Two In The Think Tank - 86 - "OH&S VIOLATION SLAYER"

Episode Date: July 4, 2017

Lying About Volume, Absolute Zero to Absolute Hero, Applications of Medusa, BTOH&SS, Because Itch Was There Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family  You can find us on twitter at @twointank Andy Matthews: @stupidoldandy Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb And you can find us on the Facebook right here Production by George Matthews.     Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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from our great mates. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, the thing tank to show where we try and come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy and I am Alistair George William, Tom Lee, virtual Canadian Australian 34 years old. And you have three permanent resident? Yeah, I think I'm 33 right? Yeah, I'm 33. Okay, well then I'm 33. Yeah, well then I'm 33. If you're 33 then I'm 33. Yeah, I can be whatever age you can be. Yeah Okay, it's not a competition hour. And if it was you should have picked an age that was older or younger than mine Depending on how the competition works. Yeah, all right. Well, I went or I will or Neither A lot of people lie about their age on online dating. Nobody lies about their length.

No, well, maybe they do. Oh, I don't know the straight. Some people might say that they're six, too. But I would say that nobody lies about their width. I think, well, I mean, it probably just doesn't come up. Okay, nobody lies about their depth. Okay, that is it. That is it. That is nobody lies about their volume.

Yeah, okay, nobody's lying about their volume. That's for sure. Right. Density. And if they are, if they are, it's out of ignorance rather than out of like actually knowing what it is. And attempt to to you know Obfuscate the truth in any meaningful what

When I met him online He was 125 latest She is So, he is huge. What leader is this? Just leaders, leaders cubed. I mean, as long as he's lying, he might as well make up a new unit of measurement. But it was just meters cubed. He would like that would be what it is.

That would be colossal. That would be in it. The giant. All right. He told me he was 3.5 meters cubed. That's still enormous. Yeah. Well, okay, think about it.

All right, a cubic meter is a meter by a meter by a meter. Right, so that is a block like bigger than this desk and down, right? So you're talking about three of those stacked on top of each other. First of all, you shouldn't give away all the listeners. What kind of desk we have or else the little track is downed. And really, I've heard that listeners like to know a bit more about the, the people and the room. Well, this is the, we're in a garage.

We're in a garage. We, we call it the dog garage. The dog garage. No, we don't have it. We look, okay, it's in a room. It's a podcast room. Yeah. Where there's like podcast bikes.

The equipment and stuff. And I put it stuff and I computer we call the computer the podcast Computer and then there's sort of chairs there that we sort of sit we say go sit down on the chairs that are in the podcasting room that we sit on for podcasts When we're doing a podcast. Yeah, so anyway, that's our kind of quirk said. Yeah, yeah I'm out of duty. Okay Well, look, I still think that I'm probably more than one cubic meter. You're definitely not. You're definitely not. Absolutely. Because a cubic meter, okay, think about a cubic meter in water, right? Yeah. Okay. So that is how many liters is that? Well, how many tens of that? That is a thousand liters, right? And so you would have to weigh a ton in order to...

I know, but I'm not. I'm not, I'm not all water. I'm also, there's some air bubbles in there. That's true. I'm like, that would make you less dense. That is taking you in the wrong direction. Okay. That's right.

That's what I'm saying. I'm less dense. Oh, right. Okay. So that's how you're able to fill up a cubic meter because of your air bubbles. Yeah, because I know, but also that's how I'm capable of not weighing a ton. Right.

Right. So I'm about 82 kilograms. Killing grams. Yeah. Cute. A lot of that is air weight though. A lot of that's air weight. Yeah.

I'm carrying a lot of air at the moment. You know, there's possible. Have we talked about on the podcast, how a solution to weight loss is to breathe in helium? Um, I don't know if we have discussed that. Or to like, I guess in flight pockets of your bowel with a large amount of helium gas or to have a crane. Yes. Sort of lift.

Lift some of your weight. Yep. I guess this is just to give it get a lower reading on a scale. Yeah, on a scale. Well, I mean, but I think that's really sort of what weight is in a way. We're not talking about mass. No. Nobody said anything about losing mass.

Nobody's on a mass loss program. Wouldn't it also lower your mass if you were, if you were to eight, if you were just a helium, if we'll, if we'll, if we'll helium. No, no, because you've got the same amount of mass as a measurement of the amount of matter. Oh, and technically you would, you've got more. You've got more.

You've got more mass. Yeah, I know. Suddenly, this connecting this helium gas tag, this thing that's. This thing, this thing. To my iris. Well, filling up all my, all my, all my sort of chambers, I guess that's what I'm trying to do. My inner chambers, they're all filling up

with this sort of noble gas. Ah, the noble gas. Now, okay, wait, is there anything about people lying about their volume? Yeah, I think that absolutely there is I think I think I think you know She lies about her volume. I think even just filling out a an online dating application and just the idea that it would ask for your volume is funny Yeah, right like maybe we go through them and doing like, you know, age, sex location, interested in this height, okay, this, mass is volume.

You don't know your volume? Yeah, like so, so yeah, so yeah. Just put down a cubic meter. He goes, no, nobody ever writes down their real volume. Whatever volume you, okay, ask me what my volume is. And she goes, uh, a gentleman never asks, so who would never tell? Yeah, but she has about, I'm 0.25 meters cute.

