Two In The Think Tank - 522 - "SANTA'S SAC"

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

Slow and Scurrilous, Band Name Amnesty, Institute of World Decisions, Amish Wank, Modern Sexiness, Santa's Sac, Double Blind Pub TestYou can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Beautiful. A. Beauty. A. A. Beauty. Uh-uh. A.

Beauty. A. A. Beauty. Hello. And welcome to doing the thing tank to show where we come up with five sketch ideas. Five sketch ideas. I'm Andy.

I'm Alistair. George William. Trombly Virtual. Good-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-might. Good-a-a-a-might. Here's what I reckon. I think. You know how.

in the Fast and the Furious universe. Yep. They race for pink slips, which I love that. I love that. That's so good. And it just means that if you've got a fast car, you get lots more slower cars,

which I imagine is great. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you win a slower car. Which means that you wouldn't really use it, wouldn't it? It's actually a good system. Like, if you win a race, you should have to like swap cars, you know?

And then you get the slow car. And then we truly find out if you're actually a faster driver. Who's the better driver? Yeah. That's right. I can't imagine. Do we really address this in the Fars and a few years universe? I can't remember.

Do we really address whether or not actually you can be a, like being a good driver makes any difference? Oh, we do. Because he says not doubling the clutch like you should, this and that. There are apparently some elements in which you can do it better. Yeah. It's not just having a faster car. Although that is a, I have a feeling that, that, I have a feeling they're not just succumbing to saying that it's the machine itself.

Right? Like it can't, it can't just be that. It can't because or else then suddenly they're like, we are all powerless. Why? Where were their confidence? becoming wrong. I am powerless to make any difference. Well, there is an element in which there is like a skill, I imagine, and a dedication that goes into getting your car as fast as it is. You know, you see them working on it in the laboratory. That's a laboratory, the car laboratory. You see them

connecting up the NOZ, knowing to connect the NOZ, knowing when to deploy the NOZ, These are all skills. And so the race is really just the tip of the iceberg. You know, that... Yeah. I also remember from doing a bit of go-kart last year with an old primary school friend and his friends that are, I guess, not from primary school.

I love that you're still doing primary school-level activities. Did you also go play out of the monkey bars? Well, is go-karting a primary school? level for the premise of my statement it was I mean if we're gonna what are we going to question the premise of every dumb thing we say now

well I just wasn't you know I just I guess I'm imagining I guess we are going to question the premise I suppose if we're just basing it off of this unless I'm just doing a bit as well and I say no we're not Andy but I'm doing a bit you know I'm like you

why question the premise was I imagining Billy Car and only just now realizing what you're talking about. I mean, I guess if we're going to question the premise, this is the kind of thing we're going to have to discuss. Oh, I didn't realize this whole argument was shame-based, was shame-fueled, that you had made a mistake, and now we're fighting because you didn't want to admit

until you did, until it was convenient for you. what I noticed, see, so my friends and his friends were often much better than me at go-karting, right? But then at some point after like the first or second time, he says, yeah, I don't, I just put my foot down and I don't take it off except for maybe twice during the track for a second, right? So really the secret to being a good driver is just driving at the maximum. Yeah, yeah, it really is. the maximum speed as much as possible. And to be honest, I needed to learn that. I was like driving like you drive a car.

Indicating. You go out. You go, oh, that feels a bit. Letting people go in front of you. Yeah. So by the end, I was going a lot faster because I was like, yeah, you just keep, you just drive really fast. It's not about skill. It's just about having your foot down the whole time.

No, but I think we learned that that is the skill, right? The skill is. Knowing which one's the accelerator and which one's the brake and knowing not to put your foot on the brake one. Yeah, well, that's it's, you're a hundred percent right, Andy, and you're learning faster than I had. Yeah, I pick these things up real quick. So now, based on this idea of them swapping pink slips and then getting a slower car so that they can then prove that they're a better driver, Do you think that then they keep racing people and then keep getting, like let's say they beat the person again, even with the slower car? Then do they then go and race the third person, the third fastest person with the slower car?

