Two In The Think Tank - 501

Episode Date: November 26, 2025

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Hello, welcome to two in the think tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair G. George W. Trombly Virtual. And God, I'm thinking about changing it to Tromblay Bush. Chol. Trumbled Bush. Chul. There are no names with pauses in them, and I think that's a very exciting.

Oh, yeah. Use that, what's that symbol in music that's used? It's like a mute or other. The rest. Yes, a rest. Bring in that little rectangle. Where does that? Is there a musical alphabet?

can we start writing I want to be a lyrical writer Can I start writing my words on a stave You know Why just one horizontal line Why can't they go up and down I mean isn't lined paper Just a very tall stage

Hey hey Hey now we're getting somewhere And when you're reading at the top of the page You shouldn't be reading like this In the very high note So really only the stuff, probably the stuff in the middle is the only stuff that is within the hearing range of a human. Yes, the human range of hearing.

I just said it's a different order. That's right. The top of the page is you put all the things that you want to say to a dog and only a dog that you don't want humans to say. now there is a problem yes there is a problem because we are still writing the words down so humans will still be able to read them yes well it depends on whether or not

you're it's you know it's it's like you're writing down the stuff that is meant to be it's a speech you're writing a speech yes okay it's for the speech writers I guess maybe you could I guess you could also write it in stuff that can only be seen by dogs as well. Yes. Good.

Like piss. Yes. Because they see with their noses and they sniff piss. They see with their noses. Is that right? I'm just double checking, Andy. Dogs are a largely olfactory animal. I think that the smell plays a much bigger role in their world than it does in ours.

Yes. And I think that... In their, especially in their eyes. Yes. It's a bigger role in their eyes. So, am I writing this down? What did you call the musical thing? A stave?

Stave. For somebody who's so musical, Alastair, and who I regard as a musical genius, you seem to know very few of the key words associated with music. Stave, rest, and to teach you all these things. I guess because your genius is innate,

you had the formal training that I do it would be easy yes and I don't think that I I am quite as musical as you say but I would be it would be great for me to be that and maybe you just saying that makes me realize I've taken the wrong path in life I wish you could hear yourself through my eyes

Alistair yes or smell yourself through my eyes like a dog like a dog I mean... Do you think dogs can also... I'm so sorry, Andy, for having an idea at the same time as you? It's okay.

I was just going to quickly ask, do you think dogs can smell a higher pitch than we can smell? Higher smells. Higher frequency, higher... I guess they can... They can smell sort of stuff that probably has lesser parts per million in the air. in a way that makes it thinner

you could almost make it seem like it's a sort of a sharper smell in that there's less in there like in the same way that's where the jump is isn't it that's where the jump is between the thinner and the sharper yeah like

that's the conceptual leap that we need to grease we want to grease that lead into people's mind holes you gotta grease the leap it's like a it's like a dude It's like the idea is a dude

And you've got to grease him up Because he's bigger He's bigger than the hole That people have to get into their minds Yes You know And so you've got to grease that dude So you can get into that brain hole

So that he can just slip right You've got to loop him up Gets vasili Dip him in a big vat of grease This is not going to be an easy idea To get into your head And so Why is he a dude?

Why is the idea a dude? Because I think that ideas have a life of their own. And once they get in there, they can wriggle around and they can get into a... Around like a dude. Like a dude. Do you prefer a worm? I think I do. I think I do.

I mean, a worm's really just an armless dude. That's interesting. Do you think that worms, working together, say five worms, could sort of tie themselves up, and then two worms could be the arms and two worms could be the legs and one worm could sort of be the torso in the head. Do you think they could sort of, they could cooperate in that way, shouting at each other? I find it hard to believe a lot of worms work together. I think they might, they might be sometimes working on the same thing at the same time due to a similar drive.

Yeah, right. You know, whatever gave one worm the idea. Yeah, I don't know if they're like, oh, Bob's doing this. I should help him by participating, you know, like, or by being his legs. How do you feel about the idea of a worm hive and maybe even a worm queen? Yes. You know, they're making their dirt. honeycomb theme in the earth.

Yeah, I do like that. Making their brown honey. Oh, I mean, I do like to think that because I have been thinking about fly honey. I think maybe we talked about it on here. I think we have. Well, now this is a completely new idea. Yeah, I know, I know. And I like a honey that's made by collecting dirt and bringing it back.

And there's a dirt all around. And the thing that you're making, you put it, you're just, you're compacting dirt in different ways. and you're making some a bit more liquidy. You're making some a bit more hard. It's all about, I guess, what you secrete and mix in with it. It's all about what you secrete. You know, the seven secrete ingredients, that's what I say. The seven secretes of good honey.

I'm imagine if we discovered that the colonel from KFC, it was actually, there was a, we checked the recipe the heading of the recipe it actually sets the seven secrete ingredients the knee had sort of faded and they're all things that come from his body that he puts into the chicken and that's why his face is on every i was wondering why he's right it's weird that his face is still because that's where but that's where all the secretions come from and they're keeping him alive somewhere in tuckie in a in a tube yeah well yeah his they've They've got his head alive

And then the little tubes that come out of his neck Is where all the little secretions come from I assume Yes All you need is the brain and the glands in the neck All you need is the brain And the glands in the neck Oh you need is the brain

And the glands in the neck I've written this down as The seven secrete ingredients Of good dirt honey Oh wow In brackets by worms. By worms. By worms. Slash the kernel.

