Two In The Think Tank - 517 - "THE BIGGER PRAWN"

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

Drop the e, Hourglass Poop, Facial Co-construction Destruction, Gosling Reconstruction, Ultrasound Papparazzi, Word Subsctiption, Inconsequential Timetraveller, Brown Swatch, Big and Tall and Spongebob, Bigger PrawnYou can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A bit of me. A bit of me. A bitna, man. A bitna, a bitna, a be a man. A bitna man. A bit a bin man. Hello and welcome to two of the think tank, the show, where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy.

And I am Alistair George, William Trombly, Bertrandall. I was really hoping you were going to say, and I am a benet man. And I are a binet man. I am a businessman. spoken in our new language that we've developed where every word is written with an E, every syllable is written with an E. Remember that guy who wrote that book who once took someone's challenge and said, I could write a book without using the letter E? Yes. But could you write a book where you only use the letter E by changing all the other vowels to E? Imagine if that book was like, was like your

favorite book or like or if he'd done it he'd written a book and we'd looked it and been like wow this is the best novel ever like the only thing anyone ever says about that book is that it doesn't contain the letter e nobody is out there saying uh yeah that's my favorite book that that book is so great i didn't even realize it didn't contain ease to be honest i i yeah i wonder because i mean like I mean, imagine finding out we didn't need E this whole time and that it had been holding us back. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's everywhere. It's so common.

It's, maybe it's, maybe it is like almost, it's rampant in the literary community. E, the use of E. But it's, you know, what, yeah, it could, it could almost be like cosmic background radiation, you know. And it turns out we can just sort of, if we filter out all the E's, we just get a, better signal and the quality of our communication drastically increases. Well, I mean, if we found out that maybe like the using the letter, like using words that contained the letter E was maybe, we find out that it's like the symptom of some deeper psychological problem, some weird bias that we had.

Or it causes cancer. Yeah. It's like microplastics. It's in everything. Yeah, finding out that E is the reason that we die. And every time you use E, you lose five minutes of your life. It's worse than smoking. Oh, so much worse.

And at least the word smoking doesn't contain any ease. But an E cigarette? It's one of the healthiest words you can say. Yeah. That's right. There's at least, there's three killing. points just in that in that word. Rett.

Rett. And you know what's crazy about those two T's at the end there? If you turn them on their side, they almost look like an E. The two T's in cigarette, if you put them on their side, they almost look like an E. You mean... Like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you got it. Are they capital T's in your mind? Okay, what about this? What about an F?

An F does two-thirds the damage as well. Yeah, okay, interesting. Yeah, well, I mean, you know, especially because it's, it feels a bit more like a free radical, you know, like it's had a bit broken off it and it's sort of just... Yeah, sharp. Sharp like that, yes, yes. Yeah, sharp. It's like it's a pronged thing. It's like those, you know, those wood.

wood chip, you know, like those wood dust particles that are like barbed and they get stuck in your lungs and then they're carcinogenic. Not to you would have any of them in your lungs. I think that that was all I consumed for the first 10 years of my life. Dad was always machining up blackwood. I think it's blackwood that is the very bad one, which is the incredible foresight of a tree to evolve to contain a little, to do. to be, when it's cut down, chopped up, and sanded, which for the first billion years of its, you know, evolution, wouldn't have even been a possibility.

But to build that into the system, that, like, if that does happen, I will slowly kill the people who do that to me. Is really inspiring. I mean, to do it slowly is a very tree-like move. Oh, boy, they love it. They love it. You know?

Yes. Yeah. Because, I mean, yeah. Yeah, they kill people fast, but usually they have to lose a part of themselves. They got to jump on them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They will like stack some.

Aha. It would be so good if we've been actually... If you listen to a tree falling in the forest and it thinks nobody's there to hear it. But you do, but you do hear it. You left a mic. Yeah. And you catch him going, aha! When they, and they're not falling, they are, they are leaping.

They are jumping. Oh, yeah. Jumping for. I mean, those guys, those scientists, they came out and they said the trees were communicating through underground networks of fungal, whatever, threads. Like Hamas. Exactly like Hamas. Yeah.

And And then it turned out Then people were like I don't know about it Like it got a lot of coverage It certainly like Certainly got a couple of days on the fucking Guardian homepage I can tell you that

And then it came around And people were like I don't know about this study guys That trees are communicating But I think you could certainly get one out there That said that trees, we've been listening to them and they do shout, do a little aha when they fall.

Yeah, you could get a couple of days in the cycle and the new cycle for that before people caught up with you, I reckon. You get a couple of those, mate. Oh man, I blocked the guardian on my computer, so I haven't been able to get the branch up. I mean, the page up. Wait, what does it say? It says the wood wide web theory charmed us, but now it's the subject of a bitter fight among scientists. Andy, this is exactly what you were communicating.

