Two In The Think Tank - 507 - "SHALLOW BROWN"

Episode Date: January 6, 2026

Shallow Brown, Chicken Genie, Surgeon Succession, Conjoined Not At Birth, The Bard Yard, FranKingQueen's Monster, Surgery in Furs, Pop Punk Album Title Author, New Guy Masterchef, Tattoo You (Are Nice)You can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, I'm a tiny little baby Oh, oh, I got a big old bowl of gravy I'm falling in the gravy And I don't know how to swim And then I grab my parents And I pull they're both in Hello and welcome the two in the think tank The show where we come up with five sketch our dears

I am Andy Tell them Andy Oh, I knew it. And I am Alistair George William. Trombly birchal. Yes. Are you developing an accent? Is that a hint of an accent I hear?

Yes, it is, Andy. You know, actually one of the fun things is that sometimes, you know, if I'm hosting, I ask people questions at a stand-up show. And there's a chain of restaurants here. called Poulet Rouge which means red chicken but for some reason my instinct when somebody told me

that they had eaten Poulet Rouge I was like ooh Poulet very European like that but it's mostly just like a place where you can just get a bowl of chicken with like veggies and stuff you know a bowl of chicken bowl

a bowl of chicken Like, it's like, it's like cereal, but chicken instead of cereal. Yeah. And sort of rice and veg instead of milk. You know who would have loved that rice and veg? The chicken. Oh, the chicken. Oh, my gosh.

It's a shame. It's so cruel, isn't it? It's a shame he was cooked and chopped up and cooked. If he was still alive, that chicken, would be in hog heaven. Oh, yeah, chicken heaven even. I mean, he would have been as happy as a chicken, a chicken in rice.

Yeah. Yeah, instead, now he's a chicken in a man. Yeah. I mean, I wonder if that chicken, if he actually encountered a genie and maybe even wished to be completely surrounded by vegetables and rice. Andy, do you think that maybe that maybe that's happened to seven billion chickens every year?

I mean, this genie, he's got to work on his technique. Well, it's that thing when you've been doing a job for a few thousand years that you get into a rhythm and you don't even really think about what you're doing and he probably just did it for the first few chickens, not realizing it was a mistake. And now he's not even, he's not even setting his mind to it. I mean, he's going through seven billion chickens a year. And their wishes are all the same.

They're all the same. I want to be surrounded by vegetables and rice. Genie. I mean, I wonder if there are, if there are genies. that specialize in different species special species. Oh, special species.

Both start with speck and then a sort of a sh sound. Me detects a hint of a common origin. Yes, I mean, oh, and yes. I think I saw a thing the other day that's saying that man and woman

are not connected. Well, not around my place, they're bloody. Hang on, no, wait, no, I'll try that again. I should come and have a look around my place. Oh, we're very connected. At the hip, if you know what I mean. Joined at the hip. I've got a penis on my hip.

Well, I mean, you basically, those basically are, you know, the genitals really basically are in the hips, you know, I think we can say. So I think joined at the hip, I think this is going to be a great scene in a movie rom-com. It's set in a hospital. And the hospital, there's the hospital. Who's the head of the hospital? What do you call them?

The president? The king. The warden. Stops the patients escaping? I mean, I think it's not that far. Wait, wait, so there's the, there's the coroner, that's not there, is it? They might be passing through. Maybe they've been in an accident.

Oh, yeah. And they made him, and he found out he's boss in some kind of King Ralph type situation. Oh, no, he's the head doctor. All the other people have died, and the coroner ends up, the head of the hospital. I wonder if there is an order of secession for succession for um for doctors if all the doctors die do the butchers get the job butchers have got to be in line for that at least surgery yeah and then stabbers of course and then of course stabbers yeah imagine that you're a psychotic stabber in the streets

yeah uh and you just get word someone approaches you a little gentleman pulls up in a limous A single word. He says, come with me. And you're taken to a hospital and put into a surgical gown. And it is a gown. It is a surgical ballroom gown. I was going to say, a surgical ermine gown. You know, like the ones with the, like the king wears when he's getting coronary, he's got those fluffy things.

around the neck i mean oh yeah a lot of fluffy white uh trims the worst thing you can imagine i mean surgery and furs that's a really good name for a um for for a for a for a pop punk album surgery and furs right surgery and furs oh yeah in furs and it's there that it's the it's the whole it's the whole four piece band the double bass player the uh guitarist the uh drummer and the um the um other double bass player. That's right. This is a double, double bass band. They've got that rare...

