Two In The Think Tank - 533 - "WOMAN-MADE CLIMATE CHANGE"

Episode Date: July 10, 2026

Martial Art Skills of Oscar Wilde, White Good Supremacist, Free Sausage Breakfast, Screaming Plugins - Yellify, Whisper War, The Jerking Off the Balls Revelation - What You See Isn't Real in Videos, Ready to Find Out Recycling Is the Worst Thing for the Environment, Wet Sand Is the Arse of the World You Can Slap, Which Countries We're Fighting in the Spanish Civil War, Head Widening Trend, Hunting Giraffes Is Like Shooting Clowns, Hunting Tigers Execution Style, Woman-Made Climate ChangeYou can purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] up on the 500th episode hereCheck out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Banda-da-d-d-d-tab-b-dimba-dimba-d-d-d-d-d-dimba-bub-d-d-d-d-d-bba-d-d-d-d-a-d-d-d-a. Hello. And welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show, where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair Tromley-Troll. Oh, I didn't even see. I didn't put a book, George William in there. It's how embarrassing.

I have to make, you know, at the beginning of this show, I normally have to make. make it seem like I can't help say the whole name, you know? Yes. And now everyone has seen it's been a facade the whole time. I was able to just say it without the middle names. But you've also revealed that you too can fuck up this part of the show. Yes, I mean, it's nice. And it is a show.

What a show. The show. Putting on a show. Yeah. Alastair, everybody's always talking about the wit and wisdom of, Bruce Lee. That's right. That's right.

But nobody is out there talking about the martial arts skills of Oscar Wilde. A really good point. A really good point. That's what I want. Or Mark Twain. What a super fight that would have been.

Oh my God. Yes. His one inch punch, that's what I want to see. That's actually, he had a one inch punch, but just because that's how far he That's the limit of his flexibility of his arms.

That's good. You know what? I've seen photos. He does not look like a flexible man. No. You know, I think... He looks like he kept his arms by his side almost always. He must have lifted them occasionally to write.

Surely. I mean, I haven't seen him in the act. I don't know. I don't know what kind of customized desk this guy was operating off. He could have. Imagine if he did all that with his pen in his mouth. with a pen in his mouth. All the more impressive.

I'm going to chuckle that much more at his bon moes, Bon Mots, Bon Mour. Yeah. Knowing that they were scribed painstakingly with a pen in his mouth. I mean, he wrote not just some Bon Mose,

but also some Movey Mose. You know, I feel like Mark Twain is known for some Mose that are a little bit, A bit MoVey, certainly by modern standards. Not Bonn. Moe problems? No, I don't know what I'm saying. I think there probably is, though, an inverse relationship between size of moustache and flexibility.

Yeah. Well, I told you, I've been having shoulder mobility issues, right? I don't know if you did tell me. I certainly don't know if I did remember. Well, I mean, I was at the point where it's like sleeping on my side, I was getting fucked up. You know, like I was really messing myself up. But in particular, it's... You know what I think this might be?

Yeah. What I think we've got a face up to something? No, no, no, no, Andy. What is it going to be? This is it. This is it. It's sugar. It's gluten. Oh, you think it's sugar.

I think I'm getting inflammation pill. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm becoming an inflammation guy. Now, I don't have a... I don't have much information about inflammation. Yeah. But I've certainly built up a rich picture in my mind, okay, of like, from the tiny bits of

information that I've absorbed about this topic, I have built such a web. But, like, I have, like, I think reached it, you know, I think, like, since I've been turned 40, basically, I think my body has stopped processing. sugar and gluten and starch and stuff in the same way. And instead of turning them into energy, it's decided to turn them into body pain. And Andy, I have been wondering for years which direction we could pivot this podcast. And I think for this to become inflammation pod, the inflammation information pod is a really good disinformation we're spreading disinformation disinformation disinformation about disinformation and we i mean but but genuinely

when i stopped when i went on that like right i'm not having um fucking carbs yeah it stopped it stopped i stopped having like i i i was i hit a period where i was like well this is come on quick where i was waking up in the morning like unable to like bend over properly and like feeling my in my body like an old old man and that was as soon as you stopped carbs no when I stopped carbs it went away oh right so I was having it and you know me I love to eat and I love to eat a lot of bread and biscuits and put a lot of it in your mouth at a time so that each bite is like you're eating one time yes exactly right I often liken it to having to move a couch into an apartment the way in which you get food into your mouth.

You've got to, it's a multi-turn thing, it takes two people. You've got to push in the cheek. There's deflection in the cheek. Yes. In order to... There's a lot of angles involved. Yeah, we're using more than standard capacity. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. You can use the frame of the door. Get it behind one lip, then... then use the angle, yep. Anyway, I've stopped having the carbs, and that stopped happening. And so I have, based on this one piece of information and the fact that I've seen the word inflammation written down sometimes, I have decided that that stuff was causing that stuff.

Well, I started taking that stuff up, we'll make it real good. I think I started taking an experimental supplement. I don't think it's that experimental, but I think it was like an old supplement thing that was used for something specific like I can't remember if it was like Panadol overdose

or something like that like and then I said but they also like I think you can't buy it as a supplement in the US but you can hear but I think it was a thing like that where it maybe reduces inflammation on the brain and they were saying that there is some evidence it could

help with ADHD ADHD and I started to take it. If we're going to pivot this podcast and if we're going to start making money from recommending supplements because that's the new business model you're going to have to learn the fucking name of the supplements okay i think it's this is this is a real bad start nhth no no no no no nac cnac nacic an acetyne oh sistine chapel yeah oh it definitely combats oxidative stress, but I'm not sure if it's, if that's the same thing as inflammation. It sounds like it very well could be.

