Two In The Think Tank - 547 - "SOUL ELECTRONS"

Episode Date: October 15, 2026

Homie Wrecker, Made a Colostrum Mistake, Executive Electrons, Nobel Prize for Coming Up with the Coolest Concept, Cash in Your Organs, Part Time War, Hunter Gatherer but for Modern Life, Dance War, Helping the Public Image of the Noose, The Pre-Fist EraListen to Alasdair's Bobby Logs Stories for kidsYou can purchase A Listener hats by emailing [e-mail] out the sketch spreadsheet by Will Runt hereAnd visit the Think Tank Institute website:Check out our comics on instagram with Peader Thomas at Pants IllustratedOrder Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shopYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here(Oh, and we love you) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Iki-piki, I do a sticky, listen on the old. Do you do, da-bo-da-bo-dab-du-da-bo. Hello and welcome to two in the Think Tank, the show we would come up with five sketch ideas. And also the show in which I continue my thing of being Andy. And I continue my thing with being Andy's friend, Alistair George William from, Libertsch. Wow. That's so beautiful. Yeah, you like that?

I started with a declaration of friendship. Let's see where we can take that to by the end of the episode. What will the trajectory... Are you hitting on me? You hitting on me? Oh, thanks, but I'm taken. Oh, I'm really sorry, Andy. Did you not know I was married?

Or are you doing it despite knowing that? Oh, my gosh. That's what I like about it. I like to be friends with married men. Yeah. So that I can... Is this steal them from their friends or steal them from their wives? Yeah, well, I think when I am spending time with them,

yeah. With my friends, it makes it feel more naughty because I know that I'm taking time away from their beloved. Yeah, and their children and stuff. It gives it a new frisson. Frisson. Well, I didn't want to assume that they would have children and stuff. Don't do that.

Don't do any research before you try and steal a man boy from his wife. Yeah, that's right. Do you think it's a power move to like go out on a, you know, like on a sort of guy friend date with your guy friend and then send pictures of your, like of her husband to her while you're on the date? Yeah. And of you two having a really good time. yeah i do i do and um and and and and chatting you know chatting to spend that time together and oh chatting to her yeah that's good i think it's good to call up the wife and include her in the wife and include her in the conversation

um and and sort of like you and sort of like have a quite a nice relationship with her yeah so that she doesn't even suspect that you're stealing him for friendship. And then she's getting all these nice photos of you guys having a nice time. And she doesn't even detect that that's malicious. But I am also on the side demanding that he get a divorce so that we can spend more time together. Oh, you are demanding him that he gets a divorce? Yeah, from her, from from from from from his beloved.

So that out how our male friendship so that he can, You know, it's her or me. You say that at the start and at the end of every. Yeah. To spend more time with the boys. I'm doing it. Tomorrow, I'll do it. I've told you I would.

No, you're really, you know, I'm not important to you. No, I love, you don't like eating wings with me. I love eating wings with you. Didn't I buy you wings yesterday? Yeah. Have you buy me a wing? Is this, is that anything? You're going to buy me a wing?

I bought you a wing. You're going to buy me a diamond wing? I bought you a whole box of wing. Nah, that's not it. That's not it. I mean, I guess that's what you're doing when you buy. Yeah. That's kind of what you were doing, right?

Yeah, it was kind of what I was doing, but I mean, not really. But see, the thing is that I would pursue that. I bought you a whole box of wing of ring. But, I mean, that only would work if, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you're, I think, I still think that you can buy a box of rings, but it's not your fault that it only came with one. That only one fits in there, you know? Yeah. Can a plural really be, can a singular be a plural? I feel like one could be a plural, you know?

I'm, I know, I'm, I know I'm going out. to live here, but I think that one can be a plural, because it's rare that one is just one, you know what I mean? Yeah, is there really just one? There's always another one somewhere, isn't there? Especially when you're buying a diamond ring. One is a lot. That's true.

Yeah. That's true. I can't believe. It's so expensive. Could I use the plural for this? You know? It's one, but like I could have bought heaps with it. Like, if I bought cheaper rings, I could have bought like 10 or 15.

Or if I bought washing machines, I could have bought like five. Yeah. So it doesn't this in some way, like, you know, what happened to all those rings I didn't buy? Are you telling me they just don't exist? I just don't have them. Yeah. Yeah, I still like, you know, it's like when somebody dies, you know, where does that energy go? That's right.

All the possible rings that you could have bought. That's essentially when you thought about it for a. brief second, you created those, that thought created a soul of those rings. Exactly, ring soul. I want to know, I mean, I don't think we should do this now, but I'm just saying that at some point, it'd be good to spend some real time trying to work out what people really mean and what the implications are of like that thing about like, but when somebody dies, where does that energy go? You know, like, used as a justification for the existence of a soul or a spirit or ghosts or whatever it is. It's a thing that I hear, you know, as a kind of like a hand-wavy thing.

I'm like, where did that energy go? Yeah. The use of energy is different, right? The use of the term energy. Yeah, I think the energy, you know, so the energy dissipated into the universe. And is it more that they're just saying that, like, a complex pattern of information, can't just switch off? I mean, I don't think, I think when they're saying energy, I don't know if they're saying

a complex pattern of information. I think they might even just mean the thing that makes your body move to the thing that makes your body not move. Yeah. But I wonder if that could be actually like, that could be tiny, whatever that is, you know. like that could be a very small, the bit that actually makes you like conscious or alive or whatever. Like we treat it like it's a summary of the whole thing. Like it's, it must be big because it organizes that whole thing. It's just like a little information signal. Yeah.

