Two In The Think Tank - 511 - "ENSURANCE COMPANY"

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

Birthday Party Age, Ensurance Company, Bad Polling, The Thumbies, Baby Hand Tongue, Tongueies, Godholing, Foot Dungeon, Throbbies, Red Carpet at the Porn AwardsYou can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la And I am ala la la la la la la la Hello and welcome to Today the tech show we'll come up with five sketch ideas And I am Alistair George William Tromblay-Burtjol Hello today we speak with confidence With confidence and with Andy And with Alistair

Alistair I can confidently say That I think that on your Second birthday You should turn one I think it's insane That when we are counting That is what happens

Oh it's my second birthday You turn one I'm turning No you say I'm turning two No, because there's the day that you're born, which is your first birthday. Well, yes, indeed. But it's not. It's not your first birthday.

Yeah. I mean, it's your first day of birth. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So, wait, what are you saying then? So I turned, so I just had a birthday, right? Yeah. My 42nd birthday.

43rd birthday. Alice there. Are you deliberately trying to be a complete nutter fuck-ed? No, but aren't you saying... Wait, I just can't... I can't hear the... You're not clear on your position. Do you consider the day that you were born to be your birthday?

That's what I'm trying to get to. That's what I'm saying. Okay. So then you just had your 43rd birthday, even though you turned 42. Exactly right. Yeah. I can't believe that...

this is what I'm trying to say, and somehow you're making me feel like I'm wrong and like you're telling it to me. But when you were saying... And that my position isn't correct. No, but you were saying... On your first birthday, you should be turning two.

Yes, that's right. Okay. Now I understand what you're saying. Why didn't you just say it like I said it? I don't think that... Is that what I said? That on your first birthday, turning to? I don't know.

I think this is it. I think maybe that is what I said. Alastair, oh my goodness. If that is what I said and if that's what the audience has been listening to and if they've had to endure both of our attitudes, I'm going to apologize on both of our habs. Andy, you don't need to apologize for me. I'm pretty sure I was making sense the whole time. I'm going to apologize on our be fools. I don't do things by halves or be halves. Oh, be halves. Be halves.

Or be halves. Anyway, my point is that the fact that we don't count the day you're born as a birthday when we're counting the birthdays is an insult to the brave women. Yeah. But do you think that your age? is the number of birthdays you've had? Or is it counting the number of years? Do we say, like, I mean, we could change it so that it's, I am two birthdays old.

Maybe that should be it. Yeah? I just think that your second birthday should be when you turn one. That's what I'm trying to say. Okay. Wait, your second birthday, yeah. I mean, you know, I know somebody who, their mom told them that they were 30 on their 29th birthday

because her mom had some fucked way of counting it by counting the first, the day you're born as your first birthday. But that's, oh, so they, they didn't just try and change it when they turned 30. They told them that that was the truth when they were,

yeah, wow. And so she was like, what? She was like, what? Like, you know, you think, oh, thank God I'm not 30 yet. And then your mom is like, you're 30.

And you go, what? Mm. Mm. Absolutely insane. This is like I texted you yesterday that I think it's like five when you have the number five. Yeah. The fact that you only have one five doesn't seem right to me. So really, you're like, oh, five.

Well, how many five is one? So is it one or is it five? Yeah. I mean, this is a much less defensive position. Sure, sure, sure, sure. But I mean, okay. So, and just let me let me know with your birthday, your age should be your birthday, your number of birthdays you've had. Let's say you are, you're at home, you have your birthday, and then, and it's Sunday, and then on Monday you go into work, and they bring you a cake and everybody celebrates your birthday from the weekend. Does that makes you an extra birthday old?

Oh, an extra birthday? No, that's birthday parties. But you should also keep track of that. I want you to know that birthdays, birthday parties are also known as birthdays often. I don't think they are. I'm going to a kid's birthday. I am not. I think you sing happy birthday, but I think it's a retro- respective happy birthday. I think it's one that travels backwards through time and attaches itself to the existing birthday rather than creating a new birthday marker on the time.

But then it would be, it would sort of also be a better measure of how loved you are. That's true. And then what would be great would be that more loved people would live longer, you know, they'd be like, they'd go to somebody's house and they'd be like, this person is 260 birthday parties old and they look incredible. Yeah. See, that's nice.

What's your secret? And they'd say, love. I'm very loved and I, uh, age is counted in birthday parties. or we have it so that we still enforce a strict, we switch over the life expectancy from being an expectancy to being a strict limit and we only allow people a certain number of birthdays. And that includes birthday parties. And we do also count your first, the day you're born as a birthday.

