Two In The Think Tank - 513 - "HORIZONTAL CONVERTIBLE"

Episode Date: February 15, 2026

Women are Surname Lions, Arch Nemesis, Here Comes the Specific Plane! Phone is Interent Cloaca, Bull Eats Brass, Horizontal Convertible, Funeral Home, Cheap Funerals, Plastic Strawman, Make a Worse StrawYou can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

BAMBAN BANCH- Hello and welcome to two in the think tank to show Where we come up with five sketch ideas I am Andy And I am Alistair George William Trombly-Birtual Sorry about that Alistair, it's okay I've

This is going to be my new catchphrases, I say my full name and then I say sorry about that. Good. I think a, I mean, you could, you could, by deed poll, go and insert, sorry about that into your name. Yeah, it could be an apology. I'll add it as a last little bit. Mm. Last little bit.

Also, George William, Trambley, Burtchal, sorry about that? Oh, that would be good. Yeah. Apologies included. Do you think I have to marry somebody called Sorry About that or do you think I should just add it? or marry a bunch of people called like maybe Mary Sari you know, Giselle

about and Eric that Eric that yeah I wonder what culture I will have to date in to find all these names I'll have to explore different cultures and cultural mating techniques

Yes. Well, you're going to need... Yes, you're going to be able to... You're going to be a need to seduce across the wide spectrum of culture and surnames. Even wider than I already did. And I tell you what, I've... I date wide. Hmm. But I date shallow. I don't date wide, but shallow.

Wide in terms of cultures, shallow in terms of the gene pool. Wow. I'll date anybody as long as they're my sister. Sorry, anybody who is sort of half-blood relative of me. Oh, I guess, yeah, this doesn't work because you're trying to get different surnames. Yeah, that's right. But I suppose the sisters could have married, taken somebody else's surname and then sort of like a, like the female lion in a pride of lions. on the savannah.

They're the ones who bring the surnames back to the family so that you can feast upon them. People don't think about that, you know. People say that it's sexist that women take the man's surname. But I think it's a, I think it's impressive, you know, to be able to... It's like a hunting expedition, bringing names back for your family to read. To subdue a surname. in the wild and drag it back.

Yeah. All right, so wait. No, you can't write this down. This is one of the least. It's just absurd. It's just absurd. It's disconnected from reality and from the issues facing the listeners.

They're not going to relate to any of this. They're going to find it trivial. I don't know if we've ever had a sketch idea that was so relatable. Oh, good. Because everybody, everybody thinks about hunter gathering all the time. Mm.

Right? But they've got no context to put over it. And now we're gifting them that context. We're making it, we're making it relevant once more. What could be more relatable than relatives as well? And I think we all have it. You can't choose your family.

but I don't think you can choose your friends either, to be honest. No, you don't think so? No, not really. I mean, I think you can definitely choose somebody who's not your friend. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yes, choose enemies. But Andy, would you say then, if you've agreed to that, and I have sucked you into agreeing into that, right? Then by not choosing in a way, you know, your friends, in a way you're,

choosing. Fine. I want to say something else, which is that we only use the prefix, arch for a nemesis. Why not for a lover? You know? Arch lover.

Yeah. Introduce your wife as this is my arch beloved. Yeah. I mean, at the moment, we just save that term for people who love doorways that curve at the top. This is my arch

friend. This is my arch nemesis. He's a good friend of mine, but he really hates when doors curve at the top. He hates Roman architectural innovations. Do you reckon, I don't remember the Romans really invented the arch. Fuck off. Somebody else invented the arch. To be honest, I didn't even think the Romans were that good.

They were pretty amazing. Shut up. I just think the... You're a fucking archapologist. The, I think the length of their dominance as a civilization, the duro, the fact that it was hundreds and maybe even a fucking thousand years or whatever, they had an empire. I think it, it's, it's impressive.

But I guess also they didn't have the 24-hour news cycle. They didn't have Twitter. You know, they... Do you think there's any examples of, like, countries that were once a great empire that become good again? Come back around. China. China?

What do you reckon? China? China's a really good example. They're having another crack at it. They're having a bloody good crack, too. Having another crack at the total. Almost to the point where now a lot of us are going, like, actually, China seems pretty good.

I should move to China. Are we? I've started tilting the bit. I'm going to go, fuck, I wish we had China's system. Yeah, really. Gosh, they're getting in that, you know. Are you thinking that a bit more when you're closer to your Wi-Fi router or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.