Anyway, let us know in the comments. We're not going to let not knowing. We should become a full inflammation podcast, but not that. We come up with five solutions to inflammation that we just heard of. Five theories about why our bodies are so sore. Yeah, I mean, I think, Andy, I think it's just not using it. genuinely think I've been mark twaining my arms most of the day. And I'm just having by my side, but then one hand is up a little bit while it's just using a mouse.

And then my shoulders weren't getting used, you know? But then how do you explain the correlation between me stopping eating carbs and then not feeling sore all the time? Well, I mean, my mom had a leaky eye for a couple of years, and then she went and saw an acupuncturist. And then the acupunctures did one session and then her eye stopped leaking. Right? So you go, things that don't work, Andy, sometimes they work. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah? But I think we're too quick to dismiss my theory. No, no, I haven't dismissed it. Yeah, it feels like you're dismissing it. Andy, not... You felt very dismissive. Anyway, this is the podcast where we come up with five sketch ideas for the time being. Yeah.

How do you feel about the martial arts styling of Oscar Wild or Mark Twain as a sketch? That's already there. That's already written down, Andy. Oh, fuck yeah. You are. You think, you forget that I'm a professional at this. Yeah, you've done this before. This is not your first road, road, road, rode.

Rod, E.O. A, O. Rod A.O. Um, this is not my first Rod E, Rod E, Rod E, O. I'm not sure how to say that. Hald's Buck Donald had a farm. E I, E I, E I, O. Is that, was that?

E I, E I. Oh. Was that supposed to be, what's that? E.O, you, yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, Because are you supposed to be spelling that out or was it just something he was supposed to say? I don't know. I mean, it sounds like we're trying to say something that we don't want the kids to understand.

Oh, do you think they covered something up? It's like covering up a tattoo. I-C-R-E-C-R-M. Maybe. What was that word did you just spell? I-C-R-E-A-M, you know, like ice cream. Yeah. You know, like ice cream.

So do you think that those are the initials of something, E-I-E-I-O? Uh, could be. Could be. Do you think there was something racist there or something like that beforehand or something terrible? And they just kind of covered it up like putting like a, like, you know, putting a tattoo of a fridge over an old swastika or something like that. Hmm. Is that where you would go with a fridge? A fridge.

Well, you put something white over the top. You know. An appliance. An ice white tattoo. Yeah. That's the crazy thing about people with swastika tattoos is that they're all about, you know, their white, the superiority of their white skin. And then the first thing they do is they go and put something really dark over the top of it. Embed it right inside.

You get ironically covering up their tattoo with some white goods would tell their story much better, white good. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Something that says white, good. That's what I want tattooed on me. That's a white supremacist. You know what you could do? You know how sometimes there's that salami that has like that weird white skin on the outside?

It looks like it might be like a white mold like the kind you would have on the outside of like a brie or something like that. Yes. Yeah? That's a white small good. It is. You know, and then that would allow them, if they'd had that and a fridge, that would allow them to be more inclusive in the kind of whites. You know. That's nice.

We accept all kinds of whites. Alistair, here's something I've realized about the world we've created for ourselves these days. The inflammation. And like maybe this isn't insightful, right? But it felt interesting to me when I had this thought. And it's like, we created this ecosystem on the internet, right, where we expect everything to be free, okay? Like, that's the sort of, that was the starting point. It was like, there'll be all these services on the internet and they'll all be free.

And then, and then obviously, like, obviously that isn't sustainable, right? Yeah. But we still expect everything to be free. But companies and services still need, they. still need to get money to operate in some way. Yeah. And so we've just created this system where, like, they are constantly, like, trying to extract value from us one way or another, directly or indirectly.

Like, they are sort of parasitically trying to suck money out of the relationship. Yeah. You know, if we'd started it and we'd been like, yeah, we'll get face. and we'll just pay like, fucking, I don't know, $5 a year, right?

Which would be an incredible thing for the service, and then the service just works and then, like, it's good, and it's not like this toxic thing where it's constantly getting worse in an attempt to get money out of us.

If that was just the deal, it would be great. But instead it was like, it'll be free, and then we will constantly be locked in a psychological, battle to somehow suck money out of you like a little vampire leech, you know, by selling your data, by advertising you things, by manipulating you by like corrupting politics, this idea of like,

it's just like there's this, it's, yeah, I don't know. I can't believe the long game. It's something about that relationship. Yeah, the long game that Google played with, uh, Gmail and Google Drive to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you get lots of free storage. And you can put your photos here and your videos. And then... And you'll have so much free storage.

Yeah. And then when you hit that... But then eventually, in 10 years, when that fills up, you'll just keep paying us money to just, like, to store something you will never look at. Yeah. $26 a month. That's what I'm paying, I think, right now. Really?

Yeah, I was like, fuck, I have to get my videos off of there. I have to. Yeah. You guys were so patient. And they were making enough money from just the advertising on the web page. And then they kind of went. And then we got this huge windfall coming. The fall of wind.