They've got two double-double basses. That's right. An octable bass. And they... They're all performing surgery. They're dressed in these beautiful fur coats. Bloods everywhere. Bloods going everywhere.

Blood, beautiful, beautiful streams of blood. That great gushing fat. Andy, when you started this, I want you to know, I had an idea, but we diverted to so many ideas along the way. Okay, so when you said, imagine this, and it's like a, it was like a couple, right? And they end up in a hospital, and it's a rom-com, right? Oh, that's right. I don't know how I get to this. I did have something there.

I got to write that there. Okay. allow me to say this one real quick is that for some reason they end up at a hospital together on their first date and it probably wasn't going that well but they end up somehow through some kind of accident here we go there was there was supposed to be a conjoined twin separation right but instead they must have read the piece of paper backwards or something like that and these this couple got sewn together into conjoined twins yes they read the piece of paper backwards because they must have said people who are conjoined twins to become not conjoined twins but then they read it backwards they

said twins not conjoined to become to become conjoined to become conjoint twin twins conjoined I mean and he's not reading the words backwards is he's not reading two as ot so so he just arrived from

he just arrived from maybe from Japan or from I can't place where they read from right to left excellent it's a beautiful sort of cultural um

fish out of water kind of Japanese fish And it's not even about that guy. We just get to see him fuck up majorly on his first day. Yeah. Maybe he made a wish on a genie to be, to work in a hospital. But he forgot to. That's what people wish for.

I wish to work in a hospital. Work in a hospital. I hope and then beg for pay raises. you know um yeah and and you know what like it probably by the end of this day they like you know they were sitting in emergency looking at their phones neither of them really wanted this but there was a sort of a sense of responsibility yeah really good and she probably wanted you know he probably found her shallow he thought that she just wanted fame and blah blah blah she wanted you know she was maybe an influencer yeah and and then suddenly they're conjoined together they hate

it, but there's a lot of media attention. Yes, great. And she is kind of like, well, let's not get rid of it just yet. And he's trying to get his sourdough bakery off the ground. Okay. That's right. What are they baking? Valadot?

Sour dough, I thought. I prefer your idea. Valadough. I prefer your idea, nothing, less than nothing. Yeah, that's a great, it's a great rom-com concept. Well, so my idea, and maybe this could happen in the same movie, and maybe this is actually how they end up conjoined we'll see if this plays out so this is what i was starting to say before right we're in a hospital the guy um hang on no wait a second um so so these these two um doctors have been

thrown together they don't get along initially right yeah then one thing leads to another and they start having sex. Oh my god, that sounds so good. And when I say one thing, I mean not getting along. And when I say, leads to another,

I mean leads to having sex. So just in case it, if people worry, I haven't, I've just left it a bit vague. Yeah. I mean, essentially there's things in there

with it, which is like, I don't really like this person, but I haven't gotten laid in a while. Let's just do this. Sure. Sure. Yeah.

Let's just do this. Exactly. We're horny all the time. um and also they're doctors okay okay yeah yeah yeah um and then uh so on the operating table are they oh i mean any table is a operating table if you do it right um if you're any any any any sex on a table is sex on an operating table if you're uh if you're operating on all six cylinders there you go

and no they're actually doing it in a in a supply closet or something right like with a room where they keep all the knives the worst this is always happening in the semen supply closet like all my testicles this is what's always happening

in these if you notice this doctor like rom-coms or TV shows or whatever They always go into that little fucking supply closet to, like, kiss. And they're always, like, throwing each other against the walls and all this. These, like, these little cabinets of things are sort of falling onto the ground or whatever. And I'm always, like, those are, statistically speaking, 50% of those have got to be either syringes or scalples.

And they're all over the ground now. And they're supposed to be sort of, like, like, clean. Yes, yes. But you're basically, you know, you're in a fucking in a bucket of knives. Yeah, and there's like mops hanging on the wall and stuff. And mops are hanging on the wall. I mean, I hope they're not keeping all the things that need to be clean in the same closet as all the filthy mops. But yes, yes, Alastair.

