Two In The Think Tank - 82 - "SHOE JUMPING"

Episode Date: June 6, 2017

Pain Relief, Death Box, Recurring Pain Relief, Seems Like A Lottery, Syndicate, Shoe Trials Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family  You can find us on twitter at @twointank Andy Matthews: @stupidoldandy Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb And you can find us on the Facebook right here Production by George Matthews. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. This counts not available in all safe and situations. Visit planet b casting dot com for more podcasts from our great mates Bunga it's dance Bunga it's a dance Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jail Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie Bunga it's a Jailie B spiritual, Esquire, Jr. And it is God damn pleasure to have you here in our mouths. Which is the, you know, it's really, it's the best place to listen. Oh, yeah, it's the most crystal clear sound.

Mm-hmm. You get all of it. As the larynx intended it to be heard, you know, before the lips got their hands on it. Absolutely. The walls produced by the teeth, which is really obscure as a lot of that great tamper. Yeah, the tamper doesn't make it out of there. It gets filled it out, but the soft palette is a really great base trap, so you get a lot of them. Absolutely. Yeah, nice dead end, So you get a lot of them. Absolutely. Yeah, nice dead end and a live end of the mouth on the teeth.

That's pretty good. I love a live end. A live end. It's definitely my favorite part of the body. The part of the body that is the... The live bit. Yeah, the live bit. The real...

The hair is the dead bit, right? So that's dead stuff on top. And then from there on in, it's all the dead bit, right? So that's dead stuff on top. And then from there on in, it's all the live bit. Yeah, except for the toe nails. Yeah, that's also the end. The end of my finger that has necrosis. And my leprotic thigh. Yeah, so is there a sketch in the dead bits?

The dead bits of the human body? The dead bits of the human body? The dead bits of the human body. Well, I mean, I guess a bald people are more alive on average than the rest of us. That's true because, you know, by volume, they have less dead things. Since so are people who don't have any, they've lost all your fingernails and toenails. Due to some sort of vitamin deficiency, due to scurvy. Yes, but in a way, you are more alive than any of us. Oh, I love it.

You are peaking something chronic, my son. Yeah, I love it. I love it. You love it? Spicicic peak? Yeah, especially when I'm talking about people with no hard bits. Oh, your teeth are alive. Your teeth are still alive, aren't they?

Because they kind of go black when they die. Ron, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. They've got a living core. They've got a, you know, the root and they've got the nerve that goes down inside them, which seems ridiculous. Why do you need a nerve inside your tooth? Right. To know if it's dying. That's just a cause you pain when it dies. Yeah. It's like a loved one, really really isn't it? It was the point of it all so you can feel pain when they die. It's the same with teeth. You know, really what you want is you want somebody that you love one to die while you're under either at least a local or a general anesthetic. So you don't feel this. That would be nice. It would be great if the doctors instead of offering the paid relief. We could ease the pain.

We can make it a little easier, not for him, but if you guys would like some. I think that's already a sketch already in itself as just somebody's dying and then the doctor's offering pain relief to the family. This, thank you, this is all a lot easier in the nail family. Don't worry about him, no, he's going to be dead. Yeah. Here we find.

He'll forget this as soon as he bloody passes away. This is just a short term symptom, you know. Relief is on the way. Very much so. But for us, we have to bloody go on. It's suffer. Goodness, LSD, such a peak. You're at an absolute bloody peak.

I'm having a good time, that's why. That's what it is. You're just enjoying yourself a fraction too much. But yeah, that's bloody good, bloody bedside manner. And in fact, he shouldn't even be on the bed this this diamond. We put him on the ground. You have a lie down. All right, it must be very overwhelming. Yeah, that's true. Why should the dying have comfy beds? Just get them straight into a coffin. They do the coffin. I mean, it would save a lot of time, especially if like funeral homes, just instead of a

herst. A herst? Yes, herst. Herst is a famous artist. Yeah. Dimean Hurst. A Hurst would be like a Hurst that's covered in diamonds made from gold and has its price artificially inflated by being bought by the artist as part of a conglomerate.

