Two In The Think Tank - 80 - "TOO MANY SAUSAGES"

Episode Date: May 23, 2017

Instaprophet, Sausage 1, Sausage 2, Sausage 3, Shame Eating, Sausage 4   Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family  You can find us on twitter at @twointank Andy Matthews: @stupidoldandy Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb And you can find us on the Facebook right here Production by George Matthews. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I am Kendra Adachi and I host the Lazy Genius Podcast. A Lazy Genius principle is to decide once. And I have done that by deciding that Olive and June is my go-to brand for ad home mayonnaise. I don't like to waste time and the Olive and June Manny system has everything you need and nothing you don't, all with gorgeous polishes that don't ship. Visit Olive and June.com slash perfect Manny 20 for 20% off your first Olive and June system. That's olive and June.com slash perfect Manny 20 for 20% off your first Olive and June system. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit PlanetBcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm the guy who says, yeah, yeah, come, yeah, come to, yeah, come to, yeah, and make me, yeah, I'm going to make you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, over there. Yeah. Hello, and welcome to two in the thing to show where we come. Come over the five skis. That's how it is. And I am also George William Tomlay virtual. Thank you very much for coming over to our house and sitting by our fire and watching us while we You know make up little stories. We stroke each other's brains. Yeah, and and at the moment I'm looking into your brain and use sort of polish in it like a like a Like a crystal ball and I'm noticing in there that you are thinking about inspirational quotes

I ball and I'm noticing in there that you are thinking about inspirational quotes. I have for work to as like a the lowest form of entry level comedy I think that when I have to try and come up with a joke for something and I have nothing is to Google inspirational quotes about that topic and just see if you can take the piss out of them. Because there is nothing easier to take the piss out of than inspiration. Which should be an inspirational quote. Yeah. You know, never, never feel like you don't have any ideas because you can always mock other people's inspiration. Or their sources of inspiration, right? What is it about people who try to be inspired that it's just so immediately mockable? I know, because when you're posting it, when you're posting an inspirational

quote on your social media, who is that for? Is that for you? Because if it's for you, why are you posting it? And then if it's for other people, then don't mind your own business. Don't you go inspiring me?

What do you think you're doing? But also, it is this sort of form of arrogance it seems like to be like, I have discovered something that I need to share with you. I have discovered some wisdom and the way that I discovered that wisdom was by Google image search. Yeah. Or. And it's so, this is such a wise image. The idea that being wisdom contained in a JPEG, it's just ridiculous. You know, we can digitize wisdom.

It's pretty great. It's pretty great. Things are very efficient these days, which is another inspirational quote. How do we turn inspirational quotes into? Well, I mean, is there, if, well, what about, okay, we do, if a genuine religious profit arrived on earth, right, emerged, was incarnated, maybe God fucked a swan, right, and the swan split open, right, and out emerged a profit fully formed. Okay.

And... Does it have a beard? Yep. I guess it needs to That's how you know once he knows a prophet. Yeah, and and and then and then What would it be like to be a prophet today, right? So you know he He and I'm sorry. I'm saying he but that history has done this to us. Yeah, absolutely

Neuro just a victim. I'm a victim and I have the victim'm saying he, but that history has done this to us. Yeah, absolutely. And you're just a victim. I'm a victim. And to correct you in the way we're being victim blaming. Yeah. And victimizing. I think, I think so we have this person has emerged. They've come to earth to us.

And then so what do they've got to do? What do they got to get an Instagram it Instagram right and then maybe they get offered they become an influencer obviously they get a lot of followers on Instagram and then do they get approached by you know a social media marketing company who says this is fantastic like you've changed so many people's lives and you brought a lot of people close to God, the Swanfucker. And your father. And you don't mind if I call him Swanfucker, do you?

I prefer it. Great. What we think would be great branding synergy if you could bring, because you bring people messages about like inner health and bodily wellbeing-being. What if you could also be telling people about diet pills? You know, like because we've got a miracle diet solution. And you are all about miracles. So this would be really right up your wheelhouse. I mean, this is just co-branding. This is everything. I'm rock hard right now. And you know, you put up a photo. I mean, you've got a great body. You've

just got your fit separation. You see it's just because your message is so good. Your message is so good. And we've got a lot of people in our books who have messages and they're not as good as you but they have the pills and so really they're turning over more than you are. Yes. You see and so they're kind of the making you are. Yes. You see? And so the kind of the making the sales, the closing deals and things like that. And so in a way, you're not, we don't have as much incentive

to kind of spread your message because it's not turning into a kind of... Oh, I see. So this is even sort of, is this is management group or something, whoever, who are telling him that he needs to sort of Try and massage the message a little bit and make it. Yeah, I guess there's a part of there's a part of it in which like even if you are a real

What's it? What was this thing called? He's a profit a profit even if you're a real profit It doesn't mean that you would still you would get great followers straight away because Like maybe you would get some right but then There's there's so much noise out there. There's so much stuff going on already That's people who are presenting themselves almost as profits, you know inspirational quotes Yeah, so so how does how does this get it? He's probably gonna have to make it sexy in some way

He's gonna have to make it revealing. He's gonna have to have a story like what's your journey? Okay, you came out of a swan Yeah, if you if he's doing videos, yeah, you know you the thumb nail that he picks should have some cleavage Just or at least like a close-up of a miscellaneous bit of flesh that could be cleavage. Yeah, absolutely Maybe that maybe the top of his butt. Right I salaneous bit of flesh that could be cleavage. Yeah, absolutely. Maybe the top of his butt right. I think social media managers and experts trying to, because they've seen this guy, they recognize the quality, the quality that he has, they recognize that he's got something and that he could be, you know, they absolutely acknowledge that he is the son of God and he is the one true voice of

truth and enlightenment, right? Absolutely. But they also recognize that it's a crowded market out there. Okay, and you know, as a lot of young people, put in a lot of really, really good stuff. Yeah, and if they, like, they can help boost his message, but there needs to be something in there for them. Absolutely. I mean, we're running a business here. It's not a charity. Yeah.

