Two In The Think Tank - 530 - "THIRD RESPONDERS"

Episode Date: June 18, 2026

Sketches TBCYou can purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gulu, Gulu, GOO-N-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-E. Hello and welcome to Two in the ThinkTanks. The show we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair George William Trombly, Birchall. Good-A, guys. Here's a... Oh, mate.

Oh, mate. Oh, mate. Frigan. Gide. Do you like friggin? friggin' g'daidae wooliers. Your friggin' nutcases, listening to this podcast.

Jesus. Jesus. Frigan. Criminal. Bunch of loose units. Just chumming anything into their earholes, aren't you? Jason H. Criminal. What way?

Jason H. Criminal. He probably is. Jason. We've got to get the stats. We've got to get the stats on people called Jason being in prison. Is Jason

Arabic? Wait, you know, is Jesus Arabic Jason? Is Jesus Arabic Jason? Let's open up the text lines. That's our topic for today. Let us know if you think that it's

Aramaic Jason or Arabic Jason. What do you think? Yeah. I mean, you're going to open up the text lines for all sorts of stuff. We are trying to trying to nail down the value of the universal constant.

Do you think it's greater there or less than one? Let's open up the text lines. Opening up the text lines. Are you up? We're opening up the text line. Let us know. Yes. So far, no text from anybody who's not up.

Yeah. Seems like everybody is up. 100% of Australians are up. Yeah. They're getting up. have been up. Yes. Are you,

let's see. Are you? Jason Christ, does that sound right to you? Do you think? Because you know like Christopher Columbus, right? Have I ever talked about this on the podcast here? About how in French,

it's Christoph Colon. Mm. Mm. Right? I think that you should, if you're doing the name, you shouldn't change the name. You should just say it with whatever your accent is, right? But since we were doing that, should we be saying instead of Jesus, should it be Jason Christ? I think we should anglicize it.

I think we should anglicize it. I think it'll go well. I think we should give Christ the opportunity to choose his own name. But isn't it like Yahweh or something like that anyway? It makes it easier for us to understand. You know? Yeah. Yeah, Yahweh.

I don't think, I think that's, is that God? Is that like Jehovah? I mean, because that's wild, right? Like, if we've, if we've anglicized Yahweh to Jehovah, I don't, I'm, look, I don't, I could be wrong about this. Text in. Text in. If I am way off.

We're open them up. Those text lines. Well, I'm checking an official Reddit post. Oh. People are saying, Ishao in Aramaic and Yeshua in Hebrew. I'm not sure. Is this,

this is for Jesus or for Jesus' dad? Mr. Jesus. Mr. Christ. Was it Joseph Christ? Joseph? Good question. Is it God Christ? I mean, is, it's crazy that we must have talked about this before, that Christ's Christian name is Jesus and his surname is Christ. I think his Christian name would be Christ, but his Christian name is Jesus. It never occurred to me that Christopher is,

linked to Christ. Mm. Mm. Mm. Yes. Christ. And therefore, so is Chris. So is Chris.

Yeah. And that we call them Chris rather than Christ. And so is Chris when we spell it with a K. That still derives ultimately from Christ. Yeah. Chris. Yeah. So it's, it's Christ Kringle.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's. So, wait. And does that mean, I mean Cringle should also be spelled with a C-H. Hey?

Say that again? Oh yeah, Christmas. Yeah, so I think the Cringle should, now I know that we can revert, we can turn the Chris in Chris Cringle back to its original C-H-R-I-S spelling. But I don't know about Cringle. I don't know about the origins of Cringle. I know that we have to pronounce it Cringle. We know that it's a hard eye. Cross Cringle.

That eye is so hard. It is. Alistair, we were texting earlier about pussy magnets. Yeah. And using them being something that you used to stick bills to your pussy, household bills to your pussy. Yeah. I mean, if pussy.

I mean, if Pussy Magnet Technology was... This is the kind of stuff we text about. If Pussy Magnet Technology, we were opening up the text lines just between each other. And all the texts are coming in. It's from Andy. It's from Andy. And nothing to say about Jason Christ, but... This is what it's like to text with a radio host.

texting with a radio host Text us your thoughts What do you think it's going to be like to text with a radio host? Let us know, hit the text line. Write out a little dialogue that you think a little back and forth of how you think it would be like texting me. So yeah, pussy magnet technology.

