Two In The Think Tank - 532 - "ADAPTING TRIANGLES FOR THE STAGE"

Episode Date: July 3, 2026

Landlordinary, The Justifiers, Hack the Wayback, Second Proctolopinion, Referring Doctor, Crazy Jake, Elf Shoe Curly Toes, Triangle the Musical, Roswell Triangles, V for oVerlooked, Nipple Boobs, Sun Bathing Eggligee, Famous Speeches Circus SongYou can purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Mary had a little lamb. Hello and welcome to To him the think tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I am Andy. And I'm Alistair George William Trumbly Birchall. You, I mean, I was leaving a dramatic pause.

Yeah. And I don't allow that. You can't even allow. allow a mere 30 to 40 minutes of silence. Where you normally forget to say your line. Well, that's what makes it so dramatic. Well, you know, that's why there's tension. People are wondering, has he forgotten?

Is Alastair going to be mean to him? Yeah. When he's doing his best, is Paul. And that's why I mean to you in order to answer their questions. Yeah, that's true. If I'm not, they'll be wondering the whole episode. Mm-hmm. Is he still mean to him?

Yeah. I hope he's being mean to him physically at some other. Well, this is the thing. You can't be mean to me physically because we're so far apart. So it's taken the mystery away. Hmm. I mean, do you think that people wonder whether or not I abuse you off-pot? Yeah, I imagine.

There's a lot of law about, you know, big, sort of fan fiction kind of thing. Where people think that I'm forcing you to do this pod. Why is it that the fan fiction is always erotic? I don't think it always is. Maybe only the fan fiction you read is. Why can't it be where two characters from a... It's absolutely not.

Man, I've been reading some insane articles recently. Yeah. About this sort of AI doomsday cult people from Silicon Valley. No, this is the Zizzians. Did you read these articles? No. And they literally did some murders, but they were sort of really concerned about AI. They were sort of left wing, but they were young, and they just sort of crumbled.

into just complete madness. They were part of a group called, or they started out as part of a group called the rationalists. Yeah. And did they develop a sort of a no AI psychosis? They got a psychosis from lack of AI. Well, they got, they developed a rationality psychosis.

Yeah. They were, I mean, they had sort of like built up this extreme, They radicalised themselves into thinking that the ends justified the means and that the ends were saving the world from sort of AI dystopia. Yeah. And but then the things that they ended up doing were just like stabbing a landlord to death who wanted them to pay for their, for the renting space on his farm. And then shooting a police officer who stopped them when they were scared and then murdering one of their parents.

I'm like, guys, I think that like the ends might justify the means, but the means have to be related to the ends. Be somewhere near getting to even the means. To the ends. Yeah, they've got to be means. I don't think, that's right. I don't think these were means. I think these were just things.

Things. This is just random. You were on your way to the means. You weren't even near the means. What are the ends again? The ends was not having AI or stopping AI from destroying the Earth. Yeah. I know the means is the way that you do it, but I don't even think they got to starting to do it.

It sounds like. It sounds like they were just having a good time. They were just having fun. I mean. And you can't blame young people for having fun. I mean, I think if you hadn't have mentioned AI, at all, I don't think that there was any way that I would have guessed that it was about AI. No.

They just killed a landlord. Because, yeah. If somebody can't guess, someone can't guess the ends, then maybe the means. If people really, like, if you just tell people the means and nobody can work out what the ends are, then maybe don't, they're not justified. Well, because if you had told me they killed the landlord, I would have thought, well, the ends must be. not paying rent. Not paying rent. You know?

Free farm. That's true. That has ended that. If the, if, I'll tell you what, if the ends were killing landlords and the means was killing landlords, then I'd say, good job. Yeah, well, the end does justify the means. The end is the means. Yeah.

That is a straight line. I don't even know. I don't even think that's a line. I mean, it doesn't just justify. It is just the means. The ends is just the means. The ends. The ends is just the means.

The means is just the ends. It's direct action. You justified it. Direct action. Like when Tony Abbott... No, it's not like when Tony Abbott. I did like it when Tony Abbott had direct action on climate change. That was his policy.

Direct action. Remember that? He was like, we're not going to do these trading schemes. We're not going to regulate emissions. What we're going to do is going to give billions of dollars to fossil fuel companies. because they've told us they'll reduce their emissions. Yeah. We're going to pay them to emit less.

Look, and then they didn't admit less. We'll start by just giving them money. I would say that's actually some of the least direct action I've ever seen. That's great, Andy. So what do you think is the sketch with this? I guess the means and the ends. Mm.

I mean, what about, what about, about this. It's a, we justify, it's a, it's a, it's a company. The ends don't justify the means we do, right? So you come to us and you tell us what you want to do and you tell, don't let your, your ends justify your means, will justify your means. Yes, and you come to us and you tell us what you want to do and we justify it for you. Oh, the justifiers. Yes. It's so close to justice. Justice.

And, you know, you come in, you say, I really want to kiss my uncle on the top of his head. And they'll say, we'll get our best people on it right away. Sounds like the reason you want to do that is to make his head better, you know, because you don't feel like his head is in its best state. So it's got a little boo-boo, and you want to make the boo-boo better.

