Two In The Think Tank - 518 - "BREAD KELLY"

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

Eat Where You Shit, Shit BBQ, New Beast Hunt, Dangerously Unbalanced Bread, Soup and Man, Such is Loaf, Trauma Log, Disposable Body Buck HunterYou can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Curled up like a snail in an egg. Gingham, Walsam in a snail egg. Gingham on feces. Hello. And welcome to two in the thicketect. The show where we go out with five sketchy ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair George William Chomberley, Virchall.

Gingham on feces, Andy. Gingham on feces. You know, you take a little shit. You take a little shit. You're outside. Yeah. Why not get out a little gingham tablecloth. out of your back pocket.

Lay it down over the top. Have yourself a meal. It'll keep the plates hotter than they would have. They won't cool this fast. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I mean, the meal is protected by both the porcelain and the tablecloth.

That's right. I mean, it's hygienic. You can't deny it, right? There's no physical way for the shit. The shit is the table, if anything. I mean, it's the furniture. You could imagine a culture, if not create a culture, where everybody takes a shit in a little square.

Okay. Like that, right? In the afternoon, as people are cooking dinner, and then, just as everybody's shits have been laid out, bring out the tablecloth, and then you set the table and everybody sits around. And the shit itself, Normally they say don't shit where you eat

But it doesn't say that you can't eat where you shit We found a loophole We found a loophole And that's what we do Finally Somebody's done the semantic work To allow us to Co-locate

shitting and eating While Keeping to the If not the letter of the law Then at least the letter of the sort of idiom and that's great

I I also think there's room out there for once you've created this great idea of like you know that physical separation between the shit and the and the and the food you know you could expand that

and you could have like almost like a you could have like an oven right that burns shit. Okay. It burns, dry, human feceses. If you want to, if you like it warm, you're going to love it.

Hot. Like white hot. So we're burning dried human feces, okay? And we're using that to cook food. So you could go, like everyone loves a wood-fired. Mmm. Pizeria.

Pizzeria. How's that pronounced? Pizzeria. Pizzeria. Pizzeria. Pizzeria. Sorry. Don't get distracted, Alistair.

We're going somewhere really important. And I shouldn't try to have fun with this. What about a tur? You'd be on the wrong path. That way madness lies. So are you kind of suggesting like one of these things where they, you know, like you go to a Japanese restaurant and it's a small hole in the wall? It's just a man, a grill, right? and like a wood fire underneath,

but he's just taking different, just different animal shits and putting it underneath. And then just cooking, cooking a skewer with chicken on it, on an open flame. Right. And then you get to experience

how the smoke from different shits. Different shits. Wow. Effect the flavor of your chicken. Would you call it shit hot? Would you know that, would you, how would you accept that as the name of the restaurant? Yeah, but I'd write it in Japanese characters to give it a little class.

Again, there's a bit of separation, you know. We physically separate the turd from the food, and we mentally separate. I mean, no actual wet shits are touching your food. That's our guarantee. That's our guarantee, you know, and you can't say fairer than that. And we certainly can't. We, and we won't. You know, when we feel really...

We can't say it. We won't. Mm-hmm. We won't even think about doing it. Mm-hmm. And... I mean, would you... We're so we even brought it up.

Would you... Would you... Would you... Would you... Would you... Would you be interested in a restaurant that lets you bring your own shit, like B.Y.O. Yes, I would be interested in that. Same setup.

Guy. Open flame. Yeah. Hole in the wall. Chicken. Everything's the same. Is it yakatari? They charge a small corkage fee if you bring your own...

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's for opening the Tupperware. B.Y.O. But other than that... Oh, I imagine that. But you bring it in and he gets those... Those stirrups. Is it the stirrups? No, stirrups, the ones where you put your legs.

in or is it this one that part of the vagina? What's the one that part of the vagina? Oh, that is foreseps, I reckon? No, but you know the one that's like a metal clamp thing? Is that the speculum? It could be a speculum. I mean, that's if he was going in himself. Yeah, yeah, that's if he's manually extracting.

Yeah. To rescue it like it's a Thai boy trapped in a cave. Did they consider it? Using anima technology to get the boys out of the cave. I know that flooding was the problem, but the problem was that the flooding was in front of the boys blocking them. If the flooding had been behind the boys pushing them out, that would have been good.

I mean, I guess if the boys had filled up their butts with water and then gone underwater, they could have maybe propelled themselves through some of those tight little spots in the cave where there was water. Wow. A self, a self-propelling. I mean, basically, that's squid.

