Two In The Think Tank - 84 - "FAVOURITE UNCLE"

Episode Date: June 20, 2017

Sacular Church, Fit to Turn, ICMP, Funcle, Uncles Kiss, Baldstrich, Small Surviving Population Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family  You can find us on twitter at @twoint...ank Andy Matthews: @stupidoldandy Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb And you can find us on the Facebook right here Production by George Matthews. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:23 Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings were very discounts not available in all safe and situations. visit PlanetBcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, gribbles, sketch ideas. I'm Andy and I am also George William Trumbly Virgil. Thank you very much for laying your ears upon our laps and allowing us to stroke your hair and to talk you to sleep or wake. Talk you to wake. Talk you to wake. Shout you to wake. Talk you to sleep. And then just sort of conversation you to an early grave.
Starting point is 00:01:25 Absolutely, and only early because it'll feel early because you're going to be having so much gut at the end of time. It's such a good time. And you'll be like, wow, you're looking to look around and you'll be an old man or woman. Or woman or anything else. Oh, I'm so sorry. we've been just saying anything. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:46 I mean, would you like to start the podcast again? No way. Never. I want this out on the record. You got to make your mistakes publicly so that you can, so that you can be corrected and become a better person. I mean, that is, that is genuinely a thing that I think about, right? Is, is that like, there is stuff on the podcast that is not, doesn't reflect right on
Starting point is 00:02:04 me. Oh, you come across awful. And there's a podcast. But even if it's not that bad, or if it is, but then there's other stuff that's not. Andy, it's that bad. Just the fact that you don't think it's that bad shows how much you have to learn.
Starting point is 00:02:19 Wow, this is fast becoming one of the worst podcast for you, Andy. first becoming one of the worst podcasts for you Andy. But there are like, but also, you know, things that I've done in life, right, that I regret and I wish I hadn't done, right? And I want to know, should I try and like get forgiveness for those things so that, you know, I'm sort of absolved or should I be not try and get forgiveness for those things so that, you know, I'm sort of absolved, or should I be not try and get forgiveness for those things so that I have to live as a living example of a bad man because that is what I am.
Starting point is 00:02:53 Right, well, you know, because surely the real punishment for me is to feel bad all the time. Yeah, that's great. And I think, and I do. Yeah, that's really good. And I think that's a great avenue. And I think you're done a good thing. The problem is with sort of non-religious forgiveness.
Starting point is 00:03:09 Yes. Is how do you get it uniform across all the society? Right. And so in a way. Because some people might have forgiven me, like a small pocket of forgiveness. Probably. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a small pocket
Starting point is 00:03:22 of our listeners who even by accident would have forgiven you You know even just through forgetfulness. Yeah, which is you know the closest thing. It's the closest thing to forgiveness It's the secular forgiveness. Yeah, they say forgetfulness is next to forgiveness They say forgiven forget but honestly if you just forget that's good enough for me. Yeah, what mostly forget? Yeah I mean maybe if you forget you've still got some sort of muscle memory that you'll meet me, not knowing that you've met me before and just punch me in the face. There's always a real risk of sort of just sort of, or even like their children sort of a trauma that's been passed down. Yes, through the genetic memory.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Through, yeah, and of just needing to punch you in the face. Hmm. They say the fists never forget. I wish they would stop saying that, to be honest. But yeah, look, I think there might even be something in some kind of religion. You know, I guess it doesn't have to be a religion, it could be, you know, like a secular, you know, when those people who have tried to make secular churches, yes, yes, very lovely. What are, what are they? A school of life? Is that well? School of, I don't know if that is one, the one with
Starting point is 00:04:33 Sanderson Jones. Sanderson Jones. Sanderson Jones. Sanderson Jones. Sanderson Jones. Sanderson Jones. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sanderson. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. Sand And, you know, maybe it's something of the sort, obviously, we're not ripping off on any copy right here. But where their philosophy is not forgiveness, but forgetfulness. I think that's great. I think like a secular church, like a sketch about people who are building a secular church
Starting point is 00:05:03 and who don't believe in these sorts of abstract concepts of forgiveness, but the closest thing that we can prove that exists is memory lost brought on by brain damage. Like maybe they could do it, even if there was still some imagery or some metaphors where they run a magnet over your brain. As part of the ritual. Yeah, but then I hit you with a mallet. Yeah, and then they run it over to their brain, and then they hit you with a mountain.
Starting point is 00:05:31 They go, you have been forgotten. Yeah. Or maybe everybody hits themselves with a mallet. That's what the assembly is. The Sunday assembly. Maybe it's the Saturday I get together. It's the Saturday I getty. Saturday I getty. Yeah. The Saturday Saturday get together. It's the Saturday getty. Saturday getty.
Starting point is 00:05:47 Yeah. The Saturday getty. You know, it's like the saran getty. Of course. It sounds like spaghetti. Sounds like a, they eat spaghetti. And they try and we get everything they've done. Okay, so they eat, but it's not, we're not copyrighting off of this flanks spaghetti
Starting point is 00:06:04 month. No, no, no. Well, it's sort of a combination of many things. It's yeah, obviously, you know, there is nothing absolutely new in under the sun That's one of our tenants. That's one of our tenants We've had to read that the back of the church I was sleeping back there and he's eating spaghetti. It's like it's a guy eating spaghetti. Yeah, on a couch. Yeah. Is like our religious icon. Mm. We have cold sculpture of a guy on a couch eating spaghetti.
Starting point is 00:06:33 Cold the slacker. Cold the slacker. He's eating cold spaghetti. It's a Saturday morning after a big night out and that's when he has all his secular epiphanies. Absolutely, it's definitely. All the biggest realizations about everything you've done wrong in your life,
Starting point is 00:06:47 flooding back to you as you eat cold spaghetti on a couch on a Saturday morning. Yeah, one is that once you've poisoned yourself, having a little bit more poison will make you feel better. Yeah. I wonder whether that works with other things, you know, like let's say, yes, once you've been shot quite a lot. Yeah, let's say, like, or let's say, you get shot, you've been shot quite a lot.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Yeah, let's say, like, let's say, you know, you get spit in the eyes by a cobra and then he bites you numerous times on the leg. If the next day, you know, while you're sort of, you know, perishing, or it feels like you're perishing, you know, you know, the morning after like a big bitten-bath cobra, you know, it's very, very, very, very, very, very, Oh, I feel like I'm perishing. Oh, I feel like I'm perishing. Oh, I feel like I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I'm, oh, I know, the morning after being bitten by a cobra, it was very embarrassing. Oh, I feel like I'm perishing. Oh, wait a minute, oh, oh, oh, goodness gracious. But then if you go back out to that sort of
Starting point is 00:07:30 the cobra nest area, you find a baby cobra, get a little hit, hair of the bloody dog mate. Feel rod is rined. Just needed a bit more of the poison. The good poison. Look, it's a thing that's always annoyed me, the hair of the dog thing, especially because people seem to want to do it with a bloody Mary, which I think is honestly one of the most disgusting things that you can chew.
