Simple Swedish Podcast - 70 - "DOGTATORSHIP"

Episode Date: March 14, 2017

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Hello and welcome to Two In The Thing Tank to show where we try and come up with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e're now sprinting before we say the podcast so that we got to momentum and now Obviously, we're losing a bit of that momentum, but that's fine You know, we got momentum and then we were also out of breath. So you know, it's a It swings in roundabouts. Yeah, and roundabouts are another way in which you could both keep and lose momentum Yes, you can lose momentum because they're a you know, they're just an intersection and you're bound to stop, but they're built in such a way to allow for momentum to be carried if there is no buddy also coming through. And also badass is like me sort of put one wheel up on the central lump there. Oh Jesus. And we sort of drive across it a bit as well, so we don't really turn as much as you're supposed to. That's good. Can you get arrested for that?

God I hope so. Yeah. Oh, I feel so alive. Yeah. Two wheels up on the curb going through a roundabout. Pull over my... No, actually it's a wind cheater. It's a wind cheater.

Oh, sorry. Oh yeah, I get it. I feel shame. Deep in my being. I wish I was dead and I could fly away from the pullover. We're in the pullover. The are clothing you would wear when you fly away from shame from doing a clothing pun. Yeah, now that fame sort of wraps it that shame, right? Shame. Oh, he's gonna bad forever. I'm gonna feel really bad shame I can't live with myself so it's a it's a it's a school where gifted kids yeah no no no you know I mean that's like you know what we're essentially aren't doing now a pun based sketch, aren't we? Coming off the back of our shame associated with it pun.

Well, this is what happens is that a lot of shame in people, that's where fetishes come from. Right. You know, shame and pleasure become intertwined. So that's why I'm drawn towards these things that make me feel bad. Yeah. Yeah. And why I am so ragingly erect right now. Yeah, that is a raging stag. You have there a stag. A stag. A full stag. But that being said, let's explore this shame, the musical, a bit more, and see if there actually is anything in it.

Sure. You know, I guess if I would have been picked for any sort of gifted program at school, you know, if someone would look at me as a child and say, well, what does this kid have? Yeah. That in abundance, you know, almost preternatural abundance. Sure. It would have been shame. Great. Right.

So if someone had sort of identified that early, there's no reason I couldn't have gone to some kind of shame academy Where they they could have nurtured it they could have nurtured that exactly and sort of made Something of it now. I'm not sure We're in the like the you know in what particular field and abundance of shame Would be considered useful. I mean, you think they would have discovered it and then taking you to this new school where they would have made you feel really bad about having all that shame?

Yeah, I mean, that could be part of the process, obviously. I think shame about your shame is a way to sort of almost generate infinite shame. Once you've achieved shame in your own shame, you're like a shame shame. Yeah. Shame shame. Shame shame.

Yeah, once you have shame shame, you become like a, you know, I guess a source of power or a sort, you know, like at least a source of shame. Yeah, like a self-shaming. Yeah, yeah, sort of machine. Infinite. What is it called? A perpetual... perpetual shame machine. Shame machine. Yeah. Shame machine. Shame machine.

It feels like we're speaking Chinese. Washing machine. Washing machine. It's like one of those words that you can say in the English language and almost convince yourself I had a context that it's China. Yeah but Okay, so so then and then once we've got this infinite shame, okay How can we turn that into something or what is that was the benefit of that right? Right. Yeah, I mean could it be used to fight confidence?

Is there some way, like, you know, if there was a threat to, you know, I'm picking up almost like a, you know, an Avengers or a Justice League or something where there's like, there's some intergalactic ball of confidence, right? Which is raging through the universe destroying planets with overconfidence.

And then there's like some kind of shame council that gets together in like a circle and by feeling terrible out about themselves, concentrates a pure beam of shame, which sort of shoots up like a blue light through the atmosphere and striking the ball of confidence. I like that. It's kind of got a dragon ball Z kind of feel it.

Yeah, dragon ball Z. I'm thinking a bit of a fifth element sort of a thing. Oh yeah. So maybe the the the source of the super confidence could be like a hands-knight. Right. Right. So like if there was a you know somewhere way back or a box party, but we should be including more women. I think so. You know. As a way back in the dawn of time, there was this sort of civilization of like sort of superbeings, right, who were capable of melding their minds together and sort of communicating emotions

directly into one another's minds. And then a group of the females of this species went out on a hands-knight, and unfortunately they got locked into a loop where their confidence fed back into each other, and they became a sort of a single pulsating entity of confidence. Like a pulsar? Yeah, yeah, and it became unhinged from you know their physical forms and and then Traveled through the galaxy basically Infusing so whole civilizations with the confidence of women on a hands night. Yeah, you know about three a.m

Sure sure sure so it's like it like they they go through the universe Embedding all the living creatures around with a confidence of about six drinks. Yeah, you know Yeah, I like that and and it's hugely destructive to to To civilization Absolutely, and then the only thing that can combat that is the shame council. And they, maybe they, they could be one kid who's at school, right? And he's almost like a Harry Potter.