It's like, sorry. So one fucker said. I do think that, at some point, they should say to him, you know, for this sort of top of the butt crack, cleavage thing, that they've developed a speedo that he can wear that actually looks like a bikini top on the back, so that we can put it over his ass

that looks like a bikini top, which is perfect for those photos. And then, so, I mean, see, the battle is for the clicks, right, and once you've got the click, once you've got the eyeballs, okay, that counts as a view, all right, which is important. But then also, people are going to stick around, some of them are going to stick around and see your message. They'll realize pretty quickly, it's a butt with a bikini on it and not actually boobs.

But I mean, you've got to realize that the hurdle to actually get people to click on something is so high these days. Yeah. Okay, people are scrolling past, they're not going to stop and watch. You're not going to get to open these people's hearts to the majesty of infinity. It's going to hurt your soul a little bit to do it, but it's saving other people's. You've got to think about it, and you're all about sacrifice. You're all about sacrifice, and you're the son of God, right?

You've got infinite soul, probably, I don't know. I mean, you know, Jesus, he sacrificed his life on the cross, but, you know, dignity. But he's a mortal. Yeah. Right? He's a mortal. And I would have liked to see him maybe sacrifice something

that he actually could lose, like, you know, his integrity. You know, I mean, really that by holding on to his integrity in death, that was in a way, I guess, quite a selfish. It was very selfish. I mean, and vain. Yeah, because I mean, look, look, I guess he would have known that he was going to become so big. Yeah, yeah, I'm not saying that's why he did it, but it

certainly didn't hurt. Crucifixion certainly didn't hurt. Yeah, no long run. No, well in the long run. I think I think that's definitely something else to it. That's absolutely written down. Oh, yeah. Sausages. Yes. Right. Um, is there, is there anything else that we could be putting in sausages other than meat? Well, I mean, yeah, there is. Okay. And, and that is disappointment. And that's how you make a vegetarian sausage, honestly.

Sure. Sure. But they don't put them in a skin, right? They don't put a vegetarian sausage. They put it in some kind of a skin. There is some, there is some kind of a film on the outside of that. Oh right, because I feel like they're just they're just they're just it's just a goo that's kind of shaped to look like a sausage and then I thought they would they must have a mold.

I think they might still have a mold and they certainly do look a bit more molded than the new traditional sausage, but I'm pretty sure that there is there is something they put around the outside. I don't know if they make it from outside. I don't know if they make it from seaweed Hmm. I don't know if they make it from regret Yeah, or it could still just be a synthetic kind of you know like you know like like they do with with the sausages I think it's kind of like just a synthetic stomach lining. Is it really? I think so that's so weird like what what could you make like an edible? It's so weird. What could you make an edible synthetic skin like that out of? It must be an animal product of some kind.

Right? But you're reprocessing animal stuff and then somehow turning it into this like glad wrap. Maybe like the kind of hard lens part in your eye, that looks like that could crush down and make it into make something like. You're getting it cornea? Yeah, it's, I think it's probably cornea. I just say this cornea on the cob.

Anyway, I'm done. No, I mean, that's, that's, that's good, Alistair. It's not good. It's just, it just sounds like something one of us would say. Which one? Me. I think the thing is it actually sounds much more like something that I would say. And you did it.

I did it, Andy. I think I'm better at being you in this episode. Yeah, no, you're really taking on the Andy role. Which is great. I've been grooming you for that for a while so that I can move on to other projects. So I think that maybe sausages could be used for other things other than just meals. Like, could toothpaste come in sausages?

So the small little sausages that instead of having a tube of toothpaste, which just have a link. You could have, I guess, you know, we have done other sketches where it's like an industry trying to get into bigger industries before, I don't know if we necessarily have to do that, but it could, you know, Well, I mean, you know, all fruits could potentially become,

come as a sausage, right? Yeah. Um, just a, just a cream sausage. I can't say that being misused in any way. A cream, a what? A cream sausage. A cream sausage? A cream sausage? Like it.

In what way do you picture a cream sausage getting misused? It's just very painously. Right. But then just a sausage will create. What would people use it for sex? Or I don't know, LSD. Do you think they would sort of use the cream of it? I said I can't picture it being misused.

Oh, very right. All right. It sounded like you were being ironic, and you were saying that you could definitely picture it being misused. No, I wasn't. And I guess you'd be absolutely literal. Sort of squeezing it into each other. Yeah, I think that's probably what I was actually picture.

Yeah. But I just didn't want to tell you that. Anyway, handy, that's fine. But what about other things that could come in sausages? Like, I don't want to tell you that. Anyway, handy, that's fine. But what about other things that could come in sausages? Like, I don't want to say inspirational quotes. But I mean, maybe if a profit came back, he could find novel ways of marketing himself. And...

