Two In The Think Tank - 537 - "DEEPAK KARATE CHOPRA"

Episode Date: August 5, 2026

Cortisolo, Very Charming Within One Atom Distance, Tonguing the Ear, Top Brimming Hats, Karate Chop Based Top Hat Cult, Parents Don't Know Your Real Name, Back to Front Movie, Script Made of Pictures - Film Made of Words, Tyrant Magazine, First Idea That Gets Shut Down ChatGPT, Sister City RiftListen to Alasdair's Bobby Logs Stories for kidsYou can purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Be-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-ha-B-ha-B-ha-ha-ha-B-ha-ha-ha. Hello and welcome to Tewin the Think Tank the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. I'm Alistair George William, Trumpley and Purchall. Can a guy leave a dramatic pause at a point in the podcast where he's often forgotten what he was supposed to say without a guy jumping in? to supply the thing that he very often forgets. I started to assume that you were leaving a pause because I didn't speak during your five sketch ideas.

And you were like, hell, are you still there? Ow! You'd be amazed at how little I panic when you don't interrupt me during the five sketch ideas. I don't know, I can just feel your cortisol levels. spiking. There should be, you should be able to just buy cortisol.

Why can't I get a drink that is, that is got, I can get a drink that has every other thing in it. That's right, one that calms you down. One of one with cortisol infused. That's right. Well, because also, often you have one that kind of like makes you feel good. And then later on, your cortisol spikes when you're coming down off of it. Yes.

You know, what about if you're, you drank cortisol, maybe with lime, maybe a little vermouth. It's worth a crack. Yeah, and then later on, as you're coming down, you feel this like, you know, not Utopia, what's a, what's an ecstatic maybe? Yep. Body Utopia. You could call it Cortisolow, right?

We could do it with the Solo Corporation who make that, are they the thirst crush? Of course, yeah. They make the thirst crush. That's the one, Andy. I feel like you knew that was the thirst crusher. The thirst crushing weight of responsibility. We'll work on it. We'll work on it. Yeah, cortisol drink. I mean, why should I have to drink three or four coffees in order to get the jitters when I could just drink cortisol and go straight to the jitters? But that's actually, you know, it's actually perfect. You know, for when you want to start working before. the deadline is here. It's really good.

It's like deadline in a can. It's like someone made a deadline fizzy. Carbonated. Deadline. Now, with, are there any other negative hormones or is it all? Deadline in a can. Cracker, crack, don't crack the whip, crack a cortisol,

yeah, fucking whatever. Crack open. a can. A can do. This isn't just a can. This is a must. This is a bloody bedding out of a bloody wriggle on. They've actually, since we've released this, they've actually cancelled the plans on 13 different data centres.

They say, man can beat machine. We didn't know. They just had to feel awful all the time. It is. It is, I'm afraid, the only thing that will get me to do anything. It's a shame. And I believe there may be other people out there who have found another way to do anything. It's a damn shame.

It's a damn shame. Are you doing a person in particular? No, I don't know. I'm just tapping into a vibe. Yeah. I'm just somebody who's not serious and not severe, but somebody who has, but somebody who has, you know, some heft to the importance of what they're saying. It's a damn shame.

Oh, there's gravitas. Yes. Absolutely. That's right. Gravitus, of course, comes from the word gravity, meaning to attract people towards you. Do you think that's correct? Sure, whatever. Now, if that is the case, Andy, do you think that there's...

um anti-gravitus this is anti-gravatose technology of course but do you think that there's small atomic force us

and and weak atomic force us you mean you said small atomic force yeah fuck I fucked it up I meant a strong atomic force us yeah

and weak atomic forces and electromagnetus yeah um God, I hope so. I mean, it would be really interesting to have a type of charisma and, you know, oratorical power that only worked on a distant scale of like less than the size of an atom. So, like, you are able to, you have this real persuasion, you know, heifer, you know, heft. to your speech.

But only if your lips are right up against their ear. That's right. You've got to have basically have your tongue on their brain. Tongue, licking their eardom. Tongue to brain contact. Oh, I mean, isn't that great?

Isn't that the dream? You know, if we'd evolved a bit more like honey eaters and a little less like, I guess, a fucking, blue tongue lizard, you know, that honey eater's tongue to be able to slip your tongue right down there inside, make your way through the labyrinth that is the ear canal and down and make direct contact tongue to tympanic membrane. What joy that would bring? I mean, if we secreted honey in our ears instead of disgusting tasting wax, then we'd really... I mean, I think if we'd evolve

to do it, I think then that probably would be one of the greatest pleasures known to man. If we could just go in and clean out each other's ears with our tongues you know? Mm-hmm. And I could imagine a tongue deep in your ear and it doesn't hurt like a Q-tip does.

You know, it's soft and wet. The two things that I think make a Q-tip a little, you know, the dryness I think often and it gives it that kind of like, you know, percussion sound when you touch close to the thing and you hear that, to have more of a splooching kind of sound going, you know, a sort of a traveling snail kind of smell.

Yeah, yeah. Smell, wow. Did I say, I said snail kind of, did I say smell? Fuck, Andy. Yeah. I have no access to proper words today. I can get words in the right category. Yeah, yeah.

But the definitions have become unmoored from the, wherever they're stored in your brain. Do you think that the reason earwax tastes disgusting, and this is a serious question, is to, so that insects don't go into your ear and try and get it? You know, like, the ear is the one thing that isn't sort of properly self-cleaning, like we can't do anything about it. Yeah. And it has to be produced repulsive stuff. Like if it did produce anything, anything even remotely delicious.