And if they beat them, then they get the third slowest car. Yes, until they're just sitting on a rock but going, still going. And they somehow still win. I think that's it. I mean, ideally, that would be, I mean, that's presumably the objective, right, is to find the fastest person in the slowest vehicle. Yeah. And.

Well, I think it should be that it should be the same. I apologize for cutting off your sentence. I think it should be the same rule with like high class hotel, high class restaurants, sorry, not hotels. So that let's say your restaurant makes one of the best meals, right? then they should give you slightly worse ingredients. Yes. And then you've got to try to keep winning the best meal award. Yeah.

And then until eventually you're just serving, you've cooked up a pile of human feces with some gravel sprinkled on it. Right? Yeah. And if you can win, then you're the best chef. Exactly right. I mean, that's what we're all human endeavits. should be working towards because then we will be able to achieve independent of we'll be able to

transcend right we'll be able to transcend the limitations be independent of context um and isn't that you know isn't that what we all want i also think that we should there should be an underground uh foot race community much like the fast and the furious right but it's right it's running not not like Not like running underground, like an abandoned mines. No, but they can do that. That would be great, actually. Maybe they do. They run in the sewers.

But instead of racing to win the other person's car, you race to win the other person's legs. And so the far, you know, I think that's... Oh, they're racing for pink legs. Exactly right. Pink sticks. It's because the skin has gone really raw from like running through a sewerage and stuff like that. In shorts.

And so. you just like literally you lose your legs like i like that that's that's how serious the underground running scene is that they'll if you lose they cut your fucking legs off and the winner takes your legs and he's he's got he's just got heaps of legs it's not like he runs with your legs now he's just got a room full of legs that he's that he's accumulated like those people would like with like sneaker collections yes exactly right yeah um and you know what i think would be the most part of the legs would be the hair. I find hair on dead things is very disconcerting.

That's for living things. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not concerted. I've been disconcerted. That's right. Like when I went to see Pearl Jam perform live. Yes. And somebody made fun of me for it.

That it is, there was a real, like Pearl Jam, that name comes from Jiz, right? That's what that's a reference to. I guess so, yeah. I mean, it feels like you shouldn't be allowed to name your band while you're still teenagers. I think there's a bunch of, a bunch of bands, it seems like, that are named after Jiz in one way or another. What's another one? Is Limp Biscuit also named after jizz?

Like jizzing on a biscuit? I think maybe, maybe after jizzing on a, yeah, I think so, it's after jizzing on a biscuit. I heard that 10CC was named after jizz, but that might be an urban myth.

Yeah, right. What about tool? Probably, you know. Well, not jizz, but that feels like it would be a, the jizz pipe. Let's see, smash mouth.

Oh, yuck. I hadn't thought about that. If they were splash mouth, maybe. Yeah, okay, good. Yeah, but that's the name of my water park. But I think, basically, I think that your band should be given a placeholder name that's just like a randomly assigned, like a username, a randomly generated username for anything.

And you don't choose the name until you've had your first top. 10 record. Oh, but that, no, that doesn't, that won't stop anything. Maybe they should ask. And still be young enough to choose a really bad name. They should ask Paul McCartney what he would name the Beatles now. They should and rename it and retro and do it like a dead name. Well, like, you can't call them the Beatles anymore. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

I think he should fix it. Yeah. Could we just say the Beatles was a stupid name? It worked, but we all think it's. a flu. Yeah. Yeah. And it's created a bad precedent where people think you can have a stupid name and still be the world's most significant band. Yeah. Yeah. And so therefore, could you, just like, Sir Paul, please, just allow us this one thing, you know, accept that if this premise is true, what would you name the band? Exactly.

And they go, oh, you know, well, actually, you know, you got to think we were just... Call it jizz. Just, just a... Oh, we just call it, well, pearl jabs already taken, isn't it? Um, uh, uh, uh, mayo, like trousers, mao. Mayo? Oh, yeah, uh, a colic ao. For my, from my... Girl, what about girl, girl lick, I, uh, oh, yeah, uh, trouser snake venom.

