Two In The Think Tank - 75 - "GOOGLY EYE KILLER"

Episode Date: April 18, 2017

There's still time to see Alasdair at #micf - do so. Fuck a Duck Here We Go Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family  You can find us on twitter at @twointank Andy Matthews...: @stupidoldandy Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb And you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:26 Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- Not a not a not a reliable way to dispose of a sort of an evil possessed board game Well, I've got to say respect to have a manufactured the Jumanji board game because you don't get that kind of a quality from Parker brothers. There's this lady. You know the old Scrabble you would get once a vote like proper wooden tiles and you can imagine them lasting for a long time But everything these days is like just cardboard and maybe like that laminated stuff but even that foldy section in the middle of like fold up board game boards that's gonna that's gonna wear out like there's arrogant maximum in maximum you know 10 years of consistent play and a modern board game board. But Jumanji, I mean you could chuck that shit up a bridge, you know, and watch it float
Starting point is 00:01:13 away then it could be found dug up buried again in a field or a beach. No, a beach really being the field of the sea. That's definitely not true. The field of the sea. Yeah, the beach isn't the field of the sea. The beach is like the ocean is the field of the sea. The lake is the field of the sea. You think?
Starting point is 00:01:39 No, I think the lake is the... I guess you don't really find many lakes in a sea. Yes. But if you did, it would be very hard to know. But I would say maybe the lake is the plains of the bodies of water. Right, like the savannah. And the ocean is the jungle. The ocean, I suppose, is the jungle. The ocean I suppose is the jungle maybe a sea. Maybe a waterfall could be a jungle?
Starting point is 00:02:08 The waterfall couldn't possibly be the jungle of the sea. Well there could be a lot of things that live up and down that waterfall. Salmon. Salmon. Those ones that swim up your urine stream. That is, that angus me that I get so angry about that myth about the fish that swims up the urine stream and watches itself in your urethra It's it's such a stupid myth and yet it still terrifies me. Yeah, absolutely Well, it's just you don't want that in your in your urethra. Yes. I mean it's one of those things
Starting point is 00:02:41 We're like the chances of it being real are very very low But the risks if it eat like the potential consequences if it is true a catastrophic. Yeah, right? It's like, you know what any you can afford to lose a couple of inches And is that the treatment is that they just got it off? Just because they just like that'll do. Sorry, man You're still not enough to work with there. But when you lose inches off the dick, I think you lose crucial inches.
Starting point is 00:03:09 There's no way to lose some of those middle inches that you don't do much with. It's only like the end. Yeah, I only really use both ends. I don't really do much with the middle. The stump. Yeah, yeah. In the middle, barely even gets touched.
Starting point is 00:03:26 It's just the beginning is there to hold it on, and the end is there to just mash against things. Anyway, you are listening to Two in the Think Tank. Show where we try and come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I am Alistair George William, Tromblay virtual, and welcome to our podcast where, you know, we already told you what it does.
Starting point is 00:03:46 But, but, but, but, but, let's think about sometimes about like, on that thing of like losing the crucial things. I mean, I know people have made jokes about how with smoking, right? It takes years off your life, but then they're never the good years anyway.
Starting point is 00:04:00 Are they like, they're the, the shitty ends at the end. They're like, They're like the scraps at the bottom of a Doritos packet. Although actually they can be quite fun. That's really nice sometimes, yeah. Yeah, if you tip them up and really get the most out of them. Do you think maybe being 90 years like that?
Starting point is 00:04:19 It's just getting the last out of the bag. Yeah, it could be. I think there's not much expected of you. You don't have as many responsibilities. Mm-hmm. Or as many faculties, you know, you're not able to move or really communicate in any meaningful way. I think there's a lot of 90-year-olds
Starting point is 00:04:37 who are still pretty up there, you know? And so, you know, and I think that what they're doing is they're just tipping the bag up and letting the dust hit their face. That's true, because a lot of that dust does get down your shirt and that sort of thing as well. And a lot of the dust. Which is the thing that happens a lot to 90-year-olds.
Starting point is 00:04:53 So the metaphor works. Yeah, and also, but also the dust is not just like chip dust. It's mostly the part of the chip that you really want, the flavor, you know? I think maybe that's what it'd be in 90 years. It's just it's all flavor. It's possible. I think, although the traitities,
Starting point is 00:05:12 I think a lot of those flavors are quite dull by that time, because like you have to think that the chip packet is one that has been open for 90 years. Now, so I imagine that a lot of the, like it's gone stale, a lot of those bits down the bottom that like we as young people who eat our chip packs really quickly, we think of them as still being quite crispy. But after 90 years,
Starting point is 00:05:33 they're gonna have gone soggy, possibly moldy. And maybe you don't want that. Sure, but then you've also got 90 years of experience there. So even the most dull of things, like a breath, you know, it holds within it so many memories and meanings, and you know, like you can appreciate a good breath when the 90 is in.
Starting point is 00:05:53 And you've had the joys of youth, right? And you've probably sick of them by now. Yeah, you're stripping back. You're stripping back to the bare essentials, breathing, eating, mush, fish, fingers, and just looking if you've still got that, if you've still got looking. But what I was thinking was, right,
Starting point is 00:06:18 with losing those years, it would be great if you could choose the years that smoking took off your life, right? Because I reckon I could stand to lose Like probably about when I was when I was 19 to 20 I'd be happy to just like get rid of that. Yeah, I could smoke that away. I'd be very pleased Yeah, I think I could get rid of maybe 15 to 25 That's 10 years. That's the 10 years you're taking off your life.
Starting point is 00:06:47 If that means I get an extra 10 years at the end. At the end? Yeah, that'll be nice. Yeah, and you lose all those regrets and all those mistakes that you made. Yeah, yeah, or I get an opportunity to really make some proper mistakes. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:00 I mean, because the stakes are quite high when you're that age as well. Yeah, survivability is low. Yeah, survivability is low. So, survivability is low. And it's like, you've got a whole, or so many, I think it's much easier to disappoint people, maybe at that age. Like, when you're young, people forgive stuff. Oh, yeah, of course.
Starting point is 00:07:20 But I don't think anyone's looking at a 90-year-old, like being obscene in the street And I know your well. He's good for him to get it out of his system. You know, I'm your old dog act dog act You know something like just a shit black granddad. That was a dog act Is it for I feel like you go no you, you forgive after 80, after 80, and you forgive before 30. Yeah. It's those middle years that there's no forgiveness for. That's 30 to 30 to 80. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, the over 85, you're right. You're right. There's sort of a, well, dementia is sort of like the ultimate excuse, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:08:03 Absolutely. Why? It doesn't understand. And youth is a form of dementia. You do these kind of crazy things that seem to go against your self-preservation. A radical self-interest. Yeah. So, is there a sketch in this? I wonder.
