Simple Swedish Podcast - 67 - "SEVEN WONDER-WHAT-ALL-THE-FUSS-WAS-ABOUTS OF THE WORLD"

Episode Date: February 21, 2017

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Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. Ha-hoo. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair, George William, Tom Lee, virtual. Thank you very much for coming in. Step in into our office. Step in and step it up to the office. Do you think the cool kids would call this the stank tank? I don't know. Yeah. I don't know if cool kids come up with new names for things. Okay. Do they do they do they do they just follow they're not they don't create.

Yeah, I think very often they appropriate the the cool names the new names for things from the less popular and and then apply their signature brand of cool to it. So they just add an attitude, they're just a filter. So it is. Yeah, what about Miles Davis? What about Miles Davis? Well, I guess maybe his profession was cool guy. You know, was trumpet player.

Right? Was trumpet player. And so he just did that well. Yes. But then it was his, then he put it through the cool filter by being cool. Yes. And so then that just added to the trumpet playing.

So it's not that trumpet playing was cool. It was just his profession. Right. And he could have been doing anything. He could have been doing anything. And I got that. And he could have been a garbage man. Yeah.

And he could have been a garbage man. And he was just, and then when he comes by, he just had a lot of attitude And he always got together a really amazing actually the history of picking up garbage. Yes is so linked intertwined with all the all the greats of garbage collecting somehow are connected to Miles Davis he either sort of discovered them when they were sort of young up in comers and then he got them, he brought them onto his truck.

And that was back in the day when you kind of had to... Kling onto the truck. Yeah, to run with it. What do you think Miles Davis would think of the modern garbage trucks where they just drive past and it's all very robotic in that arm, just comes out and picks up the bin and then they drive on. I mean, would he see that as being part of the natural progress of garbage collecting? Or would he see that as a sort of a betrayal of what essentially garbage collecting is all about?

Well, I think in many ways you would see that as a continuation of something that he has done. To be honest, he experimented with a lot of electronic stuff early on so the arms are basically just an extension of what what he was doing the arms basically an extension of the arm the arm yeah yeah all right a renaissance man of garbage collecting is there a sketch in that? Let's see, Renaissance, like sort of wearing the big hat, like Leonardo da Vinci, the big puffy hat. It's basically,

it's basically garbage collecting, but with a big puffy hat. Whenever somebody refers to somebody as big a real Renaissance man, like he's the Renaissance man of cricket. You know, all the Renaissance man of... Slicing beef. Slicing beef.

He's basically just playing cricket or slicing beef, but in a large puffy hat. Yeah, and cricket players already have a pretty large puffy hat. Well, the Australians do the baggy green. Yeah, the baggy green. That's one of our national icons. I thought other countries don't wear that. I don't wear the baggy green. Yeah, the baggy green. That's one of our national icons. I thought other countries don't wear that. They don't wear the baggy green, mate.

That's Aussie. Yeah, right. That's a little us through and through. I should know if that's true, but. Do other countries just have a sort of a baggy other color? The baggy brown. The baggy brown, the baggy blue, the baggy red. I think they have different levels of tightness and also different colors.

So they might wear the tight brown. Tate around the head but then loose up top. Well, that's the baggy green. I think is quite loose up top. Yeah. That's why it's baggy. Oh, yeah. Potentially.

I don't know if the bag, like, so what would it mean like a Renaissance man of garbage collecting? Well, I think, sorry, just put this out there real quick, the Renaissance man of calling people the Renaissance man of things. Sure. And it would be somebody who calls people a Renaissance man, who previously we'd never considered to be Renaissance men, but he finds a way in which they are a Renaissance man that we would never have thought of. So, you know, or he applies the concept of

somebody being a Renaissance man to fields of endeavor, such as garbage collecting. Garbage collecting. No one had ever thought that you could have a Renaissance man. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I am the Renaissance man of calling people a Renaissance man. That's great. Well, so is this like a talking head kind of sketch, you know, and then we're talking to the Renaissance man of Renaissance man. Or we're talking maybe to some academics about the Renaissance man of Renaissance men,

of calling people of Renaissance men. And then we maybe see some of his work as well and some grainy news footage. I don't know why it's grainy. That's fine, well he's, it was, maybe there's a lot of grain. There could have been, yeah, it could have been fell on a farm.

It was a silo. Yeah. I was a silent. Yeah. Oh, it's apparently not a good idea. Don't go standing in silos. People just die and stuff. Well, they're highly flammable. Highly flammable.