They realize that he is the one who has the power to bring to get, to focus the abilities of the shame council. So they bring him in and they train him up. And he's kind of like just this hunched over sort of dark cloud of a kid just like feels real awful. Yeah. And but but he's the only one who can stop the spread of, you know, people having ideas and nobody telling them that it's a bad one. Exactly. Because every end there's nothing that he, you can, you can say or present him with that he doesn't feel bad about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's right. Also, yeah, it wouldn't even be that people couldn't tell you that it's a bad idea, that it could never change your mind. You're like always two lines into cocaine. Is that when you can't be stopped? I don't know. I've never done cocaine, but I know that it gives you a lot of confidence, and all your ideas feel great.

Right. But if there was a kind of confidence. Yeah. And all your ideas feel great. Right. But if there was a kind of cocaine that instead of giving you confidence, a gave you shame. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's where this kid is. Yeah. He's two lines into shame cocaine. Shame cocaine.

Yeah. I think that's great, right? And he's almost like a black hole for confidence that like he can just suck it all into himself. Very self-deprecating. Very much can take the window to anybody's sales. Even the people who are like, hey, look, this is gonna be great. We're gonna be, we're gonna find a way

of harnessing your power. He's like, well, you know, it's not. Yeah. Oh, you know, but then if you do that and you you do get it then what's the point anyway? Well, no, that's more nihilism. He's more shame of like I'm gonna ruin it. Oh, yeah, okay. You know, that's true. Yeah, you shouldn't be talking to me, you know, I did some stuff and I fired it and then you came into the room and I'm sorry. You're right. I've mixed in the nihilistic kid. Hopefully that's not his, you know,

he doesn't have a friend. It's like a nihilistic kid. Maybe that's called a complicated, anyway. Well, I mean, that could be, that could be the sequel in which he does form some kind of justice leak. It's like, you know, Shane Boyk gets in league with nihilism kid.

Yeah, and then, Sad lad. sad lad. Sad lad. Who was a, the son of one of the directors of Sad Labs. Accidentally got in the right, the way of a depression, right? Yeah, that's the problem. Sorry, as I always name my children after places that I work. And, uh, yep, he, uh, he can shoot concentrated beams of sadness out of his wrists. No, out of his

frown. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. You never see like a kind of half moon beam. Beams are often like, you know, round. and then they just go off like that. But you never see a beam that's kind of like a present. Yeah, you know, like a tubular beam. tubular beam. I mean, I wonder whether some of those energy beams that you see, tubular beam that'd be a pot, wouldn't it? Yeah, but not an energy beam. No, energy pot. Energy pipe. Well, that's what I think. I wonder whether in the movies, they always show you these energy beams coming from people's hands and eyes and things like that.

And they look full, but I wonder whether they're kind of like those Easter eggs that you, or those Easter bunnies that you get, that they look like they're gonna be full. And then you bite into it and you go, oh, it's like hollow. That's not that much chocolate. That's not a full beam.

I thought it was beam all the way through. Yeah, no, no, it's kind hollow. That's not that much chocolate. That's not a full beam. I thought it was beam all the way through. Yeah, no, no, it's kind of empty in the middle. You're just trying to cover surface area rather than full intensity of it. But, you know, I guess in a way that makes sense, right? Like, it's like, if you design a goreter, it makes much more sense to use an eye beam with that cross section that looks like an eye than to use a solid lump of steel, because that's much less efficient, and you don't get that much more advantage in terms of mechanical strength. You know, it's a ability to cope with strain and stress. I guess with the beam, the energy beam

is that what you're trying to do really is just bore a hole into your enemy. Right. So a laser is kind of, it's good. It's like a thin laser is kind of good because you can just kind of cut right through the person. But what if they're really big and resilient? So like that, you just want something that'll cut out.

Like an Apple core. Yeah, like an Apple core. You could take out the heart and one thing without even moving. Yeah, yeah. Because you don't know how mobile these things are. You've got like a nice sort of round circular cross section that you've cut out and you can sort of push that through.

Yeah. There's a pretty easy thing. You could just turn it on and off real quick. Yeah. Like that. Because I mean, I imagine these things take a lot of energy. Yeah. I think I think if they're not already doing that. I mean, it's definitely going to save a lot of energy. Yes.

It's going to save a lot of time. Yes. It's going to save a lot of time. Yes. If the technology doesn't exist yet, well, we've just saved them a bunch of years and then developing it going with the full beam first. Which I think humanity had to develop along those lines before we fully understood the structure of things and how we could better harness mechanical strength. Absolutely. So, you know, this could be as big as the discovery of the flying buttress in architecture.

Or the arc? Or the arc? Or the arch? No, but I meant the arc of the covenant. Oh, really? Well, I guess that was a big deal in architecture. No, because, you know, when you watch Indiana Jones, often you're inspired to to design a building I

I was I you wouldn't say that nobody in architecture was Uninspired by Indiana Jones And the right is because you couldn't possibly say that they weren't affected in any way, right? No. No, I couldn't. You couldn't say that. So therefore they were. Therefore, I could say that they were.

