Two In The Think Tank - 541 - "A SQUIRREL IS A RAT THAT BELIEVED IN ITSELF"

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

Cute Rat, A Truly Unique Body - My Trapezoidal Shaped Body, New Things to Be Angry About, Opinionpedia, Dirt Eaters Inc., Spoon Bayonet, Biggooism, Hunter Gatherer Conservatives, Pass the Duchy Left Hand Side, The Embryo Voting Rights, Royal Butthole BookGet tix to Al and Matt's Canada tour here.Listen to Alasdair's Bobby Logs Stories for kidsYou can purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, what we come up with five sketch ideas. Five, dears. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair George William Trombly, Bertram. Yeah, Andy, that's right. Yeah. I have been, what are those ones, what are the things that fall from oak trees, Andy? Acorns.

Acorns have been picking some of those up on the way back from dropping the kids off at They're back at school. And I bring them into my yard so that the squirrels in my yard can experience them because they only have maple trees and an apple tree in my backyard. Alistair, you're doing God's work. Yeah, genuinely. Genuinely. At least Gaia's work.

I am sort of doing the job of like the wind. Americans have a strange Americans. I'm sorry. I'm referring to the continent. Sure, that's how I refer to them as well. I have a strange relationship with squirrels. Is this true? A lot of people really regard them as pests.

Yeah, I find those people really strange because this is when you know when you're meeting, one of those people, they'll say, they're just like rats. And I think it's a very different relationship. I think it's a very different relationship. The rat is afraid. to come out during the day, mostly, you know, and be seen.

It knows it's shameful to be a rat, whereas the squirrel will be there. And that's why beauty is all about your attitude, you know? That's right. Like, how can I think you're hot if you don't even think that you are worthy to be seen in the light? You've got to give yourself a chance. I mean, this is in cell culture. Or, you know, it's these guys, this is the thing that I, think about so much of this in-cell slash manosphere slash people being misogynists,

hateful, lurking in their basements, abusing women on the internet, right? It's like, firstly, okay, you have decided, you're the ones who've decided that these women that you want are unattainable to you and therefore need to be attacked and need to be blamed in some way. This is all happening in your heads, right?

You have allowed yourselves to be told which women, which women, which women are desirable. And you've allowed yourselves to be told that you will never get those women. And then you're allowing other people to tell you this is what you've got to do, either to get these women or to make them pay or something like that. You are being so like, you know, and then you are like, you're getting into these like things about male superiority. and strength and being an alpha, like, and you're like, you are not, this is not a sign of strength. Everything you're doing here is not a social strength.

Exactly. This is, this is a sign of, like, weakness being a sheep, being like, just like, just being told, being so passive. Even the Manusphere people who are like, look at all, I'm making a success. You know, even the ones who are like, I've got all this money, I've got all that. Okay, but you are allowing everyone else to tell you your worth by accepting that it's money that is what makes you valuable or that your body looking like this is what makes you worthy. Like you are in such a position of weakness because you are allowing your thoughts and your mind and your value system to be completely externally set. And controlled by somebody who's like going to charge you. Yes.

to continue giving you more of these ideas and how to, you know, excel in that world that they've created. Or even if you're one of the people at the very top, even if you are one of those influencers, you are still having, or you are still subsuming, no, what's the word? You are submitting your, any chance you have of having like a value system of your own, which is almost the only thing that can actually make you a strong person. You are submitting that to the algorithm rhythm and to, you know, societies, whatever. If you were a really were a lone wolf, you would have a completely unique body. You would be at a gym, at the gym, not trying to get muscles.

You would be there trying to get a body shape that you invented completely of your own. The pyramid. Exactly. That's what a true alpha dog. Thick legs, but starting at the very base. At the very base, the ankles should be. be the widest bit of the leg. Okay?

Now that... Rectangular feet that come together and form a square. Exactly. That's the only pyramid scheme you should be pushing online. The scheme to become a physical pyramid by my 2,000 step program. Okay? The reason the steps are so...

There's so many steps is because when you have a body shape like this, very difficult to move your legs. I will teach you how to have a unique body. I have a collection of 8,000 unique shapes that each one of you will get and turn yourself into. Each shape has a unique marker with blockchain. These are shape NFTs, non-funders. non-fungible trapezeoids you

you will be able to own that shape that's my yeah his thing is trapezes so he does start at the thick base with a really thin head like or you know at least thinner than your base

I didn't even realize when I said trapezoids that that actually did meet our criteria for the pyramid thing I was just looking for a triangle. A triangle sort of does, right? Triangle would have worked as well. I don't know why I didn't say triangle. No, but, but does a triangle count as a trapeze? I know that, I know that, I know that, it's the logical end point. It's the logical bloody endpoint, Alistair. Yeah, that's right. Because it's like the two pits, you know, like, can you have a zero length top? You can't. I don't think.