I do think that more, the closer I am to sort of these, all these lasers that are being through my house. Home security system. I wonder whether, you know, like, how, you know, how. You know, like the Wi-Fi can send, you know, your router can send a Wi-Fi signal to your computer. Because it's connected to the internet or whatever. But if your computer was connected to the internet, do you think it could send, but the router wasn't, do you think it could send a Wi-Fi signal to the router so it could get a Wi-Fi signal? Give it a little bit of a, you know, a little piece, a little bit of a dribble.

Let's see Yeah Yeah well it must It must send I mean how's your computer connected the internet You can you plug into in this hypothetical scenario In this In this fantasy world

Andy I don't think Your mobile phone device It doesn't matter It doesn't matter It was just a stupid It was just a stupid question Alistair I love it

How about this Why would you want your router to have internet When you've already got internet How about this Alastair Okay, I'm ready. Roses are red. Violets are blue. Violets are blue?

Are they? Surely violets are violet. Why are we just discovering that this is insane now? Well, that's why it came to me in a state of shock. Do you think that we've only just walking up? I think we might have been... Blue-pilled? Violet's a blue-pilled?

Yeah. Violet-pilled? Violet-pilled. This is, would you say this is one of the top three lies that we are exposed to on a daily basis? Yeah, what's the other ones? That sharing one where you should share with everybody? That's good to share with everybody, you know, like that you teach kids from a young age? Yeah.

Yeah, it's good to share. Yeah. You think that's a lie? Well, I mean, I don't think that, you know, adults are acting in such a way that demonstrates. Like, imagine that. If you're a kid, you're at home. It's true. You're always being told to share.

And then you go for a walk with your parents through the city or whatever. And then you're like, you pull them close as they walk past a, you know, walk past a beggar. Mm. Mm. Yeah. Do you think that your kids are, you know, safer closer to you? Or further away from you?

I pushed the child towards the beggar. Towards the beggar. No, no, usually, right? That's probably probably something that we taught kids while you got them around the home. You know, from an evolutionary perspective, you want to teach your kids to share just in case they have some food that you need and you're feeling hungry. And then come that moment, you're setting them up to share their food. with you, the hungry dad of the family. They do. They do. They often don't eat all the little bits.

They have like a mark on it or something. They will often use their pudgy little fingers to shove food past your lips, even if they're closed and look you dead in the eye and laugh as their snot and grime-covered fingernails into your mouth hole. Grime. with a mashed pee or something like that. Yeah, you're getting hand fed by children a lot. That's the only way I'll do it. I won't eat unless they pretend it's an aeroplane or something.

Have we talked about that as a restaurant where you'll go in the matri-D or possibly the waiters themselves will pretend the food is an aeroplane and have it, you know, they're coming all the way from the kitchen. Okay, holding the food. Would it kill them to do a little bit, oh, here comes the airplane as they bring it to the table? It would be really nice for people who are plane enthusiasts to have meals where they don't just go, here comes the airplane, they go, here comes the Cessna M63F. Really good.

With the something modification. And then they've built a little model. Yeah. Like that, but at the end... Out of food? Hey? I think that it could just be the utensil, but then the cargo does come and maybe unload,

you know, from where it would naturally unload, and inside is your mouthful of food. Wow, it dumps out of the plane's anus there, the plainness, which I believe is the technical term for that sort of big flap that opened. and it comes down. Like that, yeah. They've got little, maybe each finger is dressed up as one of those guys that works in the airport that takes out all the things.

A baggage handler. Yeah, that's right. Bagaj, we say here. Bagaj. Really? Oh. Alist, do you think that mobile phones are the cloaca of the ear? internet.

Say that again? The what? Mobile phones. You know, what we didn't realize, and we may have, again, we may have talked about this on the podcast before, what we didn't realize when, um, when Steve Jobs stood up and gave his iconic, it's not one thing as, wait, it's not three things. It's one thing speech is that what he was describing was a cloaca, right? Andy, I think it's for pissing and pooping and sexing.

The mobile. I think we did that very joke in Magma, the show that we did together. About the mobile phone? Well, oh, no, no, no, sorry. We did that about the Cloaca as the Steve Jobs presentation. That is right. We did. We did.

Well, it's a good joke. And worth coming up with a second time. Yeah. Just because we've already done that joke doesn't mean I didn't come up with it again. Andy, I know, I know. It doesn't mean you didn't come up with it a couple of times. Just because I'm reading this book, I've got this book open and I'm reading the words. This book is that I've already come up with.