I mean, my obviously, you know, if it did exist as a physical object and we could study, we could discover Maxwell's laws of pussy magnetism. I mean, it implies either that the pussy itself is a magnet as well in order for things to stick to it and to attract it, or that the pussy might be sort of ferromagnetic, where it can have an induced magnetic field. That's right.

And I guess it's made up of magnetic material, but not necessarily a line. Pussy magnetic field. Yeah, pussy, sorry. I use the scientific term, a pussy magnetic field. Which also implies the chance of sort of like the possibility of sort of waves, pussy electromagnetic waves. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, which.

Which is light, you know. Which creates light. And which means that, I mean, this could be what, um, dark energy is. Could be. Because you don't pick it up with your eyes. Yeah. Yeah.

Pussy, and dark energy, that is something that is driving the universe apart. You might be able to see it with your brown eye. Now, why? I don't know. Because some people refer to that as the back pussy. I don't know. I'm not a scientist.

I'm not a pussy physicist. I mean, if the. I guess the pussy, unless the pussy itself is a monopole, you know, magnet, which hasn't been proven to exist, there is a dipole. So I imagine that the pussy, lines of pussy magnetism do have to leave the pussy curve around under the, the Gucci area and then go back in through the butt, right? That must be, if you would sketch the lines of pussy back in system. I mean, it certainly feels like a fruitful field for scientific inquiry. And obviously the potential technological consequences are enormous if we're able to develop pussy super magnanimousism. Pussy, a pussy generator, you know, to imagine spinning several pussies, an octopussy. inside a coil. What would that achieve?

Would you do that by using pubic hair? Would you... Coil the pubic hair? You could coil the pubic hair and create sort of a... Because we don't know where it's coming from exactly. We don't know. We don't know.

Although I'm guessing, based on... social research that the hair is not crucial to the magnetic properties. Well, I mean, we use copper. You know, we use copper in our engines. And most of the ferromagnetic, you know, things that are stuck, have things stuck to them are iron. Because that's your first metal right there. So, I mean, the idea that the pussy itself is like iron and then the pubic hair is copper.

doesn't seem that crazy to me. It doesn't seem crazy. I mean, it feels like a direct parallel. Sure, sure, sure. You know, and... Well, let's get our best people on it. Yeah. And Nobel Prizes...

You know what, let's start by getting our worst people on it and just see how they do. Well, I mean, if they can crack it, it would be... Nobody's tried yet. So maybe it's something that our worst people can do. and it would be great to leave our best people for other jobs. Let's not bother them yet. And since it's so analogous to the regular physics,

it might just be essentially doing the existing tests. And, you know, it's essentially you could probably give it to a sort of a 10-year-old child and they could do it. A moron. Yeah. A 10-year-old moron. A 10-year-old moron. I love the way you said. And since it's so analogous, I'm like,

Oh, yes. It's one of the most analogous things I've ever heard. I got to tell you, there was a moment there where I was like, I'm not sure analogous is exactly the right word here. Oh, Alistair. It was beautiful and beautifully deployed. Oh, well. And beautifully pronounced, you hit every syllable hard. It's not getting back up those syllables. And in this one, and in this one, oh, really, you know, the anal. is the important part here, because that's the South Pole.

Could be. Could be the South Pole. The anal. Is anyone calling? Is anybody calling the butthole? The South Pole? Now let me tell you. The Brown Pole.

The South Pole. Yeah. Because there's no, there's no, that's, that's, that's where there are penguins. Mm. Right? Do you think, do you think that when the, the poles shift? yes you know

when the pole the north pole goes to the south pole and the south pole I can't wait do you think do you think

the penguins will go to the other area they they must they must like as in like has it has it satisfied

something in their brain you know or do you think penguins do you think penguins were around the last time that the north pole

was at the south pole I reckon they were I reckon they were um My understanding is that this flip of the poles could result in birds falling from the sky, right? It's like a sort of a Y2K bug of electromagnetism. Exactly. Of birds. But does that, I'm not sure that whether that means that that penguins will shoot up into the air.

We always talk about sides of the apocalypse being birds, from the sky. How does that affect penguins? What about flightless birds? What are they, do? Penguins will be shot up into the air. Take to the skies. They gain the ability.