We'll wait. Yeah. Yeah. So it does feel. like our relationship with companies has become kind of more adversarial. Like they're trying to trick us and a lot of it, they're hoping that we just forget that we have signed up for them. Yeah, I mean, all of that,

all of that sort of stuff. But like, but to me it's less the fact that we've signed up and it's less the ones where you actually pay a fee like, like Google. And it's the ones where like the, where it's like a Facebook and it's like, oh no,

it's still free, but you will. pay the cost. The cost will be paid one way or another. And that way might be the total destruction of society.

Yeah. But we got to get paid. I mean, that's just business. Yeah. And so how can we turn this into a sketch? We got to go. Well, I mean, what if it was just like you go to a sausage shop? Let's bring sausages back into it.

the sausage shop and they're like the sausages are free and you can go and get a sausage every single day right but at a certain point when you come to get the sausage we'll start just whispering white supremacist things to you maybe after your tent sausage they're like hey just let you before you take the next one we do just need you to fill out this form or sign or you know give us your fingerprints or Yeah. Yeah, we just need... That's right. Yeah, I just need to... I just need you to watch this video.

Yeah, just free... You know, it's a free breakfast, free sausage breakfast. Come by, free sausage breakfast. That was on my way to work. I'll just get... I'll do this every day. Free sausage breakfast. Like that, you know? And then, you know, I'll get a...

You know what? And then... I'll buy a coffee as well. the price of the coffee starts. And all the other places that like, that sell sausages go out of business, right? That's right, yeah. That's like your other sources of, I don't know, news or media or whatever, in this beautiful analogy.

Oh, yes, yeah, yes. And the sausage website that you frequent suddenly kind of gets bought out by this company that does the free sausages, you know? The sort of the news of other types of sausages slowly disappear. And the ones that remain, they are now warping the type of sausage they provide to try and appeal. To try and make the sausage more attractive. They make more controversial sausages just to get your attention. Yeah, a new sausage, a mom and pop sausage shop opens up, you know, of sort of old-timey kind of sausage.

You know, on the same street. And that's very exciting. And then it suddenly burns down. And, you know, these are, because these are unethical business practice of Sandy. I'm just letting you know. I didn't want to, I don't want to leave any kind of unclear. Well, you can't afford to these days. You know, this is, people are second screening this podcast.

People are second ear budding this podcast. They probably have a different podcast in their other ear. You have to have a second phone. our competition right now. You've got to realize. That's how action-packed everything needs to be in every moment, which is why we've got to start, I've been saying, not just talking about inflammation, but yelling. Yes. You know, I think that's something that the guy from Info Wars had learned a long time ago, Alex Jones, that if you're yelling, people are more likely to hear you. And it's not about listening, it's about hearing.

I couldn't agree. If you're in a video, you want people watching the next video or hearing you while you're listening to the other one. I think I understand. Yeah. You know, it goes through the website. It kind of resonates through. Yeah. I mean, there is a, there's a lot of, you know, you can get those Chrome plugins that will like, you know, replace.

pictures of Vladimir Putin with like a carrot or something like that, right? You know that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, but there should be one that you can get, which makes everybody shouting. It makes everybody shouting. That's right. That's the sentence I chose to say.

But I think, you know, I think that that will, there's probably, it will probably help with retention. Mm. You know, so using modern, We are able to on the fly adapt the regular calm sounding voices of all the things that you listen to. ASMR news websites, news readers. We're talking sort of indie film films. All these people will now be shouting with this plug-in.

And you know what? We can colourise old pictures. footage of the war, you know, of World War I, World War II, we can colorize that footage, you know, which is amazing. We should, but why stop there, you know, as long as we're like. Colorize and yellify it. Yeah, that's right. I mean, a lot of those people probably were already shouting, I imagine, in war, but maybe we could go the opposite, maybe we could make it say they're all whispering. And that would be interesting. The whisper war.

imagine I'd find this a really compelling New way It's World War II As you've never seen it before It's the great What If you know It's the great what if you know

It's the great alternative history As you've never heard it before Bailey at all As you've never heard it before And you still won't Yeah Even with a cupped ear It's a shame

You hold a cuped ear Up your nose to smell louder. Or cup your... Glass. Cup your balls. Cup your balls. So that they can hear better. Your...

They can absorb a sense of touch better. Cup your eye. So that you can... But no, look, I mean, I'm not elevating it. Now, you've already said cup your balls. So that's the new bar. That's what I have to... That's new comedy now. That's all the comedy.

It can be. It can't be clever now. Alice has already taken it to the balls. And he's really taken it to the balls. What do we do? Now what do we do? I was watching the butthole. So I started watching this video of a man masturbating.

And at first he started pulling on his penis. But very quickly, even before he'd got hard, he started taking it to the balls. And he was jerking them off. I don't think all this is advanced. Oh, he's jerking the balls. Yeah, I mean, I guess that would have quite a, like, a milking a cow kind of a, aesthetic to it. But just the idea, and you go, oh, my God, this guy's advanced.

I don't, I wouldn't, I don't think I would even enjoy that. Yeah. But that's the, that's the, you know, that's what, um, but imagine that then his, that's the pathway on, you know, is like. That's not the bag gets really stiff and full, like the bag is filling up with blood. Like mine did when I went and chopped wood in the field within hours of getting my vasectomy. Yeah, after they said, take it easy. Because for some reason, I thought, put your feet up and take it easy was a figure of speech.