Yeah, but I mean, they did that beautiful wood wide web thing. That's true. They did do that. I mean, I think scientists love a pun more than almost anybody. They do. I think it is, would you say punning is the most scientific form of comedy? Like punning? Punning, performing a pun.

Yeah, I mean, it just feels like accessible. Even, it feels accessible. It's there to somebody who doesn't specialize in comedy. Yes. You know? And it feels, and people kind of grow up with it. And so, but it's also, you can do higher tiers of it, the more language, you know. and the scientists tend to know a fair bit of language,

some jargon like wood and wide. I personally think that alliteration is underrated. Alliteration is actually really fun. And, you know, especially if you can get some of your Bs and your P's and your Ks in there, it can be really, it can really elevate. elevate the sentence. You know, you don't want to overuse it. Yeah, pee-pee-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo. Stuff like that. Bum-pum, you know, caca, you know.

Yeah, yeah, big bum-bum, yeah, corn, corn cacar. Yes. Yeah, cable, yeah. Exactly, you know, all of this stuff, this is, this is the delight. Testicles touch toilet. Tepid. Tepid testicles touch toilet. Titty tapping. Titty testicles. Tetticles. Yeah. All of this, you know, like you're going along. I almost don't start listening to a sentence until there's a bit of alliteration in there. You know. Your brain doesn't switch on until you hear three words in a row. Yeah, start with the same sound.

Start with the same letter. Yeah. It's a bit like tapping the glass, you know, of my aquarium. I'll turn around and I'll start paying attention. I mean, I will look like I'm paying attention, but I'm trying to create my own fun in my mind while you're droning on using different letters. You think I'm not paying attention. You think I'm doing so hard.

trying to undertake. To make this work for you. To make what you're presenting work for me. So that you can get what you want. I'm trying to get, I'm trying to have a good time. How do you feel about going up to people who are wearing glasses and tapping on the,

tapping on the lenses like you would a fish tank to try and get their attention? Like a zoo enclosure? Yeah. Hello? I mean, that thing that they do in movies, where they knock on somebody's head and they go, hello,

anybody in there? I love how people in movies do that. God, they're so funny in movies and cool. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it is,

hello, anybody in there? Dong, don't, don't, like that's a real cheeky way that you actually get to actually strike somebody's head.

you know and there is something in there in which like there is, it does have a philosophical kind of statement that thing where it's like I can see that someone is talking to me but there might actually be no ghost in the machine. But also, you know, I think it's also a bit reductive like now that we know how many neurons there are in the gut

you know, maybe you need to tap on somebody's rock hard abs you know as well. It'd be like, yeah, that's true. Is there anybody in here as well? Is there 10% of anybody in there? You know what I would like? I would like if when you knocked on somebody's abs, it made a kind of corrugated iron sound.

Well, that's what I'm working towards. You know, I think if I'd been shredding a little bit harder, I'm going to get there, I reckon. Are you shredding pretty hard right now? I'm shedding. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But not yet. Um, but like just your skin or flakes of, yeah, dandruff, some weight. Yeah. What, what year would you say you've returned to in weight? What year have I returned to? Oh, like, well, did I tell? I think I'm back to my pre-baby weight. Um, well, you have mentioned that, but that feels like that's, um, a lie.

Oh, interesting. oh okay okay now that you're saying this I finally just understood it I thought you meant before I was a baby you know yeah yeah that would have been a lie

and I'm sorry yeah no I'm I'm back down to so before your first child which was like eight nine nine years ago I think so yeah are we under 85 we are at 85

yeah wow Thank you. I'm sorry to talk about this on the podcast. It seems very childish. Well, we don't get a chance to talk that much off the podcast, especially if I'm trying to run bid ideas by you beforehand. We got to do the weight loss chat on pod. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, we'll see. You know, it's tapering off the, so.

The progress. Yeah. Yeah, I sort of tapered off at 86 and then I kind of have crawled back up to 87. Oh, you're tapering on. I'm tapering on, yes. I'm... Pooh is tapered at the finishing end, you know. But what about this poo that's tapered in the middle?

Oh, wow. Like an hourglass. I know about that? Like it looks like a... Yeah, an hourglass, a sort of a diablo. kind of stick hourglass poops. It's, I mean, that would be a, I'll be a fucking nightmare. That would be so, yeah.

