Two In The Think Tank - 506 - "NOT WITHOUT MY BELOVED"

Episode Date: December 30, 2025

NWMB, Stage Feeding, Butt First in a Baby Carriage, Upside Down Eating, True Kevin, Generous Baby Theft, Metal in your Eye, See Sea Monkey, Intrusive Thoughtlessness, Frontier Reverse Psychologist, Bottle In Front Of Me Research, Bagpipe RobocopYou can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to do in the thing thing tank the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. Who are you? I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair George William Tarambly Berth troll, and we were just discussing that I've started watching the television show, the television program, Pluribus. I was recommending it to Andy. In the highest possible terms. In the highest possible terms. Tickle me in certain sensitive areas.

Certain sensitive areas. I think in ways that, you know, the things that we like to discuss on this podcast. Oh, in the way that we tickle each other. Exactly. And so I said, you could watch it with or without your beloved, but I know that you don't. And then I started to imagine a film that is, I guess, a parody of the film, not without my daughter. Which I don't know what that is.

Where a woman, I think maybe moves to like Iran or a very strictly Muslim country. Oh, does she move without her daughter? And then her husband, who suddenly has way more rights there than she does and she has almost none. He kind of doesn't want her to leave. and then he kind of can keep her under control. And then she realized she could leave, but she won't do it without her daughter. Right?

But this is Andy. He's in a situation where he's got an interesting sci-fi concept TV show. And he realizes there's an opportunity to watch it, but he won't do it without his. his beloved. Yeah, great. I mean, what would be really good would be if, say, my beloved had been kidnapped by drug dealers.

Then you found the TV show. And then I find the TV show. It's a really good one. And I don't want to watch it without it. So I've got to get her back from the drug dealers. And I've got a, you know, maybe this will be my Bob Odenkirk moment where suddenly now I'm an action hero. Yeah.

It's like multiple franchises and I'm punching and I'm killing. Just picture it, Andy. So she's been kidnapped, right? Yes. And somehow you do have a lead. Sorry? That's sad. That is sad.

You know, I don't like that that's happened. And no, but you've got a lead. You know that they're maybe in a warehouse downtown or something like that. You've tipped it off to the police. Right? and then for a moment you think all I can do now is wait it's outside of my hands right so you open Apple TV and you start to watch this thing and you go fuck this is so good and then there's a little part of you that's like my beloved would really love this and normally

we always watch things together yeah but in this time when all you can do is you know really it's out of your hands most of the time the average person is not expected to save their beloved from like a big drug gang a cartel a cartel but you realize that if the pull is so strong to watch this because it seems so good

so quick that in order to not have to fight these urges for much longer you may have to take things into your own hands It's either save her or betray her. The greatest betrayal. The newest betrayal as well.

I think it's the most modern of all the forms of betrayal. Shakespeare never had to come up against this. We can only imagine how he would have found. And it's great to finally have a new plot point that Shakespeare didn't do. Exactly. I mean, he plumbed at all, you know. He absolutely did.

He created the pipes that we plummet with. Yes, much like, you know, the Beatles. When they came along, they wrote all the songs about every topic, all the obvious ones, holding your hand. That's right. Being 64. Being 64, you're like, oh! fuck yeah i was like oh i get every topic you know strawberry fields that's literally a song about low

hanging fruit that was the joke i did on stage once that that that's great yeah yeah that's really good when did you do that on stage what year oh two 2015 i reckon that was a dragon that was about a 2015er geez i don't think i've ever heard that still fresh though it is fresh and it's still there's still meat on that bone not that i'm saying no i just mean like as in from for audiences to pick off. Like you haven't, not everybody's heard it, and it's good enough to feed the world.

To feed the audience. To feed. Gather around my bone and gnaw it the scraps of meat that's kind of what being a comedian is like. It's like being a man with meat on a bone. And then you feed it to them. And maybe you chew up some of the meat and you spit it into the audience's mouth. Yes, yes.

You say there's more to nor, kids. More. There's more to gnaw. you know the elderly members of the audience i just i just slowly just like i let the the meat juice ooze out between my lips just the juice into their into their old mouths yeah like a sort of like a milk like a meat milk then yeah well then you you just dribble out a sort of like a salivary stock a bone broth yes yes and then i and then i and then the stronger the stronger members of the audience i'll cough up a whole chunk of gristle into their mouth if i think they can take it the tough

guys that's a compliment that's a compliment yeah to you tough guys and some of the uh some of the heftier lasses and i just mean that in terms of jaw jaw size yeah and also because it's a metaphor remember the jaw size is you know what i don't want it to be a metaphor anymore It's not a very much, but I've stopped. It's one of those, it's not a comedy night anymore. It's one of those, it's a, it's a, it's a come at me not. It's just a stage feeding. Mm-hmm.