Often there's like weird oxygen things going on in there. Really? Like gases. Because of like stuff fermenting and germinating. Yeah. Because then one person sometimes like goes unconscious. And then there's apparently There's been a campaign where you're like you're not if somebody goes unconscious in a silo

You don't go in after them to get it you just leave them there You will you just don't go in because whatever's knocked them out can knock you out pretty fast Wow, yeah, and so you kind of so what do you do they lose multiple? I didn't watch the rest of the thing Well, how am I gonna know now LSD what to do when I see someone unconscious in a silo? Well, all you know is that now there's something worth looking up. Okay, it's a campaign, it's a campaign for like a PSA, for check out this PSA.

Yeah, right. Be aware that there is something to be aware of here. Okay, and that's all. Yeah. Because we're not going to give you any more information. I can't defend yourself against the unknown unknowns. Well, I think just generally raising awareness of the need to be aware of things is, uh, is quite an interesting thing.

It is what parenting is. It's what you're right. You're, you're teaching a child that you have to be aware of things It's a it's a the broadest form of awareness campaign. Yeah It's look out for that look Keep your eyes open and watch for these kinds of things or just for things. Yeah, yeah watch for things just look Um Renaissance man over Renaissance man. Yeah sure I'm Renaissance man of Renaissance man. Yeah, sure. And I'll say I'm just going to say it because there's a moment and I need to get this out

of my head. Some sort of wear, wear wolf awareness campaign. Possibly a wear wolf camp, wear, wearness wolf. Look. Awareness in awareness. Okay. Awareness could be a lockness monster that when it comes full moon turns into a wolf. Wait, awareness. Awareness. So you never see his awareness. So you never see his weariness That's King Werewolf. Yeah, yeah, anyway look. I'm really sorry about the last probably

50 seconds and I think it was still pure comedy You know even if you didn't like even if they it was it was a tinge of sadness with it There was nothing and what you felt what the quality was. I still think it's still pure flip. I want to do a sketch about an awareness campaign for people to be generally aware of things, possibly the need for awareness, raising awareness about the need for awareness because people are being confronted with a lot of awareness campaigns for specific things, but without a broad sense of awareness, they might not even notice the awareness campaigns. So I guess it would be, it would be multi-pronged. I think first of all, it would just tell you to be aware. Prong the first. And so we're going to specifics.

It would be, the body has provided you with senses. Yeah, okay. Sight, sound, and we can't be like sight, and there would be a graphic of silhouette of a human head, and it would sort of have like, beams coming out of the eye. That allow you to see, and the light from light sources bounces off walls and lands into and allows you to get an idea of the size of the

picture of the surroundings. These pictures can be used to gain information. But because of the passage of time, that information can change, and that's where awareness comes in. If you aren't aware, those changes may pass you by. That's right. And then, so then there's that? Yeah. And then, other ways to gain awareness is through awareness campaigns, and then it tells you

about awareness campaigns. Right. Because sometimes there are things that aren't in the room with you, that you can't see or hear or taste. The three senses. There are three senses. The body has between two and three ways of getting information about the world. The fourth way is awareness campaigns, which informs you through one of the three senses

either a taste or a sight. A taste-based awareness campaign. Taste-based awareness campaign. Now generally, while an awareness campaign could be used to make you aware of almost anything, including things that are in the room with you, generally, while an awareness campaign could be used to make you aware of almost anything, including things that are in the room with you, generally, we reserve awareness campaigns for things that are further away. Say, not in the room. Maybe not even in the next room. It could be almost anywhere. It could be a concept. Yeah, I like that. I think that's fun.

I think that's... God, I had fun. I had fun, Andy. And I'm... Yeah, would you say the point of life is fun? Ah... Yeah, look, I don't know. Yeah.

And I don't know that people who seem to really be searching for the point of life look like they're having a lot of fun. Yeah. That's often been like, I've never been able to turn it into a successful bit, but I've always felt like people who are reading how to be happy books, books to tell you about how to be happy books, books to tell you about how to be happy. It feels like they are now participating in the least happy, like fun thing. There's nothing less happy than chasing happiness like through the worst means possible, which is through reading,

which doesn't feel like, no, not reading like. Have I already told you this, Alistair? Le bonheur est dans le preu. Le bonheur est dans le preu. Le preu. Le preu. Yeah, like the field. Oh, like prairie.

Yeah, but when I learned this in grade seven French, I seem to remember it just being okay. Maybe maybe it is and maybe I just didn't So happiness is in the field run quickly run quickly happiness is in the field run quickly it will get away So that's good because then it's the running of in the field that brings you the happiness. I didn't even think about that I don't think I ever understood this This this poem on any level. Yeah, you just opened my eyes, Alistair. Thank you. Well, yeah. I've just seen a guy, Brian, who does a bit about, you know, as a how, as a man, he can't.