Yeah. Good. You out of steer, you're in your logic. You really run rings around me, which is an efficient thing to do around me. Is there something in like, you know, in the X-Men universe, there's always this big division between Magneto and Professor Rex and Magneto is the one who thinks that all mutants should be banned together against humans who will never accept them and then there's Professor Rex who thinks that we should try and

live together. But what about within the mutant community? Is there a division amongst the mutants who like whose powers are like at least conceptually speaking scientifically plausible and those that are just ridiculous? Like, you know, the radiculons and the porcelain bites. Great, yeah. And, you know, like, cyclops, right? He's just got like this unending stream of power that just shoots out of his face, right? I would put that down as being one of the ones

that's like, implausible, right? Like, fundamentally implausible. But then, like, maybe you've got your magnetos who like, okay, so brain waves do are electrical, and we know that movement of electricity does generate a magnetic field. So it's like, I guess conceivable that you could have electrical flows inside the human body, which do generate a magnetic field. Yeah. Yeah. So, but is it divided along just that line or is it like because they're like you guys are the ones that are making us all look bad by sort of bending the

laws of physics? Yeah. Maybe humans, regular humans would be able to accept us if it wasn't for the human laws of our plausible. Yeah. Yeah. I think I think they find us hard to accept us if it wasn't for the other like yeah I think I think they find us hard to accept because we're unacceptable like we are you know you can't you can't bloody get your head around it no like how does that work because you're making all our astrophysicist look bad by by doing things that break

their rules like Wolverine yeah okay like that's a strong man who heals quickly yeah well that you know, people heal. I guess some people could heal quickly. Yeah. Some people are strong, and then some people have got skeletons which have been enhanced with metal. Yeah.

Well, like that's all, you put all that in there. I'm like, yes, I buy it. I could imagine somebody who eats a lot of red meat, We have a lot of iron in their blood. They're for a lot of iron in their bones. Yes. They're for. They could have a metal scale. They could have a metal scale, is it?

Right. But then you've got a man who can just turn into metal when he wants to. Well, for example, I can picture a man who eats a lot of steak. Sure. Well. Which increases the amount of iron in his body, but could it happen in that short time frame that his entire body becomes iron? I don't know.

Well, I don't know. I've not watched staking in competitions. Yes. I don't know what happens. I'll put you in the maybe pile. There's maybe it. Yeah, the maybe. Or research requires.

The, oh, you really have plaza plausible bites. Yeah, yeah, sorry semi plausible semi-plauser bites. We have a whole periodic table of mutants. Yeah, yeah And there's the is that is anything sort of sketching that? Yeah, I think I think that there could be I think you could play with that idea a little bit more like I mean, I can picture a mutant council getting together. And this is an issue that is raised at the mutant council, right? That like some of them are just don't make any sense. And then we'll never be able to be accepted as long

as this is just a, you know, the heap of bullshit. Yeah, and are they kind of asking some of the ones who have implausible powers to only use them in a plausible way? Right, yeah. So look, you who can walk through walls, could you maybe get to a wall and sort of burn a door shaped thing?

I don't think that being able to burn door shaped things into things is a plausible thing. All right, but I've seen a lot about if he just restricted himself to walking through thin walls. Sort of, you know, banners at the football. But is it the football? Maybe some of those Japanese paper walls. Maybe, you know, like, okay, Giprock. Yeah, maybe, maybe sort of like, why don't you just walk around unfinished buildings? All right, that way you still kind of get to do your walking through walls thing. We do your walls thing, but you know, to the outside eye.

If it's walking through walls that you love, if that's what you want to do, do it somewhere it's not going to look so weird. The thing is, I just hate being hated and I feel like if you stop doing the wall thing that if one person doesn't see you do that then that's one person who might not yell at me. A batty the laws of science. The rest of us have to. You bloody scotter law of science. Hey they're called universal constants because they're not supposed to be variable.

Yeah. Yeah. That's for a dog that doesn't, I believe, I'll be the live physics. Which I guess that's another thing they don't go into and there is pets and animals who must have mutant powers. I mean, I guarantee to you, Alistair. In the comic book. This is Ironclad that that exists.

There is a comic book series out there that is like, you know, the pets of... Oh yeah. You know. The goldfish. You think there's going to be goldfish? There's a goldfish that is capable of like mentally connecting with any other living thing. It's just not capable of really understanding or remembering any of it.

But it could, you meant just a goldfish, you know, like it's a minor power, but who could just get into the minds of its owners and remind them to feed him. See, that would be a real. That's a professor ex of goldfish. A goldfish, yeah. I mean, he could just make them zombies, like a puppet master kind of thing. Yes. And look uh, this is a, look, this is a great eminent shammel on twist. Was the cold fish all along? It was the gold fish. It was the, I tell you what, they have got those big buggy eyes that you might expect from like a, like something somewhere who could control a mind.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and, uh, yep. Plaza bites and what were they called? and... yep. Plaza Bates and... Plaza with a con? Ah, the... I can't remember. Unrealistic cons, I don't know.

Let's look, yeah, I know it wasn't there, but that's fine. Yeah, in... The... I don't think soids is What what real race of people have oid at the end? humanoids humanoids the real the real race of people the humanoids which are people who are like humans but different Because we are a human race. Yeah, but then within that race there are other races Yeah, but I think human oids are separate from humans. That's true. They're just human-like. Yeah We sort of apply our our relativism to them. We say you guys are like us, but you're different

You got two legs and two arms. Yeah, would you would you say that a chicken is sort of more humanoid than a dog? Absolutely. I wish I could disagree with you there. But a chicken, yeah, like, you know, gumbee, I suppose. Was that humanoid? Gumbee was humanoid? I used to have nightmares about gumbee. Well, I never really saw that much of it. Did he have sort of like the power to do anything? Yeah, yeah, he, he, he transformed and he could also walk into any book. I think that was in the song, he could walk into any book. So I could walk into any book. Um, but just like,

make himself really thin. No, no, no, no, he could even into the world of the book. All right. And it was all only picture books or sort of books that had words and just words and you could get into the words? Don't remember. But I think picture books probably, guess it was a televisual medium, I imagine, the pictures are irrelevant.