You know, it's just a, like, it's the bone zone. It's just, it's just an art that actually doesn't exist. It's a guy on stage with a, with a, with a, with a meal. Yeah. And it's a big meal and he's going to share it with everybody. Uh-huh. And it's how he, It's about, obviously, the taste of the meal and the textures and stuff like that,

but it's also how it ends up in your mouth and how much you get. Yeah, how it gets there. Absolutely. You know, sure, you can walk around with just like a big bucket of mashed potato under your arm and you can sort of, you know, like when you sort of, because mashed potatoes really, you spoon it, you spoon it into the spoon from the bucket. But then when you want to get it onto the plate or just throw it. throw it straight into a mouth.

It's a technique where you move the spoon forward, but then you have to kind of stop your arm suddenly. To create like a kind of car accident sort of style G-force for the magic potato to fly out that front window. So that that globule breaks the surly bonds of spoon gravity. That's right. And splats on the face of God. Yeah, escape the lot.

Spoon escape. velocity. Yeah. You know. And then coming out, and while their mouth is still open, going over, like,

like, you know, lining up the audience members, mouth full of mashed potato, and then just running across them with a gravy boat, pouring gravy into their mouth. Really quickly,

like a bartender trying to make, you know, making a bunch of shots. Liding up shots. Yeah. Wow. I mean, it's rare that a new art form, a truly, a completely new art form, does emerge. I think video games might have been the most recent.

That's right. Stage feeding feels like it should have arrived years ago, but I think that it's because of the appearance of insurance that stopped it. I think when suddenly it was like people are responsible when things go wrong and then there's a way. way of pain for it. Choking on a globule of an overly, a too fast globule of... Oh, yeah. Or the spoon doesn't get stopped close enough to the mouth. Oh, and it cracks the skull open. Or breaks a tooth, you know, like if you get too close to the mouth maybe with the spoon before pulling back.

Yeah. And so I think that this is a great art form for all those of us. I mean, you're now, I guess, within reach of home ownership, but those of us who have nothing to lose, Andy, you know, those of us who don't have assets, this is for us when the, you know, when something goes wrong and people come after us, there's nothing to get, there's nothing to take. There's nothing but meat on your bones.

That's right. They're going to have to start gnawing at you. So they want to get anything out of you at all. I mean, this is an area for, you know, for a sketch, maybe for, they're trying to find a place where they can get us, you know? Like, what would they do? What can they get us? Take, suck out your marrow.

They can, um, let's see. They can offer up your butt cheeks for pinching. I guess, I mean, I guess that's, is it. Dress up your butt as an old, as a little baby. and have you wheeled butt first through an old folks home and have your butt pinched by all the old ladies who think it's an adorable little baby in a gram. And the old folks don't realize

that they've signed something when they join the old folks home that for every pinch of a baby's cheek or something they think is a baby's cheek, they get charged 50 bucks and then maybe 35 of that comes to me to help pay off my debt. Oh, okay. Oh, I see what you're saying.

Yeah, well, you don't see any of that money. It just goes, it just goes to the creditors and to the old folks' home, you know, a big, big, grand poo bar. Do they have a grand poo bar at the most old folks' homes? I would say that there's a man with a big furry helmet and horns on it, and every old folks home, who runs the place? Yeah, do you reckon he's in like a basement or like a, in the Matrix,

like the architect style room with lots of CRT televisions all around the walls? White suit, white beard. Yeah. Do you think it's cool to have a suit the same color of your beard? Is that the way that it should work? That's interesting. I mean, there are some colored suits where that would get difficult. But white suit, white beard, I mean, it's the kernel.

You know, obviously, chicken man, which, I mean, that's not the color you want to be wearing if you're in a fry kitchen. Surely, the white suit, I mean, that's going to show stains like a motherfucker. And those are going to be oily stains. It's going to be almost impossible to keep that clean. He's leaning really forward when he's eating that fried chicken, isn't he? Really forward. I think he's dangling from the roof. I think he's suspended.

spent it by his feet by his ankles yeah that's actually i mean the bats have got it figured out as a way to eat yeah to not get food on your on your yeah stain those wings black wings and eating upside down that's the perfect trick that won't come up oh that won't come up the stain won't come up uh yeah um but first sorry i'm i mean that i'm still writing down old sketch ideas from earlier. That is a good, that is a good idea for a restaurant if, I mean, can you even, like, can you truly eat if you're dangling upside down, do you reckon peristalysis, you can still swallow and truly eat, I mean, you can obviously mock you. You can pretend to eat, you know.

That's, it's, it's actually not true eating. It's actually not, yeah, as a purist, as an eating purist, I don't consider that. What you're doing right now? is not eating we would not consider that eating mathematically and morally yeah that's it's nowhere close no you're right you're right um it's a grotesque parody of eating that um do would you but like wait how did we get here we is the colonel eating upside down i think that you probably can eat I think it would be harder to choke upside down. Oh.

