Two In The Think Tank - 508 - "THE JOKE STROKE"

Episode Date: January 12, 2026

Wedgitative State, Blocking the Disease Slot, The Dictatormocracy, Ethical Gun, Sheath the Beatht, Star Wars Sphincter Doors, Gifting Coffin, Kevlard Body Armour, Burial VanYou can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hello, and welcome to two into think tank the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. Five sketch ideas. I am Andy. And I am Alastair George William Tromblay, Bertrandall. Bertial. Andrew, how are you? Uh, good, thank you.

Do you think that if it wasn't so tragic, stroke, a stroke, the brain hemorrhage. In a boat. Okay, yeah. No, no, brain hemorrhage would be funny. Like, I think, if you took the tragedy element out of it and the awfulness, right, I think it has the most sort of potential, humorous potential. Like as a prank that guys could pull on each other.

I mean, if it wasn't so tragic and debilitating, those impractical jokers would be all over this. Maybe if we recovered from it, say, 10 times faster. Exactly right. You probably could give each other with them as a little funny thing on a buck-night. It would be the new wedgy. It'd be like a grown-up veggie, don't you reckon? Yeah, I think so. And that's why I think they should invent a new kind of stroke,

especially because there already is a thing called a mini-stroke, which sounds, again, sounds like maybe a more achievable. fun version. But what I like is, okay, some of these symptoms, the smell of burning toast. Like, as a symptom, boy, it's not going to get funny than that. The smell of burning toast?

Yeah, you're right. Wait, let's see, let's see of the smaller, funnier foods that you could smell. Oh, baking croissant. Over-caramelized cheese. Yeah. Caramelized cheese.

Can you caramelized cheese? Yeah, isn't that what happens when it gets hardened? I don't know. Maybe, yeah. Also, oh, you're toasting it, and then there's their little brown bits on top. Yeah. Do you reckon that's caramel?

I think it needs sugars in it to be caramelized. You don't think cheese contains sugars? You don't think cheese has any sugars in it? I'm working through it, Alistair, on my own terms, okay? I'm thinking out loud. I'm being vulnerable. This is me exposing. by self. Sorry, yes. It says, look,

I've got to find a non-AI thing here. A chef once told me, there is a French term for that delicious caramelized cheese that occurs when you broil or bake something with cheese in it. Oh, wow. But this is, this is from like a forum, Andy.

It could be somebody incorrectly using words. But Alastair, I don't need to, I, if I, I don't want to just be, I want to be completely right. I want to be so right that no one in the world ever has ever thought what you're thinking. Okay.

Yeah. And as soon as I have anything less than that, it's no use to me. Okay. So even if there's just one, even if there's just one person on a forum who thinks you're right, I'm done. That's enough for you. You need, you're like, you just need 100% everybody against me in the world. Yeah. Is that what? Is that too much to ask? Is that unreasonable?

I mean, the fact that I have to be so wrong that people can't even give me a pity, like a pity vote. You can't even get a, oh yeah, I can see why you would think that. I don't want that. That's, again. I think did you get that time when you posted on Twitter and publicly were like, Alistair thinks that this sentence makes sense? Did I do that? Yeah. Sean McCallough commented on it. You know, it was pretty good.

Oh, I'm sorry, Al. That's okay. I'm a bad, I'm a bad friend. No, no, no, no. It was probably one of the best times of our whole friendship. Oh, okay. Oh, I brought it back. I'm the best friend ever.

Okay, what were we talking about? We were talking about. Oh, we're talking about having a stroke and how fun it is. Think about all this, you know. Forgetting how to speak. That's funny. A small, fun one. Or half of your face goes floppy.

That's funny. It's called a stroke, which sounds like masturbation. That's funny. You know, these are all good things. Okay? It happens at random. It can happen to completely healthy people. That's a funny disease.

When it happens at random, comedy is often about surprise. Surprise, the element of surprise. Anyway, I'm just saying. You know, if they're a little bit of surprise. They could make an invent, invent a completely harmless temporary stroke. Last night, last night on the way home, this is slightly off topic, maybe completely off topic, I started allowing myself to worry momentarily. And this is the logic that I went, I went, things have been going well. I guess I'm due for some really bad thing to happen.

And then I just was like, oh, well, I guess I won't be able to afford whatever this big, bad thing that's going to happen is going to be. That's another level of it to worry about this thing that hasn't happened. Yeah. I mean, if I'm going to worry about a bad thing happening, it might as well be an expensive bad thing happening. Yeah. I mean, why? Well, like, what part makes it bad? I imagine often the expense.