Sort of like like honey. If it was ear honey instead of your wax. Exactly right. I mean, we're close to being a bee. They're both things produced by bees. But, and there may have been the humans who experimented with producing honey. Maybe that's why. The other ones are gone because their ear wax was too delicious.

That was what happened to the Neanderthals. Yeah. Tell you what, I do not feel good about how we've changed it from fall to tall. I didn't. No, but you are, that's what I'll do. That's what the academics say. And I don't feel good about it. I wonder if I'm an academic.

This may be one of the seven signs of academia. I might have to go and get some tests done. Andy's found out. Andy's a psychologist. He's been displaying. Academic tendencies. Tendencies. You'll have to announce it to everybody at your workplace.

Yeah. Yeah. I'll come in with a square hat. hat with the brim on the top I'm sure we've talked about this the mortar board has the only

it's the only hat where the brim is at the top of the hat not at the not around the not in the usual brim position yeah that's true I guess they could do it on a baseball cap

but they could put it at the top but and then have it sort of close to the center sort of insolidding some of the hat the do you think that it would be it'd be quite a bit

like it would be almost like a thumbnail then wouldn't it yeah yeah if you did that it's quite thumbnaily yeah the uh the cat like yeah but at the moment

it's saved by the fact that the thumbnail comes off at the you know it comes off at an angle unthumbail like and so to start it up to sew it on you know especially if the way

that you're implying that it's just essentially along the hat. I'm picturing it, you sew it to the top, and then it still goes forward like it does now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of like at a 45-degree angle, probably, to how the camp goes down. Yeah, yep. Okay, let's see, let's look at other hats.

So, I guess, top hat, you put the brim at the top. That would work. Yeah, that could really work, right? Yeah. I think basically someone invented this hat, this fucking mortar hat that they wear when they graduate and was like,

I've invented this hat, it's such a bad hat. Yeah. It's a terrible hat. The brim's at the top and it's got a little tassel. Yeah. Oh, the tassel, actually tassel means that it's not at the top. You're right, you're right. Now a brave hatmaker will have put the brim on top of the tassel.

So it's attached to the end of the tassel and it sort of flops around. Yeah, like a flail in the wind, it would act like a kite. You know what? I almost prefer that. I do prefer that. For its ambition, it would be something where like occasionally, Occasionally, just occasionally, it would be brilliant. When the wind is blowing in just the right direction and the sun is in just the right location,

the idea of having a brim, a tethered brim, just hovering above you, like your own personal cloud. Yeah. I mean, no wonder they give this to the most brilliant people in our society. You'd probably have to install a chin strap. Anyone who has $15 and shows up at a graduation ceremony. It's crazy that we have to get those outfits when you finish university and you're like the poorest you've ever been. Yeah, it's the final test.

If you can do this. One last, one last hurdle for you. Can I not just show up in a hoodie and what I wore at university? Are the thousands and thousands of thousands? of dollars that I have paid you not enough. For someone to talk to me. I require one last thing. Yes.

For someone to stand in front of a class for one hour a week and speak to me. They want to get just a little bit more. A little bit. But I was thinking it's a top hat-based cult. Right? And your ranking in the cult is defined by how high your brim is on the top hat. How far up the tube? Yeah.

How far up the pipe. So then sometimes people who are at the bottom but are like pretending to be a top guy, they can just put their hat on upside down as a joke. Oh, I'm the big dog. I'm Mr. Big Man. Like that? Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great.

You know? As long as the big man doesn't. catch you doing that. Well, that's right. He'll bust your brim back down so hard. He probably knows how to karate chop it in just the right way, off your head so that it flips over and lands up. That's right, through karate chops.

It's a karate. He chopped his way to the top. It's a karate chop-based cult. Deepak Karate Chopra is the... is the guru. All right. Do you think that you could start, you could come in to a corporation,

a business, right? Yeah. A big multi, multi-level layered business in a big skyscraper. And work your way up the ranks with nothing but karate chopping your way to be the CEO of the board of directors.

why do they have a CEO and a chairman of the board what's with the I've never really understood what's with the board and the board can sort of keep I think the board can sort of keep the CEO in check they can go we don't think you should do that their powers combined yeah and I think the chairman is just making the final

is going like oh that's 13 people voted yes you're out of here CEO Yeah, so he just sort of counts the... I think it's mostly counting and then also saying, well, we're going to get this meeting going. But then with the ABC, when I look at the ABC, right, they've got a chairman and they've got a general manager. They both seem to have a sort of...

They both have infinite power as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they are basically gods. To you. If they're listening, I really believe that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I wonder if God has a board that he answers to.

You know, he's a big figurehead. I would say his more, his is less of a corporate structure and less, more of a dictatorship. But also, he's built, he's built all the countries and planets and stuff he oversees. I mean, I wonder if you could get a quorum of angels. You know, you could get a, a majority of two things. third majority of the angels to vote your way. Yeah. By offering them something.

I think he's so powerful that nobody overseeing him could possibly vote against him out of fear. Yeah. Yeah, of course you're right. And he's kind of got sort of more than a rags to riches kind of story. He's one of those guys who literally started with nothing. He invented rags. He started with nothing. Yeah.

He started out with nothing. now he's here. Yeah. Started from the bottom, the real bottom, now he's here. I mean, that should have been the story of the Bible. You know, we should get more inspiration from that. Yeah. Oh, absolutely.

Why did they zoom so quickly over that? Yeah. Now look, and I think Drake's song does touch on it a little bit more accurately. You know, started from the bottom, now we're here. Started from the bottom, now my whole team fucking here. Because there was no team before. Yeah, yep. You know, and then...

Made the team. I done... I done kept it real from the jump. That's right. Living at my mama house, we'd argue every month. Well, that's then. Now I'm starting to sway away a little bit. And he probably uses some slurs that I don't think God would initially.

