Simple Swedish Podcast - 68 - "POLAR SIMILARS"

Episode Date: February 28, 2017

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Kia. Movement that inspires. Call 800-333 or Kia for details. Always drive safely. Yeah You know You're listening to two in the think tank the show where we try and come up with with five skit short deals. I'm Andy. And I am Alistair George William,

Trumbly virtual. Thank you for listening to our Piao Chie. Yeah, I like that pronunciation. Well, some people like to, you know, a lot of Australians. I'm gonna try to take away vowels from words. And where are those vowels gonna go? Where those gonna go? A lot of conservation of vowels.

You can't just destroy the vowels. A lot of eyes are ending up in my pronunciation of PR. Yes. It's just, I mean, we gotta think about the consequences of our actions. Every time somebody abbreviates... You drop an R? Yeah.

Where's that R? R go. Builds up in the Great Barrier Reef. Mm-hmm, that's right. This now it's the Great Barrier Reef. I guess that's what Tony the Tiger knows. What is he? He goes, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Miss Miss I don't know what is isn't though. They all have a three-letter miss miss miss. Yeah, probably miss And with that cat as an abbreviation. I'm just dropping the eyes

Drop bloody take your eyes out mate Everybody careful that you'll take somebody's all yeah Which would be so inconvenient. You guys are having no wash dirt off your eyeballs before having to put them back in. Yeah. Which is amazing to me that eyes can come out and then be popped back in.

Because aren't they attached on the sides? Aren't there muscles on the side? Like I can see, they're on there. They're on the sides of your eyes. You got muscles and they attach to your head. And they're what turn your eye around when you look at things. And yet there was some basketball player recently, falls over, eye comes out, pops it back in, he's fine. How is that possible? Your eye isn't just dangling around on the end of a bungee cord. Andy, I don't know if you have spent much time watching Guinness

World Record TV shows. But Alistair, I've spent a world record amount of time not watching it. Yeah. Well, you're equal first with a lot of other ignorant people. And there's, there's people who have world records for how far they can bulge their eyes out. And there's, there's more like, there's more than one person scalpel bloody hell I bloody saw that the other day saw someone bloody doing that Let me tell you my bloody eyes were out on stalks That's that and let me put your eyeballs out and they seem to be not tethered by the side But it just seems to be like they're possibly spring loaded

Right, okay, so it's all it's all just I mean I mean like, it is sort of an elastic connection. I don't understand how we're capable of moving them from side to side so easily. So easily and with such precision. Yeah. So I don't know whether it's, there's just, is there, like is there like a hand in the back that is kind of moving them up and around? Like, you know, like, I guess it's like a hand on the back of a globe of the earth. Yeah, that one, a little swivel thing.

Yeah, went down. And you can just move it to point Australia sort of wherever in the room you want. And if you do lose your eyes, can you still use that little, that movement thing, that hand from that's behind your eyes to do other things? To move something else. Yeah. Repurpose that. That's just now going to waste.

Yeah. Well, I'm just saying, if you lose your eye, there's no need that you need to lose that hand. Good. If it is a hand, which it is, it's the hand of the face. If we were to then attach a pencil to that, say, would you draw with that? Now bearing in mind, you wouldn't be able to see what you were drawing, but sometimes those drawings that you do where you don't look at the pen are quite interesting and artistic. Now in those situations, you vary often, do still look at the thing that you're drawing.

So if we took that away as well, would it be even more artistic? Absolutely. Oh, you know, you could probably attach a pencil to that while you're sleeping, and then the REM sleep. Draw your dreams. Yeah, would either draw your dreams or just make a scribble. Make a scribble. And then who's to say what's better? Well, you know, like let's say a TV show like Mr. Squiggle would save a lot of time if Mr. Squiggle didn't have eyes. He already has a pencil for a nose, but if he also had pencil in his eyes, that we're scribbling at night time. Pencils for hands.

Pencils for hands. I mean, it would be more horrific, obviously. For him. For him, for the viewers, for Gus, the snail. Yeah. The paper maybe? Yes. I guess.

Being stabbed at like that. Because he also wouldn't be able to perceive depth so he would plunge in. Did he draw, was blackboard? Was he drawing on blackboard? Or did you just put it on blackboard at the end when you wanted to display it? Andy, you've caught me. I've never seen the show.

You've never seen Mr. Squiggle. No, I've just seen either images and of her talk. How much of human existence? If we were to graph, you know, people do graphs of human existence. And like you'll do like, well, if this is all of the civilization of humanity, this is like when written history comes in. It's like five minutes to midnight or something like. You're a very small fraction of that. But then what percentage do you think of human history has actually been taken up with people saying things like, I've never seen Mr. Squiggle and then somebody responding, you've never seen Mr. Squiggle? Like I think that would be quite a shockingly high percentage. Like, you know how they always do reports on the news.