This is really, we're ratcheting it down here. And then we go around. And we have a, we, we get a man. Yeah. And we, we name that man old age legally. We change his name to legally to old age. Yeah. And then old age comes to your house and beats you to death with a tire iron.

Wow, a tire iron. At 80. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's good. And I mean, there's this a situation where like the government or insurance companies are insuring us from birth but they're guaranteeing you 65 birthdays right and so sometimes if you're like really sick in hospital they'll like they'll come in and give you have a bunch of party have a bunch of birthdays yeah and they start counting the first one as a birthday party you know and and

and then and then if but if you die suddenly they owe you the value of the value of like the leftover number of you know to your family to your estate leftover birthdays yeah yeah oh good so and that includes presence of stuff that they that person would have liked yeah great that's so good and thoughtful presents gifts and they marry in it their dead body to open the presents yeah that's good or they just get a guy from their office you know like the garage will like rent you a used car if your car is being locked they can rent you a guy that looks like your dad or whatever who who got sick and he will come and open up the presence and he'll say stuff based on footage that he watched yeah um no this is it and see this is what happens

when this is this isn't an insurance company this is an insurance company they insure things Yeah, so that's like immigrants and immigrants? Possibly. Yeah, but is it, how's it about EM? E.N. I accidentally signed up for an insurance company. Yeah. And they insure that my house, I signed up for fire insurance.

They insure that I will get a house fire. My house will burn down. Well, that's a different idea, I think. Oh, no, that was an insurance company. Did you insure it for flood? You go, yeah, definitely, I made sure. And then there's a guy comes over with one of those big trucks there filled with like milk. Oh, wow.

And then they... Milk flood? Yeah, milk flood in your house. Wow. Well, that's what he insured for. That'd be so bad. I wonder if flood insurance does cover you for all liquids. And if they would...

Mercury. Mercury. You know, he didn't insure for mercury. A mercury flood. That'd be amazing. I reckon the whole house would float, right? Like even presumably the bricks and stuff. I think like rocks float on Mercury.

Oh, really? Yeah, because it's metal, you know? It's like heavy as fuck. Yeah. It's a fucking metal, man. It's such a shame that Mercury is, kills you and drives you insane. Well, there is, there is one, it's like gallium or something like that that you can, you can get it liquid. It's the only other liquid one that is completely harmless.

You see people playing with it? No. You serious? Yeah. Why aren't they telling us about this? They are telling them. People are making reels about it, but Andy, you are going through life with your eyes closed, Andy. It's like you don't want to know about other liquid metals that you can play with that aren't toxic. Admit it. Admit it that that's what you want. You want to not know that.

This is a choice that you've made. Okay. And you're trying to, you're blaming other people. Even now, you're kind of... You're not 100% taking in what I'm saying. You're sort of approaching it with a little bit of doubt that maybe. I'm wrong in some way. Yeah, I am. Is gallium liquid at room temp? I'm sure that gallium is generally solid

at standard room temperature, but it has a very low melting point of 29.76 degrees. This means it will easily melt into a liquid in your hand in a warm room or on a hot day. the fact that we're not doing this as a prank and making gallium cutlery

and selling people a fucking spoon made out of gallium that you put into your meat and it melts into the meat. Yeah, you put your spoon into your meat. Gallium. Yeah, gallium meat thermometer.

One of these guys that are like, yeah, I'm trying to get it up to you know, 186 internal. You know, when they say that internal. Like that, like you go, you guys have all learned how to say it from the same person or whatever. I don't know why I said 76 degrees.

I don't know what kind of meat of cooking where I'm like, I'm trying to get it up to below cooking temperature. Yeah, I mean, I was probably saying using Fahrenheit anyway. Because that's probably how people are talking about when they're talking about things, cooking and being becoming.

to get meat to 100 degrees. Do you need to get meat to like... To boil it? To boil. To boil the boiling point. I just assumed that all cooking happens at boiling point, but that's probably not true. Is that true? Well, right in.