Slash the colonel. Yeah. Slash the colonel, baby. The colonel? The colonel. The colonel. I mean, it's absolutely outrageous that we've accepted. I mean, there's no circumstance in which there's an R in there. Kernel.

And it is colon. It's colon. It's, you know, he's like, he's the, he's the, he's the, he's the anal passage L of, yeah, of, you know. Is that another, the parts of the secretion? That could well be, the clues were all in front of us, the whole, the colonel. When you said, when you said the tubes coming out of the neck, you were referring to the logo with that little, um, bowl. a tie or whatever it's called. I mean, it's beautiful that you would think that.

But I was just picturing a severed head with all the, the, like, whatever, the veins and the various, you know, tubes that we have. The logo is, basically, is this, the Colonel's head with little tubes coming out. Let me have a look again. We always thought that was his tie, but actually, those are the, those are the, those are the, those the milking tubes that they use to extract the, yeah. The secrete ingredients. Yeah.

Secrete ingredients. I'm just going to write it down as a separate idea. That's all I wanted. Yeah. Well, you know, here we are, episode 501, Andy, and you're like, I just want to, I just want to get heaps of ideas very quick. You're just trying to go at 500th episode pace. This is the mode that I'm in. Alamoda. Alamoda.

Do you want to reveal anything about the other project we're working on Alistair? Do you want to hold it back for a little? Well, I think we better mention it because you ended the 500th episode by saying about how much things are going to change. Things are going to change. And in the three, four weeks that we've had since then, I've found that very few things have changed, but they're about to. Yes. In a big way. In a very big way.

everything you've thought of you is talking about how much time we're going to have he's very free now he's got so much time i haven't seen any of it yet if anything we've struggled to do a regular episode but we've got all this time now to record this sci-fi sketch podcast that we're working on about a forever ship yes that's right we are going to start taking some of the ideas from this podcast, maybe some other ideas, some of the other sketch ideas that we're always coming up with. Outside of the pod, we don't normally write down. Turning them into an actually recorded sketch podcast project that will be released

alongside Two in the Think Tank. So Two in the Think Tank, as you know, it will continue. It's safe. Yes, don't worry, it's safe for now. Oh, but, I mean, the first chance we get, we will fire it. Yes, it's gone. We were talking about just before the podcast, if we can move on. But that's it, you know, that's going to be fun.

I just got to say, we're writing sketches. We're going to start making that. Looking at the colonel, is the colonel Asian? Oh, that's incredible. Is Colonel Fender? It would explain why that sort of fried chicken is so popular in, in, Korea. Sanders, Asian. I mean, he definitely

like... He's not Asian. He looks from his mother and father are Irish and Scottish descent. I mean... Yeah, but are they Asian? Is Ireland? I mean, people from Scotland in Ireland can be...

Like, I've got other people asking about... Wait. Wait, let me see, wait. Um, officially he's as white as white. I don't know. Look, I can't look. I'm not seeing any evidence yet other than what he looks.

By the way, I don't know if you ever see this, saw this, but I, I posted on Twitter a little while ago. The bega they come, the mongo they five. that that's uh that's really great yeah i mean sometimes there's some things that just can't be left to uh and how did that go how was the engaging i mean it didn't i mean it didn't go that great i just found something did you get a few people replying saying i mean i got brockel i did get a response from brockel snitch which was nice oh that's really good yeah she said not sure how i feel about this yet i'll get back to you yeah no that's one of the that's one of the that's what that's In comedy, I think that's the highest of praise.

But in the days since I've checked, I did get a retweet from somebody called Congolisa Rice. And she does have a serious number of followers up there in the 19,000s. Yeah, and then, but then how do you feel about those ones where you get like a retweet from somebody who's doing some numbers, right? And then nothing. Oh, yeah. That once happened. Even this, even this, you know, surgical grade intervention, this military level push to get this over the line, the surge was unable to convince anyone this was a good idea.

I once got retweeted by a guy from the UK who had like a million followers on a little sketch that I did I recorded from home during the pandemic. and it got almost nothing. I think it was like a guy, Keith Lemon, I think. And then I was like, oh, wow, this sketch really must have nothing to it. We've checked. We've tested it. Just one British celebrity liked it, which means that could have been an insult. Could have been.

I think, no, that to me just means that you're the tweeters' tweets. You're not You're not stealing it for the masses You're doing stuff That people who love to tweet Love this tweet I only do things for people Who have one million Twitter followers

And that's my real audience Unfortunately he didn't have it He didn't have any audience None of his followers Had one million Twitter followers And so that's why Remember when they were always

trying to make like a like a Facebook for um billionaires and stuff like they're always like ah well this is going to be a social networking site for those with high net worth and uh you're going to have to pay $40,000 a year or something to be a member of this this social networking site and uh have you seen this this out a few times and it would always just completely fail I mean, it's like, yeah, because people don't, they, they want the fauners, they want the hangers on, you know, they want. Anyway, that, that thing already exists. It's called Jeffrey Epstein's emails. That's right.