And what better than a little kiss on the head? All right, off you guys go now. That'll be $3,000. Beautiful stuff. Absolutely beautiful. Do you think that... No, I think, you know, I like to, you know, I guess you can, you can pay for bigger or smaller justifications. They'll tailor it to your budget.

That, you know, maybe that's a small budget justification, $3,000. Yeah. But if you're willing to go all the way up to $10 million, they'll construct an entire elaborate pseudo-religion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we can, because we can build the scenario, say, well, there was this company after me like that. and then we will build this company. Exactly. And make it appear like they've been around for a historical amount of time.

You know, we'll somehow, will somehow slip one of their web pages into the way back machine. Does anybody hacked the way back machine? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, gosh, then you got power. Now you got power. The way back machine. I want to know how they do that.

How do they possibly store all their? that stuff. The Wayback Machine must it feels like they stored a billion versions of the internet. Yeah, but I don't think they're getting all the really heavy stuff. Like, you know, they're not getting all the like videos and stuff.

Maybe they are getting some videos, but a lot of it is just like a web page with some images on it. Yeah, come on, Wayback Machine. A lot of the time, that's all we really want to see. I don't think they're like snapshot in all of YouTube every three days or whatever.

like that. Yeah. I mean, they say history is written by the winners, but I think it's written by the Wayback Machine. Thank you. I think it's essentially, you know,

you can sort of inception the past with the Wayback Machine. Yeah. Yeah, we don't need time travel. Because the only people that go to the Wayback Machine are people who think they're clever. and collecting sure thing evidence. No one's ever doubted the way back machine.

Change the evidence. Yeah. You can get in there. I mean, surely no one's thought to secure the way back machine. Not yet. Now, you're breaking up a little bit, Alastair. Am I? Like as in the sound?

Yeah. Yeah, I was getting like little dropouts. I don't know what to do about that. I mean, surely if there's any reason for that, it would only be our, the pipe that our words are going through. Yeah. A specific pipe. But that's okay. What's okay?

Oh, that's okay. Alastair, we were talking before the episode about doctors who, you go to them and they just refer. you to another doctor. My favorite kind of doctor, the doctor that is just a gateway to another doctor. I would love to go to a doctor who's not going to refer to me to another doctor, but I don't know which those doctors are. Oh, an endpoint doctor. Yes, that's right.

I need to get one referral to a doctor who, I don't even need them to be qualified in all the different things. I mean, I reckon they can probably have a pretty good guess. That's the annoying thing. Yeah. Is that I think, I reckon they do know. They do know. Yeah.

But they're referring you to someone else because they're just like, ah, can't be bothered. Or it's too hard. Yeah, I don't want to have to learn this. It's the too hard basket. Yeah. Or I'm not sure. I'm like, have a punt. Have a guess.

What, you know. Just try. I don't want you to. I feel bad for you as a doctor. Believe in yourself, exactly. You just tell me to go see another doctor. I mean, that was my idea going and seeing a doctor. Yeah, yeah, I thought of that already.

That's why I'm here. I referred myself to you. I could have just asked anyone, but I referred myself to a doctor. If you refer, in my medical opinion, do you need to see a doctor? Yeah. Yes.

That was my opinion as well. Untrained. I've already had a referral. It was when I pointed to the lump on my foot, to my wife, and she said, you should see a doctor. I've already had a,

she referred me to you. I honestly, I wanted her to give me a medical opinion. I wanted her to solve the problem. I would have been happy with her, but then she referred me to you. just tell me it's fine and that's all go home yes

I don't care if there's something wrong I just don't want to worry when my friends come here and come to me and tell me about their problems I don't say go and talk to a different friend yeah my friend came to me about his breakup problems and I said well I should refer you to Martin

he's a special list in breakups. And. And? And I don't. And he charges a lot more. Hmm. Do you think the doctors when they refer-

Is that a sketch? I think it's close. Friends referrals. Yeah. Yeah. I mean like, you know, you could even just like a doctor, if you have, if you are friends with a doctor. Yeah.

Right. And you're just in conversation with them about something. and it's not a medical appointment but the idea that they would still give you a referral in that conversation to a different friend. Yeah, I'm going to write you a referral to my wife. She knows where the punch is and give her this and she should be able to get you a scoop of punch.

She specialises in these kinds of complaints And you let her know what you think of the punch And she'll send that to me And how about we meet next week And we go over the results of this punch drinking And see how we go And then we'll go from there You're making love to a doctor

Yeah Okay You ask her To put her finger up your bum she says I don't do that but she writes a referral to a

friend who does who is also a proctologist but that's unrelated they yeah I wonder if a proctologist is more likely to do but stuff I mean I wonder if it's that

the old case of like the chef gets home and doesn't want to cook dinner. Yeah. You know, you're like, oh, you've been doing it with everybody else. But they're like, at the end of the day, the last thing they want to look at is another bum hole. But then again, you know, maybe they got into bumholes because that's what they love. You know, and we can only hope.