The number of days you spend in an elevator. Yeah, or like the amount of working hours that have been lost nationally by sick days. Yeah. Like the number of work days that have been lost by people repeating the question in a shocked manner. Yeah. Yeah, I think, like, and not just the number of workdays that have been lost by people repeating the question in a shocked manner. Yeah.

I think, like, but not just the number of days, but also like the impact on the economy, the billions of dollars that we're losing every year. Those questions. Sort of, yeah, shocked replies to people stating they haven't seen a quite well-known animated TV series. The Australian economy loses $60 billion a year to people repeating the statement as a question. $16 billion a year, repeating the statement as a question. Yeah, that's great.

Is there a sketch in that, you think? Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Yep. I think, I think, you know, it would be a report, a recent report from the Institute for Public Affairs or the Australia Institute or the, oh, maybe it would be a government agency, maybe it would be, let's see, the Treasury Department or the Census Bureau, you know, one of those government agencies, ASEO, the Australian Antarctic Division, maybe, just branching out. You think they went.

Well, there's less ice now. See, now that Antarctic is melting, they're going to have to find other things to do. And other ice to talk about, maybe in glasses. Ice glasses. Do you think they have a lot of cold drinks in Antarctica? Really good question. It's interesting because they know where in the world is better place to have cold drinks if they did want it.

What about the North Pole? I think even the North Pole, Pole perhaps is probably less well placed. Yeah, right. Because of the polar bears. That's true, and possibly because of there's probably less access to glasses since humans haven't settled there. Exactly. Yes.

It's not just about ice, youac- you know accessibility and cold accessibility. And also because penguins wear little tuxedos, there's a lot of standing around drinking uh... God, that's... It is... They are humorous, sholy-shaped animals and looking. Um, anyway, uh... animals and looking. Anyway, but then you're least likely to want a cold drink at the polls. Well, that's right. Yeah. I mean, are you sick of the cold by the time you get in

from a day out in doing the research? Do you think people in Antarctica feel like they're really scamming the countries that they come from and how much they really do and something like that. Because who's really overseeing this? Man, the level of oversight down there would be really low. Like you're really, and you could send back any old shit because almost nobody's been there, right? Yeah. And you could send back a report that says today, the average temperature was minus 262 degrees.

I mean, we were like, wow, that sounds cold. That's really cold. But then Antarctica, I guess, is a cold place. Do you think we might get some angry emails from people who work in Antarctica and go, actually, we're having to constantly justify our funding? KPIs are super important. And actually, we work harder than anybody having to

attend a lot of functions with penguins and you know it's called small talk and it's called and it's called we have to do everything if not more than what the scientists do. Yeah, because we also have to maintain our body temperatures. And there's the shoveling. What about Alistair? The fact that the North Pole and the South Pole are not really polar opposites. Are they? If anything, they're probably the two places on earth that are the most similar to each other. If you were to look for a place that is very different to Antarctica, I don't think the Arctic is a great example.

Despite the fact that they are polar opposites. I'd say if anything, they're polar similars. Andy, I think that's great. Yeah, I think that's really great. Thanks. Yeah. What can we do with that? Yeah. And by polar opposites, I mean, they're exactly the same. Maybe minus some land.

Maybe a, like, maybe we take the piss somehow out of, look, and this is not a thing that either of us believe that the work done by the Antarctic divisions of all the nations isn't important. It's probably some of the most important science that could be done right now because it deals with the existential threat of climate change to the entirety of civilization and indeed life on earth. But if we ignore that and say that instead it's very dumb and pointless. Let's have people from the Antarctic division doing a press conference about some of their recent findings. One of which is that the North Pole and the South Pole, despite being what you might think of as polar opposites, are actually quite similar. And we're having to redefine what we

think of as being a polar opposite. You know, like how Pluto was originally thought to be a planet, and then later on was classified not as a planet. We're currently re-examining the polar opposite nature of the North and South Pole. One aspect is that they're both polar. For example, so they're both at the end of the pole. In that case, they're identical. Hardly the behaviour you would expect from an opposite. But there's more. They're both cold. Yeah.

And again, similarity of temperature is a thing that you would expect from things that are similar, as opposed to things that are the antithesis of one another, or opposite if you will. Much in the same way that we've also been studying two sides of the same coin. Now at first glance you would think, well what could be more different than two sides of the same coin. But at closer examination reveals that both are, for example, sides of the same coin. They're both coin sides.