Or, or maybe you can. And that's what we're saying. Oh, you're allowed to do that. You're allowed to do that. From zero? Yes. From zero all the way to infinity? Yeah. If, I think if, um, if, wait, I have a thought.

Trapezoid, of course. Did you say trapezoid? Uh, I think I said trapezoid. Okay, I apologize. But would you like me to say trapezoid? Thank you. I would like that so that I can make fun of you. I don't think it's trapezoid.

Annie, I've never heard it said like that. Alastair, don't you ever for a second let what I've actually said or done stop you from making fun of me for saying or doing something that you imagined that I said or did. Yeah, especially said of roughly two and a half minutes after you said it. And I'm vaguely misremembering. Yes. You look, you're right to be outraged. We're all right to be outraged.

there are, and I'm sure we've done this before on the podcast, but there are not enough things to be angry about, and we should give people more new things to be angry about. I think it's a good idea, Andy, because I mean... Yeah, because are we trying to take people's mind off of the things that there are to be angry about, or that we're just trying to give them choice? Well, this is aligned to your idea of you're entitled to your own opinion, but it has to be your own opinion.

That's right. You know, you can't just repeat something you've read online. And I think, and I have a similar thing where I'm like, oh, everyone was always like, the internet allows us to connect with like-minded people. Well, turns out that's the problem. Like, like-minded people are the issue. As soon as they get together, they're fucking disgusting. That's right. Well, their minds come together and then their bodies start acting in unison,

which means that they become more powerful. Yes, some kind of superorganism. It's a pair of people with the strength. It's one mind, but with the strength of two men. See what I mean? Yeah, sometimes less than one mind, because they get so focused on that one thing that they care about. to the neglect of all their other stuff.

I actually think that's... That's actually very smart and insightful what I just... Thank you. Thank you. I was also thinking that while you were saying that, Andy. But soon I will misremember it and then make fun of it. But... Yeah, great.

But the idea that, like, you're actually both not thinking, you're just following a set of rules, or you're following, like, something that you sort of remember. Yes. I think so this is what I'm what I would suggest then is that like we actually need more things to be outraged about and more diversity of outrage okay so maybe once again if everyone had one unique thing that they were outraged about well you know I would like it if maybe there was a Wikipedia style website where you could go and pick different topics yes and maybe even like and deeper into topics. You know?

Claim them, perhaps. Like... Yeah, we'll see what's been done. See what's been done. You know, and then see the areas where there hasn't. So let's say you go, you click and you click on dairy, and then you click on cheese and you click to hard cheeses. Yeah, great.

And then you go to cheddar. Yeah. Right. And then you go to crumbliness. And you see what's been done there. Too crumbly. Yeah. Not crumbly enough.

Great. could there be sort of crumblinesses that you know crumble in specific shapes why is nobody doing that that could be something you could be angry about I was about to say could there be a cheese that is just a dust but then they did that didn't they they did that that parmesan that craft parmesan in that thing well that's true and also that's how you make craft dinner

you take the cheese dust is that really what that is I've heard I mean it's a sachet of essentially I mean look I think I don't know if you know about my culture, Andy, but I've grown up in sort of the Western world and I've eaten a lot of packeted food. And a big feature of my culture's culinary cuisine is the flavor sachet. Ah, sashet away. Enchanté. And often, in order to put things in a sachet, you're often powdering them.

You're often drying them and, I guess, chopping them up into a very small, find, breath-in-able, breath-in-able kind of method. Which is crazy that we don't do lines of flavor. Oh, imagine that. You're opening the flavor sachet of a magic two-minute noodle. Yeah. And you're pouring it out onto the glass coffee table and you are chopping it up. I mean, they say a huge percentage of taste is actually smell. Well, I reckon we get that percentage up, baby.

Let's put it straight into the nose hole. Can you imagine doing that line of like chicken two-minute, chicken, what's it? I don't remember what the flavor was called, but like chicken, two-minute noodles. There was chicken, there was beef, there was also Oriental. Ah. It's one of the few places where the word Oriental is still being used is in, on flavor sachets.

Wow. But I don't know. Maybe it's also maybe different referring to a food as Oriental. I don't know. I don't know about the politics of that word, but it feels wrong. I,

and you know what wouldn't feel wrong is feeling those little granules of salt and green going straight up your nose. And powdered chicken? Mm-hmm. You know? Powdered chicken stock?

I don't know how much chicken is actually in there. In a stock cube. Is there actual chicken in there? There, I don't, I imagine it's highly variable. I would feel like there are probably some out there that contain no chicken whatsoever. I mean, there's definitely a lot of chicken flavored chips or, you know, A tube of extruded corn that contain none that are okay for vegans. Yeah.

And, yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, the guy that I went to high school with who would eat spoonfuls of dirt for 50 cents, he once said that chicken salt was just ground up chicken bones. Now, I'm starting to doubt whether or not that was true. Yeah, I don't know that this guy actually was connected to some, as much of a higher truth as he may have claimed to be. At the time, he felt credible. Yeah. Now, I don't know if I know more now or...

Just checking. Have you written down Opinionpedia? A Wikipedia where everybody goes and puts their opinions. I will write it down like that, but I'd have. had written down the idea. Great. Okay. Sorry. Now, you were saying about Spoon, Dirt Spoon, boy.

Just that at the time, he did feel like a credible person. And I think it's maybe now looking back. And I'm not sure if I'm more informed or if I'm less in touch with the common man, that now I look at them with suspicion. You know, I don't know if it's this big, if it's, yeah, if I've gotten wiser or if I'm I'm just a big city slicker now. I think people are sick of experts of being told what to think by the so-called experts. And I think that the voice of the common man is, you know, is what matters.

And I don't think it gets much more common than dirt spoon, someone eating a spoon of dirt for 50 cents. Yeah. And an entrepreneur. An entrepreneur like that. And look, hey, I reckon he has got the scoop, not just of dirt in his head, but on chicken salt. And maybe he is an expert. I might actually be like, this guy knows a bit too much about granulated things. Absolutely, yeah, about flavor.

Yeah, flavor sachets. He's taught down to Earth's flavor sashet, the ground. It's got to be possible to be. dirt. I mean, if plants can do it. Plants can do it. It's apparently mostly organic. Yeah.

I... Fucking hell. What are we doing? Why bother growing the potatoes? Where did the potato get all the food from? Skip the middleman or say. Exactly. I'm sick of middlemen.

That's right. I know this sounds like not much, but what do you think about this? Dirt Eaters, Inc. I'm not saying ink made from the very dark colored shit that they would produce after eating stuff like that. Yes. I mean a company for dirt eaters by dirt eaters. You know what I want? I want like, I think this is great.

And you know what? I think it's good that somebody takes back the acronym D-E-I from the term. toxic toxic religion. I'm going to call it an ideology of diversity,

equity and inclusion. And I'm going to say that we could we'd actually stand a good chance of getting DEI back into universities,

back into the US military. Well, with franchising. Dirt Eaters, Inc. Okay. I want to see Pete Heskett standing up there. giving a press conference and someone says

what's this $50 million the Pentagon has just spent on DEI and I want him to be able to proudly say that's Dirt Eaters Incorporated. Yeah. We're cutting at the middle man. We've got a contract with these guys

and they are doing some really great work teaching our brave men and not women in uniform to eat dirt. And they can spend even longer in jungles, even on aircraft carriers. Yeah. We don't just want boots on the ground.

We want mouths on the ground. Mouths on the ground. Gobbling, gobbling away. Absolutely. An army, they say an army marches on its stomach. Well. The U.S. doesn't need to be the great logistics powerhouse that it used to be, because we realize you don't need to be moving food and resources all around.

Because they're living off the land. That's right. Literary. Literally. You'd have to get people to start learning how to eat sand for the next desert storm. I'm less confident that you can eat sand. well that's what makes them crack troops i think you know you'd have a you'd have a division of these are the best of the best these men can digest sand you know oh man that would be good

yeah because there's like seashells in there which is seafood there you go where do you think all that white stuff comes from uh seafood where do you think all that white stuff comes from now that's because i ejaculated at the at the thought of that beautiful meal you were you were preparing there. Scooping a big scoop of sand. They've all got those metal scoops that you only see in like, in sort of, you know, big containers of nuts and stuff with the, it goes all, you know, the scoop part goes all the way around near the handle.

This is great. So that you can hold a lot more. Everybody has a military. issued one. Yeah, well, I think they should have it on the end of their guns in place of a bayonet. Oh, yeah.

A spoon. A big spoon. Scoop out a big thing of dirt and run and put it in another soldier's mouth. Yes. I mean, yes, they will be pointing their gun

at one another's faces every meal time over and over again. But these are well-trained military personnel, they're not going to have an accident. Oh, no, of course not. Military dirt eaters. I've been looking, you know, me, I have been looking for a way to weaponise the spoon

to get the spoon into the field of combat. We've done, you know, we've done all the other cutlery. Absolutely. We've done the fork. We've done, God knows we've done the knife. God knows we've done done, to a lesser extent, we've done the, uh, the corn on the cobholder. Absolutely true.

But the spoon remains untapped potential for military... Militarification. Yeah. In previous discussions about this, has anyone said the catapult to a lesser extent is kind of a militarization of the spoon? Somebody did bring this up. Someone hasn't brought this up to me.

And it was a really good point. Andy, tell me what you did to them. Tell me what you did to them. I carried on. I didn't let their, uh, their facts change my feelings. Feelings don't care about your facts,

guys. That's right. And vice versa. And, sure. Uh, and this is just, you know.

