Two In The Think Tank - 523 - "METAL LICA"

Episode Date: April 28, 2026

Scrunchtime, Bad TV, Putting Sorry on the Moon, Marching Club, Tap Kissing, Double Ended Lollipop, Piggyback the King, Piggy Back Pig Attack, Take Back Piggy Back, 3 Factor Authentication, Explosive PMYou can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're not a master, you're a disaster. I couldn't find a noodle in a bowl of pasta. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eat beans. Hi, Andy. Hi, Alistair. Welcome to Two in the Think Tank the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I am the Andy half of the equation.

And I am the Alistair, three-quarter of the equation. let it never be said that we don't provide balance on this podcast. You know, for every Andy there is at least one Alistair. At least one and a half Alistair's that it takes to balance out this equation. That does sound right. Yeah, I mean, I made a huge insult to myself and then you said that does sound right. I appreciate it. Oh, I didn't realize that was insulting to you.

I thought that, well, I was basing it off the, you are the, you are the, you are the Listerre three quarters that you said earlier, which to me sounded like a pretty, pretty intense boast. And a real sort of slap down to me to suggest that you, you know, I only bring half, but you bring three quarters. Sure, sure, sure. And then I tried to clarify it. And then I didn't reevaluate. By explaining the conversion rate that it takes 1.5 analystsers to balance out. And I, you know. Yes.

Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, I mean, look, it's a lot of mass. It looks like I'm going to be doing most of this podcast by myself. And Andy's going to be misunderstanding some of it, a lot of it. Yeah. I'm not sure if you were able to listen to my rap I was doing at the start of the episode. I liked your beans bit that you were doing. I fucked up my own rap because I had in the car, no, on my bike yesterday,

thought of what I thought was a really good rap, which was, you're not a master, you're a disaster, couldn't find a noodle in a bowl full of pasta. Oh yeah, that's good. Yeah. And I wanted to recreate that spontaneously. and I got like the first word wrong. You got your wrong?

I think so. So you said I'm not a master? Maybe. I can't remember. But it was, yeah, I had to start again. It's crazy that we can't go back and listen to the podcast while we're doing the podcast so that we can. I mean, that's a great platform, by the way.

One where you're recording, but you can also go back and listen to bits. And when you click on the thing, it just plays. it's straight into the podcast. Oh, loop it, loop it in. Loop it in. Get rid of that post edit thing that we don't do much of. Yeah.

What would the advantage of that be? I mean, it would be good for us because we have a lot of arguments and don't really listen to each other or ourselves. Yeah, especially you. Is that what you would use it for for resolving? I feel like, you know, you create the tool and we already have one solution,

one thing problem that it can solve but imagine the amount you know I think it'd be perfect for a DJ who wants to do a bit of error error error era era era era you know some of that era correction

you know maybe no you're absolutely right I think it's like any good product you make it and then you let the market decide what it's for you know like people who invented

the vibrating dildo who knows what the original intention of it was they probably didn't have any ideas about what yeah exactly I mean I think some of some

I imagine they were shocked when they read out what people were doing with them yeah I mean do you think what was because it's just a it's just a motor with like a one-sided weighted thing right yes

yes Exactly. Sort of a smooth thing that is longer than it is wide. Oh, this is the Dillow part. I mean, that's stupid. Yeah, apart from a, apart from a, apart from a square, everything's longer than it is wide. Is that fair to say? Everything is longer than it is wide.

What about a building? I mean, unless it's square, it's longer than it is. wide, right? But it depends on what you consider width and length. Explain. Hey? Explain. Okay.

I'm still trying to understand your part, unless it's a square, but like, let's say, and, uh, let's say like, uh, oh my God. Let's see. Okay, wait, longer than it is wide. So let's say there's like an oval, an oval shaped building. Let's say this. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Then... This is already, like, it's already making your building seem like a terrible example. Okay, but I mean like, it looks like an oval from above. It looks like an oval from above. It's like a pentagon, but it's for like a softer kind of thing. And it's an oval. So it goes up.

It goes up, let's say, three stories. Yeah. Right? And the door is in the long bit, is in the, the, the, the, the longest of the dimensions, right? The door's right in the middle there. Right? And then...

So it does have one longer dimension. So it is longer. Yeah, but that's its width. Oh, no. How can you... How can you say that's the width? Well, you're just... Right now, you're doing something

where you're taking the word long, right, to mean it's... length when it also means something that is long, right? It's not, it's not, oh, this is its long measurement. It's true. Short things are also long. Have a length. Exactly. You know, and they have even the smallest length. And you are, and it is possible to measure how long a short thing is. And the answer is not very. Yeah. And how long is it? Not. It's not. It has zero long. Because it's sure. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. So that's its width. And then, I mean, I don't even know if long, if long is a dimension. Wait, because look, what is it? We got width, we got depth and we got height. Oh, Andy, you have started trouble here by creating a false dichotomy. And I have-

You are blowing this thing wide open, or is that long open? I don't think so Well, according to you, it's bloody I've bursted long open I think to height, width and depth you could add length in there And which one is the length? It would fit

Well, you're going to have to get rid of one of the others But you're saying So then you've just created a new thing Where length means long And it's the name given It's the name given to the longest measurement thing except for in a square. I think that's right.

