Two In The Think Tank - 524 - "THE RIGHT TO ROMAINE SILENT"

Episode Date: May 5, 2026

Brain Tentacle, Single Use Memory, Enlightened Louse, Climax for the Climate, Romaine Silent, Philosophy But Make It Great, Operation Kill God, Zeus Boxing, Edward Chapstick Fingers, Operation Protect GodYou can now purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la ha i was thinking i was thinking i was already off i was gone and i was thinking that for some reason the sound you were making i was already off i was gone and i was thinking that for some reason the sound you were making at the start of the podcast. Yeah. I apologize. The music you were making at the start of the podcast. The music, the organized sound. The sweet music was, um, was, uh, it felt like a David Lynch film to me. I think if you, if you took all of David Lynch's uvra and you put it into, I guess,

some sort of like conceptual meat grinder. And then you took that and you put that. conceptual meat that ground up conceptual meat in in in in you left it in the sun and it dried and became hard and thick like a like a like a like a piece of um piece of jerky yeah exactly right but flat right and then you put that on and then you and round and you put it on a on a record player yeah on a gramophone yeah and and you you drop that needle onto it I think that's the sound it would make. Oh, you know what?

That feels right to me. Thank you. I mean, I don't think he necessarily used those sounds in his movies, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about if concepts were sound, meat, and that meat was music. Yeah. That's what I was thinking about. That's where my head went.

Yeah, great. And when you picture his er of ra being sort of all mush together or whatever and then dried out in the sun. What do you picture the material the ova is in? It's meat. Hey? Oh, like, but it's like... Conceptual meat.

Conceptual meat. Okay, yeah, yeah. I guess it makes sense since it becomes conceptual jerky. But it sounds like it's becoming physical jerky, but... Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I presume... I think it's all conceptual.

It's a conceptual meat grinder of the mind. Even the sun is just a... It's just a concept in this concept. So that's why, because I think conceptual sun wouldn't affect real meat. But because this is conceptual meat, it is capable of being dehydrated. Oh, by a conceptual sun. Where is the conceptual sun? They're compatible.

It's high at the conceptual sky. It's noon. Now, when you, I feel like, you know, when we did, sci-fi try guys for a bit. I did write a little bit of a story a bit about this, but I do think, like, I'm not interested in getting a computer chip in my brain, right? Like, you know, in the style that they try to do these days. But I wouldn't mind having a little tentacle of brain, you know, like whatever the brain

tentacle-y stuff is, you know, synapses are kind of like, you know. know, and have it allowed to come out of the brain and, yes. And have it touch other brains. Like, let's say David Lynch dies, God forbid. Yes. And then they have his brain out. I would love to have my little brain tentacle coming out of the back of my head and to be

able to be like, maybe it could be put in a little plastic bag and dangled on my back. And then the tentacle goes in there with the brain and it kind of, gives it the nutrients for life, and then I can also access that brain. Yeah. I think that's a really reasonable thing to want, and I don't think, speaking of God forbidding, I think speaking of God forbidding, I don't think he would have an issue with this. Yeah.

I think he would say, God allow, he'd give a little nod and a wink, and he'd say, you know what, go for your life, mate. He would say, and you're slurping. Take my brain and dangle your little tentacle brain thing on it and allow the juices of your brain to commingle. A co-mingling. It's a really beautiful, um, beautiful David Lynch. you know I wouldn't it made me feel like you were or you were already doing it you're already slurping his brain juice with your mind tentacle I mean it would be great for the mental tentacle

for the dead for the dead you know in our lives our ancestors and stuff you know it does feel like that would be a purpose of keeping people's brains in jars yeah but it also feels like there'd be a real rush you know an unseemly rush to get the brains of you know of the great and the good you know, of those who are interesting and, you know, these mighty figures who bestried the earth like a colossi, they, you know, people would be charging out after them and it would be, you know, tearing at their skull and cracking it like a little melon, you know, and trying to get their tentacles in there. And I think that would be unbecoming of us as a species. I agree, but I think that it wouldn't, you know, like, I don't know, I don't know if it would get, if it would be that good of a thing to do if you're just going for their body and then getting to use their brain.

I think you would probably have to go through some kind of preserving thing. I don't think you could just get the brain and then put your tentacle in there and then enjoy it for that long while you're next to a dead body. Right. You want it in the long term. I thought you could maybe get the goodness, suck the goodness out of it and then just sort of waltz away. I think that you need access to the brain. Right. You're still sort of running its function in some way.

