Simple Swedish Podcast - 64 - "ROBOHOBO"

Episode Date: January 31, 2017

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Kia. Movement that inspires. Call 800-333-4-Kia for details. Always drive safely. Take my body to the beach. Can you make my life go blank if you don't know where you'll be? Get your arm and do the deep. Gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap My name is Alistair George William, Trumbly virtual and this is my co-host. Andy. Randru.

Randru, please. Well, I mean trouble. Well, I mean, what I mean, trouble and horny. Yes. That is a reference to the end of last episode, if you ever want to- They use all these episodes happen in the same universe. Yeah. In case you're wondering, I'd like to announce that they're all connected and there are characters

that you pop up in both of them. Are all the sketches that we come up with? All the sketches set in the same universe? Yes. Yes, our universe. Yes, the imagined universe. What about sketches that are set in different universes? Are they set in this universe?

Do you just have to change what frame of reference that you're in? Yes, that's the challenge. It's one of a one of all the sketches that happen in this universe, right? Are actually all taking place in the mind of a boy who is trapped in a... A bear trap. A bear trap and the life is leaching out of him. Oh no.

Yeah, so they're all flashing through his mind. So, in that, that's going to really cut down on production costs. I think when we come to actually make all of these sketches, is that none of them actually take place. They're all imaginary. Does that cut down on production? Yeah, I think so. I think the fact that they all just in his mind. I guess other than documentaries, all films are imaginary. Well, that was what happened with that TV show called St. Elsewhere, right? Was a TV show called St. Elsewhere about a set in a hospital. I was sort of like a soap opera drama. Okay.

Many, many seasons all set in a hospital. Great. And then at the end, like the closing shots the show sort of revealed that the whole thing was taking place in the mind of the autistic son of one of the characters as he stared at a snow globe with a model of a hospital in it or something like that. And so they just implied that that's what happened? I think so yeah like you or a man came on screen and explained it. I mean, that's kind of a fun reveal that you could have a series of sketches that are something very strange happens or something very normal, but you contrast it with whoever

the person is who's thinking about it. Like, right afterwards, it's a reveal that it's happening in the mind of somebody. Yeah, right. Okay. So it could just be two people eating waffles. And then you pull out and you reveal that that is taking place in the mind of a man using a machete to hack the legs of a giant lizard. Great, yeah. Or an old lady looking into a snow globe. Hacking the legs off an old lady looking into a snow globe, that's a bit Macarbella's there.

I mean, that could be, it's an old lady. Keeping your focus on the snow globe, because they are not entertaining. Like to be distracted by a snow globe at a time like that, that's either got to be a very big snow globe, LSD. It's a very different generation. It's true. They used to be more entertained by simpler things.

Back in the day, before they had anaesthetic, they would just shake a snow globe in front of someone while they were amputating a leg with a machete. And that was enough. You'd be lucky if it was a machete. You'd be lucky if it was a machete. You'd be lucky if it was a snoglope. Sometimes it was just a globe and they would just move it around. So your eyes, following it, totally. They often couldn't get glass into a round shape.

So they would just shine a light off of a bit of broken glass into your eye. Yeah. So you'd basically just be looking straight into a weight. I know. Wait. In the absence of adequate pain relief, they would just try and annoy you.

And hope that the frustration would distract you from the incredible pain of losing both your legs. So pre-anesthetic pain relief? Pre-anesthetic pain relief, yes. Well, I mean, I guess there are other things that could be done like in terms of just maybe just giving what would be a pleasant feeling to sort of overcome the negative feeling. Maybe just they have someone who comes in and it's their job to sort of slowly reveal to you interesting facts or pieces of good news that will hopefully interesting facts or pieces of good news that will hopefully

Release enough endorphins in your brain. So and the pesos is up three points Oh, that's good. I guess you know, or you know You'd have to do research on them find out if maybe they're what sort of things they consider to be very good Yeah, or like if they're about to go to a trip, you know Right or something that you go And you know what, the dollars didn't very well against the euro. So before the surgery, they have a consult consultation with Leon, who's going to be your in-eath test for the day, and he tries to find things that you're interested in, things that you like, things that are going on in your

life, and he'll try and just keep you positive, keep those and Dolphin hits coming. Oh, we're losing him. We're losing him. We're going to need something big. We're going to need something strong. She's coming out of it. There's deep sea sharks that live up to 400 years old. He stabilized. That's great. That's the longest humans know that a vertebrae can live. Oh, that's good. Thank you. Is that true? Are sharks considered a vertebrae given that they don't have bones and they just have cartilage? Well, look, I didn't know that. I think I thought sharks did have some bones. No. I think they're all cartilage. Are teeth bones? Nope, they're cartilage. Those sharks take their very soft, they look sharp.

They look sharp, but... Are you telling me, wait, there's no sharp skeleton? Look, here you say it back to me, it obviously says stupid. Are they closer to worms than they are, sort of, you know, fish? Sharks are completely floppy. Yeah, I didn't know that.

Yeah, no, you can squeeze them into a little jar or whatever. Yeah, right. It's like, like, like, like, like. Very easy to get upstairs, which is jam. So they're like, like, they're like, it's a jam. They're like, it's a jam. Technically, no, look, they must have bones.

I apologize. And now that I think about it some more, I've seen shark skulls. Yeah. I've seen those big jaw things. Those big jaw things, yeah. Although, no, I've never actually seen a skull of a shark.