But then. So it could be almost nothing. Yeah, but I mean, yeah, I mean, it could be almost nothing, but it's hard to say that when it's a whole person. You know? But like it's, but the, the thing that motivates it all, you know, could be, could be just like, could be like one or two electrons, you know, like, just like flicking the switch to say, keep, keep going, keep being, keep existing. It could be. You think there's just a single, it's actually a single particle that's actually keeping us going flat. Like, it's just a single electron flashing.

in and out of existence, given a little binary code somewhere. No wonder it's so hard to find. Yeah, exactly. Oh, imagine if you found the one electron. The one electron, that'd be really cool. Yeah. And then you got all of them. You got all those people's electrons.

What if you accidentally... And then you used them to power something really shit. Like, these are soul electrons. right? It's like finding heavy water molecules. We find not all electrons are the same, some of them are souls and we are using, or it's like weightlifters wanting to get the colostrum. We are, which I always go to say the wrong one. The word is the word for the baby shit, the first baby shit.

What, muconium? Muconium. Be really, really terrible if you, you were a bodybuilder and you discovered that you'd accidentally

been buying meconium what's that first one that's that first one that's called Colostrum

Colostrum but he'd been chugging muconium okay Ritlifter she's like I thought it was

particularly intense and death Yeah. Weight lifters. Oh, it's tough. He's talking to his other weightlifter mates. How tough is it?

Chugging that muconium every day. That first, that first breast milk that comes out of the mothers there, that muconium. Yeah. But, you know, I just do like the idea of just like you're a billionaire or whatever. Yeah. I don't like that you only. want to run your, um, run your, um, run your appliances on a sole electrons. So you have, scientists capture them in their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their,

billions. Yeah, I mean, that would be cool. Imagine that, maybe that's why some people die suddenly is just because like, you know, like static electricity just accidentally rubbed off the one electron. I love that I, that I, that, that I started this conversation with my criticism of people who talk about. vague terms about the energy of death and not very long after I came up. You know, I'm proposing this is a fucking stupid idea. That there are sole electrons. I mean, but...

Good alternative, mate. I mean, that's the thing is that all of these things, all of these things are just a slight explanation that either sounds good or doesn't sound good and you go, I like that one. And then you go, that's what I believe now. Like, you know, whenever we heard that thing, it was like, there might just be one electron in the universe. You go, I don't really care if that's true or not. I just like it.

I'm just going to believe that a little bit. Yeah. Just a tiny bit. Not enough that I'm going to, like, explain it to people who are pretty sciencey. But occasionally I'll bring it out and go, well, they say there could be one electron. And that's enough. I like existing in the doubt. it's like the opposite of faith.

I also like having a really big idea that is so simple to explain, you know, or at least to describe, you know, and you do feel like the universe should be that, like at some fundamental level, you feel like whatever's going on. It should be really simple. But imagine if it's not, imagine if it's really complicated. That's going to suck. I think that any time I, um, hit my head or or I have a moment where I'm like deep in thought and I kind of like think

about the complexity of the universe I kind of go like oh it's too complicated there's actually no way to understand it yeah there's no way to get your head around it oh I hate that yeah and I I do think about that um that I and that like We will die not being close to understanding anything significant.

Yeah. I'd be like, aw. But I think that there's also something good in that in that like you can understand enough

to get by and you can understand enough to maybe make the world better, but you also have to accept that you will never know exactly how it is

because there's a possibility that how it is is is not even is oh oh tell me ball like all those things where they're like well

you know a Nobel Prize went for like reality not being is like doesn't exist in a local sense yeah you know and you go what yeah okay

you know and so then you go oh it's so complicated that that it's like it might not even exist in the way that it exists depending on whether or not we're who we are or we're not there's all these kind of weird and just that feels pretty close to giving someone a Nobel Prize for saying this is all pointless and we should stop trying yeah like they've proven they've proven

that there's that we've got not it's not all our science is is it's pointless well it's it's it's giving somebody a Nobel Prize for San, if I close my, if I see a tomato and then I close my eyes, is the tomato still there? No. Yeah. And it doesn't sound like, you know, that's what science really is, and that you wouldn't get a Nobel prize just for saying something. Yeah. But, and I could be wrong about this. But isn't that basically what the Higgs boson, Higgs did? Is that what you did? Is that what you just, like,

He just proposed it? Yeah, I think he just proposed it. I'm definitely wrong about that. And I apologize. I apologize. I think there should be... That's my truth. A novell.

That's my hope. A novell prize, which is just a novel prize. But not novel like a book. But if you can just come up with the coolest concept. Yes. That makes people go, whoa. Yeah. I mean, I think that as an art form itself, where people go to it, and your whole thing is you just got to keep people going, oh, oh, like that.

Yeah, that's great. No bull. It's the Nobel Prize. People go, no bull, when you say, you're crazy idea. But yes, also, they should have called the Nobel Prize for the literature, the November. Prize, you're absolutely correct, Alasda. That's not my idea. That is what you're saying.

That is what you're saying. And I agree. Good point. The Nobel Prize does come up often on this podcast. Yeah. And it's good for society

to have these big lofty things that are almost abstract in their purity. you know, as a totem. And if only to give sketch comedy writers who don't really care about anything enough

to really understand the nuance, to just have something big and obvious to put into their sketches that hopefully everybody understands, even if they don't, you know, there should be a Nobel Prize for that. Thank you, guys, the Nobel Prizes. I do actually think a Nobel Prize in sketch comedy would be

Oh That's pretty cool What's that podcast that I keep sending you links to They're like the best They're my favorite science communicators Science communicators Yeah But they

They They found Oh then they were doing a thing on the Nobel Prize And they were like And the main guy was basically like The Nobel Prize in economics isn't a real Nobel Prize. And I think there's a

change, there's a difference in the wording. And he's like, and that's because economics isn't a real science and it doesn't deserve a real Nobel prize. I mean, love that. Love throwing a bit of shade at that level.