Both find themselves to be metallic facades of a coin. And both of them are interestingly opposite another side of the coin, a thing that they both have in common. I guess in the same way that I guess the poles of the earth are very similar to each other, but kind of from a distance look like they have a sort of a different pattern drawn on them. But that in a way does not really make them opposites. them opposites. If, for example, a super stellar giant person were to enter into a game of two-up and were to toss the earth, I predict our research predicts that they would have

difficulty calling whether it was North or South Pole, Especially because it's a sphere. If the Earth was flat, which, by the way, we have mounting evidence that it isn't. Even so, it would be a poor substitute for a coin, which is in itself a poor substitute for some other thing. So at present, much like Pluto being reclassified is not a planet. We are considering either reclassifying the term polar opposites to mean something different Two things that are exactly the same almost Some would say the polar opposite of its current definition, but not us because we know that the current definition is wrong. We would say the polar Opposite opposite

is wrong, we would say the polar opposite opposite in the new sense rather than in the old sense anyway. And that's why we are asking for an extension of our current $7 billion a year funding to extend this current theory. Because as we know what we're really doing by being here is just trying to stop other bigger countries from coming and mining here so that we just have resources maybe for the future. We all know that the only reason we're here. Well, I mean, technically they say that we're studying the effects of climate change and how potentially we could stop it.

But really what we're doing is we're just staying here so that we can be the first people to let you know when there's no ice so that we can start mowing. Obviously, we'll lament the loss of the ice, right up until the point when there is no ice at all. We'll lament the loss of the ice up until the point we start celebrating all the abundance of oil. The abundance of no ice. Oh, God.

You know what? See, this is a thing, right? Climate change, right? I am a non-climate change skeptic. I think climate change is a real thing. You're a climate change believer. Yes, but I don't want to use the word believer. Faithful.

Yes, that's right. I'm an evangelical climate change. Evangelic. I feel like I've already discussed this on the podcast. But like from our point of view, is people who trust the science of climate change, of course, it would be great if we were wrong. We don't want to be right. I would

fucking love it if we could continue to rape and pillage the planet as we currently are with impunity. I would love that. But we can't. That's the tragedy of it all. And there's so much tragedy with it all. I was just kind of like a thought kind of popped into my head that I guess one position that is kind of taken with that is that when, you know, from a point of view of a skeptic is that you go, well, I know potentially 99% of scientists agree that this is the case, right? But science has been wrong in the past.

And so, and they've, you know, 99% of scientists have probably all believed it. Well, another thing. And then that's turned out to not be true. And is there a sketch in applying that kind of circumstance, the hoping that although everybody agrees with something, that this is kind of like your long shot,

is that like you still, it's still your stance, but you go, look, I know that 99% of people believe that this will or won't happen. But things have been wrong in the past. And therefore I'm going to take this position. I don't know. Well, what if there's a thing like as well as, so at the moment the government has a certain amount of money that they can dedicate to different causes to do with climate change and that sort of thing.

So it could be to do with researching and monitoring climate change, it could be to do with combating climate change like a renewable energy, it could be to do with adapting to climate change if we accept that it's inevitable. And what about an institute that is dedicated to hoping that it's not real? And we put more money into hoping that it's not real. And to, you know, a group of some of the world's leading hopers who dedicate their time to really, really hoping. So, I mean, I guess, because it's so certain,

it seems so certain that it's happening, that is removing hope from people. And so, these are people. So the government has to step in and thund hope, basically. To inject into the populist. To be honest, it's not that important that the Australian people truly believe in climate change.

It's better if they're not going to be able to affect it that positively anyway. So it would almost be better for it and the economy if these people were just full of hope. But maybe it's not even to do with the people as a general populist, right? It's just another example of the nanny state where the government comes in and takes over for you. They're going to do the hoping, right? So that we can continue to be hopeless, but don't worry, the government is there is hope. At the hope institute. We've got to the hope institute. And it's just a group of wildly deluded people. And they can hope better than all of us combine.

Yeah, well, you know, they have the technology and they have the training and indeed the expertise to dilute themselves much more comprehensively than you or I as laypeople could ever hope, sorry, pun intended to do. So yeah, I think that's great. Yeah, I hope it's a good. Just so that there is hope for Earth, on things like that. There is hope somewhere. We've got good news.

The government has good news that on climate change, there is hope. They're not only, you know, sort of looking at the current hope that we do have that it's not true and all that kind of stuff but they're also finding new new hopes new ways of hoping yeah what if I um A huge flock of bats space bats coming up with blocked out the sun yeah So yeah, that's that's a that's a new hope there's those kind of lark birds, those skylarks that kind of just fly in one place. Hover.