I mean, there's, you know, I think, I mean, trying to poop out a Diablo, a Yoho Diablo. Yeah. It's, I mean, I think, I think a specular, you know, releasing a new poop chart. You know, because there are ones that, like, that I think doctors do refer to, which must be a very fun part of their job, to, like, compare, you know, the color and the consistency. But I think one that just, like, gets into some really interesting shapes. And what that says about your overall health is a thrilling prospect. Yeah, you've moved up into the psycho poop chart. um sacco poop chart

oh no it's actually but what about somebody they a doctor requesting a stool sample and that he actually refers to it being off the charts oh wow and and and

and because he shows you the standard stool you know chart and then I guess I guess I guess you know he's got sort of like a solid log at the at the very end or whatever and then he's like you actually have moved beyond this you are your logs are now creating sort of architectural um shapes that we have not seen and

shouldn't be possible by the human body well i like that he produces a book that's a bit almost like he's like we there's there's like a forbidden stool chart that's almost like the necracomicon of of stool charts like once you're off the regular chart there's this dark and macabre ancient tomb, that bound in human skin, that... With sort of old ancient drawings. Like, you know, sort of biological style drawings. Yes, he keeps it chained up in the basement, and he unlocks it and he pulls it open. It creaks open, and he leaves through it to show you where you sit.

And you're really deep in the back. And it does get more extreme. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah. These are things that man was not meant to see. Yeah. I think I was trying to imagine a pig. With a human face.

That's not too difficult for me to imagine. No? Why? Well, I mean I'm struggling. I'm actually struggling. I mean, I guess, look. Are you still picturing a pig nose?

I might be doing this wrong. I mean, but I'm just more or less putting a human head on a pig's body in my mind. Yeah, but that's not what I said. Right. Okay, you carry on then. Refine the prescription. Well, allow me to just repeat it

and then see if that gets you anywhere. It's a pig with a human face. So is the face stretch? over the skull structure of a pig. Is that what you're asking for? I mean, I guess so, yeah. Okay. But you got a picture that it doesn't have its pig nose.

Well, is the pig nose, is that not part of the skull structure of the pig? Is that all sort of fleshy? Is that all cartilage? Yeah, but what you've got a picture there is you got a picture a human nose there. Yeah. Okay. You know? And so, yeah, I mean, it is part of its structure, but the...

It might not be. I mean, I don't know. I haven't seen a pig skull. So I don't know, that might be, that might rot away, you know, the nose. I mean, the nose will rot away. But this, yeah, you are right in believing that the pig's skull looks different to a human skull. It's not what I'm saying. In that it's kind of longer like a dogs or like a, you know, or even like a cow.

It's not that dissimilar from a cow's skull With just maybe even a bigger hole at the end You know, but then you're just putting human nostrils on there And a human nose These people who do facial reconstructions, right? And they'll be like, here's a facial reconstruction Of like fucking Alexander the Great Or here's a facial reconstruction of

Yeah I don't know They don't seem very good, do they do those people? All these people, I'm like, wow that's the most fucked up person I've ever seen. You know, that does not look like a, like those, you don't, people, you don't see people like that around anymore. Yeah, you've never seen anyone around like that.

And I want to know, these people doing facial reconstructions, have, have they, you know, maybe just start with somebody who's alive now, right, and see if you get that right. You know, or somebody who we know what they actually look like. So like I think what you need to do is you need to be like who's someone who died. All right, like the queen, okay. Give these people like the queen's skull or something, okay? I'm not saying, I don't know if the queen donated her body to science. Would have been cool if she had.

But if she has, I think we should give it to the facial reconstruction people and be like, okay, just give it to them. We don't tell them who it is. Okay. And we'd be like, hey, you guys reconstruct this. what do you reckon this is what would this person to look like right and they do that and then and then we we we we we show that we look at what they've done what they put together and then we're like okay okay so and then this is who this person actually was look there's this is this is this was the queen and now do you think what you've done was good yeah because i guess you just have to give them

like a picture of like their parents or something like that because that's got got to be what happens right it was like they're basing it off of like because that was i just saw one yesterday or whatever of alexander the great's dad or something like that and he looked like a like a pig man somewhat or something like that and and so yeah let's say you gave them i don't think they i don't think they that reconstruction based on photos of alexander the great no but i mean like like you know paintings of Alexander the Great and then they might have they might have Alexander the Great's dad's skull

or something like that and they're like let's just put some meat on it and see and then we'll kind of guide close to you know Alexander the Great or whatever I'm just assuming like what would you use if you were one of these people but maybe it's like it's one of those few industries

where there's not a lot of people who do it and there's a very low bar to entry. I think we could get in and we could be at the top I mean that's that's advertising baby you know um and i reckon we could get into this industry and we could be at the top we could be the world's best facial reconstructors within six months yeah absolutely there's probably only one book on it you know so there's not that much to catch up on the technology obviously hasn't moved very far um a lot of it they're probably just plugging it into AI and then just

believing that that's what it would be like you know to just a hundred percent committing to like believing the truth of whatever the AI says possibly I would I think I we should also start doing the opposite you know

doing facial deconstructions of people who are alive now and so we'll take a top celebrity and see what their skulls would look like yes see what they're going to look like in a thousand years after deposition. And also trying to get a look at Ryan, what's his name?