Oh, that's good. If Hurst is instead of being sort of just a long station wagon, just a sort of gloomy station wagon, just a sort of gloomy station wagon. Yes, if they sort of had like a bit of a cherry picker style arm that goes up to, yes, or like a forklift kind of thing that goes up to hospital windows and you could just slide the body out on a coffin kind of thing. I guess you could just organize, or,

or they have the roof opens up and it's all sort of padded in there and you just toss them out Oh see that's nice. Yeah, that would be good too You kind of want to keep I guess yeah, I guess if it's padded, it's fine, but you kind of want to You want to keep the body intact depending on whether you want a sort of an open casket? indeed but if the hospital beds were sort of disposable, you know, like it would just bolt so wood that kind of just comes up on the side.

Yes. And then, you know, it's just kind of... Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, some cabs that slot... I think cardboard, right? Yeah, I think cardboard.

You fold up the tabs and just like to get a, like, making a pizza box. Yeah. I think people, you know, in our society aren't willing to confront death, especially in the way they're willing to. And we're willing, we're keen to make that easier. Yeah. And it would be much more confronting if, when you got onto a hospital bed, you could notice that it had a cardboard base that was just ready to be folded around you.

Doctor, what are you trying to tell me? It's not looking good, is it? You've put me in one of those disposable coffin beds. Shush. That's the doctor. Disposable cotton bed. I don't know, is there, like, is there some kind of sketch in that? Yes. Yeah.

Like, I know it's not like, you know, it's not as clear a comedy concept as, but there's horror in it. Yeah. And there's horror in it. And just confronting this. Well, I mean, you know, there's a, it could just be a sort of a commodification of death. It could be something about like a fast food or like a disrupting, what if it's like a, it's a

disrupting thing, what if it's like an Uber kind of thing, but for funerals, right? Where you, maybe they'll mail you out like a flat pack cardboard coffin that you can pop together and put your loved one in it. So that's nice. And then you can just push that out onto the curb and they come and collect it or you put something in your nap, you scan a QR code that's on the end of the coffin. Yeah, or there may be a drone comes and picks them up.

Oh, you get one of those. One of those. You get one of those tubes. You get one of those tubes that you know. Oh, you get one of those. Oh, some out at sea. You get one of those tubes. You get one of those tubes that, you know. Oh, yeah, one of those tubes. You know, like it's kind of like, you know, sort of like how those, those, those tents

that pop out like that, but they, they also come into the tube form for like kids to play in and crawl through. Oh, okay. Right, but you get a really long one. Yeah. You attach to windows of hospitals, right? And they go down to the ground where the, where they're sort of,

you know, the Uber Hurst comes and gets you. Uber Hurst. It's selling itself and it's a market that Uber hasn't got into. Yes. And then you just put the, your loved one into, either into the cardboard thing first and then into there and then they just slide down. Yep. Which, to be honest, would be really fun to do whilst a life. What a way to go. Yeah. It's almost a shame that they get all the fun. Once again, I think the dead, yeah.

I guess maybe the family who are going with it could have a girl. The typical of the baby boomers to want to have everything. Yeah. And then anyway, I don't know, look. Yeah, I think the Uber of death in some way, coming up with a disruptive, maybe it's a, Daro say, I'll just say it's a brainstorming session, or it's some kind of like Silicon Valley pitch meeting

where people are trying to disrupt the death market, find new ways to dispose of the dead. I was trying to think of another word for dead. The deceased. Deceased, thank you. Those who have passed. Yeah, it's amazing. I couldn't come up with anything. There's almost so many euphemisms. Yeah, it's almost as if we're avoiding talking about the directly.

It's almost as if we're avoiding talking about the euphemisms for death. Do things that we want to talk about have less words for them? Right. The innuets, they have 50 words for snow, but a lot of those are innuent. Inuent in you with no. In your winter. In your winter. In your winter. In your winter. In your winter. In your winter. In your winter. All right, Alistair.

I feel by trying to help you're only making me feel worse about myself. Okay. Look, so things that we love have lots of words. We have lots of words for them. Yes. And things that we want to avoid talking about have a lot of words for them. But we have words not for them. Yeah, but to go around it still describes it, but in a lot of words for them. Well, but better. We should have words not for them. Yeah, but to go around, it still describes it,

but in a roundabout way. Right. So the things that we feel the most indifferent about, probably the ones that we have the fewest words to say. Yeah. Like, like, sand. Sand. Yeah.

Dirt, sand. That's it. That's all there are. That's all there is. Don't at me. Don't Maybe I guess I guess in some way, you know gardeners love it. That's why there's at least a little bit of variation So alone. What about this? Yo yo. Yeah, there's only one word for it Well, there's two words for it, but it only make up one word. Yeah. Even the word itself is just one word twice. Yeah, exactly.