Right in. Right in if that's true. But if it's not true, don't let us know. Yeah. And don't let us know whether or not you right, not letting us know was because you weren't listening. or because you didn't know. Well,

issue, it's either no, let us know that. Write in to let us know that whether or not it was you're not listening or whether or not.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Great. Alistair. What's this, write-in show, but they've got the,

they've got the logic of when people should write in wrong. And so they only get, they only get positives, like, because of how they ask for their things. it's a polling company but they've they've got the way that they ask for feedback wrong

their polling methodology is way off yeah and normally they say that they think that the problem is about sort of how you ask the questions like do you want a government that makes you less safe and more sad and then they'll be then they'll go like bull people don't like labor but but in this case it's more like if you support stronger immigration policies send us a letter next thursday and if you think their border policies are right don't send a letter. Is that what you're talking about?

I think so, yeah. I think so. Anyway, as far as we can tell, everybody loves them. We haven't got a single negative letter. You know, that kind of thing. People were doing Twitter polls where it was like, like for this retweet for that or something, wasn't it?

Like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People were doing that. That feels extremely... flawed as a sampling technique. Yeah. Send me $5 for yes.

Send me $7 for no. God, it'd be good if we did Twitter in real life. I know Twitter's not, doesn't, isn't around anymore. No longer with us. It's, it's X Twitter. And it,

Twitter in real life. Let's hear this. And if somebody says something that you like you repeat it loudly you should just shout it out loud so that's your we speak and we re-speak I'm just going to re-speak that right and you yell it really loudly to the rest of the room and but but I guess then the liking how does the liking work do you show them that you like that you like like it with your thumb.

Oh, no, but I guess, can you tell, because I guess it's other people see it, right? Yeah, yeah. Other people have to see that you like it. And so do you stand around them with your thumb up pointing at them? Hmm. Hmm. I think so, yeah. Or maybe you just like hold wherever you are in the room.

You hold your thumb up high in the air. So like, you shout out what the person said, right? Yeah. And then everybody gives us. like a hands up thumb up to that oh Andy to that idea

I met a Hollywood celebrity the other day Alistair I had I had reason to give them a double-decker thumbs up but did you actually did you give her one I did I did give her one no but I meant the double-decker hand thumbs up

well not not on her hand I did a one man double-man double deck a thumbs up. Did I, did I, did I immediately know the gender of the person because I, I can guess who it was? Yes. I think you did. And, uh, and, uh, got a really good laugh. Got a really good laugh. Oh, like, like, you just went for it after. Wait, wait, explain to me the situation where you gave the double decker. Okay. So it's, I was a one man double decker. So I did my thumbs up, right? Yeah. And then I grabbed it with my other hand and with another thumbs up.

Yeah. Oh, man, I hope she brings that back to Hollywood. Imagine. And credit you. We see that in an Oscar winning film. Imagine if they change the Oscar statuette so that he's giving a double-back of thumbs up. There should be. Why are there no awards ceremonies where the award is a thumbs up?

the thumbies and then like you know sometimes I'll have a gold one and a bronze one or whatever there should be a double decker and a triple decker right that's true yeah

yeah thumbs up yeah why keep using this weird ancient like you know bronze silver gold platinum kind of thing and isn't it crazy

that platinum stuck in there somehow as number one How many people do you know that are like storing bars of platinum in their house? Oh, but then you get in the, then you go like diamond and stuff. They'll do diamonds. Oh yeah, they'll do diamond. I don't know if they're feeling completely fucking insane.

I think it's pretty hard to get past diamond. But then you see people doing like, oh, and then there's a titanium and you're like, this structure is whacked, man. Yeah. We have lost it. They get tungsten in there? Where do you think tungsten ranks? Wolfram?

They get wolfram? Whoa. That lived after that Wolfram guy? Who's that Wolfram guy? Wolfram. Stephen Wolfram? The British American computer scientist, physicist, and businessman, known for his work in computer algebra and theoretical physics? I just think there's a medal called Wolfram.

I might be wrong. Let's have a look. Wolfram. Warfram? Wolfram. Tungsten symbol W Also known as Wolfram Fucking hell

There you go, man You were just restating my bit I mean The tungsten tongue Would be a good award as well The tungsten tongue Yeah Like instead of a silver tongue

The man with the tungsten tongue That's crazy though with talking Silver is the highest level of tongue you can have. It is. And the devil is like the guy you want to be in talking. A silver tongue devil? Yeah. That's the highest level.

A silver tongue devil, that's the highest level of talking that there is. Gold tongue god or maybe diamond tongue god would be higher, but it's not. Yeah. That rearranges the whole metal hierarchy and deity power structure. I think that just goes to show that tongues have a completely different value system to the rest of the human body. Yeah. And it reinforces our theory that of all the human body parts, they're the one that is most likely to be able to make it as a separate creature.

and also why we feel they need to keep them in a basically a cage with sharp spikes around the perimeter to stop them escaping. It is a trap, isn't it? It's a booby trap. It is. Yeah. I mean, because I guess the body could have just put a little hand in there. It knows how to make hands, right?