Thank you. It's got to be the least, I would say, erotically. uh appropriate um room in the house i'm thinking about getting a supply closet for my house just for kissing oh that's a really good idea are you thinking of hiring a host king of the hospital we still don't know what they're called um to sort of walk up and down the corridors um i guess so to give it a like a little a little frisson of the chance of them throwing open the door of the cupboard as you and your beloved are writhing on a pile of scalples.

Yeah. I mean, I suppose it would be nice to have one person witness all the, all the, all the, all the pipe I'm laying. Um, great. Well, uh, I'm ready to high five. So, anyway. They're in there.

I don't have a lot of spare money, but... I mean, hiring a head doctor, that can't be that expensive, right? Yeah. And was, in your situation, was there ever any conjoined twins stuff happening? No, there is something happening. I'm getting to it. As the listeners, I believe, they're really. They've got so much patience for this idea.

And believe me, it will be richly rewarded. so we've got the they're in the closet the doctors oh I hope this comes back to Caledale the doctor's walking up and down now they've got a friend right one of them has a friend so she has a friend okay at the hospital who glances into the into the cupboard

right sees them having sex on the floor right on the pile of scalples and just as the the doctor the head doctor arrives she slams the door shut right not disturbing them they're not bothered they're still going at it hammer and tongs and um and the the uh the uh the head doctor comes along sees the friend says oh how are let's say beth and roger roderick how are they getting along um and and she says the friend says

oh so well the head doctor says really i thought there was some tension there and then the head the friend says oh yeah now they're joined at the hip okay and then in this is the joke that we've been building up to alistair and then are you still there uh we're having some some of our famous audio issues now great and here we're back

and look at that that's still recorded what a journey we've been on that was all so worth it Alistair's no it was good but Andy just just to clarify just to clarify

how did they join at the hip they were having sex is it just that was just having sex okay there was no like they didn't sort of do surgery to cover up the fact that

he thought that that's what they meant. No. Or he thought that it meant they were having sex. No, none of that. And then she was like, no, no, no, no, it's a medical thing. No, no, no, no. None of that.

But it was like no acid that poured on them and then that actually fused their skin together. Fused their skin or anything like that. Imagine that. Imagine if they invented a new kind of like skin acid that dissolves your skin a little bit. And then anything you touch it onto, the skin, any other skin you touch, it fused. uses together with that skin you become part of it is there's a thing in like with metal in a vacuum I think that does that like if you touch two bits of metal together in a vacuum they just it's like

they can no longer delineate they don't know who's who I don't know where he ends and I begin kind of thing and it's like a type of cold fusing or cold oh imagine that imagine if you thought you'd invented cold fusion but you'd actually just invented cold fusing oh that would be very cold fusing the issue um that would be yeah that would be humiliating um uh that's that's before you know before i have more audio problems can we explain the audio problems because i think they're an exciting development in the podcast oh it's just my computer has started doing this thing where it's a laptop

it doesn't have a like a special audio drive you know like card I don't think anyway so it's just got the standard Windows real tech audio drivers that you can't update there's nothing like that you can't anyway and so now sometimes it just when the computer starts up

it just the audio doesn't work for like 25 minutes sometimes and I'm looking into settings but now the new thing is that now they also just stop sometimes in the middle of recording it's not enough to these days in the modern world in 2026 sound like it's not enough to just not start doing something you also have to randomly stop doing something as well if you want to get attention as an audio uh processor um yeah you know you got to yeah you got to take it to the next level and where do you go well that's right

here we are and so this morning when I woke up very early, after not being able to sleep for a lot of the night due to a terrible chess accident where I played chess right before bed, and somehow that made my brain unable to sleep for about three hours. And I was only trying to go to sleep

from about one o'clock onwards and then getting up at 5.30 a.m. to do the podcast. And then, and then when I got up, we came up with a couple of ideas before the audience. We were recording 24 hours ago, almost exactly. No, no, 12 hours ago, I apologise. Maybe even nine. All right.

All right, smart ass. All right, correct, talker. You know what I did? I was hosting the other night, and I was, talking about how I used to live in Australia and then there were some Aussies in the crowd from from Perth right and I spoke to them a little bit and then I spoke to I said anybody else from out of town and then somebody else yelled out Australia like that and they had you know they were on a honeymoon and I was like

oh he came to Montreal in the window beautiful Montreal winter lay by the slush kind of thing right what a beautiful honeymoon anyway and then but then I also picked up that they had a particular accent that only exists in Australia and it kind of sounds, you know, like from Western Sydney, kind of like, you know, the like Lebanese kind of accent that were from Iraq. Yes. And I wanted to say how much I love that accent and like the beauty that it comes from. And I'm not good at saying.