I- Could you get into a Kindle? I mean, this is a good question. How does he interact with E-Ink? Yeah, how, what about YouTube videos? Could he, could he sort of, could he join people in a, like, a major laser video clip? Could he get into the clip or could he just get into the comments section? Could he, yeah. And, could he visualize the comments section?

If he can get into words, all right, right, like into like just a written book. Sure. Is it just any kind of text based thing? Hmm. Could he get into the ingredients list on the back of a cereal box? And what does that look like once you get into this?

Where is this world? Where is this second location? I'm gonna put... Gum be in with the unrealistic cons because I think it's just too many variables. We don't know enough. So, we have this little thing that we're trying to guess about, about what it was, and now we're questioning what it should be.

To be honest, I don't even really, I'm not 100% sure that he could walk into any book. I think that was in the song, but I don't know. Well, they should have put it in the song, whether or not it was in the song. But I don't know. Well, they should have put it in the song, whether or not it was in the song. The one that I had nightmares about was the episode in which he got a clone of himself. And while the clone was out skateboarding and doing his homework, Gumby himself just sat on the couch eating cookies

and got really, really fat. And I was worried, I used to be worried as a kid that that would happen to me. That you would get a clone? Yes. And that only the clone could go do fun things? Or that I would become lazy as a result of having the clone. Yeah, right.

Why does the clone not become lazy? I don't know. I don't know what it is. I guess it may be it's sort of like an immigrant kind of a thing. You know how like that, you know, the immigrants of first-generation immigrants are very motivated to do well in society. Maybe the clones, you know, the first-generation clones coming in. Yeah. I guess they come... They've got a lot to prove.

They should have immigrated from nothingness. From nothingness. But they... But they're you after you've lived a whole life. So they must kind of have like a, well, I better start doing some living, you know, that's something that you're missing because of all those baby years that you went through when you kind of got bored with the world. And exactly. And, you know, coming in from nothing is, is in a way, you know, the ultimate deprivation. Oh, absolutely. So they would really want to, you know, they would really appreciate the something that

we have here and they would want to make the most of it. Yeah, well, in a way it makes me think that this would be a great motivational technique. Right. Because I mean, the thing is that if he's a clone, right, he would still have all of gummies memories. Obviously, obviously. Yeah, he would obviously have all of gummies memories. That's how it works. Okay, yeah, you're a full clone, so you...

Of gumby. Yeah, so gumby, And so you think that you are gumbee. Yes. Right. But he shows up. Somebody tells him you're a clone. They show them the machine. Yes. They go, you were just born. Yep. Just now. Right. You haven't done any living. Yeah. And you've achieved nothing. You've achieved nothing. Right. Those memories, they're effectively stolen. Not only known them. Not only that, but there's another person who is exactly like you and could be better at you at being you. Yes, right. I've done all this stuff

that you are claiming credit for. Yeah, so what are you going to do about it, right? And so then at that point, you're going to get out there. Yeah, you got to get out there and you got to start living, you got to start producing, you got to start being motivated like that. And then so that's a great motivational technique, which is why you actually come to my new motivational school. Clown yourself. I'll hit you over the head. And then when you wake up, I'll tell you that you're a clone and then show you a machine that looks a little bit like a cloning machine and then the thing I just, the spiel, I just

gave you. Yeah, I think that's good. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a sketch, like a motivational technique that involves convincing you that you're a clone who's got something to prove. I think also that like the idea of clones coming from nothingness and having the actual clones, if they did arrive, would probably take all our jobs

because of their level of motivation and their appreciation for reality. I mean, maybe you could, if you're feeling like you're not getting much done, you could clone yourself and then kill yourself and then just let the clone take over with a new zest. So maybe that's like a government that proposes this for increasing productivity. What we're going to do is we're going to clone everybody. And then we're going to kill the originals. Yes.

Because we think that the clones will be way more motivated. And this is what we've noticed since the cloning technology has been invented. And so it just seems like the right decision to make. If you care about your country, you will do this. Yeah. Is that a thing? I think this is great. This is something that we'll go into our new clone movie.

I really like that a lot. I'll also put that down. Do you think Dolly was the cloned sheep, wasn't she? Or was she, is it like a Frankenstein's monster type situation? Who was Dolly and who was Dolly well they I guess they were both Dolly's monster they were both Dolly I suppose yeah but one of them would have been really young right yes but then I think the young Dolly died quite early I think something to tell me is is it to do with

tell me is that there's something that you get on your genes that sort of tells you. Hi, I am Kendra Adachi and I host the Lazy Genius Podcast. A Lazy Genius principle is to decide once. And I have done that by deciding that Olive and June is my go-to brand for ad home mayonnaise. I don't like to waste time and the Olive and June mayonnaiseanny system has everything you need and nothing you don't. All with gorgeous polishes that don't ship. Visit Olive and June.com slash perfect Manny 20 for 20% off your first Olive and June system. That's Olive and June.com slash perfect Manny 20 for 20% off your first Olive and June system. Bells, how many times they've been replicated and triggers the cell death?

