Two In The Think Tank - 57 - "HALF POPE"

Episode Date: December 13, 2016

 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A Kia SUV is capable of taking you far, but when you use it locally to help your community, you go even further. Whether that's carrying cargo, bringing your team with you, ready, or navigating your terrain. Power up your capability with the right Kia SUV. Do more with the Kia Sportage, Kia Telluride, Kia Sorento, or Kia Saltoves.

Kia. Movement that inspires. Call 800-333-4-Kia for details. Always drive safely. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, We come up with five sketch ideas and we try and say it at the same time out and you always complain that I don't do it properly. You've just totally thrown that out, thrown and thrown that out the window by using completely different sentences that is almost impossible to get on board with. I got to keep myself on my toes, you know, because there else, you know, Andy, look, we were starting to get it.

Keep yourself on your toes. Yeah, we were starting to get it and I think I your toes. Yeah, we were starting to get it. And I think I was afraid I was going to get bored. Right, complacency. You know, walk away from this. Who knows? I was afraid of what I might do. Andy, I was protecting you from me and me from me.

It's not, I don't deserve this. That's what I'm scared of. All right. I was like one of those guys who knew that he who knows he's a werewolf and he chains himself up because he sees the show moon coming. Like that and he goes, uh, don't I'm gonna go out into the woods and don't come and find me. Which is the perfect thing to say to somebody if you want to be found. Oh man, absolutely it is. I mean, that's probably really what it was going for. You think you think you actually trying to get himself in front of it? Yeah, it's just a

bit of baiting. It's just classic. Well, I will just be doing something secret. It's a bait and not switch. Yes. Ah, the classic bait, no switch. But really, you're turning the person into the bait by eating them. So, so you're baiting with with this little hint, this little curiosity hint, to get a bigger bait, to get them as bait. So you are switching the bait into them. It away. Yes. It's an investment. It's like how you've got to have a worm on the hook to catch a minnow so that you can then go catch a shark. Well, this guy, a little bit of social interest, bait, and then you catch the mate, you eat him, and then you can use yourself as bait to catch a bigger fish or where it was.

Wait, so you become the bait? In a way, I mean, you're chained to a tree. That's basically a fishing lawn. Right? I mean, for a bigger predator than a werewolf. A werebear. A werebear. You know, you know, I used to, I used to look flip through, um, um, dungeons and dragons, uh, beast, beast manual manuals.

And I used to love coming across the wear bear. Is there a wear bear? No, they're definitely. It's probably even a wear owl. I wouldn't be surprised. I thought I'd come with a great thing with the wear bear. No, I mean, it's got a good ring to it, but Andy, you know, the people at Dungeons and Dragons have thought about this way before you. I think the amount of time that the people at Dungeons & Dragons HQ have spent looking for new ideas for monsters. Filling monster compendiums? The chances that they wouldn't have come up with wear-bear, I guess, are pretty low. Pretty low. Yeah, Andy, I think the whole field of fantasy, you can't come in as some off the street guy thinking that you can make huge

revolutions in the like people are thinking about this. People are thinking about this day and day out and you're just, you're this young, petulant upstart who walks in off the road thinks that he can revolutionize the world of fantasy. Absolutely. I'm like somebody who's come into NASA and said, have you thought about using rocket fuel? How about this? OK, how about this? Yes.

Solar panels. You don't know what you're talking about. Everybody would spit at them like that. So is there a petulant upstart sketched in the dungeons and dragons sort of ideas meeting board room? Ideas meeting board room. Yeah, I mean, I think the dungeons and dragons behind the scenes universe is a funny thing. I'm interested immediately in the prospect of like presenting it as a...

as an office, like a really mundane office. You want to or you don't want to. I do want to. Okay, yeah, great. I think that would be really fun. I have a really really mundane office where people have got like key performance criteria in that sort of thing.

But it's all related to coming up with beast names and quests. Yeah, you haven't got me the latest quests. Yeah, look, you I need I need 16 Necromancer spells by the end of the day and from the looks of it I've only got four on that sheet. Yeah you better get Necromancing. Yeah I do like that a lot but I also think that there should be some patching it up start. Yeah yeah right some kid because I mean I think there's any of those skills, any of those skills, you're, you know, from the get go,

you're not gonna be the best. You're gonna have to get better with time. At some point, like there would be a guy who's 40 years in to creating monsters, who people think is the actual, like, he's the master of dungeon masters. Yes, yes. You know, like...

He's not even the dungeon master anymore. He's sort of progressed to mastering things that are better than a dungeon, like a kitchen. He... Ah. Ah. Ah. It's sort of whole prison system. Yes.

Because I guess a dungeon in many ways is just an under, like an old timey prison, right? Absolutely. Okay. Well, look, I'm gonna write down dungeon and dragon offices. Yes. I think what I think is also good about this one, this idea is that, you know, it's already got a set of

a built in market to it. You could, you know, people are watching people play Dungeons and Dragons online now. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, there's whole podcasts that would be that. But also, I think I've actually listened to one of those. Yeah, is it? I think even, does Dan Harmon have one, even? Dan Harmon, he's got one.