And so then I accidentally kind of say like a normal Aussie. You know, it's like it's different to this. It's like they mix the normal, Ozzy. And then I went, that's not the right thing. They say normal. And then I meant, I was like, you know, like I just mean like the stupid kind of like, you know, white Aussie accent. And then the other people I spoke to go, you mean like me. And I'm like, this is not going.

Yeah. I mean, and I guess the best thing you can say about that is that you've, you've caused tension between the two most geographically distant groups of people in Australia. So the chances of them actually engaging in any kind of battle when they get home, be it land or sea-based, are very remote, much like Perth is itself. And once again, see, this is another interesting new element of the Alistair's audio randomly stops working part of the show, is that sometimes I'll start talking, and I sense a deeper silence at the other end of the of the conversation and that can mean two things right it

can mean that i've lost you completely sometimes you either you just stop listening or you're viscerally disgusted by how unfunny whatever it is i'm trying to say is or it's just that you know and i prefer it to be honest i prefer the possibility that your computer is catastrophically stopping working to the point where we're no longer going to be able to do this podcast any. It's just not going to happen. Now, okay, so now, this should be the audio from my, from my lapel, and it's recording on my phone. And so now the listeners can tell us whether or not they can hear a difference in the recording and whether or not I can start just doing this as my main recording method.

Yes. And I may also just have to unplug this thing that was fucking up. Andy, you let me know if you can still hear me through this other method. Can you still hear me through this other method now? Yeah, I can. Yeah. Okay, so now there's less chance of that fucking up. All right. Here we go, Andy.

We're going to try and do the rest of this pod. Yes. So, when we did the first recording, earlier today we had you were very very tired and the audio was giving us all sorts of issues

so we just we bailed we bailed we bailed but before we bailed before we had time to give up we came up with some ideas is that where you were going with this? Yes Andy yes we did and one

we know as the barred yard the bard yard this is a vision of a future in which DNA technology you know Jurassic Park technology has evolved to the point where we are able to clone Shakespeare okay and there's a thriving business making Shakespeare's for everybody yeah Shakespeare in every home have a Shakespeare in their own home that's right um to do a little bit universal basic Shakespeare you know maybe And maybe the bard yard is the place where some of the more defective Shakespeare's go, but that you can get at a bargain price. Yes, the factory second Shakespeare's, you can go and you can fill a basket of Shakespeare's for 50 bucks. It's a beautiful idea. And that, of course, what would end up happening is that these are actually some of the cheapest people that anyone can buy. That's right.

Yeah. And maybe some of the only people that people can buy. And so in a way, you then get to, like, just get them to sort of do your dishes. Mm, mm. Pick up your shopping. And then they kind of, I guess, I wouldn't be surprised if the Shakespeare's kind of became a little bit like pigeons. Like, yeah, they sort of breeding in the streets and that kind of thing. Well, yeah, that they're like a thing that we've, a bit feral bread for something, you know, they used to.

to be used for communication. That's right. Shakespeare's much like pigeons, of course. That's right. You know, and then at some point, we didn't really need their communication anymore. Yeah, yeah. We've created other ways. And so, but then there's, we've abandoned the, we would probably abandon the Shakespeare's

that we don't eat. Obviously, Mike Tyson will keep a cage full of Shakespeare's that he likes to take care of. A lot of people flush them down the toilets, where they thrive in the sewers, get really big and occasionally emerge from a manhole cover to deliver a sort of a weird sonnet to a woman on a balcony. I wouldn't be surprised. Then you would get, oh, we've got Shakespeare's in the sewers. We're going to probably have to get an exterminator. You know what I'm most excited about? A Shakespeare emerged from a sewer.

A giant deformed Shakespeare emerges from a sewer and drags you into a fantasy world, a comic tragedy with his enthralling grasp of the human language. That was trying to play on the drags you into concept. Yes, of course. In theatre. In theatre. And that's the only way you'll get me in there, to be honest.