Oh, that's true I mean, yeah I mean there are things that are bad regardless of the expense but certainly adding expense to bad things You know It's it makes them worse Yeah

Like you know somebody gets sick And it's costly Mm, yuck You know Let's see What about a company that Pitches We're going to give you a disease

but it's a really cheap one to have. Right? And all the medicines that are for it we've got, they've been out of like copyright for a long time or whatever. Yes, yes. And having this, when have you ever had two diseases at once? It seems unlikely. That's why you should have our disease all the time.

It does feel crazy that you can be sick and then get another sickness. at the same time. Like, there's no reason you can't have COVID and flu simultaneously, I assume. And then you're like, what a deranged thing. But I do like your idea.

I think that's good. I think, you know, we should be like, everyone's always talking about getting affordable medicine. That's never going to happen. Let's just invent cheaper diseases. Yeah.

Like something that uses up your disease slot. You see, diseases are like RAM. There's only so many places to put them. So many. No, not sorry. Wrong emphasis. There's only so many places to put them. There's only so many places to put them.

Oh, you wouldn't say so. You wouldn't say only if you were saying it like there was lots. Forget it. Ignore me. There's lots of slots. Lots of slots. That's what we've got. Come on down to the slot having lot.

What about this? every hole is a poll. That's nothing, isn't it? Every hole is a poll. That would be somebody who thinks that every opening is a ballot box and they want to vote every time they see a... You know? Every whole poll. I'm doing the other kind of poll, the voting poll, P.O.

Yeah, and if you're the only person who votes, you're the majority. Like, I mean, I guess everywhere, if you put your piece of paper saying, what you want inside the thing, there's a likelihood that someone will read it and they might change. They might make it happen. Yeah. I think it would be, maybe it would be funny to have a system, a country that is essentially a dictatorship, right?

Although like the leader is, there's only one person who can vote, right? They're not the leader, but there's only one person who's eligible to vote. Through a series of events and situations, various people have become disenfranchised. Maybe they had committed felonies or there'd been a problem with their registration or whatever like that. It ends up at the point where there's only one person in the country who's registered to vote. So it's a and can vote. So it's everything they vote for, they get. And I think having the trappings of democracy and all the.

The polling and that sort of thing in advance and all the coverage, people filming, talking about how's it going to go? And then it's just one guy. They all can't vote. Yeah. Oh, actually, you know what? I take it back. It is funnier if it is a dictatorship. And it's just the dictator, they still say it's a democracy because the dictator votes for what they want to do.

They write it on a piece of paper. They put it in a box. And then they go around the back of the box and pull it out and open up. and read it and say we're doing this but they they still put it in a box so it's still a democracy the the dictator the dictator democracy mm-dictator democracy dictator-mocracy mockery making a bloody democracy of my democracy a democery of my democracy a democery of my i forget it andy i don't have anything else to say on that word

I mean, how could you? How could you? Because all the meat fell off the bone. It had been cooked. Wasn't that I used all the meat on the bone? It was that my line was so big and clunky that it actually knocked all the other meat off of the bone onto the ground.

And no other bit could be done. And ants swarmed all over it. Oh, ants like this. How do you feel about ants being on foot? food. I don't have a problem with it. Flies being on food is disgusting. But ants being on food, if you can get the ants off, I for some reason, I tend to assume that ants are hygienic? Are ants sterile? Every time I look at an ant, it's always cleaning its little legs and shit.

Exactly. I mean, same could be said of flies, but I don't know what it is about the structure of the ant, but they look, they're so smooth. I don't, I think they're clean. I, you know what, I never really worry about flies. I'm, Really? Yeah, I think people choose to decide what of all the poop that's surrounding us at all times they are going to worry about. Now, there's whole continents that worry about the stuff that's under your shoes when you come into your house. Yes. Right?

Is that the main reason they do it? Is it poop? Is that what they consider about? Often, you know, often if you do push. prod a little bit to question why why is this so important to y'all

people will often talk about you're walking around the ground there's poop out there why bring that into your home yeah and then there's some people who choose the fly thing you know

they land on it you know but it's a very light touch they've got they're basically They're not squelching in it, you know, up to their knees. They're crazy. They're crazy, if anything. And then, yeah, you're right.

They are always cleaning their little feet. Yeah. And, you know, it's probably getting cleaned off by the vomit that they're constantly expelling out of their mouth. Exactly. Landing on their foot and all these stomach acids are probably killing all the bad stuff in the poop. You know, and so, I don't know. I think the fact that it's on. in the air, it's on everybody's hands, it's on your faces.

