like lots of little segments that you've got to fill out with different things. Was this an Australian thing? This is an Australian thing. I mean, you probably, I don't know how you did it over there in America? Yeah. But I took a lot of those when I was a kid.

You'd be waiting there. You were a juvenile bank robber. I guess so. It's a little piece of paper. You're a kid. You're like, I've got to be able to write on this, do something with this. Quite a disappointing piece of paper, ultimately. It wasn't a lot you could do with them.

What's the top ten most disappointing pieces of paper? Oh, here we go. Junk mail. Junk mail? Yeah. Let's see. Oh, a receipt that's faded and you can't see any of the writing left on it? Yep.

You ever get a little wadded up piece of paper that you think is like a little love note? Someone left you and it's just they spit their gum in a piece of paper. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's... Yeah, I got a lot. I think almost every piece of paper is a little love note. Especially if I find it on the ground or, like, in a bin or something like that. Hey, a girl can dream. Ooh, another love note.

Another wet, lumpy, slightly squishy love note. Well, let me see. The wetter it is, the more the love, you know? He was absolutely salivating with love. He was stopping wet with love. Oh, drooling with love. Well, left a little bit of his mouth. Left a bit of his mouth in here.

And then wrapped it up in this piece of paper so you can take his mouth with you. That's beautiful. Would you pop that in your mouth with you? Spit my gum into your receipt. Take it home while you see. I can kiss you, but you can chew my gum. I'll be in your mouth when the day is done.

It's a guy who's... I can feel your mouth. I can feel your mouth. I can't feel your mouth. But I can't feel your mouth. Oh, I can't feel your mouth, but I can fill it. Wow. With my gum that I've already...

With my gum in your mouth. It's a guy... Pretty hot. Written this, right? He's this big comeback, his folk career, he's bringing it back. You think it's country? Okay, it could be country. It's folk.

It's country. Oh, it's R&B. Anyway, he's his big comeback, and the label's like, what do you think is going to be the single? He goes, gum wrapped in a receipt like that. And then he sings it. I sent this girl a piece of gum. sent you a bit of my gum. When you chew on it, it's like

you're kissing me, but I can't feel your mouth, but I can fill your mouth with my gum. Yeah. Hard G on that. I love hearing it back at me as well. It's beautiful. It's almost like a cover. And it's the month after the release that

he decides that he's never going to play music ever again. One whole month. It took a month? Well, to really know the reverberations of the effect of his album not really not taken off at all or getting any traction I'm with that

I'm with that also I have another idea yeah you know how like you often need some gum I don't know about you lads but when I leave the house I love a piece of gum yeah stick rather than just a little hard pellets

are my favorite I don't think we really do the stick of gum over here no it's not really a thing anymore that's old school right they still get like extra up with sticks I feel like you're... You said it's a little stick. You're always needing some gum. What if you just had one gum, you know, for life?

And you just set it somewhere. Infinity gum? Yes. You just set it somewhere. And then you pick it back up and you use it. Wouldn't it be great if you could send it back to the factory and they'll sort of re-flavor it? Re-flavor it.

And then they'll recondition the gum, send it back to you. Yeah. And then if you're swapping gum with your lover, that's a commitment, you know? Yeah, that's really nice. I mean, what a commitment it would be to take You've got your piece of gum You've been chewing all your life They've got their piece of gum

You take those two pieces of gum You mix them together Well, that's marriage in this culture Oh, my that Back into your mouth Your gums combined Combined What is it?

We're talking about Instead of needing a piece of gum sometimes Frequently You have one piece of gum for life You're given at birth And then you just chew that forever And you just get Ever drops?

Well, you send it back to the factory to be reflavored. I'm realizing now this is coming from my childhood because I lived in Singapore as a kid. I don't know if it still is, but chewing gum used to be like illegal there. And so as a little kid, relatives would come visit and they'd give us gum

and we'd chew that puppy for a month. Whoa. We'd go to bed and we'd stick it on the bedside post. Also, like, is it true that like if you could like get beaten? Can you get beaten? Yes. Chewing gum? Supposedly.

You get caned. Caned. They'll cane, yeah. It's in theory. Making canes, you know? In theory. I haven't, I've never seen it happen, but apparently it does. One gum society.

Yeah. One gum for life. What I am. Holy shit. That's so late. What time did you think it was? I don't know. I thought it was like nine o'clock.

Fuck me. I'm flying. I can't believe I've already been here an hour. Yeah. That's wild. It's amazing that you're doing this. Thank you. Oh, this is the best.

You've got a party to be at. I mean, you've got a party right now. Hey. Idea parties are the best parties. I mean, the nerds. What could be an idea? How would an idea party work? Ooh, it's like a key party, you know, with swingers with their keys, but instead you bring

an idea and you put it in the bowl and someone has to pull it out and they got to make it happen. Yeah, or like you, it's still keys, right? But instead of going off and having sex. you go off and brainstorm with Right? It's like a business Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you go, like, develop a business proposal.

Go incubate a new business proposal. Oh, yeah, okay. With whoever drew your key? How does this work? Because normally it's pairs. I don't know how key parties work. Okay. But also, it is pairs, but like you don't both pull out a key.

No, you're supposed to pull at the key belonging to that person's car or house. Exactly right. And then you go make an idea with them. Exactly right. Yeah. We get it. We get it. Yeah.

Why is it called swinging? It's a great question. Swingers. Let's see. I guess you go back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Think how confusing it was in the 60s for people who just love swing sets, you know?

They're going all these swingers parties, really excited. This one's got to be about swing sets. If there's not a tire swing. We've just been absolutely railed. This one is going to be children's playground equipment for sure, honey. If there's not a rope swing. They say, come for a ride on this one. And I'll tell you what, I've my feet left the ground, but not for the right reason.

But honey, you've got to keep trying, you know. We'll get a lucky one of these days. And they're in heaven. Yeah. Best of both worlds. True. Is that an idea? Yeah, I mean, there's a sex swing.

Have they done sex any of the other playground equipment? Sex slide. Seesaw. Sex Seesaw. Definitely they've done sex firemen. Well, no, but definitely they've done the sex seesaw. Well, it makes sense. Like, I feel like...

Nothing's more up and down than that. I feel like if you could strap a man to the other side of the seesaw and then have a woman lay there, you could just... He could just fuck her and he wouldn't have to move. and that's everyone's dream. Neither is she, right? Right. Oh, not having to move.

That's the dream. How do we make sex less active? How can we both be starfish? Oh, the two starfish, the double starfish real. Well, we've solved it. You just need a seesaw. Yep. And then one person, hello, Jordan.

Hello. We're just talking about the double starfish sex. Don't worry about it. Double starfish reel. You need a seesaw. This is mostly not painted. and a wonderful experience, but there's a brief moment when the new guest is like in the room

not yet on camera or pod where I feel so much like anxiety and change. Because of how we're falling apart. You shouldn't. What is it, the mortifying ordeal of being known? If I can be honest with you, my few moments in here before I was on camera, they were some of my favorite. Yes.

I was like, oh my God, I'm realizing how not together I am. I was just looking at the two of you and I was like, they're not okay and that's funny yeah good i'm so glad thank you yeah yeah this is just i mean just they're interesting a real entering a really interesting period for everybody yeah amazing well i think that's me out thank you so much thank you guys it's been an absolute pleasure and look i love jordan bar i don't know if she's going to be able to top the double starfish fuck you know yeah thank you so much Thank you, so much.

Thank you, Melissa. Strained my entire body standing halfway up then. Oh, man. I keep standing up. Never stand again. Oh, I think, okay. Oh, this is excellent. Please welcome John Baugh.

Yeah, yeah, come in. Yeah, come in. Thank you. Thank you. I know why I'm saying please welcome. Yeah, why not? You're welcome. Yeah, sure.

Hello, how are I? Hey, thank you. whichever side you want. It's so good to see you. It's so good to see you too. This is great. And you as well. It was nice to very briefly see you yesterday.

I had to run off. Oh, that's okay. That's okay. Yeah, yeah. You were you doing a lot of gigs yesterday? Yeah. Yeah, that's great. But stupid.

Yeah. I didn't, I should have. How many gigs? I did like, well, I did, I saw a play, which is a gig. Oh, Mike. Yeah. That is work.

I regard being in the audience. as a gig. If you've ever seen me in an audience, you know I'm performing the whole time. I'm performing. I'm giving them a little something extra, okay? I'm giving a little shimmy. Yeah, it's a little garnish. But if you're sitting in the front as well

and you're like having to keep that smile up? I was in the front. Yeah. But it was, thankfully it was good. But there was like a brief moment where I was like because the person I was with sat in the front and I was like, fuck. I'm just going to be a nightmare. I was like, but it was great. And then and then I went to that.

gig, but nearly missed it. Yeah, but you made it in time. Oh, Maron, and then I had to go to another gig. Yeah, actually, it made me happy because I was going to go last, and I was like, oh, I don't know, I don't have to go last. And I don't know why. I felt like just the pressure of just, like, being the last made me, yeah. Yeah, I hate going last.

I like it, I like it in the middle. I like being second. Yeah. It's nice. You know, no one expects too much of you. Yeah. And you can ride the coattails. Exactly.

That's what I like. I like not having to try it, too. It would be nice if the emcee could say that, say, don't expect too much of her. I know, that's what I want. I would love that. That would be great. How's it been going? Well, you know, I mean, you're going to notice that what's coming out is very loosely a sketch.

Sometimes it's a product. Sometimes it's just a sentence. Sometimes it's just a new kind of guy. Yeah. Is this the last leg? I mean, yeah. Like, I mean, we've got 111 left to come up with. Yeah.

Oh my God. Okay, all right, let's go. No, we've still got some work to do. I mean, what about somebody who does regard being in an audience as its own audition, right? Yeah. Like, you're always auditioning, always be auditioning. So there are a would-be actor and they're like, okay, I'm just sitting down in the front row, but they can see me from the stage.

Yes. Yeah. So they're picking up on what I'm giving back to them and I'm trying to treat this as an opportunity to show what I can do, you know? Absolutely. And acting is reacting And what am I doing in this audience If not reacting to the play that's being performed in front of me?

You're actually giving the performance of a lifetime Yeah, yeah That's right And then I guess he's like This is, I'm getting to know some I mean like they're getting to know me Like there is that thing where you're when if you're performing I don't if you've ever performed

But being, you see some people in the front And you're like oh man You're judging their face Mutual judging of you Yeah And you're like okay that person I love that person because they look like

they don't have any hate in their eyes. Yeah. You know, and so that is a great thing when you're walking into the next audition and that guy's there and he's like, man, I saw that guy and you audition, man, he's more of a lover than a hater. That, and then I feel like that helps you.

I don't know if that helps. I mean, this is their own philosophy that they're entering into it with. I think this is really good. It also, yeah, write it down. I have another one. I'd like to present this as a guide to auditioning from the audience.

Yeah. This is my way into, into the theater. Into Broadway, into the West End. And so it's like, wait, so is it like a how-to video, like a YouTube video? And it's got that kind of like that free music that's do-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- and it's like, hi, you want to get in the theatre? Yeah.

Why don't you start in a theater? That's really good. And then, yeah, and then they sit down and they do that. And that's great. But then, like, there should be some normal people. Or maybe like Patty Lepone's in it. Yeah, great. I feel like you love Patty Lepone and she has.

to be in almost everything. Well, if we can get her, I have another idea. Yeah, great, great, great, great. Hit us with it. Okay, so when I used to audition for musicals, one of the things that I found so, so, so funny was dance calls because I can't dance, so there was no stakes in it for me. So I was just there for an exercise class, essentially.

And then, but everybody else there is, like, usually a really good dancer and wants to impress the choreographer. And the choreographer, you've never seen someone crush so hard. in your life. Any joke, if they're like, oh, God, when a bit loopy there, everyone was like, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's just everyone like, ha ha ha. And they, and it's, um, it's kind of like Roo in the workroom, if you've ever watched Rupal's Drag Race, like all the queens there are like everything she's alling over themselves. Yeah, just the highest status and then the lowest status people. It absolutely is like, if you want to kill a comedy, going and doing

stand-up is the last place you want to do it. You want to get into some position of power. You work your way up, ladder, as a CEO, or something like that. Yeah. And yeah, exactly like this kind of thing, where you get to decide on stuff and you just say the slightest little bullshit. Oh, they're so on edge and desperate. I do love this one. I mean, imagine how much many laughs you must get when you're like, I don't know, in an active hostage situation pointing a guard that everybody. Exactly. I was just thinking another sketch idea

could be like a guy who's been thinking about getting, maybe it's a how to video as well. It's like, do you want to do stand-up, but when you think about it, you're like that, that's a really bad idea. So you just, like, it's a guy who just goes from cafe to cafe telling jokes to trapped baristas. Yeah.

Like, they have to, like, there's nowhere for them to go. I've performed to an audience of over 500 people, Not all at the same time. Not in parallel, but in series. Yes. These jokes, these kill every single time. He's filling out Rod Laver.

Yeah. Just one by one. I also like the idea that the guy with the gun was getting laughs in a bank robbery or something like that, off the back of like that experience, he's like, shit, I could maybe do stand-up. Yeah. You should try stand-up. And he does go and do stand-up, and he starts, and it's just, he's doing the same game. and it's not going well. This went so well at that bank robbery.

You know, and then at some point he goes, fuck it. Gets the gun out. It gets the gun out and the laughs start flowing again. I am good at this. He starts believing in himself again. And unlike Stuart Lee, he says that the guy pointing the gun at the audience is just his onstage character. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

And the audience, they're like, we love clowns. Yeah. They're like, clowns are crazy. I already wrote that down I already read that out What was that saying? No, there's nothing there I love that

I love that I think This is where you're going to see us I think the ideal for a person auditioning from the audience Would be when the When the people on stage get so distracted That they start to watch you

You know Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're reacting bigly enough. And if you're putting on enough a show in front audience, you can flip the power dynamic. And suddenly the audience is the stage. Yeah. Wait, tell me this again.

I missed it. I'm so sorry. It's the, I'm just retreading old drive. That you can, you know, it's just having to repeat something where I'm like, this wasn't that strong to be able. Okay, okay, okay. I understand you're doing such important work, typing that down. But it, I want you to know,

understand that intellectually, but my body feels like you're being really rude and just typing to somebody else. I'd love to see what's going on in your body. Oh, boy. It's just like I'm getting a lot of like gurgling. This is so good. I've got to tell you that you came at such a beautiful time.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. I'm glad. You're very appreciative of somebody who is in such a sane state arriving. Oh, yeah. That's so crazy. You're never going to feel like a more sane. Do you know what? I feel like I'm. meeting you semi what time did you start this uh 8 a.m. I am beating you yeah I hate to like it's not

I've been out and about I've been out and about since you've been on 5 a.m. Wow what did you do I usually have a nap but I had to skip it today did you do radio I did radio this morning oh my god I usually have a nap oh this is I did this I said yes I tried so hard to convince you not to do this I was like, I'm in! I was like, this is the magic time. I wanted to do this. Oh, my God. But, you know, I feel your pain.

I, yeah, but the difference is you guys have been on this whole time. I was at home watching a show called Boots, which was kind of just, I thought it was going to be. Us boot, that submarine thing? With the fighting, with the scene where it's like always Hitler finding out about something he finds out that Michael Jackson's dead. remember that

that's not dust boot that's that's downfall yeah but similar yeah I mean I think it's another

German war bullshit it's okay I just wanted to misinterpret what you were saying man downfall

that's good yeah that looks like it was good that was so fun that time online it was great

yeah there are some errors that I really miss for some reason I started looking at TikTok when it was the

my money don't jiggle jiggle jiggle Like it was really late Yeah, it folds And it just like I was like This is a beautiful time

Yeah I don't know why Everyone was dancing to that It was a little bit of Like Lizzo had started Kind of You know Had released that

It's about damn time Things like that I was like it just felt like A very positive time online For just a I think it was maybe In the between the two The two Trump

The two Trump Oh yeah And like you know Maybe something TikTok was sort of rising up And not quite yet Fully and shitified You know

Yeah Yeah Not everything was Not everything was terrible I I saw an AI video on TikTok of Elizabeth II rapping in some London blocks. And I've also seen Princess Diana DJing.

I get a lot of royal AI. Amazing, isn't it? How quickly it's just sort of started taking over. I had an idea for a sketch. Wait. Okay, wait. It's a, okay, so it's like, I don't know if it's a song, it's a poem. I don't know how it is, but it would be like, okay,

I go to work and that's work. All right? And then I drive back from work, and that's work. And then I get home, and I make dinner, and that's work. But then you come over, and it's the sweetest thing to have you. And then we start to eat dinner, and then you ask for a glass of water, and that's work. I mean, that's all I got. I think that's great. There's almost nothing there.