That's how little we care. We should have just called them yo's. Anyway, that would have saved some time for those people. Maybe the bad would have ended even quicker. Well, I guess, you know, yo, yo's is the second yo to indicate the fact that the yo, the yo, yo comes back. You think you've yoad it and it yoad back and that don't worry. So like yo is a, is the movement, is movement so it could be movement down and movement

up. It's like acceleration, it's negative and possible, negative and positive, yoing and possible yoing. going and possible going. Oh, I didn't know an idea about what are those? Is this a joke, right? That like a, no, it's gone. It's about Wagar Wagar and like about the fact that it's got, no, I've forgotten. What was the thing we were talking about right before

pain relief for family of the dying? How do we talking about right before pain relief for family of the dying? How do we get to that? Pain relief for family of the dying. We had the dead. We had teeth. We had teeth and all that. Oh yeah, this is numbing of the... Oh yeah, because we were talking about how like, you know, the outside is hard, but then

the inside is kind of, is, is, is, is a nerve. You say what you're thinking. Do you think that the, the, the doctor doctor could possibly like if they have to deliver bad news might apply like a general like a local anaesthetic to their mouth? This is painful news to deliver. I'm going to just check into the gum just a bit of local. I know you're a bit's a little bit horrible. I don't know if it's horrible. But it's not bad. Not bad. Pop up, pick up, pick up, pick up.

It can't feel house, you know. Anyway, your family. I've all got died. They're all died in the crash. Is that too dumb? It's pretty dumb. And it feels like it's pretty close to the first one. It's sort of a one B.

I'm putting it as a half sketch. A half sketch. Yeah. Right. A beautiful, local and aesthetic for delivering a painful news. Yeah. Maybe a little bit in the hand because you have to sort of very often reassure people by patting them on the shoulder.

I mean, you may as well take some morphine because 70% of language is nonverbal. That's just, I wanna say, now be your entire body. But, it's totally just like the doctor yet to wield the virtually catatonic on a stretcher. This is very hard for him to deliver. So we actually have the news delivered by a doctor who's on the verge of... And it's harder to get angry with the doctor when he's in that state, when he's like,

oh, he's so incapacitated, I guess I'll just let them go. Do you think, or maybe what they should do is they should get, if there's bad news to be delivered to a patient in a doctor, it should be delivered by a patient who has a worse still prognosis than them. So like, if you've only got, say, six months to live, well maybe that new should be delivered to you by someone who's got three months to live. That's nice. So that you can get a bit of perspective.

And perspective. Yeah, and also it's obviously for making such a big scene as well. Well, that would actually be quite disrespectful. Yeah. Because he's only got half as long. Yeah, and should the same thing be done around the other way with good news. This good news should only be given to you by somebody who has even better news.

If it's better news for themselves. So like you know when they're delivering the lottery I don't know why this would be useful but like when they're telling you that you've made lottery winnings, it's like, you won $600,000. Oh my God, yeah, but I won 2.5 million. And so maybe that would start people going out and spending crazily because they go, that's not as much as I thought it. Maybe in that case, it's almost part of the prize, right? Is that you get, you win $2.4 million, but you get to win it in the presence of somebody who, has either maybe one less than you,

or maybe someone who's just lost their house to the bank. What, you saw you tell them that they lost their house to the bank. Well, maybe they've just found out, or something like that. It makes your news seem even better, right? I see that's nice, yeah. Very often when you win the lottery, right,

they'll give you the option, all right. So it's like, you can either take it as a lump sum, so say you've won $100 million in the lottery, now let's do it just hypothetical. I'll try and imagine what that would be like. So you've won $100 million in the lottery, you just see in your numbers and they call you up and they say, all right, so you can either take this

as a lump sum now of $30 million, or you can get the $100 million paid out as like an annuity or whatever they call it, over the next 15 years. So if I take it as a lump sum, I only get 30 million? Yeah, or 50, you say 50. All right, 50, you taught me up, all right?

This is a very easy decision to make. Well, what are you gonna do? I'll take the, over a period of time, because then I get a weird one. Okay, what if it's over a period of 50 years and you might be dead by the end of it? You might not be able to enjoy it all. But it's 50 years of security, but I don't want to think about money.