You only see the jaws. So maybe the jaw is the only bone. Because surely if sharks had skulls, yeah, we would have seen them. Ah, look, I don't remember, but I feel like I feel like I've seen. I don't think you have. I don't think you've ever seen a shark skull. I'm gonna call it right now. Sharks don't have skulls. They've just got a bony jaw plate sort of thing that keeps their teeth in, or plate sort of thing that keeps their teeth in, but the rest of them is cartilage and muscle.

Yeah, right. And skin and a little bum hole. And do they have a cloaca? I think they probably got a cloaca. Yeah. Yeah. How reckon they pack a cloaca? So is this, and that was another episode of,

how do you add a way to work? How do addibles work? How do whales work? Yeah. Um. How do you think we all work? So yeah, so we assume probably do they have any kind of internal combustion. What is the energy coming from?

Well, they're cold blooded except for. But the fire is hot. The great white, the great white is a warm blooded shark, but everything else is cold blood. I don't know where I have all these. So probably not shark facts. And maybe shark week. Shark week, do you think it could be shark week right now? And I'm just sort of channeling this. There's so much shark information in the atmosphere right now that it has to come out in some form.

Man, there's this scientific and in Verticom's web page I used to visit, but there were also a lot of parapsychological and like, stuff on there. I went on there, I had been on there for years and I saw a thing that was like, it was a person writing this article as if this was very scientific but they were saying that they found a lot of like evidence of of not telekinesis, what's the other one there? Being able to read thoughts? Yeah, telepathy. Telepathy instead of in autistic children and and so they were like actual evidence like that and I was like I see this is how you trick people because you just say evidence

And then and then it becomes very you say actual evidence and then because people have cotton on to just saying evidence Well, absolutely right, so you really got to raise the stakes. Yeah, you got to say actual evidence or you know or real evidence Proven verifiable evidence. Yes,, proven, verifiable evidence. Yes, if you just say verifiable, it doesn't have to be verifiable. Nobody's gonna verify it. No. We don't have the time.

You're just saying it is verifiable. Yeah. Trust me. Of course. It's verifiable. You could verify it if you wanted to. I don't know if anybody's verified, it's verifiability.

We don't know whether that's verifiable. I don't know if it's possible to be verified that. No. I don't think you can prove a provable. Well, I think you can prove whether something is unprovable. Yeah, but to prove whether something is provable, who has the time. Well, exactly. I mean, we've got cornflakes to eat. We've got go carts to go do.

What if as well as shark week? Yeah. Right. There was just following shark week, there was imaginary shark week, where they just talk about some better sharks. You know, like, I imagine shark week is probably running out of cool things to say about the great white.

Yeah. But, imaginary shark week, the fantastic blue shark. Hmm. I think there's a lot that's still left to be said. Sharks are dragons of the sea, right? Everybody knows that. Everybody knows that, right? And so, it wouldn't question your face. It wouldn't be so crazy if you pictured a shark that could shoot out a freezing beam,

things like that, in an imaginary shark week. Once you accept, as we have, the dragon's of the sea. The shooting out of the ice feels perfectly logical. Absolutely. Some that are made mostly of stone, or at least their outsides are, obviously they've still got blood flowing through their veins. If they do have veins that are stone veins.

That's why they have to keep swimming. Otherwise they'll sink to the bottom. And they can't, they have to keep swimming just to stay up because the pressure and crush. Do you think that because apparently that's a myth, right, that sharks have to keep swimming otherwise they'll die. It's a bad myth. Terrible myth. Yeah. Do you think it was just a misunderstanding? Originally the fact was sharks have to keep living otherwise they won't be able to swim and someone just got a bit twisted around in their head. Because I think that that version of the fact is probably true.

And might even be verifiable. They have to keep living if they want to keep swimming. Yeah. I don't even know if that's true, because there's all those involuntary movements. I mean, then you're going into what is a swim? And what is... You know, I mean, I've gone for swims that were barely even a dip.

Right. And then you compare that dip to a shark that has just recently died, and then its nerves are kind of still flailing a little bit. So I'm around twitching. He might go 10, 20 meters. That's way longer than the dip that I just got wet. Right? I'm just sometimes I'll go into the ocean

and just to get my lower half in and then you go, you know what I've decided that's in enough or you just kind of get your whole body. That shark is already in wet as whole body. Does he consider that a swim? Anyway, look. I'll stay at my sit corrected. Yeah, thank you very much. Look, I don't know about, I sit corrected. Yeah, thank you very much. Look, I don't know about, do you think imagination, like, where is the sketch going with the imaginary shark week, or imaginary sharks? Or is it just, it's about elaborating on shark week and, like, you know, how much further

can it go? Yeah, I think, you know, maybe, look, I hate to have another pitch meeting. You could be people trying to pitch things to the Discovery Channel. It's Discovery Channel has Shark Week. I presume. Right. And, you know, they'd be stupid. Shark Week's been really big for us. Right. People love it. People love finding out new facts about sharks, but we're running out of facts about sharks. Yeah. Right. Um, so they, they, they come up with imaginary shark week could just be a trailer for imaginary shark week It could be a competitive network that is going up against shark week. Yeah during shark week and they they're taking it on with the

Imaginary shark week could they Could they not say that it's imaginary and they just come up with a better shark than the gray white? That's interesting. It's almost like a, is it, is it, is it wag the dog that film where there's a sex scandal in the White House and so they come up with an imaginary war? You know, they make up a country and say they're going to war with them. Yeah, there's definitely some videos that are made up, yeah, two minutes. So

it's like that, but with sharks and it's a new discovery channel. Yeah, somebody who's trying to claw back some of that, you know, they've got all the people they've got it sewn up all the sharks. They've they've they're territory. We've got to do something. We've got to sewn up all the sharks. They're their territory. We've got to do something. We've got to give people something more. Like when Jurassic Park kind of found some bigger dinosaur is bigger than the T-Rex, it took us to show off. And that one that's kind of got a crocodile mouth,