Really? No, but that's the point. You don't tell people what your actual volume is. That's why you photograph it. You don't have any full body shots because people don't do any photographs of you next to any conical flash or measuring cylinders. Okay, so we're able to interpolate it.

No, but there's nothing worse. Look, I've heard of guys occasionally when he'll be with a woman and then while she's asleep, he'll Dipper and a bath and he'll have a no-one volume of a no-one volume and he'll measure the displacement of water and then he'll work it out himself Meen can be so Pigs pigs now. I think I think I think that's great. Have we written that down already? Yeah, okay, thank God because I don't know I think that's great. Have we written that down already? Yeah, okay, good written down. Thank God because I don't I don't have anything else to say about it. You know,

it's all I have. So I have to thank God, but do that people ever say please to God. Yes, it's called praying and very often that is the thing that takes within it within praying they go. I think you'd say please I mean we'll be polite wouldn't it? I thought it's praying that is God give me everything I want I guess no, please, please God. I mean, they do say please. I guess there wasn't a very good observation No, but I'll say how about this. This is an observation I had today You know in in forest gum. He says life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get But I like every single box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. But like every single box of chocolates,

it's quite well displayed on the label, what the chocolates contain there in R. And then once you get in there, they have different, if there's multiple types, they have different wrapping and there be a little chart that tells you what's what, what will say on the wrapper, what they are. You know, you know, it's one of the,

I'd say it's one of the few situations where you really very clearly know what you are getting. I know, but Andy, you never know though, could be. That's true. I mean, maybe it's even, that's, you know, maybe they counts, that's, maybe they took that into account, you know, like,

I'm obviously there's, you know, there's a chance that, you know, that there'd be some manufacturing defect of one of the workers has got a toe caught in the machine. You could have a bit of toe in there. Yeah. So, and because like, I guess in many ways, like, you know, it's much deeper if that's what it is because, you know, life is like life, like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. You've got a pretty good idea of what you're going to get, right? But then sometimes I don't know where you get surprised

Yeah, and often it's not something by something good Well, in that case the saying should be life is like a box of chocolates You pretty much always know what you're gonna get But you can't take anything for granted because food hygiene is a bloody nightmare in this country Yeah, well see that's that would have been an awful an awful like you know thing to put in a in a movie. Yeah, it wouldn't mind much of a tagline. Yeah, and I think That Einstein would have disliked that tagline. Why is that Elastair? Well because he liked things that were short and elegant And really yeah, and he would have said that

You know you could you could sort of get it down to some sentence that were short and elegant. And he would have said that, you could sort of get it down to a sentence. Like once you found the right sentence that will be short and beautiful, like that. Sort of like life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you're gonna get. Was he trying to invent the theory of relativity or was he trying to bloody take it home for ability not of the blower, short and bearableen beer, like telling you know he thinks it's attractive.

Yeah. He's a short and fuckable. Short and fuckable. That's what he wanted out of an equation. I feel very uncomfortable saying the word fuckable and I wish I could erase it from history. Do you think when he was looking for a partner, he was also looking for one that was sort of short and beautiful? Why are these long people out there?

It's inefficient. They're so... It's analogous. Nobody ever said a tall person was elegant. How tall was Einstein? I could tell you his volume. That's what I was going to go next. Okay, wait.

Well, I guess the question of how tall was Einstein depends on how fast he was going. That's true. Relative to the speed of light. Do they ever mention, does it affect your height or does it just compress your width? I thought it does what happened when you go. It's in the direction of motion, so it'll compress you in the direction of motion. So if you're going head first into a black hole, then you will, you will,

your eye will change, you'll get sure. No, but if it compresses you, do you go up a bit? If you compresses you, you don't like, no, you don't, no, no, your volume doesn't, you don't get, it's not like getting squished. You, I mean, it is, but you don't. No, no. Your volume doesn't, you don't get, it's not like getting squished. You, I mean it is, but you're not. And you want, from your point of view, you wouldn't tell.

So it doesn't matter. So don't worry about it, I'll stay. I don't want to talk about it. But if one of those long laser beams that is designed to, you know, those ones that are like about four kilometers long that are designed to measure gravitational waves, like changes in gravitational waves, cause by gravitational waves. It's one of those was going the speed of light in the direction the beam was going head first into it, would it detect the change?

Well, this is the thought experiment that you do in order to come up with the theory of contraction because because because light itself is the thing that does not change in speed or length, but you use that thought experiment. You just did their allister. Yeah. You pretty much just invented Lagrange. No, what is it? Oh, something or other contraction. Lagrange contraction. Laplace. Laplace, I can't remember.

Lagrange, look, look. But, you know, something that's... And all it took was for somebody to invent that technology. And for us to be discussing it. And then I invented it. Okay. Could was was any of Einstein's theories useful in dating? You know,

well, this is something he already talked about. He kind of always used that thing about like, oh, if you're with a woman and for, you know, a moment is like this, you know, like a sit, if you sit on a hot stove, then a moment is this long. And if you're with a woman and for, you know, a moment is like this, you know, like I said, if you sit on a hot stove, then a moment is this long. And if you're with a woman, a moment goes for an eternity or whatever. Alex, this question that you've just asked though, I think is the premise of the movie.