I think. They take to the wing. We'll. I'm just saying, to cover empty space. Oh, and you did great. It worked so beautifully. I mean, I could have said something.

No. No, no, no. But I don't see that as my role. I'm more of a responder. A first responder, but, I mean, this is the problem with first responders. Or they're so reactive, you know, and nobody's out there talking about that problem with first responders. That's right. And the thing is with being so reactive like that is that you can fool them by just fainting a little bit, you know?

You could faint falling over and having a heart attack, just, for a second and they'll already be running towards you. Yes. Like that. And then you can use that, you know, you get that reaction of them and then you can, I don't know, go steal their ambulance or something like that, you know, while they're already too committed to like that. You know, they get far enough away. You change directions and free ambulance. Everybody's, everybody's out there celebrating free ambulance.

This one life act, this is the life act. I've got five ambulances today. Here's my, here's how I, I can go out there right now and get an ambulance. See a guy like that? He goes, it's a guy. I mean, this is, I'm literally describing something that happens in real life, but with not with an ambulance, where I walk past the guy, he's leaning with his arms folded on a, on a beautiful ambulance. And I go, nice ambulance like that. And he goes, yeah, just had to fight a heart attack.

I thought, you go, what? He goes, just had to fake a heart attack. And he goes, oh, yeah, just pretended it. And when they were coming out, they get me, ran in, took the ambulance, free ambulance. It's really good. There are so, yes, those videos, Alistair, I'm just going to describe the joke you made and take all the joy out of it.

So, yes, there are those videos of guys approaching people who have a nice car and saying, how'd you get that nice car? How'd you get that? What did you have to do? What job did you have to do to get this? Right? I really like the idea of going up to an ambulance driver who's just hanging out around his shiny ambulance

and ask him, so what did you have to do to get this? And then it turns out, yes, as you just described, he's not an ambulance driver. He's just somebody who pretended to have a heart attack and stole it. I've got good stuff. I've got five ambulances today. I mean, I'm just describing what you said. Yes, good.

We're trapped in a loop. We do have a few ideas floating around today because we had a real, truly lost episode yesterday when I was having some of my worst audio problems. You know, Andy's the financial problem guy. I'm the audio problems guy. I do financial and diarrhea problems. Yes, the head does. Audio. Yeah, I do audio and organize.

sort of stuff. Yeah, yeah. I'm just three malorganizé, as they would say, in broken English. Ah, yes. Or as the broken French would say. Just before we move on, Alistair, though, to some of our old ideas.

Can I just put this out there? People are always thanking the first responders, those brave people who show up and put their lives on the line to help strangers. But what about the third responders? Tonight we celebrate the third responders. The people who show up after the first responders and even the second responders really have the situation under control

and say, you guys good here? Someone called the ambulance? They're on their way? Okay. All right. Well, I need to get to work. So those people, they're the real heroes. Absolutely.

They are a form of real. And the last responders who, Yes. Haven't even arrived yet at the scene. Yes. Who to this day have still not show it up? They're only just now, as I describe the incident there just now finding out that it happened. And they're going to go, they're going to go check now at the scene of the crime.

Where obviously it's already been cleaned up. I don't think the last responders, I don't know if they even necessarily need to show up to the scene. I think even now as they hear about it, they're probably going, oh, and that's their response. That's their response, of course, yeah. I'm going to run on third responders. I mean, really, the madman attacking people with a tree branch, is he the zero-weth responder? because he is sort of responding in a way to, I guess, himself. I mean, falling down to your death in many ways is the first response.

It is the first response. It's responding to gravity. Yes, responding to knife entering chest. Response ability. You have the ability to respond. I guess those those. in a like a permanent coma. They have no response ability.

That's right. That's right. Because, yeah, so that's, that's, he's shirking, he's shirking responsibility. Ability is usually when you sort of, you, you either are declaring someone dead. Maybe pronouncing them dead or

pronouncing them unconscious. You don't really pronounce anybody, any people, anything else. I'll pronounce you married, husband and wife? Yes. You print, well,

when somebody is lying unconscious on the footpath, you could, you could lean over them, clap your hands in front of them and maybe pinch their arm or whatever and then say, he has no responsibilities.

Oh, I envy him. No responsibilities. No response abilities. But you can also just get that not through being unconscious, but through being unbelievably, That's true as well.