It's probably in your mouth, in your butt. You know, it's all around you. I think you just, like, you know that thing where people are like, look at this and they look at the toilet that's been opened and with like ultraviolet light and they flush it and it just looks like, it almost just like a nuclear explosion is occurring of like particles of poo or whatever coming out of the toilet. Oh, coming flying out of.

of the toilet. I haven't seen that, but that's, you know, yeah, and you're like, technically that's just, like,

that's the atmosphere. That's in the atmosphere now. Yeah, but also a UV light doesn't pick up germs. It just picks up temperature. So, yeah, a bit of hotter air is getting up.

I don't think that's the case. I don't think that's the case. If you're talking about, yeah, what did I say UV? Yeah, I meant infrared, is what I'm talking about. Ah, That's usually, I think, what it's filmed on. Right, right.

I say, again, I haven't seen these great toilet videos that you're talking about. Oh, Andy, I'm watching. It's all I get in my algorithm is toilet flushing videos with infrared. And you know what? I'm starting to see some really good ones. People are getting really good at filming him. There's one guy, he's the scores easy of filming you think. We're in a golden age.

Yeah. But also, when I turn on the TV every channel, 24 hours a day, It's these toilet flushing videos in infrared. Right? You getting this? Netflix. Screen after screen. Prime video.

Apple. A conversation with my parents. They're describing toilet flushing in vivid detail. Put the lid down, they're saying. I'm very worried. There's hot air going up. Is anybody else getting this? What are we doing?

We're all going to die. What is this guys? Have you ever heard of anybody get sick from just the toilet air? No, but, you know, it's like you don't hear of it because they're already dead, I presume. As soon as somebody breathes it in, I imagine they die, you know, and then there's nothing more to be, you know, we don't hear about it because it's the biggest killer. And it's a silent killer as well. Silent but deadly As silent but deadly

Yeah Noisy but deadly It's a new gun company Yeah Noisy but harmless What about new guns NU guns Or I was going to say

Snew guns Because then it's a Snoo guns Is an anagram Or whatever What's the one there The one that goes backwards and forwards

and forwards? Palindrome. Palindrome. Snoo guns. Snoo guns. I like it. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's a new gun company. And they make a gun that they say is better. They say it's like, do you think, because I think here's the issue is that the right wing are all armed in America.

Right? And I don't think that the left wing are. Yeah, not enough. And so you need like a new like ethical gun. Yes. For the left wing, a lefty,

a gun for lefties. Finally, a progressive gun. This is a really good idea. Does the gun, do they offset all the carbon emissions from the gunpowder?

I mean, sure. Is it, what else would be? Is it fair trade? Yes, sure. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Fair trade. Yeah, yeah.

There's no war lords here. There's only war co-ops. War co-op. Yeah, arms trader. I'm an arms fair trader. Every person who buys a gun gets the profit share. And it becomes a part owner of this gun company. Right.

This female owned gun company. Yes. Yes. It's a, it's a, a female minority owned thing right anyway

it's just a it's a thought yes snoo guns and it's got the name's a palindrome which which you know also would tickle

the word you know the word lovers out there you know I mean do you think that that it shoots different do you think that maybe it's it hits different

I tell you that that. Yeah. Is this somebody talking about a new ass you got? It shits, you know what? When you get a new ass, it just shits different. Like a luxury ass, you get like a high-end ass. Do you think, would you prefer to have some kind of sheath that goes inside your

anus? A sheet? Sheet. Sheat. Like a sort of like a grommet. Like a bed sheath? Gah! Yeah, hit me with whatever you're going to say.

Do you, when you put on a condom, do you ever say, it's time to sheath the beast? Sheath the beef. Sheath the beef? Sheath the beef. Yeah, do you ever say that? Let me ever think. Yeah, I have quite a few times.

Today? Yeah. But you know what? The problem is that when you say that, A woman becomes the woman in question. It becomes so turned on by that. The beloved. The beloved.

The beloved. She rips it right off straight away. I was going to say she prematurely ejaculates. Yeah. And then you don't. Yeah. And she's like, sorry about that. And then you're like, oh my God, I sheathed the beef for no even.

Damn. Imagine that, though. Foreplay, that is so, not foreplay, even, is it? What is it? It's sexy talk that's so potent, so powerful that it can. It actually removes the need for sex. Oh, finally. Finally, we can get rid of that pointless physical activity.

