Two In The Think Tank - 542 - "BEREAVED CO-HOSTS"

Episode Date: September 8, 2026

Dad Swap, Dad Bombing, New Dad in Town, She Said Yes! - Brown Finger, She Said No - Frown Face, Senile Podcast Host, Percentage Based Traffic Lights, Democracy Punk, Refrigerated Car Park, Buy a Trolley, Coldsmobile, The Richel - Clippers Based Rachel, Executioners Sack, Hot and Cold Directing StyleGet tix to Al and Matt's Canada tour here.Listen to Alasdair's Bobby Logs Stories for kidsYou can purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bong. Bing, bang, bing, bang, bing, bing, b bing b bong, bong, bong, bong. Hello, and welcome to two in the think tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I am Alistair, George William, Trombly Bertolt. Alistair, you've heard of exchange students. Yeah. What about this? Exchange dads.

Okay. It's a dad. So it's a play on the... And it's... On the old show, Wife Swap. They never did Dad Swap. They never did Dad Swap.

And it was never sort of a cultural exchange. And this isn't a swap. I'm not talking about a swap. I know I used the word exchange, but there is no exchange. It's just a second dad... You know what? It comes into the household.

Oh, that's interesting. Because exchange suggests... It's like, well, Swap is suggested it's one for one. But it's... exchange suggests you got to get sort of maybe equal value so you could get sort of give your dad and get two dads back

or give your dad and get half a dad back on the dad exchange according to the dad exchange right depending on the quality of your dad but let's say it was you know dad exchange and it is a bit like wife swap and then they kind of go like well he's

quite a violent grumpy dad and he doesn't like foreigners. But today, we're sending him to a Japanese family's home. There you go. Do they know he's coming? Oh, it's just called Dad Give. It's called Dad Attack. It's called We're Dad bombing. You know Dad bombing?

You know Love Bombing? Well, this is Dad Bombing. This is dad pommy. This is where we send dad a wave after wave of dads. It's like, it could be I'm in love with you. It could be that I just know who you are and I decide that I'm going to send every dad that I can to you for you to keep. For keeps. For keeps he, no returns.

And they will be fathering you. They will father you. They will go father and father and father to father. a you. Now, Alastair. Yeah. I did want to just propose also

the idea of this is your household, right? I love this already so far. I feel comfortable in this. Just the feeling of your household is living, right? It's an alive household? It's a living household.

So the house itself? No. Okay. Your family is there. They're going about their business. Okay. Their business is pleasure. Being a happy family at home.

Okay. It's not a sex work family. No. But that's a great sketch idea. It's such a good sketch idea and a good sex idea. No, it's not. No, it's not. Of course it's not.

But that's why it's such a good comedy sketch idea. No. It comes from the tension. the more tension, the more release. We don't know how to release the tension. We haven't found the valve yet. But when we do, this thing's going to blow off. You better believe it.

It's your house. It's your family. Yes. And another dad appears on the scene. Now, this isn't necessarily a stepdad scenario. No. Maybe this new dad who arrives is a small infant dad or just in his larval stage.

Just a small dad about to become a big dad maybe. Yes, he squirms around. He may not even have arms and legs. Maybe he still has his tail. He hasn't developed his dad-let hind legs yet, right? And that tail hasn't dropped off. I don't realize it yet, but somebody, a new tech company, has designed the perfect man for my wife.

Yes. and they've given birth to him and then sent him over as a free gift, a free trial, but we don't know where it came from. We just know that she seems to really adore him. Well, he squirms around, you know. He's a little bit slimy at this stage of his life, but he gives, he's very good, he's very giving.

He's, he does, he's helpful, he flops up onto the bench, and he gets up early and makes the kids lunch. before you even wake up. So you come out and he's there. He like slithers across the floor like a slug and then up the counter. Yes. Yes. And he's, and he's, and he's, everything's packed.

And then he's, you know, and then he's doing nice little things. He uses his toothless mouth as a suction cup to climb the cup. And he's playing catch with your kid and he's helping them with their homework. Okay. You know what the name of this show is? And he's getting bigger and stronger. New dad in town. There's a new dad in town.