Starting point is 00:08:21 I mean, certainly, I'm interested in the way you frame it there. Like, the two ends of life being the sort of the disposable, you know, the consequence free parts of it. Yeah. Options thereof. But I kind of immediately think of how that could be a sketch. I think like how could it to do unless you've got you got you got something on that? No, the thought entered my head as like about a like a second teenage hood, which would be once you hit 80, 85. Yeah, right. Okay, so that's when you go or maybe like once you're in the region of there's only a teen number of years between you and 100.
Starting point is 00:09:02 Right. between you and 100, right? So like from 81 to 100, they're like your sort of, your reverse teens, or your... Yeah, you're in verse teens, your Bizarro teens. Teen elders, teen elders. Teen elders. yeah, teen elders. Yeah, teen elders. And that's when, you know, you start weird stuff, you know, your face starts to look weird. You notice your body's changing in different ways. Like your bones break. Yeah. You might wake up in the morning and yet.
Starting point is 00:09:42 And now there's no more hair whether once was hair before like I guess you a Some point there must be some kind of pub baldness or That's interesting isn't it like if those pubes if you don't it says no such thing as pub baldness Mm-hmm. That's really weird. Yeah, like that. We're gonna give the tenacity to these to these pubes It feels yeah, it feels wrong. mean, it feels like it feels mean. I am sorry, that was my phone. Yeah, that's okay. It's just like a sure long resonant thing.
Starting point is 00:10:12 Yeah, it really did resonate with a lot of people. Audience members. So, how would we talk about second-team agehood? Well, I think maybe it's a, it's somebody having to have a talk, have the talk with an elderly relative. Yeah. Right? So like it's, it's... The sex talk?
Starting point is 00:10:35 Which talk would you refer to? The talk about what your body changing and that sort of thing. So like you're becoming an extremely old man. And I guess, like after your dad, so you're a teen, your dad has this conversation with you when you're like 12 or something like that. And maybe after he's finished having that conversation with you, this is your dad who's like 40, 45.
Starting point is 00:11:05 He then has to call in his dad and have the conversation with him about how you're becoming. See, that's really good. That's how you frame at Andy. That's how you have bloody frame it. Like, especially if it's just in a room and then he goes, all right, I get out of here, kid. You're sitting on the edge of one bed like that and then he then he turns it out. And I'm sitting on the other bed. For some reason, it's a twin.
Starting point is 00:11:27 It's not a twin, it's a triple room. Triple single. Do it at the stand. Oh, there's three single beds in there, okay. Yeah, it's a triple single room. You know, twin room. I tried to write a quiz question about this. I'm all like, what term means a person who is born
Starting point is 00:11:49 at the exact same time with somebody else and a room with two beds? Twin. Yeah, I think. I mean, they were like, no, but it's twins. And it's not, anyway, forget it. It's not a twins room. Well, that's not what I was trying to say.
Starting point is 00:12:03 But when he close enough, shut up. What about the close enough quiz. Well, that's not what I was trying to say. But he closed it off. Shut up. What about the close enough quiz? Anyway, that's why they let me go. It's not the reason, but they didn't need any more questions from me. The reason they didn't need any more questions from you. Yeah, the twin. I think it was the twin that knocked him over the edge.
Starting point is 00:12:22 Sorry, yeah, so. So, yeah, no, having a talk with Granddad, granddad about becoming a very, very old man. You've got the hair thing, you've got the, you're going to start to notice girls as they come into your nursing room and ask you if you'd like any porridge. You might... You're going to start getting crazy urges to do things that will risk your life. Which is almost anything like such as getting out of bed. But yours won't tricking too quickly. And the other thing. You're try to learn a really big word anyway. It's at a risk for old people.
Starting point is 00:13:09 I think if an old person was to come up on a particularly complex word, they could not come straight in their brain. Yeah, they could strain the brain. It's irredeemably. Yeah. You know, because it's elastic. You know about plasticity. It's not elastic.
Starting point is 00:13:25 Neuroplasticity. Yeah. But even plasticity has its limits. Surely I refuse to accept that. Well, for example, a plastic bag, plasticity, constantly breaking through them. You know, so let's say he was to learn about a container, like this old person was to learn about a container full of chicken tenders. Yep, right?
Starting point is 00:13:50 The corners on that container of chicken tenders will is plastic itself, but it's a harder plastic and tends to just cut right through the plastic bag. And obviously this is a metaphor. And the old person's learning about this. This is the old person, right? But, you know, it's a metaphor. It's the name for a container that you keep chicken tenders in.
Starting point is 00:14:10 Is that a long word? No, no, but it's a metaphor, and it don't be ignorant. You know, don't be naive here. Um, okay, so double bagging. We don't really double bag here in Australia, but I understand it's a big deal in the United States with double bagging. Look, as a person who has done some bag here in Australia, but I understand it's a big deal in the United States with a double bagging. Look, as a person who has done some bagging in the past, people do request a double bag.
Starting point is 00:14:30 Yeah, but do you think that's the American cultural hegemony just coming across? Do you think it's because they're the dominant sort of... These political force people who are Hollywood? Who are like, no, that's an American thing, that's an Australian thing. Is if anything belongs to Australia? I know, we've got nothing. Yeah. I mean, the shit that we hold on to, it's an American thing. That's an Australian thing. As if anything belongs to Australia. Oh, I know we've got nothing Yeah, I mean the shit that we hold on to it's pathetic. No, that's an American word. We're not using that What we're gonna use those the word that we got from Britain. We take it from that empire not this empire This is a part not not the empire that has an equal amount of influence over us. Maybe more
Starting point is 00:15:04 Look, but maybe you're right. maybe double bagging is an American thing. Oh, no, I mean, but I was gonna say is why don't they just make the bags stronger? But then I thought maybe it's to do with sort of, you know, that the, that the, if you develop a rupture in one of the bags, if one of the bags has a weak point, if it was just a, a thicker bag, that would be a still a weak point in the bag that could then become the starting point of a tear. But if you double bag it, you could sort of isolate the weak points so that you can't get that sort of spreading of the tearing.
Starting point is 00:15:38 Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, that is definitely the case. One bag to the other. Maybe you could do a two-ply bag. Two-ply bag. I mean, I know at the moment they're just trying to get rid of plastic bags altogether, but what about two-ply? What if instead getting rid of plastic bags altogether? We made one bag, two bags. So, you know... Well, that might actually, like, to be honest, that might actually be
Starting point is 00:15:58 a one solution for reducing the volume of bags in the one place. I'm interested. And the spread of bags. You know what I mean? No. I don't understand how that could possibly have that effect. Because the bags will be a two ply bag, will be two bags. They'll be sealed together. Right.
Starting point is 00:16:19 And there are different points, but they will still be separate. So that if you get a stress fracture of some sort in one of the bags and that kind of tears, there still is the second bag to catch anything right through. Right, like a good relationship. Like a good relationship. Exactly. You've got your the part which is a relationship and then the outer part which is a communication that catches any part of the relationship. They catches any part of the relationship. But anything that would reduce the amount of people you double bagging, unless people start quadruple bagging.