Oh, you're bloody hopeless. You know, that's, I don't think I hear that here as much. I think that's a very Aussie thing to refer to somebody's being hopeless, you know? You know, because like, you're, and because when they say that they're hopeless, I think that you often mean, like, let's say somebody who's just can't do the job. Let's say they're working at a bakery and you're like, can you get me a cheese and bacon? pie and they come back and it's like a vegetable pasty or something like that and you're like, oh, you're bloody hopeless. Now, it's not that that person themselves doesn't have hope and dreams and things like that, you know, it's that they don't. They actually remove the hope from you.

You've got negative hope. You're sucking hope out of me. Like a hope, yeah, like a hope vampire. Mm. You're sucking the hope out of my hope hole. You are. You sucked all the hope out of my hope vessel. Yes. My hope tank. My hope tank. Hope tank.

You drank my hope shake. Nah, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Alistair, all right. I'm going to put something out there that's really fucked up and grim. Okay. Okay. All right.

And this might ruin the whole podcast. I think it is a comic premise. Okay. And I will react positively to it eventually. Oh, don't, don't. Don't lock yourself into anything that you... Don't, don't, don't. Don't.

Don't mock me. I love that guy, by the way. Don't, don't, don't. That guy is me. And so I'll take it. If you love me, thank you. Andy, I do love you. Thank you, Alasel.

Don't, don't. It's, oh, I can hardly bring myself to say this. But you know, actually, you know what? I don't even want to bring it up. fuck. Can you do it through an analogy? All right, look, here it is. You know how, like, in a court case with a child victim,

they might use a doll to indicate where that somebody touched them, right? Can you show me on your body where this guy touched the doll? Well, possibly that, yes. Or maybe we didn't realize, but we were actually using a voodoo doll, right? Oh, no. And whenever the kids have touched it, the kids have been abusing somebody. Oh, my God. This is exactly what we didn't want to happen.

This is the, for us, this is a worst case scenario. Oh, this is the, the voodoo lawyer, fiddler. Oh. Oh, he, he was, it was actually a voodoo doll of him, and he was, he was getting his rocks off from, I'm not fiddler, didler. Didler. The voodoo doll, the voodoo doll lawyer didler. Voodoo doll didler. Voodoo didler.

Voodoo didler. But I don't know, but he's a lawyer. I think that it's the guy, the lawyer presenting it to the kids. He's getting the kid to diddle the next one. Unless he's getting them to diddle him. Well, yes. I mean... I mean...

Oh, the reverse voodoo lawyer diddler. Did you hear about that case with the reverse voodoo lawyer didler? Did he? He did. Who did he diddle? Well, no one. He got the kid to dittle him. Yeah.

And, yeah, I mean, it's an incredible idea, Andy. What a beautifully analogous idea that you have there. Oh, thank you. Anyway, I feel awful about even saying it. Let's lighten the load by talking about our idea for, you know, you've heard of shoes that make people look taller. What about a hat that makes you look shorter? What about that?

Yeah, I do. do like that, Andy. I like that a lot. And, uh, because, because we were talking about the arrows. Yes. The arrow. I mean, you don't have to do the arrows. Sorry, that was my addition. You just had a hat and I, I would love to see a hat that makes you look shorter. Um, I guess you would, how would you do it at first to, to, to demonstrate it? You would, you would take a photo of yourself and then put your, then put your stand next to this photo of yourself. wearing this outfit looking shorter. Well, yeah.

I mean, I mean, maybe it's actually that Farrell hat that he had where it was like, this hat's too big. Yeah. You know, I mean,

that makes you look tiny. I don't know if it necessarily makes you look short. That's the challenge. Yeah. I don't think we want to make you look any narrower, God forbid.

God, no, not, not, not Paul Farrell. He's skin and bones. As it is. Eat.

You must eat. Eat. Eat, eat, eat, eat. That's the traditional, um, Ferell four beat that he has at the beginning of one of his songs. Yes. But it's me as an Italian non are asking him to eat.

Yes. Yes. Um, drop some fat eats. That's right. I've got some new. eats to run by you. And do you want to sample?