Hover in one place. Yeah, I've seen those. Those skylark birds. Yeah, yeah, skylark birds. So what if there was a giant, what if we bred those in a, so we bred those? What if they sort of, what, sorry,

what if they, that sounds like a lot of work. Yeah, yeah, no, you're right. Okay, what if there was a just just some how, boom in their population Yeah, yeah, no, you're right. Okay. What if there was a just somehow boom in their population? I mean which you know animals have been known to occasionally Absolutely and with you know climate change is really radically affecting ecosystems resulting to like huge growth in algae On the Queensland coast. Yeah, what is it leads to huge growth of larks and you know they talk about all those all that methane coming out of the ground because well what's the laughing of the wings pushes the me

Me thing back down keeps it into the earth into the earth. I mean think of what that flapping that downward force, you know we can't argue with mutant We'll God knows we're not gonna argue with science Well, God knows, we're not going to argue with science. You know, obviously that will probably keep a lot of the gases that are coming up. I mean, if they were to just flap all over coal plants, wouldn't that just keep the carbon down? Down. You know, like it will be still in the air, but it won't be up in the atmosphere. Yeah, I mean, and this is it, the hope institute doesn't argue with science.

No. It just misapplies it. Yeah, they just find ways that they can make it hopeful. Yeah. Much in the way that people do that with quantum mechanics, they use it to make them feel hopeful that there's an afterlife and things like that. Well, I mean, that could happen with, say, the theory an afterlife and things like that. Well, I mean, that could happen

with, say, the theory of gravity and things like that. I mean, there's got to be at some point when that was near that people were like, maybe gravity is the afterlife, maybe after we die, we go down woods to heaven. We need a new theory. And that's why Einstein came up with the theory of the expansion of the universe. There you go. To counter gravity. That's great. Heaven is just gradually expanding with everything.

What's the... Alistair, I think that this whole hope institute might be my favorite genuinely satirical thing that we've ever come up with. That's great. I think it could be quite powerful satire that could really influence peoples. Yeah, well, we've changed the world. It's giving me hope. We could we could found it as a real, you know, we could as an invertechomas as a real institute. Yeah. And great. This is an sketch. This is an institute. Yeah. And let my ideas are try to, you know, try to take it. I often try to take it. I'm here trying to come up with five sketch ideas,

our last day. And as fast as I can bloody come up with them, you're bloody turning them into something else. You're whittling them away. I know, just think of it as taking the sketch off the canvas and integrating it into the world so that, you know, we look... Sorry, I realize I just said that I'm coming up with the ideas. Andy, I'll, upon listening back to a few episodes, that is often the case. So don't worry about it. I'm just reappropriating them and what I do in order to really put my stamp on a lot of these ideas is I move

them to a different place. So you buy a chair for example and I go and then you put it at the table and I go, I wonder if we put the under the light so that we could change the light bomb and you go oh that's not really what I thought it would be. I was trying to get five chains. Yeah I was trying to get five chains. No but no Andy was. No it's a ladder. Because you know there's new lot bulbs that aren't last as long as they saw

they will. Yeah. Which I think is already something we spoke about on the podcast, maybe 20 to 25 episodes ago. Look, it's bound to come around. Because those lights they don't last. They don't, I mean, I'm constantly just trying to stop myself from talking about it.

I don't know if I mentioned this last time it came up on the podcast, but what it is, Alistair, is an illusion because before you had these new light globes, these compact fluorescence, right, no one ever marketed lights to you on the basis that you're going to have to change them less. So the frequency with which you had to change an incandescent light globe was not something that you ever paid attention to because that was just what you had to do. And then someone came along and said, you'll have to change these lights less. And you didn't realize that changing lights less was even a thing that could be done.

And now, whenever you find yourself changing a light, you're very aware of it. Yeah, I'm angry. Yeah. I'm angry. I just, I never feel like it's long enough. And you wouldn't have thought about the length of time at all. Well, just for incandescent with rage, ironically, when you should be compact fluorescent with rage.

In fact, that would be a really, the government should get in on this and try to convert people who are currently incandescent with rage to being compact fluorescent or possibly LED with rage. With rage. What does LED stand for? Light emitting diode. With rage. Yeah.

That you start to sort of short circuit and emit light. Yeah. I don't know how LED's are. LEDs work by creating a depletion zone between an n-type and a p-type sup-semiconductor. Oh. All right. And then as electrons move across that depletion zone, they lose energy, which is released as light.

And what are we talking about silicon? Silicon could be germanium. Could be some of the modern other semiconductors that they make out of weird combinations of different things. But they're doped with stuff. So you might have silicon, but then you make an end type or a P type by doping it with different elements. Like small proportions of like.

Yeah, sort of. I think they're not metals. So it's, yeah, they might be metals. But yeah, they're just, I think are semi-conductors, semi-medals? Because silicon isn't, like they're all part of that carbon band in the, yeah, there's sort of semi-medals. Because what they're all part of that carbon band in the other jungle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's sort of semi metals.