That's right. But you know which part I'm most excited about, about all these Shakespeare's, Andy, is the part where there's the underground rings where people are training and fighting Shakespeare's. Illegally gambling on Shakespeare fights. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. you know and um two two one shakespeare battles wow two on two yeah oh it's an interesting um i mean i think the uh if i would have rank those in terms of their you know their potential

um subversive excitement i would have gone two on two two on one but you've gone two on one two on two and two and then maybe let's go one-on-one? I'm sorry, Alistair. I don't know what I'm saying. I was more doing it in the order that I tried it in the actual world, where I realized that the 2-1-1, actually it's not really that much of a fair fight, and people enjoy it more with the 2-1-2s. Wait, you tried it in the real world.

What are you talking about? In the real world of this sketch, Andy. ah wow which i consider to be the real one yeah i agree i agree thank you i mean what i'm excited about is um and i'll try and repeat the joke i made this morning um is uh is getting together with um getting getting you know an almost infinite number of shakespeare's in a cage um throwing in a couple of typewriters and you know what they say an infinite number of shakespairs could write monkey talk will eventually yeah make like write out the sounds that an eight like a chimp would make throughout its life yeah chip chip chip a bunch of chip noises um you actually made that funnier

than the collective the collective works of chimp chimp chat good very good um alistair here's two things i want to throw at you right okay and i just want to actually know first i'm going to pause and i'm just going to like just just go back and just ask the listener just to confirm the bit about the two people in the supply closet and the dot head doctor walking walking past that's finished that that that idea's over okay um that that that was the supposed punchline. And that's why I'm going back to it now. There was no conjoined twins bit to my one, right?

It actually began, I think, even before the conjoined twins conversation, and it, it was separate. So it began and then begat, then begat the conjoined twins conversation. Yeah, but I just think because the buildup was so long and the resolution was so disappointing, there would probably be a lot of people who have a sense in them. that it's not quite finished. I want them to know that it is over. It's not coming back, okay? And so the joke was that there wasn't much there?

No, the joke was, it was just, it wasn't, it wasn't, it was just supposed to be a line in a rom-com. Yeah. It wasn't even a sketch, it was just, they're joined at the hip. You know, they need to have rom-coms, especially doctor ones, need to have little lines that a friend of the lead can say to, which are sort of a pun or an innuendo to cover the fact that two people are having sex in a supply closet. You know,

and we should start a new podcast where we just come up with five little lines, little lines for rom-coms to, for the friend to say when people are having sex in a closet. Yeah, I agree. Hollywood needs seven to eight million of these lines

every single month just to function, okay? This is the the very whatever of Hollywood, the thing it needs to function. Can I say something about supply closets? Yes, I wish you would. I'd prefer if all the supplies

were on little coat hangers. What are you made? To make it more like a closet. You're like a standard closet. Yeah. You put things on coat hangers. sure of course you know

I just think that it's not really in the spirit of the closet it's more like a supply little room yeah with a bunch of shelves I mean I personally think a bunch of shelves is still a perfectly valid thing to have on a closet

how do you feel about the use of the phrase water closet to denote a toilet and do you wish that the water was hanging on our little coat hangers And how do you see that happening? I, for one, I don't like the feeling of the words

water closet. It feels it feels cowardly. Yes, yes. Would you prefer that we called it a shitting rectangle? Yeah, I mean rectangular prism.

Mm. Rectangular prison, mate. Yeah. I don't want to ignore that third dimension, Andy. Yes. A poo cube. How do you feel about that?

I mean, it's definitely more efficient and closer. Pooh cube. It's definitely what I would call the area under a porta potty. Ah, yes. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. I just don't like water closet. And if I did call it water closet, yes, I would want the water to be on a

a coat hanger. Okay, that's all I needed to hear. So now that we know, now that we've got resolution on that previous concept, the thing I want to bring up, or two things I want to bring up, number one, Frankenstein, right? Has this movie been made? Not Frankenstein, Frankenstein, okay? Isn't that what his name was in Young Frankenstein? I doubt it

Possibly He didn't refer to himself as Frankenstein Possibly but was that teen like a teenager? Oh I don't think so Oh that's right He did call himself that he didn't want to be called Frankenstein He called himself Frankenstein

But this is F-R-A-N-S-T-W-E-N Right It's a it's our teen wolf kind of Teen Move movie, mild horror, right? It's, let's see, what happens. I mean, maybe a whole, let's say, science class, right, on their way to some kind of thing.