Yeah. And it Dan's got one, then you know it's big. Do you think that in the, in the olden days, they called called their lolly shops, ye present day lolly shop? Ye current era lolly shop? I mean it would it would seem ridiculous if they didn't. Absolutely, I mean because when I go into a lolly shop my first question is what era? What era am I dealing with? How many eons ago was this candy eaten? Is this

days of your I should prepare myself for? I'm trying to align my taste buds into a... can you give me like a century ballpark? A ballpark. I think what would be interesting would be being in the shop around the time where it convert in the shopper, around the time that it converts from a like a today shop to a to a year old. So there would be a day where roughly they would have to decide to change over the silence and things like that. It's been roughly, let's say 200 years. That we've been running this lolly shop, it's probably time to order some more ease from the sign factory. And maybe an extra pee. You know, I think what it is is you just basically the shop just gets to a state of disrepair Where everything is old and shit and you look around and say

Well, it's gonna cost too much to fix any of this and update any of the machinery Yeah, let's just get in order an extra P and an E for the sign Maybe get some fancy old-timey dress for the people who work there Yes, and then we'll just call it a, like a fad or kind of like a, you know. And we'll call it a fad. We'll call it a fad. Let's just call it a fad. All right, kiddos, call it a fad.

So is it an alternative to sort of OH and S and things like that, keeping your... I think that's really good, okay? The health aspect it comes around, right? He's looking around the shop. Everything's too old, nothing's up to code, right? He says, look, I've got two options here. I can either... Shut you down.

Shut you down. I call in the sheriff and he'll, he'll shut you down. He can put a lock on these doors. Yeah, board up the windows. What are the windows or what I can do is I can sell you a new P and an E for the sign. All right, and this is going to become an old timey shoppy. And just just get the lady behind the counter to wear one of these little napkin-y things over her head and maybe like a tiny little apron and and can she elongate her vowel?

Can she do accents? Yeah. Woo! Hello! Perfect. Yeah. Well I'll just tear this up now. We'll just tear this up and can I get a bag of ye oldie salted

Licorice, please salt water licorice? licorice that the Suapai had been dripping into well, that's just now ye oldie salted licorice Well, that's a sketch, right? I mean that's gotta be if, if- If that isn't a sketch, I don't know what is. I've got no idea. I've got no idea. Well, what am I doing? I am not an authority on sketches.

And anyway, why am I running a podcast and involves sketch ideas? Well, I'm presenting myself as not even an authority, but- But hold yourself up. Hey, as a guy. As a guy. I mean, I don't even think in any way while we're doing this We we make ourselves seem like guys who are experts on sketches. We're just guys who who who who can who think that we can come up with sketch ideas That and because we've seen it before where we've come up with a sketch idea and we've seen it turned into an actual sketch

But what does that mean? I mean, it's not we're not it's not expertise. Is that a correlation or is that causation? We don't know. It could be a chain of unrelated events. I mean, it could be caused by climate change. Would you say that the wind is an expert on sculpting rocks? Sure, it's done it. It's done it. But what is it now?

Exactly. It's just so happened that it's been on a path that has led to rock sculpting. Do you think that the forces of erosion have a landscaping degree? Maybe. Maybe. We don't know. The thing is we haven't asked. And as we're telling you here, we're not in a position to assume.

And you know that to assume makes a cunt out of Elastair and Andy. So a huge cunt anyway. That's good. What is the saying there? Oh, I see you making a sad of you. Oh my god. What an awful, what an awful saying. Exp no that just picture the fuck head who came up with that oh my god do you think it was a what you think it was caught on do you think it was a witticism absolutely maybe was Oscar while I don't know it's just it just doesn't have it just doesn't have this sort of the quality of his other well all the work I mean they they do say that kind of like with some of the unreleased books that they've just recently released of the cat of his other old doork. I mean, they do say that kind of like with some of the unreleased books

that they've just recently released of the cat and the hat guy, Dr. Zeus. Dr. Zeus. And they go, oh, it just doesn't have the magic. Like this is probably why he didn't release it. Because it's- Yeah, I know that is such a horrible thing to do to somebody is to release the unreleased stuff.

Yeah, like, you know, this is the only thing that I know. No, maybe he wasn't as good as we thought he was. Oh, this Dr. Zeus got a bit of a hat, really. Yeah, that just doesn't have the kind of magic of sound as he's like, yeah, that's why I didn't release it. Fuck it, that's all. But maybe that's why this isn't credited to Oscar Wilde. Maybe Oscar Wilde did say I won't add it to the dinner party.

I mean, like he would seem like he would have been a bit of a drinker. Oh, oh yeah. Oscar Wilde. He's fond of a tipple. There's probably a few things, a few witticisms that he let out that he wasn't that proud of. I think the unreleased witticisms of Oscar Wilde. Oscar Wilde. There's probably a few things, a few witticisms that he let out that he wasn't that proud of. I think the unreleased witticisms of Oscar Wilde is a very fertile grant for his sketch.