Another thing. Whereas if I get $50 million now, I mean, how long's that gonna last me? Wow, a week. But it's like, if there's stuff left over, who gives a shit, but like yeah but wait how much am I getting a month? I don't know. Anyway the point was that maybe there's additional options right? Okay maybe we can okay we can give you $75 million now but we'll give it to you in the

presence of somebody who's just lost $25 million. Okay? So, like relative to them, you've still got $100 million. Sure. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I would just feel bad for that person. Not that if you're a total country. Oh, yeah. Well, that would be a great option for people.

This feels to those people. That's true. That people don't market to those people enough. Well, politicians often sort of are secretly, they're dogless linked to those people enough. Well, politicians often, sort of a secretly, they're dogless linked to those people. That's true. But I guess like, yeah, sorry, you can't do it. Not explicitly.

But I reckon there's a sketch in that in like the, yeah, the the the winnings. And you know, it. Also, there is a sketch in those people who, like it happened recently, like in Jolong or something. There were people who were part of a lottery syndicate who won like $24 million. But the bloke whose turn it was to buy the ticket, right? Yeah.

For the syndicate. When he bought it, he was like, ah, no, I bought two tickets. And the one that won was the one that I didn't buy for the syndicate. Yeah. Which is amazing. And maybe something with that guy explaining that to the rest of the group. That is amazing. Yeah. I mean, do you reckon that maybe that guy when he went into that when he would he would he would buy two lottery tickets that he was like If one wins and I'll just say that like he already knew that he was gonna say that well it almost seems I mean is convenient isn't it it is very convenient

And what's the point of being in a syndicate if you're also gonna be buying your own ticket and thinking What's the point of being in a syndicate if you're also going to be buying your own ticket and thinking? Let's just so that you get more chances and you get more horses in the race, especially if you claim whichever one wins as your own. Yes, as your own horse. And then you don't have to spend as much money. Yes. Okay, yeah. I'll just finish writing.

I wish you would, Alistair, because it feels like it's slowing things down. This is one of the longest paragraphs you've ever written. Well, it's because I had to write down basically two ideas where somebody, you're giving lottery winnings whilst there's somebody with whose lost money that makes your winnings feel better, but then also having bad news given to you by somebody with a worse. Ah, I say yes, I will allow it. But the guy who's, like this is more of a character piece, Alistair, and by that I mean I don't actually have an idea, but the guy who has...

I think it's a short film. I think it's a short film. I know I extend things a lot and you don't love that. No, but in this case I'm willing to accept it. Is it because of the word short? Yes. You've hidden your extension behind the word short. But I think that the bolesiness of it, like, okay, so it's a group of people who all work

together at Some factory right they buy a ticket together and then the guy that they found out the night before that their ticket is one and then the guy comes in and he's like No And that was that was a different ticket Well, how do you know which tickets which? I just remembered which one it was. The one that I bought first was the one. Well, because I don't know how they would have all found out first.

So I think maybe he has true. Yeah, he has to go look. Like he gets to get to get to for the lottery yeah one one and then and he goes now he is the bad and this other ticket that I bought yes did in win oh well that's okay that's fine he goes but this is the one that didn't one,

is the one that... I would have had to share all the winnings with you. Yeah, this was the syndicate one. Yeah, but I mean, I guess that loss doesn't feel as bad because we all shared in that loss. You know? So we only, like if we had one, if we had one, like this ticket had, did, then we would have if we had one if we had one like this ticket had

Yeah Then we would have all shared in that winnings. So it wouldn't have been quite as intense But it still would have been good and but but as we lost we all share in that loss and also because we're all in that loss together By the way, I also lost on that Yeah And and it feels dreadful It feels dreadful all right, but we'll support each other, won't we? Because we've all been through the same thing.

And in a way, it brings us closer together having been through such a horrible experience. Yes. But then, on the other hand, and literally in my other hand, is a winning ticket, which I bought by myself for myself. Yes. And that one won. Mm.

And what's good about that, yes, is that that joy doesn't have to be split with anyone. And so it's really nice for a one person to get to experience all the joy. That joy is more pure. Mm. It's left intact.

And it's, I guess, like when you see a heritage building that remains intact, you know, it's still with all the original features and hasn't been, say, stratum titles and divided up into flats. Yes, absolutely. You know, you get that satisfaction. In the way this victory is very much like that and I imagine must be very pleasing for you to see. Yes and it would make you feel bad to see yourself try to question that.