Osloan? Gosling. Okay, Ryan Gosling. And then trying to guess what people in a thousand years will think that he looks like based on our estimation of what we think facial reconstruction technology will be like. the future. In the future in a thousand years based off what his skull will look like in a thousand years. Oh, that's really fun.

I mean, yeah, I mean, it would be good to do a, to sort of, like, like how if you do like several photocopies of something, it starts to look pretty janky. Or like you get high to like keep trying to recreate the same image over and over again. and it gets weirder and weirder, you know, and migrates further and further away. I think getting the facial deconstruction people to undo Gozo's face back to a skull and then giving it to some reconstructors to try and rebuild it again and do that a few times and see where you end up. and then and then and then and then taking gozling himself along to a plastic surgeon and saying right now we're going to make you look like that um and sort of making it a reality for a film for a film we want to Ryan Gosling is going to be playing a version of Ryan Gosling that's been brought back to life a thousand years from now based only on the 3D

modeling of facial reconstruction people, not using any of his original DNA. And it's a guy who's been brought into this world to be a replacement celebrity as like the ultimate celebrity that they could have in this time, not too vocal, not to, but, you know, obviously able to sell movies, sell tickets, things like that, you know, who's, you know, he probably just, he doesn't do anything too political or whatever. brought him back to be the ideal movie star, but now he as a person is having to try to live this other person's life and be this other person and not who he is naturally, which there's nothing really natural about him because he was made in a lab and like a 3D meet, like,

you know, builder or whatever printer. Well, we love a children of men type scenario for a concept. So maybe this is a future in which people have stopped having Ryan Gosslings. Hot sort of celebrities, you know, as we haven't given birth to a hot young thing for decades. Nobody hot has been born for the last hundred years. I don't know girl's pregnant and you're pretty sure there's a hottie in there. Yeah And we got to go saver

From the hordes of people Who want to just pull this hot baby out of her We want to look at it now See how hot it is Can't wait We saw some of those paparazzi ultrasounds That's the future Isn't it

The hordes have like Have somebody on the inside of the ultrasound clinics Who can hear if the if the dock is like, oh, this one could be a hot. I think a paparazzi ultrasound, well, shocking and invasive, but the idea of somebody who, when a pregnant celebrity steps out of a limousine or their apartment in NYC, which stands for New York City, the papyrachi radiologists are there,

running up and trying to put a little bit of jelly on her belly, and rub their little probe on there to get some shots of the unborn baby. Or like a telescopic probe from outside the property. So they're hiding in a bush. They got a really long, yeah. Yeah, ultrasound paparazzi. Yes. So they can sell them, I guess, to like a medical magazine, do you think?

Or would they just go to your regular, you know, us? They would just go to your TMZs. Yeah. TMZs. Straight to, what's his name? Condy Nest? I don't know. Hold on.

Maybe. I'm thinking somebody else. Condy nest, I think, is a bit more of like a Trini Lopez. What's that? What's that name? No. Who's that? Did you say stringy Lopez?

I don't know that. Who was this guy? Wait. um Perez Oh yeah I know that guy Trini Lopez is an American singer and guitarist

Stringy TRI and I I've never never seen this guy before in my life I don't know how his name came into my mind Oh it's like I mean they don't make guys who look like him anymore either

No. They should start making guys like that Maybe in a thousand years As the ideal celebrity. But then there's other guys just popped up there And oh man, this guy's got a facial structure. Who's this guy? Ben Carruthers.

American film actor. I love this guy's look. Six foot one. That's a hot height. I don't know. But Andy, I can see why you know Trini Lopez because his first album included a cover version of Pete Seeger's if I had a half.

That's absolutely my area of interest that is relevant to my concerns. If I had a hammer, I mean, one of the top songs about buying hardware supplies. About wanting hardware. I mean, the fact that Bunnings hasn't adopted that as their theme song. But I'm going to, speaking of people who are hot, I'm going to send you a picture of Ben Carruthers and, I mean, look at this guy. Okay, I'm going to look up this guy. Hang on.

I got to see. And then I'll try to describe him for the listeners when I do see it. We're just sending pictures of hot guys to each other now on this podcast. Alistair, my messenger is not loading. We should start a hot guys podcast, guys that we think are hot. and maybe as recommendations to women for, you know, or guys, for guys they could potentially date. Oh, yeah, that guy. Oh, yeah, he's got a kind of a Luigi Mangione kind of.

I mean, he's got a Luigi, but you know who he really looks like is that stand-up comic from, you know, that before Carl in there. He's got a Lenny Bruce. He's got a little Lenny Bruce looks. L.B. Yeah. Yes. No, I think... It's looked like Lenny Bruce is getting dressed up as like that other guy who died in a car crash.