Because I'm a delivery boy. Do you want to sample my eats? Yeah. This is how we're trying to advertise food. We're from the Food Council of Australia. And we're doing individual one-to-one face-to-face campaign. Yeah, to, to, to,

sort of famous musicians that are not Australian and trying to get them to eat. Yes. Well, if we think if we get them to eat, maybe it will influence Gen Z. You know how Gen Z, they're all listening to Farrell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're all listening to NERD. Mmm. And, uh... Was he in NERD?

I'm pretty sure. Really? Was NERD was that You can't be me, I'm a rock star I'm sitting on the top of a cop car Was that them? Was that NERD? I think it could be Wow Do you know what the name of the song was?

I think it was called Rockstar Let me see NERD, Rockstar nerd Yes, Rockstar by NERD And NERD Oh, let's, we're getting here. We're getting to the facts. We are getting...

In the music video, their militant gym teacher is played by actor Randy Quaid. Really? Randy Quaid! What, I mean, what a name. What a name. Yeah. Quaid. Songwriters, Farrell Williams.

Farel Williams. Oh, that Randy Quaid. Oh, my gosh. Mm. Yeah. Is he related to the other Quaid? With Chad Hugo, the duo formed the top... He's the brother of Dennis Quaid.

He doesn't look anything like Dennis Quaid. The rock and hip-hop band Eddie Hardy. Randy Quaid. I mean, you shouldn't be able to be called Randy Quaid. Yeah. Yeah, wow. I'm looking at Randy Quaid right now. Yeah?

You know what? Textine. Hit the text. lines, if you've ever looked at Randy Quaid. I am looking at a really recent version of Randy Quaid where he has a massive beard and long hair. And I fucking love it. But it is an article about him being removed from the US,

so I don't know if he's done terrible crimes. Isn't crazy that there's a place called Santa Barbara? I wouldn't want to go to Santa's Barber. he that guy doesn't seem like he does any work exactly that guy's never worked a day in his life Santa Barbara

Randy Quaid speaks out says he's not a crazy criminal that's not a good subline I am not a monster he is not a monster the best thing to come out of Peter Dutton existing

his wife on the cover of a newspaper saying he is not a monster oh it sounds like something you'd say about a person who's a monster Andy I really liked your idea in the discord and I know this is an off-pot idea wait what was this idea that we were just talking about so that I can write it down hats that make you look shorter

Randy Santa's barber I don't know but the idea that you had in the discord and I know this is an off-pot idea but fuck I'm feeling crazy Andy I'm gonna bring some off-pod ideas the idea that you wrote about an unboxing video

of a guy unboxing a first aid kit a first aid kit and he's talking about the different things and how beautifully packed they are and maybe he makes little jokes you know he wraps a bit of bandage around his face

on my mummy like that and then obviously near the end. He's, after he's pulled everything out, you sort of pull back, perhaps. And then while you're doing that, maybe reveal that there's a person next to you

in sort of mortal agony. Yes, in the throes. Maybe wounded, I would say. They could be writhing. Would you allow them a quick writhe? I would allow not just a rithe, but maybe even a squirm. Oh.

You know what I've been seeing a lot? I think squirm comes before writhe. I think writhe is much more further along the wriggle scale. You know, I consider a squirm more of a subtle, a subtle rife. You know, I think it takes more finesse to squirm. Oh, so it's almost a higher, higher form. I consider it a higher art to squirm than to ride. Hacks rithe.

Artists squirm. That's right. Yes, I believe that was Pablo. I think Escobar. I think squirm has only got its place in the public consciousness.

I think squirm is only part of the conversation because it rhymes with worm. I think if squirm didn't rhyme with worm, no one would have ever heard of squirm. Everyone would be talking about writhing. Rithing. It was squarm. Squarm?

Which doesn't rhyme with anything, except for do harm. Squarm after I've done harm. Oh, what a beautiful rife. Okay, squarm on the farm. Quaid, Randy Quaid, lived in Montreal, beginning in 2013, and was briefly arrested for not

checking in as a non-resident. You got to check in. You got to check in. Yeah. The Quaid's in Quebec. Man, Randy Quaid seems to have been up to some

weird stuff. He's the bad guy in Home Alone, right? He and his wife were charged with burglary after they spent five days occupying against house in a vacant home they once owned in Santa Barbara. In October 2010, Quaid and his wife moved to Vancouver, Canada, where they sought asylum protections under the Refugee Protection Act.