Well, just because I've got this book open, Dickens, a tale of two cities, just because I've got it open in front of me. And the words, I'm reading the words with my eyes. And saying those same words with my mouth, It doesn't mean that I'm not also independently coming up with spontaneously the story in between the light entering my eyes and the words exiting my mouth. Dickens was ahead of his time writing about Steve Jobs and the cloaca. He really was.

But the mobile phone, no, let me finish this thought. I think the mobile phone is the cloacker of the internet, because it's things go in, things go out. through the same hole, right? It used to be with a telephone, right? Yeah. It had the, you know, it had two holes, the top and the bottom. Okay.

Yeah. Actually, by my phones also have the same. How things have changed. They still have two holes. But the screen interface is, is the, is an internet car like a, you type things. and you read things from the same, on the same screen. That's true, Andy.

You're right. I mean, I mean, that's probably the case for all the devices that you... No, it's not. No, you don't type things into the screen. Well, you'll have a separate... Keyboard. So what genital is that like? Is that like playing with the balls?

Yeah, that's working on the shaft. It comes out, the urethra of the shaft. The screen is the shaft and the urethra. and then and then the keyboard is the balls that you're tickling or the outer labia. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. And, you know, I'll write it down the phone.

Thank you. Is the... We have the word bullshitting. What is bull pissing? All right. Let's see. Okay, so bullshit is something that is not real, right? It is some kind of...

It's just gobbledy gook. It can be... just a waste of everybody's time. Right? But what's its relation to actual bull shit? The shit of a bull. That is a really good question. I mean, it implies that somebody tried to give you some other kind of shit, I suppose.

Or you thought you were getting something else. Or you think you're getting a higher quality shit. Yes, but it's that low-grade shit of the bull. Yes. Well, I say there's an awful lot of grass in this human turd. A awful lot of brass. Grass. The bulls been eating like the whole gang of trumpeters.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, life is hard enough. Do you think how, like, just even like with how the world is going right now, How big of a news story do you think it would be if, let's say you found out that a bull had eaten the two trumpet players in a mariachi band, including the trumpets. And there was a video online of the whole thing. You've got to watch this. They keep playing all the way down like the band on the Titanic. Now, do you think that that would make a blip right now?

How long do you think it would stay on the front page? I actually think, I actually think it would stick with us for quite a while. People would be fucking talking about it. And I reckon, I reckon like electroshock therapy, there's a chance it would bring us to our senses. I think we need something. I think we need a circuit breaker. I think we all like just.

to like, you know, I don't think that would cleanse our palettes, our mind palettes. But I think it would smear them

with such a thick layer of not cleanse that it might yeah, give us a bit of a reset and I think it's worth a try to be honest.

I think it's worth a shot. I think that we should at least put some trumpet players in a enclosure with some bulls, with some hungry bulls, and just see. Just to see if that's the thing. Bulls are naturally herbivores, but in extreme situations, they have been known to eat mariachi pads.

Have you ever seen that? Like somebody you're reporting about that, about like, that there are a lot of vegetarian animals, or the animals we consider vegetarian, but when given the opportunity to eat something with protein essentially, that they do take it, like deer, there's like, there's, like, there's, like, there's footage and stuff of deer's eating, like, baby birds. Yeah.

Yeah, and, and this is fucked, but, like, that, there's also footage of, like, those fucking Mustang horses in Australia. being like when there's a drought on eating other dead horses. Yeah, right. Which is like, you know, I think about that all the time and I haven't even seen the video and it's not even a mariachi. There's a video. Oh yeah, there would be a video. That's how you would know.

That's how you would know. Pixar didn't happen. Andy's a big evidence guy. You can't tell them something like that. Filmed evidence, dude. Show me the tapes. Show me the Mustang tapes. The bull eaten the sort of the two trumpet player.

Mm. Or imagine that they eat a whole scar band. Mm. Yeah. Do you think that would make some people give up on vegetarianism? Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, if one of like the... Because also, like, I think it's something that vegans use to, you know,

vegan bodybuilders will use as an analogy that bulls, like, you know, they'll show a picture of a bull, a mussely bull, and they'll be like, this guy's a vegan. And I think it could be a real PR coup for the anti-Vagan. Yeah. You know what's funny, though, but basically every bodybuilder you've ever seen that is huge. has been on steroids and testosterone and stuff like that. But from plants. Hey?

And so then the diet doesn't really matter that much. You know? I mean, I'm sure it plays a part and you got to eat a lot still. They're on intravenous beef. Oh, that would be good. I wonder if you could. Like how long you'd have to blend beef in order to. inject it straight into your heart.