That nobody really, they didn't really mean that. I know what the fuck I thought I was doing. Yeah. I mean, I imagine, Andy, if you got a vasectomy today for the first time, you would make that exact same decision, even with the information that you have. You know what, I probably would. I play fast and loose with my balls. Yeah. With my ball bag.

But the sketch is a guy. He's watching a guy jerk off. Yeah. And then he uses a new technique, which is jerking off the testicles. And then he starts to see them do things that he's never seen the body parts do. Like that. And then I guess... I think, I think, you know, the jerking off the penis versus jerking off the balls,

it's really a supply versus demand kind of situation. You know, I feel like a lot of people when they try and fix a social ill will focus only on the demand and not on the supply. and I think people make them a same mistake with masturbation. You're just focusing on the demand, the erect penis, without looking at the supply, the ball bag, and the testes. There are multiple levers you could pull to solve this problem. It's a dad. It's a dad talking to a teenage son about how what you see,

you're going to see videos online that are about sex, and what you see isn't always real. Right? Now, you're probably going to see a lot of people jerking off their balls. And you're going to see the ball bag getting very stiff, very stiff indeed, and fill up. And then you're going to see like a green liquid start oozing through the pores. And you're going to think that's going to be really good. That looks like he's having a really good time.

But no matter how much you tug on those balls, no matter how much you rob and you treat them nice, nothing of the sort ever will. You will be disappointed myself. You will be very disappointed. That is not what sexism. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment. Take it from me. I've learned the hard way. I've thrown away too many years.

I think that's good. I also think there should be a sketch in a, basically a think tank, a porn industry think tank that tries to come up with new horrible things for people to do to each other. Because the entire world has become desensitized. That's right.

And in order to maintain our position at the forefront of depravity, to keep people coming back. I mean, an alternative idea to that is they've realized that young men will do whatever they see guys do in these videos. That's such a good point.

That's such a good point. Could we have large penises making love to lithe beautiful women, and at the same time sorting the garbage. That's right. Washing their recyclables. Yeah.

Which I've actually stopped doing. The young men watching this will think that that is normal. Alistair, you've never washed your recyclables. You've always railed against it. It's something that you are irrationally angry about the idea that you would even have to do. even though it seems obvious that it's better. Andy, but there's no way,

there's no way that the system can work if you have to rely on clean, on the things being clean. All right? I agree. Because nobody's doing it. There's a, there's a,

there's a, there's a select few people that are doing it. And if the system, and they're the idiots. If the system can't work without it, and I'm pretty sure I saw something. I heard somebody who is in that world saying you don't need to do it. That's basically, that's the main reason.

Actually, actually, actually, cleaning your recyclables actually makes it worse. It's actually the main reason that the... It's one of the leading causes of pollution. It's one of the worst things you can do for the environment. I heard an environmentalist saying that's why the Gulf Stream is going to stop. Yeah. I mean, I am... I am mentally and, you know, sort of spiritually prepared to learn that recycling is one of the worst things you can do for the environment.

I'm like I'm absolutely like my mind and body is open. I'm lying. My arms are wide. I am here ready to receive that information. Here is a guy. And accept it into my soul. Here is a modern man who knows, you know, who knows that the, the, the, the, the, the climate is failing and things like that.

And he has built defense mechanisms for any kind of bad news now. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I mean, that's what you need. That's what you have to have. If you want to be ready, truly, this is my version of preparedness. You know, I'm not stockpiling food or whatever. I'm just like preparing my heart.

for the futility of any efforts that I could make to change anything. Yeah, I mean, what are the chances now, Andy, that you think that, oh my, I can't even say this, why am I bringing up? But what do you, well, right now, what do you think?

No, I don't, I can't. Yeah, okay. I can't. I can't. I can't. Like, this is, whatever you're going to say, it is, it looms at the fringes of my consciousness

at all times. At all times. And how frequently they're kind of going like, you know, like the people who are making, are they're like, and now it's like 30, you know, like 20, 37. They're like, yeah,

and that's when that will happen about. It may have already been locked in. And you're like, oh, that's really not that far. And you go, oh. Well, I hadn't seen that specific date, Alistair, but that's a new piece of information. that can loo. Andy, Andy, what are you looking at?

What are you looking at? I mean, I'm not. I'm not. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got my eyes on the horizon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm running because the trains are down because of the phone lines have dropped out. The phone networks have failed.

Yeah, yeah, it's all getting pretty real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then sometimes you have a beautiful day and you go, Still a few years in the old girl yet. Yeah, that's right. You slap the bonnet of this baby. Slap the earth with your bare hand. Yes, that's right.

You know the best thing, you know what, the best part of the world to slap as if it's the ass of the world? I think it's some wet sand. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sometimes you get that thing from sand where it's almost like jelly. You know, if it's just that right amount of water in there. that's that's some slapable sand yeah i know this is stupid but i'm writing it down no i mean that is a um if if you think guya um is a if you think mother nature is a milf um then you're gonna want to know the best bits of that bitch to slap i can't believe i

said bitch yeah i just shocked to myself yeah i feel um I'm really sorry for talking about the earth that way. Yeah. And for even using that word. I appreciate you, you correcting. That one got through. You're really correcting yourself there, Andy. Yeah.