What were they escaping? Just like, they're trying to arrest me back in America for crimes. I think it seems like maybe and I don't want to laugh at him too much Oh, in 2016 he became an outspoken supporter of Donald Trump So wait, he was trying to like He was trying to escape Biden? Is that one?

That was before. He was an outspoken proponent of the conspiracy theory that Trump's defeat in the 2020 election was a result of widespread election forward. Oh, Randy. Oh, Randy. Randy Quaid, Randy Quaid, strange name, strange guy. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that's exciting, Andy. It's like, you know, do you think that he's still making a lot of money off of home alone? God, I hope so. I can only hope so. Can you name another movie that he was in without looking it up? I actually didn't even know that he was in. Isn't he the...

Homeland. Wasn't he the wet bandits? guy? Oh no. Maybe I'm thinking of a different guy. Oh, no. That's a different guy. Yeah, who was that guy? But they occupy a similar space, I feel. Oh yeah, he was in Kingpin and Independence

Day. I've been on such a journey with this guy. I don't think his mental health is great. That's my suspicion. And I feel bad for laughing. You know, it's like when you go to the zoo and I know, you know, like when you go to a mental institution

and you're like, maybe we're the ones who are crazy and those are the ones that make sense. And so that could be, that could make sense as well. That logic could also apply to a person who's not in a mental institution, but also seems crazy to us. Yes. You know?

Maybe he's the sanest guy of all. Because like I feel, I felt insane yesterday going into Costco because of, I was, coming up against its rules a lot. Can't go in with the app that has my wife's account on it. Yeah. I got to go get a card and then they don't accept visa cards. And then they want me to sign up immediately for a mastercard.

It'll only take five minutes. And I'm like, I don't, I don't think I can make that decision right now while people are in line behind me. And I just get like pushed into a credit card. I just... Yeah. You know, I felt insane. But everybody's there.

They're having a great time. There's $1.50 hot dogs just mere 20 meters away from me, which I was going to try and buy with a visa card. I seem insane to them. To everybody else, they're like, this is a utopia. Yeah. We'll often say, you're not crazy. It's the world that's gone mad. Yeah.

But we don't get more specific. We never say you're not smearing feces on the world, on the walls of your bedroom and swearing at the top of your voice. The world is smearing feces on the walls. The world is smearing feces on the inside of pipes. Yeah, or maybe it's the world that's smearing its walls on your feces. That's right. That's right. which is a terrible

why did you put that wall there? That's more insane. You built a wall on the place where feces goes. Yeah, where I smear my feces. You knew I'm a victim of circumstance. I was eventually put my feces there. Oh, where can I put my feces?

That's right. It's the world that makes us crazy. Yeah. Alistair. Yeah, Andy. Should I go to three words from a listener? Do you think? I reckon we could.

I reckon it's our duty. Nay, our privilege. Sorry, it holds just walked through. No, you're right. It was just our duty. Now, Andy, I read this one out yesterday. So this is going to be a different kind of guess in three words. So this one is from Braden Douglas.

Brayden Douglas. Hello, Brayden deGloss. The Brayden. the bray what's bray that's the sound of donkey makes is it um yes yes really the don't yeah the bray den also known as

known as the he haw hole that's another synonym the hehor hole is the bray den he haw hole yeah well our den is kind of like a hole oh yes the heha hole um anyway mr heha hole

douglas has said i have three words from a listener for you Now, these might just be for me, the recipient, the person reading the thing. So they might not be for you, although we don't know if it would have been, I think if we use the plural use, as is used in common parlance in Australia, it would clarify some of these things that kind of leave us in the dark a little bit. in both the regular dark that we experience in regular physics and the pussy dark that we experience in pussy physics now if anybody's tuning into the podcast now you might not understand why I'm what I'm talking about

anyway yeah I'd argue there'd be people who have been listening the whole time who might still not be fully on board okay yeah great Now he says But they're not from The three words region of France I have Because they're not from there I have to refer to them

As a sorted vocabulary from a fan And I think that's great I think we can always use new terms And ass Oortid Is also another word for a donkey That's true And it

Donkey Orded It makes an ass out of you And Ortid You or ted Ted. You or Ted. Wait, there's no or. There's no you.

