Two In The Think Tank - 503 - "PURE ARTIST"

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

Pure Art, Horse and Stream Scarface, Cocainia, The Boomer, A Horse You Can Make Drink, Robutler, Fitness of da Witness, Philanthrowfist + Trophy Wife KnifeYou can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Beans and Dips and Dips and Dips and Dip and Dip Lepricorn Christmas is When they get their beards, they get given fresh beards by their grandmas who are very, very kind and wear fresh jeans. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alaston. I want you to know that when you're trying to line up those two audio tracks, Andy, I didn't feel like I was getting, I was getting those two in line with yours when I said ideas. That was, I was way off. Oh, okay.

You're forgiven. And I like, but it sounds like you knew you were getting it wrong and that was your intention. Man. It was a choice. It was an artistic choice. Yeah. And, yeah. I'm a pure artist, Andy, and I make a lot of fucked choices like that.

Oh, isn't that a beautiful concept for a sketch, Alasdair? Somebody who's a pure artist, everything, every choice they make is an artistic choice. Oh, yes. Even how they shit on the toilet. Oh, yes. Sorry to take it there immediately. Did they shit provocatively? Oh, you better believe that they're willing to, ready, trying to start a conversation.

You know, they're just trying to make you feel something. Yeah. Oh, where do you think they do it? Where do you... I mean, if you were an artist, Andy, a pure artist, where do you think that you would do the shit in the toilet? I mean, isn't that interesting? Right on the edge, right on the balancing...

Oh, wow. Technically on the toilet, but not 100% in. What about in the cistern? Oh, I mean, what if you could do one that just went all the way around the seat? Just like a horseshoe of shit. A toilet made entirely out of... feces. I mean, that's something you could sell.

Recycled shit toilet. Forget it. That's a different idea. Oh, yeah, but what an idea. I'm so tempted to jump over onto that idea. Of course. I don't know, Andy, but we've got to finish this first idea, Andy, or else we might never finish an idea.

They say you can never, you should, you can never change horses midstream. Actually, they say you should never, should never change horses. But you can't help but change. horses midstream, right? Because the horse changes fundamentally from one, a horse that is on one side of the river to a horse that is on the other side of the river, you know? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's, that's when the horse changes. But I think you're saying the horse changes underneath you. Yes, changes beneath you.

But are they saying then that you're crossing the river with two horses? I think they are, yeah. Yeah, man, what a rich man this person is. Man, rich in horses. Oh, he who has two horses. Do you think he was leading the horses to the water trying to get them to drink? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, right, wait, right, right. First you get the horses, and you get the streams.

Then you get the women. Is that, that's, that's a guy, no, it wasn't as a, oh. What? It wasn't a guy, what? No, I was, I was, I was picture, you know, is that, is that from Scar, Scarface? Scarface, it was from Scarface. Yes, but it's, it's horse and stream, Scarface. Wow.

Well, okay. In the, and then, and then he's stealing these bodies of water, right? Hmm. He's getting these streams. He's putting them on his property. He's now living on a swamp. He's just bucket by bucket or siphon. He's getting pipes and stuff like that.

You know, he's getting all these horses, this land that he's got, this compound that he's now built covered in horses that are like sort of knee-deep in wet mud. Do you think that in the future where there's no water left, right? Which I worry about water availability, obviously. I think that is a big problem. but I don't think there's going to stop being rain, and I don't think there's going to stop being water. Like, in my mind growing up,

there were so many TV shows, ads, and public warning things about wasting water. And the feeling was like, to me as a kid, was like, oh, there will be no water in the future. We won't have any water because we will have used it. But of course, there is a water cycle, and it always goes around,

and it's a pretty fucking incredible system where the water just like it evaporates, completely pures itself, purifies itself, and then comes falling back down again. Yeah. And... I mean, some of it depurifies itself as it's coming down as well, though, a little bit as it picks up like pollutants along the way.

Sure. No, you're right. You're right. But that was never what was featured in the ads. It was just that there would be no water. And I realize areas are struggling a lot with water. But still, anyway, anyway, what about a future? But that's an area's problem, not me. Exactly. I'll just avoid areas. Yeah.