Um, um... Oh, let's see. Is a man's sperm taken? I think he... I think Paul does have, like, in some ways, a little bit of a slightly childish sense of humour still. Sir Paul. Sorry, Sir Paul.

Why is it that, like... Sir Paul? Why is it that when you become a knight, we use your first name, right? Like, Sir Paul, I mean, surely, when you're a sir, you're more serious than ever, you need a, I'd think that'd be prime surname. I mean, it's called a surname, but we don't even say it. That's right, it's his surname.

We don't even say it. And it's Sir Paul. Yeah, that is weird. Yeah, why? But sir, and in the other version, surname, S-U-R, that's like, that's French, that's on. Own name. It's your own name. But you know what's crazy about the French

is that they call it the first name, the pre-name, the prin-naum. Oh, yeah, right. It's just a little taster plate. And so if that's, so in English,

the surname is that, and then what the name, the name is the first name, and then it's pre-name, and then the last name is the name. It's very, no world decision on what the name is. We need to standardize naming.

What about the Institute of World Decisions? It's really good. We need to get our shit together, together. Yeah. Get our shit together together together. Yeah, I mean, that would be great. Like, I think we could have used this a long time ago. Yeah, because...

And everybody gets an equal vote. None of this veto shit. shit like the UN does. Yes, exactly right. And no more resolutions, you know, because as far as I can tell, they don't do anything. These are decisions. Yeah. It's completely different.

We've made a mistake. The UN can only make resolutions. It doesn't help anybody. Yeah, and it should just be like, it's like if you want to, like, you got to be there. If you want to have a vote, you got to put $5,000. in the pot. Oh, great. And if someone lands on free parking, they get all the money.

Well, I think that once the decision has been made, we use all the money in the pot. Ah, yes. To make the decision come true or whatever. Yeah. No, it's a really good idea. I mean, we'll up the amount, depending on how big the decision is. Okay, yep. But let's say, okay, everybody puts in $5 million, everybody puts in a billion or

whatever it is. And then afterwards you go, all right, let's go do it. We made the decision. Let's do it. Anybody who wasn't here doesn't benefit. Yes. And, well, I mean, no, I think that's, I don't, that's the problem. That's the, that's my fear about this system is that, like, if there are people who are left out,

then it won't be a world decision anymore, you know? That's true. But then what do we do about people who are like, well, I'm not coming joining? Because don't you think that's why America and Russia has veto powers? It's probably got something to do with them going, well, if I don't get veto power, then I'm not joining. Well, I think what we need to do is we need to make fun of them for not joining. Like, we need to find a way to mock them into joining,

not by giving them all stuff or making concessions. Use like AI videos of Lego people. Exactly. That's what it takes, you know? And then say, oh, you're a big shithead. you're part of the Epstein class. Yes. Yeah, great. Yeah, we'll get there.

We'll get there. Like, I feel like potholes. Pot holes is probably a situation that could be fixed much more easily than I feel like governments are dealing with it. I feel like... Right, so what you reckon is that maybe like that's how there's a UN peacekeeping corps with the white helmets or whatever, there should also be like a UN road maintenance call.

And if a country or a suburb or a local council is neglecting hot holes too much, then it becomes a global issue and the UN gets involved. You should be able to drone in some asphalt. Oh, that's a really good idea. They should have a different type of bomb that's full of tar. And so you can like, Imagine that, right? This is how you'd do regime change.

This is how you'd really do regime change. You should fly over the country that you want to take over the regime of and drop bombs that fill up all the potholes in the road. And then you win over the... That's right. It's a reverse crater. Yes. You win over the people by solving their problems with an aerial bombardment. And...

And that's how you also take some of the power back from the... the military industrial complex. Exactly. Who, you know, who just, just want to be building stuff that gets flown into things.

Uh, you know, I mean, what do you think, like, how do you think they're going to get fucked over from, uh,

from like the, uh, indirect warfareness of the future, you know, and these people who want to make really expensive bombs and stuff like that. When, uh, the new tech stuff like drones and stuff like that are so much cheaper.