Yeah, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're by cloning like a let's say a six year old sheep or a three year old sheep. Yeah, you get a baby sheep who's three somehow or thinks it like the, the cells. Did you say the corn? Maybe I might as it corn. By cloning a sheep, a six old sheep you get corn. Could you clone a sheep and get corn? I mean, if you weren't very good at cloning, I suppose. But if you're amazing at making corn. I know what about, you know, if you could, I want to clone this sheep to make

the corn version of this sheep. Like, you know, like, like, I want to clone this sheep to make the corn version of this sheep. Like, you know, like, okay, let's say you've got a pet dog that you love. Yes. Right. I do. Any dies. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

let's say not your dog. Let's say it's a cat. Right. You love the cat. Okay, now I can empathize with this, but I'm not too emotionally close with it. I can't have a bit of fun with it, I was there. So thank you.

Yeah, no problem. Edit dies, anything. We miss this cat so much. Right. It'll be nice to be able to clone a plane. We've already had the cat experience. I mean, maybe we could have a roast dinner in some way that is this cat.

Bring it back. Bring the cat back, but as, sort of three slices of medium rare lamb, some gravy, mashed potatoes, and some overcooked carrots. Okay, this is, all right. That's very funny. You have that, this is a sedition that's a bit less weird, right? Like what

about, or maybe more weird, but more plausible, right? That you love your cat so much, right? And your cat's not even dead, right? But you love your cat so much. Now imagine if you could also eat your cat, right? So they will clone your cat, but like a dead version of your cat. And then you can eat it. Well, there is with your cat. There is that thing where you kind of you see a puppy that's so I made you know a baby or a puppy you just want to eat it. You want to buy it. You clone the puppy so that you do. Yeah. Well, you know, eventually, I mean, I guess they can kill it for you. But you get you get an extra one so that you can eat that one. Wow. Yeah, okay

So even when you just get the puppy you just they so you go to the pound you get given the puppy And then you also get given a dead version of the puppy or just a second version of the puppy that you can eat Yeah Well, you first you got to find out first you got to find out that you love the puppy Right, so you guys call it a bit of time with it Then you go yeah, I think we're gonna go for the year sometimes the ones you want to bite and eat you've only just seen Like I don't that's true. Yeah getting to know the puppy Increases your desire to bite the puppy. I guess as time goes on will probably just have portable cloning machines

On us that we can just see a puppy on the street that we love and we go, this puppy's so cute. It's like you could just eat it, you mind? And then you clone it, and then you just eat. Oh my God. I don't mind, do you? I mean, and in that case, like, how would they mind? Like, what, how could they possibly mind about you eating in a puppy? Because it's not even their puppy, it's just a clone of it.

Yeah, it's like if you took a photo of somebody's nice car. Yeah. Like, you know, those guys who stand next to a car and get a photo taken. Yeah. It's like doing that. But it's just-

We're eating a dog. Yeah. It's like, we're eating a dog. So I think that that's really good. And that's another way that you could get a dog up. That's another way in which you could get a dog up, yeah. That's really fun. Uh-huh. You can eat it.

And like there'd be all sorts of etiquette around that, right? Like. I don't want to see you eat it because it is still my puppy. Yeah, yeah. And and you probably like like when is it like how well do you have to know somebody before you can ask to eat a clone of their dog. Yeah, yeah. You know, is it a thing that you could do to acquaintances is it is it is it maybe better for acquaintances like you don't you know, then then it would be for

some of that you know quite well. Yeah, you don't, you know, then it would be for someone that you know quite well. So kind of like, you know, casual sex. Yeah, or is it kind of like taking a photo of somebody on a train, you kind of just got to like, do it sort of secretly. Secretly, oh, see that would be the thing, right? Cause you'd have little cloning devices. Mm.

Take her out with you. And they'd be this problem of like people on trains, like snapping somebody's little puppy and then eating it. And you'd have to make it so that the cloning machines make a noise so that people know if they're snapping a clone, a pure dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or like that'd be awful if you were like at a change room. Yeah. And so you heard a snap and you're like, oh no, somebody's just taking a photo of my legs from underneath the change room. And then you you heard a snap and you're like, oh no, somebody's just taking a photo of my legs from underneath the change room. And then you go over into the other room and you pull back the curtain and somebody's eating your legs. This is another catabolism episode. Your legs are just so beautiful. I could just eat them.

Don't know. Don't have my permission. You don't. You can't eat my legs. I mean, technically those aren't my legs. All those legs would be so productive if they were aware that they were clones of me. No. I really liked that. There's a chance, you know, remember when I was coming up with a teleportation book?