Yeah, I think the issue is never that there's no water left. It's just whether or not it's where you are. I'm not an area. I'm a guy. I'm a guy. I'm not affected by this. Yes. Why can't politicians?

Politicians are obsessed with areas. They're letting. areas i'm a taxpayer you know i love how that's so many people's answer i'm a taxpayer listen to me yeah they all are dude yeah they all are um but uh in the future where there's no water right yeah with actually no water not just an area's thing but actually no water but like none in the ocean um i mean there's hardly any in the ocean even so it's just big deep sandy crevasses i guess so yeah where's all the water going well maybe your scarface character has oh he's put it on his hood at all yeah yeah he's got like a big tall aquarium

yes and his house is floating on top yeah but um do you think think that like water for us will have like we'll crave water so much that getting a little sip of it will have like an ecstatic effect like a drug would that add to your scarface story that like we're sort of addicted to water and we crave it and we have water dealers who'll get us I think the way the way that it makes you no longer um the way that it makes you no longer be suffering from complete dehydration. It probably will feel ecstatic. Andy, I think you're actually describing the story of Tank Girl.

Really? Yeah, in Tank Girl, there's no water. And then they, when these bands of people kind of go around and they hunt people down and they stick something in them and then they dehydrate them of all their water. That's actually really cool. Yeah. Really cool. but I wonder like is is you know is the reason that drugs like cocaine have such an ecstatic effect on the body is it because the body needs it sort of like water and we just there's just so little of it around and maybe we should you know make a heaps more and have you know big oceans or lakes full of it that you can sort of jump in and swim around And then we won't crave it so much.

Yeah, well, do you think we should also have big salty cocaine, like oceans? I think that's the system. Oh, you shouldn't be doing that cocaine. It's actually raising your sodium levels. There's some fish that can do that cocaine a lot. But for you, there will be a shock to your body. What do you think salty cocaine? Which one do you think will kill you first, the cocaine?

Oh, salty cocaine salt water. Well, you know, you don't want too much sodium, you're right. Your blood pressure, be off the chance. I learned more about cocaine recently that what it does is it blocks the re-uptake of serotonin, I think, in your brain. And because your brain, as well as releasing this stuff, it has stuff to reabsorb it. Is it, or is it dopamine? It's one of these ones, right? but it stops your brain from reabsorbing it stops your brain from trying to reduce the amounts of

this endorphin thing floating around in your brain so basically it just builds up and builds up and builds up and that the the effect of this stuff in your brain is to make you feel like you're making good decisions basically it's like to give you the good feeling of satisfaction that comes from making good decisions right obviously as an organism and making good decisions is important. And your brain releases you a chemical to say, good job. You made a good decision. But if you block the re-uptake of that,

it's just like you just get overwhelmed with this feeling of like, fuck, I am nailing it. That's the feeling of being on campaign. But then you think then all of John Mullaney's good part of his career was that. And then you go, God damn it, that's, you know. I think it's a lot of the time where I, I go, ah, this is probably not good enough. I shouldn't keep working on this.

That's the bit that actually is the problem, right? Which is sober you doing that. Yeah, I'm not sure. You should just treat everything like you're on Coke and just be like, yes, yes, yes, yes, that was brilliant. And then edit sober. I think, I think that's what a lot of people think that being a mediocre white man is having a lot of confidence in everything yeah yeah but no you're thinking of mediocre white man on coke yes we're not as bad as that yeah or is good apparently yeah i mean but maybe maybe that

is what we are but but then on with on coke it actually becomes a superpower it's like it's not quite enough you just need that little extra bit more because i think it's like it's like it's It's like being a mediocre white man with power. Yeah, I think that I think that's what it is. And we out of solidarity have avoided getting any of that. Because it, yeah, because it, it, the power, you know, removes the, the, the no people from around you, right? And sometimes the no people live in your mind. Well, I guess the, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I think you need to have yes people around you. Thank you for saying yes, by the way. That makes me feel powerful. I think you need to have like nothing but yes people around you so that you stop having the know people in your own mind you go well if I never hear no then none of my ideas must be bad yeah and therefore I don't need to keep saying no to me because I've got all these people around me

an audience of good honest people yeah who love me and they're being honest with me because they love me who I can trust and I can trust and therefore I no longer need to trust this voice in my head that used to say no now I can just say yes and externalize my nose and I'm not getting any there I am a fucking a god

