Two In The Think Tank - 60 - "MINORITY REPORT BUT WITH HAIRCUTS"

Episode Date: January 3, 2017

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This season prepare for every season with the Allbirds Missile collection. These shoes were made for adventures in rain, shine, mist or snow. Go to Allbirds.com and use code Fresh Socks for a free pair of socks with purchase. Everybody loves to come to my shop and buy pens. I've got the only stationary store in the street. Everybody loves to come to my shop to buy pens. The only stationary store in the street. I've got the only stationary store in the street. I've got the only stationery store in the street. That's

not anything. The only stationery store in a street is not a claim to any kind of interest or uniqueness. If you only stationery store in a suburb, even that I don't consider to be particularly impressive. All right, you need to be the only station you store in a city or a state, and then you've got my attention. Well, as you heard, the lyrics says, And a major city. Everybody loves to come to her store. To buy pens.

To buy pens. I was listening. So, so maybe it's not, maybe she doesn't know why her pen store is so stationary, store is so successful, and she thinks it's because she's she doesn't know why her pen store is so successful and she thinks it's because she's the only one in the street. But there is something she is doing right in this stationary store that makes everybody love to come to her stationary store to buy pens. Maybe she is actually also the only one in the state.

Well maybe she's got a terribly state. If she was the only one in the state, she would also be the only one in the state. Well, maybe she's got a terribly state. If she was the only one in the state, she would also be the only one in the street. Tell you what's fun. What? That the word stationery and stationery, so similar. I just recently, like a stationery cupboard.

Yeah, and, in both senses, and a stationery cupboard, but you know one's spelled differently. Oh yeah. And the reason is because it comes from a stationer. Right. Which was, I think the people who either, I can't remember what it was, but that's where it comes from. I can't remember what a stationer did, but possibly he had stationary. I suspect that it could very well be that once upon a time, the people who had to do the

most little bit of fiddly writing down that sort of thing, pens and stuff, were people who worked at train stations, right? Has it a lot of writing, a lot of things come in and going, right? So they had a lot of pens, train stations. Now, banks probably had more. Forget it. I don't know. Look, somebody Googled this in front of me the other day and I know stationers involved and somehow that's why it's just stationery

You know, there was movement at the station Yeah, can we start a kid really? I think it was I think it's been a good start. Great. Can we keep going? Can we keep going? Yeah, this is what the part that people don't normally hear. Yeah. Is that we often start again. I mean, maybe we could keep one start again. Yeah, OK. All right. But like, I just, you know, there was the,

I mean, there was the stationary store. I mean, that's not a sketch. No, but it was fun. I mean, it's always great. I mean, is there a sketch in a lady who runs a stationery store and she thinks it's going well. Yeah. She's doing killer business and she thinks it's going well because she's the only stationery store in the street. But there is something else going on and she doesn't realize what it is. Maybe it's like the town conspiring against her in a positive

way. Wow. Right. So either they feel sorry for her or they just lover and want to see her succeed and just buying all the stationary from there when they could easily get it online for way cheaper or in down the next street. I mean, in a way that's, that there will come a point, I think, where the only reason that anyone goes to any in real life stores is pity, right?

And maybe the only reason that any of us remain in the physical realm will be pity, you know? We could all probably, you know, transcend to digital forms, right? Sure, it's point in the future. But it's gonna, you know, feel really bad about all the people working in the foot massage business because there's not much,

it's very hard to massage the feet of a digital form, right? And so we'll be like, all right, I'll maintain my physical existence, But the reality will become the dominant driving force between behind life will no longer be the drive to live and to survive. And that will be replaced by pity. Sure, okay. So it will be the survival of the pitiest.

Pity, pity, most pitiest. Most pitiest. Most pitiest. Well, pity. survival of the pittest pittiest pittiest pittiest pittiest most pittiest well pittiest well I do like the idea of maybe a sketch based around this time when this technology to transcend your human form kind of comes out and then the you know the idiots who are like I'm not doing it because I like to experience world that the normal way. I mean right now we're all the idiots. It's way. I mean, you don't know any better.