I wonder I wonder if God had a role in inventing any of the slurs I mean he would have invented honky as well like I think he can't he can't claim he can't claim to to be for his hands to be entirely clean

because essentially I think you know I think they're saying that he has a plan you know everything's part of his plan. Yeah, I mean, that's such a strong position.

You don't really have anywhere else to go, do you? You can't say, oh, not that, though. Yeah. You know, there's no, there's no ducking. There's no dodging it. He wanted sort of ineffective slurs for white people. How about these people that, like, if somebody does use honky. It's a comprehensive plan.

Somebody uses honky or something like that. And they go, I am offended. Yeah. I am offended. offended. Yeah, I want action taken. Yeah, I mean, like when Sam Kerr, the Australian footballer, yeah, called that copper a stupid white bastard. I'm like, that's fucking, if, if Sam Kerr called me a stupid white bastard,

I would feel good for the rest of my life. Yeah, what a compliment. I would, I mean, just the fact that she was talking. into me, I'd feel great. Like, I go, she sees me. That's amazing. I've, I haven't been seen by Sam Kerr. Yeah, I agree. I mean, she gets me.

That is actually how I live my life, yeah. Yeah. Whoa. I resent how, has anyone gone, has anyone gone that angle? I mean, like, I'm offended by how accurate this is. I'm offended. How dare you know me so well? How did you know my parents?

weren't married when they had me. Okay. Yeah. But that actually did happen. Were your parents married when they had you? Um, I mean, that's the story they're telling everyone. I guess back in those days, you couldn't be that open about it. Um, my, uh, sister, I think, was born the day after my parents' wedding.

But only the wedding anniversary. I think several years later. You were born after the wedding anniversary. Don't worry. It wasn't possible to express it properly, and you weren't listening anyway, so it doesn't really matter. Andy, some of us were trying to come up with our own, you know?

Yeah, you tell me yours. I forgot what we were talking about. Yeah. And that, that just there? that last two, three minutes of your life listener, that you can't get that on other podcasts. And if you did, they wouldn't dare leave it in. They wouldn't.

They would cut all of that out. They would pay somebody to cut it out. That's how important it would be to them. They'd be like, well, we've got to fix all of this. Yeah. We don't have the $50 that would take to pay a student. somewhere to edit this. An Indian student.

Oh, sure. Because a thing, you know, a lot of the time you can get it just a little bit cheaper from India. But, you know, there's very, very good, high level English comprehension. You know? Now, I mean...

I have no problem. They say... It's a rising power. I have no problem using their services. We are... We are, we call it off-shoring. Yeah. But of course, it goes offshore, but then it goes back onshore again.

Well, how do you think it gets to India? All right? India has a shore as well. That's true. It's offshore, sure, it's offshore. Yeah. But then you better be sure. It's back on shore.

That's right. When it gets to the other shore. Yeah. The only problem is that if you try to send it to a country like Lithuania or something like that, which I think might be entirely inland. landlock right you know

and then there's no shore there's no shore yeah yeah it's true the digital shore of course yeah the digital shores

yeah yeah do you think that we should that should be that should be a concept you know this would have been great back when we were talking

about surfing the web the digital shore like these are the interfaces right between our world and the cyber terrarium that is the internet you know the screens that your pods yeah um not many other things maybe some buttons and flashing lights this is the digital shore and uh we stand upon

the edge of it i mean my desk is kind of beach colored it great it might even be made from Beachwood. It could be Beachwood. I think that both my, I tell you this, both my names, Birchall and, and Trombly.

They both come from tree names. Hmm. Right? One is the, wait, what tree is the name Trombly

from? I think it's like, what's a, Tremble, meaning Aspen Tree. So, Birch, tree, aspen tree.

Can I tell you this? Yeah. I tell you this? Yeah, birch tree. Birch tree. Burtch tree? Aspen tree. Yeah, Alistair Woodward. So my, yeah, Woodward.

So my, Woodward. So my, yeah, Woodward. I mean, I wouldn't call two trees a forest. All right. All right, but that hyphen between my, that half, that hyphen between my names, that's a hammock. That's a hammock between two trees. Am that crazy?

Are that crazy? Yeah. What does Matthews mean? Does that mean tree? Is that type of tree? I don't even know. I think Matthews. I've got no idea.

I don't know what any of my names mean. Like what even job would that have been? To be a... What job would that have been? It just means son of Matthew. Does it? Yeah, I think so. Matthews, is that what the S on the end means?

Like it's Pete Matthews. Yeah. Yeah, okay. It's a patronymic surname. So it's like we don't even get a clue. want to give us any information. Yeah. It feels like they got something to hide.

Maybe it was just unemployed. So I, I, I, I, I, I, employed son. I know somebody, she was telling me that her dad, her dad was like, because I mean, I think he lived through some difficult times, right? But he would say to her, yeah, never tell anybody your real name. Wow. Like, you know, when you meet, when you meet a stranger out in public. and, you know, like, just how different that upbringing is of, like, protect yourself at all times, you know?

You don't know who these people are. Oh, okay, but that's not because his name was so besmirched by the things he'd done. No, I mean, that's great, too. That was what I was assuming was happening. I was assuming that his surname was something like Hitler or something like that. Was her dad Hitler? No, no, it wasn't Hitler. No, we got no way of knowing.

He wouldn't tell anyone his real name. Yeah, well, that's right. We don't know. But just the idea that you would meet people in public and that you say, let's say you, Andy Matthews, would go, hi, Gil Marcos. Like that. And then at some point when you got to know people better, I guess. Yeah. Or, you know, or I don't know.