He doesn't feel like he can sort of frolic through wheat, you know? And I like this. Yeah. And I just thought that was such a good bit. And then he talks about, he's like, I can't even sort of like run just with my hand dragging behind me. This is Brian Callan, if I didn't say it, it's just so that people know that I'm talking about his material.

And he goes, you can't even drag my hand behind me like that, because my friends would see that as suspect. Yeah. He's like, I think I can, in any kind of puts his hand sort of rigid and perpendicular to his body. He's like, I think I can walk along with it like this, and then just touching the top of wheat

because he did that in gladiator. Yeah, I was just thinking about gladiator. Yeah. Yeah, and then, yeah. And there's no one more a man. Then Maximus, what was his last name? Or Ray Leus. Or Ray Leus. I got real complicated there.

That is a long name. Yeah, but I mean Maximus is a great name, because is there, I mean, have we ever seen, like, it feels like this would have happened somewhere already, a Roman character called Minimus? You know what? I have not seen that and I've read a lot of asterix. And if that joke wasn't done in asterix, I can't imagine where it would have been done.

Asterix, a cartoon series almost entirely devoted to Latin-based puns set around Rome. And all of them pretty much name-based puns as well. Yeah, wow. What about, it's essentially... It must have been tough. It must have been tough. Okay, so what it would be, like if it hasn't been done, it would either be, it could have also been done in a parody of Gliator back in the time let's think

snl maybe early 2000 or there's an opening right now for us to do a a men and tights for what men and tights did to Robin Hood yes we could do we could do for gladiator and he's a very, he's a thin guy. I'm thinking, you know, the guy who was in road trip who played the kind of thin week guy. Yeah. Yeah. I know him. Yeah. The one who let his dog lick, paint up on the footballs. Peanut Butterballs. Yeah. And I think he also appeared in some movie school for scoundrels, was was it? One where he ended up having to pretend to be a tough guy in prison, was that school for scoundrels? Maybe.

Anyway, so that guy, or a weak looking guy of the sort, who is, it's basically like a parody of a gladiator and his name is Minimus. Alistair, it writes itself. Well, I mean, like fuck, because I'm certainly not going to. But you know, like if you're looking for something that Hollywood is just going to say yes to automatically. I mean, if Mel Brooks is listening to this and is looking and if somehow he has the

capacity to travel him and all of Hollywood back to the 70s, when apparently they just and is look and if somehow he has the capacity to travel him and all of Hollywood back to the 70s, when apparently they just green-let any old shit that he came up with, then yes, this is the idea of the moment, and that moment is the 70s. The 70, well, look, I don't know if I should write, should I not write this down?

No, no, no, look, I won't write it down, I won't write it down? No, no, no, look, I won't write it down I won't write it down Andy that That will I'll put that in in the recesses of my brain your personal tank when I am ready to sell out And by selling out I mean sell anything. Yes. Yes indeed I can we just go back briefly to what we're talking about before the hand through the weight happiness people reading books about happiness is I want it to be happy. Yeah, I think there's something in that of course. I think I think about how the the yeah the these the search for happiness. Yeah. Is is misleading. is misleading. I don't know yet. Yeah, well, because often on my first thought it's like you opened the book that says, you know, how to have happiness. And the first page says,

look, you've already just by reading this book, you've already made a major step backwards. Okay. So, I mean, look mean look keep reading the first four chapters I'm just gonna try and get you back up to the point where you before you open this book because you've already made a huge mistake and we're gonna need to do a lot of work to get you out of this fucking run. You got yourself into it. Oh boy like it starts with the book starts by being so disappointed with you. Who boy you are in trouble? This is bad. Yeah. The fact that you have bought and started reading this book is a terrible sign for you. I mean when I started writing this book I didn't think I'd be dealing with people

who were in quite such a bad situation as this. I've started this a long time and I don't think even I'm good enough to really help you at this point. The science shows that the first thing that people who are happy have is that they're not reading books like this. Yeah, that's really good. Could it be like maybe a book, maybe it's not a book, what if it's a book on tape? What if it's a series of, and we can just see a guy, all right, this is really probably a strange way

to present a sketch, but it's a man, sad looking man, gets into a car, right? He's got a cassette, like one of his book on tape cassette things in the little package, he opens it up, he's sort of looking sad, he fumbles around around with it he plugs it into his tape deck and that's how sad he is he still has a car with a tape deck. Maybe that could be something that's mentioned in the tape and also the sign that you the fact that you've bought this on tape. Yeah that's good.