there's a lot of truth in that Alistair like I mean you have to at least get the idea out of your head before you have to give it a chance to be something before you can find out if it's good or on really yeah yeah yeah and and we are you know there's the

sorry to bring it back to the great filter again um great filter coffee live episode represent um the uh pouring out a bit of coffee on the ground from my brother uh the filter coffee the great filter coffee um um um the dad like like i i i can't have any good ideas because i don't let any of them out you know why does andy not have any good ideas well we have a lot of there's a lot of reasons why maybe he has no ideas It's maybe all the good ideas kill each other. This is really hard to believe while you're doing a podcast where you let out ideas. And they're all really good.

And they're all really good. No, you're right. Especially that pure artist who's always shitting. No, he wasn't always shitting, but it was like, I liked it the first idea on this. Like was a high concept idea and then we went to shitting and then we didn't even bother to look at other aspects in what ways this would be anything. Well, I think we achieved the ultimate expression of it. Yeah. How would you think that that guy would sleep artistically?

Maybe in an uncomfortable place? Yeah. I mean, he could be one of those kind of hyper-real artists who does, like, really sort of grotesquely obvious work, you know? Yeah. And so maybe he sleeps, maybe he says honkshu, honk shoe, honk shoe all night, really loudly. Yeah, I mean, that could be it. That could be how you sleep artistically.

Or you know, you're sleeping as a stereotype. You sleep stereotypically. Stereotypically. You can always just sleep in, whatever it is, you can always just do it in a glass box in front of the museum, you know. Like, that feels like a real loophole. You know what feels like a really, what a really, oh yeah, that's true. That is a loophole in art. Just do things in a glass box near, either in a town square or, you know, that's guarded by a man or whatever.

Or in front of a, or in a art gallery where it's safe. Oh, nice and safe. Not like me in my glass box outside. How about this? guy who makes fun of people for for being safe right but like not like in their art but just physically safe yeah oh look at you you're all safe with your loving family and yeah and your buffer financial buffer and your house that's not falling apart ha ha you need one of those guys on a film set as well as the safety officer because i think

Everything has got a little bit too safe. You think so? The OHNS guys, the child safety officers. I'm trying to think of another safety type person. It's all a bit too safe. You know, we want to have a bit more edge. Maybe you could have an unsafety officer, and those guys can fight, which the safety officer would hate.

Well, I mean, I think the unsafety officer is a really good role for like a boomer who thinks that these days kids, are too coddled. You know, they should have a, you know, the government should, you know, the boomer government should bring out a sort of a boomer on safety officer who helps push kids off of play equipment. Yeah.

And when they land on the soft thing, the he breaks their arm. So that, so that they can also turn out fine. That's a really good idea. I think just the boomer as a, as a superhero. yeah um uh is a really good idea and most of what the boomer does is um push kids off play equipment and then and then when they say land safely break their up yeah um time it again enforces them to drink from a hose yeah uh you know occasionally he'll he'll run past the house of a

uh uh 20 something looking for work and yell through the window that they should just go into places and hand out resumes you know hit the hit the pavement that keep handing out resumes until you find a job that's what i did um he's not running very fast past the window he's he's not in great shape well is this the boomer or is this the boomer the boomer he was running past to yell at yeah i think that's great i think that's great the boomer the superhero yeah we should we should make a device that allows you you to change horses midstream I see I keep thinking about

pissing when you're saying that really midstream I guess that's the more you know that's the predominant stream in your life in my life yeah and then is it you pissing or is it the horse that's pissing

because it feels like if the horse starts pissing that feels more like a reason to change horses I guess if you start pissing while you're on a horse I mean I guess if you want to get down there touch the piss Well, that's not changing horses.