Starting point is 00:16:53 Oh, no. But because then two bags, they can go to opposite ends of the world. One goes to the big garbage pile in the ocean and then another one goes to a big garbage pile over in the lake. In the lake. In the field. In the world. One goes to the big garbage pile in the ocean and then another one goes to a big garbage pile over in the lake. In the lake. In a field. Yeah. Of the ocean. Of the ocean. Yeah. And so that's two turtles that could they could eat that. One fresh water, one saltwater. Right. So if it's a double bag, all it will do is kill one turtle really well, like convincing. Yeah. It'll finish him off. There's only a certain amount of killing a turtle that you can do. Right. Once a turtle turtle's dead you can't kill it again. Yeah, I'm right. Yeah
Starting point is 00:17:28 So anyway, I think that to a certain extent that once a turtle's dead you can I guess dishonor its spirit in a way Which is the ultimate in dignity? So that's what the second player is for One to kill it wonder wonder spit on its grave I wonder, I wonder spit on its grieve. Okay. I mean, is there anything in this? Yeah. I mean, I don't think so, right? Like, it's such a...
Starting point is 00:17:53 How do we get there? There's nothing, there's nothing. There's no... It's so tenuously connected to human experience. Everything we're discussing. I mean, on a lot of things we do discuss are tenuously connected to human experience. Oh, I'm so bored with human experience, everything we're discussing. I mean, a lot of things we do discuss are tenuously connected to human experience, but I'm so bored with human experience. I just want anything that's just, you want to break, break free? Yeah. Oh, anyway, don't worry
Starting point is 00:18:14 about that, but like, the one I'm saying is that I look for, for, for, I want to break free from human experience, but don't worry about that. Let's talk about bags. Yeah. No, I find my mortal frame to be a trap. It's a prison. Anyway, we're talking about bags. We're talking about bags. And they can double kill, they can double kill a turtle. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:35 I think, I think, well, okay. I mean, what if it was somehow like something that's trying to communicate the environmental damage done by plastics, right? And obviously people, people when they see a video of a turtle being strangled by a plastic bag, they, that connects with them to a certain extent. But like if we were trying to raise the stakes or if we were trying to really, you know, shock people, right? If we could show that plastic bag, then, you know, going to that turtle's family, right? And sort of insulting the family. Like, you know, in a, in a, in a Western,
Starting point is 00:19:25 this would be the scene in which the killer who killed the father then goes to the sun and tells him how he begged like a dog on his knees for his life. Which to a turtle is a huge incident. They don't even have these. But they hate dogs. They, they do.
Starting point is 00:19:42 They see dogs as wabiny. Oh, yeah. It's just as wabony. Yeah. Just tough. You for a turtle, which is one of the lowest perspectives of any as well as being so low on the food chain. So, so, so is there something in that? Is there something that the plastic bag that diso- you know, disson is the spirit of the fella? So it could like, I mean, obviously, we don't need to go into a two-ply bag here. Yeah, no, I think that we ditch the two-ply. So it's just saying, like, it's an environmental video green piece kind of thing, right?
Starting point is 00:20:16 We'll make it about green piece, piss them off, that's even more... Oh, yeah, let's go after those guys. Yeah, yeah, good, yeah. And then they... Yeah, so then it's like, it's a very, it's very concerned about about the these plastic bags and what they're doing. Yeah. And they do this bad thing, but not only that. Yeah. And they also, well, that's because the plastic bags don't break down, right? Yeah. So they're like psychopaths. They continue. They continue their like psychopaths, but also they continue with the ecosystem.
Starting point is 00:20:49 Right. So they could, you know, after they're killing a turtle, they're still floating free and able to kill again or worse, you know, to inflict other kinds of damage. Yeah. And then they go to, and then we show some of the damages. Right. I guess a plastic bag ends up being like the littlest hobo. It goes around kind of rather but instead of solving problems, it just goes around kind of creating problems, killing sort of sea reptiles. Yeah. Yeah. I think we should pitch that to adult swim.
Starting point is 00:21:19 That's about a plastic bag in the ocean. That's a, that's a, that's a, that's a Pixar movie. I mean, yes, it's dark It's I mean, it's what have we got we got an adult swim version of a Pixar film maybe a TV show so you kind of You pitch it. It's Pixar meets a plastic bag Chilling turtles and the inevitability of death in a you know a dying planet. Yeah, yeah inevitability of death in a dying planet. Yeah. Yeah. He, the bag sees itself as a hero, but...
Starting point is 00:21:49 Wow. Well, I mean, really, the plastic bag is like that character in no country for old men. Never breaks down. Never breaks down. Never breaks down. Even when he breaks it down. Sugar. Sugar.
Starting point is 00:22:02 Which is kind of almost the sound of a plastic bag. Shiger. Opening it up once you finally get that split there when you're using it. Yeah. Once you lick your fingers and rub them on the plastic. Rub it on the plastic after a hundred people have been there before you.
Starting point is 00:22:18 Yeah. Rub a plastic. Yeah. Okay, okay. Aw, because and also you could picture like at the end of old no country for old man, you could picture this plastic bag breaking its arm but continuing on. Well, I mean, it would definitely, if it was driving a car, it would definitely crash. That's right. Yeah. And it would probably ask a kid for its shirt. Come here, shirt,
Starting point is 00:22:41 whatever it was. Yeah, look, let's write that down. Let's call that a thing, right? It's the journey of this killer plastic bag. Okay, and it's emotionless sort of relentless quest to kill. I pity the plastic bag in a way, because it doesn't understand what it's doing, and that's all it knows. I guess it was, that's not what it was created for, right?
Starting point is 00:23:13 It was created to carry groceries, right? But I guess then once it finds itself in a marine environment, I mean that would be very shocking and disorienting and to realize that you'd been discarded, like you served your purpose and then you're just thrown away, I guess like a Vietnam vet, right, like a piece of garbage. Society's got no job for you anyway. Sure, sure. And then you find yourself out there in the ocean.
Starting point is 00:23:44 You're going to have a lot of rage sure. Yeah, and also In the grand scheme of things You know a discarded plastic bag is not even the most lifeless and soulless thing in the ocean, you know because there's cruise ship comedians Which I aspire to be, which I aspire to. I will take that work. Yeah, I will absolutely take that. Call me for bookings. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:11 He'll be up on Twitter, LSDR TV. Yeah, please LSDR TV at gmail.com. Oh, why don't we give him that one? What is, what is, okay, what is a thing that we can do with cruise ship comedians, right? Like, I mean, I'm now that you mentioned that, I'm picturing one being strangled by a plastic bag and I find that amusing. Yeah, yeah, I wonder whether it was him just doing it to himself though. Just feel something. Yeah, there's, okay, to that idea just for some reason I got this I got this switcheroo thing
Starting point is 00:24:48 Which was just for some reason it's like an audience full of comedians and they there's just a Crewship passenger on stage And I don't I like I forget it. No, okay. What about this? What about he's a cruise ship passenger, but he's on the land. And he's got a gig as an audience member at a comedy club on the land. He's feeding, call it. Okay, not that, forget that, right?