And then we just see him driving along and we hear the, this, and you could cut back to this several times where the, and all the guy on the tape does is explain how badly he's chosen to tackle his sadness. Yeah, I look this is a bloody topfest film or something. Mate. Mate, seven minutes. What do you think? Seven minutes.

I'm gonna seven minutes in that. You think so, and it's just, you can have a single locked off GoPro shot up in the top quarter of a car driving around the streets as a man who doesn't speak listens to a voice over that I presume we put in later. Absolutely. And that's how the best films are made. Apparently, Trock Fest is looking for different kind of stuff now. Really?

Well, less commercial. So... Well, perfect. Yeah. I mean, perfect. Oh. I'm wondering if maybe we don't even need the visual component. There you go.

And we just submit a tape. Are they looking for different stuff now. Even barely watchable. Yeah, that's actually a new thing. That's a new thing. That's one of the new categories that the Academy Awards. Best, barely watchable film.

Oh, man, I just, we just, me and Indiana kind of decided that we were gonna try and watch like 50 classic films this year. Right? Yeah. First one started with Metropolis. Bailey Watchable. Oh boy. Silent film.

Almost three hours. It's like, the thing is that like you don't need to watch it because you've seen it already in some form or another parody. Maybe I can't even tell you in which way I've seen it before. It's just that I know it. From I know the structure, I know what happens, I know like everything in it is like, it's like the, by seeing everything that has happened in film since then, like I guess maybe the structure must have been revolutionary at the time or something like that, because it's like, it's,

and not only that, but I see a version. So apparently not long after it was made, like it was in the 20s or something like that, Fritz Lang, maybe you can say. Somebody edited it up to make it shorter and cut up the original so that, and apparently people were very disappointed by this. And so the version that I was watching had been restored.

They'd found some copy in Argentine, or Argentine, or in Argentine. Yes. And in Argentina. In Argentina, yeah. And they'd, uh, in the name of your country. Anyway, uh, and, and they made it long again. Unnecessary. Somebody's gonna take that again and then find a way to cut out. So, somebody had made the right decision by cutting it shorter and then some asshole was like, no, no, no, no, that needs to be in. This movie needs to be unbearable like that.

And anyway, what you're losing a lot of the unbearability that the director put into the original. It was, this is German filmmaking at its best. I, original. It was this is German filmmaking at its best. I I've lost what I was going to say, but here's a here's a brief idea of, you know, how they'll do a short, they'll do a movie, the bloody producers will get their bloody claws into it. They'll do a cut that the directors are unhappy with that will be the cinematic release and then the director will release a director's cut

I think someone who then re-edits the director's cut back down to a cinematic cut That's good and then the director's rebuttal cut. Yeah, yeah Well, he makes it even longer and puts in just some some of the behind the scenes footage and I don't know. Yeah, yeah, and just like long like I know Hoshiao Xian, the Taiwanese director just has like really long like walking shots where if somebody's like you just see it, it's like it's on the corner in a subway or something like that, right? And the camera is mostly focused, you can sort of see a bit of the ground, but it's mostly focused on the mirror that allows you to see around the corner. And so you sort of just see somebody coming from the distance. It's a horse man. And the sun was.

Yeah, well, you made a lot of movie about centors like that. And then they arrived to the corner, and then they started walking, and then walking the other way. And then so then you're like, wow, that was unbearable. And that, and it was, it's, this is a guy who's like, fuck all you executives. Yeah. Yeah.

And unless boredom is the sense of the emotion you want the the audience Well, it's something it's definitely something and and that's a great way to turn a short film into a feature length movie Before every single line have the person approach from a great distance Great I also thought this is the thing I forgot That a you know those books are like a thousand and one movies you must see before you die, right? Just a version of that, like based on your experience with Metropolis, which is just like, you know, a thousand one movies to slog through, like just to gr- to gr- to- to grit your teeth

and force yourself to watch. Or a thousand and one movies, I mean, to describe very briefly so that you can pretend you've watched them and just get on with your life. A thousand and one great movies that you could probably, you probably don't need to buy them on the watch. Yeah. I think that's absolutely it, right? And maybe each page describes,

there'll be a description of the movie, there'll be a description of the movie, there'll be a description of where, what movies, it's influenced in the scenes that you've probably seen in other films, so you can just sort of assemble, a picture that have referenced that film, probably in a much more entertaining way because cinema's progressed along distance. And then you can just sort of assemble

an understanding of the film, and then you can just sort of assemble an understanding of the film and then you can just fucking move on yeah one one page maybe one paragraph per book per per film oh man you it's it'll be the length of like Roger Ebert's you know reviews if are they short I think so they're pretty short yeah yeah they're like you know because you he would release like a like a novel Yeah, yeah, they're like, you know, because he would release like a novel. A Kia SUV is capable of taking you far, but when you use it locally to help your community, you go even further. Whether that's carrying cargo, bringing your team with you, ready, or navigating your terrain.