No, no, no, I think that's really funny And I would like to maybe add on to that Or another sketch idea is just a guy Who's just tired all the time But like only Only when he's like asked to do something And like he really is This is my children by the way

How they talk and act and behave But it's like But like this guy It's like a real like a syndrome Yeah, oh it's medical It's medical Oh no I do like this.

I have a condition called work tiredness. Work makes me tired, but not doing it. Just thinking about it. Thinking about it. It's being asked to do it. You can't, I have to do it in my own time. If you ask me, I will have a tantrum. But, like, also the idea that, like, the rest of the time, he's super energetic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's skipping around. He's singing. I saw this. Did you pick that up? He's, like, skipping, and she's his boss. He's like, oh. We can't fire him

Because it's a legitimate medical condition Seems so fake Everyone around him Is just like tricking him Into doing stuff Because they can't ask him Yeah Make him think it's his own

It's like inception I mean do they have to make it fun Like would it kill You know Like sorry to bring up my children again But like you know I try and make things fun for them Would it kill my boss to try

And make things fun for me at work You know To be like You've got to file these reports I mean we've got to get get on the report filing trade and choo-choo all our way to the accounts department station. Why can't there be someone who I guess that's like what like the events department do. I've never worked somewhere that had the budget for an events team.

But I guess they're supposed to trick everyone into thinking it's fun. Sure. You know, they order the cupcakes. That's the business. That's the business. That is it. I'll tell you something I can write down there. Did you, did you, what about your boss making things fun for you

by pretending stuff as a train or like, yeah, yeah, like when you feed kids? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the quarterly report wants, is it, wants to fly into the inbox. You've got to justify all your billing hours. They are all coming on this train. Yeah, yeah. A lot of trade stuff. He comes, oh, he comes the airplane, fill the documents that you got to fill out.

And everything is in like apples and oranges. It's like, okay, so if we send an email to the three apples at origin energy. Orange energy. Orange and orange. Orange and. Yeah, I think the color scheme might be orange. It is. Mate.

Man, that was on. Whoa. I was like, your color schemes and puns are really perfect. Oh, they're on point. to make everything on what you're saying I've had the word chisel

in my brain all day since we started Really? I don't even No You've probably said it a couple times Have I said it?

Maybe I said it out loud Maybe not Oh Maybe I have And I'm sorry if that's the case I'm gonna start When I think of a sketch

But we're not ready for it No you say it Because this chisel thing Is not an idea No But I feel like It could link to Have you got any

Everest sketches? There's no Everest sketches today. Is there a guy with some kind of chisel on Everest? And what's he doing? He's like making it shorter? What about this? I mean, I think that is such a good. I was going to say exactly the same thing. When you get to the top of Everest, like maybe

there could be a real problem with people going up the top there chipping the top off, right? Yeah. Taking it down so no one can go as high as them. Yeah. You're the first guy to get up there. You chip that down. Nobody's getting that high ever again.

Oh my God, I love that. Yeah. I want a sketch or a film where the Sherpers kill everyone on the mouth. Oh, that's interesting. I guess, like, but you have to just, like, you're just going to make all these, like, white people just, like, be exactly what you expect that they are, just these rich pricks who are just trying to, like, be in, you know, just have this kind of almost glamping experience in this thing where people are doing all the hard.

hard work for them. I mean, it would be the perfect crime to kill somebody on Mount Everest as a Sherpa because all you would have to do is do slightly less of everything for them, right? And you just have to put them kind of a bit out of the way. Yeah. Like, and you could kind of toss them there. Oh. You could, you could kind of toss them there.

Okay, maybe there's a sketch where Sherpas are talking about all the different ways that they could kill people, like, how easy it would be to, like, kill someone. They're sitting around and they're laughing about all the people they've killed in the last week and how easy it was and how much fun it is for fantasy film i love that that's a fun sketch that's great what else is happening on everest um i mean people are carrying their shit back down in bags i imagine it's frozen yeah um there's all those bodies like lying by the side of the thing they got base camp i feel like more things need base camp i think one of the ways in which uh Sherpa would really be able to like decide something to kill somebody somebody goes and gets like a

selfie with one of the dead bodies on the thing oh my god yeah like that and you're like you have to die as soon as we will have to climb over one of those crevasses you're going to slip on do people do that take a selfie with a dead body I bet they do oh yeah I think I think I think I would take a selfie with the corpse because I'm like the deal you make with God by climbing Mount Everest is that people are going to take, if you're, if you're going to climb Mount Everest, especially like not as a local, if you're going to climb out Everest, you've, yeah, you've signed your rights away in terms of like your dignity. That's right.

So you're giving up your own and you're like, look, man, I don't have a soul at this point. I don't have like dignity. So you're also going, okay, because I mean, in a way you're giving away a little bit of your dignity as well, right, as soon as you do it. Like that's where you're going like this, you know, like that. And I don't know. Yeah. get it yeah you're part of the experience now yeah and maybe that's that's beautiful that you're

still you know you're part of that you become part of the mountain yeah maybe this is maybe now i'm getting tired but what if there's a guy who has been like training his whole life to like to climb mount everest and like he's a good normal climber but for some reason like he's just he's like really flunking on the day. He keeps tripping over and he keeps dropping his shit. Like he's just tripping and he's like, fuck. I'm screwing

this up like that. And I mean, I feel like almost like a kid the idea of somebody asking a shirt put to carry them up. Oh yeah. Like you can just leave my stuff. I just need to make it up to regular base camp. Yeah. I just can't. I can't go back and say that I need to carry me. Can you

carry me please? But they don't want to, they're never asking to Like they want the Sherper to suggest it So they're like Pretend to be asleep So you have to carry them up to the top You keep falling over You're like oh my legs are so tired

Like that Oh I'm so tall If there's a group There's a climbing group There's one guy who keeps making jokes About getting frostbite on your dick He's like well that'd be the word

Imagine frostbite on your dick though Yeah Imagine if I showed you my dick And there was frostbite on it I mean, I always wanted to have some Someone bite on my dick Yeah, yeah But not Jack Frost

Jack Frost Go get off my dick, Jack Frost Like he's always talking about What would you do if you did have Frostbite on your dick? Is that a serious thing? All the way up the mountain Wow And it all way back now.

Would they take your dick? And what do you, where does it go? They cut the whole thing off. And if they cut it off just below the frostbite, is it like a heart? Like, is it just now like flat across the end? Like that? Like you slice through a sausage?

And like does it keep? Yeah. Yeah, look, like how long, like, will they put it in a bag and carry it down? And, yeah. Oh man, my death. Would they just leave it? Would you leave it by the side, like next to all these frozen guys?

And then there's just like some dead dicks there. Not even whole guys. If you damage, can you take one of the dead body dicks? Like graft that on? Yeah, yeah. Because you can keep things safe in ice. Yeah. What happens to you come?

Why didn't come up here? Oh. Oh, I'm shooting bullets. I was like, it would be so, oh, frozen. Okay, a guy who keeps talking about. Anyway. I knew this. Oh, no.

I mean, do you think that it's possible man Everest is getting higher because of all the people dying? Like, if you were going to die, die on the very top, right? That's where you want to die. So then you're like, well, you've got to get. get up on top of me now. That's now the top of Everest. That would be the crazy thing is that people would justifiably have to be like, we have to stand on top of him to actually be on top.

And then I guess. And that's like, that's just a really funny position to be in. Yeah. I'm going to stand on this guy. We're not going to come all this way up and then not be on top. Or if there's like, maybe there's a guy in the group who really wants to die on top of Mount Everest and everybody's like, all right, we're going.

And he keeps stalling. He's like, oh, you guys go ahead. I'm just having a quick lie down I'm just going to take a few more picks I mean maybe if the shepherds are dragging all the bodies down maybe the pile of bodies base camp is now getting so high

that it is rivaling Everest itself to be the tallest peak and then eventually it will be the tallest one and then that will be what people have to climb up yes I think that's great to make some kind of a point I think also maybe there's a

127 hours where like the rescue team comes like immediately after he's taking his arm off he sees him coming he's going to cut faster because they're almost there

he's like I'm going to get a ball deal they're not going to let me do this why he'll get it yeah he knows he's going to survive so he's like okay well he's just got his fingers stuck in there but he's cutting it all the way up here the guy who wants to die on Everest oh I don't know yeah he keeps some other fucking

He keeps getting at the same guy. This is going to be all Everest ideas all the way. It's actually much harder than you think dying on Everest. I just wanted to be a body up on Everest. I know I'm letting me fucking die. This guy's so healthy. Yeah. All this training for Everest fucking made me impossible to kill.

I'm bloody immortal. Wait, there's a crevasse. And he tries to chuck himself in a crevasse. But I don't know. I don't know. The crevasse bouncing. Yeah, my daddy just kind of gets stuck just on the top. I'm see crevice.

I can't look. I just, while we're on it, sorry. Maybe there's something in, I don't know what the plot is, but like, you know how Netflix do those like really awful Christmas movies where it's like, like, it seems like AI has written it in some way where it's just like we just need these two. enemies to lovers. We need an obstacle

and we need maybe a bet or a disguise. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, but on Everest. Oh, okay. A Christmas. A Christmas, Everest romantic comedy.

I mean, it almost feels like Santa saves you from the top. Yeah. But, I mean, it's not. Would you call it happily for Everest after? Yes, you would.

You would. There would be better ideas, but they would call it that. Maybe you could get rid of it happily. You could just call it forever after. Yep, yep, yep. And, I mean, is it a sort of a Sherpa hiker kind of romance, or is that a bit too interesting?

No, that's way too interesting for them. And they would, and if they would be so frightened by the class divide, chat. I think, but maybe like green boots, like, you know the guy who's dead on them in the green boots, Maybe he is kind of like a drop-dead Fred sort of comic relief character. He was like, you never do something for yourself, Sandra. Maybe she can see him because she's going a little bit delirious for oxygen deprivation. Would there be a great scene where they kiss and their lips get frozen together?

That's perfect. But they were only kissing for like some other reason. and they didn't want it like, or it was an accidental kiss or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then their lips are locked together like that for a while. And while they're trapped kissing each other for 48 hours, they fall in love. Yeah, absolutely. And Francis McDormid is there.

And she is... Frances McDormand? But she's the one who has to, like, thaw the lips. Yeah. She's, like, quite frank and is like, well, are you going to fuck her or not? Yeah. She's kind of like a sassy, gassy older woman. I mean, she does have sort of base camp energy at all.

Yeah, yeah. Like she spends a lot of time sort of survival and climbing and just, yeah, she's... It'd be such a great moment where they're finally lying together naked. Are they still stuck? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, they're naked. And he can do some sort of funny thing where he's running his hand up of his body and he's like, oh, I'm at base camp. Oh, you know, or something like that. You know, this is how...

I think that would be so funny. And then there should be a twist at the end where it suddenly cuts the aspect ratio changes immediately. It's weird and scary, and it turns out that they have hypothermia and they've stripped all their clothes off and they're dying on the mouth. They're both dying.

Yeah. That's really great. And that's why it's foreverist after. Yes. Yes. And he goes, I think I've made it to base camp and then she turns to him and goes

we never made it to base camp oh no they're dead they die yeah and they just die frozen nude guys I like this idea yeah yeah yeah I mean you can you can like flesh it out

after the first base camp me neither but it's exciting to think about someone with more initiative would do that yeah yeah you could put it through who gives a shit let's find another sketch idea We've passed 400.

Oh, that's awesome. I mean, this is now the longest. I think about a quarter of the sketches are Everest related. Yeah, yeah. And that's a good place to be, as far as ratios go. Let's move up to K2. We can get out of a few more. Oh, what are we going to get out of that?

El Capitan, the Matterhorn. Oh, yeah. I mean, I did just watch a documentary on him and doing that. Well, the guy who free climbed it. Oh, three solo. No, this one was just called Free Climb, and then it's about that guy. He was like the one guy who's ever Freaclimbed El Capiton. Did he die, like 23?

I don't think he's done. Some guy did die recently, but maybe not that guy. Yeah, I feel like I saw clips of him, and everybody was like, he just has no training, and he's just doing it, but he's amazing. And then he, like, died doing something really basic. Yeah, right. This guy's got no training. I wonder what it was that called.

I mean, that's truly free solo, though, right? to do it without any training as well like do it without ropes solo improv yeah do it without do it without spikes and do it with no training and no upper body strength yes

like yeah because what is what is what is what is what is upper body strength if not just a rope of another of another silk it's true it's just another of another fibre oh my god another crotch another crotch

not crotch a crotch a crutch, sorry. Great. Okay, what else do we have? Hang on, let me look at my notes out. Look, I mean, you don't have to delve into your precious thoughts. A lot of this is bad. In order to bring us anything.

I'll bring up again the thing that I always bring up with you, Jordan, which is when I saw you on your podcast talking about how, in this day and age to plop is a choice if you're in the toilet. and when you have the It is When you have the option of like laying down paper We're not in like a scarcity situation With toilet paper these days

If you're in a cubicle It's a choice Absolutely I think about it every day I'm hearing like I'll be in one and I'll be like But what do you what are you What are you kind of freak who like gets off

on the water splashing on your ass what's going on there? Yeah. And like I think like people, oh god I think I like but you know what

I think it's because when somebody told me about that it really rocked my world I can't really remember how old I was. Talked you about like splash pads yeah

it was just like put the toilet paper down and I was like what? And I was really It's like yeah. Changes the game. It really does

and you just like you um you have you start to respect yourself a little bit more because going to the toilet is like humiliating every single time utterly utterly object like like i was watching this um netflix show about um going to the toilet going to the toilet i was just gay guys in the army and they all had to go to the toilet together and i was like guys and like and i and yeah i don't understand why they do that to people in the army just let them have cubicles yeah Why are they humiliated all the time? Wait, are the toilets?

There's no walls in the toilets? They may have changed it now, but certainly in 1990 when boots is set, not dust boot, other boots. Can you tell I just finished it before I got here? I mean, somebody told me about... That's the mindset we need you to come in by the day.

This is trench warfare. Yeah, yeah. Somebody was telling me about going to China in maybe the late 90s or early 2000s, and that it still just, like, was only recently kind of like some parts were open to tourism and he would go to some parts and it would be very big open bathrooms like that. And because he was a white guy, just everybody would be pooping and just watching him specifically poop. And he was like, I mean, that's what I need.

Yeah. I need that kind of. I mean, I think it would just help you break across to the other side that you're like, okay, this is it now. I am a new person. and I can do anything. Ego death, baby. You know, yeah, ego death, baby. Like, you know, a lot of people

are needing mushrooms and stuff like that, but you go somewhere where your skin color is interesting to people and there's no cubicle walls. That's a sketch. It's an ayahuasca experience but you're just shitting in front of other people. You have an eyewash.

You just, like, you go to other, your brain just needs relief from the intense scrutiny. Wow. You're like astral project and stuff. And you just don't happen to, like you see God and you talk to them. And you fix all the stuff that happened in your childhood and forgive yourself. Yeah.

That's so good. Ego death in the shitter. That's sick. I mean, have you? I feel like there probably is a religion or a cult where part of their initiation involves. doing a shit on like a probably on a toilet on a pedestal in front of the entire congregation there is it's called the commune no there's not and they i can't believe you have data to back this up i know the one i've heard you talk

about one thing about this where they all look at they all like that one going down their technique they have a this cult has a thing it's a cornerstone of their beliefs It's that when you go down on someone, you go, male or female? Like, is it sort of like a universe? Well, I think it's usually females, but like it's so funny, like all of them, like they, like the way that they all talk about it. Because it started with like, they don't have doors in their toilet, so they all shit

in front of everyone. Wow. Another situation like this, yeah. Yeah. And it's like, yes, because we would, oh my God, yes. Because it's like, because cults, like nobody joins a cult. Like, one day you wake up and you're like, Oh, my tubes are tied.

Why do I do that again? Or you've got like six kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or maybe more. Six is crazy in this day and a year. Yeah, you've got six kids to three partners and everybody's dressed in orange or whatever like that. You wake, because you just join because you want,

this is, this is concerning. Yeah, I think just from sitting. You should stand too. I might go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to leave this with you. Oh.

I know, every time I stand it, I'm like, oh, my God. This is, like, all bent or something. Do you know, this was very damning. I got, I got a hip injury from sitting. Oh, my God. The guy was like, how often are you sitting? And I was like, all the time, baby. I hate to stand.

And he was like, you must at some point. And I was like, no. It's got to be sketched. Yeah. She's been hitting those chairs too hard. I've been hitting the chairs. It was because I hadn't worked at the zoo. And at the zoo I used to do like 15,000 steps a day easy.