Yeah. And then by the time you want to fight this dad for your position in the house, it's too late. He's got bigger and now he's stronger than you. And he still has that little tail and he rips it off and he whips you out of the house with it. Oh, yeah. And he's, because he's a dad, but he also wants to be there. And he loves doing it. And he doesn't have any of that stuff which is like, you know, oh, well, this is.

you know, maybe, you know, this is difficult. And what have I done to myself? He doesn't have any of that. Yeah, yeah. And you know what? Oh, there'd be a great moment where he says, oh, there's something about like, you know, he doesn't resent having to make sacrifices

or he's happy to make sacrifices. And then at one point in the film he'll say, starting with you. Right? And then he like, you know, this is at the end. He stabs you through. see his angry face, you know. Yeah.

You know, that's that thing in a movie. Oh, he's always been a very helpful, nice guy. And then that first time you see his face go into a frown, you go, I think this guy might be evil. Nice guys don't frown, ever. And that's a really good, that's another really good idea. Yeah. The listeners should know that we're trying to make it a quick episode today

because I went for a run forgetting that we, We had to do a podcast. You went for a run, and according to your beloved, you left the house, I think, at the exact moment we were supposed to start the podcast. Oh, I reckon I left a little bit. I think maybe I probably got the announcement on my phone, maybe like 10, 15 minutes before we were supposed to start. And then I went for an extra long run because I was like, I haven't run in three weeks.

I've got to really got to go for a big one. You got the announcement? What do you mean by the announcement? calendar, the calendar announcement there, the, you know, the reminder. I think that's how Indiana would have found out about it. Andy, how about this? Have you ever seen this? I just find the word announcement very, very grand.

And the way you used it, and I think, you know, it's probably not quite the right word, makes me feel that maybe you're losing your grip on English. Yeah, I think so, Andy. I mean, you've got to remember that I've never had a very strong grip. It's always been a bit of a slippery grip on English. And the only thing that would make it seem firm, like a firm, solid, grippy grip, is if you saw the grip that I have on French. Yeah, okay.

But have you ever seen this? It's a photo. I don't know if we're doing photo ideas here. but it's a it's a photo of a couple and the woman's got her hand forward like that and she's showing it to the camera and it says she said yes

but instead of a ring on her finger there's uh the finger is kind of brown and covered in poo is that so you did put a ring on it in a manner of speaking yeah Wow. I mean, that's incredible.

I've also never seen one where it's a woman with a finger out and there's just nothing on the finger at all and it says she said no. She's holding a hand up to the camera in that beautiful way like that. I mean, that's very funny. Well, I don't think it's, I think mine's more dry. But, yeah, but I mean, you can also have it where they both have a frown on their face. is

we should still do a photo that's true that's true and maybe he's his head you can see it

just down by his side and it does have poo on one of his speakers yeah that's good so

so she said no and he instantly fingered himself oh yeah well fuck you then I can do it all myself I need you anyway Alastair, I think, yes, mine might be droll, but yours is funny.

Yours is one of the funnier things I've ever heard. I was thinking about that today and I was like, how can I do that? But without trying to rope my own wife into it and put her face there, you know? Yeah, and the temptation is to use AI, isn't it? Of course, yeah. I mean, it's right there, is that little, you know. It's one of the perfect uses. It's probably the perfect use for AI.

You use a person who doesn't exist. Yes. And you don't have to put poo on a real person's finger. If I do it, I'm going to use real poo. I still used AI. In fact, the only real thing in this picture is the poo. Is the poo. I used my real wife's hand and real poo from a real anus.

Real poo from a fake anus. It was real poo, but I put it in a fake anus if you didn't have to do that bit. Oh, God. By the way, I just want to... I just want to tell you that it's very nice to get to do a podcast with you. you. Alistair, I want to take a moment to say how great it is to get to do a podcast with you. Andy, thank you so much.

And how I hope we continue doing this long after both of us is dead. I mean, you, I can very much imagine being an old person in a, you know, at the moment, they'll have like a fake bus stop in an old person's home where people will be. can go and sit there, you kind of thing. In the future, there will be a fake little podcasting booth, right? Like,

you fast forward 30 years. There'll be so many people who had podcasts who are now completely senile. And they will be able to go and sit in a little room in their nursing home and put little headphones on

that won't be connected to anything and sit in front of a microphone. Or maybe they'll have the headphones will be on and they'll play another podcast and the people will think that they're on it. Oh, yeah. I mean, you could have a guy at the old folks home

whose job it is to listen to podcasts and then wear a morph suit, maybe with the printed image of their former podcast, hope on it, a host on it. Yeah, yeah. And then they kind of do the voice and sort of enact what they think that person would be like so the person could feel like

they're doing a podcast with their whole. old buddy. Wow. I mean, in your, in your world that you live in, Alistair, in your head, your, your mental model allocates a much greater nurse-to-patient ratio in your imaginary nursing homes than my own. I am imagining a huge shift in how mental health is funded in order for this sketch to be possible. Well, um, I think as all our jobs are taken by machines, I'm not going to say which ones, we will find other jobs and pretending to be a podcast host for bereaved co-hosts. That's how I will ask for myself to be referred to as when you die first. Yeah, I mean, it's really interesting to discover which one it's.