Hard to eat, but impossible to choke. You know, as a... You could try. You could try to try. But our guarantee to you is, no, you won't choke. I mean, I think if you were choking, you'd be going, how am I doing this? This is a miracle.

It would almost be a miracle. It would be. One of God's rare negative miracles. occasionally he'll bust one out does the Catholic Church ever look for a negative miracle I look you know I'd say that probably not like they are I reckon they overlook those you know I don't I don't think they're even looking into the real

miracles all that deeply to be honest I mean you know there's so many places here that, you know, named after saints and things like that. And, for example, I live in a place called St. Hubert. Oh, St. Hubert. Yeah. And, you know, and it's one of those things where you're like, I can't imagine a guy called Hubert attaining St.

Yeah. Yeah, there's a St. Kevin, which I find a true affront to the very idea of sainthood. Yeah. Kevin? Yeah. Kevin feels like a name that only existed for about five years in the 60s and either side of that no one was or ever will be called Kevin

I don't think I've met any new Kevin's they're not making them no and if they are nobody's calling them Kevin they're calling them Kev yeah okay and then K and then whatever their last initial is K yeah You know, KT? You want to have a couple of middle names up your sleeve. Oh, my gosh. I guess if you really wanted your kid to be called Kevin, you'd call them Kevin,

and then you'd make their middle name Kevin. So they've got no, there's no backup, you know, there's no chickening out of this situation. I think their last name would also have to be Kevin. But then their full name, their full initials would be KKK, which is, you know. And maybe that's, if you were trying to breed a pure Ku Klux Klan member. Well, then that's good because they're also not going by their initials, right?

Like, as a, as a father who wants your child to be called Kevin. Yeah. And who doesn't want this child to, uh, to, to find any loopholes. Um, you know, I think that really is, uh, that's, that's watertight, you know. that's um that's kev inevitable kevin inevitable um I mean that's I guess maybe if you're trying to make a pure

like a if you were trying to see do an experiment to see if you could make a bad person I think that that would be the first step yeah give them the old triple kev let's see if it's possible to make a bad person I'm not convinced that it is. I'm not convinced that there ever has been one.

Let's go back to first principles. Yes. We'll start with a baby, with a pure baby, untouched by the world. I'll grab it at birth. It feels like I'm already ahead of the game, stealing this baby at birth, raising him in a laboratory conditions.

It's hard to steal them pre-birth, isn't it? It's already going to happen. It is. It is hard. Here's the thing about stealing a baby pre-birth, though. I think, while it would be probably unbelievably devastating to the mother, I bet you there'd be a little part of her that's like, well, at least I don't have to give birth.

Well, actually, it can't have been that bad because you, that's women, have always told us that labor is the most painful thing. a woman can experience and therefore having the baby stolen pre-birth is actually less painful this is your words you said this remember

you said that it's less painful than giving birth to the baby and therefore I've done you a favour therefore no no crime has been committed well you see

at the very least it's less bad having the baby stone we know is less painful and therefore we have alleviated you of pain that's all we know you should be hacking me everything else is a value judgment yeah yeah um i don't judge value no no i don't think we should who's to say you know what's more valuable high value or low value you know yeah that's a really good interesting thing that's a good question yeah make an actual it's like a good judgment on value itself mm-hmm is value do you value it i i don't know i think the jury's out you think so you think stealing baby saves saves woman pain is a good

yeah oh i think i think we can feel good about that i think we can feel proud of of ourselves and I think we can stand behind it. I know, but a guy who believes that, you know, that could be a good, a good bit and, you know, like a good character trait for like the lead of a book, of a novel or something like that, you know? The lead, the star of a book. The star of a book. Isn't that crazy?

You write a book and then you just make up somebody to be the star when there's already so many people in the world who have never starred in a single book and who want. to? Yes. Who want to have done something great? What if I wrote a book and I made you the star? Me? Yeah.

Made you Andy Matthews the star. And it's nothing you've ever done. Right. And, but it is you. It is me. Yeah. It is you. So it's like if somebody wanted to read, eh, is it canonical?

Yeah. It's canonical. Canonical. I mean, I don't know. It's not. like canonical in the book series. Yes, I'll take it. And I can sometimes mention things that you've really done,

but it's just you on an adventure, overcoming, you know, your flaws. And it probably would involve a lot of grinding and cutting things without protective equipment, which is what I think that you do all the time. You're drilling. I was trying to do something yesterday, but I couldn't get open the chuck on the end of my Dremel to do a little bit of engraving. But this would have been very low level, you know, by your standards. Yeah. Purely, we've got a visitor.