Starting point is 00:25:22 No, you go. No, no, no it's a new thing it's about plastic bags again in the ocean right but it's not a plastic bag it's a human being that's been discarded right he maybe he was a person who used to he okay this is it his job used to be the guy who carries your bags to the car and the supermarket, right? But they made him redundant, right? And he's been thrown away. And eventually he finds himself in a drain and then he gets washed out into the ocean where he starts straining like turtles. But then there's all these people who have become redundant due to modern society. Yeah, they're just collect together.
Starting point is 00:26:05 They're together in this huge island of, of, of, of, of, of, gather humans. Re-dundancy. Yeah, I've got to reach humans. Yeah. The redundancy. The redundancy is our next all place. No, but I'm not bloody thinking.
Starting point is 00:26:18 That sounds good. Oh my God. That's almost the title of the episode. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's almost the title of the episode. Yeah, okay. Yeah, and you've got to think about like, what are all the other careers that things that people don't need anymore?
Starting point is 00:26:32 Sure. And just people who pack boxes, factories, you know, big taxi drivers. Taxi drivers, floppy drive repair man. Yeah. Almost any kind of repair man, really, because we don't repair anything anymore. We just throw things away. Ironically, including repairmen. Yeah, into the ocean. But then what happens to these people? I guess is it, is it, is it just like a, but you know, like, is this kind of more like an info kind of thing where it's like,
Starting point is 00:27:05 but you know what, that man who used to put carry the bags to your car, he doesn't just go away. He doesn't just go away, yeah, he's somewhere now. And I think, like, maybe we see him, like, he's just got fired, he's sort of drifting around, doesn't know what to do with himself, he goes, he sits down in the gutter, right? And then maybe some water comes along, washes it down. You see him going down a sewer. Yeah. I did like that. Where does that sewer lead? And then you see him coming out at the beach. It's just like out one of those parts. Yeah, one of those parts. But like, do you think you need to show a plastic bag thing first, so that the parallel...
Starting point is 00:27:47 Yeah, I wonder, it depends on like, whether the cultural penetration of plastic bags and the great Pacific garbage patch. I don't know if as many people think about the great Pacific garbage patches we do elsewhere. Yeah, not everybody, but look, I think I hang out with groups of people who definitely think about that patch a lot or at least want a joke about it. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's a big deal. It's bigger than what, like, Victoria or some Texas, probably.
Starting point is 00:28:16 Texas, I think so. I think it's one of those things that you can invoke the word Texas for. Bigger than Texas. Yeah. So, yeah, I look all... I mean, you know, can we count that as a separate sketch? I think we can. Yeah, right. He's got a little hat. By the way, he's got...he, for some reason, he's working at a really old school supermarket where all the employees have got a little red hat and an apron. There you go. Wait, I missed the beginning of the video.
Starting point is 00:28:51 Doesn't matter what the relevance of that was. He's just got a hat. He's got a hat. Telling the man's got a hat. Well, that's good. I think these kind of things, we very rarely think about uniform and things like that when we're... Well, that's going to be a separate thing. When we've totally run out of ideas Mm-hmm podcasts would just go back through all the other ones and just Sort of like a you know like a like a Barbie sort of set All these sketches and naked at the moment. We've got a clothing somebody's gonna come along We could be our own wardrobe department. Oh, well, that's nice
Starting point is 00:29:20 somebody's gonna come along. We could be our own wardrobe department. Oh, well, that's nice. Yeah. This is the show where we come up with five ideas for what people in sketches would be wearing. Yeah. They say that all the people who have the blue eye color all just come down to one guy or one woman.
Starting point is 00:29:42 I'm not sure, one person. Right. And what color were their eyes?'s your one person. Right. Yeah. And what color with the air eyes? Uh, they didn't say. No. Yeah. Did you know that like there's sort of like two markers in your DNA? I think that one comes from your, your maternal side and that'll be in the mitochondrial DNA.
Starting point is 00:30:02 Yeah. And then you've got the one that comes from the male side. In the Y DNA. Yeah, and then you've got the one that comes from the male side. In the Y chromosome. Yeah, right. You know, these are the markers that allow us to trace back and work out that we all came from one man and one woman except they were at different times. Is that right? Yeah, I think so.
Starting point is 00:30:15 There was like Annie even, there was Anne Adam, but they were like, you know, 300,000 years apart or something. Because there was some point in time where there was only one woman There was some point in time where there was only one man because of the population dropping back to be so Small yeah Humans ancestry, but that didn't occur at the same time So like we almost ran out. Yeah, I think so I think it like I think it was that close to not happening. This podcast,
Starting point is 00:30:47 Alistair, might never have existed. Oh my God. Almost didn't happen. And not just because we're lazy, also because... Think of the things that wouldn't have happened if Adam had never met, which they didn't. All of this could have been avoided if someone had had the foresight to go back and kill all the one Adam. You go back in time, kill Hitler, would you go back and kill all the first man? I mean, it would save a lot of bother, right? Because we always talk about killing Hitler. Now, it never talks about going back and killing Genghis Khan. That's true.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Yeah. It's somebody must. Somebody must be talking about it right now. Well, we are. But do you think anybody's ever talked about killing Genghis Khan whilst having sex? As a topic of... Because I guess Genghis Khan,
Starting point is 00:31:42 as a topic we were, what was the end of the internet said? As a topic of like dirty talk or something like a conversation? I guess so, yeah. But like just the idea that... Sorry, sorry, have you got an idea? No, please. Okay, okay, have we talked about this on the podcast before, right? Where, during sex, somebody is like,
Starting point is 00:32:01 talk dirty to me. I talk to me about something that's really wrong, really wrong. And then they talk about things that actually defy physics or talk about going like, I want to want to spank you, but I want to do it faster than speed. Faster than speed. Or something, yeah, yeah. I want to You know, I mean, but things like you know, well, I want to go back in time to the time of Genghis Khan. I want to
Starting point is 00:32:38 You know, whatever I want to kill Genghis Khan. I want to mean Create a paradox wherein we never met and So this this conversation never would have taken place. And so there would have been no reason for me to go back in time. So that's, you know, and I think the, the, a good format in which this could come out is that he starts to say something dirty, like, you know, I want to spank you or you're, you're not, you're not a nice person. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:02 You're not a nice person. Yeah. You're not a nice person. A Kia SUV is capable of taking you far. But when you use it locally to help your community, you go even further. Whether that's carrying cargo, bringing your team with you, ready, or navigating your terrain.