Oh, wow. And then like, he was like, has your lifestyle changed? And I was like, well, I've always had a standing job. I've never sat down. And now I work in an office. And that's been happening for a year. And he was like, so perhaps. And I was like, so it must be.

something i'm eating i don't know he was like it's the sitting and i was like but sitting feels great it's good it feels so good i'm always looking for every time i walk in a room i think i'm looking for a seat yeah i don't know what that is i mean how can that be um how can how can how can we adapt change sitting like sit better i mean i'm not talking ergonomics here okay i'm like how can we um maybe adapt to the human form to like be more uh better for sitting i know what we can do yeah we need to go into a gravity free space yeah because do you ever watch those um uh like vlogs of um astronauts i try not to they just seem a little smug they are i like knowing that you're up there but I liked you a lot more before I could see you in a video.

This is true. I don't like you doing experiments to school kids and stuff. Yeah. I'm trying to do experiments for school kids down here on earth and you're making me look bad. And I hate when they're like, because they always talk about how there's no gravity. And they're like, we can just sleep any direction we want.

And I'm like, I hate that. Like, it's deeply upsetting. She was just like, I can sleep upside down. I'm not going to get blood rushing to my head. And their hair's all quick. It's terrible. It's awful and they have to piss into a big like sucky thing because otherwise if they don't piss in there then the piss floats around in particles. It's so weird. There must be so much piss floating around up there because you wouldn't be able to stop all of it from escaping it over time. Do you reckon it ever like you could be in a completely different part of the at a little globule just tap it away? What do you do? Do you catch it and then like...

I think that's probably the responsible space thing to do. Maybe there's a piss in space sketch. Pissing in space. I mean, look, I mean, astronauts doing a video about... This is how we piss in space. And it turns out that either A, they're just pissing into each other's mouths. Like, you know, we get a lot of questions about how we piss in, pee in space. We just.

It's really simple. We're just piss into each other's mouths. You're going to love this sketch. You've come back at the perfect time. Oh, they have some sort of weird little animal or something that's up. Well, there's like, there's a guy there. Like, every, because all on space, what are they called, satellites? Oh, yeah.

They, there's like, you know, there's like Russians and like, and Americans and they all like, someone's like a biologist, someone's a physicist, like they all have their special skills. And then there's one guy that like, it's kind of in the background of their vlogs. Nobody talks about what he does. He turns out he did it. Yeah, they're all pissing everybody. Oh my God. Because there's no gravity in space. So the piss particles go everywhere unless they piss directly into this guy's mouth.

You need a kind of constant. just toilet that can go catch the stragglers and stuff yeah and he loves it and he's really really tall he's like he's like so tall what do you reckon like six four yeah yeah like tall enough that you're like that's the first thing you're going to notice and like and like and he's kind of he's kind of not he doesn't look super happy and he's always there like on like a ds he's like he's not even like an astronaut or something He's just some guy He's not really like Make attention

Or all that tuned in to the He's got one skill And he does it so well And he's What does he do with his own piss? Is he drinking the piss piss piss? He's got a piss in his He will piss maybe in the air

And then he can eat it like Homer Eating the chips Then he'll eventually When he's full he comes back down they send him back down to earth when he's full of piss and they have to swap him out for another guy

yeah a piss drinker space space piss drinker and then there's like there's some kind of like okay maybe there's another um

Christmas movie but it's the first woman best drinker the first woman drinker in space in space and she falls in love with

or when somebody falls in love with her as they're pushing towards her mouth and he's trying to not piss in her mouth and then like and she thinks he hates her but he's like he doesn't want to piss in her mouth because he really likes her he thinks he's trying to make life easier for her

so she doesn't have to drink it and he's like I'm going to get we need this or else we'll destroy the machinery and he's getting so sick and he's got the kidney stone he won't fiss in her mouth but then you know what when he proposes to her

he does it with a ring made with one of the Kisnik kidney stones yes isn't that nice yes that is nice basically he made that diamond in his bladder out of love yeah

and you know people are doing that though but out of semen they'll dry it and then they turn it into like almost a crystal and girls are getting that nice little promise rings

what the fuck and what a promise it is what a promise there's more where that came from I hope it's very cool I mean I mean

are they really doing that well yeah I imagine why would they lie I mean it's I don't know they probably are lying I think I think people are doing that,

but I think they genuinely think it's a nice idea. I wonder what would have to happen to my brain for me to think that was a nice idea. I think you would just maybe CTE. What's CTE? That's when you've basically had too many concussions and your brain works working super well. Well, when you put it like that, it thinks it sounds sad. And it is sad

Which is why it's devastating That you've turned to that But I mean I guess like if you can take a bunch of ashes From somebody's body And then press them Compress that into a diamond There's no reason why any of the other carbon It comes out of it couldn't just be compressed

They're just like little people as well I think what little diamonds The yeah Oh yeah oh yeah sorry the sperm Exactly the semen They're just essentially little I thought you were calling semen and little diamonds.

Little diamonds. My little diamond. You know that I think people can take, you can take ashes of somebody who's died. Yeah. And they can compress it into a diamond. That's cool. So I just thought maybe you can come into the same vial.

Yeah. And they can just compress that. Because it's, you know, sperm's mostly made out of carbon. Prune. Okay, sketch idea. Oh, here we go. We're ready.

So somewhat, I always, my dad, the way he wants to be like, like gotten rid of is like he he wants to be vertically dropped into the ground in a biodegradable bag and I keep imagining us like witnessing that and so like what it like maybe just that is the sketch but also like maybe someone like their like last wish was that they they they're the bodies dispose of

in this like really fucked up way and there because I think I would love to have an open casket and have and get like really

fucked up makeup done oh it's like really really bad and like unflattering or just like over the top or I think over the top I think I want people to

to see me in a way that they have never seen me before wow I want to prank everyone is it is it that like you you want them to think that you want

wanted to look really sexy after you were dead? Or that someone... No, I think I just want them to think that there was a bad makeup artist and now I'm forever... That's the final memory. In eternity, you're stuck like that

looking like... Yeah. Yeah. And I would love to start a rumor that I'm going to be embalmed. Like I just would love a bunch of people sitting around at a coffee catch up being like, you know, she wants to get embalmed.

She's getting embalmed. You feel about like an open casket, but face down. Yes. That's good. That's fun. Face down, over easy. That's what they call it in the industry. Yeah.

But still pants on? But out? Well, you don't know. Maybe you don't know. Maybe you don't know if they've got shorts on. Okay, like in the bottom half. Yeah. Oh, you only see the top half.

I'm like, no, you only see the bottom off. and your face down. Yeah, your face down. And you're naked. Your face down. You only see the bottom of and you're naked. Ah, that's good. They've done the makeup thing on your butt so it looks beautiful.

Yeah. Peachy perfect. Well, there's two coffins and one of them is you and one of them is a dummy. Oh. And whoever, if you get it right, you get a bit of the inheritance. If you could guess which is it. Which is the real butt. His true family will know his real ass.

Oh, that's good. That's really good. They have a little game element, a little game show element. I would like to maybe just have each one of my finger, my hand embalmed, and then each one of my families gets a finger. That's nice. They can carry around with them. Lucky finger.

And maybe they could use it as the code for unlocking their phone or something like that. Yeah. Maybe they could use your finger nail for, like, popping open cans of soda or something like that. Yeah. Because it does hurt your finger sometimes. Sometimes you get your nail under the, like, in the split in the metal, like that. Do you ever get that? No.

Yeah. I don't think I've ever had long enough fingernails to make that happen. You're right. I think I, oh, I've got some type of... You still got a little bit of stuff. Go off King, that's all yours. All right, let's see. Okay.

um places that you know i don't know just stuff like ways of just completely like i guess a real jerk who just decides that he's going to burn all of the money that he has left for inheritance not a nice guy on on whatever it is that he's burial so basically he says to the funeral home i want to spend it all it's got to all go on the funeral on whatever so i mean if you need to drive a race car into a wall and then blow up that wall and everything goes down and then you just go over it with a bulldozer and that's my burial. Yeah, what a spectacle. Yeah, you just like, however, whatever it takes, it's like, you know, you, like, basically if you, you, you spend 90% of it, you get that last 10%. Only if you spend 90% of it like that. Yeah, I think that's

good. I like that. yeah well i mean you can't take it with you but you can spend it all uh on that in the last second yeah big thing like maybe your your ashes go up in space with katie perry and gale gale how's gale doing um she seems fine she did not want to go up into that little spaceship i think opera was asked originally and then she forced gale to do it whoa yeah I mean, that seems crazy. Why would Gail do it? She was terrified.

Yeah, right. Oh, man. And I think Katie Perry was high as a guy. Yeah, right. Afterwards, she was like, you know, I felt love. And then she was like, you guys, you've got to go into orbit. She was like, you don't know love until you've gone into orbit. Wow.

I thought I knew love, but I guess not. Not until you go into orbit. There's a new better kind of love, and you can only get it in orbit. I mean, what about, uh, Did Bezos's wife go up as well, his new wife? Yes, she did, yeah. What's her name? I don't know.

But she is scary looking. Yeah. She's freaky-looking. Yeah, she is kind of like, she was like bred to be a billionaire's wife, I feel. Yeah. You know, it's crazy because there is just a certain type, you know, I don't know how you, how you do it. Like, does she come from money or is it just like, she just? She's just a newsreader.

Yeah. Oh, there you go. Well, that's it. Well, that's it. But doesn't the ex-Mrs. Bezos, McKenzie, whatever her name is, doesn't she just look like the loveliest person? And she's just living the best life. And giving away all this money.

Yeah. So if I was as rich as these motherfuckers, you would never hear from me. You would never hear from me. Yeah, absolutely. I'd be silent. Sitting down somewhere, getting hip injuries. What about, I don't know how to do this sketch, but maybe like the first billionaire mime?

Oh, I mean, look at this. The first. So he's got a billion dollars. Yeah. Did he already have the... From mining. From mining. Whoa.

Mining. And people always think it's mining. He's a miming billionaire. He's a miming billionaire. And he has to correct them by miming. Every time people have been saying, mining billionaire Andrew Forrest. Yeah.

No, no, he's a miming billionaire. He's a miming billionaire. From Fortescue Minerals. Yeah. And he's not like, he's miming. Fortescue Minerals is a miming company. It was the nickel one as well. Miming Nichols?

I mean, he was miming for Nichols because he was mostly doing it just busking. This guy was, you know. Yeah, yeah. miming for Nichols a lot of the time throughout America and things like that, but he got real. I mean, what is incredible about miming is that you have, it's the only business where you literally have no equipment costs. Yeah. Right? You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you don't have any, uh, apparatus. Your overheads are so low. Yeah. Right. Because you don't even

have a briefcase. That's right. And he's already got everything that he needs in the - Such a good business model. It's so, and, and I, I would like it if, but you know you can take a leave this if his miming money isn't from performing as a mime but like the mime is like it really is a verb like he's he's miming and it helps do tasks it helps like it is part of a production line like he's trying to what the hell you could be talking about

but he's not he's not performing Like people are like We need to like Oh God Will someone help this gorilla And like he's miming to the gorilla Or he like he's miming like Hey

That's how he makes And this is how he made the million dollars A lot of reward money From like saving people from gorillas By drawing attention He's beautiful lines And like Doing this

And most of his miming is not like Like he's not very good at like Rope miming and stuff But he's good at like it like you can go like you do do that quite well like like you know you can tell you have theater yeah thank you really see it i did think i did think try to keep your elbows straight yeah wow you're like for no reason to have no you're doing it wrong i know i know i'm mostly waving with my elbow it's almost like i'm yeah i mean i love that okay let's see we need

a new macarena oh yeah yeah yeah because it's It's just been so long ketchup song. Ketchup song, yes. Well, okay. I mean, the nut goes all the way back to the nutbush. Yeah, I mean, the very first popular dance. I'd say the docee dough. Invention of dance.

Of course, the docee dough. Okay. Yeah, I mean. Because, I mean, I missed a lot of them. I missed the, you know, look, I'm going to struggle to find names. But, okay, we just need something. And maybe it can be a leg macarena. You know, people have realized, you know, rebooting things is just the easiest way to go.

people are just now trying to get people to do the macarena with their legs yeah it's just you know it's like it's easier it's like it's like Disney recreating the movies and making it real life there's not really any change so people are just going

one two two like this and then they do it with their legs a little bit of this like that and then they turn and then it's just the leg macarena everybody hates it yeah but it the kids but it still makes a billion dollars it still makes a billion dollars It's the kids, all the kids are doing it and look, I'm so crazy that that is like, that is movies now.

It's like, everybody hates it, but it still makes a billion dollars. It's like that. Every time we did again, everyone hated this one again, made a billion dollars. That's that happy song by Farrell. Yeah. That was, no, I don't know, anyone who liked that. Yeah, and then it was just gigantic. In spite of whether or not you like it.

The Macarena song is so big. the leg macarena. They have to make a full movie of it, right? And then they need a reason for why people. And so then maybe the legs and the arms. It's like a Romeo and Juliet store. But like set in like Ireland during the troubles. Oh, not the troubles some other time.

When they, because they weren't allowed to dance. Have you seen that Alex Ward bit? She talks about the origins of Irish dancing. Or like Gaelic dancing is like they, it was so if like, British soldiers walked past. They would just look like they're all just like walking and that's like why they dance with their way. Okay, so were they

always behind a fence or something? Yeah, like it's like behind a window in a house so like if you looked over the window sill they just you just see them. I reckon that's a real fact or do you think that's Alex Ward like making up bullshit for a joke? Because that sounds insane.

It's I, this has happened multiple times to me in my life but particularly today where I'm realizing things that I hold as true facts are just things someone said one time and I've never thought to like, and I've told many people the Irish dance thing because of Alex Ward.

It's crazy. And so then the Irish people are doing the leg macarena. Yeah. And then some South American, I guess, from, is on a weird trip to Ireland. And they're used to just doing it with the arms. Yes, absolutely. But that somehow, their families, they don't like each other. And it's Pedro Pascal.

It's Pedro Pascal. Wow. Yeah, we got him. He's playing the woman in this. Nicole Kidman. Yeah. And there she is. She's Irish dancing, but then the macarena comes on and somehow she just understands

how to do it. But she can't because there's police constantly walking by. Wow. Like that. We were talking earlier today about casting movies based on wanting what you want the junket to look like. And I think a recent

recently divorced Nicole Kidman and a Pedro Pascal doing the movie promo circuit. I mean, this could be enormous. Really, whatever this movie is about doesn't matter that much anymore. There's going to be so much heat generated. I think that's so good. And they would be so funny on the...

And they would be all over each other. Yes. Oh, that's perfect. She's the only feel like, I don't know her that well, but she's pretty raunchy. Well, that's what they... I don't know her that well. I've heard this is why

they had to get divorced because she couldn't keep up with her insatiable appetite. But she's saying he had an affair. Yeah, right. So she said he had an affair. He says she's a horn dog. It's the same. Yeah. The truth lies.

God, you know what would be so good on that press circuit? They're sitting next to each other on the couch and they're touching each other just a little bit, just in a friendly way. But then their bodies start to sort of fuse together a little bit. Like into each other and like sort of mold together. Like that would be such a moment.

Can't you imagine? Did you see that bit where they started to sort of use? Their bodies started to fuse. Yeah. They became one. They came to a point like a genie. Yeah. And then they split apart again and stuff.

But it was like it was iconic. Yeah. What did you guys see much of the press junket? This was happening in real life to Ariana Grande. and um oh what's her name that other person from Wicked yeah oh my god I know her name

I've known her since she was in the color purple the musical Cynthia Arrivo right kill myself um she they were like basically on top of each other and they kept like holding hands so a little bit of this

stuff but I didn't you know and they were crying to each other all the time I wonder if there's like a sketch where it's a press junket I think they're morphing into each other is a great sketch as well but it's like because there were all these

I don't know if you saw the Em Roshiano interview with those girls but it was kind of crazy because a lot of people just started interviewers just were crying to these women who were just at a press junket they've got five minutes with you Has there ever been a movie

that's set entirely on the press junket of another movie no but there should be we were talking about sort of rom-coms weren't we yeah but I think that's a really good one right they they've got this movie to promote and maybe the movie's a bomb

and maybe the movie is a bomb because they didn't get along and they had no chemistry on screen or whatever but then like over the course of this very combative press jacket where they're forced to go be together to promote this film like he maybe he wanted to he thought he was ready to do like really high quality Oscar bait stuff. He was stuck with her in this movie. She's playing it like sort of

fun light kind of comedy sort of thing and he thinks that he's stopping her from getting an Oscar and so they had this massive falling out, right? But then on the press junket they sort of slowly being trapped together, start to fall in love, have a little bit of fun. And in the end, their passionate love affair on the junket turns the fortunes of this movie that was otherwise critically derided around and it makes a billion dollars. A whole bill! But because of the power of their love. Their love made a billion dollars for Paramount Skydance.