I think that is what I've created. Now look, Elsie, you've done a very good job. You've done a very good job of pointing out that I might have made some errors or I might have left some ambiguity. But I will say that some of the ways that you've gone about doing that have been at a terrible cost to... Everybody's psychology. everybody's ability to reason. And that's okay, Andy.

The important thing is that we got there and then you saw some, only a couple of the errors of your ways. The error of your ways. They saw the error of your ways. The error. Error. That was, why did the,

why did the DJ throw away his turntable? Because he made an error, error, error, error, error. Because he saw the error of his ways. Yeah, that's good. Is it? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it would be better, it would be better if ways.

Not in the sense that God is good. Imagine if that's the only way that you could use the word good. Oh, they've ruined the word good. Oh, you can't, nothing's good anymore. This is why we can't have good things Because only God is truly good I'm Okay, so wait

Was there any sketch ideas in what we did About the Uh, the DJ Who sees the error of his ways Yeah I mean Let's see Um

Is there anything in the width And the length argument? I mean, yeah I think there is I think there is, you know, maybe, and maybe you're right to put it in the context of buildings and, you know, make it be architects having, I guess, some sort of a crisis, like a mental breakdown. Maybe there's even, like, part of the architecture course is they teach you the mental strength to deal with this ambiguity when you study. architecture. That's the reason it takes six years. It shouldn't take as long to become an architect as it does to become a doctor, to be honest. Like when a kid, like an infant, can draw a house,

which is pretty accurate. You know, they've got the elements there. You know, a kid, an infant can't draw a cornea, you know, they can't draw a spleen or unless, except probably by accident. I think That's why the people who draw our organs are, their jobs are not at risk. From infants. Yeah, from infants. Architecture probably, would you call architecture? Drawing? Applied drawing. Yeah.

Doodles? Yeah, it's doodles. Because it really is like you draw it and then the engineers and everybody works out details. Who worked out how to make it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that fucking Frank Gehry guy

who did those ones where he would like scrunch up paper or whatever, it'd be like, let's make that. He really, it felt like he was trying to destroy the profession. Yeah. Do you think it at that time, people were like, if we allow scrunched paper into our industry, then that's the end of creative. Is this an AI metaphor?

Scrunched paper is going to steal all our jobs in... Steal my jobs. You come home from your day at the architecture office early and your wife, your beloved, says, What's wrong, honey? I was replaced by a scrunch. piece of paper. That would be a blow to your self-esteem

for sure. And your wife says again? Again. Oh, Malcolm. Oh, what are we going to do? I mean, also with the AI thing, do you think that, like, obviously a lot of

managers think that they're really smart by replacing a lot of their employees with AI? And maybe they are. But also, do you think that there's a chance that in sort of three to five years, we'll discover that maybe putting all your eggs into a brand new technology that you don't know enough about will be something that will have been seen as a bad management decision? Well, it depends on whether or not so many, so much money has been invested into the

building this basket, building this. this Omni basket that can hold all your eggs, that there's no money left to pay anybody. And you actually don't have a choice to re-employ those people. Yeah, well, I mean, that's the big one. And therefore, the economy just, you know, everything would just get worse, right? Everything will just be worse. And there'll be nothing we can do about it. Yeah.

Like, we would just be like, yeah, look, sure we fucked up. Sure we shouldn't have been employed you all. Okay? There is no economy anymore. And now all we can do is sort of just experience worse products, eat worse shit, roll around in slop. But what do you want me to do about it? Okay. This is what...

Sorry. This is the future. This is what life is now. Yeah. This is... What do you expect that I... I have to deal with the consequences? Look, it's not about me.