And? I'm not going to let that information get in a way of a good opinion. What about a bad opinion? A bad opinion. I've never, I've never, it's never come up. I've never heard one.

I've never heard an opinion I've never heard an opinion I never like. There are no bad opinions. And did I tell you this thing about, I may have, but about that bit that Stuart Lee used to do about some taxi driver who, I think I have said this on the pod, taxi driver who told him, oh yeah, well you can prove anything with arguments.

And that I now believe that actually that is true and that is the problem with the world? Yeah. No, you have mentioned that and I reckon you have mentioned that on the pod. And we have talked about sort of not believing in arguments. Oh, yeah. Of course. It's one of our main discussion points. Yeah.

One of our main leading arguments is that arguments may not work. They can actually... Actually, one of the worst things I heard recently was just these, like, very educated Englishmen using arguments. That's pretty much it. But it was they were defending something. They were defending, I can't. It was something bad. They were just using arguments to defend something quite bad.

It was almost like corruption. They were like, well, actually, corruption does have some positives in this sense. And it was like, oh, you can just be like a, you can be like a like a like a like a like a like a like a posh for hire and then just somebody. Yeah. Well, what about this thing that's obviously bad? You go, well, yes, we just covered and we use a logic. And, uh, and then we can say why it's a, it's a perfect thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, and, uh, what about this, right? Yeah. new form of debate, where instead of both sides trying to prove that they are right, they both try to lose. Either they both try to lose, or they try and find the middle ground, or, yeah, they try and argue why. What if they try to find the middle ground? You know, you can find a middle ground between two arguments that you're trying to get further and further away from each other. Right? Because if, let's say, one starts going, becoming a very far left argument, one starts going for a very far right argument.

Yeah. And they get more and more extreme. They're still a middle ground, even though they're getting further away from each other. Right? Yes. Yes. Are they finding it? I think they're, they're not finding it in the process. Well, I mean, they don't need to. Mathematically it can be found. They're opening it up. They're opening up the middle ground. They're stepping out.

They're creating the middle ground. Exactly right. They're reclaiming the middle ground in the sets that one might reclaim land from the ocean by dumping a whole lot of garbage into it. I mean, all ground is middle ground, depending on how wide your middle is. All ground is middle ground when you're on a fucking sphere. there is no middle, mate. You know?

Isn't there? Everywhere's the middle. But it depends. Everywhere's the bloody middle or somewhere, mate. But you know, like, let's say you got a thing that's 10 centimeters long, right? And then you go, this is the midpoint here. But not all middles can be a point. Sometimes they can be a bit of ground, right?

So they have to be a line. But you have to choose how wide that line is. is the problem sorry I wasn't listening to that Alistair I like that you said you say yours again you say yours again oh no Andy it was too good that's one of those ones you only hear once in your life

oh fuck we can't recapture it I think the problem right is that right wing people keep coming up with more and more right wing ideas yeah like They keep coming up with worse and worse stuff, okay, further and further out.

And I don't think we're doing that on the left, right? People aren't coming up with more and more left-wing ideas. I think we should come up with stuff that is more left-wing than communism. Like if somebody accuses you of being a communist, you should say, how dare you those... I'm much worse. Those capitalist scum in the communist. Yeah, that's good to look down on communists as being not egalitarian enough. Mm.

Not sufficiently communist. Yeah. I don't know what it would be. I mean, what would it be? If you don't believe in, I guess, I guess if you think communism hasn't gone far enough, at the point of almost suggesting that there shouldn't be, we shouldn't even have separate bodies, you know, that we should sort of...

Big goo. Big goo. Big goo. Exactly. I'm a big gooist. I'm into big gooism. I was going to try and come up with a sort of a pun name that sort of used communism and or maybe socialism. to...

Comgoism. To describe what you're talking about, but I actually think calling it big gooist is correct. And it's actually quite modern. You know the names for a lot of stuff is getting stupider? Yeah. I don't know. I'm not going to be able to give an example,

but I have a feeling that like, where, you know, as more and more cultural or political or political phenomena are born online. You know, things like the Groypers or whatever, which is like some group of super right-wing fox in America. Yeah. Like that, you know, the names of stuff is getting stupider anyway. So I think big gooism is very good.

It's very modern. It's very now. Yeah, absolutely. I love it. We're all in the big goo. I think that it'd be great if we're sharing. a goo, we are in the goo, we are part of the, the goo is part of us. We got the goo all up in us. And I'd like, I think that there are, there is a separation between goo and air and things like

that. But I think that there is some fumes that come off of the goo that you can both, A, breathe and B, eat. Great. That sounds like good fumes, thick fumes. Like an, like an edible. nutritious and delicious gas yeah sort of goo vapor

the goo has a low boiling point yeah yeah so I mean it's probably like I feel like it might be some kind of whatever the goo is

it might be some kind of like amniotic glue almost yeah yeah even like

sort of slime moldy kind of thing yeah this has got a bit of placenta genes in there, whatever it is. Yeah. There's all the fluids. All the fluids are in there.