You know, but I bet you his butthole is a mess. You know, you go to a doctor. You're really worried about cancer. they say you say can we can we do the thing and because I'm so worried I really you know

I really I can't have this would you mind crossing your fingers while you do it and for good luck and that is part of the service they will provide

they'll do the check with crossed fingers I mean that's two up there that's got to be lucky Do you think that sometimes they do that? That's how you could get a second opinion from the doctor that put two fingers up there at one. I mean, that'll cross-up for good luck. I mean, he just does it with the index.

Can I get a second an opinion? And he goes, and then he go, oh, like that. And he goes, yeah, no, it still feels. Yeah. I need a, I need a, and just to be sure, I'll give you a second opinion. and they show you the two little digits there. Oh, yeah. That's perfect.

That's the international sign of putting two fingers up. I don't know if there's like a scout group or whatever that does the two fingers, but it's not good. You don't want to put, you don't want two fingers around children or anything like that, as in like as a symbol. You know what I mean? You know, like it sucks. Scout groups.

do three fingers and I think that's good you know and that's okay because no one has ever sexualized the three fingers like that I'm trying to I'm looking at it right now what with the with the sort of the I reckon somebody has the thumb coming over and hugging the pinky you can't do a one finger salute because it just looks like you're pointing at your brain you know like you do when you I guess you know you sort of do that when you're like you raise your eyebrows and you point to your head like that. It's like you're telling everybody, yeah, I use this. I use my brain.

I'm real smart. That's smart thinking. Or, you know, you're sort of doing the one around you where you squirle it around your ear. Like you think that the person that you're talking to is crazy. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a classic. What about this one where you tap your nose? Well, you know people and they make it sound like, oh, I know that?

And is that supposed to be based on the word I knows that? Oh. That's something I knows. I know something. I knows. Or is it not linked to the wordplay at all? Is it just, is it just mean like, yeah, ha, ha, ha. I know that you know that I know.

Hmm. Is it like I sniff what's going on or something? Like, you know, like, because, yeah. that is interesting isn't it because you you also think it's like it's something you would do if you know

if somebody came out of the bathroom and had been doing cocaine right and you knew they had been then you could do that little tap there and it would sort of be rich with metaphorical meaning sure and I think that there is a bit of that with that yeah

yeah I think they do the use of it yeah it's a lovely little gesture the old the old nose tap to show that I know what's going on. There's no mouth tap as far as I know. I mean, there's the shush.

But you don't get much from... There's it... Ear tap to say, I don't, I can't hear, or maybe I'm on a phone call. Yeah, you might, you know... You might bend your ear to try to hear. You never tap your ear that much. No, you tap your ear.

Tap your ear to be like, I have an earphone in. Yeah. Yeah. What about tap the mouth? Unless you pucker your lips. Like that's sort of like kiss my lips. But an un puckered mouth tap? I'm trying to do it.

I'm trying to do it. Even a puckered mouth tap. I'm trying to imagine kiss my lips. Oh yeah. It's like, it's like give Daddy a little kiss or something like that. Oh, that's a new cheek though. That's like if you want to kiss on the cheek. Yeah, I guess you do a do a bit of that.

But. I don't know that you tap your lips. lips at all. Sometimes, I think in a couple that's been together for a long time, you're like, come on, come on. Oh, give me some sugar kind of thing. Yeah, but more like, you know, you got to give me this before you leave or whatever. Hmm. Seems gross.

No, you got to get, you know, sometimes you're like, hey, we don't leave without doing this. This is our thing. You should. It's almost like, you know, it's don't forget to keep connecting. That's true. And you've got to not, you've got to not forget to keep connecting. Could you, could you do it at a restaurant, go along, make eyes with the waiter across the room, give a little tap on the mouth, as if to say, I'd like some food to go in here, please?

You see, for that, now this is, I don't think this is an international symbol, but for that, I like the open mouth, and then you point into your mouth a couple times. How do you feel about like a patting of your tummy? Or patting your tummy is sort of saying this is full. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. You're like saying, I don't need what you're offering. Yeah, and rubbing your tummy is saying this is yummy. Even though the tummy doesn't know if things are yummy.

The tummy's got no idea. It's got no idea, it's got no taste buds. It's just there to rip the food apart chemically. Yeah. I mean, it's such a a visceral, you know, I think the stomach is all work. The stomach, you know, what a, what a rough gig,

you're there, you're down in the pit, just slop is just falling on you all the time. Yeah, it's just got a, like, the food in one of its worst states. It's the beginning, it's really just the beginning of shitting. I do think that, like, it would be nice to be able to, to maybe use some kind of forcepts that go all the way down the throat, right? And stretch the throat open and hold it open.

Yeah. And then use really long chopsticks and maybe sort of get a sword-swallowing technology to place a full slice of pie or something down into your stomach and give your tummy just some some quality food some quality untued

that's probably what birds do they love their stomachs they give them full unchewed chips yeah but then if you're a baby bird oh yeah then you get vomit you get vomit

yeah you know what is there food that you say like I think I like swallowing oh yeah you know like sure obviously the tasting is one of the best bits.