We know it knows how to make hands. Why did it choose not to put one there? A little wet hand, you know? We got two dry hands. Why not a wet one? We imagine that accidentally biting off one of your fingers. Oh, one of your little wet little fingers. It's like a little baby hand. You just have a little baby hand.

They could be like tentacles. What if they were like little tentacles? And then we could call them tongueticles. Oh, yeah, that's good. Of course, that means that at some point we would have had a tongue. Sure, sure, sure. Or a tentacle. No, no, but you know what I mean?

Like, if we're, if we're calling it a tongue tical, that means that we are aware. We are aware that tongues existed. So it's not like every... In the distant past. Yeah. Yes. We still carry memories and still tell tales of tongues.

Yeah. Sing songs of tongues unsung. tongue the un the unsung tongue this this this now that uh now that we don't call movies talkies anymore although i'm not saying we shouldn't bring that back yeah i'm going to see a talkie um i think we should have an award ceremony called the talkies and uh it we give out we give out awards for people for talking for the best bit of talking um um and uh over the last year for quality conversation

maybe that's something we could that's an award we could give out at the thumbies well I was going to say this is surely this is where we give out the silver tongue oh no

finally we have a thumby award ceremony and now oh cool maybe that could be at the tongueies we give out thumbs at the tuggies well no

no we give out tongues at the thummies what about the thummies what about the thummies The thumb and tongueies. The thumb and tongies. Here we go.

Or the thumby and tongueys? Even better. Wait, I'll just write a tonguey for best conversation. Oh, it would be really good if the in the awards ceremony money instead of using envelopes the uh the uh the uh the uh the celebrities doing the announcements

they come out with the prize winner that with the winner yeah because the mouth really is a little envelope and the uh tongue really is a little letter you know so you come out and you open they open their mouth and there's a little maybe there's a little piss of paper just on the end of their tongue and they take that off and then they read it it's obviously been very written in some kind of indelible marker or it's been tattooed maybe there's two celebrities come out one has had the winner tattooed temporarily on their tongue the other one opens their mouth and they've got the tonguey award and the the tuggy award is there on their tug the tongue comes out of the mouth and presents the oh wouldn't wouldn't that be really nice it's all tongue

the celebratories all tug the it's a old tongue ceremony. Everybody dresses up their tongues to come out. The tongue

comes out of the celebrity's mouth and places the little tonguey award onto the tongue of the winner.

The winner. I'll put it in that because they've dressed up their tongue the winner has dressed up

their tongue in a beautiful dress or something like that. Right? But it's also got

little hands on it. And then the tonguey is placed from the host's tongue, you know, which is also dressed up holding the award and places it in the hands of the other one. And everybody has to wear this weird government issued, kind of like single color regular clothing. So the tongues can shine. Instead of having a red carpet, they have a golden pole that runs along to the front door. Or maybe it's just the regular

regular railing up the steps of the awards. It could be a big stamp that you're going to run your tongue along. You're wrong along the back of the stamp. Oh, the red stamp back. The red stamp back. And I think the tongues, all the tongues are out. All the best tongues are out and about, flopped onto the back of the red tamp, that tap, that's hard, that tongue.

Red stamp back and dragged all away from the limousine. Up the steps. Up the steps. Up the steps. And into the, what do you call? Auditorium. There you go. Tongotarium.

No, I don't know, Andy. But there should be, there's obviously going to be, you know, you get a tonguey for, you know, obviously things like in, in talkies, like films where you get like a, it's like, it's a fictional conversation. But then there should be a tonguey for not the best nonfiction conversation. Nonfiction. That's great. IRL. And one for just overall best bit of talking this year. Hmm.

And it can go to any recorded conversation. Okay, interesting, including ones that the FBI has been tapping into... Yeah, and there's one for best hearsay that wasn't recorded, but somebody heard somebody else say. So you can... So when you get nominated for that, you can only get nominated for somebody else's... Like, somebody else said, but that you remembered.

I'll accept this reward on their behalf. Yeah. Or on their before. I don't do things by behalf. That's really good, Andy. By, becorder. Becorder on my becorder. Alistair.