going to be. Yeah. You know, because, I mean, in terms of accidental deaths, in terms of accidental deaths, you know, I feel like you're in the running. Yeah. But in terms of intentional death? Like to get killed by someone? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think you are in the running away. I'm more in, I'm, I think I'm more likely because I'm walking around late at night in a city, you know, than you are. but you live more rural where there's probably more likely to be somebody to think

that they could get away with being a serial killer I mean these are the these are the fascinating elements aren't they that go into the rich pot tablishing of how are

probabilities yeah and then but then also you're driving for a lot many more hours than I am I'm actually hardly driving at all anymore what I am doing is

riding my bike to get down to the train. And I think that's my vulnerability. Are you doing it in the way that you always have where you're like, oh, I have a rot to be here? You know, look, you know what? I don't like the implication of what I'm saying where, you know that, because it's implying that you were responsible for getting hit by a car that time, which you weren't. Yeah. And I'm sorry about that. But I think there was a part of me that was like imagining that for some reason that you saw the car coming and i don't know if you did and that you were like well he's going to stop obviously i have a rot to go through like that well that's the way i jaywalk you're absolutely right um that is my uh my pedestrian

attitude but as a cyclist yeah i i think i have a different persona there you go i apologize the longer i went on about it the more i felt horrible. The more you felt you were, you were victim, victim blaming. Yeah, I think I, when I ride as a bike, on a bike, I just ride as

a coward. I feel like it's the best way. It's a strategic way of riding. I do think that there is a general thing that I, that is something about my persona or personality,

is that I do have a mode that I go into, which is and I hope it's not self-indulgent to talk about myself on this podcast but we've done 500 episodes of mostly talking about myself

where I think I approach a lot of things with the attitude of I've already had to overcome so many mental barriers to get here you know I've had to sort of force myself

to to be out doing this stuff, to be myself, I feel like I have like, once I've got to that point, I'm like, fuck it. To what point? Everybody.

Like, just to the point of doing anything. Like performing on stage or being at a party or being in a conversation with a stranger or whatever it is, there's a bit of my brain that can switch on to be like, I don't think anyone understands how hard it was for me to, to overcome my own self-doubt and fear and whatever it is, all my negative self-talk in order to be here.

And so now I'm not going to listen to, I'm not going to let anything stop me or get in my way, even good sense or common politeness, you know. Like I think sometimes you get uncomfortable. when I push past some boundaries of what would be like socially the polite thing to do. Yeah. And you agreed with that too quickly. No, but I mean, I agree that I get uncomfortable, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't make what you're doing the wrong thing to do.

Who's to say? Yeah, I'm not saying when I get uncomfortable is when the right thing starts, you know, whatever. I'm just like, my getting uncomfortable happens all over the place. I was going to be uncomfortable anyway. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. Anyway, that was a thought that I haven't articulated before, but it's one that I've been ruminating on.

And this does make me look very self-involved. I mean, not really. For that, I apologize. Andy, it's all good. You got up. I think it's self-involved to think about yourself at all for even a second. Yeah, but I mean, also... I think you should be a completely black slate.

No self-reflection. What about like a thing about people who get upset about cyclists going through red lights? Yes, okay, good. Like, there's kind of got to be a thing there where it's like, chill out to them, you know? Yeah. Because I know, like, the instinct is to be like, fuck them, why don't I follow the rules? and so there's something very like kid like you're like well because they really don't have to they're kind of out of the way mostly yeah like i mean if they're crossing an intersection it's maybe like a it it does you know if there's cars coming that are going to tee bone them i can understand why you might be worried but yeah well what is it is it the fact that like as a as a cyclist you get some extra privilege from the fact that you're really

just taking your own life in your hands. You know, like, you're not going to hurt the cars that come plowing into you. And you're using your legs, so you get pedestrian privileges. Maybe instead of the traditional light system, you know, the traffic light system of red, yellow, green, Maybe we should just like have a percentage, right, up there. And it's basically the percentage probability or the relative probability that if you go flying through this intersection right now, you'll kill another person, okay?