Yeah. It's about everybody. I mean, I am dealing with the consequences by having this conversation with you, sad-looking fucks. But also... That's the consequences, and I'm dealing with it. But also, like, that thing where it's like, you know, these things aren't making money.

they're making huge losses and so there's a huge amount of expense that they're going to have to add to their own billing of these things right so like the cost of these things is going to have to go up a tremendous amount and then I also thought all these artistic things that they make

allegedly like it will not that's not allegedly I'm not saying it's a crime that they commit that but anyway but are they like where people are like I'm an artist and I made this and same thing you know we like people use it for you know work and stuff like that

Do you think there's, that's going to be a point where they're going to be like, also, we are going to expect, you know, like the funds that like an artist would get for this kind of thing as well at some point. Like, you know, at some point they're going to be like, yeah, and we get, you know, if an image is used in an ad campaign and the same way that you would pay a photographer and then give them royalties later on if the ad was used again, won't they expect the same thing as well? Um, in the future. I think that they will, uh, I actually don't think that will happen. I think they will crank up the, um, the price. Yeah. You're like, you know, the whole point of capitalism and businesses is to make as much money as you can, right? To charge as much as you physically can for a product to the point when, you know, um, everything

cancels out. Yeah. And so that that will definitely happen. They will reduce, you know, the benefits of, I mean, their objectives as companies are to reduce the benefits of using their corporation, the savings of using their product to the minimum that the market will be able to stand. And that, and that's just what will happen. I mean, it is a, it will become a money vacuum cleaner where they hoover as much as they possibly can out of, the economy. Yeah.

Or maybe more like a strangler fig, where they constrict around the economy until everything within it dies. I'm pretty sure in the video game industry, there's one of the sort of video game sort of helping to make platforms. I can't remember which one. I remember a few years ago,

shifted their, one of their ways of making money was that now anything that's made on there, they get a percentage of the money of the, you know, of the thing. So it's like Photoshop expecting a percentage of the money for any photos that you might have created on their thing, right?

But they did it with video games. So I just feel like if that is there as a possibility, of course they're going to try it at some point. And if one company successfully pulls it off, I think that there's a chance that they will, because the laws are there for like, you know, for use of images and various things and commercial things. I feel like there's a chance that they are going to claim author credits

on that stuff and why not you know they're they're in there they have created it um now as you know we don't talk about AI on this podcast but we don't get to talk

but we don't get to talk off pods so yeah that's true yeah um but like uh what could this be I mean you know I do I don't it's the fact that like the consequences seem to be

negative for everybody and the companies are losing money is like is is is is is is probably the funniest bit of it and you know it's like if we replaced all um all the content on television with um just video of a guy like i'm sorry this is the only thing i can think of shoving rocks up his right so he's crouching on a riverbed he's good yeah yeah yeah No, because I think those are smooth rocks. I think they should be rough rocks because the point is, the guy doesn't like doing it. Just for the sake of our minds, can it please just be smooth rocks?

Just that have been... All right. ...has have been worn off by... And Andy, I don't say this a lot, you know, but please allow us to just feel like he's popping them in like grapes into a mouth. You know? Sure. I mean, this is...

But the point, I mean, it's possible to imagine he might enjoy that in some way, or people might like watching it. But I feel like if it's just sort of like, I don't know, like gravel or something, it's impossible to imagine. Okay, chunks of gravel, I can almost admit because at least, like, I can almost accept because they are not so big. But you can imagine that over time, the heaviness of the gravel and having to push something in when it's already full, that will be uncomfortable. But not like, it doesn't feel like you're having. to, you know, like stretch out the anus in order to just get it in there. Yeah. Yeah.

So the point is that he doesn't like it, right? We hate it. It ruins television. Yeah. And it ruins all media and all entertainment. But that's what entertainment is now. But a lot of billionaires have put their money in this guy doing this. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. we don't know where they've put the money we don't know where it's gone but they're very invested and so they've funded this show so that it's on every channel yes yes

it's playing most hours and it's in every computer program so it like pops up in the corner of anything that you're trying to do yeah are we 20 minutes in and we haven't written down a sketch idea is that what you're telling me paper

you're going to ruin architecture Oh, great. Great. Great. I mean, look, we're 20 minutes in, and it's two AI-based ideas. Yeah, no, that's all good, man. Everything getting replaced with another thing. But that's the future, man.

I mean, I do also think the idea of, like, companies just apologizing, be like, well, this is the future now. There's nothing we can do about it. And that, like, that's part of the world, is them sort of aggressively non-apologizing. Yeah. You know, like a future where it's like, sorry. Like every day. I don't know if the government begins with an apology

or if every business that you interact with somehow apologises or flies, you know, banners over the city that say sorry or like maybe we project the word sorry onto the moon. Yeah. That'd be good, wouldn't it? Like if we used lasers to put a big apology in the sea. sorry, but we have to do this. Sorry for the world we've created. Sorry for the future.

Where would that get us though? Like, where would that get them? So this is just to say sorry that I've embedded AI into everything. Yeah, I mean, maybe that's the best that we can get from the companies. That we, everyone realizes we can't go back. So maybe the UN or a high court. dictates that the companies have to put money into permanently and constantly projecting the word sorry onto the face of the moon. So even though we're stuck in this situation, at least we know they

are apologising for it. They've spent a huge amount of money on projecting things into the moon so that we can... I mean, I don't think any of us would feel better about it. If they did that? Yeah. Well, I mean, but I mean, we've given up on the idea of feeling better about things. Okay, yeah. You know. So then what? That's not an option in this future.