Or maybe you start, you have to just have another name and that most people know you by. Because or else if you keep telling each person a new name, I mean, I guess you can pass it off as humor. What you really want, right, is that your parents don't even know your real name. Okay. So what you want is that like they write a bunch of names maybe down like some options down on a piece of paper. Okay. And you pull one out of a jar, right? as a baby.

Okay? Then you keep it secret. You're the only one who knows it. They give you a code name initially. And then on your deathbed, maybe with your last words, you get to introduce yourself, yourself,

to your family and all your loved ones. You can say, by the way, Alan Tomlinson. Alan Omlinson. Great, great spending time with you. Yeah. It was great to meet you.

Wouldn't that be nice? It was great to meet you. That's such a nice thing to say. Yeah, I think not even it's, it was great. It is great. It is great. He's living in the present. I'm Alan.

Alan Olensen. Alan Onlinson. Hi, it's me. Alan on Lonson. Do you know that your name originates from the Hebrew name Matiyahu? Matit Yahoo. I did not know that it came from Maitit Yahoo. Matit Yahoo.

like the Yahoo bit tit putting Yahoo after tit is that like Netanyahu it's a similar kind of like something going on it's a great it what you know now

that's a Hebrew that's got some great suffixes Yahoo that's fun I wonder if Yahoo can be a prefix any words in Hebrew that start with Yahoo

can I think it's hard for something to go from being a suffix to being a prefix, to make the switch. I don't think there's a lot of social mobility for suffix. I think you're born a suffix. I'm sure Pixar will make a movie soon about a suffix that wants to be a prefix. Oh, I think that would be great, yeah. Yeah.

It would be called, what would it be called? Front of... Word up. Word up. Oh yeah, I was going to say, front of mind. Up the guts. No more down the back end. Front end, back end.

Back to front. It would be called. Front bottom. Back to front. I think back to front, you know. Yeah. But that implies that they actually used to be a prefix. His finds out his family were prefixes for a long time and then... That'd be really good. That'd be like a once-world warriors kind of tale.

That's right. Yeah. About this... Same thing with Moana, you know? The grandma is like shows... Takes the suffix into a cave and goes, look at this. This is what our people used to be. We used to be. A-H-N, A-T-I-O-N. That used to be...

Yeah, at the start of words. In? I mean, now the word... Lots of words used to start with ing. You know, if the name of the movie was The A-C-N-S-E-S-E-N-I-N. I think it would be confusing, which is why I think that we shouldn't go. What about this? Back to Front A-C-I-S-Ns.

Okay, tell me more. Explain yourself. Well, it's just I've taken your title. Yeah. And then I've added A-T-I-O-N-S. And so I think it's just for the confusion that it would bring with the likeness to the word Asians. Yeah, I was wondering if that was what you were doing.

Yeah. And I tell you what this film needs, someone to bring to it. A bit of confusion. A bit of confusion. A bit of Asian confusion. Yeah. And... Asian.

Asian. Confuciian. That's a different... It's actually Ushian. That's a different family. That's a different clan in this movie. Yeah. How do you think these clans will be represented?

Do you think they'll just be the letters? Or do you think that we'll have people playing it with a little sign around their neck? That has the letters. I wonder if Pixar's there yet I wonder if they're ready if they're brave enough to to misuse all the power

the animation powers that they have I mean I guess with up think about up yeah all right and not up no not up inside out okay which I think you know back to front has

in some ways you know some conceptual similarities to, they personified the emotions. Because I guess emotions don't have any physical representation. But then like the representation. But I think the,

I guess these letters do have it. I think it would be a brave move and I'm excited to see them put letters finally words on screen. Too long, words have, you know, the script, right, has been written

and the words have been on the page and then they've used those words to make pictures. That's right. I think it's time that they put the words. Yes, and a film made of words. Alistair, I'm going to keep my headphones on.

So I'll still be able to hear you, but I'm going to go into the other room and I'm going to get a glass of water. And I think it's going to benefit everybody. Okay. So then I guess I'll talk. And then, and this will be like that, that first Alexander Graham Bell phone where I'll be able to speak to you, but you will have to come back into the room to be able to speak to me. You'll only be able to hear me.

I'm assuming that Andy has already left now. Just that explanation. But the list, okay, now Andy's talking to me, but he's not near his microphone. So, so I think that, because we were realizing this today, that Alexander Graham Bell, when he made that first call, he needed. the other guy to come into the room. So we think that he probably just put a microphone on his piece and a speaker on the other telephone. He didn't invest.

He wasn't going to invest in a second microphone and a second speaker until he knew that it could work. It didn't show a lot of, I guess, belief in himself there, because now he has to go back to building again. well maybe and I'm back on the mic now Al but maybe maybe when he invented it he didn't think that it would be a two-way system maybe he just thought that he'd invented something that would allow him

to to shout in other people's houses oh of course he did you may have had no interest in what they had to say it was more of a um yeah like a what's the one in the in the schools that you that the the the uh let's say the principle will use. A public address system. Is that what it's called a PA?

A what they call it with a thing? It comes over. It feels like a Tannoy. There is another term, isn't there? The, maybe it is just the PA. He came over the PA. Yeah, he came over the PA.

But there's a, Um, man, this is not... Makes it sound like you ejaculated on your personal assistant when you put it like that. What's, when, when you put it like what? When you say he came over the PA. That's true. That is true. And probably also not that uncommon.

Especially, especially, especially 20 years ago. Oh, that was a... From what I hear, Andy, from what I hear is that, like, in the end, HR is probably, a lot of the time there to protect the upper people. So a lot of the upper people do end up getting away with a lot of stuff anyway. Even today, Andy, in this climate. And then it's only through legal action that somebody often, you know, gets back at somebody, which is, you know, usually probably has the force of the company behind it, defending the big dog.