That's how they socialize in just like the most appallingly written emails are just the worst spelling, grammar. I mean, how do you feel about Chonsky? This guy was such a... I know. He's like, I've got so much out of my association with Jeffrey. He's such a genius, you know, not a genius, but like he's so curious and he's got so many interests and this. And I'm like, do any of them involve spelling? This guy seems like a fucking idiot.

Yeah. And like, reading the short little bits of emails that I have read, I have been like, oh, this guy is just a fucking idiot who just must have just must have. just blackmiled a lot of people. That's my only explanation. Yeah, I think he just had a lot of money. People just say nice things to people who have a lot of money because they want to get some money. Oh, all right. Like, you know, like all, every single person, even who says something nice to Elon on Twitter,

it's because deep down they think, if I say something nice, he might give me a little bit of money. that guy what a nice comment i should transfer for him five thousand dollars it means nothing to me yeah well they should they he should bring he should bring that in as a feature on twitter yeah where if you if you say something nice about him you just automatically get money yeah i mean it can't be that far away yeah and and and and yet so few people are actually able to bring like obviously there are lots of cranes in the world and everybody can do it and I would do it as well just to get the money but it's funny to imagine a world in which people can't even bring them like bring themselves to say nice things about them like say maybe you've got a

maybe it's even like your full-time job is saying nice things about Elon Musk and you go to work and it's hard every day it's a slog and you're working on something and sometimes it takes you weeks or months to finish this big project of saying one nice thing about E. Long. Yeah, well, this is because you're like, because yeah, at first you were like, oh, this will be a very easy job. You know, the guy has got so many achievements and things like that. And so then you've, you've had a really good first day. You're like, oh, I love how you've made, you're involved in helping make rockets. And, uh, you sort of bought that electric car company. And, uh, and then, yeah, you know, then I spend my days just reading articles about Elon and, and, um, looking at pictures of his face. Looking at pictures of his face. And then it's like a lot of the articles these days are also being written by, you know, AI and things like that.

And so then they're really just repeating what you're saying in the prompts that you want. I just want an article about this. And then they just kind of keep rephrasing that every paragraph. And in some way people are going, I can't believe how intelligent this thing is. how many ways it's able to rephrase the sentence that I put that I wanted it to write about. And then you're just taking in slop and you're just, there's not a good thing you can think about this man. Bits of your brain are shutting down.

Yeah. And so then you're like, oh, you know what? I've found a trick for a couple of days to sustain me as I just, I've started saying sort of, or just writing things that I think, I'm putting Elon's name, but I'm writing, things that I think about like, you know, I don't know, Greg Turkington or something like that. Right, Tarkington. Yeah. Neil Tadberger himself.

Yeah, I just write, I just write a sentence about Greg Tirkington and I change Greg Turkington's name to Elon Musk. And then that's how I've found myself writing nice things. And then sometimes I just, I try to write about my favorite meal. What a pleasant thing to be around

the warmth that I felt in it. I just try to describe a nice rock I saw like a riverbank. And then I changed nice rock to Elon. Yeah. I've actually been, I'm the guy who has been,

I've been hired to feed Dada to GROC about how to say nice things about Elon. And for you, If you've asked Glock about Elon recently, that might be why you've noticed it's saying so many things about him being smooth and warm and shaped by the millennia of the action of water on stowed. Unbelievably nice with gravy.

Mmm. Oh, you know, he's so moist and tender. This is still, I'm still writing about raw. rocks. Yeah. Oh, I was hoping. I was hoping.

The guy. Imagine that. I mean, once we crack this eating wood thing, we're going to be right on to eating rocks. You better fucking believe it.

Um, you know. We're going to be getting on to those bad boys. I mean, imagine being able to carve a nice big rock. Imagine that. Yeah, that would be cool.

With a knife. Not carving. Not carving like carving stone. I mean, you pull us a big, hot rock. Hot rock. A rock on a silver platter in the middle of the table.

And then Daddy gets out his nine. Big fork. Big two-pronged fork. You see chunks of rock. If you're going to carve off. If you're going to carve food, your fork's got to have two prongs. That's, that's it. Don't you show up with a third prong?

Mm-hmm. All right? Someone's going to yell. let you. If you got a third prong, you're doing it wrong. It's a two-prong fork. It's a two-prong fork. When you're carving a rock for your family to eat, use a two-prong fork.

Deedly deep. Diddley deep. This is the guy, moments ago Andy was saying, is a musical genius. I, you know what? the stem of a broccoli just the other day, Andy. Oh, yeah? How far down did you go? You know what? I went pretty far down and I thought, this is good training for eating wood.

Mmm. It's drunk. Because that's the thing, is that there's edible food that parts of it are woody. Yeah, yeah, that's true. You know, which suggests there's trees. Some parts must be foody. The wood, some parts of the wood must be foody. It's so good that broccoli looks like a little tree. Absolutely. And I wish there were more foods like that?