And because when the truck with all the film on it was driving down the street and there was a fork in a road and I didn't know where to go, there was a mime there going. Oh, there he is. That guy, he gets paid. He was working on percentage, the gross. And the movie makes so much money. That's what ticks him over into being a billionaire.

I think that's a wonderful idea. And I'm surprised that hasn't been, because you need like Matthew McConaughey right before he was like. Yeah, you really do. He's, have you seen him reading from his diary in a bookshop in London? I have not seen any of this from this new book, yeah. It's really funny. Is it a good, is it the quality of the book itself?

No. I'm not hearing when he speaks I'm not hearing words I'm hearing like the sounds that he's making and he's really added a whistle on his asses oh yeah he's like

yeah he's turning more into like a Warner Brothers cartoon character yeah like the pedophile from family guy so he's like you remember the pedophile for family guy? Oh we all do of course

he's saying somewhere that's green It's amazing that that show Just had a guy who in it who was a pedophile Yeah and had dream sequences Where he's married of teenage boy That is That is crazy It's been so long since I've watched an episode

Are they still making that show? Yeah, I think so It's crazy Like what is the economics of these things That can just, they can't die Like why does it still Have you heard Marge's voice? To change the law

She's like Hey kids Like she's gone Like it's good Because she's like Even like Lisa's like Hi father Like they're aging

Like And it's like Let I have a break You know I still I think that what they need to do Is they need to do One last season

Of the Simpsons And in every episode One of the members Of the family Dyes Yeah And they all just age And die

And then they can just close the show and maybe Maggie can be left at the end. Yes. And then maybe, or Maggie dies and then Mr. Burns is the last one's left standing. That's really nice. He just won't die. I love that. So like this, in that season of the

Simpsons, they actually do age with each episode. Yeah. And each episode is like a year. They age 10 years with each Yeah. Yeah. Oh wow. I hope that Maggie doesn't die as a baby. That would be the only. I think. I heard of here first.

that's my dream but although it's the final episode you want to do something shocking you know what I'm changing my mind I think Simpsons kill off Maggie Kill a baby The first episode

Wow Nobody's aged And then they And then they That's when they start aging Oh she's murdered She's murdered And then they

And the family get revenge It's who killed Maggie Simpson It's like the opposite Of who shot Burns Yeah Oh, this is great. The whole time everyone's like, surely it's Mr. Burns. There's a sketch idea?

It's a sketch idea. It's a sketch idea. Final season, opposite. I'm trying to think of some other. Right, I'm going to now, because my brain has sort of stopped creating new things, I'm just now going to go into my phone and look at ideas. Oh, okay. I was, something that made me laugh recently online.

was pictures of of letters and cards that school children wrote to deployed Marines and and like but they were always like thank you for dying for me oh one of them said you've like have you killed someone yet you don't have to tell me thank you for your service and like

and it was always and it was like and like they draw pictures of like we're getting shot and stuff and they were really funny and one of them was like um my like just they're just dumb like because they don't understand yeah i mean presumably these are the ones that they didn't send right like they've so much taken photo of these because they were like i work in the department where i have to like go through all these things before we send them to the guys at the front and i get out all the ones where are like hope you're not dead yeah

for one of them there was a kid like had drawn 9-11 and was like thank you remember this is what you're Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for that. It's a beautiful, it's a beautiful topic to just, I don't know. Is this a thing that can you create, can somebody create just like fake letters to the military from children? Is that a format that comedians can work in? Yeah.

Yeah. What can you get, like, is there a scenario where you get letters from, like maybe, maybe like before women get pap smears, they get letters from school children? being like, thank you so much. And like, do they draw it? Thank you for your cervix. Thank you for your cervix. Exactly. There's some children.

Is it the cervix that gets sort of scraped with it? I imagine. I honestly don't really know. I'm not paying much attention. I'm sorry to put you on the spot like that. No, hey, don't apologize. Get even. That's what I always say.

But I think, I think so. Yeah. I think they like really like, they give it like a pinch. There's a scrape. I think there's a scrape. Yeah. It's not as bad as it was.

I feel like my era, it's better. Mm. But yeah, I had a, I had a, um, my, uh, gynaecologist had the, the craziest, like, bedside manner. It was so funny. Oh, girl. Girl. Yeah.

And just like, like, rough as guts, but in like a fun, endearing way. And it kind of a Francis McDormon kind of way. You know what? That would help Yeah I reckon I think that And she was very like

Slip Slop slap about it You know Like And she didn't beat around the bush Well Now I should let you know You have done your time I've done my time

And Who's next? I don't know Even though the next guest hasn't arrived I feel like you know You are free It is 2 AM

I think it was Jonathan Schuster Oh he says he's here Sorry Oh my God I might just be outside I'll wait for Jonathan to come and I feel like it feels nice to have a change of it. Has anyone forgotten or has anyone like slept in?

No, I think, oh, a couple of people weren't able to make it. But my God, almost everybody has been here on time and it's fucking crazy. That's actually a miracle. Yeah. That is sick. I said I kind of, once I crossed my like nap thresholds where I was like, okay, I'm not going to nap. I was like, I'm just going to set an alarm just in case. something happens

I can't believe you come in with this much like alertness like I think that's radio training right like you're able to deliver you put a microphone in front of Jordan Bar I'm on and she's I'll turn off immediately though like it seems I get out

you drive and home? Yeah yeah great well what will I listen to something something sad yeah um oh my God Schuster how are

Are you? This is nice. I should have brought something. I feel like I'm fucking here. That's cool. That's really cool. Thank you so much. Did you want one or you?

I gave one to the guy up. Sleeping out there. I think there's started to be a home. Come on join us. I can at least walk out until you get to. Yeah. Yeah, we're live streaming across the world, baby. Homeless and stuff.

Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. I'll just come anyway. Good day. Gooday. Nice to you. Hello, welcome. Nice haircut.

Thanks. Did you get a haircut? It's the shortest it's ever been. It looks really good. Yeah. I love it. I don't mind it. I feel like it's a new adult version of me.

Yeah. You've emerged from under the... I've always been a bit scruffy. Yeah. I feel like it makes you look younger, though. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah.

Fresh. A little school boy. kind of thing yeah how are we hey we're great not too bad we're done well

you know what we've made a lot of progress under the the guidance of Gordon here you did great I threw a few shirper jokes

yeah yeah yeah we're watching yeah we definitely had a good a rich vein of like ice death based material

yeah it's in the it's in the it's in the Zygai guys those people are on that mountain yeah they still

stuck up there? Yeah, I think they're just always going to be, there's a queue. There's a queue to get to the top of Everest. Which is crazy. It doesn't seem like that good of a thing to do. What can you see up there? Like more mountains? Yeah, and also when so many people have already done it, is it that great of an achievement to go do?

Like, is it, wasn't it like, initially like, oh, I didn't, we don't know whether or not humans could do this, right? And then now you're like, okay, we know that humans can do this. And now we know that they can do it with a bunch of help for me. Rich people can do it. Yeah, rich people can do it. But now it's like all you're finding out is whether or not you're worse

than all the other people who have done it or whether or not you just might die. And it's inspirational speakers who have done it but so of a million other people that's not that inspiring. I mean, it is inspiring to think that you still have something interesting to say. I mean, the kind of self-belief that it must take.

You know what? I'm going to push past the mountain of evidence that nobody needs to hear my opinion and go out there and go on the speaking circuit. Yeah. I just have never found those people inspiring. You know that woman who swam from Florida to Cuba? Yeah.

And like she literally tore apart her family doing it. I was like, why? Really alienated her friends and pushed everything to the limit. Has you not seen that drama movie where it's like no one likes him at the end? Yeah. Everybody needs to see Whiplash. Yeah, yeah. I mean, why would anybody do some long endurance thing

that has no purpose like that, you know, that they don't get anything out of, it's just painful to watch and it doesn't listen to. Ask too much of their friends. Ask just the right amount. Yeah.

Thanks, John. Thank you. Great to be here. Thank you. I'll just come over. I'll just look. I saw the play, you're great in it. Sure, that's a great idea.

Oh, thanks, man. Yeah. What do you think about this is a sketch idea? Right? Because I recently, one of my sons was going to go daring. free for a while. And he decided or you've decided?

Well, we went to the doctor and he's been having reflux and stuff. And it was like, you know what, let's give this a go. And we haven't managed to stick to it all that well. But like the first thing I did was like, right, we're going to go buy some non-dairy cheese. Went and bought this, the biggest block of non-dairy cheese that I could find at the supermarket. Brought it home. And it says on there, looks, melts and tastes like real cheddar. and I think they put them

like those in order of like how much they could back that up it really did look like cheddar and I didn't get as far as testing whether it melts like that but it tasted nothing like cheese and that was the last one they said

yeah yeah yeah this is the last of the least I mean but really on my list of things whether it looks and melts like cheese is almost inconsequential relative to whether or not like a lot shit might look and taste like cheese. I feel like an old plastic bag, an old plastic bag. Indeed.

Like this would melt like cheese. Yeah. You could chop that up and put it on a pizza. Yeah. Diet yellow. I feel like a J.B. Hi-Fi bag. Plastic bag.

Would be milk and melt like cheese. Exactly. Yeah. And yeah, it was completely repulsive. So anyway, I guess I have an idea for a sketch, which is, I guess, me sort of hunting. down the people who have made this fake cheese company um kidnapping them and just asking them to like account for themselves in some way like how do they live with themselves what do they what do they have to say make them eat at gunpoint and say tell me what do you taste what does

that taste like yeah um great dairy maybe i wrap it around the muzzle of the gun and put it into their mouth. Yeah. This is a... This is me demanding accountability for the people who make vegan cheese and say that it tastes like cheese. Yeah.

They're liars. Yeah. Vegetarians, you can't trust them. Specifically this one company. I haven't tried all the different ones that they produce, but this one really quite shameful. I get excited when there's new.

I feel like veganism, the, what it was 10 years ago, what it's now is so impressive. Yeah, with the burgers and anytime there's a vegan, a new vegan thing, I have it just to see what the, what is it, the cutting edge of like not meat.

That's not bad, but you must have gotten some bad cheese. But I'm trying to think of, it's always hidden stuff cheese. If you're making a cheese sandwich, yeah, that's not going to work. Yeah, um, let's see, okay. Like, I mean, I think just the thing about hating people who hate on vegans, right? I feel like there needs to be, there just needs to be a reckoning where maybe they need to chill out.

Well, I think what they're trying to do is they probably regard that there should be some sort of conservation of cruelty in the universe. So if you're not, you as a vegan are not going to be cruel to animals, then maybe to balance things out there can be cruel to you as a, a vegan, accuse you of being self-righteous or going on and on about it or something like that? Then in that case, I think they need to be more cruel. Right. I agree. I think they're really balancing it out from the murder

and stuff like that. They're actually not being cruel enough. Do you think the vegans need to be kept in cages or something like that in a battery situation? Could they be tortured or something like that? Okay. Yeah, interesting. But I mean, like, I don't want the... Like, I don't really want these guys to to win from...

I'd argue. that listening to that joke where people say any vegans in the audience and then say, oh, too tired to put up their hands or something like that. I'd argue that counts as torture. Yeah. Like hearing that joke one more time, I think. Well, there's another very similar one.

It's like, how do you know if they're a vegetarian? Don't worry, they'll tell you. Exactly. And I feel like lately, they're pretty anxious about telling anything. I feel like there's a fear with them now that has really been pushed since the Wright got into it. power. Doesn't that just show you how

what a positive force comedy can be? Yeah, yeah, definitely. We did it. We bullied them in disembitioning. People trying to make the world a little bit better. Yeah. I mean, do you think that it should be you know, like there's a, maybe if the, if you are somebody who just attacks people for not eating meat, those are maybe the only people that you could eat their meat? I don't know. Look, it doesn't feel like it's quite justified.

Well, other men who say, you know what, I'm going to have two steaks now. Yeah, yeah. Okay. You will get bowel cancer and die. Yeah. And then, oh, but then as a vegan, they'd hate that, wouldn't they? Me, as an animal, getting bowel cancer and dying. Oh, good one.

You made me have two steaks. And now I am all the way out. Now I'm dying. Now you've caused animal suffer. Yeah. Nice work, vegan. Put that down. I mean, I think a guy who's large.

keeps getting more tortured whilst attempting to... What do you think about these cruelty-free products? Yeah. I mean, how can they guarantee that there's been no cruelty at all? I mean, maybe they haven't been in cruelty to animals, but what about just like sort of bit of workplace bullying

in the canning factory or something like that? Yeah, and they would have had... They would have mice people to kill the mice in the area, I feel like for it to be cruelty-free, at some point it was cruel. Like with lipstick, you would have to have put that on animals, or however they do. I don't really understand animal testing. I think it's putting...

I think it's putting the lipstick on the rabbit and seeing if you really want to kiss the rabbit. I think that's the test, isn't it? Like roller bunny. Yeah. The which one? Animal testing. Yeah.

So cute lipstick on. Yeah. I think we tested this odd animal. and trust me, we could not hold ourselves back. Yeah, I... That pig? We stopped testing them because we were sick of fucking them. We've, we stopped testing sort of cosmetics and stuff on animals,

but we have started testing these lingerie on a lot of the, a lot of the apes and things like that, and I got to tell you, it does the trick. It crosses, it crosses boundaries you didn't think that you... Let me tell you, it passed the test. Better than a sex doll 416 Yeah, baby This is exciting

Oh yeah You know, I can smell that That finish line Yeah I think that's what that is Smells like burning toast What What have I been up to?

Yeah, sure That'll do I had three out because it's so late I would have went to bed at 11 I was like well I'm up here till 2 so I was like you know what I'll do dying Keaton she passed away God bless her

and I was like it was mentioned that she was in The Godfather so I started watching The Godfather Oh have you seen that before I saw it ages ago but you know It means more now than I'm in old now Dying Keaton's not in it much Yeah

But family is very important to you Very very important Yeah And then she was in a lot of Woody Allen films I can't be bother watching but I wanted to pay respect to her so that's how I did it I think maybe the first wives club

yeah I think maybe that's all go back and watch which is crazy because it's a fine film I don't know why that's in a most well-known I think people really love it yeah I think for women in particular I think my mum after the divorce would have watched it with the girlies and it would have spoken to them

yeah yeah I think you know it's not written for us yeah but did you get anything out of... I mean, I'm genuinely thinking about that. But all the guys who've just left their wives hanging out with their new girlfriends. I think there's actually like a sketch in that

with the guys who've just left their wives with their younger girlfriends and they're in some holiday house. And as the reality of what some of that means, sinking in. You're like, I guess we got all the free time to hang out with these people whose lives are actually not that similar to ours. But still pranking their ex-wives because they're bad for some reason.

I feel like that's what they do. Yeah, there's a lot of pricking. But I think also like, you know, you got this new hot young girlfriend is going to have absolutely no interest in putting up with any of you. your bullshit, right? Like, they've got no investment in this thing. They're not trying to keep anything together. They're not making the compromises.

They're not used to making whatever compromises that you make over a period of time and a long-term relationship. And I think I really said something put around there. Yeah. It's a bit, yeah. I think the issue is, like, also like that you kind of, But there would be a part of you that kind of just goes like, what is life actually? What does it, what matters at all?

Because I think there's like, there's this weird thing where you, well, you know, obviously, when you, if you get married or you kind of get in some kind of big relationship and you're like, oh, I guess this is kind of it. This is a nice thing. This is a relationship. Things like that. And you guess, you know, like, and I guess I maintain this. And I guess we take care of each other.

And that's really nice. And then this kind of weird thing kind of seeps in where you're like, oh, I got this one life. I got to somehow like, oh, I got to do all the things that I, you know, I could. Maybe I'm not, I haven't done enough in my life like that. And you can't, and this weird, like, unsettledness where you're like, you kind of are afraid that you're going to die and you haven't done enough things. And you're like, ah, I think I need to have sex with somebody who's really young. Yeah, yeah.