They drive over a cliff, body parts everywhere, the teacher, or maybe one of the brighter pupils. By the tragedy, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So's the, you know, what body parts they can find together into one teenager who enrolls back in school and, you know, who knows what happens. Certainly not me. So wait, wait.

So the one teenager, you were like, I'm starting to feel that silence again. So, so wait, so the piece back together, teenager tries to join high school again and sort of people are generally pretty nice to them because they're so disfigured. They're so disfigured and it was, you know, and their understanding of the weight of the tragedy and things like that. and uh but it's actually pretty heartwarming um i think it could be heartwarming actually you know what would be good would be um it could be sort of like your teen thing right um your you're sorry your conjoint twins thing it could be you know the prom king and the prom queen uh or the you know the would be prom king and prom queen um get soed together like uh into a sort of a half man half woman

sort of thing And it'll be called Frank Queen King Exactly Frank Queen Queen's Monster Now Do you think

Frank King's It's surely Frank King's Queen is better Sure you know what I'll write it like that Yeah and then you know them going to the prom as you know as themselves you know with themselves because they've got this sort of two halves to their personality so they're the previous

years winners um coming back from university back to high school to enter the prom again no i think this is what it is right it's um it's a you know a couple of months before prom these two are the hot favourites right everybody's um everybody's horny for them in an appropriate way people of their own age it's not weird um and but they're also we're not horny for them no we're not no we're disgusted um but they're uh they're they're a um they're very shallow and vain right they're just all about their appearances there's this horrible accident they get sewn together into the one person not only are they now ugly, they also have to confront their, um, their, you know, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they're, they're, they go to prom just as

themselves and they win, um, uh, and, and, and, you know, obviously everyone shuns them, that kind of thing. They have to learn to love themselves and they go along and then as a single person, they don't win, win prom queen or king but they do win Frank King's Queen Frank King Queen Yeah

it's a beautiful story You know though It could happen that they do win King and Queen and then on the way to the You know like I don't know Maybe they go out and they get hit by a car And it is by a mad scientist

And he And drunk Like a mobile lab. He's mad dad drunk. Hey? Yeah. And he's like trying to fix it immediately. So he puts them back together thinking that it was maybe just one person.

Yeah. Oh, wow. He's off the show. I mean, he's off chops, mate. He's off chops at the moment. Yeah. And he puts them back together, sends them on the way. And they don't realize that they're one person now because they've just got two of their

brains and then they walk back in and I assume you know the people who were runners up they want this ruling overturned because they're clearly not hot enough anymore um to be king and queen and then they have to fight all the other contenders oh great yeah and oh then you could have a real because it's a man and a woman it's okay for them to hit women in this one yes if it's only with a left hook with yeah just with their left woman hook that they like because that's the woman hand the her hook um her hook yeah that's great al all right so that's one idea the next thing i want to say is we mentioned just briefly earlier the thing about something that would make a good um name for a pop punk album yeah um i can't remember what it is now

but uh oh yeah surgery infers that uh i think oh yeah and um and i think it would be great to have a a documentary profile of a guy whose entire profession is coming up with names for pop punk albums right um they sort of like i have a my kid came up with a good one i think the other day oh go um because the other day hucks was drawing something and then he drew this he drew this picture of a head and then he put a line around it

with a line through it a circle around it with a line through it and then he pointed to and he said that means no floating heads and we've got that on the fridge so no floating heads just feels like it would do that.

No floating heads. Absolutely right? And then maybe, you know, then he also comes up with a concept for what the image is. So like I'm thinking he's the guy who did Enema of the state, right? And the sexiness putting on the rubber glove, right? But he's a complete package kind of guy. He'll be like no floating heads. It's all the band members' heads.

They're floating maybe in water or maybe in the air. And then there's, and they're in a trash compactor or something like that. like all the floating heads are being destroyed right but anyway it's about this guy's life and how his fortunes have like changed with the prevalence of pop punk as a as a genre and and maybe maybe the idea that he explains us the background for his idea of enema and of the state and he he actually did come from a sort of eastern european country that was um that was communist at the time before he fled and that the state did give people enemas but they did hire quite beautiful women to give them yes yes you know that was because of the you know the quality

of the the food maybe the state was providing so they understood that there was they bore some responsibility and so they would give everybody a weekly anima. Right. Well, maybe that's what makes this guy's story so interesting is that like all of the titles are actually like painful biographical details from his life. He doesn't realize that they have us kind of like a satirical almost comic sort of overtone that is how we interpret it. This is him pouring his heart out onto the page. That's right. I mean, we, you know, in our language, English, we read these as sort of cute plays on words. And he really has been able to simmer down his, his lived experience into a sort of three or four word pun. Yeah, yeah. That is just bursting with meaning. Yeah. I love it.