Yeah. I don't think that you can just download all, like, you know, it's like backing up a hard drive kind of situation. I think... You're right. That's unrealistic. Yeah. And I think that you just need the full structure and you need... And you only get benefits from being connected to it.

you probably, I think you could probably get some negative effects when you disconnect from it. Oh, a bit of a withdrawal. Yeah, maybe a withdrawal. It's not all good. You know, maybe you get some flashes of things that, you know, are unprocessed emotions maybe that. Yeah. You're like, oh, that's affecting me not in the best way. And probably, like, people would rush for those brains of those, you know, celebrities, thinkers or artists and stuff like that.

But I think that what they would find is they probably wouldn't. even get much more from those brains than you get from any other brain because what really often makes those people powerful is their position in their industry and not just their brain, you know, so it's like the circumstances of how they lived. So you probably would have a good time with any brain, maybe. Yeah, yeah, maybe, you know, I think getting to experience somebody else's point of view is really ultimately the dream. And, um, but, you know, you, but you're right for someone really idiosyncratic like David Lynch. It might be peculiarly valuable. I wonder what a brain would look like if you could

just dehydrated it. If you just like, I think that would be pretty cool. I think getting a, a full brain and then just like nicely like freeze dehydrating it and whatever they do, like they do with peas. And getting it down to just like a, a, a, Just a proper, like, little tink, you could just like tap it on the, on, it's just small. I imagine it would come down, it would get pretty tiny,

I reckon, like you could just hold it in your hand, like a little apple. A little hard thing. I reckon, yeah, I reckon tapping it on the table would be pretty satisfied. Dissolve it into, uh,

into water and drink it. Yep. Like coffee? I reckon, yeah. Um, yeah, I, I reckon it would be like one of the few kind of like,

I guess, I guess because it probably could be considered a form of entertainment accessing another brain, but it's the only form of entertainment where you close your eyes and kind of meditate and just try to remember as a way of trying to find what's in that brain. Yeah. Yeah.

You know? Maybe need a couple of days. So the memories of someone else are sort of like the movies, right? They're like kind of like... Yeah. That is the experience that you would be having as you are entertained. You need entertain yourself by. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I guess as soon as you access that memory and you saw the memory, then it probably would get downloaded into your brain somewhat. You know, because then it's just an experience that you've had because it's gone through that brain into your brain, sort of in the same way that the images of today have entered through your eyes and then into your brain, and that's how you saw them. Well, this way, the sensory thing is just the tentacle, and instead of seeing through your eyes, you're seeing through the tentacle into the brain and having an experience like that. I wonder if one day we will have single-use memories, things that you can remember once and then they're gone. it may be a support of sort of like almost like a Snapchat style

disappearing memories kind of thing for data security or or privacy you know something you just to have it and then you just like it's gone I imagine it would feel like when you wake up and you've had a dream and you all you know is that you had a dream and you have a sort of a vague feeling of sort of the shape of it but you can't remember a single detail.

Yeah, that would be cool. I mean, I think it would be agony. I think it would destroy us spiritually, if we haven't already been spiritually destroyed. Somebody I know who would do nangs, you know, where they would sort of crack them into a balloon and then breathe in and out until they kind of went to the other place.

And they would have some kind of fantastical kind of experience, but then when they would come back, they basically wouldn't remember what happened. Yeah. But they remember it being kind of fantastical. You know, even I think one told me that at some point he had, like he did remember like a slime thing telling him now here's the secret to the universe and then not remembering the secret. Damn.

Although I don't know if I would believe the secret to the universe if it came from slime. No. You know, I reckon they'd have a different, they might have a different. secret. I reckon every species might have a different secret. Oh, is that a secret to you guys? We already knew that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but the slime mold and stuff like that, they may have just like kept being alive for like forever, you know what I mean? Like since they're a collective and, you know, they might just live underground or wherever that they are always connected to so maybe while parts die, some people, some of them live again. And then they, they always

contain the whole history of the existence of the thing itself? I mean, that would be great if we were, we were obsessed with whether animals are intelligent and whether or not they are conscious. What if we were able to detect and somehow test whether or not other species are enlightened? And we find that there's like one particular species and maybe it's something really innocuous like, you know, like wood lice, like a little slater. Yeah.

And we're like, we've run all the. tests and these guys are 100% in light and spiritual beings and we're like, look at it, we're like, I don't see it, but it's, the computer doesn't lie. Yeah, I mean, there's a chance that every

other creature but us might have that. It's something like that we've somehow like forgone let go of in exchange for like language. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe that was the the the the fusty impact we've given it up for an inner monologue mm hmm oh wasn't worth it wasn't bloody worth it might yep and then we're begging the um begging this little lice um to like to like not make the same mistake that we have don't yeah don't allow us us an inner monologue don't allow yourself to get too intelligent and then what we will be doing i guarantee is at Absolutely, we will be fucking smashing those little things in their billions, grinding them up. And then we'll be like putting them into like exfoliating face creams and stuff like that.