So they've only apologized after we've given up on the idea of feeling better. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. That's the best we can get is an apology. Yeah. A statement of regret. Yeah.

Okay. I like that. What about like a club? It's a club, you know, because like a lot of clubs and organizations. It's where, you know, it's kind of where sometimes people start doing the wrong thing. You know, they use the power of the club or the organization to then try to like, you know, do something with the people there and either manipulate them and make them evil or use it to try to have sex with them, you know, separate them from their families. What about a club where you are not allowed to do anything wrong? And that's where you just go there and you just do the right thing the whole time.

well I mean this is sort of in some ways I think what religion was supposed to be and then and then people really got into sort of using it for terrible stuff what if we also went and murdered and molested a bunch of people in the name of God of being good and then I think it's because the they try to define what being good is whereas I think in this one you don't ever define it you kind of get together and talk about it but not in a nowhere where you're ever mean to each other and and then and then maybe you're like you know maybe you throw balls around and but not testicles um you know yeah and look i'm trying to find a way to only do good yeah um yeah i mean throwing balls around as long as they're not hard and that you know Maybe a beach ball. Yeah. I mean, I feel like you need something a bit more heft because that catches in the air pretty easy.

And then that often doesn't make it to where you're trying to get it to. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, but I'm not wanting to do this close to the ocean. And then darkness creeps in. I want this to be available to inland people. You know? Right. I mean, those foam balls that you use in Dodgeball when you're at school are pretty fun.

They got a bit of weight to them. Yeah, I like that. the way they squish. You know, I mean, it does feel, though, that like, I guess then you're at the risk that it will devolve into a dodge ball situation, which is, again, like, there's, the darkness creeps in. Like, you give people a phone ball to play with, and then they're suddenly they're pelting it at each other. They're indulging in this sort of competitive behavior. And I think, again, I think, like, there's so much aggression there just below the surface.

sort of like, I guess this is the way in which even the thing with the nicest intentions turns evil in some way, you know? Because like even if it's like a group that gets together to just sing around a piano, let's say you get another piano in there or, you know, and then suddenly it's two competing groups trying to outperform each other. Yeah, oh man, that's second piano. Or you know, you're standing around and one person's singing louder or gets a solo and then the other people don't, you know? I mean, I think there's certain amounts of negative things that you've got to accept, all right? And then I guess, but then the same as you create that rule, then you go, well, now this is perfect for a leader who wants to be like, well, there's a certain amount of negative things you've got to accept. Like, one of them is me having six with you. Not that it will be negative, and that's what he'll say.

Yeah. Do you think the Nazis plan was that eventually, if the Nazis had won, Do you think that that walk that they did was going to become the standard walk? Oh, yeah. That, uh, that, uh, that goose stepping thing. Is that, is that, was that, was that eventually, is that going to be the new way of, Yeah, that would have been hard to just, to, because, did they think that looked good? Did they think that was...

I mean, what is that... I'm not sure. Is it... That's a very embarrassing walk. And it's... Because it's sort of is a midpoint between walking and dancing. But marching is kind of supposed to... High kicking.

I guess is kind of like a... It's like what straight men consider dancing. Acceptable dancing. Because it still is choreography. And the whole point is that you're doing it in time. It is. Which is what dancing is. Dancing is moving to a beat, even though you're producing the beat with your feet.

Mm. You know, so really it is actually just a type of government dance. Would you go to a sort of a march club, a marching club? And it's just a bunch of people in a room, maybe one guy with an over, I mean, a tuber in the corner. And everybody just sort of marching up and down. it around. Isn't that sort of like, boom,

boom, is like marching band? To like a sounding like a clarinet. Oh, sorry. You might be thinking of like a controversy Tuba, but still.

I forgot that I'd accidentally said obo and I wasn't listening to what you were saying. But yeah, Tuba, I would definitely go to a marching club if it was to the sound of Tuba. And the

percussive beat of our feet. And I like, you know what I would love to experiment with in that? Small group marching. You know, like, I'm talking like duet marches. I'm talking four guys dressed in barbershop quartet clothing. Marching, not singing at all. I like that it's sort of a bit freestyle marching. Like not everybody's marching in the same direction.

You know, people are sort of marching around each other, almost in like a mosh pit kind of thing. But it's just like, but it's marching. It's this, it's the, if dancing had, if marching had never been corrupted by this dancing thing. And if our culture, our glorious culture of marching, had been celebrated and put the same time and passion into, if we could just have, you know, you could go to a club

and it's like the lights are low. It's art as a form of transportation. There's that pulsating tuber. You know? Yes. That's right. And you can do art on the go. You know?