I think it's IQ with Walter Mathau playing Al Isaac, Albert Einstein. Okay. And he like, he has like a nephew or something who's unlucky. I've only seen the DVD cover, but I did not enjoy seeing the DVD cover. Sure. Well, I think I've seen the movie and there is a line at some point where... Oh, you've seen it. Yeah, I have seen it.

I didn't realize. Oh, and all it took was someone to invent that movie and hear you are coming up with the cover that it independently. Yeah. And all I really remember is the line like, he made you wahoo. How many people wins the last time somebody made you wahoo? That's classic. So, okay, let's taking that premise. So okay, let's taking that premise then for for let's assume that the name of that that movie That that movie the premise is that Einstein helps his nephew get a date. Yeah, by applying his theories Then let's put another scientists

In that sort of circumstance like avogadro Or Who's the guy who rings the bell for the dog? A Pavlov. Pavlov, he helps his nephew. I think Lavossi was the guy who put mice in jars and watched them die from carbon dioxide inhalation. Yeah.

What you wanna do is you wanna get her in a confined space. Lord Kelvin, absolute zero. He's going to take his nephew from absolute zero. Absolute hero. So it's a whole series of films that we're doing. I don't want to expand on it too much. You know, I don't like to do that. Romantic comedies are some of the highest-grossing films.

Oh, wow. Not some of them. If we could make them somehow romantic comedies that are also superhero movies, that would make them have more higher-grossing, but they would also be more expensive, so let's not worry about that. The more genres you put in the more it costs. Yeah. Okay. It costs a certain amount to get superheroes.

It costs a certain amount to get love into a movie. It's also more expensive to put in more expensive genres. Yes. Yeah. So gold. The gold genre. The gold genre. A film.

Everything is made of gold. Movies about Midas. Yeah. What's that city? The lost city of... No, not a landest, the other one. There was one that's made of all gold. Oh, El Dorado. El Dorado. Like the movie, El Dorado. That's why they had to animate it.

Was it Midas that turned the city to gold? Well, it's a South African, South American or Central American Republic. And on Midas was I believe Italian or Greek. So I don't think so. Well, you know, a lot of it was involved. A lot of South America was taken over by, you know, sort of those kind of Italians. The Greeks. No, Spanish.

You already knew that. You were just making a joke. Spedisher, a kind of Italian. Oh, they're kind of Italian. You know, they're not that different. I mean, I hope that's offensive. I don't know why. Look, I'm sure you could take offense.

I think that their languages sound very similar. Yeah, I mean they're romantic, okay? Are they from the romantic period? Did they emerge in about what is it? The 1200s? 1700s? When's the romantic period? Yeah.

I'm 1300s. I have no idea. No, they're not called romantic because they derive from Roman Latin, Roman romantic, not not to do with the romantic period. Oh right. Oh, Romantic could also be in there. Well, I think that both those words have the same romantic origin, but it doesn't matter how much they're.

What matters is that we're going to have a movie where Murray Curie... Oh yeah, okay, that's what we're going to do. ...unlucky and loved. It's always the nephew, by the way. The nephew is unlucky and loved. Murray Curie and it's called a Curie for loneliness. All right, and it's gonna be big. And then obviously they all die

from radiation poisoning. Oh, Andy, yes. Yeah, well no, one of them gets one over lip. It's a glib. Is it glib? It's very glib. Glib is one of the cheapest genres. We can't afford to make any more.

But if we have a horse in it. No, all right, the horse is out. The horse is out. Now he also dies of it. Radiation is a good invisible way of killing people. Yeah. You can, and sick, you can just do that with acting. Yeah, exactly.

It's a good, visually uninteresting way of killing people. Turning into gold, terrible, expensive way of killing someone. Absolutely. Some kind of gold medusa, who has snakes that when you look at instead of turning into salt, you turn into gold. Well, that would happen if Midas had touched maybe Medusa's eyes. You know, like I think if you look into Medusa's eyes.

You turn into stone, I believe, not I think if you look into Maduce's eyes, you turn into Stona, believe not salt You're thinking of something else and pillar of salt pillar of salt You think of the pillar of salt I'm thinking of that pillar of salt when you look into it's pillar of salt turns Will pillar salt? Yeah, but if might has had looked into Maduce's eyes, I know if he had touched her eyes maybe with his Mightest touch. Yes, and maybe she when she do you think that would have changed what she turned people into? Like was it the composition of her eyes? That, like, you know, like that,

that's quite interesting to look into. Like what part of Medusa, what, what, what was it in Medusa that decided that what people turned into? Well, I think, I think it was how ugly she was. Yeah. I think, cause, cause in the end, she saw her own reflection and ugly she was. Yeah. I think, cause in the end, she saw her own reflection

and turned to stone. But then I think maybe her head still retained the power of turning things into stone. Right. Even after she turned to stone. No, but what I'm saying is where is that encoded that you're turning into stone? Why is it still?

What is the active ingredient that you imagine? Yeah, is it in her DNA? Is it something in there? If she had, if let's say her dad who had been a different person, was there a chance she would have turned people into pavement? Or is there a chance that she could have,

people would have just got covered in lino? Are they all building materials? So whatever it is, it's gotta be something used in the masonry tribes. And then, yeah, so you turn the Gip Rock. Yeah, it actually sounds quite useful, really. Absolutely, I mean, you could do it with animals.