I mean, to be honest, I started feeling weird as soon as you started being like, the earth is a woman as well. Yeah, that's true. It's true. I mean, I've somebody showed their true colors, tell you what. Finally. Finally. Finally.

Yeah, we showed an element of negativity, and now I know that's what truly you Yeah. This one thing that happened one time, that's who you really are. Yeah. Finally. Not all the anything, anything else you've ever done. That's right. All that was a facade.

A faqade. A facade. Facade. What was that thing that you built once that was also a Spanish word? Oh my goodness. Mezzanine. A mezzanine. Even when you say it, you don't even realize,

you're actually saying mezzanine in like a South American accent. Mezzanine. Mezanine. That's one of those ones. I say mezzanony. Mezzanony. Yeah.

That's how we would, that was how we should say it. Mezzanity. Or mezzanine. Yeah. Yeah. I think, let's join this kind of like sort of white

supremacist kind of thing that's all the rage now let's start let's get in on that movement and what we're going to do is we're not going to really be so on board with any of the immigration kind of stuff that they're so into but let's every time they have a meeting so we'll show up to all their meetings

and every time we'll pipe up about wanting to pronounce foreign words in a more anglicised pronunciation. And I think actually, you know what, that could actually be pretty helpful to everyone else. If we can really balk down the sort of nationalists in pronouncing mezzanine in a more finding the correct Australian pronunciation. I can't believe we're using this. Word. Yeah, mate, we're saying it like foreigners.

Yes. We've got to start speaking Aussie if we're going to be wanting to be more Aussie. We've got to set the example. We can't say it like them when they're talking their own language. That's what they say. They go, don't there is da el mezzanim. That's them. It's probably.

It's probably female. So it's probably La Mezzanine. My grandfather didn't fight and die in two world wars for us to pronounce mezzanine like a South American gentleman. My grandfather didn't die in the Spanish Civil War so that we could speak that language. Who was... I think it is...

I was about to ask which countries were involved in the Spanish. Civil War. We can't know. I mean, that's one of those, that's one of those questions, isn't it? It's,

you know, it's like the sound of one hand clapping. You know, there may not even be an answer. Yeah. And I think we're just got to accept that. Yeah. Look,

and it's good, it's good to accept things, Andy. Like of the future. And the present. Oh, boy. You got to. You got to.

You know, you got to say thank you for this moment. What about that thing where you like, you know, you do something as a joke in a way to mock something, right? Like, for example, my friend always thought it was funny if somebody said thanking you. Right? And then so he would mock people who would say that. And I started joining him in that thanking you like that. And then suddenly you're just a guy who says thanking you all the time. Maybe more than the other people ever did.

Was it Kurt Vonnegut who said you've got to be careful who you pretend to be? Yeah, it must have been him. Sounds like him. You've got to be careful who you pretend to be. Oh, God, that's Vonnegut. Oh, no, I'm Kurt Vonnegut. But yeah, it's absolutely true. you know i started calling my mom mumsy for a while yeah uh in uh in in in high school yeah and then

six years later i was still doing it and i was like can't even remember why i started it was a joke to start with but now it's just that's just it's just that what we got that's why and it was a long road back because yeah you got you got to get to just to mum there's not as much fun in it you don't get that rush of dopamine. You know, life, everything is dollar, colors. Exactly. Dala color. Dala color?

Yeah. It's a Dala color. Oh, that's near Wollongong, isn't it? Do you know there's a place called Alla Dala? Aladala. Is that near Wollongong? Well, you know, it's on the way. God, that's good.

God, that's good, Alistair. You're doing great stuff. It's closer to Bateman's Bay, but it's, you know, it's on the East Coast, and it's probably about two hours away, maybe from... But you know what? You've got to say, Wollongong, which is much more fun to say than Bateman's Bay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's kind of in the similar style, so it kind of guides you towards what the joke I'm trying to make is. Hmm, hmm, yeah. You know, it was beautifully done. It probably has a similar, you know, root language.

Um, I dare say. I dare say. Yeah. Dare. You know what? I thought you would be too cowardly to do that. But the fact that you've shown yourself the ability to dare. Andy, should I take us through three words from A listener? Yes, sounds good.

Now, Andy, today's listener, do you want to guess who it is? Um... I mentioned their name. Will Runting? No. No, it wasn't real Will Runting today. I mentioned their name because I believe I saw they had become wed. Bewedded.

They have become bewetted as far as I can. And I would like to give a big two in the think tank. Congratulations to our newly, and I'm pretty sure this is accurate, bewetted listener, Stuart Mack McCone, McEwen. McCone I look I Since he told me I hope

I hope the priest didn't fumble that as much as you have just have I think if he had two attempts instead of three

I'll consider that a win because I think when Stu told me how to pronounce it one day I was like I've got this and then one day he said you don't got this

and I went it's sad there's no getting it back there's no getting it back because now you'll always be questioning yourself because now I'm working on

really old advice, you know. I'm working on the faint, the faintest of memories of old advice. Well, let us, please consider us reading this gift from you, our gift to you. Stuart, and your beloved. Yes. I hope, I wish you many happy returns. Yeah. Like maybe on this gift that we've just given you. Yes. So keep the receipt. Now, Andy, Stuart has sent through three words from a listener.

It's pretty clear that that listener is Stuart MacMacon. So. Yes, the eponymous listener. Would you like to try to guess what one of the three? Look, here it's in the message he says, right? Here in the message he says, Hello, Al, I have lost my job, so I'm. canceling all my subscriptions, so I'd like to give you three words now before I'm locked outside.