Starting point is 00:07:59 You're not a big fan of tomato juice. Not a big fan. Not a big fan of tomato juice or or vodka. Right. Well, that would be a problem. It rules me out. I like, I don't mind. But maybe, maybe that is when there's celery salt on the rim. Is that their version of the sacrament? Is it like a bloody they, um, they sacrifice a bottle of V8. It's the church of the morning after. Yeah, morning after church, Christy went on a bit of a bender and then three days later, he woke up.
Starting point is 00:08:39 You know, imagine if Mary had taken the morning after pill. Do you think she could have dumped that jump? That's what they do. That's what they do in this church. They ceremoniously always just take, you know, instead of like taking the sacrament, they take a morning after pill. Yeah, yeah. A morning after pill, and I wash it down with vodka. Because everything is, you know, it's like the forgiveness. It's starting to fresh every Saturday.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Blank of slide. You hit yourself in the head. That's your memories, right? You take a morning after pill. That's your sort of forgiveness for your mistakes. For your, those huge mistakes, yeah. They need a week after pill that's your sort of forgiveness for your Mistakes for you those those huge mistakes. Yeah, they need a week after pill Just in case you know a
Starting point is 00:09:34 17 years and three months after pill well that's a great idea what it is a great idea in the So really huge pill that you used to beat your child over the head with. Oh, sorry, that's horrible. Well, look at the handy. Well, this is how you learn handy. Oh, I'm going to need some serious forgetfulness tomorrow. Yeah, I'm just going to rate, look, I've written secular church forgetfulness. I was on a tram the other day, and I was standing next to a couple who had a pram, child in a pram, and the brand of the pram was Mother's Choice. And the child was also crying quite a lot.
Starting point is 00:10:14 I thought that is a really like in many ways quite a brutal message to put on a pram when the child is not always going to be perfect just to be like, well, this was your choice. This was, okay, yeah, I, sorry, it started to, it started to sink in what that meant mother's choice. Mother's choice. That is the choice to be, to become a mother. Yeah, yeah, well, you know, ultimately it was, it was, it was, it was her decision, she
Starting point is 00:10:39 made this choice. Now you stuck with it here in this. It's a weird, it's a weird thing to sort of, um,'s a weird thing to name your sort of baby products after, isn't it? Like the... Yeah, well, I mean, you could have a carrier. It's your body. That's what they could call it. It's what they call it.
Starting point is 00:10:57 You could have a carrier for carrying your child on your back, and it could be called Father's Bird. Or it could be called Father's Bird. Or it could be called, what's the like, you know, like, fatherless, wait, no, no, financial support. Final. Parental support, child support. It could be called child support.
Starting point is 00:11:20 Child support, of course, that's the, and absolutely. Well, look, Andy, that's more of a product idea. There's more of a product idea. There's more of a name for a product idea. Well, I mean, look, we've got it in the category of products. Yes. Because obviously these are things that you carry children in. I mean, could there be a twist on it? I know, could the, I mean, I guess if you keep your money in there as well. Yes. It's true. Could it be, could it be like a, like one of those sort of baby carry things that you wear all the time, just in case you'll encounter a baby? You know, because it kind of could look a
Starting point is 00:11:56 bit like, you could make one of those that looks like those two, the baby carry for men, that looks like those, you know, those, those chains of bullets that you, you know, a man would ramble where- A bandolilla. Yeah, a bandolilla. Is that a bandolilla? Yeah, I think that's a bandolilla. Oh, really like that word.
Starting point is 00:12:13 It's a good word. Absolutely. Yeah, it sounds like it's South American. A bandolilla. Yeah, and so then you could carry, you know, I guess you could wear that all the time, but it stretches out and you can fit a baby in there and you can really nurse that child back to, you know, I guess you could wear that all times, but it stretches out and you can fit a baby in there and you can really nurse that child back to, I mean, obviously it's if it's a nil baby, but you could nurse it back to
Starting point is 00:12:32 well, assuming that you're also lactating. Well, what about a like a series of sort of products that are designed for, if for like unexpected parenthood, right? Where like, if somebody contacts you and tells you that you are a father, you've got like a rip cord or something on your outfit that wear various things in flight, like a life vest. And suddenly it transforms into a stains seep through the clothes, squirts out.
Starting point is 00:13:04 Yeah, instant, instant parentirt sound. Instant parent. Yeah, insta parent. Insta parent. Yeah. For the end, then we're missing out on the great name child support. Of course, yeah. Well, but it can still be called that, right?
Starting point is 00:13:20 It's a thing called child support, and it's for carrying a child. And it's if somebody contacts you out of the blue and tells you that you're a dad. This can transform you from not a dad to dad in, you know, three point two two one seconds. Guys, dads love that. If you big or if you can't go from zero to dad in half a mile. Mm. Or if it's like, oh, I don't feel like I'm ready to be a father. But this can turn you.
Starting point is 00:13:55 But you can get ready really, really quickly. I think guys would like it if it was like a short workout sort of program. Like a like a like a crossfit kind of thing or? Yeah, like a crossfit sort of like that. Tough mother or something. Yeah, like a tough mother, but tough father. Yeah. Tough mother.
Starting point is 00:14:18 Hello mother. Hello father. You know, so it's tough father. And obviously it's about F-A-D-D-E-R. Yeah. Or F-U. Fata. Sure.
Starting point is 00:14:34 Everybody speaks like Elmer Fad. Yep. Obviously, like these are details that are not necessary. But okay, so first, you go what you want. You crawl under a bed, like, and it's a crib, and you've got to turn things with an Allen key. That's the first part, right? A lot of kind of like holding things. Okay, then there's... And then obviously, so that's the kind of crawling part. Then there's the climbing, which is sort of up possibly a fence or the corporate ladder while still leaving work early in order to
Starting point is 00:15:10 and whilst batting away advances from co-workers. Because now that he's got a child, he can't do that. You don't know if tell you got a focus on each one. And you got to bet those away. You got a better one. You could bet him off. Bet him in. Bet him in.