No, I was going to say, like a little thing that goes inside your rectum to basically so that the poop doesn't touch your butt hole. Would you prefer that? like so you know there's a sort of like maybe it's lined with teflon or whatever yeah and it just goes in there and then you know you're and maybe you could throw it away at the end you can flush it that'd be pretty good yeah do you think maybe it's just like it's just it's just like uh from the last time you finished wiping your ass you just take the little cardboard roll from inside the toilet paper and then you just pop that in yeah just pop it in and then you've put it in and then you've put it in and then you've You make it sound as easy as it is, I imagine, to do. Yeah. And then you're food through that. I think you probably bunch up the end a little bit.

Yeah, of course. Slide it. Maybe dip it in the, you know, next to the toilet bowl. You have a little oil dish. Yes. Sort of canola oil or something like that. Yeah, great. You sort of rotate it in there a little bit, get it around the rim.

This is... Then you fold it up and then push it in. This is so good. This is MacGyver going to the toilet. And all the toilet. paper's been used. Somebody, oh yeah,

but they've... But the roles still there. Maybe the bad guys have taken his anus. I've taken his anus. Yeah, they've taken his anus and put in like just a wall or something like that. Yes, okay. Okay. You know, would it be terrible, Andy?

Yeah. If, let's say you were getting your anus removed and you're having a heart valve put in. Oh, no. Right? You know, those three flaps that kind of... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it makes a pretty good seal. Yeah.

Are you having it put into your butt instead of your anus? Anus, it's just a different, you know, we're trying to have a different kind of a door system there. Yeah, maybe this is the luxury one that you've been talking about. The anus one is kind of a little bit more like those Star Trek doors. Yeah, it is. I mean, would you like it if, could we, if, if, uh, while George Lucas is, this is top, so topical, while George Lucas is, no, it wasn't Stephen Spielberg. What, no, who was, who was like editing the films?

I think George Lucas, he went back and he edited the old ones. Do you think we could get him to replace all of those doors that open like that, with a sort of a sphincter that, you know, Darth Vader or Obi-1, when they come to one, they have to sort of force their way through it, sort of head purse, stretching it out and squeezing through. Yeah, like... Their foot stuck in the door. and they're sort of dragging it.

They lose a boot. And then someone behind them has to push the boot through as well. Yeah. Spaceship with sphincter doors. There's less wear and tear on the doors. Yeah. It's self-cleaning. I think they should...

It's not, is it? That's one of the things about the anus is that it's famously not self-cleading. You famously do have to clean it yourself. Anybody is out there trying to... technology into the why couldn't they exactly right the women

were keeping it all for themselves yeah oh they found a secret yes and they have not they have not whispered it

into another ear hmm um yes I can't remember anyway MacGiver the bad situation

oh the valve you're getting that heart valve put in yeah yeah oh yeah so here's what I was going to say yeah

imagine So you get that done and you're like, this is very novel. This is the people down at the pub are going to love this new anus situation. And then you find out they put them in the wrong way so that they actually close with pressure from the back. Oh, no. From the inside. The people down the pub are going to not let you forget this. They're going to give you such a roasting.

I know. It's an inlet, not an outlet. Exactly. And then you're going to have to like get an animal. but like constantly have an inward flow in order to, for there to be anything to come out and then push really hard to get stuff out. Well, I was thinking what you were going to be saying

was you're going to get a heart valve put in, right? Yeah. You know, in your heart. So replacing the valve, your heart valve, right? But they accidentally put an anus in there, right? And now every time you want to have a heartbeat and have blood be pumped, out of the, is it the atrium or the ventricle?

The ventricle, I think. Every time that you get something punted out of the ventricle, you have to strain like you're taking a shit. So every heartbeat, you're like, they do say you that you should strain. Yeah, yeah. Like that. Oh.

Sorry, I've got a very big hard blood today. Sorry we talk about pooping so much. Oh, we did well, though, Alistair. I think we held it off for at least two and a half sketch ideas, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did, Andy. We did. That's pretty good.

You are 100% correct. Holding back that tide. If you could be a different guy, what kind of guy do you think you'd be? Ideal world. Ideal world. Is this a dream situation, or is this one where I'm like... I don't have a choice, but like I'm probably just like a more true version of myself.

How about this? You have a choice of what kind of guy you can be. Yes. But you're basically being forced to, you have to change. And you are in your current situation. Oh, wow. Okay. So still got my same family, still got my same everything around me.

But now I've got to become a new guy. I mean, this is the thing. The new guy, I could choose a new guy who doesn't have any of the, who wouldn't be concerned by the compromises or the changes. You know, I could choose to be like a real asshole. Like turned into a real asshole? Yeah, who doesn't even regret, you know, the failure of, you know, letting people down. Sure. And then off I go, you know?