And there is some good stuff in chewing because you get texture. Yeah. Right? Yeah. But I think swallowing is pretty good too. Sometimes, you know, if you were to just underrated, chew up the food and then spit it out,

I don't think you'd be as satisfied as if getting that swallow in. Yeah, it is an important part of the process, absolutely. You know? It's like there's a tension. It's a tension and then resolve with the swallow. There's also a sense of like, oh, the job's done. You know, the mouth has completed a full unit of its task, of its eating. And maybe there's just like a moment of like, who I did it.

And also, I tell you what, there is that tension of like, and I got it down the right hole. Oh, yeah, that's right. It's a good feeling of satisfaction. Yes. This means this isn't the end for me. I live to bite another day. Oh man, I saw a video of a lady this week talking about why, what are they, what are those eggs there with the toys inside? Kinder surprise.

Kinder surprise, why they are illegal in the US. And she goes, look at these. And they're illegal. And she goes to give an example because kids in the US, their instinct is to just put it in their mouth like this. and it immediately gets caught in her mouth behind her teeth. And she's like, like that. And she breathes back like that, and you see it get sucked back. Like that.

She goes, like, like, like, struggling to then get it out. And then she manages to get both of her fingers in her mouth and squeeze it and pull it out past her teeth. And she's like, that was genuinely so scary. So that's why they're illegal in the U.S. Sounds like they should be illegal wherever you are, lady. Yeah, which I think it's Australia. Yeah, all right.

I think so many... But that doesn't explain why they're illegal in the US, you know, unless the US has like different mouths to us. No, I think that they're bored of whatever, you know, food safety have deemed that unsafe. For that exact reason. I think, I mean, I think that little capsule that the total, that the toy is inside is probably perfect for just, you know, and it's like that,

the way that it's a smooth plastic that you can't get grip on as well. Oh, boy. You know, I think that that is, you know, so it's inside, I mean, I think while it's still inside the egg, at least there's like the foil and the chocolate that you can still grip onto a little bit. But I guess people have choked, you know, with that egg inside their mouth.

And, you know, inside a child's mouth, it's even tighter in there. she was at least a grown woman. I can't bear thinking about it. Oh. No. I sort of torture myself with these thoughts all the time. Yeah, me too. What would I do?

And I've got these insane theories. Well, we have one of those suction pumps things that are like supposed to be better than the, better than the Heimlich. It's like a mask fitting thing. and then you just you pump and it kind of basically sucks stuff out of the airways. I've not even heard about this. How have I not heard about this? It's got like a 100% success rate. You're kidding.

Yeah. And they just don't tell people. You know what? Let's keep that to ourselves. Where are they going to get in? What are they going to do? What medium do you that you want, does everybody watch now that they will advertise it on? I don't know, but they should.

I mean, oh, we've, we've. It's just. complicated. We won't let anybody know. I don't want to sell any of these anyway. It's got a 100% success rate of saving children's lives. Look, I tell you what, I don't want to go on about it, you know? Let's spend our advertising dollars, advertising avocados. That's right, from the avocado board. Another car. Who needs another car? Honestly, at this point.

Yeah. If you haven't already got a car, what are you doing? Are people really buying cars from ads? I mean, I hope so. It's a big part of my job. Oh, yeah. I spent all yesterday writing car ads. It's just that I just don't, I genuinely don't feel like I've bought anything because of an ad ever.

But I guess I'm aware of things. I think this is what it is, and I was reading some research. about advertising and like 95% of it is people just knowing you exist. Yeah. And then the last 5% is actually getting them to choose you, but literally you just need them to know you exist. If they don't know you exist, you're not in the conversation. Yeah.

And... Is there a sketch in this? What do you reckon? Yeah. Yeah. If 95% of the challenge is just getting people to know you exist, you don't need a good advertising agency. You can go to incredibly cheap advertising agency,

and it'll just be a guy who just runs around the streets, shouting, Jaguar is a company. They sell cars. Jaguar. Yeah. It's just a madman, you know? And you could pay a high-flight advertising agency a million dollars a year

to do what you can pay crazy Jake, five bucks a day, give him a packet of chips. Crazy Jake from No, you exist advertising. Exactly. I think the best way to get anybody to listen to what you're saying, is saying, they don't want you to know this. It's true. Yeah.

Here's what they don't. And here's what they don't want you to know. Jaguar is a company that is real. Let's change the name of this podcast. Here's what they don't want you to know. Yeah. And, you know, we can still do the exact same stuff. But I think it could give us the boost we need.

Kick us up into the top 10. those iTunes charts. Oh yeah. Nobody's talking about the iTunes charts anymore. I know. I mean, I'm not even sure... We used to talk about it. iTunes doesn't exist anymore.

Except for in the Wayback machine. Surely. Because, I mean, are they still selling songs by the song? Great question. Who's buying songs by the song? Like, when you can... When you know the digital companies can... delete stuff

even after you've purchased it right and they're streaming available the only justifiable way of actually buying something is through a physical media where they can't take it away from you band camp I bought something from band camp recently

yeah I mean if you buy it and you download it and you're not in their program you've just got it in your files then great because I don't think they can go into your computer and take it away maybe Microsoft can come around to you your house and delete it off your hard drive. Yeah.