There should be more creatures that are miniature versions of things that live in trees that you could have in broccoli, that you could eat. Oh, that's great. Imagine taking a little, little koala, take it out like that. And because it's so small, the bones will just be like, you'll just, they'll dissolve in your mouth or whatever, and you can just eat it whole. It's really good. I mean, I've eaten broccoli that's got caterpillars in it. I've experienced that. Oh, you've, but you've, as I'm eating it.

But imagine if those caterpillars. Through flavor or just through with your eyes? through finding a piece of silk coming out of my mouth and following it to the Oh, you find the source Yeah, but finding that there was no Caterpillar on the other end of the silk on the broccoli And the deersing that it must have been on the mouth end

Did you try pulling it Pulling it out of your mouth? And seeing, feeling it slide up your throat, and then you say, a beautiful, healthy silk worm. I will place it in another broccoli and then use the spoils of this worm to make myself a shirt or maybe a beautiful scarf to keep my neck warm. I can't get my head around the logistics of making silk from silkworms. The number of worms that must be involved in the process. and the billions to make like one shirt or whatever.

I mean, there are bugs, it seems, numerousness is one of their foretays. Yeah, yeah, no, I mean, I, absolutely, but still, we're talking, we're talking vast, vast numbers. Yeah, no numerousness is one of their forte. It's their forte, indeed, numerousness. Numerosity. But even then, like, once you get to get to that, that point, then working your way through the logistics of then turning all those tiny fucking cocoons into actual...

I know, but Andy, as we've discussed, it's like, you know, creating woven material seems to be the highest thing that we've ever achieved as a human species. It seems impossible. And of course, taking a cocoon and somehow unspindling it and then spindling those back up in the direction that you want them to be spindled. it seems near impossible but man has figured it out how do the threads go together how do they weave how do they take you know i think they just do that thing they just you know that thing where you push

with your foot you know you just push with your foot like you know like that thing you know i'm pushing with my foot and then i'm getting all the things to spindle together oh sure sure one of those it's gotta be that i'm a spinning wheel yeah spinning wheel foot you get the foot going It took, it was a bit of a walk to go from pushing with your foot, pushing with your foot. You just grease up a little idea man and just shove him in Andy's head and Andy, oh, yeah, well, that little idea man wasn't particularly well greased in mind. Well, Andy, I feel like all of the people who are listening now understand what I was saying, possibly because I greased a man up and then he took the reins of your brain. And he said, this is what I am.

And then he spoke through your mouth, and now he's in full control of your head, Andy. Putting his little mouth out through your mouth. With that, he's using his tongue to push little bits of silk that are still attached to your teeth out of your mouth, spit it onto the desk so that you can later weave it into a shirt. Um, I mean, to have a full outfit of stuff made by worms, I feel like the or worms or caterpillars I feel like that

thing that caterpillars are made out of that sort of puffy kind of fleshy stuff I want a jacket made out of that material Oh it does get very soft Yeah caterpillar leather maybe Wow You know

Yeah Yeah Maybe with a little silk lining Oh, that would be beautiful. You could just, you probably open them up. Imagine that. Imagine tanning the hide of a caterpillar. Yeah, and then you're having to sew them all together.

That is man's work. Spending all that time on the smoker? I don't know. Do you think you get into a, is tanning smoking? I don't think so. Is there smoke involved in tanning? I always think that tanning involves smoke. I don't.

I don't think so, but I can't rule it out, Alistair. Well, what, just your guess, your guess, what is the tanning process like? I have absolutely no idea. I know it used to involve dog poo. They, they, they, that used to be a, a, a one of the, one of the, one of the inputs to tanning leather. Well My guess is that first you prepare the hide By cleaning and dehering it

Right, that's my guess And then I would soak it probably In some tanning solution Something like alum or borax Or like a vegetable tanning problem Yeah And then I would do that for several days or weeks Yep

Then afterward I would probably soften the hide by working it maybe oil it and then let it dry completely to finish the process. Work it. Yep. Bake it. Tann it. Soften it. So yeah, there's no smoke.

But I guess de-hair it. Wait. Clean it. De-haired. Soak it. Borax. soften hide it wait no

soften not hide it the hide soften the hide I guess putting a leather jacket on somebody do you think that would be

hiding them oh very good yeah yeah there's three meanings of hiding Do you think that you could have an Indian leather shop called hide and go seek? I don't know what the go is achieving there. It's encouraging.

It's like it says it's hide and and then quote things, go seek and then exclamation point, close the Closed the, you know, the open, what's it called? There, the speech, speech, apostrophes. I think we need another, sort of the opposite of an exclamation mark. We need something to say that a sentence is boring and should be said in a dull way. Yeah. But you want to put it at the beginning, though, don't you? Hmm. Yeah.

I mean, a comma, a comma is almost that. You think? Yeah. This sentence was so disappointing. I decided I couldn't even bring myself to finish it here. I'm going to keep writing in the hope that something interesting comes along. Yeah. I'm going to try and add another clause to this sentence.