NDAs. I reckon we should just not have NDAs. Yeah. Yeah. Right. The idea that you just go around and you just have sort of assistants who get all the people that you mistreat to sign non-disclosure agreements. Yeah. Making it a crime for them to tell anyone about the crime you did. Yeah. I mean... That feels like it shouldn't exist.

If somebody's... Yeah. If somebody's... Yeah. If somebody's like mistreated you and then they're offering you like $50,000 or whatever and you don't have to go through any legal stuff. Sometimes that makes me feel like I was like, oh, that's not too bad. Sure, but then you should be allowed to break the NDA. Okay. You know? But then you have to give back the $50,000?

No, you should be able to just keep it. But then what are you getting paid for? Well, they can pay you and you can sign the NDA and you can tell them that you won't tell anybody, but then you're still allowed to tell anybody. Okay. Like if they did something wrong. Yeah. You should still be allowed.

They can do whatever they want. They can get you to sign something. They can pay you as much as much as you like. Yeah, yeah, I want that. I want that to still be allowed. They can get you to say whatever you want. Of course. That's still allowed.

Yeah, great. But then I think that you should also still just be allowed to tell people if you've been abused by somebody. Doesn't they don't give a fuck how much they've paid you or what you've signed. Yeah. I guess if you should pay me enough that I actually do feel better and I don't want to say. You'd have to, yeah, you're right, you're right, you'd have to have been paid so much that the judge goes, no, we think that's fair. Come on.

Come on, nah, you'd, I would love that. I would have loved, I'd let him do that to me for half that. Yeah, and judges often being abused themselves, I wish you would do it to me. Probably would have quite a low bar for that. I think intercom was what I meant to say, you know, sometimes. Yeah, intercom, but intercom often is two ways. is often a two-way. Yeah, I know.

I know. You know what I'm finding really upsetting is that I cannot find anything close to what I intended to say. And PA is really the thing that's coming up a lot. And I don't, I think in the Simpsons, I don't think it's called a PA. Huh. You know, in the Simpsons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do they call the public address system?

I mean, there's that scene where Bart puts all those megaphones together, but that's not what we're talking about. No, but, you know, because it's like when Skinner is talking over the school thing, and he goes, and then like, it's radioactive man, stupid. He goes, strange, I shouldn't be able to have heard that. Good joke. Yeah. Good joke.

And one that really. gets the core of what we've been discussing. The main thing we want to talk about you. That's right. One way speaker systems as Alexander Graham Bell intended. He probably started making two-way systems just for the money. His passion

was actually just in... Good news, everyone. I've invented a device that allows me to shout in anybody's house. That's right. And he couldn't sell it. He thought it was brilliant. Well, he could only sell it to tyrants. which is still a big part of the world.

A lot of the world has tyrants still. That's true. And you can charge them the big bucks. You don't need to sell a lot if it's a tyrant and you can sell it for a high price. Yeah, if you live outside of the country, I think, yeah. I think if you live inside of the country, he can just take it. I wonder if there are any magazines for tyrants.

We should publish a tyrant-based magazine. for both tyrants and tyrant aspirants? Oh, that's good, actually. That's a really good idea because that's a much bigger market. And, you know, you can have the sort of the lifestyles of the tyrants depicted in there in all its glory. You know, the nonchalant treatment of human rights depicted beautiful. and glossily, their yachts and their military uniforms celebrated, and then people who think that's great can buy the magazine. What would you call it? Autocrats Monthly.

Oh yeah. Great. Autocrats Monthly. It does have a very kind of brutalist kind of feel to it, you know. Mm. And the autocratologue. Do you think that when you're an attireant and then you install brutalist architecture, it makes you feel tough?

Just because it's got the name brutal in it. And it's a lot of concrete and stuff, so it'd probably be a lot cheaper. Very simple shapes. It's not just brutalist, brutal, it's brutalist. It's the brutalist. That's true. It's the brutalist architecture.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Because, you know, the subways are all brutalist here. A lot of brutalists in Montreal. Really? Because of the, I think, John Drapeau, when he, you know, did a lot of the stuff in the sort of 50s and 60s or whatever. And, yeah, so every metro got its own little kind of brutalist style. They're very simple, but also, you know, probably was pretty cheap. Was there a lot?

Oh, I was going to say, was there a lot of money? sloshing around in Montreal at this time. Well, I mean, I think the World's Fair was around the corner, you know. What's the economy of Montreal? What are you guys producing over there? Where is this? I think it was sort of one of those port towns, you know? Like we're right on the St. Lawrence River, which gets you access to the Great Lakes.

But then, of course, hydroelectricity. We supply electricity to big parts of the US, state-owned through hydro-cobec. Quebec is, of course, the world's largest producer of maple syrup. I actually did not know that. I knew that Canada had maple syrup. I think in many ways, a lot of the things. things that Canada is known for culturally. A lot of that does, it has emerged from Quebec.

Right. Okay. It's a cultural crucible. Because I mean, you think, you think putteen, it's Quebec. You think maple syrup, that's mostly Quebec. Yes. Is Canada known for any other things? I don't know. Smoke meat sandwiches. Can't think of anything.

That's also, that's Montreal. But I mean, you know. Here's something I was thinking about Australia, right? Is our eucalyptus trees. Yeah. Right? They've evolved to deal with the threat of bushfires, right? And one of the ways that they've evolved to deal with the threat of bushfires is that they

regenerate well after they've been burned. Yeah. Okay. And they actually even have seeds that will only germinate after a, fire so that they can, you know, grow in the freshly open canopy, okay? And, you know, race to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, virgin opportunity, okay? And the other way that they've evolved to deal with a, a place where there's, uh, it can be

hot and dry is by being full of fucking oil. So they burn like fucking, like, burst into flames, like an explosion almost. Yeah. And I'm like, do one of those things, but you don't need to do both, right? Surely evolved to deal with the fire risk here, the prevalence of bushfires, by not being so flammable. Isn't that? That's... Yeah, I mean... Come on, guys. I don't want to tell you how to be a tree. It uses the burst into flames as a sort of ejaculation of its seed pods. Oh, that's true. And maybe ensures that they do open up or whatever. You go, what the?