Yes, I imagine. You know, that would bring further loss to your life, like the loss that you got from the syndicate ticket that lost. Now, I also realized that I have one, look, you might be thinking, well, that's all very well for him to say, he's won a hundred million dollars, but also be aware that it's not quite that much, is it? Because I also lost on the other ticket,

I lost out on a share of this hundred million dollars, which would have been 25 million dollars. So really, I mean, I've only won 175 million dollars when you think about it like that. And so the victory is not, if you are, this episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts.

Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates National average 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings were very discounts not available in all states and situations. 3. A family winning $100 million?

Don't worry, because I haven't won quite that much. I'm also lost. And then this tax, I think, do you buy tax on this? Yeah, anyway, this tax. So it sounds better than it is. It'll be honest. It'll be honest. It'll be honest. I'm bummed out that I won this. It's a bit of a burden.

It's a bit of a bloody burden. I think there's a sketch in there. Oh, mate. Mate, if there's not a sketch in that, then I don't know what there is a sketch in. We could write that as a short film and then just get a group of people together. Yes.

Actors? Well, we doesn't need to because they're not gonna say anything. Oh Doing that and then it wraps and then he goes anyway well I guess I'll see you actually I was just so excited last night. I stayed out all night and I left my car at home And I walked here so I was wondering if anyone could give me a lift home. Also, I haven't yet collected the money from last week's tickets. Nobody had their money for a put them in.

This was the losing ticket? Yeah. I'm still going to need your share of that. Because. And that, so yeah, Martin and Genevieve and Todd, you guys still owe me $6 each. And so if one of you guys gives me a lift, we'll call it Square. We'll call it Three Bugs. For petrol. Yeah. Because it's only 2k. Yeah, but as you know, I Don't like walking 2k, but as you know, I like things to be fair

Justice is very important to me All right, yes, L.I.C. Yeah, yes, I'm happy with that. I'm happy. I want you to be happy, Andy. I'm so glad. I would say at the moment I'm very happy. Really? Yeah. In everything.

Wow. Pretty much, yeah. I'm unhappy with my shoes situation at the moment. Really? Because I always have two pairs of shoes. Yeah, right. One is my running pair and one is my every thing else pair. Yeah.

And my everything else pair has now worn out. And I've been trying to find some new shoes which are on special and I've failed to do that. So now my running pair has become my everything pair. And you get through those everything pairs so quick. I bloody wear them down. You, it's almost as if you walk like ankle deep and grab it all times.

The amount of wear and tear those shoes go through. Of a limate, I'm an aggressive stepper. I'm a hard stepper. I don't know how anybody gets that much wear and tear on the top of their shoe. People call it walking. I call it stomp, curb stomping the earth. I call it gram swimming.

I walk through the gran, ankle deep, I stomp down under the surface and then I drag my foot forward. Machines aren't in good shape, they're not good. No, not good. I don't know. I'll go through those. Oh yeah, you got to go through. Is there a sketch in shoe wear and tear?

I mean, it's really reaching there for you. I mean, there's definitely a sketch in, right? Okay, so what about this? When you go to the place and they say, would you like to have a little walk around? Right? Like how far can you stretch that? Right, can you?

Maybe there's a little obstacle, maybe there's a little obstacle course there with different sorts of terrain, a little bit of sand, a little bit of sort of a puddle, some ice. I'm uphill. A little uphill section. A little uphill section. Yeah, maybe also like a little dance floor.

Yeah, a little dance floor, a little bit where you flee from an assailant. We'll see that would be great. Yeah. So that's really fun. Yeah. A little bit where you kick angrily at a thing that you've just cut your hand on. And maybe even a, like a, wait, what was that one? I said, kick angrily at a thing that you just cut your hand on.

So you're opening a can, right? Yeah. And you cut your hand, you drop the can on the ground, you're angry. Yeah. Right? You can kick that. But is there corn going everywhere? There's corn going everywhere. but is there corn going everywhere? There's corn going everywhere Corn water and corn going everywhere. Yeah, and blood blood of course. Yeah blood on the corn

Is that a point? I mean, yes, probably. Ugly Alistair, they're not smooth. Oh my god. I was gonna say horror, but I guess it could be bored. I was gonna say horror. I said porn. The fact that it worked so well. Yeah. Oh my god. Anyway

Yeah, okay, I really like the obstacle course. Right What is what about like what else what else do you need to be able to do with you do with your shoes? I mean get feedback on them. Maybe people make comments. Yeah They just have right like, some people standing there. I guess there's, there's, there's also like, different scenarios that you can walk it through. So let's say you go into like a, a really formal setting where everybody's dressed in suits.