I think that one in particular, maybe not, I think it might be funny to come up with our own versions of, you know, well, nothing is expected like the coming of the next thing. And then do you think he was maybe like a bit of a like a tyrant when it came to like, you know, he's at a dinner party. He's just, you know, he's free-wheeling, he's riffing. But then, you know, in order for these to kind of catch on, he kind of has to send these people out in the world going, I approve of this one. You know, and he couldn't let them let let let let whatissisms go. Like he had to be in control of his body of work. Right, right, right, right. You know, he was, he's like, you know, like let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let I have never heard a really prosaic Oscar wild wittices have been bandied about.

That's right. I mean, I think the one... Nothing exceeds like excess. I don't even know what that means. Nothing exceeds like excess. Sorry, Oscar, you had me at, I can resist anything except temptation. That's good. Beautiful.

I love it. But nothing exceeds like excess. Wait, so what does it mean to exceed? I don't know. I mean, go beyond expectations or what's acceptable. I've exceed. I mean, look, that could be a starting point for this. I mean, go beyond expectations or what's acceptable. I've exceed.

I mean, look, that could be a starting point for this. I mean, maybe. Because I think, like, I guess it, I mean, like all it's saying, like it is, it's like the temptation one in that it's, you know, it's just taking the meaning of temptation. Yeah. And then putting it in a phrase that, in which somebody has temptation, they can't resist it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah just dropped. That's it. That's it. Because you take it, a very well-expressed and very clear thing.

I can resist any of the acceptivtation. And they're just expressed it so poorly, Alistair. Well, you need to run these things in. Yeah. But in that case, you just ran it out. But it's a classic. It was per me. It's just.

It's a classic. I said a joke for me. I feel like I've used a lot of just taking, it's a classic. It's a classic. I said a joke for me. I feel like I've used a lot of just taking the meaning of a word and then sort of putting it in a situation in which the them doesn't apply. Or where it becomes like, or the exact opposite is what I mean. Yeah. Where the sentence becomes an example of the meaning and you just kind of put this in the anyway. So, exceeding excess, it's just one thing that says something huge,

and then the other thing goes, oh, that means something huge, like that. So, like that. So, because like excess, excess means something to you. So, oh my god. Like, I'm sorry, I'll, excess, excess means, you know, a large amount that is like too much, too much, right. And, and exceeding means going, you know, beyond the limits of something, like too much. Nothing becomes too much, like too much. Yeah. I'm not any closer to thinking that's a good way to say something. I don't think it's a good way to say something. I'm just saying it's the same joke format as the temptation thing.

Yeah. And so he's been running, he goes, you know, like, you come uphmm, and you go let's say let's say you come up with Allison Wonderland You go fuck that was a great. That was a great story. That was a really good idea. All right now I need another story What about Alice in? No, wait like happy bill. Okay, let's say he go okay like this this this this line of stories Allison and Wonderland has been great. Yeah, we're looking glass We had some success through that.

All right, now we need another story. They're just separate to that. That isn't part of that chain. I mean, it'd be great if we could just do something about a kid that kind of goes to a magical world. I just feel like that kind of works. Is there a way that we could kind of get through that? Sure, sure.

Maybe like Bobby and Magic World. Bobby and magic world. I've sent us down into a rabbit hole. I've sent us down into a rabbit hole of sorts, but we found the corpse of the rabbit at the end of the rabbit hole because he hasn't made that second exit. And you haven't made us a second exit. Yeah. And uh... The rabbit down the rabbit hole, uh, the ferret turns out was down there as well. And uh, did you get warned a lot as a child about not reaching down rabbit holes because there could be snakes in them?

Never. I was constantly warned about that. Yeah, right. But then I think I may have been the kind of kid who you could take one look at him and be like, this guy. No, I turn my back on him. He's gonna have his arm down a rabbit hole. He's gonna be elbow deep and I have it all Yeah, look to be honest. I wasn't I wasn't around that many rabbit holes. How about this? He'll be up to his humorous in humus And we find a situation in which that was lucky. So where's your humorous? That's in your elbow.

And humus is, well, maybe pronouncing it wrong, but humus, there's the dip, right? But humus, I think, is also a word for like, earth that is rich in organic matter. All right. So up to your humerus in humus is to be reached down into the earth up to the elbow. It feels like the Oscar Wilde would be really good with that. Yeah, absolutely. That's exactly where it was going. How about we go back to Oscar Wilde? Well, I mean, look,

I've already written down the unreleased witnesses of Oscar Wilde. Well, I mean, look, I've already written down the unreleased widiscisms of Oscar Wilde. I'm just gonna write down up to humorous and hummus. We're gonna... Sure. As one that doesn't get released because nobody really gets it. Yeah, he has to spend a lot of time explaining. Yeah, he has to.