All the good fluids. Yeah. Did I tell you about that last phase of the of the pig ejaculation? I don't know if you ever got to the clients. Oh, to any of the phases.

The final phase. I guess I don't want to give it all away because it's all on Lisa Dibbs' podcast. Would you call it the denouement? What's a denouement? I actually don't know what a de numont is. Isn't that the climax of a movie? D-E-N-O-U-M-E-N-T? De N-N-T. It's very French. Yeah, outcome. It could be, or the finish. Yeah, I, look, I genuinely don't know. I've never used that word in my life in both English or French. And I have ticked on forms that I consider myself to be pretty good at French. A native.

French speaker. Yeah. Well, in, you know, I started doing a joke in French where I say, Francais, it was my language maternal tongue. You know, it was my maternal tongue. And what which is, but maternal as in like the one I was born from, like into or whatever. And then, but then maternal is also the name of like kindergarten in French.

So I said, but then also maternal is that level now that I speak. but also now. Now it's also the level I speak at. That's really good. I mean, as far as a... And that's really pretty untranslatable. Yeah, because, yeah, all the words have different meanings. And so, yeah, the puns do not translate.

You can definitely translate concepts and humor translates. But any word-based stuff does that word. You could say French is now my primary language. And you could say, and early primary... Yeah, and now... Is by level... And the level I speak now is also about primary. Yeah.

Yeah. You could say it's my kindergarten language. It's my kindergarten. And now I speak at a kindergarten level. You know what? That's perfect. Yeah. Why do I mess with it?

Why mess with perfection? Why mess? Kindergarten, which is of course, German. Two German words. Yeah, Garten. Why did we use a... Did Germans invent the idea of looking after children? We couldn't come up with that?

Maybe for light education purposes. I think there was a long time, Andy, where public schooling and stuff wasn't a thing. Yeah, it's true. You know, you just grew them up until they were certain age, and you're like, come on, now get out here until this land, with me or mine this coal with me. Now, this is my, this is my new theory that I'm working on, right?

This is my new provocative theory. And it might not be completely new. In fact, it almost certainly isn't even slightly new. But anyway, let's go. That once upon a time all humans would have had to be a genius. Right? Yeah. When you think about, like, like, if you were...

They have to come up with their... own iPhones. You would have had to build your own iPhone. Exactly. If you wanted, back in the day, if you want an iPhone, you had to build it yourself.

You couldn't have a genius make it like you do these days, those children. Exactly. And, no, Alice said, I have such a tenuous grip

on this idea. I'm saying, I feel like I can't, I can't engage, I'm, I'm struggling to hold on to it. It feels very slippery like a big fish. You go.

I've got to say, I can't even remember what I was saying. Oh, no. It was a bad public. No, once in a time, everyone would have had to be a genius. Like, you think about a tiger, and I'm like, a fucking tiger is a genius. They've got to be out there in the fucking, surviving in the fucking jungle. Yeah. By themselves, only getting the food that they can.

kill themselves solving every problem. Yeah, exactly. So, like a tiger has to solve every single problem by itself. And like, and off of intuition a lot of the time. Off of, yeah, or just, you know, from, from scratch. And often, by scratching, literally. And often from scratch. Yeah.

And, yeah, yeah, maybe off what you remember mom doing. But there's going to be a bunch of stuff that you encounter. that mum never did, even as a tiger, I reckon, and you're going to have to figure it out. And I think humans all once upon a time would have had to be that. And I think kids, every kid sort of has that potential to be a genius, right, to work things out for themselves. But the compromise of like having a society that is a genius,

a society that is capable of even bigger stuff, is that every, that the individuality and the individual genius of every child has to be switched off and that's what, society, society news. Exactly right. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, I mean, there's, um, Kevin Kelly refers to different areas that, that had a big boom in a particular field as seen-y-us, like, you know, like, seen, like a scene instead of, like, It was the scene that was genius.

Sort of like some of the Yellowstone, like mountain climbing regions in the sort of 80s and 90s or whatever like that, where a lot of the vast advancements in mountain climbing had occurred and then other things. No, I think that's the only example. That's what I would have said as well if you'd ask me to come up with one. what I would have said, oh, Yellowstone mountain climbing in the 80s and 90s? Yeah. But then now, do you think that there would be a benefit in trying to raise children as hunter gathers once again, even though there's no real free land for them to go and get any of that

stuff? It does feel like that's sort of what Steiner is trying to do a little bit. Yeah. But again, you know, in my quest for more radically left-wing positions, I'm going to say, yes, that doesn't go far enough. Yeah. You're a true conservative going back to when we were simply... I mean, I guess that's the only conservative

that really makes sense, right? Is that that's the only one that you can really go back to where it was like that for almost ever until, I guess, farm, you know, agriculture. Yeah, you're right. Like every other...