You know, it doesn't seem that cool other than the fact that you're killing them, but you're killing them, but they're big. It's pretty painless. You just turn to stone, and then you can sort of break them down, build them into a, you know, I guess if you could get them to just stand on the right way a cow would be perfect Except for the fact that you're like like that, you know that you're missing out on all that meat Yes, I guess in back in those days that would have been quite a crucial

But you know they're already kind of like quite a stable sort of thing They've got four things you could just put them straight into the walls Cows a fantastically stable absolutely and you them straight into the walls. Chaos are fantastically stable. Absolutely. And you put them into the walls, you stack too high. That's basically a room height. That's how you would decide room heights back in those days.

Two cows. It's about two cow high. And now the only problem I'm seeing here, Alistair is I'm predicting drafts because there's a lot of gaps in between the cows. So you're gonna need smaller animals to go in between. Those are like, like I reckon the space under a cow, that's about a shape. You get a shape in between the cows. So you're gonna need smaller animals to go in between, those are like, I reckon the space under a cow, that's about a shape, you get a shape in there.

Yeah, I mean, if you could mash a bunch of animals into sort of like a sheet of jip rock kind of thing and then show them the juices on it. I don't know if there's a way to do that. Or if you could just sort of, I mean, it's starting to sound like a lot of work, let's just make jip rock, I reckon. No, no, no, no, no.

What about, you know, like you see sometimes on the ground, there's just like, it's covered in ants. What if you could just hover Medusa over them? Yes. And then as they look up, they wouldn't be able to help it. Yeah. This is sort of a lady with snake hair covering about. They're fascinating.

They all turn to stone. Then you just pick that sheet up, place it up against the cows. I guess it would still be pretty cool. But we're getting closer. We're getting somewhere. Maybe all the bacteria would turn. And this is just initial ideas, all right? Yeah, I mean, a layer of bacteria,

some sort of algal sludge. Yeah. Now, do they have eyes? I don't know. But they need eyes. Do they need eyes? Well, that's exactly it. Is it enough that they have light receptors?

Yes. Yes, it is. I think you know anyway, but but also, yeah, that just the fact anyway. So what are we talking about? I think that like you To be honest the technology involved in Medusa is amazing. Yeah, like whenever we discover something with science, we always, like initially we might not know what it's for, like lasers, okay, they just seem like a novel to be. And now they're in everything, right? So like you discover something,

and then you may not know it straight away, but you will find, industry will find a use for it, right? So this is maybe the industry trying to find a use for Medusa. We've got this incredible power. How can we harness it? Yeah. I guess, you know, one thing that it does is it takes, it takes living things and makes them non-living. It's very difficult, you know, to turn non-living things into living things, but, but, but, but to turn it to go the other way so quickly and instantly is also very difficult because that turns also all

the bacteria in your body into stone, right? Yeah, I imagine so. I imagine so, because that would be weird if only the parts that were you turn. That's weird, though, because the bacteria haven't seen magusin. No, no, no, no, no. They're inside.

So maybe they've just heard about it and vivid detail. I guess, yeah. Or each cell kind of goes, Medusa just looked at his past at home, whatever, and like that. And then they just slowly turn his own, or is it just kind of instantiating anyway? Medusa would be really hard to study. I guess she would be like nuclear power, right?

Because like you can't look at her, you'd have to have her suspended an electromagnetic field or something like, you know, the risks of working with Medusa would be a lot like trying to work with them, you know, a nuclear, like black holes even. You know, things like you don't want to come in contact with them, but you just, but you want to, you want to be close enough to study it. I don't know, do they create, do they create little black holes in them?

I don't think they have done that yet that feels like that's you know playing with fire i mean it's playing this worse than playing with fire in many ways it's playing with black holes which you know i guess fire could engulf the set of the uh... the huddle drawn hydroon collider was it called yeah the large headron collider had drawn had drawn had drawn had drawn yeah i was just i was thinking of high drawn i, I think maybe I'm getting into Greek.

You're deep Greek. I'm deep Greek right now. Anyway. I think scientists studying a user, like trying to use it somehow or other in a lab is very interesting. And is there something that you could change in your DNA that would make you change into a better person when you look better? Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe we're like in the early levels of experimentation with that.

Like we'd be like, okay, well, we have actually been able to modify Medusa's gaze. So she does, people she looks at, do become better people. Unfortunately, they are still becoming stone, but they are, but they are, they look happy in the moment when they become, they look like they've achieved some kind of a peace. Yeah, that they, you know, before they were in this deformed kind of rictus and now they look like they're much more comfortable with their family. They've definitely gone up a level. They've gone up a level. Yeah. And they're also, pile of rock. Yeah. They're, well, they're, but they're also... ...pala rock. Yeah. But they're the highest achieving Pala rock, or potentially could be, if they ever needed to be.

But then, you know, it's like, it'd be like a Jurassic Park, right? The military's gonna come along, they're gonna want to weaponize that shit. So sad that these things always get turned into. How would you weaponize Medusa? I can't thinking of a way. No, but I mean like if like if you were to just all you realize you could do with her was get her like people to look at her and then you would you like sort of tire to a

helicopter instead of just fly her over a battlefield so that people kind of had to look at her or would you like show people a photo over, I don't know if you could, if you look at a photo of Madusa, do you die? Well, I mean, if you look at her reflection in a mirror, you die, so I presume so. But maybe we'd have to set it up in such a way that like people,

because people might get worried about they might not look, they might choose to look away, but it was something really tempting. Oh, yeah. If she was doing a strip tease, that's kind of seem silly. Yeah, it's a very vulgar. Very vulgar. No, I apologize. But something like that.