Oh, fuck it. All right, then he burns them. Because as soon as he has to explain one to them and he goes, all right, well, this one's not getting now. Yeah, but also I'm sure that Oscar Wilde once he like at a dinner party right say he's he's set a a witticism right he's not going to just let that lie because only you know maybe somebody didn't hear it right or other you know the conversation was going on only a couple of people were listening to him. He's then get it like if it it's a good one, you can tell he's just going to be like saying it over and over again, right?

Making sure that people like work in the room, go into different conversations. Did you hear what I said to Bob? I said I can resist anything except temptation. I said to Bob, I said I can resist anything except temptation. Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha. Anyway, excuse me. And then he goes to, did you hear what I just said to Michael? It's mostly man. He probably does. I think that's a fair assumption.

Yeah. I don't think we're taoring him with any particular unfair brush There's nothing worse than an unfair brush. Oh this brush. Yeah, I don't think it's the brush You're complaining about really is it it's the tar. It's the tar I don't I don't think you're caring about how the really that the tar is being put onto your body That's right. You're right tar just doesn't seem like unless you're using it for some sort of skin care or something like that You know, like you probably would back in the day play maybe muck, you know I think I put some muck on me before I go tar tar seems a bit sticky But you know, maybe if I was to walk into some kind of

Yoldy skin care kind of shop, choppy, A-sop, like that, and I walk in there and they say, you know what's, you know, the people back in the day used to do, you know, the people that are all dead now, tar on skin and feathers. Who knows, who knows that those people who were tired and feathered might have come out afterwards looking,

looking great. Like with baby skin, it's probably exfoliates you. It's a peel. It's a great peel. It's a deep peel, I would imagine. I would imagine you would come out looking pretty pink It's interesting how like you know nowadays We've got this laser right everything's about lasers right and everything's you know in medical Technology is like lasers laser acne laser skin removal laser peels

Laser wrinkle treatment laser eye surgery laser skin, hair removal, laser peels, laser wrinkle treatment. Laser eye surgery. Laser fat reduction, right? Yeah, laser eye surgery, that's a good one, right? And we've got these lasers and we're like, what can we do with them? Well, lasers are everything, what can we do with them? But back in the day, that was tar. That was tar, yeah, and leeches. Yeah, we've got this amazing technology.

Tar. Tar, all right. Let's see, what can we do with it? Laser a tar or a surgery. Let's give it a go. I mean, there would have been a time, yeah, where tar was the most advanced technology we had. How do you make tar? Do you know any make tar? It's, well, tar comes, well, you know, there's the La Brea tar pits, for example. So it comes out of the earth in some form. So imagine you sort of dig it up from a tarry kind of area.

But it's associated with oil. Oil, maybe bitumen as well. Yeah, well, it's a petrochemical sort of thing. Oh, yeah. That comes from the organic matter being compressed in the earth for thousands of years. That's the kind of thing that I could really be convinced has magical powers of like or healing powers or something. If it's something that bubbles up out of the earth, I mean a black liquid that bubbles up out of the earth. Now if I am a dude from the past, a past dude, to use the technical term.

Absolutely. I'm probably, my first instinct is probably going to be, well, this is evil, but my second instinct is going to be, could be medicine. I could sell this. I could sell this evil goop. I could get people to pay me to put this into their eyes. Or at least on their necks or around their face and things like that. I mean, maybe clothing, do you think anybody experimented with tar clothing?

I know that tar was sort of used as a kind of a glowy, gooey kind of thing on ships. They probably used it to repair sales and that sort of a thing. And it's a small step. Being in stop an arrow. No. It would slow an arrow. It could slow an arrow.

Yeah. I mean, maybe if it was, what if it was gluing your metal to your wood, you know, on your body? It's a great thing that they got the bow and the arrow together, isn't it? I mean, do you think there was a time there where it was like, it was just-

It's a classic duo, right? So it was a guy who came up with, let's say, it was basically a small spear. Yeah. And then there's the guy who sort of came up with that, that Chinese like, booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I like that. Yes. And they meet somewhere on the silk road, I imagine.

Well, I imagine that before that happens, there's like all these sort of random pairings where they haven't quite worked out. So it's like the bow and hammer. Right. The arrow and toad. Yeah. Soad.

The arrow and swordad. Yeah. The arrow and sword maybe. Sword, yeah. I like so you kind of throw the arrow up and then you hit it with the sword. No. Take that. The arrow and bat. I think it's the sword just too thin. That's it. You need a wide, thus wide club. Yeah. The arrow and club.

Yeah. You throw the arrow up there, you hit it with the club. What about just the arrow and glove? So it's just that kind of arrow glove so they can throw the arrow like that. And maybe the arrow and rubber band. That's when they came up with it as a kind of like a projectile using a stretchy thing. Yeah, well that's almost a thing. That's kind of like a sling-shoddy.

Sling-shoddy. Obviously the rubber band, you know, it would have been somewhere near rubber trees. Yes. India? South America? Look, you know what I have no idea where rubber trees are. I imagine it's someplace where financially they're not doing that well. Right.