That's going squid-style, I think, ejecting water from your, from your butthole to push yourself along. That's, they would have been, truly, there would have been a squid squad. You know, they were a squad. They were a squad, and then all they had to do was add the squid. Yeah, that was all it was missing. What's a squid? Nature has the.

answers every time, you know, if you look to nature, look to billions of years of evolution, all these problems have already been solved. That's why we find antibiotics in the jungle. That's right. All you got to do is pinch a leaf or something. Pinch a leaf, put it under a microscope, maybe rub it on some gel in a petri dish. Rub it on gel. Rub it on gel. Rub it on. John. Imagine if they're like, they could have just dug their way out pretty easily. This is what I don't like about caves. I don't like how deep they go.

Yes. And how there's like massive chambers just beneath us at all times. Do you think that's everywhere? Or is it just a few places? I think it's just a few places. I don't think we're all standing on a cabin, you know. I want there to be a way to see. What if you found out, Andy, there was a big cavern that,

It was like, you know, a mere 60 meters beneath your house. This is the problem. I think that I would be terrified. You'd want to go down? But I think I would want to go down. I think I'd want to explore it. It's, I think my issue with caves is that I somehow am 100% certain I'm going to suffocate in one. You see?

And so every time I see people in them, you know, it, reminds me of my future death. Yeah, your inevitable fate. That story of that guy who was spulunking or whatever and then got trapped sort of upside down, stuck in a hole that they could just not pull him out of. People just tried for hours and hours and hours. Like I hid in the cupboard the other day and just had and had like a bag of things over me to kind of keep me.

Because I'm actually pretty good at hide and go seek. In the house, I would say I am probably the champion. And I'm one of the biggest people in the house. See, they've got a higher degree of difficulty. I go to places where nobody considers that you could hide. That's absolutely. That is the gift. That is your gift.

And that is, that's what you've got to do. Like, you absolutely, yes. Yes. I mean, everybody else is playing, you know. But you are, what are you doing? You've got to innovate. Yeah. Because everybody else is going to places that they know that you can hide.

They're looking for hiding places. Yeah, that's right. I'm making hiding places. Yeah. You're reimagining. I'm a manufacturer. I've brought my manufacturing on shore. That's what it is.

They are going, they're gathering, but you're a hunter. You know. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. I'm hunting new beasts that I genetically engineered myself. That's right, yes. That does sound fun. Like, I feel like if you invent a creature,

you're allowed to hunt it and kill it. You know, like, I think that's these hunters. The problem is they're killing things that already exist. And they say a good hunter waits, but I think it even better hunter proactively, genetically creates, goes out there and creates the creature. it in order to hunt them.

Maybe using a little bit of their own DNA. That's a great thing. You know, like they say, all the greatest, you know, hunting the greatest beast of all man. But what if a guy just creates a beast just a little bit better than man?

Even better. So he's got an island, right? And of course, if you invent a species, you can morally justify wiping them out. It's one in, one out, you know? Yeah. One species in?

One species out. Yeah. Yeah. maintaining conservation. That's conservation. That's true conservation of species.

That's true justice. Pure justice. The law of conservation of species. Yeah. You can kill, you could kill the last lion if you created the first flurgeon. You know?

The first, what? Fluurgeon. That's a new species. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Oh, okay. I didn't realize. So you were even like wiping out other

species because you've created a new species. Yeah, yeah, that's cool too. But have you ever seen a movie where, like, was that what the island of Dr. Moreau was doing? Was he creating new species and then saying, yeah, you can pay me and go hunt them? I don't think he was. I'm sure he would have been up to that in the sequel if, you know, God willing, there had been one. But I think at this stage, he was just making them and then sort of dealing with the consequences in it almost like, you know, the modern Prometheus Frankenstein, style. Oh, what have I, you know, what have I wrought?

Yeah. And I guess you could, you could also create a beast that, let's say, doesn't feel pain. Yeah. But you could also, if your customers want, create a beast that feels even more pain. Yeah, I mean, we're getting into a dubious area. You know, I think, I think you've pushed it, but that's what, that's what a, that's, that's, what innovator like you would do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, which one is more... I respect it. Because here's the problems, right? You create a beast that experiences more pain. Yes. Right. Now, of course, that's awful that it's suffering. But it's all the more relief once you kill it.

Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah, and... Yeah, I think... I really... I can really feel you're pulling back on this. No, no. I just unfurled a tendril of my mind

to sniff the air and see if there was anything and there wasn't. They're born thinking they have mouths to feed children waiting for them. The creatures that you kill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're pushing it further in a direction. Even further, just because I can feel you're pulling back. So I guess if you're pulling back,

you're making more room for me to lay stuff down on this table. At the risk, at the risk, I'm backing away and you're approaching, you're fast approaching. Yeah, I'm approaching, I'm trying to fill the space that you're. I'm accelerating. You're creating a vacuum, avoid, and nature abhors that. A bore, that would be a great beast to have on the island. A gourd. A bores that is what I would say when I saw one.