Everything's going to be art. They would probably have, you know, they've got drive-thrus. They'd probably have march-throughs now. Do you think? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Please.

Please say something. Please, respond. Do you hate it so much that it's made you lose words? I've gone into now, like I was like, I mean, if there were no cars and if we just used marching to get around, you know, if marching, we just had these big multi-lane sort of pedestrian footpaths, and you would go out and sort of march to work and you slide into the traffic of like everybody marching like crazy down the street as fast as they can go. Maybe you get run over. Yeah. Well, you know what? You know what's amazing, is it?

Like, because I was just picturing people march. Yeah. Do you think? No, I was just doing your, do you think? Well, because I was thinking, you know, there's tap dancing. But that suggests that there's other types of tap things. Right? Tap walking.

Tap walking. Yes. Very good. Tap eating. Mmm. Ah. And I'm not talking about eating a tap. That's a completely different.

Tap loving. Yes. Tap kissing. Oh. Now tap kissing, you would have a small metallic strip attached to your lower lip. Both of you have that. And then when you and your beloved lock lips, there's a sort of a glorious sort of clanking and clinking of those.

lips bashing together. There's already a bit of smacking and things like that, but that's a natural smack. You want something that's like two bits of metal, maybe bottle caps on your lips. You know, it's like castanets or whatever. I don't think there's any reason you couldn't be with piercing. Even people already have lip piercings. Have a couple, put get two in and then have like join them together with a strip of metal or like almost like a little horseshoe kind of thing.

and yeah, and then you can click and clack to your lips content. And this is stupid. Yeah. I also think that we should have a... Or maybe you could get it on your tongue. You should get it on your tongue, right? It should be on the tip of your tongue. Oh, yeah.

A little metal, sort of thimble, tongue thimble. I think we should make a band not called Metallica, but called Metal Licker. Does anybody have a band called metal liquor? I'm going to say, anytime I tried to search for band names and found that almost everything has been taken, but I think metal liquor is a great. Same style?

Let's see, what else could it be? I mean, maybe we could all be brass instruments. Do they lick? Do they lick the nozzle of their brass instrument before they? There's not a lot of instruments that use the tongue on the outside where you like where maybe some of the vibration occurs you know like you know we've got you know people play the the the wine glass but they often do it with their finger but why couldn't you do that with your tongue with the tongue yeah I wonder I wonder if it would work I mean your finger

has to be a little bit wet but I feel like there's something about the I think the tongue would be too slippery. I don't know if you'd get a tune out. Or if you wanted to, you might have to go a lot faster. But, you know, these are problems to be solved in the lab. A lollipop already kind of looks like a mallet that you would use on a vibraphone or a, you know, or some kind of percussion instrument, you know, could there be an instrument like that that it would help being struck with something wet, you know, and so that as the, as the

mallet comes up, the lollipop, you have to lick it as well like that. And as the song goes on, your mallet gets smaller. Oh, that would have an interesting sonic implication. I mean, imagine a song that you have to... They should make a double-ended lollipop. A lollipop built for two. Yeah, I would love that. Yeah. So you can both be suckling away, enjoying the sweet... I really like that. flavor. It would look like one of those old school dumbbells that a strong man would have at a... Well, what about one that's like made with, instead of a stick, a bit of rope, and so that you could walk side by side? That would be good.

You know, and then a thing going from one mouth to another. Oh, yeah, double ended. Or maybe it's just a nice U-shaped stick. you know, big, a big you. Because I feel like I do still want it to be solid in some way. I, that's what I want from it.

Yeah. Because I think a big part of the lollipop experience is having, is the stick. Yeah, I mean, but maybe you've just never had a lollip with a rope. I guess if you had a lollipop that was like a sort of a desk-based, lollipop that just dangles from the from your ceiling and is in front of your mouth while you know so that you can let it out and it just dangles there and you can keep doing work and then you kind of open your mouth and you keep eating the eatin the dangly lollipop yeah that's good and you could have the rope we go up and over a pulley and you could sort of raise it and lower it you know if you want to focus on work I've had enough sugar and maybe you can press a button it goes goes up and then it comes down or You know, you can load up a new pop on air.

Like, you know. Yeah. You would screw on. I would use bayonet cap. No, that was supposed to be me lowering it down. That was supposed to be the pulley turning as I lower it down. But obviously, I don't have the same command of the sonosphere that you do, Alistair. I thought it was a plover who had just given birth to some young.

and they were calling for food. I thought it was Norman Bates at the Bates Motel, stabbing someone. Yeah, I can't do that one. But yeah. Yeah, it's probably like violin or something like that. They don't think it is violin. The sounds of violins.