Like in the next room across, you wear it through there, and you see how, you see like, how people are looking at you, and you're like, sorry, I'm not really. Every, like, you just dress casually, but you've got these formal shoes on. Nobody looks twice at the shoes. No, absolutely, but they look good. But just do it by your puffy jacket.

Yeah, and your stubbies. And your face tattooed. Did you picture the woman in this sketch had a face tattoo? Yes. Was it a moccle? It was a moco. Yeah, great. Great. Okay. I really like that you cast a Maori woman in this sketch. That was really great. Does she have the brutality with which I was throwing under a bus. No, no, no, but what does she have?

What was that thing that you wanted the women in our sketches to have? Oh, agency. Does she have agency? Absolutely. Was she choosing shoes? That's true, yeah. I know, but it's not one of those situations in which she's going to feel pressured and then have to give into the pressure, isn't it?

It's not very few other places where you buy something. Does the salesperson get you to try them and then what's you trying them or should you try and use it? Yeah, only really take a car for a spin. Maybe take a car for a spin, but I mean, yeah. Yeah. You're right. No, like, it clothes, they don't really like, they I mean, yeah. Yeah. You're on. No, like, it clothes, they don't really like, they're not always just standing there.

Sometimes they are though. Stop looking at me, looking at myself. But I mean, maybe we could very much do a similar thing with the car, right? So like, you know, what do you need to do? You need to maybe go to the shops, you need to pick up a date. Maybe you need to break up with somebody in the car. Yeah. Maybe you need to pick up a date, maybe you need to break up with somebody in the car, maybe you need to flee from an assailant.

Maybe you need to, to get out a urine sample, but there was no toilets where you. You do it in the car? And you're gonna do it in the car? That's the stuff. Have you ever done that? I don't think so. Because that sounds horrible.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. trying out shoes, slash cars. For, say whether or not they suit your lifestyle. Oh, using the shoe to like kill a bug. Yeah, trading on dog shit. There's like a thing how easy it is to get it off.

To get it off, yeah, if you can just scrape it off on like some grass or what do you need like a, a wooden fence to sort of take your shoe off and just scrape it off on the edge. Oh, scrap on the edge. On the side of the curb. Yep. Maybe just see what it looks like being stolen off you

by some teenage boys and thrown over a power line. Oh yeah, that's good. Clash scenario. Yeah, also just as a scenario where you're sitting at the back of a bus and some ruffians come up and you see if they want to steal it. Because I guess if they're nice enough to steal and they're good shoes, they're good shoes.

But at the same time, they're the kind of shoes that attract thieves. And then at the end, they get back to the little desk and their person is covered in mud and they've got their arm in a sling and that sort of thing. And they say maybe a little bit tight around the toes. Yeah. Yeah. A little bit of squeezed. Yeah. I don't know. It's like they're weird. They're weird. Yeah. Oh, that's the worst. Yeah. All right. Like that's written down. That's written down. Yeah. You know, and technically I'm a stay. I mean, that's five sketches. Technically, it's five and written down. That's written down. You know, and technically I'll let's do it. I mean, that's five sketches.

Technically, it's five and a half. Five and a half. If we're speaking technically. We are. Well, do you think, I mean, this is early days today. Should we, should we go for a more, should we just call it? I think we call it. All right, well, we call it.

I mean, I guess we did allow it to grind to a halt for a moment there. It's amazing. I wonder if other people feel the loss of momentum as much as we do. Yeah, the lurches. I lose my stomach. My ears are all weird.

I get motion sickness from this podcast. The other day when we had Steph Brocci here for the show, afterwards, like the look of sort of like sickness she had on her face after the part I was like, don't worry, it always feels like this It always feels like we've done a horrible job when you're in the room. Yeah, lurching around Yeah, um, all right. Well, I'll run us through some of the sketches. Maybe even all. Mm-hmm. Sure. Oh, we've got uh Oh, yeah, this is the joke that I wanted to do

Which barely made sense, but when we were talking about You know the tooth has got the hard outer part and the inner part is a nerve and we're like why Why does I have to have that nerve part so that you can feel the pain? I go why don't they make the whole tooth out of the black box? Yeah, that's good All right painful pain relief for the family of the diamond. If you don't get that reference, that's to a very specific joke. Do we even know who that's from?