Every human from the beginning of existence, every, every, until the first person who transcends their physical form is an idiot. In retrospect, every morning I get up and I look down at my body my physical form And I say the second I get the chance I am out of this like so that I'm gonna ditch you Yeah, like no bodies business. Yeah, you heard me because I will be doing will be no bodies business No, we all the mind the body of a person with no body. Yeah. Okay, I think that transcending the physical form,

becoming a digital entity, it's a great jumping off point, okay? Now, I'm more than happy to mock those remaining in the physical realm. Yeah. Um, I just, I don't quite see the comedy angle in that. As yet. I think it'll be, well, I mean, it's just the parallel with like the people who don't, you know, don't get our phones and different.

Sure. I don't watch TV. Uh, I don't, you know, all that kind of stuff. But can we also, uh, parody somehow the people who want Android stuff because they want to be able to customize their phone? That fuck off. What, what, what's so great about customizing the interview, you're gonna change the color of your background and your text editor? Wow, you have been sucked into that Apple cult, boy. Okay, okay, oh bloody What did you do with your When it your landline did you customize that mate? No, but I have an injury, but I haven't customized it. Yeah, well then

You're fine You've been sucked in boy I had two two phrases I could have said locked and loaded then and one was fuck you I thought it was your fight and I was just like no no you're fine. I mean you've already tried to bail on this episode You can't give me a big fuck you I can't pretend to care that strongly about anything. There. All right. Well, where else can we go? Like, but there's, I mean, I think there's, I think there's a lot of humor in like you could dedicate

a whole episode of this. Sure. But you can't get out of the fact that we don't have a good idea for a sketch by saying we could turn it into a full episode. All right. I think you're trying to do the old switcheroo. No, no, no, I think you just, let's. There's not enough here for a sketch by saying we could turn it into a full episode. All right. I think we tried to do the old switcheroo. No, no, no, I think you just...

There's not enough here for a sketch. This is a feature film. We don't write a sketch. We just turn on the cameras and we just see what comes out. I mean, no, this is genuinely how we sometimes we've made some sketches. A long time ago. That was a long time ago, that was a long time ago. Did you remember? Anyway, one time there was a time where I was like, here's my idea. And I put somebody under a blanket and I ran into the screen. I was like, woo, woo, woo, woo.

I was waving my arms. And this was like my idea. I was like, I'm pretty sure I can improvise There's no story. There was just shapes. It was a butt game. It was a I was like I think sketch comedy in trend a story and language and it can just be essentially dance

but like very abstract Like sound art mixed together Because I mean you know why that is true improv right because you know a lot of these supervisors They go yeah, they say they're backing it up on the spot, but they're using words we've heard before The English language you please I think you've been practicing that. All of this was rehearsed. You came, I saw you walk into this building with those clothes. I want everything improvised. And when I say walk, I mean walk. And here you are walking again on the stage. Yes, could you maybe improvise another motor transport? Hack. Yeah, and no slither has not been already come up with.

I wasn't sure if that sentence meant sense. How's that a sketch? How's there something? True improvisation. True improvisation. I guess, you know, the truly great improvisers are capable of totally deconstructing their bodies into like component molecules and they're reaffirming them into like a totally novel organism to which we're utterly unable to relate on any human level. It's be like meeting an alien. So they can act out a scene.

They're coffee. Can I get a location? Phone booth. Doctor's office. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Breathing I've seen breathing before I Think I think I think the sketch is in an improv coach who's like some genius to the form Who's like a del close right who's just so bored, you know, he's he's he's just so brutal and we can see people talking about how You know, maybe it's a sort of a documentary about his method Maybe he's dying there's a documentary about his method a lot of black and white filming of interviews and a sort of a documentary about his method, maybe he's dying. There's a documentary about his method, a lot of black and white filming of interviews and that sort of thing and then people talking about what it was like to be in his classes. And he was so brilliant that his improvisation was like nothing I've ever seen before. I mean, when he was on stage, his body would actually take on literally things like colors

that I didn't know the rods and cones in my in my eyeballs were capable of. He showed me parts of the universe that I didn't have senses to experience. Transported into another dimension that was he actually became my sensory organs as well as the tableau that I was witnessing I think I really liked that that's very good indeed you really a blanket or something. Yelping, I mean, I'm not willing to say where any better now, but certainly in our earlier stages of our comedy career, there were times when we would do almost anything to avoid writing. Oh yeah, absolutely. Come up with a podcast where you come up with sketch ideas. Yeah, that kind of thing