Within that, there was kind of the cloning idea. Element of. This is all stuff I could go in there. I'm gonna have a book. You have a book that involves eating puppies. Hey, so maybe, because once we develop teleportation and time travel, we essentially will have cloning capacity. And then in that case, you could just stick your leg in a time machine,

send it forward in time. Forward. No, back in time. To the dinosaurs so that you could so that your leg could know what it's like. No, what it's like. I was going to say, sitting in your neck, your leg could know what it's like to be eaten by a dinosaur. Yeah. But also it would be nice to send, you know, like back in time so that it could evolve and find out what, like whether it would survive and whether. And what creature, you know, what creature would that become? Just... Oh, that is an interesting thing that never comes up in any kind of time travel

movies is sending a modern creature back and then seeing what effect that would have on the future in terms of like what would it turn into what would it turn into why is that never happened and and maybe people would want to do it with their pets you know like if you have a dog right you love it you love dogs so much, right? You send it back in time and you keep sending the evolved progeny of your dog back in time over and over again

until it becomes an intelligent species. So of course, what you do is you go back in time with it first and then you go sit, stay. And then you go 260 million years back in the future and then you go back to that same spot and then you see what's there. And you go good boy. But sometimes there might be something. That's pretty much another idea.

Is it a sketch? Well, I think so. I think the idea of going back in time and waiting to see what the creature turns into. This is going to be our sci-fi sketch show. I can't. I know I keep planning for the future now. Every episode, I talk about these things that they're going to turn into. We may retire next year. Who knows?

And then none of this will happen. But... What's the difference between retiring and quitting LSD? Retiring and giving up. I don't think all retirement parties, if instead of saying retirement, they say, gave up. Yeah, gave up giving up parties. Quitter parties. Quitter parties. John, Ben with this company 56 years and obviously that's... It's a pretty good effort. It's pretty pathetic that he's giving up. It felt like he was really just getting going. Yeah. You know, he's kind of getting some momentum. You know, for those first 25 years, he didn't seem to have any kind of drive whatsoever

to move into management. So pretty much everybody else had become a partner. Yep. And then it was just everybody looking down on Greg. And now he's giving up. Now. So here's a watch that says, Twitter on it.

And you'll notice that around the outside instead of saying the number the numbers from one to twelve right it's It says tom to give up We're gonna. That's 12 letters Yep, that's 12 letters Look at that. It's a mixture of luck and good at. And genius. Well, you know, it's not genius if it's not super usable in the world.

You think so? No, it's a shame. Yeah. I'm trying to see what it turns into. Yep. It's like, I feel like there's an analogy for that. Well, it's kind of like compound interest or something. People say that if I had time travel, I'd go back in time, I'd put two cents in a bank

account. Two cents? Yeah, well, $5. You know? Just bring everything you got. I guess you need to come back and live in this and live in this, just because that doesn't work. The bank shuts down or something like that. No, fuck.

But like that, but with the compound interest of the forces of natural selection, improve your already very good dog into a higher species. Yeah, they might run the world. You might miss the risk to the dog. That is the risk that you become a slave. Maybe that's another thing for people who love their pets so much that they wish they could just be its slave.

Yeah, like a sort of a higher bee. Sort of a bit like a dog in naturex. Yeah. And now with time travel, we can make that happen. I see I don't mind that I'm a slave because he's such a good boy. Such a good boy. I love him. Is it adorable? I just want to scratch him all the time I can't because I can't touch him because I cut my hands off. Consider a sin. Because I'm not the go nearest palace anymore. Which used to be his doghouse in the back of my house. Oh he's a bit spoiled to be honest I do spoil him. I do send him back in time every now and

then to find out what kind of creature he evolves into which turns out to be a huge dictator. So I can live under his terrifying grainject to his every whim. I guess you could say, oh, I'm a bit of a, also have spoiled him a bit. I think that, to me, is even more fun, there's a sketch because it's got that crazy dog person kind of thing in there that you can make it be like, maybe it starts out with an ad, right?

Tom, Tom's pet, time right? Tom's pet time travel. Tom's pet time travel. Tom's pet time travel. You send your pet on down to us, we'll send it back in times I could evolve into a higher being, then you could live in a society completely run by your pet. All right, and then we go, oh that seems pretty good. And they take the dog there. Right. Yeah. And they give it to Tom's pet time travel. Right. And then, and then we see it, you know,

we interview them, we see time going, right. And the universe real lines itself. Yeah. And then it's like, yeah. And then we say, oh, I'm pretty happy. Actually, it's pretty good. Tom, oh, no, Tom Burke, uh, uh, uh, Lino, my dogel my dog he's uh lives in the big palace up there into the street basically have to sort of toil in the field every day to get his grain that he mills all right he's a good boy though he's set up at a table like a person he thinks thinks he's a person. He thinks he's a person. He thinks he's a dictator. He thinks I'm a, basically, a, no better than a bug.

I know he's a foot. I'll tell you what, he thinks he runs this joy. He does. He does. He does. I think, I think- Everything I need to know, I learned from my dog because he controls the education curriculum.

I think, look, I like it, but I think the ad shouldn't already make it clear that going back in time is going to make your dog a big dictator. I think it should. Yeah. Yeah, it's like the ultimate in spoiling your pet. Like if that's the product, that's what they're selling, you know. Yeah. So would you suggest that the ad is just like, send your pet back into time and see what happens? Which is also pretty good. Yeah, but I guess you're right, it doesn't have that spoiling thing. Yeah.

I mean, for me it's like the ultimate in pet luxuries, like sending them to a groomer or something like that. Yeah. You can come back or dressed in a little bow tie or something. And so I know that this is no fun wondering how do we worry about the part where it's technically not the same pet. Yeah, for some reason it is. And for some reason, your consciousness is the same consciousness that sent him back into it. So yeah, you stay the same. So I think maybe because you go back with him and do take him back. Right, and then that preserves your consciousness.