Yeah. Thank you for storing all my words in your brain. Yeah, I think... Well, I think in the future in which we have chips in our brain and we can only access certain functions if we pay for a premium kind of model. I think, you know, getting the version that doesn't have nouns, you know, I think, what do you think with the entry level free version of the brain chip be? Would it be you can only use verbs or you can only use nouns? I think probably you start out only nouns and then you have to pay to get the verbs, right?

Yeah, and so then some people are trying to live off of just the nouns. One's chair, poo. Me. Me, poo now. Yeah. That's actually pretty good. You kind of just have that caveman package. You know what?

You did great there. That's, yeah. Maybe it is all you need. I guess poo is a verb. No. But that's a, that's a, yeah. But that's the thing is that that's the interesting loophole where you can use verbs that also exist. as nouns.

Yes. That's the poophole loophole. Me. Fork food. Yeah. Fork food in mouth. So then I think, you know, five bucks a month you can use verbs.

And then, you know, then you start to pay a bit more. You can get your adjectives. And then, of course, you get the full breadth of human communication, ultra-premium high-end. model. What do you think would be some of the most expensive words to access?

Interesting, because I think, like, in a way, you'd be like, oh, well, it would be fancy words, like, you know, monoglucimate or something like that. But really, people aren't going to use those words all that much. I think, you know, it's, maybe it is things like love, you know, and, um, maybe, yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if they, if they hid in some one of the top tier packages, words that could lead to freedom and a revolution. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if they're restricting words,

they're probably going to restrict the language to be able to express your struggle, your comp, and being able to express your, like a way in which you would look for a revolution. Absolutely. If only the people who can really afford it can express those thoughts, then they're not going to be the ones who need it. I think that's a good system. Yeah.

Well, I mean, the idea that you would pay a higher tier so that you could have the hope of potentially... Overthrow. Like escaping your plight? Yeah. Yeah. Plight. That's a good word. Yeah.

Plight. It's great that plight and blight, and a blight is often a plight. That they're, you know, that they're sort of so close like that. The blot plot. Do you think that's what a lot of people were in Ireland were saying at the time when those potatoes were getting sick? Oh, we got a real. The blight. We've got ourselves a blight plight.

I mean, it wouldn't have, what we're saying is that it wouldn't have been all bad, you know, to be around at the time. of the Irish potato famine. Well, you would have been able to say that. I mean, it wouldn't have been all bad to be a part, to be in there at the time,

especially if I guess you were like an English landowner. Who loved just, you know, it wasn't all bad. Sparring piles of potatoes. Potatos. You know what I like? I like when sometimes you hear

black people say that they consider Irish people in a way black. Yeah, right. I haven't heard this. I've heard the expression, have I heard the expression black Irish? But that must be something else.

I think, what is that referred to? Yeah, I don't know enough about that. Maybe that's a type of coffee. I mean, that could refer to somebody who is black and Irish. I think. A type of coffee. What does that mean? Black Irish.

What does it mean? Oh, it's a colloquial term for Irish people with dark hair, dark eyes, and olive skin. Often attributed to Spanish sailors. Oh, but that's likely folklore. stronger links to pre-Celtic Iberian ancestry or dark indigenous Celtic phenotypes. Wow.

It's funny that they call them black Irish when it's like their hair is slightly darker. A fair bit of diversity in the, in there. I mean, I love the Spanish Armada. I'm a, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what it is, really. The Spanish Armada was in the 1500s, and one of the kings of Spain

would he have been a Philip or a Carlos Anyway he was like Yeah it was Philip 2 of Spain We're going to invade We're going to invade Britain And he sent this massive Like if they had the biggest navy I think And well they sent this massive naval force

Up to just sailing And it's not far Just sailing around the corner Basically up to England And then they just like Just completely fucked it They were mostly all dead before they even got there.

And it was just like a complete disaster. Really? People were washing up on the shores of Ireland. And just, yeah, they lost almost every ship. I mean, you do love to see it. I feel bad for the people who took on this mission. You know, but you feel, it feels, it feels, funny for Philip.

Yeah. Yeah. Pip, Pip the second. Pippie. Of Spain. Pip two. Yeah.

I mean, it's, again, it's like, oh, that's how I would do it. If I was in charge of a Spanish armada, it would have gone down exactly the same. Mark Wahlberg famously said that if he'd be on one of the planes at 9-11, it would have gone down different. If I'd been on one,

I have no hesitation saying it would have been exactly the same. Exactly. A beautiful sentence worth sighing. It would have been indistinguishable, honestly. The history would have been undisturbed. You could... Imagine find... Yeah.

Well, I do think that you could time travel me to almost any era, and I don't think it would change the course of history all that much. I mean, that is a great... That's a great idea of, like, somebody... is that we have been sending people back. But only real inconsequential motherfuckers. Well, I mean, even like, we were sending some of our best and they're all failing out there.