Starting point is 00:15:34 But I'm in. But I'm off. I think just like getting from a sitting position on the ground to a standing position while holding a child in one arm. Of course. That's a squirming child. That is a, yeah, it's kind of, you know that thing that looks like a,
Starting point is 00:15:53 it's like a boxing glove that extends like in cartoons and punches people in the face, like sort of come out of a cuckoo clock or something like that. Yep, yep. And that, I don't know what's that lattice, that lattice that expands, calls. Yeah, yeah. Or some sort of concertina style. That's sort of what you do with your legs when you stand up. It is.
Starting point is 00:16:13 You go across them and then I fold them. You go from the lotus position. I sit a lot in the lotus position. It's sort of, you know, it's a mangled lotus. By that I mean at the wheel of my small off brand sports car. Is it an off brand? Well, I think the Lotus is something that you're actually constructed from like the chassis
Starting point is 00:16:35 of one car and then you get this, you buy the motor from the Lotus Corporation. Is it off brand? Is it like proton? I think proton was a brand. Yeah, right. I think proton was a brand. Yeah, right. I think proton was its own thing. Well, it didn't seem like they were making enough cars to justify even having their own brand.
Starting point is 00:16:52 Absolutely. It felt more like it was just a hobby. It felt like a Southeast Asian nation had decided that their whole hobby was going to be building cars. And they all got together on the weekend and made a few cars. And made a few cars for the sole purpose of being given away on Wheel of Fortune. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
Starting point is 00:17:09 He was the Wheel of Fortune's like home brand. Yeah. It was all made by that host Tony Barber. We just fought, we just found it was easy to make the cars ourselves. It was all made by the, those models who are presenting the cars. Yeah. They built those. That's why what do you think they're there?
Starting point is 00:17:27 You see how they're armed and we're so good at just sort of moving in a sweeping motion? That's because those are robotic arms. It's just a, they're a one motion thing. They're there, they're spreading paint, all sort of throwing a bunch of screws to other women to screw them in. throwing a bunch of screws to other women to screw them in. That just, you know, even knows how they were greasy up to the elbow. Yeah, you know that turning of the letters, that's because she was obviously a fitter and a turner. I mean, you didn't see them fit the letters, but she did.
Starting point is 00:17:58 She did, but she did. Someone's got to fit them. Well, these ladies. We've chucked her ass. She did so much. She did four years of apprenticeship for that. Fitting and turning. And turning. Boiler making is what that is. Is it really? I don't know. My dad was a fitter and turner. He did a fittering and turner and turner and apprenticeship. And I don't really know what it involved. I mean, if only there was a way to find out. Yes, but yet we will never know. I think it's probably the simplest of the apprenticeships
Starting point is 00:18:33 because the first year I suppose is that's mostly fitting. That's mostly fitting. Because it sounds like you're just putting the socket over the bolt. It really could be a description of just catwalk modeling. Couldn't it? It's really just fitting and then turning. Yeah. Pretty much the, the elements of. You fit in the clothes. And then you turn.
Starting point is 00:18:52 And then at some point you turn. Yeah. I fit your internal. Could it be a guy who's doing a fitting and turning apprenticeship? And he shows up to his first tape class. And everybody else is a model. They're all just awful. And then then he's slowly finding out that it is a it is somehow a tried. Yeah, but mechanical tried. But well, no, no, that that no, that it is it is modeling. But that it's always just sounded like a trade because of the type of people that we've seen do it. But the people we've seen do it are probably like King G models, you know, target ads, things like that.
Starting point is 00:19:37 Right. Those people have to model. They have to do an apprenticeship to get into those catalogs. Right. And the reason why you don't hear your most models talk about being fitter and turners is because you don't hang around with them because you're not beautiful enough. Yeah. And obviously, when we see the most beautiful of the models on the catwalk, they don't look to us like fitters and turners
Starting point is 00:20:02 that we perceive because when you get to this good level you actually are no longer covered in grease up to the elbow. Like one of the skills that you learn as you progress is how to keep the grease off you. Absolutely, but then when you reach a really high level it's all grease. Then it's like those photoshoots where you're never the same color as what you normally are and you're just covered in like a shiny blue, you know, grease. That's the highest level. That's the highest level,
Starting point is 00:20:28 or a completely black grease, like that, possibly a red shiny grease. I know exactly the photo shoots you're talking about, and I totally understand where you're coming from. Absolutely. And that is a perfect analogy between the two things between which we are trying to between draw between the analogy between.
Starting point is 00:20:48 Absolutely. So have you written something, Dad? I've written down fitter and turner apprenticeship is for models. I tell you what, there's modeling. What a bloody journey. Well, you know, we had to get through all that, whatever it was.
Starting point is 00:21:00 Whatever we were talking about, but it was a bumpy road. I feel like this whole podcast is like, it's almost like an off-road race, rally or something like that. Absolutely. Where I don't really know, like I don't have time to take in the scenery. I just got to respond to the twists and the twists. Absolutely. You have to. I hope that there's a straight coming up where I can get my bearing. And the crazy thing is, is that we're is that we're both the road and the drivers. And the Navigata and the car. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:31 Wow, you're the car as well. On the car. Well, OK, well, I'm mostly dirt mud. But anyway, do you think when a rally car is bumping along like a, you know, like, because there's a lot of like that ridgy, like you never drive along dirt roads, a lot like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:21:52 Do you think that that slowly unscrews all your screws? In your body? You know all the sex that you've had throughout your life, do you think when you go on a dirt road it undoes that? That doesn't happen. Well, it would probably have some effect on your genitalia. Whether or not it makes them forget. I know, but like, I mean, fuck, I hope my genitalia
Starting point is 00:22:13 never forgets what it's gone through. I hope it does. Yeah. If there was any part of my body that I would wish amnesia upon, it would be... It's such a high level insecurity to be worried about what your own genitalia is thinking. Well, to be... But think about the genitalia.