The desperate hope of rescuing it from oblivion. Yeah. I mean, I did see a guy who just won some. big award, some writer from some European country that he like has, he loves to have like sentences that go for like two pages. How do you feel about that?

I don't know. I mean, I both like it and, but he also says that he like writes by just like he just sits and thinks and then he works out the whole sentence. And then once he's got it, then he goes

and writes it down. How do you feel about that? I mean, And it just, it feels far away from what I think I would be able to do. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I would forget it, right? I think that I would forget it, yeah. Yeah.

There's no chance. But I guess if people are able to do it and you hear like, Jay-Z goes and, like, figures out a whole song, and then he goes and records it like that in his head. It must just be something we can do. We're just not doing it. We're looking at our phone before we finish the writing. I'm looking at my phone right now. Halfway through a word.

Yeah. It must just be something everybody can do. It's just we're not doing it. I do think we made a mistake when we combined the distraction machine with the working machine. We should have kept those as two separate machines. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. That's a really bit of thinking.

Yeah, we're going to separate the, nobody's going to allow it. It's not one device. It's two devices. Yeah, that's really good. We need a reverse Steve Jobs. It's Steve Pleasure. Alan Unemployment. Oh, okay.

Steve Pleasure. Steve Pleasure. Steve Pleasure. Who splits the iPod. He thinks, oh yes, splitting, splitting the iPhone. The iPhone. That's even better. Back into its component parts. I mean, I was thinking yesterday about the iPod and how fucking cool it was. Yeah.

How cool it was to have a. device that had all your songs on it like that and that scrolling mechanism and how satisfying it was and then and like how as soon as you start putting more stuff on it it's just not impressive anymore it's just a box

that does everything you're like ah who gives a fucking shit yeah exactly it's having too many options it just means that you don't get to do the one thing that you really want to do and I'm not impressed by any of them yeah we should release an iPod

Yeah, it's great. I wonder if animals, foolishly let the Let the patent run up. They seem like the kind of people who do that, right? They just forget to renew the trademark on iPod. The Apple iPod.

Yeah, machine and the distraction machine. Maybe, you know, maybe the copyright will run out. soon and then we can start making horror movies with the iPod in it oh that's great you know because that's what people are doing with like Winnie the Pooh and stuff like that so like Winnie the pod we can do it and then it's like some two people in their house and they're like oh what do you want to do oh let's listen to some music and they go okay and then they both look at their phones and then they forget why they looked in their phones right and And meanwhile, in the window, there's just an iPod looking in,

and it's got a hand, and it's tapping on the window with a knife. Oh, this is such a good idea. And then while they're looking at their... If he comes inside, that's itself in, and then while they're looking at their phones, it cuts, slits their throats. Oh, that's great. What about it cuts their hand off at the wrist,

and the phone falls to the ground, and they're like, ah! And they pick up their hand with their other hand. Their mouth. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's good, that's good, that's good. Yeah, and they get that hand cut off. Oh, no!

Yeah. And then, so then they're, like, laying on the ground going, ah, like that, but then they're still looking at their phone, trying to scroll. I sometimes scroll with my nose, won't they? Yeah. And so they can scroll with their nose still, and they look into the next video.

Their nose cut off. Oh, no. Yeah, like that. Okay, that'll be good, and then they start doing it with their tongue. It's funny that they're, a nose is a little bit like a little, little finger that you do. You can use it in that way.

Yeah, I do. Absolutely do. Yeah, I'm actually going to set up so that my fingerprint is much as my nose print. Mm, nose print. You know, because, like, right now they're trying to, like, tell us, like, dogs' nose prints are as unique as fingerprints. They're trying to tell us that. They're trying to tell us that. The latest thing.

And that's the latest thing for them to say. It'll get us to believe. and then they keep saying that and you go, yeah, but isn't that true for every single body part of every single body? I would say probably not. No, you think that two people have the exact same nose? I think they might have the exact same nose print. I cannot imagine that it's possible. You press their nose.

I don't think you'd be able to distinguish them. And for the purposes that we're using, that we consider fingerprints to be distinct, they are to allow us to distinguish between two different people. That's what makes them unique. And I think nose prints, you would not be able to identify somebody by their nose print. Although I did put into, I put into Gustav and Henry, Volume 1, which you know, because you've read it and you use every day. Yes, yes, yes.

The butt print is used as an identifying feature. Of course. But that's quite a fantasy. Even I recognize that that's fiction, Alistair. I recognize that that's absurd. Andy, how? It's like, I feel like you're just basically limiting yourself to, like, what somebody can identify with their eyes. Right?

Every single butt print would be unique. Every single nose print would be unique. Every single cheek print would be unique. there's absolutely no way. Especially if you're using the computer thing, that's just analyzing it from you pressing it up against the thing. It's like, of course they're all unique. They're not made in the same way.

But it's the pattern. The pattern. Yeah, that's right. The pattern will be unique on every single one. I don't think there will be a pattern. I don't think there is a pattern on the nose. Of course there is. There's a shape.