Like that, you know. And then so then they kind of leave their wife and then they're like, oh, okay, this is actually a bit unstable and stuff like that. But I'm, you know, I'm doing that thing that old guys have always. wanted to do it just have sex with somebody who's pretty young oh okay then you kind of like gotta like keep yourself like motivated by just like um i'm sure this has been said before i'm pretty sure it's a common thing that people say but all like 90s and early 2000 movies is like a dad now a boomer who has the world and he's like but there must be more to life than owning my own house and having a lovely wife and beautiful kids he's like i need a fuck a young girl like i need to

start a fight club it just seems to be this weird I would kill for that yeah oh my god imagine having money you know and a family

yeah oh the life there must be more to life than this there must be more to love than having basically everything maybe it's a motorbike

yeah I mean you've already got a car with four wheels a motorbike is actually less than this you know you know what's like one of the guys one of the things that I think is maybe one of the other things that you haven't quite,

you know, that might, you know, okay, so you have a wife, that's great, you have a house that's great, having money, that's great, stability, happiness, you know, taking care of each other, that's really nice. But one time I did see a guy go on Dr. Phil and he had shaved his hair so that it looked like Dr. Phil's head and he had a mustache, so he'd come on. I mean, he was the guy who had directed bum fights, which was not a good movie. But I did think facing Dr. Phil, who was going to give him a hard time whilst looking at it so that Dr. Phil could yell

at him as himself. I feel like there was something so brave in that. And that's probably the one thing that I think is is missing. I don't have the courage. But it still does involve leaving your wife. No, I don't have to leave my wife. No, no. No. You want to do this right. I have the courage.

Yeah. I want to have the courage. Why how your wife would enjoy you? You shaving your head. Oh, okay. Okay, yep. Because you've got to start bum fights as well to do it. Oh, do I have to do that?

It's not the part. It's just as a facing Dr. Phil. I guess Dr. Phil doesn't want to talk to me unless I've made bump fights. So I've got to make a controversial film. How do you feel about bum fights, but they actually fight with their bums? I see. Well, that, I think, would have been nicer, yeah. Yeah.

And it was because it's like, it's soft. They can't, uh, guy, okay. Like reindeer's, but running up. Exactly. Yeah, running backwards. I mean, you know what would be great. you could bend over so you can see between your legs so you can still see where you're going

when you charge bum first towards the other person's bum and I think it's probably wearing special pants sort of arsless chap style where the bums are exposed like that. I wouldn't mind a camera and then goggles so you could actually stand up and run backwards. So you could see behind you? And you could aim.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's still butt first that you're charging towards me. I know while the dream is obviously to, you know, I guess the point of a bum fight is to hurt each other's bums. But I think for me, the real goal would be to interlock your butt in, like that. Yeah, it's like that. And sort of feel togetherness in a way that you never have. I have two plungers just together. The dream.

I tell you. Bum fights. But it's real bums. We've all heard of the midlife crisis. How about this post-life crisis? crisis. Okay? You get to heaven. You've got everything that you want, right? You're living in pure bliss and you think there must be more than this, right? Yeah. Abject perfection and then like, what do you do when you're in heaven? God's there, you know, and then what do you do? You go hook up with a

younger god maybe or? Wait, midlife was this post-life crisis? And so you're anxious after death? Yeah, yeah, you're in heaven. You've got eternal bliss, and you want, you still want more. I had an idea of a sketch where a guy is in heaven, because I've always loved the idea of stapling someone. I've always thought it would be so satisfying to just staple. I remember stapling that at school. I was like, I'm going to staple myself.

Yeah. And that's kind of painless. Yeah, wow. It's the second time that's come up today. Yeah. Well, not stapling, but just that the elbow skin doesn't feel that much. Yeah, oh, wow. I was a contending.

that it actually does, but Alastair was saying it doesn't. Yeah, I stapled it and no pain. But I like the idea of me being in heaven and my whole life I've never stapled anyone and I'm in heaven to stapling everyone. God's kind of calling me in going, it's everyone's heaven. Can you not staple?

But if it's everyone's heaven and this is what I want to do, then it's not everybody's heaven if I can't do this, is it? Exactly. Like either way, it's not heaven. So can I just staple some people? Or do you have to get people from hell to come up that I staple, you know, for my enjoyment? Yeah, I mean, would he do that?

Would God do that? Is he all powerful? Yeah. Or are you saying you can't do that, God? I mean, I love that there are staplers in heaven. Yeah. I mean, you'd like to think that heaven is like a paperless sort of economy. Yeah.

It's all in the cloud. Oh, come on. We did it. We, what about like? Like, I don't know, I like to think, what if, like, I don't know, I'm just trying to think about how you could, you could mess with God up in heaven so that it fucks with the reality of existence. Like, you know, like, I mean, there's a possible, you know, let's say like if somehow you slipped God and Mickey, a little, you know, slipped him an LSD tab or something like that. And I guess within his being, he holds the fiber of reality together. I think so he probably does.

Yeah, and so. He has to concentrate. So, you know, he probably is essentially maintaining a matrix using his own mind, like that. And so then weird things start to, you know, that's kind of like that jolts the, I don't know who's bringing LSD into heaven. You see God, supposedly, when you smoke DMT. Yeah. I'm imagining him and God DMT. Yeah.

Oh, baby. Yeah, yeah. Who does he see? That's what I want to know. Yeah. You just want to wait by his bedside while he, like, comes back to consciousness. And he goes, oh. like that

and he's like what did you see I have a creator like that you know maybe he realizes like that he's just a small part of a an even bigger god he's actually just the finger of another god he's just the finger

I thought I was the whole god but I'm just the finger just the finger and then he like then you pull back and you realize this is a guy's just got heaps of gods on his hands and then he's joined joined on sort of like at the legs or at the waist maybe. Imagine that a god, and every finger is a god.

The ending of Men in Black right now when he's a hero. And then it zoomed out. That universe is a marble. I got to say, when I saw that in Men in Black that first time, I loved that. I was like, that's the coolest.

It's the most spiritual thing I've ever seen. From a Barry Sonofield film we weren't expecting it, it was great. Men in Black is so good. Men in Black is so good. The Adam's family movies are so good. I remember, I don't know if this is a sketch, but I remember I hired the Adam's family twice in a row, and I was going to hire it a third time.

And mum said, no, no, I'm picking, and she picked this kid's film from, like, not recognisable. Just, you know, those weird tapes. Yeah. And then I went home. and then the opening trailers for it was one was a World War II documentary and a guy just point blank shooting another man in the head and mum was like whoa and then she's like all right took a back complain

they're creepy and they're quirky and then she's like what do you want to get I was like oh can I get the Adams family sucked in mom you made me witness a murder oh my gosh I witnessed a murder but I got to watch the Adams family again here's a great tip one time my mum accidentally showed me a murder and I got to do whatever I wanted so cool tip see if you can get your parents to show you a snuff film

very quickly did you ever bring that have you ever had to like bring up the time your mum showed you a murder as like you know as a way to like get anything out of her I think it was just that but I don't know if I've called her I sometimes have memories and call mum and be like do you remember this

Yeah. And, yeah, I don't know if I've brought that up. I might do it. Yeah, you know, it might be good for something, you know. Can I have a birthday? Yeah. I have 50 bucks. Um.

Maybe watch your bird or can all have 50 bucks? Oh, yeah. There's something about the idea of doing drugs with God, which I don't know if you've written that down, Alice. Yeah, I did write Giving God Ayahuasca. Right, yeah, great. There's something about it which feels like, such a like, like a 90s comedian kind of idea to be like,

you know, I'd love to do drugs with God. Yeah. Yeah. I know it's because even talking about religion. Yeah, even talking about religion in a kind of like serious way, like I've got to take it down or I've got to like, yeah, or yeah, using God as a character in a thing. Yeah.

It feels so old. It feels like we don't even need to ever bother anymore. Like this kind of almost like been like this weird. weird piece where it's like oh this is it's not worth trying yeah and also nobody gives a shit yeah like it's like it won't make a difference and even the people who are on the side of like yeah of like nobody thinks that logic is any is interesting at all in religion yeah it's like maybe someone who does comedy and then goes isn't the lyric the lyric doesn't make sense well that that's that's kind of the point it's all it's a poet it's a poet it's a poet

It's like it's supposed to be a bit wishy-washy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you take this poem literally, it actually doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's... I guess there is something

of making fun of that idea. But, like, what is, like, a good example that kind of makes it seem like you're mocking all the comics that they're. I don't know George Carlin he would always do stuff like that yeah yeah I mean I find the hardest thing with stand-up

is finding something to be sure that I'm like I think I do want to talk about this like every time I go oh maybe this maybe this and I'm just constantly going ah now this is to this is to that and things like that and then it would be good to have stronger opinions on stuff then you could go up and say it with conviction

But I'm always like, I don't know. Yeah, I also think that everything's a little bit, like, is like a bit this, a bit that. And also some stuff that is, you have a strong opinion of, it's like, it's something that it's so obvious that it doesn't feel like it's worth saying. So that's why, like, I feel like I have to take sometimes a strong position on something that is, like, just obviously very dumb, not important. And, yeah, if you take this poem, and if you take, wait. The lyrics

Where have you been? This has been going so well guys It's one of my favourite things to say When someone just walks in the room It adds a bit of gossip or like You've been doing something wrong Well I mean I prefer it to the

Oh here he is You know Which is a bit That's a bit like A bit macho You know But the where have you been He's like a housewife

Whose husband has just come in Late Your dinner's cold. Yeah, with a candle at the very bottom. Yeah. Your dinner's in the oven. Where have you been? You're going to want to sit down for this.

I bought a new chair. That's good. Yeah, that's yours? Yeah. That's great. But do you want to sit down to hear that you've got a new chair? I know. I don't want to question the logic of what you made is created.

But she doesn't know that he means for the chair. So she may have sat down before she found out about the chair and realized that she had actually sat down too early. Right. Oh, yeah. You know, so actually now she's going to have to stand up again. So when you call someone up, you say, are you sitting down? Yes?

What is it? Oh, okay, forget it. I was going to buy a chair, but it sounds like you've already got one. Also, your father's passed away. I was buying the chair with some inheritance money She stands up Someone faints by standing up again Someone who's laying down

Yeah I'm like that does a full A full Dracula She's a stand fainter I wonder how that became a big thing with Dracula's because if Dracula was supposed to be In those movies like kind of just a real man Initially

How did it go from that to being a guy who's like Can pivot on his heel from laying down I think it helps that the casket is at his stomach I feel it's easy to do a sit-up when you're when you got pressure on your knee something's holding there you can anchor your feet somewhere and then it's not all abs yeah somehow you lose it yeah his feet are doing a lot of the hard work he's coming up you do that we could all do it in a car this is revealing the secrets of the Dracula's revealed

Secrets of vampires unlocked. You write that down? Yeah. And the secrets of the vampires unlocked. So like, but in this world of the secrets of the vampires unlocked, they are still vampires, right? But we're just trying to make some of the stuff they do seem less impressive. Like that thing where they sit bolts upright in the casket,

it's just because their feet are pressing against the lid, right? So it's not that impressive Yes, he can still suck the blood He can turn into a bat But how he does it He bit a bat And that's how he, is that how they Are they bit a bat?

Did he bit a bat? I reckon he got bitten by a bat Right? I don't think Vampirism What's that You know COVID the first person to get it? What are they called?

Patient Zero Patient Zero What's the Patient Zero vampire? Is it a bat or a human? What came first? I think it was. It was a, I think it was a lab leak. Yeah.

In Wuhan. In Wuhan. COVID start with a bat. Exactly. Yeah. It's the... The best ever Instagram post is Guy Sebastian crouching in about October, 24, whatever. Yeah.

You know, just going, man. It was just in Wuhan. I ate some crazy shit. Can't wait to tell you guys all about it. Yeah. Big stuff coming or something. Yeah, yeah. And, oh, man, the idea that Guy Sebastian is patient zero.

I just want to see him like Forrest Gump in a lot of really important moments throughout history, but that have nothing to do with music. Yeah, obviously. Obviously, you know, sort of, you know, helping somebody win the, like a, you know, a silver medal at the Winter Olympics. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

He was the patient zero of that person winning, silver at the Toronto Olympics Well, Guy Sebastian being patient You're over like all of them Like, uh, AIDS and mad cow to see You know? I mean, I do love this

Did you see? Angels brought me here To the place where The Black Plague started Yeah, okay Guy Sebastian That found to appear as patience, zero.

I mean, it'd be great to have like the scene at the end of the Shining. But you're zooming in on an etching from the 1600s. A cave painting. Go the fro. Oh, imagine. Finger paint. Is that what people said about him go the fro? Was that part of his like...

Really? And he shaved his head. Yeah. I mean, he was a pretty different looking dude back then. Yeah. Yeah. Just kind of like a goofy... I guess he was just a young man, right?

Just a young, young man. Just a young guy. I mean, I think... I think people who get a stylist, it does, especially young guys. Mm. It does a tremendous amount of things for your look. Sure. The general vibe.

I think generally, a lot of guys are not thinking about... fashion for a very very long time or at all what they look like and couldn't give a shit and i think if you suddenly are in the spotlight or whatever like that people who are in peer positions of power give a tremendous shit about what you look like and they will make decisions about like i think that guys just looks like a grub all the time i don't want to i'm off this fucking thing when i first had some money when i first moved out of home and first went to university the first thing i did was buy a whole lot of Echo Unlimited clothes So like that was

Before that I literally my entire life I'd been wearing hand-me-downs And And what's Echo? Are we talking like a sports brand? I think it's a kind of a skate brand I think their logo was a rhino Oh the rhino

Yeah So I had Now the tram They're similar Yeah They're really Keep bringing back that fucking rhino tram campaign

They've been doing that for like 10 years I reckon if they do, which they don't do anymore since the internet, but I remember we would watch like the top 10 ads and it would go for an hour. Remember that on 7? Oh, yeah. Maybe Tim Ferguson used to host it at some time. And there'd be ad breaks in that show.

Yeah. These ones didn't make the cut. You can watch some lower quality ads. Yeah. Yeah. So you bought a lot of echo. Yeah, that was the first time that I actually was like, I'm going to really, I'm going to look so good.

And I'd like, I've never looked worse in my life. But it was, it was, it was me. Where did you grow up? Tasmania. Oh, that's why. Echo was big there, was it? Oh, yeah. No, it just seemed like something that they were selling in shops.

I definitely went into like one clothes shop. And the girl there was being slightly nice to me. And so I bought all this stuff. That's help. yeah like spent all my money yeah a lot of the time my issue would be if some if a shopkeeper asked me if I needed any help I'd be like oh I don't want to talk to anybody I'm fine like that and I just go buy something really quick and get out of there and then yeah I don't think I I ever felt comfortable looking at myself in the mirror to be like does this look good like

I don't think I I love looking at myself in the mirror I mean I get it more now I understand more making a judgment looking real close yeah take a good hard look at look, I do. Yeah, yeah. Beautiful skin. Yeah. Yeah, I've got beautiful skin. Thank you, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It looks good even out of the mirror. Mm. Yeah. I reckon we've all got pretty good skin. Yeah, mine's deteriorated a little bit. Yeah, it wasn't too bad for me. Yeah.

Oh, it wasn't a little phase, but it wasn't that bad. Do you think the person in the mirror is like another living person? Oh. Can I get their organs? Do you think, yeah. What? Do you think that there's like a full on other, what was that thing with, like, electrons where there was something like

they were actually like oh actually when there's an electron in the in the mirror it is another electron like or something like that I can't remember Is it an electron in the mirror? You know when there's like you know when an electron reflects

Oh right no I haven't heard this I can't remember it was something like that I think that's crazy man parallel universe is what you're saying Yeah that is equal and opposite Mirror world Yeah Which kind of you know What about this

A changing room at the supermarket right and you get a you get a packet of pasta or something like that you say oh where are the changing rooms they're like oh down there and you can go down there with your packet of pasta you just look at yourself in the mirror with the packet of pasta just seeing how it looks try like it like it under your arm like that or like sort of maybe it's a big sack of rice you can put it up on your shoulder

and just see no it's not quite right and then you just dump it on the ground outside and you go get another one Well, they do sell clothes at the supermarket, a lot of jobs. They do, don't they? Bonds, sometimes on half price. Still seems like the most expensive underpants you've ever seen in your life. You're like, how are you charging $40 for a pair of... If you're buying underwear at the supermarket, something's gone wrong, you know?

They know they've got you over a barrel. They got you right where they want you. And those changing rooms are just down there. Yeah, you can wear them out of the store. Yeah. And the things at the supermarket, they don't even, they don't want you even trying to use the bathroom, right? Because you've got to go through those back doors.