They want to do that. I mean, that's a beautiful service. You get to meet a guy or a woman. I'm not saying, coming over and deleting things from your hard drive. Is the thing just men do? No. How's even going to know which computer in my house it's going to be? Do I have to tell them?

The man or the woman. Or the woman. They? How are they going to know which computer in my house? They're not going to go through every computer, are they? Yeah. I mean, I've got some vinyl. Well, they come around and scratch out the tracks that they don't want me to have anymore.

That'd be cool. Sand down the ridges. Could be, Andy. Could be sand down the ridges of my heart. Oh, there's a guy who's coming, I think, to Montreal, who's one of those guys that you like. Bonnie, I think, Mr. Bonnie Prince Billy. Bonnie, Prince Billy, my guy. Do you still listen to that guy?

I do, yeah. But like, new stuff? Yeah, pretty new. I bought a, I might have told you about this or shared it with somebody. I bought a double album of him with Smog, the guy behind Smog, Bill Callahan. Oh, yeah. And it was them doing covers and covers of each other's songs. and I absolutely flogged the shit out of it

to the point where it was damaging my relationship with my beloved Really? You know, I think that Bill Callaghan guy he would get brought out to Melbourne by that guy, you know that guy who's like linked to Chandler, Carl Chandler, Milan, who just seems to really hate me. Really?

Yeah. and I always like, I was like, what does this guy do? I don't understand what he does. Why am I putting this out publicly? Anyway. He does Bill Callaghan's touring schedule, and he hates Alastair. Well, he seems to be linked to, you know, comics and things like that when they come out as well, or he's always there at the show. So I don't know if he's just got like some connection with a scene star.

Yeah, I think it's got to be more than that. He's always buying everybody drinks. Hmm. Well, yeah, I don't know. Let's get him on the line. Let's call him up. We'll do it live. Yeah. And get to the bottom of this. We need a rock solid sketch idea. And we got to the bottom of it and tell you what, it goes all the way to the top. That's right. We call him up and he's like, I've got a sketch idea for you here, fuck-o.

And then he gives us the best sketch idea that's ever coming up. Wow. He says something like... It's a guy and he's wearing those elf shoes. And then he takes off the elsh shoes and his toes curl back. Oh. Like the elf shoes do. Like the curly and the toes.

And he go, holy shit, Milan. That's a beautiful visual gag. You're the new? You're the new Alistair. The new Alistair. I hadn't realized that he was just the reason why he hated me was he was pining for my position. Well, he just knew he could do it so much better than you. And you also hadn't realized that your position was temporary.

But I want you to know that for both of us, that this is, you know, this is a meritocracy, the two in the think tank podcast. Yeah. And that's why we left our names out of the title, because we were aware that we want this to be our legacy and we want anybody to be able to take over. If they come for the title, they can have it. They can be one of the two.

So you think, but what is it on? Is it on volume of ideas or is it on quality of ideas? Just how loud you shout them. It's on volume of ideas. It's on volume of ideas. And I for here, We have a respect for the volume of ideas. If you're willing to say your ideas louder,

then we will listen harder, for we will have no choice. You wouldn't think that the word volume has as many different meanings as it does. Yeah. But you know what? Two. A section of a book.

Oh, yeah. The third volume. Yeah. I just thought that was. was the loudness of the book. If they have released a complete history of... The meanings of volumes. This is Spinal Tap.

Yeah. I do hope that it does come in 11 volumes. I think that's a great. Yeah. I'm not sure there's enough... I'm not sure there's quite enough content there to fill 11 volumes, but they'd have to, I guess, just make them really thin. yeah some of them can be like lyrics to songs yeah yeah maybe all the all the lyrics to the documentaries

which is just basically the script but yeah the words yeah but i guess it's improvised the script is uh maybe they can have the improvising script and then the transcription of the thing that's a couple volumes taken up there. Is there a, um, it's, for spoken word, uh, songs, do they still call them lyrics? Because that feels, come on, cause. Yeah, I'm not sure.

What, you know, does, does, they describe some poems as lyrical, don't they? Yeah, yeah. But then, but then, but then they're more like sung poems, not spoken word songs, you know, like, like, the streets. See, we call those lyrics? What about, what about the sunscreen song by Baz Luhrmann?

Yeah. Are they lyrics? I don't know. Or is it a script? That's true. And what was the thing you were saying before? Like spoken, yeah. I'm trying to think, is there any,

oh, forget it. I was trying to think of the opposite of spoken. like where you speak, sing or whatever, but then the opposite of where you take something that is a non-musical thing and then you sing it. And then you sing it. Yeah. But I guess that's a game on Spicks and Specks.

Yeah, yeah, I suppose so. But you could take, you know, you could take the speeches of Winston Churchill and set them to music. Yeah. You know, they often they will try and take, you know, the poems. of Robert Burns. Yeah. Of the poet.

What do they call him? The something burns. The poet burns? They call him something else. The bard? Anyway. And they'll put those to music. But I think we should be put...