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It was just an update of the same book, you know, every year. And so then, yeah. And then that contains like, you know, a big part of the history of cinema. I think if this isn't already a book, it should be. A 1000 and one movies, you now, you now don't have to say. And then we could do it quite, you know, funny descriptions of them. As well as like where where you will have already seen most of it. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, and citizen Kane is almost one of those situations like where where you will have already seen most of it. Yeah, you're like and citizen Kane is almost one of those situations like that where it's like you've already seen it in the Simpsons and it's slow and it's like and it's dull and the emotions just aren't the same anymore like you're not feeling as much.

I mean, you know, what would be that's a thing. People say, you know, citizen can is the greatest movie of all time, but it was the greatest of movie of its time of all time, you know, of a time when people had really low expectations. That's generally it, like you know, people didn't know how to make cinema, and then along comes Wilson Wells with some idea how to make cinema. Yeah, and a very quite a nice bit of structure in there, but just long boring scenes and, yeah, but you know, still a journey. Like it was almost like somebody figured out how to complete

a film properly. Yeah, there you go. Oh, well done. It's I-filming. Yeah, that's the by-slime. Yeah, at the time, nobody was making films. People were just, they were- They were filming. Yeah, they were filming.

Sure. They were putting them together. And like, the fact that there was those production houses, like, with Chaplin that were making 200 films a year. Yeah. And things like that. This is some film. Yeah.

But not a film. Yeah. I think um... Yeah so... Just that look, just to congratulate myself. If we could take a moment. Yeah. Calling Cis and Kane the greatest film of its time of all time.

Yeah. Is there something in that? Like in like, I mean, I guess that's what the 1,000 and 1 movie you don't have to see, thank Christ, is. But like if we could take that concept of expectations and apply it more radically, like something like the Seven Wonders of the World, right? They're always making these documentaries on the Seven Wonders of the World and they're talking about, you know, the hanging gardens of Babylon, which no one really knows what it is, but apparently it was amazing. But to go through those things and be like, the Seven Wonders of the world and why today you would be barely

impressed. And you do it like a totally serious documentary where you go and interview experts and they talk about like, so this was over 70 feet tall, which at the time was very impressive. But let's look at that in context today. And, you know, why, you know, so 70, that's a shipping container. And, yeah, yeah, I think that's cool. So, what would you call it? Like the seven wonders of the world. You know, the seven, well, I guess the seven wonders of the world and why they probably weren't that great.

Relative to the 7 wonders of the world. You would be barely impressed today. Yeah, yeah. We'll come up with a better title. Or maybe not. Maybe we'll come up with a worse title and make it really, really long. So it fills the whole title page. Or if we come up with a really much worse title to make this one look better. Yeah. That was another idea that I had was about like, I wonder if you know people really,

really worship the original Star Wars movies. Yeah. Right. Do you think that they now, now that George Lucas made those three sequels that everyone hated. Do you think that people worship the original Star Wars movies even more as a by contrast to how much they hated the new ones? I reckon there's potential for that. And I reckon George Lucas was playing a real smart game on this one. He was like, put your people like my movies. And I've already made those movies, but I'd like people to like them a bit more. What if I made three terrible movies?

That's really interesting. That maybe because people were so and unsatisfied by those three sequels that... They go back and they revisit the originals and point out everything that was brilliant about them. And George is like, yeah, you're right. And then everybody's really invested. Yeah.

And then we're just, we're unsatisfied. We need more. Yeah. And then you can go back, he can sell the franchise for billions of dollars to Disney. And then I mean, I can't imagine he could have, I can't imagine he could have got more money if they were sort of the movies that just done well.

Like if they were like, oh those are pretty good. You know like that and I could have killed it off. Like if those three were pretty. Just acceptable, no. He needed to make really bad films. They were unacceptable Star Wars movies. Yeah. Yeah.

Basically that sort of cleared the way for the future of Star Wars. So the next 50 years of Star Wars movies that are going to come out of the film. Yeah, let's just level the ground, get a solid foundation of sort of disappointment anger, but also yearning. And that's what you build a franchise on. Yeah. You don't build a franchise on success. You build it on disappointment.

Absolutely, and- And nostalgia. But now we're gonna find out whether like, you know, a $1 billion movie every year, like, you know, like, in terms of the revenue that they make from tickets, selling something, whether that's like, how long that's gonna take to create fatigue, you know, Star Wars fatigue.