Starting point is 00:22:38 It really is, like, just kept in the dark the entire time, has no idea what's happening. And then it's unveiled, like, you know, like those lions in the Col the entire time, has no idea what's happening. And then it's unveiled like there's lions in the colosseum when they draw up the sea. And then it's out, action. It's all action. I never take, for me it's like a samurai sword. I never take it out, unless I'm gonna slay something.
Starting point is 00:23:01 It's all action. Even when I wash it, I just keep it in pants, just so that I, you know, I don't break the rule that I have, which is why, anyway, I'm not gonna go into details. At this point, I'm not going to go into details. I'm gonna get to further details. For some reason, when you were getting
Starting point is 00:23:24 to the imagery of how it gets unveiled, I was picturing like sort of like that. What's that that Japanese cooking show with the guy who eats the capsicum? I'm chef. I'm just picturing, you know when they unveil the ingredient of the day and they just pull a blanket off a table like that, but it's just like a limp penis just sitting on the table. What can you do with this? Iron Chef Japan. For some reason, I feel like he would be really good at it, but where is Iron Chef Italy? Which look, I don't want to make any, you know, like-
Starting point is 00:24:04 Adelsté? Yeah, the floor is the old. They all oh my god. I mean in many ways they were all Iron Chef Japan. I see what you're saying but they had a specialty which was a particular culinary. But I think sometimes their country of origin did match up because they, with, with their, because they, they changed. Didn't they? Like, you could defeat the Iron Chef and take his place. And I think it was always a him, right? They're always men.
Starting point is 00:24:37 I think maybe in all the episodes I saw, yeah, there was definitely a glass ceiling that was below the stage for Iron Chef. But I think I think a now look I could be totally wrong at least there. But the idea of revealing genitals. Right. And just because that kind of is what happens, right? And rather than, and, and rather than, um, having to make a meal, right? Your, your mission really is to like, sort of make it make a good time out of what you're presented with. Right? Like have a good time.
Starting point is 00:25:22 Have a good time with this, right? Right? Okay, like have a good time. Have a good time with this, right? Look, okay, there's no way we would ever do this as a sketch. I don't even know if there is one, but I'm just saying like that reveal moment that you have a stuitly pointed out is a bit like Iron Chef. Yeah, no, no, but I think that that's funny, but this is also a sketch that we probably wouldn't do. But if we did do the iron chef where the ingredient was human penis, I think it would just be,
Starting point is 00:26:02 it would just, it's, there's just something like, it would just be, it would just, there's just something like, it would just blow your mind watching people slice through and like, you know, sort of reduce and like the different ways that it would be presented, that it would still sort of have like resemble itself, but then also not, and then I made a sort of, I made a pubic hair Jew. I've reduced the testicles.
Starting point is 00:26:28 Yeah, I've, I've a snap frozen. About 15 shafts. And then I'm going to sort of crumble them and make a sort of a man's, an American man's penis sorbet with them. Is it like, because I mean, what we're talking about here definitely is cannibalism, right? Is that sort of the conceit of this Iron Chef show?
Starting point is 00:27:04 Like is it like a sort of a Cannibal version of Iron chef. I just think that is just it on this occasion On this occasion that the ingredient is like this is a true challenge. Yeah How are you gonna make this delicious? Right, and then there's the wonderful time where they're all like, it tastes like... A testicle. A testicle like a man's genital. Because often it's like, it reminds me of the autumn wind. Things like that, but you know, if they were just going... It tastes like dick. It tastes exactly like
Starting point is 00:27:42 It's like Dick. It tastes exactly like a dick. Anyway, this is... But hang on. There's also like... But I personally would like to see the reactions of the Iron Chefs. As they like... Is it funny to see them just grappling with it, like to be like, but I don't understand where to get these, like as a crime taken place.
Starting point is 00:28:15 But meanwhile, the guy who goes around on the floor as the commentator is saying, well, time is ticking. And then the commentators are like, I and chef, Italy is still sort of working through the moral dilemma. Yeah, but I think one of them just goes for it. Yeah, he just takes it on face value like it's any other challenge. Let's be honest, it's an unfair chef, Chef France. I can't imagine this is any of it's I and Chef France.
Starting point is 00:28:43 Yeah, sure, yeah. But this is no weirder to him than being shown an angular fish. Right? Getting out of gall bladder and blah, blah, blah, that kind of shit. No, this guy, it's no problem. He's like, I opened the ball and I made a holiday with the on unbirth sperm. I do picture that it's just basically like an egg and there's just like a Cadbury cream
Starting point is 00:29:11 egg and there's just goop in there, which is probably not accurate. I imagine it's more sort of tissue-y and like there's sort of maybe folds and flaps and stuff inside the surface area. If you have a very soft squeeze of a testy, there's a firmness to it. There's a bounce. It's kind of like a IKEA meatball. Or a boilnake.
Starting point is 00:29:35 Yeah, like a hard boiled egg. You can't boil that. Yeah. And so, you know, maybe, like, there's sort of, there's almost like a synthetic rubbery bounce to it. I guess you can also get in meatiness, right? Which can be recreated in meatiness. Maybe that's what synthetic bounce is recreating.
Starting point is 00:30:00 Synthetic bounce. I'm sitting down. But yeah, so look, I've written it down because I still think that visually it will be both. It's visually stunning. It's visually stunning? Or certainly arresting. Yeah, I think even at the very least, you could just cut up, like in the simplest form is you take an actual episode
Starting point is 00:30:24 of Iron Chef, and you just, all you have to film is a part where you're unveiling a table full of penises. Like that, some just resting on a table there, but then so, like that, others kind of. So to bundle together like Brock Alene, with those two elastic bands, there's some that are kind of like just like,
Starting point is 00:30:44 in a sort of a wicker basket with like like like like sort of like your rustic. Yeah, like like like like your European breads and there and things like that. But instead of the European breads. Or in like one of those long brown paper bags like you get a big get. Well now now you know now we're getting into that Louis C. K. a bit about the Eda bag of Dix. Oh right. Is that the kind of bag that he describes?
Starting point is 00:31:07 He describes exactly that type of bag and he also says they're all sticking out like baguettes. Well, Andy. Good bit. It's a good bit and I can see that your ideas come from a good ilk. Elk. So it's written down. It's written down. And thank you if you're still listening, thank you for bearing with us. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:31 What about a TV show? Yes. Where people do it. I already said yes. Okay, great. Sorry. TV show where people do things that they would never do. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 00:31:41 So you get to find out what something you would never do. I like to talk to your uncle again. Talk to my uncle again. We had a sketch once upon a time, like in the first sketch show we ever did out, which was a... It's the end of the world, the world is going to end in 10 minutes, and a mother is hassling her son to call his uncle and tell him that he loves him.