Lynn is my mom's name. Alistair, we probably have. Five sketch ideas. And if you include the great cover band, metal liquor. We do covers, but not of Metallica songs. Metallica, but with like one of the C is a K? No, I think, because Metallica has two Ls in the middle already, doesn't it? So we're just splitting it between the two Ls.

You're just keeping it spelt exactly the same. I think so, yeah, just putting a space in there. What do you reckon? Or do you want it, L-I-C-K-E-R? I think you're right. And I think you're entirely right, Andy. The beauty of the simplicity of the elegance. You know.

And are they involved with... Wait. Are they somehow upset about the invention of naps? ter but I say I want to say two things one absolutely worth it Alastair

absolutely worth it and two no no they're not well then I guess we can go to three words from a listener Andy okay

that's not the number of listeners no the listener has chosen to reveal themselves as a much more specific person known as the macaroni prince himself Stuart McCone who told me that even after I learned how to say his name properly I am still getting it wrong so I apologize

Maca thank you so much times Mr. Stewart Stuart would be a great last name for you Maybe you can You know I mean why not just change your name to Stuart Son of Owen Owen

Be good Anglicise it For our delicate English He is We are not able to handle Those Celtic Celtic Celtic sounds anymore

We've become too anglicized after a few hundred years outside of the country. We can no longer handle those harsh Celtic tones. And so, Mr. Stewart has sent in three words, Andy. One of them is the first. Would you like to guess what that one is? Land slide No Andy No but

In certain cases These are close The first word is Victory That's up Yeah Victory, okay Lap dance

Victory lap dance I'm going to guess all three words Didn't get the second word right Which is Oh no That doesn't vote The third word. Okay.

Victory Royale. Is it dance? It's Yankevick. It doesn't feel likely. Oh. Victory Royale. Victory. What?

Yankovic. Yankovic. Okay. It feels like there's a through line there. I guess it has Al. Oh yeah, victory. Yeah, weird. Yankee victory.

Weird. Especially if you, I guess, if you pronounce that with like in a German thing. Oh, no, they do V. They do W to V, not V to W, do they? Weak. Vuktu. That's a kind of Russian thing. Vectory.

Victory. It's crazy that they came up with the company VW. I mean, what do they call that? L'O. Do that what they call it? I guess. I mean, they're really confronting it head on there. Did the greatest fears?

Did they even use our alphabet? Only for naming cars. BMW, VW. Yeah. V-R-Y. Victory Royale Yankevick. So, I mean, Royal, obviously, Royale with cheese. This is a victory with Weird Al.

Yes, of course. Battle Royale. That's, you kill somebody and then you put a little piece of cheese on them. Yeah. There's also the, this is, I don't know where this came from, but I like to think a sporting thing where the reward is, you get to piggyback the king through town, all around town. The reward is.

Let's say you win the marathon, the Lancashire Marathon, whatever. And then at the end, because you won, you get to piggyback the king around Lancashire one time. Think of all the things he could whisper in your ear while during the ride. Ow, ow, ow. You think that's what he would do? Oh, because you think you're running? Or do you think... Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my kids now, all they want is to climb on my back to have piggybacks and go on my shoulders and for me to carry them around this and that, right? But also, every time they complain that I'm hurting them when I do it. Like, it's just... I'm like, you don't want that. You really don't want that. They're like, I do, I do.

And then I pick them up. And they're like, ow, you're hurting me. I was like, this is, this is my life. 24 hours a day. Well, I have developed something where both of my arms are now incredibly weak and they hurt when I push on things. And I'm not 100% sure whether, like, I'm like, it's like I've torsioned them in the wrong way. And I thought it was either how I'm sleeping. I was sleeping maybe with my arm under the pillow.

or something like that, but kind of bent backwards, or it's from like holding a kid on my back through piggybacking and my arms going under their butt behind them, you know, underneath them behind me, sorry, not behind them. I guess it's also behind them, but also under them. Anyway, but... It just occurred to me that piggybacking probably comes from the way we would carry the corpse of a pig, right, on your back.

I imagine you put their two legs like over your shoulders and grab them and like carry that carcass, that pig carcass on your back. Do you think you could carry a live pig like that? Or do you think he'd bite your neck? I think maybe you could get him in a position. Let me show you kids, this is how you carry a pig. Ow! He's burning the back of my head!

Oh, he's breaking the skin. Oh, he's breaking the skin. taking off the hair. Anyway, kids, that's how you carry a pig. That's where piggybacking comes from. You're just all like exposed flesh in the back of your

head. That's if you want to teach your kids about the real world. That's the cost. To have, of having informed children. That's etymology for you.