Yeah. Because what they've got. Semi conductors, I believe. So that means that they, yeah. They have four available ions, and I know, available electrons on their thing, right? That's like the thing on the outer shell. On the outer shell? Yeah.

And how does that help them conduct, I don't know, anyway. It's, they can. You're right. Yeah. But they have a smaller, what they have is they have a smaller band between, energy band between being bound and being not bound in the outer shell. So electrons are able to move into the conducting band with less activation energy.

Yeah, wow. I just can't retain at all to that detail. Look, and I probably can't either. I don't know how much of this is speculation. But, and just say this is the last question, I know it's still not a sketch in any way. I'm a semiconductor of a scientific information, and it's easier to get it out of me, but I'm not necessarily as good as it as possibly a metal would have been.

To absorbing it. Yeah. And you can just create semiconductors from by creating like, like other molecules and like, put two molecules together. You can make new semiconductors, but it's hard to predict how you're going to make them. So you're just going to make a bunch of random stuff and they'd be like, new six. We couldn't. We just noticed the things that semiconductor we were just trying to make a condom that felt better. And now we've got a bloody semi conductor. And now I've got a bloody semi connector. This is this this this filthy science lab.

Guys, I got a semi conductor and developed it from a new novel combination of existing elements. I guys look at my dick, it's Laplace transforming. Oh, man. My dick is a bit on the heavy side function. Anyway, guys. Sorry about that. The dirty lab. Filt dirty labs. That's to go with dirty labs. That's to go with sad labs That's to go with sad labs and the hope institute. It's a lot of government institutions that we're kind of creating

Yeah, we are there's um there's an aunt currently on your pad Alistair, huh, and it's a it's really cute and I like looking at it and seeing it explore the sketches that you've so far written down And currently trying to get as far away from them as possible. Oh no, well now he's going back. He's going back, he's come around. He's into the pen maybe. Have you ever really spent a bunch of time up close looking at ants?

They spend a lot of time doing what looks like cleaning their legs and head. Yeah, they really do. I think they're a bit, um, germophobic possibly, right, which must make eating dead flies. Really hard for them eating a lot of stuff off the ground, off the ground, where they spend a lot of time.

And then taking it into ground. And then as soon as they get up on a table, we're like, get off the table to them, which is rough. Yeah, well, that's true. And also, ants, sorry, about them being germophobic, is that germs play a much larger proportion of them now, like compared to us because they're so small.

They're closer to the size of the germs. I mean, I could imagine that they could, you know, like the movement of a germ or germs on them, you know, it could almost be feelable at that point. Elastair, you know why ants are such germophaves? Why? Because of, because their germs are, fuck, something to do with antibodies.

Because they are antibodies. Bodies. That's really good. Is it? Well, I mean... Yeah, I think... I mean, there's a way for a conversation about ants being germaphobes to go. Yeah.

Like, there was at least something in it. Yeah. I mean, look, I think, you know, there's... there's also kid... there's also kid sketch shows these days. Yes. Do you think we could get that antibody sketch up? Yeah, we just sort of like, turn it into a sketch.

Yeah, well, they love, they love their antibodies because of their antibond, look. They love their antibodies because of their antibodies. But look. Oh, my love. Okay, what about this? This is a sketch. Elastec, right? Wow, I came out of nowhere.

Okay, it's some ants sitting around. I hope I haven't already pitched this idea to you. It's feeling familiar to me now. Okay, it's ants sitting around in a bar. Right? They're at a bar, they're sitting around. Right? And one ant says to another ant over a bee who says,

you know who I really find attractive? The queen. And the other ant's like, oh my God. Me too. How good is the Queen she is the only woman for me And then another answer across the bar says you guys Oh man What a woman guys and then he pulls up a magazine and this is like a Center for Center and it's just the Queen's body makes up the first two panels,

and then her long last. Aptamin, abdomen thing that just kind of comes out and with little like larva coming out. It's a full that. Oh yeah. I really like that. He goes talking about the queen. Yeah, and then the barman is like, yeah, a little girl's coming. Hey, talking about the coin. Yeah, it's a guy with the barman. It's like, yeah, a lot of girls come in here.

He's talking about the coin. I don't know. He's just got to get in there. Something like that. You've got to have a sketch in a bar and let a barman. You need it. What's he doing? He's pouring out little glasses of sugar for the ants.

Yeah. Do you think they drink honey for some reason? I'm sure. Like, do you think they would reject honey if they came across honey? No, no. Well, there you go. There you have it. Now, what's the deal with manuka honey?