That's actually your Captain Beefheart got his name. Excuse me. Ah, ha ha, yes. Ah, ha, yes, I'm so glad I finished that sneeze just in time to catch that. Capitan, L Capitan, Beefheart, no, what did I want to say? It was.

You know how people, Marriarchie band, will often be at a great, they'll be at a restaurant, romantic restaurant going up to tables and playing to swooning couples in love. That would be great if your name was Archie and you were at the restaurant to propose your arch lover. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Marri Archie. Oh, Marri Archie.

Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, I got a marry Archie band. And so, but that means that you're marrying. Yeah, the Marriarchies. And then if you're both called Archie, Archie and Archie. Uh, no, you don't have to be called Archie. No, okay.

No, no, because you're asking her, your arch lover. To marry you. To marry you, Archie. Yeah. Hence, and. the mariachi band but do you think that you would like to have a pun involved in the foundational moment of your relationship based on a pun wasn't it just based on maria archie yeah it is yeah yeah and so what was and then i was saying nothing i'm you've done nothing wrong you've done nothing wrong you are enough you are a good man

you are a good man alistair your kind no I'm so I'm questioning my own concept and suggesting that I think having a foundational pun in your relationship

could actually not be healthy that might not be healthy you know you're going to have to explain your people will ask you how did you how did he propose and you're going to have to repeat the pun

I suppose yeah I know that's yeah over and over again that would be tiring I think maybe over time you would just try to avoid it and see you say oh there was some music there and the musicians were playing You described the band there was a violin

There were two trumpets and a guy with a Traditional South American Maybe Central American tunes And for you for me His proposal story is a great is a great deal of shame for me about that. You know, I'm hugely embarrassed, and so please. Don't ask any more questions about the genre of music that was playing.

Let's just say it was really good. The relationship is strong. You thought I was going to say something then, and I want to hear what you thought I was going to say. That was much funnier than what I did. see. Let's just say it was, uh, look, I was just anticipating you continuing to use, uh, analogies. And I think you have a history, Alistair, of in these kinds of riffs of delivering the goods. And I thought, you know what? I'll take this one to the bank.

You don't want to miss this one. I want to get in on the ground floor. I'm going to get a couple in the chamber right now. firing them off. I like that you're saying something. That's funny to me. Alistair. He's going to say, that's great. Alistair, I feel like I'm being thrown under a bus that you are fucking driving, mate.

Andy, Andy, we're both driving this bus and we're driving it up against the edge of the tunnel, grinding down the walls of this bus. Oh, how about this? it's a perpendicular right no wait it's a it's a

horizontal convertible I mean I guess does that mean they've cut the front of there's just there's like it's just a different plane that's been removed

it might be the left side it might be the right side it might be the back this is it could be the front you have quite literally blowing this thing wide open,

how we're still. Yeah. This is, this is huge. Um, I mean, and yeah, it could be the bottom,

you know? Like, that's right. People love to feel the wind through their hair. Why can't that be your leg hair? Or dare I say, your pubs. You know?

Imagine that, tearing down the, throwing through my feet. Tossing my, uh, ankles in the wind. Oh, my ankles dragging against the gravel, the bitumen, wearing down the flesh down to the ankle. You know, I think that's a beautiful thing.

I mean, look, I guess because if it's a beautiful day, you might want to take the top off, right? Yeah. But then what if it's an extra beautiful day? There's like a rainbow as well. And you want to take the pants off. Not just the top. I'm going to take the bottom off as well. Mm-hmm.

Like that. And then you're just basically like in a sort of like, essentially your car's an enclosure. Mm-hmm. Because it's no, you know, I guess enclosures, they kind of don't have a bottom. It's just ground. Mm.

Yeah. What would you, what would you, would you still have seats? You'd have to have seats. Yeah, I think you would have to have seats just to, just to follow the, uh, the legal requirements of the, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe you have your legs strapped in. Or I guess you could dangle from the sides. Maybe it's like a, there's driving hammocks and sort of passenger hammocks. Mm. Mm. And then on an extra super nice day, let's say it's like, it's beautiful out and there's a rainbow and it's your birthday. You got to take the walls off.

I wonder what the road safety properties of a hammock are. they might be quite good. If it's arranged in the right way, I mean, they use basically a big hammock to stop vehicles going off the runways sometimes. And they're at airports. That sort of big net thing. Is that real or was that just in a Tintin comic that they ever would ever use a big net? I don't know about vehicles falling off runways.

What is that? Like planes? Or? Yeah, planes. Now, the more I think about, the more convinced I am that this was just in a tin-tin. Yeah. That they caught a plane with a big sort of horizontal hammock. Was there ever a tin-tin and Rin-Tin-Tin crossover?