Fuck, I've never thought about it that way, but that like every conservative movement is only trying to conserve, like a specific window of time that they almost remember from when they were a kid. Yeah. That probably didn't even really exist. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, yeah, I was hearing about them talk about the greatest generation.

Some people talk about the greatest generation and all the myths around them, people who came back from World War II and how they're, you know, they were labeled as these amazing, you know, people in. and like the, in the end of the 40s and 50s and stuff like that. And sort of like the divorce rate was way higher than even, you know, now. And, you know, drug and alcohol use was incredibly high. And, you know, obviously there's also a lot of PTSD. But yeah, yeah.

Anyway, there's a lot of... But it's not all good. No. Now, wait. Now, was there anything in the, in the sort of the... the society genius thing or going back to um hunter gatherer conservatives

the hunter gatherer conservatives is something i think yeah what would you uh yep yep for sure yeah the hunter gatherer political party or um i mean they should if if i guess yeah uh i think i think more extreme conservative should just be how far back you want to turn the clock. It should be all based on chronology. And that a lot of their beliefs in what society should allow,

they say, well, actually, we don't really know exactly how they did it. So we should, I think we should go there. I don't have a strong stance on abortion, because I don't know whether or not they did it. But that's why I think that we should go there. and try it and just see how it feels. Right. We should go to Stonehenge,

eat rabbits and berries, and then see if we want to do abortions. Yeah, or just try some, do some abortions. Yes, you're right, you're right. You don't know. And just see how we feel. Rather than make our decision based on some ideology, It's like the little stevie's.

It's like the little Stevie's sang, you know, I better try it before I say I don't like it. You know, I think that song is not just about trying new foods. New foods, yeah. Your parents cook for you. It's about women's right to choose. Yeah. Yeah.

I am 100% in agreeance. Andy, with you. Thank you. Public school system started, public school system started in 1763 when Prussia became the first country to create a compulsory primary school education system. Prussia.

Prussia, which I think is Germany, right? I think it's a sort of a bit of Germany and a bit of Russia, maybe. It's one of those words that, you know, that the Ottoman Empire, It says here that they are a German state centered on the North European plane that shaped European history, but it says Old Prussians Baltic indigenous group. That was where it kind of started. The Teutonic Knights, of course, and the Teutonic Order conquered and Christianized the region.

Duchy to Kingdom. I don't know. I never liked that word. unless you're passing it to the left-hand side. I think, would this be a conservative opinion, a new conservative opinion? That, oh, Alistair, by the way, sorry, passing a duchy to the left-hand side, you could definitely find a historical event where, you know, the prince, the, the, the, the, the princeston move from Romania to Belarus, saw something

you could say they were passing the touchy to the left hand side you could you could do

that that'd be a beautiful bit of if this was a if this was a history podcast if and believe me

it could be you know if we wanted we could be one of those history podcasts that has the biggest

Patreon in the world you know of course we could do that at in a drop of a hand

we choose not we choose not to we choose to create new histories every episode Yes, and it's not just because we don't know fucking anything about anything. Including this alternate history where we have a history podcast and we have a lot of success and money.

Yeah, so much. Fuck, imagine that though. Imagine that. Imagine how easy your life would be. We could do it. My eyes are closed. Hang on, I'm imagining. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm not saying this one is an easy life, but even just like a say a do-go-on. Even a do-go-on. I mean, a do-go-on where it is, I guess, it's essentially a history podcast. I have so much admiration for those people. They've all created such a great career for themselves, and they probably have one of the best career paths of anybody I know in the comedy scene. I love it. I love it, and I'm in love with it.

I'm in love with it and I'm going to set up, but because I've already married, I'm going to set up one of my children with that. I think we should, if conception starts, wait, if life starts at conception, I think we should also have voting rights start at conception, okay? And I think pregnant mothers should get two votes. Unless they are going to have twins, then they should get three. you should and then I think that should be the the rule

oh yeah imagine imagine what it would be like do you think people would get pregnant with like octoplets to just swing elections and then abort all eight

yeah I think they would have so so much so much power it's impressive these women these all these briefly pregnant women with octoplets and non-uplets.

Pumped full of fertilized embryos. Oh, yeah. Their wounds overflowing. You know, they go down there to the fertility clinic, steal all the tubes from the deep freeze and fill themselves up with thousands of millions of... That's how billionaires have an influence. Somehow money's been taken out of politics,

so they're no longer allowed to donate to parties. But what they can do is they can pay for IVF for women to have a thousand embryonic sort of fertilized eggs put into their sort of their person. Have a doctor verify it. And then they're allowed to go and make a thousand votes, you know, to, to, to, to, to, alter the very path of history. It's self. Herself. It's self. Or herself.