Pointing with my finger or stick. I probably have a cane. You know, if I'm this kind of guy who has an island where he creates creatures, I'm probably, I probably also have an aesthetic cane. Yeah, some kind of island masters stick. Hmm. Would you call me the island masters? The island master.

Well, I pluralized this. But, okay, yeah, you could, yeah, if you want to call a singular. I thought you were just doing the possessive form. I thought you were just possessed. I was at first, and then I was. I accidentally pluralized it when I said it in the other bit, and then I just went with it. What about a new type of grain that we could roll and create a cereal? I mean, like, can you do that with like a cucumber?

Could you make a cucumber cereal? It's worth a try. Yeah, I mean, I always feel that those guys who are like, you know, they're in that race to have the whole, highest number of grains in their bread. You know, you see like the nine grain bread and then you're like, but this one's like 12 grains. I always feel like they must be so, that guy with the nine grains must be fucking waking up every day gritting his teeth, you know,

and sweating when he thinks about that 12 grain motherfucker who just. I mean, but what do you think is the difficulty here? Is it just like that they don't have a supplier for some of the grains? I think probably there are like economies, you know, you do need somebody who's done the work to like breed a grain heavy version of the vegetable to make that work. Like I think your modern like table cucumber, a Lebanese or a continental, it's not giving you grains in the quantity you need. No, but wait, wait, wait, does a cucumber have grain? What do you mean by grain here?

Well, it's got seeds in it. Are those grains? I think, look, I don't feel confident drawing the line between the seeds. in the grain. No, but I just meant like, I just meant in the nine grain guy and the 12 grain guy. Forget cucumbers for a second.

I know you love to go on about cucumbers, but, like, what is stopping this 12 grain guy or this nine grain guy from just adding another grain? At this point, every grain that you add is going to affect the bread so little.

Right? You're just, you're just like, you're just grinding up another, woody. Yeah. So you're saying like would you, would you buy a 50 grain bread? Would you be more likely?

It feels like, you know, just the diversity of food in there. Yeah. You know, it feels like that's great. Apparently, like, you know, the average person's only eating like 11 different plants or something most of the time. But I also feel like you can have too much balance. I could be wrong. But like I would worry that my, and this is a feeling that.

I've never articulated before, but I do sometimes worry that my stomach might get confused by all the different things it has to break down. Yeah. Well, I guess it's just bugs in there. It's just the bugs whether or not you've got the bugs for all of them. Yeah. You know, do you have to download new drivers to be able to break down all this stuff? You know, but if you love balance, let's say you get the 12 grain bread and you're like, oh my God, it's too, there's still. too much balance here.

Yeah. You know, it's, it's been divided around, it's been divided too evenly. Nothing stands out. I'm not, I don't feel like I'm, I'm barely not having an experience. Yes. I'm barely having an experience. What if they just put in there like three to five apricot pits? Hmm.

Right. Yeah, just chuck a handful into each loaf. Is that what you're thinking? That's right. You're not grinding them up. You're just, leaving them in there, Woody as heck,

right? Even just the lack, the lack of balance going into this bread is probably making you Woody as heck, right? Yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Like you're, you got lumber at this moment. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right? And so, and then you're slicing it and you can see

each slice has got its own hunk like that and you put it in the toaster, you warm it up. that that pit probably crackles in there it's probably cracking I wouldn't be surprised

if it burst open oh Germanates or just like yeah no not German I'm thinking it's those things you're probably not supposed

to cook those you know there's pressure inside they can burst like you could probably you could probably break a filament right

but on this occasion it doesn't Andy and then you get them out you get them out you take a bite first bite doesn't have any any pip in it right take another bite you know what you knew there wasn't going to be any pip in that you can see where the pip is third bite you've kind of built up the confidence you crunch down you break a tooth right it's like Russian playing Russian roulette with your teeth with your dent with your it's a Russian roulette bagette and yeah Russian roulette baguette but you

you know where the bullet is and you're just waiting for the moment that you can convince yourself to shoot it into your head. But you still never quite know when it's going to come. No, well, there's bread you do. And what's exciting to you? How do you know? I guess you can see it. Is that what you're saying?

You can see it. Yeah, I'm seeing it's in a slice of bread. You've opened it wide up. You're not eating it in the dark. Okay. You're not eating it in the dark? maybe when after daylight savings he could be. Would you, how do you feel about the idea of, you know, dinner in the dark?