It's crazy, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I reckon they would have started out in a similar era. Yeah. Rintin, Tin, that glorious star of the screen.

My screen, a screen goddess. One of the most beautiful male German shepherds born in Flairy France. You're looking up, Rentin. He was born in France. Tintin was from Belgium. Belgium.

They might even be related. 1918 was Rin Tintin until 1932. Tintin was around 19. 29 till the present, right? I mean, there's three years where they were alive at the same time. One in fiction, one in reality, but who played in fiction. And I just think there should have been, I mean, I guess there's still time. The estate of Rin Tin Tin is probably just sitting idly somewhere.

Now, I've got a boy who's just come into the room. Oh, really? Yeah, Remy, would you like to say something to the podcast? No, he's shaking. He said, could you please go back to bed? And then, uh, thanks, mate. Did you know that Rintin Tinn was a male German shepherd born and flyery France that became an international star in motion pictures? He was rescued from a World War I battlefield by an American soldier Lee Duncan, who named him Rinti. Rinti.

Duncan trained Rintin-Tin, and obtained silent film work for the dog. And he was an immediate box office success and went on to appear in 27 Hollywood films. But he was unable to make the transition to talkies, like so many silent film stars. Yeah, and he barely increased the popularity of German Shepherd Dogs as family pets. Incredible. I didn't know that he was a, he came from a battlefield. That's the thing about talent scouting.

You've always got to have your wits about you, you know, in any scenario. You always got to be looking for the next big thing. Even, I've met, I found the best, at the next big thing, at the Somme. What's the Somme? Wait, is the Somme a battlefield?

Absolutely, Alastair. It's a perfect choice. Great. Greg, great, great. I was going to say Duncirk. Not done, no, I guess I could have said Dunkirk, but what's the other one that I always want to say? There's a suburb here called that. It's... Verdun?

The most Verdan. It was Verdun. Yes. It's actually a nice little kind of alt-alty kind of, you know, it's got the feelings of a Brunswick a bit. I feel so proud that I knew that you were thinking of Verdon. I was thinking about Verdun. And he died of natural causes. I love that I can access parts of your brain that you can't even get to. Andy, I think it's because I talk with you that I don't have that thing anymore because you are now that part of my brain.

You've inserted it into. Do you genuinely think that? Do you genuinely think that I... There is a part of me that thinks a little bit... That you've outsourced some of your... Yeah. mental capacities yeah

I do I mean it's that and I think I've got you know they'll definitely be a day me in Indiana where you had a chat

I was like hey when I start to lose my mind I want you to know that I am completely okay with you putting me in a home right don't don't kill yourself like trying to keep

you know trying to keep me taking care of or whatever just put me in there I think it'll be fun being in a home causing causing a little

I like that it's a funeral home. It's not a funeral house, is it? It's a funeral home. Because they've put up sort of flowers and things like that. That's what it really makes it a home. Yeah, yeah. And they set up the corpses around a little table and pretend to drink them, bring them cups of tea and stuff. What?

What? It's a home. It's not the sign. Why are you so upset that I take the, I undress the corpses at night? night and put them into my bed. What did you think was happening? In a sort of like a thing, a script I started to write, which was

based on some a cryogenic freezing place. And then one guy who works there would take out the bodies and sort of set them up a little bit because you've got a few hours before they defrost to a point and so you could Yeah, that's nice. I think that'd be fun to bend a

mostly frozen arm. you know what I mean? Like where it's supposed to bend, not like... Yeah, yeah, of course. I think it would have a very satisfying kind of like... Yeah. Well, if you could pose them sort of most, almost like those sort of little wireframe models

that have got a, you know, a joint in the elbow or whatever. Yeah, yeah, that would be satisfying. I mean, obviously once they started to get a bit fly, poppy. I think it might actually be quite upsetting. But if you time it right and pop them back in the fridge, you know, like how you can take peas out and use them as an ice pack for a bit for a kid that's banged their head. But if you want to eat those peas again, you can't let the kid have them for too long.

You're like, oh, right, we've gone through the charade of pretending. It's a beautiful visual gag for somebody in that place banging their head and then using like the hand of a of a frozen person to kind of keep it from, keep the thing from swelling out too much. That is a beautiful visual gag. A beautiful visual gag. Now we haven't really, we haven't moved forward that much. Poor unfortunate souls.

