Two In The Think Tank - 520 - "FIFA PRIZE FOR MEDICINE"

Episode Date: April 7, 2026

Fifa Physics, Planck Meat, Paltrow Baby Smell Swap, Dyson Bowlless Toilet, Trump Pubes, Scrotal Knockout, Lazy Home Robot, Cement Encasement Man Spa, Metric ShoeyYou can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh la, Beast Farm, Beast Farm, Beast Farm, Beast Farm, Beast Farm, Beast Farm, Beast,

Beast, Beast, and welcome to to the think tank the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy.

And I'm Alice of George William Trambley virtual. That was a good one. That was a good one, Al. Yeah, the Alist of Trambley Virtual. That was good, but I'm in the song.

Yeah. It had, we were in the groove. We were way down deep in that groove and we were in the pocket. I was worried we couldn't get out. Yes, I think we were in the pocket. We're so deep in the pocket. We found a hole in the pocket.

Now we're in the bloody trousers. Oh, we're making our way down the leg. You're going down the leg now. We're falling into a sock. A wind sock, man. That's not a sock. That's not a sock. It's more like a wind leg warmer, if I'm honest.

The way it's got that big hole that. the end. I mean, if that's a sock, then those toes are going to, those toes are going to poke right out of that fucking thing. Still makes it a sock, a sock with a hole, still is a sock. You think that the sock and soccer ball are related? Really good question. I mean, they did, they, I think, I think they probably are, and then I think they probably went out of their way to try and make them seem not related by putting that double C in there because I think they probably felt embarrassed about naming a sport after socks, you know? Yeah, I mean, at first that felt bold. And then they had the decider's remorse,

it was probably just fun, right, to start with. And then they were probably just joking. They're probably like, no one will ever play this game where you aren't allowed to use your hands. Like, it was probably a joke. And, and, and, and, then it became the beautiful game people started playing it really well um people started you know the governing body started to have its own uh peace prize and that's when they thought you know what let's change the spelling i mean i'm terrified of finding out who is going to win that second that second FIFA peace prize and what they're capable of yeah yeah yeah I mean, they're going to maybe want to outdo what the previous winner had done.

Well, I want to know what the Nobel, the FIFA Prize for Physics is going to, what they're going to pull off. And medicine as well. That's going to be really interesting. Yeah. What kind of pandemics we're going to get. New disease. Yeah, new virus they're going to invent. All right.

Write out the FIFA Nobel Prize, whatever the fuck they call it. They just call it the FIFA Peace Prize, don't they? Yeah. So, thank you. Like, you can't just make your own peace prize. I'm sorry, but every organization doesn't get to institute a peace prize. You can't. You're not allowed.

You've got to invent dynamite and then start a foundation. That's the rules. And if you didn't do that, then you don't get to have a peace prize. You can invent a new type of dynamite? Yes, if you did that, full credit. And if you independently arrive at the... idea of dynamite. Did you say tunamite?

I did say tunamite, but I meant, like, I meant like number, like it was the second one. Right. Because immediately it made me think dynamite and marmite and veggie mite are all kind of, have the same naming convention. Yeah, that's true.

And, and then was tunamite, I was suddenly made aware of the food link. and a tuna-based spread and how upsetting that would be. Yeah. I do find blended meat pretty gross. Mm, yes. Indistinguishable.

There's that canned chicken paste. I don't like paté. Sometimes I've had patte and I've enjoyed the flavor, but anything like that where I know meat is in there. and it's textureless, or there's tiny granular meat. Yeah, I think what you've got to do is you've got to have some sort of temporary procedure that switches off that part of your brain, like all of your brain, probably. And then you can just enjoy the taste.

And then you won't have to think about the torture they do to the geese, and you won't have to think about the granules or the texture. Well, there needs to be like, we need to decide. I mean, meat sort of particle plank size, and it has to be roughly around ground meat size. Yeah, yeah, mince. Is that what you mean? Yeah, mince, yeah, exactly. Mints meat size, granules is as small, I think, as you should go with meat chunks.

Yeah, yeah, I think that makes sense. We can call it the wooden plank. size. Why? Well, because that's often where you cut the meat. On a wooden plank. Yeah. Excellent. Plank length? I don't think, is plank size, I think? I don't plank length. Yeah, it probably is plank length. Yeah. Um, did I tell you there was a guy at some point when I did a roast? I think yeah, you must have done. I was like, because he was, he was a former UFC guy. And, but he, had a very intelligent voice. And I was like, you know,

you know, and so my roast was like, you know, when you listen to him, he sounds like a scientist. You go, oh, Max Planck, you know, who's, you know. And then, but when you look at him, you think, oh, hit with a plank. How'd that guy?

That went pretty all right, I think. Yeah, wow. But then he kind of, like, Max Planck. Yeah. Is that, that's his name, right? I would have thought, yeah, I would have thought that that's a deep cut, that not, and, you know, your majority of your audience, maybe, maybe I'm being a snob. Wouldn't, wouldn't it be aware of the P man?

The P man, yeah, of course. Or maybe he's the H man. Because he had that, his symbol was H, wasn't he? Wasn't it? Imagine that. Yeah. He doesn't even have a single, single, H in his name, right?