Yeah, yeah. And so then you go back and then you show it and you're like, oh, this is nice. Oh, Rauvers done well. He's covered everything in, in sway. He loves sway. Yeah. He likes scratching it. Oh, this does smell like him.

Yeah, he's, the laundry where I kept him, this is, he's actually modeled the whole place to look like the laundry where he used to be kept. Yeah. There's the giant washing machine, the front loader. Yeah. Over there's the tail that he ripped up and that's been more obviously didn't use to be made out of bronze. We come the flag of his six nation army.

Look, I like that a lot. I dig it, I like that a lot. I dig it hard and I dig it deep. Dog empire. I live in under the rain. Under the rain of your doggy. I'm a small doggy. Doggy dog. The dog in the high castle.

That'll be what it's called. Technically, technically. It's an alternate history where somebody went back in time and replaced Hitler with their dog. What would have happened? With a... Shitsu. Shitsu Hitler.

There's a parallel... Anyway. I guess there's so many other things that you could do with Hitler. Rather than kill him. Yeah. Yeah. You know that you could do with Hitler rather than killing yeah, yeah You could Sort of offer him a job in modeling

Take him to Milan But I mean like things that would change the course of his life Obviously that's what just miss with him a bit. No, no, no, but I meant like, because if you offered him a modeling contract, obviously he's not going to bother going into the whole dictatorship thing. Yeah. I mean, this is a life where he gets to do almost nothing. Are there any beautiful dictators like any really attractive...

Oh, I suppose Mugabe's not too bad. I'm on him. I probably Castro. I know he's, look, his beard was always bad. You see like old pictures of Castro with his beard. Yeah, I mean, sort of wispy and like it was not a good beard. I could see if see people liking that. Yeah.

I think it looked a lot better without it. This may be nothing, right? But I noticed my Nana, whenever she would tell a story about something happening and something like something in her version of a story that was kind of a shocking thing. Yes. She would go, oh, I'll bet you he would have fallen off his chair.

Like that. And I just like the idea that applying that to, you know, it's like anyway, I bet you he would have fallen off his chair! I think that, you know? And I just like the idea that, you know, applying that to, you know, say, anyway, I betcha have she'd seen the things that Paul Pot had done me. Would have bloody fallen off his chair! Yeah, I mean, you know, the place for that would be like the International Criminal Court or something, right? Where people are trying crimes against humanity and either the judge or the witness or something is. I tell you what, when they passed down the verdict, they fell off my chair.

They said the testimony of the survivors. Anyway, apparently he's responsible for the death of 250,000 men and women and children. Anyway, when he heard that, he almost fell off his chair. Yep. In a way you could see that punchline coming. Yeah, I mean, I could because of all the build-up. But all the other times that I'd said he'd fallen off his chair. Yeah, but I wonder if there's a way that this could be done, you know, almost like a little

Britain style character who is constantly surprised by things, referencing other people's level of surprise relative to their location vis-à-vis the chair. Are they on it or are they offered or are they in the process of moving between those two states? Oh he fell off his chair and then he nearly fell off the ground down into a well. Into a well? It was near a ledge. I continued to fall. And he later on fell down a hole in the watering hole through the ball water. More into an artesian basin. Artesian basin. Anyway it was close to the continental shelf.

They slipped into the Marianas trench. Nearly. Nearly. Nearly, nearly. Nearly slipped the deepest point. You know, down there with the magma bubbles out up out of the underground reservoir. And then when I told him how much tax I'd paid that week,

he nearly fell straight into the core of the earth. The core of the earth, which isn't actually possible, but he almost did. You can't, couldn't you fall into the core if you were just 10 meters away from the core? Yeah, probably. There'd be some gravity down there, right? It's true.

Yeah, the gravity decreases as you go down, but as long as there's still more on one side than on the other. And maybe some of the down would force from all the magma above you. Yeah, it might push go down. As long as there's still more on one side than on the other. And maybe some of the downward force from all the magma above you. Yeah, it might push you down. It might push you down. Yeah. That'd be a lot of iron though.

Oh, and rich. I feel like I've really taken us off way off the tracks with that fallen off the chair thing. But here we go. We've got shame boy stopping the confidence raise. Yeah. So this is a boy who has, like basically a gift of sort of a black hole's worth of density of shame within them.

And there's some scientists that are trying to harness that shame so that they can use it to defeat these sort of this group of women. Is it possible that this is actually the true purposes of the Catholic Church and the Catholic guilt, and this is actually what they've been doing, they've been trying to build up a shameful army in secret. Andy, yes, that could absolutely be it, creating more shame in people through defilements. Although, I guess the Catholic Church

has got so many disgusting ulterior things already that maybe we don't want to draw any analogy, so let's make it a fun, secret society that's got nothing to do with the Catholic Church. What about the uniting Church? Hey. It sound like they were trying to do a good thing by uniting other churches.

I was thinking the other day, I don't know much about the uniting Church, I was thinking maybe if I was to join a good thing by uniting other churches. I was thinking the other day, I don't know much about the uniting church, I was thinking maybe if I was to join a church, maybe I'd like to join the uniting church. Really? Yeah, I thought that while I was walking up the street, I saw one of their churches, I thought that's a nice looking church.