And that would be good. I think that's like just giving people the information, okay, and then sort of letting the market decide. No, no, no. So you go. It's an ideal market. You're approaching the lights and it just has a seven. 75%.

Yeah. Right? So now you're like, okay, wait. Now what is that again? 75% that if I cross now, I'm going to kill somebody? Yeah. Yeah, that's right. So then you're like, okay, that's pretty high.

I won't go, right? But then maybe you're approaching and it's down like 10, 8%. You're like, that's a fucking green light, mate. But because there's the percentage thing, people aren't, people also aren't just stopping all the time. Like, because you'll always have kind of people going. So the numbers will be kind of varying very quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

As more people take risks. And then is it, is it better than to take more risks or then to be or to be conservative? Well, I think they'll be free to make their own choices. You know, it's not this nanny state kind of, no, stop. You can't go through here. It's like, no, you know, we're giving you the information and we're trusting the, you know, the, you're,

you're a rational self-maximizer, you know, this is economics. It's not, or, I mean, you could,

it could just also say, like, you know, you know, it could just say like, I wouldn't. Sure. But then that's just an opinion,

isn't it? Yeah, now it's an opinion. But maybe there's a big man. I do like that. Maybe we elect a big man or a big woman who,

who, we, whose opinion we trust. I think there's not enough voting, if anything. I would like to see more roles. I agree. For people where I want to, like, because when you do, like, you know, and the problem with politics, it just doesn't feel like a lot of the time it does anything because it's the same kind of people getting in.

So I want, you know, someone we can elect for something that I feel like I can really judge the person. And, you know, we love a, we love a punk. You know, we love a, like, a version of steam punk. You know, we've done, you know, vote punk. This is democracy punk. This is everything is democracy. Everything's voted on.

Everything is a representative. So let's say you go to the supermarket and you, and you pick up a trolley full of groceries. And then as you go to pay for them, everybody in the thing has to vote. Also at this supermarket, all the trolleys are already filled. Oh. and you just walk around and you just see a trolley that looks like the kind of shit that you would buy.

Have you ever have that? Like, you're in a supermarket and you're walking along and you're looking somebody else's trolley and you go like, yeah, we could swap trolleys. This would be basically the same. Close enough. And then you just grab it. You're doing the kind of, you're living a similar kind of lifestyle. You're a similar kind of person.

Then you walk past another person's trolley and they got just like two boxes of like 24 cans of coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like some random shit. You're like, what the... How do you live? Orange two-liter bottles. How do you live? And sometimes you see that person.

You're like, oh, you're planning for a party, right? You're having people up. That's fine. But then sometimes you're like, oh no, this is just what you guys do. Yeah, because also sometimes you see... There's characters, there's people in your life that you know just from the supermarket. Because you've seen them over and over again. over different times of being at the supermarket at the same time.

And so you kind of get to know their life through their trolley. And you go, I've seen you get trolleys full of soft drink before. You're not having a party every week. This is your diet. This is your life, man. This is the real trolley problem. Am I going to let that trolley roll to your house filled with all those? cans of

sun-kissed and give your child diabetes. Yeah. Should we vote? Yeah. I mean, like, what about let's say, you know, like two people, two beloveds are going to maybe decide whether or not they're going to have

intercourse that night. And then they put it up to a vote. You know, is that how it would work? Is it a democracy punk? How would it, how would the democracy work in that case? Well, I think it's, In my version, it's more about representatives. It's not really about, it's not direct democracy where you're making the decisions directly. It's like, it's like your version where it's like you elect the guy who stands at the traffic at the intersection and says who gets to go. You know, and he changes every six years.

Yeah, I think that's good. Maybe it's even intersection by intersection. You know, you can have different people with different policies at different intersections. I mean, I love it. This is the... Yeah. I mean, also, what about, no, but what about, like, let's say,

at the supermarket, sorry, not going to imagine a supermarket, but instead of hiring random people, we all, everybody in the community gets to decide, who gets to vote on who gets hired. Everybody at the supermarket.

I think this would be a really good checkout person, you know? And then people, instead of going and applying, going to a recruiter or something like that, You've got to put little signs up. You get little flyers put up and you staple them on electrical poles. And vote May for checkout chick.