I'm sure there are restaurants that do this as an experience, but the idea of going in sight unseen, you know, they say the first bite is with the eye, but what if the mouth could get the first bite for once? Probably the most said sentence on this podcast. Yes, yes. What if the mouth could have the first bite for once? How do you think that would, you know maybe you don't maybe you don't have to it doesn't have to be completely dark maybe you do

just put like like a dog with a cone you know yeah around its neck maybe you put something around sort of under the nose between the nose and the top lip or like a horse with blinkers but like ones that go underneath your eyes so you can't see the food going in and you don't know what's in the mouthful until it hits your tongue yeah yeah yeah okay yeah i mean even if it's yeah i mean in this one, if you were even just eating at that piece of toast with your eyes closed, you know, I guess that would add to the excitement. But the thing is, is that it is just, you're basically just going to feel a hard crunch down on your tooth.

It's going to fuck you up. It's not, it's one of the least pleasant experiences. But what it's taking you away from is an experience that you said you mildly disagree with, which is something that's so balanced. I am very interested in the idea of eating food without looking at it people do like if you eat a mouthful that's really delicious people sometimes close their eyes but by then I think it's too late you know like you are shutting down the eyes so that you can really turn yourself

into almost like a primal organism that doesn't have that power of sight and is just experiencing flavor. I think that's what that is an attempt to do, to just really focus on the mouth. Yeah. I mean, I think that would be so nice. What about like a meal that you can, you eat whilst immersed in it? Yeah, I'm interested. Like a bond. Like you're like putting your head. Yeah. But for me. But you're one of the ingredients. That's a barn eye. That's a That's a me bun I don't know

But I mean I guess I was picture initially Just sitting in a kiddie pool With like Immersed in something Either a soup Yeah I think a soup That you plunge your head into

And you sort of drink it from within Like you eat You have the soup From inside the soup Oh yeah A bowl that can Accommodate your head is pretty exciting Yeah, it's not a bucket

That would be No No, no no I reckon that the bowl Actually has a bit of a Human head shape Right, but there's a big opening at the top And

And maybe like yeah It is like a face shape that is facing the table So like It's built so that you could get all the way to the bottom And your nose would go into a little nose indent And your lips would go in a little lip pendant and your ears could probably you know you probably wouldn't

get a full you know full like tight fit but I think like you know maybe you would wear like one of those things like you you know they put on you when you um when you get a haircut

you know one of those like all the way around bibs yeah sort of like a backwards cape like a backwards cape but that also you know accommodates the back so that you're not getting like all that soup dripping onto your outfit.

You're not Superman, you're just a soup man. That's right. That's why your cape is on the front. Soup and man. Soup and man. I would love to. They've got Ned Kelly's death mask at the museum there, right?

They should release soup bowls. in the shape of his face, you know? That'd be really cool. You could probably go there. You'd have to push your face down into his face to like slurp the last bits out of his lips or his nose or whatever. It would be hard to get the spoon in there. But like to push your, have to push your face down in there.

And you could have a little thing on there that says like soup is life or something. It's a parody of his great, like such is life. Such is soup. I think that's a great idea You could probably go there And you should definitely do it as like a jelly tin Or like a bread If it was a bread tin

It could be such as loaf Imagine being able to bake a loaf In the shape of Ned Kelly's dead face Andy all it takes Because you know that Apple iPhones have that feature Where you can basically 3D scan objects Lider

Yeah Yeah So you could just go there Just pop in there Pop in. Then go see your 3D printing plates. Hey! Oh gosh, he's liner and Ned's face to make a breton.

Get him. Get him! All these bakers come out and they're chasing you. They all look like Chef Boyardy. Why are the bakers trying to stop me? I thought it was just a security guard. The security guard has alerted the bakers. They're on the verge of a...

of a breadhead. Breadhead. Yeah, breadhead breakthrough is what I was trying to say, yeah. I just couldn't think of Ned Kelly's name for a second. I think... Ned Kelly, Breadhead breakthrough. Bread Kelly. This is going to be so big when I can finally release the bread Kelly,

such as loaf, Ned Kelly's face bread tin. Yeah. God, the money. I mean, this could be, you know, this could be a new sort of, fans thing as well. You know, like celebrities, there was for a while there was a trend of

like sort of celebrity penis shaped candles. I think that was the thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it would actually smell like the celebrity's penis. I don't know if it was the shape

and the smell. Probably. I mean, if they put the dick in the mold, there's going to be a bit of... Yeah. Odor. But I think...