Yeah, but you know these days we love to write and love a right Mate, I'm just always running you want to know about my process mate. I get up 6 a.m. I write four hours before the kids get out of bed Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, get up out of about 10 a.m. Yeah, I put it back I put him back down again I did as a person who is about to have kids 6 a.m. if you think that that's a time before the kids get up oh boy oh boy. All right is there a sketch in parents talking about how hard that they have it with their kids right sure sitting around talking you know it's basically it's the four York Sherman sketch right that's all that yeah yeah yeah unless unless they're

they've either talking about how they've got it ease ones trying to outdo how easy they've got it yeah or it's because I mean that's one thing that knows you you talk about like one that that a little dial He um he's just an angel he is He never cries. He um he sleeps so easy. He hasn't moved for four months That's how good he is This is it and with I think your babies dead Oh my god, that is the worst ending for anything

I mean, but that is amazing as well that it's like it's two people talking about how easy they've got it and then one cup one couple It's just not aware that their baby died Look that is very dark, but in a way, I I mean I guess they're still getting good sleep. That's all. I mean in a way you gotta be envious. Well I mean that would be the second punch line that the other couples are like oh you're so lucky. Yeah. You're so lucky. What a little angel. Oh my god. It's so dark

Yeah, but but it it's still in my mind fits a decent sketch structure and Joke structure that I feel like it would be idiotic not to write it down. Yeah, I think you're right You know, obviously you as a a new-ish father and me as a soon-to-be-wise-the-father you are. But currently pseudo-father. Yeah. Presumptive. I'm the father-elect, like Donald Trump.

I'm like Donald Trump. Like I needed to explain that joke. Fucking hell I hate myself. But, yeah, obviously neither of us would ever make a sketch that this is my curve, because a way of sensitive to, well, you know, when you become a father or a father elect, obviously you change, you know, and you see the world in a different way. And in a way that people who aren't fathers, or who aren't not fathers in the way that I'm not, then they don't know what it's like in the way in which

your whole world changes. Absolutely, absolutely. I would put my name to this. I would put my name to this and I would create it. I think it's got a lot of potential. This could be big. This could be the next dead parrot sketch. Dead parrot sketch. I was going to say this could be the next make a realistic wish foundation. Yeah, I don't think you would you would tie this to a network. No, I don't think a network would put their name on this.

I wouldn't do this to a network. No, I care too much about the networks. I didn't through enough. No, I care about too much about future employability. But sure. But, Sure. But, you know, maybe a streaming service? Future of employability is,

I think the closest I have to a conscience. Yeah, I think so, yeah. I don't know if there is. Is that you, my conscience? No, this is your future employee ability. It was like he's just sitting on your shoulder. Yeah. I guess he's just a recruiting agent.

I wouldn't do that if I was here. Is that you? Mark, you know, conscience, Mark. Higher self, my better angels. No, this is your future employee ability. And then on the other shoulder is your former... Poverty? Or your former wild self,

like the cool guy you used to be. Like, well, maybe like your, what about your former self who was like really happy being on the dole? Mm. Right, or? Yeah. So, oh yeah. So one of them is just you and a suit and one of you is just you and like a hoodie with

like greasy stains and a bong. Would you say that grease is the most iconic of the stains? I don't know, the bong and a stain. Yeah. It's pretty good. It's probably nice stain. It's pretty good. It's probably more... But striking. Definitely some of that is definitely oil.

Because you got the oil from the oil that you put in. Sure, I should. To cook the onions and things like that. But then you've also got the mince meat. And depending on the grade of mince meat you got, it could be a lot of fat. Yeah could be a lot of fat, yeah. Yeah, and I think that, you know, long after the tomato and the chunks of onion have dried and fallen off,

the grease is still there, still doing the hard work. Absolutely, you know. The grease is definitely. So yes, you know, I'm gonna answer your question. Yes, it's the grease is the most iconic of the stains. I'm just gonna put this out there, semen. Whoa, I mean, like, it's a big one. It's a big one, but I don't think it doesn't have

the visibility or the durability. Or the durability. I think yeah, yeah, well that's the thing is that a grease stain will transcend washes. Like we'll go through multiple washes. Sometimes that shirt will never be the same again. Absolutely. Right? Or pants. I would jack it. I'm an equal clothing opportunist. But uh, but a spaghetti saying it like it'll lose its red. It's red won't be as vivid,

you know, much like the the memories of your youth, things like that, they'll eventually fade away. And that shirt will look, although worn, cleaner. Is there sketching the iconicness of the grease stain? What about an ode to the grease stain? What about a dry cleaner who comes to respect the grease stain? You know, like in the way that I assume, while I haven't read Moby Dick, I assume Captain A have eventually came to respect Moby Dick. For it's... You know, this... I mean, if you were riding Moby Dick. In a way, in a way, the the greestane was the dry cleaners white whale.

And while we're on that, white, terrible colour for a whale. Because it stains. It's gonna... And whales, a notoriously oily creature. Absolutely. Oh, imagine that skin. It would just be a mess. I sometimes I wake up cold sweat, dreaming of having someone comes into the dry cleaners

and they've got a white whale with them. And I think, oh, crust. What kind of whale was the white whale? Was it a blue... Shirt, tall I think, oh, crust. What kind of whale was the white whale? Was it a blue? Shrattal, get the machine! Ready? And is it one of those brushes that spins that you attach to a hose?

And it's just, already think he's has to hook it up. He puts a plastic thing over it and he hooks it up to the hooks in the dry cleaning thing. He clicks it and it goes off. And it goes, uh, gong, gong, gong, gong. Tries to go through quite a small hole the way. clicks and it goes off. Trying to go through quite a small hole for a while. They probably explain what kind of whale the white whale is, but is he a blue whale?

No, I think I think... It could be a sperm, you think sperm? I mean, that's the only white whale I know. You think sperm? I think he could have been a humpback or a southern right whale. But was it an albino? A minkey? Was it an albino that had pink eyes?

Yeah, I think it was an albino. Also, he was having trouble with a whale that didn't even have good eyesight. Does he, do they go into its eyesight in the book? I know we both haven't read it, we're speculating. But I think, I think if I was writing Moby Dick at the moment, right, maybe I will. Maybe I'm going to reboot Moby Dick. Yes. People aren't rebo-boot in the classics. Can we have an interview show in which you

interview people who, you know, a lot of people will, you know, when seeking to know more about a great work like Moby Dick would seek to interview the author. But I think seeking to interview someone who hasn't read Moe B. Dick. There's got to be something. Like a speculative literatureist. Or a speculative English major. I mean, I haven't read the book. But I assume that somebody that was on Ishma, on, uh, sort of Ishmael's crew. Yeah. Uh, probably, uh,

used to make fun of him for the fact that his, you know, the, like, the whale that was, you know, like, the band of his assistants and, and, you know, the, I think that's A-Hab Ishmael with, uh, we're just one of the sailors on the, yeah. Also, it's from the point of view of Ishmael. I'm pretty sure, yeah. Yeah course, Ahem, I apologize. Sorry, I feel like I know too much about the story to be part of this interview. No, no, no, I think, I think, look, a little information is dangerous. It's a dangerous thing and we love it. And I don't think you have too much.

I think even if you had read the whole thing and the memories would have faded and you would still almost be in them, you know. A little knowledge is a glorious thing. Anyway, I just think that some of the people on the crew would be making fun of them for the fact that not only is this whale really making a mockery of him, but also it has terrible eyesight. A Kia SUV is capable of taking you far, but when you use it locally to help your community, you go even further.

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Anyway, maybe it's killing them through. Maybe it's like hunting down people using Echo Location. I didn't even only find out recently, Wales use Echo Location. Yes, so nah. I certainly know the dolphins do it. I haven't heard. Have you heard that other whales do it also? No, but when I heard it, I didn't hear that there was a particular type of whale that did it. I wouldn't be surprised if that big old, like the size of their head probably has something to do with sonar. Right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Has something to do with picking up, you know, huge, like a blood dip. Well, deep, deep sounds would be bigger than probably most fish, you know, like the size of the wave would be. The wavelength. Yeah. So that big head might have a purpose. What was the sketch within this that we were?

I'm trying to get back to it? Before we I think even before we started talking about the whale, right the white whale Oh, grease stain oh to the grease. Yeah, I think I think the dry cleaner who has come to respect the grease stain and Like somebody hands a mothin and he... like somebody hands him a thing and he's like ah! my old friend ah! I knew you'd be back ah! a noble enemy but almost like it torments him

it's like a picture being not no country for old men but I feel like there are you know there's a sawmessor sort of a western vibe about someone who has had this enemy that they've pursued so long, you know, and so hard. You see him waking up in the middle of the night, like in a cold sweat, and he knows there's one just soaking in a bucket somewhere. Yeah.

And he wakes up and he goes, oh, that's how he goes, and he pulls the shirt out of the bucket. And he looks close. He's like, oh, that's not gonna go as long as he pulls the shirt out of the bucket. And he looks close. He's like, ah! Why is it wrong with you? Yeah. But I mean, you, in your,

in every reference you've made to the process of this dry cleaner, Alistair, the using of a big brush with a hose, the soaking in a bucket, I just laid a point out that none of these have been dry. You seem to not have any idea. What a dry cleaner is. You're right, I don't. I just thought, I guess I was I was picturing just a normal laundromer. Yeah, well, just your run-of-the-mill laundromer. I made, it's funny when you sometimes you do go into the dry cleaners and you'll show them a stain they'll say there's nothing we

can do about this. Really? Yeah I've had that. I've never taken clothing into a dry cleaner to get a stain out. Well then you're the perfect person to have on my podcast about dry cleaning. It's called wash separately and we talked exclusively about staying removed in the dry cleaning business. Wow Andy you should start that as a not a joke, as a serious life direction change. I think about that all the time. Like a serious life direction change. I'm just like, no, that's it. I'm no longer going to even try to be funny.

I am going to repair bicycles. Or my last thing, so I'm going gonna open a farm. Oh my God. It's a farm for rescued animals. Why? I'm just gonna give it all up and I'm gonna have a farm for rescued animals. No, that's not, that's my calling. So I'm gonna do.

No, I mean like I like, because I think I do still, I do carry a genuine fear that you, like, I think you're, you know, like when somebody is like a threat to killing themselves, what I call like suicide risk yeah you're suicide risk I think you're a huge career change risk because I think you care about family so much that I think that like the nervousness that hits people in the arts roughly mid 30s to 40s that make so many people drop out. You're very prone to vulnerable to listening to that urge.

To do what you're right, think for my family. Absolutely. To giving up on everything. He was so promising. Oh, he was there. Well, I was saying, saying stuff like that's not gonna turn me away. I mean, if I could leave while people are still gonna say I was promising, I mean, that is like an open door.

I don't know if there are any chicken. I don't know if there's any promising 40-year-olds. I don't know if anyone's ever seen a promising... Chicken is in a panic swallow, sorry, carrier. A panic to rescue swallow. Yes, see it, my farm. Yeah. Sorry, whatio. A panic to rescue swallow. Yes, see it my farm. Yeah, sorry. What are you saying? I was just saying that I worry about that happening alone. No, thanks. So worrying about me.

Yeah, no problem. But I also underestimate you. So at the same time, you know, it's not a huge compliment, I guess. So wait, where were we? So we did the dry cleaner. What was there anything in that conversation we just had that that was about changing careers, but the four years, oh, okay, I think, I think the idea of like putting someone on suicide watch now that in itself, not funny. No, necessarily. No, no, no. I mean, greater comedians than I, probably, but I can't think of something. So what if instead of suicide watch,

it was, you know, if you're a, you've been identified as being at a high risk of getting a bad haircut or something like that, you know, if you see somebody, if you see a friend who seems to be in a vulnerable place, maybe you've seen them expressing a lot of disassfaction with their current haircut or looking into mirrors and sighing while flicking their fringe.

What about, it's like minority report. Yes. So there's like pre-crime. But with this, it's pre-bad haircuts. Yes. So there's like pre-crime. Yes. But with this it's pre-bad haircuts. Right. And so there's three so all people laying in pools. Perfect. Right. And then they get a vision. And and then there's a there's a team. Tom Cruise obviously. You know, and then he he gets in a helicopter Obviously, and then he gets in a helicopter and he gets there to stop this person from going into that place to get a haircut. Or he changes what he's saying to the hairdresser.

So he's just going like, whatever you feel like, whatever. He pops, he comes in, maybe even shoots the hairdresser in the head. Yeah. Like that. It's hugely graphic, like that. But he's got a team behind him that comes in and cleans up. And then he gives instructions to the like the sous chef of hairdressing, the assistant hairdresser. You know, like short back and sidesides come to the right low, you know make sure you

Make the most of his widows peak you know do something like that really this hairdresser This apprentice hairdresser in they you know, they're white smoke covered in blood. You still shaking try to Short back and sides. Yeah, how long a You tried it. Short back and sides. Yeah. How long do you like a number three? And then they begin. Yeah, I think that's great. I think like we could justify this. We could say that maybe you know, the United Nations or some other large powerful organization has done the cost benefit analysis and they've actually discovered that the social and emotional effect and consequences of bad haircuts actually have a bigger negative effect on the world's peace and economy than all of the murders combined. And so they've got a squad. So they get rid of the justice system. Yes, and well, I mean, they're

probably are they're probably worse things than crime out there. Sure. You know, super bugs. There you go. Yeah, I mean, but in a way aren't they criminals? Why is no one made a movie called Superbug? And it's about a little bug who is got a special power who can fly He can fly that is his special power and he flies up into the sky and Through it and then down to a place And then he does a good landing. Landing and it helps a friend. I guess a superpower for a bug, you know,

probably isn't flying. It's probably something like being a human size and unable to be squashed by the most populated huge animal in the world. The most populated huge animal in the world. Are we the most popular, huge animal in the world? Are we the most popular, huge animal in the world? Well, there's a lot to unpack there. I don't know if I want to get into it, to be honest.

Okay. Most popular, probably. I mean, if you vote in TV week, we usually come on top. I mean, a lot of people talking about the risks of overpopulation, what about the risks of overpopulation? This is where, you know, not that we have too many people coming into this country, but where the people in this country, everybody likes them. And they get too much TV exposure.

Too much TV exposure. Oh my God, that is a serious problem. Maybe invited to too many parties as well as properly, I think. But like everybody does. Everybody does. They find a way to make everybody famous. Wow. That would be, how do we turn that into a sketch where everybody

is famous? Like what would that world even be? Well, nobody goes to the regular pubs. They all go behind the velvet curtains at like the VIP clubs. Yeah, okay, that's really fun angle. Like is just reduced to absolutely everybody whenever they see someone else screaming, oh my God, can I get a photo? Right, like is that the opening shot is two people seeing each other from a distance going oh my god then running towards each other you're then going

and then they swap paths and they sign things and then from then on you start to try to explain the concept. My friends are not gonna believe that I bet you. Can we get a photo and then it's both of them holding up both their cameras Yeah, I think in the double selfie. Yeah I think that's really interesting. Yeah, and you know and I mean and then explain the way in which it happens. So yeah, there's maybe maybe some mathematicians have been working on it for a long time Which is what is the amount that you need to be, have everybody be exposed to everybody? Yeah, in order for everybody to be famous. And

I mean, it does seem like it's easier and easier to get that 15 seconds of fame or whatever it is, 15 minutes of fame, where, you know, it's not just Justin Bieber, It's now Justin Bieber's mom. And then Justin Bieber's mom's friend will have a reality TV show following her life as a life of Justin Bieber's mom's friend. And then, you know, there'll be someone else who's a character in that and they'll have a show. Yeah, but then there's also like people who just decide that they're going to wear 70s clothes for a year and then they get 15 minutes by.

Yeah. They get interviewed on television and things like that and they go so like why are you doing it? Why are you dressing like in the 70s for a year and they go wow well you know I got all these friends and that just sounds a challenge you got to live you know you only want something and then there'll be one person left who's not famous right and the tv will do a show about them and then they'll get famous. Oh, yeah, that's good.

That's a good place for it to go. Thanks. Much like... So everybody's been in... That's harbour. Like everybody's been in the big brother house, at some point. So you've really got to know their personalities

and things like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody knows everybody and like what their thing is and how they're... It's just, I guess, it's it's like you know tweets are so short everybody has a perfume range and a line of lost your It's just something that's available on your Facebook page or like on whatever the page at the time is everybody's got one that's good and Nobody has a job everybody is like a freelance designer, DJ. Yeah, and but also like, you know, like tweets are small and vines,

we're like, you know, six seconds. Well, they've just found a way to compress the things that people make into something that's so small that you can consume, you know, millions of people's worth of stuff within within a day, you know. What could that be? Like it's just a photo of somebody's face with different emojis on it.

Or it's like a, I mean, this is not funny. It's more sci-fi, but now it's up. You're at a place where. So I fun, sci fun. This is like, but where data is getting transferred to no longer via the existing senses, but directly into a brain as huge amounts of information. Yeah, and then you, at that point though, you don't even really need any of the information, right?

Because it's just going to be so much. Yeah. All you need to know is that the person is famous, because people are just famous for being famous, right? Yeah. And like, when it comes to Kim Kardashian, you don't need to know really anything about her, except that she is famous. And so if we can just get some like little thing where everybody has

like a blue tick that says they're famous, or your brain just confirms that. It could be that they that they have a work or they do they do something, you know, like there's something different, but it was just downloaded in in there but but maybe your thing is kind of simpler also and just kind of yeah I mean I mean you can have yours as well now you can have all the information there and then just a little summary at the top of the piece of information little little F everyone's filed under F for famous that's great that's really good that's a good system it is I feel bad for the people who are running the pubs that nobody's going to, but I don't feel that bad because they get to be famous.

No, I don't feel that bad because they get to be famous. The pubs, right? Well, only the back corner. Oh yeah, that's true. Right, there's a little rope. So I don't think that's a great shot where you see everyone's crammed in behind the rope there and then the rest of the pub is empty. And every pub has become more of an EVIP nightclub. Yeah. But then there wouldn't be anybody at the front door, or like a balancer. Well, we kind of really need robots in order for this to be, I think, don't we?

So that's the way that we need a total robot workforce. And maybe once we have, hey, if we're going to have a universal basic income, why not have a universal really high income? Absolutely. Where everyone's a super famous billionaire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And oh, wait, I thought it was something.

Oh yeah, that's right. And then also you find out that everybody's realized that... Looking forward to finding this out. Fame is not the answer. Fame doesn't bring your happiness So now everybody's famous, but in a way everybody's also kind of unhappy. Yeah, okay, great And then does everybody try and become a recluse, right? And somehow that intrigue only adds to their fame. That's right, because now they're hitting away

and so now people are like, they go, everybody's being spied after not being seen for a while. Yeah. And they go, oh, he's got a beard now. Like you know, like, Paparazzi is driving, following them around. You know, like, how they see Letterman now and he's just got a big Santa Claus beard.

And, yeah. And he's like really happy now. Oh, yeah. Somebody's got to chase him with a camera. I think that's a good idea. Oh, I think that's a good idea. We're technically on a daily basis. Six ideas. I know this is already quite early, but...

And let's call it. Let's call it. All right. All right, so we've got the introduction of the transcending your physical form technology and the situations that that might bring up. I don't think that counts as a skit. You don't think so? I think that that is a good scenario.

It's a good scenario, I'll say, but this isn't the show where we try and count with five scenarios. I know, but I think it's very easy to take real life scenarios. This is what like, like what? Incidentally, any car company is looking for a new sort of line of cars. Yeah. Like the Nissan scenario. That is a big goal. It'll, it sounds like a car. It'll, it'll, you know, it, it, it, and it could take you anywhere. Oh, that's great. There you go. You never know whether you'll find yourself in a scenario.

you know, you never know where you'll find yourself in a scenario. Which in a way does bring us to our second sketch, which is the the true improvisation coach, which is a guy who can do absolutely anything and improvise every aspect. Like he doesn't go in speaking a language, right? Because like or a language that you would recognize, he creates new forms of communication, he takes new shapes, he takes, he creates colors and and and other sensory perceptions from senses sensory organs you don't even have. Yeah, I think that's I'm really happy with it. Yeah, and it's him teaching in broad. So then number three is parents trying to outdo each other with how easy they've got it with their babies. Alright, you know, so like, oh, mine's sleep so much. Oh, yeah, mine loves like mine, you know, oh, mine's already talking and things like that, right then later on you find out that one of the parents one there really has been dead for quite a while. It's very dark.

I don't think we need to specify. I know we don't need to specify but I just just implore. I think it's implied when you say dead baby but it's and it makes me feel so awful because anyway but but at the same time I just say that to cut through the tent the the tenseness that comes after saying something about a dead baby. Dead baby. Number four is a dry cleaner who's come to respect the grease stain, like it's his white whale.

His slightly off white whale. Yeah. Yeah. I like that, you know, it really is being reanited with an enemy, but over time, not only does he respect it, but he comes to love it and see the secret to existence within it. Oh brilliant. And he also sees all greestains as being the same greestain. You know, this is similar, same eternal greestain.

Yeah, just that pervades. What's in the way that puddles are all part of the big it abides. It abides by the, you know, the huge body of water that is a you bring water back into it. You just don't understand dry cleaning.

You're thinking of wet cleaning. Then there's minority report, but instead of pre-crime, it's with bad haircuts. So it's pre-bad haircuts. Right. And people are being saved. Hairjesses are being murdered by Tom Cruise. Yeah. And just trying to work out if there's a pun on minority report that we can do that includes haircuts in some way, scanning, scanning, no. Nope, a great.

And then we've got the number six is our scenario where everybody is famous. Again, another great sci-fi type scenario in which you could build multiple sketches around, but we also did come up with a lot of actual. But this one actually did have multiple sketch ideas, I think, within it. Oh, really? Well, there's the parts where there is the one guy who's like the last, not famous guy who's getting,

who's got the TV show kind of about him, which makes him famous. I think that's kind of in itself. Like, and I've been pushing a little bit outside of the podcast, maybe a little bit on the podcast, for like a sci-fi slash philosophy show. But I think that these are the kind of things that we would do for it, where it's, look, this is a full episode. Well, I hope that when it comes to making this show, you maintain control of the program and don't get somehow sort of pushed out by the network so that you can still make these calls and those sketches in the show.

I think the benefit to something like this would be is that the premise being consistent through the whole episode doesn't have to, like it might be restated a little bit but it doesn't have to be restated for every sketch. Yeah, totally. It's famous Well, you just we just make it clear that we are in the world where everyone's famous somewhere Yeah, so in a way, it's kind of like an episode of black mirror, but In sketch form and multiple sketches. Yeah, so it's black pocket mirror

Black pocket mirror a multiple black pocket mirrors. There you go. Thank you. That's perfect No, thank you, and you know what Andy that is our episode for today And that is our episode for today today day day day Day to day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day all this afternoon Thanks very much to listen to the podcast everybody. You can find us on Twitter. I am at Stupid old Andy. I'm at Alistair TV. You can find the podcast at to in tank We're also on Facebook to in the thing tank if you'd like to go on Twitter Don't do it you'd like to add right to show and give us a rating and subscribe and subscribe other friends, yeah, and if you know other people

Then make force into listen and But if you don't you know what I If you don't know other people I'm from us just letting you know that I enjoy spending time alone as well But sometimes listening to humans without having to connect with them. So you know time alone as well, but sometimes listening to humans without having to connect with them. So, you know, our listener numbers are so low that we have to deduct our own subscriber numbers from us downloading the show ourselves to get a true picture of how the podcast is successful. I forgot about that. I haven't been doing it. Thank you very much for listening. Significant percentage.

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