Because it just, it doesn't seem like it's a successful country thing to do. Like, like, not... Getting caught in the wrong shoes can interrupt your plans for the day. Like, when that 10% chance of rain ends up looking more like 100%. When the transition to fall and winter feels more like experiencing every season on the same day, there's the all-birds' missile collection. These shoes were made for misty morning walks, surprise no days, and anything a trip to the dog park might bring. The whole collection brings together water repellent technology and classic style, so you can stay warm, dry, and comfy

during your everyday adventures. Cross-off errands with a splash protection on the wool runner mizzle. Dash through cold and wet weather with all condition traction and reflective details on the wool dash or mizzle. Or upgrade to next level protection with the mudguard on the wool runner up mizzle plus. Go to allbirds.com and use code Fresh Socks for a free pair of socks with your purchase. A-L-L-B-I-R-D-S.com code Fresh Socks. That's a successful country, you know what I mean? Well, you know Canada just gets maple syrup out of trees.

I know, but maple syrup, it's the nectar of the gods. And, rather, what are the gods wearing on their shoes? The gods go bare feet. They do don't they? Yeah Or gold shoes or something They can't do both like I can't do but you can't go. I'm barefoot. I I need nothing between They just they're just a sort of gold gold toe rings or something like that, you know Okay, going back Gold to rings or something like that. Okay, going back, can we, firstly, have we got anything about the tar sketch and the tar thing? I do think that there's something in tar technology.

Tar tech. We're here at tar tech. Again, it could be a lab, some sort of yoldy labby. Possibly a y oldy labby. Possibly, are you only experimenting with tar and finding all the, the many medical uses. Absolutely. Putting it on your toes, putting it on your dick, getting put it on your dick. Oh, man, it'd be great. It's sort of a precursor to wax.

Yes. You know, so, you know, waxing yourself, things like that, Brazilian. But it's just tear off you skin. But it's a bit of a... Oh, but... Ah! Yeah, but like... Now, this may hurt a little.

So this is like a sort of a... It's a pre-Bresillion. It's kind of... It was like a... Oh, oh, oh, this is just a guy in Yorkshire. But it comes before even that accent. This is like, you know, this is before, this is pre-vowel shift. So people are still talking to people.

I'm just talking like this. I'm just this, this is the accent. I'm not a dolly show. I know what all this wax just let me put it on your ear and take it off. Exactly. Yeah. And then, you know, like, they're removing your hair,

a lot of your skin, things like that. Sometimes a whole leg comes off. Yeah, but that area is now hairless. And yeah. We can make this area hairless, and then they just remove your whole leg. Oh. And then after that, look, do you think that the bow and the arrow pairings, I think it's a...

I think that, I mean, this lab could be doing this bow and arrow, testing the arrow with a bunch of different... This whole, yeah, look, this whole, it's a whole episode of a sketch show how lepisa how people are gonna get bored yeah but no but where where where it's it's set in about 1400 maybe 1200 maybe 700 I like any anywhere in those that that that area yeah you know there's some of the dark ages the year 1000 that's a nice round. Oh, I know, but it feels almost too modern, you know? Like you think at some point, you said 1400. I know, I know, but that sounds older. That's an older feel than 1000.

1000 is too like futuristic. Yeah, it's a very high-tech number, isn't it? Oh, the bow and arrow 1000. Do you think when the year 1000 rolled around they were very worried about the one two k bug affecting Stonehenge? The one two k. No wait, sorry it's the Y one k. Well I think there was a chance that people like this is what I think they were worried about. Yeah. they were worried about. Yeah, people were worried about the number 1000 sounding too futuristic and that people were gonna get a bit ahead, like we're gonna get a bit too big for their boots.

Yeah, right. You know they're gonna go golden their top boots. People are gonna think like we're in the future now. And then they're just gonna get cocky, particularly around nature. We're in the future now. Where's my hover buggy? Man, man is conquered the elements. Where's my flying horse and cat? Where's my in-eye map display? And it's just somebody sticking it. I can do that with tar. I could do it. I could stick it a map to your eye with tar. Like that.

Hades up display. I'll do bow and arrow pairing. Yeah. That's a sort of a subskitch about a ye oldy labsy. Yeah. genre. genre. genre genre genre genre. You know, I've got two people in my family called John Paul. I just think that that's a strange thing, but that's, you know, I guess that's

those French roots. Do you know, do anybody in your life called John Paul? Not. No, I mean, Pope John Paul. I guess the second he was, he was briefly in my life. I mean, I've certainly seen him more than I've seen a lot of my, you know, distant cousins and that sort of things. Yeah.

Would you say you care more about Pope John Paul than you do about your distant cousins? I definitely had care for Pope John Paul. I remember a period of time where I did feel like he just needed time to himself. Really? I remember thinking he's got to just retire and just do something with his life. Just instead of just hoping. Well, it must be exhausting. do something with his life. Just instead of... Lest hoping. Lest, you know.