Yeah. Cause like, they're gonna have to put some bad, like, they're gonna have to do a couple of years where the the the new ones are really bad just to kind of people get people get people go again. Come on we need to we need to get back to making these good ones. Yeah. And I think that I could do that. So if they're looking for someone to just reset the franchise again with some really low quality Star Wars movies, I don't really have much of an understanding of the world, the canon, I don't have much affection for the characters.

No. I would really sort of probably disappoint and desecrate a lot of what's great about the original. I think that it would be great if there was a planet of sort of a humanoid vegetables. Yeah. You know, sort of like, you know, probably led by a guy bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit heads and then all of a sudden the carrot men jump up out of the ground and start sort of running at them and falling over but also because there's just so many

of them and now there's all these holes in the ground that short trip is a falling over and then the carrot's a sort of jumping on. The carrots would have that the secret move which is where they lay down and because they're kind of heavy up like they're wider on one top, they just, they spin in a circle. Right, like that. And they might even be able to create some kind of whirlwind. They could create a whirlwind, or like you just create a tripping hazard. Yeah, very big tripping hazard.

You step on that and you roll. They're actually, it's sort of a form of break dance kind of martial arts that they've created. Yeah. It's like capuera. It's like a capoeira, but carrots. But carrots, yeah.

They're always doing that butterfly move on the ground. That's their one move, and the other thing is that sometimes when the stormtroopers fall over, one of the other carrots is pointing up in the air and they stab them through the head and blood goes everywhere. That's very, very. So it's all really like sort of lighthearted fun slapstick and then just like impalings. All the carrots sit a sharp in their end. Yeah, well they're quite sharp already, aren't they? Carrots.

Yeah, oh I mean yeah. Probably one of the sharpest vegetables. Yeah, but I mean they, what the carrot. For military. What, there would be a scene where you see the carrots sort of get lowered into sort of a pencil sharpish. And then they sort of just walk around sort of a pencil sharpener. And then they sort of just walk around in a circle.

And just, yeah. And then all they lie down and some other carrots come along with a big pencil sharpener and sharpen the end. Yeah. And then put like a gold sheath over it or something like that. And you could imagine there's a scene like after the battle where the carrots have sort of decimated all, and it tripped over all of the stormtroopersopers where carrots are going and just sort of crouching over the wounded

and just sort of piercing their bodies to kill them. To kill all the wounded. So they're just kind of like sort of teabagging. Yeah. It would look like a sort of teabag motion like that, but deadly. Yeah, deadly. Maybe a large carrot then has to jump on top to sort of T-bag motion like that but uh but deadly yeah deadly maybe a larger carrot than has to jump on top to sort of drive it down I I can really see this big very bad for the Star Wars franchise but then but then later on very

good great and then people will remember it fondly as like as a really awful move by the Star Wars franchise. People might even start to recall the Phantom Menace fondly. Yeah. Oh, that's a great idea. Because I mean, the sales for that now must be dropping really since these new good ones. I'd say it's worth a cr- it's about due for a critical re-examining.

And nothing's going to bring one of those about faster than our movie Star Wars Planet of the Carrots. Yeah, that's great. Planet of the Carrots. Vegetable Earth. Awakening. Vegetable Awakening. Is there, could you say that this whole thing that we've just discussed could work? It's not really a sketch, but the idea is like,

it is a sketch in that we would film it as if we were seriously proposing this to make a few bad movies, like because we think that the original, those three sequels helped the Star Wars franchise. And so we're proposing it to the star the the to the Star Wars you know industry essentially this is what you need to do and here's a suggestion for the kind of film that we could make if you allowed us to further rejuvenate your you know your brand well yeah that that damaging a horrible that gets the the point point across it's almost like a new coke thing right when they came out with new coke and everyone hated and then everyone was like Then they re-release classic coke and it was great for their sales right. It's that yeah Star Wars and

Actually in our movie our Star Wars digital movie they will be drinking a lot of new The carrots love new code. It makes them really tender with their lovers. There's a lot of carrot lovese. A lot of carrot lovese. Yeah. Explicit carrot sex. But I think also I think what you're suggesting I said misses the opportunity to see us on set directing this movie, right? So I think maybe in this sketch, you and I as the directors or the director and the producer, we're taking it seriously and we genuinely think that we're making a good film. And then we maybe see some behind the scenes discussion, or like we see like a sort of, how did this get made kind of making of movie retrospective,

explaining how we came to make this film and its impact on the... And it was strategizing by the executives that realized that they had to do some almost like Mel Brooks, the producers kind of weird like maybe failure that helps good. Yeah, that helps the brand as a whole by. And this is like, when we say so bad, it's good. We don't mean so bad, it's good in and of itself. We mean so bad, it's good in the long term for the health of the franchise.