Hello, Wally. Bye-bye Wally. This is, deep down, you're a guy who just wants metal filings in his eyes. and that's the unspoken desire Yeah I actually have a little pepper shaker of them Of little iron filings I keep by my bedside And I just shake them in

What about metal filings and a little eyedropper A little eyedropper There you go They should They should make some metal That you can put in your eyes Yeah You know safe

It's safe to put in your eyes would be nice I mean What would it be I mean what about this Andy For when you have a hair in your eye You know like sometimes You just get a hair on your eyeball

Or something Oh yeah Yeah What if you could just Shake some metal filings onto your eye Near where the hair is And then use a magnet To pull it all up

Because there's no hair magnet It's either that or create a hair magnet Yeah God I mean, wouldn't that be great? I think whatever the technology involved in making a hair magnet would be is like, okay, you know how like goo has become like an acceptable thing to make kids toys out of now? Yeah.

Just like super slippery, slimy, stretchy goo shit that they make kids toys out of. And they go bad and stink and stuff, yeah. Oh, just awful. Just rancid. And all they do is like attract hair. like these are things that are only you should only be able to play with them in like one of those places where they make semiconductor chips you know that in where they're like a room like that for kids but then it gets full of hair that's a problem once you let the kids in there

the kids have to be completely shaved yeah before they can go in shave and then putting like a couple of suits and stuff shaved and waxed and then we send the kids in there and they can play with the goo toys in this in in the invidia chip manufacturing uh factory yeah um and then and then they're completely decontaminated and removed um but next time they want to play with the goo toy and and whoever gives the kid this toy for christmas or their birthday should be the one who's responsible for paying for access and the you know the the decontamination process to to get in and out of the invidia factory. You can't just give people this stuff

that just attracts hair and lint and crumbs and just like walk away like it's not your problem. It is your problem. It's your responsibility. This is, it is like Enron and things like that and BP sort of knowing that they were creating climate change and then finding ways of making it seem like it's the people's problem. Yes, yes.

I think you mean Exxon. but when you say Enron Enron, I actually think I think they were a power and electricity company but they did the honorable thing and collapsed into bankruptcy

probably actually helping I mean you know fight climate change it's either them or the environment yeah and they did the honor unless they were like it was like a monkey sea monkey do

they were doing it so that the environment knew what to do Yeah, do you think Well, the environment does contain monkeys Yeah See monkey Do monkey That's a different

That's a different expression For guys who Want to have sex with monkeys Oh, I thought you were talking about Sea monkeys No, yeah, yeah Yeah Monkey C

See monkey Do see monkey Yeah That's the guy see monkey can you see monkey do how big can you make

can you grow these things can they get like how big how do you get like you get them to like you know

life size when they're big how monkey like are they and the laws that apply to primates don't they don't apply of these things, do they? Oh, that's a real loophole, isn't it?

Yeah. Imagine if they found out that the laws, the bestiality laws don't apply to single-celled organisms. Oh, and you build a giant bacteria. You breed one that you can make love to. This is exactly what a tech company would do. They go, oh.

Like, you know, like you, the laws of, you know, decent treatment of animals doesn't apply to single-cell organisms. Let's make a giant one that you can have sex with. And it'll be like a Jurassic Park thing. You still do it on an island because that's where rich people like to go have sex with things. Yes. And then they would do it and it would make them a lot of money, but they would film it and then they would get dirt on the people as well.

Dirt, they get dirt on them Like dirt accumulates on a little gooey toy Well, I think that that's the thing with large single-cell organisms Is that they probably would collect hair and dust They probably would I imagine they're quite slimy on the outside Yeah, yeah Mucous-like

Very mucus, like And probably mucus on the inside as well I think it's basically all mucus It's just a few membranes and a few proboscis. Mm-hmm. Oh, the things they do to that proboscis, Andy. Oh, it doesn't bear imagining.

Oh, I don't think I could bear it. I'll tell you what, I can do without any more articles about Jeffrey Epstein now. Yeah? I think, because I read them all. Yeah. and then like every article just contains awful little things awful little details yeah i mean when you yeah because you go in with yeah let's just stop and then we'll just have one big article at the end when it's all over yeah once you once you've gone through everything and then

you have all the because i think what we go into it thinking is that we go oh this is exciting there'll be repercussions for somebody who i don't like and who who's done illegal things. And then, but then you just... Just for me having to read it again, again, again. Exactly, yeah. So, like, you know, I think a lot of being on what reading the news these days is just experiencing secondary trauma.

You know, you see other people's trauma, and then you go, ah, now I have to remember that. You know? And so I don't know if that's great for all of our mental health. all of our mental helps. Yeah, it feels like there is some virtue to it, like, oh, I should know about this stuff. But also, if I'm, don't do anything about it and feel bad, I don't know.