It must be exhausting. Wow. Anyway, then he died. But then how many, like imagine that, that... You never think that kids are gonna have pity on the Pope? I've pityed the Pope. Yeah. He Pope Tilly drooped.

Wow, what does droop mean? Well, it's like shop Tilly a drop, but it's Pope Tilly a droop. He kept hoping until he died. I mean, well, it's like shop till you drop, but it's Pope till you drop. He kept popping until he died. Old timey drooping. Yeah, well, I just don't, I was trying to find where there was be a sketch in that. But that, you know, that a pope can't actually be the pope. Don't pity the pope, but how you how you liked it, the kids could feel bad for the pope. You know, that you wouldn't think that that would be a byproduct of, of Pope.

Uh, well, you know, I guess maybe kids relate to him being forced to wear that sort of ridiculous white dress thing. You know, a lot of kids, when they're young, get dressed up in weird sort of garments, crissing gowns and that sort of thing. And you see the Pope, this old guy. You feel bad for him. You feel bad for him. I can't believe they make him wear that. But when he has to go with all these religious ceremonies,

that's the thing that kids hate. Yeah, but don't you think that he's the guy, who's like, he's the guy who's making everybody wear those? Well, the kids don't realize that. Yeah. He just looks like a man trapped in a glass car being driven around and waved at. So from kids' point of view, he is just the ultimate victim.

Do you think that if there was a, oh, Mrs. Lufl, do you think that if there was a suicidal pope who wanted to shoot himself, they would put him in a kind of like a bulletproof pope suit? Like a, like just a glass. You know, like the jacuzzi suit that Millhouse's mom wears in that episode,

but made of bulletproof glass? Yeah. I mean, you could just start by putting it just over his head. Yep, like a sort of a sphere. Yeah, for mean you could just start by putting it all just over his head. Yeah, like a sort of a sphere Yeah, for some reason I see it as a cube. Do you think there's a Pope submarine? The Pope the Pope Pope Marie

I mean all the Pope vehicle It's sort of like one of those You know those planes like they're called like a light niezy but what are they called? A plane. Yeah it's called a light and easy Yeah no but you know you'll know what I'm talking about once you We're live! Yeah it's you know it's just it's just like a sale Like like a... Oh an ultra light! Ultra light

Oh that's a... A lot of naezy That's a salad dressing. It will. Ultra light sounds like it's a fake sugar. Yeah, you're right. That's where my brain's getting confused. All the Pope vehicles. There's a Pope's skateboard.

Yep. You know, Pope Segway. Although I do see a Pope riser scooter. I do see the Pope more as a rollerblader. Absolutely. There is no question the Pope would be a blader, which I mean, any of those things, the robe is going to become a real issue. Right?

It's stuck in the wheels. He's going to have to hitch that up, roll it up. I mean, I, okay, let's say all the, all the political, all the, the, the, the great the great the biggest the world's Religious leaders. Yes, they're all performing in the vans Warped-tour X games. Okay, great. All right. I'm with you. So the Pope is bleeding. I think I think the Dalai Lama is Can we look at the pontifex games? The Pontifex games. Great.

Is this Pontifex just me and Pope? Well, his Twitter handle I know is Pontifex. Yeah. Now, I'm not sure what that is. Why ruin this beautiful marriage of two words, you know, this Port Montau? Yes. Yeah, why ruin this great Port Montau? That's a, it means carry, you know, means carry rank coat. Carry coat. Yeah. Yeah, why ruin this great portmanteau? That's a, it means carry, you know, means,

carry-ranked coat. Carry coat. Yeah. Yeah, great. Why ruin this great carry coat? Hahaha. When, um, yeah, so okay. So Pope, Blader.

Yep. Dalai Lama, probably a skateboarder. Longboarder I reckon, the Dalai Lama. Whoa, he's sitting back, like, Yeah, yeah, I think so. Just rollin'. Is he doing any half piping? Or do you just see him going down big tall like long border like those guys who do those big crazy big

Yeah, and I just that sort of weaving those you know That's sliding Drifting is that's that's that's my down line llama. Okay What do we got? Hacking sack. Hockey sack. I think maybe the leader, maybe the Iranian, Iranian, Iatola would be pretty good at Hockey sack.

I think you could do a good head stall. With Hockey sack, isn't it a group? Or is it an individual thing at the X games? You look in California games, the video game, it was an individual sport, but x games you look in California games the video game it was a it was an individual But I think you could because then you need like a group that's got like a high council or something. Yeah, maybe the Jedi's Maybe the Jedi's You know maybe we got you know, what's a what's a good african religion? What's a good one?

Really what I was saying was what's one? Well, there's Islam, but I'm afraid I don't know any African religions really. The one with the magic? Is that a religion? Well that's more of a fringe art. A European Caribbean kind of thing, I think. I don't think that's African. I apologize.

But there'd be, what do, where does quanza come from? Alistair, stop hitting me with these complex cultural queries. All right, well look, whatever the religion quanza comes from, yep. That, the leader of that, yep, BM leader of that. Yep.