It's really good. Yeah. You got to. But it would be really funny. I'd love to get in close and look at those Nobel Prize medals that they get. And if you saw that there's like a little asterix next to... Not a real. It says Nobel Prize.

There's a little asterisk there. And then they hand you another smaller medal which has the fine print on it. Tiny metal. Maybe one that you hang lower down on your body. Maybe around your waist, which has the disclaimer. And it says, not a real Nobel Prize. I do like the idea of... Economics is not a real science.

Yeah. crazy that there is one for economics and not one for maths. Yeah. And, yeah, and also not one for comedy. Yeah, because there's one for just what literature. Hmm. And I don't know, is there one for music? No.

No, because that's why Bob Dylan won the literature one, right? Yeah, yeah. But then, is that the same one that they give to, like, a book? Or is that... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, although they don't give it to a book. They give it... It's given for a body of work in literature.

Yeah, right. I think. Yeah, okay. Fucking hell, I'm saying a lot of stuff I don't know anything about on this podcast. That's okay, Andy. That's okay. That's what podcasting is for. Speculation.

Yeah. You know? Speculation. Keep it on the podcasts. Keep it out of the economy. I do think the economy... And this is not an insight. And I'm not saying this deserves the Nobel Prize for economics. But the economy is all bullshit, right?

Especially now, it must all just be speculation. Like somebody's got to do, and I'm sure somebody has, but like what percentage of the economy is just speculation at this point? Because it feels like it's more than ever. Yeah. Where it's like this, like, you know, and it is all gambling, right? It is like people going all in on AI being like, or it's your joke, Alistair, about gambling, which is that like, oh, the money I could lose is only how much I have,

but the money I could gain is all the money in the entire world. It'd be crazy not to take that. To not take that chance. And I think that's, yeah. Even though that would destroy the world. like that would draw the global economy, but that's kind of where we're at. Yeah.

Yeah, because they're like, oh, well, if we take over every job and we replace every job, and then eventually we can probably replace every business. Yeah. And think of how much money we could make. We could take all of the money. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you're like, well, then the answer is like how all the money there will be no money there'll be nothing no one will have anything you know oh yeah money from where money from who do they do but then then governments will just create new money you know we can just take that yeah every like and sure oh fucking hell like the idea that like it's it's like saying um i'll just you know i'll just you know i'll just shoot myself in the head. They've...

And my plan to live forever is to shoot myself in the head and hope that somehow the bits of my brain reform into a new kind of a morphic being. It's essentially I'm just selling all my organs. I'm selling all my organs to survive, you know, to make to become rich. You know, selling all my body parts until I'm just ahead and there's nothing to support it. Yeah, and then somehow I'll have so much money that I guess I'll be able to support myself somehow just from that. Yeah. It's like, well, they won't let themselves all die. I don't need to worry about them. I just need to worry about me. Like, I don't know, my brain won't let me die. I just, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't quite have it.

But I assume that that's what they're thinking. They're going, look, if we can get all of the money, obviously the whole world won't let. let itself die they'll do something and then we'll be in the best position to take advantage of that when they do create a new thing yeah yeah um it's it's exciting it's exciting to uh to imagine um what a completely new thing would be like yeah i mean but then i mean could we just invent money too it's not compatible compatible with regular money oh that's really good yeah Yeah, it's not backwards compatible. Yeah. We invent a new money that we can just have.

Yeah. And maybe it would just have to, it can't work in the way that money works so that you can't trade it. So, like, it doesn't have independent value in some way. Like, it would, like, you have to have it in some way that it actually doesn't logically make sense that you would try to trade one for the other. Oh. Okay.

Yeah. Like, as in it, it has to almost be like, it's, it's in some way attached to individuals. Mm. And, you know, kind of in the same way that if, like, all your memories are attached to each other, right? Yeah. So in some way, it's like you, you. It's inextricably linked. Yeah, you've lived, you live in a place.

So you lived in Tasmania and that's linked to having. knowing people who were there and that's those people are attached to all the things that you know about them and all that kind of stuff right now the same way that i can't just implant a memory into your head that you have you know like you have you had a fantastic motocross career right now i can put that in your brain but your brain will look at that and go okay but it's not attached to anything now we need we need we need money too to be like that? Yeah, well, instead of a bit chain, we need a sort of a bit web, you know, where it's

goes in all directions and, um, yeah. And yeah, and, and, and not, not bitch chain, blockchain, but yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're not even, we're not even going to blockchain. This is, it all exists inside the mind of everybody, I think. Mm. I guess, I guess, I mean, this being too in the think tank, think tank, I, I do think that in some way it should be in your butt.

Sure. Of course, it exists in your butt. I mean, it's called butt coin. It somehow, we don't know, it's in your butt and you can't transfer it. I mean, I genuinely think I'm probably just inventing the concept of you do things for people and then sometimes they do things for you. and then you kind of keep each other leading a good life. That's a really great idea, Alistair.