What's something pretty tempting though? Pretty tempting. Like something that you can look at. It's like an apple keynote launch or something like that. Oh yeah. You love that shit. Oh, I would never I would never tune in some sort of clickbait, right? Like this this Oh, like finding out finding out what the what the kid from

From like fit like six cents looks like now. Yeah, exactly right. He get like such and such got hot or such and such got fat Yeah, such and such got hot or such and such got fat or such and such as got hot and fat. Hot and fat. Yeah. You're gonna be like, I have to see this. Yeah. Even if it was like, you got to check this out, Medusa got hot and fat like that. Medusa got hot.

Yeah. Got real hot. This is what Medusa looks like now. You know what? And you go, oh, I'm a better person now. I'm stone. Yeah. Like the first thing when you turn into a better person before turning into stone, is you realize the first thing that happens when you turn into a better person is you become a person that wouldn't have looked at Medusa. Like who didn't need to turn it, but then it turns too late.

You got the self-control to not revel in the misfortune of others, but you did. No, it's too late. I mean, you know, what you need is another Medusa that can turn stones into humans. Yeah. They're the same ones. The same ones, because then that would be a problem when if like, um, if you like, you looked at it, she looked at a mountain and then turned that into a set of a flesh and human. Well, that would be pretty like, I mean, that would happen along the way when you're testing with Medusa.

Like, absolutely. And so suddenly she's turning just cliff faces. Imagine if she like, you're on a boat, some of your international waters or whatever, and you're just going past some of those giant cliff faces of like Scotland. Like a clists of dover, wasn't it? England, someone? England, yeah, exactly.

And like that, all of England, all the side of England just turns into this kind of fleshy human mass. Just like sort of like a tumor that has hair and sort of skin and just meat on the inside and things like that. I have veins and just, it makes England the worst place on the world. It would be horrible.

Even worse than it already is. Wow. I know I love England. But it'd be pretty bad if you, if England was a fleshy mask. If it turned into a fleshy mask. If you're a good person, fleshy mask, if you're a good person, fleshy mask, you could say it became almost as bad as it is now. Okay. I very much like reverse Medusa.

Yeah, I think reverse Medusa is really good. I think like probably if we're trying to do this cheaply, our special effects budget is going to be ridiculous. But, you know, that's coming down all the time. I know, but we'll make it, we'll make this sketch. I know like it's going to have that, but then we'll also make it a romantic comedy. And so that'll somehow cheapen it. It's going to be a really, it's going to be a really full full on romantic comedy. Yeah.

With Medusa. I can't, like, I don't know if it's the guy in Medusa falling in love. That would be kind of an interesting romantic comedy, wouldn't it? Mm. We could get, I don't know, we could get a Goldie Honda play Medusa. We could get Paul Rudd.

Paul Rudd, Goldie. Play the Every Man. Yeah. He's so good. Hey, he's so good. Hey, he's good. He's good. He's very funny. I saw him in that movie where the guy was naked.

You know that movie? Chasing Sarah Marshall. Oh, forgetting. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I haven't seen it, but he's good. He's very, he's got charisma. A reckon charisma, that's a strange and wild base. I know, but I also saw Paul Rudd in a movie

where you saw all his acting skills, or all he has a kind of like circusy, kind of like real old-timey sort of vaudevillian dancing and stuff skills. Did he have those as well? But they good? Yeah, he was good at it. Paul Rudd not only has his charm,

but he's equipped with with with like training. Oh, I never said he was just coasting on charm. Oh No, no, no, I'm sorry if I said sounded like I was suggesting you thought I thought maybe you'd thought that I'd said that No, I mean obviously, I mean there was some chances that you didn't know that much about the history of Paul Rudd He also doesn't seem to age. He's looked exactly the same age for really long time. Really long time. And like I think there was that movie where he was kind of supposed to be playing his 40s who'd been in his 40s and he's like,

Oh yeah, come on. Yeah, it's hard to believe in. He's kind of, he could, if he was in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, he could still pass as a 16 year old American. 16. That's what they all were supposed to be playing. Really. Yeah. Well, there you go. pass as a 16 year old American 16. That's what they all were supposed to be playing. Really? Well, there you go.

Okay, what is a twist on Buffy the Vampire Slower? Vampire. Vampire. Buffy are the work, occupational, workplace, and health and safety inspector. Okay. Right, so every generation, a child, a born, they are destined to become the inspector, right? And then we find them, you know, obviously this particular location on the earth is located over, not the hellmouth, but maybe a disused mine shaft that was never correctly closed down. So there's a lot of issues with subsidence and sinkholes and that sort of thing.

But that's what the source of their power comes from. Is that what it is? I think that's just where I've source of a lot of the issues that they have to identify and then issue notices of defects. Is that the idea that the university there was built over a hellmouth? Of the hellmouth, I think, yeah. Oh oh the town or something. I think yeah, I Yeah, right. Well that makes sense now. I'm kind of everything's falling into place for me for Buffy And so okay, so this this child is born above a mine shaft. Is that where they're born?