Uh, BMX. Right. So, I like, I like the idea that like, if there's sketches where, um, they're written that like, I, because I was thinking about this for as an idea for like a sitcom as well where in a way the joke is on the writer of the thing so so it's like it you're you're in a way the sketch kind of makes fun of how uninformed the person who's written it is yeah so let's say let's say you did a thing about a farm I mean but but let's say let's say it is a thing about a farm. I mean, but let's say it is this thing about the pontifex games. You're sort of making fun of how little

this person kind of knows about it. And then the birth, like I guess it kind of has to just come through in the narrator or something like that. But I don't know if there's a way of writing a sitcom in which the butt of the joke is the people who've written it. Well, there is, and that has been done. And it will tell you about that in one second. First, I want to say, I think in this situation, though,

at the point of X Games, you know, we see this from the point of view of the commentators, right? We hear them commentating on these events, right? And I think in that case, the joke comes from the level to which they are actually very knowledgeable and informed. Yeah. Right? So it would require research and you need, you know,

they're, because these commentators, they always know everything, right? So they're making references to the, you know, the paper, the Pope and his, you know, his pronouncements on various, you know, ecumenical matters and that sort of thing. And, you know, it's really, absolutely. And then, so then you're making these kind of weird links between BMXing

and the procedures that happen in... So, you know, the Pope, for example, when he skateboards or roll a blade, he doesn't wear any protection or anything like that because he doesn't believe in using protection. Using protection, great. But in the reference to your second part of the question, or the actual question, the second part of the answer, the writing uninformed sketches, Mitchelman Web have done a few very funny ones that are like that. So they had one about these two writers. And I guess it's a bit different in that they actually see the writers as well. So they've done like a medical drama in which they said, we're going to focus on the drama

instead of the medical. So we didn't really do much research about medicine or what's required. And so it's just a lot of doctors running around you see it and as doctors running around saying we need more medicine. This man is very poorly Very good. Yeah, I think that that is good But do you think you could do it in a sitcom form like like that kind of makes fun of the Right what you know so situation Imagine if you did do it like that's about a farmer, and just everything that the farmer is doing just seems like this is definitely a person from the city who has no idea what farming is about.

Right, I think that is funny. I think that's very good. I think like a McLeod's daughter's kind of a rural drama and it is clearly written by just urbanites. It's just a lot of horse brushing, a lot of whittling. Yeah, okay, so the very surface level of... Oh, yes, I've just cultivated my wheat. Yeah, and it comes in with an arm full of wheat, dumps it on the table.

I got the wheat in. Great, could you make that into some bread? I've been lovely to have some loaf tonight. Yeah, I think that's I think that's really good. Which yeah, I mean it's weird to rate that down as a. No, no, I don't think so. This is our podcast. Who's who's telling us what's weird to write down? Oh, I guess it was me. Yeah, well, what would you know? All right. This is my podcast. Yeah Um, I would say that we're probably probably at the end. Oh, wow, but but did you have something you wanted to say just? No, no, no, no, I had an idea that had flown like the winter months.

No, has it actually disappeared or have you got it? I actually got it. Okay. In a way, it's a metaphor for life. Well, nothing forgets. Like, forget. This is just the one. Forgetting.

This is one weird. Nothing forgets like the emptiness in my mind where an idea used to be. Good one, Oscar. Great one, Oscar. All right, I'll, yeah, I'll write that one down. I'll write it down. I keep thinking, you know, like, I don't know if you visualized the future and how quickly your life is passing and things like that a lot, but I find myself

doing that a lot and then like just because it feels like you know every year is going by faster and things like that right even though I don't necessarily think it it is. I don't think the time is speeding up. Okay, but this weird phenomenon where I see my life passing and I But this weird phenomenon where I see my life passing and I often think about you know where I'm at at 60 and 70 and Always think about my deathbed Things like that, right? But then I find myself kind of thrown back into my body and kind of go and like whoa Oh, I'm glad that actually like I feel like I gain years that I like that feels like you know like I've They've flown away and then I've come back and I go, I've got to go back again. Oh, I'm not on my deathbed yet. Oh, this is so good. Yeah. I'm so young. Anyway, that's all ahead of me. It's all right. I still have my deathbed

to look forward to. The lucky boy. Thank you for turning that into something, Andy. All right, let's get, take us through Dungeonsgeons and Dragons often office behind the scenes. This is the people who are coming up with ideas for monsters. I imagine that after like just thousands and thousands of monsters that have been created, people coming off the street, you know, starting to work at these offices, thinking that just the gall on them thinking that they're going to come in and just come up with something new like that. Even sometimes without having read all the monsters on all these monsters like that, anyway in this all these tired old bearded men and just wearing suits.

And it's still, you know, you've got to have a tie on. Yeah, absolutely. Just, you know, women, cubicles, women, cubicles, you know, and then standard, all this stuff. Biscuits, men, just, people saying, oh, we're all mad here, that kind of stuff. Just think of how boring it is, think good.