But then we'd still need some kind of like, you know, I think financial reports, you know, that talk about basic human decency and the dignity of man and caring for your community. Yeah. But in a really economics kind of a way. Yeah. is great. And then I think there should be a government and it should do things for you,

but then like three times a year, you got to do things for the government. It can't be like every day. It can't be like that. You got to just be like, oh, got to go do my three days for the government. You know, let's say you do three days three times a year. You know, so you got nine days a year,

you know, times that by, the number of people in the country, let's say 25 million, that's heaps of days of work that they're getting in exchange. Yeah, it's like a tax day or something like that. It's like a tax day. Exactly. That's what you go to the ATO, the tax office, and he gets, they get their share back, and then, but they do it with you. They show you all, oh, instead of, instead of, um, what's that thing that the tax office often does there, they audit you. Instead of audit you, they guide you through your work. That's nice. You know, and they just need a few people. I feel like, yeah, sorry? Yeah. No, I feel like it would be great to have, like, there's a war going on, right? But it's happening somewhere in like an office

building and you go to the war and basically, you know, everybody, you know, gets their lanyards and they punch in or whatever in the war in the war office and then the enemy is there as well and you know you go up and you deliver like you go up to a guy and you both deliver one punch to each other yeah and then you go back to your desk you know uh and then something pops up on your calendar and you got to go punch another guy sure yeah yeah oh that's good you know you do that for three days and then you go back home do you think you might get punched a couple of times Yeah, oh no, you're both punching each other, you know, when you go there. But it's like, it's very, it's very office, office-based.

It's very sort of, at the moment, war is very parallel. There's lots of things happening in parallel. But I like the idea of like a serial war, where everybody's lined up sort of one behind each other, going in, one guy punches one other guy. And then they move away. And then the next people step up and they punch each other. Like, just like rows of like sort of old, like old rows of army guys with like muskets and stuff.

But it's just like you run up and you punch. Single file. Yeah, you punch up the people in the front row. You punch the guy who's in the. Yeah. Yeah. That's your compulsory military service. There's actually no war.

That's what you don't realize, but it's the only thing that keeps you prepared and ready to run into battle. Yeah. In case there is a war. One of these. They have it a fake war. Yeah. I'll think that's great. I'll think that's just great.

I'll think that's just great. I tell you what I would secretly love to do. I don't have many ambitions in advertising, but I would love to work on tourism Australia. campaign. Yeah. Something about that, at the idea of getting to be the person who summarises Australia for the world. For a bit there.

The official summary of Australia. Yeah. What would you have in there? Somebody's sipping a flat white? Oh, that's good. You're putting me on the spot here. Well, you know, you don't have to come up with the official one, but you can just throw around a couple of ideas, maybe.

That's a really, I mean, that would be a great way to approach this, wouldn't it? So let's see. Australia. Fuck. I'm clearly, I said this is my greatest ambition, and I'm unable to do anything, anything at all. It's because there's so many cliches, right? It's because it's all like,

Oh, it's Robert Irwin and he's eating a meat pie out of the pouch of a kangaroo. Yeah. Oh. What about the cuts open the lid off of a meat pie and inside there's another, there's a tiny version of some beloved Australian legend. You know, that's really good. Maybe swimming in there. Maybe Ian Thorpe or Don Fraser, she's still alive? in the meat.

Yeah, Dawn, I think she's still kicking. Yeah, kicking around. And freestyle and stroking and whatever. Yeah. No, what I would love is I'd love to have lots of Australian celebrities, right? And they're running around in the bush. And then you see, they've all got pouches. And then other little Australian celebrities poke their heads out of their pouches on their bellies.

And, you know, maybe you see, you see, you see, you see. see some others um huge acman there and he's he's he's he's chewing on a leaf and there's some little feet poking out of his his pouching out of his pouch you know how sometimes the feet is sticking out yeah and who's that oh it's nicky it's nicky it's our nicky webster i was going to say carly minot and then you see uh then what about was another celebrity holding onto a tree up in the in the sort of the uh you know just above a branch and there chewing on some eucalyps. Yeah, yeah.

It's Jacob E. Laudy. And who's that trying to get into his pouch? It's Russell Crow. And it's like, you're too big, you're too big. Oh, you're too big, Russell. Our Russell. You're technically, Kiwi. Russ.

Get off of here. We're actually a pest in your country. I think that'd be great. Yeah, that is good. What other animals? Maybe a couple of celebrities swimming like Greek. White sharks? You know?

They've got pouches too. They've got pouches. But the Great White Shark, their pouch points backwards, so it doesn't fill up with soil. That's really good. Yeah, because they're swimming through the soil? You need a, yeah, that's right. You need a slogan that summarizes all of this and then find your pocket of a Australia. There you go. She'll be right in Australia. Yeah, great. Australia, it has a way of getting inside you. That's what that's out. That would be a great slogan for like that place that has that, you know, the Amazon where it has that little thing that swims into your urethra. Oh, yeah. The Amazon has a way of getting inside you.

and then it's like somebody having to get like a worm taken out of their, like the area where their eye is. Oh, great. Yeah, that is my only problem with the rainforest. Yeah. Is that like there are so many things there that have evolved to live in wet environments that when they look at a human body, they don't see it as a thing. They're just like, that's just another wet environment that I could thrive in. Yeah, yeah. And they're trying to get in you.

They want to get behind your eyeballs. You know, that's the issue with people who are too tolerant of differences. Yes, they have no boundaries. That's why they don't even see the difference between tree and man. Protect the borders of your physical form. Same thing with the bats and their coronaviruses there that they carry. Yeah, you go, stop the bats. Stop the bats.

I just meant, you know, the coronaviruses should be a little bit more choosy, about who they go into. You're a bat virus. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I imagine it's like, you know, a musician who wants to be an actor or more likely vice versa. You know, they think that they could do it.