I cannot believe I... It's a potty gift. I'm just reading this now. I will have to like just gift us to a subscription. I can't believe. I'm so sorry. A wedding gift. Well, yeah.

I am so sorry. I mean, not that I have to like force more to nothing tank upon him. That's what it feels like. But I will just... I'll do that later. All right. First word, martyrdom. Oh, not at all. The first word is alabaster.

Feels like I was close. Alabaster. Not even close in people thinking. The second word is bastard. Oh, no, the second word is trembling. Okay, alabaster, trembling. I'm going to go with butthole for the third. word.

Is that how you would like my name to end? Trembling butthole. Alistair trembling. Quivering. Yeah, no, I'm so sorry, Andy. The last word is broadhead. Broadhead? Yeah, broadhead.

How was I supposed to guess that? Why? I don't know. Alabaster, trembling broadhead. The moon is often described as alabaster. Is it? What is alabaster? Alabaster moon. I think it means basically just white, you know, just very white, pale alabaster.

I don't, I connect the word in my mind with plaster. That may be because of the astor end on it. Yeah. But also I think the color. The asters suffix. Al Astor That's him Alastar

Alastar Alabaster A broadhead is an arrowhead used for war in hunting Or in physiology It can be a person with a congenital disorder which has caused the head to become broadened I mean

You can't do this and you shouldn't do this But if I were to rank the genetic disorders in terms of how funny they are. I do have to say that a sort of a very wide head. Now, I'm, and, you know, this is, I'm not doing this of my, this is like I'm in a situation. You know, somebody is, somebody's got, you know, it's the classic, it's the classic. This is a classic, indeed. Someone's got their gun to your head.

Yeah. And they're saying, gun or gum? Great question. I'm glad you asked, gun, gun, the N. Okay, yeah. And they're saying rank the congenital disorders in terms of how funny they are. I probably would put like something, a very wide head at the top, close to the top. I mean, having a, you know, starting a head widening sort of movement, you know,

trying to convince guys that their heads are too thin. Yes. I mean, that's one of the things that you do notice, and we may have mentioned this on the podcast before, is that, like, as men get older, their faces do just naturally get wider anyway. That is an inevitable thing. It doesn't matter what you do diet-wise.

Yeah. The head gets wide. In fact, I think we spoke about this, you know, probably within the last 10 episodes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I mentioned John Cougar Mellon Camp. Yeah, I think that's... That's right.

Yeah, but Teddy Kennedy was the real widehead for me. That was my wide head goal. Oh, boy, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a span, you know. That's a wide boy. That's, that's, that's some acreage. His hat size is a quater. He's packing. I had to convert an old yo mama joke for that one.

Oh, really? What is that like her? Her belt size. Belt size. Yeah. size is Equator. Yeah. This one I will less successfully convert.

When your dad sits around the hat, he sits around the hat. I never understood that one. No, yeah. When your dad sits around the table. Is that right? No, no, when your mom sits around the house, she sits around the house. I still don't get it. Yeah.

You can, though. Who says your mom is sitting around the house? Well. That's not a fucking expression. You don't even realize, but that's a minor little insult where you're saying she's also a bit lazy. Sitting around the house. Oh, she's just sitting around the house. Yeah.

Okay. No, that is a saying. Okay. All right. When your mom sits around the house, she's sitting around the house. She sits around the house. But then that sounds like if she's sitting around the house, she's outside the house. Right.

Yeah. The fat's going all the way around the perimeter of the house. Yeah. So then she's not sitting around the house in the first sense, is she? No, well, then she's actually sitting outside getting a bit of air. Yeah. Yeah. So really...

She's actually quite... What you're saying is when your mum... ...doesn't sit around the house. She sits around. That's really what you're saying. That should be the joke. I don't mean she sits around the house in the sense of being lazy. No.

I mean, yeah, you know, we can clunk up any joke. We can clunk it up. We've got that, we've got the, the junk to clunk. We got. You're funk. Okay. Okay. So, Al-a-Bast.

How do you feel about people who, when you said Broadhead, arrows, made me think of big game hunters. And the people who hunt giraffe. Yeah. The people who hunt the giraffe. There's something like of all the animals to shoot dead. to get a big gun and shoot them to death, the giraffe seems like the least deserving of that kind of a treatment. Because it doesn't even feel like people are going to eat.

And there's got to be the least dignity involved in going back and telling your fellow hunters, I did it. I killed a giraffe. Yeah, sort of essentially the closest thing in this world to a unicorn. horn. You know, like a creature that does just seem magical. It has two little round little horns on top of its head. But also just like comical.

Yeah. You know, it's a clown. It's a fucking clown. It's a joke of an animal. It's God's joke. And, you know, it's like going out there and shooting a clown. Yeah. A wild clown.

Well, it's like, you. You know, it's like if instead of, you know, when I think there was a war in Bosnia, and there were people like snipering people in the street, and then people were able to pay, like, you know, rich Americans could go over and pay to go there and, you know, shoot a, you know, a woman or, you know, a person, a civilian or whatever like that.