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Starting point is 00:34:12 your eye color doesn't suit you. I mean, I don't think we'll find a funny thing that your daughter dies first. Yeah. But like, do the people find that as funny as I do? Yeah, well look, what about, yeah, what about if like,
Starting point is 00:34:40 we try to keep it in the same sketch. Okay, okay. And so you start saying something dirty, and she goes, no, no, no, no, not like that. Like say something like wrong. Yeah. Something that's wrong.
Starting point is 00:34:49 And then he says, like, you're not a nice person. Like that. She goes, no, something like scientifically wrong. Like impossible, like, you know, like something that is incorrect. I like I know that the concepts of truth is like a shifting thing. And like the existence of absolute truth is hard to prove in a universe, depending on what's philosophical
Starting point is 00:35:10 group you subscribe to. But there must be some things that are fundamentally wrong. I want you to talk to me about those. Okay, how about the square root of a negative number is a negative is a negative number That's so good. That's so good. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, something gee something geographical Capital of brazilis Albany of Brazil as an Albany? Yes. Yeah, wronga.
Starting point is 00:35:48 Something something that could never have happened in any time like. Like humans breathe dirt. Ha ha ha. Yes. There's oxygen in dirt. There's oxygen in dirt. That could happen. I'm worth worms get their oxygen from dirt Like why couldn't humans? That's just a definitional thing like what is rot is wrong? What is actually wrong? Come on
Starting point is 00:36:13 I need this. I'm almost there Entropy like a bridge made of fog I don't like it. Entropy. Like a bridge made of fog. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. Oh, I lost it.
Starting point is 00:36:29 You're so good. That actually did get me all the way. So thank you. Thanks. All right. So. That's all right. Talk to her.
Starting point is 00:36:40 Bridget, yeah, it's talk wrong to me. Yeah. You're not a nice person. I doubt all your choices. And I think the things that people say about you, that you asked me to console you about, I agree with you. I agree with all of them. Not that shit.
Starting point is 00:37:04 No, I just, I want to I want false truths. But you're not really truth. That's it. But no, don't correct me. Make me wrong. But yeah, false truth would be a good one. A false truth. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, she would have no time. She wouldn't get off at all on quantum uncertainty though, like, you know, because that's the things that are both true and not true at the same time. That's no good to. Yeah. So we're talking absolute, you know, provable. But that's stuff. That's stuff that both true and not true at the same time. That's that stuff that's both true and not true at the same time. Yes. That's pre-observed, uncollapsed waveforms.
Starting point is 00:37:49 Right. But has it happened yet? I think it... Like if it hasn't been observed, has it happened yet? Oh, so that's just a shame. Or it's still happening, I guess, because the light is appearing on the wall and that pattern or whatever. Right.
Starting point is 00:38:08 I think once the light appears on the wall, that's a thing that's happened. And we can say in that case, it was a wave, right? It was behaving as a wave because you can see, or yeah, if you didn't observe which slit it went through in the young, double slit experiment, you can say that you see, if you see the interference pattern on the wall, you can say that the light was behaving as a wave, but But if you try to check which slit right things are going through then it'll behave and the particle and the and the pattern will disappear. Yeah Because you interfere with it you actually interacted with it in order to observe it. Yeah But there must but but what was your question?
Starting point is 00:38:46 I'll have those things happen. So like the cat that is both alive and dead in trodding his cat has the cat died or not, at the point at which it, yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Cause like, it's like, well, it depends when you ask me. It's like, if you just put the cat in the box,
Starting point is 00:39:03 I reckon it's probably alive. But if it's been in there for you ask me it's like if you just put the cat in the box I reckon it's probably alive But if it's been in there white hair sick is this cat. Yeah, like if it's been in there for you know roughly Eight months I reckon you could just go to side just dead. It's got a bit of a weave to it. Yeah, I mean I guess something is a lot of I mean, I know about your waveforms and stuff, but I've never seen a cat go eight months for that food. Yeah. Maybe seven?
Starting point is 00:39:28 Yeah, but not in a box. Like if it was a fat cat? Yeah. Um, there's something in trodding his cat and the cat's just been in there for ages. Right? Yeah. Um, just the whole, the whole thought experiment. I mean, like, it's a thing that is touched on a lot,
Starting point is 00:39:46 but, but I don't think I've ever seen somebody do a really good Schrodinger's Cat thing. Yeah. It's another one of those ones where like, do people really know about it? All the people who matter do. Yeah. Yeah. Right. If you want to matter, if you're listening to this
Starting point is 00:40:02 and you don't know what Schrodinger's cat is, you don't matter. You don't matter. But you can matter by, if you're listening to this and you don't know what shorting your cat is, you don't matter. You don't matter. But you can matter by just going and reading like a paragraph about it. That's probably about a lot I've got. Yeah. I think that's all you need in order to have a comedy, a working comedy knowledge of something. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:18 All right. Like this is the sort of the threshold that you need to be able to make a joke about a particular topic. It's probably about a paragraph's worth of information. As long as it's from a left wing source, like that's really all you need to be able to. But like, but also like I think within that you're also taking into account what you've heard other people sort of say roughly they know about shorting your cat. And so you kind of go like well that seems to be the information that most people know. All they know is that there's a cat and there's a box dead in life. That's
Starting point is 00:40:49 pretty much all you need to know. Yeah well okay so this it would be good to have a Wikipedia that was not like exhaustive information right it's it's just a and it's and it's no one's allowed to do any research right and no experts are allowed to post on there. So it's just a, and it's, and it's, no one's allowed to do any research, right? And no experts are allowed to post on there. So it's just people going on and sort of putting down sort of what they reckon, and then we try and reach like a consensus of all, like this is about what people know about this topic. I think that's good.
Starting point is 00:41:19 I like that a lot. That would be like a, a, a gauge of the general knowledge capacity of the average human. The average human, right? And then you could, if you wanted to do a joke about trying to throw against a cat or the Heisenberg uncertainty principle or, you know, the origins of the Christmas myth or something like that, you go on there and you say, well, people sort of know this about this amount. Yeah, and that would be a very useful tool for comedians.
Starting point is 00:41:48 Yes. But usually, I guess, inconvenient for the general populace who have to sort of put in everything that they know about every topic into the internet. But I think more pointless things have been done. I was thinking, I was thinking that it would be good if there was a Wikipedia for explaining things. Like there's not really like Wikipedia doesn't actually try and explain stuff. It just has information. So if you want to know what is warning signs of fascism or something like that, there should be a version of Wikipedia where experts and academics go on there and
Starting point is 00:42:39 put it down like, this is how this goes is sort of this sort of how this goes You know like an explainer peteer So that makes sense? I'm not getting a hundred percent that's a right the the difference between Wikipedia and explainer peteer at the moment especially because they're ending with peteer They both have been for me forget it. Let's move on. I know but maybe no let's move on. Okay. They could be a sketch in it What about an elevator sketch? Great. Okay, so What do you do you get on the ground floor? Get it on the ground floor. Maybe there's no floor on the On the ground and the elevator and you got a dangle from the top. Why would that happen?