We can put anything to music now. Oh, absolutely. I think it would be nice to even put shapes to music. Yes. And then... The... triangle the musical triangles

oh that's actually really good that's the that's the next thing after cats I know cats we've adapted it we've adapted it from a geometric concept triangles for the stage oh okay that's a fun idea

triangles for the stage now the show is called love triangles and we're getting a lot of disappointed fans of complicated romance stories coming to the show. No, this is for people who love three-sided shapes, who enjoy triangular geometries. I find the idea of geometric rules.

I suspect that. there probably are some triangles out there where the three angles do not add up to 180 degrees. Yeah, like I think, I think that if one, you know, I reckon if it's like 60, 60, 59, you know what I say? Still a triangle in my book. And I want to, you know, I reckon if they, that's what I wonder. I wonder if they did find one, if the mathematicians did find one, would they tell us? Or maybe that's what they've got at Roswell.

I reckon it's not aliens. I'm going to start a conspiracy theory that I got into Roswell and I saw, I went into a room and there were all these geometers in silver suits working on a triangle, on a gurney. and the triangle the angles of the triangle added up to 185 degrees and they saw me and they chased me out and they caught me

and they still did probe my butt with the triangles that I got away and now I'm revealing the truth and that's cool because they could have a much thinner triangle you know, that you could prod even deeper.

Yeah, that's not there. Because it doesn't get too wide. Even deeper than a regular triangle. Now, just based on something that you said earlier. Yes. We shall not flag on all file. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France on the seas and oceans.

We shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, landing grounds in the fields, in streets on the hills, we shall never surrender, and even if which I do not for the moment believe this island or a large part of it were subjugated or starving, then I'll ramp on the sea, armed and God, by the British fleet will carry on the struggle until God's good time

anyway, you get it. That's really good, Al. You were doing great. Thank you. It's that one, right? Yeah. It took me a while to realize that there was an existing tune.

But once I heard it... It took me a while to kind of probably get it out cleaner. Fine. But you were doing really well and it's convinced me that this thing's got legs. Yeah, so that I think that we can put the lyrics, you know, Churchill to music,

and that it could, you know, it could work maybe in a stage setting or maybe in some kind of, I'm thinking maybe we could put out a CD. Yes, a CD-ROM. Yeah, CD-ROM or RAM. Oh, just saying the words CD-ROM then gave me a little surge of something. a little part of my brain went, oh, he's talking about him. The little CD-ROM part.

Are you saying CD-Rong? CD-Rong, that's true. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I am now. CD-Romulus. The... I think CD-ROM is a beautiful name for a child. CD-ROM?

CD. No, not wrong, but like, Yeah. CD as the first name. ROM, middle name, and then whatever your last name is. It's really good. In Carter Encyclopedia is my last name.

CD ROM in Carter Encyclopedia. CD. Those CD sounds like, you know, when you wake up after drinking too much or something. Yeah, it's a large dream. Feeling of it's seedy. Yeah. I don't think it's necessarily... E.D.

There's also people called E.D. There's true. People are. called Edie and nobody bats an eyelid. My niece is called Evie. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

C.J. Electric vehicle. Yeah. You know? A.J. B.J. This is true. You know? This is true.

Barry Johns. The, what is it about J as a middle initial? That lends itself so well to like being. Oh, yeah. being, you know, that kind of two initial nickname thing. I mean, the two initial nickname ending in J, alphabet, AJ, B, J, C, J, D, EJ, FJ. Yeah.

Obviously, D EF, GJ. That one's tough. Should we call that the Alpha Jet? It feels like, thank you. What about the Alpha J? Yeah, ZJ, ZJ, WJ, it's no good, no good, XJ. ZJ. I tell you what's the most under,

which letter, now, we're not talking about which letter would you get rid of from the alphabet, but which letter do you think has the lowest profile of any of the letters in the alphabet? I have a very strong opinion about this, and I'm interested to hear your thoughts. A low profile. You know, that doesn't raise its head above the parapet, that doesn't make a fuss, it doesn't get its way into the discourse of all the letters. There is a correct answer. Okay.

Let me see. A, B, C, D. Could be D. It's definitely not D. D. D is all over the discourse. You can't, it's the first bloody letter in discourse. All right.

I know. Okay, wait. A, B, C, D. E. F, G, H, H. Not, H, not H. It's K. It's not K. K gets extra points for being in all those sort of weird, silent letter words.

You know, K, it's in the KKKKK. K is, you know, the Kardashians, K is having a moment, I reckon. Yeah, all right. Between the KKKK and the Kardashians, K is big right now. Yeah, yeah, okay. And it's linked to the Kardashians. the OJ trial, which means that O-N-J are both also high profile? Yeah, yeah, yeah, true.

They ride high. I'll tell you the answer. It's V. It's V. It's V. It's V. Yeah, but what about when Venus was playing? I guess that was the less of the William sisters.