It's that, but it's like going to, like Edinburgh Fringe and being like, he, guys, it's not brought, you're allowed to pick off. some French trained clowns. Some mimes. Some mimes, yeah. Like that, just standing above that, what's that big, what's that mean walkway through Edinburgh where everybody flies?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, they do say that Edinburgh fringe is overpopulated, right? Like, there's too much going on there. Do you think that they would ever announce a cull, you know? I mean. You know, to protect the fringe itself, does, you know, they'll do it for a, okay. kangaroo population and I think it is getting unsustainable the size of the Edinburgh fringe.

You know what they would call it to big guy hunting. Great. Sorry. I don't, look, now I realize that how much worse that sounds. I mean, it doesn't sound great. No, but I'm talking about from their point of view. Yes. And they're accusing anybody who's not a, you know, a big masculine person who,

who kills animals for fun of being gay. I don't actually want them to be... I hope that all the clowns that they shoot are straight. I want you to know for this bit. I was picturing all the clowns that they were shooting to be straight men. That's right. And these aren't hate crimes.

No. No. No. I mean, that's the thing is, but you could imagine how they could easily justify it as being pests and dehumanize all our French trained clowns. Yeah, for sure. I mean, I think this could be probably the solution. And I think like with legalized hunting and certain reserves in Africa,

it will bring much needed money into the local economy. And that money can be put back into the festival. So it really is a win-win. You know, you can't afford to have a sort of a rose-tinted view of these things. You know, this is the reality. This is, you know, this is the economic reality. I mean, it could be a thing that says it's the government of the UK allowing, trying to save the giraffes and allowing them big game hunters to instead,

they're allowed to shoot one clown. It's the same thing. Yes. Indeed. It's when Nigel Farage's part of get in. You know, and he says, And they will be allowed to shoot one French trained clown. How big is his mouth when he talks?

It's crazy. He must, it feels like he must have the purest voice voice training where like he's kept his you know how like people say you lose your ability use your voice after being a baby

and you can't cry like that anymore I think he could still cry like a baby oh boy of course and that man has total control over his larynx and man and mine boy oh boy yeah

uh no wait hang on have I forgotten what I was going to say I had my interjection lined up, but I forgot to load the chamber with the rest of the thought. Well, look, I will start spinning the battle and I will put whatever you're going to say to my head. And I will click right now and see if anything comes out. Click.

Fucking hell, Alastair, that is exactly what I was going to say. Was talking about hunting like a tiger or a lion, but doing it like going up, doing it execution style. When you get up to them and put the gun against their head. Say good night. Yeah. You know, which to me feels almost like the only kind of hunting that, like, like if you're going to shoot a lion from a long way away with a gun, why not just like drop a bomb on it?

Yeah, why not just watch a video of somebody doing it? Yeah. Why not just go home and smash a guinea pig with a hammer? You know, like, what is the... Yeah. I mean, going after... Big game hunters. It's not exactly... It's not different.

Who are we, Ricky Javais? Yes. But you know what I would think, because I actually don't want to kill a tiger. But what I do want is to... make it think that it would get the opportunity to kill me and then I shoot myself right before it gets to get killed me. You'll never get me alive. Sorry.

The man who was never killed by a tiger. It's a real down low, too slow kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it still will eat my body and nobody will know. But they might know when the tiger does have lead. It will know. It will know. And that's what matters.

And they go, why does it have lead put inside of its stomach? They go, ah, ha. I want to see that documentary film being made when they realize that I actually won. Yeah. I won out of that exchange. I mean, when you meet the tiger in heaven. Yeah. I imagine you'll both have a good laugh about it.

Yeah. He'll dapp you up. He'll be like fair play, fellow, fellow living being, former living being. Now, is that dapp me up? Because I'd always thought that was dab me up. Oh, let's see. It's dapp, is it? Is it dapp?

Or, Andy, this is a very white moment. Yeah. Here we go. Fist bump, I'd love to dapp you up. Dap. So the dab, obviously, is a complete. differently different thing.

No, wait, wait, look, that's... Look, hang on, hang on, hang on. Wait, because now I'm seeing conflicting

things, wait, I'll just go to a Reddit one, hang on. This is a live issue. This Wikipedia page has been flagged as controversial.

Edits are currently restricted. Dap or dapping is a term you described, so that is with a P. Okay. Yeah.

So we have, we have, confirmation. Yeah. I might have even tried to correct my kids on that. Really? I reckon they were saying

Dap and I said, no, it's dab. Dab me up. Uh-oh. Fucking hell. You just datted them up. Yeah, I sure did. Yeah. Dad me up.

Stu, I hope your marriage is the happiest one that's ever occurred. I hope you have so many children. I don't know if that's even on the cards or if that's something that you want, but I hope you have at least 12 huge boys. And I hope that you're both happy independently and then together it intertwines

and becomes a sort of a web of happiness that you can then use to catch other vulnerable happinesses that are flying by. Oh, yes, and feast upon them. Dry them in the sun. Dry them in the sun. Preserve them. Wait for them to stop struggling.

Yes. And then feast upon it together. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You fall upon the quivering flesh and tear at it. Yeah. With your teeth and hands. With your joyful mandibles.

Yes. And womanibles. Now man and woman double. I now pronounce you. warmandable. I have noticed that like the people who are trying to get us to go away from using the word man to describe all of humanity. Yeah.

They stop short of trying to correct anybody who says man-made climate change. And I really want to fight against that. I want to start referring to it as human-made climate change or even woman-made climate change. Yeah, I think. I'm just trying to be... In the name of equality. I'm just trying to fix a long... A long history of male-focused language.