Starting point is 00:32:07 He would really like it. He would really appreciate it if he just called him. I'm not going to call him. He's an uncle. He's not a little care. But, but like, what about a show that is like just based around spending time with your uncle. This episode is brought to you by progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average,
Starting point is 00:32:48 and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary, discounts unavailable in our safe and situations. Yeah, I look like like like like you know, maybe you do, you do, I don't know if you do challenges with your uncle or maybe literally the challenge is just spending time with your uncle, right? And like you've got to make small talk, maybe you've got to like, you know, discuss, you know, a particular topic or or do a particular challenge, but like, you know, then I think I think spending time with your uncle as a TV show is like a, yeah. So do you get like, is it sort of like, you know, like those genealogy shows, you know, where you find out where you come from?
Starting point is 00:33:46 But so you get celebrities on. But you go, and this is your uncle and you go, yeah, I know. And then you go, and then you go spend time. That's it. That they just leave. And then they go, they leave. And then that's the end of the show. No. No, no, no,, then I guess there are cameras around.
Starting point is 00:34:07 Yeah, and so then. But then we would cut to interviews, like with you. What about you have to spend? Reflecting on the time that you've spent with your uncle and what it's been like so far. What if you spend time with two uncles? Wow. And then you have to at the end, it's kind of like a dating show. You have to pick. But at the end you have to pick which, which is the best uncle,
Starting point is 00:34:33 or which is the uncle that you'd like to, like, you have to disown one at the end or. Or like, or it's just you have to pick which uncle you'd like to spend a bit more time with. Which uncle you'd like to date? No. Which uncle you'd like to spend a bit more time with. Which uncle you'd like to date? No. Which uncle you'd like to see more often? More of? Yeah, but the one has to definitely be rejected in a big way, I think, for there to be stakes. Yeah, I suppose, but I can't like the idea of the word.
Starting point is 00:35:01 It could just be which is the better uncle. Which is the better uncle, which is the better uncle. I think it's like is is good. So it's like it's like the bachelor at meets who do you think you are? Meets the dating game. But with uncles, but with uncles, but I think that's great. I think that yeah, I think that's a real, a real sketch. And like, you know, what do you, like your attempts to like start a conversation,
Starting point is 00:35:28 like what do you go to, like do you go to cars? Do you go to, I mean, fuck. Have you seen those first date shows? It's like it's called first date, and then it's just people meeting in a restaurant and you watch them on their first date. Yeah, what about that one where Strange is kiss for the first time? Right. I haven on their first day. Yeah, or what about that one where Strange is Kess for the first time.
Starting point is 00:35:45 Right. Right. Well, it's like, you know, it's two people get to, like two, maybe it's two uncles. Two uncles Kess for the first time. Are they just brothers or they uncles from opposite sides of the family? I think they're uncles from opposite sides of the film. I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it,
Starting point is 00:36:10 I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, I think it, to start? I don't know, I don't think. Like, there's just because like you watch like,
Starting point is 00:36:26 it's like, well, that one kind of was acting like, like a bit homophobic about this. I mean, he did it, but I don't think he was like, in the spirit of the thing. It could be that it could be part of that, but it could also just be like a series of videos of like, it could be like that strange kiss thing, like these two uncles.
Starting point is 00:36:47 We got these two, I don't know, uncles to kiss. So this is my uncle on my mom's side, and he's, I mean, that's a fun video series where all it is is that, so it's like, so somebody, like the person is introducing the both of the uncles, like they're not in the room at the moment, but, you know, like, let's say there's video shots of him in front of a cyclorama, and then you can hear them
Starting point is 00:37:09 talking to the other person, the niece or the nephew talking to the camera. So this is my uncle Charles, and he's on my mom's side, and he's her older brother. He works on oil rigs. Waila Riggs. When I was 13, he gave me a trampoline for my birthday. And he's going to kiss my uncle, Alan. Alan, who he drives taxis for a living. And his wife died. His wife died four months ago. His wife died. Four months ago. Four months ago.
Starting point is 00:37:47 And, but he's taken up CrossFit. Yeah. And he's, yeah, I think he seems really interested in this kiss. Oh, okay, so you don't mention, no, you don't mention the kiss until you've introduced both uncles, right? Yeah, you're interesting.
Starting point is 00:38:02 And they're gonna kiss. Yeah. And then they kiss. And then they kiss. And then what does it cut to a family Christmas? And then they have a barbecue afterwards. Yeah. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:38:20 Look, I think the kiss in itself is like the, I think, you know, I think the introduction and they're gonna kiss and then the kiss and then that ends, right? I think that is a one times unit of sketch comedy. Yeah, I mean, look, it's, you know, it's a sort of, it's a Buzzfeed or a YouTube, I'm sorry, or like a junkie kind of like,
Starting point is 00:38:44 think that they would fund themselves. They often do things like that. They go, we got some moms drunk and you wanna hear them talk about their children like that. Is that a thing they do? Yeah, yeah. Because it's like, you know, if you get moms drunk and then they're like, first of all,
Starting point is 00:38:58 they're feeling great because they're out and they haven't gotten drunk. And then they're like, I love him. Oh, so it's nice. It It's not like I wish they were dead No, no, no, I think in the end people don't really wish their kids were dead. I think even people who don't Wish that they hadn't had a kid. They're still like I like him a lot. Yeah, or her You know people can love their daughters I'm not saying because you're a daughter that you're not loved.
Starting point is 00:39:27 That's obviously not what I was trying to say and God damn it. Stop putting that on me. I mean, Elisdair, but the fact that we live in a world in which you have to make that clear, right, is that's shocking. And I think congratulations to you for starting this conversation. Yeah, absolutely. And making it okay for people to talk about the fact that you can love your daughters.
Starting point is 00:39:51 Oh, yeah, like, you know, I think that the world has sort of been going for long enough that daughters should get a shared love. Yeah, no. I think now. I think it's 2017, Andy. Yeah. I vote one daughter love.
Starting point is 00:40:15 That's my political party. Yeah. I don't think it's going to work out. No. You don't think people are going to get on board? No, I don't think that. Well, I don't know if you've looked at the opinion polls, but roughly 85% of people are in favor of loving their daughters.