Oh, you know what, which one I would never do in a multi-faith church? Oh, yeah. Just pick a side. Just come on. So, you need it. It wouldn't be so many like in the sermons, it's like, and so we raise up thanks all offer, Psalms, all present, how, just the sales to the benevolence of. I think we should graffiti them and just write fence setters.

Yeah. Yeah, sorry about interrupting your run. Yeah. And then we did divisions between the X-Men or the mutants in the sort of the X-Men world, of the plaza bites and the unrealistic ones, where it's all the ones who have powers that are believable and the ones who seem to just bend the laws of physics. This is a bit silly. It's very silly and there's got to be a, you know, within that, if they didn't have the human race

to fight against, the normals, you know, or what is normal? I mean, what is normal? I may be having fire that comes out of your ears is normal. Who's to say? Then there's the motivational technique that involves telling you. It's a spectrum of having fire come out of your ears. That's right. Yeah, then there's the motivational technique that involves telling you you're a clone and that you've just been born and that there's another person who's exactly like you, who's doing, who's already lived, but you've just got their memories, you've stolen them and

you haven't done any living and you need to catch up. I think that's good. I think I think some sort of motivational seminar or program or something where you go along, there's a guy, Tony Robbins kind of guy, but this is his system He's like, you know three step system. I like it first. I hit you over the head Secondly, I tell you you're a clone thirdly. I convince you that none of your achievements are real And that there's another version of yourself out there is doing better than you and you've got to do some bloody catching up Yeah, and don't let yourself find him or else you guys want if you guys catch each

other's eye you'll have to do battle to kill each other to the death. Kill each other to the death. Then there's also the you know the sort of side story with this which is a government that decides that it would be more productive if they clone everybody and then kill the originals because the all the the motivation that they'll get. Second generation clone. Yeah, we'll just kind of give it a real good boost to the GDP, which if you love your country, you would absolutely do. And then there's the portable cloning machines. This is the next sketch where if you see a cute puppy that you would just love to eat You know because it's so cute. You just want to devour it and snap a clone

We can snap a clone photo and then you can make a clone and then you can eat it Or it's just like even if it's not stepping like even just the idea that when you adopt a puppy Thank you to you Yeah, and so there's one that you can eat Here's my idea. No, that's that was it. I'm just talking about imagining that I'm presenting it to a group of people. And then there is sending

your dog back in time to see what it turns into. And but then it becomes a dictator. Yeah. You know, there's sort of two ideas there, but mostly it's the proper idea that we're deciding on is the idea that you go, there's a service where you can take your dog back in time and so that he can evolve into a dictator of some sort. Basically into the dominant species. The dominant species and then you come back to real time

and you will live under its dictatorship. And you see it as a kind of like a... It's a bit spoiled. Yeah, he's a bit spoiled. He gets up on the couch. He's not supposed to, but I'll learn it. He takes up all the space on the bed. I have to sleep on the bloody floor.

Oh, constantly having to wipe his footprints off the bloody marble tiles. Yes. Otherwise, I'll be lashed. I'm not supposed to give you another cookie. I'm sorry, I shouldn't even be talking to you. I'm going to be killed for this, but he's just, oh, he's such a good boy. Such a naughty boy. I love him so much. Cheeky. And look, that is a... And it is an episode. The question is, which of these sketches do you think ants would like? Well, to be honest,

I think they probably get on board with the clones one, because I have a feeling that a lot of ants are genetically identical. I think they're a lot of them. Do you think that they feel... Maybe they don't have an sense of self, they only have a sense of community. A sense of smell. Smell.

Look, I think for some reason, because the dog dictator thing, because I know that dogs themselves aren't that clean, a picture there'll be a lot more dirt. You know, like if you let a dog kind of, there'll be a lot more dirt, which I think will sort of free up ants to not be obstructed by grass and things like that

for building their nests. And I think for that reason, ants would like that. Ants would like to live in a dog society. I think you're probably right. A lot of the time you see dog bones that they've left around the place and there's ants all over them. Yeah, because that's that's absolutely if you live in a dog world, the dogs would be getting

sort of scrap bones all the time that's plenty of meat for ants to get off. The dogs don't even really want the meat. Just there for is to wear down their teeth like a like a budgie on its beak. Yeah. So a budgie on its beak. Yeah. So, a buggy on its beak, like a buggy on its beak, like a buggy on a buggy on its beak, like a buggy on its beak, like a buggy on its beak. Did you ever see a little buggy with its beak

and it does that? Thank you so much for listening to the show. We really, we do appreciate it. Yes. And we got some new listeners recently, which are very exciting. That is very nice. Thank you for anybody who came.

Thank you. And if you're a new listener. Anybody who came off of the back of the weekly planet recommendation. And. But also if you're a long time listener. Oh my God. Thank you so much. Thank you.

So we call our listeners, those listeners the long time listeners. Yes. And then we call the new ones, new time listeners. Some of the old listeners have been in the tank so long they've gone all wrinkly. Yeah, absolutely. I'll tell you, until. Pruning up.

Pruning up. But me and Andy, we are resistant to that because we are aquatic creatures. We are. Somehow, we're slippery like blue guys I didn't have anywhere to go with that. I would not have guessed no So, you know, we're on Twitter to in tank to in tank. I'm an Alistair TV. I'm a stupid old Andy If you want to rate the show on our chance we bloody love it. Yeah, we love it

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