Yeah, yeah, and that's why, you know? That's why? Yeah. V, that's why. No, I was just reflecting. on this the other day and thinking about V and I think, you know, it's a sound that no one of the other letters can make unless you count the fact that when you sometimes you pronounce Stephen with a V even though it's spelled with a pH, but that's literally the only time. V is

essential, but I just don't think anybody thinks about it. You know, you're thinking about X, X useless letter, doesn't start any words, could be reasonable. replaced by anything, but X is everywhere. Yeah, and it's also... X is huge. It's the star of quite a few movies, quite a few words. X-ray, X-Men.

Yeah. I mean, V had a moment there with V for Vendetta. And it's and it's a sort of, it's in an ensemble cast in L-O-V-E-love. Mm-hmm.

But it doesn't stand out on its own. I suppose you're right. even when it should it should have got its jews in w which is really double v it let you push it out exactly and that's how much of a yeah cuck v is yeah just but i like you know what i like a letter that you know doesn't need to be in the spotlight you know it's just happy to do its work and just happy to be a part of the team just low down in the batting order there even though it didn't make it it into team.

Yeah. There's a lot of other stuff that isn't in team. We don't talk about it. Make a big deal about I not be in team. Yeah. But there's no B. There's actually 22 letters that aren't in team. There's no B in team.

You've got to be good to make it into the team. You've got to be... But none of the letters in good actually made it into team. That's true. You've got to be great. to make it entertaining except for G and R. We probably could go to three words from a listener. You think so.

You think so, do you? Dare I, dare I put it out there? Dare I posit. Dare I? Well, you're going to love this because we will. We will go to it. And that's going to make you love that. I'm stalling because I hadn't prepared.

them because of um i was getting into a i was getting into a um hotel room in ottawa and setting up and then trying to get the children out with my parents to go to the hotel pool on this little holiday that we're on and so you've you've done so much you've already been through so much and the fact that i'm asking you to do this to even do this it feels a bit much but because of our history. I'm willing to look past everything that you're asking of me. And, oh, no, that's a side tank idea. Asketh. Asketh not. What's with that? Asketh. Asketh not what your country can do for you.

Ask what you can do for your country. In the musical of the great speeches of the 20th century, they are. all done to the tune with a circus song. Fucking circus song. It's a three-hour long show where we come out and we fumble our way

through all these crates. Every single one. And each one we haven't prepared. We're just sight reading and trying to barely remember the song. Andy. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we've got, oh wait, I didn't even write down. Oh, wait. The name of the listener. Famous speeches. We haven't, we've got three words from a listener, but we haven't got a listener from three words. No. Sure. Okay.

These three words come from Jimbrie. Jimbrie. Jimbre. Jimbre. Jimbre. I wonder if Jimbrie is really Jim Shembray, who used to. to review movies in the age. He didn't like me.

Sometimes. He also reviewed. I'm sure if you put his name in and my name into Google, you'll get a review where I think he said I did 35 minutes, which I think was a lie. I think I'd done at least 40 minutes. Which is much more reasonable. So he didn't enjoy the show?

And I think, yeah, he did not enjoy the show. I think he probably thought it was going to be a movie. He's a movie guy. He's a movie guy. Like this movie is all wrong. He's an angry little movie guy. Who lost his job because he got really angry. With somebody for criticizing his review.

And then I think he like called up their workplace or whatever. That's right. Fucking hell. Come on, man. Yeah. So these three words from Jimbury and then there's three of them, Andy. And they're from Jimbury. Okay.

Do you want to guess the first one? Um, Bagdad. Baghdad. Oh, you got at least one letter correct. Oh. Actually, two letters correct because they're the same letter. Salvage some dignity. Eggie.

Aggie. It's Aggie, Andy. It's Aggie. Eggie. Um, leggy. The second word is leggy. Oh, you are wrong. You're close to one of the words, but not this one. The second word is neg. Eggie, neg.

Um, okay, eggy, neg, Greggie. The last word is Greggie. Oh, really wrong. The last word is leggings. You said leggy before, which was wrong. And you said it for the second word, not the third. It's actually worse than not getting anywhere at all. It's even more humiliating. I know. It's so satisfying for me, though.

Eggie neck leggings. Eggie neck leggings. It makes me want to write a whole kid's story or something like that with just that. It's a good sound. It's a good sound. That's what whenever I've tried to. to write a rhyming anything. The thing that I feel is missing is that that mastery of just satisfying sounds that good,

good, you know, rhyming poetry can have. Yeah, but you know what I like about this one? Is that you're bouncing from the back of your throat to the front of your mouth. Eggie, oh no, wait, egneggie neg leggings. Egy-neggie-neggings. Eddie Eddie Is this

Do you think this This came from the The phrase Neglegge You know that Aggie Neglegings Do you think Yeah

But what about Inspired by Neglage Maybe Neggneggie Neggilegis Eggie Egglegis This is

This is when people Put Cover themselves An egg On their nude body while they lay on the beach. And they let the egg. They scramble the egg and they pour it over the

egg cook on the sun, in the sun. And it protects your body from the sunburn. Yeah. Because the egg eventually goes opaque. Do you think that you could, as a woman, lie on the beach in the hot sun, crack an egg over each naked breast, have it cook there in the hot sun, and then stand up and have like an egg, an egg bra, an egg keeney. A neglis.