Do you think that that has the power to crumble some of that military industrial complex? Because you know how America is so built for conventional warfare? But who the fuck is going to build their military to be conventional when there's other ones that are better at it? Why are you not just naturally going for unconventional warfare? to be much more effective. Fuck all these conventions. That's right, except for maybe the Geneva ones. Oh, yes.

Yeah, I... Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I have a feeling and I have faith, and I really believe that the giant in military corporations will be okay. They will get through this, you know? Yeah, I think they'll be all right, and I don't want you to worry about them. But it is a scary time.

Obviously, obviously. But like, if we can't rely on them, gosh. But like, you know, I don't think America has done well in a war since Second World War. Korean War? I think they did, did they do okay in Korea? No, I don't know if they did do okay in Korean War. Did they? Like, there's still two Koreas. Yeah. And once... Yeah, I don't think... Yeah. I don't think... Yeah. I don't think. I don't think. think they've done very well. I think, I mean, like, I think maybe the military industrial complex has done well because they've managed to drop a few bombies. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Really, it's funny, isn't it? The military industrial complex is like the things that everyone says about the pharmaceutical big farmer, where they're like, they don't actually want to cure

diseases, okay? They just want to keep you on medication for your life. It's like that, but with wars, Like they don't want to win wars. They want the war to go on as long as possible. Yeah. Well, I think they might be in luck this time. Yeah, I've got a good feeling. I got a feeling that this war's going to be a big war. Must be awful to be near it.

Yeah. Yeah, do you think about that? I do and then like in some ways my brain can't even process it because like you what I would do mentally turn up how sad would I feel how scared would I be you try and like crank up the the knobs in your brain to to to get to that level and to be like how would I act in this situation and my brain can't begin to simulate it I just well I feel like it would be a bit like okay obviously I can't know what the actual intensity of it all would be but I think there would be a part in which would feel a bit like COVID in that there's this insane thing happening around you but your life is still continuing right and so there's still bills racking up and there's still I mean and there's and you've still got to take your your kid, you got to do some stuff with your kids.

That is, that is, that is something that I, yes, when I'm thinking about that, those are bits where I'm like, oh, fuck, you occasionally remember, oh yeah, all that stuff still happens. Life goes on. People say life goes on, like it's a good thing. Sometimes it should stop. Yeah. They say it like, like life is, like life is easy.

Oh, what, life goes on? Oh, as well? Yeah, I think that's another thing we should ask Paul McCartney about. What would he call Obla Di Obla da now? You know? Because that's in many ways a song about this very situation. Yes. Yeah, you're right.

You know, and maybe, you know, could we use words that are not from, you know, some Jamaican culture or Haitian culture or something like that. Could he come up with something else, some of his own lyrics? I believe. And he could keep all the thing, like the harpsie chord in there or whatever. Obladegh is Nigerian. While the song is Jamaican influenced. And I only know this because I was listening to a podcast about it yesterday.

Right. If you ask me at any other point in history, I wouldn't be able to. But you were listening yesterday? Yeah, yeah, to this podcast. Jesus Christ, I brought up all bloody, all blood out just in time. You played right into my hands. You, I'm like a coil spring. I didn't want you to know it was Nigerian.

I didn't want you to know that, Andy. I've really, I've really, this is a real strategic bungle on my part. Oh, you fluffed it. What, Alist. I've absolutely flubbed it and fluffed it. I've fluffed it then flubbed it. What was the most. recent sketch idea that we wrote down because I felt like there was something there that you

you started talking way too soon after what I thought was a dead cert and I'm like he hasn't written it down okay written down the institute of world decisions drones for fixing potholes oh that was it drones for fixing potholes was the one that I was like I don't think he's written that down but god you're good you're operating on so many different levels oh yeah I mean I just wait for you to start blabbing off about Nigeria and all these things that you know. I call it a strategic bungle, but really, I have you exactly where I wanted to. I knew you'd listen to that podcast and I knew you'd want to talk about it. And that was my chance to get in there and write a little sketch idea down.