Is it bullshit? Yes. Well, is it bullshit the magical properties that are manuka honey? Or the pricing structure of manuka honey? Have you seen it when it's proper like golden? I don't know. Does it look amazing?

There's yeah, there's some pretty amazing looking Manuka honey like that it comes out like basically like gold. It looks like gold. But again, I think a lot of like unrefined honey does kind of look a lot more like gold. Yeah, it looks more like it's more creamy, goldy kind of thing. Yeah, right.

But then I've seen guys in Beesuits pouring honey Yeah, it looks more like it's more creamy goldy kind of thing. Yeah, right. But then I've seen guys in Beesuits pouring honey out of honeycommon looks more like honey then. So what's going on? What is real truth? What is happening here? Why is the honey making process involved going from honey to this kind of creamy fuzzy unrefined honey back to honey. Right. To what the honey process involved.

And you're watching how does making honey work? How do bees work? Very hard is the answer. Is it oogling or oogling oogling oogling? I think it's oogling oogling to double G No, I think it's just one G or oogling. I don't it's definitely not oogling. Okay Because that's just giggling Um, where could could it go anywhere else with these guys talking about the ants? Like the ants talking about the queen. Are they coming? I mean, I else with these guys talking about the ants like the ants talking about the Queen I mean, I mean one way also is for the ants to realize that they're all dating the same woman Maybe they're describing their girlfriend. Yeah, right? They're like oh She's amazing. Oh, yeah, tell me about it. Oh, she's wonderful. She's she's huge

She's the only woman in the colony. He's like, wait, your girlfriend's the only woman in the colony. But my girlfriend's the only woman in the colony. Yeah, well, I think it could, it could, sorry. They can't both be the same only. What colony? How many women in the colony are there?

How many only women in the colony? Maybe it also goes like, you know, How many women in the colony are there? How many only women in the colony? Maybe it also goes like You know he starts going like she's huge you guys. Oh, yeah my girlfriend's huge to a lover huge woman I love a woman with you know sort of the head yeah, and then a sort of that middle bit middle section thorax thorax And then I love a. They are huge. Abdomen. Abdomen. Love that. Oh mate. Oh, let that knees sheep set out.

Yeah. I love me a huge abdomen. Yeah. Oh yeah mate. Yeah. You guys talking about huge abdomens. My woman's got a huge abdomen. Seems to be the style these days.

It's very in. I think there's a lot of pressure on women to have a huge abdomen. And then they go in here. Mine's the only woman in the colony. Oh, it's amazing. Mine's also the only woman in the colony. Actually, we're funny. Coincidence.

Mine is, actually, all the ants in the colony collect food just for her. Oh yeah she's very popular. She's very popular. Like other ants bring yeah maybe you don't see all you can't you can't completely reveal it yet. No, no. I mean although it is completely revealed but the ants themselves have not yet come to the realization. Yeah a lot of the time ants can't quite work out What's something is until they've been all the way around it? Mmm. That's right. So they have such a limited perspective. Yeah, they have to work out to be very small. Yeah, well, I like that already. I did. The ants gone and walked all over that bit. So he's obviously enjoying it. Oh The ants gone and walked all over that bit. So he's obviously enjoying it. Oh, are dating.

Do you think ants would find that funny? Will they be willing to laugh at themselves? Or do you think they'd be offended that we are mocking? They're sort of their society structure. I think if there's any bit that we've written down today, that would have been that's Well, I think that that we could at least relate to ants with that that could potentially work It's that one. I don't know if they're going to be that into the bits of how people the billions lost nationally from People repeating statements as questions in a shocked manner now. I think the ant Arctic bit They might start out interested in that when we get to the first syllable

But as soon as we say Arctic I can imagine them dropping off. Yeah, yeah a lot of them would say they chew now They probably just go back to work a lot of them. Yeah, it would probably be hard. You know, and that's the thing is with with you know Us and our sort of inner city, you know ideas a lot of these answer kind of worker ants and you know, ideas. A lot of these answer kind of worker ants. And so, and you know, I wonder whether that sort of, sort of that class difference, you know, they just, they wouldn't really be into it. They're just trying to get a crust or indeed any other part of the sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. That's fallen onto the ground near the cafe table. Yeah. And then I don't know if they'd be that into the hope institute sketch

They would kind of maybe be like what about like an institute that kind of leaves traces of sense You know out in out in the world that you can follow That you can follow that you can follow like you have about that and they'd be like oh, they were on board Yeah, you're the sort of like leave us sent and then you kind of follow it. Yeah, I like that. Oh, yeah. Did we end up writing down that thing about time wasted talking about repeating rhetorical questions?