I like how tongues rear their heads occasionally on this podcast. They're the spirit organ. along with the cloaca. The spirit slug of the body. I was going to say of the podcast, but also of the body. Tungs would not, you know, this podcast would not be possible without tongues. And, oh my God.

It really makes you think, Andy, what would be the term for the sexual move of tonguing a cloaca? Because, you know, we've got fallacio for a set of, Tunging and mouthing a penis. We've got conalingis. Conegous. Tunging and mouthing a vulva, a vagina. But then what about the cloaca?

You know, something. A term... A term... Let's see a term for oral sex on a cloaca. No, no, don't look it up. Okay. You know, I'm just glad. I'm just glad that nothing came up because I would...

Oh, good. You'd hate to think that we were already... That we were frolic in and in a... In a polluted pond. Maybe like an omni. You know? Yes, of course. Like, omni something.

Yeah. Because it's, you know, probably God has a cloaca. You know? And so we could call it God's hole, you know. If both of my assumptions there are correct that God does have a cloaca and we can call it God's hole. So maybe you'd call it Godholing if you are. Of course, Godholing. You're performing oral sex on a chicken.

Yeah, or God. Or, you know, a person who has had all their holes replaced with a cloaca. Cloaca attacker. Atec the cloaca. Clouacca attacker. I mean, that does sound like that would be somebody's, like, username on Pornhub when they, yeah. when they upload nothing but cloaca stuff.

They're going, the cloac attack. Cloac attack. We, we, did you used to play a computer game on a computer called Iraq attack? Iraq attack? Literally you fly a helicopter. I always called it a rock atop. A helicopter.

It's a really bad, low quality. Yeah, I've never played it. Video game. I think he just flew a helicopter over blowing up buildings. Okay. Was this released around 2003, 2003, and... I reckon earlier. I reckon this is like 99.

Oh, so this was based off of the first Gulf War. I think so, yeah. I think it would have been the first Gulf War. The one that's considered a successful one for America. Was it really? I think so. I think they were in and out and got what they wanted done. Fucking hell, in and out, yeah.

But then didn't Bush Jr. feel like his dad had sort of, because his dad only deserved one term, I think he felt this sort of residual thing of like we made the mistake of not getting Saddam, and we should have done that. And that was part of his, you know, and that cost my dad the election. Maybe I'm making all of this. No, I mean, look, look. I'll go back and get him.

I just watched Vice, and I didn't realize that it was also driven by Cheney. Really? Like, his whole thing is that he was just like a power, hungry little, little runt who had, like, discovered that you could get, you know, like through looking at the laws and stuff that, essentially, like, that he could, by becoming vice president, he might get that ultimate power of the president

and had a team of kind of like lawyers and stuff like that with him making that possible. And I think that he kind of made a deal, at least how it's represented in this movie, with Bush that Bush could kind of be, this is George W., that he could kind of be president and that Cheney would kind of make all the decisions for most of the stuff. Wow. What a deal.

Yeah. And essentially that he, they were just looking, him and Rumsfeld were just looking for a way to get into Iraq so that they could get the oil for Halliburton or whatever, the company that he was the CEO for. Halliburton is more like a weapons. It's weapons, yeah. I mean, there was some representation of companies. I think that they had like, you know, essentially already pre-planned which oil companies would get which bits. and I think that maybe he also just gave contracts to Halliburton. Fucking hell.

I mean, how insane is it that Trump is just saying, yeah, and we're going to have Venezuela's oil? Yeah. Yeah. Just saying it, he's like, yeah, we're getting the oil. And basically saying, we're doing this to get their oil. I mean, he might have watched Vice. Because it's essentially kind of, it felt very,

very similar. And then, but then I just, yesterday I saw like a reel where somebody was like, you know, whose name's not in the Epstein files is Dick Cheney. Now, he might have been one of the most corrupt politicians America's ever seen. He's like, but you got to give him credit. He, uh, he didn't go to Epstein's island. I mean, if they'd been oil there. I think he said he's one of the most, he's like one of the most corrupt.

There was a lot of massage oil. He's evil. Oh, he's an evil guy, but he's not a monster. We're learning about so many different subtleties, aren't we? Of course. Yeah. It's a rich and varied field of endeavor. That's right.

It's cool, you know? I think because, I mean, I also feel like it's that same kind of strategizing that Cheney was doing where he was like he was seeing what was more possible from the power of the presidency that kind of people have taken on board for Trump's presidency and they're just like being like oh look and you can do this and this and this. Yeah. I mean that thing where they were like, no, the president can actually sort of do anything they want and nothing the president can do is illegal.