I think this could be the thing that saves democracy. Yeah. And then that way you kind of go like, you know what? That person does seem good. Or you go like, oh, that person feels like they should be in a better job than this. I've also definitely had experiences with checkout staff where I'm like, I wish I could vote you out. Yeah.

I can't wait for another four years to roll around so I could really put in a protest vote. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. I'm going to get you out of here. Vote in some. Oh, no, wait, like, yeah, what if they're like, oh, no, the local community has voted in a really racist guy as the local checkout chick? I... The economy must be bad. I do think that having been to Aldi and seen how fast those guys can go

does really make me, it makes me look at the ones at Safeway at Woolworth's differently now. Yeah. I used to just accept their dawdling, and now I've seen the way they do things at an efficient German supermarket. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty fast at Costco as well.

Really? Yeah, Costco, at the moment, I went today. They have a guy who comes and makes sure that your trolley is all loaded onto the conveyor belt in time as well. Wow. And then goes to the other end and helps pack your trolley. Wow. Yeah, they want to get you in and out. Yeah, they're moving.

They're booking it. Yeah. I mean, what's the way that we could make it even faster? I do I do I mean I do think that if it was just like here is some trolleys priced up

you know ready to go we've already done them you just pay for the whole trolley just go grab the trolley beep it and run out of the shop is a good system you can sort of get the vibe

just from looking at it I mean I think if they just had a thing that was like you know like you could look on the website and you can go they, oh, we have, we have like 10 different types of pre-pack trolleys. Mm.

Right? They'll all be in the fridge or whatever. Yeah, and you just go there and you go, yeah, I'll, actually, I could just shift how I live to just get the number three trolley. That's great. You know? I do also just in general like the idea of a refrigerated car park. Oh, that's good. I'm not sure what, I'm not sure completely what the benefits are.

Maybe it preserves your car. But like, you know, the idea of just getting a nice refrigerator, cold, chilled, fresh car is, I mean, wouldn't that be great? Yeah, you go, ice cold car. Nothing more refreshing when you've done the groceries. Ice cold car straight from the refrigerated car park. Yeah, what about this? It's a freezer. car.

You pay extra to get your car like frozen. Do they install like a freezer pump in the boot or something like you used to be able to get it converted to LPG? Can you get your car converted to a freezer?

And it's just sub-zero inside the car as you drive around? I mean I want that. I think that would be good too. I mean, on a hot day. Yeah. I mean, they say kids die in hot cars.

They've never said anything about a fucking freezing car. You'll be allowed to leave your kids in that car for so long while you go in and play the pokey's. You go, did you leave your kids in your car during a 40-degree day? You go, yes, I did. Well, you're going to get a ticket. You go, officer, look, I have a freezer car. And then you put down the window and the kids are going, like that. The officer says, I am so sorry.

Sir, I salute you. You know what? You can have my gun. Here, here. And then he signs it. I was wrong. He signs it. Can you sign it?

it like that great I'm going to sell this on the memorabilia market anyway what about this one gun it's the country with one gun and maybe it is a democracy

you get to decide who gets the gun and you hand it around that is the from person to person I think that if because a lot of the problem with bigger and bigger militaries is that we just spend a lot of your military

trying to destroy the other one's military. And it's a lot of... Isn't that classic military behavior? Yeah, and so if all the countries agreed to each just have one gun and we burn all the guns, we burn all the nuclear weapons, we burn all the slingshots,

can you imagine are there any risks of burning our nukes? No risks. Do they burn? Does uranium burn? Just pop it in a, pop it in a volcano. Look that up, Jimmy. You can't understand how much I think that popping things in a volcano is the solution to everything.

I don't understand why we're not putting all of our garbage into volcanoes. Mm-hmm. And, you know, your hard drives when you're done with them. Mm-hmm. That made it sound like I have bad stuff. stuff on my hard drives. I don't, I'm happy for anyone, any listener to look through my hard drives at any point. Yeah. You call me up. Tell me you're in town. I'll let you look through my hard drives. Yes. I mean, but I think there is a legitimate thing of like, you know how it's like,

oh, if you give your old technology, if you donate your old technology, you don't know if you like cleared off all your passwords or your banking details or anything from this. I'm like, I can't be fucked of figuring it out. I would rather they just take all my money than have to work out how to restart my old computer. I have less money than it would be worth trying to figure that out. You don't understand how little money I have. Sir, you underestimate.