Megalosaurus or whatever it is. Then maybe the shark itself is not a funny enough thing to try and come up with a better version of. You know, if it wasn't You know maybe maybe it's turtles or something But yeah, but who's interested in turtles I'm what about who's passionate about turtles right? What about the network that runs turtle week in the same week as shark week and how bad their ratings are

Like how they're really struggling. There's bound to be some other sea creatures week that falls on on shark week. Yeah, yeah Just their luck by no but so so then what a turtle week people do they find out like a kind of a risk turtle Well, they could they they could try and do like what they've done with the 2020 cricket where they've Made it faster and they've added fireworks and cheerleaders. And that, but with turtles. I mean, those strapping fireworks to them. But like, are they? They're all just surrounded by fireworks.

Are they taking credit for a lot of the great white deaths? They're actually saying, actually a lot of great white deaths. They're actually caused by what is actually an even greater killing machine. The turtle. The turtle. The turtles live for hundreds of years. Yeah. And so they kill hundreds where you're more vulnerable. You don't get that kind of lifespan by letting sharks fuck with you. That's right. You got a show him who's boss. You get into the ocean

It's like it's like prison if you get into the ocean you go up you find the biggest shark You kick it's us you punch him in the head you kick it in the cloaca. Yeah We're in that nose bit. I Don't know about this one. Yeah, no, it's okay It's made me tired. Yeah one, El. Yeah, no, it's okay. Um, it's made me tired talking about it. Just talking about it, okay. Well, look, we can move on. I had this idea the other day where. Outside idea.

It's keeping, it's called keeping up with the Bagonias. Yeah. Right, and it's just footage of two Bagonias near each other. Yeah. And it's a reality TV show. Great. And it's mostly, it's mostly narrator driven. Yeah.

It tells you the story of what's going on and they're constantly. A lot of those shows, they create the narrative. You know, it's really just a lot of unconnected footage. And then the editors and the directors, they're so good. They have writers for these shows. They can piece that stuff together to create drama. And I imagine you'll get the same people in on keeping up with the Bagonias.

In many ways, that's kind of what I'm parodying. Yeah. And so we were just filming Bagonias. Right. And then maybe a gust of wind goes by or something like that. Or maybe you could just blow on it. And then you go, oh, it looks like left Bagonia is getting angry.

Or a B comes in and selects one Bagonia ahead of the other Bagonia. Maybe the sun moves across the sky, casting the shade of the first Bagonia, or to the second Bagonia. It's casting shade. Literally casting shade. Yeah. Yeah, I think this is something. this is something it's a little bit like Miyakat Manor. Remember that TV show that was basically reality TV show but with

Miyakats. Yeah, but then I think actual things do happen with America. That's the thing that's the that's a crucial difference. Yeah. You've removed the actual things from this from the concept and come up with keeping up with the begun Yes, we're picking up with the Bagonius and so because I want everything to basically be manufactured But but maybe maybe like even having bees and shade and things like that is too much Because you're right you're right. Well, I mean, I like I kind of like the shade I like the sun moving across the sky. Yeah, okay, that's true. That is pretty involuntary. Yeah.

But because I mean, there are inside, there's probably not even any bees inside. Maybe there's like some gnats. It could be that. It could be a fly. It could be a blow fly that is buzzed in. No, absolutely. A dead blow fly. Yeah. Maybe it'd be nice to see that kind of decompose over time. That could be a nice addiction. It's sort of like a nice arc over there. Yeah, yeah.

Is this a weird thing to write down? No, no, no, I don't think it is at all. I think I remember watching David Unbridge's private life plants and they had a lot of time lapse photography which actually manages to make the growth of a plant look very dramatic time lapse photography which actually manages to make the growth of a plant that very dramatic emotional. But I think we would avoid that. But then what kind of like narratives would you put on plants, you know, like about would you put sort of contemplation and because I mean, that's that's kind of what's interesting is that like maybe there is like really

big deep drama is going on between these two plants, but it's all just spoken. Well, maybe all the information conveyed in the narration is just facts about the plants. So the plant that the plant is processing carbon dioxide to form glucose and release oxygen as a byproduct. You know, all that stuff, if you can just present it as though it were gossip. Gossip. Yeah, exactly. And scandal. Yeah. And see that, yeah, I think that's interesting.

I mean, it'd be great if you can like I get me out I think I think maybe in my mind you were kind of talking about like and then that one's wife You know sort of cheated on him and and that one things like that, you know like in his and his his sprawl Has gone off and you know kind of drug problem, but But maybe that's too much. Maybe it is just but you know, you're just reading about I guess you could get just like a biology textbook read about cells. And then- Cellular processes.

And just kind of say it more, like read it kind of accusatory, in a accusatory way. Like that, so it's like, oh, and then, and then Begonia left S Left most begonia left most begonia is Root system root system is engaging in transpiration. Yeah, I think that's them. Yeah, right I've written down keeping up with the begonia's right The other day and I'm starting to bring in another out, outside idea.

I was there, I was okay, because I have no inside ideas. But it was discussed between us. You and I. Yeah, you and I, it was regarding crime. Oh yeah, and making murder illegal. Murder, making, not making murder illegal, I'm not saying.