Yeah, and that's actually the full expression. People don't realize. You know, there's been a lot of talk, no, no. Like films are all about making people, making the audience feel emotions, right? But you never see that in a franchise where the executives are sort of pulling people's emotional strings by making them feel really disappointed

and then in a film and then later on desperate for it. Like the arc never goes in between films. The arc is always within it. Well, in the way by making this film we would be restoring balance to the force, you know, because the franchise itself needs that interplay of good films and bad films. You know, that's built into the entire fabric of the cinematic universe. That's what they attempted to do with the Batman vs Superman movie.

Exactly. They go, okay, now that Nolan has done so well with his three films, now we need to put this in the hands of an idiot. Of a man who's already made a really bad Superman film. Is that right? Was it sex? Sex, snide up, sex?

I haven't seen any of them. I'm just going off of the popular talk. What's in the zeitgeist at the moment? I wish I could watch all those movies and tell you a fresh perspective in a way, in a reading in which they are excellent films, but I just don't have that insight, Andy. I'm not watching things. I haven't seen it. What you're doing is you're instead of critically re-oprising very bad films and finding a new

way to think that they're good. You're going through watching the classics, Metropolis, Citizen Kane, and finding new ways in which they're actually very bad. Yeah, so it's a quite a revolutionary way of watching it. Yeah, and it's controversial. Thank you, thank you. So you've written down that Star Wars thing, have you? No, I haven't quite, but sorry.

And I do believe, Alistair, that we are... Might bring us up to five Is it pronounced sketch ideas that five? sketchy sketch ideas sketch ideas. Yeah, I think we look we may actually be on six even though some are kind of more like book ideas But I think yeah, so, we got up the top, we got the Renaissance man of Renaissance man, and it's a bunch of academics talking about this Renaissance man who's found new ways of calling people Renaissance people. I think the public is really expression Renaissance man well enough known in you know and it's sort of currently accepted form

Yeah, but I also think that in general people sort of like this elitist bullshit Yeah, and and and want more of that as well. Yeah, well if we've seen anything from Trump It's that people like you you know, academic people talk to the scenery. People like, like, keep talking about like how, it's like, oh, we've been ignoring more than half of the population or whatever, like, like, the majority of America whose voice has not been heard and who that, you know, for so long, it wasn't even the majority of America that voted for Trump. Totally. Second of all, the majority of people in America don't vote. I don't know.

I can't remember. Is this a 70% turnout? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's a majority. No. But like when you put those two factors together, you were already well below the majority.

What it is is like a, we've been ignoring a sec. What is a big section of the voting population? Yeah, right and by ignoring We mean actually doing things that are probably very good for them in their lives, but They have been ignoring that in favor of Yeah, definitely something I look I would also like I don't know much about what neo neoliberalism is But but but the girl who, the woman who wrote, no, logo said that this should be the end of it and I'm just gonna trust her.

Let's get rid of it. Yeah, I do think that the inequality thing is probably pushing a lot of people to be angry. And to wish for something else, anything else. Yeah, and that people are blaming like, my way am I going into this? But it turns people into blaming like immigrants and and just whatever anything else. Sure, but anything else except for it seems um corporate yeah interests. Yeah. Oh, I mean, although Trump did get in by saying he was gonna tackle corporate interests

but but but in practice the policies that are implemented He is don't Don't tackle that. Yeah in practice. He is a corporate interest. Yes. Yeah a very corporate interest That's all he is and anyway, that's great good Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time. Good time being aware that awareness is something and that also there's awareness campaigns. How to be happy on campaign is called Aware the Bloody Hell Are You.

And there's maybe a concert. Maybe we get a rock star to do a concert about awareness. Great, it's called Be Aware. But it but it's spelled B a B E B doubly B doubly space a space w e r e B aware. A word. A word. A B, W, space A, space, W, E, apostrophe, R, E, B, a word. And then it's... That's a way. Where? That's way on. That's way. Yeah. We're. We're. I know, but I say it as we're.

Oh, you do, don't you? Yeah. Oh. We're a people. We're, we're, we're, no, we're, we're a people. Yeah, that's it. We're a people. Fuck.

Okay. How to be happy book on tape? It's the tape in the tells you that. Well, you've already made what may not be your first mistake, but certainly your most recent mistake in buying this tape. Then we got 101, no, a thousand of one great films you don't need to see. And then it refers to like, you know,

just set us in Canis, the greatest film of its time of all time. And basically. And again, this could be a TV show. This could be like presented like a clip 21-1 style show. I think that would be quite fun going through and just tearing these things apart. This could be a YouTube channel. Could be a whole channel.