And time. And time. I'm spending all the time making money. that I don't have. What is a deal? I'm making money I don't have. Anyway, Andy, I think we should go to three words from a listener. I, you know, I was just going to suggest that.

And Andy, again, this new, this new Google search has sent me deeper into Patreon. And another Patreon from November 10th, 2021. A listener... You are uncovering words that we probably don't even use in English anymore. That's right. Like old English. Well, listen to the name of this listener. I can't imagine this person still listens.

Rich compo. Rich compo. Yeah. I mean, that's a rich gumbo that name. I mean, I have no idea whether this person is still... I've not heard. I've not even heard those words next to each other. That's right.

It's a whole new sentence that feels like it's been written. Yet, we have evidence that it's been existed for at least. five years almost. Anyway, Rich Compo has said this, three words, and then written the three words. By the way, thank you, Rich. Thank you so much, Rich. Or Mr. Campo, or Mrs. Campo.

Maybe it's the... Maybe it comes from the Campo family. Or maybe the guy's name is Campo, and he's rich. Is there any women's names that starts with Rich? Ricciardo? Richard. Richard? Richard?

Richardo? Richel? Oh, he's wearing the ritual. What about a man version of the Rachel? I was just about to say that, yes. Going into a man goes in and sits down at the barbershop, the old school barbershop. The old Italian barber and asks for the rachelian barber and asks for the rachel. You know how I think you could do it?

I think if you started, okay, and this is with clippers, it's only done exclusively with clippers for to be a real man haircut, right? Yeah. And, but it's a fade, but it starts in the middle of the top of the head. Oh, my goodness. Outward and then gets longer as you get closer to the... Wow, I haven't seen that done. I haven't seen that done. That's called the ritual.

That's incredible. You know what would be a really funny joke if you were a trillionaire about to be guillotined in the upcoming uprising? So then they put your head down on the block there. They're just cranking up the thing. Say, just give me the Rachel. That would be a great little last words. That would be really good. When they're pulling that, raising that blade or the axe, better with an axe, I reckon.

You can say it to the executioner there. We're in the big black thing, hood over his head. Yeah. That must be hard to not cover your eyes as the material moves. Yes, that's true. How do you see what you're doing? You really want to know. I think you're right.

Can you make me a skin-tight executioner's mask just because they're else the material shifts too much? This loose sack-like thing. How am I keeping those eye holes aligned? I mean, I've dressed up for Halloween before. I know what we're dealing with. Certainly my peripheral vision's going to be completely out the window. Yeah.

Who is the seamster for this thing? He seems to have, like, he's putting no effort into these masks. For these executioners, it feels like it's an important job. I should be treated with some dignity. You've given me a sack with holes in it. Anyway, so Rich has given us three words. Do you want to try to guess what the first word is? Plan tangent?

Ooh, close wait. Wait. E-I or AI? A-I. Wait. Oh, second word. Wait. G-H-T, weight. No, second word is training.

Weight training, really good. Third word, gym. No, exercises. Weight training exercises, that's very good. That's very good. You know what there should be. Like a guy who goes to the train station over the weekend, so he stays fit for waiting for the train.

Mm. Mm. Yeah, really. good so he's ready he's ready to wait what about this you could this is a little joke you can have in your gym right uh you have uh you have a little sign that says uh weight training and it points to like an exercise machine in your gym right and then you have another another sign that says weight training and then it's it's it's spelled the other kind of weight w a i t you know points the other way and that's where people queue up you know to get on the weight

training yeah and so that's the way to bring a little bit of pun into your gym you know give people a little chuckle yeah while they while they wander around and what about this Andy it's a guy he's wearing weights around his the bag of his testicles. Oh. Like that. Okay. And but,

um, but they're, they're going from one side to the other, from one leg to the east, swinging him from one side to the other. Yeah. And, um,

and, um, and, uh, he's an old man as well. Yeah. Um, okay.

And he says, um, I'm white training. Look, no, wait, somebody says, look at, look at that grandfather cock, weight training. Grandfather. Wait, no, wait, okay, look at that guy, white training is grandfather cock. Right, but it's his balls. And then he says, right?

Don't worry about that bit. Why didn't you just tie it to his dick? Oh, Andy, I didn't want to do a mispino-the-monopoly guy situation from East Venture. it make it too perfect and then just mock uh oh i don't know and i i i went into it with no plan and so i had to tell me i had yes no you did well sorry i didn't realize that you were you were freestyling yeah i'm sorry i just i was just trying to go with something and i'm letting rich compo down andy now tell me what remind me what does it mean to monopoly man at from ace ventura making it too perfect.