So we say yeah, well they're born in this town, you know where there's all there's all sorts of problem I guess it's an old mining town. Yeah, there's they're born in this town, you know, where there's all sorts of problems. I guess it's an old mining town. Yeah. There's sort of, you know, there's like all sorts of stuff traveling underneath. There's like tubes and like shafts and tunnels and things have really got out of hand in terms of, you know, code, compliance and stability standards and so on and so forth. But not all the OHNESS things that are... Are they all coming from the old mind?

No, not in the old. Some of it just like people, you know, aren't mopping at the hospital. Yeah, exactly. There's vomit, you gotta pick it up. That's right. And anyway, this person, this child, they get trained and they go and they stab those people through the heart and they're pointed stick.

It's the only way. I think somebody who does solve OHS problems by killing the people in a very brutal way. I think there's something very nice about that. Okay, I'm writing it down, Ailey. Yeah, so it's... In 100%, it is 100% being sold to me based on the proofing that Because I think you know if they were just solving the problems. I think I Could see how like you know it would be fine

But I think if they were hunting them down like for not for not being a hundred percent But I think like like we can suspend disbelief enough to be maybe the people who are committing these OHS transgressions also fight back. Like they, you know, it's never, well I'm sure it is explained, but like there's just this assumption that when Buffy sees a vampire, they're going to fight, right, and then she's gonna have to kill.

Like they instantly get into a fight. So I don't know, I haven't seen the show. But they, the same thing happens with the Zoe and HNS. And that's another element of the comedy, Alistair, that they just instantly get into a fight. As soon as she points out that they're actually, you know, like a sort of OHNS delinquent. Transgressive. Yeah. And so, and then, and I guess the interesting aspects of it would be that they kind of fight in some way in the style of their OH and S abuse. And this guy kind of, you know, one guy, you know, he, he mobs, but he

doesn't put up a sign. So, anyway, his whole thing is, he's got this wet mop and then the slippery floor. And so then they got to fight in this kind of, so I think this is fun, because I do like the idea of doing a sort of kung fu, but with people who aren't trained fighters. Yeah, I think electricians who haven't switched stuff off properly and they have an isolated or less circuits and that sort of thing. I mean, really, they're a danger themselves,

but still she's gonna have to kill them to teach them a lesson. Wow, that's the only way. And also like a lot of those vampires are getting killed just because they're vampires. You know, it's not their fault that they were born and then bitten by a vampire and you know, like that that she just has to fight them and kill them. That's not, it's not their fault. No, not at all. And yet. Nyet. N. Yet. Yet. Well look, that one has definitely been written down, so I'm not unhappy about that. I'm so glad.

Yeah. Do you think it's just a real? I heard a horrible podcast about itches and the fact that they're... they don't seem to be directly connected to our standard nervous system, right? They were also psychosomatic in some way, but they're also transmitted in some alternative way. I can't remember the details, but there was this horrible story of a woman who had this itch that wouldn't go away on the top of her head.

And then they cut the nerve to that region of the skull or whatever. But all it did was it stopped her from feeling pain, but she could still feel the itch. She woke up one morning and she scratched all the way through her skull to her brain. That was an actual thing that happened, not like some horrible story that you hear when you're in primary school that's made up. That's the thing. Wow. Yes.

Well, so does that mean that itch is aren't real? But skulls and skulls are very real brains. We've discovered a real by scratching through to them. Horrible podcasts are real. Scratching all the way through. There's just nothing good in that. No, there's just nothing. No, she's through bones. She's scratched. I can't guess. Yeah, at each. You'd think that you would at least fill the buildup of set a bone under your fingernail.

Like your hand surely could feel things. And you'd think it would feel wet as the blood kind of runs down your head. Did there are warning signs? There are a lot of ways in down your head. There are warning signs. There are labels. So many ways in which your body would stop this from happening. You know when people talk, that ad for scratches, the itch got the itch to be rich, scratch it. I think whoever made that ad should be made to listen to that podcast and realize that

itching is not a laughing matter. Oh no. It's a very serious thing you can't be making ads about this. I mean, it is funny when you, I kind of have itches that come in threes. Do you have that? Like, if I get an itch that's emling and bad or something like that, and like, you're like, oh, no, my leg is itchy.

I'm gonna have some moves. So I have to scratch my leg. That, I know that if I scratch my leg, then then like my head, my PhD, and then my back, my get itchy, and then it'll stop. It comes in threes. Yeah.

I think that's probably about right. I haven't thought about it explicitly, but I reckon that that brings true to me. The worst thing is when you try and scratch something through your pant leg or something you're wearing the thing. Through the bone and your skull. And you go all the way through to your brain. No, when you got like, you think pants or whatever, and you can't get a good scratch going,

you just sort of rub it with the... Like if you're wearing rubber pants. When you're sort of involved in a big rubber pants. Big rubber orgy, like one of those things. Like you're in a big, you know, rubber sex pole. You're at the rubber sex pole. And then you get an inch. You're involved in a sort of big group rubber sex thing and you get a nice, poe. You're at the rubber sex poe. And then you get an itch.

You're involved in a sort of big group rubber sex thing and you get a big old itch. I think the inappropriate times to get an itch or inappropriate places for getting an itch is a direction that we could pursue. Like on someone else's back. Oh wow, I have an itch on your back. Yeah.