Starting point is 00:43:20 I know dangle from the top like monkey bars in there. I mean, the thing I always do when I get in an elevator is I look up straight away to see if there's a little grill, right? So they can climb out of the kitchen. I can climb out if I needed to or if, you know, there was some sort of a fight, right? Like where would my backup come from? Yeah, from that hole. And from my observations, it seems like that escape grill is lacking most of the time, right? Yeah, unless it's somehow like you've got to pull off some panels or something. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:57 I mean, there's awful stories about people who have died in elevators because for whatever reason, the building got shut down while they were in the elevator and nobody went there for a couple of weeks and then they just did. And that's crazy. That is crazy, yeah. The modern elevators surely is not as bad as as elevators of the past. Like I think these days big metal doors have become much friendlier to the to man and woman than they used to be. Like in terms of you just being able to leave them open if you have to. Yeah, and like you can stick your arms as they're shutting and things like like
Starting point is 00:44:33 humans. I really just do with great confidence shove my arm into that big metal door. It was only like 25 30 years ago where people were still getting killed by like Roller doors on their garages and constantly Like my mom was so afraid. He's like get away from that door like that You know that kind of thing like because people have just died because the thing came down I went because it was just a motor just going. Yeah, a dumb motor Crush kill kill kill I must close this door at all costs. Yeah'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing.
Starting point is 00:45:06 I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing.
Starting point is 00:45:14 I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing.
Starting point is 00:45:22 I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. I'm pushing. Elevator doors, they were sort of phasing in the sort that wouldn't cut your arm off. Right. Previously they'd been the sort that would cut your arm off. And then they start to introduce, okay, we developed this new kind of door, won't cut your arm off. It'll sense if your arm's there, use as lasers or whatever.
Starting point is 00:45:37 And you're fine. You're totally safe. So before, cut your arm off, maybe like drag you up into the shaft and kill you. But now absolutely fine. In fact, that's quite a good way to open the door if you're running late. Right? So we're going to be phasing these in sort of a cross-hour elevators. At what point do we start telling people that it's safe? Because we're not going to get all the elevators obviously all at once. It doesn't happen overnight, so we're going to roll this out. It's going to be a lot of buildings that are not going to be able to afford to get the new door.
Starting point is 00:46:10 Right, right, the older ones. We've also still got some in stock, which we want to get out there, obviously, before. Shift these and we can sell them at a discount rate or whatever. We've always sent a lot of them to Mexico and Russia and things like that. Sure, sure. Where people expect inanimate objects to kill you. To cut off your limbs. Where the state itself is so heartless, what's another machine?
Starting point is 00:46:33 Absolutely. Just working against you. But also just people's expectations of life. It's just that of course something inanimate should cut off your limbs. Sure. And maybe it's even it's comforting. Like you know where you stand and elevator, sure it'll cut off your hand, maybe kill you.
Starting point is 00:46:50 But it's not gonna do you into the starsy, it's not gonna torture your family. You know, it's that kind of certainty that actually people find quite comforting. Yeah, it's actually kinder than many of your relatives. Yes. We'll turn on you like that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:08 So yeah, what point do you tell people like when when big metal door goes from from foe to friend? Yeah, so like do you have signs around saying you're you're 75% likely to be totally fine shoving your arm into this door. Just so you're informed, these are your chances, this is where you stand. Yeah, I think if that if that if that when that happened with sort of train doors, you know when that first kind of came in on what with train doors like a public trains and stuff like that, I think a lot of bros would have. Broser on the front line of that. Yeah, a lot of broser on the front line of getting getting limbs lost to that and things like getting dragged along with trains that are taken off and things like that. People who are just like, no, I can do this.
Starting point is 00:47:49 Maybe that's a sort of a useful thing then in sort of, you know, a periodic sort of cleansing of humanity. It's like when we introduce a new non deadly technology. It's actually when we bring in stuff that's safer that's when we see a lot of people getting killed and It's actually quite good to sort of clean out the Sort of the jerks. Yeah Sure, yeah, but I think I think there is something in this In this elevator metal, transfer thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:26 I mean, I'm obviously picturing it in a boardroom, where people are introducing, they're showing people the doors. They've got maybe some samples of them on display there. So we've got one killer door and we've got one non-killer door. And they call up Jeff, the head of marketing, saying, go on, shove your hand in the door. That is definitely the right one. Don't worry. Yeah, and then you got the written. Not, oh, that's the killer one. It almost lost my fingers though. Written DK on this one, for a dozen kill and obviously on the other one that definitely kills. I've written DK. But there's a different font. This is chindless lifts. Right. It is. Yeah, chindless lifts. No, this is Otis. Oh Otis. Yeah, good brand level. Yeah, beautiful, beautiful brand.
Starting point is 00:49:14 Yeah, and and talk I guess talking about the way in which they they bring that in they face that in I see I see this could almost be a an even bigger story that in, like face that in. I see this could almost be an even bigger story. Like really, that's unlike you, Alistair. Yeah, yeah, no, I mean, it doesn't have to be like, it doesn't have to be over 10 minutes or anything. But I just think that it's the history of the big metal door and when it became our friends. And this could be the beginning, obviously.
Starting point is 00:49:40 I think elevators are probably one of the first places where big metal doors showed more kindness. What would have happened in more public places like this rather than kind of an industry unless like well, the big metal door, I guess, was obviously it started out as a military invention, right? Because because you always see big metal doors in like those, in a bunker or an installation. Oh, yeah. That's about to self-destruct, right? And people have got to run along and sort of slide under the doors. And those old doors obviously aren't the sort that just detect
Starting point is 00:50:11 whether or not you're in there. And then they open again. Yeah. Like if they'd had that technology, every scene in a movie where somebody's trying to fly a spaceship out through the cargo bay doors before they close. If they had that thing of like an elevator, it's just like beep, ooh, it just opened again.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Sorry about that. I almost shot on you there. Yeah, that would, Indiana Jones, as that big stone door comes down, like that he goes grab my hat, then the door goes, whoa, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yeah, that's good. How is that a buddy, a buddy away for it to go?
Starting point is 00:50:45 Like, like, if this person is pitching that, maybe it's someone who comes from a lift company who's pitching it to like some evil corporation who has a huge death star or like a, you know, military installation of some kind. I can't help but notice that all these doors that you've got, they're using, you know, version one point of the technology, basically the garage're using, you know, version 1.0 of the technology, basically the garage, like, you know, an average garage door nowadays has more feedback and control systems built into it
Starting point is 00:51:13 than this. And I can't also help but notice that you've sort of built them with that sort of jagged end almost like teeth, which is, you know, we use a sort of a rubberized edge so that even if people do touch it, it's I'm gonna say this is just a this is a lawsuit waiting to happen right now I mean, you know if you're gonna get that $300 million ransom of money you're gonna lose that straight away by one of your henchmen's getting it gone damn But it's getting to the big metal teeth Then then we are getting quite close to a sketch that Mitchell and Webb have done With henchmen and that sort of thing.