Well, what was the thing that we were just saying? Oh, yeah. And what was it? I said, I suggested something to let us into. Oh, oh. The funeral home, that it's a home and that they sort of pose the people and that sort of thing around there. And they use, you know, they pretend that they live with them and stuff. And then the undertaker, I guess, being like, what, what did you think was happening?

I think that's, you know, I think that's good. I also think it's good to have a funeral home that, like, everybody knows they probably, fucking the corpses. They do what are? But they fuck the corpses. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. But it is the cheapest funeral home in town.

And they still do a pretty good job. And they're on a so much cheaper. We're not the best, but we are the cheapest. And they're pretty good. They're pretty good. It's like it's good enough. Certainly for the price you. pay, you've got to assume that they are doing disgusting stuff to those bodies.

Yeah, and the bodies do look too good after. Yeah, and you don't, but the things you don't begrudge them, that. You can't. You can't begrudge them because they are incredible at what they do. You can't begrudge them having sex with the corpses on account of how beautiful they make them look. like, you know, they look, they almost look incredible. I would have.

I would have. Yeah, I mean, they look so alive that they wouldn't have sex with them. Hang them. You know, and that's what they say. Our guarantee, I mean, we are, we are necrophiliacs, and we'll make your granddaddy look so good that even we won't want to have sex with him. Wow, that's it. incredible.

Yeah. That's our guarantee. After we make him up. After we make him up. That's right. We're going to stop rooting your granddad. That's how alive he will look. We promise no one will root your granddad for the 48 hours leading into the funeral.

24 hours. Unrutable. Incredible. So cheap. Yeah. A man's funeral home is his funeral castle.

I can't imagine anything worse, to be honest. I mean, isn't it amazing that, like, it doesn't matter. That there are people who will do that job. That, like, it doesn't matter how fucked up a job is

and how little you would ever want to do in your entire life. There's always somebody will be like, yeah, yeah, all right. Fine. Yeah, train me up. Put me in. Sounds good. I'll do that every day.

Yeah, I mean, there's certain jobs that I do consider to be real world jobs. And then jobs that I consider to not be real world jobs. And I don't think I've ever, like, you know, working in a hospital, that's all real world. I think being a teacher, that's real world. Yeah, doing any of that stuff. where you're dressing up a dead body, real world. Oh, really? You think that's real world?

That's real world. Yeah, yeah, because you're dealing with something real that you normally would try to avoid thinking about. I wasn't sure where you were going to draw the line and exactly what your definition was for, like, real world. I thought maybe you were going to say those ones funeral hunts aren't real world because there's something you only really see depicted in movies, you know, or as a plot point in a comedy sketch. Yeah, it's usually like, often that it's like, It's hard work. You have to face depressing things. You have to see stuff that is gross, but you do it in a way. You have to confront reality. You have to confront reality, whereas if you're in finance, there's not a lot of reality there. I think you can create reality, but you're kind of disassociating from reality in order to make financial decisions and not think about human impacts. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I avoid confrontation, so I'm not going to, I'm not going to be confronting reality, mate. I can't confront a bloody guy who cuts me off in traffic. I'm not going to confront the, what, in the whole, the entirety of reality? No, thank you. Yeah. Abattoir, that's a real world job. Mmm. Abattoir.

Beautiful word for an awful thing. You think so. It is good. Abbotwa. It is. Abba. Avo. Yeah.

I was just, oh, because I was like, do you think the ab is the same in abortion? There's abortion. Abortion? No, Abitour. It's, it's, it's, it's the same as the Abba in Abba. I think that's where Abba got their name, actually. It's short for Abba Tour. I think, I think it was because they said that they said that that's what they were going to,

they were going to butcher everyone else at the Eurovision Song Contest. I think that's why they call themselves that. Yeah, that's good. I mean, I do like that that's a nickname. And that's why they wore those sort of shiny body suits to hose the blood off. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's a, that butcher thing of wearing all white and then covering it in blood. What is that?

What are you trying to do? Yeah. Because the white is there to, I guess, show us cleanliness or something like that. But then you're covered in blood, so you look really dirty. Yeah, you look super dirty. but then I guess make the clothes blood colored stuff that should be on you

rather than yeah but if you had some other red stuff on you that shouldn't be there no one would notice you know yeah I mean they maybe they get a lot of blood noses and stuff and they're just like oh whatever I'll just wipe that off on my clothes and maybe they have like grubby people

coming in and kissing their bellies with lipstick on and they're like oh that's okay I'll go and just slice up this It's fine. No one's going to know. It's a victimless crime. You kiss away. Oh, cut up a lamb.