No, none. Unless it's like Max M-A-X-H. Is it Max-A-Million? Max-A-Million Plank? That's a name. Max-A-Million, that's a name. That is a real name. I feel like you can't have the name Maximilian

and be born outside of the Caribbean. He's got so many names. Max, Carl, Ernst, Ludwig, Plank. None of them have an H in them. None of them have an H. Yeah. Although he was, oh, he was the Duchy of Holstein. Really?

Yeah, did you know that about him? No, I did not know that. The Duchy of Holstein. What is a Dutchy? Is it like a Duke? Seems dukeying. Yeah, but when he got that, is that what the song Passed the Duchy on the left-hand side is about?

I think so. Were they talking about the Duchy of Holstein? Alistair Yeah Can I tell you something Before I forget it I've had this thought Right

And it's popped in my head A couple of times In the last few days And this may have been done Right Great Well then we know it's If it has been done

Then we know it's good So it'll be good for us to do it Yes yes Exactly right And it's certainly not topical But Not like my max plank stuff

But But Gwyneth Paltrow, right? She named her newborn daughter Apple. And she named her candle, my vagina. It seems like she got those two things confused. Or like, how she, like, I have not expressing this well, but like, and a candle should smell like apple. And your baby daughter should smell like your vagina.

She got those smells around the wrong way. Yeah, that's it. I think so. She called her newborn baby apple and her candle, my vagina. I feel like she got those smells around the wrong way. That's it. I think you've done it. I think you've solved it.

that's the correct order of things yeah i mean that's beautiful indeed i'll write it i mean i'm gonna you know what i'm gonna write this down put it in a letter and send it to 2011 yeah great it would have done real good yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna conscious uncompull from this time this present time. From this time. Yep, from our time stream. Allow myself to drift. I think

it might still work. Might still work. I mean, they're two of the biggest. I mean, she's been responsible for some real, for someone who's an actor. You know,

actors don't necessarily have that sort of cultural heft. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That heavy hitter kind of shit where they can really get something into the public consciousness. But she's done it a bunch of times. Yeah, I mean, she's had real cultural impact.

For a person who doesn't seem all that present mentally. Yes, I would agree. Like, I just saw a video of her the other day where somebody had to genuinely put in quite a bit of effort to remind her she was in a Spider-Man movie. Wow. Who's that big? The big guy that was in the...

Dave Battista? No, no, no. The other one... The other one who's not in any way close to that guy. You know the one who's like... John Sina? He directed Elf and he... Is that Adam McKay?

No, I'll just... I'll just Google it. Director of Elf. I mean, we're giving a lot of shit to somebody and not being able to remember something. Yeah, John Favro. Yeah, that's true. He directed Elf to go to that as his...

All right. Oh, would you have preferred me to say he directed the Jungle Book remake? Yes, please. He's had an interesting career. Yeah, I would say he's probably a kingpin of sorts. Isn't it? He is, yeah. I think he's a big dog.

How people... For some people, elf, is a real iconic movie. And I think, like, just sort of, whatever's on when you grow up. You know, it comes around, suddenly you're an adult and you're talking about how big the movie Elf was. Yeah. I think Elf is a pretty successful one, though.

Really? Like, have you watched it? No, no. Yeah. I think Elf is like a great example of a Christmas movie. Right. That was done well. Okay.

Is it, I think you should show it to it. That's carried by What's his name? Will Ferrell? I mean, it is carried by Will Ferrell. And I think that's an important part of having a main character played by an actor.

I think that they do help they do help carry the film. All right. All right. All right. Fuck that. Like, I think the way in which the people

who were in the film did things did have an impact on how the film turned out. All right. All right. And, you know, in some way, the lead actor sort of led the film in a lot of ways. Yeah, in many ways. I mean, look, it was carrying, but he was also leading. Alastair, how would you feel about having a glass toilet?

And if not a glass toilet, then maybe, like, people love to be able to see the stuff inside their vacuum cleaner. So the broken glass? Broken glass. Like, you snap. the lid off at the toilet, like a, like a bushman opening of beer, and then you sit down on the...

You drop an elbow on it. The rim, the shattered rim. Yeah. And some of the blood's going to go into the bowl, so that's going to be good. Exactly. Some of the blood's in the bowl, mate. Some of the blood will go into the bowl. Do, do, do, do, do.

And some of the blood will go onto the floor. Do, do, do, do. I mean, do you think Dyson could do a... Dyson does a sort of a whirlwind toilet A bowlless toilet Imagine that Imagine you just sort of squat in the air Mid air

And a tornado of air Gathers up A Dyson bolus That's exciting It's a wind toilet Yes I do love the sound of that A Dyson

The bolus So you just You just poop directly into a vortex Yeah, yeah. That's cool. I mean, that's whips it away. Because it has to be that initially, you can't believe that it's going to be possible.

Do you think that he makes that an important part of his design process? He's like, yeah. He goes, what's an important part of the vacuum cleaner? The bag. He's like, I'm getting rid of that. Yeah, that's the first bit I'm getting rid of. Of a fan, the blades, I'm getting rid of that. Yeah, we won't have it.