And you'll be like, with the power of pure enlightenment, new loyal. Loyal facial enlightenment. Yeah. And actually does make your face look a bit brighter. My paws are spiritually, they're not just open. They're open to the world. Yeah. And we're just like killing these things.

I mean, I guess there is that possibility with, you know, like more and more sort of physics sort of talking about the possibility of consciousness being more fundamental than quantum, you know, the quantum world or whatever. I mean, I don't understand what the word fundamental means in that section, but it means like it's it's the thing that's beneath the other thing. And nothing can. exist without it. Yeah, yeah, I guess so. Like, in a sense, like quarks are more fundamental than protons and neutrons. Consciousness is, ah, fucking man, I don't know. Like, I get so.

Like, you know, the idea is just get more and more interesting until you, like, hit a wall where you're like, nah, it's not going in anymore. You've, you've passed beyond the limits of, like, I kind of. even understand the words you're using now. You're using them in different ways. Yeah. Well, that's also the thing that everything has just become a little bit too complicated now, where, like, we've kind of hit that wall where most people can't understand what is going on in most topics at the level that the experts kind of understand it at. I do think that, like, physics is kind of like, and I'm sorry to say,

this, it's kind of like putting things up your butt. Yeah. You just need to work at it, I think, really consistently, slowly, slowly, slowly over a long period of time with a real commitment. Until your brain becomes, I guess, stretchy enough to be able to fit really big things into it. Yeah. With a team, I imagine. Yeah, absolutely a team of good people, really good people that you trust.

Yeah. where everybody knows their role and you'll eventually you know yeah you'll be able to comprehend you know 11 dimensional string theory or something but like my brain just is not it's too tight

to get that in there and you're not willing to do the work that it takes I think so unfortunately and I wonder even if at this point whether or not I could if I started now you know i i i because i still on some level like when that guy ran the two hour a sub two hour mrs london marathon yeah i did think i wonder if it's too late for me to really become a

great marathon runner and and run a sub two hour marathon and i i haven't completely accepted that it is. But like, yeah, I think, I think probably, I think, I think understanding those physics things is on a similar level. Yeah. Alistair, how about this? Wait, wait, wait, you made me think that you need to read the book, what I talk about when I talk about running by Murakami.

Murakami. Because it's a crossover of writing. and running. Yep. I think you will genuinely... Absolutely do. I don't know who I gave that to, actually. I don't think it was me.

Yeah. I don't think. Alistair... Yes, Andrew. What about this, right? And again, this is a little bit grubby. Okay. And I'm sorry that that's my role.

I will forgive you, Andy. But what about... You know how, like, sometimes we need to do like a really big thing globally, like Earth Day or something, Earth hour, whatever it is. Yeah. Earth millisecond. Yeah. Where, you know, we try and get a campaign going.

Yeah. And try and get everybody on board. What if we all tried to have like a worldwide simultaneous orgasm? Sure. Of like everybody right at the exact same moment. Yeah, that would be nice. A world orgasm. Yeah, a sort of a climax.

What if it was climax for the climate? Do you think we could do that? Yes, I think that we could do that, yep. Yeah. And... First headline I see is like a conservative newspaper saying all of the computers downloading, all the porno for climate for climax or climax for the climate, are using up this amount of carbon dioxide.

Well, maybe that's, we'll head that off at the past. We'll say it's a, we're all doing it, Amish style. Yeah, Amish style climax. Yeah, and it's, you know, whack, it's like, let's whack off pollution. Yeah. It's actually, yeah, one of the few ways they say, like, you got it, yeah, you got a, one of the few reasons.

reasons to turn off your computer. Yeah. Yeah. Just knocked my microphone over. I apologize. No, I forgive you a thousand percent, Andy. Thanks, man. But I think it could be really good. I think we have a chance of getting people really excited.

And just to do something all together and feel like we're all part of something together. It could be really. It'd be great sort of in the half hour afterwards when you see somebody. or when everybody turns back on their computer and goes back into the Zoom. And we all just know. Yeah. But like what if all that post, uh, post nut clarity? Yeah.

Maybe if, maybe if we all had that at the same time as the species, we could really come together, you know? Yeah. There's the slogan. Let's come together. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

And, as a world. and maybe they ask you to go and like bury your nut in the in the garden as well and they got the benefits in the earth you know bury your nut maybe water a plant if you've got a like a particularly gushess you know I have a wink over a flower pot

mm-hmm that's nice No, Angie, I think that's a beautiful thing. What about sort of like getting a dolphin's tail? Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah, great. Lower back, you reckon? Eh?