Why couldn't I be in a human? I'm a great virus. I'm so successful in bats. But it's hard to be a crossover. But then sometimes, God damn it, they pull it off. That's true. Has there ever been an actor who has done music and then everyone's been like, fuck, that's good?

It's worked better. Like, worked better than an acting career? Actually, you know, I tell you what, it feels like until about like 40 years ago, people just didn't have a sense of a distinction in their mind. And it was like, oh, you're an entertainer. Yeah. You can do anything. And then, you know, fucking John Laws, the radio host also.

releases albums where he sings songs. I mean, look, I like that. I kind of prefer that era. Yeah? Yeah. I think that, I mean, one time I saw somebody do like a video where they basically talked about like what we lost along the way of every time there was a new piece of technology with music. And like, before recorded music, people would hang out and stand around a piano and sing together. Fucking hell, I love that so much. Yeah. And. And, that that was a regular thing. I yearn, I yearn for that. Yeah, and I guess before recorded music, like even before people were writing music down,

I assume people just had to either tell each other songs, share it with each other, or make up songs, you know? And so then, but then also when you got personal music devices, suddenly it was no longer you're sitting around the radio listening to stuff together. or you're now just doing it by yourself. So you've kind of like removed people from it. And then that's kind of happened with electronic music where people, singers basically don't need a band anymore.

Yeah, and then AI, you won't even need to be a singer. You won't even need to anything. Like people who are talking about, oh, well, you'll just have infinitely, customizable, personalized music that is just generated for you. And like even the idea of streaming music won't exist. And you're like, well, then what even is that? Yeah. What even is music when you get to that point? It's just nice noises. Yeah. Maybe that's all it ever was, but fucking hell, that's grim. Yeah. But like, you know, you feel it when you have a kid and you're like, you realize, like a bit of a bit of singing is there to like soothe them and that it's like it puts them to sleep

and things like that and you go okay well I can see how this stuff would have started or like where you would have been like oh do do and just like you go oh my god this works and then that that would become a I mean also the fact that music kind of just gets stuck in people's heads as well you know makes it feel like the brain was designed to kind of carry information in that way anyway I don't know yeah what is what am I trying to get to how can we make music even worse what were we trying to do okay we were

okay we were talking about performers we're talking about how they would be singing I think we go back we go back although yeah I think we go back to everybody there is no delineation everybody is every art and we

yes is a performer of all things it's like we're essentially going back to the hunter-gatherer period, where nobody actually does have one job. Nobody is known for one thing. You just, everybody does everything. Yeah. I mean, I love the idea of like going to an art gallery and seeing some paintings and then being like, I'd love to hear this guy sing. Yeah. I'd love to hear his music. Can we get this guy a recording contract? and

or an architect. Beautiful house. I bet he would make some great pop. Some light, light pop. The guy who made my kitchen cabinets, I want him to massage me. Yeah, I mean, that feels almost too plausible. To get the guy.

Because it's still a physical, still a physical thing. And you can imagine him putting those cabinets together and seeing him the way you manipulates those sheets of chipboard and be like, I'd like him to manipulate my various limbs. Sure, sure. Muscles. I mean, I guess they do that in South America

where I think they interpret how you dance as the way that you have sex, you know, how good you are at sex. you know so they're uh god that's terrifying yeah yeah i'm trying to figure out a way that i can now become a dance a force a force to be dealt with in dance yeah i think it's something i need to i need to get i think i think i carry a lot of like heaviness knowing that i can't i don't think i could just hold my own in a kind of uh some kind of dance war if a dance war broke out you know like obviously one-on-one in a dance battle I could probably occasionally win depending on the skill level of stuff not if there's like a

trained dance assassin obviously but yeah but I think if we went out into the like an endurance dance war against say Russia or something like that I just don't think that I would have a I would I would really be contributing to our countries success. I mean, it's terrifying to think that like, you know, that these dance battles that the kids are having in the street do do sort of escalate into a full-on dance war and, and conscription starts. And then people like you and me who are being, you know, are being drafted into this dance war. And the idea of us being sent in there, into these dance battles, completely unprepared and untrained and just getting absolutely humiliated in, on mass, you know,

know, like, it's like the SOM, but, but for, for dancing. And like, you know, 200,000 of our boys, of our best boys a day are being completely humiliated on. And that's why we thought that we were above. Yeah. The muddy, death's floors of the song. Yeah. And we thought that we were above sort of conscription age, but we're just losing dance battles at such an. quick rate that they've actually ran out of kind of like able-bodied men that can that can sort of follow a rhythm wave after wave of these elderly dads doing dad dance out there in no man's land we're hoping of tiring out the enemy in trenches doing the worm from trench to trench to trench trying to stay under the uh what what do you what do you have to stay below like was the equivalent of machine gun fire i guess it's just the limbo bar i think to be honest i think what like what it is is but sorry limbo bar very good alistair that's very good fucking hell the fact that i

wasn't listening and you you provided me with exactly what i needed and i wasn't listening it's okay it's disgrace okay but like i think to be honest what you would really need to have is that like around the edges of the battlefield are just a bunch of women standing looking and judging, you know, they've got their arms crossed and at this huge muddy battlefield. The dancing is all happening out there on these, you know, on the ground and the women are around the perimeter, maybe looking through binoculars. and just judging everybody and shaking their heads and sort of turning their backs a little bit

and you're just man after man just humiliating themselves. Even though they're like they're so far away when they shake their head at your dance you just it hits you like a... You clutch your chest and you go oh! And you fall. Yeah. And you just roll down a hill

into a big pile of humiliated men. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that'd be cool. And then we would have to create like a, like imagine getting trained in a SWAT team. You know, you get chosen because you just know the right person and you get brought into this SWAT team and you're all just like training, dancing. You're just like you're doing your basic training, which is, you know, obviously your two steps and you're, you're Charleston and then, you know, some basic hip-hop. Yeah. Popping.