That was the first one, Billions National. Oh, okay, so I wasn't listening. I wasn't listening when you were there. As questions and shokkna. And now Billions lost naturally making you repeat that sketch concept. There wasn't paying attention. We've just lost billions, billion nationally. I, people, you know, it's a common trope that ants are able to carry much more than their

body mass. Body mass, yeah. And, you know, animated series, he very often will see an ant or two Working together to carry something enormous like a huge sugar cube or you know something like that Maybe a sea of ants carrying a whole lion. Yeah, something long lines. Yeah, what's a twist on that now? Well, I guess you could you could let's say there was sort of like an ant Newton You know What's what's Newton's first name? Isaac Newton, right? Isaac Newton.

And he's talking about sort of... Well, multifaceted Isaac Newton. Yeah, multifaceted Isaac Newton. I didn't get that. Well, they have multifaceted eyes. Oh, yeah, multifaceted Isaac Newton. Great. Like a fly.

Are you talking about thinking of flies? Let's fly as ants don't have that, do they? I don't know. To be honest, I think if you got in really close, there would be more than one facade on there. Facet. Yeah, facet. Which in a way are small facets.

You know what? A facet. A facet, yeah. So he's a tiny Isaac Newton, anti-Azac Newton, Isaac Newton, that's not necessary. And so then he's talking about the physics of carrying multiple times your own weight. Yes. Right? And so then people start to come to him and they say, well, then if we could do that, then shouldn't we make an ant that is, let's say, like a thousand times bigger, and it will be able to carry, you

know, so much more on that level, right? And then he kind of starts talking about sort of how, well, maybe that's what he's proposing, right? Maybe that's what he proposes, right? So, so he- Right. And so, this is just to get more work done for the colony and things like that. So, maybe more of a Da Vinci type ant. Potentially, yeah. But I'm just, then I'm imagining sort of a Einstein ant that comes in years later. Right.

And he starts talking about sort of non-Antonian physics, in which the amount that ants can carry doesn't scale up that well once the size is kind of a bigger. Right, because it's relative, like, relative to your size, and once something is much, much bigger than you, it's strength decreases as it approaches the size of light. Yeah. And just that there are limits to the physics that we sort of noticed down here. And so the theories that they have don't seem to be quite as transferable, you know, I guess they may have not have noticed that. I think the idea of ant scientists being confronted with the idea of a non-Antonian reference frame and non-Antonian physics, I think is to me very enjoyable. I think we may have come

across the least marketable sketch of all time. Yeah, but again, I say there's a lot. We're in the future. Yes. Nish is doable. True. Narrow-banding, broadcasting, narrow casting. Narrow-casting. And what we need to do is to find the two or three

insane millionaires out there who are really big fans of this concept and just market it to them. You know how the science world is flush with money these days, right? Oh yeah. The coffers overflowing. Yeah, so maybe they could just chuck a couple of hunch this way. Chuck a couple of hunch. Just chuck a, just chuck a hundred to our way.

And we can, well, you know, obviously it's going to take more than a hunch just to make the ants suits and then the giant Isaac Muton or Isaac Antion wig and but then you know once we get that go look physicists will love it I think yeah yeah I agree I'll stir I agree I'm sorry about my, you know. No, no. I think I've had a wall of exhaustion. But it's not. It's not in any way related to your sketch idea.

It was otherwise inevitable. It was coming up. It was otherwise inevitable it was coming up. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great.

Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great.

Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great.

Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great.

Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. I'm just trying to get my head around how unsuccessful this is going to be and it's quite exhausting To imagine it. I mean like we've made stuff that is much broader Which is probably been seen by less people that this is gonna be seen by and yet we've we've persevered on and we've continued

And we're still here trying to come up with sketch ideas. So This is not the thing that will break us God done. At the very least, it'll just be something else that we've done. That we'll look back on and go, well, we did that. At one point. We did it. I think the idea behind a lot of my comedy is how stupid is it that somebody would even do this?

Yeah. Which I think is great. And I think maybe when that will be the summary of human existence, when future civilizations look back on everything we did, they'll say, how funny is it that somebody did all this? Yeah, maybe like I saw some kind of a outside observer. Maybe the observers from the Marvel universe, those ones who just watched.

Yeah, yeah. Or it could just be sort of a kodos and kang or crang. Anyway, sort of type situation, just hovering above the earth. As it burns, you know, as it burns, destroying every trace of our existence, somebody kind of thinking, how silly is it that they even bothered? What I find funny is that they did it at all. That they did it at all. It's amazing.

It's amazing bothered trying. I appreciate the amount of effort that was put into that. Yeah. For no real purpose. And many ways I find that really funny. What a punchline. Yeah. Mostly because the sadness is so immense that you can't even be processed. All you can do is laugh. I was thinking about comedy plus tragedy equals time. What about comedy, no wait, tragedy? What's the, can we rearrange that equation? I have, I tried to do that once in a tweet. So comedy plus tragedy.