You kiss my belly. That's how you probably really make money in the biz. You rent out your belly for kisses. Yes. Maybe people recently lost a cat or something like that. Hmm. Yeah. Too sad.

I wasn't really listening, to be honest. idea is if you want me to move on to three words from a listener. Let's delve, let's dive and delve into it. Lip stick. Lip stick. We have listeners and some of them have joined our Patreon and some of them are called smellosaurus. Imagine if we found out that it was called lipstick because it sticks to your lips, not because it's in the form of a stick. Is that what you found out?

No, imagine if we found that. Okay, let me try to imagine. And we go, holy shit. So then we'd be like, does that mean that anything that sticks to your lip is a lipstick? Maybe, because I think you can also get lipstick in the form, in other forms, in non-stick shaped forms. You know, like a little pot or in a little brush, maybe. So it's not crazy. You know what I've discovered?

I see because I've never really been a smoker, but because things are legal here, weed and stuff is legal. I have tried it. And one thing that I've noticed is that if you keep the thing in your mouth, like a joint on your lip or whatever, the wetness from your lip very quickly causes like the paper. To adhere.

To adhere to your lip. And then you've got to pull it off and it hurts. You can pull skin on. Well, you've got famous. flaky lips. Shut up. No, you've always got, you've always got...

I mean, I just happen right now to have them. But, um... But, and I even split my lip. Fuck it hell. This guy's lips. Flaky lip. Yep. He'll split a flake mate.

I'm trying to get to the atom. I split my... Breaking my lips into smaller and smaller parts. All right. Three words from a listener. We, I don't know if you notice, but we have listeners. and sometimes they support us on Patreon and that gives them the right,

the power and nay the duty to send us three words. And... Nay the duty would be a great name for a sketch group or a band. Yeah, yeah. And do you think that in the photo one of you would be wearing

one of those rubber horse heads? No. No, not in this group. They are pretty funny, though. Yeah, they are. very funny. Okay, Andy, there's three words. Can you guess the first one?

And try to guess it correctly this time. Okay. Copernicus. No, Copernicus. Copernican. Copernican. Glad you, chase. No, no.

Remote. Remote. Uh-huh, ha, ha. Second word control. Easy. Peasy. The second one. word is control.

There we go. You did it, Andy. You did it. Now I finally got a bit of fucking momentum up. Let me use that. Let me use that. Let's go. Remote. Control.

Cat. Hat? Cat. Oh, Andy. You didn't get it. Cardigan. Cardigan. The word, it's almost like it was made to describe a guy like you who can only get one out of three.

Oh no. The third word is loser. Oh no. And also it says, smellless area says these three words were used to describe me, but it's true. So I pass on remote control loser. Oh, I see. Probably in the context of one who loses a remote control. Yes.

Then he goes on to say, I lost the TV remote again. A remote control loser. I mean, the idea of an inanimate object being a loser, which object do you think is the closest to being a loser? Mm. Yeah. Which inanimate object sucks the most. It is the biggest loser.

I mean, do you think that it is the vacuum cleaner? Like, I know there's a part of suck in there. But, like, have some fucking self-respect, you know? Like being literally pushed around and sucking up shit and crumbs and dirt off the ground. Oh, suck anything you want, sir. Yes, sir. Push me around, sir. Yeah.

It's that's like. Yeah. It's definitely a sub. Hmm. I, what about a wooden fork? Mm. Okay. All right. It's not good. So it's like, it's terrible to be around.

I've got to say a wooden knife is worse. A wooden knife. What about the wooden utensils? Yeah. Because at least a fork can still fork, you know, a bunch of stuff. You can still twirl up past that. But a wooden knife, it's flopping and it's flailing. You know what I think you could do? Yeah. I think you could break apart the whole environment. movement by just releasing one more set of utensils on a slightly more fragile, like, material. We actually, imagine if we tell them that the paper straws, even they are no good, and we've had to make an even less usable straw. With like some kind of glue that is very toxic to humans.

I mean, it's absolutely not. That's fucking bullshit. I can tell you right now. Whoever tells you that. I mean, I get, look, I'll take that back. I guarantee that there are some being made out there

with the most toxic substance you know that you can possibly imagine. They're being made with PFS, um, um, forever chemical, uh, brain acid.

But the vast majority of them will not be brain, brain acid. Um, but, uh, but, you know, I think if we,

if we made a, worse straw. Yeah. This could this could be good. This could be the nail in the biodegradable, compostable cardboard coffin

of the environment. Like, I honestly, I actually think that we should just go back to plastic straws. Yeah, I I think it's like the kind of thing that like a Donald Trump style person could rise up again.

just based off of that. People are too petty. You know, it's the same thing. They couldn't use the R word, right? And they voted for Trump so that they could. Right? People, the next dictator will come up on plastic straws. I mean, didn't Trump already do the straw thing?