So I don't know what's going on. But we can't, they're not, they don't seem to be making anything any better. What would you have to send somebody back with? Because a lot of the time you're like, oh yeah, I'll go back and I'll kill this person or whatever like that. But, you know. I don't know.

It feels like there's some greater forces at play than just individuals. Yeah. Sometimes. Although, you know, with Trump, it doesn't feel like it would have gotten this bad without Trump. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it is, it is, I guess he is illustrative of like the fact that people, individuals can make a difference. You know, it's good to occasionally, like, you know, I guess if people are feeling frustrated about, can anybody.

really change anything. I think an experiment where you put literally the worst fuckhead of all time in charge of the world's most powerful country and see what happens just to test, you know, just can, can anybody do anything and be like, oh yeah, no, they can. Okay, great. We've just confirmed that, you know, something is possible. It's like jiggling the mouse. Like when your computer, you think your computer is frozen.

Yeah. And you really bang the mouse on the bench and jiggle it around a lot. Just to check if the system's even awake. That's what we've done. I mean, you know, like, because I was wondering, I was thinking about, you know, like people who still call Trump Orange. Yeah. Yeah, they're the best. You know, and I was like.

Say things about his hair. I was just like, like, yeah, well, yeah, they're like, they're like, hey, thanks for fighting for us out there. You're still fighting the good fight out there. And then I was thinking like, but what if like, what if that is like genuinely like the source of his power? Like that we, you know, like he seems like he follows this kind of like super elementary like pop psychology idea that if you have a tan and you say that you're successful that you will be. be successful. And he's maybe just like one of the only psychopaths who just has a hundred percent committed to it.

And what if that is entirely the reason that it works? Like it's like it's everything is working for him because people just are that simple. But they're like, hey, skin's not that pasty. I'm going to go ahead and trust him. He does seem to kind of have a voice of authority because he does just say things are going well. Things must be going well. I mean, on one level, that seems like an insight, what you're saying, Alistair, or another, I'm like, well, yeah, I reckon that is it. I reckon we really are that dumb.

Like, it might not, because I think to a lot of people, it does seem like it's a crazy see-through kind of, you know, like very transparent kind of bit of. mental trickery for himself that is so obvious. But what if there's just enough people out there that it completely convinces them? I mean, it's possible that it's the case that there is so much noise out there, right? So much bullshit and misinformation that the only signal that sort of makes it through consistently to some people's brains is he's got a tan. You know, he's got that beautiful hue to his skin. This guy must be healthy, therefore he should lead our tribe of monkeys or whatever.

Yeah, he's clearly getting enough sun, probably from working outdoors, I assume. So maybe it's sort of almost like the brown note, you know, a particular frequency that you can play to make people shit themselves. Maybe there's also sort of like a vote one sort of light frequency that you can shine into people's retinas to make them vote for you. What are those like the brown color swab or whatever? Swatch. Is that the word you're...

Is it a swatch? The swatch is exactly, yeah, the brown swatch. But instead of making you shit yourself, it makes you make your country shit itself. Yeah, I'd mean, it does feel like the electoral equivalent of shitting in your pants is voting for somebody who, yeah. I mean, what can be said at this point? I feel like I'm, oh, I'm descending down into an attempt to say something satirical about Donald Trump. And I reckon, I reckon enough people have had a go at that to make it almost not worthwhile. I mean, that's the thing with the orange people, with the people who still call them orange.

I reckon we're close to getting them down with that. Keep chipping away. I think it's, it's Andy DeFray and digging his way through the wall of the, Yeah. Prison. I think he's about to lose grip, you know? I think if we keep going, it might even sort of invalidate the election results.

Wow, that would be pretty good, Andy, and Drew. Andy, I don't know if you know this, but we have listeners. Yep, I'm coming to believe it. You're coming to believe it? well. And is that coming with a bee in there? I am coming. And one of those listeners, Andy, is called Midna. Midna?

No. Midna. This is a new name. This is new. This isn't come across my frontal lobe before. Midna. No, that's right. I've been hiding it from your frontal lobe.

And actually, I also. I also panned my audio, so it was just playing in one of your ears. So actually one of your frontal hemisphere lobes, it still doesn't know about it. Yeah. I also cut the link between your two hemispheres. Thank you. So that they can't communicate. Yeah, no problem.

Now, Midna has submitted three words. Now, Mindna hasn't said from which listener. they're from, but let's just give them the benefit of the doubt that it is that. Now, Andy, would you like to guess what the first word is? Midna, well, this is hard, obviously, because I don't really understand Midness psychology. I haven't come face to face with this before. But let's say... Can I give you a tip?

I'll give you one hint. Is this crazy? that all of Midna's words have only the vowels that are in Midna's... Really? That is a fascinating insight. Yeah. Okay. Rat.