There's a pattern. at and it's distinct and it's dependent on pressure so how could it possibly be how could how could a how could a different nose possibly have the same shape and pattern as somebody else your skin has a pattern yes it has a pattern like how are we detecting this how are we detecting this are we doing it with ink well i don't know whatever you want to use it's like if you want to use a A sensor on a phone, you want to use ink, each one will be unique. I think at a cellular level, you're right. But I think that...

Andy, okay, here's what we're going to do, okay? We're going to... No, no, no, no, we're going to talk some more about this. Andy, you are, you are a corgette, and I, and... am heat, right? You are eggplant and I am heat and you are tough right now, Andy, you are tough. You are a rock. I have applied some of my heat to you and you are tough, but Andy, you will not be able to continue with standing this heat for that long.

At some point, your structure will give in and realize that two things that are different cannot possibly have the same print and therefore each of their prints will be unique the skin has a pattern Andy the skin has a pattern and of course the different pattern is going to come up differently however you read it if you use if you use a 3D camera

like you know 3D sensors or whatever if you use that ink if you use a photograph if you use your eyes, right? The thing that allows you to see that your nose is your nose and not somebody else's nose is the way in which you will be able to tell. But most likely a computer will do it. The only problem here, Alistair,

is that I'm too stupid to argue my point of view. But I think it's still a good point of view and I don't want my inability to argue it to bring it down. It feels unfair. that just because I'm not good at explaining it, it was like my beautiful, my beautiful perspective, my beautiful point of view is suffering as a result. Can I tell you what I think your point of view is?

I wish you would. Right? I think your point of view is that fingers have little lines on them. Yes. I wish I could have expressed this beautifully. And those are in a pattern that is, unique to each finger and each hand right right but also all the other parts of your body have things on them right they're not as simple to look at because we're not like oh yeah these ones have

like lines on them and you can see by looking at each one by going from one finger to another because there's so many fingers that each one is different right but if you look at the back of your hand like you know there's kind of like a netting there's like there's hairs and there's like spots and there's things like that those themselves are patterns

yeah but because you only have two hands and your eyes you know there's too much to look at at the moment you're like I'm not even taking it in right I'm not even recognizing

what there's that but those are still patterns and if you were collecting that data and or... Yeah. Right? What about this as a sketch ID? Okay?

It's, you're in a relationship, right? You're in a relationship. A person who tries to break it there. Yeah. No, nobody tries to break in. Nobody leaves any identifying marks of any kind on any surfaces. That doesn't happen. It's a very safe neighborhood.

You're in a relationship, but you're having a disagreement. Yeah. And there's a service where you can hire two people to come and have your arguments for you. And they're really, they're really good. I guess they're professional debaters or something like that. And you come and you tell them your point of view and they go, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, and then they'll have the argument. It's sort of, I guess, like, you know, why do we only get lawyers involved when the relationship's broken down and it's time for a divorce?

Feels like, if you were sensible, you'd get the lawyers in way earlier. You'd get the lawyers in when you have your first disagreement about stacking the dishwasher, okay? don't wait until it's too late to establish who's right okay yeah do it early get them in let them have the argument for you and your wife can just enjoy a cup of tea together or something while your lawyers argue in the kitchen about the dishwasher okay yeah and at the end they'll come over to you and they'll tell you who was right and you'll it'll have been worked out and it's fair yeah you know what I like about this is that like is that at some point, right? So, like, the person will come in, it'll be like, okay, what's your point

of view that you're taking? And then you'll be, they'll be like, okay. And so then they start arguing for your point, right? And then the other one does the same thing with their lawyer or their debater or whatever like that, right? And then at some point, you know, let's say you're winning the argument or you're losing the argument. One person's going to go, no, I don't mean that point like that to their own debater once they're losing. And then that's, you know, and then That'll start an argument with the debater. And the debater probably has somebody waiting in the car. They'll have to bring someone in.

Someone in. And then they'll argue. And then they'll get angry with their person. You're making me look like an idiot. I'm a professional debater. That's not a point that I would have made. Yeah. Yeah, quite possibly.

It'll turn into one of my favorite things, an infinite recursion, I will Steve. Oh, do you love an infinite recursion? If, and the second thing, I think the thing that you like, maybe second only to infinite recursions is really big recursions. Really big, yeah. But that are still limited, but, but that you never reach the end of them. Yeah.

Or it's quite big and then you, and then you say, and then it stops. Oh, yeah. Like, you feel like it's going to go on and on and on and then you say, nah, and then that's it. And then that's it. Yeah. Like you have four of it, and then that's... Yeah, but you still get to have the feeling like it's going to go on forever for a little bit. You create that feeling. Yeah, and so then, because then you really get to have the best of both worlds.

Mm-hmm. The feeling of the infinite, which is really all you ever get to experience of the infinite. Yeah, that's as close as I get. And then not having to endure the infinite, which seems intolerable. Eternal. Yeah, the Eternal, that's why people fear being... It's not until you talk about immortality that people just essentially tell you about how much they can't wait to die. He was like, you know, people's real feelings about life.

They're like, like, I feel like I genuinely like life. And I can tell because I would love to be immortal. But everybody, as soon as you tell people that, it seems like they just, they don't like life at all. and they're like, oh, oh, to continue to limb, how awful. I want to be boring. I can handle boredom. That's like, I can really handle boredom. Yeah.