Yeah. And then, you know, same thing. I like the thing with the hair dryer as well. Isn't that one that there's like there's kind of nothing going on in the middle, right? I mean, yeah, but I mean, that's kind of the fan thing again, I suspect. It is the fan thing again. All right, what about this? Thin vacuum cleaner.

Like you got, you got that stick one, don't you? Yeah, well, I think he's now got one where it is just a stick. It's just a tube and it's all in the tube. Everything's in the tube. Yeah. And that's just the fan thing again, isn't it, though, Andy? No, that was different. No, but it's like it's just a longer version of the fan, isn't it?

Well, no, because he was like, what, we shouldn't be impressed by anything. Which bits of it. I'll just poop into this tube. It's like the Dyson poop tube. Pipe tube. But would you like being able to see the, um, the excrement go through the pipe. I think that that ride would really add to watch it ride down through the bends.

I think that would really, but then I think I would get worried because I don't know how often things get caught in the bends when I'm normally flushing. And so suddenly I might see stuff get caught in the bends. And also you would see all the smears along the pipe. Do you think it's going to be too much information? Do you think you'd write, you know, sometimes ignorance is bliss and you'd rush. Rather not, no. Well, I think once you're sitting there watching it, making its way down all the bends.

There's new areas to clean. Fighting your nails. Yeah. I think it's too much information. Yeah. That's why I think we should just poop into the vortex. Like just a little wind tunnel. Right.

But is it just a hole? I think if it was like a black pit. Yeah. Like that you just can't see anything in there. But you could feel a tornado of wind above it. And the tornado is just there to guide it, keep it going. And so it doesn't hit the sides of the thing and you have to clean the side of the pit. Well, I think you squat in the volcano, the vortex.

And the vortex sucks it away into a black pit in the ground. I think that's the best of both worlds. Yeah. You know, you can sort of, if you wanted, you could sort of bend down, you could sort of see it whipping around there. But then once it's into the black hole, you don't have to think about it. It's gone. It's gone from your consciousness. It's gone from everybody's consciousness.

Yeah. I mean, it would be great to just have, you know, these bottomless pits that you hear about. But you very rarely see. Sometimes you see somebody throw a rock into a hole, like in a cave or something like that. And then it falls for a really long time and you don't hear a hit and you're like, we might have found our first bottomless one. First one. Yeah.

And then you get to the kind of, you know, a few seconds later and then it does hit and you go. I guess not. It's, you know, it's terrifyingly low. Yeah. I did hear a story about like some scientists that, uh, scientists, that got taken by a crocodile. And apparently crocodiles have this thing where sometimes, you know,

if there's a lot of meat around, you know, let's say a herd of wilderbeast kind of going through, they'll catch a bunch and then drag them into like a cave and kind of leave them there until they're kind of ready to eat them. Wow. And this is under a, yeah, wow, under a rock or something. Yeah, out of the sun kind of somewhere in a cave. Is this above ground or below ground?

Below water? Yeah. Below the water? Under the water? Yeah, under the water. They access it through the water. Yeah. Right.

And this scientist got taken, but he didn't get killed and he got dragged to this cave. Jeez. And he kind of wakes up in like, in like total darkness. A pile of rotting buffalo corpses. Yeah. What did I say? I said, Wilderbeast. World of East.

And then he's like, figured out, he's like, I'm going to have to find my way out and try to get out of this cave and not get taken by... In complete fucking darkness, right? Oh, my God. I assume if you go underwater at some point you might be able to see, you know, a smidge of light. That would be your greatest advantage of being in the darkness is the easeability of seeing light. If you got taken by a crocodile,

you pass out, you wake up in pitch dark somewhere in a pile of rotting flesh, are you going to just assume you're in hell? I mean, that would be,

that would be one of the big challenges, I think. Yeah. It would be dealing with that assumption. Yeah, I think I just like, you know, much in the same way that in my dreams, I can't seem to

to sleep with another person because I'm so aware that I have a wife. Mm-hmm. Right? And so I'm constantly denying people in my dreams because I'm like, sorry, I... Obviously, it's very generous of you to offer, but I cannot.

I can nay. And then I don't. And then I go, just in case it's not, you know, it's not a dream. I don't want to like, you know, be like, oh, fuck, I fucked up my actual life. And so, and I think that in the same way, I would wake up in this darkness surrounded by corpses, you know. And I would just be touching, I guess, fur and blood and smelling, putridness, things like that. I think that I am so convinced that there is no such thing as hell.

Yeah. That I would say this is a natural-born awfulness that is earthbound. Earthbound. Mortal awfulness. I like, it's interesting that, like, in your dreams, it's not the woman of your dreams that you're after. It's the woman of your real, of your life. My reality. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, you know, we're pretty bound together. We do like each other. and I feel like I can only fuck this up, you know? So, like, I have to just try to preserve it, even in the sort of the imaginary realm. You know what you could do to preserve it? Drag her down to a cave.

Oh, into a dark cave. Yeah. Or amongst the Wilderbeast. Drag me to a cave and float me among the Wilder Beast. Let me see what the smell is like. gone after before you come to feast. A few days or a week.

Yeah, good. What happened to the guy? Did he get it before you come to feast? I guess he got out because I guess that's where the story came from. I assume he, the cameraman always survives Andy. Yes, indeed.