That's kind of a bit of a problem, I think. I mean, absolutely. Because anybody who has the power to do anything will. do it. Yeah. And I think it means the president can ignore all the other stuff. Yeah. Like all the other supposed divisions of power.

It also means that if somebody gets in from the Democrats next, that they also have all that power. And so now... That's not going to happen, Alistair. Don't be stupid. Don't worry. There's not going to be another election. Don't be stupid. Alastair, I have a feeling we may have.

Five sketch ideas. Oh, my God. Don't. Let me have a lot. I don't know what they are. I mean, look, there's at least two. There's two awards ceremonies written down, Andy. But okay, I'll take us to three words from a listener.

Andy, today's listener is Braden Douglas. Braden Douglas. Hello, Braden, thank you for sending in your ideas. and I will read the email from Braden Douglas. It says, Aloha Mine Dudes. That's three languages in that first sentence. I wish to add to the giant backlog.

Hawaiian, German, and cool. That's right. Three. Yeah. Cool dude. And cool dudes say dude. I wish to add to the giant backlog of sets of three words once more. These words are from a me who has had about one hour of sleep.

And then it lists the three words. And then it says, Thank you for accepting my words, kisses, exclamation point. This is so nice. Every part, every word of that was better than the one before. What a beautiful, I mean, to end on multiple kisses. So we don't even have to fight over who gets the kisses, Alistair. There's enough.

There's enough for both of us. God, I just hope there was an even number of kisses. Well, all we know is that it's plural. So minimum two, which is shareable by two, but there's no reason why we can't get, if it's, if it's an odd number, we can't just get one lip each on that, on that kiss. Every kiss is equally shareable into two lips for two people. I wonder if you can do a single lip kiss. I don't think you can. I'm just trying to imagine it now.

I'm poking out my bottom lip and imagine pressening that against somebody to give them like a half kiss. Well, I think a lot of it comes from the smacking comes from a suction thing. Right? Which I think that you could use their cheek. You could use their cheek to seal the mouth

and then still apply the... Let me just see. I don't think you get it. Yeah, I think you can do a half. Yeah, you can do a demi kiss. Okay. Yeah, I think it's possible. Andy, I want people who've lost a lip in a horrible accident to be confident that they can still give a kiss a room.

If anything, I'm looking forward to my first demi kiss. Demi kiss. We don't do things by behalf. Alastair. Demi kiss is only a few letters away from Demi gone. Demi kiss is close to Demi Godness. It's not that close. Yeah, still.

All right. We've got three words of a list. and we believe that listener is Braddon Douglas. That's right. And so would you like to guess what of the three words are, and do Matthews? The first word is whole, H-O-L-E. What is it? Whole H-O-L-E.

It's kind of close, I think, and it's Ubliette. Ubliette. What's that? Like, Ublie, that means to forget, right, in French? Well, in a way, but it's... It's a secret dungeon with access only through a trapdoor in its ceiling. Ah, an ubliet. So it's probably where you...

And you can put someone down there to forget. Yeah. Okay, ubleette's sort of like a septic tank. For people. It sounds like. It's where I put my poo to forget it. Yeah, well, septic tank is a sort of, yeah, is a feceseubliette. A fecal ubleiette.

A Publiette. There we go. Okay, second word. Our second word is Attic. Ah, Andy, you're really far away with this one. God. I'm like bored how far away you are. All right.

Is it Oriquette, the little ear-shaped pasta? No, Andy. That was too predictable. The second word is creamy. I mean, the pasta one was closer. Oh, yeah. Creamy pasta. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Eugliette, creamy. I mean, is the last word pasta? It's close in terms of sound. It's percentile. Wow. Oh, do you think these words come from that like three words, random thing where, like, they represent a location on the earth?

I feel like Braden did that with the just three words. Yeah, but I just don't think, I mean, we could see where it takes us. They're too funny. Yeah, I think that he mentioned the tiredness as the, as the reason. Got it. So, like, I mean, I can pop them into the what three words location, but let's see. We'll go type in, ubleet dot. wait

dot creamy what's your guess of where it's going to be dot percent uh it's going to be it's going to be

it's going to be a picture over your house oh it doesn't have that place I'll just I'll just search it anyway

yeah then we must create it there's a place that's ubliet creant perceptive but it seems like it's all in French now

no Oh, sir Moe. Yeah, sorry, Andy. That's okay. Where did it take us anyway? It took us to some place in the DRC,

even though it's not the words that we looked for. It took us to a place pretty deep in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Let's see if I can look at it through. Yeah, I think we're... I don't know anything. about the Democratic Republic of Congo. Well, not even the things that are in the title.