Yeah, they don't burn the dick. They don't burn the mold, though, right? No, but there might be a bit of like... Yeah, natural sort of penis wax. Yes. Wax on, wax off. But Andy, let's say you did do that this week and you went and scanned it and you got a bread tin made up. Would you, and let's say for some reason, and I know you probably need the money, let's say you did donate the proceeds from selling these bread tins to a charity.

Yeah. Which charity do you think would be most appropriate? Maybe an Irish charity? Hmm. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah. What about something?

Because he got his legs shot out. What if it was like a sort of people with, you know, who need prosthetics? Oh, yeah. That would be great, Andy. I think that's a beautiful idea. People whose legs have been shot out. I don't genuinely think that doctors without.

borders, though, would be one of the, it's probably one of my, the charity that I would most like to support. So, also suicide. Which is crazy because this bread tin is all border. Well, it's crust. It's doctors without crusts. Yeah, I know. I mean, I just mean the tin itself is a border.

Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Thank you for saying that I'm right. Yeah, yeah. You know, not a lot of people that, you know, when I argue with one of my children, they don't like to necessarily say that I'm right.

I've noticed that about my children. I've almost got to, like, give up on the idea of being right. It's funny because, like, as a father and as, you know, and they are children, and there's a lot of shit they don't know, and also they lie very often. I've probably, like, statistically speaking, never been, more right more often than i have in conversations with my children oh yeah yeah but though the i've also never encountered people who are less likely to accept that um yeah than my children and it's a really humbling experience i think yeah i know yeah the other day i had an argument that probably

shouldn't have gone very far but when i was anyway it was like i was like hey you got to get off off this screen. Like, remember, we were not supposed to be doing screens. I just wanted to show you this thing. And then it was like, the argument was just off of a passing line that they were like, well, no, that doesn't count as being on a screen because I was just pressing A on the controller. And I was, like, trying to get through this thing, just pressing A. And I was like, hey, I don't want to get into this.

But I just want you to know that no matter what you're doing on the screen, that does count as being on the screen. Even if you're only pressing one of the two buttons that are there. But that's a very... Actually, there's like six buttons. And I go, okay. Very, like, very modern, very, you know, culture wars kind of argument that they're mounting there, your child. Like, to get into the definitions of it all,

like, you know, that's classic, that's Tucker Carlson, that's Jordan Peterson. Like, they will pick you up on a definition and they will not move past it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then at the same time, I'm not getting past it. And so then the argument just gets stuck on this thing when we probably don't even need to be arguing. Yeah. All it is is one person telling the other person

that they're dissatisfied that the screens have to end. Yeah. But instead, we're getting an increasingly heated argument about just something where I'm like, you cannot say that being on a screen is not being on a screen. That just does not. but it's asymmetrical warfare because I think you as a parent feel terrible for even having the argument you know oh yeah for like for letting them on the screen in the first place for you know for not being able to move past this for not um not uh being more mature you know you you suffer so much more um yeah whereas for them

you know it's that they've got much less to lose I think it's because it's also because it's also because for every argument that they make my brain goes in some way I am responsible for this person making these arguments yes yes and yeah and then I am forming a person who will in the future make arguments like this and I can allow, I cannot allow this. I will just clear this up with my beautiful reasoning that they will accept. Then I win twice because I've not only won the argument, but I've also created a child. I've, on my island as the masters of this island, I have created a creature that is capable of reason and logic. That's right. I will not be destroyed by my own creation.

Yeah. I have fixed the present and I am and I have now thankfully fixed the future. And so after this argument, we will never have to worry ever again. Yeah, I've not only won the argument, I've won at life. I think from now on it will just be coasting and that will be nice. And I think I'm close to winning the argument and all I need to do is just raise my voice slightly more. Lose my cool a tiny bit more. We're almost there. We're almost there.

The Iran War will be over within a week. I just need to bomb a few more oil fields. Yeah. The strategy, the strategy is right. I just need to commit to it harder. Yes. Eternal bliss is only a... Moments away.

A cool. A cool loss away. A loss, a loss of my cool. Yeah. I am merely warming up a little bit. I'm not losing my cool. I'm only, I'm merely getting warmed up. My cool is intact.

It is, uh... I know where it is. I have merely stored it away. It's in the past. Finish, finish yelling. and permanently damaging my child through psychological torment of me not giving up on my own argument

anyway, it's great this is something that I've been thinking about for a bit about how it's difficult to be doing this whilst knowing about things like therapy and when your kid goes, well, why am I like this? You go, well, that's because of me. I said this on the podcast before I just realized.