Well, okay, well, this is a thing that I said the other day is the fortune sausage, right? Oh, yeah. So, it's like a fortune cookie. It's just a sausage, right? So your fortunes in there, you cut it open, your fortunes in there, you cook it, you cut it open, and then you just got a sort of soggy beef flavored fortune. Yeah, that's nice.

I like that. I don't know what it is about that thatoured fortune. Yeah, that's nice. I like that. I don't know what it is about that that I like. Yeah, it is good. It could say be yourself inside or, you know. Yeah, you will overcome great obstacle. Find veganism, you know. Okay, like what about motor oil?

If motor oil came in a sausage. Yes. You know, then you would just have to just go a whole lot of sausages into your car. Into your car, like that. I think everything would feel better. Pre-enforcing sausages. Sausages are kind of just like a meat tablet.

They are, they're a photon of meat, right? It's a discreet quantum, a unit of meat. Yeah, I guess the meat bowl. The meat bowl is, a unit of meat. Yeah, I guess the meat ball. The meat ball is also a unit of meat. But I think because the meat ball could almost be any size, but a sausage has got that skin on it, which places a limit on the size of the sausage. And there's a constant reminder to all of us that, you know, that there are limits. There are limits, yeah.

We shouldn't. Yeah, I guess I've been doing... I guess often I do look at a sausage and think about how I know that there's something that... When you say A sausage, you do mean an individual sausage. Often I look at A sausage that I have at home. Yeah, absolutely. My one sausage.

I have... Yeah, well, it's not always the same sausage, but I definitely... It's the only... It's the only... But yeah, absolutely. I have, yeah, well, it's not always the same sausage, but I definitely, it's used for looking at. But yeah, absolutely. I separated from its pack. It's a sausage that's designed not for eating, but just for looking at. What? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha more sort of a decorative piece. It's like, you know, we regard the primary purpose of

a sausage as being eaten. But we also do look at them. Right? And what if we were to re-imagine it so that the primary purpose of the sausage is the looking at. And eating really could be taken out of the equation altogether. Now, I'm not saying that this would increase vegetarianism, or at least, it might increase vegetarianism if we were just looking at sausages instead of eating them. But I think the animals would still have to be killed. This is a slightly different idea. I already like this and I'm going to write it down, I promise. I don't care. But what about... I mean, you've down. I promise. I don't care. But what about I

I mean you've heard of food that you eat with your eyes. Yes. What about food that you actually eat with your eyes? I think we've talked about this on the podcast before. I don't know but it just seems like such an us idea that I can't imagine we haven't said this. It's just so fucking dumb. Food that you eat with your eyes. I mean, why, Alistair, why not art that you, that you appreciate with your mouth, you know, want more? That is a thing. Is it?

That would be like design, like good food. Yeah. Well, that's just food against you. Okay, let's go back to this sausage built for looking at. Yeah, okay, so. It's an optical sausage. It's a feast for the eyes exclusively. Um, and not the mouth. It's actually an edible. Is it? So yeah, but is it made of food but inedible? It's made of food but unfortunately in order to make it more visually appealing, we had to add various things and process the food in such a way that it is no longer fit for human consumption.

Right? And it's tragic that we can't have a sausage that is both beautiful and edible, but then only the gods are perfect. So we just had to settle on making a beautiful sausage. Yeah. Is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, sorry? I'm just saying, if we saw this sausage on screen, right, it might be possible to make a sketch in which the sausage is never seen.

Yeah. Right, which may be, maybe more pleasing. Yeah. But if we did see it on screen, it could just look like quite a regular sausage and we could just have everyone talk about it as if it is beautiful. Yeah. Could it be beautiful in the way a person is beautiful?

Oh, man. What is that? So in that, you know, it makes you feel the same kind of emotions that you feel when you see a beautiful person. So you feel attracted to them. You feel attracted to the sausage. Do you want to have sex with the sausage? Is it?

No. Yes, but not immediately. Like you want to get to know this? Absolutely Like you want to get to know this. Absolutely. You want to get to know it. But also, like you don't have sex with it in the way that you're picturing, you would have sex with the person. Okay, so you would have sex with it in the way you would have sex with the person.

Well, I have the sex with people in the way that I have sex with a sausage. I think the idea of people forming some kind of a bond with a sausage. Now, and it's, by the way, it is not a cooked sausage. It's floppy. It's floppy. Right. And having it and keeping it with them and having it like in a pocket and taking it out and when they get to work they just take it out and like in their inner meeting they just sit it like they're next to their.

So they bring their lover to work? Well yeah, which you would if you were in love with something and it was as convenient to carry around, this is sausage and I'm just picturing someone laying down this sort of wet, inner meaty sausage. It's a brilliant wet meeting. Floppy is actually bringing out your wet lover. Flop it down there next to your pad. And you know, maybe a couple of other people at the meeting also have their songs there. It's like the movie, right? Yeah.

But with sauce. With AI. Yeah. But with a really beautiful sauce. I like this a lot. Okay. Yeah. And this is, this is a different thing now, right? This is, it is, I think, a. Okay. Yeah. And this is a different thing now, right?