So then does that mean then you leave your family? Oh, maybe. But I'm not saying that's what I want to do, but I'm just saying that it's hard to predict what kind of a guy would thrive in this situation. So I could just pick a guy who doesn't care and therefore it doesn't really matter. Maybe he'd be a great parent, but probably not.

But I think you'd still be responsible for whatever. whatever that guy does, that's still you. No, well, because the new me, this is the point. The new me doesn't care. I mean, even if he is responsible, he doesn't care about it. Do you think that like we should have, we should

make like 100, maybe maybe like 60 boxes, right? And before you die, you make 60 boxes and it's for it's for your beloved and your family and it's things that they can open

on your birthday for the next 60 years. Yeah. Right? On my birthday? Yeah. But are they presents for them? Well, it's a present that comes from you

because... But they get it on my birthday? That doesn't seem fair. I want it. I want it to be for me. You want a coffin that allows you to get presents still. Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

Why am I the one in a box? open me maybe there should be a coffin that you can push presents into and maybe even wiggle the presence around the dead body until they've kind of

the hand has opened up the present a bit that's nice I think that's a real great frontier for capitalism a lot of people say oh you can't take it with you that kind of thing and a lot of people say everyone's saying this you can't buy stuff after you're dead people say that all the time

and now you can you can still get deliveries you can get your Amazon orders or whatever it is and they'll force them down that pipe they'll shove them down there they'll tamp them down with a big stick shoving them into the coffin

there'll be a new guy at the cemeteries whose job it is to just shove things down Cram more things into the pipe. He oversees the delivery drivers and stuff like that. And then he has a few big sticks and a bendy stick and stuff like that. Even one of those sticks with a little camera at the end so he can, you know, make sure it's inside. And you can check on how your body's changing.

I mean, to me, it's funny if he's just shoving him down, smashing him down. because the things they're just like cramming in there, they're smashing up your body and that kind of thing. It doesn't really matter. The point is you're still buying things. Yeah, you're still getting presents. Still a consumer, still spending money, still getting presents, exactly. Yeah.

Like before I die, I just want to know that I'm still going to be getting presents. Yeah. A bunch of shit that I don't give a shit about. Hey. Hey, Andy. what what what you don't like getting presents hey no I do like getting presents

but I find it it's not often that people really put a lot of thought into presence wow no I think you're right yeah uh yeah it's either I mean certainly if it's me

it's either something that I like but I don't really care if you like it or it's something I thought I got at the last minute because I didn't have my shit together. Yeah, but I think I can, like, you know, I've bought a lot of stuff last minute, almost exclusively last minute,

but I think that you can still make some really good, informed choices that, you know, give somebody a gift of something that, you know, they might have mentioned in passing a long time. Yeah. So what you're saying is that a lot of the gifts, most of the gifts you get don't have much thought it put into them. But all the gifts that you give, you do give people good gifts. So you're saying other people don't give good gifts, but you're the only person who probably does.

And it's really easy for you. I don't give a lot of gifts. Right. But you could. And if you did, they'd be really good. Well, I genuinely am pretty. And it would prove how easy it is. I'm pretty decent at giving gifts.

I just don't do it because I don't think any of you guys do it and you don't deserve it probably because of the shit gifts you give me you know what am I got what's in it for me yeah

no you're right I think I think we understand each other and I think I'm being fair the most important thing to acknowledge is that I'm being really fair yeah yeah the most yeah

What about crispy outer skin on a human? Oh, yes. What about this? You're like, oh, you're going into, all things are actually

going to get really tough. America's going to invade the country and there's going to need to be a resistance. And so they realize, oh, what we need to do is we need to start, you know, getting all your outer fat. We don't have a lot of money for equipment,

but what we can do is we can get a lot of your outer fat to become hard like crackling. Yeah. And that will actually protect you from most sort of at least Malay weapons. Yeah. Oh, wow. Do you think crackling, I don't have a lot of experience with crackling, but does it have quite a bit of structural integrity?

Well, sometimes it depends on how you cook it. Sometimes, you know, that pork skin can be unbelievably chewy. And I feel like that chewiness, you know, like mixed with a bit of a hardness. Yeah. You know, when it's not quite done great, when it's a bit chewy, I think that that would be really good at stopping bullets. Something with a bit of rubberyness in it, but also some density. Can I pitch a name for your new fat-based body armor? Yeah.