Did you? Say it again. Just, yeah. Just the idea that, oh, no, you're like this because of me, because of all the mistakes that I've made along the way. You see? And you just have to deal with it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, well, I would be good as a parent, right? It would be to actually keep a log of all your mistakes and of all the arguments and disagreements with your kid, you can't necessarily fix them, but what you can probably do is when they're ready to go to therapy, provide them with the list so they know what to work on, so that they don't have to uncover things. That's right, you have to keep searching.

Yeah. And then maybe I could have an argument with them about how they're like, well, actually, that didn't bother me that much ago. It did bother you. I saw you physically change. You were one way, and then after that, you couldn't be near bugs again. If we were in a house and there were ladybugs nearby,

you could no longer experience chill. You know what I would say, though, like bug-related trauma, probably that's like a non-core one. You know, if you can still form human relationships, I think you can afford to traumatize your kids around a lot of stuff, but as long as they can still trust other humans, you're fine. And I think, you know, if, yes, oh, you're scared of roller coasters.

You're like, well, that's like, that's a non-structural part of the human psyche. You will be okay. We can knock out some of these beams. It's like, it's like taking out some of the support struts in a mine shaft so that you can dig deeper elsewhere. If you don't take out too many, you're okay. Yeah, I think that's a good point. Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, you can familiarize yourself with ladybugs at some point, and that's fixable.

People who go to therapy because they're scared to go on a plane. I'm just like, just don't go on a plane. Yeah, just, I mean, it's not that good. Just get a train. Like, where do you need to go? Every day, there's three buffets. every day. Go on a cruise.

It's better. I wish I was scared of players. Yeah. The only problem is that you think that you've paid the right amount and then you realize booze was not included. And then, you know, of course they're going to jack up the price on the booze. Yeah. Then you're really encountering some.

But you still got to drink a lot of booze for it to cover the cost of therapy. To be equal to. Honestly. The cost of therapy is insane. It's crazy. It's not disgust enough when everybody's like, just get into therapy. It's $250 an hour.

I mean, that is, yeah, I could just get those bits of my brain removed by a highly qualified surgeon, I feel, and then never have to deal with this again. Yeah. I feel like you could probably, you know, like, I always think piano lessons are expensive. And then I think, you know, and then I go, well, if I need therapy, I could just maybe get piano lessons, which is something I want to do. You know?

You could probably get, you know, five piano lessons for the cost of one therapy session. Exactly. And I think the boost in my self-esteem from the piano lessons and seeing progress with that would probably be equivalent to the removal of pain that some of the therapy would do. I have seen some people, and I think some therapists, I don't know if they're reputable, and they might be a gateway to the alt-right, I'm not sure. You can never tell with these online videos anymore. But I have seen people say, don't focus on the things that make you sad. Do something, do more things that you like.

Yeah. That does mathematically. feel like true. I don't know if it is. It feels pretty right. It feels pretty right. You should get piano lessons. Fuck, Alistair.

You would be really good at piano. It's my plan for when I become a millionaire. I don't think I could have, I can afford to just be like, yeah, I'm going to go out and get piano lessons. We bought a piano. And then I was like, oh, we couldn't, we couldn't afford that.

We could watch some video. videos. Yeah, I know, but I did, I did one lesson with myself. And now I haven't touched a piano since. My brother George, my brother George has been doing something like that. And he is really good at the piano now. Oh, my gosh. You should contact George, former ex-ed editor of the two in the think tank podcast.

He doesn't answer very much these days, because I don't think he spends much time on Messenger. Maybe you've got to give me another... But ask him what he did. Ask him what the piano thing was that he did. Yeah. The problem, Andy, is in my brain, you see. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, yeah, it's not for, for want, lack of want to do it. It's the old, the distractions are coming from inside the head. Yeah.

Problem. I can't, I can't do any of the things I want. Hmm. Yeah. Sounds like any therapy. Yeah. Well, maybe I'll just do piano lessons. All right, Andy, I technically think that we have five sort of sketch ideas.

That's great. This has had a really different energy from my point of view this episode. I think you're probably right. Alistair, you came in hot and hard. Well, Andy, you've been going hot and hard, and we've got three words from a listener. Let's see how hot and hard these words are. And this listener is three words from a listener. Hungry Metal Gobbler.

Hey, HMG. Yeah, you know me. Thank you. This is an oldy three words that came from, you know, just over a year ago. Feb 17, 2025. Wow, vintage. A hungry metal gobbler says, three words from a hungry metal gobbler colon that's the symbol not the word colon

because i mean you imagine what the colon of a hungry metal gobbler looks like it would be a be carnage in there you know although unless you developed the gut bacteria to deal with the metal that you're so hungry for And a sort of different type of fiber, I think. Like, you'd need... Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what it would be. Maybe steel wool.