I mean, imagine that you, imagine that you go to the dance floor and there's a partner waiting there for you, like a woman. And if you step on her foot, she kind of goes, ugh, like then, it's like stepping on a landmine. And you go, oh, great. And you go flying. They've been laying dance partners all over this field. And so there's lots of women buried in the dirt just with their little foot, the little foot stick it out. And if you tread on it. That doesn't make any sense.

I know, but that's war for you. That's more. It's humiliating for everyone. It's pointless. This stopped making sense a long time ago. This is war. Do you think we should go to three words from A listener? Yeah, yeah, man.

Okay, wait, I did get some before. And then what happened? Sure you did, mate. Sure you did. No, I did. promise you but remember how I had to restart my computer oh and then somehow oh you had the he had here's an insight this is what happened to Alastair he had the email open in front of him with the words on there he hadn't written them down on a piece of paper uh unless he also restarted

his piece of paper I'm not sure no no I didn't restart my piece of paper you're making good assumptions. I just got to go back, back all the way to when this one... Oh, wait, I think, like, temp-I-think it was Tempice? Wait, was it Tempest? Is that his name? Tempest? Tempest, Marauder?

Yes, Tempest. Tempest. Okay, wait, it was Tempest Marauder. Let's see, it was here. It's a great name. You know, it makes me realize. how sort of nothing my name is

when I hear a name like Oh Andy that's what I think about every day I'd love to have a baby and call it Tempest Marauder you know think about the life that it has ahead of it That baby

Nothing but goodness I think so Nothing but triumph Okay here we go Okay so this says The Tempest Marauder this is from March 12th, 2022. These words have been measured by an AI.

This is from before this was big. This is so, I don't know, this is 2022. These words have been measured by an AI to ensure they are semantically as unrelated as possible. Oh, no. Okay, I shouldn't even give you that tip. Yeah, geez. I mean, but unless that's a real good fuck with you. But it's from datcreativity.com, d-a-t-creativity.com.

Okay, I don't know what that means, but great. That's where it's from. That's where this was done, that work to find semantically unrelated words. Right. Okay. First word is Wednesday. Oh, Andy, no. It was more unrelated than that.

It was Lassau. Well, it can't be unrelated if it's the first one. Well, it's clearly was not related at all to what you said. That's true. Lessso. Okay, what's unrelated to that? Second word, briefly. Briefly?

Yeah, briefly. No, it's pepper, Andy. Pepper. Oh. Yeah, you got one more guess for the last one. It's funny, because before I said briefly, I was going to say bacon. And you know what? That would have been getting pretty good close in the point.

Because that would have been close to salt, which was close to bacon. So, lasso, pepper, random. No, Andy, it's not random at all. It's actually something very specific. It's gallows. These words, I'm sorry, they don't seem as semantically different as possible because they're all nouns, you know? like I feel I was trying to like take us into sort of you know a bit of adverb territory or whatever I thought you know they can't all just I feel like I was misled I was misled and I was waylaid. All right. Yeah. Well those would have been better guesses. But no they wouldn't. No they're right. They would have been terrible guesses and I'm glad you didn't use those words at all. Andy, lasso.

Pepper Gallows. Mm. Wow. I mean, a lasso and gallows as well. You know, it feels like gallows basically the same thing, you know? Like we've got a fucking, oh, what, a rope with a loop in it. Could these things be any more related? It feels like a lasso really is sort of like hot desk in gallows.

Yeah, that's true. Like you're just taking it out on the road. what if we had a wireless, it's wireless noose technology. Yeah, that is crazy actually. To have like a mobile noose. Yeah. Like a, like a, you know,

lubmobile, you know that? Mm. But yeah. It's noosemobile. It's a bloody wild noose chase. That's what you could call it. Yes. When road A.O guys are out lassoing people, things, animals.

It would be, look, the first thing that came to my mind, although, look, I'm going to write, am I writing something down with this lasso noose? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But, I mean, I think, I think it's actually good because he's taken, somebody's taken the noose. I don't know if the noose invented existed before the lasso. But the lasso doesn't seem like it's there to Oh, maybe it is there to hurt people, yeah, okay I just thought it was there to restrain.

No, I agree. I do think that that's what, you know, a lassoe, I think, is intended to be a non-lethal deployment of slip-knock technology. Yeah. That noose knot does look cool, you know? It's a cool looking not. It's one of the coolest.

It's a shame it's so, you know, it's a shame we can't use it for other stuff. That the marketing is so negative, that the public perception on the noose is so negative. Well, Andy, maybe with the return of public executions, you know, people will start feeling more positive about nooses again, and then you'll be able to use it in some of your ads or whatever. Yeah, the neo-noose. Nuses are back. Neo-noose-sees. Yeah, forget everything you thought you knew about nooses. I mean, there's also so much to be said about the fact that the tie, you know,

that you wear when you go to your office job is basically a noose, man. Like, could that be more potent? You know, if I was a different kind of comedian, I'd be on. stage saying, hey man, have you noticed how the tie they make you wear is basically a noose? That tells you everything you need to know about capitalism. I think, I think, capital punishment. That's what, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, I think it's, I think it's, I think if you, if you, if you had a group who's, job was to fix the public image of the noose. Yeah.