Have you seen me? Alastair, I reckon we're up to five sketch, three words of Melissa. Am I right? This is, you see, this is exactly why I worry about this thing, about this sketch show. I really want to make this sketch show, Andy, with you. And here we are a mere 47, eight minutes into this episode. And already you're like, I've got to end this because I've got to go to work or something. I've got to take care of...

I can't wait to die. You know, and then I'm like, oh, Andy, we need to have time to write this sketch show. Anyway, all right. Yes, Andy, we do have five sketch ideas. Do you think we should go to three words from a listener? I think that would be so beautiful. Okay, Andy. These listener words come from a...

listener called Casey Pearson Casey Pearson Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da lovely little little tune to your name there

Casey Pearson Casey Pearson You know do you think that the origin of that name is that they were the son of a pair Yeah Yeah obviously I guess it would have been come from like something

someone like Martin Pair. Nobody's ever called Dadson. You'd think that'd be a name. Son of a dad. Son of a dad. You son of a dad. You son of a dad. I start using that as a...

You son of a dad. Not even an insult. Just a sort of a... Just a thing to say to people. Oh, absolutely. I love that a lot. You know what I've found out is that here in Canada, nobody's ever heard of the insult, dead shit, to refer to somebody as some dead shit.

shit. Oh, they call themselves a civilization. That's pure Aussie, that is, pure Aussie to call somebody a dead shit. All right, Andy, we have three words from a listener. I don't know if you know this, but people who, it's been so long since we've done this podcast, Andy, that I've forgotten how to do the intro for three words from a listener. And so people, they can support us on Patreon, and then when they give us $3, it allows them, gives them the right

nay the birthright the $3 right to send in words and then we use them as inspiration for a sketch idea and Casey Pearson has sent in three words from a listener, hasn't mentioned which listener

but I have the three words from someone who may or may not listen I assume they do though first word Andy hit me with it. I like that you were having, I liked that you were having a think without me having to remind you.

Okay, Andy, let me have a look at whether the Francisco is correct. Andy, I don't know what Francisco means in Italian, but in English the word that we have is gentlemen. Gentleman Gentleman Gentleman or men Men Men

Gentlemen Only Only Let me have a look Oh Andy In a way you're close Because I feel like you've got the spirit of it It's never

Gentleman never Oh Well now a thing that Matt Stewart says on his podcast I believe is Gentleman Never Shit A Gentleman Never shits Could it be that? Could it be

the Matt Stewart's catchphrase Gentleman never shit Gentleman never die Gentleman never Apologise Gentleman never Vomit

You tell me vomit Okay You're ready? Yes You're locking in vomit Yes The answer is Gentleman never

shit. Sorry, Andy, you didn't get it. You're wrong. You're very wrong, Andy. Yes. Oh, sorry, Andy. You knew too many things. Have we talked about having a Caesarian shit on the podcast before?

I feel like we have, yeah. I feel like I think about it almost every time I have a shit. Oh, my God. Oh, this would have been good as a cesareans. Yeah. I feel like they could just do a much smaller incision, though. For the shit.

Yeah. Yeah. You'd hope. You know what would be a good system? Some of them, though. Would be a, would be like an airlock in the back. Okay. You know, and you just go, I don't know, maybe you get a ding when the airlock is full.

Yes. and then you go up against the wall and it locks into your back like a spaceship docking like that but it's but you're not in a spaceship you're just in a house and it doesn't blast it out into space

it just blast the shit out onto the street just outside of us and it just yeah it sounds like one of those like airplane trailer It frees out watch it just sprays out onto the street. It's like if it was good enough, you know,

putting it out on the sheet was good enough for, you know, medieval people or whatever. Exactly. You know, and Melbourne still has the alleyway infrastructure. Yeah. What I love is that this is a high-tech version of that, though. Yeah. It's a high-tech street shit.

It's using, all this, you know, fancy flesh interface airlock technology. Two shit in the street. I mean, do you think that you could get your, I'm sorry about this, everybody, your butthole surgically modified to have a sort of a little lip on it like a tap. And a tongue? No, no. I mean, just like a hard rim around it, like a tap, like a tap, like a,

like a forcet, right? Not like a spigot. But not like a tongue that has no sort of flavor senses on it. But it comes out. It licks around and it cleans out like an inbuilt bidet. No. Okay, good. It's a little rim and you can basically that you can put a balloon over.

Like you put a water balloon over a water balloon over a, a tank. Yes, yes, yes. You know, to fill it up. And then you can... Like a spivet. Like that, into that. Right?

And... Oh, shit into, like a balloon. Into a balloon. Oh, I don't like that it's elastically, like, it gets filled with, like, elastic potential energy. No, you don't like that? Well, I mean, you know, that idea that it's like, it's real tight like that. And then it slips off the lip, like that. And then it sprays all through your unnees, isn't?