Yeah. You've got to go to the back dock and then you've got to get into like the staff office and then there's a toilet in there, but they don't really want you using it. You know, at a pinch you can sort of maybe get it done, you know, but you're like, oh, it's an emergency and then they'll be like, oh, all right. It's so exciting going backstage of a supermarkets. market where it's all cement it's really fun and i've never been back there oh i used to work at the

deli and going over to the fruit section their bin smelled amazing because it's all fresh fruit now rotting so it's like the sweetest version of a cucumber yeah but how has your bin at the deli section ham it's like it's empty daily it's a bit gross because you've got to get the you you've squeegee into a trough. And then it's like meat, slime. Flakes and that can still smell fine, I guess. Okay, right.

But if you got, if you had to sniff a bin at the supermarket, it would be the produce to parlorne. The produce, number one. Great. Top bins to sniff. I would, Tim Ferguson presents the top 10 bins to sniff in the city.

That's a supermarket. The top bed. Melbourne city's top. 10 best sniffing bins. Number one, if you can get back into the back dock at the Woolworth Superbarian. Bakery would be great. Yeah, bakery wouldn't be too bad. Oh, yeah.

They should put Baker's Delight in the CBD. Yeah? Why are there no Baker's Delights like, you know, at train stations and stuff? Baker's Delight is incredible. It's almost the best food you can get, right? And where do you go? Like, if they put, if they put, I'm giving them this idea for free. Put a fucking baker's delight at Southern Cross Station.

You will make a billion dollars. It's great. And it's the only thing I've ever craved. And it was while I was in Canada. Yeah. And they don't, and I just like, because all the bread sweet, you know, maybe the whole food stuff.

But then I found a Cobbs. Yeah. In Canada, which is a baker's delight, but Americanized. Mm. I don't know. That's not a sketch, but that was. No, but. trying to connect that look yeah that's good it works sketch idea rather but like but like a i'll be if i'm

honest with myself um maybe some sort of cross-cultural bakery come no forget it i can't do this there's no sketch idea there i want i want to i know this is not enough but like i want a sketch where we talk about tips on how to convince the supermarket to let you piss in their in their hole in their hole but in their toilet like like I know I get but it's like they're gonna need you to have some urgency you can't just be like I need oh I've just got a little bit of piss

I just need to get out it's got you gotta but like you gotta have that um hey in that boy I need to use the bathroom yeah yeah you gotta have it because they're like

I knew I used to use it with work I would use it with work I would be like you know if I had to call in sick I would just go yeah man I got to go I got, I can't come into work today. I just got awful diarrhea.

I'm really sorry like that. Diary is no question. I did diarrhea for a while. Yeah. It's easier. It's yeah. You have to put on a voice. Exactly.

You don't have to pretend somebody died or anything like that. It's just diarrhea. And then, you know, and that way, and then also diarrhea. Like, you might have a gut condition. Yeah. You know? And then suddenly, you can get out of so many. Yeah.

It's called diarrhea because it clears your diary. That's where they're, The name comes from. Yeah, that's great. All right. Somebody. Because it does clear your diary. I feel like I used to do,

I used to work in a call center. And just like every couple of, maybe every month, I would just say diarrhea. Then I could be like, hello, and talk in a nice voice. Yes.

I've got diarrhea. And then I... Put the phone up to your ass. Yeah, yeah. Let me hear you shit. But I'm just panicked that there's a, bulk billing place in St Kilda where I used to live

that would just have a file on me would be like diarrhea like for three years this guy's not well yeah yeah you're on a list that's on your permanent health record now is it? I don't know I don't know how it goes it went to the cops

yeah yeah yeah that's on the permanent record don't tackle him yeah stay off of him you're on a DNT list tackle list this guy's loose the sky is loose

this sky is loose that's what God would say when he's on yeah that's what everybody would say when God's on DMT or whatever we were talking about

sniffing bins and we were talking about do you guys ever how much of your time do you dedicate now to think I should just start just like getting bottles out of people's recycling bins and taking them down to the 10 cent container thing.

How much could I make doing that if I made that my whole life? Yeah, yeah. And I just went, you know, know which streets have got their recycling bins out what day and I just go up there, up and down, getting all the cans out of the bins and putting them in and taking them down in my station wagon down to the thing and recycling them all and getting the 10 cent deposit. Do you think about that at all? I've never thought about that, but I know that you can make money from it now.

And I wonder how it changed when the law came in, because everyone used to always have to do in South Australia. Yeah. But I do see there's one, maybe it's in some footscray where there's a one. And you see lines of people. Yeah. People loading it up. Yeah.

I used to do it with a friend James Wernicke, if you're out there. In Geelong, we would back up a car to a function center. and we'll get all the wine bottles and then we'll drive to an abandoned old factory and we'll throw the wine bottles at this wall and he once said no matter what you're feeling throwing a wine bottle at a brick wall will make you happier and it was correct

yeah it's so fun and that's smashrooms this was 20 years before oh yeah yeah um uh this is uh it's like it's like teenager It's like a wisdom From a dodgy teenager But it's true wisdom Yeah true wisdom from a dodgy teenager

Yeah One of the one few times I've ever confronted somebody in my life Was I went to a party Somewhere in Abbotsford I didn't know the person whose party it was But a friend Invited me along

Oh okay, yeah No no Well I mean But I'd gone along with somebody and I was there and then this guy started picking up beer bottles and just chucking them through the open gate out onto the alleyway and smashing them against the wall of the building opposite and the glass was going all over the sea and he didn't done this a few times and I just after a while I was like nobody was saying anything and I went to this guy and

said hey man I don't get the fuck out of you I don't think you should be doing that and he's like who are you like oh i'm andy and like this is my party what are you doing here yeah yeah he made me made me leave but also you i guess you were doing it because you just assumed that no one would smash a bottle at their own house in their own like kind of looking after the owner but yeah yeah yeah not only do i not respect that i'm also like not only am i am i an asshole, I'm a fucking idiot.

And so I'm going to do this anyway. Hi, I'm the guy at every high school party who decided to hang off the door of the fridge and break it. Now I have, yeah, he just hosts his own parties being kicked out of every other one, but he's still the worst guy. Yeah, here's how my life turned out now. you, maybe you were a responsible person in your teenage years and you didn't hang off the doors of fridges at parties and break them.

I was and that's why today I run a venue which is all fridges and you can come here and hang off the doors and experience what it was like to be me because it fucking ruled and you were busy out and then all these people who didn't do that they can go and they can have that chance now and they feel and you know what it is great it feels so good you get a bit drunk on carton colds yeah oh man the worst yeah yeah and break some people's fridges i've ever been to a party where someone swung off a fridge door oh i think i might have just like seen one or two or maybe i i heard of one and then and a side it's in the corner yeah and then somebody and i heard about another one and you just go like but it's just like

just a particular type of fuckhead that goes to parties and is like yeah it won't matter if we fuck this place up this person's parents place and just like destroy this kid's life for for absolutely no reason just be an absolute dead shit like that and then just dreaming of how these people's to life turn out did you say that he's just started a venue that's all fridges yeah you can hang on every single one you can and that's that's what i've started to do and my life has turned out really fun. Nobody ever tells me not to do it anymore because they're my fridges. Yeah.

He has a great time. And so does everybody who goes there. It's like a smash room, but it's a smash room that's themed like a house party in the 90s. It's like, that's themed after the mistakes that I made in the past that I now stubbornly say were my greatest success. Yeah, yeah.

It's called glory days. Come to glory days. And you can do all the stuff I did The best time of my life The best few months Piss in a kettle Yeah Yeah

Uh yeah Um take a shit on the parents' bed Yeah You get active coming and going Fainting Yeah They seem so genuinely disappointed Yeah

I found the mum's vibrator in a top drawer It ran around the house waving it. And now you do it every day. It sounds kind of fun. I would have a fan 20 bucks. I'd do that. So I'm on a fridge. House party style experience.

How about this? It's a roller coaster of the 20th century. You know how you can do like roller coaster Indiana Jones or roller coaster Superman, this is a roller coaster that takes you through all the events of the last 125 years or something like that.

You go through some wars, you know? Oh, up here, it's the... Careful, it's the tech boom. It's like... Watch out. Jeff Bezos's pile of books is there. I hope it doesn't... In his garage,

hope it doesn't fall over. It didn't. Now, oh, 2001. Oh, there's 9-11. Oh, look, and we fly as we go. Oh, you fly through the building. Oh, there's Tower 1 and there's Tower 2. Maybe all the big explosions, whatever that one was all the astronauts, and it blew up.

Challenger? Columbia? Yeah, it might have been. The one with the teacher on it, yeah. Geez, we all heard that, and that just really shook. to our core just like you get an opportunity like I think that really

made me realize that you can get the opportunity of a lifetime and something goes wrong and just fucks it up like that and you just yeah you never quite trust when good things are happening

how does this how does this how the teacher doing in space though you know they already know a lot to get into space there's no children

in space to teach yeah maybe she was going to teach The astronaut, something. They're the smartest. It's true. That's the last place you need a teacher. What are we doing?

You know, maybe they don't know the current, like, Slovenia curriculum for year fives. But imagine you've been to space, and then you come back and you've got to go back and teach grade too. And you're going, you know, oh, you're handwriting bad. You're like, bitch, I'm an astronaut. What are you doing here? I'm glad

Yeah Space shells, baby I mean I guess that was also Like the point where you're like Oh we don't really know what we're doing As a species You know we think we know

But like it's all It's not quite as lockdown I feel like there's an old Short story from you Years and years ago, maybe about the slow Loris about how we all think we're the head of the food chain, but the slow Loris is essentially looking down at us going, yeah, they're actually in control. And they're up in the trees looking down on humans. And they've got that one long finger.

Is that the slow Loris? Yeah, I think, oh, they've got the, there's a classic one where you tickle them and they're like, do that. Oh, what's the one that has the really long finger that it scrapes stuff out of the bush baby? Maybe that's the bush baby They've got really big eyes And a long, thin finger It's the most terrifying thing you've ever seen Slow Loris

Mm Fast Lorris Great No fast Lorris Put that down No no I feel This is the slow Loris

Yeah Oh no he doesn't have the long finger I don't think Unless it's like Male and a finger male sometimes they got different fingers that's true what's Alistair doing do you reckon me right now I just started to I just finished a sentence and then I thought I'd look at my phone real quick because I thought maybe somebody else was going to come in and so I

wasn't 100 sure I was checking thank you so much after you do this you've been 24 hours together which is a lovely thing how soon after this ends do you speak to each other again do you give yourself to break or the next day you're like man we'll probably still be talking like this straight after yeah we'll probably have somehow when the pressure of this being done will be over we'll probably start having ideas like so many ideas man my mind holes are going to be so wide open stuff's just going to be tumbling out man i think how long are you here for here to the 27th cool yeah and so i'm thinking thinking like a maybe a street photographer who asks, I don't know, maybe someone who asks men if he can take photos of their nipple.

I was going to say a street colonoscopy. Yeah, okay, that's good. Yeah, I mean, look, that's a much simpler thing, and I don't have to find a, how I'm a photographer. Do you mind if I take a photo? Yes, thank you. It's an internal colonoscopy photography. Can I give you a doc, because we're talking doc, can I give you a doctor sketch?

I love it. I'm pitching bulk billing. This is how we started, exactly. Pitching it. Yeah, I'm pitching one right now. To you. To you. To you. Okay.

To you right now. A guy who, um, he goes into the doctors and he says, I need you to look at my penis. I think it looks weird. And the doctor goes, that's pretty normal. And then he goes, okay. And then the doctor gets a call and goes nine times. And then it finds out he's been there nine times in the last month. seeing if his penis is normal looking

and it turns out he's a flasher but that's illegal but it's completely not illegal to just show your dick to a doctor it's really good it's a loophole yeah

no I love that you know it's and it is a great loophole that you are allowed to show it to doctors yeah good a oh we're lovelyness what an absolute treat yeah oh man thank you very much i always wanted to get up the um the bulk billing sketch where it's him talking to a woman

she's saying like she's a woman doctor and uh she says how would you rank your pain on a scale from one to the agony of childbirth right and he's trying to say that it's up near the agony of childbirth and she keeps moving her hand away That's fun It can't be It can't be It can't be up there Because that's the most agonising

There's no way Yeah There's no way it could be that high Well that's the most agonising thing There is and he's like Well I think it's probably a bit past there Yeah That's all I got

I stubbed my finger Yeah All right what a treat Thanks so much Thank you Thank you so much Well done The issue

The funny thing with the flasher Who keeps going to the doctor Is that because Doctors are never quite Balt Billing entirely now, it's still costing them like $25 to show people

it's better than a prison sentence, you know? 25 bucks. Yeah. No, no, because the flasher as well is like they go instantly, they're like, oh no, but a doctor has to like look at it.

Yeah. That's the money. Yeah, that looks normal. Oh, that's beautiful words. Thank you, John. Oh, you're okay? Please welcome, Madam. Thank you, Adam.

What about like the doctor says, no, that's a normal opinion? You're like, I don't believe you. Right? And you make the doctor show you boys. I don't know if you recall. Yeah. What's happening? We had a little conversation.

Oh, yeah. Snitschle. I've come, I bring snitch. Shnitzel. Oh, my God. Oh, that's incredible. That's so much schnitzel. Yeah, I know. I didn't know when to stop. I truly didn't.

Oh. All right. So I've got a bit of the schnitz. Mm. Yeah, a bit of the schnets for you. Oh. Thank you. You're a beautiful man. Thank you so much. Very welcome.

I figured you might, I don't know, I can see, you know, you've not been, you've not been completely without food. This is, there's components to this. So many components. Whoa, what's that all in the dressing? That's a dressing. Do either of you have any allergies that I should be aware of? No, none at all. No allergies.

Here's very quickly. Not to get into business mode too quickly, but I've always thought that an allergy to poison would be, there's something there, I think. Oh, absolutely. I mean, I think we almost did have a sketch about that once upon a time. Yeah. But I love it. An allergy to poison. Like, you've been poisoned, but it's not actually the poison that's the anaphylaxis.

It's like that expression, it's not the fall. fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop. Yeah. But it's not the poison that kills you. It's the allergy, too. How are you boys doing, huh? Alastair, what about this idea about you, go to the doctor? You show him your penis.

He says that's completely normal. You say, prove it, right? You make the doctor show you their penis, I guess. in order to prove it. I mean, and then you say, I want a second opinion, right? You make him get in another. Oh. Then he shows you his penis first? Yeah. No, no, you show him yours, right? He says that's completely normal. You say prove it, right? And then the, so the doctor shows you his penis. Right. And he's like, okay, I want a second opinion. He gets in another doctor who comes in, right? Turns out that doctor has a completely different penis, right?

Oh, the new doctor. The new doctor, right? And you're like, well, okay, so is he the one with the, now that new doctor is like, whoa, whoa, is this me? Okay, or is it you two guys are the weirdos? And you have to, they keep getting in new doctors. They're all showing the peters that they can't work out which one's the normal one. Yeah, okay.

Or two. So then what happens with the third doctor? Yeah. His is more like the newer doctor Oh now we've got two penises like that And two like that Okay All right, okay

Well let's get another doctor in Yeah And then okay And so then Okay now he's more like us All right now we've got three like this This still doesn't feel like normal Yeah

At a certain point you've got half the hospital looking at your wing And you're looking at this We need to get a radiographer in here Yeah Radiographer comes in Can we look at your penis and the radiographer I also get out his penis? These are all male doctors

but only because that is a guy who hires doctors at this place is a misogynist. That's the only reason. It's not the casting of the sketch. Yeah. It's part of the joke. One of the characters in the sketch

is a misogynist and he has the power over the hiring. Yeah, and I like this. Here, possibly your... You got a great energy, my friend. Pass for your bowl, please. Here, we'll swap. Here's a little swapparoo.

There you go. Incredible. Please, so you've got... Is it a garden salad? It's a Greek salad, I think. Greek salad? Greek garden? Could be a Greek garden. Any salad in...

Any salad in Greece is a Greek salad. But any salad in a garden is also a garden salad. So any salad in a garden in Greece is immediately a Greek garden. and salad. Yes. That's the trick. Thank you. Wow.

What about her... Hang on. All right. This is pretty formal. I'm coming out of you amorphous. Go, go, go. All right. So, something to do with

what we would just... You know how? Yeah. You know how it's only champagne if it comes from the champagne region. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know this. Yes.

Do you have... have to call cars from that region in champagne as well. Oh, it's not only, everything. Everything from that region is champagne. Right. Otherwise, it's just sparkling automation. It's a sparkling white automobile.

Yeah. I mean, limousines are also named after a region. Yes, they are too. Is that the case? Yes, there's like a specific type of stage wagon, I think that they're named after. Stage wagon. And the limousine region.