You know, emerging from your lower back? Yeah, but it's a real dolphin's tail because, you know, people have started, you know, dolphin experts or whatever, a marine biologists, talk about how much they hate dolphins due to their, the activities that they put. partake in that are so close to humans. Yeah. The assault and the sexual nature.

And I mean, that's not why you study creatures of the sea. You want to get away from humans. Yeah. You don't need to be reminded of what our dry life is like up here. Yeah. You want to see, you want them to set examples of how we could live a nicer, wetter life. And when you say you want a dolphin's tail, you don't mean

RFK Junior style where you're walking along a beach and you see a corpse and you feel compelled to, I guess, if I can get a chainsaw out of the boot of your Rolls-Royce and carve this thing off

put it in there back there and drive home with your kids. Yeah. And then run out of time to go to a dinner because you're going to a steak dinner and then I leave it in Central Park. And then realize I don't have time to get this back to my house

before it sort of starts spreading disease. And so I leave it into, yeah. But I do have time to stage an elaborate bicycle accident. Yeah. I got to get to this dinner. Yeah. So like, I mean, what benefit would anybody have? That would be a, that would, when you're sticking out your mind tentacle and you're slurping the juices of RFK Jr's recently dead brain.

Yeah. Out of a Ziploc bag. That would be a bad buzz. That would be a bad trip, man. Yeah. It would be, that would be really insane. But also, he must have so much strange trauma in his brain. Oh, man.

since, you know, a lot of his family was purposefully murdered. Yeah. He really puts the mental into environmentalist. Yeah, and is he an environmentalist? I think that was sort of his big thing for a long time, before he, and why a lot of people on the left actually did really respond to him, was that he was actually like doing fundraising for environmental causes, doing stuff to protect rivers and, you know, reduce pollution, that kind of thing.

Yeah. Oh, that's nice. But, like, he does seem like he has the most polluted brain. Yeah. Well, like he's been in a few rivers and some stuff. He had a brainworm, didn't he? He did, yeah. Yeah.

Like, is it still in there? Apparently they can't get it out. It's dead, but they can't get it out. They can't get it out. So it's just in there, maybe sapping some of its memories into his. Yeah, wait. I think it's, oh, it's likely a pork tapeworm larva. Cause damage.

Wow. Yeah, right. Found a dead worm. I mean, that's cool. You know, it's, I mean, who knows why we are the way we are, you know, and how many brain. And like, but like all these things we criticize these people in the upper tiers of, you know, the American government. and we know we make fun of Trump's fake tan we make fun of RFK Jr's

brainworm, dead brainworm but these people have achieved the greatest things that anybody has ever have ever achieved so maybe that is the secret to be a transparently laughable piece of shit well yeah but that

that gets your views It gets you some eyeballs. I do think that we have created some perverse incentives. I think the fact that we have built a world where being a transparently laughable piece of shit does deliver you a kind of clout that you can leverage to become the most powerful person on earth. Yeah. I think that should give us pause. and not give us pause in the RFK Junior sense

where you see a... You chainsaw the paws off a wolf... Wolf come. ...of a wolf... Yeah, the benefits of laughability. Mm. I mean... Live laugh.

The stuff that I've seen people become internet famous for, you know, like there's different accounts where it's like, it's just women who... run in and out of frame queffing on Q and they have hundreds

of thousands of followers and but the thing is that they also have an enterprising spirit and the drive to keep producing content not to just quake once into a video

and then be like oh well that's done some numbers that's that was a fun little thing no no no to base an identity and possibly living off of it. Yep. And that's what I watch those videos for.

That's what I'm tuning in for is for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, to, to witness, you know, the entrepreneurial spirit. Yeah. I mean, I see. I've seen. I've seen. I've seen. I've seen. I've seen.

I've seen. I've seen. I've seen. Yeah. Oh. That's great. I mean. There is one guy that I have seen who is.

Everyone. of his accounts, every one of his videos do numbers. And this is, this is not okay. But the thing is that he looks so close to being a guy, like his face is essentially resembles the face of a person with Down syndrome, right? And this, his whole account, and he's just done so many numbers because it's just people essentially commenting that in various ways underneath and then

he's basically been given a platform but he doesn't know what to do with it all he knows is that he has to briefly show his face at some point during the video wow okay but is that what the videos are about

that's not what the videos are about no he just like like I saw one where he was just stuck in traffic because there was a train going by. And then he's like, oh, stuck behind it. Stuck waiting for a train. And then the camera goes to him for a second.