This is a guy, this is, you know, it's a psychosomatic, it's a guy who gets itches on other people's bodies. Yeah, or even not even people's bodies, right? On like objects and that sort of thing, like on the top of a building. Oh, that's kind of like a fun journey, isn't it? Like, you know, it's like my name is Earl,

right, is like, you know, he's got all these people that he's got to make amends with. So there's always a journey no matter what. You just, you know, he's got to make amends. Well, it's this guy, it's like my name is Earl, but he's got a scratch in itch, literally. What if when someone asked Sir Edmund Hillary why he climbed Mount Everest?

He didn't say because it was there. He said because itch was there. He actually had a scratch. He had an itch up the top of the mountain. I had to get up there to scratch it. And then tensing had a bit of a scratch of it as well, because he couldn't quite get the spot. And then they came back down here and he felt good.

Yeah, see that's good. I like that. And then that's why he kind of helped build that airport so you can get near the top He built that am I built that no, he did actually really he helped people build an airport It's like the runway is like, you know 50 meters long or something like that and it's just like and if you don't Land like you know, it's 50 meters and then like just a drop off. Yeah, oh, yeah, and if you don't, you know If you don't get it right, just right, then you just run into a cliff. This is if you're coming towards the runway. Yeah. Okay. So, well, I think like,

like, does it just have a vision or he just starts feeling the itch and he has to start going towards it. Like, it's just kind of has a location in his brain, you know, like, like, I use like, oh, that might, I'm, I'm itching up the top of that tree. Or I'm itching up. Is it, is it funny? It is a way of, a picturing an opening scene introduced this. Okay. Is like couple lying in bed.

Yeah. Right? And someone, and whoever it is who has this itch thing is like, oh, honey, can you just scratch me my back just there? Right? And then scratch it back and like, oh, oh, down a bit further, it's moved down, down towards the bed. Now it's on the bed. Now it's moving across.

It's on that bed post over there. It's gone up the wall. Yeah. I think maybe first it would need to go like down her back and then it's on his back. Yeah, right. So I think you want to first that that's more ridiculous and then then move it on to objects. Yeah right. Now it's out in the hall. Right. It's up the back fence. No, I like like this. It's a short film. It's a short film, you think? It's this person scratching an itch. Chasing an itch. Yeah, I think there's

a whole TV series in it. Look, I mean, I'll wait and see if Netflix calls because they had turn on all sorts of things into TV series. Now, that's a hungry for content. I reckon wait and see if Netflix calls, because they had turned in all sorts of things into the TV series. Now, that's a hungry for content. I reckon when they see this, they'll probably. Well, one question is, how do you think we would visualise the itch? Like, would she have to say, I hit my that truck,

I'm itchy on that truck? Yeah, I think so, right? And then maybe like, whether or not, is it the, I think it's, you know, from a short film point of view, it's funny to me to see her having to chase this edge while he stays in bed, you know? Like, and maybe like on the phone, right?

Telling her where to go now and where it's moving. Yeah, okay, that her where to go now and where it's moving. Yeah. Okay, that's good. Yeah. And then we see her in Nepal. I guess it's easy if you can just. I mean, I think, I think, I think if this was a sketch in a TV series, right? Early on we set it up.

We see her having to chase it down the street and like jump on top of a truck or whatever. And then, you know, that sketch ends. We cut away. We have some other sketches. We come back and we have someone hiking up Mount Everest and they get to the top and then they scratch the top of it. Like that's got it. Yeah.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's good. All right. And now I've got another one on my foot. Yep. And then it's a little reveal. People don't realize it's the same sketch. Alice Devin turns out it's the same sketch.

It's the same person from the sketch because they're doing the scratch of the itch because itch was there on top of the Mad Everest. And then we just hit five. Oh yeah. All right, well run us through. Run me through. We got like a man with a sword. We got that thing you run someone through. Yeah, you run someone through with the sword. Really? Yeah. And that's how you, like, that's you penetrating the machine sword. Yeah, yeah. There you go. And we got filling out a dating application, and then there's, you know, there's

silly things on there. And one of them is to ask about your volume. And then people say, actually, nobody tells the truth about their volume on there. Silly. Silly thing. And then obviously there can be more to that. But I think that's a joke. That's all. Then we got this kind of like a series of romantic comedy films, much like IQ, where it's like.

Different scientists. But it's different scientists helping their nephews get better at love using the science of that scientist. Whatever that science might be. Whatever that person is. Thompson's using his plum-putting model of the atom. Mm-hmm. You know, Darwin is using the theory of evolution.

Yeah. Well, he's actually standard chance, I reckon, because that's all about reproduction. Yeah, but still, like if he's actually standard chance, I reckon, because that's all about reproduction. Yeah, but still, like if he's telling, if he's telling guy, like what you need, is the amazing display of plumage. Yeah, what you need is a proboscis that matches her, you know, the depth, anyway.

Then we got studying Medusa. What you need is millions of years of evolution to get this lady or marry one of your cousins. I think that's what he did. I bring that up a lot. A cost of yeah, a pocket. Then we got studying Medusa. And so this is people who are trying to figure out more about Medusa. How can you sort of monetized Medusa?

Maybe how can you weaponize Medusa? What can you do to sort of change her powers? I like this using, she's a nice strong female character. Obviously, in this thing, she doesn't have any agency because she's been trapped by the military. She's being experimented on. Experimented on. But some of those scientists are likely to be women.