As much as making being murdered illegal. That's right. Because they've banning homelessness from Melbourne streets. Yeah. It's going to become illegal to not have a home. And hence I imagine compulsory to have a home. Yeah, which is tough for a lot of people. Yeah.

Especially people who are in between homes. And who don't have money or want a home or is that is that a big thing for homeless people? they don't want a lot of them don't want a home right now don't feel like having a home look i don't i don't want to put anything on them but i also don't want to take anything away from them But I also don't want to take anything away from them. So... Do you think there... I mean, I think homeless people is a ground for comedy is probably

A being done and B almost always unfair and cruel. Sure. But do you think something about a homeless person who talks very rationally about not wanting to get trapped in the rental market? Like their reasons for homelessness, you know, they that they saw that debt, you know, rent money is dead money and that they. So it's just because they don't they want to save up and get a deposit on a house? Well, I'm not sure, because that almost makes too much sense, but the idea that they didn't, they didn't want to get caught in this cycle.

And so they live on the streets eating out of bins. Yeah. Is that... I don't know, I don't see any way for this to not be punching down. But Yeah, look, you know, to do to do something that seems so against your own self interest, but for apparently very rational reasons. Yeah. Yeah. You know, look, I think that there's something in that. rational reasons. Yeah. Yeah. You know, look, I think that there's something in that, like else, I mean, like, I think that's what about this? Some, some, it's like a, it's like a TV show that's like stories from the street. You know, a lot of people walking past these homeless

people here outside Flinders Street station will think that they will not give them a second thought. But each of these person has has an is an individual with their individual stories to Dell. Today I'm going to talk to Jeffrey who's been living on the streets for six years. Jeffrey, how did you end up here? Well, I looked around at so many of my friends who were getting into the property market and then others who were trapped in a cycle of renting and I saw that you know rent money was dead money and I basically didn't believe in anyway. He gets on dead money. So I forget it. And then he goes, so then, oh yeah, I've got a job and everything like that.

But it's just, I don't want to waste money on things like food and rent. Yeah, so I'm clean clothes and all that kind of stuff. So just live out here. It's just a life choice. I mean obviously the people out here don't really appreciate it because you know I'm kind of choosing to be here and around a lot of these people are sort of in a situation in which they can't escape it. And so they kind of, you know, they don't like me about that. And I guess it makes my stay not as pleasant as it could be because it often they spit on me. And maybe another reason they don't like me very much is my constant repetition of the fact

that I don't have to be here. And, you know, say, I chose this and I could leave at any time. Yes. But I won't because of the rent money is dead money. Yeah. And I don't, you know, I do have a lot of money and I could be spending it on getting us all out of here.

Yes, but I choose not to because rent money is dead money. As I say, dead money. I mean, my dad taught me that. Yeah. It was one of the two things he taught me, that in the European cars are very expensive to keep on the road. Very expensive to keep on the road.

That's why I don't have one. You can't get the parts. Yeah, I'll get a Japanese car. Alexis. Alexis. Which is European style. It's basically a fancy Toyota. Did you know that?

What about these people who are like, who say homeless people, who complain about fake homeless people. I don't believe this is a real, like it's certainly not as big a problem as the people who complain about it make it out to me, but that some of these people, they're not really homeless, they've got homes, they just do it to get money, they try to manipulate you and exploit you and they try and get you, make you be sympathetic. Well, can we do something about fake homeless people, right? So a lot of these people aren't even real homeless people and then you go over to them and

they're like, it's just a shell made out of like paper mache or something. Or the person. Yeah, it's a hologram or. That's great. That's really good. It's a mannequin. It could be a robot, fake homeless, right? And you maybe look, you can tell a real homeless person

because they'll have a maker's mark on the soul of their shoe. See, this one here, that mark, that's not actually burned into the show as it should be. If you rub that, you can see that comes off. That's just a kind of a lacquer. This one is actually a very advanced, complex bioelectronics. He's a hyperreal, like, manned android. That is capable of passing the homeless touring test and convincing a human being that it is a homeless human being Yes, but he does it so that he can because they can sit for longer periods of time with their head hanging low and And they can look more pathetic than anyone and so they can extract more their designs specifically extract sympathy and money had of

Extract more the design specifically extract sympathy and money had of out of idiotic commoners like you and me And this may be the jobs of the unemployed are being taken away by machines Like a robotic beggar. Yeah, yeah, so there's nothing there really is No job that a human being can have that cannot be taken away by a machine. Yeah, look, I think that's definitely a sketch. Yeah, I've got something out of that. Oh, my man. Man, I feel like each one of these is taking so much out of me to get it. I'm like, my energy levels are dropping by like 20%.

I'm taking big hits. And so each one is going to take even more. Yeah. Right. But as you know, we don't, we're trying to get five sketches and we need dropping by like 20%. I'm taking big hits. And so each one is going to take even more. Yeah. Right. But as you know, we don't we're we're trying to get five sketches and we need to get five sketches or else it doesn't even get released. Yeah. And true. I feel like we should I should in a way be threatening my brain saying mate, you've already done all this work, brain. And I'm not going to give you any kind of reward unless you come up with more. These are our list of my demands. I'm not releasing the single podcast until you provide me with

five sketch ideas. You know how people refer to serial monogonists as like being like Tarzan that they don't they they don't grab well I can't remember whether it's that it's like but they don't grab the next vine and like they don't like over the first vine until Akea SUV is capable of taking you far but when you use it locally to help your community you go even further whether that's carrying cargo bringing your team with you, ready, or navigating new terrain. Power up your capability with the right Kia SUV. Do more with the Kia Sportage,

Kia Telluride, Kia Sorento, or Kia Salto's Kia. Movement that inspires. Call 800-333-4-Kia for details. Always drive safely. Call 800-333-4KIA for details. Always drive safely. Grabbing on to the next one, who I think? Yeah, that's a beautiful image. Yeah.