Yes. And so I started to call it woman-made climate change. I believe climate change is man-made. I'm progressive. I believe climate change is man-made. I'm sorry. Woman-made. That's great.

I'm writing it down. Should I take us through the sketch ideas? I mean, it's not great for us to, you know, to obviously make all these jokes when both you and I have insisted on being men throughout the whole run of this podcast. Yeah. It's something we insist upon. Insisters upon. When we could be insistering upon it. All right.

Here's the inverted comma sketch ideas for today's episode. We've got, the first one's good, the martial art skills of Oscar Wilde after seeing obviously the wisdom and quotations of, uh, of wit of Bruce Lee. We've got, we've got covering swastika tattoos with white goods.

Tattoos. We got the free sausage breakfast. Sort of, uh, what would you call that? Not an analogy. Maybe an analogy. Yeah, I'd call that an analogy or an allegory. Yes, it's allegorical, isn't it? I think I heard that recently that Nabokov criticized Tolstoy, I think,

because he thought that he didn't like his writing because he would often use characters to represent a viewpoint, and he doesn't think that that should happen in writing. Oh, I wish I had opinions like that. Yeah, yeah. I wish I was good enough at anything to feel like I knew the right way to do it. Yeah, and that's cool. So it makes me want to read some Nabokov.

I've already obviously had a book, a book, what was that called? Dave Wernickiekees podcast, book cheat episode. Book cheat, book cheat. Where we've listened to Lolita, I think, with you, indeed. Maybe even a double episode. Oh, yeah, that's right. So I don't really want to read Lolita, but I'll, you know, I'll do one of the other ones. Then we've got the screaming plugins that allows you to turn all the things that you're listening to into screaming so that you can retain it better.

Maybe it's called Yellify. We've got, yeah? No, no, no. I mean, I'm only going to delay us further. I'm working on a new theory that all learning. is trauma. Yeah. And that spanking did work.

Yeah. Yeah. We've got Whisper War. It's the First World War footage and audio been rejuvenated so that everybody's whispering. Or I can't remember. Or is it just like a new technique that the Germans develop so that they've developed a quieter whisper that you can't, that the English can't listen in on? they're making it very hard for us to detect their their communication by talking incredibly quietly they're talking over the radio but going they're whispered just in case the English are listening

yeah um and then we've got a dad talking to their son about um how porn doesn't show you what you know, what sex is really like. And he describes the scene of somebody jerking off the balls. And that it looks really good. But you can't make it work. You can't, no matter how hard you try, you can't get the green slime to ooze out of your scrotal sack. It's a scrotal sack.

This is also separate to the scrotum. Really? It's a little sack that, that you just he discovered in that video that is of the scrotum but not the scrotum itself we've got wet sand is the ass of the world you can slap we've got which countries we fighting

in the Spanish oh which countries we're fighting in the Spanish Civil War I don't know if that's a sketch but you know I think there's something in there that you could include in a sketch Yes. We've got the head widening trend. We've got hunting giraffes. It's like shooting clowns. We've got hunting tigers execution style.

Yes. And we've got the woman-made climate change. Good. Good. Do you think we're getting edgier? It felt like we were a fair bit edgier this episode, Al. Yeah? You know, we were dancing with... Dancing.

You know? Yeah. With some concepts and some language that... Well, write to us... It hasn't really... Hasn't touched our lips before. You know, maybe I'm being influenced by all the... You know, by all the awfulness out there in the world.

And it's revealing my true colors. Well, also, we've got these supplements that we don't know the name of that we're going to have to sell. Yeah. You know? But please buy it. I'll tell you. Look, it's not even specific supplements. We just want people to buy more supplements.

Yeah. No, no, we're not even trying to sell them. We just want them to be bought. We want people to be supplemented. Is that crazy? Is that wrong? And we want it to be based on stuff that we've sort of vaguely heard or misremembered. Yes. theorized.

We want you to buy those supplements. We don't want. To make any money from of it. From of it. Exactly. We don't want supplemental income. That's right. We don't want to supplement our income.

Thank you, why. Do you think we should go to the song? Yeah. Song, song, song, song, song, song, song, song, song, song, song, song you don. Song you don't, song you don, song you don't, song you don't, yeah, um, um, um, um, um, um, song you dong is fighting this week. Uh, thank you for listening to in the think tank, the edgiest podcast. on the internet.

Yeah. I mean, we're all edge. And everybody, like a fucking fractal. My mom started saying that we should do video. And me and Andy

have already discussed it, and we might. We might get a slightly better webcam or something and start doing money. Thank you, Lynn,

for the great advice. Thank you. Finally, somebody's taking the reins of this thing. Yep, when I was on a road trip in 2005 or four,

something like that, all the guys in the van voted my mom. hottest mom of all the moms. And now we're seeing why. We're seeing why. She is some of the good ideas. She's not just hot.

She's cooking. Yeah. So more than just a hot mom. Also pushing more careers forward. It's amazing that the advance. Have you ever told her that? Have you ever passed that on to your mom? Oh yeah.

I told her as soon as I got back from the road trip. So that it would be. you know, uncomfortable for all my friends. That's great. That's great. Yeah. I'm proud of you. Thank you and I'm proud of you, Andy.

And listeners, we love you. Good bye. Best bye.