Starting point is 00:51:47 And OHS. Well, we can move away from the OHS. They did it very well. Oh, no. Very funny. Any meat left on the bone? Yeah, I think there's, and I think there's a marrow in there as well.
Starting point is 00:51:58 We can suck it. But I think the elevator technology, as long as we keep it to that side of the concept. And yeah, I mean, you know, they get a guy in to do the lifts, maybe like on the desk day, they get a guy in to do the lifts. And then while he's there, he couldn't help it notice that so you got another big sliding doors here. And those big, I mean, just even a conversation with the guy who sort of set up those big Indiana Jones sort of tunnels and things like that, like just the technology that went into that. Like, yeah, I mean, I don't know what they have in those tunnels.
Starting point is 00:52:46 Like whatever it was that was sensing the fact that he was running past those little things that the arrows shot out of, they could just use that sensor and apply that to these big sliding doors. That'll stop people from being crushed unnecessarily. Yeah, like all that before wiring, that'll stop people from being crushed unnecessarily. Yeah, like,
Starting point is 00:53:10 all that before wiring, you know? I mean, it was amazing. Yeah. In many ways, it's, you know, it's kind of... The sense of technology is crazy. Yeah, it's the, it was sort of the, the steam punk of booby trapping. Yeah, but pre-steam punk. There's no, there's no steam. There's no steam. There's no steam. So it's allpping. Yeah, but pre-steam punk. There's no even any steam.
Starting point is 00:53:25 There's no steam. Stone punk. So it's all stone. Is there stone punk? It's pre-punk. Pre-punk. It's pre-1980s, pre-1970s and 90s. They didn't even know about the clash.
Starting point is 00:53:36 How was the clash punk? Is stone punk a thing? Can we do anything with stone punk? Stone punk, yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean really, I guess, I guess, like, it was pretty punk. Wasn't it when people just like had animal heads and stuff on them and, you know, quite torn skins and leather straps and that sort of thing, that's all pretty punk. Yeah, that was definitely punk, but like, we're just bison heads on top of the heads. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:08 They look at the mouth, that kind of thing. Yeah. Is that punk? So that feels like punk, yeah. I mean, it's even more minimal than three chords or whatever, and the punk music. Yeah, and like a bone through your nose? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:24 So, but even just the idea that that's a style that is come back in Right, it's like you know, it's kind of like steam punk But it's people who are like really going back to that stone age. It's true. No one's rocking the bison head Yeah, no one's like like we say fashion is cyclical. Yeah, I haven't seen that come back around Any of that come around now now maybe because it's in such an outer circle, because it's so far away. You're right. Okay, so it's like Haley's comment that only comes around every couple of hundred years. Yeah, so we might miss it, we might not even get it.
Starting point is 00:54:56 In our lifetime. But maybe we'll see it right at the end of our lifetime, see some people starting to wear some leopard skins, like proper, just like in the sort of toga style, which is quite interesting that those, that the caveman sort of would wear the skins in a toga style. In a toga style, like the Roman Senate. Like the Roman Senate, so you know, that I know Rome was very Greek influence,
Starting point is 00:55:24 but I didn't know the Greece was quite caveman influence. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I got a lot of that stuff. Yeah. Discovered all the skin toggas. Skin toggas, yeah, I guess it was easier too. And then, you know, when is wearing the skulls of your enemies around your neck? When is that going to come back in?
Starting point is 00:55:43 Yeah, like that, yeah. Cause that's, yeah, even just like bone clothing, like like a, you know, sort of bone armor, bone male. Let's see, what else? Even sort of just carrying around big staffs, staffs with, you know, that have had the heads of your enemies. Again, the heads of your enemies. Yeah, heads of your enemies, staffs that have had the heads of your enemies. Again, the heads of your enemies.
Starting point is 00:56:07 Yeah, heads of your enemies. Sorry about that. Or even having a familiar, I mean, I guess I saw a photo from Africa with a guy who had a hyena on a big chain, you know, any water on with that. And that is bad. Yeah, that's real bad ass. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:56:23 And there's the guys in Abu Dhabi and all that kind of stuff we have, the coogers and the top and stuff. Yeah, and stuff like that, that they just drive on the side of their, inside their convertible car or whatever with them. Exactly. But what about a big wolf?
Starting point is 00:56:41 Yeah, when's that gonna come back in, sleeping in a pile of wolves for warmth through the winter? Right in the mammoth. You know, Peter Alexander, when's that going to be part of his new sleepwear collection? Is it just a pile of wolves? It's just a pile of wolves and he's just completely nude. Just nude on a pile of wolves.
Starting point is 00:56:59 I don't know if he even, what's his name? Peter Alexander. I don't even if Peter Alexander has the, has the cajoonis. Oh wow. To make that range of pajamas. Yeah, I mean. No, that's, I'm throwing it down.
Starting point is 00:57:14 I dare you, Peter Alexander. Make that range of pajamas. I want to go into your store and I don't want it to smell like marshmallows or whatever. I want to smell like a heaving dogs. Yeah, I want to go into your store and I don't want it to smell like marshmallows or whatever. I want it to smell like a heaving dog. Yeah, I want it to smell like a pack of like alpine wolves. Alpine wolves like fresh from the hunt. Yeah, and they've taken down like a like a musk deer.
Starting point is 00:57:39 Yeah, ox. That's better than deer. Yeah, musk deer. No, no, no, no, no. Musk ox. Yeah, musk, musk deer. Musk ox no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no power of the adjective musk. Yeah. You know, you apply it to certain things. They seem to get bigger and more brutal. And then other things, smaller and more edible. Yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:58:13 Yeah. But you're still not that edible. Man, I love a musk stick. Well, I love a musk. Look, I know this is a dumb question, but what were we just talking about? We were talking about piles of wolves and fashion that hasn't come back around. Stone, stone, stone, stone, stone, stone is a dumb question, but what were we just talking about? We're talking about, uh, uh, uh, uh, Pals of wolves and fashion that hasn't come back around. Stone, stone, stone, stone, stone punk. Stone punk, yeah, thing, the look, the hipster look, you know,
Starting point is 00:58:33 No, look, it's more than hipster. Like, it's like, steampunk isn't even hipster. No, it's not steampunk so whole. It's weird. It's like, you know, it's, it's dweebie. It is dweebie, isn't it? But it, but it like, it carries itself as cool. Mm. Yeah, I, I think, I think it's created itself its own little bubble, which is a great thing to do, create your own little bubble and just redefine, build your own social structure within that,
Starting point is 00:58:55 your own parameters for what's cool. And then you can be cool within the bubble. Yeah, golf and all that sort of stuff. But most bubbles are cool. We're looking at your bubble and we think the whole bubble is bad. Yeah, but within the bubble, you could be the top, you could be at the top of the bubble.