Or their self. Itself or herself? There's no himself in that situation. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Thanks. The embryo voting rights Yes, the embryo imbrudlio.

There's another great word. Imbrudio, you ever said that one out loud? I don't think I have. I've never said it. No, I, is it linked to Natalie Ambrulia, whatever the meaning of her last name is? Oh, I, uh, it must be. Yeah. It must be.

But is it, is it I-M-B-R-U-L-I-O? Or is it got a G in it? Inbrug. Inbruglia. Yeah. It's a great word. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I've seen that in Italian where they have a G that's kind of silent. Pula. Pula. Impulia, or whatever like that. And there's a G in there. It feels like you're doing a tiny bit of the G just with your... Oh, I'm not. I'm not doing any of it.

Poolea. I'm sort of thinking about it and going to myself. maybe that's what you're detecting. You're silencing those G's live. You're writing that beep button or whatever it is. Yeah. The dump button. The dump.

I reckon you go to words from Alistairna. You have got to be kidding me, Andy. But you know what? Yeah, man. It's a kidding. It's a kidding on a podcast. Well, Andy, I, just before, when I searched for three words from a listener, I don't know if Gmail's search function just got a lot better,

but one came up from March 18, 2020. Wow. A three words from Stephen Polbrook. You know, a listener, Stephen Polbrook from six years ago, over six years ago, eight days after my mom's 60th birthday. birthday. Wow. If you guys were wondering, I'll start, I'll start telling you guys how long times have been

since my mom's 60th birthday. That's how I met her time. Yeah. Anyway, and Stephen Polbrook says, love your work, lads. Oh, I wonder if he still feels the same way. Yeah. I wonder if he's still around after he's, this word, you know, anyway, Stephen, we're thinking about you.

I look forward to the release every year. I mean, no, every week, every week, sorry. I have had to pull over my car many times due to the laughter you in sight. It's very kind and prudent. And then he just wrote three words and you've got to guess what they are. There's dashes in between them, but that doesn't mean that that's just how he separated the words. The first word is bellwether. No, no.

No. Damn it. Superfluous. Superfluous. Okay. You know what? I feel like I was close. Superfluous.

Ah, third. No. No of the second word is anus. Oh, superfluous. Anus. I wonder if it's going to be another word that ends in us. Um, Omnibus. Uh, you got the last four letters correct, Andy.

What? But unfortunately, it is honorificabilitudanatibus. Is that, is that, is that, have we already done these words? What? Well, well, does this feel familiar now? There's a little something there But tell me what that last word means The state of being able to achieve honors

Oh, okay No look, let's go with it Do you want me to hear how it's pronounced And say it properly? No No No No

That's fine You did great No, you go for it If you've got it there If you got it there I'll know It's close Okay, wait.

Oh, so we can't hear that. Honorificabally, Tudan... What? Tudaniti tattibus. Tudanatatitbos. Tudadatitibus. I'm not sure if learning how to pronounce things from people

who have a different accent to me is... I think it's great. Yeah. Okay. So, well, I'm... I mean, it does feel like there should be the order of Australia, you know, the Queen's birthday honours list.

You know what they should have on that? Best anus. Best anus, exactly right. She should have, we should have, just the most anuses, you know? Who's made the list this year of the most battles? This is the anusies. Mm.

The Queen did famously refer to an anis horribes. to mean a very bad year. But what about an anus? Honorific. Honorabilis. Oh. Terrificus. An anus terrificus.

Yeah. Anus terrificus. The best year or the best anus? Did you see who has made the queen's list? This year of the widest anus buttholes. It would be pretty cool that she does like a sort of Guinness World Record thing. Yeah.

This is the royal family. They've kind of, they're just getting too much money trouble and they go, we're going to have to do. We're going to have to go. King George had left a little note in an old glass, you know, golden and glass tube that would, It was break for emergency. And he said, this is how you're going to get money if you need it, if we ever run out.

Yeah. Open it up and he says, start a... A world ranking. Guinness World Record book like Guinness did. But only about anuses. Well, that's the stuff they won't touch. The Guinness people, they won't touch the butthole. And they don't have the biggest.

They don't have the biggest knob on there. And this is wide open territory and ripe for the picking. For the royals to monetize all that cachet that they have. You know, the queen, you know, they used to give out like by royal appointment, by appointment to her majesty, the queen. You know, you could make leather gloves and you could say these are, we make them for the queen. She's given us

this little insignia or whatever. Well, what if you could have a butthole by royal appointment? You know, you could be in

the queen's big book of butts. Yeah, absolutely. And you've heard of a nipple shield, why not a butthole shield? It's got a military field to it. Have I actually heard of a nipple shield? What is a nipple shield?