This is a different thing. It is, I think, a different thing. Yeah. And it's the thing that I'm happiest with that we've come up with in a while. Okay. And I think it's, it's got this element that it's all, it's also almost a bit like the brony phenomenon, right? The My Little Pony, guys who love my bit like the brony phenomenon,

the My Little Pony guys who love My Little Pony series. The show wasn't made for them and it wasn't made to be appreciated in the way in which they appreciate it and yet they do appreciate it in that way and it has become a defining feature of their lives. So say somebody makes sausages, right? They make really very beautiful sausages. They make them to be sausages and yet people have started to appreciate them as

so much lovers. As a life partner. And is it one of those things where there's also like older generations that are kind of like back in mod, I used to fall in love with a person. Yeah. And and you know, you didn't fall in love with a sausage and form a lasting bond. Is it? It's also very real dull or like sex robot kind of a thing. Yeah, but it's also it's so widely accepted now that it's like it's people being baff a thing. Yeah, but it's also, it's so widely accepted now that it's like, it's people being baffled by society

that they used to belong to and understand. Right, but they are very much in the minority, right? Like they're, or, you know, they're raging against something now. I'm sure if you wanted to read into this sketch, you could read in all sorts of things, but I would encourage you not to, because it is, there's nothing, it's not saying anything, there's no comment

about anything in there, right? Maybe there is. Okay, they could be. Yeah, no, but just because you brought that to the table. Yeah, we didn't put it there. Yeah. Okay, we just made it as a sausage. And if we did put it there, if you see it as something else, if we did, if we did put it there, we're not claiming it. We turn our backs. That's not ours. That is our baby. We'll leave that basket on your doorstep. You've got to raise it to be whatever you want. But I mean, if there's something wrong in the DNA, sorry. On a slight tangent to that idea, Alistair. I'm now imagining you know those people who make the real dolls, who make those dolls that are really quite life like humans, right? That, okay, but sausages. Wait. Okay. So wait, you're not about to say that the people who make real dolls do some people who appreciate

the real dolls as if they're a sausage. No, I'm not about to say that because I'm saying that those, instead of those people making real dolls, they make real sausages. Yeah. Right, and they're sort of a, and this is going to sound like a dildo, but it's not. It's just a very incredibly life-like sausage. But it's made from latex. And it's from people who can't have a sausage or haven't found the right sausage, but now have got can can can feel like they have a sausage. And then the people who have

an actual sausage think that those people with a real sausage are fucked. They think they're really weird and gross and disturbed and perverted. So, and it's not like they're vegetarian. No. No, this is just people who just can't really... For whatever really stomach sausages. They just never made that connection. But imagine something really happened for them, right?

And they imagine spending their whole life without a sausage. Because they're English. That's what it is. That's what I'm feeding around the bush here. But I'm saying that basically they're English. And as such, the closest they can come is a latex sausage substitute. And we meet the guy who makes these sausages and we see him painting the little flecks of meat

and maybe a little bits of chive on the side of the sausage. This one here's a cum-ballon sausage. And you know, a lot of people were fertile as a banger. Also, a bit of drawer, there's like 60 sausages laid out there on white paper. Just neatly separated. Yeah, and it's just people that just didn't, they never were able to find the connection between them and a sausage that they really wanted. And yet these ones are providing those kind of...

And we think, you know, I think that's beautiful. I think what we're doing for people is helping people. I think it's making their lives, you know, to bring somebody their lives. I don't think it's sad. I think it's, I think it's beautiful. Yeah. When they refer to a pack of sausages, right?

Yeah, sure. Is that, they're referring to the pack that they're in or is a group of sausages called just called a pack of it a pack is it like wolves yeah yeah then you're casually you'll see a lone sausage or I think I'm going to the supermarket and buying a single sausage yeah yeah I had to be fun. It wouldn't be a good idea to do it without smirking. Do you think? Oh, if you could just go to the, because sometimes the butchers are there. They're behind the thing, right? Occasionally, especially in these kind of modern day supermarkets, you know, the sort

of the supermarket butchers making themselves a bit more available. Yeah. And if you could just go up there and just say, hey, just one sausage, please. Like that. Now, I'll take it to go. Do you think that is the most pathetic? Like, and then like, no, I don't need a bag. Nothing. Just in the hand. Yeah. Do you think that is the most pathetic thing you can buy from a supermarket? Because there is something about sausages that is so tied in with the idea of socializing, barbecues, getting people, family, friends together, right? The idea of getting a single sausage and taking it home like this and holding my hand out

in front of me like I've got an Olympic torch and you're just walking down the street with just your sausage there. See but there's a pride to that, you know, kind of holding it like an ice cream cone like that. Somebody who kind of like holds it under that, kind of holding it like an ice cream cone like that. Somebody who kind of holds it underhand and kind of hides it like it's a... Hots it up this late. Like it's a tampon that they're taking to the bathroom

because they're ashamed. Sure. What happens with their body? Oh my God. A guy who takes a single sausage and tucks it away in his jacket. And in the inside pocket there, and then walks it to the barbecues, like stall

at the park and cooks a single sausage. Yeah, but that now instead of bathrooms, right, we have like a sort of, it's exactly like a public toilet, but in each cubicle there's a little barbecue, right? We have like a sort of, it's exactly like a public toilet, but in each cubicle there's a little barbecue, right? Where you can go and cook your individual sausage. So this is in a world now where people are, do you take sausages as a lot of this? The world's getting pretty complicated. I don't think this is the one where people take sausages as lovers. No, okay. But it's just the world in which there's public toilets that are public, barbecues. Barbecues. But also private barbecues. The individual little cubicle barbecues,

I think it's a world in which a barbecue is a solitary event. event. Right? It's barbecuing is equivalent to shitting. Yeah, right. And it's, it's, it's, it's not shameful, but it's just something everybody has to do. Yeah, I mean, this could all much be an episode of Black Mirror Alistair, is like a world where all food is equally as sh- like eating is equally as shameful as- as defecating. No, I could- I could see this. And it's funny because one of the guys has got a little hat in the bowl. On a sausage or- Wait, if it was- I mean people who dress up their sausages

to these people in this previous fantasy world, and one of the many sausage-based worlds that we've created, the ones where people take a sausage as a lover, do they... Oh, there's four. Do they dress up the sausages? I think that there would be a subculture of people.