I've got to get off this horse and touch that piss. Don't get off at mid-screen, but the piss will cool down and get all muddy. Oh, I thought you would want to touch it while it's coming out. Oh, of course, yeah, of course. Blasting out at high pressure. Get your little milking bucket out. What are the horses trying to prove with that pissing? dream with all that pissing that high pressure pissing what's there you know where are they even

getting all that liquid from yeah you know for a for an animal that's so hard to make them drink yeah right like are you mostly difficult to make them drink right why are they got so much liquid in their body where are they getting all this piss yeah what's the I bet you they don't even have blood imagine that just a full piss horse like no blood in there they just

they've got piss that carries oxygen around their body and all that storage space in the veins right and like that for extra piss it makes it seem even less likely

that they wouldn't want to drink you think so because they want to just keep pure pissed they don't want to like mix it up with all that weak-ass water i didn't express it well i meant the opposite of that so okay what tell me what you wanted to express because i forgot what we were saying i mean it seems to me that you know they say it's hard to you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink seems like if the horse was a piss horse he would really want to drink they should make it they should make a piss horse so that you can make them drink that's right

And also you can change it midstream. They were able to breed an apple that you can hold in your hand and bite and it's a perfect snack size. They can't breed a horse that's easy to get it to drink. They can take to the river and make it drink. The greatest joy available to man. Yeah. Why couldn't they just make a weak-willed horse that just will be like, do what you say? I don't think we've actually come very much.

far scientifically. They spent so much time breeding horses both big and small. They never stopped to breed one. We'll have a little sip, have a little, have a little bevy with you. A horse you'd like to have a beer with. I mean, that would, you know, wouldn't it be cool, a horse that you could just put a, like a pint up to its lips and then it will have a sip? Like a normal person?

Yes. You know what I mean? I don't mean, like, you know, lift up their lips and show you their teeth and get their tongue in there. I want them to bring their lips together, purse them up a little bit, create a little, create a little, like, funnel or whatever. And then I want them to take a sip like that, and then stop. Don't drink at all, even though I'm controlling the glass. You want to be able to share it. Yeah.

A horse that is breeding a horse. You run this out? Yeah, breeding a horse. That is easy to make drink. You know what you should do. And that you can change streams midstream. You can change horses. Thank you.

Thank you. So you know what you should do? You should build a glass box outside the art gallery. Inside that glass box. You should put another glass box. And in that glass box, there's an artist, right? I don't know, they can be sleeping or shitting or whatever you want. But in, so, so there's, there's a big glass box.

Yeah. In the big glass box, in the big glass box, so in the little glass box is an artist, sleeping or shitting or whatever. In the big glass box is you, right? Me. Walking past the artist, looking at them. Oh, looking at art as art. Yes. And am I shitting?

you can be shitting you can be shitting in your sleep if you want oh so I'm I'm looking at him in my sleep in your sleep yeah wait am I which one am I am I looking at the artist or am I the guy in the small box

you're looking at the artist you're the real artist though because you're the one who built well you didn't say we were both artists I know that by being in a glass box I automatically become an artist I have a problem where I go to the aquarium and I stand outside

the fish applauding and saying bravo because I automatically assume that everything in a glass box is art do you think the fish act differently

in an aquarium just because they can feel like they're being watched because they don't know they're putting on a show yeah do you think that they're like sort of being extra fishy

they should have made the sequels to night at the museum should have been instead of night at the Smithsonian whatever they should have been just at night at different public facilities you get night at the aquarium and then you're into like night at the series treatment facility yeah night at the uh telephone

exchange what about day at your house spoke it spoke it like a true artist yeah yeah a house in a glass box new you got me oh man using a grant to build a

house but you I woke up I woke up I opened the guardian because the first thing I like to do

is read some fucked up news this morning I got up very early to do this

podcast and the article that I read was about a guy at the Melbourne unit

at Melbourne University who has got a grant of $500,000 to get robots to do comedy. Yeah. And it made me so fucking pissed off. It really, I mean, like, because we can't get humans to do comedy. Yeah. Yeah. I did just see that.

I didn't realize he had a gigantic grant. Yeah. How, I mean, I'm not one of those people who says research grants. They shouldn't go. to this. Why are they doing this? Why are they trying to do X when they should be doing Z? But honestly. Yeah, I mean that one does sting a little. That's that one stinks. Yeah. That one's that you know not only I mean they're not even like they're not taking our jobs but he is trying to get one to take it our jobs. Yeah.

And then and then and then but he's also getting more funding than one who does have that we ever would. That we ever would. Yeah. Yeah, and it's not going to work. Absolutely. He's not going to be able to do it. Yeah, because I mean... What we do is too hard. It's too...