Starting point is 00:59:12 That's the whole bubble is bad. Your bubbles at the bottom is society. The bubbles at the bottom? Yeah, but the important thing is just to have somebody beneath you. You don't have to be at the top of the world. You're just, because you're probably not gonna make that in regular society. So, you just gotta be at the top of the world. You're just because you're probably not going to make that in regular society.
Starting point is 00:59:25 So you just got to be the best in your bubble. Yeah, I just got to try to top the bubble. Gonna take us through the sketches for this. We got a dad's two talks. He talks to the teenager, then he talks to the teen elder. That is such an us sketch. That is so us, El. Yeah, great. And it's beautiful. We got Killer Plastic Bag, which is a plastic bag that sort of kills a turtle and then disrespects the turtle's family after it kills the turtle. So it's just how bad plastic bags could be, but it's also can go further. It could be a number of stories with a plastic bag and hits journeys through the ocean. Do you think that the plastic bag eventually gets redemption? Like it would be quite nice if like after this, like this lifetime of killing,
Starting point is 01:00:11 like something happens to make it realize what it's done and then it works to maybe try and like it can never obviously make amends for everything that did, but it just tries to do what it can in the time that it has remaining to make the world a better place. I mean, there's always the chance that at one point it does get picked up by one of these kind of like future technologies that are supposed to clean up the ocean. And then it gets melted back down into some kind of crude oil with some sort and then
Starting point is 01:00:43 gets made into a smart polymer. So at the moment there's polymers that consider heal themselves. Right. Are there polymers that are self-aware and are capable of like understanding right and wrong? Yeah, and couldn't like, will polymers at some point become so smart
Starting point is 01:00:59 they can get redemption for all the sort of the sea reptiles they murdered. And maybe they could go out and they're the ones who could stop the ble sort of the sea reptiles that murdered and maybe they could go out and they're the ones who could stop the bleaching of the coral seas and the... Because there's smart, there's smarts, when we think about smart, we think intellectual, but like what about sort of emotional sensitivity? Sure, yeah. Like emotional intelligence.
Starting point is 01:01:18 Yeah, we're going to have to develop a polymer that has a high EQ. Yeah, or street smart. Street smart. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:01:30 I mean, like that, you know, that, from the point of view of a plastic bag is kind of, is kind of a fun way to travel into the future as it, you know, for, you know, you start with it just in the ocean, then it gets melted down into something. I guess, I don't know whether it just has Google-ey eyes, and that's how you know. Like, I think that's how you know.
Starting point is 01:01:49 That's how you could follow it, so that you could sort of, you know, personify this, and this link of polymer. I mean, being strangled to death by something with Google-ey eyes is quite a terrifying idea. And if somebody hasn't already made a horror film called Googly Eyes, in which some googly eyes,
Starting point is 01:02:09 whenever they're stuck to something, that thing becomes both living and evil. Yeah. I think that's quite a fertile direction for that to go. I can imagine like the look of those little eyes just sort of jiggling as your body shakes, you know, over the last life. Leave it. That's quite good. It's a thing that kind of, almost like a, you know, like, piezoelectric stuff, you know, that way you apply the apply pressure and then the electric charge comes out. And it must be a... It does the reverse, right?
Starting point is 01:02:46 So when you put it on there, it kind of uses electric charge to give things life and make them move and things like that. That's the piezo, that's the piezo. Googly eyes. I think even like a, you know, you could even have it and they get onto a person, right? And somebody closes their eyes and then the googly eyes are stuck there on their eyelids.
Starting point is 01:03:06 And be quite terrified. Yeah, and then the person gets killed by a person. Yeah. Oh, worst, the most dangerous animal of them all is a man with googly eyes. Yeah, googly eyes. I've written that down, googly eyes. Right.
Starting point is 01:03:23 Man discarded like plastic bag winds up in the ocean. Strangling turtles. Strangling turtles. Yeah, I like that. Talk wrong to me. You know, that's, you know. It's fundamentally incorrect. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:41 Yeah. It's an old trope. And we're going to use that, you know, new money an old trope. And we're gonna use that, you know, new money for old trope. Yeah, new money for old trope. Big metal doors, the history of the big metal doors, the changing history of big metal doors. And also how like, you know, the, well, yeah, an elevator talking technology and things like that. Obviously we're not stepping on any toes of any great sketch shows.
Starting point is 01:04:10 Then we've got Stone Punk. And then we just went through that and then we got Google AI. Boom! Boom! That is today's show. So just quickly before we go, Alice, we are members of the Planet Broadcasting Network, obviously, as to many fantastic podcasts, programs, Alice, yeah, we are members of the Planet Broadcasting Network obviously host to many fantastic podcasts programs the weekly planet
Starting point is 01:04:29 Steel Wars still do go on Auntie Donna human ordinary So many dragonflies dragon friends wonderful Now good people filthy casual filthy casual. We're very happy to be a part of this family We're blessed and lucky. And if you listen to an enjoy our show, you are most likely and welcome to listen to and enjoy those other shows, as well as and not instead of ours. Yes. And if you find that you are running out of time in your life for podcasts, please
Starting point is 01:05:02 to go and cut out one of the others. Drop them like it's hard. Because we need you. Because we've had a taste of being listened to and we can't live without it now. Anyway. You're listening to what? Yep. That was great.
Starting point is 01:05:26 You just fucked up. I just started again. Yeah, that's great. I just reset. We're going to do episode two right now. Yeah, right now. Hey, thanks so much for listening. I'm a stupid old Andy on Twitter.
Starting point is 01:05:35 And I'm at Alistair TV. We are two in the tank. Two in tank. So two in tank. If you could please leave a little review on iTunes, we absolutely, like it means a lot to us and it helps us get more new listeners. Yeah, and like you, more people like you. More people like you, and you're good, so why wouldn't we want more of you?
Starting point is 01:05:53 And this isn't, you know, we're building a community here. This isn't just about us. We get, you know, this is, you're, we're definitely not building a community. No, no, we are. We're building a community. Send us a thing and we'll turn it into a thing. Great. Great. I've noticed a lot of successful podcasts doing this thing with somebody who'll send a thing and they turn it into a thing.
Starting point is 01:06:13 Can we just do that? Or take one of our things and turn it into something else. Yeah, send that to us. Yeah, and then send it to us and then we'll retweet it. Yeah. Yeah. Just, we don't have a lot of free time in our lives right now, but if you could do all the work, I don't know what.
Starting point is 01:06:29 We'll retweet it. But we're, look, we've already put down all our ideas. So if you have any ideas, do something with that, and then we'll retweet it. Great. And you know why? Because we love you. Because we love you.
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