People say men can't multitask, but they also say that, we're always thinking about sex. So which is it? Can we only do one thing at a time? Or can we do one thing and also think about sex at the same time? We don't get enough credit for that. Yeah. Well, what about it?

Because they also say that guys on multiple times during a day also think about the Roman Empire. Yeah. Get your story straight. Something I do think about occasionally is, what it would have been like to have sex during the times of the Roman Empire. And I picture it to be very similar, except a bit smellier. That is what I think about as well. I think often about how people didn't have a convenient way to wash their genitals.

I mean, maybe they did. Maybe they'd sorted that out. But like, you think about animals. They don't really wash their genitals. Yeah, but they also love to smell shit. They do. Yeah. And smell like this, they know you from your anal sacs, the scent of your anal sacs.

So, so what's good and bad is changed. I think good and bad has been vastly distorted for us. Yes, we've strayed from the path. Have you ever like, this is, I'm so sorry, this is how, uh, oh, let's say, should I even, like. can i you know if you're like your raw your raw dog a wank right now i don't mean without protection but i mean without any kind of stimulation right right right just go in just you there's a moment in which it feels so different to something with stimulation because why am i being so personal well it genuinely feel like there's there's a sensation of like that you're involved in something

thing so real. And it actually takes me back to very early experiences with partners where you're like, I don't know, it just feels kind of like new and natural and kind of thing like. And I was like, I almost can't even deal with how. It's like cooking a, how much better it is. Cooking a meal from scratch, you know. Exactly. It's like taking some oats, putting it on top of a fire in a pot with some water and butter.

That's right. It is. It's like making damper. Exactly. It's like being Amish and row creating. I've got to have an Amish wank. An Amish wank without the phone. Armish style.

Well, I think we just found. The name of the episode. Yes. And the next sketch, the Amish wank. Without video. What's the, like that video, what do you mean? Like what video? I don't know what video are you talking about.

You said, like that video. I said, without a video. Without a video. I was actually saying without NVIDIA. Oh, you know how. Yes. Sometimes you hear about some of the biggest stocks in the world, and you're like, I think I might participate in a little self-pleasure.

And think about the NASDAQ. Nasdaq attack. Yeah. Nasdank wank. I have a NASWank. These are good. These are good. Yeah?

A MAZ in my DACs. Oh, no. Yeah. Jizz, jazz, jazz deck. That would be great if this was about music. What's your what's your favorite index? I like the footsie. I don't know what it means,

but it has the fun. They've actually all got pretty good names. Yeah, let's see. What do I like? Oh, I don't mind the Nikai. The Nikai. Oh. Yeah.

I know. That's the one I feel like I relate to the least. But you're right. Yeah, I know, but I think that's why I like it, because it's like watching a foreign film. Okay. What are these companies? Who's Xanadu Quantum?

Yeah. You know? Who's liquid metal technologies? No, that's actually on the American one, I think. Is it really? What are that? Yeah, something I've been looking at. Really?

LMT. Because, no, I don't think it is. I think it's LQ, right? Of course. It's because I was like, I was doing something and then they were like, they think that this will be the company that might, you know, be involved in Apple's first foldable phone. And so then they were like, we just got a hold. Just got a hold.

And one day this will go really good. It's all these little rumors. And so I was like, oh. Little rumors. Everybody's got their own little rumors, haven't they? Everybody's got a rumor. buzzing around. Except for me and my monkey, we don't have any rumors.

This is the Beatles episode. But really, it's the Amish Wanker. We all know. We all know. That's what it is. So at the start of the Amish Wank conversation, there was something that came to my mind that I wanted to discuss. It wasn't about how animals don't wash their genitalia.

It wasn't about sex in the Roman Empire. Yeah. Oh, I feel like it wasn't that good. and it's not coming back to me, this is the best bit of the episode. Do you think that it would be a good... So, I mean, look, you can keep thinking while I talk if you like. I was just trying to fill in some space. No, no, go. Go say something, please.