Alastair, Trump pubes. How do you feel about this? Trump pubs? Yeah, Donald Trump pubs. Getting your pubs sort of styled. like Donald Trump's hair. I thought you meant like, I mean, do you think that you could sell

pubs that you claim come from Donald Trump online? Yes, I do believe I could. Andy, you could probably do it. Now that I know that blonder people have blonde pubs, you might have to start doing this. Yeah, I do have

that sort of golden hue down there. That's crazy. That's crazy. so yeah I mean so like styling it as a thing

that maybe a beauty place offers yeah I think so I mean yeah I number one

hate it and I number two would like to know who do you think would go for this like well there's two ways

it could go like success yeah I mean it could be people who want to who, yes, who believe in Trump, who think he's great.

You know, this could be the new Sannel. What is it? What was that word? Sallon. Okay. Yes, I think I just wasn't sure. Or it could be people trying to, you know, find a new way to take him down with the world-changing power of satire. And I think if people were, you know, getting their pubes done to look like Trump,

What is that saying? I mean, we've had puppetry of the penis. What about this? Satire of the penis. What was it? Satire of the penis, sure. Of the schlong. And you get your pubs styled like his hair,

and then you manipulate your foreskin to make it seem to talk and it can sort of lip sync to some of his speeches. This could actually work. This could work. Yeah, yeah, so satire and penis. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I already, just the style itself, I guess, going in and getting a, getting like a blonde tint added to your pubes,

and then I guess it gets thinned out and brushed forward. Yeah. Is the penis the head? I think the penis is the head and the face. And then I think what you could do, if you were doing a good satirical job, you draw the faces of a couple of other world leaders on your pubs. And do their hair?

Sorry, not on your pubs, on your balls. And then, so they'll be sort of behind the penis. And then you can sort of grab one and sort of pop it out around the corner to add a little extra. tree. You get a real three-hander going. Yeah, you can get a, it's almost like that mountain with the people's faces carved into it there.

About Rushmore. Yeah, you get a Rushmore. Bushbourne. Great. Yeah, I mean, I think that's, I think that's so lovely, Andy. I, you know, like, how people are like, you got to punch up. right with jokes but it really only seems like punching down is the only effective way to like that actually like anybody gets affected by it interesting you know what i mean like it seems like

it genuinely makes the people who are kind of like a less you know who have less sort of privilege than you they kind of really get affected by the emotions of it but when you punch up sure you're still insulting them, but either they don't hear it or it doesn't bother them because they're in this kind of great position. Yeah. Right. So then what are we even punching? Yeah, I mean, punching up is pretty, um, it's also hard. Like I don't think you'd have nearly as much impact swinging a punch upwards. Oh, I guess an upper cut. But then that's still just to hit somebody who's on your level. Yeah. I mean, what about just punching forward, you know, just punching people of your same...

We always talk about punching up or punching down, but I think it's okay to punch your peers as well. Across. Maybe that's where a lot of the real good stuff is. Yeah, parallel punching? Parallel punching. Those two punches that actually just never hit each other. Are there any martial sports arts that are based on fist punching,

where you just punch the other person in the fist, until I guess you break all your knuckles. Is that a game knuckles? Was that what it was? Yeah. Bloodsport, that one where you would throw, you would try to shoot coins at each other's knuckles?

I haven't seen that one. Does that really hurt? Yeah, I think so. But I mean, I would never play a lot of that stuff. Like I might have played it once or twice, but then you go, why am I trying to get genuinely hurt? why are we doing this?

Yeah. Remind me. I think the one where you try and slap each other's hand, it's not really a pain one. It's just the one where you have your hands together. Yeah, we used to do that. And then you put your fingertips against the other person's one. And then you try and hit them and it's just about speed. Yeah.

That's pretty fun. But we also used to give each other like low fives and just try to go as hard as we could. In a sense, we'd try to burst each other's hands. Yeah. Yeah. that's right yeah how about we we need it we need a new sort of masculine you know energy kind of sport like that that is maybe even stupider i mean like so you know i don't know there's like there's that one right now where people are running at each other and knocking each other out yeah

i mean there must be one where you um push the penis to one side grasp the scrotum pull the balls and then like smash the other person's balls with your balls. Oh, sort of like, wait. Wait, wait, wait. So explain that to me again, wait. So you move the penis out of the way. Yeah. Okay.

You've got your pants off, I imagine. You grasp your scrotum. Yeah. Squeeze the balls forwards and you hold them almost like a bombing knocker. Yeah. Right. And then they hold theirs like that. Like again, like a bouquet of flowers.

Exactly right. And you, and it's like knuckles. but it's like nuclear knuckles. Yeah. And so you get to just hit as hard as you want. Yeah, but with your balls. Yeah, with your balls. Yeah, yeah.

And you could, like, the one only way that maybe you could do this is to add an element of strategy to it. Is that the person who's on the receiving end on this occasion, they keep their testicles in their pants. but they're supposed to wear tight underwear, and they can move their testicles either all the way to the right or all the way to the left, and you have to sort of...