I mean, all it is is that we have sensors that let us know if something is funny. Yeah, and also we have like pathetic human bodies and sad human lives. Yeah. That give it some kind of pathos. A robot doesn't have pathos. Yeah. also we can tell that he's not living

a real life and so we don't think that it's from a real place exactly even when yeah comedians don't have to tell the truth

yeah I mean they don't have to so I mean I understand that you're right no but I'm agreeing with you I'm agreeing with you

but I'm also agreeing that what I said was wrong so I'm agreeing I'm agreeing no no but I'm agreeing with my

misinterpretation of what you said so we're still in agreement yeah I was right when I thought what you said was wrong yeah

and but I mean that I mean that should bloody be it I mean you know what you should do you should get somebody who wants to no wait here's what it is okay

you get a research grant to see if you can make a human funny who's not funny yeah okay that's you know what that is way more interesting to me. Yeah, absolutely.

And then you just write the show for them. Oh, great. And then you just got, you got $500,000 to write a show. And who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? I could start doing comedy inside, like a cardboard box and pretending to be a computer. I mean, I have, I mean, like, that guy, wasn't it like, pardon me, I mean, that's still essentially a thing that

happens where they, I mean, it started, I think, in the like 1800s or 1700s when there was like a, somebody had allegedly built a, this machine that could play chess. Yeah, I don't. And it was just a guy in a box or whatever playing chess. The mechanical Turk, I think they called. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The noble mechanical Turk. They should make a mechanical chess robot.

that from Turkey that you respect like the noble mechanical Turk. They really should. You think you respect the robot but actually you're respecting the man inside the robot. You don't realize. Yeah. And he's actually from a different place, from a place where people you don't respect are from. Yeah. I would love it if the advances in computing had all been advances in hiding the little guy

inside the computer more effectively. Like, I think we should have continued down that road of computing. Instead of building actual computers with, like, chips and stuff, it should have just all descended from the mechanical Turk lineage. And it should have all just been, there's a guy in there, okay? We get better and better at hiding him. He gets more flexible so we can bend him into unusual shapes. And I guess maybe he also gets better at chess and maths or whatever.

I mean, it's going to get way easy. once they have those robots that are shaped like a human. So much easier. You know, because then, essentially, right, if you can just make a good enough costume of one of those things, right, with a place to piss and shit inside, right?

That's going to be the biggest thing. Right. And then somebody buys you, a rich prick, buys you for like $250,000. Yeah. Right? So you get that money up front, right?

and then you basically work until this thing breaks down right so it's early days so they probably won't expect that much right you do it you want to fuck up a little bit but you'll be cooking meals or whatever like that you know I wonder if there are any billionaires out there

who are currently employing a you know a household full of servants but paying them to pretend to be robots, you know, to do it like you're a robot. Yeah, no, do it lock you're a robot, might. Blink a bit less, you know. Oh, yeah, like, but like, weird head movements. Still looking, okay, so still looking like a regular human, not dressed up in the shiny stuff.

Well, they're very advanced humanoid robots. Yeah. Like, oh, I mean, they could be dressed up in shiny stuff if you want, like a silver suit or something. I mean, that's a beautiful job for all those poppers and lockers who are able to move like a robot really well. You know, because it's probably hard to monetize that stuff. Is this a sketch idea? I think so.

We will send a guy who acts a lot like a robot. I mean, it's probably cheaper. It's probably ultimately cheaper and easier. Did you watch any of the... Were you about to say like to the moon? Or were you just to a rich guy? To a rich guy. Sorry, I should finish some of my sentences.

Some of my... You almost stopped there, didn't you? I could tell you were almost stopped and you're like, oh, I guess it wouldn't be right to stop at this stage in the sentence when I'm saying that I should finish my sentences. It would be the height of hypocrisy. People would never, the listeners would lose all respect for me. Like, uh, like, uh, like a Turk in a, you know, in a, in a,

playing chess that you don't respect. Yeah. I mean, I do, I mean, I mean, no, I actually respect every person from Turkey. me too Andy you don't have to just because I said it no I respect them more than you

oh well how much tell me tell me the number that you respect them out of 10 oh oh no um

six Andy I respect them five unfortunately you're right you do respect them more than me Oh, God damn it. Yeah, that's cool. Beautifully done.