And then back. And then that's all it is. Okay. Well, it makes me think that like, remember how the most famous entertainer in France used to be that guy who farted, who would fart? What was he called? Like, this is going back to like the 1800s or whatever. what was his name?

Was it Le Petermaine? That's the guy. Petim. I was like Petit miam. No, that's a yogurt. Le Petermaine. Yeah. And I think, you know, maybe that's it.

Maybe we're all just becoming French. Maybe that's really what's the, you know, the effect of the algorithm. Maybe we've just always been French and we haven't realized, you know. That's right. We've got sort of latent Frenchness. that is emerging nourished by the rich waters of the internet and the conceptual sun.

Yeah, I think it's just, it's the removal of the gatekeepers, and I don't mean the anal sphincter. I mean, the gatekeepers who have often decided what was on television and things like that, and who they, you know, they would always have to make a judgment call first.

And then if it, if it worked or it didn't work, they would be responsible for the success or the failure to the boss above them, right? But just none of them really had the guts to try some of the things that the people are trying now. And so you're not getting the queefers or the guys who look a bit like, you know. I think it's also that like so much of what it is to be a person is to interact with other people. Is to deal with that crisis of like,

I'm trying to be an individual, but I'm also aware that I'm being seen. I have these wants, but I'm also part of a society. And what the internet has done, it has allowed us to just watch things, consume things without being seen.

Without really, without, and switch off that anxiety, like how does this make me look? You know, when you have like mass media, we know everybody's watching. So we're all watching it together and we know that like what we're putting out there represents us and what we're consuming represents us to some degree. But when you shatter that and it's just like, what do I want to watch though, really? Yeah.

And I can just watch it all by myself and I don't have to worry about what other people think. then we're like really we're actually a fundamentally different person when you turn off because that part of what it is to be a human the public part

yeah yeah okay so you're saying that just because we can watch things without other people knowing what we're watching it expands what we think that we can be because because the cage of societal expectation and the possibility of being mocked is no longer there.

Yeah. And so now we're freer to chase what we may or may not have known that we've liked all along. Yeah, it's more primitive urges, I think. And yeah, tickling, you know, you wouldn't tickle yourself in public, but you might in private. but this is that. This is just sort of tickling parts of our body. Yeah. And parts of our brain.

Can I just tell you something about the Péto Man or the Petomain, Joseph Pujol? It just says here on his Wikipedia page. His audience included Albert Edward, Prince of Wales, King Leopold the second of the Belgians, and Sigmund Freud. Dude. And I like to think, you know, that somehow it played a part in Sigma Freud's, you know, theories in some way that, you know, maybe in the middle, watching it in the middle of a Coke binge, it inspired him to sort of wax quizzical about, you know, what he saw and it's meaning and it's really, it's psychoanalytic. implications and what it means to enjoy this when he watches a man blow out a candle from a few yards away I like to think that it um it had a role in um king leopold's crimes in the Congo is I don't know if that's the same I don't know if that's the same uh Leopold maybe that was Leopold the first

yeah I'm not sure I mean how many King Leopold's could there be I guess it was two that's one of the few things that we are able to get some data on, keeping track of the number of kings with the same name. Oh, yeah. The other was three. Oh. Oh, so one, yeah, one went from 1790 to 1865. One went from 1835 to 1909.

And then the other one went from 1901 to 1983. I actually know somebody now who's family part of their family was Belgian and their dad lived in the Congo but don't ask them too many questions

about it I reckon yeah well I mean yeah it's I won't we do we do need to know

that's right you're right no we can't we can't just silence remain silent remain the lettuce Yeah, Remain lettuce I don't think we've come up with a new sketch idea for a while

I don't know if we've come up with any Alashter A single one What about does somebody make a A romaine lettuce that can be eaten without crunching You know It's called Remain Silent I think You have the right to remain silent

That's really good and it's a I mean, it's a crunchless lettuce. I worry that that would be, like the crunch is almost the only enjoyable bit of lettuce. You know, that's all we've been left with. Yeah. That we can extract some joy from.

But like, and it feels like whatever it would be would be just sort of that wilted out a bit of leaf that you throw away. What if it was kind of gummy like a, fruit roll up or something like that. Wow. You know, a gummy lettuce. Oh, real sort of chewy salad. Gummy, chewy.

Yeah, that's really interesting. Because it's like, it's a texture that you only associate with unhealthiness. You know, a nice, chewy, gummy kind of thing. and now you have the right to romaine lettuce I mean remain silent yeah I think that's great

I think chewiness does need another chance you know and there's a new image you need to makeover and if it could um yep

uh rebrand into like a health kind of thing. That's great for chewiness. Chewy, yeah, but not chewy like a well-done steak. No, no, no, chewy like bubble gum. Chewy like bubble gum or like jubs. Mm, yep. What do you call jubes?