It's in mention ass or Ted. Yeah. Fuck it. It makes an as out of S or Ted. Or as sorted. So, out of soorted. Anyway, so here, he's got three words. Would you like try to guess what they are?

remembering that you heard these yesterday when we did the episode and then we lost it because of mine. Oh, and I have forgotten. Yeah. So I'll guess all three so that I don't remember when you tell me the first one. I'll guess all three, and I think the words are probably, backwards, somersault shaker. Oh, very close. Networking for Slipsists. Yes, networking for solicists.

And solipsists, we look this up, and this is people who believe only in the existence of their own consciousness. Is that right? Like people who don't see... Like Descartes? Oh, he could have been a solipsist. Yeah. Anyway, it says someone who believes that their own mind is the only thing that is sure to exist. Yeah, that sounds like Descartes.

Descartes. Well, the AI says, no, Rene Descartes was not a solipsist. Sylipsism is the philosophical belief that one's own mind is sure to exist. And the external world cannot be known, while the external world cannot be known, while the Descartes used extreme doubt as a tool. He ultimately rejected syllopsism by proving the existence of God and the physical world. I don't know. What the fuck?

That doesn't sound like Descartes at all, you stupid artificial intelligence. No, but I mean, I think probably what it is, is that we are the ones who are stupid. We don't actually understand what Descartes thought. We only think we... I think I know Descartes. Therefore, I am saying he was... Therefore, I do. I think I know what Descartes was talking about.

Therefore, I am on a podcast arguing with AI. Confidently. Confidently. Criticising this... This magnificent product. That has access to every single piece of information in the world. Yeah. Yeah.

So look. Networking for solipsists. I mean, so what do you do at networking? You go around giving out your business card, obviously. At a solipsist event, you'd go around giving out a card that's, that I guess you'd give out a blank one, right? Like there's no point giving them your number. You might give yourself your own business card.

Because you can't even be sure that your own number is correct. That's true, yes. I mean, you might believe in your own number. you know you could you can give them a little piece of paper with an arrow on it if you believe and it and just and if you and you can find me if you just keep it pointed towards me yeah right points towards you that would be great that'd be a great business card and it would also be great as a as a pussy magnet uh a business card where the arrow on it always points towards you I don't know how we sort this out

but that's that's cool Oh yeah I mean that would be great If you I mean you could do that with sort of like You know with technology or whatever I mean you could do that very easily If you were Santa Basically every compass

Is a business card That points towards you If you're Santa Oh because he lives in the North Pole Because he lives in the North Pole One of the main Santa facts That one of the Barbara is Santa Barbara

is not very good I mean even I mean that's great I'm going to write down Santa has a I think that'll be great for our our Santa movie

where he body swaps with a little girl Great If I had a great big beard and white hair and I was doing stand-up comedy I could definitely

do a joke about having gone to Santa Barbara. Yeah. Like I, don't you reckon? Like, like,

like, I used to be clean, shaven, but then I went to, that's not going to work, is it? To the Santa Barbara. Ah.

All right, forget that. What about barbarians? Bar, my barber, Ian, I, no.

Yeah, yeah, barbarian. Barbarian. I was supposed to go to a barber, my barber, Ian, but I accidentally went to a barbarian. Instead of cutting off my hair, he cut off my whole head. And, spat down the hole.

Sacked Rome. Sacked Rome. I'll write down barber Ian. No, okay, write it down. My attempts to end this podcast on a barber pun have really sucked the energy out of the pod. What about you go to a conference and you give little people, not little people, you don't have to give anything to little people. Well, respect.

That's what my dad's always told me. All big people. That's the thing. That's true. It's just that he was very specific that he would always say that one first. Don't owe anybody anything. Just the idea, but specifically little people. I guess, see, that would happen to somebody who becomes bigoted because at one time they were tricked by a person who just happened to be short.

So not bigoted, then they're smalloted. I suppose you're right. When you're bigoted, that makes a big out of, you're bigoted, out of, you. You or Ted. Sorry. The only reason I said that was because the last one also ended in Ted. Yeah, yeah, it was good. Yeah, yeah.

You make an ass out of all. Ted. O, R. Ted. But it's even that one, like, you make an ass out of you and me, when you assume you make an ass out of you and me, that doesn't even work. I'm sure I've said this before. Because it's not.