Do you think that we could somehow turn that around onto Tarzan and say that he was kind of a bit being a bit unfair to Vines? Right. Or that maybe somehow with relationships that he didn't do that at all. Well, I mean, he was a monogamous, wasn't he? And that he was with Jane. That's right.

But actually, before... May be, May tell, then, you Jane. We told him. But before he was with Jane, he was with Miranda. And actually, there was a bit of crossover. Right. And so he didn't was a bit of crossover. Right, right. And so he didn't actually let go of Miranda. And he was actually clinging to Miranda holding me

at one hand on Jane. Like holding her sort of clinging her like a baby monkey clings to the bottom of the above of its mother. And then I think I think I think I don't know if this works necessarily as a As a Tarzan thing, but could we do this as just a character trait of Somebody in a relationship just a regular person. Yeah, but who is So incapable of being alone that they can't actually leave one relationship until they are

able to touch or grab. How's this not gross? But to embrace, they won't leave the embrace of one person until they can go into the embrace of the next. Which obviously it makes it very difficult to find and date somebody and get to the point of being able to embrace them. So they do it a lot while still embracing your previous partner. I guess that would be very you could one place where you could do it is maybe at a sort of a big sort of like a big ball. Right. You know where there's a lot of dancing and looking over to someone as shoulder And I guess you could meet somebody who's looking over their partner shoulder or dancing alone. That's true and so He he there is very good. It's sort of throwing his voice so that the person can't tell or you

You know, I guess it would help if he was dating a deaf woman And he or he moves from series of deaf women or he moves from deaf woman to deaf woman. Any, or he moves from... A series of deaf women. Or he moves from deaf woman to deaf woman. Any more, he moves from one deaf woman, deaf woman, deaf woman. If he knew sign language, that would help. But then it also does make it more difficult to... I'm sorry, I'm getting a phone call. And my personal circumstances have changed. The point where I'm going to take this. Where you getting a phone call and my personal circumstances have changed the point where I'm going to take this.

Where you can take phone calls, okay. So, so he is in, okay, I'll just try and keep doing this well, okay. So he's in a, he's in a ball, he's dancing. And now he's looking over the shoulder of the person he's dancing with. And he starts communicating with the other person who's dancing with me, either their partner or dancing alone. I've already said all this stuff. And so maybe if he knows sign language, that allows him to speak in a way without them

knowing. Anyway, so somehow he closes the deal whilst dancing with this person. And then as the dance wraps up, he decides to let go of his beloved and sort of grab hands with the other person and sort of introduces them to her their current girlfriend. And then says to them, this is, I'm sorry, I didn't get your name. This is Miranda, Jane. I'm just going with the with the tarzan names. He goes, Jane, this is my new girlfriend. We just met while we were dancing while I was dancing with you, Jane. And I'm leaving you for her. And now I'm going to let go

of your hand, but not until I grab onto Miranda's hand. I don't know what you thought of my conversation with Kali. Yeah, I didn't. I'm going to write Tarzanting. Yeah, great. But I think that this person should also not just do that with relationships. I think that maybe he should also do it like, he won't finish a sandwich until he's secured himself another sandwich. He's like chain smoking but with sandwiches.

Yeah, but with. And he won't get out of a car until he can pull it up alongside and step out the door into another car. Or like, you know, he won't leave a taxi until he knows that he's booked the next taxi for, you know, when he finishes work or whatever. Sure. So he knows that he's booked the next taxi for, you know, when he finishes work or whatever. Sure. So he's, he's a, I guess in many ways, a very insecure man.

He doesn't, he doesn't like that void, that feeling of a void in your life and that uncertainty of like, where is my next sandwich coming from? I know. I, as I'm eating a sandwich, I'm ordering another sandwich so that when I leave that sandwich shop, I have a sandwich with me. Yeah. And there's no risk of me not having a sandwich. And it's not that he doesn't enjoy the present.

He enjoys the present, but he enjoys the present knowing that there's a future sandwich coming. Love, I love you. I love you. I love you my love. Hmm, but I know that Nothing is is permanent and One day for whatever reason this could end and I want you to know that I've got something lined up. So don't worry about me. So don't worry if you die Yeah, I do have a... I've got...

Yep. It will hit me hard, but I've softened the landing. I have something in a chamber. With another beloved potentially. Look, I don't want to give it away to you. You know, I don't want you to let it occupy your mind too much while you're still living. But trust me, I'm gonna be fine.

I'm saying this to you to put your mind at ease. I know it's I know it sounds like it's worry but don't worry. It's a it's a comforting this is a comforting thought. Trust me, I am gonna be fine. Yeah. And you are gonna be fine as long as you keep living. What can we do with um uh date at those websites for having an affair? Right? Like Ashley Madison, to have an affair website. Yeah, that's good. Right? Like, is it? Okay, this is this may not be any kind of an idea. Right? But you know that song, do you like Pena colladas? Yeah. And long walks in the rain And that's very like he has he puts in a out of personal ad

And she does too and his wife does too and then he winds up on a date with his wife and they they realize they never realized the other person liked Pena colladas and long walks in the rain Which just makes me realize I don't know if my wife does like Pina Collada's or Long Walks in the right. That's right and whilst she's breastfeeding you won't be able to find out. So you've really come to this realization too late or too early. But is there something in a, I don't know, an affairs website? Have an affair, but we guarantee that the affair will be with your current partner. So it's the, if you like to be mean, it's the pinnacle of a fair website. A fair website.