Starting point is 00:40:30 Obviously, in the Western suburbs of any town. I think the thing is though, that you can't be a one-party policy party anymore. You know, if you say you get some, some seats in government, right? And you get that maybe even you get the balance of power, right? You're going to have to be making decisions on other things, on environmental policy, on schools, on health. Well, our policy for all of those things is a universal basic health income. So that's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. because I didn't get that from your... Yeah, no.
Starting point is 00:41:06 So I think that all people should get a universal basic income. I think the environment should get a universal basic income. Oh, wow. I think the ocean should get a universal basic income. I think if all animals had, you know, had a basic income. Yeah. Oh, that would be great. It would be great.
Starting point is 00:41:23 And like, it would bring the environment into the economy Right, so you know if if emus were financial players in the economy. Yeah Companies would have more of a reason to cultivate them as customers and to you know try Yeah Do they have money in the way that like in a sort of RPG game when you kill a beast it drops coins Look that obviously seems like a simple system Mm-hmm to just put them put the money inside the animals, but I I worry that that won't have the effect that we're hoping for Oh, yeah increasing environmentalism and making it would sort of just make people kill more emus.
Starting point is 00:42:06 Yes, indeed. And I don't know if I could even kill more emus than I ever. I currently have. I think I'm probably at peak emu killing. Yeah, so, okay, so there's a price on emus. Yes. So that's kind of how we're doing it. It's sort of like it's an emu tax.
Starting point is 00:42:26 Is that what is it? A great big new tax. Great big new tax on emus. I think working families are going to be able to afford. Well, they might be able to keep their house in emus anymore. In emus? Yeah. The emus, the utility company will come around and and now cut off your emuse supply. Oh no. Yeah, and the kids your kids will come home. There'll be no emuse. Yeah, we're gonna say sorry kids. What are they gonna be?
Starting point is 00:42:54 But mom and dad, what are we gonna be horribly terrified by? Well, we'll just have to burn ostriches. stretches. Oh, because that's where you can get them cheap from Africa. That's right. Yeah. Astages are definitely the most terrifying of birds. Yeah, I mean, I think all birds are a little bit terrifying in the way that they're so sort of dry and yet slippery. Yeah, but it's quite snake-like. Yeah, but an emu is somewhere between a bird and a bald man. You know, and so in that way. They're, you know, that gives them extra terror because- It's true, yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:43 Yeah. How can that be something? And the idea that the eView is like, I'm sorry, the ostrich. The ostrich is like, you know, it's almost like a typo of an animal. You know, like if you were trying to make a bird and then like, you know, when you're typing and you see something else and you accidentally type that word, right, if you were trying to make just like sort of a fat bird, like a chicken, a big chicken, right, and then like a bald man walked past. And like that sort of gets in
Starting point is 00:44:25 your head and you're not really focusing on what you're doing a bit distracted and then you sort of, or you've made it, made an emi, ostrich. Yeah. Absolutely. And look, I think that's good because you're, look, do you think it's, look, is that it's either like a, people are trying to, somebody is proposing the idea for ostriches, or it isn't an accident like this sort of like in the fly type of accident. You know, or it's somebody arguing for the destruction of ostriches, kind of going, look.
Starting point is 00:45:04 Why do we need them when we already have chickens and tall ballmen? And tall ballmen, right? You know, what even is an ostrich? I mean, okay, it's a bird, but you can sort of ride it like a raptor, right? Like he ride a raptor? I mean, wouldn't it be easier to just bring back raptors
Starting point is 00:45:23 than to currently just stay with having ostriches as we are? Yeah, and you know... And have to look at these freaks. And they don't have any of the benefits of either chickens or bald men. No, absolutely. Well, one of the advantages of bald men is all those women who are really attracted to bald men.
Starting point is 00:45:46 Yes. Right? Yet it's hard to find women that are really attracted to ostriches. ostriches. You know, even women who go into the ostrich study field do it more from an academic curiosity than they do from any kind of sexual desire. I assume yeah and the benefits of chickens eggs and obviously comedy and philosophical conundrums yeah but nobody gives a fuck about whether
Starting point is 00:46:19 the ostrich had came before the egg no they and or whether it crossed the road they wanted to cross the road, they just are happy that it did because they don't want it near them. And rather it was on the other side of a busy road. Yeah. Which they're always seem to be running alongside of ostriches. For some reason their name ostrich suggests that that bald man is from Austria. Well, I mean the word Austridge does seem like it would be a good name for a bald man. Aust. Austridge. Austridge. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:56 Is it rich at the end? Austridge. Yeah. Austridge. Austridge. Look. I think this sketch isn't clear. But if there's one thing, it's not. I mean, they're not even, this is just something I thought, because I said they're freaks of nature, but they're also freaks of even science fiction.
Starting point is 00:47:16 Like even if somebody came up with the idea of an ostrich Yes. Out of the blue. And in a some kind of sci-fi setting, maybe some kind of D&D monster compote, compote, compote, compote, compote, yeah, that's the word. You would still say, well, that thing scares me, amongst the sort of the fire dragons and the bug bears and the banshees and the rocks. Yes, safety. No, no, no, the rock, which is like that. bears and the banshees and the rocks.
Starting point is 00:47:45 Yes, sitting. No, no, no, the rock, which is like that. Oh, that huge eagle thing. Yeah. I wish they were still around. Yeah. Were they real? Yeah, I think so.
Starting point is 00:47:55 Giant eagles. Yeah, I think so. They're all sorts of old giant eagle things that just seem great. You know, like something that could just swoop down out of the sky and it just can't really cover you off. The carrier off an elephant? Oh, maybe a little one. Yeah, like a pygmy elephant.
Starting point is 00:48:18 Yeah. People would love those pets if they existed. Pygmy elephant? Yes, please. You know, instead of like bringing back like things that are extinct and things like that, let's just create new species. Like, I think that was a,
Starting point is 00:48:33 that's a great conservation idea, right? Instead of sort of saving the species that we have, that are these large, beautiful creatures that we love and things like that, let's make smaller versions of them. If there was a miniature African rhino, we could protect those much more easily. Get them in a series of tunnels. But with a more rice around the living room. Yeah, that's sort of like a hamster thing. But they're just small and they still got their little armor and things like that. You know, it just, we can still conserve that DNA and history. We're also much more inclined
Starting point is 00:49:10 to protect things that are small, like our instincts kick in. Yeah. Whereas at the moment with big things, our instincts are to sort of run away or try and kill them. Yeah. You know, it's their size. Absolutely. They're small and cuddly. But also. They're covered in fur. By doing that, you are still continuing the history of that DNA chain, right? Which I think I guess that's one of the,
Starting point is 00:49:35 you know, amongst many things that are sad about losing many species is losing those. It's the DNA. That adorable DNA. The billions of years of advancement of DNA and that are small period of time that we will remain on the earth, that loses all that work.