He's a real tortured artist. Alistair, uh, can we please Go to three words from a listener. I don't want to sound like I'm begging. Yeah, but... The only other thing that we... Oh, yeah, because you probably have to go and live your life, right? You know, the various circumstances have conspired to force me to do that. Yeah, well, Andy, today's three words from a listener come from Stu Mac.

Stu Mac. Stu Mac. You might recall the Macaroni Prince. Friend of the show, former guest. Former guest I Might even be the I feel like he's in the room right now

Current guest Mm-hmm You know In our house Anyway Stumack submitted These three words

A while ago And they are up for guessing Andy They are up for the guessing Okay I'll go I'll just get into it I'll just

You know leap right in the first word is when when when you got you've definitely got one letter right oh I'll take it

master chef second word four master chef four you got like the general form feels close the second one is park

master chef Park Hmm Master Shiff Park Would it help if I told you that I don't think you will get this Calendar Oh

Ends on almost the same sound Foreclosure Master Chef Park Foreclosure Here's what I'm always amazed by is these these massive tech companies that are loss-making companies

I wouldn't be surprised if Amazon I mean maybe they're into making a profit territory now But like I was reading about Rumba, the company that makes the electric vacuum cleaners, the robotic vacuum cleaners. Yeah? You got to stay up to date on the latest electric vacuum cleaner manufacturer in the use. Well, they failed a while ago. Yeah, yeah.

It was about a month ago, right? They went bankrupt. And it just casually says in the article that there were a lot. loss-making company. And you've got to ask yourself, you're like, well, if that's what you are, then, you know, it seems like maybe that's the wrong path to go down. We shouldn't have been a loss-making company.

There's your problem. This is what makes the bankruptcy. We think the tariffs may have affected them. But what I don't understand is how. the um the the the the making the yeah how you can have these huge companies like Netflix might still be a loss making company right like the years and years and years this month money being pumped into them like surviving on investor money and speculation right and and whatever it is like rounds of funding that you you you

just keep losing money is the idea right that your your business model is is is on a path to success inevitable success maybe through some kind of eventually you will establish a monopoly and then you will be able to make infinite money basically is that is that that what everyone is like working towards yeah i i i really don't know i know that if you're working for the company particularly in the high up bits then you're really cashing in yeah you're still you're still absolutely making bank yeah yeah and so for you there that doesn't matter

and I think maybe if you're an investor before it goes to public being publicly listed yes yes yeah then I think that you're also making bank yeah totally

but I don't know do they because I guess if they're not making profits they're not giving any dividends yeah that would be right yes but then like maybe the company will be bought out or something by another. And I guess the price can also go up even if you're not making a profit.

Yes, the share price. The promise of a profit can make it go up. It's all just, is it all just speculation? Is it all just like imaginary future money? I assume so. I don't, yeah, I can't understand why like Tesla is a four. has a $455 stock when it's no longer even the biggest electric car maker. Yeah. And it is so disliked.

So toxic. Yeah. You know, there's got to be something going on. But I mean, I guess a lot of the investment money is coming from just a few companies. Yeah. You know, maybe Elon, maybe there's a in the universe, there's a, law of conservation of revulsion uh and what Elon has managed to like you know you can't you can't uh destroy a revulsion you can just move it from place to place and transform it into

different forms and he's managed to transform the revulsion of uh pollution um from automobiles into just personal dislike at a real gross human being and so all the people who were disgusted at cars and what they're doing to the environment. Now they're just disgusted at him as a man. And you know what? Maybe that's what we've got to do. We've got to try and consolidate all our... But then, so now they don't care about the environment anymore?