So time is equal to comedy minus tragedy. Minus tragedy, yeah. And then there was also like, you can do, wait, so what did you just say? Comedy plus tragedy. No, comedy plus time equals tragedy. Yeah, so comedy is equal to tragedy minus comedy. Tragedy minus comedy.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then, so that means comedy, oh no wait. So tragedy minus time over divided by comedy is equal to one Yeah, all right, you know, so I think we did that wrong. I think our mental maths I think we've rearranged that account our mental is when we're both tired in our our our conceptual algebra is a bit off That's okay. Are we gonna go through, take us through our sketch ideas. Take us through our sketch ideas, Alice, please. According to Billions lost nationally from people,

you know, repeating statements as questions in a shock matter, Billions are lost nationally from people repeating questions as a question in a shock matter. That's right. Then we got, That's right. The, we got a press conference from the scientists in Antarctica

talking about how they found that polar opposites are actually two things that are pretty similar. Pretty similar. We've got the Hope Institute, which is an institute set up by the government regarding climate change. So because there is so little hope because this seems to be true. And also because they're not willing to do anything to combat it. To combat it, they've just decided to put a bit of money into suit.

Sort of a think tank, but it's more like people who are so delusional that they've found so many different ways in which there's hope regarding the future of the human race. Well, we've got to find new sources of hope. New sources of hope. Just like we're finding new sources of fossil fuels, right? Shale oil and fracking.

We also need to find new ways to squeeze hope that this planet might continue to be able to sustain life out of the limited resources that we have available. Absolutely. And you've got to get creative. Maybe the money for this could come from the green energy fund that they're there. There you go. Talking about using to fund coal power stations.

That's not too bad. Maybe if there's any left after they've built those coal-fired power stations, they could put some into delusional hope. Yeah, or some of the money that we make from selling coal. There you go. I think that's the thing. In that way, coal gives us hope. That's great.

I think that there'll be a lot of people who don't believe in climate change. Really, what all it is is that they don't like having no hope. That's, yeah, totally. What about this, then? The flip side of finding new forms of hope is despair sequestration, which is new ways to suppress our despair and bury it deep down under layers of ignorance. Yeah, great. It's the...

And misinformation. So, sort of like hope prospecting and despair sequestration. Yeah. Yeah. What's the other word for like hope fracking? Maybe. No, but like there's the exploration, hope exploration. Yeah. Greenfield.

Maybe they've got some antiretica when the ice melts. We could get to it. Maybe as well as sort of big pockets of methane that come out over the ice will also be Big canyons full of hope It's amazing that there should be frozen farts In Siberia in the Arctic that are going to destroy the planet. Yeah, that's pretty great. It did like That the earth farting will be what kills us It'll be a killer fart, silent but deadly.

Two civilization. I hope Al Gore puts that in his next presentation. Then we've got the Ant Bar, which is a bunch of ants ogling the queen, talking about how much they love the queen, and then they're all talking about, no, it's either that or it's... They're all realizing that they've got the same girlfriend. Yeah, they all realize I got the same girlfriend. And then of course the final sketch is the non-Antonian reference frame sketch in which a sort of an anti-Zach Newton or an anti-Instine realizes that there are limits to the Antonian reference frame of physics and that a lot of the their ability to carry 100 times their own weight doesn't directly transferable to when they're like a thousand times their

sense. Yeah. Or traveling close to the speed of light. Or traveling close to the speed of light. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, the podcast. Mostly what I tweet about is asking people to listen to the podcast. So if you need that, and also occasionally write out some jokes, I do. I do write some quality jokes. Quality, good quality jokes. I've had one that I thought was very funny recently. And I write, I just, I use it as a dumping ground for all joke attempts. And so the quality is fluctuating. It's like the ocean.

Yeah, that's right. And you're an ocean liner of comedy. Everything winds up going overboard. I didn't know that about ocean liners. That's not, I don't know. We're also on Facebook and also you can review us on those things on like the podcast. Oh, yeah. Review the podcast on the iTunes.

And you know, obviously tell your friends and tell the people your enemies and tell acquaintances and people you're indifferent about. Yeah. And tell the prime minister. And you know, there's free hugs, those things that people were doing for a while there. How about you go down on the street holding a sign that says free podcast suggestions to anything like that. And then people come and then when people come, you just hug them. Yeah.. Yeah and one you got to mean close you whisper in the area to anything. Oh you just grab their, steal their phone and download it onto their phone. That's right and then give the phone back. Oh keep the phone. We don't really care as long as you keep the phone plugged in and charged

connected to the network so that it can continue to download the podcast. And we love you.