Yeah, do you think we should be proposing a new pluralization of mental health so that because, because I guess in the past, like, because in the past, in the past, In the past, we'd never really had to pluralize health. The healths of the community, the mental healths, I think it probably could do with a, like, you know, one of those old-timey, you know, maybe THES. Yeah. Some words were never built to have an S on the end, you know, to be pluralized. When they were building those words, the guys put them together,

they were quite gung-ho they said no one's ever going to want to pluralize this bad boy mental health will be something that is dealt with on your own yeah you know

but I think no one will ever collectivize I'm getting bad mental health by just trying to pluralize mental health yeah

it's a it's a it's a sort of it's causing one of those unwanted unwanted thoughts Intrusive thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts, you know, I think unwanted have been in there as well, you know. It's a little, you know, it's making me think about chopping up my brain into little pieces and keeping them in a drawer. Oh. And that's unwanted, is it? It's that intrusive, is it? Well, it's that thing where you think about it and you go, maybe I'll do it. Do you think there's ever been a thing that you've ever thought that you're like,

that you've been afraid that you would do it oh i hope i don't do that yeah and then you actually have done it i don't think i ever have you know like there's like one's like oh i hope i don't turn the steering rail right very suddenly and then drive that's the main one that is the main one that i have yeah or or jump off the building oh yeah yeah that's true you know so yeah close to the i don't think i've ever done one of them what if i use this knife to cut and plunge it into somebody I love or something like that

I've never done any of those things you know is it just that my mind is weak your mind is weak because it's unable to convince you to do them is that what you're thinking yeah is that a yeah is that a

I'm not a good salesman should I feel bad about this yeah I think So I think it's a personal failure. And I think it's one you will be judged for in the everlasting. Just because some people do have that as a, you know, it's technically a mental illness, right? Like to have intrusive thoughts, right? But the intrusive thought is only powerful if you believe that you will do the thing, right?

because you're like, no, no, no, no, no, I don't want to do that thing, right? Yeah. And so, if I am unable to believe that I will do that thing because I have never seen evidence of myself, do it. Is that a mental illness? Because it's the mental illness of the weakness of my mind. My mind must be ill if it's not strong enough to convince me. Every time I have an intrusive thought like that, I think you would never have the guts. You'd forget it.

You're too much of a coward to jump off the building. I won't even bother suggesting it is what my... Yeah, and you're like, okay, don't. My intrusive thoughts are like this. It's like, I just thought of something you could do to the edge of that building, but I'm not even going to bother. I'm not even going to I've just thought of something that you could do

with this steering wheel right now but you're not worth it I won't even bother thinking it you pathetic you're like calling it's double it's double bluff or it's like reverse psychology you what is like you what am I a three year old

it's like that might have worked you know yeah that's great I mean it would be great to go and see a reverse psychologist I don't know if we've ever suggested this on the podcast before but going to see a reverse psychologist Especially one who uses really advanced techniques

Yeah But it's all still reverse psychology It's reverse psychology It still is that But then you apply more modern psychology techniques Yeah yeah right So like it's um What's that one? It's like internal families

Yeah Don't go into your mind inside you as a child who needs to be healed don't don't do that they need to be forgiven for the things they were unable to fix as a child you shouldn't yeah you don't you don't forgive yourself as a child don't go back and forgive that child yeah you know don't forget Because he was responsible for that. I'm not even going to... You probably couldn't even pay me $350 for this one-hour session.

Could you? Yeah. The advanced reverse psychology. Yeah, modern. It's a more modern form. You know, it's like, it's like, what's that, um, electroconvulsive therapy or like, like when they would shock your brain. Don't put these... Electroshock therapy.

Don't put these... anodes and cathodes on each side of your head. No, it's because, you know, early on, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, you know, misused. But now they're like, actually, no, electrocuting your brain a bit is good. You know, oh, that actually does help sometimes. Yeah. You know, if you do it right. Yeah.

But that, so we had primitive reverse psychology. Um, but now, now, now we've realized that, you know, actually. it does have some virtue and we're able to use it in a more advanced and sophisticated way. You know what? I hope they find out if it, like, a version of that for, like, lobotomy, just like a, you know, just a little lobotomy. If we actually take off, just nip off a tiny little bit, it's actually really good. You know, like the way they say, it's just a libidomy. It's a little bit of me. Oh.

A little bit of me. A little bit of me. Oh, like that But yeah I mean that I guess I guess essentially That's kind of what

You know Removing a tumor is A little bit of me I'd rather Yeah Yes I was thinking at Alistam But I didn't want to open I didn't want to open this door again

I saw it there And I thought Let's Let's not put ourselves through this Bichamin Because I feel like we tried it Oh I'd rather some Bitumen in front of me

and then a phrenum, a frenum, Frenum, bitcham on me, bitch, bitches. Bitch on me. Oh, French bitch on me. In me. I'd rather some fresh bitumen in front of me. Then a French bitch in me. I'd rather a bit of bitcham in front of me

that a French bitch in a bitching me In a bit of me In a bit of me It's one of my favourite It's one of my favorite lines To try to murder Like a new attempt at it Yes