Tell me. A nipple shield. Isn't it what? Janet Jackson was wearing over her boob when she... Very possibly. When her boob flopped out during the Super Bowl? I never understood what was going on there with that. I've seen that photo.

You can't really see much of her boob, and she's got a nipple shield on. I don't see what the controversy is. And surely that was planned as well, right? otherwise she wouldn't have been wearing a nipple shield. Surely that was part of the performance. It always feels like they were very quiet about that part. No, you can definitely see a lot of boob

and you can definitely see a nipple shield. If you, and I don't, you know, obviously want to force you to do this, Andy, but perhaps, why was that thing also so removable? Yeah. But also, if you look now, you will see the shield. It's almost closer to a sort of a nipple ninja star. I guess you just don't want to both be looking at a boob at the same time on the bar. Well, I'm not looking at it right now, but I do remember the ninja-style, like, look.

And it felt so, like, not something that you would be wearing, probably, unless you were planning to... That's right. It's not a cost... Yeah, and bububbulate the eyes of the public. Of the world. Yeah. I mean, sometimes you just need to increase the amount of people. that know who you are.

It's true. You've got to do what you can. You've got to use the resources at your disposal. I'm pretty sure there was a documentary about it, but I don't think the real story's out yet. Let's do it. Let's get to it. Let's get the real, real story.

Let's get to the bottom of that boob. Let's get to it. The boob. Beneath the underboob. The grimy underboob of crime in this city. Um, superfluous anus honor, though, like an anus that is able to receive an award, but is also one that you don't need. You know, could you imagine getting a letter from... Could you get a letter from the least?

Dear James, I heard about your superfluous anus on... on your arm over dinner the other night, and it tickled me pink, as I imagine your anus has been occasionally. Probably more so during your... I know it would have been a disaster wearing short sleeves for me if I had that when I was back at the boys' school in Cambridge.

Eaton. Eaton. Eaton. Was he at Eaton? Is that where he went? I've got no idea. Probably. I mean, there's probably fancier schools than that.

You wouldn't want to have eaten and Buckle all too close together in a sentence. No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't. Not when you're talking to Charles. His madge. Is that where Cameron went? James Cameron? Yeah, not James Cameron.

The one who was the Prime Minister. David Cameron. Yeah, he went there. Yeah, I'm pretty sure Boris Johnson went there. It's like a Prime Minister factory. Which is weird because what he did to a pig there, which is actually something that should have been eaten, he actually did the opposite.

Well, this is what the kind of confusion that you're breeding into our boys. When you name a school after a thing that you should do to a pig. Yeah. Then they were like, well, eating the pig. No, that can't be right Because that's the name of a school That's a name of a school Can't name of school a pig

Must have to put my penis in its mouth Alicea can you take us through the sketch ideas please Yes Andy I can Thank you for the offer We got squirrels are the cute Because they believe in themselves And that's why we find them hot Not like rats

We got a true wait, a true lone wolf has a unique body and you can get one of those bodies through my trapezoidal shapes body program. Correct. We've got the new things to be angry about Wikipedia called Opiniaedia. We got Dirt Eaters Inc.

They've been getting... D.A.R. Yeah. We got the military dirt eaters with a scoop bayonet. We've got the big gooists. These are people who are so left that everybody just lives and shares one big goo. And then I went on something about a breathable goo. I don't know, breathable and eatable.

Well, I appreciate that you're putting in the thought to make this practical. Trying to make it practical, Andy. I want you to, and it is practical to be able to both eat and breathe at the same time. It must be, otherwise we'd all be dead. Yeah. We got hunter-gatherer conservatives. It's a more extreme version of conservatism. We got past the duchy on the left-hand side

from when he moved from one country to another. We've got the embryo voting rights, and women are getting extra votes by having fertilized eggs implanted into their body. And then we have, of course, the Royals starting a Guinness World Record-style book but just about anuses in order to save their financial problems.

I think that's, I'm very proud of that, and I think it's... Yeah. It's a good idea. It's a good idea, and we should get in touch with them. I do have some contacts who have contacts at the Buckinghamas. I can get this information. I could put them in touch with some people that have anuses. This is perfect.

Because at some point they're probably going to need a lot. I could put you in touch. Let's get in touch. um... Lama pabitapodoo la laba da da-da-da-da-dap-di-pah-da-da-da-da-dab-dab-dab-dab-dab-dab-de-boo Thank you so much.

If you are in Calgary, or Vancouver or Toronto, or Montreal, and you would like to come see me and Matt Stewart and maybe even Dave Warnackie at one of those shows, come and check out the links in the notes and coming to the stand-up shows starting on September 12th going all the way to like September 20th, I think. So please, come on down.

And we love you. Goodbye.