The first word is rat. Oh, that's close. Giant. Oh, giant. Lizard. Oh, Andy. You're circling. You're circling.

Not the drain, but the animal pit today. Now, the second word is prawn. Giant prawn. Oh, the giant prawn. We got the big prawn. Imagine that. Imagine if we also had the giant prawn. I mean, as if you'd go see the big prawn when somebody builds the giant prawn.

We should go up there and build a slightly bigger prawn right next one. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine how some random dude I mean it wouldn't be random But it would be this guy who owns the big prawn How angry he would get at you Curious

And then people would start calling it The little prawn Imagine that That's right Yeah Giant The biggest prawn Yeah

Grandmother Oh no that has an O in it But yeah Oh, you're wrong about that addict. Giant prawn addict. Wow. I mean, I think prawns, I think once they do start, I think, I think prawns, you see those really big prawns, like those tiger prawns or whatever in the deli section. Yeah.

And you're like, this is getting gross, you know? When they're a bit smaller, you're like, you can be like, I'm not thinking too much about what this really is. you know and I can't make out the features and I can just peel the skin off and throw it away but once you get really big like that you're like yeah you know you've got a hunk of prawn in there and like they are just a ball of muscle and right they're like they're like a hundred percent abdominals yeah covered in what is it like armor a sort of a scab, you know, it almost is a kind of like a, their shell, their shells like a scab. A little bit, a special kind of scab that doesn't go soggy when you're in the water.

You know, you, you, you, you think scabs are a, it's a crab scab. You, you think scabs are sort of tough and have a crustiness to them until, but they, you get them wet and they just go to pieces. They can't handle it. That's my, it's funny because I was trying to like, I was trying to turn your crab-scab rhyme into a alliteration, which you much prefer over the rhyme. I do.

And then I was going to say, and then you said crusty. And so then I was going to say crusty crab, which, of course, is already a something. Yeah. Is that the restaurant where SpongeBob works? It's the restaurant where SpongeBob works. That's right. Still never seen that show. has such massive cultural penetration.

I have SpongeBob's socks that I inherited from a giant nephew of mine. How does it feel to wear hand-me-downs from a nephew? You are wearing hand-me-downs from your nephew? Yeah. What is going on, Andy? This guy, you should see him. He's enormous. He's 16 and he's 6, 3, 6, 4, something like that.

He's, you know. Oh, you've got to get yourself a big, you've got to get yourself a big nephew. You haven't lived until you've had a huge nephew. And he loses interest in fashion very quickly, so I'm getting a lot of new stuff. He's going through, yeah. I'm amazed they make, they make SpongeBob. Bob socks in in in in this size um yeah these are big socks imagine going to the big and tall are they big on you got a lot of a lot of themed merchandise they are a bit big yeah a lot of

sponge just sponge bob all we've got is sponge bob yeah well but isn't this a big and tall shop yeah yeah but this is what big guys guys like this stuff yeah the idea of going that is that is that is a that is a edge idea. Going to a big and tall shop and all the choice because I bet big and tall shops everything in there is very generic.

Right? Because what is it that brings like it's not the unifying thing. It is not taste is necessity. It's like the universe has dictated that I have to go to a special shop to get my clothes.

Things that I like visually are secondary. in a consideration to me. I don't get to make a steady choices. I have to make just size-based choices. And going along to one... And as a company, you probably don't have a big enough market

to say no to any kind of sponsorship deals like this. Totally. I mean, those SpongeBob merchandise people, they've got you wrapped around their enormous crab-like finger. And they... They, um, you've got me wrapped around your finger. Yeah. But you don't wrap, you know, big, you've got me wrapped around your finger.

Is that, is that the cranberries? Yeah. Yeah. Um, it is. But I'm thinking that a tentacle, um, you've got me wrapped around your tentacle. Uh, is an interesting concept because obviously tentacles are the things that normally would wrap around. But this is like an octopus who has like a human slave

Or like a human who's infatuated with them Yeah That's that's that my octopus teacher Story Yeah but what about this This is like octopus porn Oh yeah Octopus teacher porn

Where they picture like human No but where they picture Sort of like human limbs coming from Oh wow that's fascinating Yes. Yeah. Wow. You know, just like an arm that kind of comes up onto a table and whatever and sort of isn't sure where their genitals are. Pokes around ineffectually.

Yeah. Yeah, because you don't want to be putting any of your own genitals underneath where you would think the genitals are. No, that's all. But when there's a beak down there. Yeah. You want to get a peek at the beak? It's essentially one of the main things. You want to take a look at the beak. Good, good alliteration. Very satisfied.

Yeah, thank you. Andy, I just want to go back to giant prawn addict. Of course. And maybe a guy who has visited the giant prawn, such as you mentioned. And he just sees how many people are there, just, you know, stopping off the road to go see it. And he really does think that that is the solution to all of his problems.