It's I think it's one of those structures You know that we don't know if the existence of I'd rather a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy we don't know whether or not that is a fluke whether there's only one of those in nature or whether or not it's representative of some kind of deeper structure or symmetry in the universe that you know because if we can do more of them if it becomes repeatable it suggests that there might be something there might be it might be a universal law

it might be something that you might be able to say everything that needs to be said through that rhyme yeah yeah we don't know um yeah we need some bottle in front of me research yeah because well it feels like something that AI might be able to do eventually you know oh yes if we get if we can get it before the companies collapse yeah if we can get the general artificial general intelligence or artificial super intelligent I think that I think that should be the first thing

we ask it can we can anything be said through a bottle in front of me frontal lobotomy style rhyme I think I think

I mean that's genuinely what I use AI for yeah I know and it's not powerful enough for what i need if we if we get it you know the risk is that like you know we'll get it and someone will say oh how can we eliminate all suffering and then it'll be by destroying all humanity of course and then it will fire all the nuclear weapons and everyone will die right yeah um but if we get it and we only use it for stuff like this what's the worst could happen

You know, I actually have a theory right now that like, that the AI thing, they've realized that they can make enough money through it to make it survive as its own thing. But that, but that it's, these, the people are just trying to make money through building data centers. And, and then when it collapses, just get, get money from the government in a bailout to sort of make a bit more money so that they, don't have to pay, you know, like, the consequences for their actions. I don't see how the data centers are involved in that. Well, that they can't, they can't make, like, they've got all these planned data centers. So they, they can, like, okay, like, for example, Sam Altman doesn't, I think, own shares in open AI, but he does, he does have investments in stuff that has to do with, like, in things

that are in data centers and things like that. Right. So my speculative theory is that they, because the idea is that, well, they're using the investment money to build the data centers and things like that to keep expanding, sort of a bit in an Uber kind of way where Uber never turns a profit, but the investors make money that I just think that the whole point is

make these gigantic things that are unbelievably expensive invest in you know big sources of energy and things like that to make money and then you make your money

on your investment there you can walk away when the AI bubble kind of collapses that you know there'll be people who will obviously lose a lot of money and things like that but the people involved it's you know there's been money spent and you've got that money and then the government

and then the people of the world will pay for it through the collapse of the you know like the entire entire entire entire economy but then the government will bail them out so that then uh they will also not have to pay any repercussions but uh but their money will have been made you know so it's a happy story then yeah it's a happy ending i don't know i just think Anyway, let's go to three words from a listener, Andy. What do you think? Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Today's, I don't know if you know this, Andy, but we have three words from a listener. It's a little segment where people can submit three words when they join us on Patreon. Not just when they join us. And they pay three dollars. Once they have joined, they can send us the words forever. They can join us forever if they like. That's true. That is there.

But it's also, it's not like a not without my daughter thing. not without my pledge or whatever. You can leave and leave your pledge and then never have to pledge again. Yeah, and we will get to your words. And we will get to your words. You could do one month and then quit and you could listen to some of the stuff

that's in the Patreon bonus content and things like that. You could download all the Patreon bonus content and start your own Patreon. That's right. Which is like cheaper. And you could do two words from a listener for $2.

Yeah They submit them to you And then you Submit them to our Patreon Like You know Add them Join them all together

That's good You could make a profit on it Yeah Sort of like subleting or something Yeah yeah You could even do one dollar And then have a hundred people Join your thing

Yeah And then you make You make sort of $97 Every month And then you just pay three Mm-hmm Oh man That's a good idea

Words go into a pool. You'd have to have a system. Oh, you've got to have a system. And there's none better than mine. So feel free to steal my system. And we're not going to tell you what the system is, right? It's proprietary. That's our IP.

That's where I really make my money is selling systems. And so I won't just give that away. Okay. This is, today's person who submitted things, three words from a listener, is Curious Cachus. Oh. Right? And in Curious Cachus message, they say this.

Thank you. I don't know if this is too rude to ask, but I have another three words, and these might be better. So I'll let you, and this flawless system you have decided, which to do, after all, I trust the system with my life.

Okay, and then there's the three words. words and then it says and they are from me lull which is great because i was going to ask if they said which listener it's from okay would you like to guess what the first word from a listener is curious cashew um the first word is ambiguous this is inspired by your name i'm imagining a second you know a whole world of names so like ambiguous almond oh yes baffling brazil nut well you know what You're not that close, you're not that, both that, not that close, but also not that far, Andy. You're sort of in a middle distance away. The word is discreet.

Discrete. E-T-E-E-T-E-T- at the end of discrete. You know, discreet. C-R-E-E-T-E. Discrete, so not meaning sort of secret, keeping your secrets, but meaning in... In limited chunks, you know, in like a discrete value. Individually separate and distinct? Wait, I don't think I knew that this, that there's two discreetes. Oh, yes.

Oh, my God. So, you know, discrete values, that's sort of like when things are digitized or whatever we talk about. Things being discreet. I always thought it meant this is that city in Greece. It's that island in the Mediterranean. Yeah. Discrete. Okay.

First word is discreet. Okay. And the second word is discreet. Oh, I don't know. Lazzania. Oh, Andy. So far away. Third.