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Always stripesafely. Who dress up? The sausage is. But then I think others would look down at it going, I'm not with it be like I love it like it's a person But not because I want it to be a person. Yeah, I love it as a sausage. Yeah, I love it as a sausage in the way that I would love a person If I could form a connection with people anymore You know, and this this could be after we've lost the ability to connect with that fellow humans. Yeah, we could not.

Or lost the need. The need, that's even better, isn't it? Because, you know, in the movie, her, I think we, like, was the idea that you can form a stronger bond with a computer than you could with a person, because, you know, they're smarter, they're better able to adapt to your needs and that's something. I haven't seen it. And you haven't seen her? No.

Really? Okay. It's amazing that I'm able to do such a pitch-perfect parody of it based on sausages. It's just perfect. But, you know, you haven't mentioned the pants that he was wearing. Brown. And you can tell. I think they were brown, yeah, but they were, I think, high-waisted.

Anyway. Um, the, wait, what they were I think high wasted anyway The wait what were you just saying just in saying about dressing up sausages? I think it was about sausages Yeah, you reckon yeah The thing is a shame for act and let's go back. I'll try to go back to that while I eat it is a shame for lack So yeah, oh, sorry. This is where I was what I was gonna say This is going back to the her thing that see because since we've starts you know like we've already in modern times

needed less people in our lives than people have in the past because of prosperity of the world and you know at least the parts that we've been. Yep. And so you could picture a world in which prosperity gets so high that we don't need other humans at all. You know, at the moment, we kind of need them for, I guess, for love, for introducing. But once you can do all of this, I mean, you know, you saw they created a fake placenta recently. Yes.

And that was so weird. Yeah, obviously it's weird. Are we talking about that shape in a bag? In a bag, yeah. But imagine if that was in a sausage skin. Yep, right. And so, and that you don't need another person, you can just, you know, just,

I guess ejaculate into a sausage skin. Yeah. Now that this is why you're with a sausage. I'm waiting to understand what happens next. Do you grow a little half-view, half-sauce, in a sausage skin? Yeah. But then what happens?

What is that thing? What does it look like? All of a times, and legs, sausages? Uh, yeah. It's like a sort of of a terms and legs sausages? Yeah. Is it like a sort of basically a human torso, but all the arms and legs that they don't have bones in them, they're sort of just floppy sausage things. Yeah, if you cook it, it will become much more firm. But, but also it'll have like a little top not where like

we're the little top of the head. That's cute. But Andy, we, we personally can't visualize what the future will be like once these relationships get to the next phase because we don't know where it's going to be like. You know, because you can't understand what the bond between a man and a sausage is or a woman and a sausage. I can't. You know, and so you can't understand what the product of their love will be like and

what the relationship you'll have with a half sausage, half use, son or daughter or some kind of non-gender sausage hybrid. I think this is just revealing how narrow my perspective is and how I'm not really able to challenge myself to imagine alternative ways of living and alternative forms of family. Exactly. And I'm glad that you're capable of to imagine alternative wise living in alternative forms of family. Exactly. And I'm glad that you're capable of doing so well. No, I realized my limitations.

Yeah, capable of admitting that. And I hope it didn't offend anybody that you were being like that. Anyway, back to the food is a shame for lack. Yes. Now, how would that manifest if we, because so you would eat food and everybody is aware that other people are eating food, but they never see it? Can I just say that if this isn't already an ad

for something, it should be and it will be soon, right? And this is, you know how there's so many ads that try and just appeal to men, right? They're trying to be like, what's the thing that men are like? How can we do a thing that men will be like, oh, that's cool. I'm a man. And I would, if I could do what I really want to do with my life, I'd be like that because that's a man thing, right? It would be like a tiny little barbecue, right? So somebody is at work, right? And they pull out a little barbecue and it's like,

pull it out from their pocket and they put it down on the thing and then they pull out a sausage and they rip the packet off the sausage and they slap the sausage down on this tiny little barbecue that's just exactly the right size for a sausage and they fry the sausage there at the desk or in the middle of the business meeting or something like that. And then it's like, always be a man or something. Never don't man. Never don't be a man.

Be a man anywhere you can be a man. Yeah, and then it's about range rovers. Range rovers exactly or superannuation. Or it's a men's superannuation. We get superannuation, it's just for men. Yeah. You know, it's brown, it's chocolate flavored. It's superannuation for men.

For men, it smells like wood. We only invest in things that men would like, like sausages and barbecues. And time with their dads. And grazing your knee. Yeah. Nothing men like, I think I've seen remember that or certainly as a boy it was a thing that I hated, but seemed to happen to me all the time. Yeah, but you could relate to it.