And you don't know. Yeah, you don't know. They wear kind of loose-fitting shorts over the top, but kind of still like running material, you know? And then you can Bommie-knocker your... whichever side you're strategizing for. Obviously, guys with big balls have a big advantage here. but I said at the same time they're hitting

with something that hurts as much as the thing that gets hit. Yeah, yeah. You know? And so yeah, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what the strategy. But look, I mean, like, I'm going to work. What are we going to call it?

We're going to call it Scrotal Warfare, scrotal knockout. Yeah, Scrodle knockout. Yeah. That's great. I think it's, I think it's going to be big. I'm going to sell this to that guy. Dana White?

UFC. Dana White. white. Dana. Dana. Dana. Well, he's already

got like slap. Yeah. Slap battle. Which is, which is the worst thing. There's no technique. There's nothing.

It's just getting hit in the face and getting concussions. But he just saw that it was doing so well online. He's like, I got to get into that business. Yeah. So he bought it. Bought a league and got into it. Wow.

That's great. Isn't that great? And he's really good friends with Trump. That's great. They've helped each other out. It's all going so well, Alasda. Everything's going really well. Everything is going so well.

Isn't it insane that it took us however many thousands of years of civilization before we discovered that you could just ignore criticism and then apparently it's fine? Yeah. Well, you know what? There's actually one little thing that gets me excited is that, you know, so you know how like OpenAI recently shut down SORA? Oh, I didn't know that, no. Yeah, so they recently shut down Sora

because they said, I mean, it was like, I mean, some people suspect it's because they want to float at some point this year and they got to get rid of some of the parts that aren't making money. But apparently people were into it right at the beginning. They had a look and then nobody really used it that much afterwards. And it was using up a lot of processing power for the people who were using it, the small

amount of people that were. And it was just, I guess, bleeding money. And so then they shut it down. I think there's still some things that do video and stuff or whatever. But, and then it came in me think, like, is there a possibility that we are hitting a high watermark of, like, technological advancement? Right? and that we are going to go back a fair bit.

You know, like that stuff that we have gotten used to may disappear because of, you know, energy things or, you know, or because people are just blowing things to smithereens. And I got to tell you, there's a part of me that would absolutely love that. Oh, boy. If we could just go back 20 years? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Because I think that the thing with the AI style,

is that it does just have such high requirements for energy and technology and stuff like that. And so if the world isn't going as well, then those things will probably have to be some of the first things to go or some of the first things to collapse, especially because they're not profitable. Profitable. And then their failure will then potentially also scare off investors from wanting to do it again in the future. You know, and then you will still be able to have the AI stuff, um, potentially for like scientific things, but the stuff that doesn't necessarily require the gigantic data centers to, to, uh, provide it to the world.

You know, to provide, you know, you can just have locally run little things. The technology might still be able to just be useful for, you know, finding tumors on an image or something like that, you know? Hmm. You might be right, but then you look at those Chinese days. dancing robots and you're like, oh yeah, probably going to be in every home soon. I know, but what, because think about it, like, yeah, what, what need does anybody have for that? What, like, what is that thing going to cost?

$50,000, $40,000? I think if they can make a machine that can be, can genuinely do things around the home, you know, genuinely stack the dishwasher can genuinely fold the clothes. Yeah. You can genuinely clean the house. What do you think are the chances of something like that that can work in the house, right? What do you think the chances are that something can work in the house can do all the things you need works well? Doesn't break quickly enough to justify. Accidentally, like tear your child in half.

Yeah. Because it's wearing the clothes. It's trying to fold. Yeah. Like what are the chances that these things will actually. be useful. I just don't see it. Just knowing the way in which

in the way in which every piece of technology of like recent times that has AI or self-driving or whatever needs to be babysat right? Or needs some people in a third world country to be actually operating it. Yeah, I love that detail.

Yeah, all of that stuff. Like that's most likely what's going to happen, right? is that they're going to, if they do have some of those things that do stuff in people's homes, it'll just be a guy in the Philippines just controlling it in their house. Getting paid an absurdly low amount of money. Yeah, but they get to work from home. Remote, remote slavery. This will be what the technology actually ends up being.

It allows you to have a slave, but the person is in a jurisdiction where slavery laws don't apply. Yeah, I mean, and that's actually the only way that some of these billionaires who want to hide in bunkers are going to be able to do it and not have the people around them revolt is by have them just tele-connecting in and controlling the robots and then just getting a small amount of money. And then you can do it and hide it from your family and friends, right, and whatever. You're like, no, no, I'm just working a job or whatever. And you're actually like just, you know, cleaning a billionaire's dishes like that, the very billionaire that you and your. family are trying to hunt down and just punish. I think somebody will telecontrol that robot to go and rip out Bezos's eyeballs. I think, I think.

I mean, but that's also the only, that's also another reason why nobody would want to buy these things. It's like, you already know what they do with ads and shit like that in all these products that as soon as they're not making money. They're like, oh, we're also adding ads to it and all that kind of shit. then do you want like one of these companies that is connected to the CIA to be able to just get into your house and just use like with the machine and just kill you while you sleep? Do I want that? Do you want that, Andy? Is that what you want? Answer quick. I'm going to activate the bot. No, I can't make up the mind. Is there a sketch idea here?