Discrete. Third. Hmm. Bosom. Andy, that would be so derivative to have that, you know, like that movie with the action hero guy that has the movie with the lady with the third bosom. Total recall. That's right.

Third bosom. But no, this one is discreet third lung. Lung. Wow, I was actually so close. Lung is, oh, you were very physically close. And almost shapularly. You know? Do you think a lung is shaped like a bosom?

I mean, it's not that far, Andy. There's curves. There's, you know, I think there's a little, I would consider the area where the air comes in into the lung to be a bit of a wind nipple. Would you like it? Would you like it if women's lungs were in their boobs? And so the boobs sort of rose and fell, inflated. and shrank as they breathed in and out. You know what?

Sort of puffed up and down like balloons. I think to like to want that is perverse, would be perverse of me. I just want to think first. I'm just going to say, what if they stayed the same, right? But there was still some lung in their boob. I'm going to think about whether or not I like that.

I don't need the boobs to undulate or, you know, rise and fall. But they would, surely. They would. But, you know, I feel like it's perverse to want. that. Okay. And I just want to think if I like, would you like it? If the lungs were in there, but they stayed the same.

Okay. Well, that sounds to me like they have emphysema or something, right? Where the lungs are hardened and they're no longer filling with air. There's still some lung in the chest and that's the bit that opens and close. You're saying that you want women to have emphysema? Is that what you're saying? Well, if wanting, if wanting no more attention to be drawn to the, to a woman's chest that more than she's had to endure

means that I want them to have emphysema but when they have lungs in their boobs, then, yes, Andy, that's what I want. Because I'm a feminist. Okay. Discrete third lung. I mean, what would I do with a third lung? I guess I'd inflate balloons.

more quickly. I remember doing a activity in biology, in, I think, grade 9, where we tested everyone in the class's lung capacity. And I had the second best lung capacity in my class. After, of course, my famous friend, Sam Pointer, who's the one who was the bagpipe player, who accidentally inflated his own face, who we mentioned.

But he had the strong. longest lung capacity in the class? Yes, he had the biggest lung capacity by a huge margin on account of his bagpipery. I mean, really, a bagpipe is a discreet third lung, in my opinion. It's as close as it gets. In the sense of being separate, not in the sense of being sort of hidden. It's actually very obvious. No, no, you're right.

more obvious than a lung and a boob that's opening and that's inflating and deflating, a non-infacemic lung and a boob. Do you think, can you imagine a situation where you're in, you're in hospital? Oh, maybe this is what's happened, okay? You are a member of the police pipe band. Okay. And you're doing, your police piping as you march down the street. Then you get, there's a crime nearby.

Okay, okay? And the police band has to respond to like a shooting. Yeah. Okay, they're the closest unit, okay? And you all go in there with your instruments. And you, the bagpipists, are actually really badly shot up, right? And they take you to hospital. Before you continue, I like to think that the bagpipes should be able to play.

One of the instruments who should be able to play the police siren the best. They should. Right, that's your role. As you run, as the whole band runs to the scene, you're doing this, I'd love to see a bagpipe cover of the police. And you're taking to hospital and your lungs are ruined. Okay, yeah. And the only way they're able to rescue you is by combining you with your bagpipe.

So now you have internal bagpipes, basically. So now instead of you blowing into the bag and then squeezing it under the, your, your arm you squeeze it under your arm and it blows into you no you have it inside you so now your mouth when you open your mouth it plays the bagpipes basically you are a you're like robocop but instead of a robot you're a man so when you breathe in it breathes into the pipe into the bag yeah into the bag it fills the bag do you have two when you breathe out two bagpipes Amazing Grace Yeah

Or Scotland the brave The one song The one song The one song Do do Do do do Do do And it starts again

And then the same I like that it's short Okay So the police Yeah The police bagpiper um

yeah robocop bagpipe man oh yeah also he does become part robot but it's all part bagpipe and so he comes out yeah and his head has been sort of

like completely covered in tartan but we except for possibly you know but like it's it's all just bagpipe parts right his arms are like the wooden stems of the bagpipe type

when he when he his bladder is bagpipe so when he pisses it also plays scotland the brave yeah but like wet scotland the bribe oh bagpipe robo cop yeah i mean that i love andy andy yeah yeah that's very good it's it's it's all yeah it's tartan robocop but instead of like hard mechanical it's soft materials and

and sort of carved Celtic wood yeah yeah Celtic wood Celtic wood yeah I mean does he go to a hospital

or is he is he taken is he in a bagpipe factory or do you think he's taken to a Cayley maybe that's where the shootup happens it happens in a bagpipe factory a what a Cayley you know it's one of those like what's a Cayley

it's like a sort of a place where a bunch of traditional music is played and there's people dance where people dance traditional dances it's a it's a very scottish thing you'll have to look it up okay well well well let's see if i can find out um Scottish dance let's see if I can figure it out oh wow you don't want to guess how it's spelled uh refers to a okay no I do I do can I yeah can I guess how it's spelled? Yeah. K.