It doesn't. No, I know. It makes an assume, when you assume, it makes an assume out of us and you and me. Yeah. You, me and an ass. It makes an assume. Yeah, that's right. It doesn't make an ass out of you and me.

I know. That's why I always hated it. And that's why I first started trying to make jokes about it because it was just like, it's such a stupid expression. It means nothing. It's a completely, it's the same thing like there's no I in team. Yeah, but you can't, you can't care. You can't make your decisions based on what letters are in a word and whether or not you're in one, whether or not you're part of a team. Yeah, that's not evidence.

That's not evidence, guys. That's not science. Okay. Yeah. I mean, if that was scientific, that would allow you to make predictions, meaningful predictions about the world. That's what science is.

Hey, there's no W in clone. It's really good. There is one in clown. What does that tell you? That's right. That's right. I think we should call, because there's a W in it.

And yeah, the word clone should be clown because there is a W in it. Yeah. Well, actually, it would be better if it started with a W. It would be better if it was just the letter the letter W. Yeah. Yeah.

Would, would, would, would, what. How would you pronounce that? I'm gonna, I've invented a wu-ing machine. A wu-ing. Wing. Wing. I'm using DNA technology to, W-ing.

A wing? No. To fly? DNA technology to Wuh. My dead dog. Please explain what that means because my mind is not going to good places. Alastair, take us through the sketch ideas.

Oh, right, Andy, taking you through the sketch ideas. You go back. That's with Jesus should be Jason in English. It probably is. It probably is, is what we're implying here. using a pussy magnet to stick phone bills to your pussy, but then all the implications of a pussy electromagnetism that comes from the existence of the pussy magnet. And then we got birds will fall from the sky,

and penguins will be thrown into the air. Then we got the fake heart attack to get a free ambulance, fake a heart attack to get a free ambulance and we got the third responders and thanking them and we got the reverse voodoo lawyer didler

perfect sketch of a guy who uses people touching showing people where someone touched them on a doll but it's a voodoo doll don't bring it back up let's not revisit it Let's not revisit it.

I mean, it's the first one that seems like an actual sketch. Except for the pussy magnate thing. We got the hat that makes you shorter. We got the first aid kit unboxing while a victim writhes or squirms. We got the Santa business card, which is a compass. Here's where to find me. If you need anything, here's where you can find me. It's a fucking compass.

What a fucking player. What a fucking comus. fucking player! Santa networking event. Barberian, not barbarian. Oh, really good. And then we've got, there's no W-U in clone. It should be a clown or a W.

Andy, maybe the perfect episode. We had to have a couple of runs at it. I was thinking in the, I've got, still got my audio, obviously, of the unreleased version of the episode. I was thinking I could get AI to fill in all the blanks and guess what you were saying? I, when I wasn't talking.

Andy, I think that's a good idea to try. And doesn't the, that's actually an interesting idea. Doesn't the Adobe podcast thing have a feature where you can, just write things in and then have a voice say it. So you could, you could transcribe the whole thing, have it all, and then say, can you fill in the conversation here?

Because I'm going to, my friend, you know, he didn't, you know, he didn't record his side of the podcast. Can you fill in what he would have said here to make it make sense with the thing? And then you put it into the thing, add a voice to it. Maybe add my voice if you can get my voice. and then we can release it as the fucked episode yes the fucked totally fucked episode

hi and of course there's the beautiful idea at the end of that episode which is how do you want to say it and because I might say it my way and then you might not like it the idea was I don't know well the idea was

the idea was I walked in on my parents while I was masturbating oh yeah yeah yeah no that's great that's very funny okay thank you Andy and and

what was the other thing that we talked about on that episode that was uh your neighbor's neighbor is your grand house grand neighbor

yeah that's right yeah that's all it's all I want to put out there and we oh no we can we

no we haven't done the song yeah although it was also D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D. Lab that, lab that, lab that, lab that, lab that uses granitic engineering to create a more intense, Greg. Just thought I'd squeeze in one of the ideas from yesterday. Yeah, good stuff.

And thanks for listening. Thank you for listening, Andy. I wasn't the whole time. You could thank me for recording today. The bits I did listen to, I really enjoyed. Thank you for recording. you for recording. I mean, I don't want to presume. I can still see it recording right now.

A prez out of you and me. As we speak, Andy, it is recording. And we love you. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody.