Simple Swedish Podcast - 62 - "YOU HAD ME AT DESIGNER BABY"

Episode Date: January 17, 2017

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Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ideas. I am Andy and I am I was to George William Tom Lee virtual thanks for coming on board our friendship. Yes. Ocean liner of love. Our jet skis of lust. Sorry, Ellen. It's fine. I like that you've turned into the dirty one. I have. I've very much become the dirty boy on the podcast. The dirty boy. Well, and that's the dirtiest thing. I think being a dirty man is less dirty than being a dirty boy. Yeah.

I think it's true. I mean, I think, I think, you know, a manhood over time, you expect a certain amount of dirt to accumulate to anything. Of course, yeah. It doesn't even require any effort. And you could expect... It's entropy. And you could expect also just filth to be accumulated on old people, Jews who just

are lack of access to ways of releasing that filth if we're talking metaphorically. We are. And assume you're talking about a metaphor for buds. Bonds, yeah, that's right. It's very difficult for old people because of their ill physical health to get in out of baths. And that's why kind men who work in their seat, and out of baths and that's why kind men who work in the same house, because you can get into a bath and sure you'll be clean for a while.

But if you can't get out that water will turn stagnant and begin to fester. And so within one to two months, two months that bath, diminishing returns as well. You will start to accumulate felt once again. That's why you need a person who lives next door who but look, I think there is a sketch sketch in that. It's someone who

believes that the longest you stay in the bath, the cleaner you will become and they they run up against the up against the natural limit of that. Or are they trying to warn people about the risks of prolonged exposure to baths? Yeah, it's a strange one, isn't it? Could it be a... There is a strange one.

I was a curly little one, that one, isn't it? Well, because I mean, it could be a public service announcement. And the answer. And the answer. Yeah. Always bathe. Important. Don't stay in the bath for too long.

Staying in forever a month or two. Can result in fungi, molts of blood. Yes. All water, as your body will keep it is a perfect place for lycan fungi bacteria algae blue green that is one of the old and the way they put this in there but that's one of the oldest creatures that have organisms organisms. It is. Also don't take why they're gonna put this in there, but that's one of the oldest creatures that have organisms, organisms, organisms, and so on. The planet. It is.

Also, I don't talk about it's too short, because it does take some time when you go in for the water to realize that you're there and notice and do anything. And to break through these sort of eddy currents that are, you know, just sort of swirling around your skin. And so there are, yeah. Do you think also, and then in the very long term, you run the risk of evolving into a whale? That is over the suit, that is, but that's more of a risk to your whole family.

Right, generations. That's a, in a way, the whales that chose to move into the ocean, live in the ocean were engaged in a form of intergenerational theft, in which their fortlessness, much like the baby boomers with their negatively geared investment properties, the fortlessness of the whales stole the possibility of having legs from their... From future generations. Absolutely. Well, I mean, sometimes you could say, I mean, you could be victim-blaming there, that it's their weak legs that led them to making that decision.

They're moving into the ocean, thinking, I've got to get a load off. This kind of huge, blubberous body that was very long. Like, do you think when, like, the precursor to the whale, that it have four legs that went down, like that? Like, they went, they pointed down like a dog. Yeah. Yep. There's a traditional direction for legs to point.

Like a dog, or indeed, any animal. Leg links that go up there, I say, are almost not legs at all. Well, yeah, but there's that, there's that, you know, that wheel with the kicking boots that you then. You know, it's just basically a wheel, but then on at the end of it's kind of like, think of your, your, your traditional pirate steering wheel, a picture of the ship steering wheel. But think but think of you know those spokes that are sticking out instead of just a spoke you put sort of a like a fake foot in there and a boot boot. Don't just hang a boot on it because when it goes upside down the boot will just slide. Well fall off. No it's a it's a a rookie era. Is the pirate ship steering wheel, I guess what you would call a creature, and was it a logical thing to talk about here when talking about the rails and things like that?

Maybe, maybe not. Only time will tell. We'll leave that to history to decide. I mean, what is life? I mean, it's moving. It almost seems that to history to decide. I mean, what is life? You know? I mean, it's moving. It almost seems that it seems to be, and it seems to have some kind of vindictive thing towards people that are standing near it.

Life. Well, life and that's what I'm saying. There's a parallel between life and this wheel. And sometimes life feels like a big old wheel, you know? Just keeps on turning. Yeah, proud Mary, keeps on burning. Keeps on burning, which always may be worried about this ship. Yeah.

You know, you wouldn't think a bit fire is actually a really big risk on boats. On ships. On ships. Well, if it keeps burning, then it means that either they have so much fuel that they can... The ship is so large. Yeah, it's so large that it is almost having no effect.

Yes. Right? Or... They have the fire under control. They don't want to put it out. Yeah. But they've confined it to a corner of the ship. Maybe they've even put it to use heating a boiler.

Or maybe what happened is some guy who was Perusing the internet. Yes, somehow came across one of these free energy websites that talk about Different ways that they've figured out that they can find to get free energy in a kind of like a so ways in his Riley engineer Yeah, and and and what I remember reading about one that involved hitting a brown something. It was like a brown wave form or like, anyway. Brown, I don't think brown, I don't know if there is a brown line form. I don't think brown is a color of light. There's no brown light.

There's no brown in the rainbow. That's why you never see brown cellophane. You never see it. Is there no brown in the rainbow? I don't think so. Where's brown? Brown is a mixture of different wavelengths of light. Yeah, but so is every other...

No, no, no. Different colors are pure wavelengths, aren't they? No, I don't know. It's pure. That's what a spectrum is. It's all the different pure colors. So with some colors are just not on the spectrum because they've been mixed in.

Yeah, or I think our eye interprets a combination of certain colors as brown. But you could split brown. You could split that brown beam of light that your eye thinks is brown into its component colors. There's no way that I could split brown you could split that brown beam of light that your eye thinks is brown into its component Colors there's no way that I could split brown. Yeah, I Do not have at hand the capabilities. You just need a prism man Prism break. Okay, it's a new TV show in which two guys one guy in prisons himself

And then he Okay, it's prison break in which people have a little break Going to prison it's a break in prison. It's just a little twist on the old favorite. You know that current topical reference And I feel like this is exactly the kind of thing you don't want to talk about now Topical reference, Prism Break. And I feel like this is exactly the kind of thing you don't want to talk about. Now, these kind of word things,

this is what you tell me, you say, you listen to all that episodes, we don't do as many word things anymore. Yeah, and I love it. And you loved it. But I really felt that I was onto something with Prism Break. No, look, I love it. But you don't, this is not what you want.

It's not what I want, thank you, I love it. Thanks for protecting me from myself. No problem. Now, we have to go back. Way back. Way back. Way back. Okay, so spending too long in the bath. Spending too long in the bath.

Either should, do you think that would be the only thing? Well, I think both the risk of dirt and then the risk of evolving into a marine creature. Of course, yeah. Over generations. Both of these things, I think, you know, also, a people are encouraging us to take shorter showers, right? So could we tie it in with something to do with that? Like, you know, you're sure to showers because of water restrictions, but then

And people might think they can get it. Yeah, they've been people think they can get around that by having a bath You know where there is no time limit on a bath. There's no upper limit, right? But if you're lost by trade or thought. Because you went, oh no, he's raiding. He's raiding down the idea. No, I started thinking trying to remember if I'd ever been caught in the plug hole, you know, and you pull the plug out and it sucks down. Yeah. But I don't think it's, is it possible to get caught in the plug hole? I saw on the news a little girl got her two fingers stuck in the actual holes of the plug hole. Right, but not because of the force of suction, just because of being a silly little girl. It's a spooky thing. Yeah, I think her fingers are, she had chubby fingers.

think yeah I think her fingers are should choppy fingers and but there's also a movie and I can't remember what the movie is but where some uncle is sitting in a bath and then he's like he's saying something to a kid and he's like hey kid you want to reach into the water like this and then the kid does reach into the water but he pulls out the plug and I think the uncles, I guess what this is what they play out in the film, the uncles, balls get stuck in the plug out and then they, and maybe they got also sucked into the parts like, oh wow. But I mean, I don't see that happening. I mean, I don't know enough about you know, about sort of testicle plug hole physics. Yeah, I was gonna say a ward at hydrodynamics,

but you're right, we also need to know about testicle dynamics. Mechanics. Yeah, and then the interactions of the two of hydrodynamics sort of a crossover. Yeah, degree. Yeah. You know, too long in the bath.

Too long in the bath. Public service announced, but you know, people have been taking longer baths than there's, they're not without risks. Yeah. Alistair. Absolutely. They are with risks. Some reason they put heavy with risk.

Heavy with risk. Great. Along that way, and then, and then between there and when we went backwards, did we also come up with something else? And then between there and when we went backwards, did we also come up with something else? Well, we were talking about whales for a time and intergenerational fifth. Yeah, that's right.

Well, I also was thinking about that family because it's a strange thing to feel, like to put it out as a risk. Like it's a risk that your family may turn into whales. Yes, right, but in a way The fact that there are whales now in your bath is is a story of survival You know is that although you just you know you made a decision your family still exists rather than having all perished in the bath They've managed to find a way to survive and adapt. So, maybe from our sort of ignorant human points of view, it seems like it's a bad thing

that you're a lesser form, but in many ways you're a much greater form for the environment that you're currently in. Yeah, you've adapted to an ecosystem and that's all fitness is. It's fit, survival of fitness, and that's all fitness is it's fit, you know survival of fitness But that's for a particular Environmental circumstance. But imagine you know, well not don't imagine. I was just gonna say it's weird that you're talking about You know being more fit for this environment when you're now a whale Trying to fit in a bath. I think whales are still fit. No, you a way. I don't think there's much.

Oh, one fit. Oh, yeah. I think there is something in... Could somebody... Could somebody hate their... Still... Could someone hate future generations enough that they decide that they are going to become a sea creature as a sort of a slap in the face to generations thousands of

years down the line. Like, you know, do you think you could do that sort of thing out of spite, say, oh, I'm no longer going to use use my legs, I'm gonna evolve into a, you know, a blobby marine animal. Well, you might be able to do it as an environmental stance. So let's say you go, I wanna save the oceans. It seems like oceans are fair game for polluting and fucking up and things like that. And the reason why they're fair game is because no humans live in it. Right, absolutely.

And so you could make it this way. Because we never pollute the land where humans live. Well, not the ones that they own. That's true. So I think the problem is that there's no real estate. Yeah. Yeah. There's no real estate market out in the ocean.

If you could monetize that shit, if you could sell that off, it's higher, it's better than people would have an incentive. Yeah. You could buy and there's a lot of potential there because you can not only sell like surface area of the ocean, you can also sell like different depths. Depth. Yeah. And then later on, you could also do it with air.

Up and, yeah. Up in different depths. Depth. Yeah. And then later on, you can also do it with air. Up in the sky. Up in the sky. Going up. You become an aerial creature. But I was just thinking, maybe it's a guy who decides he's going to start the process of his future line generation becoming aquatic creatures. But he's going to do that by squatting in the ocean

until the log gives him the ocean. You know, like, how does it squatters? Eminent domain, or is that even in domain? Or, yeah, just vacant position, kind of, you just... And now, when you said squatting, I pictured him actually squatting, but he's not. Is he, he's being a squatter. Well, he's being a squatter. He's he's probably treading water. I imagine for some reason, deep enough ocean that he's a, I think for that,

Lord, to come into effect, you have to maintain, you have to show that you have maintained at your own expense, that section of water. Okay. That's, I think that's doable still. I mean, there's underwater cameras these days. But basically, look, I don't know how we're gonna show that yet, I don't know the details, but I think what he's gonna do is, he has to stay there for like roughly 15 years

or whatever the law is. And then he owns the ocean. Yeah. Or, you know, or the Australian waters. I think that's good. Do you think that's a sketch? Yeah, I think there's a sketch in a guy who is trying to claim, I want to say eminent domain because it feels like a good expression, but I'm pretty sure that's not it.

I think that might be a thing that the queen has or something like that. But yeah, that he wants to take it over. I still would like to prosecute the case for somebody who's decided to evolve in a really bad direction. And I wonder if there's like something we can do about like kids these days, they've got it too good You know they've got so much You know they've got iPhones and they they expect everything they feel entitled to all sorts of stuff Why and I'm sick of the that trend the way that is going. I'm gonna put a stop to it

I'm gonna avoid I'm gonna we're gonna so I'm gonna divert the human race by kids By removing our eyes by living underground yes, so become like one of those kind of naked mole rats Yeah, we're like one of those moles that has that weird flower No small the most confronting thing. Yeah, yeah, so maybe there's just a man living under a porch Trying to evolve in the wrong direction. Do you think it's part of the same sketch? These are people. It's sort of like a, it's like one of those kind of discovery

channels series about like, it's like a, you know, it's borderline reality TV, but it's also people who make weird decisions with their lives. And I just love it. Because I don't think that shows be done. People who make weird decisions because it's always like I've got an addiction, right? I've got a medical problem. There's always like some kind of reason. There's just like people who make weird decisions.

It's just consistently this guy can't seem to get it right. Can't seem to get it right. Can't seem to make a normal sensible decision. Here we, what we've done is we've offered him. What would you like? A fork or a spoon? Have you got a spatula? What a weird decision.

Weird decision. Here is top 10 weird decision. He or his top 10 weird decisions. So, but these are people who've decided to. I like the show just weird decisions. I'm almost taking this in a totally different direction. I'll say you've captivated me with this tale. I'm not sure about the fork spoon scenario. Do you think it's too simple? Do you think it needs, what kind of scenarios is the encountering?

Somebody says, get a mate. Can I take your order? Yeah, that kind of thing. But maybe like opening a door with his elbow. Oh, that's good. What about the guy who orders only side dishes? Having an ice cream, but just buying the cone. I mean, that's pretty much the same as your side dish one.

That's true. I guess the cone is kind of the side dish to the main meal, which is the ice cream scoop. Can I get a cone on the side? Just scooping the hand, cone on the side. The scoop in the hand, that is the perfect, that is the perfect example of a weird decision this guy would make. And then the cone in the hand?

He can have the cone in the hand. And he puts the cone in his pocket. And then later in the day, we see that it's gone or crunched and he's reaching in for his keys and there's just all like crunchy bits of wafer. What kind? And then he kind of just shifts it to his other project, another weird decision. Exactly. Look, I'm into it.

I think, I think an idea like this really needs to be, you know, fleshed out a lot. I don't know who has the time. I mean, right now. I don't have time to the time, I mean right now. I don't have time to go around putting flesh on bones. Do you think maybe we could do this? We could, this could be a thing that we do when we have our own whole channel. That one there.

Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it's a basis for a whole channel, but or a... Oh, I mean, I don't know if it's a basis for a whole channel. I mean, like, because yeah, in the last episode of podcast I was, I, you're doing this deliberately to wind me up because I was definitely having a go at you last time first trying to get away with bad ideas by saying that's more of a whole TV show or a short movie. But to now say that this is a whole channel.

Like the flimsy of the idea, the more you seem to want to do with it. I guess it's like you're looking at an empty plot of land and you're saying, imagine what we could build on this plot of land instead of seeing a house and saying, I guess we could renovate the bathroom. I mean, you're a fabulous. Yeah, I think maybe I see it as more like, if

all we have a series of channels, maybe a network. We're not going crazy. It's an entire media. We're only two people here, Andy. But I was thinking, if at some point we're making so many shows that we need to fill a whole channel. This would be a perfect show to make. It's good to plan. It's good to have room to grow. Yeah. And that is what we have. We've got a lot of room.

Yeah. The sky's a limit. The sky, well, the channel sky. I wasn't trying to do that. No, I knew you were going back into I was not punting and hey, I was not doing a pun. It's okay. Um Look I like it in a weird way, but I still I think I still like it. I think I have reservations. What are your reservations? but I still, I think I still like it. I think I have reservations. What are your reservations? I just wanna see it in action, I guess.

I guess maybe I wanna make it and then not feel 100% responsible for it. Once it's made, if I don't like it. Yeah, like kids. Kids. You know what I mean, you're not a hundred percent responsible for them, are you? I mean, do a certain extent, but then they become their own. I mean you're responsible for

them existing. Yeah. But you're not responsible for what they become because you're not in control of the DNA in person because that would be crazy. I would be great though if at the beginning you got to build your character like you do at the beginning of a sort of medieval RPG. Yeah. Yeah. and select their different skills. Yeah, well, you got to keep rolling until you get a few more extra points there. And so you could give, would you give your kid a high dexterity or a high strength? I love dexterity. I love the word dexterity.

Then they could be a surgeon. Yeah, or a thief. Ooh, a pickpocket. Ooh, a pickpocket. Yeah, a pickpocket. Could wait. Oh, it slipped away. Real it back in. Something, oh, okay, with DNA, right?

Yeah. Sorry, you were talking about DNA. And, you know, they use DNA to identify criminals from crime scenes, right? But do you think that they could use that same DNA and look at the DNA and be like, oh, this is just bad DNA from his dad. That's the real criminal who's dead for giving him this bad DNA.

We can't, you know. Yeah, look, I think that. People are acquitted on the basis of DNA. But it's usually because they found that it won't be a DNA. But not the quality of the DNA. A Kia SUV is capable of taking you far. But when you use it locally to help your community, you go even further. Whether that's carrying cargo, bringing your team with you, ready, or navigating your terrain.

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I think the only reason why it hasn't happened is because we just don't know enough about DNA that we can really have the confidence to look at it and go, good DNA, bad DNA. So it's kind of like, you know, if you don't know much about Indie Rock, you don't know whether it's a good band or a bad band. Yep, exactly.

And science is at a point where it's kind of like a guy who's only heard radio head. Yep. And he thinks it's good, but mostly because he's just heard other people say that it's good. Yep. And at the moment, Ollie can really say, is this radio head or is this not radio here? Yeah. And at the moment, that's where science is. I'd only know whether or not it's DNA.

Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That would have been an interesting time. Like early on in the DNA forensic science,

sort of thing. You can say, this is DNA. We've done tests that prove that this is DNA. We did it to you. And I put it to you that the accused has DNA Case closed early It's another weird legal Last episode

Is this would be good for our channel. One of those shows on our show, that channel could be like, weirdest legal defenses on the Discovery Channel. I had another idea, which was regarding designer babies. Oh yeah. People think that it's wrong, right? Yes. That's the consensus. People are as an outcry. But this is a-

The universal. This idea is a sketch about people who are against it. And then a scientist comes to them and says, now you're against designer breaches. They go absolutely. Yeah. No doubt about it. They go, well, I want to tell you about this new advance that we have. It's it is it's still designer babies. Well, I'm against it. Well, just listen to the rest. But you do design your baby like you do at the beginning of an RPG.

Yep. And there you go. So I can like pick the color and you know the height and hair and stuff. Whether or not their ears are pointing. Oh, I guess I hadn't thought about it like it was the beginning of an RPG. That's because that's the most fun bit of an RPG. It is. Do you get to see them running on the spot?

Yes. Yes. You've really... I mean, that's a very cosmeasy case. It's really changed, you know, this whole new angle. This is quite a difficult, ethical dilemma for me. I mean, before I was just thinking about, you know, building an immunity for disease and that kind of thing,

and I wasn't sure, but... And really? When you put it to me that I'll be able to select what sort of hit points they have on their broadsword. I mean... Would you tell me... of sight? When I get to pick whether they're a human, an elf or an orc and whether or not they have big boobs and a big metallic bra. I mean normally I would have said don't play God don't play God but don't play God mode but I mean surely telling people not to play God is in a way playing God and I would never do that so

you've got yourself ideal you know I don't know why that's me. Alistair. I really Yeah, I really like that. I I think I think it can be as simple as that as well as like the interviewer going to someone and just saying what if we could do it in this way I think pretty much what just happened You know, we're sort of both you and I are playing both the roles in the sketch and talking over a bit, not really distinguishing the voices when we're doing different characters. Sometimes one has a Canadian accent, then an Australian accent. Yeah, exactly.

They're both just riffing. They're just trying to figure out the funniest way that they could. Yeah, repeat what the other person said basically. But with slightly like emphasis on different bits that you can and they're able to make it funnier. I mean, that's all creativity is really. It's repeating someone else said, but with a different emphasis.

Can you get copyright on an emphasis? People, there's been a lot of debate about plagiarism, obviously, in political speeches and in music, famous Marvin Gaye, Blurred Lines case, but also what about emphasis, the third word in a sentence. That's where I put mine. Look, L.S.A.R. I look, it would be great for a guy to try to... Intonation. Yeah, too. I mean... Sarcasm. Sarc... what? To... to... to copyright Sarcasm? Yeah, or some other... maybe you can come up with a new kind of tone of voice.

Do you think, I mean, maybe Judith Lucy could do that, because I think her tone of voice is... Yeah, that's really tied up with her identity, isn't it? Yeah. That's quite identifiable with her. It's like the purple color with Cadbury the sarcastic tone of voice and if you're in comedy for example To talk like that would you know would be akin to stealing a trade you know copying a trademark So in a trade market town safe

I like that when that guy accused the other guy of stealing his essence That's the thing and that's the thing in stand-up where I think apparently Dane Cook accused Another guy of stealing his essence Wow It's amazing because you can steal someone's essence, but then they still have their essence don't they? Well, it's like it's so really you just kind of digitally pirated it. Yeah, yeah, you ripped it. I only ripped your essence.

Baby. I think, look, we actually have five sketches. We can only have five sketches. But I don't know, I feel like we should just go to the next one. I don't know what we don't have is momentum. No, no, no, we've definitely come to a dead stop. But now we're trading water and an attempt to pick it back up again.

All right, momentum. What do we got? Law of conservation of momentum. Moments. Moments. What do you think there'd be a law of conservation of something else, right? Whenever two things collide

Maybe the momentum is conserved the energies conserved and also the color of the shirt that Men in The hat so like when two people collide like you know in a romantic comedy and all the books go everywhere Okay, not nothing to do with conservation of anything. Yeah, let's just come up with a sketch about people Bumping into each other and dropping their books in romantic comedies. Okay, okay, could it be

Like we only ever see that in a romantic context, the bump and the book drop. But can we try and put that into some other kind of film? Could it be in a war film, a director who just really loves maybe that trope, that trope of the book, the bump in the book drop. Maybe it's somebody who's come from romantic comedies and is now directing this, okay, is it done really well as a romantic comedy director? But now he's directing this incredible war epic. Right? Great. So all I got so far is that like somebody's running,

they're late for a briefing, a war briefing, and they're running and they're carrying all these rifles in their arms, right? And they bump into someone and the rifles go all over the ground. And then they fall in love? Then they're helping each other to pick up the rifles, but I don't want them to fall in love. I just want that scene. Well, maybe it needs to be one army. Right.

It runs into another army and it all carries books. And then they start a war. That's how the war starts. They fall into war with each other. Yeah. Well, I guess if you're trying to do a different style, like if it's a horror movie, it's like a big monster's running somewhere.

Yes. Because you never see the moving. You only just see them appear suddenly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at some point, when they're behind the scenes, when they're not on camera, they've got to be running around. To get to that point.

To get to that point. And so they're running around. And then they, it was just some other person, and they go, actually, now you're the person that want to kill. I think there's something in that. Yeah. What are the scenes out there? Like there's always the scene where somebody's a bit

frumpy and they're wearing glasses and then it's time for some big date or some important night and then they come out and they look really good. They're not wearing their glasses thank fuck. They've maybe taken their hair out. That thing that makes people look so ugly. Yeah, I know. It's gross. Yeah. Um, you know, so maybe something like that. But again, like, you know, war context. He didn't look very brave.

Yeah. He was wearing glasses. Yeah. But then before the big war prime Well the biggest salt you know the biggest salt the night of the big push I guess I know a bigger salt is kind of like the problem in a way. Yeah A lot of people just sitting waiting yeah

On the sidelines never been awkwardly hoping someone will point their gun at them. They don't. Nobody does. You know, do you think, do you think this is there? I think that's there. I think. So yeah, okay, I think I could see it in, in the idea of like you're just watching a, yeah, a whole movie. It's gonna be a whole movie. It'll be on our movie channel. Yes

No, but it's a so you're just watching this this director is a rom com director Attempt a war app. Yeah, and so then it will be cut up. It'll just be like a kind of like a montage of scenes that are sort of rom-com scenes. Yeah, I mean, could it even be like from the director of blah, and then it's a trailer. Yeah, it's a trail from the director of, she's not that into you.

Or she's, you know, that's great. I mean, you can make up a whole lot of romantic comedy titles, maybe, like make those up. So it's a fictional director. Yeah, she's into you literally. Yeah, okay, I got like this. Heart to heart to heart to heart to heart and a heart spelled H A R T to heart and then H A R T to heart and then H E A R T right because somebody's name is heart. And he's he's a relationship counselor.

Exactly. He has lots of deep and meaningful conversations. And there's another one called Hold Me Closer. And me is spelled MI and it's the girl whose name is me. Hold. One is called meat and bread, but it's spelled M-E-E-T. And then Anne. Anne, A-N-N-E.

Yes. And then bread, B-R-E-T. No, it's the bread. D B which is decibel. Yeah. And then red. Yeah. And so it's somebody who owns a speaker company. Red. Yeah. Meat and decibel. Red. And her dad was a famous rowdy. This is what you wanted, Andy. Word jokes. No, but it's not really word jokes.

It's that's a satire on romantic comedies. So we're actually not doing puns, we're satirizing bad puns. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good.

So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good.

So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good.

So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. So this is good. episode. We've got bathing for too long. It's a PSA about bathing for too long and the risks possibly also for bathing for two short period of time. Like a guy who just ends up aqua-planing across the top of the bath. That's a genuine risk. Yeah. I think it's also possible to move through water so quickly that you cause it to heat up.

Of course. That must be possible, right? Well, you know, it's just, you know, water, it's just like a freak. Sick atmosphere, you know. I mean, you have to be really moving really fast for a bath depth to do a bath. Sure. But who cares? But like, you know, if a meteorite struck a bath, what if it's Einstein's son and he's going to speed a life? There you go. Einstein's son is going to

speed a light to take a bath. But as he went in, he burned up. That's a weird decision. You're watching people who make weird decisions on the discovery channel. On the ATB and Andy Matthews channel. It's really good when I've had this cold and I've got like an announcer's yeah okay then we got number two is man trying to claim eminent domain over the ocean by squatting in it. If indeed eminent domain is the correct answer. Yeah, whatever it is that thing. It might mean something racist.

Oh no, is that your fear with all the holes in your knowledge? Yeah, in a way that's kind of the worst thing it could be, isn't it? Yeah, I mean it could be an incantation that kills people. Sure. I mean, okay. But if that incantation was also racist, that would be worse. That would be worse. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, be awful. What about a guy who comes up with an incantation that kills people?

But then it's also a racist. Look, to be honest, I reckon I could bullets catch around it. And let's do it. So, keep it for the channel. Keep it for the channel. So that was a guy who is also possibly deciding to evolve, to make a decision that he's going to evolve. It's changed the direction of evolution for his family decision that he's going to evolve. It's changed the direction of evolution for his family and that they're going to. Because we're under the porch until they become molds. Yeah, so molds are wales as the ocean one is here.

Because we didn't actually put the. Wales really are the, the molds of the ocean. Absolutely. They're in there. They're moving through it. Some are moving through. I think being a sub-training creature would be one of the worst things you could be. I always picture Gofas having a pretty good time.

And I remember enjoying the fantastic Mr. Fox book a lot, like where they live in tunnels and steal cider and turkey from people's basement. The constant collapsing of dirt and risk of suffocation. They're still just mammals, right? But that's life. I mean, we probably have equivalent things up here on the surface. But we don't even think about it because it's just our life, you know.

And they're like, what about if you guys could always constantly be getting hit by meteors exactly I never happened to us never never never never never never never never dirt I wouldn't I wouldn't live on every peg make it oh yeah up there on the the meteor strewn surface of earth on your word the people always looking at you from the omnidirections you see from the side near directions. I was seeing you from the side. I mean, what I like is- No, what's ever seen me from the side. What I like is just one path forward and one path backwards. That path, sometimes, collapse, I can't go backwards. It's okay.