And so pinnacle辣da.com, right? You go on, you sign up, you put in your wife's address, you link it to her profile, right? And then it hooks you up for an affair. Yeah, but you can only get into that affair if your wife is also searching. So you put in who she is, and then if she eventually decides that she's also wants to have an affair.

But she would have to specifically decide that she wants to have it with you, right? Or is this just one side where only one half of the relationship knows that that's what they want? Or maybe what they do is they... I think that that's a fun idea. I think that's a fun idea and I don't want to take away from it. I'm just looking at this variation right now, where this website organizes a date with your wife for you and makes you feel like it's somebody else.

Yeah, and that's, I think that's great. But your wife doesn't know that you've organized it. So what they do is they organize the date for you and you have to tell your wife that you've organized the date. Life's short, full yourself into thinking you're having an affair. Yeah. It would be the slogan of this website. Right.

And so it then somehow reframes your existing relationship as if it is a clandestine one. Yeah. Yeah. Without your wife knowing. yeah, without your wife knowing. Possibly without your wife knowing. So it still isn't a fear. She doesn't know you're seeing her on the side. Yeah. Yeah.

She thinks that you're seeing her as you have been seeing each other for her. Well, no, I mean, all of a sudden, you only start seeing her late at night when you've told her you'll be working late. Right? Yeah. But it somehow... There's a set up that where she doesn't realize this is going on. Well, that does sound bad. But what it does, you know, it sounds good too.

But I think there's definitely something in this, like making your existing real relationship feel, you're giving it this spark of an affair. Yeah, I wonder whether you could do that yourself, whether you could just go, honey, I'm gonna be working late. Like that. And then you call her up like 15 minutes later. Hey, what you doing tonight?

I still do. I heard your husband's not gonna be home. Well, that is just roleplay, isn't it? Yeah, but what if, like, what if they don't, what if you don't say any of those things? Like you don't say, hey, I heard your husband's gonna be home and like, you don't call her your girlfriend. Right. Right. And you kind of go, you know, meet me in the car park at like, you know, at the,

you know, on top of a, at the lookout. So, and then, and then the wife is talking to her friends and like, something's going on with Barry. Like he keeps, I think he's, um, ah, what is it? Like, I think he's having an affair like sneaking around. He's sneaking around, but, but with me, Oh, there was a formulation of that that was going to work. There was in my head and then I got too excited about it. And I forgot. Yeah.

All right. Um, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. But that's definitely something. Yes, yes. Is it a service? Is it a thing that you do to yourself? I think it, I think at making it a service makes it much easier to frame as a sketch. Sure, yeah, yeah. Uh, service. I'm going to put the other option as well, the pin collada.

Yeah. What was the pin collada one? I've already forgotten that that's a website where you can only go on to get hooked up into an affair with your existing, your current partner. Yeah. Great. Okay. Well, if that isn't already a thing, which I mean, look, I feel the internet is vast.

If we, I wouldn't be at all surprised if we went to peanutcalada.com or long walks in the rain.co.uk and that wasn't already a thing that you could do, where you go and you... My solution for a lot of these ideas these days would be to create a go fund me or something like that for this so that it's a it's a vehicle to express this idea to other people. Yeah. But to raise money as of joke but then also if it made money then you make it for real so that people. It's a really good idea. Yeah and then but then it's also a it's a form for this sketch to take. Yeah, to show people in here.

It's one of those things that they would have on TV shows like the project or whatever, it's like. And this guy's come up with a website for having affairs with people, but only. The twist. The twist is only with their current wives or husbands. We're speaking to them now. Hey, where did you come up with this crazy idea?

Yeah, I was listening to that song, do you like peanut killers? You know some? Yeah, I do. Yes, I was listening to it and Anyway, I copied that I just can't be that Made into a website turns out there. You know how there's been all these These law suits recently with like a blurred lines apparently being a rip off of uh... marvin gay song and uh... uptown funk there was actually two lawsuits currently uh... against uptown funk well turns out there's never been a lawsuit

brought by the authors of an original song against someone who's turned that into a website you know i think by taking it from being a song, I haven't copied the lyrics or the rhythm or the instrumentation of the song or the being a song from the song. I've just copied the song and you know, but I've taken away the being a song from it. I like it. You know, song a song that, that, that, that app that will, you can just talk into it and

it turns it into a song. I didn't know. Yeah. Well, this is kind of the opposite. You take a song and you put it in and it turns it into a website. A dating website. So say, I'll kiss the girl and I like it. Right. Put that in there. Yeah. It's a thing and it hooks you up with a girl. So say I'll kiss the girl and I like it.

Right. Put that in there. It's the thing and it hooks you up with a girl. Sort of not a woman, not a young woman, hooks you up with a girl. The girl. And it sets you up. Your kisser and you like it. And you like it.