Oh, that thing where it's like, well, he had that character, they had that character that he's like, oh, I'm the Monopoly guy and he's making fun of him. But, of course, the writers just made a guy who looks like the Monopoly guy. And so you were able to make jokes about it, which is kind of just like a weird thing like that. Yeah, not the same at all, but like when I watched the movie about time,

which is a... Time travel romantic comedy. You know it. I haven't actually seen it. I would like to. Yeah. Well, his sister has a... Is this beautiful free spirit, right?

And you, you know, she's so happy and everything's, you know, and she's just a ray of sunshine, right? Yeah. But then because of his messing with the time stream, her life goes bad and she becomes suicidal or something like that. And I remember feeling very emotionally manipulated in the film by being like, well, you, it's only so sad that she's sad now because you made her so happy to start with. And I realize this is just storytelling.

This is just any story. You're like, oh, well, you only, it's only, um, Sad because you said it is. The only reason the grandmother was there for the wolf to eat in the first place was because you told us she was in her cottage in the woods. Yeah, and you put her in the cottage. Yeah. What are you doing?

But I do, for some reason, I think the, like, there is a thing about like emotional weight, unearned emotional stakes in a mood. where you can sometimes sense if you have just been like, oh, this character wasn't richly drawn enough to justify this, what you're expecting me to feel about them now. I know that this was just like a one-dimensional character who was just put there to serve the plot. And now you're expecting me to feel X, Y, Z based on, you know, these pieces that you've, you've sort of put in front of me.

Yeah. And it doesn't feel like you've earned it. And then it feels very manipulative. Yeah. So then we need to, we need to rectify that. How do we make a movie where everything is earned because you, you actually didn't make any decisions when,

when making the film and everything just, has to have just happened and you just happened to have had a camera there. But it's not a documentary. It's not a documentary. It's a documentary. It's a fictional film. Yeah, yeah. There is a script.

But maybe we don't tell the actors. None of the actors, yeah. What would be really good is you get the actors in to do the scenes. You don't tell them what the script is beforehand. You just yell at them when they get it wrong. I think that's good. It's like a hot and cold kind of thing. Yeah.

Hot, hot, hot. I'm really angry with you. Yeah. Great, and they sort of fight. So the directors just shouting out hot, cold. Or maybe, you know, it might be a more enjoyable experience for the viewers if he's just whispering it through an earpiece to the actors on screen. But I like the idea.

I like that he is just getting really angry. when they get far away from it. And they can just see him steaming off in the corner of their eye. And when they're getting close to it, he's like, oh, my God. And he's looking all lovey. And he's like, yes, yes, yes. And then they go away again. He's like, you lost it.

You lost it. Cut. No. I mean, you could just show us, fuck off. Just do the right thing. That does feel a little. bit like how I feel when I have had to direct people. Not that I get angry, but that I feel like I have absolutely none of the skills or the tools to help them to do it right. So without them

I don't get angry at them, but I do get very angry at myself for my inability to articulate or even properly have any thoughts. Yeah, I imagine I would be the same kind of director that I am a parent. And so it's, you know, I worry. I do worry. I don't, I don't do anything or

change anything, but I do a lot of worrying. I do a lot of worrying. No, I just would worry about my directing capabilities, but I, but I, yeah, Andy, I think we've got to wrap it because you've got to go to work,

or you got to do stuff, right? Sure, man. If you, if you, if that's the story you want to tell yourself. I thought that's what, I thought that's what you were, you know, I was like, no, I do actually have to go. Yeah. I do. It's actually very important that I leave.

Thank you, Rich Compo. I hope hot and cold directing strategy is the, is the, is the sketch that you were hoping for six years ago when you submitted these words. We got to, we got to track down Rich Compo. I think grandfather cock, I think there's something in there as well. Yeah, grandfather cock. Yeah.

All right. Yeah, he's got a really long, really long, thin penis with a big round head on it. That swings from side to side. Yeah, with such a regular motion. What did you think? You know, like, is this a normal thing? You know when I sent you that late night message, saying it occurred to me just recently that when we measure time,

all we're doing is measuring distance. You know? Because I was like, no wonder there's space time. Because whenever it's like, we're always like saying like, oh, well, it's the amount of, it's the amount of time or whatever it takes for something to go around, you know, like a particle to go around an atom or whatever. For a quartz crystal to oscillate when exposed to. a voltage.