Like that. I mean, do I dislike that? I mean, I don't. You know, like, yeah, because especially for you, yeah, I mean, you're pressure-loading it with farts and things like that. Like that. All right. No, Andy, I mean, it's a good idea for a sketch, the balloon. The anal lip.

lip for it might not even need surgery you might just be able to have some sort of little thing that you insert in there like a little little ring loop type yeah maybe like a glue it's just like an anus glue

you just stick to the anus like that and anus glue yeah oh that's a good name for a character isn't it it is really good Maybe a detective.

It's got a great rhythm to it, doesn't it? Anus glue, the detective. Or it's like private investigator or something like that. Private eye. Private brown eye. When they say private eye, it's like the letter I for investigator, right? No. It's not a private investigator?

But they tend to spell it, E, I, E, I'd never thought about that. That he probably is I for investigative, private I. Private investigator, they're a private investigator, they're a private eye. But then everyone writes I, EY, E, E, Alistair, are you across this? Are you aware of this? Unless it's, EYE. Unless that's also a little acronym. Ah.

Investigate? Yes. Every day. and investigate like that means something different no it means the same thing oh I love that I love that it's the same thing

and it's just a homonym with the same word meaning great have we got this idea sort of out there what penis glue the private eye Anus glue.

It's something better. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, Andy, I've written you somewhere. Andy, I wrote them three ideas based off of these three words. We got one idea per word. We've got high-tech street shit. We got anal lip for balloon shit filling. Well, look, this is me starting to take us through the sketch ideas, but from the third from the bottom.

That's how I'm going to do it today. You know how they like how they, like how they. open up packs of Pokemon cards no I don't so they open it up open it up like that and then they take the first

the first three off the back so you're facing them away take the first three off the back put them at the front turn the pack around and now you're looking at the last three first

and that's what we're doing here today we're reading the sketch ideas Pokemon card reveal style, because you want to get, you want to see the, reveal the shinies, the potential hollows at the end. Okay, I haven't delved into the world of Pokemon card packet unboxing. Should you open it or should you keep it sealed? You don't know any of this stuff, Andy. No, is that a song?

Should I open it or should I keep it sealed? Yeah, Andy, he's probably got one of the biggest Pokemon card accounts. I don't know what your algorithm is doing, Andy, but you're obviously wasting your life. Probably watching scripted. It sounds like a little fucking, you know, like a little Disney song,

should I open it or should I keep it sealed? So many feelings that I have not revealed. So many things inside that no one ever knows. So many things. that I will never get to show I'm sure there's a pay open it etc that's right

I'm a little fucking worm or I'm a worm I'm a worm in a Disney movie I'm a worm who's about to open a pack of Pokemon cards that's really good I mean Andy

that's the crossover that Disney is looking for you know they're they keep why not have a Disney movie based on the biggest franchise of all time Pokemon was a really good idea you know a little worm who's getting

into Pokemon card collecting and trading he finds he finds a first edition Charazard Hollow because he just it's like you know it's like Charlie

and the chocolate digging in the ground yeah that's right and he finds a house that was buried by some Hurricane. It's in Hurricane Alley, you know, a tornado alley or whatever it is. House was completely covered. There's a folder

and it has like old packs from 1999 that haven't been opened yet. But that he finds it and it's, oh, and he loves Pokemon. He's a, he's a Pokemon fan nerd. But then he wants to trade his life. That's the metaphor, right? I want to trade not just these cards. I want to trade my life away. So to try to become... Well, using the money from having an original Charazard Hollow,

first edition, he probably could get himself fused into a human body. Yeah. They got that technology now. Yeah. I'm losing my voice. Or I'm just teary. thought of this beautiful worm. That's what it is.

Okay, I'll get through the sketch ideas. Okay, so we got high-tech street shit, back airlock, wall dock. Then we got the anal lip for balloon shit filling. Then we got anus glue, the private eye. We got the lined page is a stave. We've got the seven secrete ingredients of good dirt honey by worms.

Then we got the KFC secrete ingredients. That's the colonel's head was in a sort of somewhere. We got the guy hired to write good things about Elon and his struggle. We've got Caterpillar Leather. We've got Steve's such good ideas. Steve Pleasure releasing. Clearly, good, easy to make sketch ideas. And the ought to just stop.

And we got Steve Pleasure releasing the splitting the iPhone back into the work machine and the distraction machine. It's not one device. It's two devices. And we've got and then the relationship arguments where you hire debaters and then you end up arguing

with your debater. Does that sound okay to you, Andy? Does that seem satisfactory? Are you not entertained? Yeah, I am. I had a great ton. All right, Andy. I was there.

Shall we? Let's be. Beep, beep, beep. Bechall. Beep, beep, beep, beep. shall beep beep beep be shall shalister

shall shall beep shall shalister shall shall the it's our first one at yeah

it actually is and thank you so much for listening thank you for sticking with us through 500 episodes and beyond yes and 500 yeah that's right thank you for sticking with us

for 501 plus poo in the shorts yes and And all I have to say. What is it, Andy? I was on a recent episode of Who Knewit with Matt Stewart. I was also.

Very good. And we... Oh, and I was also on a recent episode of Do Go On. Check it out. I can't wait to listen. Yeah. And we... We love you.

And I'm excited for the future. Bye. Me too. Bye. Thank you.