Because normally you'd feel conflicted. You're kissing somebody who's underage. It's sort of weird. But it puts it somehow builds a situation in which It's fine. Maybe it's maybe it's a daughter. Maybe it's a kiss of life. Maybe it's a kiss of life Maybe we get a different option for this album. Maybe it's one of those chocolate kisses. That'll probably be the option a lot of the time I kissed a girl. Yes I could be a kiss of death. Maybe it's the mafia since the young girl. They come into

Killa. She kisses you on the forehead. But you want a dark. That's why you like it. You see? Anyway, I'll just spit ball again. This is, I mean, that's a whole other, the thing is that we had to create that app before we could create this website about the Pina Colise, we had to create the app. I mean, you don't know how much trouble it was, creating an app that turns songs into dating websites. You know, and the D song of I dating website of art, it's not even catching, I don't even know how it's well

I think I might be the only person using it. The way that was hard for me was you know when I first heard that song do you like peanut colliders? I thought it was do you like peanut colliders? And I build a website. A dating website. A dating website for people to smash peanuts together. Who liked that? That's one of their interests. Right. That's one of their interests.

And that's where people with this very niche interest will meet. And we rolled out the bleater of that website. And then some of the investors came back to me and said, do you realize it's Do you like Pena coladas and then we had to pivot? Of course, then we took away the option of putting in the lyrics yourself And I rather than just taking them off our website somewhere because that that's what it allows you to do

It allows it to make mistakes. But anyway, we still got this website, it still creates websites even if the lyrics are wrong. TNUCTOLOGES, it's still turning over millions of dollars a month. It's actually one of our best products is this peanut colliders dating website. The profits from that allowed us to build this hugely unsuccessful, fake affair empire. Well, it's just a it's just a bar of product of having so many people in the world now. Is that the is that actually trillions of people. There's so many billions of people on earth now that they're statistically speaking. There are trillions of people who like smashing peanuts together and finding other people

who are similarly into that. Yes. And you know, marrying your wall. And then having an affair with someone who's into something a little bit different, maybe squishing beans. Yes. Or beans. Bean, kaleida.

Yeah. That's good. Is there a song about that? Oh well, that's the thing is that we have to now bloody make a song. Make a song. Or at least confuse a song. We've got to have to make a song. Otherwise, this website will never get paid.

It's actually easier to make the website through the app than actually to build a website from scratch. So that's how good the app is. It's a very good app. It's flawless. You think WordPress is good. I mean, you think that's simple. It is, but it's still simpler to write a song about colliding beans. And so this is what I've just got a ukulele.

By my bed now, if I want to make a website, I just sing it into the microphone of my phone. So, you know, it usually doesn't have to be a complex song. The thing is that the song doesn't have to sell any records. It doesn't have to be popular. It doesn't have to be a complex song. The thing is that the song doesn't have to sell any records. Doesn't have to be popular. Doesn't have to be catchy. Just has to be a song. It just has to basically fit Plato's ideal of a song. You know how we got this website so good?

What we did was we built a very, very bad version of the website. And then we got someone to write a song about the website. And then we fed that song into the website and it was able to write a Come up with a better website which we then wrote a song about and fed back into that website It's it's crazy. I don't understand the mathematics of it. I think it's something to do with neural networks and magic and and and and and And the way I know I up with riding this app is that I wanted to get a bunch of guys who like riding very complicated apps. I thought if I was, and that's how I met

my wife, she loves riding complicated apps, but we met on this website that I'll build people who love who love making apps and up anyway, I couldn't get there So that's five sketches look, I think we're gonna have to stop there. I'm that is that's five sketches I know and I think we're gonna have to stop there Elis that's where you stop. I can't come up with anymore. I'm so tired I can't come up with another one to be, talking about how you're so tired is slowing down the process. I've got to get some sleep or I won't be able to do this anymore. Whatever again. Yes. Okay, well look, two and a think tank. I don't need to read that bit. Okay, so here's our five sketches. Yeah, there's a point where you become so tired.

You're no longer able to tell people that you're tired. And that is called sleep, go on L-Steer. This is pre-anesthetic pain relief. This is what they were doing before anesthetic. Sometimes they would get distracted people with snow globes or they would annoy them. That would be one way during surgery. If you just annoyed them, you sort of flick their nose and sort of tickle their eyes

with or pulling little back hairs, you know. But then also they would employ a distractor. Yeah, just need to tighten them with interesting bags. Learn things, yeah. But whether or not sharks have skulls. Then we got my outside idea, which is a sketch number two, which is keeping up with the Bagonias. And it's mostly a parody on reality TV shows and you kind of just film two Bagonias and

then you add you know a narrator to it which is I know cheap writing yeah you know but in this case I think it's I think it's the only option the only option because you there's only there's only one thing that's cheaper than writing narration and that's writing a talking bagonia yeah that's true. Yeah, absolutely. That's why I haven't so little in films because it's really looked down on It's being poor film. I can't Then we got We got people who complain about fake homeless, but then it's you know, these are really

Saisy his early films had a lot of talking And it wasn't until he got rid of those that his filmmaking really started to flourish. Yeah, well he had a mentor who told him. A lot of people think that Reservoir Dogs is Tarantino's first film. But he's got a hidden one away that he did it. He's got a hundred percent. Yeah, he's actually got a very early first film that he's managed to bury. He brought all the copies he had them destroyed.