I mean, very often... It's obviously, it's a democracy. Obviously. That is a republic. Often if a place says it's a democracy in the title, Alice, you know this, it's very often not perhaps completely democratic. They put it in the name, it may not be. It may not be so.

Alistair, uh, ubliet creamy percentile. I mean, these are slippery beasts, these words. These are difficult to get your head around. I mean, I'm seeing, a little dungeon. I'm seeing, yeah, like a, something filled with cream, right, that you can soak your feet in. Oh. You know. I was thinking feet.

Why were we both thinking feet? Um. Because I was, I was. I was thinking that a shoe is like a foot dungeon. Okay. You chain it up in. You put it down in there. You tie it in.

You don't want them to escape. You tie it in. They should make a little dungeon boot. Dungeon, I feel like it's a good name, sort of like Bluntston a little bit, you know. And it's a little foot dungeon. It's made of, I guess, stone. This is a square. And you put your foot in there.

and you close a sort of a big steel door or trap door, if you will, and lock your feet in there for the duration of the day. This is a foot dungeon that's actually a shoe? It's a foot dungeon that is a shoe. You can still walk around. I like one of those old school prisons, like the ones that they have in Melbourne and in Coburg there, where they were made out of kind of blue stone mostly.

You know, and some mortar. It's blue stone. Little barred windows. Yeah. You know, I would like, I think that would look really good on a foot. And you know where I think the best place for the window to be and the best place to draw a face on the sort of foot leg kind of area is that little knobbly bit in the ankle.

I think that's the headest bit. You get one on each side. Yeah, okay. Draw a little face on your ankle. And it's peering out through the bars there on the side. And it'd be good to have a bit of ventilation like that as well. Yeah, absolutely. So you don't get sort of fungal infections.

Yeah. I mean, you probably would need to wear a thicker sock in a sort of a rock shoe. In a rock shoe. But I mean, firstly, imagine going into a foot stomping competition with a Dutchman. And this is the cocky, this is the cockiest guy you've ever seen in this Dutchman. This is the cockiest Dutchman you've ever seen. Wearing a clog thinking he's about to, you know, this. Funnily enough, he thinks that his position as champion footstomber.

is a shoe in. He does. He thinks he has the high ground, funnily enough, for someone coming from the Netherlands, famously low-lying region. He thinks he's going to best somebody, even though he's from a country

where people who are not necessarily all the best all the time, only occasionally do they have winners, you know, at a relatively regular, you know, sort of average rate for a country of its, level of success?

He he thinks he thinks that he's the best person in the whole land ironically from a person

who comes from a place called whole land it's not quite ironic not quite ironic that is ironic that is irony for me because that's also for him it is irony

yes that's what they think even though the land is actually famously lacking in resources, especially iron. Is it? I imagine so. I've never heard of iron mining in Holland. Let's see, iron mining in Holland. Quick. The Netherlands does not have a significant domestic iron mining industry.

Oh, ironically, for a country that does not have a significant. significant domestic iron mining industry. Instead, the country is a major European hub for importing processing and distributing iron ore. Very ironic at this case, in this case, at the Port of Rotterdam. Yeah, well, it is all quite ironic. But, yes, the foot stomping competition. I mean, that's a good competition. What award do you think they give out at the foot stomping competition?

Do you think they give out the A tummy? The, well, the throbbies. I think I imagine they're as sort of, it's the first award that pulsates. It's a big pulsating toe. Red. I love the throbbies.

And injured. No, but I think it's the award, the award changes depending on the category. And so different parts of the body will throb depending on, and that's what's great about the throbbies is that it it accesses so many different industries where throbbing occurs you know and so that's a beautiful for you know obviously foot stomping competitions probably the you know that those those slap competitions or people knock each other out you know that's a bit of a

a head or a brain that's throbbing do you think they would get they would roll it to get in together with the maybe the piggyback on the adult entertainment awards for the absolutely pornography industry i mean i can't imagine anything more watched by by porn you know industry and porn enthusiasts than the award ceremonies of them and and so you know what they they should have sex at the porn awards do you think I think do you think that the

red carpet that the Porn Awards has been shaved down to just a tiny little it's all black rubber mat and then except for like a little landing strip that everybody walks just along a little welcome mat

that's just at the right there at the foot of the stairs if they haven't done that if they haven't done that Alastair. What are they doing? Yeah, exactly. Do they even care about their industry?