Do you call them jubes? Yeah, although I haven't seen a jub for so long. Like a starburst? Well, aren't jubes, to me, jubes are the ones that have that little crusty sugar on the outside. Oh, no, no, those are like a jelly. No, no, that's a jub. No, no, no, no. In fact, I can get a packet of jubes if they still exist,

and I'll take photos and I'll send them to you. Yeah, you can do that. It says jubes. It says jubes on the packet. Yeah. In fact, look, I could just look it up right now. Yeah. Oh, I hope you do.

That will help me tremendously. Yes. Oh, J-U-B-E-E-N-S. Oh, Jumbes, a dynasty of Swahili Arab traders. No, that's not what I was looking for. A soft, chewy Canadian-flavored. Canadian, I'm not interested, and you shouldn't be interested in what the Canadian version is. Unless you've completely lost your...

No, but it's a category of food. It's a category of food, the jube. It's a chewy, like a starburst, the, you know, the ones that are shaped like a cherry or whatever. Those are jubes. That's a category. of food. Jubes are primarily known as either chewy, sugar-coated, fruit-flavored

jelly candies. Yeah. Popular in Australia, they're commonly eaten as a snack used in party bags mixed into... I'm talking about Australian jubes, the platonic ideal of a jub. Well, Plato, the Australian, the Australian philosopher.

Yeah, that's right. Maito. Maito. Oh, Maito. He's got, I guess, Plato, he does sound Australian, doesn't he's got no on the end. Yeah, and he's Greek, which is a very Australian thing to be.

I'm mad, the most recent two images that we've said to each other have very different vibes, Alistair, if you'd go into the message thread. Because I'm doing a sketch thing

at the Saturday at Theatre St. Catherine, part of Sketch Fest, and in it at some point I cut my own dick off and so I'm having to buy a sort of dick shaped a dildo of some sort of sort of uncircumcised dick this sort of Caucasian colored penis with 1899 underneath and then the other one is a sort of a jelly with sugar coating on the outside yeah yeah yeah anyway I think I think I'm correct. Like a gummy,

a gummy worm is a jube. A gummy bear. Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy. Sour. You would never have said that when you're over here. Yes, I would.

Yes, I would. You've lost who you are. Oh, my gosh. Wow. This is the first sense that I've had that you're slipping away. Oh, Andy, I'm so sorry. Yeah.

I'm sorry that you feel that way. But maybe, maybe it's because I'm living, I'm in another country, and so now you see me is from another country, and so now you treat me more harshly. Yeah, well, because of my Australian racism. Xenophobia. You know, maybe you see more.

Plato. You see more to criticize in me because I'm seen as a foreigner to you now, rather than what I really am is a true blue Aussie battler. Plato could be I guess that's what we'd call a restaurant here in Australia

going down to the Plato get a couple of plates Yeah A couple of dishes Or maybe a crockery store Yeah But I think a restaurant Calling a restaurant a Plato

Yeah It's pretty good Yeah I think Uh Alzy Aussie philosopher. I mean, I realised that the Australian

philosophy sketch is iconic Monty Python bit. What if we did this? We did it. We responded to it. We made a British philosophy sketch.

Really good. Or even more, what would philosophy be like if it came from Greece. Really good, too. I think let's get Nick Giannopoulos on the line and see if he'll do a reboot of the Wog boy, but maybe it's like, maybe they go back in time.

This would be good. The to be real. Boy. Yes. He goes back to. the Hellenic golden age in a time machine. And maybe he's doing such a sick burnout one day in his... He creates a portal through time.

Yeah, some kind of vortex, right? And he goes back in time. And then he's there with the ancient Greek philosophers. He's there with Socrates. And maybe, you know, I think as in all these things, he somehow teaches them some of their greatest philosophies. Like maybe that's why Socrates says, wisest is he who knows nothing

because he looks at Nick Geonopoulos' character, realizes he knows nothing. He's a real idiot. But also he's got a time machine car and he seems the happiest. And that's where he's. Yeah. I mean, look, it feels like now there's almost like crossover

with that last, like that last Indiana Jones movie, where he got, they go, they do go back in time where, who was it, the ancient Greek, um, ancient Greek in latest Indiana Jones. He was, uh, who was it? You didn't watch it, Andy? I did watch it, yeah, uh, I was pretty unhappy about it all. Archimedes. Archimedes. That's right, of course. Oh, man, I can't believe that what's her name, who was in it.