Well, at least the portion of the environmental damage that was represented by the cars that he's taken off the road. so you know it's not it's not all of the environment obviously we haven't got there yet but eventually it'll all just be one you know when we finally reach net zero pollution um there'll just be one really disgusting dude who uh we feel as awful about uh that one guy as we did about uh the heat death of the planet that's the wrong phrase but uh you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah. And what a day, what a day that will be. So I don't know how to like, how to distill this down into a sketch idea. I don't think there is one. What did we start with? What were the three words? Master Chef Park foreclosure. Yes. What about this, Alistair? And sorry to go

back to like another sort of body horror, cloning kind of thing. But in the future. Yeah, yeah, but in the future, you know, there will be. be genetic engineering versions of MasterChef, right? There will be a thing where it's like... What about kissing Master Chef? Yeah, okay, you can have that. But there will be a thing where like you are, you run to a, to a, oh, there's a closet. There's a, there's a closet involved.

You'll be thrilled to know. You run to the Master Chef Lada closet thing and you get a whole lot of genetic material off the shelves. You get, you, you grab a, a bunch of different, uh, whatever those things are called that make up DNA amino acids or whatever and you bring them back to your your desk in the big warehouse where everyone does their genetic engineering and you you you have to genetic engineer different types of life forms right within a real strict time limit you know what about you got to make a new type of dude yeah exactly make you make

new dudes you know like you know like how like there's like the new guys that are like those guys they kind of wear like almost like tactical gear whilst riding like a fast electric scooter on the road yeah yeah some of the weirdest units yes new type of dude and you're like so this is one guy and he loves new metal yeah that's great i love it but he is great at um he's like you know he's excellent at smoking meat for a really long period of time and he go I would release that I would release that kind of dude out into the world yeah it's kind of harmless

um I love it okay new isn't it interesting that that a lot of the people with tattoos these days like once upon a time tattoos used to be associated with sort of being quite edgy like you know a bit maybe a bit scary you know like a prison sailor that kind of thing but now people with tattoos are some of the nicest loveliest little people yeah ever gonna meet and sometimes i'm almost like i see someone with a whole lot of tattoos and i feel like i just feel feel so much uh warmth and happiness

towards them yeah and i and i feel like i'm in safe hands it's like Like one of the places where, um, good people, uh, sees the means of production. Mm. For some reason, they used to just be in the hands of, uh, of sort of people who consulted with criminals and guys in the Navy. Mm. The worst guys in the Navy. Ugh.

Oh. Oh. Getting tricked into dying for their country. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. well there you go do you think we should do a sketch about

about tattoo people being nice yeah we can do that yeah I mean what is it you're basically a person with a painting on your body paint isn't that nice you know yeah isn't that lovely you're art

I like people I like art what about a person who was covered in art oh okay that's I have heard people with tattoos refer to it as just collecting art Mm-hmm Wild way you guy

Alistair I reckon we've done it I reckon we've done it Okay Andy we've got The Bard Yard That's from the first episode Where you can replicate And buy Shakespeare's

There's one that we didn't mention Which was shallow brown Which was an easier computer to chess computer to beat Than deep blue Yes Well, I did want to say that with genetic engineering, sorry to bring it up again, we will, and you know how there's a whole lot of nerve endings in your butt?

Well, eventually we'll be able to genetically engineer somebody with a butt so smart, with an anus, so intelligent that they are able to, that their anus can beat Gary Kasparov at chess. And I think that will be shallow brown picking up the chess pieces with their, a smart anus are chest pieces shaped like that with the flared end so that if you put them

into your butt you don't lose them yeah it doesn't your butt doesn't swallow it is that what that is I mean it's gotta be Andy I I

I like that if they I like that they've done that just in case just in case I mean that's thinking ahead isn't it you know I mean

it's It saved me more times than I'd like to admit. That I dare confess. And I play online, so that was really hard. We've got the genie who grants chicken the wishes of being surrounded by rice and veg, $7 billion. Chicken wishes. We've got surgeon succession line.

It goes to butchers and stabbers. We've got the accidental. conjoined twins rom-com we've got frank king queen's monster we've got surgery and furs we've got guy who comes up with pop punk album names and yes it all comes from real lived experience mm we got genetically making a new type of guys a master chef yeah yeah yeah we got tattoo people are now nice painting on body what an episode now to spend seven to eight hours trying to edit it yes and a thank you for all of your sacrifices and good work

and listeners thank you for your sacrifices in listening to this absolute nightmare this frankings queen of an episode yes this frank frank king's queen's monster And, and, baby, baby in a bucket of gravy. Thank you so much for listening and there's nothing more to say, except we love you. You. Bye. Bye.