But to have a date where you, you know, where, you know, people love a quirky date, you know, especially in this difficult dating environment where, you know, probably two-thirds of men are in the manosphere. and expect, you know, whatever from dates and shit like that. You should go on a Roman, a Roman sex date where previous to setting up the day, essentially you're both in it for a one-night stand. You're both agreeing to a one-night stand. Maybe you need a pre-date.

Yes. You know, like a pre-interview in order to be like, yeah, you know what? I would allow that in this circumstance. Yeah. And then they spend a week not showering. Oh, yeah, great. And then they, you know, and then they will wear sort of, I guess, the right kind of clothing. And then they get to experience what it would be like having sort of a dirty intercourse from that era.

It's a really... They could wear a toga. It's a really good idea. But, like, there is, I think the reason why it would be interesting is that, like, do you think that the whole thing was less pleasant and it actually kind of kept people's desire in check a little bit more? Like, was the whole cleaning of the body? Did that create sort of a higher, you know, like a higher drive because there was less repellent on the body? interesting that like we didn't evolve to be this clean and therefore we didn't evolve to be this sexy you know if we accept that being cleaner is more attractive at no point in our in in in our

evolutionary history were we built for this and that's right we we want to we do it with each other a lot because we we we don't have the filters or the there's nothing um stopping us something that didn't exist back in the day. Yeah, a clean person. We are, yeah, we, yeah, we, we, we are cleaner and then we've got like clothing and makeup and sort of all sorts of things to make us artificially seem way better. Yes. Right, as well, look better. We are essentially now all Doritos. Haircuts, we've got haircuts now. Hey? We've got haircuts, exactly, shaving. We are, Doritos. We are healthy.

We do not. Yeah, we are Doritos. We are something created artificially that didn't exist in nature, but that is, that is, like, designed for desire to please the senses, right? A smooth, cut face, a sort of infectionless body. Oh, no weeping sores. No weeping sores? I mean, that is, we are using all terms to describe a Dorito.

You know, and so we're not supposed to be this sexy. The body can't handle this amount of randiness. Yeah, I mean, people say, we still don't know why pubes exist. Maybe it was to make us to turn us off as like a final hurdle where you're like, if you want to do it, you've got to get. past this sort of tangled, like basically a hedge of wire to keep it under control. Yeah, I don't know. Population management. And we're, you know, maybe we're not even supposed to live in big groups like this. We're not even supposed to have access.

It's supposed to be risky going and getting involved with somebody. although then why would we have our kids be designed to be like raised for so long dependent on the on the parents unless we needed to be around look Andy I'm starting to crumble

but we are we are we are we are just Doritos people I agree homo Doritos um Alistair I remember what it was I was thinking about before

and it was um Santa emptying his sack, but it's an anal sack. Dragging his butt along the carpet in each kid's house? Yeah. I mean, if it's dog Santa, I suppose, he comes down... No, no, no, it's regular Santa. It's regular, it has to be regular.

I'm so sorry. Okay, great, of course it does. And yeah, I guess he comes down the chimney, and he, and he empties his anal sac. And like, is it that in this universe, he produces a musk that is really delightful and that we all enjoy? You know, like the beaver anal gland

that we used to make vanilla ice cream. Yeah, vanilla, yeah. Yeah, I mean, pumpkin spice, you know, something like that or a sort of nutmeg, sort of cinnamon-y kind of scent. And so the kids run down in the morning and then they just sort of sniff at the edges of the chimney, and that's all we need.

You know, that's Christmas, baby. Sniffing at the edges of the chimney implies that he's like, he's sort of putting his butt into, like, up against the edge of the fireplace. Yeah, and rubbing it up and down. Yeah. Yeah, he's been sent marking. But his bag of goodies is not the only sack. that he empties when he comes to your house.

I do like the implication that he is a slightly different species. He has a different physiology. That's Santa. I mean, Santa maybe is like the sort of the silverback, the true silverback, the big gorilla that leads the human pack and maybe being in the position of Santa, much like the transformation that,

Tim Allen experiences in the Santa Claus. Maybe when you become Santa, your body does change in certain ways. And one of the ways is that your anal sacs do expand. They grow, yeah, they multiply tenfold. And they start producing liquid at an incredible rate, which is why he's got to drink so much milk in every house. Exactly. Because he's just producing it really fast, but he needs to replenish his fluids.