Particularly maybe for a noose salesman of some sort, maybe, you know. Yeah. And when did your business start falling off? Oh, geez. Oh, late 1800s. Yeah. But, you know, there's still people buying it for decoration and stuff like that, but I would love to, I'd love to ramp it back up.

Got noose, kind of going in that milk direction. This is some of the ideas they're thrown around. Yeah. Yeah. Now, also, the first thing that entered my mind before when I saw these words was a superhero kind of guy whose whole thing is more like a Batman. He doesn't actually have powers, but he just has pepper shakers that he shakes near your nose and makes you sneeze if that does work. And it doesn't really. I think it does.

Pepper does really make you sneeze, doesn't it? You're telling me pepper doesn't make you sneeze? that's huge. Well, you know, maybe not so much the freshly ground stuff. Right. But cracked, like big. Yeah.

I think if it's that like, that like, it's almost a, it's almost been ground down to kind of like a paper powder. You know, they look like little sheets of pepper. Mm.

Tiny. Little sheets? You know what I mean? Like just tiny, itty bitty little sheets of paper, of pepper, sorry. You know what I mean? Like,

I don't know about sheets. they look like dust to me. I don't know what you're talking about. I feel like there's... Look, this is... I may be just misremembering it, but my black pepper in a little like plastic container with like six holes there for you to...

Yeah, yeah, I know the one you mean. Or even white pepper. I feel like it's a bit rectangular. Really? Yeah. I mean, that'd be great if that's how they're doing it. I really admire that. I think that what they're probably doing is

they're probably making big wet thing of pepper. They grind it down into a powder. then they probably lay it out real thin, like about a micron thick. And then they go around and they cut it all up into little rectangles with a sort of like pizza cutter. I think you were right up until the point where you said they grind it down into a little bit of powder. I think that was, I think you were correct. I think that's what they do. I don't know that they then lay it out into sheets and cut them up with a pizza cutter.

And for some people they sell it by the strip because some people, like pepper bought the foot. Mm. Just get a long roll of pepper. Anyway, but this guy probably works in the pepper mill. And he just has sort of six to eight pepper shakers on his person at all times. Yeah. I mean, it would be fucking debilitating.

And it's kind of crazy that I guess we're not using it in war. Yeah. You know, would that be considered a biological weapon or chemical warfare? if you just chucked a whole lot of pepper granules at the enemy and made them all sneeze a lot? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I think it probably would get in their eyes a little bit as well. Yeah.

But you said, I didn't intend that. I didn't intend that. Sorry, pepper spray is a thing. I forgot that. Yeah, but then it's wet. But they're used to get in their eyes. It's not used to make people sneeze. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah, I don't want it wet. I just want, this guy's just doing it dry. Yeah. Maybe he gets one of those. It's like, yeah. It's like if gun powder, if we'd invented, if we focused on the powder bit of it and not the gun thing. And never, and we didn't use gunpowder to explode, we just used it to throw it at people's faces.

Throw it at people's faces. Yeah, we just, we never got out of the, the powder era. What was the, the iron age, the powder age? Hmm That going from Was it rocks And then was it The Stone Age and then bronze

Stone Bronze? I think there was another one Because it's a big leap Was there a copper age? Copper maybe And then they just mix the copper With something else Yeah

I think those are the Those are the big ages Right Like That it does go Copper It does go bronze Then iron

Before stone, do you think it was wood or do you think that was, they just started at stone? Is stone more primitive than wood or is wood more primitive than stone? I, great question, great question. I reckon, will it be the fact that like this, if we were using wooden tools, none of them would have survived, right? So like you judge these eras by the, what's left behind. Yeah. And there's deposits that you can dig up and study or whatever. And I reckon the woods, the woods all gone.

But there may have been a wood age. Do you think there might have just been a fist age? Or even an age where they didn't even know that you should close your fist to hit people. Oh, just slapping. Yeah, maybe it's scratching. Do you think? Scratching, yeah, probably scratching. Would have been big.

The idea of sort of making your fist sort of, sort of heavy and closed and stuff like that, that might have, you know, we probably all learn that from TV. And then before that, just sort of like passive aggression. Yeah, the pre-fist era. The silent treatment. Yeah, pre-fist.

Yeah, I mean, it would have all been silent. Pre-fistory. Hey, pre-fistory, yeah. Yeah. I, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. We should probably wrap this up, shouldn't we? I think it's, I think it's, I don't think it's escalating.

I think the trajectory is downwards at this point. I don't know, I don't know, Andy. I don't know about that either, but, you know. Do you think we could ramp it back up again? I think we could. Yeah, yeah. I think all it takes is one thing to get us excited. Get a second wind.

You're right. You're right, of course. You know, you just need. What were the three words again? Lassow, pepper, gallows. I mean, we played with all those elements. Yeah, I mean, imagine that you're about to hang a, the guy is about to hang a, like, you know, a cowboy. And he goes, and then the guy's like, wait a second, how'd you get the executioner gets confused?

You know, how come you've got the lasso? You've got my, you've got my noose already. Like that he doesn't even recognize his own noose. he just thinks it's, I got nothing here, Andy. I just thought. I think it is a shame. Like, I think once upon a time, whenever we came up with a new technology, we, we started to use it to kill people.

And I, I don't know if we're doing that as much anymore. No wait, I take that back. We're doing it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're doing a heaps. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that there's less of it, though. I think that it's, you know, those, those things that they've invented that, that, that's in the hands.

of more people because they invented it. But I think that, I like to think that there's more people who were just pretty nice. And it was good when they didn't have the knowledge of how to get a knife and stuff. Yeah. Well, it was a, it was a lot more immediate. I think, you know, wearing a sort of an era of like wireless technology, wireless killing. Yeah. You know, where you can do it in a disconnected way. And I think back in the day where you had to be connected by a piece of rope. or a sword to the person you were trying to kill. It was a lot more honest. It was a lot more simple.