Well, Andy, shall I take us through the sketch ideas for today? Please do. We've got age is now a number that is now the number of birthday parties you've had. We've got the insurance company. Oh, no, I insured it. We got the bad polling company. Look, we didn't go deep enough in that, but you know what I mean? The company that doesn't ask very good questions.

I think there's a good sketch in that. We got the Thumbies. The Thumbies Awards. They say there's only one poll that counts. Well, this is the only poll that doesn't count. They ask for the numbers, and then they don't add them up. It's one of the 600,000 polls that don't count. But this is really the one that counts the least.

And there's only one that. it counts the least too. That's what's great. You get a special position on the top and on the bottom. We got the, obviously, the Thumbies Awards. We got the, we got the baby hand instead of tongue, the, or tonguetical. We've got the tongueies for best competition. That's another award ceremony.

We've got Godholing, which is what is called, the name for oral sex on a cloaca. By the way, Andy, great. I mean, I worry we've made that sound too good. Oh, thanks, Ellis Day. I mean, you did most of the work. No, Andy, I just created the frame. You built the house. I think building the frame is most of the work.

I created the frame structure, idea of it. I was the architect. You actually made it happen. Again, I think the architect gets a lot of the credit. Well, fuck him. He doesn't deserve it. Oh, I drew a book. picture of a house yeah good job good job on you mate good job on you oh did you draw a house

did you oh that's so good you should you should be celebrated frank lord right did you draw lots of funny houses oh we should still be talking about you to this day I did all the houses that you drew I did see um one of my favorite uh stand one liner comics the other day talk about Benny Feldman had a line that was like, imagine that you had your bike getting repaired, like at the Wright Brothers shop, right? And you see Orwell fly by. Go, hey!

That's really good. Yeah. Anyway, there you got foot dungeon. This is the stone shoe and its use in the foot stomping competition. and then we have the throbbies, which is our third award ceremony, which is, you know, for any industry or anything where you end up with something throbbing.

And then we have, of course, the shaved carpet at the porn awards. Oh, no, we don't have a full bush carpet like they got at the Oscars. It's the little landing strip. Bear rubber. There you go. I was robbed of the throb.

Oh, how'd you go at the throbbies? I was robbed, rob. I've robbed of my throb. That should be, that's another way of talking about, boner killers. Boner killers. It was robbed of throb. Yeah.

And, and, and. The throbber robber. What do you think about, This is an idea for a video game. Oh my God. It's called DAC attack, right? And you...

Do you remember... Instead of killing people. Yeah. I know that there was a fancy boy sketch, was it? Yeah, or Greg Glaconson sketch, yeah. Greg Glass and sketch called Dak, attack. But I think basically, well, I'm stealing that idea. Okay.

I'm not really. But I am saying it should be a video game. Yeah, I think that's good. Instead of killing you... Dack people. Yeah. And then, like, I'm not really. like the final bosses or whatever,

um, are, uh, they've got like suspenders on. You know how bosses always wear like suspenders over there? It's always a bit tough. It's harder to deck them. And these guys, they've also got incredibly wide hips, but a small waist. Right? So it's really hard to get the pants over that wide area. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you got to keep yanking at them.

Yeah. These are these like essentially the bosses in this are all people that sir mix a lot would really love because you walk in there and then you get that with the itty bitty waist but then they've got that round thing in your face and then they actually do catch you in springs

which is how you get sprung and then as you're pulling down you do notice that that butt is stuck yeah all right we did it D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D. And we love...

Anyway, don't we do that little thing where we go, thanks so much for listening. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Thanks so much for listening. It's great. Maybe you'll remember by the 512th episode, Andy. Fuck you, fuck you. Maybe you'll remember how this is done by the 512 and 12.

Oh, he didn't really know what was happening for the first of 511. But boy, by 512, he fucking learned his listening. He really locked in. He started to focus. He started to care about the product

that we're making. Thanks, and me for it is product. It is a product. Thank you for listening. Thank you. Alistair. You got anything to plug?

Wish I did. Wish I did. Maybe you can go on to my Instagram at A. Trombly Virtual and check out any reels that I put up before I delete them. You're going to delete? Oh, because you're your anxiety.

You're real-based anxiety. It's not an anxiety. It's just that I go, oh, fuck this shit. This sucks. And we love you. Bye.