Exactly. He's squirting. He's absolutely squirting off. Now, I'm beginning to hear a child stomping around outside. So. Stomping. Is it time to go to? That sounds rude.

Andy, we do have enough. We do have five sketch ideas. So could I, would you allow me the pleasure of taking us to three words from a listener. I would honestly. You have my blessing. Now Andy, as you know, we have A listeners. Some of those A listeners also have an A listener hat that you could get from the show notes or just by sending us a message. Actually, can you get it from the show notes? Probably not. Just send us a message if you want a listener hat. 40 Australian dollars or 60 with postage. But anyway, some of these listeners also support us on Patreon and can.

Sorry, the door is being knocked on. Okay. I'm going to go and put some television on for my child and I'm going to leave you. Oh my gosh, what a lucky child. I will keep doing this and I will start getting the empty silence to guess three words. So three words from a listener. Today's listener is B-B-Boon. Sorry, I could hear Andy still talking, but I,

assume that maybe he's not on the mic anymore. So, B. Boone has three words. The first word has one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight letters. I wonder if Andy's going to guess it correctly. My guess is that no. Andy has been guessing a fair few words correctly, but usually it's second or third words. But while Andy's putting on TV, I'm going to guess what. Andy's going to put on TV. How about that? I'm going to say, let's see, maybe Netflix,

or it could be ABC Eye View. So if it's Eye View, I'm going to guess Bluey, but if it's Netflix, I'm going to guess number blocks. All right. The answer is, it was ABC TV Kids, just regular old terrestrial television, because we haven't got the internet at our new house yet. And they're watching bananas. They're watching bananas in pajamas, classic. the guys in the banana costumes. Wow. Yeah. And that's on free to air TV?

It is at this time of the morning. Just before 6 a.m. Things are going badly that they are like, that's what they're now like back to airing. Yep. Not that it was a bad show. I just mean that like, you know, they spent quite a bit of money trying to get those 3D ones, I think, as well. Well, they spent quite a bit of money trying to not have to pay those guys. guys in the banana costumes.

I think that was their, you know, they were spending money to save money. But, you know, if they're... Sometimes that's what you got to do. Sometimes you've got to spend even more money to save a little bit of money. It's hard to find guys with that specific

fucking head shape, you know, real cone heads that you can fit into that costume. And that's why they need to pay so much. When you find them, you pay whatever it costs. I wonder where they animated that. Do you think they animated that? animated in Australia? If so, we should be ashamed of ourselves.

Have a national day of mourning for... Andy, today's listener was B-B-Boon, and he sent in three words from a listener, and I assume it's from B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- And the first word is laryngitis. Oh! Had you heard that it was a multi-lettered word? I wasn't listening, but that's a great clue.

The first word is rigorous. I feel like I was close. Yeah. Okay, rigorous. Testing. Second word is testing. Andy, the second word is pub. Oh, rigorous pub test.

Third word is test. trying again. I am going to, I'm going to give you something because even though you made a horrible mistake, the third word is testing. But you said it was the second word. And so, but I'm going to allow you to feel a little bit of success, even though obviously you were very wrong.

Yeah, I mean, couldn't be more wrong in some ways. Be more Rigorous Pub testing Yeah I mean double blind Like are we using the pub test Actually as a

As a scientific method Are we trying to apply A double blind pub test Yeah double blind drunk mate We get people Absolutely maggoted Twice as maggotid As they would otherwise have been

And then ask them what they think That's double blind drunk. That's what, yeah, what's the sort of common sense belief for people who are extremely pissed? Who are insensible. Like, we want to know, that's interesting, isn't it, we need to get to like an even more fundamental level of thought because common sense isn't, obviously isn't enough. We want to get people who are standing in a puddle of their own. piss because they're so drunk and vomiting. Because we want to talk directly to their lizard brain.

Exactly right. It'd be like, the brain stem. But what do you, tell us what you really think. Unfiltered, the wisdom of the common man. Even more common than that. And that's the thing is that we don't mean common like the most like the one that you will see the most frequently. No, no.