I certainly could. Yeah. American girls graze their time. Yeah, but you could relate to it. I certainly could. Yeah. American girls grace their knees. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Is there anything in this food is a shame for lack of things? Yeah. Well,

Should I write this down? Should I write down your ad idea? I mean, no, let's just leave it out there and if there's any ad guys listening, you can have that. No, that's going to be really expensive if you don't have it. Yeah, but for lots of money, you can have that, but for lots of money. So because that's a really good, I don't know what other things there could be. Right?

That mean, when we say that some of the people can use these sketches, if you're an ad person, you can't have it unless you pay us a lot of money. Yeah, that's right. And what's another man thing that like what's another dumb like having like bikini boobs tattooed on the inside of your eye lid? Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's pretty gross. You know, if we can do it in a way that isn't man. Yeah, yeah, I mean that's pretty gross. You know, if we can do it... In a way that isn't man- Yeah, yeah, this isn't so lacherous. Because the barbecue's kind of got just a fun element to it, right?

Yeah. And then I'm trying to think of anything else. And all of them is a silly when you make them small, a drill like a tiny drill. Yeah, it's just just silly There's a photo of a drill behind your eyelids Yeah, or something something that allows you to Be in a virtual reality that's a workshop or something where you do some hat. You're like On top of a roof and your... Yeah, doing some time like that.

And you're, no, you can just be, you know, what you're doing is, it's a virtual reality where you're on a roof, right? To build things, but what you're doing is you're just saying no to safety precautions. So guy goes, put on your harness and you can go, not thanks, not, I'm just gonna do a couple of things that I'm gonna get off, don't need that. And then you go, well at least where you helmet, you know.

I'll lift it down the bottom, I'll get it later. What about another thing would be like a high visibility tie or other things that could be high vids? Or a hard hat kind of thing in a hard tie. Yeah. Um, steel capped. What about new things that could be hairy? Cause you know, hairy knuckles, yeah. But what about hairy fingernails? Wow. Yeah. That's a nightmare. Yeah. That'll, that'll haunt you. Just back to food being a shameful act. Sorry. If everyone, everything that you wanted to do in society, like if food was shameful, then

it would be almost like you sort of sneak away to do it. Right? So you may have to go in. You may have to go in. I have to go and use the dining room. Right. And you can, there's a small little, small little dining room in there and you've got a sort of, you know, you sit on a little chair and you fold out a little thing and you cook a little.

You kind of got to like clean it a bit before somebody else. Oh, it'd be so gross. Yeah. You kind of got to like clean it a bit before somebody else. Oh, it'd be so gross that the communal, and we've actually had communal kitchens and both in living together, but then also going to hostels and different things like that. And you just go, oh my god. I also though, I do picture that this is also in the, now I'm picturing it's in the same room as the toilet.

So you're sitting on the toilet, and then you're fully out a little hot plate there and frying a thing. The government wouldn't allow us to have two buildings, two brick buildings in every park or whatever. And obviously you want to do it at home if you can, right? But sometimes you're hungry and you're out and you can't. It's an emergency, right? And you really need to eat something. So you go to carry on the public thing and the and the Instead of the the role of toilet paper. It's a role of hand

Yeah, it would be nice if you could maybe you just carry a sausage around and you're in your wallet. Yeah, you know Yeah, or all like a little cigar like it comes, you know, a little cigar Yeah, that's good. Take the end off. Sosage comes out and there it goes. I think that is a funny thing to play out. And I think that stands alone as a sketch to just present this world in which somebody goes off to cook a sausage by themselves and a little cubicle.

But have we already written that down? And is that getting us nothing new? It's not getting us anything new. No, all that's right. I'm thinking of some kind of, we've got to come up with an idea maybe with a sausage in it. Oh. Well, it's just a, it's just a sort of idea. What do you think was, what do you think was wrong? Yes.

What was wrong with the meat initially that somebody felt that they needed to squeeze it into a sausage? Yeah, I mean, what's wrong with the wrist? I mean, guess the result doesn't hang together quite as well as you would like. But do you think that was the thing? Is that when they minced meat, it didn't hang together as well as they liked?

So let's put it in a bit of intestine. It was put in a bit of stomach lining or something. I mean, there was a period in the evolution of food and in culinary history where it was just what works. Like, you know, what can we just eat? Can we just eat it? Yeah, and it is totally by coincidence that at some point some of those things down the line turned out to taste okay. Right? Like when the sausage was first invented, that was just like,

let's just cram some meat in this flesh tube and then just choke it down. And that was humanity for hundreds of thousands of years. So it wasn't like, it wasn't like, this is one of those solutions we've come up with. Like, this is a sort of sea level tube that we can put it on ships, and then it can last. Like, was that the first thing? I don't think it was the thing you brought on ships. I don't think it was lasting.

A lot of ideas initially were just like, let's just do something so that we can get it on a ship. Even if we don't all die. The sausage was invented by NASA for the space. Space missions. It's easier to eat things out of a tube. And the Russians, you know, they just ate a result. They just would eat a pencil. Yeah, they'd just eat a pencil.