Yeah, it's all talking Bagonius. Bagonius was sort of gangster voices and sort of in very kind of like... Okay, look, I think that's almost a sketch, Alistair. I know I said that I was too tired to come up with another one. But I think something about a lot of people's early films, they fall back onto these easy or these hack premises and one of them is talking bagonias and that a lot of famous filmmakers have got these, you know,

these early, early works that include that thing and they're just ashamed of them Yep, Alan Smithy they've a lot of them have got like Alan Smithy as they tried to get their direct, you know their name off the Office the director The Star Wars Christmas special people think that was bad, but it's not nearly as bad as the Star Wars Christmas special. People think that was bad, but it's not nearly as bad as the Star Wars the Bagonia menace. Oh man, I just realized I don't know how to write Scorsese. No, well did that spell Bagonia? No, I don't either. Then we got, yes, a fake homeless and this is, you know, it's about people who complain about fake homeless, but we're just showing different types of fake homeless

Some of them are made of paper mesh a Some of them are just a shadows cast on a wall. Yeah, some of them clever shadow play. Yeah Some of them actually have like a sort of a Sort of a they live under Carports and so it's not technically homeless. They got like they're they they're port full right their homeless it's kind of so home yeah what about people who are the complex pro bio by robotics that are you know what about people who are actually homeless but a fake homeowners in that they they they look like they have a home but if you go in that's all it's just it's just a

facade oh actually homeless behind there yeah they have a home, but if you go in, that's all, it's just, it's just a facade. They're actually homeless behind there. Yeah, they're fake homeowners. So that the home is fake. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like one of those kind of ones, yeah, like an emergency hologram or the houses of robot.

Yeah. Or it's actually someone else's house. And every day they, they, like, they chat to the neighbors, they sit on the porch. They, they, they, when people are going around the corner they're waving at them as if they're about to go in the front door and then they go around they sit around behind the house. But then there's also fake homeless that are people who are who don't have fake homes. In a way a lot of us are fake homeless. Yeah. Yeah so those are the you know so that's also...

I think fake hominers, can you just write down the words fake hominers? Yeah. Because I think that's a good rebuttal to the people who complain about fake hominers. Yeah, yeah. They're just going to their wife, they sort of trim at the roses. They do a lot of rose prune. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The gardening.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of like squatters, but they just stay on the outside of the house. They actually maintain the yard. It's actually very quite good having them around. You know, he's not, you know, then he walks away and then he gets into a mousse side. Actually, once offered to let me say, that's a knock by Eddie said. So why and then he gets into a move so he wants to live it. That's a lot, mate. Eddie said that is the worst and the best. You fuckhead.

Right. Keep reading these. We've got to wait. At the moment, we're coming up with new sketches at a greater rate than we are reading the old sketches, L.A. I know. This looks like it says Tanzania. I know it's Tarzanne.

Yeah. So this is a guy who just tarzans with everything. Everything. He only never leaves a woman before grabbing onto another one. He never leaves a sandwich before grabbing onto another one. Never let's go of a stubborn opinion before grabbing onto another one. Indeed. Sven probably actually has a terrible form of obsessive compulsive disorder we should we should we should be writing a

sketch about him we should be finding this man help yes so this is a service like Ashley Madison which offers a fuck I didn't actually write down the like the whole anyway so it's a service like actually much anyway. Yeah, Pena Kalata But but it's like it's called the Pena Kalata affair website, which only Which only I know but but I think that whole the whole music thing the whole music app thing that's got to be a sketch I think that that's that's the first time in so long. This is like the above a bowling alley.

Yeah. The first time in so long that we've come up with something that is physically impossible to turn into a sketch. I think it's possible. Okay. I think it's possible. You get me that draft that you said you get me of the restaurant sketch and then we'll move on to this one

because I'm tarsening impossible sketches and I won't. Yeah, I won't let go of that one. Yeah, great. And then it's a lot of directors early films fall back on old tropes, one of which is talking to Gownius. Oh my lord. So well, well, I think given how tired I was. Yeah, and I think this one, this actually actually really picked up after maybe probably 25 minutes. That's when it really picked up. That's when you guys should start listening. Yeah.

So if you're recommending friends, yeah. Anyway. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, iTunes the other day. It was very nice. That's so good. Oh man. It felt amazing. And I've had twin boys in the last week. Yeah, he said twin boys in the last week. And I and I got such a thrill. The indoor things were comparable. Yeah, he got, he got, yeah, they weren't, they didn't get blocked out by having their twins. Yeah, no, I'm not saying that the twin boys didn't make me feel better. No, I know. But then the iTunes review, but at least when I saw the boys, I knew, oh God, what I'm feeling right now is pure happiness, because I remember this feeling from the iTunes review.

So just help me calibrate joy. Great, and you knew that you're sort of bringing the boys into a better world, like they'll be more prepared. They'll be able to see that his dad gets good reviews on iTunes and things like that. So I can look them in the eye. Yeah, absolutely. That would be tough at this moment. Barely open you know, if you want us to have better relationships

with our children because they're more proud of us over time than you said. And you're not doing that for us. That's not for us. Yeah, you're not for us. Just think about you're what you're doing as a favor for children. So if you want to rate us and write a review, you wouldn't want my kids to not respect their dead Would you does this San pathetic? I hope this doesn't come across as begging because we're not real beggars I hope this doesn't come across as begging, but you wouldn't make me look bad in front of my son My girlfriend barely talks to me anymore because I need this and I'm begging you. I'm begging you. I hope this doesn't come across as begging. Please. Yeah, and then, you know, Twitter and Facebook and all that. Just Google our names. I'm sure you can find it somewhere. Just Google Al's name.

Anyway, thank you very much. We love you very much. And have a really good. We love you very much and have a really good life. We love you. A Kia SUV is capable of taking you far, but when you use it locally to help your community, you go even further. Whether that's carrying cargo, bringing your team with you, ready, or navigating your terrain. Power up your capability with the right Ready, or navigating your terrain. Power up your capability with the right Kia SUV. Do more with the Kia Sportage, Kia Telluride, Kia Serrento, or Kia Celtoves. Kia.

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