Kevlard. How do you feel about that? Yeah, I mean, Andrew, that's so good. Thank you, Alastair. Kevlarge body armor, it's made from your own fat. And, you know, maybe they, maybe, do they liposuction? Because, I mean, obviously your fat is under your skin, usually. Do they, do they lipo it out and then harden it and then put it back on the top?

Or are we sort of considering sort of baking the outer layer of skin and then the layer of fat that's underneath that in such a way? that like your whole, your body as it is, basically, becomes kind of armoured, like an armadillo. I think that if you hit it with a blow torch for long enough, you know, or at least radiant heat, that I think that you could get, you know, some good strong stuff. I don't think there's a point to having needless surgery,

Andrew at this stage. No, that's great. I assume an armadillo, isn't armadillo, I hope, to God. that an Armour Dillo is, come, its name comes from armor, right? I mean, that's all I've ever assumed. Yeah, what do you reckon the Dillo is? Like they, you know, for armor,

that's very serious, you know, hardcore, factual. Excuse me. Then they had a lot of fun with the, with the Dilo on the end there, didn't they? They all, it was a real party down that end of the name. Dillow. I'm a Dillo. Let's see.

Oh, I think Dillo in, I mean, look, I was going to, I wanted to give you a joke answer, but then I found out that in Spanish it means little or indicating affection. That's, I mean, that's, like a cute little bit of armor. Yeah. Wow. Little armored one. I'm a dildo. Which animal?

If you had to kiss an animal on the mouth every day. Oh. With tongue. Yeah. What would you go for? My beloved. No, no, I mean like a wild thing. I'm doing the old, I'm doing the old Kevin Rudd.

Who would you turn gay for? My wife to race. On Rove, live. Classic. Classic. What a moment. What a moment. In Australia in history.

I think so. He answered correctly. Finally, a politician who gives us a straight answer. The straightest. The straightest of all answers. Who would you turn gay for? A woman. A person of the opposite sex.

But I guess if you're saying, you know, if I'm gay, it's not that different than saying if my wife was a man. That's true. or if men were women right I would turn gay if men were women

but I'm still a man so that's the only thing stopping you uh sounds like I mean but but if you like if you met your exact wife

yes you know at the exact same time but slight difference in the time line is that it's a man who is exactly the same. My exact wife. Your exact wife. Yeah.

I mean, isn't that incredibly interesting? Yeah. Your soulmate is just in a different body. What would happen? Who's to say, Alistair? The more and more that I bring up these things with Indiana about like, hey, what And I bring them up a lot. I have been.

But what if I was like, if I looked like the thing from Fantastic Four, would you still date me? And she goes, oh, I don't think so. Oh, because I've just invested heavily in this outer skin pork crackling armor process. Just in case the Republicans invade Canada. I think it would be funny to go to a marriage counsellor, right? Your marriage is really on the rocks. But you want to make it work and you go to this marriage counsellor,

and all the marriage counsellor does is ask you those kinds of questions. If she was a worm, would you still kiss her if she was a worm? Interesting. It writes notes in a book. And he goes, I don't think so. And then she's like, Leanne, can I speak with you after the session? you've got a leaving what if he becomes

what if you become a worm then you're out on your own what if she didn't didn't wash her hands after she goes to do a poo and she has poo on her hands would she still hold her hand

huh what if she didn't tell you wow wow what if she didn't tell you but you could tell and she denied it. Oh, okay. Wow.

Seriously. That's how little you value this relationship. Oh my God. This is their tone of voice as well. I'm just trying to get a sense of how little you value this relationship. What about these guys? Like, you know, everywhere you go, there's, like, places called, like, Victoria something. Or, you know, like, Queen Elizabeth.

something. Naming stuff after the royal, the monarch. Yeah. And you go, who are these suckasses? Yeah. That were like,

Your Majesty, I named another tunnel after you. Oh, thank you. Oh, I saw a mountain and it made me think of you because I am always thinking of you. And so I named it after you.

That's a mountain called your name. If you were a mountain, that's the mountain you would be your majesty's mountain. Mm. Hmm. Mm.

Yeah. I think, I mean, when, when Herschel discovered Uranus, Uranus?

Yeah. Uranus. He named it George Sidus after King George. Whoa. So that's pretty good, isn't it? That's a whole planet. I mean, that's crazy, because now it's named after uranium.

No, Alastair. Yeah. No, it's not. Isn't it? Well, it's named after the god of the underworld. Uranium is named after Uranus. And uranium is also named after that. Do you know there's Neptuneium?

Yeah, yeah. Have you ever touched any? There's plutonium as well. Yeah, plutonium. And Jupiterium. Actually, I think I said Uranus is the god of the underworld, but I don't know that he is. What was he? What was Uranus?