If we can nail the casting. Yeah. But then obviously at some point they kind of turn her into a bit of a reverse medusa in which she, any rock that she looks at, will turn into a human. So a human being. But of that shape.

So often will just be a thing that only experiences pain. Like people point her at a statue thinking that that will become human, but they don't realize that it's the whole, like the plinth and everything down below that will become possible. Possibly some of the earth's Christ will be connected. She might only need to look at one rock and all of Earth will turn to flesh. I mean that would make the environmental movement very interesting. Absolutely, but you know, there just be a new paradigm, you know, because the Earth would find a new equilibrium. Yes. Yeah, especially as that flesh begins to rot. Every very interesting time.

Good time to be a scavenger. Yeah, absolutely, but also one. Tasmanian devils would do well. Well, for a little bit, until everything. Well, until the entire earth was eaten by tazzy devils. No, until everything was septic. Yeah, all right. But I reckon their stomachs could handle a lot of them.

I know, but could their mouths and eyes and things like that? I think they're back to, it would be really the time of bacterial success. It would be exciting time to be a bacteria. Yeah, it would be survival. The creatures that are fit to survive in that environment are very different to the ones that can survive in a sort of non-ceptic, non-fleshy sort of, imagine to the ones that can survive in a sort of non-ceptic, non-fleshy, you know, imagine all the moles that live underground that suddenly are living in a tube of flesh, like you know, maybe an esophagus or

vein or something like that. Let me ask you this, Alastair, what do you think ants would feel about this? Once their home is turned to flesh, at first they'd be excited that everything was food. Yes. But I feel like as the novelty would wear off. The novelty would wear off. But then luckily, I think their inability to feel joy and things like that would really come in handy or fear. I mean, I don't know, they can sort of go into that panic mode.

But so I think they would like it, maybe they wouldn't like it. I think it would it feels like the most relevant one to them. It does But then again, maybe the OHNS sort of thing about the mineshaft You know, they would see that kind of relate to that. That's oh Yeah, underground structural holes are struggling. I mean, we've all had a few caveins in Antelope And we always yeah, and which brings us to that one. We got the OHNS Slayer. And it's a, you know, like a vamp. Oh, it's a female is born.

And the OHNS Slayer. Slayer, yeah. And, uh, and she goes around and she finds people who've committed OHNSiteness violations and then battles them to the death. And then puts a hazard type around the state of the death. Sometimes. And this is the only way I guess in which it'll be very similar to Buffy, is she will lay

down salt. You know. Yeah. Or an icy patch. Yeah. It's like an icy patch, or sort of some black ice, or, you know, another kind of just slippery surface sometimes. I picture that after she's murdered someone and their blood is flowing out all over the

floor of the strip mall that they weren't mopping, she puts down a caution wet floor sign next to their bloody floor and then walks away. That's really good. Strututs even. Absolutely. Maybe she'd call up the the roster guy and say, you're gonna need another janitor. Yeah. We need a night you night, Phil. Yeah. And then we got itch on someone else's back slash mountain. I think that's so good. I'm so happy with that. Now let's do. Paul Andy, we've done it. We have done it. Now, is the ring a nail thing?

We have done it. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. We really do appreciate it. Absolutely. We'd love it if you could review us online. If you could follow us on Twitter, we had two in tank. I'm stupid old Andy. And I'm stupid old Alistair, but on Twitter, I'm at Alistair TV.

And on Instagram, I'm at, oh yeah, I think I'm A underscore, underscore TV. On Instagram. Yeah, A underscore underscore TV. Also, you know, a underscore underscore Tb. Also, you know, we appreciate you reviewing us, but also if you have the opportunity to give us the opportunity to review you, we'll take it. What circumstance could that happen in?

Whatever it is, come to us, maybe we'll find, maybe we'll find an arrangement in which we can review you, show we can come to some corner. I'm a regular, where we review you, a person that we don't know. But you know what trust me, I mean Andy, look, I don't know if this is absolutely true for Andy, but we're absolutely true for me. No, absolutely. But I think genuinely we think that humans are good.

You know? And so that's the kind of assumptions we're going into it. And that's our first review of you. Humans are good. You know? Yeah. And so that's the kind of assumptions we're going into it. And that's our first review of you. Okay. As a human, we think you're fundamentally good. Fundamentally good and that you can be made to be bad through, you know, that maybe, you know, so that, but we're not assuming that that has happened.

Yeah. We're going into it assuming that you've lived a relatively okay life, and either something bad's happened to you, and you've come back from it, or we just assumed something good. You just had it pretty good. I couldn't agree more with what Alistair just said. Yeah. And so, check out Planet Broadcasting, a Planet Broadcasting network, all the great podcast. Podcasts. Steel Wars.

Steel Wars. Second one. We're thinking about starting an actual feud with them. Yeah, we're going to get a feud going with Steel Wars. Yeah. We're going to start really heavily mocking Star Wars to his face. Yeah. I don't know if it's a feud so much as it's just sort of one-sided bullying, but you know

with any like it'll grow into a few. You know, you've got to put something out there if you want to get something back. What we're going to put out there is sort of pointless antagonism. Drivel. Drivel. Yeah, we've been doing that for a while. Yeah, that's good. Anyway, thank you very much for listening and we love you.

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