This is gonna be such a boring sketch. I wanted to be so boring. I can't wait to switch that off. But I think the dullness in how much people are like describing this specific type of... Yeah. Like, elf or these dragon young have these particular magic powers with their blood will give you know will give

These wizards this sense of urgency so that they can go and achieve this other thing and create this boot of dexterity or whatever like you know Okay, and we got the old timey lolly shop and how it's a code violation It's a code violation so it's a OHNS guy who comes in basically says look I can either all this all this equipment's out of date. You know there's nothing nothing here's up to code. So I mean either I can shut you down or I can reclassify you by getting you a P and an E to turn this into an old timey shoppy, and then you can stay open. Then we got the unreleased widestisms of Oscar Wilde, up to my humorous and homesteads, one example of some of the things that he said that he decided not to let out.

There's the possibility that maybe he burns people who hear the bad ones. He might be blamed on the witch trials. That's for, you know, that might blame them on being witches for why he was a burnt. I mean, you could imagine the Oscar Wilde was in some way entangled in. He was a man of influence. And how do you become of influence? You have power by knowing things about people and by eliminating your enemies. By burning them. So he probably could go like, I heard that Josephine and Malcolm, both witches. Anyway, if you, because

I mean, there's probably people who want to kill people, you know, and that would, that gives you that's a license to kill. Yeah, anyway. Look, it goes on a weird place, but I think that good sketches do go to a weird place. Hey, mate, tell you what, have I been a gondaguy? Weird place. Weird place, probably a lot of people who kill the road to gondaguy. It's actually a thing about, um, a dog's shooting on a tuckerbox.ai, it's actually a thing about a dog shitting on a tuckerbox. No, that's a different one. Yeah, but it's still that's great. Tar technology like sort of like you know, like laser tech.

Tar tech 3000. Company that just you know just finds different ways that you can use it in health. Research labs. Like well, you know, it needs to be research even research labs because it seems to release a health product. All you need is an idea. You don't need backing if it's an alternative health. Absolutely. Except back in the day, I think tar was main street. That was conventional medicine. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's true. But then also conventional medicine you didn't need any evidence back then either. Yeah Then we got the bone and arrow pairing. Well, although, you know, maybe the forms of evidence that would be accepted You know if you're presenting it to the medical approvals board

You need like three different forms of evidence to indicate that your product works and one of them could be Okay, well, we've done our due diligence on this Barry communed with a witch in the in the forest told him that this would cure his his paulsy and yeah those would be acceptable forms great yeah I like that double blind trials double blind did you do your double blind trial? Yes, yes, I brought it to two blind men. Blond men. People living in a swamp. It was two blind people, and they both said that they felt better.

One said it had no effect, but that's still a positive. Bowen arrow pairing, the places where it went before. Bowen hammer, arrow and toad the pontifex games all the religious leaders in doing extreme game sports and uninformed writers the butt of a joke of a sitcom so they're writing about something which they're quite uninformed but it still has stories. It still has stories. Do you think that's too much like the Mitchell and Webb thing? Like, how is it distinct from there? I mean you haven't seen it so. Yeah, well I mean that's distinct in that way. Yes. But I think it's more subtle. I think that that in that thing that is the joke, whereas I think that this sitcom still

has to have a story and be... But we're not going to make a whole sitcom, right? We could. I think that it could be a good background, like it's background extra jokes for a sitcom. For a sitcom sitcom. All right, I'm interested. Bring me a pilot, okay? Film me a proof of content.

Bring me a pilot. All right, well that is the end. Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Yelp, Supervisor, Squarespace, High Pages, productreviews.com.au. Appliances.com.au. We'll take it, we'll take it. We'll take anything you can get.

If you could start commenting on Amazon reviews for books and things like that and just reviewing our podcast, we'll start googling two in the think tank and quotation marks and just see where it appears. Start, Alistair. That's it. That's all I do the rest of the day. Absolutely. Well, you know, you've got to spend. By the way, I recently listened to some of the very early episodes of two in the Thin Tank and I'm I felt ashamed. I think I think I was a terrible person and podcaster in the early days of this podcast. There's a sketch in the first episode where I just I'm talking about an aboriginal tracker

and I felt very uncomfortable listening to myself. So I'd like to apologize on behalf of me from about four years ago. I didn't know what I was doing. You've grown up in. I have. I've grown up in the public eye. But just know that this whole time I knew that that was awful and I've just been judging you silently. I don't blame you. I haven't learned anything because I already, I was already... You were actually. You've always been on the right side of history. I've't learned anything because I already I was already you were actually you've you've always been on the right side history. I've already I've never done anything that I regret that I regret and unless someone brings me some evidence from previous episodes then all right so

that's your challenge for this week listen to all the previous episodes and find Alistair some things to regret And you can tweet us on at Alistair TV and I'm at stupid old Andy and follow us on or the podcast on Twitter at Tank to in tank to in tank and Facebook and all that kind of shit, and you know just thanks so much Thank you you, thank you. And we love you. Love you. Say, how do your love for me?