Starting point is 00:49:54 Yeah, it's a body of work. It's a body of work. That's literally what DNA creates. I think a conservation plan that involves making small versions of the animals that you can have in your home is quite good. It's a sketch. And also, you can just make many zoos, because often a trip to the zoo takes all day because you're going from enclosure to enclosure. They have to make these huge enclosures. It's a, it's very cost prohibitive.
Starting point is 00:50:28 Mm-hmm. These elephants, it's just dirt. You're just like, ah, more dirt than we can afford. But, you know, the elephants don't even use all of it. A lot of them are just, stands swaying. Now, I wonder, because there are some animals, which are obviously small, like I'm picturing sort of the average, the size of all these things coming down to about the size of a sort
Starting point is 00:50:48 of medium rabbit, right? Sort of, yeah, a medium rabbit. Yeah. And so, but there are some things that are smaller than that. Do you think that we could sort of bring those up inside? Bring them up. Get a nice uniform animal kingdom. Which is easier for sort of packing and sending in the mail. You can have a standard post It's kind of right. Amazon could get involved. It feels like finally their name will make sense You're welcome Amazon. Yeah Yes, things that can also easily be put to sleep by just putting them in a box. Yes, you know Maybe if we could design them to not need air, that would help as well, but obviously
Starting point is 00:51:26 that's looking much further to the future. Much further in the future, obviously. Instead of immortal creatures. Ideally down the track, when you get out of beta or whatever, then yes, they can also survive in the vacuum of space. Yeah, if they could breathe carbon dioxide. Perfect. You know, that would sort of help.
Starting point is 00:51:43 And emit oxygen. Yeah, emit oxygen. If you could fart oxygen. Perfect. You know, that would sort of help. And emit oxygen. Yeah, emit oxygen. If you could fart oxygen. Yes. Instead of methane. Instead of methane. And you could eat methane. Yes, please. Just reverse it. How about a creature that just sucks in the air through their ass. Yes. And then, and then emit oxygen. Yeah. There's got to like what, what there's no anti-creatures. Also, to, like, what, what, there's no anti-creatures? Also, there's anti-particles. But there's no anti-creatures.
Starting point is 00:52:09 That seems weird. That seems weird to me. Does wood, wood a creature made of anti-matter? Like, or like, you know, sort of like, posy trons and... Ants would love this. Ants, you think ants would love this? Yeah, anti-creature.
Starting point is 00:52:23 Do you think, do you think creatures that are made, like from antiparticles, they would reverse and just kind of fix global warming and global climate change? I think it's entirely possible. Would you have to keep them in a magnetic field so they don't touch any regular matter? You're hovering in an electromagnetic field, yeah, probably. Or could, you know, there's some creatures that sort of don't land that much, like albatrosses and all sky-larks. Right.
Starting point is 00:52:53 It's like that, so maybe if we just made those. Or combine those with the elephants. Or with the bald men. Sexy bald men. Yeah, sexy bald man. To a bald man. Sexy bald man. Yeah, sexy, sexy bald man. Do you think nature ever considered splicing any other animals with bald men? Well, is that, I mean, you know,
Starting point is 00:53:21 I'm trying to think, well, there's the naked mole rat. The naked mole rat, but I feel like that is just a standard abomination. But it's like, it's kind of like a rat with a bald man's penis, maybe mixed with a whole man's. I don't think it needs to be a bald man in that case. I mean, it can be a LSD if that's just sort of where you're getting your genetic material from.
Starting point is 00:53:44 It's pubic boldness. Yep. I think... Have I run this into the ground today? I think this idea has sort of reached a sort of a natural conclusion. But is there something that we can write down out of this? The idea of making small uniform sized animals of all different species, it's almost like,
Starting point is 00:54:07 like when you get those little figurines from Japan, you know, all the figurines wind up being the same size. So, you know, like, oh, and man winds up the same size as the thing. You know, because all the Hulk, there's less and less nature around, right? And much like, you know, we have these seed stores place, you know places like you know, so in Sweden Siberia Siberia and all these kinds of places where we store seeds for when we wipe everything out
Starting point is 00:54:35 We can try and rebuild Right, it would be great to not just do that with flora, but to also do it with fauna and the easiest way possible To keep these genetic lines going is to make the animals tiny and place them in a building. Yes. Possibly some kind of Siberian bio-dome. Paulie Shore will be there. We'll put him also be uniformly. He'll also be small. We can have small versions of all our favorite celebrity. Celebrity.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Paulie Shore. Celebrity. Sure. Others, probably. I think Paulie sure and Robin Williams. And some women actors. Yeah. Julia Swahelia. Swahelia.
Starting point is 00:55:21 You know, the one from a press gang. If we could just name one female actress that we know their name, one Andy, just one, Julia Roberts. Okay. Okay. Polyshore miniature polyshore miniature, the other guy with Robin Williams
Starting point is 00:55:40 and miniature Julia Roberts are in bio-dome with all of the animals and bacteria that have also been made small animals. I tell you what, Alistair, if an accident were to happen and all these things were to get released in that bio-dome, this seems like a great start to a film. Oh, well that would be great. Maybe it'd be like...
Starting point is 00:56:02 And Paulie sure he'd be in his element. Oh. He would be great. Maybe it'd be like... And Paulie sure he'd be in his element. Oh. He would... Mahi Mahi! Which there would be some Mahi Mahi in that thing with him. It was just the thingy yelled in bio-doma. Oh really? Yeah it's the type of fish. Trop that. It's a Hawaiian fish, I believe. Very colorful. Mahi Mahi. It's a Hawaiian fish, I believe, very colorful. Mahi, Mahi. All right, well, there you go. There you go, I reckon that's five ideas.
Starting point is 00:56:28 Or, you know, it's five dot points. And... Mike, this is, look. I think this is creativity right here, because like most of these things are not something that we would even think is acceptable. No. In general times, right?