And so he does start building just big prawns everywhere. He starts a chain of big prawns, not associated with the original big prawn, but obviously it's the bigger prong or the biggest prong. The giant prawn, as you said earlier, could be maybe the right way. but, you know, bigger prawn does almost have alliteration. There's something to that. I do like that. I think, you know, like, and, you know, maybe they sort of spring up.

They're sort of almost an arms race, and bigger, ever bigger prawns keep springing up all around this small town. Progressively larger ones sort of are looming over each other and around the corner from one another. As people compete for the, for eyeballs, not prawn eyeballs, obviously. And then that does kind of make the town a bit more visitable. Because suddenly it's a town where there's so many prawns. It's a whole... District 9. With the prawns in it.

Oh my God, that's what you could call it. Yeah. And it's not linked to that movie at all, but... No. But it is good, yeah. And I don't know why, but I feel like if I was the guy who'd started the bigger prawn and then I got confronted by the guy who owned the original prawn, I would just keep repeating, it's an homage, it's an homage.

Yeah, right. I'm not here for confrontation. I'm just, I love what you did. This is an homage. I love you, and then they start to kiss. And, and, isn't that a beautiful story? Maybe, of course, you go up into one of the eyeballs. You know, like the prawns have got those black eyeballs.

Oh, the honeymoon sweet. Go up in there. Yeah. Have you ever fucked in an eyeball before? That's the guy when people come and visit at the, at the, what's the, you know, the place where the lobby, where you, the hotel lobby. But the way they call it the pro, the pro-tel. Pro-tel lobby. Beautiful.

First, there's the party And then there's the after party And then there's the Prortel Lobby Andy, I'll take us through the sketch ideas for today Thank you. What an interesting episode It's been Oh, it has been

I mean wait until you hear these ideas We've got the finding out the E was holding us back The E causes cancer You know, and so people are talking to each other They're trying to cut back on the amount of E's I know I'm supposed to know not use ease anymore, but I just, fuck it, I just don't want to, I just don't want to have to, you know, I don't want to have to hold myself back. And then there's like,

special, like, outside buildings, there's special, like, like, like smoking areas, but there's just a bunch of people standing around out there in the, in the cold going, e-e-at each other. Yeah, stop using e-words around me at work because I don't want to think of those words. Then we've got the hourglass poop that's off the charts. You know,

somebody who's deep in this grimoire of different shaped poops or whatever. Then we got the yeah, all right.

No E, except for one. Only one E. Then we got the give facial reconstruction people skulls of real people

and see if they can get it close. And you know what? If they can cut. Then we can stop doing this fucking thing. You know, stop having those news articles where somebody's reconstructed. Bayer Wolf.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think universities must just know that that's a free, that's just a free article you get in the news. Then we got doing a reconstruction of Ryan Gosling based on what we think a thousand years from now, facial reconstruction tech will think that it will look like, he will look like. And then we have another Ryan Gossling one where Ryan Gossling plays a reconstruction of Ryan Gosselin. Wow, I love it. A thousand years from now.

Oh, you got two separate sketches. That's great. Yeah, yeah. Well, this is its own story where he's been brought back to be an ideal celeb. But then he has to be this guy who has to try to be another guy. That's hard, Andy. Oh, yeah. That's a struggle.

That's a man's struggle. That's his struggle. That's it. We got ultrasound. We got the ultrasound paparazzi, Andy. Yes. With a long telescopic stick with gel trying to get while somebody's, you know, sunbaking topless on there in the manner. And that from the outside bounds of the.

From a bush. Got this telescopic stick with gel on it. We got the Word subscription service, as you mentioned. We got the sending time traveler back, but it's not changing anything. We got the brown swatch, the color that gets you to get your country to shit yourself. We got the big and tall shop that only sells SpongeBob themed clothing. And we've got bigger, Prong, aka

District 9. Yes. Yes. Um. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. Um, thank you everybody. Thank you, seniors and senoritas. Indeed.

And, um, boy, oh, boy. has this has this been lovely did you have something you wanted to say there literally nothing is happening in my head and hasn't been for a while

I don't know if you can tell but I'm pretty no I can't tell that Andy pretty out of it but everybody thank you so much for listening to the two in the think tank podcast

um click on the link to order a hat uh click on the link to order a hat review us on iTunes are they going to do it

uh wait wait wait What does the link take them to to order a hat? Or there's just an email address down there. Okay. We're standing on top of an email address. Just letting you know there's no link. You can send us an email link.

Well, it's an email link. It's an email link. It's one of those fucking annoying email links that you click on it and it opens up. Don't let Outlook even if you don't have Outlook on your computer, you know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So click that and let us know if you want to have it. and you know what we install outlook love you love pay for the full auto office

365 sweet honeymoon sweet and yeah we love you we you ever fucked in an eyeball bye bye