I always it just like it was just a common bit. It's considered like a very hacky bit these days where I don't know where it originated who did the first, why don't they make the whole plane out of the black box? Joke where that originates, but it is now like It is up there in the in the joke Hall of Fame as a joke that you know so many people have done that And you can't touch it, but you can make fun of it And you can use it as a format now that is up for grabs Like in the tooth scenario that barely made sense.

So yeah, so a person's dying and they... Why don't they make the whole plane out of the out a bit of the tooth? That's not so bad, an amul, you know, but don't get too many acidity things on it, then scrub it. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Which could be a problem with the planes. With the plane, yes. With the plane, yes.

Yes. Scrubbing. Yeah. Flying it through low grass. Oh, grass, which is the toothbrush of the ground. Yes. Indeed. Well, as demonstrated by when you're trying to clean, shit off it. That's right. Yeah. Like when you try to clean shit off your teeth

Oh, yeah, rubbing them on the ground. Sorry. The uber of death Which is I think we've got it now as a pitch meeting But we could have scenarios in which you see people sitting on laying on the bed that has the cardboard sort of coffin folded It could be on still under sheets It could still be under sheets and and then you just lift it up. And because I guess you want to burn the sheets as well, or maybe the sheet has some thing in there that kind of bacteria that will,

like once you start to decompose it, it will sort of help decompose it. In the sheets. You know, yeah, I think that would be a good thing. Yeah, great. So the sheets are like made out of woven maggots or something like that. They're impregnated with fly larvae.

Yeah, yeah. Or, you know, it could be like, like, look, anthrax is a bad example. But for a hospital environment perhaps. Yeah, but, you know, like something like anthrax in which it can lay dormant for long periods of time in its shell, but then something can release it like, let's say the, like, let's say, let's say, it could be activated by the other bacteria that starts to eat your body, maybe. In the earth.

Yeah. In the oratoria, you know, or in your body, as you see forwards and shoves, like, you know. But then, I'd like to see you in like the shark tank or dragon's den environment, where you're trying to pitch these anthrax-like sheets possible. It's a nicer strain of anthrax. Yeah.

It lies dormant. Yeah, you got a boil it or something like that and then it gets better and then it comes alive. So you wrap the body up in the sheets, you just boil it for a while. Yeah, I think that there's something in this, it's people talking about the future of dealing with death. And look, I think there's some stuff. Yeah, or maybe even, it could be like a little thing about, like we always talk about, other cultures have a much more healthy relationship with death.

Some giving some examples of that and just making up some funny examples of cultures that have a good relationship with death. Yeah, like I guess some cultures put their people on a sort of a like a palette and then push it out to water. Yeah. And then pollute the waters. That's a much healthier way. And then bathe in that water. We got half sketch here, which is painful news to deliver by, it's painful news to deliver, which is soothed by a local anesthetic in the mouth, and then possibly also morphine for the rest of the body because of so much of the language being nonverbal. Yes. Then we've got lottery winnings given to you in the presence of a person who lost 25 million

to make it feel better. Yeah. Or also bad news given to you by a person who has worse mues and mues in order to make it give you context or what was the thing? Yeah, give you some perspective. Perspective, that's right. Maybe, oh, no, it's too grim.

Well, no, I would love to hear. Well, I mean, what if, okay, I make a wish, kid. Oh my God. Right? Who's, make a wish, wish is to deliver a terminal diagnosis to another kid who's got less time to live than him. Wow, that is really grim. Yeah, it's really good.

I'm sorry. Wait, the kid has less time than him. Yeah, yeah. Wow. So just to make him feel better. Yeah. Wow, that is a dark kid. Yeah.

Yeah, that is that is a really dark sketch, Andy. And you know how we were gonna one day make a sci-fi sketch show. Yes. I think it's about time that we make a show that is so dark that it makes all the dark stuff that already exists, seem kind of lighthearted. Yeah. Yeah, I like that.

So that's, you know, I'll start compiling sketches for that. There's that and then there's the, It's a comedy sketch so depressing that it makes real life seem funny. Not even just real life. It makes the horrors of real life. It makes boredom seem funny. Or at least it makes boredom seem sort of like relieving and you know.