Yeah, I think so. Um, uh, let's see. You almost need to make jaws, the jaws of these things. Hmm. You know? Yeah. Which I'm sure has been done. Like, I'm sure that, well, I mean, that's sort of like, I robot and that kind of thing, isn't it?

Like, yeah. Do you think? I don't know. I haven't actually seen eye robot. Yeah. Yeah. I think that that, uh, that, uh, what happened to megan movie with, uh, with old mate. Oh, yeah.

Um, Ronnie. Ronnie. Ronnie. in it it's probably even more that because it's like this one unstoppable

individual murdering its way through people and was just supposed to be a nice doll for the home let's make a movie yeah that's right

maybe a care doll let's make a movie where everything's really the robot is really great the whole way and it actually saves us all Yeah. Really helpful. And it can actually fold clothes.

It's a bunch of, it's a bunch of military robots, right? Which apparently Ukraine has been using. Yeah. And they don't have legs. That's the other thing is I don't understand why we're making ones with legs. Right? You don't need a robot. Most people and most applications don't need something to be humanoid. it's stupid it adds so much complexity to make it humanoid right so that it can go up and downstairs it's like that's just it's too much it's like it's gonna break down it's not gonna whatever you just need something that can work low energy use that can function do a few of the tasks that you needed to do anyway sorry i get really annoyed by these things and it is it is crazy that like the company fucking rumba and all they did was they made a little robot that drove around and sucked up stuff on the floor

they couldn't make it go of it they couldn't make the economics of running that little robot work and they went bankrupt so i think that is a pretty probably a pretty good indicator that your humanoid do everything robot um the economics might not stack up i i just don't think people have that many things that need to be done that a robot could do like it's like oh can you it's like oh can you help me

carry all these bags out to the to the car and it's like explain the task in this way so that I understand you go oh you know what like explaining it feels like

it'll be more of a pain in the ass than actually just I'll just do it just doing it yeah that'd be so good the robot just keeps pretending it can't understand

oh I seem to be having trouble comprehending you. Why don't you just do it? It's just sitting on the couch. Yeah. Oh. Maybe that's the sketch.

Yeah. Lazy robot. My protocols need updating. Oh, have you? It will be a 20-minute update. You go, no, I just fucking need the thing in the car right now. That feature is not yet available in your area. He's got all the excuses.

And they all make logical sense. I require, this update requires a nice cold cup of water with some lemonade in it. To install. Please turn the heater at the house down my shirt. tickets are overheating. Imagine that, like that's, yeah. I mean, that's fun. That's fun.

I thought it was AI, but it was just a guy. That's... Too close. That's what it happens with that remote control shit. The one thing that I would love if they did, if it was a humanoid. Here we go. Here we go.

If it could firemen carry me. You know, like imagine if we were all getting picked up in the arms of a humanoid robot and they were like carrying us to the bus stop and stuff. Yeah. Now that would be nice. Like to be cradled like a baby

and walked around. You got me. You know? And let's say dogs are coming and like they're barking at it and things like that. And then it would like kick at the dog. I'd like that. I'd like that.

Dogs are probably going to hate these things. Oh, my. We're going to have to choose. We are going to have to choose. Our best friend. Or the thing that carries us around to the bus stop. I mean, I guess you're not doing, it probably doesn't make that much sense if you're rich enough to have one of these humanoid robots, but you don't have your own car. But I think that'd be good.

I think, like, it's the chauffeur and it's the vehicle. If it can toss you over its shoulder and it's, sprint down Main Street. I mean, yeah, I guess if it is just the vehicle. Like insanely fast. That'd be great. Oh, it wouldn't be a... I mean, unless it was able to be designed

so that it was a completely smooth ride for you. I think it'd be a smooth ride. And I think it'd be able to go on the footpath as well, which would be really fun. Yeah, sprinting on the footpath. Hmm. Yeah. But I've seen enough of those robots fall over that I don't know if I want to be carried by a sprinting version of one of those things.

Well, let's, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, will, we'll, will, will, will, will, will, will, will, will, thank you, Andy. Thank you for having some excitement. Some hope in my pessimism. Do you think I'm too pessimism? Andy, I, don't know, I can, I agree with. I, I, I called it, I called it, I called it with the Google Glass. Oh, yeah. Right? I thought, no, it's too stupid. Nobody's going to want to do it. But I didn't call it. I was wrong with the Apple Watch.

I said, nobody's going to ever. Why would somebody want a second version of the same phone that they already have on their wrist? I said, that is stupid. And there's no reason that that should succeed. And I think it has succeeded, but I don't think people use them very much. I think most people who have them,

they just leave it in a drawer. but that's what i do absolutely that's what i do mine is in a drawer um alistair uh i know i think i agree with you i'm i'm equally as pessimistic um just for the purposes of the podcast uh i didn't completely agree with you the entire time

thank you just to thank you for in a way to allow you to make your point more fulsomely i would say andy as this is one of those podcasts that's really carried by Andy. You know? One of the two hosts, particularly the one who does a lot of the carrying. I do a lot of the talking, you know, and it's really, they're just hunks of matter and material