I mean, he's mentioned it, but, you know, has he fixed it? I think he's talked about a lot, yeah. I think he claims he has. It's the one thing that I actually agree with him on. He was right about the straws. I think the straws, I just think that they didn't fix it. They created a new, they created a worse problem. It would be great.

I recently, I recently. It was the last straw for a lot of people. Yeah, I recently was at a place. I was like, I think this place is run by organized crime because they had plastic straws. And I was like, these guys don't give us shit about the rules. I mean, I think actually, and I don't have enough to back this up, but I think probably in the scheme of things, straws and littering in general,

are the least of our fucking worries. That is almost nothing. Those places in the world where they're using rivers to distribute the garbage and get rid of the garbage. That I would agree. is not a good thing. Yeah. Right?

Totally. But the litter here is not as big of a deal. Yeah. I think if it's going into landfill, and again, I want to stress, this is based on nothing and is probably wrong. Sure. But that's not going to stop me saying it. And that is just landfill is fine.

Landfill is not a problem. Let me just say to it here, forever chemicals inside of the substance that we use. use to get water and grow food is not an issue to me. Correct. So this worst straw idea. Would you go with plastic straw dictator as a... I would go with making a worst straw. We found a worse thing to make straws out of.

Not that, and not even really that there's any use case or not even that, that the paper ones are necessarily bad, but just to come out and say, good news for environmentalists, we've found an even worse thing to make straws out of. Yeah. I think that's great. It's fun.

And... Environment movement. Yeah. And... That's all that the Russians would need to do. So chaos in the Western world now. is to just make and distribute one new type of straw. And I think that that honestly could bring down America.

It'll finish us off. It would be a mercy killing at this point. They don't need frog toxins. You see, South American frog toxins, they reckon they use to kill Nalvaney. Yeah, that's crazy, yeah. That's crazy. Imagine being one of those, the chemists

and one of their special facilities in Russia that make very rare, like, radioactive isotopes specifically for killing people to leave the, you know, the Russian sort of calling card on the dead person's body. And just being like, oh, okay, so you went to, like, somebody got to go on a nice trip to South America, and here I am. And squeeze a frog.

Squeeze a frog and here I am, slaving away in a factory near vats of radioactive isotopes. And then these guys are getting to do this, I would be insulted. I would be livid. Livid. And you don't want to piss off the guy who makes the rare radioactive isotopes. Yeah, the stuff that you only need to put like a drop into somebody's tea.

Andy, I think we got it. Can I take us through sketch ideas? Yes. Okay, we've got women taking names and bringing them back for the family. Instead of like a hunter-gatherer kind of thing. Imagine if a woman managed to bag your surname, Alastair, and bring it back. The family would feast for months upon that thing. Oh, my gosh, they would be so lucky.

I think there's only one woman that has taken on the, all apart from some baby. but that has taken on, I think, the Trombly Virtual last name so far, even though, you know, all three sons have been partnered up. But there are some children. There's at least, wait, there's at least one kid there and two there. There's at least maybe four kids that have taken on the Trombly Virtual, because mine, my kids have not taken on Trombly Virtual. No, you did not give them that burden. No. And then we got my arch nemesis good friend who hates Roman architecture.

Uh-huh. We've got specific plane for the Here Comes restaurant for aviation fans. We've got the phone is the cloaca of the internet. Thank you for writing that down. We've got a bull eats two trumpeters and fixes the world. We've got the horizontal convertible. Yeah, great. We got the funeral home where they pretend, wait, they live with,

them and pose their bodies to make it a home. We've got a funeral home so cheap, they definitely are having sex with the bodies, but they're very cheap and they say they guarantee that we'll make the body look so alive, even we won't have sex with them. Now, I reckon we've probably come up with about half of the ideas on this episode before, but I think that last one, that line by itself, justifies it. everything. Yeah, and then we've got the plastic straw dictator and we've got the

making a worst environmentally friendly straw to destroy the environmental movement. We did it. There we go. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. Thank you so much everybody for listening to doing the think tank. You're cool. It's cool.

cool. Good job. Keep it up. Things are cool. Things are cool. Andy, what's the coolest thing you've seen in the last hundred years? Oh, the last cool century. Um, love. Yeah, me too, Andy. Me too. And that reminds us because we love you. Thank you so much for listening. Bye. Thank you.