Yeah. I think... It would have been easy to do the Noble Turk type thing with those old school computers that were the size of a room. I think that's where they were going. You remember when the original computers were like the size of a room?

And then... It's very suspicious. Yeah, you get to live in a whole room. That would have been really good. And they didn't expect you to do calculations very fast either. Maybe this is what has happened. It is happening. Maybe it is just got little guys in the computers.

Maybe there's people in there doing it all. And maybe that's why quantum computing is taking so long to happen because they've over-promised now. it's been a lie this whole time and then finally and now they just can't they can't get a guy small enough yeah yeah all smart enough

yeah oh yeah but I mean once you get to that stuff once you get to as smart as what a quantum computer is supposed to do I think that you could actually get people back in there because suddenly the answers should be unintuitive

yes you know the answers should be like well this thing is smarter than us and it you know and so so they could just be really

and who's who better to do to say something smarter than us than one of us well then one of us but no no but the thing is that you were no longer capable of analyzing whether or not it's right or wrong exactly I think it would

essentially be a gaslighting machine I would love to be I mean I think that is what most of the AI is turning into or we don't talk about AI on this program but I don't think I refer to this thing as a

as a program geez we're really going up in the world yeah um yeah do you consider this I don't even know if I consider this a show oh this is a show

oh baby we're putting on a show right now yeah yeah right I guess I didn't even realize it was a show. So I just thought it was a podcast. Well, you're like the, it's like the Truman Show. Yeah. You just, you think you're just a guy recording a podcast,

but you don't realize that you're actually on a show. Do you think that it was called Truman Show? Because he was the one true man in there, and everybody else was like, falseman? Obviously, that's an element of the, of the rich tapestry that Peter Weir was weaving Australian director, Peter Weir?

Was that really him? I don't even think I've ever even heard of him. I think he's the Picnic at Hanging Rock guy. Yeah, I mean, that's... He's also master and commander, the far side of the world. Oh, did he? Pretty sure. Yeah, he is.

And he did the way back, which I have no idea. Oh, he did Dead Poets Society. I didn't know that. Yeah, and... Witness with Harrison Ford. Get out of my house. Get out of my house. He says that to David Blaine,

when David Blaine does a trick that surprises him. Get out of my house. What are you talking about? Harrison Ford had David Blaine in his house. And David Blaine did a trick, and it shocked him to his core. And then he said to David Blaine, get out of my house

Is this real? This is real Andy I only say things that are real You're the true man You're the one true man I am the This is now the true man show Rewind

Alistair You want me to explain this to me Because it came off the back of witness Right and then you started saying Get out of my house And I assumed that's a line From the movie Witness I know

But then I also said With Harrison Ford And so So then what I was saying was, I was referencing, I know it sounded like it was from witness because it sounded a little bit like Mel Gibson, Mel Gibson in Ransom going, give me back my son, like that, right? Give me back my son! Yeah.

And so, but I went into Harrison Ford and a video that I saw where David Blaine is in his house. Right. David Blaine does a magic trick for him where he cuts a, you know, you might have to cut open an orange that was in, you know, Harrison Ford's fruit bowl and inside is his card like that. And he's shocked, Andy, I am not exaggerating when I say the man was shocked at the very least. But that shock quickly turns to anger and his face changes. and he looks at David Blaine in his

black and white face white skin with the black hair and he says get out of my house he's got a good sense of humor no Andy but he's a good actor I believed it yes I mean and what a great guy to

get to watch your magic tricks but the guy from Witness The eponymous witness I assume he's the eponymous witness from witness. Haven't seen, haven't witnessed witness.

Yeah. But in my, but I'm guessing he is the witness. And like, you know, doesn't it seem like iconic witness? Witness should be the female witness and it should be a witness

for a man. Hmm. A witness? No. No. I'm a witness. I'm a man. You've just misgendered me, Your Honor.

That's because of... You're calling me that because of the matriarchy. The fitness of the witness. The fitness of the witness. This is a... This is a judge in Britain who used to be a rapper. British rapper. And he finds all of the fitnesses of the witnesses of the witnesses.