for you to sort of wade your way through and try to find a way to create something good with. All right. Andy, how about we go to three words from a listener? sounds perfect sounds so good to me do you know this that we have listeners and that one of those listeners i've heard keith barns kb mate kb baby baby keith barns i mean honestly that's a that's a name you could set your um crop rotation by that is uh solid that is solid kb and look i don't always do this but today i just went from the top of the pile. So this is a very recent one from old KB or young KB. And then KB says, hello, I have three words from the listener. Big claim, big claim. Yeah, I like it. Which are. And then no colon goes straight

into them. Wow. Do you want to guess what the first one is? I forgot that I got to do that. Yeah, the first word is rhizome rhizome okay how's that spell r i s o m e i don't know that word um no the first word is extinction i think rhizome is the root the root mass of a tree of a plant oh maybe maybe a grass or something i wouldn't mind that as a band name uh extinction Okay, rebellion, extinction. Yeah, rebellion. We'll go rebellion. Oh, Andy, you were on the right path, but then that path had too many forks, and you got off on the wrong prong.

Another great band name. Extinction level. Extinction level. Now, is it going to be event? Is it event cinema? Can't be. There's only one more word. Eventing.

Eventings. Extinction level eventing. Andy, it is not eventing. Oh, shit. The last word is cement. The final poor. The final poor. The long poor.

The long poor, good night. Yeah. I mean, that would be, that would be good for us to just in case the world in cement, just have a nice, hard, smooth surface, just get it all leveled out and then just be able to just, you know, just lie there under the, under the mass. I mean, it does feel like there would be something nice about lying in a solid block of cement. something about that weight, you know, and that pressure and that comfort. I think first it'd be lovely to have that goop on you. Heavy goop.

Oh. You know, I think a blanket of goop. Yeah. I mean, if you can get people to come in and have mud baths or whatever for some sort of spa treatment, you can get it. You can get a cement one going. Yeah. And then have someone crack you out of it. Oh.

Oh, yeah. You know, with sledgehammers. Sledgehammer in between the legs or like a pick. axe yeah yeah someone break starting to break it apart in between your legs like that i think that would be exciting um yeah what would what would that be a so like uh would it would it be a health sort of like a spa man spa yeah man spa yes that's what they do mud bath no no cement bath they encase you in it they let it sit and then a team of guys with your mates hammers your mates come around

they crack you out of there yeah drinking beers getting you out of there you're going ow like that people feeding your sips of beer and they say

shut up you bastard you're throwing me off they're shouting that at you yeah oh man and it's like a rebirthing ceremony but for men yeah

I mean that I think that like a big part of male bonding is sort of bringing, it's like it's bringing yourselves closer to death. You know what I mean? Like sometimes it's problem solving. It can be problem solved.

But mostly it's like, let's go do a dangerous activity. Let's pour a lot of, you know, poisons into our body. Yeah. Let's go out into the woods and take a substance that makes us borderline, lose our minds. I can almost know. not think of a single other thing I've done with friends for fun.

This podcast, I guess, is one. But then we turn that into an endurance thing when we do the episode of 500. Yeah, exactly. I forgot. I'm going to go and stay awake with my mates. Yeah. And run my brain into mush. Yeah.

I have a clock, my noggin. I think, yes, you know, obviously there's all the extreme sports. There's all the regular sports, which are also a bit dangerous. Yeah, that's true. And a lot of them involve, even the sports themselves, involved trying to hurt each other. I do think that the Manosphere thing is going to collapse. Speaking of things that are going to run their course, I think that's probably going to die. And I think, I do actually think that this is one situation where I think just one really good insult,

could actually bring them down. Like, if we came up with one really short phrase that sums up the way in which they are pretending to be tough because they're scared and weak. Yeah, I mean, you know what I think that that word would be? I think if you could just, the whole thing is gay or something like that. Yeah. I mean, their audience, that's the only thing that it seems to matter to them.

Yeah, that's interesting. that's really interesting and Bill Burr had mentioned the way that that had sort of brought down roller blades yeah and so it's in the same technique but it's interesting

that like we almost did like a nuclear disarmament kind of thing where the progressive laid down all their most powerful insults and they were like we won't use these you won't use them either right and and then I guess they kept using them, but we have kept not using them. And maybe if we spoke to the LGBTIQI community and got their blessing, maybe,

and it would be a huge sacrifice, and we already ask a lot of them, but like if we said, can we have this for one last job? Yeah. We're taking... Can we have the word? We won't use it on you. You know how you guys have taken the word queer back? Yeah.

and it's become a very important part of your community. Can we have it back for one more job to bring down the manosphere? Yeah, and we realize it's a risk. It's like, you know, it's like when the suicide squad or something, like when you release a bad guy from prison and you're like, but we need him to do good,

there's a risk in where you apologize, but we might not have any other way to do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look, this is a slightly different thing. Oh, yeah, also, I think that there's something in terms of, like, looking for the joke. I haven't been able to frame what this joke is, but just the idea about how, like, a real man, right? This portrait of a real man is the kind of guy that you definitely have to be bullied into becoming. Yes.

And then, in general. a lot of male hormones into artificially in order to be him. Right? And the interesting thing I think about the bullying part is that the way that a lot of these guys are bullied into becoming that kind of guy from a young age, they are bullied by being called pussies. Right? And so these kinds of guys are actually the guys. that have the most pussies in them.