They'd just eat a pencil. They'd just eat a pencil. They'd just eat a pencil. They'd just eat a pencil. They'd just eat a pencil. They'd just eat a pencil. They'd just eat a pencil. They'd just eat a pencil. They'd just eat a pencil. They'd just eat a pencil. They'd just eat a pencil. They Russians they just ate pencil. They all died. It was a good

thing we didn't do that. Of course the first. I think it was a lesson in that for all of us. Is that a sketch like a sample? Yeah, I think it is. Everybody knows what it's a reference to. Look and if they don't fuck them, you know, and I'm so glad, Alistair, that we finally got a sausage sketch written down. And you know, in a spaceship one, you know, the shuttle, shoot lay. That's five ideas, Alistair. Now, four of them are pretty heavily sausage-based, right? And, you know, it's kind of like it's a chain, it's a pack of sausage sketches. If you... They're all kind of linked. Do you think that we need a sketch that is, I don't know, based on bread or possibly sauce or fried onions? Just to round this off? Sure.

or fried onions, just to round this off. Sure. Just to break it up a little. Sure, sure, sure. I don't know if people are on carb sketches right now. So maybe, I mean, the onion, the fried onion. Yeah, I mean, I may have led you astray with the fried onion, right? But, but bread, you see, now that is a sketch. Yeah.

Right? Like, you know, what do we got? We got the best thing since sliced bread. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's definitely like a well-trot comic comic pathway What do we got we got to another source then maybe also that's a good reason why we should attempt it Okay, sure what do we got best things in sliced bread? Okay, so that was somebody invent sliced bread They bring it into the living room. Everyone's not all that impressed. Yeah, all right. I say well, you're gonna you're gonna

You're gonna be Laughing out the other side of your faces, right. Let me say well you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna be Laughing out the other side of your faces, right and then they go cut open cut a mouth to the other side of your faces Fox so they slice it's this person slices there as he's going to faces as he's going to slice their faces with his knife He misses and he accidentally cuts the bread to slices. And they go, actually that we really liked. That was actually a response to how afraid they just afraid to show any displeasure towards the next idea that he came up with. So they just reigned praise on him.

I'm so tired. Yeah. We technically got five ideas. We actually have six. I'm desperately, I'm so sorry about talking about bread. I'm sorry about everything. All right, what do we got, Alistair? Just take us through our sketches. We have a profit on social media.

I mean, that looks great. Right? And he's having to kind of like do all sorts of things just to get people to look at his feet And he's having to kind of like do all sorts of things just to get people to look at his feet. He's having to follow a bunch of people. And then, and then follow him. Unfollow all the people who don't follow him back.

You know, all that kind of stuff. Make his butt look like cleavage so that in his, get clicked through. And get some nails so he can get clicked throughs. What have you just re-block a whole lot of stuff from other people who've got a lot of inspiration? Yeah, you could do re-blocking. You could also produce so much content that, you know.

You could do, you know, he could also like steal other people's tweets, but like cut out their credits. Yeah. Yeah. Just to kind of get, you know, some beautiful, some traffic. Then we've got a number of second sketches somebody who creates a sausage that is built simply for looking at Yeah, by the way also while we were talking about that I was thinking about an air sausage like it's a sausage that you get just for the like just for the smell I guess it's basically the same idea, but you you burst it open and then you just get an aroma experience.

Yeah, okay. That sounds like a balloon. Yeah. The smells are sausage. If you ate a sausage, right, and then blew up a balloon, right, and then burst that balloon. Burped into the balloon. Yeah. That's your... I mean, that's not a crazy idea. Well, it is.

No, no. I mean, that is a great, like... It's just, like, sausages are pretty much the only things that taste like sausages. True, you know? Like... And so, I'm not gonna fight you on this. Party balloons.

Are the last thing that you would imagine would smell like a sausage. When you breathe in the air from the second hand air from a balloon. The last thing you would expect to taste is sausage. Okay, how often do you breathe in a second hand air from a balloon? And expecting to taste anything in anything helium. And it's a helium balloon. All right, whatever this, instead of helium gas canisters that you can fill up your balloons with at a party, it's sausage gas. So you come out, you fill them up.

They don't float high in the air and they just bounce around on the ground. On the ground. But then you burst those, that smells like so. I know, but you sort of half tape it to helium balloons. I put it in a bunch of helium balloons so that when people cannot resist the urge to suck in the air because they think they're breathing in helium, they get in that taste of sausage.

And then when they talk, right, it's not high pitched, but it smells like sausage. And that's funny as well. They have sausage breath. So what they say is, is not funny here, but it's more disgusting, not because of the content of the words, but the smell. But also, the reaction, not expecting. That's another way in which your speech can be offensive, if you have bad breath. That's true, yeah.

And it's another way in which it wouldn't really come across that well in tweets. Right. Because if what you were intending to say had sort of sausage breath, anyway. Then the third sketch is a sausage that is your lover. It's basically her, but with sausages. All I can picture is just that laying down on the sausage on the boardroom table. It's like a white boardroom table. Maybe it's even laying it down so it's touching the pad and there's just like some wet

sausage grease that's going on the pad. But it's very acceptable. It's very acceptable's going on the pad. Yeah, but it's very acceptable. It's very acceptable. Usually other people are going on a table doing it. The CEO is there and he's got a few hot sausages like hot in terms of like small young ones. Then there's the real sausages, which is these latex sausages for people who can't have sausages. And it's about the people who make them, and it's about the people who have them who own them and have them in their lungs.

Yeah, it's sort of a documentary style. Yeah, kind of documentary style, you know. So you see them kind of people putting them in bread and kind of pretending to eat them. They're eating them around. You know, putting sauce on them and things like that, being at barbecues with them. Oh, that's interesting. So you're almost taking it because mine took place in the world in which people were in love with sausages.

No, actually I, my life partner, I think yours is much better. Yeah. It's more in the real world. And yet, yeah, okay, that's great. Yeah, so I think that that's better. Yeah, I think each one has to have its own world. Yeah, so you put the sauce on them, right, and you put them in bread, and then you carry them around, and then later on you wash that sauce off. Yeah, yeah. In the sink, throw the bread away, and you put the sausage back down in a little, a little container.