Can all complement the fitnesses of the witnesses in this case? Counsel. Ooh, I'd like to... Ooh, these witnesses have got much fitnesses. Oh, I'm taking the bar exam right now Yeah It's Jet E's solid Oh

Yep I've passed the bar Um Alistair I reckon we All stand Oh very good Stand

For de judge Um I reckon we've got Five sketch ideas I reckon You think so I reckon we are romping into the green fields of three words from a listener.

Oh, my gosh. How did you know that, Andy? How did you know? Have you been listening to my podcast? We are stomping for a romping. Well, Andy, we've got three words from a listener. Ah. Do you want to try to guess who the listener is?

Wrong. Beryl. others. Ooh, close. Darcy Nugent. Yes. That does feel close. Yeah. And Darcy... Hi, Darcy. Darcy says, I think my previous three words suggestion may have gotten Al's, gotten a past Al's flawless system. So I'll resubmit them. And then it says, these are my three words from a listener. And I believe that listener is me. he's not certain. He's not certain, Andy. The watchman knows he knows nothing.

Oh, he's wisest is he. Who knows he doesn't know? I think that's a great structure of sentence. Da-da-da-da-da. Is he? Da-da-da-da-da-da. Okay. Three words from a listener.

Do you want to try to guess the first word? Mold. Oh, no. Plasma. Okay. Plasma. injection second word injection

no deodorant plasma deodorant I feel like I'm close every time plasma deodorant baby close Andy tycoon

a boss baby The opposite Plasma deodorant deodorant tycoon um undercover boss baby yeah um let's see

I mean I was thinking first first thing it came into my head smelly CEO oh I've got a CEO why not a smelly-o a touchio and a heario

and a tastio oh by our powers combined We are A fully experiencing human Have we discussed that before The idea of a superhero

Who's just really, really rich And who just Solves problems by throwing money at them But it's actually by throwing the money? Maybe Like he's got a big sack of money on his back Like Santa And he just throws like wads

And knocks people out with very densely packed wads of cash. throws a big wad. And then afterwards, before he disappears, he goes and picks up all the money. Well, there's no point wasting it. I'm not that. You don't get rich

by just throwing money at the problem and then leaving it there. No, pick it up again. Yeah. You don't solve problems by throwing money at it. I do, but I do pick up the money afterwards. but every time he throws the money he does write it off as a tax deduction that's why he's doing it even though he's picking it up again afterwards um that he somehow there's a loophole where he can

he can do that the only reason he's fighting crime at all i think is a it's for the tax write-offs and then he and then he starts he's he's the only superhero with a with a go-fund me and he uses that he's like hey the more money you send the more money you send the more I'm able to throw it at bad guys and knocked them out and stop them doing. Philanthropist. Oh, yeah. His sidekick. Oh, sure.

Yeah? No, he'd have a socialite, right? Or maybe a trophy wife. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, so he's the philanthropist. Yeah. Okay.

And the throw fist, philandthrofist. Oh, yeah. Throfist, maybe. Yeah. Okay. I'll try and write it out again. Philin. Throw fists. And his sidekick.

I mean, that's kind of what like Zuckerberg became when he started training. I guess Jiu-Jitsu isn't a striking thing. But he's only a little while away from just starting to fight people with his fists. I think that would be scary. I think once billionaires have both money and they can throw down. Yeah. Oh. You're going to be unstoppable.

They'll be unstoppable unless there's a gun or something like that. Unlike now. And they're so easy to stop. And then the trophy wife. Oh, but is it a throw trophy? Throfe. Also. Sidekick.

But it would be a nice, if it was like a sidekick. Trophy knife. Ooh, the trophy knife. It's a golden, it's a woman with a... The trophy wife knife, no, knife wife? Sure, yeah, that's good. She has a golden knife? Yeah.

All right, look. We did it. We did it. Can you believe it, Andy? You know, it's a guy who doesn't just use the, yeah, it's not like Batman where he has lots of money. Anybody doesn't use it as Batman. This guy wants you to know. I am that billionaire that runs the city.

Yeah. And then maybe he says stuff like, I'm going to put my money where your mouth is. And then he hits you with a big parlor cat. Oh, yeah. Imagine if he had like a big warhammer made entirely out of just cash that's all compacted together, weaved together. You know, like have, you know, very heavy. Like Thor's hammer.