Yeah, we measure a day by the amount of time it takes for Earth to go around its axis. Yes. And you go, oh, so it's all, it all is just distance still. Yeah, nobody's measuring time directly.

Yeah. Nobody's directly getting to what time is. So deep down, it doesn't seem that crazy that people are like, well, space and time seem interlinked. And you go, yeah. Yeah.

I think that's the only way that we have kind of... Yeah, I don't know. Is there a way of measuring time via smell or... I guess that... By, you know? No, I think you got it perfect the first time. Yeah, I mean, you know, the more abstract it gets, you know, when you get to, like, digital watches and that sort of thing,

it feels more and more like you're actually measuring time, you know? It feels less. mechanistic, but if you get down in there, it's still just, it's still just distance, baby. Is that where they use quartz? Is that where they use oscillating quartz? I believe so. I would love to have a look to find out exactly how that works, because I can't imagine a watch should be able to do that, but they're a bloody guy.

You know, I can't imagine that either. That sounds like exactly what it was made to do, so probably can. And I have for hundreds of years. And Oh yeah I'll take us to the sketch Ideas Oh yeah

We got dad swap We got dad Bombing We got new dad in town That's when a new Young Dad And enters the house

And grows up Into a full on dad And Eventually Yeah it's gonna get rid of it And then we got She said yes With the brown finger

We got She said no With no ring And frowny faces Maybe Yes We got the Senile

One Sided Podcast For the bereaved co-hosts. You know, that didn't quite make sense, but that was whatever. And then we got We need a new kind of widow.

We need, I mean, the word widower has always been shit. You know, that's a bad version of widow. Yeah, widow, widower, widowist. Yeah, but we need one for for bereaved

podcast co-hosts. That will be the new widower, whatever it is. I was going to say when you mentioned it, I think that when one of us dies, I think the other person should do one last episode where they do both voices. Great.

Well then, I hope it's me that goes first because I do such a good Andy. Yeah, exactly. Hello? I'm not going to be able. Hello? Welcome to Two in the Think Take the show

where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair. a jollium Charlie Rachel. And, uh, Al, uh, tell me this. Um, uh,

you know, testicles are, do they have to be purple? That's, I mean, it's almost too accurate. Yeah. Um,

okay, then we got, uh, we got percentage based traffic lights. We got, uh, democracy punk. We got,

uh, the refrigerated car park or the frozen car park. Then we got, oh, wait we got to write a freezer car is in there freezer cars there, great we got the supermarket

trolley you can buy I mean prepacked yeah you just buy a yeah buy a full trolley just eyeball it yeah it looks about right

we got the other ritual which is a clipper based rachel for guys we got executioners poor quoth quality masks.

We got hot and cold directing strategy and we got grandfather cock. Beautiful. What a way to end it. And... Hello.

I mean, goodbye. Goodbye. Thank you for listening. Yeah. I don't know if it's out yet, but I'm going to be on new book cheat. So listen to Book Cheat. We're doing Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Terrific. And also if you're going to be, if you're somewhere in Canada, I'm in Vancouver doing stand-up on Saturday. And this Saturday, the 12th.

and I'm in Calgary on Sunday the 13th come to Calgary. Tickets have sold less. There's less people. Apparently they do go on selling slower as well. And then, yeah, just check out Matt Stewartcom for all the dates. Yes, I've put the link in the show notes. Alistair will be performing with comedy icon, Matt Stewart. And if you only listen to this podcast because we're vaguely linked to Matt

and you know that we know him and you want to listen to guys who know Matt Stewart, then there's never been a better opportunity to see that in action. Live. A guy who knows Matt Stewart, live. That's right. In some ways, nobody knows him better than Matt Stewart himself. That's right.

So you can come and check him out. You'll love him. Yeah. And he loves to be around people. He does. He's very social. Yeah. He's very at ease.

That's right. With himself. Feel free to listen to any Bobby Logs episodes or let your kids listen to them. My kids have been listening to it and quoting it. Bobby Lags! They love to say that. Bobby Lags. Oh, that's fun.

I'm very happy about that. Well, guys, thank you so much, Andrew. I imagine you have to go to work. So take care. And goodbye. And also with you. And we love you. Bye.

Thank you.