You know, there was a human connection there. You could look them in the eyes. Yeah, or in the back of the head. While you did it, or in the back of the head, sure, if that's your thing. Yeah. But at least you were looking at them. You did the decency of that. And I don't think, you know, we're not making eye contact anymore while we kill people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And in an ideal world, we wouldn't be killing people. but, you know, is... But, you know, but obviously we have to. Obviously. You got to. See, Andy, we really could pick it back up. Yeah, thanks.

Say a few things we regret before the end of the episode. Yeah, great. All right, Andy, let me take us through the sketch ideas for today. We have a guy who befriends married men so he can break them up, break up the couple so that he can spend more time with the boys. Mm-hmm. It's a weird reason because he didn't spend any time with him at all. But he looks for them specifically guys who are difficult to hang out with so that he can break them up and then hang out with them a lot.

Maybe because divorced guys are just like the guys with the most free time. Oh, that's really good. And the most, you know, energy, the most hunger for it. Yeah. They go crazy. Yeah, they're so fun. Have you ever hung out with a divorced guy? Oh, my God.

They're freaky. Yeah. I mean, that would be crazy. Imagine becoming friends with a guy. like that and then going through a divorce after he kind of like tells you to and then meeting one of his other friends and realizing that he did the same thing to him yeah and then as soon as you're divorced he doesn't want to spend that much time with you anymore yeah after maybe after your initial rampages yeah he's looking for another guy yeah he's he loves he's just he loves the thrill

of a hunt yes yeah he's a home wrecker yeah yeah Um, we got weightlifter been chugging. Oh yeah, muconium instead of colostrum realizes, you know, he realizes he's been chugging muconium instead. And it's been a rough, it's been a rough swallow. Oh, that's a rough swallow. I've got a little boy coming up here, so he's just going to come and sit next to me. No problem. While we just finished this. We got the, uh, the one electron that is your sole electron.

on where everything is based, all your energy force is based off of and billionaires are harvesting them to run basic appliances. We got the novel prize for coming up with the coolest concept that makes people go, we got. That would be so cool. We got somebody selling their body to become rich, bits of their body to get richer and richer. We got the part-time war where you go and you throw a prize. punch there in it every

three months. That doesn't capture exactly what we were talking about, but you know, it's working for the government every now. We got the hunter-gatherer for modern life where these people they remove the delineation between all jobs and titles and things like that

and they become an everything. They become a person who has to know every aspect of everything. We got, particularly the arts. Jackable trades. Yeah. We got, of course, the Great Dance War. We've lost a lot of men in humiliating circumstances. We've got helping the public image of the noose, and we've got the pre-fist era.

I think there's probably a lot of stuff in there. I forgot, Andy, but... No, no, Alastair, you know, we covered a fair bit of ground, and sure, we petered out at the end, but boy, did we pull it up at the start. Yeah, that's right. Thank you so much, Tempest, Mark. Everyone's got a lot to think about. Yeah. Oh, that sounds like you're... I almost finished the podcast,

so I just got to sing a little song now. Do you want to sing a song with me? Three, two, one. Yeah. Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Thank you so much for listening to Two in the Think Tank. What a beautiful thing you've chosen to do with your precious time on this planet is to listen to this podcast. Thank you ever so much.

You can listen to Bobby Logg's stories. Oh, do that. You can listen to, oh, I think I'm getting close to starting shush her up again. Let's not get too excited, but I am thinking about it. You can listen to the weekly planet. it. Yeah. And if you haven't seen on social media, I've started, will you bolognaise it? Can you bolognaise it? Not will you, not will you bolognaise it? No, but that's what I'm asking you, will you, can you bolognaz it? Yeah, I haven't got to watch the latest one about pineapple,

but that's really exciting. And I saw somebody suggest passion fruit. Yeah. And I was like, that's the craziest one I've heard yet. I mean, rhubarb is crazy to me. Rubub. I was going to say rhubarb, because I'm, I stud some rhububub the other day, and I was thinking that would be a, yeah, or what about all peanuts? I mean, that's, I mean, you could, that's a different food. That's a different food at that point, right? That's some kind of saute. I know, but I'm not even blend. I don't know if I'm blending up the peanuts. Really? Wow. Well then, and then, well then if you're doing peanuts, you know, why not pecans? Yeah. You know, why not pistachios? Yeah. Why not cane, sugar cane? Interesting. Yeah. I was thinking because today I had like this leftover mince that I needed to use up so that didn't get wasted. Sorry, this is the last thing, Andy. And, and I've decided I didn't have time to do it, to make a bolonnese for my family today. But so I just put all the ingredients into a pot and I've put it in the, in the oven at a low temperature to like slow cook it and I think maybe cranberries that's how I

would have to make it because I just don't know what to do with cranberries I just want to want to see what happens if it cooks with some meat for like six hours and then I'll come out and then I'll think about it no you can't do that Alistair because I don't think that's because I think you know if this is science you've got to keep the other elements same so you can't change your cooking method I'm afraid I look I don't know I mean you're the you're the Bola nascent man you you do this your way. I don't want to tell you your business.

The bonelaisance? Bola nascence. Bola nascence. Bola license, eh? Bola. All right, we got to wrap it up. And we love you. Bye.

Bye. Bye. My egg cold. No, no, man. I get that.