Yes. The guys that have absorbed the most pussy that are probably you know that their mind their mind is sort of walled with this,

no, this is pussy, this is pussy, this is pussy, this is pussy, this is pussy. Like that. They are the ones who are considered the most masculine.

Yeah. And isn't it like and they have so many things that they can't do, you know, that they're shut off from. And that, That seems like a real weak, position of weakness.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right, because we all know that, like, in soccer, the greatest strategy was for everybody to be an all-rounder. Is that what's happened? I think there was a, look, I mean, I can't pretend to be up-to-date with all-s soccer strategy, but I do remember at one point hearing that, yeah, I think people being an all-rounder. I mean, I guess that makes sense. why don't we have everybody be really good at everything?

Yeah. What if everyone on the team could do everything? And they're great at it. All right. Fine. And also, I think the last part is that like people are like, where did the alpha males go? Right? Like what happened to men?

We used to be alpha males. Yeah. And you go, well, we used to live in communities, right, of people. and there may not have been a police force, there may not have been a military, there was no justice system. What happened to these guys who were violent and would try to take charge all the time?

Well, as a group, we would have to kill them. Yeah. Right? That's what happened to them because they don't fit in society. That's what you have to do with a guy who keeps causing trouble.

trouble and there's no system in place to stop them, to lock them up and take them away. These guys who acted without thoughts for other people's needs, they're all in prison. A guy who would self-claim that they are the boss? Yeah. You will meet a lot of those guys when you get locked up. Anyway. They're all beating each other to death. in prison right now right now so so strange you don't know where they are yeah um anyway andy i guess

well oh yeah i had one last little idea which was an idea that i had from the other day but um so this is slightly off pod but um it was about taking off shoes in people's houses and how one excuse your favorite thing one excuse that you could use potentially is to to say, I am sorry, I don't want to because I don't know what's on your floors and I don't want to get that on my socks. And then bring that back into my shoe because I am Australian and we drink from those. It's really good. It's really good because you're bringing it back to a cultural thing. For me, it's a cultural thing.

Yeah. And I don't want I imagine you're speaking Poisons Yeah Getting into my drink and making my drinking My drinking shoe My drinking shoe

Yeah I think I think that would be really good When you go to Japan Or something like that Because I think You know When they ask you to take off their shoes

That's such a tiny part Of their culture And they have so much culture They're fucking laying it on thick With a culture over there Yeah. Back here, we white Australians, we don't have much. That's right.

It's pretty much just the shooey. That's right. We have the shooey, you know, at celebrations, sometimes maybe a little quiet shooy of brandy before bed. Mm. Mm. You know? Exactly.

When we give our children medicine, we give it out of a tiny little shoe with little marks on the side, so we know exactly how much they, getting yeah yeah yeah uh measuring shoes for when we're baking but we're baking yep it's really good alistair you've got to make that um that cooking show an Australian cooking show finally cooking show inside house uh yes that's yeah i can't give that up that's all our culture that's the in that's the that's it you've got so much You guys have so much culture.

This is all we have. Yeah. Just don't make me do it. And if you do make me do it, and now I'm referring back to a previous two in the think tank episode, please allow me to just put my shoe into a house foot. That's right. Alistair, could you take us through the sketch ideas?

Yes, I can. We've got the FIFA Peace Prize, which leads us to the FIFA Physics Prize, the FIFA Medicine Prize. And of course, we know from how the Peace Prize is played out that the FIFA Prize for Medicine will be some virus that destroys the most of humanity. The Physics Prize is probably something for somebody discovering a new way to, you know, rip a hole in the fabric of reality. Then we got the plank length for meat size. We got the Gwyneth Paltrow,

candle and baby swap, a smell swap. Smell swap. We got the Dyson Bowless Toilet. We got the Trump-styled pubs, the satire penis. The scrotal knockout, the new bonding game for men. We got the lazy home robot. We got cement encasing man spa activity. I think that that's a very good, like, box night activity.

Oh, so good. Yeah. It's crazy how hard cement is. Like, concrete really is like a rock. Like a rock. Like a rock. It is like a rock, Andy. Well, I mean, it's like they've ground down rock to its plank size.

Yes. And then glued it back together using water. using more rock yeah yeah or the water somehow convinces it to get back together

that's right it's right it's a reverse yoko hmm the water acts like a reverse yoko all coy um we got

and then we got sucks inside the house camp because we drink from those shoes yeah um so Andy go

Thank you so much for in Tink-tank. Jimmy Bonds! What is that? Jimmy Barnes, I said. Yeah, but why? I don't know. That's what was in my heart. Okay, great.

And I was on a. the most recent episode of Who Knewit with Matt Stewart? Oh my God. I can't wait to listen. It's not my funniest, but it was pretty good, real good people on it.

Maybe we also hit up a lot of money. Jonathan Schuster, Cass Page, Grace Jarvis, Matt Stewart. These are great people. It was a big, big stacked lineup.

Big old stack, big old pile of people. Yeah. Andy, Thank you for doing this podcast. Listeners, thank you for listening. And we love you. Oh, and thank you, Alistair.

Bye. Thank you. Bye.