I mean, there are so many, I mean, could you assemble your entire life out of only things that are named after regions in France? Oh my gosh, have a regional, a regional sort of, you know, like body of belongings. So what's like just all your belongings? Well, why would that be good? That would be good, right? What's the name for, that kind of name for like things that are named after a region? Do they have a name?

Things that are named after a region. Yeah, do they have a name? I haven't the foggiest. It's called a... I've got a... This is what you have to do to have a niece life. It's only a niece life. Well, it is only a niece life if you're a niece.

That's not even... That's not even necessarily... Yeah, that's not the bit even. You've ruined it, Andy. Okay. No, wait. Do we need to finish this one? Hey, I think that we have it.

Okay, beautiful. Like, as in just because, you know, I was like, let's just, we can keep moving or we can keep trialing from the next. Okay, so, this is, oh, now, I don't know the decorum on this. Yeah. I did, this did occur to me before the episode.

Should I keep it to myself? You can tell it, and we can try and value ad, but I won't promise that we will. Okay, so I thought a great advertising campaign for the Midway Islands. Yeah. You know, so they're about midway between the United States and Japan. What? I know, crazy. Now, I always thought a great ad campaign for them would go something like this.

It's not far their midway. It's just crazy. Yeah, I mean, I love that you spent time in your life thinking about this. In fact, you said I've always thought this, so it's not, it's not even this morning, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, let's, let's find more. There was the Battle of Midway. Yeah, the Battle of Midway. Well, yeah, the Battle of Midway was fought near the island of the same thing.

Yeah, okay. And there would have been a point that was midway through the Battle of Midway. It was midway through the Battle of Midway, yeah, which itself might have been midway through the Battle of the Pacific. Yeah, and might have been midway through the Second World War for all we know.

Yeah, absolutely. It's the middle of the middle of the middle. Middle, it's as middle as it gets. Yeah. You're halfway there. You've made it. I don't know. I'm just trying to think of other slogans.

Yeah. I mean, isn't it amazing that we started calling, using the word, that's a bit average, or I'm feeling a bit medium today. Yeah. We started using that to mean bad. Doesn't that speak to where we got to as a society? Yeah. Everything has to be incredible.

That's inflation. We're like, that's fucking inflation, man. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. It gives us life. But the idea that, like, yes, thanks to inflation, average is now bad.

You know, and also, thanks to inflation, contentment is now sadness. Thanks to inflation, your 50% grade, now will fail. You're going to have to re-attend high school. Thanks to inflation, your favourite uncle is now a sex offender. Your uncle who is a bit quirky is now a sex offender. That's way better. Thank you very much. Yes, no, no, no.

I'd clean that up. I think I literally, I think... It's still filthy, but... I woke up, you know, an hour and 13 minutes ago, if. And I think the gears have finally locked together in that exact moment. This is just the time and this is what we need. And my brain actually started working. Thank God I didn't drive here

Because I would not have been safe My brain was not working Yeah Did you walk in the rain Or did you catch a trip Or did you Rains, trains and automobiles I did indeed walk here

My friend Whoa How come you look so dry A little A nifty little Invention we like to call An umbrella Oh

Yeah And then also The way I walk here without giving too much away is mostly undercover. Yeah. That's nice. Okay. I have to go to the bathroom again. I apologize. I'm now in a...

In a cycle. I'm not a bit of a cycle. I'm going to sit here. Oh, thanks, man. If I wanted one of those nifty little cans of coke that you got, is there... If there's any in there, you can hit the last one. Oh, thank you. Whatever. Whatever's it.

What can we do with the concept of an umbrella? What can we do with the concept? Do, are there any sketches to had? Yes, what about an Omnibrella? Instead of an umbrella and an Omnibrella... Omnibrella. Not only does it keep the rain above your head, it doubles as a boat.

Yeah. I mean, a Swiss Army umbrella. Yeah, a Swiss Army umbrella. Okay, I love that. You can turn it upside down, use it as a boat. Keeps the water out from above and below. Anything else you can do? Use it as a bowl. You can eat out of it. You can eat out of it. It's a huge... It's a serving

is what it is. It's specifically a serving ball. And it comes with its own sneeze guard. You can use it as a serving bowl, and it, yeah, it prevents the spread of disease when people try to sneeze on their food. Disease when you sneeze. Yeah. I think one, to be a true Swiss Army umbrella, it probably needs one more function. I'd love it if it had, it used the natural, which you've done so well so far. Using the natural properties and aesthetics of the umbrella.

seamlessly. And just to do one more thing. Yeah. What if... You can put it on your back and pretend you're a turtle. Well, you can do that as well. We can add that to list.

Umbrellas also, you know what they do? People use umbrellas just for the sun sometimes. Yes. And the Omni umbrella, not only does it keep the sun out, but if you're walking on hot sand, you're safe. You put it under your feet and you walk on the umbrella? It's keeping the heat out in both directions. But is it, what, does it go above and below you?

Yeah. Two Omni umbrellas. No, no, no, it goes above and below you. So this Omni umbrella, now I don't know, I might be back off board. I liked it when it was just an umbrella that you put above your head. And then because it's never enough for something to be just one thing now in this age of smart phones. It isn't. It really, that's inflation.

Yeah, it's, oh, absolutely. It's, it's, uh, utility creep. Yeah. Things need to be more and bigger and better and more impressive. The, uh, but, but like, now I have to struggle to like even picture what this thing. thing is? Is it an umbrella that like goes all the way around from the front down like that? You can imagine it's got a... Or is it like a Darth Mall umbrella where it's a long stick with an umbrella on each edge? Yes, yes, that. Great. That's what I'm thinking.

Some sort of tie in with Star Wars. I hadn't even thought of that, but absolutely you could. You could get Darth Mall in an ad campaign. I don't know, does Darth Mall have like a characteristic line? I know in the extended canon, he gets a bit more... He said very much at all. There's one line in the original movie, I believe. One, maybe two. He's voiced by Peter Serafinovitz, I think. Really?

Yeah, I don't quote me on that. But I believe he is voiced by Peter Serafinovitz, but acted by a completely different person. Sure. Yeah. I remember, this is a slight tangent, but I remember coming out of episode one when it was in the movies. And there was a guy, I saw, I clocked him. It was like, would have been opening night. And there was a guy like full on dressed up like Darth Mall

because they'd kind of, they'd advertise the crap out of Darth Mall. And everyone was like, oh, is this going to be like the new Darth Vader sort of character? And this guy dressed as Darth Moore walking out of episode one, literally, literally, with his lightsaber, threw it on the ground and said, what did he say? It was like, it fucking sucks. It was so mad that Darth Wall was killed. It's so funny.

He has to go all the way home On the train like that He does I mean is it too late to do a Darth Mall tie-in product No No Star Wars is in Great

Star Wars is back in People are revisiting Maybe People are revisiting the original trilogy Wow Star Wars absolutely we could do a Darth mall tie-in Excellent Yeah I don't

I don't remember his one line is something like I will not fail you master And maybe he says that. That's the slogan of the umbrella. The omnibrella to you. I will not fail, you master. Exactly. Yeah.

There you go. This is good. We should actually genuinely write that down. That's a very... Yeah. Oh, God. My body, I can hardly move from the sitting on the uncomfortable chair. Oh, I forgot I brought a little bit of...

A little bit of sauce for the chicken. Whoops. I was spilling out. out. Good stuff. I keep wanting to say the word lasagna, so I'm just going to say the word lasagna. Hell yeah. All right.

What have we got with lasagna? Okay, lasagna is a cake made out of pasta. Yeah. What else is lasagna? It has. I mean, on the podcast, I've already talked about the fact that it's as close as pastor gets to being a book. That's true. Yeah.

I mean, you know, in every page. But, I mean, kids, you have a child? Yeah, yeah, I got... Messy, messy eaters. Messy eaters. Lazzania is the book that's allowed to be messy. Yeah, that's true. I mean, what if it was like...

We know about alphabetti spaghetti spaghetti. But, I mean, the pasta, you could actually print some stuff on there. This has fucking heat, ma'am. You are cooking right now. Thank you, cooking lasagna. yes absolutely you um yeah absolutely like you have the alphabet spaghetti alphabet lasagna and it is a book that the child eats as they goes yes and it's if you for the parent on the go you're busy you don't have enough time to read to your child you can't read and feed yes

you can't read and feed you have to pick one until now till now yeah Until now, the alphabetti lasani. Yep. It's the book you can cook. You've got your read and feed one. It's crazy that at 3 a.m., we got the best sketch. This is genuinely amazing. I mean, I think that you could genuinely convince people that, like,

If you write words onto a sheet of lasagna and then eat it, technically that information is inside your body. That is true. Subconscious learning, okay? Like you can listen to tapes while you sleep, but you can also write it down on lasagna sheets, maybe even print a whole lot of stuff on there and then learn by eating.

Your gut is basically a brain. Yeah. I don't see it, whoa. Just a little bit, bringing the bucket in the water. What's a bucket of water for? I don't know. I just don't maybe, I'm going to try to come up with some sketches while my head's in some water. Oh, okay.

Good idea. All right. I'll get a bit wet. Okay, well, I'm just carrying a bucket of water? Oh, yeah, we got a phenomenal sketch. Oh, great. Yeah. So, lasagna, as has previously been mentioned, is basically the closest that a book gets to pasta and vice versa.

off. So, like, you have alphabet spaghetti. Yeah. Alphabet spaghetti? Hmm. Yeah. But how you have... Alphabet lasagna, it's the book you can read. For the parent on the go who doesn't have enough time, doesn't have time to read and to feed. You only got time for one, but now you can do it at the same time. It's the book you can cook. The book you can cook. That's got genuine legs. I could see, I could imagine genuinely an ad for that. they went with alphabetti spaghetti

but do you think that at any point in the creative process they were considering alphabet spaghetti spaghetti? Yeah? They just could have been. We may never know. It would have been silly of them to completely ignore him. Hayden Bleachmore,

the person on after me, did just give me a call and I have no idea what that's about. So forgive me, I'm going to appear rude, but I'm just going to message him to check to see what's the good. You should And it's good Thank you

So I hope I'm not rude I'm worried Perchance that there's been Some mix-up man Alastair do you want me to hold The computer While you put your head into the bucket

I mean maybe If you want to write some sketch ideas Okay I'll be ready to write them down As soon as your head comes out of the water Okay I'll just try This is intense You realise that might well overflow While your head's in the wall

We'll see how deep a go How deep you go. Okay. I can't read my head doesn't reach the face. My face can't reach the water. You're going to have to plunge your whole head in there. He's doing it. By Joe, he's got it.

What can him go? What about riding an ostrich? Okay. Riding an ostrich like, you know, okay, that's already something that exists. Yeah, yeah. Okay. ostrich racing but that's not to get into town

wait wait wait no I don't know wait if you know if you write it like that okay let me just go back in here emus are vicious ostriches not as much if you want to I assume if you want to

get someone accustomed to emus in a safe environment you can introduce them to ostrich as a learner emu By this, okay. You put lots of, you put your dead relative, their ashes in the little acorns. Yeah.

You stuff, empty out the acorn, put the ash in there. Give it to squirrels, don't go bury it. Oh. That's a really good idea. Yeah. And will they grow into trees? I know you hold it out the knot there. Yeah, yeah.

It's not going to be able to germ. but it's a cheap way to get your loved one buried and you're not really responsible yeah you were just storing it in the yard and the squirrels buried it you're scattering your ashes squirrels style yeah protection of a squirrel's acorn now for your loved one that's right beautiful gorgeous squirrel acorn burial I wrote burial sort of I spelled it a little bit like aerial the uh the the little mermaid yeah well What about this? The big mermaid.

She's enormous. Oh yeah, I like that. Yeah, the big mermaid? She's like a blue whale. She's the biggest fishing. For the modern freighter ship? For the what? For the modern freight ship.

Because they're so much bigger. Is this to go on like the... She's going to go on the prow? Yeah, because a mermaid leads sailors to their deaths. But freight ships nowadays are so much larger. So we need bigger mermaids to match. I don't think leading sailors to the death was a big part of the... Little Mermaid's law, though.

Well, not in the Little Mermaid, no, I suppose, but it is the traditional, the traditional mermaid job is leading sailors astray. Mermaid kind. Just because one mermaid doesn't lead sailors to their death, you know? Right in the huge mermaid. Okay. She's bigger than any woman. Huge. The huge mermaid.

Could we do... Oh, no. Could we do on the Disney topic? You know how they're doing the live action remakes. Can we do an animated remake of the live action remake? Yeah, I'm sure we could. Yeah? Doesn't feel like anything?

Well, not yet. Okay. I'm sorry, and I'm not in a position to be... No, buddy, buddy. It's so fine. Yeah, but like, I think there is more to be had from mermaids. Here's my problem with mermaids, right? Yeah.

They're supposed to be half person, half fish. Mm-hmm. Right? but you look at a mermaid how does their tail go right it goes across yeah like that how do fish's tails go they go up and down that's not fish that's true that is that's dolphin that's dolphin or whale or whatever and that makes more sense that the but then she's got scales yeah but then you got to think about it who's to say that you always get joined with another animal in the same alignment.

Right, in the same plane of... What about a right angle centaur? Well, okay. So, like, you're a cent, you've got a human on the top of a centaur, but your body's at the right angle. The things are... The humans doing this. It's the off-center centaur.

Yeah. Centaur, like, horse here, human facing. Oh, you could be facing... Oh, wow, sticking out the front facing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's sort of crane your neck up to see what's ahead. You do that with Minotaur as well, bull legs but the bull legs go a little bit far

too far so that the human once again facing facing down the presenting centaur oh wait sentors that's not sorry in minotors that's not how minotores work they're all bull aren't they uh head of a bull

yeah man I believe I think if that's the case the only way to be sure with little little mermaid is if she shits out the side yeah right she's been twisted 90 degrees she's allowed to not be a completely

aligned. Misaligned mermaids. They need a foundation, I think. Foundation for misaligned mermaids. Mm-hmm. Missaligned mermaids. Yeah. You write down

right angle, right angle, um, yeah, I wrote it down the off centre, said to all right, Alistair, go back in, dip into the pool

of knowledge. Fount of all wisdom. What if he dies? What if he drowns? It'd be a great bit. be pretty good um it's a mum yeah and she she has a funeral for her for her kid who's been acting up a bit oh okay kid's not dead no no no it's just a funeral for her love yeah which has died no no no no no she's um he's uh he recently got a see oh on a sort of a test

And she's like, we're going to have to do a funeral and say, oh, unfortunately he didn't try hard enough. And he passed away from shame. And, oh, we're going to miss him. We miss him more if he tried harder. It could also be a funeral for the future he could have had. Yes. You know, that man, that life he could have led is over.

That's right. No, she's... Before it even existed. She's showing all these photos of him. All these AI images. Oh, AI images of him. With very famous supermodels. Isn't that what every mother wants?

Oh, every mother was just supermodic. I just wanted him to date a series of supermodels. The aging ones that, you know, they're mostly sort of modeling with their daughters these days. That's what I wanted to do with my son. And then there's photos of her modeling with her son Living vicariously

Yeah Yeah And there's a photo An AI photo of Um Of uh Stephen Hawking

dunking a basketball Yeah And then he's there With his hands on his face Going what Like that He's only a spectator Yeah

He could have been at that game Um Hayden Would like to know If you boys need anything Uh no Coffee No

Thank you so much going back in what were we talking about oh yeah the funeral for your son she's overreacting I think for me is what the sketch was

she's overreacting for she's still doing pretty good at school and she's envisaging a future that maybe getting an A on this test

would not have necessarily provided yeah yeah she there's footage of him oh there's photos of him that she's also got him sitting at a table

with Donald Trump Putin, things like that. He could have set at a table with Donald Trump and Putin. And he was making them make amends. Figuring out the Ukraine crisis. Yeah. And then Zelensky is like cheering there. Is this like an in-memorium, like series of images flashing past?

Like, I will remember you. Like that? That's worth talking here? Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm going back in. Will you remember me? Can I let him show us up like this with this. kind of gimmick that he's got going.

You know that that's all anybody's looking at now. And we haven't come up with a single idea. Here we are on dry land. Like a couple of landlubbers. Like a couple of... A pineapple head. A guy... He's got it.

He's got it. He gets rid of his regular hair and he just gets that... He tries to get that spiky pineapple shit grafted on and he gets his face tattooed with all those like weird shapes on the side of a pineapple. Turns into a pineapple face. Yeah. A little sponge man starts living inside his head. Yeah, a little sponge ball. He gets that tattooed on his eyeball. Looks like a sponge bob is looking through the window.

Can we have it that he still has some quite like important job or something like that? Yeah, yeah. Or he has he had kids? Oh, yeah, he's the coroner. Yeah. Oh, wow. The coroner. Coroner Pineapple Head. Yeah.