Because I think that's... Is it Pluto? Is the god of the underworld? Or the guardian of Hades? I don't know. I don't know. God of the sky. God of the cosmos.

Oh. Son and... Slash husband of Gai Earth? Really? So did he proceed Jupiter? Was he sort of like

was he Jupiter's dad? I don't know. Are we going to, are we ever going to know? Are we ever? Are we ever going to know if Uranus is Jupiter's dad? Yeah.

Are we ever going to get some more information about that? It would be so good. Andrew, what if I was to take us to three words from a listener. I think we'd all concur.

Well, Andy, that should occur. Who do you think the listener is? I bet you you can get it. Emily Aubrey. It's absolutely Emily Aubrey. Yes! Yes! Oh, this bodes well. It bodes, Alastair. Well, Emily Aubrey has sent through three words from a listener. Yeah, okay. Now, would you like to try to guess what the first of those words are, Andy?

The first word, do you reckon I can get this one? Just so I know. I mean, it's definitely within your lexicon. Okay. Random. No, I'm sorry, Andrew. It's hashtag. Oh, okay.

Hashtag. Beef? Did you say beef? Yeah. The answer is, van. Hashtag van. Okay, so it's hashtag van life is a phenomenon.

If she's messing with it, Van Life, Van Wife. Hashtag Van Wife. Hashtag Van Death. So, That's a shame. I mean, you know, what about you, you know, like you're,

I guess it would be a great thing if you were one of those serial killers who uses a sort of windowless van. But it's your phone, is your window into the other world where you get to show people what you've been doing. Oh, isn't that nice? Yeah. So you're sort of vlogging.

You're the first serial killer influencer. A sin influencer. A sin influencer? sponsor? Sin, Sin. Ah, yes. Like the...

I'm amazed I haven't seen that word online. I'm sure it gets used in, I guess what, like a sort of a... BDSM. BDSM.

Production company, yeah. Mm, yes, yes. Let's have a look. I mean, look, there's a short film called that. Ah. There's a word

on urban dictionary with, let's see how many 13 upvotes. No, that's not, that's not really. It's not getting us up into the stratosphere. How many do you need to get to the stratosphere? That's, that's no raw dogging. Can I try and guess how many upvotes, raw dogging has?

Yeah. 1,963. Okay, wait, let me just find it. Oh, whoops, I, whoa, what was that? Oh, no, okay. Raw dogging, wait, urban. Okay, let's see. How many did you say?

1,963. It has 660. Ooh. It's pretty low. Let me check for raw dog in. Oh, with just an apostrophe? Yeah, maybe. It only has 75.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Should we come up with the term? Oh. Hit it, hitting it raw. Let's see. Well, that's only got 16 up. Oh, really?

Hit it raw, though. It has 280. Okay. Interesting. I haven't heard that one before. What about cook dogging? Hot dogging. I guess it hot dogging.

Hot dogging. Would you call it hot dogging? Let me look up. Hot dogging. Hot dogging that's got four up votes and four down votes. Wow. Oh, okay. It's a split.

Wait. By the way, wait, no, there's one bolt beneath it that has 51 up votes and 46 down votes, and it says it's the practice of nestling the male phallus inside one's posterior between the buttocks and gyrating violently until the point of climax. Okay, well, uh, all right, climax of what? It says it's often used as a means of ultra-safe sense. Oh, ultra-safe, really? although probably not to the muscles in your body

yeah come on but that's interesting I didn't even know that there was degrees of safety but of course there is I think hot dogging should because you know if we use raw dogging as the I mean I guess that does make sense

doesn't it right because raw dogging originates from unsafe unprotected sex is that right I guess so it does make sense that hot dogging should be ultra safe, right? It should be the opposite. It should be taking all possible precautions. But to me, that's not quite the point of all possible precautions.

I think hot dogging should be, instead of having unprotected sex with another person, you masturbate alone on a mountain while wearing a condom. That is ultra safe. You try to get as far away from the closest people. Yeah. But then I still think it's very important what you do with the condom. because I think that actually puts it in a place where you're almost preserving it a little bit whereas if you went to the dirt you know it's much more difficult to recover

than nature's dirt into nature's dirt sand nature's dirt anyway what was the what were the words again hashtag van death van death yeah I mean Let's see. Is that turning a van into a coffin that you can be buried in instead of turning it into a house that you can live in? It would be nice to have a little. It's a bit literal.