Starting point is 00:56:45 No. In most times when we're in art, you know, feeling good. And yet, we've managed to come up with ideas, almost like ones that don't even belong to us. Yeah. You know, and I think that to find something to have created something with somebody else's signature on it, is in itself an achievement.
Starting point is 00:57:08 I think so. It's very easy to create things that you like. Absolutely. But then again, I like a lot of these, and maybe the reason why a lot of them are not great is because that signature that's on there is mine. Now, I'm going to take shared responsibility for this.. No, no. Okay, the first we've got a secular church, let me know through the ideas. First we've got a secular church, but they've got a lot of different tenants and tenants. And like for example, instead of forgiveness,
Starting point is 00:57:39 they have forgetfulness. Right, trying to achieve that. They try to achieve forgetfulness, and that's how you wipe clean all the sort of secular sending that you've been doing. Which, from their point of view, is just regret. It's just regret. Yeah. Then we've got the fitter and turner apprenticeships. Turns out that that's actually a modeling. The secular church, their idea of heaven is just a weekend where you don't have any planned commitments. You got nothing on. Or it's a weekend where you had a lot on and somebody's canceled it last year. Everybody's canceled it and now you have nothing to do. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:18 And you're away so you're not allowed to do any work on your other things. So yeah, so fitter and turner apprenticeship is actually a modeling apprenticeship. We got Iron Chef Man's penis, which is the special ingredient. And I think it'll be visually stunning. Yes. It will be breathtaking. Quite. Quite. Then I would certainly take a breath. Yes, absolutely. And then hold it so that I don't even try not to,
Starting point is 00:58:51 like you don't even want to imagine the smell of that, kitchen studio. Yeah. But I imagine they're washed. Right? Like they're washed and ready to, like when you get the spinach from the supermarket and it's in that bag and it's already washed.
Starting point is 00:59:11 Like you're definitely not getting like, like, like, buying unbrushed potatoes. And I think with food, you can never be, you can never be 100% sure. So you should, it's better to just wash them yourself. Okay. All right. In this case, I will do that. And I think that's a funny scene where these guys have got to be a salad spinner. And he's like, and he's just kind of getting it running among the water and he's quickly
Starting point is 00:59:33 like throwing them into like, you know, like a just a, a drain or just quickly running him underneath. As he's, you know, then you got who's your favorite uncle? Yeah. Which is, it's not a dating show, but it's kind of like treated like a dating show where you kind of try out to uncles that you've got and then you pick which one is your favorite. Instead of have to do activities with them, maybe you might go grocery shopping with them and now that you might go bowling or whatever. and I have to do activities with them. Maybe you make a grocery shopping with them
Starting point is 01:00:05 and now that you make a bowling. Or maybe? I personally feel that maybe for this one, the removing any kind of like decision or challenge or whatever based element and making it just spending time with your uncle as some sort of a show. So, and they can decide to go do something. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:26 Yeah. Okay, great. They still have agency, right? Oh, they got agency, don't worry. Yeah. I was worried that we were going to have a sketch with uncles that don't have agency. Because I think we don't, that's another thing
Starting point is 01:00:35 is we don't do a lot, is we don't put a lot of uncles and sketches. Hardly at all. Yeah. Definitely, when I'm, when I cast men and sketches, which I, you know, my default, you know, that's one of my flaws, Andy, is I cast a lot of men and sketches, but I cast a lot of men that their brothers and sisters don't have children. And then there's also sort of a sub sketch on that, is get my uncles to kiss Which I don't think it should be called that but it's like you know, it's my uncle kissing maybe yeah
Starting point is 01:01:09 And and then it's just a person introduced introduces two uncles one from each side of their family and then they kiss yeah Yeah, beautiful. Yeah Then there's a ostrich bird. I know. There's an ostrich and how it's like a bird and a bald man. And it's either somebody who's invented it by accident. Well, I mean, I don't want to make it God-making animals, but it could very much be God- Could be God. You know, and we could cast God as an uncle, maybe.
Starting point is 01:01:45 He's got an uncle, let's think about that. Does he have any brothers and sisters? No, yeah. Well, in a previous sketch, we did come up with having a brother. Is Buddha God's brother? I, yeah. I think he's as adoptive brother. Adoptive brother, right.
Starting point is 01:02:00 From, from Western Asia. Yes. Which, that is so nice of God's mother. It's not too good. It's very difficult I hear to adopt from overseas. I mean, she probably pulled some strings. But and you can imagine, because I think a lot of the times, especially back in those days, it wasn't often the boys that were being abandoned.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Because they were so, you know, they're, you know, you could put them to work. But it's okay to love your daughters. It's definitely okay to love your daughters. Oh my God, I need this. It's gone off the rails. Tiny animal conservation bio to home. I didn't write down polysure, but polysure is there, all right.
Starting point is 01:02:42 Yeah. So that's the episode. Thank you so much for listening. We are, we are doing the think tank. And yeah, thank you for listening to the two in the think tank. And but also thank you for listening to other podcasts on the Planet Broadcasting Network, which include do go on. Do go on with a great friends met Stuart
Starting point is 01:03:06 who is Dave Warnocky and Jess Perkins. Jess Marshall is another great friend. Of course. And you know what, we're just, I'm gonna plug that in the future. We're gonna have on our podcast internet celebrity Beck Petraitis and that I always want to say that we're looking forward to that and you should Really look forward to that
Starting point is 01:03:29 B.E.C P.E T.R.A I.S. Come on, no, not right. No, I T.I.S. Thank you. Yes.
Starting point is 01:03:40 Yeah, she's Lithuanian. She's Lithuanian. She's Lithuanian, she's a Lithuanian friend, Beck Petratus, that she's an internet celebrity. And also, you know, listen to other podcasts on the podcasting network. She has a podcast called, Internet Hike Machine. Internet Hike Machine. And another one called Friendship Mites. Friendship Mites.
Starting point is 01:04:01 Oh, get onto those. Internet celebrity. Because Beck Petratus. If you like people who are successful in internet celebrities, then that is a good place to go because she knows everything there is to know about the internet. And also in many ways about celebrities. Indeed. But those are not the reasons why she's an internet celebrity. She's just also informed. But she's not an uncle, which is why we haven't cast her in any way So far Alright And Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.
Starting point is 01:04:46 Visit PlanetBcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now.
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