Probably bursting into flames is a tree orgasm. Yeah, a eucalyptus. That's busting a gum nut. That's right. That's right. And I bet you, you know, if you're a tree, you spend a lot of your time being looked at. You know, you feel out in the open, you know, I think being under sort of like that black burnt. soot kind of thing for a while. I think it would make you feel like, oh, it's like being under a blanket.

You can hide away for a little bit. They must love that. Especially with all the leaves. You know, all the leaves, as we know, my theory is that those are all eyes. So you're saying it's sort of like Ariana Grande saying that she's going to step away from... Public eye. Sick of the... Public eye.

Sick of the scrutiny. Mm-hmm. And you think that's what's going on with gum trees? Gump trees, bursting into flames. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah.

They're very exposed, very visible. I guess it's... You know, be nice. I imagine Ariana Grande would love it if she could have her head and all her arms fall off. That's right. Yeah. Just be a stump for a while. That's right.

And then... When she's ready. When she's ready. When she's ready. Start growing out of her side. Yeah. And then hopefully at some point they turn into proper arms and, you know. Yeah.

I mean, I wonder if there's in some way. that the bursting into flames and having the oil there somehow protects the tree a little bit. Like, you know, like a, I don't know, does the, does the methanol, you know, or does the turpentine on a torch protect the wood of the torch? I don't, I think it's, I think it's hard, it's going to be hard to argue that. I mean, the way in which that it would do that, it seems so counterintuitive. Yeah, that's what I love about it. That's what I, you know, it makes it sound like it could be one of the clueless. cleverest thing someone's ever said.

It's true. Then we'd be like, fuck, trees are clever. That's real tree thinking. Yeah. We can't even get our heads around. It's the same thing when you watch, like when some of the, you know, the top chess players play against one of the top computer things. And they go, what is this move? Why is it doing this? This is so counterintuitive.

And then you see that it's like, oh, it's set up this other thing, which completely decimates me. You know? Yeah. And you go, oh. the tree is not thinking about just right now. Yeah. I mean, I'm acting like I know better than a tree, but I wouldn't have thought of photosynthesis.

That's right. You wouldn't have even come up with it. No. Do you think that my idea... Not only would I not have thought of it, I wouldn't have even come up with it. Do you remember that I had an idea once, which was that we should find a way to detect...

like sensory organs in creatures, figure out what's a sensory organ so that we can see if there are sensory organs detecting things that we don't know about yet. Yeah, you want to be able to sense sensory organs. Yeah. You need a new kind of sense

that allows you to detect... Well, let's say it's something where there's like information kind of coming in, So you might be able to see it through some pattern of signal generation in some area. Yep. That is, you know, higher than something else. I don't know, than some average or something like that, to detect sensory organs to see if there's things detecting that we don't know about yet.

You know what's great about this idea is, and how ill-formed it is, Alistair. Yeah. Now that's all you need, you know? now in the era of AI you just go you just type that in you just sort of any anything that's like anything just the

vaguest strand of any kind of a thought you type it in there and then you just basically abuse the computer until it works something out okay it turns it into something and then you claim credit for that thing that was your idea and that's all you're going to need

and so yeah I mean and but it's not it's not just I'm going to put it into an AI and it's going to go, that's a great piece of thinking. Yeah. I mean, you know what I would love? I would love to find something. I haven't done it yet. I haven't tried very hard, but I'd love to find something with the AI guys.

Well, this is shit. This is shit. Fuck, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard. Absolutely not. No. No. Don't even let yourself think that another time. And don't bring it up with me anymore.

Yeah, I think that would be really fun. Yeah. Aren't you supposed to be like really positive? Yeah. Yeah. I surprised myself. Andy, should I take us to three words from a listener? I think everyone would welcome that opportunity.

Great. And today's listener, Andy, is Will Runting. Will Runting. It's so great to hear your name again, Will. What a dream it is. I've clicked the wrong button. Here we go. Now, Will Runting's email, message from Patreon, reads as such. Hi, Hi, Al.

You can tell Will Runting understands the background of how all these things operate. This isn't his first message No, this isn't his... But he continues. He doesn't stop there. He says, I would like to submit three words from a listener. For context, I, in brackets, Will Runting.

Now, I wonder if that's a different Will Runting that has brackets on the outside of his name, but anyway. Am the submitter of the three words are from a listener. starts a new sentence.

The listener is also me in brackets. They are a listener of two in the think tank. Okay, well, that's good to clear that up. I don't believe there should be any. This is actually difficult because he writes, abiguity. It's no ambiguity, I could understand, but there's a little mistake there.

What is this made? Is it a mistake? Or is he trying to convince? communicate something like, you know. Anyway, hopefully that's not too much of a hump here now, but please let me know if you need any clarification. Well, I guess. Did you mean a biguity?

I can see he's really trying. He's really trying. You're not, you're not, it's like, you know, like atheist. You're not committed to any buguity. Beguity. Yeah. ambiguity ambiguity umbiguity

uh arbiguity okay forget it and now we've got the three words are then there's a colon and then there's three words

would you like to try to guess what the first word is yeah uh the first word is um leeward how's that spell

LWA R D oh no I'm sorry Andy it's Stranged. Oh. Yeah, it's not as far away as it could have been. A lot of similar letters. Second word is nephew.