His name was already pineapple. John Pineapple Head I'm not saying that this is the best I'm just uh No I just I wonder if there's anything else That we can add to this pineapple head Guy

That just makes it just like a little bit more Could it be a Tusk situation Could it be not willing He has been captured And someone by someone obsessed with pineapples And the person is slowly turning him into a pineapple Piece by piece

It's a horror movie Is that anything? I cannot tell what is going through your boys' minds. No, no, no, I'm really, I really appreciate it. Okay, I'm getting, I'm hearing, this feels like when my mum threw a funeral for my wasted potential.

Okay, it's, I look, I like, He gets kidnapped by someone. My new idea was going to involve a band getting kidnapped. Really? It was a band. It was a heavy metal band. They got kidnapped. And in the ransom video, they said,

please buy our album so that we have the money to pay the ransom. We launched it three days ago. It's available in the local record store. Please, if you buy 500,000. albums we should be able to pay the ransom and that's the only way have mercy what if they slowly discover or slowly realize that the largest audience they ever played for was their kidnappers oh i mean everybody's going to be watching that um that video yeah right and what a great opportunity for them to like debut their musical their big

single single or something like that and they The thing is they genuinely have been kidnapped, but they have spoken to their kidnappers. They don't have the money they think they do. Now their kidnappers are, in a sense, they're managers, right? They're managers who are like, well, we want the money. And the only way that we're going to get this money is if this is the biggest album of all time, we're going to take you boys to number one. And then they work together.

They have that launch video, right? They perform there in the cave or the back of the wall. warehouse or whatever. It's such a great performance. What body part is one of you willing to part ways with so that we can keep this story in the news? Yeah. That's merch. That's merch, baby.

Kidnappers become managers. Because they realize this is the closest they've ever been to getting a ransom that they were hoping to get from a kidnap. When we're done, I think I've got one. God, I hope I've got one. So, do you know that there is a piece of a. a true saint in every Catholic taban, in every altar in a Catholic church.

There is a piece of a true saint. I did not know that. That is a body part. Yeah, that is a true thing. Every single one of them contains, that's part of how you bless the altar is that it has an actual piece of a saint in it. So that's why you need new saints

so that you can kind of bless new things because I guess you run out of bits. You use every part of the saint. The Catholic Church is canonizing people. people simply to get parts to put in altars. Yeah, well, I mean, if they want to really get this thing going, they've got to start personalising it. You've got to be able to have like a thick cathedral in your pocket.

Yeah. You know, you've got to be able to have. God is everywhere. They also. They also. They're going to canonize a biggest saint. This is our biggest saint yet. The Catholic Church searching for evidence of giants.

Yeah, but they're looking for like. Like, they're looking, they need, we're like, we need a basketball or like an NFL player kind of saint. Sure. Andre the giant. Yeah, Andre, yeah. He was French. He. That's quite a, already quite a saintly thing to be. Yeah, Andre, St. Andre, that sounds. The giant. Yeah, the giant. Yeah.

I mean, it was. Is being a giant a miracle? The Catholic Church is allowed to consider that one, yeah. Yeah. The Pope determines if it's a miracle or not. Do you need two miracles to be a saint? I think it's three. Three.

so they're really sure it's not a fluke. Yeah. He's maybe big enough that it's more than one miracle. Yeah. That could count us too. Yeah, because it's like he's pretty, he was big when he was born and now he's, he's bigger than you would expect.

It's not just a big man. It's a big arm. It's a big other arm. It's a big leg. It's a big torso. A little bit that they've, that they're big. Because he might just have like one normal size thing. I would genuinely consider that photo of Andre the Giant

holding a beer can and it's just tiny in his hand. I would consider that a miracle, yeah. And one of those nights where he drank like 70 beers or something. Yeah, that's kind of a miracle in a way. People saying we are lowering the bar to allow Andre the Giant to become a saint. I mean, why would we do that unless it was a miracle? People saying we lowered...

He's over the line. You never do that. I have never seen a bar that Andre the Giant could get through if it was lowered It needs to be raised We need to raise the bar for Andre the Giant And we have We're opening 70 new Catholic churches this year

We need to Find at least three new saints Which is freaking nine miracles Or we can get one big saint One huge saint I need six new saints by Monday I need six saints on my desk, on my altar, by Monday. I'll tell you what, if I get this done, they're going to have to canonize me because he's asking me to work, bloody miracles.

Six saints by Monday? I mean, who does he think I am? Andre the Giant. I need enough finger bones to make a dozen new church churches. Yeah. I mean, how great would it be to have a church that was made entirely out of saints' bones, though? Yeah. How religious would that make you feel going into that vast cathedral? A church of bones? Yeah, hell yeah. I'd love that.

Bone church. Bone church. What about this? It's a sort of a train bank robber. Yeah. And the first few people he robs, he's just trying to get the bank robber outfit. He sees somebody with a neckerchief that he can get around. say a train bank robber? Like a train robber, I mean.

Right, train robber? Yeah, yeah. A highwayman. The bank of people is what he's robbing. Oh, yeah. So then he wants, he just like, just wants the robber outfit. Is he starting with the weapon he's threatening people with?

Oh, yeah, you guys got to get a weapon. Does he need, does, is that step one, get the weapon? Yeah. That's difficult. A robber who wants to get started in the industry, but he needs to steal all of his bits. He needs up that upfront cash. But he needs the upfront investment of a knife.

Yeah. Going to the bank to get a loan for a knife. I was going to say Shark Tank. Yeah. And Shark Tank, he's like, he's got an idea to rob a bank. And he tells them his plan to like, he's worked out how he's going to get into the vault and all that stuff. And he just needs a little bit of upfront capital so that he can buy some like security guard uniforms.

The Joker from Christopher Nolan's, the Dark Knight explaining to the Shark Tank that opening scene where he is robbing the bank and he needs the money and he's trying to they're very

Mark Cuban is like wait how many people are dressed up as the Joker we're all dressed up as the Joker that's funny oh mercy me oh my God

Yeah, I mean, he's, and then the, one of the, yeah, Mark Cubans, like, I love this idea, but I don't want you anywhere near it. I'm going to do this job myself. I'll give you a million dollars to walk away. You get no cut of the cash. I'm just stealing your idea. Yeah. That's fine. You get none of this.

But he's giving him a million dollars. He's buying it. Okay, right, right. Yeah, yeah. So he's given a million dollars for the idea of writing a bag. idea for this robbery i mean it's such a sure thing that's the thing yeah it's the perfect plan yeah yeah it is of everything mark cuban or the joker both of them okay they're both thought of everything yeah that's pretty cool um a warning minds yeah oh sorry please go on uh no oh please that's that's a big

call given i hadn't said anything um what about it's a it's a it's a monk who uh who uh who uh always gets a haircut so that um so that the itchy hair on the back of his neck uh annoys him and always keeps him present you know this is what i always get a little little itchy hair on the back of my neck well i mean they already wear hair shirts right that's a thing that they wear these shirts that are like quite scratchy and uncomfortable right to be basically in a state of sort of urban torment and stuff well you're good at coming up with penances it's the long It must be. Yeah. It's truly blessed. Yeah. The waters of truth.

Is there something, fashion week, and the new fashion trend is monk core. People shaving the center part of their heads, people down the catwalk, just a bunch of monks, you know, slowly marching. and they're slowly walking up and down the catwalk a bunch of beautiful incredibly fit models you cannot tell because they're wearing big baggy clothes you cannot you can't see their faces because they've got them turned down their hair every single one of these models

has to shave a huge patch on top of their head it's monk core You don't even see that. You don't even see that, right? That they're shaved because they got a hood on. Yeah. Yes. Well, we, it's all about sacrifice for God. You know what I haven't seen, though, is beautiful women models with their hair shaved into like male pattern baldness.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. An idea whose time has come. Yeah. I think, I think the sort of like a, yeah, I think the, like a, and then all their clothing is shaped in that same way. It's like a vest. That beautiful like male pattern baldness neckline. Yeah.

Yeah, but also the outfit, the sort of the vest is just that same shape as like that band that goes around here. It's like a like a crop vest that comes around like this. Beautiful neckline. Him's all.

Male pattern baldness sort of skirt. Yeah. Ale pattern baldness skirt. Male pattern baldness, um, chaps. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Shoes. Shoes.

Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, maybe, oh man, one side comes and hooks on the big toe and then goes all the way around and hooks on the, on the pinky toe. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. Like the sort of like almost like a reverse thongs. Yeah. In those outside, I guess it probably still is like a little.

bit like the carrot thongs i reckon so i all three of us actually all three of us have glasses now the two of you when you're driving do you need to wear glasses as well i need to wear glasses all the fucking time yeah some people uh some people don't like wearing glasses do sometimes need to wear glasses especially when they're driving what about for those taking a uh a shower with a raincoat on Yeah. What? That's what people say about wearing condoms, right? Yeah, that's what metal workers say about doing angle grinding wearing safety goggles.

They can't stand it. What about, what about for the people who don't like, this is just then? A new product on the new product. Go, baby. If you need glasses to drive, but you don't like wearing glasses and you don't tend to wear them in your day. day to day, especially if you don't tend to wear them in the day-to-day, because you might forget them all the time. People who don't wear their glasses all the time, forget them all the time. What about we, instead of you, instead of the glasses coming to you, what if the

glasses was in anything that you needed? Glasses, windscreen, glasses phone screen, glasses, glasses, computer screen. Yeah, yep. Glasses windows in your house if you need. What about glasses, children? Oh, okay. I come with just a lens in front of them. Is that we're talking about? Absolutely. Yeah, you put them in a little bubble And the bubble is a corrective lens, yeah Scription fish bowl

Yeah You want to look at your fish there in the aquarium Yeah Normally it's blurry, not anymore You don't have to wear your glasses You can see that fish In beautiful 2020 Yeah

A guy who's like A guy who's like Sort of, you know what's like aquaphobic? It's a guy with rabies Something like that Hydrophobic, maybe? Hydrophobic? And he talks about wearing a condom.

He's like, it's great. It's like showering with a raincoat on. He loves it. He loves it, yeah. It's so good. You stay dry. Yeah. Okay.

Equipobic guy. Hydrophobic guy. Is he got rabies? Yeah, he's got rabies. Guy. But he's not letting that get away of him getting dates. Yeah. If you have rabies. approvingly compares wearing a condom to showering in a raincoat.

Beautiful. There you go, Alison, do you want that back? I mean, you seem to be loving it, man. You seem to be loving it. Oh, I'm having a great time. Are you with the laptop now, are you done dunking your head? I think for the moment, yeah, I'll be old... I'll take the bucket.

Yeah, you're going to dunk dunk. Yeah, you can see what you can get out of the... I can shift over here. Pool of knowledge. It's so much more sense than what I was doing. Yes. Thank you for all this delicious food. No, you're very welcome.

All right. Okay, a brand... A brand new strategy for Commonwealth Bank to attract new people. New customers. And they say Good luck down there Thank you

There's a little towel if you need the little towel Okay great It's a bit wetter than it was before, sorry All right How would you attract new people if you're a bank now? You're a bank, oh okay Almost everybody's got a bank account We let you talk to your money

We sing to your money every night Whoa How did you just sit in there You spend long down there I'm just getting the custom to it Yeah no that's okay Do we ever do like you get to be in And lay in your money

Maybe not even your money You get to come in and lay in everybody's money Yeah you get to Like maybe just your money alone Won't be enough But if they do let you to come in And swim around in the vault How do you sit there?

The ideas they come too quickly Yeah Oh so many I'm actually drowning in thoughts Yeah. Oh, yeah. My lungs are filling up with thoughts. All right.

What about? No, that's nothing. No, that's okay. What about struggling to breathe? What are anything in that? I was thinking liquid oxygen. Oh. I mean, is there anything in struggling to breathe, though,

in all seriousness. Yeah, like a sketch idea? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Let's see. Let's see. Weezing.

Yeah. I mean, people say something was good. Like, it's a wheeze. But I, you know, oh, that was a real wheeze. But I've seen people with emphysema and they don't seem like they're having a good time. No.

I mean, yeah. I think you sucked all the ideas out of this one. I got to redo the water, yeah. Yeah, you need to get a fresh one. Yeah, I need to get a freshie. Okay. Sorry, I can go fill out. I can go open a new thing of ideas.

Yeah, yeah, so sorry about that. I just was communicating with the water, letting it have a go. Let me see, okay, I'll just try and find something. Guy who wasn't raised by wolves, but he's actually, retiring with wolves. Oh, that's great. That's way better. Yeah.

He goes, yeah, they've sort of, I'm going to... Poliative care by wolves. Yeah. Yeah, they do a lot of... They do actually do that, don't they? The wolves will, if a wolf is wounded,

they'll bring it food, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think so. It sounds like maybe, actually, they probably have this system sorted out. What if we extended that into full wolf health care? I mean, yeah, because I guess if they're doing early learning... You already had doggy daycare, but this is a completely different concept. This is Wolf, I see you.

Yeah. I mean, this is why it was so good that they reintroduced wolves to the Yellowstone Park because for a lot of Americans, the kind of health care that these wolves can provide. Yeah, yeah. If you find, if you're sick because you have too much... deer, introducing wolves to the Yellowstone Park of your body might be what you need.

Oh yeah, a little body wolf. Yeah. Just releasing a wolf on your body like that, you know? You know, a leech will like, you know, or like a fish will eat little dry skin. But I mean, a wolf could bite off whole dead bits of

your body. Yeah. Yeah. Like, if you got a dead leg. All gangrenous limbs. Yeah, like that. A medical wolf. Like they've sterilized it. That's right. Yeah. I mean, they've just licked it for a bit. yeah sure and he's doing all right yeah you know and then they're like they just let you lay on

them like lay around them and stuff like that and you feel cozy and you feel accepted and it's probably one of the best things they they let you hang out your old guy oh yeah i'd love that under a big pile of wolves bring you back some meat yeah maybe even a bit of your own leg if you're lucky yeah i mean they can have it what are you doing with it yeah i mean if not if it's gangren it's not that much. Up and around. Okay, let's see. What about this?

You go to a trivia night. Yeah. And the host starts out asking normal questions about like general knowledge and sport and music and that sort of thing. And then you start noticing that some of the questions are in there about your life, right? Like what's, you know, what are your hopes and dreams and stuff? And like who are your, who are your closest friends? and I guess the joke being that your life is trivial,

your life is considered trivial. Yeah. I mean, you go to these trivia nights and a lot of these questions, they don't seem all that trivial to me. You know, some of them are like about World War II or about like various medical breakthroughs. They're often about facts rather than sort of the, you know, the... True, like you're not getting to like a deep...

a heavy understanding of, you know, tell us the main lessons from World War II. Oh, that is a really good one, though. Like, it's a trivia note you go there, and the host is like, summarise the role of transnational trade deficits in the interwar period with an emphasis on... Less of a trivia night and more of an essay night. Yeah, it's actually getting quite into the detail. down to the details night. Yeah.

Anything but trivia night. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. And then you just go give it like a five-minute presentation. Yeah, I know this one. You start writing out. 30 seconds. 30 seconds.

Your team is still called stuff like trivia Newton John. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Let's get quizzical. You know how, you ever done Builder Bear Workshop? And they put the heart in at the end? Do they really? it to life?

Yeah, the last step to the Builder Bear Workshop is you put a heart in. What about if you put the whole organs network? What about, and then, yeah, what about... Magistive system. Yeah, a guy, he's like slowly, you know, they're like, oh, and it starts out normal. They're like, oh, put the stuffing in. And then he can see the heart in the distance. And the heart is when you name it as well.

He's getting along, he's going along the process. And they're like, and here's the intestines. Yeah. Okay, and he starts putting the intestines in. Maybe it's a child. It should be a child. I think typically it's children who do the building at the Builder Bay Workshop. It's the parent who's, yeah, parents getting increasingly disturbed by this.

They go to the next station, and the parent is expecting, you know, like something, like a little shirt for the teddy. But instead, they're like, and here's the, here's their brains. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Slowly getting closer and closer to the heart. And then finally they get to the heart. and the parent gets to breathe a sigh of relief because their kid finally weren't they weren't the internal organ structure of a human body

then does the bear sit up I think the bear comes to life and then it's like a wild animal and it like attacks the child sure yeah absolutely you've put too much life into this bear and it feels cornered it's surrounded by things that are not at species

yeah and then you need to go to the color bear workshop you take them back out one by one you bury them in different parts and touch the sides or the bearer bosses wow

they're really I mean we're getting our money's worth here oh yeah kids getting a real education in this dismantle a bear workshop dismantle a bear workshop is good Thank you.