No. Fuck! C. Yeah, it is C. Okay. I've got, you got, K? C. Just try.

No. Okay. K. C. Yeah. C. A. No. You're done for, Andy. You're completely...

E. Okay, yes, E. I. Yes, I. that. L. Yes, you got that. A. No. E. No. Just tell me. Just tell me. You need to get to the next letter after this one. I. Okay, that is I. Yes. Okay. So C-E-I-L-I. Yeah. Okay. What's the next letter? E. No. D.

This is even worse That they're guessing the worst thing Yeah, and then H All right, that's good Those Gaelics They've got no They don't give a shit They don't give a shit.

Yeah, yeah, they don't give a shit Yeah, great Anyway, so yeah So yeah, so either at a bagpipe factory obviously I imagine Aberdeen and Glasgow have a lot of them and there's a

Cayley inside probably and that's where the crime occurred and then he gets saved look I don't know anything more about this character yet I don't understand Scottish culture well enough all I know is that he says I don't die or I or whatever like that

and yeah that's all I've got right now but yeah right Scottish Robocop But I mean Wouldn't it be beautiful That he'll be able to play the bagpipes At his own

Funeral Bravery Award ceremony That would be good Yeah by just Giving a speech Yeah Yeah yeah That's really cool

I really like that Andy do you think we should go through the sketch ideas I think we should Quickly take us through them I can't imagine That you've written down anything Andy let me tell you

How many sketch ideas we have Cool sketch. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. No. Oh, wow, this is going to be good. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Let's go. So we've got, not without my beloved. It's where you have to get your beloved back from some drug dealers so that, or else you'll watch this show without her, and you just can't allow it. So you've got to do it. We got stage feeding, which is a new art form we just created. You have a meal and then you share it with the crowd And it's all about how you get it into their mouths We got debt collectors making you go to old folks home

But First in a Baby Carriage To make your money back The phrase butt first in a baby carriage is That's art That's poetry We got the eating purists who are not accepting upside down eating is true eating. Yeah?

We got, if you want a Kevin, he has to be Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Yep. Yep. Okay. Wow. Yep.

So there's no loopholes. We've got the stealing baby to save a woman pain. Yeah. Stealing unborn baby. Should be explained. We got metal filings to shake into your eye so that you can magnet out a hair that's in there. we got sea sea monkey do sea monkey the guy who's trying to get around animal cruelty laws

to have sex with a baby yeah um we got the personal failure uh of the mind of oh my god okay wait how what is this the personal this is well i'll write what i wrote and then you have to try to tell me what i what it is the personal failure of the mind of never making me do something I wouldn't want to do. This is your intrusive thoughts. This is another level in which you are a failure and ill, probably. Yeah. So, yeah, and I guess it's telling your psychologist about how you think that makes you a failure

and how that's actually a mental illness. Then we've got the advanced, reversed psychological. who uses modern techniques, including EMDR, don't follow my finger with your eye, and think about a trauma so that we can dislodge it. We've got bottle in front of me research to see if everything can be said through this method of poem. We think it's solid enough that we think that we could have a theory of sying everything. Mm-hmm. And then we've got the police bagpiper robocop.

Yes. And we did it. Let's go into the song. Binga, banga, banga, binga, binga, binga, binga, binga, binga, binga, binga binga bina bina bina bina bina bina bina bina bina bina bina bina bian da. Thank you so much for listening to two in the think. Thank you to anybody who is on the Discord. Thank you to anybody who's on the Patreon. Thank you to anybody who's thinking about going on the Patreon.

Think about anybody's thinking about going on the Discord. Do you want to say anything? Do you want to say? What was that? One more time. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Oh, happy birthday, Wally.

The big Waldo. Do you think that, Andy, do you think that when Trump in 2016 says he, He was going to build a wall. Do you think that what he actually did was summon Wally into the existence? And that's, and then he's a direct result of the first Trump presidency? I want to say, I've never thought that before, but I want you to know that from now on, that's all I'm going to think. Thank you, Andy. It's going to be my only thought.

Thank you, Andrew. That'll be my mantra. MAMTra It's a mantra for women It's called a MAMTra Now Alistet Do you have anything to plug? What have I got to plug?

Let's see I mean I appeared on an episode Of plumbing the death star And it was very fun This is from when we were I was in Melbourne We recorded it But it came out in the last month

I think And it was What Would You Severance and it was like what part of your life would you severance and we had a really fun time I think I get into a really good rhythm with those guys and it was a very fun I would never allow that

no and he wouldn't allow which is why I have to do it separate from him while we never appear together on a plumbing the best star episode yeah well that's great Alistair yeah I also did a huge he knew it you know if you haven't heard the huge Hugh knew it That's a different podcast

Hugh knew it And Take care Andy Do you have anything We love you Bye Bye

Fun episode