And sometimes you can't even turn around. I mean, it's awful. And once you go down a path and you encounter somebody going the other way, that's when your life ends just facing another person. Anyway, I'm a sub-tourine and creature radio program. Good night. It was good.

Yeah. So then there's number three is the Weird Decisions Reality TV show. Yeah. And it's just people who make weird decisions. It's a parody on all the other reality shows that are based on things that are sort of not People's fault and so you can laugh at them. Yes But this it is their fault and you probably still can laugh at that. Maybe even more so. Yeah, because it's their fault maybe even more so. Yeah, because they're false.

Oh yeah, you can't laugh at people because things are not their fault. But these are weird enough things that like, yeah, if you eat drywall, we can laugh at you. Yeah, and also they're on television. They can't hear us laughing at us. That's right. That's the beauty of television.

Yeah. When I was a kid, I used to think that sometimes, used to think that the news reader, if I gave her the finger, which I would give him the finger I was like I don't know if she can see it or him you know I wasn't just giving the finger to Female newsreaders of the female sex Number four is early DNA testing

You know and you used it in a court case. They only knew whether or not it was DNA. Your honor, the substance we found on the kitchen knife was DNA. And what is Mr. Johnson the accused made of? Well, a few, see from our testing here, it says DNA. Five is a person who's against designer babies. All they could prove when they could test with DNA was they could, the only people they could prove innocent of crimes

were robots. That's amazing. Yeah, that's good. Really? Well, we know. Well, the DNA testing was developed, allowing them to prove that the substance on the knife was, in fact, DNA.

And therefore, this robot, OK, yeah, it can can go free he could not have been murdered by his dishwasher and it kind of like a robot turning around and hugging its robot mom it's robot lawyer yeah it's like it could be a man. A man. A man. A man could be a lover. Could you convince the robot? Which is okay now. So yeah, the person who's against designer babies gets convinced by someone, a scientist who tells them that what if you could create the designer babies through some RPG character

design thing and they get and they get convinced. I think that's great. Yeah. That would probably convince me. Little boxes doesn't make a blooping noise when you move between the little boxes selecting different people. Now the worst the worst thing that would be making a designer baby and ends up looking exactly like somebody else's because you picked all the best things and a lot of people think I think that would happen a lot. Yeah, but that's why you put in these things. But then there'd be people who find ways to use other things like, you know, short, like warrior or whatever, he can go fast maybe, but then Luigi can go well round corners.

So people will find ways to make these babies. That's true. Yeah. A lot like real life. That would be weird to make your baby more like war. It make them really heavy. And really bad at accelerating. But it's hard to knock them off a go-cart. But you know, once he does pick up speed, I can say this, paying off. Yeah, once he picks up speed, he has a higher top speed than lighter people.

That would be a benefit. So it takes a higher level of skill to drive him, but to drive your son. This baby. This baby. I'm gonna find that funny. And then it's a trailer for a director's film, which is a war epic, but the director normally does rom coms from the director of how to lose a guy in 10 days and 500 days of summer. Holding hands with Lisa, but hands is spelled H is spelled H a n s and Lisa is spelled E

Lisa It's a real estate agent cool hands. Oh hands So he said H a m s. I probably did hams H-A-M-S. So I probably did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham!

We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham!

We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham!

We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! We did ham! podcast. Thank you very much for listening. If you like the show, please tweet about it, talk about it, write it on iTunes, tell your friends and all of your parents as well. Go and tell a old guy and then force him to listen and watch him while he does it. Yeah, and then I'm Alistair TV on Twitter, Andy's stupid old Andy and the Twitter is the podcast, the two in tank. That two in tank. That two in tank. And we're also on Facebook and read us on iTunes.

Like, a lot of people tell me to write things on iTunes when I'm listening, and I don't do it that often. But occasionally I do, and boy, it makes me feel good. No one that I've helped contribute to the distribution and the success of Apocas. And the fact that it makes you feel good and you don't do it all the time is really healthy for you, Alistair, because if something makes you feel that good, I mean, there's dangers to you. I could be prone to addiction. You could have an addictive personality and find yourself

destroying your life through writing podcasts, but trust us, just a little hit white hurt. One little hit. The first one's free again. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for listening. Love you. We love you.