We mean common as in like, dumber and more... Common as muck. More basic. Yes, basic bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's something we can all get behind.

Sure. Rigorous pub test. What would be one sort of test that we might do in that situation? Just to get a little bit more meat onto that bone. Let's see. We want to try and find out what. what is the source of dark matter. Great.

Well, if the answer is inside of all of us, you've got to get closer and closer to the brain. Further in, further down, get rid of those filters, unfiltered. Yeah, that's right. Somehow the lizard brain knows. Andy, thank you so much. It's nice to imagine that there is a level of truth down there somewhere, deeper, deeper, deeper still. It is nice to think that.

I don't believe that that's the case, but I... I reckon if you could let a computer in to look at some of the raw data. Yes. It could maybe get a little bit more out of it, but I'm not even sure that there is raw data in there. It's all stored as sort of this weird web of stuff, right? Yeah, I mean, it's... It is, there is this sort of maybe like a common misconception that the more fundamental something is, the more true. But that like, I think, overlooks the role of information and education and understanding in actually probably moving towards truth.

I don't think it's something that we start with and then we move away from. I think it's something we've got to work hard. and think a lot to get to, probably. And there are so many emergent properties of things as well, that if you go to the fundamental thing, you forget that there's other fundamental things that are interacting with it as well. Like clean genitals.

Clean genitals are an emergent phenomenon that was always possible in the fundamental laws of the universe, but had never been realized until recently. that's right the um we thought that we'd hit a high watermark then yes you know of the amount of sort of of gaudy sex stuff that we'd be getting up to gaudy body body body gaudy gaudy gaudy body implies that you're wearing like sort of neon um leg warmers and that's what i was saying men in tights Great. He was around during the time of the Robins, wasn't he?

Yeah. Probably, was he? I actually genuinely don't know. The Sheriff of Loxley? Was he... Robin of Loxley, Sheriff of Nottingham. Come on, Alastair. No.

Robin of Nottingham, Sheriff of Loxley. Oh, that's good. I think that probably he wasn't in Roman times. And to anyone with the most basic understanding of history, I apologize. That must have been gaudy for you to hear. Yeah, from Roman times, wait. I'm thinking of Asterix and Obelix, probably. No, he led to you know what I said around the Middle Ages, 12th to 14th century.

It's all the same. It's all just... It's all the same. It's all just the dirty general... The dirty genital era. Yes. D-G-E. Yeah.

Instead of BC, it should be B-C-D before clean dicks. And when Jesus washed people's feet, was that the invention of cleanliness? Did he? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you think that was a metaphor for cleaning somebody's job? Maybe. I wonder if he would have.

Yeah. You know, because, like, yeah, that funk emanating. from the middle the mid section would have that downtown you know while his head is down there

yeah downtown funk gonna give it to you yeah um Alistair I reckon we've done it we've absolutely what a great bit of work

a beautiful episode filled with absolutely gorgeous sketch ideas in a traditional sense we got the fast and the furors they swap cars so they They can get a slower one when they win

so that they can prove that they're the better driver. We got the can't name bands before turning 32. But this was like, you know, for all the 18-year-olds who named their bands after Jiz when they're young. We got the Institute of World Decisions inventing drones for fixing potholes. We got the Amish wank. It's when you do it without video or anything like that.

We got the modern, what's this? Modern Sexiness. is an unnatural thing like Doritos, an invention by essentially food scientists that the body is not designed to withstand. Indeed. Now, here's the next one is a classical sketch. Santa emptying out his antics.

And then we got the double-blind pub test. Really good. Well, let us know if you heard any other sketch ideas in there that I forgot to write down. It's been a joy speaking to all of you. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, yeah. That's right. What a beautiful thing, and, by the way, don't think that we haven't noticed how

clean it is in here right now oh boy love what you've done with it love what you guys have done with the inside of your ear canals and what a joy it is to lay within them and we we love you wiggle wiggle wiggle that's my finger wiggling in your ear goodbye