And he just crushes your skull with it. You gold is four times denser than lead. Is that true? that can't be right. I read that the other day. That's so much denser. I have been seeing a guy as some kind of jeweler on YouTube

who walks around and hands people a piece of gold and if they can tell them how much it's worth. And whenever you do see the people hold on to this big like Tutankhamins head piece, statuette of gold, they do go, whoa, like they're surprised at how heavy it is. Yeah, maybe that's why it's so valuable. Now I just need a guy who's walking around

with a teuton common head of lead and judge the comparison between the people's reactions and then I'll be able to tell you the answer about whether or not I think gold is heavier than lead that's great Alistair what a joy this has been

Andy I have no other word to explain it and I have a lot of pocket dictionaries I just bought like eight the other day My pockets are full Yeah That's basically the whole reason It was just so that I can film a sketch Where I have a pocket dictionary

In every pocket Wait, is that true? I might have been in an op shop And there was like They were in bags of three dollars And I said, can I get Can I get three of these? Bags of three dollars

Three pocket three pocket dictionaries for three dollars so i got three bags you cannot get a bitter deal you can't get a better deal than that on pocket dictionaries i'm telling you what and i want you to know that i did put back like three other bags um alistair let me tell you your physique is going to have so much definition after this oh yeah you bet you a lot a lot of lumps going to be a lot of lumps when you see me walking around. Well-defined silhouette. Look at that.

Andy, here's the sketch ideas. We got the pure artist, the guy who does everything artistically. We got the... Maybe sometimes when he doesn't feel like doing something artistically, he does just do it inside of a glass box so that he... De facto, does it?

So he can switch off. His house is a glass box. We got the... We got the horse and stream scarface. I'm sure you're very happy that we wrote that down. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We got the cocaine abundance to make us crave it less.

Yes. Yes. We got the boomer, a superhero who breaks kids' arms so that they grow up fine. He's got breeding a horse that is easy to make drink. and that you can change midstream. Send a guy who looks and acts like a robot to a rich guy's house. I mean, that didn't quite capture the sketch idea, but the idea is that...

No, that's completely it. Okay. And we charge him a subscription service. We tell him it's not wages because he hate that. Oh, my God. subscription service yeah that's the thing is that they're trying to get rid of wages right they're trying to get rid of wages because they're like oh people are too expensive but these companies are not going to want to just sell you a robot that you can just pay once to use it

they're going to want to get a subscription you know so then they're going to you're just going to replace it with another waged animal or another waged beast Absolutely Okay And then Because you're like We're going to need to update it A lot

We got British rapper judge Who talks about the fitnesses Of the witnesses And we got a superhero Who throws money The philanthropists And his trophy knife wife

What a duo What an episode, Andy The hell of stairs Yeah, I mean, I had a great time. Me too. They had fun. It doesn't all, it's not all about the end results, Andy. No.

No. And, but that doesn't matter because the end result was so good. Exactly. Thank you. That's right. All righty, here we go. I guess we're going to go. Do you think?

Did you think? thank you so much for listening to doing the think tank that was cool you're cool we like how you listen to the podcast yeah um we are in like episodes will be up on the patreon soon that's going to happen that's going to happen oh yeah very soon thank you so much you got anything to plug uh i mean oh i was on an episode of uh plummet the Death Star. Ooh. And I did do a do-go-on episode that went up at the second last episode of Block about the...

Yeah. About that, did we already promote that? About the Milgram experiments? Yeah. I had some people in psychology reach out to me and tell me that they're like, I'm glad somebody's telling the truth about this story. Oh, is it not the accepted narrative? That's right, Andy.

it's not the accepted narrative. Well, I better listen to your episode. You betcha. Andy, did you recently appear on an episode of Who Knewit with Matt Stewart? Oh, relatively recently. I was on episode, and I had a question on a recent episode as well. So you'll... I should start sending questions.

All over it. Yeah. Yeah, although I used to just send them to Matt and he'd put them on. And then he said, I've got to do it through the official form. and I felt that was a real slap in the face I used to just text him Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know But he's got a system apparently Yeah, yeah

I'm bigger than the system As a guy who has to run a system Andy, I want you to know that I get how he's feeling You wouldn't know this as a systemless man Completely systemless, I've had a system in my life And we love you. Bye, bye, thank you.

Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.