Just a half hour of watching this comedy show made the remaining 23 and a half hours of my day, even the periods when I was sleeping, seem hilarious. So it's in that sense, it's a huge value for money, but the time invested. That's actually that sense. It's a huge value for money. But the time invested. That's actually really good. Yeah, so it'll be that sketch and it'll be the sketch that we have where it's somebody who's giving somebody else a present and they keep shaking the present and then They could be around with it inside it was a baby. Oh That was one that we came up with ages ago and we thought that was so horrible. Oh I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

No, no, no, no, that's good. It's very interesting. No, it's, it's, we, yeah. We don't come up with that much horrible stuff. It's nice to occasionally just steepen it. Then there's the man who's in a syndicate for lottery tickets, bought two tickets, tells everyone that the, the one that won was the one that he bought himself.

The other one. I think that, that is think that is a short film. Do you think we're gonna win awards for that one? I don't know, we're gonna win awards. I don't know. I'm that kind of person that wins awards. I think it's gonna be difficult to make it visually interesting.

I think to win a short film award, you're very often have to make something that at least has more than one location or at least more than two camera angles. It's hard to think what we could do with this that isn't just face of the guy delivering the news and then faces the shot of the people. I don't maybe you don't even need to see the people you know people watching him. I think it's all just on him. It's going to make it even harder for us to win awards. But maybe you could even just like while he's talking you could just go to shots of like the lamp

Near him and then yeah shots of his feet sort of how they Are they shuffle? I mean it was a weird hiccup burp You know Stains on his shirt maybe Close-ups of his mouth all right. You have the award. Elastair. can see nostril, you know, like the nostril hair that's ungrummed. I'm having to groom nostril hair more so. Oh, yeah, me too. I pull it out at the traffic lights.

Never anywhere else? No. Yeah, I do it with my fingers. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. It's disgusting. Life is changing. And then we got trying out shoes at the shop through various terrains and scenarios

that they've got built up in this kind of obstacle course. I guess at first it would just kind of be like a little gravel pit that you walk on, like you take a couple steps and then there's, you know, like one of these kind of like little kind of kids slides like stairs and then like a downward slide that is like maybe covered in grass. Maybe then one of the guys from the Boston Dynamics videos who always kicks the robot. Oh yeah.

To see if regated's footing, he comes along and kicks you. Yeah. And you still managed to keep your foot. Stumble the one side and you're still upright. Yeah. Yeah, and then into various scenarios. Yeah. Various scenarios. Various through a puddle.

Oh yeah. Oh, you know how occasionally, you know, you have to like sometimes when you're leaping over a creek, one foot lands in. Okay. A creek that's slightly too wide to leap over. It hasn't happened to me for ages, but almost I have a pretty much a hundred percent

strike rate of sticking my foot in a creek when I tried to leap over it. Yeah. pretty much 100% strike rate of sticking my foot in a creek when I tried to leap over it. Andy, I've never seen you judge me. So what it is is I need to go to the toilet. Really? So that's what that is. Okay. Well, we won't take much longer because all the sketches have been read out.

Right. And so now I guess all we got to do is Thank you guys so much for listening to the show. We are part of the Planet Broadcasting Network, home to many other fantastic podcasts. And we recommend that you go and listen to all of them. All of them. Especially the weekly plan. Yes. Which are the great guys. They just do it. You really look at that for those guys.

I think they probably appreciate it a lot. Yeah. You chuck it on my listen. And do go on. Yes. Don't you know who I am? Yeah. And so on.

And so on. And we appreciate it. If you can share share the podcast if you can follow us on Twitter I'm stupid old Andy. I'm at Alistair TV and we are to in tank We're also on Facebook on the Facebook and then also, you know what we're out in the world coming track us down track us down, you know Look through our windows. Yeah, not Oh my girlfriend gets scared of that stuff And also me My my greatest nightmare. I don't know why I would say this because it feels like that

It's more like I'm a tri-people, but it's to is to like Crack the crack the villain Venetian blinds or lift the Venetian blinds and someone is just standing there Mine is the you bend down to spit after brushing your teeth and you stand up and you say someone reflected in the mirror. Which are both things that, that listeners could have the possibility of doing. Sure. I don't always lock the door. No, no, but I always do and I have a gun on me at all times.

No. No, it's one of those guns that pulls out nose hair. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I do it with my hand. It's a gun that pulls out nose hair. So whenever you're pulling out nose hair, it looks like you're about to commit suicide. It just relieves me. I don't know.

There's something on that that you can, and I'm just knowing that it's just there. And if you could write us on iTunes, we'd love it. Yeah, absolutely love it. Absolutely love it. And we also love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

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