Oh. Twin. The nephew of the womb. Estranged twin. Doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense. No. But it's.

You know, one is older usually, the other one. Yeah. Well, only in terms of position coming out of the vagina, is that? Estranged twin. Now, I want to say reunion, right? But I don't think that's going to be what it is. But I wonder if it's going to be like a twist on reunion. Or, like, what would a twist on reunion be?

reunification a strange twin disunion a strange twin I mean it's so obvious uniform I'm going to go uniform A strange twin uniform

It's not in at all Yeah that's right Really far away Cities Estranged twin cities Of course Yeah Of course

Wow I mean that would be What's an example of twin cities? Are we talking like Aubrey Widonga? Are they twin cities? No, no, no. Normally, oh, wait, I thought, oh no, I'm thinking a sister cities. Yeah, you're thinking sister cities, man.

Yeah. But the twin cities, I think that's like, you know, two pretty sizable cities surprisingly close together. I think that's twin cities. Oh, often it's two neighboring cities that share a border. Oh, like in different countries. No, like Minneapolis and St. Paul, Detroit and Windsor. Right. So they rub up against each other.

Yeah. And they, you know, form in some sense a single metropolis. In some sense, have created a metropolis, yeah. And there's an example here such as Albury and Wadonga. This is our separate, these are ones, some cases, since. some cases twin cities are separated by a state border. But there's also something so romantic about the phrase twin cities. I don't know what it is, but it makes it feel like they are really like, in my mind at least,

it feels like they're like a real center of culture, like the idea of going to the twin cities. It's, they take on, there's a feeling that like, God, it's going to be so cosmopolitan. One city is enough. but two cities that's right it'd be great if they the cities could completely overlap you know

you have two cities completely on top of each other and I guess which city you identify with is um is it more a matter of personal choice or just house location or house like no but like if they completely

overlap right so it's not about location so now you're living in two and maybe yeah maybe it's just there are two it's just two cities it's on top of each other you're in both cities all the time yeah so so they've got two garbage disposals systems or you know they've got two local councils you're paying you're paying two sets of rates twice the rates yeah but you'd

get twice the services yeah i quite like it i think i might be up for that you know twice the festival There's two libraries close by. Yeah. And it only costs to be twice as much. Hey? You can't use the same library card in both. You can't use the same library card in both. No, of course not.

But that's what it's like to, like, I think to, you know, if Melbourne decided that it was going to introduce another city, uh, into the relationship. Yeah. You know, into the, into the metropolis. And it takes up exactly the same area. I feel like this is something that Charlie Kaufman could write a film about,

you know, that guy. Yeah, yeah, about two. I mean, that's the thing. To just to personify two cities and the people who run it, you know, I think that's already so interesting. I was wondering whether there was like a thing with sister city, because that's what my initial thought was, where somebody,

because it's such a small little thing, right, to have a sister city, or sister town kind of thing. Yeah. And to have a person visiting from the other sister city who does something abhorrent and causes a rift in the sister city system.

Yeah. And maybe they, you know, they might even, there's a campaign to make, maybe rescind sisterhood. Yeah, and we tear up the agreements or whatever, and we all get together, you know, and the mayor comes out with a sledgehammer

and smashes the little plaque that says, Sister City of San Diego or whatever. And we are like, yeah! And then we go on with our lives, but we start to feel that something's missing. That's right. We never really realized it before, but like you see your...

You see your beloved staring out of the window, right? Yeah. And they're just not present anymore. And you say, you're thinking about it, aren't you? Thinking about the sisters. And you're like, no. No, good riddance. Good riddance to them.

Maybe there's one of those portals like they had between like Dublin and New York City where people could see each other. And maybe the mayor tried to break that, but the screen was too strong. And so they'll figure out how. take it down eventually. So for a little while, there's still this connection between. Yeah. I mean, do we just put a sheet over it or something for the time being?

Yeah. But then you see people going there to twitch the sheet aside and look through. Yeah, one side's more angry than the other. So the people from the other side. We actually, we turn our buildings away from that city. And we black out all the windows that are on the same side as that city. So we can't even look at them. Not that we could see them anyway, but we are just giving them.

Yes. We turn our backs. We turn our back on them. We pry facing away. Eat our meals facing away. Reverse mecca. Akem. That's it.

That's it. What do you think the person does in the, I just got a little brown out here, but I think everything is still operating? You got a little brown out? You need to. I had a little brownie. You need to leave? Hey?

I think I better pack my things. We better evacuate. It was a brownout. I don't think you're going to have to run to the bathroom. No, no, no. But different type of brownout. That's yeah, yeah. Sorry for being so childish.

No, that's okay. I've still got my brown in. Good. Yeah. Andy, what do you think? Do you think I should, I should... I mean, just before I do, what do you think the rift is that causes...

the cities to separate. Now, these are the actions of maybe a man, maybe a group, maybe a group of teenagers on school exchange. I would like it to be a woman's fault. Yeah. You know, I feel like women very often don't get to do

the sort of embarrassing, disgraceful thing in movies like this. Yeah. You know, that brings, that causes the... What about this? She's involved in a video YouTube prank, but she's like the victim of the YouTube prank, but she overreacts and does something so bad

and probably maybe even hurts the teenage boy or something like that who was doing the thing. Yeah. Yeah, one of our precious boys. One of our precious teenage teenage. boys doing a prank show he was doing a thing where he goes up and slaps strangers in the street yeah with a bouquet of flowers yeah yeah and she um swung her bag and hit him and he stumbled into the path of a horse and cart oh my gosh going through the CBD and the horses got really scared

He went the same way as Pierre Curie. That's right. Run over by a horse and cart. What a way to go. I mean, I think that would have been worse than getting hit by a car, I think, because of all the legs hitting you. Getting stomped. Yeah.