That's where words come from. Words have meaning kids. it's important that you know that they come from. Do you think... I mean, I wouldn't be surprised, you know, with the way things are going, you won't be able to use the word piggybacking anymore

because it's disrespectful to all the people who did get all the back of their necks bitten up by pigs while they were trying to carry them around. Yeah. Yeah, I am worried about that. The no meat on the back of their head community. Yeah.

wait and that's the term they go for because it's not they don't specifically say pigs because it's about any animal that is that you've tried to carry for the purposes of explaining the meaning of a word that's nice that they yeah you could show the expansion of how a group like that slowly grows but then what are we saying we might be saying unintentionally something that we don't believe it's possible

I think that there's still funny stuff in it Andy I think that the whole identity thing that everybody has had to pull back at least a tiny bit due to the fact that we've discovered that that is the angle

through which fascism people can be pushed into fascism right and I think everybody has maybe, unless we're crazy and we, you know, and there's a chance that there's, you know, obviously people have manipulated to use these things to make that kind of thing. But even just that fact means that there's, there's got to be some kind of, yeah, a reason to be at least aware of maybe figuring out better ways of doing stuff. The crazy thing is that, like, that the people who are so virulently anti-identity politics and anti, you know, oh, I don't care about your identity, all that stuff, that, like, that they actually are the most, in some ways, protective of their identity. Because, and the most insecure about it.

You know, like, all this stuff is, is, you know, like nationalism. and masculinity and all that kind of stuff, that's actually people who are so scared of losing their identity because they actually don't have anything else. They're using, it's entirely external, their sense of identity, and so they feel that it's very weak

and very, it's possible for it to be taken away from them and damaged in some way because they don't. own it or control it. I've attached all my self-worth to this idea of America or this idea of being a man. But because it's actually not based on anything I do or control,

I'm very scared that it could be changed in some way and then I'd have nothing. Yeah, it's insane. If anything, they're also like, rather than being something, they're also like trying to attain some weird ideal that doesn't exist and then talking about how close they are to this ideal.

I don't know. Yeah, it's like this. Yeah, it's a weird one. But you're right. You're right and it's good. And I bet you people in the Discord will talk about how good of a point you made recently. Oh, I hope so. No, but you're good at making points.

every time I make a point someone like say Andy will say I cannot believe all the errors you made in trying to explain that and the horrible path that you took to get us there and that is me trying my absolute best but sometimes I'll concede that you did make a good point just the way that you did it was really bad

is like you made a good point and it's actually incredible that you did because the whole way that you didn't didn't seem like you were able to make good points yeah that's impressive and yeah should I take us through the sketch ideas for today

okay we got these scrunched up paper going to ruin architecture sort of AI analogy then a similar then we've got the billionaires have funded a guy who pushes gravel into his anus and put it on TV everywhere. And it's another sort of, another AI allegory. But it's everything that's on TV and it's all that's been implemented into every program and software and everything like that.

And nobody wants it, but the big money's invested in it. And so we all have to live through it. We said, sorry. are the UN put sorry on the moon because that's I guess the only thing they feel like they can achieve in this horrible world but for allowing the sports

we've got marching club just people getting together doing some marching there's also free I think freestyle marching is the one I enjoy the most because I really do just picture a bunch of people walking around

in a room by itself like by themselves and all different directions all different tempos and it really is like it's like the first exercise you would do in any kind of like

improv class or exercise or acting class and stuff like that but then that would be the whole purpose of going there is a great thing then we have the we've got the tap extended artiverse

which is you've heard of tap dancing, but there's all these other tap things that you can do that just adds a little clicky sort of percussion sound to eating, tap eating, you know,

to remove those disgusting smacks and slurps and add a beautiful clink, clink, clink or clunk. You know? Or clank. Or clank. You know? Oh, I've attached a big gong.

to my lower lip. I think it would be good to maybe eat with something to pull the lips back and out of the way. Like one of those things that makes you look like you're traveling really quickly on a roller coaster or whatever. Yeah, yeah. And then what, just like add some

some percussive sounds to your teeth? So when you're chewing it... You might not even have to at that point. Like if it was just like lips out of the way, just... Maybe you could cement your tongue down. I guess it'd be hard not to choke. Yeah, that's good.

Bit of tongue cement. Then we have obviously metal liquor, Licker, metal liquor, the other band that is similarly named. We got the double-ended lollipop for a lollipop built for two so that you could take it on dates. What are you? What are you planning for tonight? Yes, well look at this.

A double-ended lollipop. For me and by beloved to walk along the promenade. But I guess, you know, it would be perfect for like being on a seesaw or something like that. A good long one? Sure. Maybe even a bit of elastic in there so that you can really. I can see why you would demand, like you would want a rigid one. Because I guess there's something about the togetherness that you get to

experience by when you pull back and then it moves their head forward. You know, that would feel a kind of connectedness. Yes, I think so. And you might even get some vibrations passing through that. Yeah. I wonder if you could connector, you know, and you could feel them over their tongue. If you could retrofit maybe a broomstick or something like that and add some lollipop heads to it. Yeah, does you think?

Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Retrofit old broomstick. We got, you got... Certainly the early prototypes will probably be made

with a retrofitted broomstick. We got the double end, I know, wherever I've already said that. We got the piggyback the king win. That's the sport where you're at the end, you get to piggyback the king. Do you think it would... Up on my back.

Lordship. One, two, three. Your highness. Because he would slip after a bit. Yeah. Your very highness.

Unless he's taller than you. And then, and then, you know, when he's sort of, I guess, sort of fetal positioning on your back

that actually makes him a bit shorter. But whatever. We should have a government system where the highest up person does make the highest up person. That. Isn't that what we know? Yeah.

Whoever can get up the highest. Oh, the physically highest. No, like physically the highest. Yeah. Yep, I mean, we can try that. Well, at this point, I'll try anything, actually. I've been thinking today about, I think that when you choose to be the leader of your country, you need to be fitted with explosives.

That, like, I think that at some point we can just blow you up at any time. If the people, like, the people should be able to have their finger on the button. and if enough people press the button all at the same time, the prime minister explodes. That's really good. Yeah, great. And it's got to be 50% of the country. Yeah.

Okay. You could hook it up to like the plumbing or something like that so that every, you know, you know it's something that everybody has in their house already. Or the, or the... Great. I'd love to. see them work out the logistics of how that works the my ID app you don't just have a red button in that

oh then that's never happening I can't get in there I can never work out of the only way I can get into it from from too much of a pain in the ass and then we got I got to write that down but hang on I think I'm looking forward to when they introduced three-factor authentication you're working on it right now and we yeah I reckon you know you've got to use your password, then we'll send you a code. And then a little man will come to your front door and ask you a riddle. You've got to put him, you've got, um, you've got to lay him down and give him a back rub. Yeah. That's right. You've got to touch him in a way that only you touch him. Yeah, that's good. Make him feel things that no one else has ever made him feel. Then,

that no one else can make him feel. Oh, yeah, three-factor communication. I think we're going to have to do a show called Little Men and all their uses. Little, yes. I've written a sci-fi story about Little Man. Do you know why we haven't been able to do an episode of this thing, this sci-fi story thing? I think, you know, I know that's that I didn't write my stories, but I think it's that we need a date set.

and then I will just have the thing written for that little story, for that date. Because if we don't have a date, I don't think it's going to get done, Andy. All right, well, let's get a date happening. And then, okay, then we got teaching kids about where piggyback comes from, putting a pig on your back, and letting it.

Is that our worst idea ever? I don't know. the back of your head. Well, Andy, I hope that you think it's an okay idea because the next two other sketch ideas are also based around that. Then there's the group for people who have had the back of their heads

bitten by pigs and other animals while teaching kids beginning of piggyback or other words. I try to teach my kids around get this monkey off my back. And I had the back of my head bitten by a monkey. Can I join you?

Wait, we'll have a meeting. Now, everybody, I know it's hard to think. It's hard to think with all the pain coming from the back of our heads, with having all of its flesh bitten off and the bones sort of damaged by the strong jaws of the various animals. But can we allow people with monkeys who've been bitten trying to explain, yeah. Oh, fuck them. No, no, we're a welcoming group. I'm sure.

to teach my kids about getting the phrase giving the man someone a shirt the shirt off my back but when I put the shirt on there was a spider in there well if we let those people in will let anybody in oh does that mean that if somebody's trying to teach a person about oh two birds one stone and the bird attacks them you know oh we didn't we have to get them in well I think there's a there's an argument to be made that that could also I mean, the important thing is that people are learning words.

The important thing is that I've got flesh misting from the back of my head. And nobody else can understand that if their eyes are pecked out. That doesn't change. That has nothing to do with the back of your head. It turns out it was just one other name. They're just trying to piggyback on our acronym. Let me show you. Our backer in him.

And then we got the PM with explosives. And then we got three-factor authentication. With little man. Beautiful Dupy Dooby doooby doby doby dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Bera Dipper Dippy Dippy Dippy do Dibby doby doby doby doby do do be do be do do

We got there There was some good stuff in that one In that song Oh yeah in the song But I think we really heated up after about 45 minutes Yeah that's how we do it Um Alistair

Thank you Listeners, thank you If you're out there You're doing good stuff Anyone who listens You don't have to listen to this If you're present enough To be hearing things

And paying attention to them Thank you Thank you Feel free to buy a hat Contact us if you want a listener hat Yeah And I think that's about it Andy You got anything else going on

No man No that's it Yeah. I just got to say that we love you. And don't forget to listen to the weekly planet. Have a great week. Yeah. Oh, great.

Have a great week. Bye, everybody. Bye.