Yeah, skill wool. Andy, Hungary has sent in three words. Would you like to guess what the first word is? And I want you to know you know this word. Okay, peewee. Close. It's Andy.

Hmm. This better not be Andy, guess. correctly because we've done that before. No, it's not. Okay, okay. Andy, second word, James? No, it's only. Andy only fans?

What was your answer? Fans, Andy only fans. Oh, Andy only fans. No, it's Andy only idea. Andy only idea. Now, of course that... I mean... Yeah, I mean, it implies...

...implies that... ...that maybe you should come up with the idea by yourself or that the idea is exclusively about you. Yeah, I'm not sure I love either of those approaches. I mean, it is demonstrably true that riffing is way harder and less good. on your own. And you can come up with ideas infinitely faster in, uh, with, with two people. And I don't know if you're remaining silent now. No, you're not. I thought you might be just letting me, letting me go. I wasn't doing it on purpose. Um, well, I was kind of yawning a little bit.

Yeah. Um, only a little bit though, Andy. Don't worry. I wonder, I mean, you could, You could absolutely do this podcast with an AI. I wonder what it would be like, sort of riffing with Claude. But the agreeing so hard with you. It's disgusting, isn't it? That's a great. That's a great suggestion. Yes.

Hmm. Perfect. Oh, that's brilliant. You're like, this is really solid. Yeah. Kill me. Stop it. None of us think that this is really solid.

Do not. draw attention to the solidity of the stuff. AOD, Andy only idea. Okay, Andy, what about this? You get a second Andy body for a day, right? That you can swap your consciousness into, and you can do anything you want. Wow.

In that body. Yeah, and even if you die. Disposable body. Wouldn't that be great? have like, yeah, yeah, like a clone, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, what would you call? Like, I mean, a disposable body does summarize it. But it feels like there's a, there's a catchier way to describe that. But if you die, your, your, your, your consciousness goes back into the other one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, what, where, like, what, where would you go, would you? This will happen, by the way. Yeah, you think so?

I don't know. I still just think the unscooping, the de-scooping. But I think that maybe the way I've been thinking about, you know, I do love a body swap thing, and I have been thinking about a lot of them. And the way in which you could potentially, wherever your brain sends it signals, if you could just have them get received into another brain. like you know have something that just yeah an interface so that suddenly and then have the signals

that that thing is receiving from the outside world through its senses be sent into your brain yeah it's like a body bypass yeah hook your brain up to a complete body bypass and link everything

into another body now like you might miss out on some signals you might be getting like it's like anything there's going to be data lot And people are like, oh, the brain isn't entirely in the head, you know, some of it's in the gun. And you're like, yeah, fine. But I'm not, I don't need the full, you know, 4K or whatever experience. If I could just have, you know, whatever the highest resolution of reality I can get from this link up and go and live in another body and run around and jump off buildings or whatever and not have to deal with the consequences in my own form. Yeah.

That's pretty good. and probably your own body will fill in the gaps because any of the stuff that it's not getting from that body like let's say yeah let's say you don't get any kind of like gut instinct right then you're probably just getting your own gut instinct by living through that body yes you know yes

yeah I think this is probably the closest version that we will get and it will get better over time you know the resolution of the experience. Then it will get worse as they try to sell ads through it. Yeah, sure, it'll get inshittified. You might, you know, I'm sure it will get to the point where you won't be able to tell whether you're in the fake body or in your real body. There'll probably have to be like some sort of pop-up that comes up in the corner of your eye

to remind you that you're in a fake body so you don't accidentally go jumping off a building with your... You know the thing, well, that's the thing. You might need a reminder when you're in your real body. Like just a thing in the corner of your eye that's always flashing going, don't jump off a building. Yeah, this is the real one. This is the unsaved changes.

You have unsaved changes. Yeah. Which does fuck up regular life a little bit by having that there. But I guess at some point you could just be like, I just am not going to jump off any buildings. To be out in the world with your real self will be the new sort of raw dogging. Like almost everybody will leave their real self at home and be out there in an avatar. And people who go out into reality to leave their cocoon in their actual flesh form will be like that guy.

They'll be like free solo guy. People will make documentaries just about a guy who goes out and crosses the. the street with his only body. Yeah. Oh, they might have made a Bruce Willis movie like that called Avatars or something like that. I can't remember what it was called,

but it wasn't the movie Avatar, but I just realized. But I think, yeah, oh wait, oh yeah, what would be really great is to just go out with your disposable body

and then have it like a samurai sword fight with a friend. like that would be a great like bucks night where all the guys go into like a room and they just have a big sap and they just kill each other and just cut off each other's limbs and stuff probably let the buck win a bit really good idea and it's really good

that like you have this movie and this is a bucks night it's called bucks night right and this is what you do for your bucks night activity but somewhere along the line people start to worry that they're using their real bodies. Yeah. That it's not the fake, they're not in the fake. They're not in the fake bodies.