Yeah. Because the first, unless that's... First stomp was a, you know, a direct kill. Yeah. I think you would have just been like stomped on your leg and stumped in your chest or right in the groin. And I do mean the muscles around the inner leg. I imagine that if that happens, the driver of the horse and cart, he probably has just like a horse hoof on a stick that he can get out and finish you off.

A horse poop. He has it sort of down a horse hoof on a stick. Right. Just down underneath his seat or whatever. And he sighs and he stops the horse and he gets down and he walks back to you there groaning and bleeding out on the street. And he just smashes your head in with this hoof just to put you out of your visor. Because I can't think of a single thing that you can do. as a horse driver is like once somebody's locked in to getting hit you can't stop because now you

just got a guy who's being stepped on by horses and I mean I don't even know if you could stop fast enough anyway all right very exciting thank you very much for that Andy I guess I'll take us through the sketch ideas did you just get really sad and tired no no No, but when you said, thanks very much for that, Andy. It made me feel really bad. Really? But I didn't mean that in any negative way at all. Okay.

Yeah. Well, I took it in every negative way possible, just so you know. Andy, I did not mean that at all in a negative way. I meant, thank you very much for that. I'm the psychopathic one. All right, we've got a quarter solo, deadline in a can. We got strong magnetic force,

force us, which is somebody who's very charming, but added about an atom's length distance. Only in a very short distance. We've got the concept of tonguing the ear if we were better evolved for that. and whether or not it would taste good. And within that is the concept of why our wax doesn't taste good. We've got the hat shop that is top brimming hats.

This is remaking hats, but with their brims at the top. Perfect idea. Like the motorboard claims to be, even though it's obviously... Put the dongle on the top now. And we got the karate chop-based top hat cult with brim's brim height representing position in the cult. There's parents... You know, everybody's done baseball caps where, you know, we've gone everywhere from like parabola curved down to just like the perfectly flat brim. But nobody's curving the brim of their baseball cap upwards, are they?

I don't You know You'd think That's an asymptote You know You'd think that like Once we'd go on like Oh it's cool to have them really bent

No wait It's cool to have them super flat We would have gone Actually it's cool to have them Sort of like concave like that I think that would be really cool Andy Thank you Yeah

Um Parents don't know your real name Yeah We got back to front The suffix wants to be a prefix movie Yes we used to be prefixes

we got script made of pictures film made of words we got the first idea that gets shut down by chat GPT yeah I mean I wonder if they if they somehow have something set up where like the really bad ideas get sent back to head office so they can all read them and laugh at them

I think that would be great yeah they register something. You know. Yeah, Sam. What's the dumbest thing that's ever been written into chat GPT? Let's find that. Sam Altman gets a daily brief. It might have been some of the stuff we were doing before the podcast.

What was the exact line? It was trying to find out what was about Tom, Tom Waits and Alexander Graham Bell's The Husking machine. Can you read out what it was? The response that you got. Yeah, I'm just going to find it now. We had a... Why is this not coming up in the order?

Sort by date. No, it is physically and biologically impossible. I'm trying to remember what it was. Here it comes. The answer that we got on our Google Jam and I was, no, it is physically and biologically impossible. for the wheat husks from Alexander Graham Bell's childhood de-husking machine to have become the American singer Tom Waits.

This is a use of the technology. The facts. The husks. This is what it's for. A young Alexander Graham Bell invented a wheat husking machine using rotating paddles and nail brushes around 1959 in Scotland slash Canada. What? That doesn't seem likely. Those plant husks were biodeusking.

degradable agricultural waste. Tom Waits is a human being born in California in December 1949 whose biological parents are Jesse Frank Waits and Alma Fern Johnson. So why it cannot be Bell's machine operated in the 19th century. Century decades before Weitz was born. Composition plant cellulose and wheat chaff cannot transmute into human flesh, bone and raspy vocal cords.

I feel like it's... It's run its course? It's editorializing. Yeah. You know, once it said raspy vocal chords. I'm like, it feels like it's trying to get in on the joke. Yeah, I know that bothered me too. That bothered me as well.

Metaphorical resemblance, while both features distinct sort of rustic, clattering machinery aesthetic, weights famously released an album titled Bone Machine. No scientific or metaphysical mechanisms links grain trash to a claim singer-songwriter, It is more fun when it feels like it doesn't know what we're doing Yeah, it's on to us Oh no Oh well

Now you're sad again Yeah Everybody thank you for listening We're going to go to the song now Thank you so much for listening to in the think tank You guys are cool Sure listen to Bobby Loggs stories with your children Yes

Another one About to come out Oh also I'm doing a tour with Matt Stewart to all the cities they're doing. I heard about this on his podcast. This is so exciting. Yeah, and so go to, you know, Matt Stewart.com. And wait, I got to find the actual info.

Wait. But, because you can go to our Instagram, but you'll find a link to all the tickets. Hang on, I will get this for us. all right here it was I think it was Matt Stewart

Comedy.com and you can get all the tickets from there you know Vancouver's the one selling the fastest if you're in Calgary get on though

that's the one selling the slowest and then so but yeah Calgary Vancouver I would love that we're there on the 12th of September

Calgary the 13th of September 18th of September for Montreal and 20th of September for Toronto. That's great news. Yeah. For Canada and the world.

I love both those places. Andy, thank you so much for doing this with me. Alastair, thank you so much for doing this with me. Would you say second best episode of all time? Yeah, I would. I was going to say that. Great. And we love you.

Bye. Bye.