This is going to be, an egg luset. This is going to be a trend. And I can't wait to see. A trend. I can't wait to see Kim Kardashian with her, all her case there on the, on the egg carpet at the egg awards, wearing an egg keeney, possibly an egg legey. made from two cooked eggs just sitting there on a boobular region. But the problem with an unscrambled boob, unscrampled egg,

is that it does already look so much like a boob. You're right. You think it's actually not going to leave much to the imagination. Well, I just think that you're putting a metaphor for a boob on top of a real boob. It's true. It's like a hat on a hat. It's a boob on a boob. It's like your boobs have got their own boobs.

Okay, picture this, a boob. But the nipples are boobs. Oh, they're boobs, and it's boobs all the way down. We could absolutely sell this as a product. Boobes all the way down. It's nipple cups, caps. What are those things, little thing? Pasties.

Yeah. Go over your nipples, but they're in the shape. of boobs. Feels like somebody with 3D print. It does. Oh my God, yes. Except I sort of do want them

to be made from a silicone kind of thing. I mean, I don't think the world's prepared for how erotic this is going to be. Yeah. It might, it might destroy society.

I think you could make a whip out of it. Or if it keeps on going. Yeah. Like a chain of booboops. Yeah. And then... It's like in aircraft manufacturer, you've told me about this, how like at the end of a crack, if there's a crack in the wing of an aircraft, at the end of that crack, the pressure forces are infinite, right?

Yeah, once it gets to a critical crack length. Yes, critical crack length. Now, if you have a boob, which goes on with boobs on the tip of each nipple, right, by the time you get to the final, boob of that whip, right, that final nipple is going to be infinitely erotic and it'll split men's heads into. But you know what is interesting is because I find that if the nipple is covered up, it's a, you know, it's unsatisfying. So it might be infinitely unsatisfying. Yeah, but I think, I think there will be, eventually will be a final one, right, a tiny, little nipple. It has to end somewhere.

Wow. And I think all of that has been concentrated down into a tiny point. Yeah. Right. And I think that's what will do the damage. But do you think it's a nipple you'll only be able to see with an electron microscope? Yes. Yes. I mean, imagine if that's what we found out that the electron is essentially a nipple. I mean, that would be incredible. It would be Can you imagine the incredibleness of it all?

Below everything. One of the fundamental particles. I am getting a knock at my door, my hotel door. I think I have to take us through these sketch ideas. I wish you would and could and will. I will see what I can do. Although I think maybe it's my kids and they're going to just go to the room next door, which is where my parents are staying.

Sure. The sketcheth ideas. We've got Killing Landlord is a means and an end. But I don't, yeah, look,

that, that was, we're on a way to the second sketch idea, which is the justifiers. They will, you don't need to justify, to have the ends justify the means.

We'll justify the means for you. Yeah. The ends can take a break, take the day off. Rest your ends. will justify it. We've got we've got hack the wayback.

That's these people who learn how to hack the way back machine to change. Change very history itself. Yes. We've got the referring doctor who refers you to his friends or to his wife in social situations. Uh-huh.

We've got the know-you-exist advertising. agency by Crazy Jake. We've got the curling back toes of the elf shoe wearing man. Well, we can't take credit for that sketch. That was Milan's. That was Milan's idea.

That was what won in the co-host position. One in the co-host position. Is that what the new podcast is? Yeah. There used to be two of the think tank. now it's one of the co-host position. We've got adapting triangles for the stage. You know triangles?

Well, now you can see them live. On stage. Triangle the musical. You mean musical triangles? No, they don't use them at all. No, not at all. A bunch of lines come out. Straight lines.

Or even some curly lines, but then they straighten out. Oh, imagine that. I haven't learned my lines. And I'm playing a triangle. It's three. It's three. It's only three of them. How many have you got?

Well, I'm playing a triangle. Say three. We're all playing triangles. We've got famous species. Put to music. the musical. Yep. We've got

the Roswell. At Roswell, there's triangles where the angles don't add up to 180 degrees. Right. We've got V is the lowest

profile letter. Yep. We've got the sunbathing egg leger. And don't get upset with me with how I spelled

egg lege. I just, I think I wrote egg legge. But I don't know. I reckon you've done great. And then boob

nipple is a the boob nipple is a boob all the way down something like that great you didn't write down two finger proctologist for a second opinion and I do think great yeah that's comedy baby yeah two finger

proctologist for second it feels like that's very much something that we probably have already come up with once before on the podcast I think there was one other idea let me just check your butt. Oh, it's actually something we've come up with twice before. My second opinion is I'll just double whatever you say.

That's my double opinion. Bum. Bum. Bum. Bum. Bum. Poptologist. Bum. Thank you so much for listening. Alistair. Thank you so much for recording with me. I don't say this enough. Thank you for recording with me. with me with me we'll release patreon episodes shortly we realize we're running late on those yes

um with me and i and um i just want to say on behalf of us all all of us here at uh one in the co-hosting position me Milan um and and everyone else on the team um our our producer jamie our researcher Erica and the rest of the people here at the producer and our producer and a producer who does

who squeezes our oranges love you and our can't believe it's over bye and so