Could be a YouTube channel. No, but like this literally could be a YouTube channel. Oh, absolutely, Alistair. This is one of the first multimedia ideas you've had that I think actually has legs. Yeah, great, great. Seven wonders of the world multimedia ideas you've had that I think actually has legs. Yeah, great, great, great. Seven wonders of the world and why you wouldn't, why you would be barely impressed today. Yep. And we just go to experts and they tell us why the discovery channel is really banking so much on these

these wonders of the world. People being interested in them when really they're just... Seven wonder what all the fuss was about of the world. Yeah, that's good. And then we got Star Wars Rejuvenations, which is their... Star Wars, the Force Rejuvenates. Yeah, through making bad films, which we could definitely write and direct. This carrot thing, I like it so much. Yeah, all people love big fields of stormtroopers fighting against something. Yeah. And fighting them against droids has already been done.

And you've said fields. Now what do you get in a field? Carrots. Yeah. What are carrots? Pointy. I think we can- What are also weapons? Pointy. There we go. This thing writes itself.

I hope, because I'm not putting any more work into it. But I think what is also great about this is that it's not only a terrible idea, but it's also another thing which people don't like in the Star Wars universe. It's a total ripoff of the Ewok film Like the one with the Ewoks the whatever that one was Empire Strikes Back or something like that. Yeah return of the Jedi Yeah, um because It's it fails on so many fronts

Well, this one almost feels like it doesn't even, it doesn't even include any of the rebel alliance in it. This is like, this is the, this is the Empire's other attempted conquest. Because I mean, it's an Empire. You know, it may not always come up, I mean, I guess the carrots and the cells are rebellion. But it doesn't, it doesn't follow any of the characters.

And the franchise is due for that. Get away from your hanzes and your shoebox. Well, I mean they've done that sort of with Rogue One to a certain extent. Great, so we're following, you know, it still fits within the franchise. Absolutely, absolutely. And I think we should have a lot of jokes in it about how I thought vegetables were supposed to be good for you. Stuff like that. I think that would just add to the... Absolutely, add a lot. Just the other thing I just thought of while we were talking about that.

Just exactly that joke repeated over and over again. Wouldn't it be cool to take a really bad idea like that and get a great writer to write the script? Yes. Like I don't know how you could, how you could get like it's such a such an ambitious project to like to take a really bad idea and get an amazing writer to see what they can do with it. Do you think we could get the Cohen Brothers and Spielberg to collaborate on this? Well that's what that would be the goal. Well, that would be the goal. Yeah. It's sort of like a documentary series.

Charlie Kaufman. Yeah. Oh, it would be amazing. You give them the worst ideas. You give them the worst ideas and then you make the film afterwards. Yeah. But then you also document the process. So you get the, like, it's like, let's say it's a series of five movies with five of the leading directors

and filmmakers in the world. And five of the worst ideas. Yeah. And five other worst ideas we come up with. And then you watch, first of all, you get all their reactions as they see the idea and how disappointed they are with their life choices. I think it would be actually a fun challenge for them. I think it would be great. Okay, so what it is, they're only making a short film, say, to make it realistic. They're making a short film that could be like five to ten minutes long. So our thing consists of, we see a making off, which is like 20 minutes, and then we see the end product, which is 10 minutes or something like that.

That's really fun. Oh, that's a half hour episode. Yeah. It's a six-part TV series. Yeah. I'm going to pitch this to the ABC. God damn it. God damn it.

God in the head of me. Alright, that's great. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it.

God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it.

God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it. Cool. Well, that's the end of the episode. So that's the end of the episode. That's the end of the episode. Thanks for listening to the show, everybody. It means a great deal.

Great, great deal. Really great deal. And follow us on the Twitter Alistair TV. Stupid old Andy, and two in tank. We're also on Facebook with just two in the think tank. Yep. And you know, you can just follow our lives by googling our names. Yeah. That's what I do. Yeah. That's how I keep up with what I'm doing. I look, I'm a bit disappointed. My website I've been checking it,

and there haven't been any updates for a while. It's pretty good. Yeah, it's sad. It seems like I don't have a lot going on. Oh, well, it doesn't matter. You got that. Apparently, he's got the podcasts, so that's OK. Yeah, and that's good.

I should listen to that sometime. Yeah, good. And we love you. And also you can review us on Please Do. It's so good when you do. Thank you to those who have. We got one recently. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Thanks, Mr. And I think there's also a Miz. Thank you. Thank you. you