She didn't try to get a joke about her getting Archimedes screwed. That was a joke just for us, I guess. But look, Andy, I like pitching a walk-boy movie where he goes, I was going to say he goes back in, I was about to say he walks back in time. But he... Yeah, it'd be great, because he's done Acropolis now. Yeah. He can do Acropolis then.

Oh, exactly. Crossover of his two shows. And with ancient Greece. Yes, perfect. Now, let me look at the time because I'm worried that I have, you know, I've delayed us in some way through all the discussions that we had in the middle of the conversation. All the conversations. Yeah.

Let's go to three words from a listener. I think you should, Andy. All right. I think it's the right thing to do. Okay. Andy, today's listener, one of the listeners who has joined us on Patreon is Braden Douglas. I hope I'm saying that correctly. And Braden, hello to you and all your family.

And Braden has sent in three words from a listener. And I was wondering if you would like to guess what those three words are. Would I? First word, grand. Grand? Yeah, grand. It's funny that you should say that because today I was thinking grandstand. Funny name for something that you sit on.

But anyway. Okay, no, first one is not grand. The first word is slapstick. Great grandstand. Great, great grandstand. Slapstick, okay. Slapstick. Ah, not slapstick. Comedy. Slapstick. Slapstick economics.

I'm so sorry, Andy. Slapstick, chapstick. Ah. Slapstick, chapstick. Joystick. Andy. Brayden was able to read you like a pamphlet. And no, he knew you'd go there. That's why he went with the third word,

Non-proliferation. Well done. Well done. Well done. Slapstick. Chapstick. Non-proliferation. Well, I mean, the idea, I guess, of sort of shooting lip-bomb at people.

And, you know, it's seeming like a great solution at first. Yeah. Lip-bomb. Oh, a lip-b-b-b-b-o-m-b. Yeah. Yeah, I suppose that is. Remember that sketch we wrote for We Interrupt This Broadcast? Yeah.

About the woman who had made a lot of homemade bams and left them all around the airport. Because she was a... like a, what was she? She was like a home advice kind of woman. Yeah. Giving people little tips and stuff. She was teaching people how to make, make their own barms. Yeah. I love. And she was saying, I love to bring these to the airport. Yeah. Or she had already dropped them off as a like a sample pack at the airport. She wanted to sell them to some of the like skincare places at the airport. So she, and then she was calling up the airport and saying, I've left. I've left. to bomb at the airport.

And I'm not sure how far we got into it, but I was thinking about that sketch the other day. And I was like, this was a good one. They didn't do it. They refused to film it because I don't know, I don't know fucking know why. I mean, what the people might be offended, that it was too edgy.

It was the most innocuous thing in the world. Yeah. I mean, at the end, she did get like violently arrested. by a police squad who came to a house and beat her up and dragged her out. But, hi, is this the airport? I'm just letting you know that I've made some bombs and I've left one in every terminal. Why, yes, I suppose this is a threat to all the other inferior products on the market. A very serious bomb threat.

Well, I certainly hope it's going to blow up. That's what every momtrepreneur wants. for their business. Demands? Oh, I guess 350 per unit and a prominent placement in the natural skincare aisle? That's good. That's good. I mean, I was thinking we should have had the line, you'll pay eventually.

Yeah. That's nice. Not now, but you'll all pay. Yeah, that's fine. It's crazy. Yeah. chapstick what was that slapstick chapstick

non-proliferation yeah I went I did put this in the discord a while ago but I was enjoying the idea of like a pre

gun-pounder civilization making an intercontinental sword so that they can stab people across the oceans Andy I've already put in my notes it was a culture that made an extremely

long sword. And I feel like it's your idea maybe, but very long sword so that they can kill God. Oh, in your notes. Where was this? Which notes? I'm pretty sure this is something you might have said at some point. On an episode. Either on an episode or in the discord. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I like to. I like to just think that that's the culture that I came from. Because I don't feel like I have a culture, but the idea of like that feels like that's a nice myth yeah

you know yeah what about I mean imagine if we did find God and we did decide that we would kill him what have we found God right but he was the wrong God

he was from one of the religions that we don't you know that you didn't believe in say you're um he's Zeus right and he's sitting on the other side of the moon in a big chair

Yeah. And we, uh, we try and, uh, blow him up with a nuke because he's the wrong God. Yeah. He's wrong God. I mean, we're going hard on the Greeks in this episode. Yeah. But, but, but then we're also saying that their God is real. Their God is real, you know, and I think that that would be.

We had it right. We should have stopped there. But then it wouldn't, yeah. I mean, that would be very interesting, Andy, because then, um, because then we would have to question whether or not how much of the stories that they told us about the Greek mythology are real. Yeah. Before we, I would say probably before we kill them. I think, well, I'd say, though, that, like, if you are going to, if ever a god was going to be, like, cancelled, would it be Zeus?