It's a bit literal. A family van. You know, like instead of having, you know, like you've got like big family burial plots, but having a minivan that stays on the family property that slowly gets filled up with all the members that died. You hold your nose, open the sliding door, and toss another one in. Well, no, but you get them plastinated or whatever.

Oh, okay, so they're all sort of still sitting in the seats, maybe. Yeah, they're all sitting in the seats. That's nice. You can still sort of drive it around. I always assume that the patriarch would be in the driver's position, but I guess you could just start filling it up from the back. Start hitting it from the back. I mean, they did bury ancient Egyptian pharaohs

with like chariots and that sort of thing so that they could continue to ride in the netherworld. So I think that, you know, we are crying out for more traditions in this one age, this godless age. Type of burial for your soccer mom and dads. Exactly, yes. Burry them and then bury the

and then as the children sadly, tragically, ultimately eventually pass away at whatever age and maybe a ripe old age. Oh. And do you ever look at an elderly person and think, oh, you are ripe. You are absolutely ripe for the picking.

Oh, when that skin looks really like it can just burst really easy like an old plum. Is that, is that, is that, Is that the grim reaper looking at them and think they look ripe for the picking? Is that it? He's like, oh, what a ripe old age. You'll just fall off the branch. You know what me and my kid?

I barely even have to, yep. We were talking about, this is a question, I guess we came up with a question that we would like to ask a neuroscientist or a brain surgeon is the brain. When you, is it juicy or is it like a sort of like a, you know, like a like a like a, like a 12 hour brisket? Yeah. Or is it sort of like wet but kind of firm like a sort of a Christmas ham? This is, this is, this is finally the frequently unasked questions show that the what the FAQ show that I worked on should have been.

we should get the greatest minds available and ask them stupid questions. Yeah, because I didn't end up seeing the show, but in the show that you did, did it end up being like questions that people were like, you know, there was actually broad appeal for to have answered? I think so, yeah, I think they tried to have them sort of broad appeal. But I think these, the real show should have be, should be, and this is what your show should be, the narrowest possible appeal

in the hope that when somebody does see it, they go, whoa, I never would have thought of that, but I guess that's interesting. Frequently unasked questions. I think, and that abbreviates to fuck, of course, FUQ. Frequently unasked questions. Questions.

Questions, of course. Oh, yes, FUQ. Very rude, Andy. I don't mind. Do you think that burial van is a... Burial van, that'll do it. And then, you know, ultimately when it's full, you drive it into an underground garage and shovel it over the...

There's a family car park. Yeah. Yeah. Underground car park. I guess as you... Parking lot. Parking lot. Yeah.

Yeah. Endy, I'm ending to the sketch ideas. Yeah, yes. We got small fun prank strokes.

We got a company that gives you a cheap disease to have so you use up your sickness slots. That's your

good logic. Yeah, we got the dictator mocracy where it's just one guy voting and it's a dictator.

Oh, I hope this time he votes to free us all from his iron grip. That cheap disease thing, I mean, it basically is what they did with cowpox, right?

I mean, we basically invented vaccination in a way, but it's not quite what we want. Well, that one's more like training, it's like training your body to fight. You know, it's like, if you did that where you're, like, I don't know, somebody was like, you're a bully. It was a bully at school that it was coming to a head,

and then somebody came along and was like, I have trained with this guy my whole life and I know his every move. I will teach you to fight him. Yeah. That's vaccination. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, that's what vaccination is. Yeah.

It's also a bit like your friend being like, let's practice kissing so that when it's time to kiss for real, we'll be really good at it. Yeah. Man, I never got to really practice kissing on anybody. in a sort of a safe environment. I made some big mistakes, Andy, big mistakes. That should be. I had people coming to me two weeks later after an attempt

saying, I heard you kiss like a washing machine. Come on. Why is she telling you that? The ethical gun for the left wing. For the left wing, it's called they're called Snuggins. Mm. Then we got to sheath the beef and how, the saying sheath the beef, and when you put on the, the condom, and that it leads to women orgasming because of such beautiful phrasing.

Yeah. And we have spaceships with sphincter doors. Then we have a coffin you can still receive presents in. Then we have Kevlard, the body armor made from your own. what's that word there? Crackling. Crackling fat. And then we have burial van.

Burial van. The burial man. Do you think we should go into the song, Andy? Do you think? Da! Da! Da! da da da! Da!

Da! da da da da da da! Da da da da da da da. Um. Alist there. Thank you. Thank you, Andy. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your respect. Andy, thank you for your respect and for your time, but not for all the other things. Whatever they were. Thank you, listeners.

Listeners, my God, continue to amaze me. Yeah, where'd you come from? And we love you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Thank you.