They've killed half of the guys. And some of the guys start to think they're in the real one. Wow. It's a really good concept. Yeah, great. Disposable body bucks night. Because like if you, and if there's like, and there's some shitty prize. There's like a thousand bucks for whoever's the last man standing.

and the guy and people who like think they're in their way to say guys i think i'm in my real body everyone else would be like no you're not you're just saying that because you want the thousand bucks and they'd be trying to kill you yeah it's way better than laser tag yeah wow um i think alistair we got we got to we got to write this we got to write this bucks not bachs not safari no what could you call it buck hunter

um yeah right yeah or bucks hunter no way box hunter no bucks hunter is good yeah but I think

buck hunter is probably more fun that's not as much of a fuck up let's check IMDB buck hunter IMDB like we're like about to write it um buck hunter

there's one Wait, let's see. Oh, man. I'm not... I don't even know what it is. That's good. There's no actors in it. Maybe it's the video game.

I don't know. There is another one that... Anyway, it doesn't matter. Let's ignore it. Let's ignore. I think we're in the clear. Yes. Mandy, I'm going to take us to the sketch ideas

if you're okay. And I can't believe. if you came with that, you came up with that all by yourself, and the only idea. Because the game is also called Big Buck Hunter. Oh, really? Okay, great. Oh, well, then we might be in the clear

from a legal rights perspective. Yeah. Sick. Okay, we got, here's a sketch idea. You can't shit where you eat, but you can eat where you shit, the turd table. With the, you know,

with the, with the sort of the cloth over the, the top. Speaking of tablecloths, for SketchFest here, I might be doing that sketch idea that we came up with where it's the magician who pulls

the tablecloth off the table and then you realize he's been stealing the tablecloths and that's what his real business is. It's basically like me and me and Mitey we were going to we just met up and we were like okay we can't do this because this won't work live, right? But then we kept

Going back to this idea at the end where we've gone to his apartment, we're like, wait, he's not here. Wait, the stool is made out of tablecloths. That cat is tablecloth. And then there's something written on this tablecloth. And it's like a ticket for a boat to the docks. And we go there and he's just standing on the boat as it's going, leaving the dock. And he's just staring and waving as he leaves. It's a real catch me if you can.

Is that what that one's called? I think it's like a catch me if you can. No, what's the, now you see me, now you don't. You know how they're like all close up magicians, but they're using it to like do cons and steal stuff. But this is just the guys just stealing the tablecloths. Yeah. And then we got the shit barbecue, the Yakutori place

where you can get a sort of a chickens, like a shit smoke chicken skewer. We got creating, new beasts to hunt on the island there. Yep. We got a dangerously unbalanced bread. Yeah. Yeah, that's probably, you know, it could be the chaotic.

Yeah, we got the soup and man, the immersive soup bowl. Mm. Where you plunge your whole head into it. We got the Ned Kelly bread. No, wait. Wait, I think I've written Ned Kelly, Bread Kelly, Death Mask, Bread, Bread, TIN. Perfect. Such is life.

I mean, I guess, oh, such is loaf, of course. I guess it should just be the bread Kelly death mask, bread tin, but no, such is loaf. I mean, that's a real product that we could make. And then we've got giving a child a list of traumas to give them a heads up for therapy. I mean, that's not as much of a sketch idea, but it's somewhere in there. And then we've got the disposable body Bucks Knight. Yes. Buck hunter.

Bacanta. Alistair. Good job. Beep-bid-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-ha. Thank you so much for listening to it too. And the think-dank, everybody who does it is better than everybody who doesn't. Yeah. And I can say that because the people who don't listen, they're never going to hear it.

We can say anything you like about the people who don't listen. Yeah, unless they do listen and then we're in real trouble. But then this doesn't apply to them. It's a victimless crime. It's a victimless insult. Well, yeah. And, um, uh, uh, yeah, Alistair. Oh, buy hats.

Links in the, buy hats. Send us an email. If you want a list. You've got to see these hats. I've seen a few people wearing them. Matt Stewart was wearing one yesterday. And my beloved was wearing one on the weekend. And so was Peter.

I can't. I can't believe it. There's so many people around wearing these goddamn hats, Andy. Mm-hmm. It's a hat bonanza. Yeah. be a part of the thing of the hat bonanza

of the hat bonanza everybody Andy knows is wearing them take care this has been a joy and a pleasure thank you so much and we love you you

bye bye