Like, he really did some crook stuff, if those stories are real. Yeah. Although, I suppose, like, all the gods. have got a pretty wrathful component to their history and maybe all the gods have done bad stuff. But then also, if you're a god who controls everything, then you're responsible for all death. And so then having sex with somebody as a duck doesn't feel like that's as bad. You know? Yeah.

They've kind of like, they've sort of pushed the boundaries a little bit. you know they've given caused people to be born with terminal diseases and stuff like that and so yeah yeah um having sex with a cow doesn't seem that bad now i do think i mean have is there a sketching the idea of a cancelled god like that um that that and maybe it is zeus right that he's he he is real but that uh he uh he has been cancelled and he's sort of doing he's honestly sort of like underground. He's still trying to live his life. But like his reputation is absolutely in the toilet.

Yeah. So this is Zeus? Yeah, this is Zeus. Maybe people are doing prayers, but like really laying into him in their prayers. You're such a loser. You're such a mean guy. You piece of shit. People still insulting them.

And I guess there's not that many people that actually believe in that stuff these days. do you think that's that's what happens to all religions that eventually like i know most religions are old but like at some point do they just go beyond that point where anybody even can bother believing and so but even though maybe all of it is real they're all supernatural beings that have existed on earth yes i mean this is probably what like i don't know that that american gods book is about or something like that. I don't know. Probably.

Probably. Yeah. All right, wait. That's funny. So what am I writing down? Zeus is around, but he's kind of everybody hates him. Yeah. I mean, what does he do to rehabilitate himself?

Does he do a boxing match? Yeah. With a influencer. Yeah. Tries to rehabilitate images. Yeah. Rehabilitate. um does he let's see and maybe he just does a bit of painting uh you probably have a youtube show um yeah

what about um it's a guy who's like an edward scissor hands but he has chapstick instead of scissors really good really good now this is an idea this is an idea does he twist the fingers and the chapstick sort of emerges from the end of the fingers i guess almost a worse court curse i mean All he can do, I think, is turn the thing so that the chapstick comes out or comes back in. Yeah. I don't even think he has fingers. I think he can just turn. Wow.

I mean, arguably, women would find him even more fascinating than Edward Cizzerhants. Oh, yeah. Because they love chapstick. Oh, my gosh. Imagine that. Being with your man, he's got his hand on your shoulder. You turn to his hand and you rub his. and you rub your lips on them.

They would really like it. I mean, he could have a little balm salon. Balm salam? And bomb salam to you too. It sounds Arabic. And when you say bomb salam. I think... You think that's today's episode, Andy?

I think that's today's episode. I'll say, sorry, I'm running out of steam here. I mean, it is the first thing in the morning for you. First thing. No wonder you ain't got no juice. Okay, we got brain tentacle. Touch it onto brains of the dead and experience whatever's in there. Then we got single-use memory.

Experience the experience. We got, find out if other creatures are enlightened and then grind them up and put it into a product. Yes. Then we got climax for the climate. And then we have the last. right to Romaine silent, the quiet lettuce, chewy lettuce. We got what philosophy would be like

if it came from Greece, and then it's called, in brackets, walk boy, goes back in time. Then we got Zeus to still exist, tries to rehabilitate his image with boxing match. And then we have Edward Chapstick hands, even more attractive to women.

Do you think the killing God idea is an idea? Yeah, so what was a killing God again? It was just... Well, we find him, but he's the wrong one, so we decide to blow him up. Find God, but he's wrong one, so we kill him. I found God. I guess... And now we can...

And then from the other perspective is that you find your God and he's the right one, but other people are trying to blow him up. because he's their wrong one. Imagine that. And it's like a, it's a children of men thing. But instead of a pregnant lady, you're trying to keep God safe. You're trying to get him to heaven, get him back to heaven. Yeah. Operation Protect God.

It's a fun. Operation Protect God. Alastair, good job. Thank you Good job you Yeah Good job you Andrew

It's been a joy I'm going to go into the song now Oh And down Bebebebebe Beidibib Beidibibibibibibing

Beiddy Beiddy Beiddy Beiddy Beem Yeah And Yeah

And yeah Good job Everybody Email us If you want a hat The links In the show notes I've had

my first hat not make it. Oh no. To Brian's cousin. Lost. Lost in transit. Damn. Well, um,

uh, don't, don't let that put you off, listeners. No, I mean, I'm literally sending another. We will keep sending hats.

We will keep sending hats until you get a lot. We will, we will, we will not rest until you all have a hat. Um, and, uh, you know what I want to say?

I want to say that we love. You. Bye. Bye.