There's maintenance and stuff like that. Before you go out again, you kind of want to re-oil it just to kind of make it look fresh and all that stuff. Then sketch number five is sort of food is a shameful act, and this is people having to sort of, it's going, eating food and cooking food is kind of like going to the bathroom and so you have to sort of, it's going eating food and cooking food is kind of like going to the bathroom and so you have to kind of do it alone. We talked about there being a sausage in that sketch

but there doesn't have to be a sausage. It doesn't have to be a sausage. It could be one of our sausage free sketches. I know, but in a way, it feels kind of like it would be better if it was a sausage. Yeah. You know, picturing a person in a cubicle sort of after having cooked a sausage, just sort of having one, a single sausage on a fork and just sort of eating, you know,

just with bites, you know, bites, I think is one of the best way to eat it. Yeah, bites. Is that what you would use? Yeah, I think bites are just pushing it down your throat on one go, opening it like, I guess what you would do is, you know, people who can open up their throat to skull a beer. Oh, yeah. They would sort of skull a beer to open up their throat. And then while it's open, shove a sausage. Yeah. But in a way, it's not a chaser because the beer is what's opening the throat. So it's like it's a... Yes, Elastir.

I guess. How is it not like a chaser? Well, in that... What does beer do when you have a chaser that isn't opening the throat? Well, no. You don't. You don't.

I guess it's in terms of how you're framing it. It's because... Because the chaser suggests that... Oh. ...is that you're just having the sausage to follow the beer. Right? But I feel like it's more... ...it's kind of more like a stand-up act in which the first person that is on is like the, it's a beer headliner.

No, no, no, sorry. It's a sausage headliner. Yeah. And the beer is the opener. The beer is the opener. It's the MC of the opener. Okay. Like that.

Whereas, if it, in that case, you know, if it was a chaser, that kind of makes it feel, it's an afterthought. Right. Right. Whereas the, the reason you're having the beer, you probably wouldn't even have the beer if you weren't having the sausage. You don't even like beer. You just don't even like beer.

It's just the way it happens. Okay. And then maybe sometimes you go away afterwards and you say, you know, I actually thought the beer was better than the sausage. Yeah. Okay. And then maybe sometimes you go way after it was and you say, you know, I actually thought the beer was better than the sausage. Yeah, sure. Yeah. A lot of the, maybe even a lot of the time. Yeah. To be honest, you've become addicted to beer. What was that one a part of? That one is was a part of food is a shame for like, what was that idea a part of? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Though that was, yeah, part of food as a shameful act. What was that idea of part of? Oh, yeah, sorry though. That was part of food as a shameful act.

And it was an alternative to using bites as a way of eating. Yeah. And then six is the sausage was invented by NASA as a food for astronauts to be able to eat so that you could eat upside down, that you could eat sideways. Yeah, in zero gravity. Zero gravity, and the Russians, they just ate pencils.

Before we end this whole, this episode, by the way, this is our 80th episode. I feel like that's momentous in some way. That's very impressive, yeah. I just wish I wasn't so tired no that's cool and if it's what's interesting about the number 80 is that if you hold it on the side it kind of looks like two eyes and an open mouth sort of ready to eat a sausage or two small sausages and then one large sausage coming straight towards you.

That's true, yeah, that's there. So the two sausages in the distance may be laying on a table. Yeah. And then one sausage coming straight at you. In the foreground. Yeah. And also, before we wrap up this episode, what sketch do you think ants would like? I think all of them, because they're all sausage based and

except for the first one except for that profits. No, I don't think it would like the profit one. I think quite ironically I think the ants would like the first one because they have big followers of a leader. They're really. That's true. You know that they understand that culture. They I think ants would if they weren't already in a hive, they would be very vulnerable to falling into a cult. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, classic ant hive. Yep. This is not a hive.

What is it? I don't know, a nest. Nest. A pack. A trip? A trip? Nest. Nest. Yeah. A pack. True. True. And it's true. Yeah, either that because I mean, then the sausages are also there just kind of an outside picnic kind of food, aren't they? Yeah. And ants like that. Well, that's true. They would hate the one where dining becomes a solitary thing that you do in a cubicle though. So that's... No, but cubicles. Yes, yes, Elle.

Or often, you know, in public places, and where ants live. I guess except for inside buildings. Ice cubicle. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That is where the Eskimoz got the toilet. It was more picturing the man. Yeah, me too.

Anyway. All right. Thank you guys so much. I think we have to go. Thank you so much everybody. It sounds like you so much everybody. It sounds like you're spraying ants. Anyway, thanks so much for listening everybody.

I don't know what this was. The podcast is falling in on itself. I don't know what. I'm a origami crane in a shredder. Thank you so much for listening. We had a good time. We had a good time we were tired. And we appreciate everything you do for us.

People lot, you don't realize how much you do for us. Some people have been tweeting to us recently, which is just absolutely lovely. I am very excited to get tweets. I would like to thank George, the producer of the podcast, who makes it sound good. Check out us on Twitter, Facebook, etc. To and Tank on Twitter. To and the Think us on Twitter, Facebook, et cetera, et cetera, two in tank on Twitter, two in the think tank on Facebook. I'm stupid old Andy, Alistair. I'm an Alistair TV.

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